DnD Group SUPER AFRAID Of CRABS! | r/rpghorrorstories

[@DnDDoge]

Sir Loveless Video Link: kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWKllIp-ap17qaM

[@YouW00t]

Imagine having Crab Trauma because of literal *CritCrabs*

[@ShinyAvalon]

🤣 I just heard the crab story on "Two Kobolds in a Trench Coat," and they said it was appropriate, as the king of RPG horror stories was a Crab.

[@lyudmilapavlichenko7551]

I have a Krispys tavern, Doge wizard and a Crab King in my campaign.

[@archellothewolf2083]

I desperately want to hear CritCrab cover that one.

[@Drums_of_Liberation]

​@@lyudmilapavlichenko7551what about Drake who hoards internet cringe?

[@lyudmilapavlichenko7551]

@@Drums_of_Liberation Den of the Drake. Yes and he constantly abuses his kobold intern. He has memory crystals that contain cringe moments.

[@silentdrew7636]

I hope CritCrab covers the crab story.

[@Nesseight]

It sounds like he was the DM. There's crabs, they crit, then crab god.

[@bandwagonbuzzard1617]

I hope CritCrab *is* the crab story.

[@DrawciaGleam02]

Same! Haha!

[@Charnel_Heart]

First story bard player killed with vicious mockery irl

[@yourface2464]

truly. How can you say this guy isn't roleplaying bard well? Man nailed it.

[@Enclavefakesoldier]

The spooniest bard I ever saw.

[@BrandonWilliamsMusic]

So good!! 😂😂😂😂

[@AdamJensen-c3k]

I think OP had a perfect right to condescend to the DM after the DM started telling him how to play his Bard

[@sharingheart13]

11:47 Ah, yes. CritCrab in his natural habitat. This is now my headcanon, and I refuse to believe otherwise.

[@LordRenegrade]

re: the last scenario - people seem to forget that you don't have to KILL enemies for experience, simply defeating them is sufficient in modern systems...

[@kou7191]

The bard stereotype is literally the reason why I'm likely never touching the class, not because I'd feel forced to be a horny bard, but because it's most likely *everybody else* would expect me to.

[@karisasani7006]

In the first story you can see that the player was playing the bard in the way they SHOULD do it, not like the stereotypical "horny" bard.

[@kou7191]

@@karisasani7006 My friend group are very....traditional (not to say narrowminded) so I know they'd react not much different than the dm if I played a non horny bard.

[@AlinNightwing]

it depends on the player not the class. Like I'm running a virgin bard... why? because she doesn't have time to be sleeping around and singing the pants off of people, she's too afraid she'll miss a story or something she can turn into a song or story, intimate encounters are soaking up precious time that can be better spent being paid to praise a noble or slight someone. If you look at the spells and skills they have available and play it that way, you can make one kick ass bard that doesn't get two shits about what's between someone's legs, they can be looking to be the next local legend mega bard that others look up to or be the one that high nobles seek out to spread their fame or a knight/fighter hires to sing their praises and make them into a legend by song... play the class, not the stereotype :)

[@kou7191]

​@@AlinNightwing I didn't mean it as if I feel I 'have' to play the stereotype to play the class, but more like everyone else (that I know) would expect me to, and that would get very tiring really fast.

[@AlinNightwing]

@@kou7191 oh i get that and I agree, playing it that way just feels overplayed and the fact it seems to be expected anytime you say "bard" is facedesk worthy. It's more fun to flip it a full 180 and make them go "wait you can do that?"

[@zacharysieg2305]

That last story? What the rest of the party doesn’t seem to understand is that consent given under duress is not actually consent.

[@ArcCaravan]

Indeed. I'm hung up about how the DM and two party members were fine with this and not the knight.

[@TigerKirby215]

They literally teach you this shit at start-of-year orientation while at university and the likes.

[@zacharysieg2305]

@@TigerKirby215 Guess some people don’t pay attention - or worse, only hear what they want to hear.

[@jasa_TheRealOne]

You missed a perfect collab opportunity!

[@ShiKageMaru]

Bard in story 1 did nothing wrong and was not condescending. The DM telling them how to play their character was in the wrong and you don't get to complain when characters stand up as a result.

