DISOWNED BY MY FAMILY: AN UPDATE ON HEALING

[@SkySpies]

I am a combat vet. I was shot in Iraq, I saw plenty......my point in saying that is not to boast or "one up" what you are saying. I'm saying to let you know that trauma is trauma. Our brains handle trauma in the similar ways. I had the same problems you did, and it took me 15 years of being niave and immature telling myself working out and ignoring my thoughts because (like you said) I could just man up and figure it out on my own. I finally at 40 asked the VA for counseling. Your doing good man, and you figured it out faster than me, good on you. Who knows what the future holds for you and your family. There is no shame in your very real trauma and no shame in getting help. I respect your authenticity and wish you continued success. For the record, I'm in a one year full stack dev intern position with a huge company at 41 years old and I genuinely find coding to be very fun and challenging. Thanks for shedding light on the realities around coding and your own struggles. It is appreciated.

[@Canoby]

I'm glad you made this comment, it really shows just the unhealthy way society teaches us to view our own problems, that if someone has it "worse" than you, you shouldn't complain. Nothing could be further from the truth, our issues are our issues, regardless of whatever other people have experienced. @EV All Day I'm sorry you experienced what you did while serving your country, but I am happy to see that you're not only getting help now, but are doing well in at least a few aspects of your life. You and Josh are strong people simply because you realize the struggles ahead of you, and you don't give up. One day at a time, right? Anyway I hope the dev work treats you well and that you find great success with it.

[@joejohnson8966]

Thank you for sharing, Sir. Also, thank you for your service.

[@qcnck2776]

Your comment is so helpful to many, many people. Thank you for posting difficult stuff.

[@thesymphonyset]

Holy shit dude, never became a fan of someone because of a comment before but it’s happening noooow. Your experience, your respect for trauma and mental health, your venturing into coding and a new industry at 41, so muuuuch coolness in one comment. Major admiration for you dude *hat tip*

[@gambar]

Vet to coder! Awesome! It's quite a change, isn't it? Salutations from down under!

[@kathy3178]

I moved 11 hours away from my toxic family. Even after 3 years, I still have moments where I fear them showing up. The PTSD is real.

[@SomeBuddy777]

No matter where you go, no matter how far, there you are, and then, too. You can't outrun the memories. They gradually fade, but only if you allow them too. Don't revisit the hatred. And especially don't be fooled by fake love, followed by the guilt trips layed on you.

[@TrouvatkiDePercusion]

I moved a full 10 time-zones away, and there were times when I would still have audial hallucinations of my mom calling my name from the other room. The trauma never fully goes away. You just get through it one day at a time.

[@itsbrianswrld]

can't go to bed, have hot flashes, gripping my stomach on the floor worried they will be at my doorstep the next day.

[@ConstructionHoney]

Moved across the globe. I feel like I'm Andy from Shawshank Redemption

[@Snaperific28]

I still have dreams now and then of my mother in the house I grew up in and she’s been dead since I was 14, and I’m 50 now. Trauma never leaves your brain, but my waking life has been so much better since I went to therapy at 30. I kept changing therapists until I found one who was right, who was effective, and who gave me the ability to take control and make choices for myself without fear of something terrible happening. Bottom line, I don’t know how anyone can heal without professional help. I think I’m as good now as I ever will be and it’s so much better than where I was. I don’t know what brings her back into my consciousness but it doesn’t take me back to that place in a way now that I feel helpless and trapped and small and beaten down. I count this as a win. I’m no longer suicidal or depressed, so I take that as a win also. I think we have to find our tiny goalposts and celebrate them every time we pass one and heal a little bit more. I think healing is an action and it requires daily effort. Some days I get sad or hurt or angry at some current person or situation, and i feel I’ve lost my progress but then I think, but I’m not that person anymore. People can’t hurt me like that now. I can walk away and I can stand up for myself now. I couldn’t when I was a child. People believe me now, who didn’t believe me then. I have support now that I didn’t have then. This reminds me that I have grown and am stronger, so I can be okay. Even if I saw her now, today, if she had lived, it’s ok to be selfish and walk away and make my own family and my own life. I’m proud of that. I earned it. I think I’ve forgiven her but I still let myself feel whatever I feel about her whenever I think of her; because I own how I feel. Honestly, no one has all their crap together and I’ve learned to stop measuring my happiness and success against everyone else’s goalposts.

[@Mangoliveson]

Josh, I’m 62 and you have figured this out 30 years before I did. We have experienced mental and emotional trauma, coming from our parents of all places. Stay strong, and take comfort from mentally healthy people - who genuinely care about you.✊🏼. You are NOT alone!

[@lookronjon]

Yup. I’m 59 and it still haunts me.

[@brandonmunsen6035]

@@john-paulhunt6943 yeah you're off your meds

[@jamesmorrison7989]

@@john-paulhunt6943 you don’t seem healthy my man

[@jamesmorrison7989]

@@john-paulhunt6943 lol I’m actually pretty conservative. I don’t see how politics has anything to do with this though.

[@jamesmorrison7989]

@@john-paulhunt6943 I’m not being a jerk, but do you have schizophrenia? I have no clue why you’re mentioning astrology, sjw’s, anti-semitism, or fatalism. I never claimed you were anti-semitic and have no reason to claim that.

[@RobertoBlake]

Trauma is Trauma Josh. Bad relationships can be damaging and traumatic. Give yourself grace. Take all the time you need to heal. Hang in there and don’t be afraid to open yourself to new experiences and people. There are good people about there. 🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@mirisoji8406]

Wonderful Kind words Roberto! I'm also a fan of your content, it's always great to see youtubers/people supporting one another. I hope you both are doing well.

[@navsimmer]

Didn't expect to see you here.

[@mgray999]

PTSD isn't based on the events, it's based on your reactions. you're valid

[@yummyjackalmeat]

Yeah man, after knowing my wife 5 years, her family knows me better than my own family I grew up in. It's bizarre to see a family where people can just be themselves. No one walks on egg shells or is constantly sacrificing their well being for a single member. I lie and hide so much from people because that's what I had to do to survive my upbringing, and being welcomed into a place where I don't have to lie was so foreign but an amazing feeling.

