Do celebrities owe you their sexual orientation?

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

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[@Elektrochoke]

Check out what Jimquisition, a non binary trans femme content creator says about games with microtransactions 💜 with love, Steph explains it very well

[@bitchenboutique6953]

Love your seamless transition into the ad!!! 😂

[@ArtingFromScratch]

My friend in 2002 was outed to his family by our vice principal for having a bf at school... the dad had a heart attack and he got kicked out of his house. Sadly nothing was done about this. He dropped out of school

[@whisperycub]

@@ArtingFromScratchI had a few friends that happened to. It is sickening that a parent would do such a thing to their child.

[@LaineTheLark]

All of this, especially when the celebrity is not adults.

[@Max_well135]

Some people just do not realise how exponentially more vulnerable minors are compared to adults... just because a legal CHILD as a "presence" or whatever doesn't mean they're not at risk 🤦

[@elisabethm9655]

Actually, isn’t publicly discussing a child’s sexuality a form of pedophilia? I mean, are we supposed to regard celebrity children as sexual beings available for public curiosity, entertainment or consumption ? 🧐 🤨

[@AndersWatches]

@@elisabethm9655no, it’s not. Because words mean things. Do not minimise the impact of something like that by applying the word to other things that are leagues apart. Not to mention the danger that argument poses to support and assistance initiatives that help queer youth. Speculating about the sexuality of kids is not remotely cool, but it is categorically not the same as paedophilia, or ‘a form of’ it, and it’s an insult to victims of csa to suggest that it is.

[@elisabethm9655]

@@AndersWatches Having had close family members who were sexually abused, and having personally suffered the indirect consequences of their victimization- which did not really end until their death, I’d like to hope I was not minimizing the horrors in any way…these behaviors are a matter of degree for some, and while NO amount is acceptable, it’s still at the upper edge of a slippery slope into hell to speculate about a child’s supposed desires or orientation, even less their desirability from the perpetrator’s pov. No, I’m not minimizing it at all…if anything, I’m magnifying the situation.

[@helenfhnin]

​@@elisabethm9655Your "point" is literally what homophobes, transphobes and other forms of queerphobes always say to make sure queer children can't feel safe with their own sexuality or gender. "You can't talk about it near a child! What are you, a pedophile?" Is literally a thing. Like come on. Speculation about someone else's sexuality is bad, no matter the age of that "someone" but speculating and talking about someone's sexuality is not even the same as being attracted to that someone. Oh, and you have family members who faced that? Maybe ask them if they would like their traumatizing event being used as akin to just talking about someone else's sexuality. As someone who survived CSA first hand, I'd be throwing hands if a family member did that with my trauma. And also, if it's even needed to be said, it is not even a little bit the same, by the way.

[@YasmineGalenornOfficial]

Even for non-celebs...when you tell someone you're bi, but you're married to a man, the looks and questions can get really invasive? At 64, I no longer feel inclined to explain and that, alone, causes some people to get really hostile. Inevitably, the "Then you're no longer bisexual?" questions rears its ugly head.

[@jennoscura2381]

I knew a bi woman who was dating a man. People would say that she was no longer bisexual. It's ridiculous.

[@NeedMoreCoffeeOG]

As a bi woman I've had the exact same experience. I was also told when I hadn't had sex with ANYONE (male or female) yet that I couldn't possibly know if I was bi if I'd never had sex with a woman.

[@MegaKellyschannel]

I'm 40 and I've never dated a woman, but I've only very very recently realized that doesn't mean I'm straight, it just means I didn't have the opportunity coz whoo-eeee ladies are lovely 🌹🌹😍 but the 90's in NZ were a time where the world was totally sure you were gay or straight and bi people were odd and possibly mentally ill, and in general, for everything, changing your mind was selfish and rude and just a thing you didn't do. About anything. Don't change your mind! It's weak! Choose a thing and stick to it 🙄 Hah. Don't. Change your mind more often than you change your undies. Things change. I'm not sure where this rant went...

[@Madamegato]

Pan woman married to a man and yeah... I feel this in my bones.

[@tephycf]

I’m a bi woman married to another woman and I don’t think I have words to describe how tiring it can be when you feel like you constantly have to explain people (even your queer friends) that being married to a woman doesn’t automatically make me a lesbian or “less bi”. I even had a “therapist “ tell me once during therapy that bisexuality “was not a real thing”, that it was just something indecisive people used to hide the fact that they can’t make up their minds. 😓

[@totalweirdo8538]

As a huge Dan and Phil fan, if anyone still doesn't get it I would really recommend Daniel Howell's video 'Basically I'm Gay'. It really goes into detail about how public speculation of his sexuality affected him. Trigger warning for bullying, homophobia, self-hatred and suicide.

[@vee2736]

that video was what introduced me to him, it was so impactful, and i’ve been a fan since

[@T.K.T]

I do think celebrities have some responsibility, too - they would react to fanfics of themselves on their channel, and joke about the topic in general, which made many of their viewers think that they weren't offended by those types of things.

[@weenage_skurtbag]

fellow phan in the wild :)))

[@totalweirdo8538]

@T.K.T They also made clear statements that they were uncomfortable with a lot of the speculation. As far as I'm aware, they don't have an issue with fanfiction or people generally thinking that they would be a good couple, but I've been a fan for a long time and people were *weird* . Every move they made was dissected and people would get genuinely angry if anyone suggested that they weren't together, or even that they were together but that their sex life wasn't exactly how they, as a random person who did not know them, explicitly thought they *knew* it was. Dan and Phil were both very clear that this was not something they were okay with, but they were constantly exposed to this and other forms of privacy invasion anyway. Did you watch Jessica's video? There's a point at which making jokes about it gives them some level of agency over it, despite it making them uncomfortable. There's a reason that despite both of them being out neither discusses their current dating life. Whether or not they're together is not something that we are owed information about, and them not sharing it shows that they are still uncomfortable with such invasive speculation. I'm sorry, but if you thought they were okay with it at the time you were wilfully ignorant.

[@T.K.T]

@totalweirdo8538 I have personally made no comments about them whatsoever, and I'm not even their fan. But a friend of mine was, and her impression was that they were (for the most part) ok with the "shipping talk" - again, based on their behaviour and light-hearted banter. If you create that kind of environment, it will, unfortunately feed that type of behaviour.

[@DawnBurn]

Elliot Page wrote a lot about the queerphobia he experienced both pre and post transition in his autobiography. He talked a LOT about the amount of issues he had when he thought he had to be just a lesbian and the amount of push he received to be straight for his career. Especially during the JUNO press tour.

[@LuckyBones77]

When I told my mom that I like girls, she responded ‘I understand why you might THINK so’ and gave me examples of crushes I had on men and several explanations of why I COULDN’T be queer. It was a truly bizarre experience. I can’t help but think of that moment whenever someone writes a near-essay comment about how some celebrity MUST be queer and comes in with a ‘fact’ list and receipts. It isn’t your place, it will never BE your place, to speculate on someone else’s thoughts and feelings to that degree.

[@ColorJoyLynnH]

I see you. It’s not right, it’s not fair, and I am so sorry.

[@saraellwood630]

My mother did the same thing! I admitted to her that I was dating a girl (my first time, in highschool). Her reaction was "oh its just a phase, you'll get past it." She was smiling when I broke up with her! Just said "I told you"! I stopped bringing my significant others home, no matter who they were. She probably still thinks I'm straight. I'm still absolutely bi.