[@IsilmeTuruphant]

I keep envisioning the Meme of the distraught mother in the car yelling at her child in the back seat "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE HORNY!?" and instead of a screaming child in the back, is just a kid dressed as a bard looking confused.

[@Agamemnon-w9x]

I actually don't find the bard interrogation against the DM to be condescending, DM was just getting beaten up with the truth. Being questioned so harshly for not playing a stereotypical "horny" character is kinda weird, DM just wanted to get off on watching people play out his fantasies So many weird depraved people play these games.. 😆😆😂😂

[@davidtherwhanger6795]

Kinda what I was thinking. DM threw down the gauntlet in public, so to speak. So OP responding in kind is justified IMHO.

[@ArcCaravan]

Sounded like OP was supposed to be "the bigger man" when the DM was whining.

[@holytramp3976]

Imho the whole story of that player seems a little bit condescending. I'm a little miffed by THAT bard stereotype as a next person but op's tone, as well as his constant reminds about his character's chivalry and especially the "is chivalry dead?" remark seems kinda off.

[@ArcCaravan]

@@holytramp3976 Seemed more like an OP who wasn't interested in being another tabletop horror story victim who's nonconfrontational. Not necessarily the perfect way to handle the situation, but not unreasonable considering how DM acted.

[@R3GARnator]

Been to one too many brothels, got crabs.

[@dragonturtle2703]

Can’t wait for Crit Crab to cover that story. I mean, you are great, but a crab story was made for him. I’d say the same for you with a wizard dogo.

[@aidanthornton173]

Nothing ruins your day faster than a bad case of the Crabs...

[@davidtherwhanger6795]

DM saying some one is not playing the bard right. This sounds to me like DM had expectations and was counting on those expectations being fulfilled. And if DM is going to accuse a player of not playing a character "Right" in front of the rest of the players, then OP was justified in their public questioning as well.

[@ArcCaravan]

I thought that conversation was private. Chances are it wouldn't change anything, but I could see bard getting into a non-romantic physical relationship as a mixed message or gray area.

[@davidtherwhanger6795]

@@ArcCaravan I got the impression that the DM ranted right at the end of the session while everyone was still there (connected). OP didn't say it was private or not, just after the session. So it could be either.

[@solarchos4352]

11:20 - NO! It was CritCrab's mechanized crustacean brigade: the Vorpal Pinchers!

[@dorialine1]

Sorry but op asking if the DM was his bard in real life cracked me up 😂

[@SpazaliciousChaos]

I feel for the crab story, because my players have a similar fear of weasels and ermines in my games. Seriously, 4 player kills and 12 hireling/support npc kills, higher than dragons and undead body counts combined over nearly 20 years of GMing.

[@ArcCaravan]

Well, that last party (besides OP) are now no different than the horny knight who demanded subordinates and a tavern lady "satisfy" him. If the in-game couple wanted the NPC to fulfill her "bargain", they should have done the deed themselves instead of hiding behind their relationship.

[@Toadimuss]

I've been gaming since 1982 and have often wondered where the "horny bard" trope came from. It seems to have appeared during 3.5e, originally bards were an overpowered class with numerous requirements before multiclassing.

[@REfan2002]

The story of the DM not liking how the bard was playing the stereo typical Bard, my dude have you not played DnD before Crit Roll?

[@ashuradragosani5960]

My answer to that would be no.

[@monikasernek1177]

I just remember that the DM from the first would be upset about my really laid back (and weirdly well spoke) barbarian I have. For context - I have an AI app on my phone that is DnD flavored and one of the features is that you can "talk" with the characters one made. For some reason the AI roleplays my barbarian well mannered while some of my wizards like they are the BBG of the story.

[@bunnys9704]

But evem Scanlan didnt sleep around with npcs? He only had sights for Pike if i remember correctly. So DMs argument doesnt even make sense

[@shadiafifi54]

If the DM of the first story gets stressed over a bard not being a damn meme or stereotype indicates that maybe, just maybe, he's not cut out for DMing. Yes, OP may have been a bit condescending, but he had valid questions.

