Growing Up in an Environment Where You’re Not Valued - Consequences and Healing

[@pinkythepolarbear5272]

Dysfunctional parents make you feel unreasonable for having needs and emotions. You're dammed if you do and you're damned if you don't.

[@sinforoso1974]

exactly

[@RobbiePfunder]

creating an impossible situation… thus the repressing and splitting begins

[@annmarie6870]

So true

[@trinity5842]

Yes!

[@Kbcappetta377]

And interests. “Too big for your britches” They wanted me to be their companion.

[@SkateDreams]

“We value you for you as long as you reject who you really are “ perfectly said. Wow.

[@charthers8903]

Parents who hate their own kids for being who they are.. If that’s not true evil I don’t know what is..

[@themormonblacksheep]

It is, I lived that.

[@juicysmith38235]

My mother literally told me throughout my childhood that she hates who I am, but loves me bc I'm her child....

[@beepboop9519]

@@juicysmith38235 my mom is the same

[@velvetbees]

I finally figured out my mom was jealous because there is a chance I could have a happy life, and that would leave her behind in her miserable life while I had a better one than hers. Jealousy is pretty powerful in some people.

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

​@@velvetbeesTrue

[@smoozerish]

Daniel, the fact that your parents couldn't love such a loveable guy like yourself shows how deeply toxic they were. They really missed out.

[@sueshe5953]

I was taught that everything is my fault. As taught to never stand up for myself.

[@thirstonhowellthebird]

More like we were threatened if we tried to defend ourselves. Their way or no way. Toxic parents destroy their kids with a smile on their face, a drink in their hand while they smear us from here to kingdom come so that if we “tell” no one will believe us. Love it when the spirit eventually breaks free and truly understands how messed up they were.

[@polifonyann]

Yep

[@Rose_Ou]

I was taught that I'm bad, ungrateful, demanding, ugly, damaged, irresponsible and everything I touch turns into dust. My parents, especially mother, couldn't even look at me. The book "Mothers who can't love" helped tremendously. I realised I wasn't crazy, I wasn't to blame and that regardless of what I did I simply couldn't be good enough because my golden child brother was the chosen one and I was the scapegoat of the family.

[@kevinhornbuckle]

This is a terrible thing to do to a child. It is psychological child abuse. Good parents stand up for their kids and protect them. Good parents show their kids how to protect themselves.

[@thirstonhowellthebird]

@@Rose_Ou Me too😔I’m sorry for what you endured. I went nc and my health is all better etc. It makes a huge difference. The hatred all my life was maddening so grateful to be free of it all.

[@1life744]

I was spoiled/ invalidated/ physically abused/ made into a husband by my mother. Consequences of this: inability to feel, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, rage/ anger, self hate, hatred of humanity, suicidal thoughts, self harm, no spontaneity, difficulty giving and receiving,no hope for the future, laziness, yet despite all this I still fight to heal.

[@peecee1289]

You and me both, add to that the scape goat and the middle child. Keep fighting

[@Earl_E_Burd]

Me, three. Product of covert incest enmeshment (sexual abuse) and narcissistic abuse. Has gifted me the same set of opportunities for growth that you listed. Perhaps these lessons were selected for us at a higher level.

[@Maaraujo7]

Don’t forget ur mother could have suffered the same way she made u suffer…. You broke the cycle of violence. Keep healing, never give up.

[@annmarie6870]

Everything you say is me and this truly hurt I’m everything you mentioned and the spoiling yep

[@annmarie6870]

And me also and my mom thinks spoiling her nephew is okay so 🙄🤷‍♀️

[@middleofnowhere1313]

When you're devalued at home, all your attempts at friendship with your peers are deliberately sabotaged, and then they trash you for not finding a "good" partner as an adult. Good meaning someone rich to have babies with. Which I never wanted to do.

[@noweare1]

Friends aren't really an option if you were raised like that. For me, I could not and did not trust anyone.

[@olivergreen3586]

publishing this material is a revolutionary act

[@seven7upndown241]

Let those demons starve

[@Joshdifferent]

💯👏🏽❤️

[@irinasolomina1800]

So on point

[@stealthwarrior5768]

I can really relate. My mother gave birth to me to be HER mother. She hit me and put me down as a stress release

[@jamesthedog7783]

Hope you can find some peace

[@kevinhornbuckle]

You never deserved that.

[@1life744]

Sympathize with you.

[@devilhimself8018]

Fucking hell buddy. Take care friend.

[@frankG335]

Wow. I can relate. My mother used her to bounce her emotions off of and to project her crap onto.

[@l.5832]

The kind of parents you describe like it when you are weak and dysfunctional because you aren't likely to attract a mate and therefore leave them. Also, it is a bit of projection on their part. They know they are broken so when they emotionally break you so you are in worse shape than them, they can point at you as the problem and by comparison, they seem almost normal. Those kind of parents don't teach you resiliency or self sufficiency because then you could leave. They want you weak.

[@ayamystic]

Thank you

[@DenisaAlize]

My mom tried to talk me out of going back to school and losing weight so hard. She would say I would never amount to anything and suggest my losing weight and when I lost just 10lbs I was getting too “skinny”. Memory loss of course 😂

[@user-ev5le7qh6g]

We can't be saved by giving love to others. But we can save ourselves by loving ourselves!

[@laraoneal7284]

Toxic abusive families hate you once you expose the truth of the abuse verbally. I’m the scapegoat and was ostracized onceI spoke what my family was really about. I actually was at the time relieved. I went no contact over 25 years ago and remain no contact.

[@motivated2connect]

Me too! Yep self rejection and abandonment which is exactly what they were doing to themselves! Self betrayal. “I love you but…”

[@estherann7407]

I too was the scapegoat, ostracized when I left the catholic church because they couldn't control me with guilt & shame. I've been pretty much no contact for almost 30 years. It's been a grievous way to live life...if you want to call it that.

[@jesswhycamarz]

I’ve been no contact for 7 months. I don’t miss my parents at all, but I miss my siblings. Does it get any easier?

[@theharshtruthoutthere]

@@jesswhycamarz All who "read" the bible, yet not getting a picture that we deserve fire again, as we have become SODOM AND GOMORRAH worldwide and we live under masonic rulership, , has forgotten the needed part, BIBLE is to study also. Without studying no knowledge. Without the hunger for truth, no understanding. I remind again, KJV version seem to be perfectly harsh one, as bible should be. Like Christ is not found among the dead, so is Christianity not found among religions. Religions are false ways to heaven, created my masons. Mix not lies with truth ( religions with reality) and risk to lose souls. We suppose to win them over to GOD not lose them into devils hand. Just to let you know, the real masons are the fallens offspring, they are not human, but all kinds of hybrid creatures, in high places /in this worlds governments. These "politics" we see and hear, and many in every 4 years go and "vote" for are only puppets - dolls, whom the fallens play with and deceive the human population. Sad that to this day, you know not so . The offspring of the fallens = the ancient hybrids and red head giants have now returned with a deadly virus. i have 7 useful playlists, please souls, watch these.