[@juansegoviano9727]

I'm at a very similar spot. I don't have a significant other, but the family of my close friend pretty much "adopted" me. I lie to my dysfunctional family because I want to avoid abuse. They would get angry at me for lying to them and furiously ask me why I would lie to them. They don't have enough introspection to realize that they are the reason. Actually, it tool my father 27 years to question his parenting skills, but it was only because he wasn't getting something out of me. I'm guessing manipulating is parenting to him. My adopted family are hard-working yet loving towards me. I never had to lie to them, yet I struggle to to be truthful to them without developing anxiety. Sometimes, I wonder if my view of families is too warped to make me realize that I'm with a healthy family.

[@anitaknight3915]

I wish for what you found in a healthy family dynamic. I resonate deeply with what you wrote where you can't be yourself and constantly sacrificing yourself for family member and walking on eggshells. I'm so glad you found that love and unconditional acceptance from your wife's family and pray I find that someday or at least possibly create it 🙏

[@Gokusaiyan.]

Wait for few years when love feds away then let's see how her family's gonna treat you lol

[@JG_Wentworth]

@@Gokusaiyan. Your trauma is showing.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Yeh, some people won't SEE you, they will only see the part they wrote for you.

[@teetertotter5787]

The gift of love from HR Lady and her family and the impact on your life has me bawling my eyes out. I'm so sorry for what you have been through with a shitty family. So proud of you for doing therapy to deal with the childhood trauma. So proud of your commitment to being this actually strong man who can rebuild like this.

[@quentonb3394]

Good women and good family are priceless

[@screenarts]

What did he go through? Story?

[@thegoodanfamily9817]

@@screenarts there's lots of videos talking about it. That's what led me to this one.

[@vanessas2363]

This is me. No family contact, disowned. Struggling with all my relationships now. I don't trust anybody. I have CPTSD. I'm covered in eczema all the time, and have terrible nightmares. Intrusive thoughts. Guilt and shame. Huge periods of dissociation. Your video has really helped me 🇬🇧

[@bearschneider9183]

Hope you're doing well. My partner has dealt with almost identical symptoms for years because of her family, luckily she cut ties years ago and has been healing from the eczema, chronic nightmares, and ptsd symptoms. Healing is not linear, but i know from her and my own experiences that we're so much better off for choosing who we call family, even if it isn't easy.

[@vanessas2363]

@@bearschneider9183 that's so kind. A comfort to know I'm not alone. You sound like a great person. Wish I had an empathetic partner like you. Its so lonely Wish her all the best from me 🤗❤

[@angelofamillionyears4599]

Drink one glass of celery juice per day and walk in the sun for 1 hour per day. Read the books at medicalmedium

[@vanessas2363]

@@angelofamillionyears4599 thank you. I will 🙏 Hope you have a lovely day 💕

[@hoonaignachowaneha]

Best wishes man. I kicked 99% of my family to the curb after years of toxic mentally-ill bullshit. I had a bad relationship for a long time and about a year ago tried to put everything in the past and rekindle and repair the relationships. Things were good for about 6 months and then the same shit started again and worse. Family is great if they are loving and supportive. But the idea you should love and care for people no matter what just because you are related is just utter destructive garbage.

[@Bear-form]

100% over here. Parents deceased, family imploded. Didn't take much bs and just moved on.

[@NotEvenDeathCanSaveU]

It always starts again cos people dont really change, at least not fundamentally, its one of the most ridiculous lies that "people change", I mean they do, but not much, and if so, only rarely.

[@Pfyzer]

Western issues

[@MuayadAl-Barwani]

@@Pfyzer Legit, family doesn't mean much over there

[@greglocker2124]

@@MuayadAl-Barwani "I WILL BEAT YOU WITH SHOE IF YOU DO NOT DO AS I SAY, BY ALLAH"

[@Kohiku]

At the time I saw the video where your family disowned you I was still in postgrad finishing up my Masters of Psychology. I had a feeling something like this would happen in the future. A majority of your content at the time were anger-fueled, justification to move on, ignoring those actual feelings, and proving that you are better, stronger, and so on. It's nice to see you finally acknowledging and accepting your feelings of either resentment, anger, or perhaps even regret towards your family at the behavioral level. It really does help with the healing process. These things aren't easy, but you're slowly moving towards the right path. All the best

[@zerohero5753]

@@chelseachelseafcsuperfan7220 Love how all the armchair psychologists on the Internet aren't qualified to give any advice

[@vegewoman]

@@zerohero5753 Thank you for saying this.

[@dethswurl117]

Can I get a +1 from all my fellow programmers crying in the chat rn? This was genuinely moving, dude. I can't help but be immensely happy for you and your *true* family. Please feel free to post life updates whenever. At this point, this IS part of the content I'm subscribed for. Best of luck, man

[@hkauffman604]

i cried watching this. i am very very happy for him

[@isabellecasier5702]

I cried too, mostly because I lived similar and feel what he is feeling. I lost my rock, the one who pulled me through, so I am dealing with that now for 3y. I will get through ... eventualy, just like you. We will !

[@SeigiEmiya]

if crying { like++ }

[@jackcarraway4707]

This is why companies need to stop using "we're a family".

[@angelofamillionyears4599]

So companies are family. 90% of chicfila employees are happy.

[@moisesmera7913]

The struggle is real. Boundaries. Respect. It’s worth it. Live. Don’t just be alive. U do what you got to.

[@MattFromWork]

If only we could all be so lucky to have someone like HR Lady and her family in our lives. Best wishes to you, and your family Josh.

[@yamadiyoo9658]

I wonder what that means by hr

[@Marcus001]

@@yamadiyoo9658it’s his girlfriend, she works HR and he doesn’t want to share her name for privacy so that nickname has stuck

[@Hellhound47]

​​​​@@yamadiyoo9658I bet that's what his family called his now-wife (?), did not even bother to remember her name (they most likely did remember but did not feel like calling her 😅)

[@juanorozco9540]

This is a lot. I wouldn’t be surprised if you took a long nap or slept for half a day. I hope getting this out gives you the peace you sought for so long. Kudos to your evolution and growth.

[@PassionateFlower]

If you get cancer everyone tells you how strong and brave you are everyday. If you get C-PTSD and struggle at school, work, or in your relationships, you are labeled as "THE PROBLEM" and it's nothing but meds and inpatient hospitalizations for you and bringing "shame" to the family. It's so messed up. Especially when it's usually your family or job that gave you the damn C-PTSD in the first place.