[@ArcCaravan]

Part of me wonders if DM would have accepted it if OP hadn't had a purely nonromantic physical relationship with a party member. Not saying it'd justify forcing the stereotype, but there could be something misconstrued as mixed messages.

[@ironnoah9461]

Nah, that DM got owned by facts and logic lmao

[@AmazingAutist]

Still don't understand how those questions can be seen as condescending

[@volrosku.6075]

my god when i saw the crab on the thumbnail i though i hit critcrab.... a surprise to be sure not not an unwelcome one

[@RobKenchu]

Holy crap. I played a Loremaster Bard in 2e for *years* without being a horny bard. He just liked to play his songs and tell his stories. That DM is nuts.

[@martabachynsky8545]

Same. Except mine was also a sometimes spy. What better person to be a spy than a wandering madrigal? 😊

[@marybdrake1472]

If anyone ever expected one of my bards to act like an out of control horn dog is going to be sorely disappointed. Not one of them will ever act like the pointless stereotype. Oh, Crit Crab is going to love that story. 🤣

[@JoshtheOverlander]

Same. Every Bard I've ever made has been wide-eyed, adventurous cinnamon rolls, because that's more fun and less awkward than playing an insatiable, incorrigible horndog

[@marybdrake1472]

@@JoshtheOverlander Now that's a bard I'd roll with in heartbeat. Way more fun and interesting that kind of personality.

[@JoshtheOverlander]

@@marybdrake1472 You have no idea how happy I was that my party agreed with you on that front. Bats, my first D&D character, was very simple. No tragic backstory or secret lineage, he was just a good Tabaxi that wanted to adventure. The other players had backstories that clearly were going places, and I got worried very early on in the campaign that Bats was either too annoying (stereotypical Khajiit voice, talks in the third person, and is very loud and emotional) or too simplistic. They were shocked I even considered the idea XD

[@marybdrake1472]

@@JoshtheOverlander Simple is more often than not what's best. That way you have a lot of ways the character can grown over time, and you get to experience that journey from the start in a really good way.

[@IronLordEXO]

Bard sounds like such an amazing class tbh. Utility, buffing, healing and virtually limitless roleplay potential. But the stereotype of how people think bards should be played is what's kept me away from the class. And not just Bard stereotypes either, I'm already getting crap in my campaign for my lawful neutral Barbarian making smart choices and not being a murder hobo

[@Yojimbo16]

The Crab Story sounds like my story with the Kobolds that Doge already covered

[@jamesscheurich6006]

Thing is I have been toying atound with the idea of a Bard modeled after the Gleeman Thom Merrilin from Wheel of Time. Thom Merrilin is not one to chance every skirt. He is involved in Political Intrigue almost like a spy. I thought it would be a refreshing twist for a bard.

[@Drums_of_Liberation]

So basically a Dragon Age bard?

[@bsabruzzo]

Others: You must play your Bard like Sam Reigel played Scanlon. You: Okay.... "What's my mother's name? You claim to know me but you are all selfish and only think of me as your clown. You disgust me. Now I am going to spend quality time with the only woman that matters to me, my daughter. I'm going to be a good father." You: How was that?

[@AmazingAutist]

6:16 unironically, I believe that those questions gave the DM something to think about that he wasn't prepared to think about, because it questioned his ability on what a man would do if they had The Bard's abilities. In addition, questioning him on why he was so invested on how the Bard played his character actually had him think about why he was invested in how the character played his bard, and he didn't have an answer for that. Hopefully this will be something that will lead to some beneficial development of character for the DM.

[@superiorrule34]

Ya the dm in the first story would play a bard as a nice guy/ r@apist who doesn’t take no for an answer.

[@supremegodemperorpalpatine4872]

When fighting giant crabs, don't forget to bring bibs and melted butter...🤣

[@koensijmons46]

The first session of the first campaign I ever played was also with critical hit crabs. It was horrifyingly funny. I played a level 1 paladin half orc with an AC of 19. The other two players were a level 1 monk and a level 1 sorcerer. So I was concidered the 'tank' of the party. In the first round, both crabs just hit. One rolled an 21 and the other a critical hit. We barely survived that encounter. A few sessions later, we, again, almost died because of other crabs. It went so far that the DM decided we all have advantage on attack rolls against all kinds of crabs because they were now our mortal enemies. Still loved every minute of it. Mostly because I had a vision of my half orc paladin being a total badass. Except when the crabs showed up. God I love D&D.