[@eatnplaytoday]

My brother went no contact for awhile. My parents didn’t accept that he was gay and made home very emotionally toxic for him. When he went no contact, it hurt my parents a lot and now they treasure him above all other children, put his pictures center and high, brag about how well he’s doing financially. Meanwhile us siblings that are nearby and still talk to them and care for them are shamed as not doing as well. I graduated with two college degrees, first in family you do so, but my parents and family didn’t even show for graduation. Only my friends were there. It hurt a lot. I realize they’ll only realize how important the child is when that child is gone

[@chris2790]

My dad was a "loving tyrant". Because he came from harmful,, dysfunctional home and joined the Marine Corps as soon as he was able. I think at 17. He brought Marine Corps values into his parenting and I suffered for it. He broke my spirit at a fairly young age and raised me as an extension of himself and his distorted values. Most of the values weren't bad in and of themselves, but the problem was how they were expressed and the pride and self-righteousness that came with them. I was a pretty compliant child, too. I was forced out into the world - broken, lost and empty, nowhere near prepared for life as an adult. But thanks be to God, He has set me free and sustained me through horrible times.🙂

[@andersdottir1111]

I often wonder what I’d be like if I had a loving and encouraging mother instead of a narcissist.

[@helen9681]

Definitely DON'T take your KZbin channel down please. It's great and it's helping a lot of people. You are very much Appreciated!!!!!

[@irinasolomina1800]

You're a crown jewel of the psychiatry and psychology

[@Rose_Ou]

"your main job is to take care of yourself" is the sentence I write on every page of my calendar/planner. I have to remind myself that I am a human being with needs, not just a mother. I know merely a couple of individuals whose parents gave them love and understanding they needed. More than 90% of adults are disturbed because of their upbringing which makes me very pessimistic about the future of humankind.

[@CaratacusTheOtter]

I have to agree. Ironically I've spent 4 years in a university psychology department, and the prevailing mindset is still that parent-induced trauma is something that happens to other people, even something very rare (maybe

[@EmbraceTerror]

How do you come to that 90% number? It sure seems legitimate in my interactions.

[@Rose_Ou]

@@EmbraceTerrorunfortunately these are not statistics just my personal observation of the very disturbed world we live in and depressed people in meet every day. Emotionally healthy indivuduals are such rarity these days that when I meet one I'm almost overwhelmed with joy and I never want to let them go 😊

[@threethrushes]

@@CaratacusTheOtter I emailed a former teacher from high school, who is now a deputy headmaster. He is now so grand and so important, that he didn't deign to reply to me: his personal secretary communicated his papal edicts.

[@EmbraceTerror]

@@CaratacusTheOtter I've spent the last few years trying to write a book on how to identify and escape from manipulations. As I've fallen down important rabbit holes, especially of county, state, federal (CDC, VA, VAWA, HHS), and international (WHO/UN) "best practices" to "prevent" childhood, domestic violence, and violent abuses, I see that "professionals" don't seem to have a clue how abuse begins (with/from/by the abuser), and it's fairly obvious that they have no clue as to how to prevent abusers from abusing. The latest is the recently published 84-page report by HHS "2021/2022 Prevention [of child abuse] Resource Guide" *. Most of the "strategies" begin and focus on the "professionals" and community, lastly spending a few pages to 'make sure to include the voices of those with lived experience' (right), and the usual of not mentioning how to prevent abusers from abusing. Anyway, the whole report seems based on flawed premises -- the first being that they don't understand abuse from beginning to end. Tell me if you found any of their six "protective factors framework" (pg. 5) in your community that was effective for preventing abuse by your spouse or parent to you or your children? What is missing from their list? 1. Nurturing and attachment 2. Knowledge of parenting and of child and youth development 3. Parental resilience 4. Social connections 5. Concrete supports for parents 6. Social and emotional competence of children The Prevention Resource Guide can be found at: www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/

[@daisy7066]

I too was DELUDED about my mother. Not until recently did I discover that she never had any intention of resolving anything & fully intended to keep a one-way abusive relationship. It came to a head when she did something nasty & I realised how sick she was & how misplaced my good intentions were & how pointless my efforts had been.... I ended up going no contact.

[@threethrushes]

I went grey rock in 2015. Peace and quiet vs. trauma and chaos. Not a difficult decision.

[@RobbiePfunder]

how did that go? did u tell her or just do it?

[@daisy7066]

@@RobbiePfunder I cant remember exactly but it involved blocking emails as that's the medium she uses, she learnt to use emails to manipulate & control, and I don't contact her & strangely she doesn't contact me. It's not always clear cut with complex families though, shes influenced other relatives against me and NO ONE has bothered to findout my point of view.

[@rs5570]

Good. Never go back, never look back. Let her die alone. You’re so fortunate to have your girls. I was too damaged to bring anyone else in on it. But my brother and I have both stopped generations of toxic, unspeakable abuse. It all stopped with us.

[@frankG335]

The more you realize that they cannot and will never take any feedback, the sooner you can give up that quest and just heal yourself.

[@jasonbourne4784]

It's nice to know that other people went through the same shit.

[@googleuser9624]

yeahhh

[@undulatokris8298]

I also think my parents had children with the thought/motivation being what the child could give them.

[@gueyhoo9261]

I'm 63 and still working through childhood trauma. This video is a game changer. Thank you.

[@CryptoProphet]

Leaving a dysfunctional family is SO hard and takes so much courage and strength.There are precious few of us who do it which is why our world is run by delusion and dysfunction. If only more humans understood and took this to heart.

[@lukepocock]

here here

[@emilianolopez4289]

I WILL HAVE THE COURAGE. I WILL HELP THE WORLD KNOW HOW MESSED UP IT IS.

[@trucid2]

If you're not valued somewhere, leave. You can't do that as a kid, of course, but if it's a job, a club, a group of friends, then you will gain nothing by staying.

[@LilPoopsie]

Yeah, but I wasn't let out of the house at all, my nMother infantilized me and said I couldn't be trusted.. Like what?? I had no friends to even go with anyway, I was the weird quiet kid, but I never got to experience anything bc SHE didn't get to do anything as a child so that's somehow MY fault smh

[@trucid2]

@@LilPoopsie I'm sorry that happened to you.

[@futureofmoney3527]

I couldn’t agree more, and it’s empowering when you make this decision.

