Fear of What Others Think of You

[@Earl_E_Burd]

6:21 Daniel: "I was afraid of people seeing my insecurities and the reason was that everybody else had the same damn insecurities! So when I shared mine, it triggered their insecurities so they would try to shut me down because that's what they were doing with themselves."

[@happytrails699]

as I have aged I care less and less about what people think of me

[@threethrushes]

Yes, it comes with maturity.

[@jeantuite-actress--imdb]

ditto

[@phoenixkali]

Freedom! Now I've reached the invisible age (50+) I can get away with so much! If I don't get served in a bar or shop I help myself and blame the menopause or senior moment.

[@thechinaman7182]

Eff that i dont want to wait

[@murky471]

@@thechinaman7182 Same, I want to do it smack dab in the middle of youth

[@mariasardo6616]

I love how raw honest you are.

[@dmackler58]

Thanks!

[@martinpetersson4350]

The thing I appreciate most in a person is sincerity!

[@laurar.2866]

I can relate so much, Daniel. I have always been terrified of showing myself and I have felt shame, toxic shame about showing the real me. Thanks for your voice!

[@dmackler58]

Thank you Laura!!

[@SE45CX]

I think I can show the real me. But what still withholds me from doing so is the stigmatization of being unemployed. I feel being burned with those inquires about work opportunities and unsolicited advises.

[@threethrushes]

Rose are red, Violets are blue, Daniel left his family of origin, And so did I.

[@dmackler58]

Hello Gerhard!

[@threethrushes]

@@dmackler58 Greetings from the Czech Republic!

[@efehansahin2172]

@@threethrushes Greetings from Republic of Austria.

[@achrafBadiry]

does not rhyme but... makes sense

[@youflatscreentube]

The quotable quote of this entire video: “…those people didn’t like those feelings in themselves, they certainly didn’t like it in me!” This was an eye opener for me a few years ago. You framed it so well.

[@RationalNon-conformist]

I’m in my mid 30’s now and I could care less about what people think of me.. going through a life changing illness pushed me in this direction.

[@hazelnutespresso]

Me too except the illness started in my teens and im in my 20d now

[@rishaa682]

Your channel has helped me so much over the years. Please don't stop making these videos

[@dmackler58]

Thanks!!

[@thomasgrant1881]

I am currently a 23 year old going through this journey, waking up from this slumber. You are a big help as I go through this Daniel! Even listening to some of your music and the lyrics inspire me. Thanks!

[@heather-vs9qe]

Being black, not able to fit in due to race discrimination, parents not loving me, did not feel valued, said too course, skinny, acne, not educated enough, not having friends, no personality, feeling shame easily. I moved away to develop, to kid rid of my fear, yes l faked my personality as well to fit in...😢😢😢😢😢😢

[@metabalcanico5719]

Man there something so authentic and real in this videos you’re making.

[@jeanjacqueslundi3502]

I dont always watch your videos but I just would like to express how important I feel your sharings are. This culture is in deep denial of its shadow. And it takes brave human beings to choose to serve others rather than merely isolate oneself by fashioning a cushy reality for oneself and ignore that collective shadow. Thank you.

[@dmackler58]

Thank you Jean!

[@sylvaindescoteaux4208]

So honest in a fake world , your helping me so much . Thank you .

[@freezkeer]

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” - Lao Tzu “when you depend, you gradually become weak, you become feeble. You are incapable of thinking clearly. This is a fact.” - Jiddu Krishnamurti “In obedience there is always fear, and fear darkens the mind.” - Jiddu Krishnamurti.

[@kfcfingerlicker9292]

The only way to fear less of a person's judgment is to understand *their* insecurities. And the only healthy way of understanding another man's insecurities is by having an open-minded conversation with them. But this is a rare concept because being a stubborn oaf is more important than being a decent human being.

[@nou4219]

Doc, you're chronically underrated. Thank you for everything you do, you've change my outlook on my life.

[@dio69666]

The exact same thing happened to me. I noticed there were people out in the world who didn't look at me and see a scapegoat to bully right away

[@sunnyboy4553]

I used to internally "jump through hoops" to try to gain people's respect. I usually anticipated that they would be dismissive, or even openly contemptuous and belittling of me because of my working-class accent, etc, etc, and my usually self-deprecating and timid persona. Now that I'm older, I realize that respect from others is a given, or it should be, in the way others respond to us, and how we should respond to others when we don't even know anything about them. Trust must be earned, but we deserve respect without having to strive to attain it. I feel the same way you do, if I sense someone doesn't like me, I file that information away, glad to have it so I don't waste my time on trying to befriend them. Good riddance. And if people judge me as "unworthy of their time or friendship - without really knowing me, it says much more about THEM, than it does about me.