[@jordanwhite8718]

Honestly, that last party needs to be put on a watchlist. I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out some of them committed rape just from that story alone. The fact they couldn’t understand why sex under duress is my nature not consensual, says a lot about their personal character

[@michaelpaliden6660]

💩

[@Elyseon]

TL;DR - Creep DM mad because the bard player respected boundaries and consent.

[@ada3110]

In a text based discord roleplay (We do use dice bots though) we had a crabocalypse not long ago. It was hilarious. And then I (narrator, though I do have characters too) rolled 3 nat 1s in a row. For the crabs. Well, now all but four crabs are dead and the four survivors are going to be used for scientific experiments before being set free.

[@Gripen1974]

My last bard was all about drinking blood out of the skulls on of my enemies and tell epic stories about what my clan was doing. He had 2 wives, 1 was his dead brothers wife he was forced to take on and raise his kid for it was how my barbarian clan was doing things. No random seductions and flirting.

[@StellaDraco]

Two comments on the crab story: First, it reminds me of an incident in a sci-fi game I was running where my group had to deal with a five story tall explosive crab... they luckily realized it was explosive and I think they dropped it on an enemy base. Second, my own party has a similar issue with cats. We ran into a cat monster as the first encounter in one low level game and it nearly killed us, then had a true fae disguised as a cat (we kept trying to mess with his plans, so he hated us), then my high level tibbet warlock was an NPC in one game, and generally any time we see a cat in game, the party treats it like a god because it basically might be.

[@Plamkton]

Our group had something simmilar where we had to fight crabs except they were normal sized crabs, there was just alot of them and it was a fishing village we decided to help. Rounding up the crabs our life cleric was dropped to 0 due to the fact the crabs kept beating her AC of 16 meanwhile our artificer was blowing them up with thunder gauntlets and only the paladin(me who was fuel wielding rapiers) managed to collect them via skewering them, never the less it was hilarious given our druid also nearly went down so I can relate to this party's fear of crabs.

[@arieroos7248]

A homebrew game of mine, the one giant crab in current combat, has knocked down the swashbuckler and cleric. Now i might have crabs be recurring enemies, as well. XD

[@RedCrusader-ph2vk]

*_[CRITCRAB HAS ENTERED THE CHAT]_*

[@Psycopathicus]

I think the 'bards are always horny' stereotype has entered pop culture in a way similar to the whole 'Aquaman is lame because he talks to fish' business (or rather, how that USED to be; it's died down quite a bit recently after the movies). It's not true, but a lot of people just kind of uncritically accept it as fact and dismiss any argument against it as an 'everyone knows' situation, like the sky being blue and water being wet - it's a sign of lazy thinking, but it is, unfortunately, everywhere.

[@kylemendoza8860]

I love character stereotypes. The virtuous night of Justice Paladin. The horny bard. Chaotic rouge. They should be more than just their stereotypes. But I like them. Forcing someone to play a certain stereotype is the most stupid thing ever and would make the game dull. I like other that other people don't play the stereotypes.

[@Drums_of_Liberation]

Lol virtuous knight of justice paladin. I believe you mean lawful stupid

[@kylemendoza8860]

@@Drums_of_Liberation No. I think anyone should be played with the balance. Even a lot of good paddlin. Well sometimes do things not so awful.

[@Nyx685]

Oh I remember hearing the bard story from crispy tavern

[@vortega472]

Yes, Kitties always get likes! The orange tabby and the baby panther, cuddling - are so adorable. I love when kitties get along. My two current ones aren't close and that's okay. They don't fight for real (lots of play fighting so they keep active and that is good.