[@crisisjack]

It's alright Josh. Plenty of us have worthless, mentally screwed families. Thanks for the video, brought my spirits up a bit.

[@takoflame4948]

and yet we move on an not dwell on it. part of life

[@user-is6yo3um7x]

@@takoflame4948 if it was only that simple

[@anitaknight3915]

As both a therapist and child of narcissistic severe abuse from a toxic family myself, Josh I am soooo proud of you for seeking help and having the courage to share with your subscribers!!! Healing yourself and moving forward is possible and I am here if you ever need any suggestions. Sometimes the only best answer is to cut them off and go no contact for your own self preservation!!

[@KevinArellano]

Josh my dude, it's cool man you can share with us anytime. Hope you keep feeling better and better.

[@Maverekt]

This is the reason I, and many others, love his content. Josh, stay real and we appreciate you!

[@crucob81]

I moved from NJ to FL 14 yrs ago to get away from my parents, because even into adulthood, I felt responsible for keeping them from self-destructing into deeper drug abuse. I missed out on a lot of developing my sense of self over worrying what would happen to them, it literally closed off all emotion and empathy I have for others. I still can't relate to most others' emotions. I've come a long way since then, got married, and we're raising 2 beautiful girls. I've since forgiven my parents, they visit for vacation once a year. I love them despite it all, and wish the best for them always. The separation was needed for us to grow, even if it was apart from each other.

[@darkdudironaji]

The part where you talked about HR lady hit home for me, because of my ex-wife. At our wedding, none of her relatives were there. And she made a speech saying, "I never really knew what love was until you let me into your family." We've been divorced for about 5 years, but she still celebrates Christmas and Thanksgiving with my family. Because they're her parents and she's their daughter. Our relationship status is never going to change that.

[@DanEMO592]

That is incredibly mature of all of you. Respect

[@darkdudironaji]

@@DanEMO592 She's the mother of my child. I don't want her to not have a family just because we couldn't work things out.

[@whosthere8658]

​@@darkdudironaji you two have my respect. I wish more couples were this mature with each other. let alone just for the child's well-being

[@soalive389]

That's beautiful, thank you for sharing.

[@Tempusverum]

It’s always the Bride’s side of the family. Boomers love the idea of their son getting girls, but can’t stand the idea of a boy getting “their girl”. Yet they themselves are married. When asked, it’s along the lines of “I know what I was at that age” and “men only want one thing, and it’s disgusting.” They deny others that which they would have for themselves in more ways than just financially

[@MatthewEaton]

This is the stuff that saves someone's life, my friend. I congratulate you on this journey and support you all the way. As a sex abuse survivor, being sold into sex slavery by my own mother, and dealing with my father upgrading me for a better (unbroken) son, I get the toxic family game that is played. I am glad to see you aren't playing that game and you are standing your ground. Embrace and enjoy your real family and your real friends. That is what is important.

[@MsLotusBlooms]

Your mother should be in jail for her crime against you and humanity.

[@jennajoseph893]

I am so sorry for your trauma. Much Love to you. 💙💙💙💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💕💕💕💕💕💕💕❤❤❤❤❤❤ Be safe. Stay Strong. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[@MatthewEaton]

@@jennajoseph893 Thank you for the kindness. Much appreciated!

[@jennajoseph893]

@@MatthewEaton you’re welcome 💕❤️💕💕❤️💕

[@liabw05]

Wishing you the best that life has to offer. So grateful you are out of that horrific situation and see the bigger picture. Hugs to you!! ❤

[@MJ-py7dm]

Josh, your channel has taught me to value MYSELF first and remember that this life is mine and mine only. Job or no job, I now feel like a full human being because I decided not to slave away for employers and value my time. Your family looks a lot like mine, gaslighting, guilt, money problems and I feel for you. Thank you man, we love you.

[@griffydz1789]

if something bothers you or hurts you about someone, it reveals something about YOU. Instead of evading all, try to confront these criticism try to turn them to your side. And try to be humble.

[@MJ-py7dm]

@@griffydz1789 here comes a KZbin moralizer.

[@griffydz1789]

@@MJ-py7dm it might seem negative comments, but I really want only the best for you. I know that "rebellion" and rejecting anything that bothers us, is a way to fire/heat/unconfort in the long path. You can know soon enough. The thing to not take anything personal, it is indeed you who decide what you want to do, but to reject what other criticism becauese they are "others" is not the way to go. The best gift someone can get is .. having enemies. The real real enemies are the one who tel you YOU ARE PERFECT the way you are. (this is not about you personally, i am just commenting on what I read). GL

[@MJ-py7dm]

@@griffydz1789 You don't even know me yet you think you're in a place to tell me about my life choices. Nothing in what I wrote was calling anyone out. If you need to prop yourself up on a pedestal fine, but I don't need life lessons from some rando on KZbin. Josh is loved and his channel has helped me, keep commenting, its just noise.

[@griffydz1789]

@@MJ-py7dm Alright, did not mean to upset you sorry. I am honest when i say i mean the best for whoever wrote what I read, nothing personal. Gl

[@keepitlo00]

This was deep AF. This hits on so many levels. I want to talk about my own trauma and how I’m trying to push through but I’m getting teary eyed just thinking about it. But I’m going to push through even if I do have to eventually see therapist. Good for you Josh keep going brother.

[@janelleg597]

You are worth being well. Please see someone. Now💙 Life is short, my friend.

[@LunaELugo]

My dad said the same damn thing, "I wanna speak to my daughter." It wasn't love he was feeling when he said that it was entitlement.

[@TrianglePants]

GET THAT BOT BANNED

[@therearenoshortcuts9868]

you should speak back to him in a Demonic Voice: "Luna is Gone... you now speak to Beelzebub"

[@LunaELugo]

@@therearenoshortcuts9868 🤣that sounds right in my wheel house if it didn't totally play into his smear campaign

[@anitaknight3915]

@@LunaELugo yeah it's about narcissistic control,manipulation, and entitlement not love or what's best for you.

[@seriouscat2231]

Thanks. To me it only sounded cheesy and sentimental, though it felt manipulative. But entitlement is an even better explanation.