[@tejaswoman]

I hear you. My brother has been gone a little over 4 years, and my mother - who loved him dearly - still is convinced I must be wrong that he was gay, simply because he was so devastated when this one particular female friend of his got married. To her, that means I'm wrong. It doesn't matter that toward the end of his life, when he was having cognitive difficulties, he was posting to gay dating sites from his account at their business (something she was aware of but possibly has forgotten) ... that when he was living with them before going into assisted living, a total stranger once showed up at his invitation to take him on a shopping date... and most of all, that he and I had conversations about it at a time in life when he was having difficulty coming to terms with it himself, with us both having been raised in a variety of Christianity that disapproves of same-sex relationships. It's a conversation we've had a few times now, but in her case, it is possible she is not merely being stubborn but having cognitive issues herself. I find in recent years there are other conversations she doesn't remember, and it could be she's just blocked out the parts that don't match her preconception. Hope your comment is coming from a place of now being completely at home with yourself.

[@saraellwood630]

@tejaswoman I'm sorry to hear about your brother's struggles! I understand it's frustrating to have that kind of disconnect with someone that you want love and support from. I've decided that my mother won't be having anything to do with that part of my life, and she never asks about it, so I'm assuming she agrees. A lot of our relationship is like that.

[@jennyhughes8761]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You are seen exactly as you are ❤❤

[@Wendy-je9zf]

One of the most saddening examples I can think of in recent years was when Kit Connor, who was barely 18 at the time was forced to come out on Twitter as bisexual. It was heartbreaking to see someone in my generation group be forced to make a public statementabout a part of their life that they wanted to keep a hold of for themselves.

[@minako10]

The saddest thing is that the same "fans" that pressured him to come out were also terribly biphobic toward him when pictures of himself and girl surfaced online. They clearly didn't understand ANYTHING Heartstopper was trying to say.

[@ariesf1fan27]

^^ this made me so upset, he did not deserve that at all, especially from his socalled "fans"

[@HydraCoffee42-wj5ir]

I agree so hard

[@Cabal_Therapist]

I think he was set up by the show itself. Touting "we have gay characters being played by gay actors and trans characters being played by trans actors" invariably drew attention to the tension of a bi character being played by someone that wasn't comfortable discussing their sexuality. The framing of the show explicitly invites that speculation when it holds its cast's identities up as a selling point, which wasn't fair to an 18 year old bi guy who wasn't ready to be out yet, which is all the stranger given what the show was about. Either they shouldn't have used inclusive casting or been sure everyone knew it would be used as a selling point.

[@sannalopperi-vihinen233]

something similar happened to Chris Colfer who played Kurt in Glee years earlier. He was forced to become out as gay way before he felt comfortable doing so.

[@apocrypha5363]

5:21 as a closeted trans teen in 2008 I was certain that transitioning would be too hard and too dangerous to be survivable for me. Every trans character I'd seen on a TV show or movie was either despised and mocked, or was killed for being trans... And then mocked. I remember finding an episode of Bones in which the trans character was killed... But not for being trans, and I thought that was amazing! Thats how low my bar was for representation... 😢 If you don't think representation matters, you've probably been represented well your whole life...

[@jennifers5560]

@@apocrypha5363 ❤️

[@OliviaWood14]

I remember that episode and my reaction was the same! One of my mothers is trans and the fact that the only trans representation was of trans women killed due to transphobia made tiny me really scared for my mother, and myself, and was probably a huge factor that led to suppressing my own sexuality, because it felt like to be queer was dangerous and you had to be super strong, and I wasn't so, therefore I couldn't be queer... 😕

[@octobercloser]

🎯🎯

[@cOmAtOrAn]

As an autistic queer person, it just ramps up the anxiety when people speculate about subtle social cues that were maybe not even intentional. Like, I have a hard enough time with obvious social cues, knowing that people are that invested in the gossip is stressful because I have no idea what cues I'm sending out. Plus, I can't even enjoy gossiping because I don't know how to do it.

[@ayellowpapercrown6750]

One name: Daniel Howell. After listening to his story, I’ll never ever speculate about someone’s sexuality.

[@jennifers5560]

“Straight” Jessica with the straight hair!

[@johannematheaangelsen1695]

When it comes to my sexuality, I will usually say, «I’m straight, as far as I know». I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone, but have felt attraction towards men, never towards women. I’m a cis woman who grew up in a small town, and always felt a bit different. When I moved to the «big city» and started musical theatre school, I started exploring my expression, and now dress very feminine, in mostly whimsical, historybounding outfits. Now, I recently started theatre courses at another university, after reaching «my final form» (having dressed the way I do for years, and establishing a wardrobe I feel comfortable in), and upon learning I wasn’t queer, multiple of my classmates were shocked, and one of them gestured loudly to my clothes. Some of them still question it sometimes, if jokingly. I’m fine with the jokes, they don’t bother me, and in a way, I take it as a compliment. If I seem queer to my queer friends, then that hopefully means they feel safe around me. But, guys…. Isn’t the whole point that sexuality and gender expression are NOT the same thing?? Isn’t that what we’re trying to teach the world? That no matter how you express your gender, it has nothing to do with who you’re sexually attracted to?? Mind you, I’m not taking specific cues from the queer world, and dressing in those fashions. I’m dressing hyper feminine in a cis woman’s body.

[@multidebbie1]

You're absolutely right. The gender you express does NOT factor into the gender/genders that you like. Infact, sometimes the gender you express isn't even the gender you want to be known as. A tomboy for example is not non-binary, they're simply a girl that likes wearing a different type of clothes. Some people just think that queer people are a certain type of way. Which is weird and in a way, homophobic

[@ArtichokeHunter]

i wonder if the jokes are as much about being in queer-dominated spaces in theatre as about your clothes? obviously you know your experience best, but i work in theatre and i do think sometimes people, including me, subconsciously assume other people to be queer when nothing has been discussed either way, just like people in "normal" circles assume straight until there's evidence otherwise. most people in the theatre circles i'm in are queer (including those in opposite-gender relationships) so i wouldn't assert queerness to anyone if they haven't stated it, but i might be a little surprised if they describe themselves as straight for the first time.

[@johannematheaangelsen1695]

@@multidebbie1 that’s a very good point🙌🏼

[@johannematheaangelsen1695]

@@ArtichokeHunter yeah, I definitely think you’re right. Being in a «more queer» space and also dressing the way I do, is probably two of the factors. I mean, I hope this doesn’t come off as me going «woe is me, poor straight woman that people think is queer», because I truly do not mind. It’s just an interesting thing, that people still make assumptions of sexuality based on expression.

[@Hanaconda_Aquaponics]

Regarding the idea of it being to do with the space you're in, when I did a wildlife conservation job, some colleagues would show surprise that I (or any other colleague) wasn't vegetarian or vegan, and it felt like I'd have to explain myself for not fitting the stereotype. But also in polyamorous, kinky and furry spaces if there was a straight person in the group there would often be surprise and sometimes little bit of teasing. I believe that there's data showing that something like 20% of furries are straight, but even within the fandom the assumption that everyone is queer is sometimes still made.

[@MiljaHahto]

Not all famous people are rich either, and not all types of fame makes you powerful.

[@vulcanhumor]

This is one thing I wish more people would understand: most famous people are not rich and famous people. Especially in the entertainment industry, work can be inconsistent and doesn't always pay well. Not everyone is an A-lister who can demand and receive a multi-million dollar paycheck for ten minutes of screen time. Most well-known actors are still very much "working" actors.