[@smak387]

​@LilPoopsie the all consuming mother. You need to listen to Jordan Peterson on this topic. He calls it the "devouring mother"

[@VilleGardian]

​@@smak387or simply the narcissistic mother...😢

[@eatnplaytoday]

I became overly accommodating to others as an adult. Even became a registered nurse, wanting to help others solve their emotional and physical issues. Now I realized, it’s because growing up, I was trying to solve my parent’s and family’s issues. This reminds me of the time my oldest sister used to rebel in high school (I was in elementary school at the time). She would stay out late and my parents would get very upset. They’ll keep talking about how bad she is and don’t become like her. This one night they locked her out, changed the doorknob, and told me not to open to my sister. I woke up to her knocking on the window, pointing me to open. I sit there crying saying I can’t because mom and dad said no. Then I went to my parents crying pleading for them to let my sister back inside. I still remember it like yesterday. I realize as an adult, I think I was very traumatized from it since it still makes me feel so bad. I hated that they put me in between their issue with my sister. I felt like I needed to solve their issues. As a nurse, I’ve constantly tried to solve others issues, even neglecting my own while doing it. I got burn out, quit my job and spent the last year, trying to do other things that is not relating to helping people emotionally at all. Avoided all contact with others. I think I am starting on the path of healing.

[@saharkhalili5303]

I'll never forget when I was so broken and a shell of a person, paralysed with anxiety and stress as a teenager, was the one time I remember my dad approving of my politeness and meekness. He accepted me when I was the sickest, and didn't even realise to check in if I was ok.

[@DenisaAlize]

I’m sorry ❤

[@saharkhalili5303]

@@DenisaAlize thank you

[@5DNRG]

Before my dad left this earth, he admitted to me he made a bad choice in marrying my mom. Understatement. But at least he learned his lesson. After watching this, I'm glad I'm not alone in my dysfunctional upbringing.

[@ayamystic]

They like to play some sick game where they admit this stuff when they’re ready to die

[@steveheliosone6174]

It’s a most difficult life when you have parents who did their best to strip you of anything that was really you - your thoughts, hopes, dreams, even your personality. And then they felt like they needed to fill you with negativity and self-doubt (self-hatred) to prevent you from taking away their narcissistic supply. I battle the demons constantly. It’s really terrible.

[@VilleGardian]

Same...the sheer amount of toxicity is unbelievable.... parents are truly the worst people

[@googleuser9624]

i feel you

[@nobutterinhell]

i just talked about this subject today with my friend from my CODA meeting i realized today that i never expected to ever be heard by either of my parents no wonder i still do not feel heard by others

[@mushroomkaiyoti111]

🌻🙏💓so relatable

[@kubasniak]

CODA? Child of Deaf Adults? My parents are deaf and dysfunctional af. Edit: ohh it's codependency meetings... and still I can relate so much.

[@iferal5205]

A dance teacher told me once that, through the process of connecting body & soul, "you get more and more of your true self to rely on". It's a real leap of faith, so every example of people who are getting real makes a huge difference

[@wendyv.v.1299]

I love those who truly love themselves, for they are so rare.

[@FeminineEnergy-ll3lj]

Dysfunctional parents made a part of my childhood feel horrid. Thank goodness I discovered and completed an insane amount of shadow work; my ideal of therapy actualized. I am no longer codependent. I know exactly what healthy relationships actually are instead of what they appear to be. Almost all my faulty programming of love, and relationships has dissolved. I have never felt spiritually lonelier because I am unwilling to tolerate deceit or disrespect of any kind from anyone even though the kind hearted essence of myself is still the same. I hope anyone who is reading this will become more healed in 2024.

[@dianeconklin6374]

Daniel your insights have taught me so much. Because of you I've been able to reflect on my life. My mother committed suicide when I was 14. I came home from school and found her dead from a valium overdose. I blamed myself for yours. My childhood was a daily dose of violence, alcoholism and drug addiction. Very painful. I will be 62 in Aug. and I have a wonderful life with my daughter and three grandchildren. You are partially responsible for that. Your videos are sincere and I'm sure there other other viewers who are being helped by you too. Thanks Daniel.

[@Faith_Chi]

:) xo

[@googleshitsyt5557]

Diane...enjoy life as much as you with your loved ones the best way you can💞💖💝🙏🏻

[@katrinat.3032]

I’m so sorry you had to go through that

[@Godfailedyoustophumpinghisleg]

My mom found my grandmother dead at the same age from a self inflicted shotgun wound to the head in the kitchen, she really didn't ever recover from that and had me as a mistake on her descent to what she is now. Fantastic to hear you were able to overcome your generational trauma, I really have no family because of the actions of those who would call me family. Hold on to your daughters and grandchildren, and then they might have some as well.

[@stefaniemore3203]

Diane, I am so sorry for experiencing the loss of someone so important in your life (especially at such a tender age), by suicide. There have been a good number of people I've heard in 12 step program meetings talking about such loss. Bless you for continuing to move forward though, and now having your relationships with your daughter and grandchildren. It is possible to move forward. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Be well!!!

[@jboughtin7522]

It's fairly common to hear people say you need to learn to love yourself before you can love others, but to learn to love, honor and respect yourself can be a long complicated process of sorting a lot of things out. A lot easier said than done for some.

[@sd-11-11-sd]

Completely understand this painful and insightful narrative. My mother had multiple violent psychotic episodes that were thrust upon me in childhood. When I eventually developed depression/anxiety she was secretly delighted and used this to pretend to be my mum rather than owning that she clearly and obviously destroyed me. Its utterly chilling in hindsight.

[@johngoldsworthy7135]

The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived lives of parents. -Jung

[@upendasana7857]

That sounds very frightening indeed and especially as a child dependent on the care r for their needs and wellbeing.I agree with you it is very chilling when we see how many parents are just incapable of being self aware or honest enough to own their stuff and accept responsbility.I think it is OK accepting that people and parents aren't perfect,I think its the denial and double life which most f##ks people up.A parent who can own their mistakes or has done some self reflection is much easier to forgive them or understand them.

[@daisy7066]

Absolutely my experience, throughout my life. Yes it is very chilling when a parent manipulates their child for their own sinister uses.

[@christinebadostain6887]

very discerning insight!

[@TheCptJackie]

I never felt safe as a child. And I was not valued or loved. My parents had a baby boy that died and they were desperate for me to be a boy. My father wrote the name "Andrew" in the family bible before I was born. Their disappointment was like a huge burden upon me.

[@cherylm5002]

😢😢

[@Cynthia-Landers]

I was supposed to be Andrew too! I was born in the '70s before people knew the gender before birth. Mom never picked out a girl name at all until it was time to leave the hospital. She was SO disappointed and I think she thought I didn't detect that as a child, but I totally did. And what I can say about this B.S. is, your parents should've known better.

[@elisabethrio6498]

They should have valued all the more~Not less.

[@BlaBlaBlaTheEnd.]

