Disabled & Dating (ft. Rikki Poynter)

[@FubarMike]

I am also legally blind 20/70 vision. I am 27 and haven't gone on a date just due to anxiety. I also have shaky eyes due to nerve damage and the shaking just gets worse when I am tired or anxious. Sometimes I will be hanging out with a girl and once she finds out that I have a vision problem its like a light switch goes off and she just sees me as a friend. I am really glad I found this channel since it is the closest to my own vision disability

[@tinyangeld]

I don't have any disabilities, but I try my best to be understanding and inclusive of those who do possess them. I'm so thankful for videos like these that can help me understand more of your perspective! I hope you can find a partner that you feel comfortable enough to lean on. (p.s. you're pretty cute and seem like a nice guy so I don't think it will be too hard to find someone)

[@Ogrefairy]

Great video! I'm disabled with several chronic, physical conditions and boy dating can be difficult. I count myself lucky. I just got married last year so yay!! But there were a lot of challenges with dating people before getting to this point. No matter what, I agree, communication is totally the number one thing because there are going to be times when you kind of need some help and you need a partner who is ready to understand that and just... work with you. Not like... to make assumptions but to listen to you and what you need. I wish you both luck with dating adventures in the future!

[@theowldrinksambrosia]

I'm fully hearing (with Cerebal Palsy) but I grew up in a fully deaf family (Mum, Dad and my Brother) I've found dating with hearing people even though im hearing myself to be tough as I struggle to make connections with people. Ive had thoughts about how Deaf culture and my own CP has caused me to think in a different way to non-disabled people. Ive wanted to try spending time with a deaf or disabled person and see if maybe I can make that connection using my first language of BSL (British Sign Language) might sound like a strange thought to some but I dont know.

[@monica2757]

I have a friend who is deaf and we communicate through text messages and facebook for the most part. I am sighted and can hear perfectly fine so I can look at his body language, and ask questions/communicate taking that into account as well. I love hanging out with him because I inevitably experience the world in a different way. It's great!!!

[@AHatredOfEs]

like any relationship its communication, but like, communication+, hard mode.

[@monicas2461]

After watching this video, your newest video makes me so happy! You found someone to trust on, and hold her hand to look up during the sunny days! My heart feels warm and happy for you!

[@RebelwheelsNYCShow]

Awesome video. For me as a disabled person in a wheelchair, ableism complicates the hell out of dating. The last person that I was with was non-disabled as far as I know and as far they disclosed, and a lot of times, when we'd go out together, or even now when we just hang out as friends, a lot of people make such a big deal about it, like wow what a great guy, what a hero he is for being with her despite the fact that she's disabled and blah blah blah. Or sometimes I have a hard time knowing if a seemingly non-disabled person is hitting on me because sometimes a person is staring and smiling for a long period of time and I can't tell if they're thinking "hey, she's cute" or "wow, she's just so inspirational" because the facial expression is VERY similar, so it's a little tricky. I think for me I'd ideally like to date someone else who is also in a wheelchair (who I am also compatible with) just because I wouldn't have to explain wheelchair accessibility to them. If I couldn't physically get into the bar, either could they so we're in the same boat. Also because in theory, it would be easier to know if they were interested. but really a good person is a good person.

[@Caprubia]

I was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disease after spending the last 2 years being sick. It's crazy how many people want to talk about how amazing my husband is for sticking with me or dealing with my disease. Like I'll get a one sentence "It must be nice to know what's wrong" sort of comment but then they'll spend 20 minutes telling me how they think he's amazing for being supportive. Yeah, I get that many significant others can't deal with any sort of illness or disability but when it comes down to it, I'm the one who is sporting my illness and managing it.