[@mind_palace]

5:05 so I'm muslim and I live in the Netherlands, and as a kid, watching shows like dance academy, or reading books with the rainbow tag(which was like 15 years ago) because it looked fun, definitely helped with developing an understanding and acceptance, even if my household was against it. Having access to those shows and books is equally important too. Tho as a 10 year old i don't even think i knew what the rainbow represented but reading the stories and watching those shows makes it feel like you're reading what a friend has gone through, making it more personal rather than seeing it as a group of people who 'sin'. Starting young makes it definitely easier to help create allies.

[@moonkitty5274]

I've been in Japan recently and something that was highlighted to me there was how much we assume men's sexuality based on how much care they put into their appearance/ fashion. In Japan, young men dressing up aesthetically, tucking their shirts into their jeans, getting ears pierced, styling hair or even wearing makeup does not declare them as lgbt+, its just self-expression and following trends from jpop and kpop idols. In the West, sometimes it seems that if a guy cares about his clothes/ aesthetic (apart from maybe hair), they automatically get categorised, and it's really sad to see

[@Milky_Yippee]

I remember people yapping about hot to go (the only chapell roan song they know) and then one goes “wait? Isn’t she gay?” I had to stop myself from laughing so hard

[@cindyharris0531]

Jessica, I want to thank you for all of your content, but especially for your response to what we in the United States of America are currently experiencing and struggling with. Your support is immeasurable in helping me cope. I love you for all you do❤

[@jennifers5560]

❤

[@RorysSpoonieDiaries-fh2gk]

My thoughts exactly!

[@WasFakestCenturyAesthetics]

you voted for the guy who helped start the Iraq war? And then his Dick Cheney-endorsed replacement who was installed by the same corrupt party that concealed Joe's mental decline?

[@larissabrglum3856]

It's nice to see that people in other countries care about us, at least

[@missnaomi613]

We WILL get through this! 🙏💚🏳‍🌈🏳‍⚧🟦

[@saraholson5946]

This is why I'm against demanding that actors must be out as queer or trans to play those roles. This world is not safe and it isn't fair to ask anyone to come out on your terms instead of their own. Obviously it is better to have members of those communities involved in story telling and representation at a deep and meaningful level, but asking for that to be the public facing parts in these times is asking a lot. Throwing the closet door open is powerful, being dragged out of it is not.

[@19031589]

She really said #ClosetedRights! 😂

[@KaylaChan90]

This is a big problem in the fandom space for Thai BL/GL/GL series. Some of the LGBT+ ones are out, some aren't and never will be. The BIGGEST issue comes with the ones that just want to live their lives, where it's clear they aren't just cis and/or straight, but they don't come out or talk about it, they just live their lives. SO MANY PEOPLE look at them and argue with "NO THEY ARE STRAIGHT" "UH NO THEY ARE CLEARLY LIVING AN LGBT+ LIFE AND WE NEED TO CALL IT WHAT IT IS." and it's like no, you fucking leave them alone and let them live their life sharing whatever they do want to share.

[@kayleighgreen5549]

The first pride I went to with my fiance, I was scared to hold his hand incase people thought we were straight. Nevermind that we're both bi (and I'm ace and non binary too), this made him think that I didn't want to be with him and I'll never forgive myself for that.

[@camcat26]

Ugh. 2019, I don’t remember which city (other than it was one that should have known better) had a problem with trans-het couples being harassed at Pride events. Passing doesn’t make a person less trans, being in a monogamous hetero relationship doesn’t make a person less bi. Presenting in a way that fits within the gender binary doesn’t mean a person can’t identify as non-binary

[@pam112061]

I am an older straight lady in the US. Please Help! My friends and family, who are not straight and whom I love dearly , are under attack and now by Executive orders. This man is evil and so are many or those who voted for him. Passport renewals being denied as well. Yes we have legal challenges in place but I do think many are suffering and some may not be strong enough to keep fighting. I do not understand why people hate so much. I was not raised to hate. Not all white straight people voted for Trump. I don’t care if he had run as a democrat I still would not vote for him with his divisive policies. We must do everything we can to protect our loved ones who are under attack by him and his administration.

[@tejaswoman]

You may want to edit your comment for clarity, because after reading it a couple of times, I feel like you're probably talking about people around you who either are _not_ straight and being attacked for their sexuality, or about people who are being attacked for other reasons, but a lot of people are going to read this as you claiming straight people are being attacked for being straight - not only is that not true, after rereading your comment so many times, I don't think that's even what you were trying to say. I get the impression you were simply trying to avoid misrepresenting yourself as being part of the community on whose behalf you were trying to advocate?

[@pam112061]

@@tejaswoman thank you I did make some changes. I hope they make my position more clear. Always an ally.

[@pam112061]

@@tejaswoman I also think it is important for all of us that happen to be straight but still have friend and family who are not - to make our outrage known. My being straight only mean that Trump is not targeting me for my sexuality- he may try in other ways eventually though. Just like I advocate for woman’s right to an abortion - or not - no longer affects me personally since I am 63- however I do have daughters and granddaughters who will be affected by that, plus if this administration tries to roll back access to birth control and even no fault divorce - it will affect many I love. We don’t have to be the ones affected (yet) by his tyranny but we should all take a stand against it.

[@sannalopperi-vihinen233]

Some of this made me think of Mitch Grassi (from Pentatonix), who is an openly gay man with a high countertenor voice who sometimes likes to wear women's clothing and I think at some point questioned his gender identity. He has sometimes discussed how he started feeling better when he gave himself a permission to be a bit different from other boys and how even with other gay people there is pressure to fit in and be a homogenous group. I think I somehow lost my point in the middle of writing, but it has to do with how people are put into neat little boxes where hardly anyone feels really comfortable in. Also: the film director Lilly Wachowski was also forced to come out in a way similar to Rebel. Daily Mail threatened to expose her gender identity and she wasn't allowed to choose when to come out.

[@SailorDisco]

Thank you for this video! I was outed to my mom by my sister when I was 14. I’ve never been able to make her understand why that hurt and why it’s still a big deal to me 27 years later.

[@PhoebeFayRuthLouise]

4:10 I wasn’t expecting to cry, but your kind words for those of living in the US did it. Thank you for your support from across the pond.

[@tejaswoman]

Thank you for calling my attention to the moment she said that. I had been looking down in the comments at that moment and missed her sweet little statement. Thank you, Jessica - back at'cha 🇺🇸 💞🇬🇧 from Texas.

[@ninjakiwigames5418]

A kind reminder to keep discussions of celebrity's sexuality offline. Now, if you want to guess and discuss someone's sexuality online there's a great category called: FICTIONAL characters from shows, movies, books, etc. Keep it fictional or keep it offline!

[@RobinT346]

I wouldn't even do it offline tbh. it's still sending a message about what you consider queerness to look like or what queer people owe you to those around you who maybe aren't out or are out but who don't conform to your expectations of queerness. That's the whole point. It's not just shitty for the celebrities, it perpetuates harmful cis heteronormative concepts generally and has an impact on people around you.

[@LeftPhilip]

​@RobinT346 nah. You're way over thinking jt

[@ninjakiwigames5418]

@ I get where you're coming from, but it's pretty natural to gossip about random things with friends. And ironically though I rarely do that, the times I did do it was with my queer friends.

