Answering your questions about our twins

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

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[@ArtingFromScratch]

Jessica- I am also disabled and waited til my mid 30s to drive. I will say that driving MORE makes you feel more comfortable. I live in Canada and we have bad winter driving and I am more confident than some older drivers. I sometimes get headaches too but I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!! Also, I don't know if this is common but, as someone without a biological family, I really feel that I enjoy your family updates because it makes me feel like I have a family.thanks so much to you and Claudia

[@TrueCrimeJeanne]

You can always do a dot of nail polish on a toe nail.

[@jennifercriss1897]

What about painting a single toenail on one of the twins?! It sounds easier than tags and clothes. When they have socks put a dot on the sock or on the pocket of an outfit or a dot on the collar of a shirt or even a dot on the diaper on the waste band of the diaper

[@TrueCrimeJeanne]

@jennifercriss1897 that was my suggestion as well.

[@georg.ia.erm0502]

As for deciding which baby has which name, I'm a twin and our Mum decided whichever baby was born second would have the first name alphabetically so 'we both came first in something'. My sister was born a minute before me, so her initial is J and mine is G. I always thought it was a really sweet concept so that might be an idea?

[@georg.ia.erm0502]

As for having us be our own people, I think a lot of twin parents really stress about it (or at least mine did) but so long as you don't push them to be the same, which I'm sure you wouldn't, they'll grow up to be their own tiny person in time anyway

[@alyiamcool]

In the end, it may come down to actually meeting them. When my parents had my twin sisters, they went into the delivery room with two names in mind and left the hospital having named both of them completely different names than the planned two because they suited them better.

[@SomeoneBeginingWithI]

That's a nice idea. In the UK at least mainstream schools a lot is done alphabetically by name. It's nice if the younger twin gets to be first when the names are called

[@Imberis]

Wow, that's a super cute idea from your mum!

[@erikadelisle8792]

I saw another WLW couple who had twins and named them in the womb, since one was much more active than the other and they already felt their personality differences!

[@RachelShadoan]

The “when do we decide what one is named what” had me in stitches 🤣

[@jennifers5560]

That part was so funny!

[@stephanieelizabeth252]

I always wonder how many identical twins end up being called the other name than what they were given at birth because their parents mixed them up in the early days.

[@tbella5186]

​@@stephanieelizabeth252Same!

[@shadow_song]

​@@stephanieelizabeth252 that's too funny! i always wonder how many twins' names get switched because the parents realise the names fit better the other wat around

[@phoebecam519]

Hello Jessica! As someone that is also blind in one eye, I would highly suggest getting blind spot mirrors for your car if it hasn't come with them already. Otherwise you will find yourself craning your neck constantly to check your blind spot on your bad side. They have been a real life saver for me!

[@MothproofKT]

I use these because they help so much with less strain on my neck and spinal condition. They’re a great idea for anyone who drives, and really cheap too and easy to fit. Great suggestion for Jessica!

[@evercuriousmichelle]

Great idea!

[@sophieturner577]

100%. blind spot mirrors are incredible and not that expensive, i don't think i could drive a car without them now

[@sarahbayla]

I had no idea this was a thing and as someone with chronic neck pain from past injuries, I need!!!

[@sophieturner577]

@@sarahbayla you can also get attachments for the rear view mirror so you dont have to turn your head as much, but pretty sure if you want those you have to retake your driving test with the equipment, at least where i'm from. could be worth a look though :)

[@persephonebasilissa5109]

The way we taught our autistic son to drive - after he got his learner's permit - was to take him first to an abandoned parking lot, then a former airbase, then country roads and quiet city streets, then main city streets, then the local highway. We did nearly daily practice sessions of 20 - 45 minutes over about 1½ years. Most of those were commuting us all to and from work and local errands. He earned his license on his 2nd try and eventually got his own car. If you are able, I highly recommend smaller common-errand sessions as opposed to long, intense classes - especially for neurodivergent folks. Or maybe some of each!

[@Imberis]

That's a very good way to teach someone to drive! Plus going on errands teaches you how to deal with weird parking situations, navigating other cars (and people) in the parking lot, etc.

[@feline.equation]

In my town (not really a “town”, a city of 100k that’s in a megalopolis lol) there’s a local community college with a huge parking lot. It has all kinds of obstacles-cones, speed bumps, curbs, light poles, etc. Everybody learns to drive in that parking lot. It’s usually empty on the weekends and the local police know everybody driving around in there is learning. Highly recommend finding a place like that where the stakes are low, it’s familiar, but also a bit challenging so it’s not boring and monotonous.

[@SomeoneBeginingWithI]

That sounds like a really good strategy to build up the intensity slowly so it's not overwhelming or exhausting.

[@sarahmihuc3993]

I would recommend this as well. I had a hard time learning to drive and found regular, short sessions worked well, with a progression of skills like you listed. It should be possible to find a driving school that can accommodate this in 30 minute to 1 hour sessions. I did also find that having a paid & experienced instructor helped, but my parents were not very good instructors imo. I tried for years with parents and inconsistent sporadic practice, couldn't master all the skills needed for the test... 10 1 hour sessions with an instructor helped me become confident enough to pass. Depending where you live, not all the skills on the test will be needed everyday, but which ones are depends on your environment (rural/urban/town/highway/hills etc). The ones that you do need regularly will come naturally in your practice and then even more so once you have a licence. I was still super nervous when we got our first car (shortly after I was licenced as it didn't make sense before), as it's very possible to become licenced and still not be very experienced/confident (and occasionally make mistakes still) but I got over that by starting with only things I was confident doing like driving to school nearby on a route I know and now a couple years later after working on my city & highway driving I can do anything! This fall I drove alone into a major city I had never been to before on the busiest, largest highway in our country, with a cat in the passenger seat (moving here)... I never would have thought I could ever be capable of doing that a few years ago when we got our car.