[@naturegirl2110]

Rebelwheels NYC I'm not disabled but I'm in a mixed race relationship and I'm from down south. In the beginning we used to get especially me a LOT of States ela when I was out alone with my son who was white than paper when he was born. As free a while you notice the States and comments less so they don't matter anymore and if both of you keep going to the same place most of the time like same restaurants stores supermarket etc then there won't be anymore whispering stares etc since people are used to seeing you together. Hope this helps. One more thing confidence is a huge turn on. Before I was married if I liked a guy who kept looking @ me I'd just go up to him and asked him if I can have his number and I always got it. For a flip if a guy really likes me I'd give him the cold shoulder and that made him want me even more. The easiest way and the slowest way would be to become friends with the person you like first but be very very slow about so the person sees you and all the flaws disappear. You will a lot about this person too which help to kno it it's the right person for you. Good luck

[@keprox09]

This is actually something I was really interested in hearing about. Being Hard of Hearing in a hearing household means that I'm very good at speaking orally and was never allowed to consider myself as "disabled." Now that I'm getting older I'm realizing that it really is a problem, and something that my partners will have to understand as well. It's interesting to know how other people look at it and it gave me a basic idea as to what I can actually expect from my partners. Thanks for this video! :)

[@keprox09]

+James Rath Thanks for the input! It's definitely something I will work with for any potential partners of mine.

[@illusionsfan1]

The fight between being fiercely independent and realising you do need a knight in shining armour is real. I'm the same as you but I have recognised I'm probably going to need a very patient partner earlier on. I even think so far as if I ever have a kid the dad had better be prepared to wake me if the baby is crying and possibly some deal with some "you just woke me up" grumpiness lol.

[@savvy4781]

I dated a blind guy and I'm in a wheelchair. it ended for stupid reasons but it was nice to date someone who has a disability so they kinda knew what I go through

[@СветеркомпоЗСД]

are you woman or man

[@savvy4781]

Amy J lol right? that's why I didn't respond

[@itslolospencer]

Great collab you 2!

[@carriejeanconn3115]

You seem like such an amazing guy!! I have a few health problems and I've dated guys that just didn't get what I needed as a sick person. So the fling thing is something I've been going through a lot too!! You seem like an amazing guy to date!!

[@hakzolot]

there is alot of miscommunication my asl is very limited but has improved from when we first met, everything was writen on paper or txt.. its fun to look back at all the old note books we filled up when we first met.. thanks for the videos

[@deliriumdarko]

Your videos are really inspiring. Ever since the vidcon panel, and since I've started watching your channel after that, I am wanting to find ways to get involved in helping people with disabilities. You are awesome.

[@deliriumdarko]

+James Rath yes! good idea! thanks!

[@xFictionAficionadax]

+Jules Darko I will say that not every KZbinr has "Community Contributions" set to ON. If you try to caption a particular video (click CC and then Settings....if there is "English" listed it means it's already captioned.....English Auto-translate means computers giving innaccurate stuff and that it needs captioning. But there should be an "Add Subtitles/CC" option. If not, post on a KZbinr's page and say "hey, can you turn Community Contributions on?" They will probably say yes :) However I did this for 2 channels recently and the Add Subtitles/CC button only appeared on videos under 3 weeks old! I guess it does that....but it's worth it! Just letting you know that it can take over an hour to caption a 20 minute video of someone talking //non-stop//. For a normal talker, about 30-35. Someone who is doing more showing than talking? Probably 20-25 then. BUT you can save drafts and only press "submit" whenever you finish!

[@deliriumdarko]

+Dee-Nice thanks for the info!

[@xFictionAficionadax]

Jules Darko Anytime! It's officially Deaf Awareness Month now too

[@YayaSweetie]

I'm so glad you guys made this video. My son is legally blind due to septoopticdysplasia and panhypopituitarism. I'm curious how dating is going to be for him (though he's only 2 years old now haha) but I feel silly asking others. I love how honest and open you two are. So thank you for that.

[@YayaSweetie]

***** You're so kind. :) Thank you.

[@shaylac5095]

I'm Deaf and have a cochlear implant, my husband is hearing he can sign pretty well but there are times when he forgets to sign like around hearing friend or family and I have to rely on lip-reading and cochlear implant. it can get frustrating at times but I just nicely remind him, that just because I have a cochlear implant doesn't mean I can hear and understand everything. I also have type 1 diabetes (juvenile) and if my blood sugar levels are off than it affects my lip-reading, mood, attention, etc. communication, patient, and working together is very much needed in all relationship disabled or not.

[@harveyabel1354]

I don't use my cochlear implant because all I hear is "noise"....oh well! Married 31 years to a sign language interpreter, myself.