[@Junosensei]

Fictional characters can be fun, too. There's an interesting loophole dichotomy that allows us to talk simultaneously about what a fictional character's sexuality/gender was _intended_ to be by the author (which can even change when new authors grab hold) and how we _project_ our own feelings onto the character. There are quite a few anime characters who are stated to be AMAB, but who express themselves exclusively as girls/women, and a lot of the authors aren't necessarily _trying_ to write a trans girl/woman, but the character's subversion of gender is taking to its ultimate end, making it difficult to distinguish between some "otoko no ko" (ambiguous term that usually refers to a crossdressing boy) and the real experiences of a trans girl/woman. Case in point, the author of Re:Zero has explicitely stated that the cat-eared Ferris is not a trans girl (described them as an "otoko no ko"), but the novels describe Ferris' discontent with their gender and relief that their body is feminine (no facial hair, has curves, has their mother's face, etc.). They stumble upon the idea that they could "swap" genders with Crusch (whose concern with gender is more about gender roles and expectations, but who doesn't seem to care which they're identified as otherwise) and not only jump eagerly at it, but also get a few paragraphs describing just how natural and empowering wearing a dress felt. Their normal daily routine is to stand in the mirror and repeat "I'm a pretty girl" over and over until their confidence builds and they're ready for the day. They deliberately avoid telling their prince friend who crushes on them _for years_ about their sex, and "Ferris" is actually a name given to them by the prince, who misheard their dead nameーthey get visibly upset/angry whenever anyone uses said dead name. These things are so normal for trans women (not usually crossdressers) that despite the author's words, it's hard to see Ferris as _not_ trans. But in the end, it doesn't really matterーfans can see Ferris how they want to see Ferris according to their own experiences and thoughts.

[@blackk_rose_]

I agree, although some speculations about fictional characters can also send harmful messages. The amount of times I've seen people use stereotypes or wrong ideas about queer people to justify why a character must be straight or must be gay is exhausting. The top or bottom discourse is so widespread now that a lot of people genuinely think that one must be a top OR bottom and that those come with certain characteristics. It's just a different flavour of the speculations about who the woman in the relationship is. I'm sick of it. Obviously, gossiping with your friends or speculating about fictional characters is generally fine, but I wish people would check the way they talk about things more and stop relying so much on stereotypes.

[@TheOneWithWen]

I consider myself bi and somewhere in the ace spectrum, so, very much in a gray area in what on earth my own attraction means. And I get so annoyed when we try to force death celebrities as gay, just becuse they weren't in a public straight relationship. Many people can even be straight but not have any partner. Many people are asexual. And although I'm not going to assume they were ace either, I feel it is very horrible to just assume two people were together. Friendships do exist as well. I have been told that I like people I didn't (literally being told that I liked them even if I didn't know it), I have been told that they could see I wasn't a lesbian, way way before I realized I was actually bi. And I have been told my very straight ex was probably gay, because he was more femme presenting. It is harmful.

[@birgitteandersen5886]

As a private person, I can understand why many people would want to tell certain people or no one.

[@purplexninjamom]

I started this video with a "No. Nobody does." I ended it with my two new favorite sentences. "You are allowed to take as long as you need to figure out your sexuality and your gender." Thank you. "You are allowed to decide how your queerness looks". Yes. This. People give me slack all the time for living how I see fit. Yes, I am different than you perceive me. Shocker.

[@Alina_Schmidt]

Yeah. I‘d add that you‘re also allowed to not figuring out your sexuality and gender. As another option.

[@CS-zb7hx]

I'm really glad that you brought up how the queerness/gayness of openly bisexual celebrities is still "investigated", I feel like that gets overlooked a lot. If gossip culture has gotten to the point where even people who are openly gay are being shaken down for whether they might somehow be yet "more" gay, I feel like we should all be able to agree that's gone too far

[@darthmaule]

love him or hate him, Paul Ruben (Peewee Herman) recently just came out from the GRAVE after a lifetime of speculation and I think that is just so badass. He did it on his own terms. in the Doc he comes out in, he goes into his own internalized homophobia and other reasons why he didn't want to share his sexuality publically, even stating that he was out and then went back in to the closet

[@larissabrglum3856]

What's the documentary? I'm curious

[@deposingveto]

I'm genderfae (it means I'm on the genderfluid spectrum but I never encompass masculine genders) and sapphic and I've been out to my family and my school for 4 years now. Of course, I've gotten hate for it at school and weird looks when I hold my girlfriend's hand, but I honestly couldn't care less. My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and 10 months and we've known each other since we were 5. She's been with me when I was questioning my gender, struggling with my mental health and all. I was with her when she realized she was pansexual and was diagnosed with autism, which was really rough for her. We're both out to basically everyone in our community by CHOICE. If I was forced to do that, that would be so terrible. I don't get how people can just force others to out themselves when sexuality and gender are a private thing. I wish lgbt wasn't that big of a deal, but with this reality, it's hard to even expect the bare minimum.

[@Max_well135]

It's always so saddening to see how much pettiness or even borderline hatred there can be among queer people, but what's an even bigger problem is the fact so many people bury their hand in the sand whenever this is mentioned... there's no way we can better ourselves as a community if we're not willing to address our problems, because other people will see this as an opportunity to degrade and berate us. I think you're doing an immense service to everybody by speaking up on the matter and it's always amazing to watch your content! 💕

[@DeathByManchineel]

My friend and I were testifying at our state capitol on the days that the bills to require teachers to tell parents about any new nicknames or pronouns students were using was bring debated. There were also bills making it so businesses could discriminate who could go to the bathroom first based on gender identity (no way to tell *what* gender identity, or if someone was trans of course), a bill requiring all students who wished to participate in girl’s sports to “prove” that they were “biologically female” (my friend is sueing the state over this one) and a bill requiring ALL topics in school that involved gender or sexuality in any way (this includes math word problems with pronouns in them, history that mentions pronouns or someone being a man or woman, etc. etc.) to be told to parents 2 weeks in advance. While I was testifying, one of the representatives fell asleep. A woman (who shows up to those meetings a lot) shoved me and my friend to the ground, shoved her phone in our faces and started screaming about how “the terrible transgenders were assaulting a poor old woman”. She likes to go around and take pictures of minors at rallies and post them on her socials saying horrible things. She brings a sandwich board covered in slurs half the time. The one thing I liked about going was that because I was in view of the camera recording all of us, they couldn’t include the vast majority of the horrible clips in the news report covering it because I was flipping them off in the background.

[@tejaswoman]

That last part made this Texan smile.

[@amyleah08]

Mad respect for that last part XD

[@jennifers5560]

Beautifully thought out, researched and presented. I wish all news sources were this good. To answer Jessica’s question, I just always mention “my wife” when I want people to know I am queer. (I have no subtly about me! )

[@genshin_lore_enjoyer]

Last time i speculated about celebrities orientation was when i was 15 years old and wasn't sure about my own orientation. Since understanding "Im a lesbian, oh my!" hit me i completely stopped to speculate. Idk, for me this common sense. Because i imagined myself on place of such celebrity and independently of orientation in situation - this still seemed so wrong and invasive Thank you for bringing such important theme

[@SammyLammy1D]

As a child deep, deep in the closet in a conservative village of about 1000 people, I did have two celebrities I definitely thought were together (gay/bi). I am not proud of it now, but it helped me accept who I am and eventually came out when I left the small town. That being said, I never talked about it online. I was angry even at the time at people asking them directly about it because as someone in the closet, I knew how it felt to be asked about it. I rarely spoke about it at all to other people, mainly because I feared it would out myself. I did, however, talk about it with my online friends in the same fandom, but only privately. I am not proud of that either, but it is what it is. Sure, I wish I had looked up to a celebrity who was actually out and proud so that I wouldn't have had to speculate. But I can't change the past, I can only strive to do better in the future.

