Discerning the SHAME that Drives Perfectionism and OCD

[@ms181]

For me, SHAME does not say "you will never be loved"...but "you SHOULD never be loved." You are too bad to be loved. : (

[@ethanplacella]

Most recently I started going to a new church and found an amazing community. Since joining a small group and getting to open up and become vulnerable I’m finally learning what it means to walk in the light among God and others. These brothers in Christ are showing me they love and accept me even in my mess. And now for the first time my shame is deteriorating and certain sun patterns are now losing its power and temptation over me. I’m really starting to see and understand as you explained Mark that I don’t need to clean myself up first and that God loves me right here in my mess and brokenness. This video was so timely.

[@leeleewaters1451]

This is so timely. Praise God! I was avoiding grieving because I thought it meant that I wasn't a forgiving person. I was trying to 'forgive and forget' I see that I have forgiveness but I need to go through the grief.

[@dreamiedips8624]

Wow, this is profound! April 4, 2024

[@taylorplayer50]

This is so applicable to where I am in my life. Avoiding the pain by performing, and not building relationships. Thank you Brother.

[@maryteplova437]

Thank you so much, Mark! It has become harder to cope with OCD during the war in my country. Some addictions have joined to it to deal with fear, anxiety, loneliness, feeling of unprotection (when your beloved ones are so far away). I became so vulnerable that even had dated with an unbeliever because I felt better when someone who 'cares' was by my side day by day. Sometimes it becomes a nightmare. But in the meantime I have never craved for Christ in my life like this I think, and has become more serious in showing the love of Christ to my fellow citizens, especially ones who have been suffering much more than me.

[@natalieann2000]

I should be past this..constantly am repeating this. I want to heal. I get afraid of letting go of shame Like I should still feel bad..this was such a touching message ..ty mark

[@ladyesther]

12:35 I can really relate. Sometimes I have become so angry at myself for crying! Now, it's starting to make sense. I guess I also haven't had someone esp in the body of Christ to listen (hold space) for the pain I have had. A lot of dismissal of me or my feelings and either in words or impressions that "you shouldn't feel that way". I think a lot of non empathetic responses. I will try to say this without shame for my shame (ironic) that I am quite ashamed of myself. I have bucket loads of shame. I would like to get well though. Thanks Mark.

[@JessyMessy2002]

Thank you mark. I really appreciate this. Going through a breakup with my first love and It’s been hard. Your videos help me and are a comfort always. Thank you for making videos i don’t know if you know but it’s so so so needed in the faith to have resources like your videos. May God bless you and your family 🙏🏻💖

[@tango-bravo]

Thank you for saying all of this. As a driven “performer” this is much needed.

[@morganmerrill6905]

good stuff love it

[@debracoffman4218]

Mark..do you have a word for someone diagnosed with BPD and their mood swings? I've repented so many times because of my emotions. Most of my battles are internally and people would never guess the turmoil within. Do you believe in this diagnosis? I get so tired of trying to change my thoughts/feelings. I have felt despair. I also fight religious ocd. Thank you for your teaching on that.

[@randycryer1214]

Thanks mark I have lived most my Christian life in shame and numbness and disconnect from Gods Grace but I know that God will help me through it in Jesus name and I pray he helps my brothers and sisters through it also

[@cindyc12]

This is good

[@anneschneider5458]

thanks mark, what a blessing to clearly break all this down

[@rockerune]

Great stuff as always. Need to reflect on this since Im detoxing shame.

[@HS-tm4xe]

THANK YOU!

[@Jesusandmentalhealth]

MARK. YES. This is what I am discovering. Thank you for this.

[@epicmissionmedia]

Thanks Mark, this video was really helpful and timely for me in my own battles. You've been a big blessing in my healing journey.

[@ladydonna37]

Wow Mark... you really packed a lot of gold in this nutshell!! So helpful and hits the core issue behind it all. Thank you 🥰

[@GQElvie]

spot on Mark..its gold

[@oilinmylamp]

This hits home. Now to understand WHAT the traumas are, the neglect, the loss, the pain is or connected to and HOW to process through each one.

[@Will_Vlogz]

How do you open up your heart for healing from trauma when you can’t connect your emotions?

[@rockerune]

@@jacintakamel4026 My advice is to ask God to revive your heart. Mark has a video about it. Also, I would recommend therapy. It can be messy if all those emotions come out to fast

[@laylascott6096]

@@jacintakamel4026 I did the same after trauma and the Lord has led me to go back to talk therapy which I was reluctant about and it has been absolutely a God send and an essential start to my healing. Of course pray on it and finding the right therapist is always very important.

[@katiesanders96]

@@laylascott6096 How did you find a good therapist?! I’m assuming you found a Christian one.

[@Becausetheinternet2]

Thanks!

[@ArmyofLove]

Thank you so much for this. I have thought patterns that I need to stop beating myself up over. So right about guilt and fear but shame when our thought patterns are not right or we are ruminating/assessing ourselves, We have to be gentle with ourselves.

[@christine2090]

Thank you Mark!!! Love your content.

[@ErikFindlingMusic]

Yeah man this hits right home

[@Finn10000]

Thank you so much. You might just be saving my Life.