[@xFictionAficionadax]

+Shayla C I am not deaf/HOH or blind but I also have type 1 diabetes. I hate when lows affect my attention or highs make me tired. The scariest thing though was when I was experiencing a dangerously low sugar and apparently I started to mispronounce words and slow my speech and I didn't even realize it until a friend told me. So scary! I wonder what would have happened if this had happened around a stranger? I'm not sure how bad it was but I'd hope someone would check my medical ID and either call someone from there or tell me what was going on. If they tell me and I'm still responsive I could point to my medical ID

[@beyondwhatyousee9349]

I am visually impaired and with my Ex-boyfriend he used to squeeze my hand before there was a curb or step. I agree it is very hard not knowing the people's around you facial expressions. I wouldn't be afraid to try and get on that level with someone James, I'm sure theres a great girl waiting out there who has no problem being accommodating. If someone is not understanding or helpful to you even after explanation, I wouldn't Waste my time with them, in my opinion. A great partner is one who is understanding and loves and excepts you for you.

[@Garnizzle]

You guys are meant to be together. Rikki can be the eyes and you can be the ears! Great video.

[@jdaragon]

Dang James, just putting your history out there! LOL This was a good discussion

[@CashAndSpanglish]

Fun and informative, awesome video. I've become a huge fan of yours!

[@rene9568]

Most of the people I've dated and the guy I'm now talking to have been open to learning how to sign and have gotten used to standing on my good side. It's incredibly helpful but I do have to remind them I can be an independent person and order food by myself or whatever. It's always an interesting learning curve

[@illusionsfan1]

Haha... I always forget about my "good side" until I'm walking down the street with someone and they're on my left and I'll just yank them over to my right side lol!

[@Merelf]

Hey I work in retail how can I help customers that are differently abled?

[@choschiba]

That was such a lovely film. You should do that more often!

[@hoagie911]

This was great, thank you.

[@AMNmrrll]

I'm in the early stages of hearing loss so, I can hear most things. But there are some tones that I can't hear and sounds that are garbled to me. Luckily, my girlfriend understands and she makes sure to always put captions on if possible. She checks on me a lot too when we are out in public.

[@KatesAdventures]

James, are those Xs on your hands tattoos or permanent marker? I was wondering if they were there to help you somehow or if they're decorative.

[@KatesAdventures]

***** That makes more sense than my theories XD

[@KatesAdventures]

***** Awesome, thanks! I convinced myself it was so you'd know where your hands are but I can imagine you've figured that out by now XD

[@AlbinoRaccoon97]

I'm like you where I am legally blind but not fully blind. On vacations, I always have flings, but I have never dated for the simple fact that I cannot drive. And I don't live in a place where it is common for everyone to just walk everywhere even if they can drive.

[@JokerAlice]

Love the video and especially the Pikachus. Comunication is verry important and that the able body persone be willing to listen to you. Out of my ratting experience only my curent boyfriend is willing to find ways for me to not miss out on things as a legally blind myself, I've learn that if they can't acept that simply our world is diffrent than theirs then that persons is not worth it after you've tried.

[@isaacq6365]

Since i began losing hearing I haven't had a relationship since every time i meet someone they seem to either get too annoyed trying to talk to me or have some weird fetish for people who are deaf/have disabilities. Now I just think I would only want to date another deaf person since I've had such bad experiences with hearing people :/

[@miguelmolano6611]

Man I hope you're dating someone currently, really. Just discovered your channel and is so cool stuff there. Really meaningful material and in someway you manage to make it fun and educational. I'd totally date you and be your eyes 😍

[@AusticHardOfHearingSinger]

This vid isn't captioned. And when Rikki's voice got lower, I couldn't it. please caption this. I hear higher tones, not lower tones in which Rikki's voice is.

[@chrisn5966]

you guys are awesome! !!

[@chrisn5966]

Thank you for responding!:keep posting more videos I love them!

[@sabrina1985]

Hi James, do you had relationships in the past with sighted people, yes how do you experianced it, and no (because you said you think its hard) would you date a sighted person or would you be more comfortable to choose for a relationship with a blind or legally blind person. I once dated a person with low vision. He had retinitis pigmentosa with nystagmus, it went wrong between us but not because of his eyes. He was my first boyfriend and when i for Example walked for the first time with him with his white cane it was really confronting me. And it was overwhelming and hard. I tought it was easy untill i really went for a walk with him. And everything what happend between us beside, i would never have a issue with dating a blind or legally blind person. I have my issues too and the “Healthy”. Would would not take me serieously. And they Will never understand me. And yeah i am a sighted person but i can live with a blind, deaf, parlyzed, amputee or any other condition. It Needs understanding commitment and out of the box thinking. You need to learn and deal with each other condition but it can work. I am married to a man with brain injury and that is really a challenge that i think Will not happen again because that is really hard. But so i dont know who not. And the hardest thing is that the most people in my family dont get why i choose this way. Someone once said to me that disabled people live in their own world and that i would be crazy to throw my life away for a disabled partner. And that Made me sooooooooo angry. Love sabrina