[@dameeris8377]

I absolutely adore collecting old coded phrases like "Friends of Dorothy", "Vermont Wedding" etc But my favorite? I'll put it this way, I smile when I think of my "Family" and that includes you Platonic Love & Kisses, Debi

[@tejaswoman]

A woman I was chatting with at a gay bar I go to for karaoke asked "are you family?" Or something along those lines, and luckily for me, I had recently learn about how that's a popular term especially among the older members of the community. Quipped, "Not family, though I have family who are family! 😁"

[@clarasigmon3415]

living in the states now and really appreciating the messages of support from people like you… it helps to know that we’re not alone here.

[@MrGreyseptember]

If even people (celebrities and not) who live in the West face homophobia, transphobia, etc., imagine what we, queer people, who live in less progressive countries, face? My best friend lives in China. I won't even get started on how they treat LGBT+ there. And even the EU is not a monolith. My other friend lives in Poland, and it is a very homophobic country on all levels. So I don't understand how anyone can demand that someone come out.

[@junefousek3644]

Just based off the title no, it’s nice to know but I feel that can also be kept private

[@pjaypender1009]

What about it is "nice to know?" What do you gain by knowing? I ask, because homophobia, transphobia, etc. will only end when it doesn't matter. While this curiosity exists, that "it's normal" state Jessica is talking about doesn't exist.

[@junefousek3644]

@ so you can know that someone famous is like you, represents you, worked and got that opportunity when many others from our community don’t

[@VS-kf5qw]

@@pjaypender1009 homophobia and transphobia will only end when people stop being homophobic and transphobic. Some LGBTQ people look to fictional characters and public figures because there's no one in their immediate community to give them hope that they too will get to live a full life as a queer person. I agree that someone's private life isn't anybody's business- no one "owes" disclosure- but there is a net positive impact on the world when you see people like you willingly come out.

[@alwaysbored1700]

@junefousek3644but if you have to speculate that means you dont know, and that means others dont know, which means they got to that position as straight presenting. How is that representation for you?

[@junefousek3644]

@@alwaysbored1700 no? If someone isn’t openly anything then I don’t assume what they are

[@hearthish]

I know I've been bi/then pan since 1999. I still feel like "I'm not gay enough" No one owes you their queerness. Not at all.

[@jennifers5560]

[@j3llyb3anss]

i’m not out yet but that’s part of why i’m not. i’m scared of not being gay enough or that people will push me to “pretend to be straight” since im bisexual

[@saraellwood630]

Ohmilord, seriously! I'm seriously "straight-passing", and going into gay bars or clubs was hit and miss. I wasn't lesbian enough, and some people would stop talking to me once they found out I was bi!

[@toastymarshh5159]

​@j3llyb3anssNever hold yourself back from things you can't control, you can't control how people will think, but you have control to express yourself how ever you wish. Sure I'm a lesbian and I dress masculine, but I'm not comfortable being called butch and I wear what wear because it's comfortable. No one has the power to make you be someone you're not, there are no rules to how someone who is bisexual should act, look or talk, and those people are probably not worth your time. Have more confidence in yourself, you might be surprised how strong you are.

[@Minchowski]

I remember having a conversation at work once, with our LGBTQ+ ARG, where one of the gay men was talking about how refreshing the show Schitt's Creek was and how you can tell the difference between gay representation written by a gay person (in this case, Daniel Levy) and gay rep written by straight people. And then multiple people agreed with him! At which point, I just jumped in to point out that not every queer creator is out! This was pretty soon after Becky Albertalli had been bullied into outing herself as bi. And I'm sitting here, as a person who is openly bi and ace and nonbinary (all identities I routinely get told don't even exist - so I absolutely get not necessarily *wanting* to be out), trying to explain to this gay man that sometimes you don't need to know the creator's sexuality or gender identity (and sometimes the art is a way for the creator to learn those things, anyway, so it's not even like we should be gatekeeping straight cis people from making queer art). Anyway, upshot was that the other nonbinary person in the conversation (who wasn't out to the people in their office at the time) sent me an email thanking me for mentioning that not being out **does not equal** being straight. As many times as we've all said heterosexuality isn't the default, it really seems like sometimes we're bad at living by that.

[@NeedMoreCoffeeOG]

Representation mattered a lot to me in the 90s when I was in my pre-teens and I only learned my word (bisexual) because Angelina Jolie decided to talk about it in an interview (or I woud have never known it existed) and I am forever grateful, and SOME representation will always matter, but in the age of the internet and growing queer media, there's less and less need for individual artists to sacrifice their privacy for some representation.

[@misssabrinafairchild6313]

High Femme Lesbian here. My "subtle" nod to my not very obvious queerness is my scissoring tattoo with lavender and lilacs. I get asked a lot if its because i like crafting LOL. But move around my arm inwards and I have two naked women kissing tattooed on my inner arm. Still I live with my ex husband and our kids so people just assume i like queer art. I have the opposite problem when people speculate about my sexuality. I had a friend (no longer a friend) who asked me every time we caught up if I was still gay.

[@jennoscura2381]

Love the "crafting" tattoo. LOL. Mine isn't subtle. I am a trans woman and butch lesbian. I have a tattoo of a rainbow trans symbol with a labrys.

[@tejaswoman]

"asked... if I was still gay" 😮 makes me think of SNL, back in the 1970s, "This breaking news just in - Generalissimo Francisco Franco is STILL dead!"

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

We don't demand to know the personal life of any other type of professional. When actors give interviews, do press, walk the red carpet......they are working. They owe us nothing outside of their professionalism.

[@storyspren]

35:15 My favorite "subtle enough that straight people don't pick up on it" way to signal my queerness is to tell people I'm nonbinary, hang up a nonbinary pride flag in my living room, change my name to a traditionally feminine one that's so rare most people might not associate it with a specific gender and tell people I specifically picked it because it feels neutral, and present my hair in a way that isn't traditionally masculine. It really trips them up unless they have a lot of openly queer friends :p

[@Miss_Kisa94]

For as long as I can remember I've had a crush on Vincent Price. It wasn't many years later that I found out he was bi. His daughter wrote about it AFTER he had passed. That way she could tell his story and avoid causing problems for her father.

[@bethrunkle76]

I love Him. His one of my favorite actors!!!!!!!! I love how he could go from being child-like and feel like you need to protect him to having you cowering in a corner just by lifting his eye brows and changing his voice.

[@alysgrey9576]

Gender is so performative that it feels like we’re constantly expected to act a certain way to fit a certain mold. Sadly, we’ve extended that to looking for clues that “show” a person’s sexuality. In my 20s, straight and queer people alike decided I was a lesbian because I wasn’t performing femininity adequately. As a disabled autistic adult, I had and still have much more pressing concerns. Life is exhausting enough without trying to meet all of the myriad expectations thrown at us.

[@colinneagle4495]

I remember seeing a thing online a while ago about bisexuals all having green velvet couches as I sat on my own green velvet couch. I'm gay so perhaps I was just immune to the alluring bisexual power of emerald upholstery

[@NeedMoreCoffeeOG]

I have a green velvet reading chair, am I still bi? 😂

[@colinneagle4495]

@@NeedMoreCoffeeOG I'm unfamiliar with the stereotypical LGBTQ+ affiliations of reading chairs. Perhaps instead of being bi, a green velvet reading chair makes you pansexual?