[@LucyBean42]

The crab story... there was a trope in old 50s Men's magazines about crabs being an antagonist. I drew a revised version of it with my and my friend's female D&D characters fighting the crabs,

[@jeanannd]

Your kitties are cute! Before Bard was a class I played a warrior that was a Bard. I was female and didn't seduce people right and left. Instead, I would make songs of our adventures to sing for a drink at taverns and of great Lords and Ladies of their heroic adventures. In history, the bard was a recorder of history as well as an entertainer. They relied very much on the patronage of Nobles, military, Religious figures and such. The DM trying to force a character to play a bard like someone else - such as in Critical Role, was not appropriate. Crabs - ummm, the party may wish to get recipes for crabs. Like crab au gratin. ;)

[@Infovorousness]

In the last story to the DMs credit if you start killing people after they surrender there’s no reason for them to suddenly think you’re going to change your mind. So from the NPC perspective it seems like OP wanted them to debase themselves for the possibility of being spared and the DM was only acting that out. Not sure what was up with the other players though

[@l0stndamned]

The best bards I've DMed for have avoided the "horny bard" memes. OP was right to be condescending. DMs like that need to be called out.

[@Candymanic]

Even when i'm just listening rather than watching, I *ALWAYS* turn my phone around for the kittehs

[@ChuckPalomo]

On that last story, they were definitely taking the piss out of op, he sounds like a really easy target. At least I hope they were taking the piss.

[@ArcCaravan]

Makes me think they should have kept the knight.

[@RiveroftheWither]

This is a really stupid thing to tease someone with.

[@martabachynsky8545]

For some reason, the crab story made me laugh hard. 😂🤣 Poor players. I have a character named "Bidimus" that for some reason, I kept rolling at least 15s on my d20s. Only for him. Other characters I play with that same die don't get that luck.

[@Midnight3Wonder]

I HATE it when the bard stereotype is forced. It's so lame and such a narrow idea of bards when they are so much more than flirty whores. To me, bards are artists who transform their talents into magic! That is so much of a cooler concept and more accurate to what a bard is than "lusty simps". In all honesty, I consider myself to be a real life bard. I'm not musically gifted, but I am an artist who inspires others with my talents. I'm a skilled illustrator and write interesting stories that compel others, and my talents have actually impacted people's lives and inspired them in incredible ways. Oh, and I'm not horny. In fact, I'm demi-panromantic/asexual. While I am more than capable of developing romantic affections for someone regardless of their gender, it still takes quite a bit of time and effort for me to finally start feeling that way. It literally took me about 20 years to develop feelings for my best friend, but I never allowed myself to express my feelings for her as I know she's super straight and boy-crazy, we'd make a terrible couple even if she did like girls, and recently had some trauma where another female friend tried to force herself on her. No way was I gonna destroy my friendship with her over a crush! It took me over a year to finally get over my feelings for her and it took me even longer to finally come out to her as demi-panromantic as I was worried I'd have to bring up my crush on her to explain it. Luckily, by the time I came out to her, she was understanding and greatly appreciated that I respected her boundaries and feelings so much. We both said "I love you" after I came out and nothing romantic happened. We were just happy to be friends and that we could be so honest with each other. And, finally, I'm ace. As in not interested in sex at all. Yes, there is a difference between romantic and sexual attraction. A lot of people are confused by this as they seem to fail to realize the differences. A lot of people even fail to understand how someone could not have a sexual drive and believe it's simply because I "haven't met the right partner yet" or some other nonsense like that. It's incredibly insulting when people do that, as if saying that I don't know my own body or feelings better than anyone else. I'm just not into it and even disgusted by it. Sorry if it seemed like I was going on a vent about my love life. I was just trying to make it clear that not all bards (in a game or real life) don't have to be horny simps. Yes, horny bards can exist. However, that doesn't apply to ALL bards. Any other class could be horny because, you know, anyone could play as any class. By that same logic, as any other class doesn't need to be horny, neither do bards. Oh, and high charisma is no excuse either to be a flirt as charisma comes in many forms. You could play charisma up as being super intimidating, very friendly, highly confident, really funny, or just simply endearing. It doesn't all have to revolve around how flirty or attractive (romantically or sexually) you are. Otherwise, sorcerers, warlocks and even paladins would face the same problems as bards. It's annoying when only bards are forced into this uncomfortable role while everyone else gets to play their class as they want... I'm not saying that other classes don't have their own stereotype issues they're forced into. I'm just sick and tired of bards being forced into sexual situations when that isn't even the core of their class and is more of a flavor for the character themselves.