[@00katydid00]

This is a great suggestion. My autistic son is not quite driving age yet, but I'm already thinking about how we're going to approach it so he's set up for success. He's very nervous about the prospect.

[@dancingfisch]

I nannied for twins and they switched to floor beds after they were inspired by your video! They started to crawl into each other’s beds to sleep together and it was the sweetest thing. We always left them to sleep where they wanted and now as toddlers they choose to sleep together less often.

[@ember1713]

Great advice I was given: I had 3 children under 18 months with twins my second birth and was given great advice when I asked a relative who was the singular older child of twin siblings, they said to make sure that there are always as set of arms for the singular child because she remembers looking up and her parents always had a baby in their arms and there wasn't anyone for her to go to. It was difficult to do especially when I was twin breast feeding and my husband worked away from the home long hours but it was so worth the effort and now they adults who are very appreciative of this advice.

[@charmweathers]

I'm a twin with an older single-birth sibling, and something both my mom and even my sister (who was 3 when twin and I were born) have remembered is that she felt like there wasn't a lap to sit on - we were lucky to grow up close by to family, so she had other adults to go to when our parents were busy with us, but I think you make a great point about making sure the older sibling doesn't feel sort of left out. I imagine it's a big change for a little kiddo to suddenly have one sibling, let alone two!

[@silversleeper1193]

I’ve said it to everyone because it’s advice that I regret not taking, hold your baby as much as you want! PTs will tell you, baby wearing counts as tummy time. I was way too focused on promoting his independence in the early days and not enough on meeting both of our emotional needs with physically bonding. You can’t get that time back.

[@Taqueuse]

It totally counts! My baby was held or worn probably 95% of his awake time for the first 6 months of his life and he was on the earlier side of motor development. There are ways to hold a baby to promote motor development, to learn to use their own muscles to hold themselves up/to the parent.

[@JessicaSmith-m1s]

I second this, I’m expecting my second and my aim is to hold them more! Cuddles, carrier naps etc… I did do that quite a lot with my first but will definitely do more with my second. Emotional regulation is just as important as sleep, independence etc… the other thing I would do is focus on a schedule less as it made me miserable but totally get that this is person dependent

[@YTistooannoying]

People told me I was going to raise a clingy helpless child because I pretty much never put him down for the first three years of his life. From 15 months to 3 he was afraid of his shadow. He is 20 now. He is incredibly well adjusted and has always been extremely secure because I was always there when he needed me.

[@kpow102]

Yes to this! My now 4yo was NOT a fan of tummy time, so we never really did it, but since I was constantly holding her she developed very strong neck and back muscles and was sitting on her own to play independently at 6 months.

[@dragonire_dino0856]

I'll never understand the whole don't pick up your baby bullshit. It's a helpless tiny little human being. There's nothing wrong with holding them as much as you can. Physical touch is how most babies soothe. And even then there's nothing wrong with carrying around your toddler. My grandfather had a child with his new wife a little over 8 years ago. when the kid was like 2-3 years old, every single time I was over that kid was in my arms. She still grew up to be an independent little shit.

[@lesliebrickey8357]

Your children are so lucky to have you. Imagine what the world would be like if everybody had such loving parents.

[@astrobookwormsinger]

I think this all the time. I'm 22 but I want Jessica and Claudia to adopt me.

[@PollyHistor]

​@astrobookwormsinger I'm 48, and I feel the same. 😅

[@arnicepernice8656]

Im 62 and feel like same

[@Bunnidove]

Let us be loving towards each other. I, too, wish I had a better childhood/family

[@faun2639]

I’m 30 and I feel the same way 🥺

[@hannahdavison7258]

Two hours is a long stretch to drive when you are first starting. As a perfectly healthy person, who was pretty confident, two hours was my max when I had my learners permit or first had my license. It was just mentally draining for me. I can drive hours longer now but I feel like 2 hours at a time, at first, is quite a lot.

[@jennifers5560]

I agree! Most of my car trips are 10-30 minutes.

[@timecrayon]

so true! i also did two hour lessons and i would be exhausted by the end. now i have no problem driving 2-3 hours, but in that learning setting it was sooo stressful

[@lindatannock]

I worked and lived abroad, with only short periods at home (UK), so i did a week's intensive course. It was exhausting, but it suited what I needed to do!

[@josi_k.]

I absolutely agree, in my country we do driving lessons with professionals, both theoretical and practical. The practical lessons take 45min, and I, as someone with chronic pain and other health issues, was so exhausted afterwards! For a long time my left foot also hurt everytime, from using the car clutch pedal. I couldn't even do a much longer lesson, so we had to tweak one of the required trips a bit, so I could still drive safely. And the amount of concentration needed is also often overlooked, especially in the beginning. Even now, after years, I can't drive long distances, but I also don't drive very often generally, since I don't have my own car.

[@ThatWeirdo04]

I drive regularly and anything over an hour is a long drive for me

[@joalgustas6498]

As someone in the United States who is terrified of the next four years, I LOVE you two and you are a major source of comfort to me right now. Sending you love and saying a HUGE thank you for the videos 🥰

[@annabees]

My heart goes to you... I'm afraid for French elections in 2years... 😔

[@DB-sc2hg]

My heart goes out to you and all Americans who didn't vote for the circus

[@JustMyLife7_24]

If you are able to vote, please don't forget to vote in the midterms. They are so important but more so this round.