OMG!! This exact same thing happened to me 😮. Sending love and hugs to you x

[@stefaniemore3203]

@@jembartlett I hear you, loud and clear. I was not only born a girl, but I was also born autistic to a narcissist who emotionally abandoned me because she didn't know what the hell to do with me. Dammit, I had the nerve to make her "look bad," on two counts. Walking through the doors of A.A., Tuesday, October 4, 1988, was the beginning of my return to myself, and discovering that although I was born to a sick and twisted individual, I am finally beginning to discover The Real Higher Power, Who Loves me, Wisely, not matter how alcoholic and sick a person I had become. I so relate to the feelings you describe. I send you lots of air hugs.

[@TheBlacksheepbabe]

My mom for years tried to get me to have a relationship with my toxic abusive pedophile dad. She refused to take any accountability for her part in the abuse so I made the decision to put up immense boundaries. She also would make me be her designated driver while she was drinking it was horseshit I should’ve never been put in that situation

[@noweare1]

You should of made her drive home by herself. Just saying ...

[@sophiakh9590]

I needed better parents too. You're not alone. It really hurt to not be properly loved nor wanted... I'm still grieving too.

[@carla.c]

I can relate to this. Haven't cut off my parents but I have moved abroad and that has allowed me to finally start my healing journey.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

The healthier you become the more they hate you. SNAP. I can't fix this. I like the way you talk about your own parents. It is useful. I follow a lot of youtubers and so many of them are excellent but never talk about their own history. Their prerogative entirely! But I like that you do.

[@Chahlie]

Many years ago my sister looked at me and said 'What right have you to be happy". Mother laughed. That was basically my life for so long.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Because they feel like they gain off of you being depleted.

[@RSTactical]

​@@Chahlie it's ok truly forgive them and you will feel lighter

[@pinqfriday2490]

​@@RSTacticalstfu

[@VilleGardian]

​@@ChahlieI'm sorry 💔

[@newtonmoon]

That's crazy to understand. I also woke up a few years ago in my mid age. Realizing that my mother doesn't have my best interest at heart it's just mind boggling. I am not going to share anything with her again to keep me safe and unaffected by her moods.

[@scr4932]

There's also the case of growing up with a sibling who's not appreciated as a human being and instead used as an example of what not to be despite trying hard to do well. Receiving any compliments, regardless of how true they are, feels like throwing someone else under the bus.

[@kevinhornbuckle]

If this is you, I hope you can chart a path toward overcoming such sensitivity. It can be done. Self-sabotage is an associated symptom.

[@kevinhornbuckle]

@@FionavanDahl Your parents trained you two to abuse each other. You had zero opportunity to have a normal, healthy sibling relationship. Your parents failed you both; an understatement. Actually, they psychologically abused you both by setting you up to abuse each other. You could totally let go of all guilt about this, given the circumstances. Yes, you will always feel some degree of disappointment and loss. But you do not have to live with the burden of guilt. I can describe for you a guided imagery which you could do for yourself to let the guilt go, if you like.

[@kevinhornbuckle]

@@FionavanDahl I will write it out briefly, later today. If you don’t mind it posting here.... It is a method one can do for oneself to aid in letting go of traumatic memories. Others might look here for resources.

[@cassandres4965]

Really relate to this, thanks for sharing

[@Medietos]

Thanks for telling us that you did bad to others too, which hardly anybody is able to easily admit or even consciously really know. Strangely, the admission of darkness gives way to light.

[@BetaBuxDelux]

I’m on the Autism spectrum. My parents didn’t know and tried to discipline it out of me. Needless to say, I don’t even speak to them. :) Of course, I never had kids either. :(

[@MarcStLouis-pj7me]

Having children is an overrated experience.

[@BetaBuxDelux]

@@MarcStLouis-pj7me Thanks, I’ve heard that from time to time.

[@sanataj]

@davidoffon I think for some it's the most rewarding thing they ever did and it gives them their chief meaning and purpose in life. How many parents-to-be plan to have children for what they can give them? Strangely, when I was in my early 40's, I was advised several times to have a child, so that I would have company and somebody to care about me when I was old. All of those who gave me that advice were Muslim men. If we were parents ourselves, probably we would not be so critical and 'righteous' about the performances of our own parents? I think that may be why my siblings are very condemnatory of me and my hurt and anger from the past.

[@rukisar6312]

I see these videos as extremely beautiful and rare. The honesty and gentle empathy and compassion in them are what society actually needs to heal, like rain in a 1000 year drought. The fact that the father cannot see the value in them is very telling, like one example of what life around him must have been like. There's no point in having a relationship with someone who doesn't see you for who you are, because what is the relationship then? They are talking to a fake image of you, not the real you, while systematically ignoring the real you. This is the way many families and society as a whole is treating people who are real. Nature will eventually rebel against the lies and self-deception of society if it doesn't change for the better, because nature is honest.

[@anonymousbyname1121]

I was NEVER told I was loved by either parent, ever. All my mothers frustration was expressed by bashing the crap out of me, I was whipped, punched in the face, hair pulled to the ground then repeatedly kicked all over my body, repeatedly, and I never even knew what I did wrong, it was at her whim. My the father was an alcoholic and when he was drunk he was violent, would accuse me things I had no idea what he was talking about because his alcoholism made him paranoid so in his mind I was his enemy. When I was still a kid he went in my bedroom and smashed and broke everything in it when I wasn’t home, why? I don’t know, he was drunk. They were 2 severely f#*ked up people. I’ve had to go no contact to save my soul.

[@sunshine9122]

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. No child deserves this. Your "parents" didn't deserve you. I hope you're doing a little better. Hugs to you, friend.❤

[@VilleGardian]

😰...i wish you only good things from now on

[@smithhamilton3024]

Actually thought I wrote your comment whilst reading. Same experience. Exactly.

[@getitoutofme]

When a child is born it begins life as a blank slate, with no skills or knowledge, and it's up to the parents to provide a safe and loving environment along with guidance so the child can develop those things. I've noticed that for my entire life, my mum was offended that I was born without the ability to do things. It's like she expected me to come out as a fully formed adult who could parent her. When I didn't have the abilities yet to control my own emotions, succeed at everything without help, or recognise her needs and prioritise them, she would get angry, make fun of me and make me feel like a failure. When I was around 4 years old and wanted to stay up late playing with toys instead of going to bed early, she would scream "YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE, WHY ARE YOU SO SELFISH AND HORRIBLE?" instead of just explaining to me why it was important to get enough sleep. My brain was barely formed, how was I supposed to know what sleep was even for? I see it now with my little sister, and I have to constantly remind my mum that my sister is only 6 and WILL make mistakes and get things wrong. It's like she's personally offended that she bought a jigsaw puzzle and it didn't come out of the box already made.