[@rogermarley9863]

Narcissism is hell. His mother sounds like a classic entitled "woe is me" vulnerable narcissist. Poor guy. Please, anybody who came from high conflict family relationships, get yourself checked and put in the work. Never give in to pain, never give in to ego. The bravest and most responsible thing you can do is arrest it in your generation. Don't let it ripple down another one! Be strong and brave! Do your utmost to be the "reset" for the next generation.

[@MegaGraceiscool]

Was not expecting this. I'm glad you feel more positive about life, looking forward to watching the whole video

[@denillededman476]

This is heartbreaking, but so clear and strong. You should be proud of yourself and your progress. And the support you have from your new family is unparalleled.

[@djreb8505]

Josh…I’m in tears right now watching this cuz I’m feeling your pain TO THA CORE!! At 37 years old, I’m battling the same battle since 2018 with my mother, when I started to distant myself from her. 2019, my dad, who tried to “make things morally right”, made matters worse from 3000 miles away. Not to mention that he wasn’t physically in the picture in the first place. After a couple years of therapy alongside of sending a lengthy ass letter about the hurt and trauma from her narcissistic ways, I decided to reach out to my mother in late 2020. She explained herself alongside with other things. And I did it for my now wife because I took on her son, who has no father and has been in my life for 7 years…and I don’t have children on my own. But later as time goes by, she still shows she is the same person to where she blatantly told me she would never accept my stepson and my wife, which is very hypocritical on her because when I was in high school, she took on my stepfather’s kids before and after they got married. So right there I chose not to continue with trying and to do what’s best for my family I have right now. I also worry about my grandmother, who is now 84 and showing early signs of dementia, and sadly the only time I can actually see her is if she’s not around my mother, and that’s the one who basically raised me. It’s heartbreaking, and I genuinely feel where you are with everything! I could go more deep into this, but not on this platform because people lurking 👀. I’m a fan of your channel and your content, but at tha end of it all…you gotta do what’s right for you. That’s where I’m also at as well. Everyday is a working progress. Stay 💯

[@austinmanning850]

I can see the pain in your eyes man. My wife has the same relationship with her father that she now has completely cut off and before she finally did that I could see the same type of pain every time her father sent her a message or left a voicemail. She’s still healing and is in a much better place now mentally. I wish you the best in your life and hope everything keeps getting better!!

[@NissaMaezHartman]

I think you already know this content is what made me subscribe! Thank you for the update, Josh. Of course you weren't fine. You absolutely are valid in your feelings. I think talking about it can help. Be it therapy or talking to your audience. I don't think it ever really goes away, but it gets better. I have a sociopathic father. I've given him so many chances. No one wants to lose family, but some people don't change. I only text him on special occasions. Limited surface level is all I can handle. You are more important than those toxic relationships. You always have us rooting for you, and I'm glad you have HR Lady. Big digital hugs!! 🤗

[@Adam-kk7nw]

Just go to him and marry him.. you go girl

[@NissaMaezHartman]

@@Adam-kk7nw You're talking to HR Lady, right? I am happily married for 21 years. Not to mention, I'd be way too old for Josh! Lmao

[@emzywillrich7243]

Post traumatic stress. I was in an accident in my truck and experience the same thing. You had a mental collision and I had a physical one. You are not alone or weak. Congratulations on retaining the beautiful person you turned out to be without your family's support. Only a strong person can do that.

[@melodywave3]

my mother's alcoholism lead me to becoming homeless and disowned by her entire side of the family all because i told her that her problem was hurting me... i too now have been working hard to erase the pain and manage the completely uprooted life i was given. i had to sell all of my stuff just to survive because i had nobody else but myself for so long before i gave up and moved in with my dad to heal enough to find stability again. i sometimes miss her but i know she'll never admit and see the harm she has done to me, my brother, or my father

[@charlesmamon8516]

I am so glad to have seen you come around and have grown up and grown over these issues. I am even more glad that your horrible grandparents are watching this, knowing that they were wrong and that they are living with the consequences of their decisions. Remember if someone religious ever quotes "blood is thicker than water" you can look at them straight in the face and tell them that not only are they a hypocrite, but they are stupid as well. “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” The saying means that chosen bonds are more significant than the bonds with family or “water of the womb.”

[@aw8951]

It sounds like you have PTSD. The best way I overcame it was to move away from where I was hurt and cut off the associated people. Best decision of my life. I hope you do well

[@anitaknight3915]

I agree. I feel cutting them off and moving away from all toxicity is the only way to move forward otherwise you're constantly triggered by despair of the trauma.

[@intrasource]

You are exactly what the world needs. You’ve helped me tremendously. I think I’ll be ok.

[@patrickwalsh467]

I was attacked by a knife-wielding stranger while I played in a creek by myself. He snuck up on me. He held the knife to my throat and I was sure he was going to kill me. That was when I was 8 years old. I am 73 now, and suffered from PTSD all those years. I found a good counselor and went through TF-CBT. It was a 10 week process and I am healing and understanding how this affected me. At the end of the therapy I realized that I was blooming and understanding myself. I am better in many ways and the growth and healing through self-awareness and understanding. Stay in therapy. You are doing great. I’ve watched a few videos of yours and I like what I see. Keep growing and understanding and discovering. You’ll be fine. Love you man.

[@emzywillrich7243]

Josh, this video actually brought a tear to my eye because I thought about how different our lives have been. I've grown up with a lifetime of wonderful memories with my family and to think that someone could be hurt so deeply by the way your family has hurt you made me really sad and appreciate and love my late parents even more deeply. Thank you!

[@ALee-2DAnimator]

Several of us here are war vets.. Yes, we have seen the ugly side of war.. However, don't compare what you have been through to that... You are 100% correct in feeling however you feel. I have lost several of my vets to suicide due to feeling like they can't talk to anyone..... Talk to anyone bro.

[@jasminejones9937]

It was your choice to participate in a war You should've been a conscientious objector (like Muhammad Ali did ) THAT is the definition of a hero !

[@ALee-2DAnimator]

@@jasminejones9937 I have saved women and children from sex trafficking, organ harvesting.. etc. Trust me, I've done my part.

[@liabw05]

@@ALee-2DAnimator don’t listen to the trolls! Your experience is valid. Many of us have never seen the horrors you have. Stay strong and glad you’re here!