[@joalgustas6498]

@ ohh I ALWAYS do! I did NOT vote for Trump. I’m doing all I can right now to help resist, making as many donations as I can. Unfortunately, education just isn’t important here and I am sure that’s why the apathy why so high this election-nobody was taught the importance of elections so nobody cared. It’s so sad.

[@spiritmatter1553]

Don’t be afraid. Your local elections matter a whole lot more to your lives, so be sure you vote local.

[@m1fowl]

I’m a triplet and our house was basically a revolving door of grandparents and aunts and uncles for months after we were born, so my mum would definitely recommend having someone extra in the house to help out hahaha I love how excited Rupert is about his baby siblings, it’s so sweet

[@SardonicJackrabbit]

Absolutely delightful to have this video come up this morning!!! Our house of all gay men adore seeing your content and knowing you're well!!! Thank you for sharing!!!!!

[@Just-A-Jest]

That's the most wholesome thing i read today.

[@SardonicJackrabbit]

@Just-A-Jest We owe so much to these ladies!!, We grew our rural South USA and this wonderful channel was the first any of us had heard of the Montessori style of raising a child, and together we built up a completely different routine and toy setup for one of our cousins babies and became the most adored house! Never seen a baby from our family open up and be so joyful during every step of the day! Infinite things to love from this channel, I can't even start to scratch the surface of how much we appreciate these ladies!!!

[@b34tlesf4n]

​@SardonicJackrabbit howdy from Dallas! Sincerely a fellow gay (trans) man from the bible belt

[@SardonicJackrabbit]

@b34tlesf4n Ayy! Just a tiny four an a quarter hour drive across Texas from us! Howdy indeed!

[@heyhey-jayjay2189]

i think it would be lovely if you were to shade code them. so they don’t have one specific color, one is warm colors (pink, orange, yellow etc) and the other is cool colors (blue, green, purple etc). that way you can still tell them apart but they don’t get caught in the “pink twin purple twin/blue twin green twin” trap. and once they’re old enough to choose their colors, they have more freedom with it too

[@Woolblossom]

So true!!

[@StillLifewithEyeglasses]

Please don't do that. I am an identical twin, and it is so important that you concentrate on learning who they are without any cheats. If you pay attention, there will be hundreds of subtle differences.

[@ileanaprofeanu7626]

​@@StillLifewithEyeglassesthat is so true, my mother has an identical twin sister and it's crazy to me that people outside the family still confuse one for the other, because some differences between them as adults are so striking. and even as babies or young children looking at their photos I can always say who is who even when they are dressed the same and smile the same haha. you just know

[@heyhey-jayjay2189]

@@StillLifewithEyeglasses they’re gonna be newborns, you’ll either clearly be able to tell or you will need a cheat for the first few weeks/months. i have no doubt that these parents will see their children as individuals, even with color cheats for the first few months

[@Freaky0Nina]

Once they're old enough to choose their own colors, the parents should be able to tell them apart. And they shouldn't be confined at all in their choice.

[@laurakeating7122]

I have friends with twin girls, and the first 3 years of their life, they put one girl's hair in a ponytail and the other in pigtails so we could tell them apart! They mostly did it so that they could know who was who when they look back at their baby photos in the future.

[@sam.kwiatkowski]

We had a postpartum doula 2-3 over nights a week to help when our twins were born. She did all the wake ups with the twins but also batch cooked us meals for the week, did our laundry, made us breakfast, helped with my breastfeeding, answered all our newborn questions, cleaned/sanitized all the pumps and bottles, tidied the house, and a million other odd jobs I'm forgetting. It was expensive but SO worth it.

[@SomeoneBeginingWithI]

How does having a doula helping overnight work if you're also breastfeeding?

[@kirstymullan5020]

@@SomeoneBeginingWithI, pumping breast milk for night feeds as suggested by the mention of the doula cleaning the pump and bottles.

[@lady_sir_knight3713]

@@SomeoneBeginingWithISince she was pumping, the doula would have fed the baby bottled breast milk.

[@beeveeb6326]

there’s a SciShow video titled “Is Morning Sickness Actually Preventable?” and the tldr is yes! exactly your logic! morning sickness is influenced by the severe *change* in hormones, not necessarily by having higher levels in general. which unfortunately means it isn’t really preventable in a practical sense for most pregnancies 😅

[@petgranny194]

A handful of peanuts or some other protein took care of any nausea for me.

[@mindingpeople]

Definitely get a night nanny. When my parents had my twinsisters my mother told me that for 3 months she and my dad only slept 2-3 hours a night and my dad was completely involved and didn't work during that time. So take all the help you can get. It will be a lot, but you'll be so grateful for your little bundles of joy ❤

[@korneliakecskemetinebakti2904]

Yes! I had practically little to no sleep time fir the first 2 months bc my twins so small they weren't able to be exclusively breastfed so I had to pump and supplement them. I pumped day and night afterbevery feeding. I was so exhausted and so grateful for the help of my husband, mother, mother-in-law. So I made a promise that if anyone from my family or close friends has twins or multiples, I'll help out with them at nights. Or when they need it. ❤❤

[@Kaz.Williams]

Hi ladies 😊 Firstly, congratulations on your twin pregnancy! If I could offer a little insight as a mum of teenage twin girls who were born with just a 17 month age gap after their brother... They may not be able to sleep without eachother. Mine were inseparable for years. Even now they get into each other's beds. As babies they of course woke eachother up but also calmed eachother down. It's a truly special and unique bond ❤️

[@dees3179]

My dad and uncle are identical twins born in the forties. Very identical, as in, can’t tell themselves apart in photos unless they are fairly recent. Goodness which of them is originally which because they could have been switched a hundred times in childhood and no one could have been able to tell. Until the child develops a sense of self it’s anyone’s guess. They wore the same clothes because, money. As older independent working teenagers and adults they obviously didn’t wear each other’s clothes as they were buying their own (or their spouses did). But it doesn’t stop them still frequently turning up to the same event wearing basically the same thing. Went to the same school, worked at the same place (different offices) , left and did a same second job in different places afterwards, retired and both volunteer at the same place. If twins are similar, sometimes it because they are just similar. You won’t have pushed it on them. Eighty years these two have been at it. They have differences for sure, but so much the same, and very sweetly, still each other’s best friend. I only remember them partly falling out once (over something silly when they were both stressed out) and it was tears before bed time.