[@DenisaAlize]

I had similar messaging. I’m so sorry ):

[@kwatness]

Daniel, words fall short in expressing my complete gratitude for your openness, courage and emotional intelligence. I acknowledge you for who you are in the world and for what it has taken to come to honoring yourself and then handing that honor on to me and so many others with such authenticity and clarity. Namaste, in every sense of that word.

[@tuesdayskittens]

Totally second your sentiment ❤️

[@elisabethrio6498]

Beautifully expressed 💝

[@elisabethrio6498]

Most of us never felt enough approval or praise growing up. It's something that resides in our psyche, and still struggle with occasionally.

[@vivianailic-flores8942]

this was articulated so beautifully

[@Sketch_Sesh]

When I was a kid, my nDad used to angrily tell me I was like his dad... who he hated. He said it as a bad thing. Why? Because I was a rational, logical thinker

[@recoveringsoul755]

So he basically said he hated you too then? Just because you process information differently than your dad? Some personalities are more emotional, and some are more logical. Both are valid and both are needed in society. I'm sorry that's horrible that he said that to you

[@Sketch_Sesh]

@@recoveringsoul755 Yes, he indirectly said that. He was/is a liar and manipulater and didn’t like my Sherlock holmes deductive reasoning to sniff out his b.s. Thank You for the validation and support! It helps

[@kevinhornbuckle]

@@Sketch_Sesh Yes, narcissists are devious enough to tell you and show you indirectly that they hate you. They gas light you as follows: 'I never said I hate you.' This is an awful thing to do to a child. Very damaging.

[@Sketch_Sesh]

@@kevinhornbuckle Too right Kevin!

[@TheBlackSheepDiaries]

This sort of thing is brutal, lot of us never deserved this family BS, but got stuck with it. Nobody understands it like we do, and it's so different in every family. Stay strong friends.

[@maryquinn6661]

I have a similar story! I had to cut ties with my family or I would have never become a healthy whole person! I believe learning to love yourself is priceless. Thanks for sharing this, I don’t meet many people that are brave enough to cut ties with family to finally heal themselves!

[@rallicaRaluca]

I had that too, my secret life! It was so rich. I took me to confusion, too. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I developed a quality of being a chameleon: I could take the colors of the person I was engaging with. I had an extraordinary ability to predict what the other person needed ( friends, teachers) and gave it to them . I read my journal from when I was a teenager and I still get feelings of rejecting that teenager, I feel embarrassed of that teenager. It’s really uncomfortable to read the thoughts I had then- continually chasing approval

[@EmbraceTerror]

Please be proud of your chameleon abilities. You were merely using an instinctual survival mechanism that helped you survive. There are ways to prevent becoming entangled with people who harm others, but it's not readily taught, especially by our abusive parents.

[@rallicaRaluca]

@@EmbraceTerror , thanks! I’ll try to rethink about my chameleon ways. Thank you for encouraging me.

[@gee4947]

Also, I suggest looking into the infj personality, as you seem to fit that and it's a very helpful tool to know and understand that part of yourself - and itst pretty cool too! I recommend frank James channel. I hope you get to see this.

[@patrickfixedit]

This. I have even had friends call me out on being a chameleon

[@cecileroy557]

We adapt to our circumstances and environment. We, as children, adapt to "survive" in our toxic families. It definitely makes us SUPER attuned to other people for the rest our lives. We end up, often without realizing it, constantly watching facial expressions etc. etc. with the hope of "getting it right" because that's how we lived our childhood... at least when we were with our family. It's taken me a long, long time to realize if my brother "goes off on me" - it's his problem. He can sometimes be irrational. And get this - I'm 70 & I'm still working this out! I've have a great life with lots of friends and adventures, but I still wish the child "me" had had it easier.

[@likenefigtodo]

Oh my parents managed to kill that fire too. I had no sense of who I am most of my life, I was not allowed to be anything but a tool that fulfills their expectations. I used to say "I don't feel that I exist if nobody is in the room". It took many years of therapy with a true rock star therapist to learn who I really am and to own it. It was like opening a treasure chest that I had no idea I owned. My parents still never saw who I am. I like saying "They love their daughter but they never met me". I does not hurt me anymore.

[@sanataj]

Sorry to be nosy, but how did you find your therapist and how did you fund your treatment? I feel that it's all up to me to 'cure' myself and not the job of the therapist to participate much. They even expect the client to 'lead' the subject of each session, so there is no organisation or progress to it. What is the point of their 'expertise' when it seems it's not their job to help their clients?

[@DansLikeaRockstar]

I feel im so much self aware now and im so much at peace with my situation but then a stranger happens to be randomly kind to me and i just burst crying like a baby. I'll have to carry this wound with me bc it was my parents duty to have shown me love in my childhood and loving myself will never replace the feeling of being accepted and appreciated by my family. That feeling of belonging is really important and i have to collect all the crumbs of love i find through life but it will never be enough

[@sanataj]

I used to collect the crumbs as well, as a way to survive, when younger. Then I got worse, i.e. insecurity and anxiety, non-functioning; as my life got worse and with age. Nobody wants me, because i am a burden, when people just want fun. I have low self-esteem and seek reassurance, and don't fulfil my adult responsibilities in life. Now I no longer get crumbs, just a lot of criticism or 'advice'. I get contempt for 'not helping myself'. If someone was kind, I also used to feel like crying. But in the end, i am afraid that my Mum was right about all my flaws and defects.

[@VilleGardian]

@@sanataj she was never right! She is is just a scum that wanted to make you into scum.

[@adonaiel-rohi2460]

Holy crap it’s like I’m hearing myself talk. Super validating thank you for sharing

[@toniqh]

It’s like you’re holding a mirror up. I can relate to ALL of this. It’s hurtful, demeaning and such a difficult thing to experience.

[@brainchildren7140]

This is so spot on. The confusion of being told you’re loved and supported unconditionally, bragged about to others, told you are spoiled even, but none of that matching up to what you are actually experiencing in the privacy of your home. Because in reality, you are loved VERY conditionally, told you are a bad person when you are being your true self, taught to reject who you are in order to be accepted by the people who are taking care of you. For me, this was further complicated by having autism and not realizing until I was older that the things my parents convinced me made me “bad” were actually just my autistic traits. I developed a LOT of internalized shame that took a long time to get rid of. My parents were also very sensitive, very emotionally immature… and were very very offended by just about everything I said and did. They expected me to give them emotional fulfillment and love that I simply was not able to provide; one, because a child shouldn’t be responsible for that, and two, because I am autistic and very confused by emotions in general. They wanted me to love them unconditionally even though they never modeled that for me.