[@sambersr.1217]

I grew such a shame of myself that now in my 40s, I end up hiding from the human kind when it's possible. I can't stand it anymore, that's too depressing

[@Patricia-nx1so]

Daniel, after seeing this video I realized that the feeling of anger paired with pride was in fact, a mixed feeling of rage of not been able to defend and protect myself and the satisfaction of having now the courage to speak up for myself because I finally overcome my fear of rejection from others. I no longer crave for love and validation from others because I found a way to free myself and to give myself the love and respect I needed and deserved at…54 years old and I am So proud of myself in this process !

[@Sunnyblueresonant]

Daniel is the man !! A very brave man ! He is like a big bro I never had to teach me all this.

[@KacyLatham]

I listen to you because you describe me. I’m the same age as you and… just started grad school to a therapist 😅

[@arbez101]

To "be" a therapist. 😅

[@Natybsg]

I also feel listening and watching myself 😅

[@efehansahin2172]

Hey! Therapists that know about healing process are valuable!

[@KacyLatham]

@@efehansahin2172 I’m so ready to learn❤️

[@KacyLatham]

@@arbez101 thank you:)

[@havadatequila]

"...my parents didn't love me that much." Whatever meaningful definition of love we can create, your (or many of our) parents didn't meet the bar.

[@pinkythepolarbear5272]

Thank you am going through a lot right now and really needed this.

[@dmackler58]

Greetings!

[@liamnewsom8583]

Really valuable topic and video. Thanks for being you. I love having you on at night as I fall asleep. Makes me feel safe, just hesring your voice honestly. What you share and who you are feels very familiar to me. So glad to get to know you online and have access to what you share.Thanks daniel

[@dmackler58]

You’re welcome, Liam!

[@claudieC.]

Good topic.

[@neon75105]

Good topic! This same topic crossed my mind a few weeks ago, and hopefully some of my thoughts will complement your video: Why the opinion of others carries so much weight on us? To understand this, we must look at the child rearing practice known as "Poisonous Pedagogy" (Alice Miller). Parents often reject the child's authenticity and spontenuity because they see it as threatening (i.e. something prohibited by their own parents with whom they sympathize), and the child adjusts to the parents' needs in hopes of being loved. This never happens; the child is trying to please someone who rejects his authenticity. From this, the child may internalize that, 1. They are wicked, broken, and unlikable. 2. The parents are well adjusted and they have the qualities that they demand from the child. This leads to the following internal conflicts, 1. Every new stranger is an opportunity to replicate the situation with the parents. Unconsciously, the individual seeks those traits that the parent once demanded of them, and these become an object of attraction in the stranger. 2. The interest of having the stranger like the individual (once the child), is an attempt to change the past: this time the parent (/the strange) will love them, and hence, the past will be amended for. However, nothing can change the past, and unless the repressed feelings are understood and felt, the individual is destined to repeat this compulsively. 3. A great fear that the stranger, whom is perceived as 'well-adjusted' (just like the parent), may perceive that the individual does not posseses these qualities can, and will, lead to social anxiety. Interestingly enough, it is this same repetition of "parentifying" these strangers (and trying to change the past), that also makes what the strangers think so alarming and threatening. Hence, making their opinion important and sometimes hurtful. Note: a good way to identify the active repression of emotions is by being aware of your body. Does your gut feel like it has been punched? Those your heart feel like it has been squeezed? Does your head feel like it's being pressed against? All of these are good indicators that you are suppressing emotions (which usually happens in the presence of these strangers that now occupy the role of the parents).