[@flightlessphoenix77]

My mom and her twin have a hilarious track record with gifts - they often send each other the same card or like they buy each other the same top in different colours. You can tell which is which in childhood photos though because my mom is the one who is slightly scruffy from always playing with the boys 😂

[@linkenby]

I remember reading a Ripley's book that talked about twins that were separated at birth and reunited as adults. They had the same haircut, same job, and both married women with the same name.

[@caitlinpenny7412]

Its interesting hearing you talking about the awkward/insensitivity of ppl asking about the donor and will they be “really” related etc. I’m actually adopted. Im not biologically related to either of my parents and when i was a child all sorts of incredibly awkward questions were actually directed to me. “So where are your real parents?”, “Did your real parents not want you?”, “Do you come from an orphanage?” And so on so forth. So thank you for shutting down these kinds of questions b/c they can be hurtful and confusing to a child.

[@anxiety4daysmusingmedic891]

Thank you for protecting Rupert from confusing conversations. My early childhood trauma is caused by a parent discussing how difficult i was as an infant, and the feelings that a parent can feel are totally normal. I love that she was talking about these things to other young moms to validate their experiences, but i took away a different message.

[@flightlessphoenix77]

I've just passed my driving test (yesterday) as a 34 year old with dyspraxia. My biggest tip for you - if you aren't already- is automatic only. Also, I found that even at the end of an hour I was exhausted so I would recommend 2 1 hour lessons a week instead of 1 2 hour lesson.

[@flightlessphoenix77]

Also the first available test for me when I passed my theory was 7 months later. So you may need to pay the driving school to find you a cancellation slot

[@jennifers5560]

Congratulations on passing!

[@flightlessphoenix77]

@@jennifers5560 thank you! I'm still in shock!

[@jennifers5560]

@@flightlessphoenix77 ❤️

[@KittyMurdoch1]

Totally agree - I passed in an automatic aged 30 with a 6 month old. I was able to pick up driving an automatic quickly and 1 hour lessons (due to her needing to feed regularly) worked well!

[@beeb6730]

I worked as a night nanny most often for twins for around a decade and it really helped the families I worked for, I loved getting tiny baby time at work and the parents had a chance to get some full nights of sleep. Absolutely recommend them for twins. I love colour coding for distinguishing them easily, bracelets are cool but also can just do outfits, of there are skin safe markers and you could draw their initials on a leg or foot (or really anywhere they can't get in their mouth) just for the start until its easier to tell them apart.

[@FrenchToastedSouls]

Yes skin safe marker on bottom of foot. It's super helpful especially if a twin is sick or has health needs and you need to give meds to the right baby

[@staciejordan8340]

I am a quadruplet born in the 70s. No identicals in the mix. My mom found out 2 weeks before having us! I will say we were in a small town and there was a schedule and ladies in and out of the house helping throughout the day with us, laundry and such. Also we were in the NICU for a bit, as they wanted us over 5 lbs. We are very different people, it's like we were like any other siblings. One has passed now, and it's still hard to contemplate a world were all four of us aren't alive in it. You'll figure out who these babies are and be fine. Enjoy it!

[@joker6solitaire]

My deepest condolences on the loss of your sibling. May their memory bring you joy.

[@althyastar]

Dear lord I cannot imagine finding out you’re about to have quadruplets in two weeks 😱 so glad to hear that your mom had a supportive village!

[@the.jamie.turner]

For telling them apart when very little, I’ve known people who used different color toenail polish to keep track of their identical twins. It’s also possible that one or both will have a distinct birthmark.

[@josi_k.]

Interesting, but I would first ask a doctor if it's actually safe to paint baby nails with nail polish, because it sounds kinda unsafe imo. Can't imagine the chemicals are healthy for babies, especially since if could be hard to keep it just on their nails, without skin contact. But honestly I have no idea,

[@the.jamie.turner]

I’m confident that my friends took this into consideration and were appropriately cautious. There are nontoxic polishes out there, and they specifically painted toes because they’re less likely to get sucked on than fingers (though some babies do also go for their toes). It also wasn’t a forever solution, just a failsafe against accidentally switching/double feeding/etc in the early days when distinct personalities hadn’t really emerged and sleep was hard to come by.

[@Blaire_Shoe]

@@josi_k. I've heard this method used as only a dot of non-toxic nail polish on the center of one of the toenails. Admittedly I did also imagine a full pedicure when I first read their post, and thought along the same lines as you, until I realized the way they worded it didn't necessarily mean they fully painted every toe. Just a dab'll do ya!