[@eatnplaytoday]

Same… love is very conditional. When I refused to do something I felt was not morally right to me, they were very critical and even shifted to how my siblings would have done it immediately, trying to guilt me into doing what they want

[@brainchildren7140]

@@eatnplaytoday yes me too, they would often compare me to my friends even when they were present, like my dad would get mad at me for something and then turn to my friend and ask if they would do the same thing, and of course they would feel uncomfortable and say “no” and try to act good so that the angry adult would approve of them (I didn’t do that, I just said what ever I thought and felt) and then he would say “see?? your friend knows better”. It was just constantly ingrained in me that I was bad, like, morally

[@SerotoninaCuSonia]

Please Daniel don't stop sharing your thoughts. I cant thank you enough for changing my life, challenging my own denial, making me realise how many things hurt, what still hurts... making me get in contact with my lost self... realizing all the ways i needed to censor myself... I am so glad you exist. Really. Thank you, Daniel

[@grayrockaroundtheclock9937]

The same thing happened to me with not having any friends who actually liked me. I had to start from scratch.

[@WinstonSmith22]

My parents were both quite unwell emotionally. Paranoid Schizophrenic Father, and Bi-Polar Mother. Both were violent. My Mother was more cruel but both were physically and emotionally abusive. They hated feelings. All except hate and humiliation. In those, they excelled in appetite and enthusiasm

[@sanataj]

Ooh, 'quite unwell' ?? That must be an understatement. Sorry for you. I hope the majority of parents are not consciously so desirous of evil to be visited on their offspring. I have however come across children of intelligently bullying men, who wished psychological harm on their children [and spouse]. Belittling, modelling extreme hate views, aggressive and controlling, witholding money from wife and children etc and even deliberately not letting them into the best schools etc to ensure they did not rival him and achieve more in life than he did. Charming and gregarious in public, but womanising and contemptuous at home. My Mum and Dad and most people; I think; pretend to be positive and cheerful all the time. They actually wish for their outer mask to be reality, but don't know how to achieve that. By pretending, they make themselves acceptable. Many people are very very busy and active, in my opinion , to distract from having to notice the inner suffering. That is why so many achieving or philanthropic parents have no time to be actual parents, due to work or community duties. They look the best behaved, but can be very bad parents. Famous people can be in that category too, imo. I call them 'headless chickens'; but it's still better than giving up and being a couch potato. I do seriously wonder why people choose to become parents. What is honestly in their minds or hearts when they make that move in life? In traditional cultures, it is {more or less} obligatory to marry and become parents, but they seem to put a lot more ability and sacrifice into fulfilling that responsibility.

[@WinstonSmith22]

@@sanataj Yes, my parents and siblings were/are damaged people. The mental side of things was exceeded by my Fathers's extreme political views which were hateful and admiring of Hitler. I could go on but I'm sure the picture has formed. As to your question, why do such people have children? I think many wish to live their frustrations through their children. As you mention "my children will be exceptional". In a functional home, that might mean extra school work and tutors to ensure top grades and a Blue Ribbon University place. In mine, it meant being tutored into being the type of kid that graduated to Broadmoor (a prison for the criminally insane) or a life of drug addiction or alcoholism. I recognize your "headless chickens" as well. The necessity of appearing supportive and "perfect", often leads a kid to feel inferior and not good enough, no matter how much is achieved. Leaving them suffering from degrees of imposter syndrome. If only we didn't unconsciously pass on the deficits and injuries we suffer. But most people are convinced that they are "nothing like their parents".

[@RedResevoir]

wow yes mines too but also anger and blame they loved those emotions too

[@katehampstead6024]

I listen to videos like these, and I keep going in my own healing journey.

[@daniellfourie]

Fighting back against this trauma is the only way to win "your stolen self" back. Normally, this means to break emotionally or physically distancing yourself from your parents.

[@olivur_1459]

💯

[@sadie9386]

I read that self hatred is a way of loving your parent.

[@Misses-Hippy]

Wow!

[@kubasniak]

My god it's insane how I can relate. My parents never really thought about me and my future. They didn't put any effort to even find help. Very dysfunctional and I can see why and where it came from, their parents. They are deaf so I was always burdened with responsibility to translate and help them but got nothing in return besides being neglected and abandoned. Me and my brother are some kind of accessory to my mom and our father never spent much time with us. Did I mention they divorced and I was a mediator between them when I was 17? I avoided many potential relationships because of dysfunction and also had those fantasies for someone to rescue me but life beat me down so much I had to let go of that. I developed avoidant, addictive personality prone to extremism. I'm addicted to video games and any activities that help me escape like weed or porn but nothing more. I hated and rejected myself a lot. I'm a master at self sabotage, I always thought my needs or emotions don't matter. My mom was always enabler of my bad behaviors and never challenged me in any way, even with chores. Truly disgusting. I'm just glad I never hurt any other woman besides initial rejections out of my insecurities and not knowing how to act because I never had an example of healthy and loving relationship. I also didn't bring any kids and I could've... thank god because most likely I'd screw them up with generational trauma. One of the reasons I became a bit anti natalistic and I'm childfree and I don't know If I'll ever change. My goal is to heal. Grieving all what ifs etc makes me sometimes nauseous. Better to have never been born.

[@cherylm5002]

Feel really sad what you had to go through. You are brave n wise. Hope u reach a place of peace someday😢😢

[@madisonx]

Wow, this is so relatable to myself. With slight nuances to my own story. I'm sorry this has been your reality. I hope things get better for you. I'm on a healing journeys also.

[@Bianca-lu8hb]

💛

[@Faith_Chi]

My father was like this and tried to fill me with his self-hate, I became the scapegoat. I could never understand why I wasn't encouraged to be completely independent as an adult should be. But I always had a strong streak in me to do my own thing and I left home at 19. He encouraged me to leave and my mother said nothing as usual - except five years later when she had a rant at me - it was horrible - at the airport when I was returning to my home in another country after taking time out and spending lots of money to visit them! xo

[@witneyskye5556]

I made a decision to not have children, because my childhood was abusive in every possible way.

[@heathergrahame9647]

Just wow. I'm only part-way through his video and it's bang on. "My parents wanted me to die" - I wasn't loved or valued for who I was either, but, interestingly, I was the youngest in a large family, so I got to see how all my siblings were not valued either. I knew it wasn't just me that was being treated in this way and given the lie of "We love you" when they clearly didn't. I remained quiet and watched it all. And, of course, if I ever expressed my true self, it was deemed shocking, distressing, and unacceptable, so remaining quiet was safe. I grew up believing that I had, to a significant degree, maintained my integrity and selfhood, but that I just didn't express it. I never saw myself as wrong or bad. It was clear to me that my parents were wrong and bad in what they were doing. But, as it turned out, I was severely traumatised by their behaviour, and they really did wish that the real me was dead. In my early 20s, I had little interaction with my family, but my mother phoned me up completely out of the blue. When I answered the phone, she was shocked and said, "Oh, Heather, you're there. I had a dream last night that a friend told me you had died, and I was so happy. I was so sure you had died." In response, I said, "Sorry to disappoint you." (edit: with plenty of sarcasm)