[@SabiLewSounds]

The only family I haven't cut off is my mom. Growing up she constantly put her life in danger to protect me. It's part of my trauma as my brain tells me "if your needs are met people get hurt, punished, destroyed." She was the one who was always looking to see what I was up to, who noticed what makes me happy, who cheered for me when I did things like publishing a little story book in 1st grade, being asked to be part of the choir because I was "a good singer" (in fact to make sure I could be included she would sneak buying fabric and stuff to sew my choir uniforms so I could go to concerts and dad didn't get angry about "wasting" money on me), being good at art and wanting to paint (she convinced my dad to buy me paint for Christmas vs just clothes, my brother always got clothes and expensive video games that my brother "allowed" me to play)... Now Mom doesn't always remember who I am. Her mind has almost completely blocked out her husband (the sperm donor) from her memory and everything vile he did to her probably to protect her... I used to look at my brother the way you look at your dad. I thought he was a prince the father I never had, the one that protected me until he ghosted us and slowly I started seeing all the boundaries he always crossed, all the times he helped my father gaslight and humiliate me, put me down and erase me as one of the family. When dad left when I was 16 he quickly started to try and manipulate my Mom against me. ***Trigger Warning SH & SI*** Those were the years I started struggling with self harm and suicidal ideation as my mom suddenly called me a sl*t while to this day at 38 I am still a virgin who has never had a bf... He would tell her I was doing "immoral" things on my computer and even though I was just a young adult going to church trying to please my brother and repair our broken family with love I was painted as hateful and cruel. I started working to help Mom pay thr bills because even taking on extra work at her job she wasn't paid enough to make things work and she didn't want to live her life away from us because ever since I was a little girl her #1 priority was being a part of our lives and seeing us grow up and trying to support us in making our dreams come true so she didn't want a second job because she wanted to cook and clean for us so we could focus on school. My brother made really good money like you did, Josh, (compared to her $12/hr FT and my $9/hr PT) when your family used you and did all that awful stuff to you. He chose to let me sell my $2k piano (that a friend from HS gave me bc she wasn't using it and I was in school to become a music teacher) for $200 to make rent while he went and bought the new PS3 for $500 or whatever it was and several games. He moved out when his gf at the time (who is my friend now) told him he should be an adult and pay his way you know contribute to the household he was a part of then. He chose to let Mom keep paying his car insurance so he didn't have to and Mom was ok with it bc "that's my son and he needs to save money he just moved out on his own" not knowing (bc he only told me) that he was making more than three times what her and I made together. Anyway, I am starting to forget why I even started this comment and this rant... Thank you, Josh, esp opening up about your childhood where you were basically ignored your whole life and treated like a burden until you were suddenly seen as "useful" then you were a son and wanted and needed. I very much connected with that pain and it's something that has been hard for me to make tangible until I heard you talk about it and tbh this is the second time your bravery has helped me grow and heal so thank you. My father always neglected my existence as far as everything I loved and was proud of... You know that noodle smiley face feeling you talked about long ago you might not remember... He would basically spit on that. The attention I got as a kid was to be a slave to clean his house and cook and to be attacked if I was in pain or in need especially if J cried. Of course I grew up and through no help from him I became a proficient singer and mostly taught myself guitar (I am not good but I can do stuff enough to accompany myself with songs I write). When I started my KZbin channel 6 yrs ago almost 7 now my love of music (that he even tried to beat out of me by screaming at me when I even looked at his guitar) and my skill in music was suddenly useful for his stupid fucking ego! Suddenly I was his "daughter" and "just like him" and getting paraded around to his friends and family on his fb page as if he had any part of my struggle to even be strong enough to share my music, as if he had any part of me learning poetry and practicing lyrics and getting help from strangers who I called friends to make my own music. Suddenly I was a part of what he wanted and needed in his life. You know what, Josh, fuck all of those assholes! Your grandfather is for sure a fucking coward hiding behind his dogma. Bless HR Lady and her family for teaching you love and kindness and helping you start your path of healing. I am thankful to you for all these videos the family stuff, the corporate stuff because it all falls under the same umbrella of reminding us of self worth and self love and self compassion. It's an honor to hear from you and to enjoy your story telling as well as your creativity. Thank you.

[@sumukhshankarhegde2853]

My man Josh, difficult to hear the mental impact it had on you. Thanks for sharing this

[@byron3604]

Hey, Josh. From one internet stranger to another: You're doing good, man. I'm happy for you.

[@notjustanotherbrickinthewall]

Thank you for sharing! Family trauma is hard. I’ve also had to cut most of my family due to their toxic behaviour. What my parents put me trough seems like I will never heal completely. I’m really happy and proud of you for coming to this level of healing because I know how hard it is! My boyfriend’s family is also my own family now and I keep them away from my own family because I don’t want my mother offending them in any way or bringing her drama.

[@ivan-j4l9x]

Parents will always protect their own ego and can always say they sacrificed so much for you. After having my own child and thinking i would never treat my own boy, the way they treated me makes my eyes open and realize everything they didn't do for me which they could have. Maybe a well done good boy. I had no wins my self esteem was shot.

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

True that.

[@laurelldockall2399]

I’m still so proud of you Josh. Your parents never deserved such a wonderful Son. Keep up the great work with therapy. HR Lady and her family are your family now. They are wonderful folks. ❤️

[@carlariggs525]

get counseling, and join a support group for people in your situation. and most of all be happy

[@MamaBeeVt]

Ok sweetness, truth telling time. I was introduced to your channel a while ago when you popped up in a video about your family disowning you. I stopped in the middle and went back through your videos to be able to hear what you have shared. After I watched a handful, I told myself I had to figure out a way to help you. You were still feeling like a little boy because you needed to learn about unconditional love. It was never demonstrated to you. Fear. That was what you were taught and that does not allow a person to grow. I am just an old lady, but I have my birth babies and my heart babies. It was just screaming at me that you needed to be someone’s heart baby. The overwhelming relief I felt when you told stories of your true family was incalculable. Phew! You were someone’s heart baby and were being taught about unconditional love. And today I saw a grown ass man telling his truth. Keep growing sweetness and know that there’s an old woman in Vermont who thinks you are fabulous. With love, Mama Bee

[@fernables3125]

Mama Bee you are a gorgeous, golden soul. I can only hope that everyone scrolling through these comments can pause to appreciate and really hear what you're saying. From someone who's finally beginning to accept that overwhelming concept themselves, Thank You ❤️ You make such a huge difference.