[@AHunt2024]

@@josi_k.you can get special nail paint for babies/infants

[@FrenchToastedSouls]

You can also use skin safe marker on bottom of the foot with their initials. This really helps with medical stuff so if one baby needs a medication the right baby gets it

[@cecileelisa]

As someone who questions their sexuality a lot, these videos always make me feel hopeful that however my life may turn out it'll be fine. I hope you guys know you're role models for a lot of people. ♥️

[@suzloua]

Tummy time tip: every bit helps over the day, so little and often was my technique. Every time I changed my kids’ nappies or clothes, I always changed them in the nursery where the cot was already set up (ie a safe place; floor would also do). Then I’d pop them on their tummy whilst I went to wash my hands across the landing. I could still see/hear them, and I stuck mirror tiles on the inside of the cot so they could look at something interesting. Then after I finished I’d just wait until they got squirmy and uncomfortable and then scoop them up. Newborns need changing so often that you can get 30s every time, or over time 3-5mins before they get bored!

[@edensmith7827]

migraines driving scoliosis hack. Extra mirrors so that you avoid excessive head turning. Its an adaption and it goes down on your licience. But I dont get a migraine.

[@Lady_Eleven]

I just can't imagine how anyone can know Rupert, and see how he's so much the child of both Jessica and Claudia, and even remember that donor genetics are involved. I realize what we see from youtube videos is just a small window into the Kellgren-Fozard family but his connection to both his mothers is just so apparent (pun intended!). And the same will be true for the twins! It's good to see you both in relatively good spirits. It is sad that you won't get to go to Malaysia this year but how exciting it will be that the next time you go, the twins will be there!

[@ellengrace2367]

I don't know if it's different in the UK but here in Canada, there are disability driving schools! I went to one after trying to learn to drive for 8 years because I'm AuDHD, but they also work with physical disabilities. Definitely look into it because having your disabilities accommodated makes a world of difference in my experience.

[@lizzardeskas4769]

Shocking how rude people can be asking donor information (especially in front of Rupert) for their own curiosity. 1) Its no ones business but yours, 2) DNA does not make you family, family comes from love and caring. Congratulations! Much love to you all❤️

[@heather9130]

The way my jaw dropped at the "will they be siblings" question.

[@emmaward174]

A garden building for your studio is a great idea! My mum has an art studio in her garden (we're in the South West of England) and it was a kit that she bought online after researching some companies. There was an option to do it yourself (Dad pushed for that, lol) but getting them to assemble it was a quick and fairly-priced option. The end result is stunning and has so much natural light that she loves painting with. 100% recommend!

[@creativename3256]

Speaking of A and B names! My dad reached out to his biological mother about 7 years ago, and learned that she had been trying to find him and his identical twin (they were luckily adopted and raised together) under the names the hospital had given them, which was one A and one B name (their names were changed to S and U upon adoption). She did actually find one set of twins with those two names many years ago, only to realize it was not hers. When she met my dad, she said it was the happiest day of her life ❤

[@lauraketteridge324]

A friend consistently used nail polish to differentiate her babies. One baby had a pink fingernail, and the other had a lilac one. It was an easy way to tell the babies apart.

[@AlishaDear]

I have to say, I love Rupert not wanting to be called a toddler “I child 😐” is just so funny to me. 😂

[@CassianLovesJezebel]

Hahaha, when the subject of matching outfits came up, i was admiring how Jessica's hair bow matches Claudia's T-shirt. So I 100% believe that they will have coordinating outfits, but that it will be done tastefully and with respect for their individual personalities. For those awkward, invasive questions that people ask in front of Rupert - ultimately, you can't control what people ask or how they ask it, so what is more important than that is how you respond. Not for the benefit of the asker, but for Rupert, especially when those questions are asked in front of him. Because a lot of what he thinks things will be influenced by your reactions. And when he gets older and enters school, his peers will probably ask similar questions, and he'll likely answer based on how he's heard you answer others. My advice would be, no matter what your answer is, act like it's not a big deal. You can choose to confirm that they have different donors and affirm that this is your family and all of your children are siblings, or "we prefer to keep that information private." I'm not a parent, but my family is complex, and there is a certain amount of "training your friends/acquaintances/coworkers to see your family the way you want it to be seen" involved. It's one of those things that gets easier and more natural with practice.

[@sarahadams7332]

Make sure to prepare early! I was born at 30 weeks and my parents were not prepared at all. And twins are more likely to be born early.

[@richheruk]

Absolutely! I was told all throughout my twin pregnancy that it was low risk and I'd make it to my planned C-section. I was so glad to have packed well ahead of time when I went into labour six weeks early.

[@alisonlaett9625]

at 30 weeks you must have been in the NICU for a while though, right?

[@sarahadams7332]

@alisonlaett9625 Yeah I was in the "fish tank" for a couple weeks.

[@nekoyasha93]

That actually makes sense, i had my twins via IVF, 0 morning sickness or nausea, now got pregnant naturally after 5 years and had nausea for weeks.

[@lynndragon2536]

A nanny sounds like a good idea for you guys between twins and one parent having chronic issues just so your not over stressed

[@lorihardesty9949]

I have identical twin girls - they decided pretty early on that they wanted to do everything differently than each other. Clothes, hair, etc.. I color coded mine blue / green. My sister had triplets and did the same color coding. But, my twins are as different as two individuals can be. Never dress the same and purposely try to be different while others, want to do everything the same.

[@SelinaYoung-e7y]

Rupert is going to be an amazing big brother to his siblings. You can already tell he loves them so much, its so precious ❤

[@janehilton6235]

Would definitely recommend having a night nanny. I'm a solo mum and those two nights a week for the first 10 weeks after my son was born saved me.

[@B3CKIP]

💚

[@abundantlyblessed2302]

I have two sets of twins via IVF, and didn’t have morning sickness with either set; however, I was sensitive to smells. Also, one thing that really helped me logistically to carry them around when I was home alone, was to wear one in a front carrier and carry the other off to one side or the other. Best of luck…I would’ve loved a night nanny!