[@logo9470]

😂😂😂

[@Hannah_Becton]

I'm just now finding out this is a thing, as a bi woman with a green velvet couch. 🤣

[@akhagee4707]

Damn, where is my green velvet couch then???

[@SwayTree]

Representation is important but not everybody wants to be an activist. They might just not want to talk about it. Even if you are straight and cis it would be very uncomfortable to be asked "When you realized you want to have sex?" (because that's basically what you ask about when you say "When did you realize you are attracted to the same sex?") or "What was your first relationship like?" Somehow people feel entitled to ask very intimate questions just because you are gay. I think it's fine when you talk to someone you know, education is great but I imagine if you are a celebrity these questions are being asked too often by complete strangers.

[@sannalopperi-vihinen233]

Or just "what kind of people do you crush on?" because it's not always about sex.

[@katerrahazel1944]

As an out lesbian with a non binary partner we are very stressed right now in the USA. I appreciate the representation that exists now as opposed to when I came out in the late 80’s. However, I would not ever out anyone. It’s simply not my place.

[@rachael1214]

When i was a teenager, some other bisexual girls told me i didnt "seem bisexual" and asked if i was sure i wasnt just an ally. 15-odd years later, thanks to being a non bloomer i still feel such internalised doubt about my own sexuality. Lets not tell others, celebrity or not, what their sexuality is.

[@rheagalarneau1366]

I’m struggling with posting this, but I’m ace. You very rarely see people coming out ace. Many people get bring ace mixed up with being celibate. Those 2 things are very different. I’m not sure if that means they just don’t come out, or are unsure what it is.

[@fran60139]

Hi! I'm ace too (although I've never really 'come out') It's a weird one, because anybody in the public eye who might be ace but in a relationship would just be seen as 'straight' or 'gay' or whatever because they're not going to go into details about what they do/don't do in that relationship! Unless they explicitly say they're ace and that leads to all sorts of questions about what ace means and what they do/don't do etc... and if they're not in a relationship for whatever reason, then people aren't really thinking about it. Sort of seperaty, cos I'm not a celebrity, I don't really like the idea of coming out because either there's weird awkward conversations or explanation (e.g. is that just celibacy, are you sex repulsed etc) but also because it doesn't necessarily affect anyone unless I'm interested in having a relationship with them. And also, I'm still figuring me out and I don't like the idea of people having a possibly wrong idea of me in their heads and Id have to update them 😂 I guess this is even more so if you're a celebrity? I don't know. I totally get that people coming out can help representation and help people feel like they're part of a family etc but not everyone wants or needs to come out, celebrities alike!

[@ArtichokeHunter]

i think we just don't get mainstream representation? i think a lot of people come out as ace, or specific identities on the ace spectrum, to friends and family, or to online communities, but it just doesn't get much attention because there are so few out ace public figures, in part probably because it's so widely misunderstood

[@silver_fox_4297]

Ace/Aro here too! And yes I totally agree with your views!

[@sweetness9356]

Also asexual. I identify as grey ace. Hello fellow ace-lings.

[@petra-katehuff6381]

Not alone. ACE too. And going to a book tour stop of an openly ACE author tonight. Excited!

[@JapaneseAlley]

No one should be outed!

[@NazaninHasannejad]

Came straight from your executive dysfunction video. So excited to watch this. Thank you for doing ehat you do dear Jessica 🧡

[@CalliopePresents]

Thank you for your support. We are not okay, but we're not giving up.

[@lynh.1214]

I vividly remember Lee Pace being "pushed" out of the closet, although "bullied" would be a better term. By one entitled arrogant journalist, who embodied this entitled view that anyone playing a queer role has to be queer themselves. Should we push toward more queer actors in the business being comfortable to be out and play those roles? Absolutely. Should we do this by badgering them into coming out? Absolutely no.

[@DasPingu]

I was just thinking of him! It saddens me to how he was outed… I don’t understand the need to out people. It’s just terrible

[@Missinyellow]

Things like this are why being famous sounds like a complete nightmare to me. So many people feel entitled to know everything about you, and if even they can't find private things about you to leak, they'll just make something up.

[@19031589]

A key part of getting a gay/bi role is to be straight. Second best is to be closeted. They’re both fucked up and we should expect more from an industry that supposedly cares about us. Lots of 2024/2025 movies and tv with roles that suspiciously don’t include openly gay actors 🤔

[@RHCole]

🌈Parasocial relationships🙌🏻

[@thefluffywaffle8388]

As a queer Asian US citizen, thanks for the support and well wishes. It’s getting scary out here, but we must not give up hope, because we will always be here and we have to keep fighting for the future queer kids as well❤ Their strategy is to break us down bit by bit, but if we give up hope, then we lose, and our kids lose. The world has fought fascism before and we will do it again no matter what. Take care of yourself and your queer and POC friends and family, support and donate to LGBTQ+ organizations, and pay attention to what’s going on in your local and federal government (it’s not just America), but remember it’s okay to just take care of your mental health and safety first and foremost❤

[@jennifers5560]

I agree the shock, despair and sadness of all this is now starting to turn. Discussions are now how to disrupt, how to protect and how to prepare. This gives me hope. ❤

[@arlaur]

Jessica , you are SO FORTUNATE to have grown up in a supportive environment and never felt shame about your orientation! I hope that your experience becomes more the rule than the exception for queer kids in the future.

[@Invisiblegirl109]

When I was 12 I was outed to my whole middle school, I was brutally bullied for being a lesbian and experienced corrective assault because people wanted to “fix” me. Never out people, it’s not worth it.

[@meredithhadaway5512]

I'm in my 40s and still working out the fine details of my gender and sexuality. (I mean, I've known I was bi since I was a kid, and trans masc since my 20s *ish*, but figured out I'm actually a dude at about the age of 40 and that I'm demisexual last year... Blessedly I have an awesome partner and friends to give me that space to work things out - and blessedly I'm not at all famous.) Amongst so much else, the pressure put on celebrities to know precisely what their gender and sexuality is often at a very young age is so profoundly ignorant of how all this works. Overall, just: thank you for this video! It's all fantastic and you're so wise.

[@OzarksUSA]

I never came out to my parents. I was outed to my parents by someone I trusted, a fellow queer woman. My parents didn't disown me, but they regularly tell me I'm going to hell and I was outed to them many years ago. I don't think they will ever stop telling me I'm going to hell. If I ever find the right woman and get married, they will not attend my wedding I have a friend that has volunteered to give me away at my wedding. I think chosen family means more than family you happen to share DNA with.

[@dothedo3667]

The only "exception" to the things talked about, is if you're not willing to come out then don't use reclaimed slurs that a cis-het person shouldn't be using. I'd call that an exception to the "mannerisms don't belong to any one group" part. Like, I only heard a bit about it so I don't know the details, but someone used the trans t-slur and was getting hate for it because it wasn't known they were trans, so they came out to stop the hate.... Yeah maybe don't use a slur if you don't want to identify yourself as being part of that group / don't want to come out.

[@jk-jl2lo]

i remember seeing so many tabloid magazine covers in the grocery store checkout lines in the late 2000s/early 2010s that were speculating about caitlyn jenner's identity and surgeries and clothes before she came out. even as a 10 y/o, it was so weird to me that people were taking photos of some random celebrity just filling their gas tank bc they thought it looked from 100 ft away that said celebrity might have had plastic surgery. it's just creepy to do, regardless of who the subject is.