[@MamaBeeVt]

Oh sweetness! You’ve made my day .. no, my whole week!!

[@fernables3125]

@@MamaBeeVt please just keep being you!! You reminded me so much of someone who treats me as her "heart baby" so I really felt compelled to say thank you 💕 Stranger to stranger, I wish for all the kindness and hope youve shown others to returned back to you 10 fold 🥰🥰

[@adameanglin]

What is most infuriating is that when you deal with people like this, no matter what you say, they will always deny, manipulate, lie, and blame you. They will never admit that you are right to feel the way that you do.

[@anitaknight3915]

Yeah it's maddening how they refuse to take any accountability or responsibility for their actions. They'll just deflect blame and use guilt trips manipulation tactics to appear as the victim.

[@zekesalazar7643]

The fact that you faced it and are working to get over it is the most important thing, and something some people can never do. People state the "time heals everything", and what I always say is that time only heals what you confront and what you ALLOW time to heal. When people think that they can just idle by and let time do all the work, that's an escape from realty and takes away all of the responsibility of self care. If you never face problems, they will just linger on forever in your psyche. Good for you man, I had to deal with some struggles with my family and friends that were intense and crippling but worked through it and I am in such a better place now than I was before. Best of luck to you sir.

[@ruanb1268]

I love listening to this story because I also have shit family. Some people dont know how good toxic families can deflect the blame onto you or how good they can try and act like they are the more sane ones.

[@badwitchproject]

All I have wanted to do whilst watching these is give you a hug and let you know that you're not alone. We're here and we want the best for you. I say that as a survivor of childhood abuse, trauma is trauma. Having terrible parents really breaks a person in many ways and leaves us with long lasting trauma. I've been in the place in the past where death was the only option, but it wasn't and thanks to family, friends and counselling I'm on a better path. I can only hope you find that path, though it's long, rough and unsteady in places it can lead to a better place for you mentally. I wish you all the best.

[@SabiLewSounds]

I am glad you saved yourself from the self delete path. I too have struggled there. Wishing you love, peace and healing. 💚🐇🙏

[@badwitchproject]

@@SabiLewSounds I'm glad you're around too, that path isn't one I would want anyone on and I wish you much love and happiness.

[@chillwave8809]

I was abused by my bio mom and her side of the “family” (I call her my egg donor). I’ll never fully understand what your going through josh, however I empathize with you and envy how strong you’ve become. Much love to you and your real family mate ❤️

[@genericsomething]

When I was 30, I moved to another major city where I knew almost nobody. I was lucky to be around people who lived out healthy relationships like it was second nature. It was weird being around people who grew up in good families, but I quickly got used to it. It took me until I was in my 40s to realize that my family and church were toxic. My wife and I are from similar backgrounds, and we have helped each other heal. Sometimes it's challenging when old habits come to the surface, but I'm glad I can be vulnerable in front of my wife and kid. You have a good family now, and I hope you feel more secure as your relationships deepen.

[@Ruffles2012]

For those of us who can't go NC for whatever reason with our toxic blood families, thank you for making this video

[@anitaknight3915]

Sometimes no contact or very minimal contact with boundaries is what you have to do to save yourself!!!

[@RiannaNicole]

My heart goes to you Josh. My tears on how you’ve changed, and you talking to your mom, is how your mom should feel. I’m grateful for HR Lady and her family, for taking you in, and allowing you the space to get where you are today. I’m not your family, but I’m proud of you Josh. I’d be a proud little sister, if I was your sister.

[@hellucination9905]

That's CPTSD, yup. Betrayal trauma and probably disorganized attachement. I'm survivor, too.

[@33Jenesis]

You are inherently an empathetic person; caring and responsible. It also makes cutting off toxic family 100x harder for you. I am proud of you to protect your lady and her family as your own.

[@ShawnC.W-King]

Josh, thank you for opening up and sharing this sensitive part of your life. You're getting stronger and better for this despite this situation or in spite of it... Trauma Is trauma no matter how you slice it; broken trust to such a degree can truly wreck you when you get hit again and again and again with one thing after another while thinking things could be better while you're in the thick of it only to be destroyed and trying to find a way to go through or cope or "man up" through this.. nah it takes time, you gotta heal for YOU first and then for others that ARE IN YOUR CORNER vs those that don't. You are stronger than ya think and a Real Man faces these things head on and it's okay to confront them, not bury them like other past generations try to tell us men "what we're supposed to do", it's a lie... You're doing the right thing and your adopted family through your Girlfriend "HR Lady" her Father who considers you the son he never had and a true man, they love and care for you.. those are the people to keep close to you even when it's hard or when you don't want to. I found you when fighting the turmoil of looking for a job last year for 8 goddamn months after getting screwed over and laid off. I have since found a job for now until I pass my union courses and new career I have started anew... I just want to thank you... I didn't know this side of ya and just thank you for being vulnerable and amazing and one hell of a Man. You have made me a better person, I'm proud of You.

[@patmarek1222]

So proud of you man. For courage to admit the damage that was done to you. To be strong by admitting that. And for courage to fight and find what is true for you. To break boundaries. Knowing it or not, youre an example to us all.

[@runejensen3978]

Came for the corporate, stayed for the family. You just got a new family member in Denmark, unconditionally.

[@tommygunn6901]

Totally feel ya! I kicked out 99% of my family because of their toxic behaviors and lack of accountability. Yes, I served in the military, seen war, and my family thought i was crazy and belong in a psychiatric facility. Even the days before the military, i couldnt express myself without facing ridicule, and after years of dealing eoth it, i had no choice but to finally walk away. There are days where I have flashbacks, anxiety, thinking that relationships of all kinds are fragile, etc. Just because you're related by blood, doesn't mean you owe them a thing.