[@PikachuProductionsPIKA]

Your fertility videos have given me so much comfort as an intersex person and knowing that yes this is normal and yes this something that happens. Also as a side note, your videos made me forget at one point rhat my girlfriend is in fact trans as I was going through a checklist of " Yeah we'd probably need to get a surrogate, and a donor for that... wait..." I found it atleast alittle funny 😂

[@nikkisimmons7877]

6:45 thanks for mentioning this! i am an identical twin myself, and growing up was really hard not being treated as an individual. you two sound like wonderful parents, congratulations!

[@shellegriffin]

I love that Rupert has such an outspoken personality and is looking forward to the arrival of the babies.😊

[@SunnySarahDee]

A family friend used to paint the babies’ big toenails and thumbnails to differentiate them once they were home from the hospital. They’re now teenagers and still have such different personalities!

[@erint5373]

Love seeing your family grow- as a lesbian I have not seen many living examples of what our families can look like, and it's strangely empowering just to SEE it in action (rather than just in my head). Suggested Rude question responses Q:" Are they from the same donor?" A:"are you looking for a donor I can recommend?" Q: Are they both Yours (points to one parent)? A: No,they are Ours. That's how families work. Q: but are they genetically the same/one parents etc? A: are you a medical professional or just nosey?

[@fromhgwaii]

A friend had twins that were 3 lbs (girl) and 6 lbs (boy) - she was induced because of concerns for the small one. The small one has remained small but she is a HUGE spitfire.

[@pinkeysherbet7249]

I saw a common suggestion from twin parents say they put different colors of nail polish on the bottom of their feet to tell them apart in the early days. The nail polish doesn’t wash away easily and you can find non-toxic formulas!

[@MandyLeeLilac]

Hi! Mom of two here, young adult and almost adult now 😊. If people want to know if I treat my kids exactly the same, my answer is no. I give each child what they need. My kids were (and are) always so different. My oldest wanted all the cuddles and mama time, but my youngest was much more of a sensory avoider. My kids are both disabled (both have POTS and EDS) but each one has other separate health issues of their own. This means their diets looked completely different, their activity levels were different, and their learning styles have differed a lot as well. “Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.” Also, I’d like to say I’ve been watching your channel for years, and in fact even before my daughter happily came out of the closet 🎉. I also have POTS and EDS (didn’t know what it was until my youngest was diagnosed at 3 years old) and so I could really understand Jessica’s health struggles. I really appreciate all of the awareness and understanding you’ve helped bring about on such important subjects. I enjoy seeing how you’re raising Rupert as well. I have been a homeschooling mom and my youngest is about to graduate. It’s been quite the adventure 😊. Best wishes on your two new bundles of joy!

[@sam.kwiatkowski]

I learned to drive at 28 after years of crippling driving anxiety and many failed attempts specifically to be able to drive our twins around when my wife was heavily pregnant/after her c-section!! Driving lessons with an instructor I felt comfortable with was hugely helpful.

[@charmweathers]

As far as sleeping goes, my twin and I shared a bed for a long time for the comfort of it. I think we slept better as babies together (and we were small enough that it wasn't a tight fit). I also think that it helped us stay on the same schedule - though we'd also occasionally have flipped schedules where one of us was constantly awake while the other slept and vice versa. Another thing that I just think is funny is that when we were quite small, our parents would often use laundry baskets (like the big rectangle ones) to carry us up and down the stairs with our heart monitors. In the 90s, the monitors were bigger than we were 😅 it just made things a bit easier, I guess.

[@alyssam8550]

13:00 I'm a Newborn Care Specialist, (similar to night nanny) and it's awesome to hear the talk about that! So exciting, it's a beautiful opportunity to have more energy to spend with your babies during the day 💜

[@kittymervine6115]

your journey, is bringing me so much joy. Thank you for sharing

[@Lizzy43645]

💯💯💯💯

[@rachelcookie321]

Regarding morning sickness and fertility treatments my mum went through IVF in order to have me and she had the absolutely worst morning sickness. For her whole pregnancy she was very ill. The two things she could eat without feeling sick were dark chocolate and cola bottles. She lost so much weight while pregnant because she couldn’t keep food down. When she first got pregnant she wrote in my baby book that she was so excited to finally be pregnant and she would savour every moment including all the pain. Then months later she came back saying it’s horrible, she hates being pregnant, and she wants me out as soon as possible.

[@DarkBlueSkys]

I’ve mainly heard the color coding being a boon when looking back at photos and such because then you (and eventually they) know who is who

[@misscornicat]

Watching you and your family gives me hope

[@gabriellehromas8440]

Assisted fertility aaaand hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) here 🙋‍♀️. My body was like “I TOLD YOU not to do this”.

[@LaurenSpaceTV]

I know you both had spoke about how Rupert doesn't watch TV. Do you not have a TV in the house? If you do have one, does he know? when my partner and I have a baby, we want to keep them away from screens as long as possible, but I don't know the logistics of it. Thanks! 😊

[@elig8720]

little stretchy baby safe things for them to wear works! I'm an identical twin and that's what they did for us. if one of them or both has any easily spottable birthmarks, that works too :]

[@stephaniehight2771]

A friend of mine gave birth to twins when their older sister was16 months old. When I asked her how she managed, she said, "One day at a time." You two are so caring that I believe you'll do very well, and I think Rupert will be happy to help.