[@neon75105]

@@TVans-vs3gn Hi Vans, there are a few thing that can be helpful. Before listing them, we need to consider a few things: 1. Living with violent and abusive individuals is a constant reminder, to your body, that you are in danger. Even when these individuals are "calm," just being next to them will cause revolting sensations in the body. 2. Trying to mitigate these sensations with common wisdom such as, "don't bother with them," and "try not to listen and be affected," are only reinforcing the suppression of emotions. The 'advice' is telling you to ignore your emotions and sensations (i.e. repress them). 3. Fearing strong emotion and sadistic thoughts is common, and so, they are often repressed. Emotions and thoughts do not hurt anyone, but repressing them will hurt the individual. There is nothing wrong with experiencing strong emotions and having sadistic thought; they are but a reasonable response to an attack made against oneself. With this in mind, here are some things that may help you release those emotions and sensations: 1. Find a lonely place to walk, where you can talk freely like a mad-man. Allow yourself to scream and yell (something often suppressed around these violent individuals). Allow your thoughts voice themselves, and notice when you are holding back. That which you hold back on, are the very things you don't even allow yourself to process. 2. Writing. Write and write angrily. Allow your self to vomit those thoughts and emotions that are hurting you. 3. Grieving over the neglect, rejection, and cruelty done against you, will come along in this process. Be courageous, for this is your salvation. There is plenty more that I'm leaving out, but hopefully this helps. Note: A good and helpful reading is "Though Shalt Not Be Aware," by Alice Miller.

[@sarahcouture24]

That’s a really awesome breakdown! Good job 👏 I’m currently trying to break free from repetition compulsion hell myself…

[@sarahcouture24]

@@neon75105 wow this is great stuff!

[@anitasinha7209]

Very nicely put😂

[@quintanabeatriz]

​@@neon75105Thank you for taking the time to share this information; it's so eye opening for me! I'm already of a certain age, and I had always regarded as normal the fact that I don't remember almost anything from my childhood. This video, along with what you wrote, is so liberating. Now, on i go to do the work as best I can. Thank you again.

[@amandatenney3028]

It's not possible to not care what people think of you in a world so full of dissociation. I actually feel like it's my fear of what people think or say about me that helps me observe more closely who's trustworthy and who isn't. If I don't care what they think, I don't care how they treat me, it's the equivalent of inviting someone into your house and not caring how they treat your belongings or your pets. It's too dangerous. But if you live in an environment where you are truly loved and accepted exactly as you truly are, the fear will certainly be lesser and you'll be protected from the adversities that do come up. I think back to the "island of safety" video. We are creatures that need a safe and loving environment and conscious allies for us to truly evolve. If we don't have that, we will certainly live in fear. We need to protect ourselves from rejection as often as possible or we'll die by it. Sadly, so many people don't think about this and would rather shout at you that you care too much what people think of yu. It's a pretty sensitive topic for me. When people say things like that, that in itself is a form of rejection.

[@sophie-963]

Thank you, Daniel. Sometimes, when such negative intrusive thoughts intensify due to social anxiety, I find myself stuttering or stumbling over words and pronunciation. I think I know how this developed and why it happens. My parents invalidated, mocked, laughed at, scoffed, etc., when I expressed my feelings and imparted knowledge and opinion into conversation. I've also struggled with public speaking.

[@montereyspike]

Great job Daniel! Almost sounds like we grew up in the same, "family"...so many similarities to my own journey. Thank you.

[@dmackler58]

You’re welcome!

[@pod9363]

“Self-conscious“ is literally being conscious of the true self. Being aware that you are exposing who you really are. Its hard to articulate but I believe our unconscious can gauge the risk of how our true selves can set off “dominoes“ that tinker off into the dark and come back to harm us. And if we absolutely need something essential (money) or that feels essential, it makes total sense why we don’t wanna piss people off. I guess the solution is just what you said. Constantly work to get to a point where you don’t need anything from anyone (earn money + grieve trauma).

[@efehansahin2172]

Yes exactly my way. But for how long. I am heading towards fruit farming. Ask me how I'm doing in two years

[@billidoeseverythinghewants125]

@@efehansahin2172 i be here

[@soniacassidy7777]

I am not good at listening to people to speak on this subjects. I am pleased I found you. I relate to your approach to what is true, I admire your clarity and humanity. Thank you.

[@dmackler58]

You’re welcome!!

[@stevemoore9509]

Great video i like what you said....You don't need others to make you feel ok. that is so true. I notice when someone talks about another person it is usually negative. Or putting them down. They have a problem.

[@josiefarrell2101]

This is truly helpful. There’s so much I can relate. I learned, for instance from my huge extended family mom included, everything I should NEVER do. I love the concept of “becoming my own family”, and I realize that’s what I’ve been doing. But loving my inner child is what has kept me sane for most of my adulthood. I love doing and behaving a little like a child. I guess I lost a lot of my childhood due to my family demands. Becoming a mother at 12 and not of my own children, but to a bunch of my siblings was fun but very burdensome as well. And soon after, raising my own children, I started a bucket list very early during my youth of things I always wanted to play out. So now that my own children are grown,I can allow the child to come out and act out, lol!