[@A-Milly-A]

Re the Sydney Morning Herald and Rebel Wilson: the 'journalist' Andrew Hornery is an out gay man, as is his editor. The lack of empathy or basic ethics from two men who should know better is gross.

[@Piti_Pingu]

I remeber when iw as like 3. I watched sailor moon with my parents. And the infamous hand scene came on, and the german dub was stating that the two women were "just cousins." I asked my mom cause it seemed weird. My mom just explained to me that "sometimes people have to pretend they are not in love with the people they love. Saying they are just friends, or cousins. Because there are people out there that can be very mean to people just because they don't agree with who they love! But that is wrong, people should be able to love whoever they want to love!" so I pretty much knew all along it was okay to be queer. When I told my brother I was bi he just went "Yeah. I know. You had a life size sailor Jupiter right next to your bed. Obviously you weren't straight." So yeah my family was very open from the get go

[@gemmascotland899]

Like you, I never officially came out. There was never a need. I've always expressed my love for people, be that male (Johnny Depp mainly), female (I was obsessed with Miley cyrus) or trans people (met my sons father when we were school-age, she's a gorgeous woman now). I was fortunate enough that my dad would take me with him to Glasgow art school when i was about 4/5ish and i met so many amazing people that I knew from a young age that it was normal and i had no need to hide.

[@brittanyloggins6514]

All of this. People think they are owed explanations when it is none of their business.

[@ribon-ichigo]

the amount of people speculating Taylor Swift after she released You Need to Calm Down, claiming "oh well she's famous and has a lot of money she should just come out because she's safe" really pissed me off. I don't even care about Taylor Swift. But I don't think celebrities NEED to come out. They will still deal with public backlash, threats of violence from extremists, and scrutiny within the industry.

[@yasashiyuu]

Sadly this video triggered so much memories, got me nightmares about my mental health, and made me cried at 1am. Stil great video❤ I hope tomorrow would be better for everyone...

[@jennifers5560]

❤

[@cgygflkj]

The answer to your question is NO. No one owes you their orientation unless they want to share.

[@Ccaarrooification]

Thank you, Jessica, for this video, it is very informative! My son just turned 2 last month and its crazy the gender expectations already put on him. Anything pink, a pacifier or shoes, making people question if he is a girl even when the rest of him (hair and clothes) is a typical boy look. People are uncomfortable seeing him hold and cuddle a doll. The disapproval in their eyes for us for buying these things. I just don't understand why he should not be allowed certain colors or toys.

[@jwb52z9]

When I was a kid in the 80s, people thought being bisexual was imaginary. So, they thought you were confused, or you didn't exist. I wasn't very clued-in to my own sexuality before I was a teenager, but I also had what you could call a very unusual "bi awakening" at 13 years old. Interestingly enough, even with a preacher for a father and both parents being homophobic and bigots, although not nearly to the extent we see a lot of people now so overtly, I never felt bad about my sexuality, but I also knew I had to hide it. I was a kid during the AIDS epidemic's height in the US, but I saw people dying on the news and in magazines, so I have those memories forever. I guess you could say they are second-hand because it wasn't in person. I don't know if that makes a difference, though.

[@ShatteredAngelWings]

I am Aro-Ace and Agender, and I really struggle with the fact that certain clothing is seen as feminine actually (skirts, and dresses). I find it hard to go anywhere out of my house wearing a skirt or dress, because I am not a woman, nor feminine. I'm just me. So my problem, ironically, isn't that certain clothing is perceived as queer, but that certain clothing is perceived as feminine. Similar with when I'm with a male friend, it is assumed they are my boyfriend or at the very least I'm interested in them. I can pass as cishet and to some extend I'm terrified to not be able to pass anymore. Knowing that a part of the world population will want me dead. Knowing that I have colleagues who would hate my ass and think my minority doesn't deserve a say. Knowing that I as the only current queer person in the company, I have to stand up for myself because my cishet colleagues even if they support me, aren't going to. Knowing that the online queer community has given many people around me queer people the reputation of being assholes, unforgiving and unreasonable. Thinking that every queer person is like that. That doesn't change when someone is a celebrity. Forcing them into such a situation is horrifying. And some of my friends wonder why I don't feel welcome in queer spaces. Well, because of shit like this.

[@susanpolastaples9688]

I am disgusted in what is happening in the US now. I abhor Trump and all those Republicans who are making our country into a newer Nazi state. If I had the money, which I don't, I would move to England. This vlog is important bc everyone deserves privacy especially the young and those who have chosen to for whatever the reason to remain in the closet. Hope Claude and Rupert, Bertie and Tillie are ok

[@feline.equation]

I don’t think moving to the UK is much better. I’m a dual citizen who’s considering grad school over there. There are TONS of very serious social issues, it’s just a bit less obvious than over here. Most recently, there have been violent attacks against Muslims. I believe they have less protections for disabled people, too. Finally, the Brit’s are, in general, pretty prejudiced. I may be a dual citizen but I’m a proud first gen American and Californian born and raised. I have an American accent, and specifically I’m kind of a stereotypical Californian. I personally have faced discrimination in the UK. Customs questioning my citizenship when entering the country, I’ve had people scrutinize the relationship between my mom and I (apparently I’m disrespectful to my mom?), I’ve had a number of British family member accuse me of being a drug addict because I was taking ibuprofen for cramps, they don’t like tourists in most parts of England (workers at tourist sites are incredibly passive aggressive and will be downright disrespectful if you do thinking like make a wrong turn and ask for directions), I’ve had Brits in shops pretend to not understand me because I don’t have an English accent. The grass is always greener, until it’s not. The only reason I’m seriously considering grad school over there is because it’s cheaper. I made it extremely clear in my interview that I will be returning to California immediately on graduation and to not expect me to work in the UK. Since foreigners pay the bills for British students, they don’t care.

[@firerose7936]

As a bisexual who has trouble sitting in chairs properly, and didn't know that that was a bisexual thing, I am now thoroughly conflicted. 😂 I feel like this is something I would know, if it weren't for bi-erasure... 🤣🤣🤣

[@akhagee4707]

And according to the bi reddit.... we have lemon bars. (Like "welcome to the dark side, we have cookies" meme)

[@josiee1120]

A show I really enjoyed (until it got canceled because of course it did) had a beautiful love story between two bi characters (except for one part which we, as a fandom, choose to forget about most of the time) and people constantly speculated about their sexuality. And then, one of them came out and said she had been in relationships with men and women (her words) and people got even more mad when she started dating a man. People need to learn that celebs don’t owe them anything and just let people live their lives as long as they aren’t harming others.

[@4thcutiemarkcrusader]

Haven't watched the whole video yet, but I always love a KZbinr who makes their own captions. :)

[@jillianhelding]

A+ teenage crush choice. Eliza Dushku was definitely on my list as a young queer person.

[@tunafarrell2067]

I have a policy: The only time anyone has a right to know about another person's sex life is if they're going to be involved in it.

[@fran60139]

I think it's a really interesting point about historical 'queers'. I worked on a project as part of my work that was to do with a historical relationship between two men. (We're talking c.500 years ago). Theres lots of evidence pointing towards them being romanticly involved BUT obviously we cannot say one way or another and they might not have even considered themselves 'gay' even in today's language because such catagories didnt exist is the same way then. We were creating a museum display and we were careful to present the information in a way that we offered the information but equally offered the opposite arguement. It was an interesting balence of repersenting queer history but also explaining the complexities of interpreting history through a modern lens. (I hope that makes sense!😅)

[@jamiedelgado1484]

Another great video. Thank you so much for taking the time to make your videos. They are so important. Will the, Two vintage girls kissing, become available on a hoodie by chance? Thanks again ❤

[@teri2466]

I love that idea! ❤

[@FrogCities]

This video is reminding me of the character Lito in Sens8. While fictional, I think it’s a story that probably represents many closeted actors fears

[@jennifers5560]

That was such a great show.