[@orimoto_rika-chan]

11:22 I also have the same type of ADHD as Jessica and when I learnt to drive as a teenager, having a very calm and knowledgeable driving instructor who I had lessons with multiple times a week was an absolute miracle for me and I was able to get my license at quickly as possible thanks to it. My instructor was a former police officer of over 20 years who decided to start his own little business as a driving instructor after he retired from the force because he couldn’t keep up with the super physical part of the job anymore. Because of his previous profession, he knew all the road rules to the T but was also very good at keeping me calm and collected while I was behind the wheel, especially in the beginning when I was learning the basics. I 100% recommend getting an instructor if you can afford it instead of having a family member or partner teach you, not only because a professional instructor knows every single road rule better than a nonprofessional, but also if you get upset with or have an argument with your instructor then you don’t have to take the awkward tension back into your shared living space the same way you do with a family member or partner.

[@robinhazen8034]

The driving conundrum! I'm also an adult non-driver, for various reasons (sensory processing disorder & delayed reaction time being my biggest ones). Jessica, if driving is simply not for you - can arrangements be made (via friends or trusted UBER) for a local driver for day-to-day errands and appointments, and then for the school run, can the school perhaps help out? Maybe another parent can help do the run until you're back to your usual routines?

[@isabbygabbyorcrabby]

It's amazing with subsequent babies how quickly you settle back into normal day to day rhythms because you have to (in my case for our toddler) - so I totally understand the discussion about taking Rupert to school! It really is just straight back into normality with your second 😂

[@ritatatam3068]

I love Montessori’s method, especially for babies, and this video almost makes me cry reminding the Montessori’s mobiles I’ve made for my kid when he was a baby and time we spend together… I was alone and poor (I steal am) but I remember it with nostalgia 😊

[@roowyrm9576]

I have seen an article (where? I have no idea) that one twin was given a dot tattoo (small dot below one ear) using an ink that fades within a year. I believe it was done in a hospital where both twins were being treated, and made it much easier, and safer, for them, and for medical staff.

[@er-ha]

7:12 i drove past a family the other day; three boys, all dressed in blue, two girls both dressed in red, haha. i live in a tourist hotspot so i feel the idea was that it would be easy for the parents to find them. some kids don’t like being dressed the same, some do. when they’re really young i think it’s not a big deal; as they get older, i think if they want to dress similarly that IS expression of self too :) some twins hate dressing the same but even some older twins occasionally like matching. it just becomes difficult when one absolutely wants to match and the other is adamant about not matching! anyway, most importantly-congratulations and i hope you’re all doing well!!! exciting times, that’s for sure!

[@jennifers5560]

Lovely video. Jessica and Claudia will do great as Moms of three! They have tons of love to give and always work together to do what is best for their family. ❤

[@hvfnorth2628]

My father was a mirror twin. The swirls of their hair differentiated themselves. If all else fails, nail polish of different colors on a toe

[@claire2088]

I'm not surprised that you're sticking to a similar plan with babies #2 and #3, Rupert sounds absolutely adorable and I feel like you guys are both delighted in the human you've produced 😃

[@Enbysoupcan]

Good luck on learning to drive, Jessica!! And good luck to Claudia on the rest of the pregnancy and well wishes to Rupert!

[@cecileelisa]

Jessica out of the closet and to the end of the garden hahahaah

[@rendleshetheywilliamskat-r9068]

I LOVE that your bow appears to match Claudia's shirt! So cute

[@Kmi_ni]

Re: the morning sickness, this is an actual thing that was only very recently studied! Pregnancy produces an hormone that, if your body isn't used to, can give you bad morning sickness. But with a progressive exposure to the hormone (like you did) the changes of morning sickness are really lowered!

[@jerryboba_]

I just love that Jessica's bow matches the color of Claudia's shirt.

[@claudiaking4064]

11:04 correct lol no cycling for Claudia!!

[@MariaFM6]

I've seen some parents of twins online that used coloured nailpolish on the babies big toes to tell them apart. A bracelet might fall off but the nail polish stays and is a back-up in case they switch clothes or bracelets accidentally.

[@RachelShadoan]

My siblings and I were two years apart each but we still had matching outfits for every Christmas and Easter. I have actually thought about making a Christmas tradition where I make matching Star Trek extras outfits (think what everyone on the alien planet is wearing when the crew goes for an away mission) for everyone in the family and then force them to take a photo in them together.

[@baguettegott3409]

Exactly! I have many photos of my sister and me, two years apart as well, in matching easter outfits and with matching little baskets for collecting eggs (each in a signature color to tell them apart). Those are normal sibling-things and definitely something you can do with twins as well.

[@Picklescape]

Watching this 6 months post partum after a c section, breastfeeding my little one, so I totally relate to what Claudia was saying about fitness and weight lifting through carrying your child!

[@isavalverdef]

I felt so happy listening Rupert's voice at the background! You guys look very happy and glowy, I'm glad so see it and it makes me feel so good about life lol Thanks for sharing about your family! Have a nice week!

[@Missmori]

my friend spent a week at my place with her two month old and shared a room with me, and since i am a light sleeper and she's not, i'd usually wake up the moment the baby started to make noise. it was the best sleep she had since her pregnancy she said.... LOL it was nice, because for someone who wanted children but it was never really in the cards for me, i did get a taste... and the honor of his second word being Lala, after Mama, was very special to me. also great when she'd get a call at work, and come into my area of the workroom to tell me "YOUR son BIT a girl at daycare!!!" beause M is mine when he's naughty LOL.

[@groovyvintage9973]

As a mom of twins, the number one thing that I recommend is getting them on the same eating/sleeping schedule as soon as possible. It sounds like y'all are on the right track.

[@HydraCoffee42-wj5ir]

I think if you can afford a night Nanny for a couple of days during those first few weeks you should do it! I can't imagine life with twins but going crazy I believe is quite normal, and honestly that extra help could make all the difference!