[@cbpostservice]

Love yourself more than fear what others think of you. I like that. Good video 👍 Thanks for sharing I also really appreciated you sharing the experience with your romance. I hope teenagers and young adults now days have a better time loving theirselves in order to find good relationships. I feel the 90s and older gens were still raised with too much fake people pleasing... but i also think the media shaped us a lot.. as well as who we are lucky or unlucky to grow up with. Some people still get raised in unlucky situations. I'm glad videos like this are there for them. I believe it helps. It's helped me. Often i pause the video and reflect on what was said and how it resonates with me. I find it even easier to focus that way. Like there's not an awkward silence from a real live therapist waiting for me to finish my thoughts haha

[@heartwisdomlove]

You are very insightful Daniel - I got a big “Ah Ha” from your sharing here, Thank you!

[@rmr1300]

Thanks Daniel, I'm starting my therapy journey soon.

[@dmackler58]

Wishing you only the best!!

[@touriagasmi3525]

The most honest videos ever, love listening to you Daniel, could you please make a video about your favourite books pls

[@dmackler58]

Hi Touria, I wrote a list of such books recently! wildtruth.net/some-book-recommendations-psychology-and-more/ greetings, Daniel

[@manviiam]

Oh gosh, i relate this so much. Why this channel doesn't have millions followers?

[@p5rsona]

When I watch your videos, its like I am listening with my heart. I relate so much to what you've been through and in a way feels like listening to another version of me thats being so supportive and understanding.

[@2.A963]

It’s even a good strategy to be your true self,because you can quickly find who could be your allies and who you should far away from.it’s a litmus test

[@currentoccupant1742]

Much healthier and very freeing to come from that place.

[@BeautifulZeroUK]

Your openness is a place I'd like to get to personally. All your vids are great

[@julies8922]

Appreciate you and your thoughts so very much! With love from TX

[@anacionqtfixo]

I think you are a great guy. and I don't care that much about what others think of mine but I'm tired of their violence.

[@aaronthurmond9239]

Thanks Daniel, I needed this and am sure many others did also. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us.

[@Elaine-tk7nx]

Great video topic. People project their own insecurities and dump their stuff onto others. We all know this because we've all done this to others, so it starts with ourselves and healing our own past traumas and becoming conscious.

[@Rose_Ou]

I remember when I was crying about my huge shnoz (it is seriosly too big for my tiny face), my psychopathic but extraordinally beautiful mother would say 'if you had the tip of your nose done you would look just fine" 😊She always looked at me with disgust because I'm not very pretty and I'm a copy of my ugly father.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

I understand ❤️‍🩹

[@enbonj5842]

My mother is an immigrant and my dad would lie and paint her, me and my sister in a terrible light to the rest of my family. They never took any interest in hearing the other side of the story they just judged us and treated us with contempt. Really felt unfair and we never defended ourselves or brought anything up.

[@juliette13101]

As a topic suggestion that I would be very interested in is giving a rough timeline of your growth. I have been on a healing journey especially the last 3 years and it’s easy to feel as though you are alone in it or that your own expectations aren’t being met or even comparing yourself to people(‘s journey) that portray themselves as healed but really aren’t. I would love to hear about your experience and putting what you learned over the years and decades into perspective, Just a suggestion though, thank you for your videos I find them very valuable.

[@adrianbutuc3082]

Thank you Daniel for this video!

[@Cosmogirl014]

Thank you Daniel, this really resonated with me. You give such a great presentation too - be well.

[@mayseekify]

I think that if our family are very judgmental and expect emotional gratification from us because of their psychological unhealthiness, the gauge of our recovery, of us becoming heatlhy is the degree to which our caring about, being vulnerable to their opinions decreases.

[@eliseuhackbarth7003]

we can´t demand love. love is very dificult to define. maybe it is respect. don´t know. "love" is always CONDITIONAL for the sake of Nature´s survival. edited: about hitchhiking that´s it so because you are with them for just a fraction of your time at another country and that´s why you are able to show you as you are easier than when at your pears that demand that you behave for the benifit of the group. If you do not accept the behavior of the group and their values you must be by your own.