[@aronsvanlaugsson5338]

The crab story...they're playing oblivion on hardest diff. Those mudcrabs will 3 shot you!

[@alexplaysgames_2]

Well these big meaty claws arn't just for attracting mates! Bring it on old man, bring it on! xD

[@DisguisedAsHuman]

I saw the thumbnail and thought this was a CritCrab video. But lo, it was a doge and their kitties instead.

[@PrideOfFantasy100]

Man, i hate when people enforce that Bard stereotype. I will always play bards that break the mold. My latest bard is an aging Tortle Bard who simply collects stories in poem and is a source of wisdom and respect.

[@sentientbottlecap]

Hey, was one of your backgrounds Morrowind. Based

[@rocketprime]

What the hey, Doge? You missed the perfect opportunity for a crossover with CritCrab.

[@stephenadams8712]

The carbs getting Nat 20s every 3 attacks does that make them critcarbs

[@therisingdaikon]

Dang kitty got me

[@NereidAlbel]

I wonder if the crab luck at that table would extend to a druid using Wild Shape to become a crab?

[@GarkKahn]

I'll be honest doge I thought this was a critcrab video

[@AvatAR42420]

The bandit girl situation was a WEIRD one. I doubt the morals of the rest of the party that would consider accepting "nookie or death" as anything other than rape. When it comes to our world's morality VS D&D morality.....in most groups killing surrendering or fleeing enemies is not an issue while in this world that would land you in prison in most situations. Things got a little too real and a little too icky.

[@ArcCaravan]

They somehow think extorting sex under threat of death is okay but knight's actions were bad.

[@TheMightyBattleSquid]

That first DM would HATE me bc I basically play my characters as asexual and I try to deviate from the norm of the class for my characters. Off the top of my head, my first bard was flavored like a cleric who was slowly being corrupted into becoming a G.O.O. warlock. My second bard was a hi-tech street magician. My third was based on a mythological creature that, similar to a siren, accidentally kills people with how hypnotizing their songs are, so the PC was reluctant to let their talent for music out for fear of repeating this and would've been afraid to get too close to people as well (Unfortunately, the campaign for that one got canceled.) For the crab story, I ask OP "how do you think critcrab got his name?" 😜

[@davidtherwhanger6795]

Last Story. WTF!

[@ArcCaravan]

And this was the same group who thought a knight propositioning his retainers was wrong.

[@spoonyluv19]

You could say those were some crit crabs

[@ashtonfox2264]

The honey badger that killed 4 lvl 5s as a cr 2.

[@ShyBiiteVT]

Story 4: It always bugs me how people justify committing SA on a player's character as trying to be "realistic". They conveniently forget they're playing a FANTASY game.

[@nickfox3326]

Show this to the King of Crabs himself

[@mcgym6106]

Crit crab used 1% of his power

[@theofficerfactory2625]

Mr. Baldric, I got crabs!!!!

[@citrusorange794]

The Crab story maybe the players having PTSD From the Crabs from Elden Ring.

[@blastortoise]

Crabs in Elden ring are easy, lobsters however...

[@kereymckenna4611]

I would think a fear of crabs would be good reason not to play into bard stereotypes...HEYOOOO

[@ramirezthesilvite]

I seriously thought this was CritCrab when I clicked on it lol

[@bristlebum2422]

You could say they had claws for alarm

[@eddiedormer9045]

I'm afraid of etter caps for the same reason.

[@MelonTartVA]

Would’ve been amazing if critcrab had been here for the crab story

[@fylimar]

Bard story: I often play bards and none of them are horny, they are musiciians, charming and friendly, but not flirty or horny. I hate, when bards get reduced to stereotypes. Though I agree, that the player sounds a bit condescending. He should have talked with the DM after the game.

[@moritzlinden7169]

Crispy covered "Bang her or die", too. He forgot the link to Sir Loveless. Where is yours?