[@DellikkilleD]

did you get kicked out, or walk away? make up your mind

[@tommygunn6901]

@@DellikkilleD read that again. I kicked them out of my life and walked away for the sake of my sanity

[@matturner6890]

@@DellikkilleD work on your reading comprehension

[@lgosuberalles4336]

Same boat as you. When I got to the point of starting to uproot the issues surrounding the latent CPTSD symptoms I was experiencing(but didn't know of CPTSD at the time)and beginning to surface in more ways than one, the people in my family who just so happened to be the main belligerents, (antagonists, catalysts, etc) that brought on the CPTSD in the first place immediately put on a full spin PR campaign telling anybody who would listen that it was all something to do with my 6 years in the Service(OEF), even though I explicitly told them that it had nothing to do with it. It was only when I started getting keyed in to the rabbit hole of cluster B personality disorders/narcissistic abuse and it's cause and effect relationship with CPTSD, that they really began to put on a full court press and basically tried to get me committed. For them, it was a much easier reality to come to come to grips with that I'd have a completely debilating psychiatric condition like schizophrenia than face any possibility that they might have played any part in the reason for my chronic sleep disturbances/complete inability to keep normal sleep pattern, the adrenal fatigue, the moderate agoraphobia, the whole gamut of somatic aches and pains that seem to only worse with time; all that cumulatively acts as effective barrier from me living any sort of life beyond just existing

[@DellikkilleD]

@@tommygunn6901 you are absolutely right, I misread and apologize.

[@beircheartaghaistin2332]

You aren't alone, mate. It's been 12 years for me. I wish I could tell you that these feelings will just up and f*ck off one day, but I don't know if that's true. Considering that we are around the same age, I have to say, you should be proud of yourself. You have made more of your life than I ever will. You're just stronger than me.

[@PyckledNyk]

Josh, what you describe in the first part of the video sounds like how I felt when I was dealing with post-traumatic stress. My PTSD has flared up at different points in my life, from things like my date publicly rebuking me at high school prom to crazy people I considered my friends that have actually threatened my life. Trauma is trauma. What matters is that we reach out for help when we need it. The symptoms sound all too familiar. I have you in my thoughts man, I’m hoping things get better

[@umeng2002]

Emotional manipulation from your parents and family is worst. If there is one thing humans should have is a caring family. This kind of abuse really does cause issues.

[@kylefignewton]

I feel your pain my friend. I've been through the exact same thing, almost verbatim. The struggle is real . Keep your head up and do what you do. I am so glad I found your channel last year. You've helped me get the job of my dreams and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Family sucks sometimes, just keep doing what you're passionate about. You have an amazing channel and it helps so many people!!!

[@raquelvazquezhiggins6293]

I don't typically comment on videos, but I must say, Josh, I deeply respect your journey and growth. You've been so open and honest about your journey with your audience, and we are grateful to you. Healing family relationships and generational trauma or, in some cases burning those ties and learning to heal from them is incredibly difficult work. You deserve happiness and love, and seeing you realize this and allowing it for yourself is cathartic for those of us who are walking on a similar life path.

[@jamesnelson5741]

The fact that he can keep his composure as well as he does show how incredibly strong he is. I have gone through some seriously messed up stuff in my life and these videos are helping me slowly work things out. Thank you Josh for everything and keep up the fantastic work.

[@psychicbyinternet]

Damn, I can really relate. I'm glad you found people who care about you. I really want to find that too someday. Never feel bad for talking about this. I really find it helpful hearing about your situation because it makes me feel less crazy about mine. My Dad just texted me recently trying to gaslight me about what he did and lie about what happened and it's so disheartening to realize that they will never feel bad about their behavior and they will think they are the victim to the end. It really fucks with your head when they twist all the details and turn you into the villain.

[@PassionateFlower]

They are masters of the craft of making you feel guilty for having a normal healthy reaction to their abuse and getting everyone else to take their side over yours. They are professionals. You don't win. You just get out. If nobody believes your side then you keep it moving until you find someone who does. All it takes is one believer in you to make you feel strong enough to carry on. Could be a therapist, trauma life coach, one friend, one distant relative, a supportive significant other who doesn't shame you for distancing from "family".

[@psychicbyinternet]

@@PassionateFlower Big agree.

[@MrPhillyGG]

Having followed your story throughout the years and going through something similar with my mother, it really hit home when you said it's a weird feeling not knowing how your family's doing. Be super proud of yourself for learning how to love again after everything.

[@Marlenkaminta]

I've been watching you videos, cause in a way it's a healing experience to me to hear someone talking sence, and calling out BS in a world, where it is so normalized, and if you refuse to go along with the lies you can easily get sidelined and called the bad seed. Now that I saw this video this makes sense, cause I went no contact with my family, and the grief is real, and channels and people like your, who are not afraid to call out BS and show true humanity gives me hope, that another way of living is possible.Thank you for that.

[@meme-bu8qu]

Glad life has improved. Glad you have found friends and family to be there for you. It truly is a gift.

[@monterreymxisfun3627]

Like one other career KZbinr says, "It's mind over matter; you don't mind because they don't matter." The key is to genuinely stop caring.

[@DedHedZed]

Stay strong man. My family is dysfunctional too. Focus on yourself, without you there is nothing else.

[@oogunde31]

Good for you Josh. Many of us are dealing with toxic family. It’s comforting to know we’re not alone. I got strength from this video. I’m about to kick my Mom out of my life too for lying, manipulating and gaslighting my entire life. I wish I saw who my parents were sooner. But now I know. And I can make better relationship choices.

[@rouhee]

I've lived through some hard life situations too, and I can feel you Joshua. It's perfecty normal to have mental illness, everyone has at least one type of them during their lifetime. But in order to heal, you must first accept that you're hurt, physically or mentally. And healing takes time and effort, most of the time you'll also need external help. Lİke any other illness, you might need professional help, and mental illness has so much stigma around it. It's difficult, but therapy helps out a lot. It takes time, but you'll heal consistently. Wish you the best.

[@rouhee]

@Joe Forge You're absolutely right.

[@saulithyia]

Hugs to you. I grew up in an abusive home, and while I reconciled with my dad and he apologized and we forged ahead with a new relationship as father and daughter, my mother did not. In fact, she either would deny anything ever happened or would lash out with some insensitive remark. All these years, I keep battling with myself, part of me wanting to just be done with it all and never go back, but then there's the guilt of "but she's your mother". I've come to realize that no, she's not. She's the woman who gave birth to me, yes, but she's not my "mom".