[@4centhotdog]

The people who are put off by your authenticity are usually not going to work out anyways unless the relationship was based on you being fake. It’s better to know that right away than to have naïve expectations for the relationship that can’t be met. I think a good social exercise for people is to challenge yourself to say kind of strange things or things that are on the edge of acceptability to strangers and realize that the responses are probably more of a mixed bag than you might think. You can focus on certain types of conversation you are bad at too if you want. If you are bad at being funny, make dumb ass jokes that you don't expect much of a reaction out of and just get used to throwing things out there to realize it's not dangerous as long as you are still being respectful of people. Most people are non-confrontational and for the few that are, you can assure them that you are just working on your social skills and have a ways to go. I guess this advice is specifically geared towards making conversation with people, but maybe you could try it with strange hairstyles or clothes or ways of acting. You gotta walk around in a clown suit once in a while to not take things so seriously I think. Or, take break from being a clown if that's you all the time. screw brevity

[@billidoeseverythinghewants125]

facts today I walked outside shirtless while eating a ice cream bar

[@ps1473]

Great vid as always.

[@MishaMarieXX]

Thank you for sharing!

[@kriswright2593]

Daniel i really want to talk to you, I'm 31 and recently went through a very deep emotional healing and youve described my journey so perfectly. I felt isolated because i didnt think anyone else ever felt this way but then i found your videos and now i know for sure im not alone. Can I email you?

[@idcb6718]

Hi Daniel, you have something to say about fear of commitment in males in terms of relationship with women? can it be due to toxic attachment and emotional neglect from the mother? Wonder if you have opinion about this since you talked a lot about what you're mother did to you.(I am myself have big deep problem with this issue) Thanks

[@alphasuperior100]

I thought I was the only one who worried what other people think.😮

[@user-uy6ds7qn5e]

You’re a master!

[@daphnenicholson3355]

I share this same experience with my own parents.

[@alstewart3540]

I appricaite you more as the years go on daniel. You and I are very similar souls, you have more courage to get out there and live than I do though. Keep up the good work!

[@dmackler58]

Thanks Al.

[@painisreal1]

_ cz i don't give a shit of what other ppl think of me . Daniel mackler

[@sylvieclermont5500]

Thank you so so so much! I really enjoyed your energy!

[@nicktaber2969]

Hey Daniel, would love to see a video on your thoughts on Gabor Mate. I'm a pretty big fan and think his stuff is fairly congruent with yours.

[@victorwilliams111]

"There are people out in the world who are a lot nicer" - I love being around real/normal people, getting away from family or college/professional environments. I wonder if this isn't why so many middle or upper class college educated white folks tend more towards depression than other demographics. I feel like right now I am having a hard time with the judgmental or critical energies of the white college educated sort - especially as I try to start a career. It feels exhausting trying to figure out how these people want you to be.

[@SE45CX]

Hi Daniel, I do relate to much of your own experiences. I do have a question out of curiosity. You mentioned that in your early 20s you realized you need to break away from your university friends. Can you explain how that community was holding you back in your own development. I'd interested to hear about that. Thanks!

[@TrueLoveLovesAll]

Do you dare to speak from the heart? Let me begin: "I need you heavenly papa, lead me not to the godless mockers" What is your voice?

[@randomcompilations201]

Untethered soul by micheal singer

[@Honeyiroseupfromthedead]

0:33😂

[@sarahcouture24]

Wow Daniel do we have the same parents?? Damn… I had to grow up fake too. Narcissist parents suck dude, I know it!

[@jacquelinelandis]

⭐️

[@MirrorSurfer]

Hey, Daniel. I was wondering if you had a list of other people in you immediate or adjacent profession who are practicing or retired that you would reccomend reading up on i.e. Gabor Maté or James Gilligan?

[@dmackler58]

Hi Mirror Surfer- I don’t have such a list, hmm… But I did recently write up a list of books, some psychology, that I would recommend… wildtruth.net/some-book-recommendations-psychology-and-more/ greetings! Daniel

[@MirrorSurfer]

@@dmackler58 Thank you kindly and keep doing what you're doing. You are such a rare human being.

[@Joshdifferent]

👏🏽💯👏🏽❤️❤️❤️

[@charlottem6065]

❤️

[@ordinarygirl9428]

😢😢😢😢

[@Szeiker]

Can you talk about ruminating?

[@bummercentral768]

theramintrees has a really good video on this topic, I hope you like it as much as I did. kzbin.info/www/bejne/pWKqZX18qrGfhZo

[@Szeiker]

@@bummercentral768 thanks, bro

[@luiseszi]

🫶

[@tessyong7596]

Love your naked sharing.

[@hs6404]

❤