[@Sunni5050]

My parents wanted me to be the opposite sex. Can't fix that one. I recently saw a video of me, my mom and my sister interacting when we were young. My mom was really annoyed with me, yet doted on my sister. I felt crushed when I saw the way she treated me. I never heard or saw any signs of love from either of my parents. No matter how well I did in school, or in life, they never acknowledged me. People who expect their children to conform to their expectations should not have children. a

[@pierregaude1528]

My father never told me once that he loved me. My environment was so bad I grew up never knowing who I was nor what I was supposed to be or do. I was always told what I did wrong but never what I did right...never good enough... and my older brother joined the team and turned out to be an undermining bully...????When I was old enough, I left the household to never come back again....9000 miles away! I am 69 years old now and still have to deal with this pain and suffering unable to please myself or be content with myself and when someone approach me with compliments, I cannot fathom their praise and politely thanks them. I can relate to every word you express and appreciate you sharing your past. Knowing that this burden was implanted is a real relief and help toward a healthier perspective.

[@le_th_]

I'm sorry for what you went through. I also chose not to have children mostly because whatever genes I got from my parents, I didn't want to pass them on, and have children that didn't have any other family members (I cut off all contact back in 2004). I don't struggle with any abandonment issues, but my oldest sister does (BPD). She chose not to have children because she didn't want to pass on the genes either. I got very lucky that I had enough adults around me in my life that I realized all the crap my narc momster tried to tell me was wrong with me just made me realize how very f'ed up she was (and her childhood is just heartbreaking). Sadly, she really destroyed my older brother and sister's lives. It's a very lonely life to be surrounded by narcissists and their sycophants. I lost all my aunts and uncles, cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews, etc, but I have me.

[@cassandres4965]

❤

[@KinteytKi]

Thank you for being real. I think vulnerability heals society.

[@kelliezee]

Thank you so much for sharing. I harbor a lot of hate for my parents for how i was rejected as a child. This really helps to release that knowing that it happens more often that i was aware of. Generational trauma is so harmful but I’m grateful that my parents still want to try to change for the better and respect my boundaries.

[@kevinhornbuckle]

You have my deep respect for having the courage to use your experience to help others. You always express these reflections with humility and even compassion for your parents (as you understand how they were emotionally injured). For what it is worth now, I can tell you that you would have made a very good dad. It is possible for a person with your insights to consciously avoid inflicting your past trauma onto your child(ren). It is my impression that you do have such discipline. I myself achieved this. My son is 23 now. He called me yesterday and we had a nice talk, including complex subjects, politics, art, and pets. He is a good person because I loved him and guided him lovingly. He was never spanked. I never demeaned him or mocked him or ridiculed him. He has never had reason to doubt that I am one hundred percent behind him. Anyway, all things considered, you are better off without kids. But be clear that you do now have what it takes to be a good dad.

[@orlamcmahon6056]

I reckon he is being a Dad to us, in doing what he is doing! You ROCK D 🎉

[@orlamcmahon6056]

P.s well done you on showing up to your son in the way that you have, he is a fortunate man and the type of man that our world needs now! 👏

[@jamesthedog7783]

Nothing hits like brutal honesty. Awesome video! Peace

[@audradaniels4161]

I bawled through that. I’ve never heard my own experience articulated so well and it meant so much to me. Thank you

[@SantaFeSuperChief1]

It's very interesting, I've watched this video so many times, but I really can't remember a lot of what Daniel says here. My primary trauma was not being heard, seen, or having my wants and needs feel valid or important. So the fact that this video is in a way directed towards my trauma, and I always find my mind wandering or the information just goes in one ear and out the other, it's almost like my brain is rejecting the video. I still have a lot of healing to do. But here I am, back to watch it again, I'm not going to let my trauma get in the way of my healing.

[@moniquemcdonogh698]

You just verbalised everything I’ve ever felt…. Thank you

[@SowingSeedsWithChristy]

Well, I just had written a large epiphany that I somehow deleted. Ugh! Just PLEASE KNOW that YOU being your genuine, caring self has really helped me today. THANK YOU for your humanity, your kindness, your caring enough about yourself to dig up and reflect upon what happened to you and to rebuild yourSELF again. I'm so glad you're enjoying life again without having to sit face to face with others pain. I'm pretty positive you've helped so many others just by holding that safe place for them, while daring to take that submersible journey to their deepest emotions with them. May God bless you now and forever. ❤

[@dmackler58]

Thanks :)

[@nobutterinhell]

i love the ending i agree with you , loving yourself is a worthwhile gift that you receive

[@kevinhornbuckle]

I think of it more as self-respect and the ability to be compassionate toward yourself. These traits/discipline are more specific than 'self love'.

[@sanataj]

Isn't that the subject of one of Whitney Houston's songs? Learning to love yourself, is the greatest gift of all...

[@carismorel]

Wow, this is what authentic self awareness looks like. Well done.

[@adrianbutuc3082]

This is the story of my childhood, too. I feel that this video was about me. Thank you ! I could see more clear what was wrong.

[@lauriekay6214]

Your honesty and willingness to be openly vulnerable is breathtaking. You are a rare gem in a world that values sham. All your hard work, and the resulting traumatic growth is a shining beacon of hope. Magnificent.

[@SkysMomma]

Preach! Parenting is a formidable and yet crucially important job. So many parents fail miserably. Sometimes, it’s bcs they don’t know any better, sometimes, it’s bcs they don’t have the capacity. Sometimes, it’s bcs they actually wish you harm. Or combinations of those problems. Speaking the truth is important for everyone. Without the truth, we can’t learn - or heal.

[@susha4511]

Your parents were compelled to reject you and hate you, because you were doing and being what they could not do and be. Due to the straitjacket narrowness of their own lives and psyches, they felt threatened by your expansion and connection to authenticity. You had the desire and spirit to break free from the mold of your family line's toxic legacy which extends backwards through countless generations. Your courage and determination to be true to yourself is a gift and a blessing that (I've heard) benefits and helps liberate all your ancestors. The tremendous work you've done on yourself, and your arduous journey is a shining inspiration to those of us who have yet to do it ourselves. Thank you. Dear Daniel, from the bottom of my heart. You really are such a groovy guy who is contributing much meaning to our lives. It would be hard to put a value on what you're bringing to the table, but I would really say it is priceless 💎

[@yasminmelbourne6239]

My mother wanted me to be her therapist, marriage counselor, event planner, care taker and house cleaner. School or an education was not pressed for me, but it was important for my sister. The best things was having a life outside of my family. Career, friends and future, any pain was pushed on me. It was very hard to break away.