[@w0ngky]

Hey, Just wanna let you know that I am experiencing something similar .. I have been fighting with myself whether I should invite my mom to my wedding. The voice in my head says the same thing as you 'but shes your mother' and 'I will regret it when she passes away' but these thoughts are part of the trauma and abuse. It is us trying to make excuses for them. My mom will tell me that 'I must just leave shit in the past' and 'I cant be resentful forever because she is family' yet we cant even have a civil discussion to try to resolve our issues. So I am done trying. I respect myself too much and I have come too far since I left home. That guilt trip bs wont work on me anymore

[@ficialintelligence1869]

My heart goes out to you. I hope you have the strength and support of others to help you decide how to grow, and the degree (if any) your mother will fit into that. You did not deserve the abuse, but you do deserve to be free of the abuse.

[@vegewoman]

You lady coming to the realization of your last statement is monumental. I am happy for you.

[@Roescoe]

I'm so glad you and HR lady found each other. You can build something so much better than your parents. I hope you grow a great family and teach them the good that you know.

[@Apbt-rv7zw]

Wow, really raw and honest. Great stuff man. Confronting our family skeletons is a step toward truth which sets us free. Well done.

[@navyskaterdude]

I wrote off my family 26+ yrs ago after my Mom died. This uncle, aunt & cousins only thought about money. My sister died at 23, my Mom in '95 & my Dad in 2008. I was very close to my Mom, Dad & Sister. Now its just me and thats ok. I always look forward, never looking back. Hugs bro❤

[@shootingbricks8554]

Sorry to hear that bro. That's very rough.

[@navyskaterdude]

@@shootingbricks8554 I was very close with my Moms side of the family and never saw it coming. This aunt, the one who planned everything was my godmother, we were tight. They really hurt my feelings, all over money. My Dad warned me to watch out for them, I said they love me, they would never do anything sneaky. He knew them better than me

[@solegonz762]

Condolences on your loss of your parents & sister. (And on the betrayal of your extended family)

[@anitaknight3915]

@@navyskaterdude death and money will reveal who people really are. It's so sad how families fall apart at those times when they should be supporting one another. My extended family is toxic and narcissistic. I had to do the same.

[@tessiepinkman]

You are so strong. I have CPTSD, and I have nothing but sympathy and love for you. Keep healing. Keep thinking of your own needs. Keep taking care of yourself. Sending you a massive amount of love and respect from Norway!

[@omgocd]

I had a MAJOR toxic family and left them in the dust, no regrets at all. Also, THREE CHEERS FOR HR LADY AND HER FAMILY!!! ❤ im just so happy you found positivity and real happiness😊

[@anitaknight3915]

Same I cut mine out as well and only regret is I wished I'd done it sooner! I'm so glad he has the unconditional support of HR lady ❤

[@inasuma8180]

You’re doing the right thing Josh. It’s awesome seeing you grow like this, and I know it’ll keep getting better.

[@kevinkchdev2021]

Glad to hear you are doing better, here's hoping your road keeps headed in a good direction.

[@emzywillrich7243]

Josh, you are going to make a great father because of your capacity to love deeply. That's what children need to grow up healthy and happy.

[@Linguinestick6]

Josh, your videos are what made me realize it was ok to be distant with my family. I've been following your videos since you talked about your divoced past. several years ago. I've followed the growth and the interactions wiht your family. And I used to feel guilty about not being close with my family. But thanks to your open honesty with your situation and feelings, it has helped me heal in a way I didn;t know I needed. Thanks Josh. from the comments, I know you are helping more than just me. Keep being you and doing what you do best. We are here to walk this journey with you.

[@angelofamillionyears4599]

Thanks for sharing. Please remember that your experience is not uncommon.

[@TwoEyesOpen]

As someone who was diagnosed with cPTSD this year and is finally going to therapy myself, this video means a lot to me. I appreciate your courage in talking about this.

[@freereinartstudio1463]

Your family has tried to put responsibility on you that is not yours to carry. It is hard to unload what likely has been put on you since you were a child. Setting firm boundaries are often necessary with people who don't respect others boundaries. It takes time, therapy and more time but little by little you will get there. I am glad you sought out therapy. There is no shame in seeking help. It is actually brave & wise! Wishing you the best.

[@sorenpoulsen]

Holy Shit Josh, huge accolades from Denmark. I am one of those that subbed because of your honesty about your family issues, it riings true to me because, well just because. Seeing your growth or healing gives me hope, for myself if not for so many others. And thats a beautiful thing, its universal as I can sit outside Copenhagen and know excactly what it feels like. Seeing you not give up, to somehow claw yourself out of a fate you were born into is truly awe inspiring, and yeah thank you for sharing it. Ok enough praise, just one more question, do you still fly?

[@dtiii7897]

Lots of feelings here… Holidays tend to bring us closer to our memories and feelings in and around our formative experiences… ❤️🙏

[@PierreMiniggio]

Joshua, we're here for this content as well. Especially if using this outlet to talk about it helps you as well !

[@xeskcigam174]

thanks for this. this is why i subscribed. you're real

[@JungKimrecruiter]

Josh, you're a lucky man to have HR Lady and her family. My old man cheated on my mom and abandoned me to be with his mistress in Korea. My stepdad wasn't the best as he had a lot of demons that he had to deal with. Stay strong!

[@Cuyt24]

You shouldn't be living in the states. 병신.

[@rookiej5587]

Sorry to hear that my friend. I can't imagine how rough that would have been. My best wishes to you.

[@itterashaiKoro]

♥️♥️♥️ keep on going, brother.

[@sasharodriguez384]

Oh man I've been binging Dr. K lately, it would be super cool if you got to talk to him. I think hearing what you've gone through is really important for people to hear and it can help a lot of people deal with similar issues they may be going through. It sounds like you found your family. Hold them close.

[@thehuntress8850]

consider this family disownment, a get out jail free. A chance for you to be set free!!!!!!!! A blessing in disguise.

[@kia4now]

You seem very well rounded all things considered. You don't seem like an unreasonable personal at all.Hope it all works out

[@tallswede80]

thank you josh. alot of people are dealing with this type of gaslighting. they want to put you in a downward spiral in order drag you down to where they are.

[@Lanzetsu]

Man I was the other day thinking about this situation and what happened after, you moved forward and kept a super good work with your videos so I supposed you were fine for sure but stuff like that never goes away, thanks a lot for the update on your situation, best of luck Joshua.

[@zeragon7]

I'm really glad you found HR Lady and her family. You deserve happiness, Josh. Whatever you do from here, you've got me and I'm sure countless others as supporters for life.

[@jennifersilves4195]

🎉🎉🎉