[@thaiseathaydesantos]

Do you know any youtuber with an invisible disability to do a colab? I have ehlers-danlos syndrome and it is an invisible disability, the chronic pain and limited movement keeps me from doing a lot. It got really bad when I was already living with my partner and I need to rely on him to a lot of things. Despite the time I was on crutches no one can see I'm in pain, it looks like I'm just lazy. Sorry if the english seems odd, I'm from Brazil.

[@karlrichardson8214]

My wife has eds i hope your partner gives u all the support and love u need!

[@harveyabel1354]

You've at least been hanging around with Rikki long enough to start wearing arm bands!

[@rogeliomaldonado8593]

ricky's good ppl..i like the contrast between the struggles of social interaction as a legally blind person which i know all to well and being ahearing impaired person. ricky u be his eyes james you be her ears .

[@Bowie5386]

Hey, just to let you know, "hearing impaired" is an outdated term. Many older generations will still use it, but most prefer "hard of hearing."

[@Bowie5386]

Yes, no one should be blamed or ridiculed for not knowing. I shall inform without judgement.

[@rogeliomaldonado8593]

+CaptainAliciaEff i appreciate the heads up on the currect terminology and your right ones nationality or whether or not your native to some area shouldnt be brought up at all. doesnt really move the conversation forward or even fit in, just seems ignorant. the barrier is simply that im not hard of hearing nor is anyone i know so im not familiar.

[@torimccool4413]

James youre adorable!

[@thomasnguyen6144]

My parents are ableist. They don’t want my sister dating her current boyfriend because he is deaf.

[@CLDisabilityAwarenes]

I think dating is hard with a disability because people assume you are slow. I have CP and nonverbal, but I am not slow. I have my master's and co-wrote a book and have a KZbin channel. I feel people want their prince or queen all perfect. But life is not perfect. People can't see that.

[@johnathonbaughman2982]

Hi my name is Johnathon Baughman I am can Siri with the blind but I am very sleepy in paired I am looking for a woman that has the same problems as I have in with cerebral palsy but I would like to find a woman that has several palsy that interferes valence and brain damage mentally disabled

[@Monirelinie]

how do Rikki and you communicate? I mean Rikki can't hear what you're saying, right? Or can she hear enough to understand you? I remember her saying she can't really lipread.

[@Monirelinie]

James Rath ah, I see! Thank you for the reply!

[@Monirelinie]

James Rath I was wondering because she seemed to look at you while you were speaking and not at an interpretor. I guess I didn't even notice the jumpcuts.

[@Monirelinie]

that makes sense and yeah I remember that she has a bit of hearing on her left ear. Anyway great video! :)

[@AuthorE.LSummers]

It’s interesting where James said he wasmight bit date a blind person so he can rely more on them for aid that’s what worries me I’m blind sgt b intercepted fear not meeting shrine guys see the white cane n flee

[@IsBeingHello]

I wish you were gay, James. I would so love to date you. You're gorgeous! And I love your albinism.

[@IsBeingHello]

James Rath I'm flattered you'd reply to little old me! hehe

[@maaritlarinen9056]

Did James just admit to being a player? Fine by me, I can think of some games the two of us can play 😏🙈

[@craigrath5093]

Hi. You said you've experimented. Does that mean you're open to gay relationship?

[@jamesrath]

More so I've experimented with different kinds of relationships with female partners; open relationships, like friends with benefits, committed ones, etc.

[@ChelseyReikiHealerDogTrainer]

That was a great video! I am visually impaired myself and have my own KZbin channel, if you'd like to check it out. 😎

[@crazycommentwriter1829]

Do You know that You have tattoos on your hands?

[@The16BitLolita]

I'll date you! :3 We'll go to the beach and for walks at the woods! We'll make sure you have loads of sunscreen, yeah? xD