[@CharlieBass5]

WOW!!! I've been depressed for a long time, maybe since before I started grade school. I've known God was real for a long time, I just never thought He wanted anything to do with me. At almost 70 is there still time or will it be a waste of time? Journey and Process are two words that drive me crazy, I know I will never be FIXED.

[@laylascott6096]

It is ABSOLUTELY not too late for you ❤🙏 God is waiting for you with open arms

[@CharlieBass5]

@NikoR96 Hey thanks, I do appreciate that. It's the being me that's not getting better. It hasn't been that long ago that I found out that God loves me. Most of my life was spent drinking and drugging, trying to no feel.

[@amyrehobbs727]

hiiii charles! no it’s never too late at all. i’m so thankful He’s helped you realized that He what’s everything to do with you! every piece of you He wants. the journey of fixing is a progression! on earth we’ll never be completely perfect but you’d be surprised how much Jesus himself can help you one on one with healing from sins. that’s what He comes for❤️one of my favorite verses lately has been when Jesus said He doesn’t come for the perfect (the righteous) He comes for the sinners. i think it’s in mark 2. i always resonate with that when i try to run from Jesus or think that He doesn’t want anything to fo with me. but thankfully the truth in that verse tells us He really does care and comes for sinners like me😭i hope you find joy in the fact that Jesus came for you! be careful not to be fixed on perfection. It’s Jesus’ job to be perfect !! we are in progression. much love!

[@Cyrus1985]

Great video thanks❤❤❤

[@utkalikasharma3165]

Thank you , the video was really helpful.

[@ForhisGlory-rb6os]

Perfectionism: just right, highlights, distorts: makes it big, loses context. Just right, never enough- Christ paid it all - all obsessive. Sense of shame- drives it, fuels perfectionism - flawed/ diminished value/ worth, if you don’t get stuff together, you will not be loved or belong. God will reject me/ cast me away, so do people. We decide against ourselves Self hate- self condemnation, The problem is not the problem - under shame is depression- areas you haven’t grieved- your weak! Stop avoiding these areas! People, etc.. I will be alone. Pain we’ve never addressed!, trauma, emotional neglect. Heal how we see ourselves: Grieve all the bad!!

[@amygoff4127]

My compulsion Is not to have to get it right, But instead, my shame leads me to believe everything that happens in my life at that time that I'm going through, Is God punishing me, And then I get angry at God for so many crazy things and it spirals and spirals. Even if I can believe in my salvation, I can't seem to believe salvation without God punishing me, Even though I know his word says that he took the punishment for me, his word also talks about punishment to Christians and I haven't been able to get past that, The church uses the scriptures to tell people that God will punish them. A lot of things happen to me on a daily basis it seems like, How can one not think that it's Not God punishing them? And how do I stop getting mad at God for my shame. I have followed you for a couple of years now and I'm still stuck in the same mountain. Im starting to slip away thinking there is no hope for me.

[@HS-tm4xe]

If I may share my thoughts, punishment, correction and instruction are all separate. It has taken me some time to clear up the confusion around these definitions and proper context.

[@jeshuamichael9826]

Read Corinthians chapter 12 and 13 about ten times 😊 God bless you and keep you!

[@laylascott6096]

Punishment and chastise are not the same thing. I understand what you’re saying exactly because I can get stuck in the same cycles - but I am able to recognize they are complete lies. There is now no condemnation for those that are in Christ. Romans 8:1 I would maybe look for a new church if that’s the message you’re getting. God isn’t punishing you ❤🙏

[@amygoff4127]

@@laylascott6096 I left the church years ago

[@amygoff4127]

@@laylascott6096 And what is it to be in Christ doesn't make sense to me anymore.

[@WFE-cl6yt]

Mark I have an interesting question. I’m well aware of how OCD and compulsive I am. I’ve had fears about God that center around my faith. I’m afraid I’ll stop believing in God and become an atheist. That’s only one tip of the iceberg. All of my Obsessive fears always draw back to my core fear of losing control. Losing control of me emotions and living in mental anguish or being trapped. Hence I fear losing faith in God because he’s my reason and I’m afraid it’ll cause me to be depressed forever. I don’t have nuanced shame that I can tell, however I have noticed I suppress shame if anything. I’m generally a positive person and empathetic towards others but I felt less and less connected to God because I was avoiding him(because my fear) and it caused me to really collapse back into the cycle. I am grateful because it’s renewed my love for God but the constant OCD doubt of my faith persists and some days I stand tall while others I fall. I see you comment on scrupulously a lot but not doubt in one’s faith. How normal is it for OCD to manifest doubt in my faith in God? And it doesn’t center around going to hell, just afraid of not believing in God.

[@katiesanders96]

OCD has a MASSIVE amount of doubt and uncertainty. That is what drives it, along with guilt. If you listen to Mark’s videos on the seven distortions of OCD, he talks in depth about doubt and uncertainty-that’s actually the second distortion. Hope this helps. 😊

[@deadlyifinjestesd471]

Hey mark should I start with the rejection mindset or God loves me and I love myself if I had to pick on book to begin with?

[@ey6545]

I’d suggest God Loves Me first 🙏

[@robertfair4596]

Are Perfectionism and shame a spiritual or personal problem or both?