[@brycestrout9178]

I want to see CritCrab's reaction to this post

[@meshuggahshirt]

Why are people afraid of crabs? You can just attack their weak point for massive damage

[@Lucario69Master]

sounds like there more afrade of geting Crabs hay yoooooooo😂

[@AlinNightwing]

I see the kitties, I click the like button... I don't see kitties, I kick the like button...

[@CooperAATE]

Crit Cr-AAAAAAAAAAGH

[@charmquark7514]

Thank you for always making my days better! Cuddle the kitties for me.

[@annoyingPoe15]

Mine zombies mainly for friend forgetting he's a cleric and can heal plus healing hurts undead and his brother who chose blood hunter doing his job as tank correctly and died twice to zombies had basically lowest health of classes at level one so let them level up early technically to aid them for a while and they still did there thing and were defeated to zombies twice now they have beef with zombies lol

[@phobiawitch835]

I joke away from the table about playing a Stereotypical Bard, but whenever I play one (did so recently for a One Shot), I end up avoiding it since it doesn’t make sense. My recent bard was a Non-Binary Owlin (female presenting) named Celosia. They were a sweetheart who was meant for Support, singing, and performing. Definitely a concept I want to expand on (they were from a cult led by an Angel, and said Angel treated Celosia as his “Choir Siren”).

[@DisguisedAsHuman]

My only bard was a backwoods recluse that kept mostly to himself and pined for his true love that was married to his best friend. Had a bit of a drinking problem and would get himself into trouble because it, but more because of being disorderly and attempting to sell moonshine on the black market.

[@thephantomwolf1002]

inb4 CritCrab finds out about the crab story

[@DungeonDragon18]

I played a bard from levels 2-17 who was entirely asexual. She was just secretly very insecure and needed everyone to be her friend and think she was cool. There's a lot of ways to play a charismatic character without sex or romance.

[@gazblackheart4596]

I was just about to be like why do some dms think they need to control how players play when they brought up critical role and then I was like double whammy red flags...

[@callsigngrimdoll]

Juicy XP .....eyeroll.

[@7thsealord888]

Story #1 - All on the DM, who was .... How can I put this nicely? Oh, yes .... STUPID. There was nothing wrong whatsoever with how this Player chose to play their Bard. The concept was logical, he was actively contributing to the party, and not being a d#ck or a murderhobo. Story #2 - Fine to have an edgy character, but it doesn't mean being an anti-social @$$hat. Those other people at the table? They might actually do you a favor or save your life at some point, so you better at least be polite to them. Story #3 - Btw, crab phobia is "Kabourophobia" (thank you, Google). Congrats to the DM for successfully traumatizing his Players. By accident, no less. :) Story #4 - This DM needed to be smacked down HARD. Not acceptable behavior. Story #5 - This was just plain weird. I think OP handled it extremely well, but simply should NOT have been pushed into that kind of situation in the first place. What was WRONG with the others?

[@monikasernek1177]

OP should ask his follow players if they think a person should go to jail for a crime they didn't do but did confess to it because the police officer threaten them to shoot them otherwise. Consent under duress isn't actually consent. It's completely different than what s*x workers do and the rouge player should be ashamed to clump those things together. Also so far I know - no-con things are agreed from both participating partners beforehand. That was just an stupid thing to do, but OP saved it good.

[@ArcCaravan]

I'd just ask them how it's any different then knight and his former retainers and why the "free love" cleric insists on a relationship that isn't open.

[@monikasernek1177]

@@ArcCaravan Oh yeah I forgot sir blueballs. Hypocrites - I guess. The other version is that they don't think consent can be be revoked.

[@ToonamiT0M]

If anyone playing D&D (DM or player) ever objects to a decision then dismissively responds "Whatever," that's a HUGE red flag. That usually means they are upset they aren't getting their way and may detail the entire game out of petty selfishness. Not always, but be on guard at that point.

[@WolfHreda]

The edgy Drow Wizard would be a great character for having good development. But that requires a self-aware player who understands how to do that. Something tells me Drow Wizard was not played by such a person.

[@khankorpofficial]

Just say "yes i oppose sex work" and be done with it lole