[@eatnplaytoday]

My mom tried to make everyone around her, her caretaker. She refused to take accountability over her health. She’s type 2 diabetic due to her bad lifestyle. Refused to listen to doctors or others. When my dad left to do some church duties for one day, she acted out and ate so much junk foods, and got really sick. When my dad went up Vietnam for a month, I stayed with her and ended up becoming her caretaker in his place. When my parents were fighting over money, my dad saying he can’t pay bills because my mom kept pestering him about money, my sister and i gave money to them. He went and gave all of it to my mom instead of paying bills. He had no boundaries and didn’t want to say no. As an adult I realized just how dysfunctional my family is.

[@GlobalistGazette]

I had 2 children when I wasnt stable or ready. I have since then tried really hard to make sure I didnt pass on my insecurities to them. To a good degree Ive succeeded, though Im sure Ive missed a lot of things too. I ask them how theyre doing and let them tell me anything and criticise me when they feel the need to. We have healthy conversations and I counsel them as best I can. I monitor my need to control, and curb it when it comes up. It is insidious but I think I have its number. Thanks for doing these amazing videos Daniel.

[@loveinthematrix]

I often feel like I walk through the world as a ghost, if I didn't take the time to kind of remind myself of my identity through trauma recovery & surviving, I don't think I would claim to be anything at all. I think of my childhood as being a seed that never got the chance to grow or even bloom, that every time I started to grow, I was taken back down to nothingness through such extreme invalidation. I am able to detach from the world and see things more objectively - but I often do that because I don't feel I 'belong' in the world due to how I was treated from such an early age. I used to be terrified of looking into my parents eyes because when I did I only saw the worst in myself. Being raised by one or more narcissists, you start to see yourself only as the sum of your very worst parts. So if an identity is formed at all, it's usually one of extreme self-hatred. I am interesting in learning 'who I am' more - but there are times I go through an existential crisis every time I try to self-conceptualize.

[@upendasana7857]

I think dysfunctionality like this is more the norm that healthy family dynamics.I think it is rare finding the person who comes froma truely healthy family and many many live in complete denial and just go on to have their own children and repeat the same dysfunctional dynamics. I really wish we would talk more about what a healthy family looks like not in any moralistic way or judgemental way but based on research and also good therapeutic and development psychology models which shown what children need in terms of needs.Our society just doesn't support healthy child rearing and I agree with Gabor Mates observations that our society fails children even those who may have parents who are considered "good". As Jung said "show me the healthy person and I'll cure them for you". Daniel is one of those rare exceptions of people who can talk openly and directly about things which many of us find hard.I really hope that more and more of us do the work to become healthier whole human beings who live with authenticity and not lying and covering up,it makes for such an unhealthy society and world in general. I do think healing ourselves is one of the greatest services we can do for the world not to mention ourselves and those around us.Well done Daniel for putting so much work into it and for sharing all your revelations here,I like so many others relate so much.

[@jeannepeters8181]

Thanks so much about your healing journey.i had to break "away" from parents who adopted me from a foster home when I was three years old.."out of the frying pan and into the fire,' " really..they even both told me we are treating you badly because we were treated badly when we were children..my 96 year old adopted mother still attests to this, and so much denial in that family..because,you know..",everything was/is "all my fault..even the day #1 brought to live with them from the fostor home when they adopted me and change my name..🙄😜😬

[@sanataj]

Very sorry to hear of the cruel abuse you suffered, Jeanne. Have you changed your name to one of your choice?

[@tiabiamama]

LOL that is so great that your Dad still occasionally calls to demand you take down the channel!! I was 20, having been given over to foster care at 17 despite getting 99% on the SATs, and was in a small plane that was having a rough time with a rookie at the helm, and strong winds. I silently cried, and determined to myself that if the plane started to go down, I was going to take the radio and yell, "Tell my Mom I love her!" despite her really hateful, neglectful, insulting, and even evil behavior towards me.

[@Misses-Hippy]

They make us responsible for their feelings.

[@sue5158]

Thank you so much. This experience is so rare, its a gift to hear you articulate it.

[@MsWing-ij9nb]

Daniel- powerful video. It was like you were telling the same story of my own childhood /early adulthood traumas and family dysfunctions. It took me decades to finally realize and remediate the toxic toll my mind, body and soul suffered from years of emotional abuse. But then more importantly, took steps to fully to distance/stop all communications with my abusers/biological parents. Haven’t regretted/looked back at that decision.

[@laurar.2866]

Thank you, Daniel. You are an inspiration

[@judymartuscello114]

The insight this man has is simply amazing!!!

[@sanataj]

Insight and the ability to organise his thoughts and feelings and to make them into a well constructed 'essay' - is that the right name for it?

[@jennifermetler2408]

I'm so sorry that you struggled so much growing up. I can relate. But you became someone you should be proud of. You are so brave to share what many of us can't bring ourselves to remember. You are an inspiration to so many out here. Good on you, bud. 😊😊👍👍

[@dmackler58]

Thanks. It's been a long and often very painful and confusing messy road... Still confusing in some ways -- the world is such a mess!!!

[@pennyc7064]

I can so relate to this video Daniel as I experienced the same. I wasn't allowed to be myself and throughout my life I felt as if I was adopted as I never felt that i fit in with the "family".

[@sanataj]

I once asked my Mum whether i was adopted. I was sure I was not supposed to be the eldest child, and I thought gypsies had kidnapped and sold me as a baby! I also had the parental rescue fantasy and teacher rescue fantasy, too. I used to long for other people's Mums to like me, but probably I would not have been any more popular with other parents, I fear. I have never been likeable or resilient and have so many faults and weaknesses.

[@carolmcintosh5066]

You brave, wonderful, teacher, fellow life traveller, thank you for being the blessing that you are! You are doing an enormous amount of good work in this world by helping us heal. ❤❤❤

[@MoBamBooLu]

Wow! Thank you for sharing. I also had to reject my parents in order to live. They did not value me. You unraveled the mystery. I can finally forgive myself and start a deeper healing. Thank you again

[@curiousone6435]

Daniel, this was honest, raw, and powerful. You put into words my experience -- I'm sorry we both (and others here) had to go through this. Parents that devalue us sabotage us in unforgivable ways. Love is not supposed to hurt.

[@aerynventress7702]

Sometimes I wonder why I feel so empty and foreign. And sometimes I watch things like this and remember why.

[@yvonneshanson1525]

Everytime I watch you it's like listening to a brother I never knew I had.. it's so wonderful & comforting & I so get what your saying cause I've been there too.. wish you were truly my brother instead of my awful sister & her family who tear me apart even more than my narc parents. 😔 Million blessings to you & have a nice week..! 🌺

[@nickydietrich5924]

I had to learn to love myself. I've found that I'm perfectly fine as I am, but I've found in my authenticity people don't like me. I think they can't bear it. It's difficult to bear I think. But it's also difficult to bear inauthenticity. It's interesting to observe myself and others. Reality is not really what we're taught it is.