[@trinaq]

No, celebrities don't need to come forward with their orientation, unless it's on their own terms and conditions. Becky Albertalli was in the same position as Kit Connor, accused of writing about queer characters, while apparently being straight herself. She came out as bisexual in a moving essay.

[@violetquartz8817]

Poor Kit. I hate how the fans treated him. Watching him react to his character's coming out broke me bc he didn't get to come out on his own terms unlike his character.

[@kordiannie]

it's so wild to me when people expect anyone to come out but ESPECIALLY celebrities. i call my gf 'my boyfriend' whenever i mention her because i don't know how people will react (even when they seem lovely) but you expect celebrities to come out to MILLIONS of unhinged fans???? be ffr

[@SanityVideo]

I'm not famous but I was outed against my will and it was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. No one should ever do that to someone else

[@jennifers5560]

So sorry that happened to you!❤

[@SanityVideo]

@@jennifers5560 Thank you but now I get to be as gay and trans as I want so life is pretty good now.

[@jennifers5560]

@@SanityVideo

[@CraigUntlNytTym]

I'm bi, myself... and don't know if this is part of this in a bad way, but I do find myself looking at the "personal life" section on their Wikipedia page just to see if they've talked about their sexuality but it doesn't go further than that.

[@geekogen]

EDIT ON END My way to try to signal shared queerness was by opening the conversation or interaction with more than one person by greeting them with calling them folks (folx). EDITED I forgot about Fam. That was the first I believe.

[@MegaKellyschannel]

The "but they have money and power" argument sucks. They might, but many also have much higher costs, also they can lose acting/music/sponsorship gigs and so ultimately lose their job. Then what do they do? Get an office job? How? Most workplaces don't want to "invite controversy" or any kind of potentially divisive media attention or invite disruptive behaviour in their staff. They may have massive incomes, but 90% of celebreties are actually trapped.

[@arandolph846]

Thinking about "being upset at straights playing queers": being upset over any one instance relies on putting straight in a believed default. It is possible to be angry/reject a collective/systemic problem without being angry at its components. That said, it does put a big question mark on ethical media intake - if we are never angry at an individual instance, then it is always reasonable to intake the media you are about to but then there is no monetary pressure on producers to change.

[@tillybradley6790]

I just. When you mentioned bisexuals not being able to sit in chairs….. I was sitting so badly in my chair so I think at least that one is right for me haha

[@robinhahnsopran]

Hi! Bi person here, and for myself I define it exactly as you do at 32:14... and your frustration about people not understanding how bisexuality works is so relatable I burst out laughing 🤣 I feel the need to post a video like, "I'm marrying a cis man. Am I still bi?" with the thumbnail just saying "YES" in big ol' letters! 😆

[@erinhawkins1950]

I mean, even you said that "openly straight" actors are given gay roles too often... maybe they're "openly straight" for their own safety? Yes, maybe out gay people should be weighed a little more heavily in the audition process for the sake of representation, but acting roles should go to the best person for the role without assuming people are straight (even if they might have said so). Both David Tennant and Michael Sheen appear to be straight men, but they are amazing as our Ineffable Husbands because they were the best choices for those roles. (And I apologize if the topic of that author is problematic, I'm having to mentally block that from the story and focus on Pratchett).

[@h3llie]

I'll always remember being a One Direction fan on Tumblr in 2015, it was filled - and i mean *filled* - with conspiracy about their sexuality, especially when it came to light that Louis was expecting a child. It fascinated me honestly, the way people went as far as asserting this woman was lying about being pregnant, being a cover-up, a "beard", etc. Sometimes I wonder how much impact that stuff must have had on their interpersonal relationships. Can't have been fun.

[@AynneMorison]

being a round person of small breasts and who often sports a mohawk hairstyle, I often get the hairy eyeball of suspicion on my chromosome status. I keep wondering if I will ever be 'investigated' for being in the wrong bathroom. Sigh, some people are so nosy and reactive. Being well out of the closet as Bi and gender fluid about who I feel like today and picking clothing that matches seem to make things more interesting on reactions. Dress too girly which is fun and I must be trans. Dress in my jeans and my best grunge makeup and I'm trans. The partner and I take great joy in messing with the minds of the extra nervous but will be toning back a bit in the current political climate. We are both older and disabled so running away is out. Clobbering with a cane is just extra paperwork, lawyers, and money. Be safe everyone. Try and have fun being you, but be safe.💝

[@Hippiechick11]

People need to accept people for who they are. We are all just human, and this is all that matters. And representative is extremely important. That being said, the political climate in the US is terrifying. One of my best friends is Trans, and my greatest fear right now is him being put in an internment camp. So please respect everyone and their life. Love to you, and I wish the best everyone.

[@Madamegato]

I never really thought about this, truthfully. I came out to a friend about 7 years ago that I was pan. I had NO idea because I am married to my high-school sweetheart, who is very hetero. I went through my life thinking I was hetero, without realizing that my, erm, arousal at other genders was not straight. I struggle with feeling like I "fit" into the rainbow because I don't "behave" like what society says pan/bi/queer people do. I don't speak when questions are asked because I feel that I have lived a hetero life and don't know, but at the same time, it makes me feel entirely unseen and like my thoughts aren't important enough. I know when to stay in my lane, as I've never had to fight for my right to love who I love since he is what society expects... but there is part of me that very much feels on the outside. Like somehow because I don't "act" pan, I can't speak to what it feels like to be excited by the diversity and beauty of an entire spectrum of humanity. Anyway...

[@violetquartz8817]

KHALID AND BILLIE EILLISH AS WELL WE NEED TO STOP FORCING PEOPLE OUT OF THE CLOSET JUST BECAUSE THEYRE FAMOUS

[@larissabrglum3856]

It made me so upset when she was accused of "queerbaiting" because she implied she liked girls without officially coming out. Let's allow people to come out at their own pace, shall we?

[@kenziewenzieasmr9800]

@@larissabrglum3856for real! You’d think it would’ve clicked for people with Billie. She’s so authentically herself no matter what people have to say, so you’d think as a collective the queer community would just be happy for her when/if she does come out. Instead of crying queerbaiting. Plus it’s not fair to say a real person is queer baiting. It makes sense to call it out when it happens in media like characters on a TV show. But the actual celebs/actors/musicians are real people who shouldn’t be outted. It’s sad that it’s come to that :/

[@HoneyDimon]

This is a very important video and I respect it a lot, so I apologize for the unserious comment that I'm about to make, but the jumpscare I just experienced having Hugh Jackman name-dropped and talked about in this video, after unfortunately experiencing all the drama on my twitter timeline is a bit funnny. I wholeheartedly agree with your points though. Even tho I'm also guilty of sometimes assuming the sexuality of celebrities (I just giggle about it on my own), what happened to Kit Connor really angered me. Afterall if that happened to me, I'd be mortified. Another example of forcefully being outed is George Michael. It's something that could've ruined his career, if he didn't know how to handle the situation. Seriously, that man was a genius. But things like this can be harmful/dangerous even for famous people.