[@lizzypye579]

FYI you can’t hold a baby too much, and holding/sling time counts as tummy time! 🎉❤

[@dutchik5107]

Sure. But you can definetly get overtouched yourself. Which is also fine

[@xzonia1]

Congratulations! I've never thought about it before, but yeah I guess it can be difficult to tell twin babies apart. The color bracelets are a cute idea! A lot of times, the first born twin will be slightly bigger than the second one, so parents can tell them apart that way for the first few weeks at least. I'm so happy Rupert is excited about being a big brother! So adorable. :)

[@LeighMerrydayPorch]

I have a co-worker who learned to drive after 50. You can absolutely do it! :)

[@florence9556]

I do strongly some care help. I had a doula who,helped during the day, with the intent that I would sleep during the day and then be on the night shift. What ended up happening is, that gave me enough time to support my older child which hugely helped with the jealousy.

[@inamae.kanade]

first time being this early 🥹 it’s always so comfy watching you two 🤍

[@violetkitt2371]

As a child who's needs were ignored, take care in "two want to do this and youre the odd one out" I routinely got forced to join rollar coasters and loud places, which caused frequent autistic meltdowns and generalized anxiety disorder. Give the odd one out their needs from time to time...

[@dagenpracchia6683]

Tip on telling them apart in the beginning that a friend of mine did with her twins: buy baby A one color of socks and buy baby B a different color. You can still do cute socks with prints too!! Or even multiple different colors for each! Like baby A gets pink, green, black, yellow and baby B gets purple, blue, red, white.

[@chickensoupfordinner]

How do you keep the socks on? My baby was a master at kicking them off.

[@julihath8046]

My personal experience with identical twins is that when you spend time with them, you notice differences that most people don't. Eventually you can tell them apart easily. Parents of twins often report that to them each one looks like a completely different person.

[@bigpanda1228]

As for your theory about perhaps not having morning sickness because your body had adapted to the hormone levels via the fertility drugs, I can tell you that I had no morning sickness with any of my pregnancies. I do know scientists believe they have recently had a breakthrough in understanding morning sickness that involves a particular gene variation. As for a previous video in which Jessica worried about what it would be like as she grows older with her chronic illnesses, I can tell you that I’ve got EDS and used to have POTS (plus fibro, migraines, and a multitude of other issues) and I’m 68, so I feel like I can maybe give a little peek into the future. First, there are breakthroughs that can ease the experience - the fairly recent group of new migraine medications that have come on the market are a good example - I used monthly injections of one new drug along with an acute care drug that is also new and they have made a difference. Second of all, I think it is a huge advantage when you don’t pair the experience of aches and pains with aging. I’ve had osteoarthritis since I was 12, extensive problems with my teeth since I was in my early 20’s, and poor eyesight since birth. As my husband began to experience arthritis around the time he turned 60, he’d say things like “getting older sucks” or he’d express pessimism about the future because he just saw it as a long downhill slide. On the other hand, I don’t feel “my age” because my body and my brain always aged differently - my body got old before I was finished being young and my brain hasn’t aged at all. I’m far less likely to blame my age when I can’t remember a word or forget where I put something. My husband again always blames age and each time he does so, it reinforces the idea in his head that he is worse off now than he was when he was younger. I kind of feared that my arthritis would speed up how fast it gets worse, but that hasn’t happened. I’ve always felt that my life was better for having developed so many problems so young - as I developed a sense of who I am and what I can do, I never trusted my body to do what I wanted, so I focused on what I could do while working around the limitations of my body. Jessica, I realize that you are also dealing with memory issues so you don’t have the same “body isn’t great but brain can nearly always go where I want it to”, but don’t despair that things will inevitably constantly get worse. You’ve got ninja levels of working with what you’ve got because you’ve had so much practice already. And Claudia, you, like my husband, have already had time to practice navigating the greater complexity of doing things in concert with someone who has varying levels of energy and availability. My husband got dragged into the world of unexpected trips to the hospital, critical emergency situations, a high risk pregnancy when we already had 2 kids, and so much more. Don’t know how he does it, don’t know how you do it, but you both seem to handle it well. Every birthday I have is special because it simply wasn’t always clear that I’d get even one day older, let alone the decades I’ve had. As for twins, I have no advice! I do know that I frequently traveled with our 3 kids but no other adult, and I made it work. I also worked full time until I quite to homeschool them for 7 years, until I got too sick to keep it up. They are all happy, well adjusted, accomplished adults now. And after years of being nearly bedbound, a combination of (then) new medications made my pain so much less that I went to law school when I was 55. Life is even more full of unexpected turns for those with chronic conditions, but we also get a lot of practice working with and around our limitations. I’m glad you are getting to the point of being able to get excited - I understand how the idea of twins might have drowned you in anxieties and questions but I’m glad you are moving through that stage. You will make it work - we all do. And your kids will love you both with every fiber of their being. That is so incredibly special!

[@citlallirue1300]

This was beautiful thank you for sharing your story!!

[@FrannyM09]

I love your videos and I know you guys will figure out just the right way to parent these two miracles. I am so happy for you and Rupert’s little “hi babies” is so cute!! 👶👶

[@enbybus3840]

Oh cannot wait to see you revisit this Q and A when the twins are a couple years old. If anyone can montessori twins, it's your family!! ❤❤❤

[@HydraCoffee42-wj5ir]

I love you guys's parenting style I think you have a very healthy family now and will continue to have a very healthy family with twins!

[@victoriakahl3777]

I have ADHD and it made learning to drive quite challenging, as it’s multi tasking and very concentratey. IMO 2 hours is too long for a neurospicy person. It took me 1.5 years to pass, on one lesson per week and practice in my family car whenever I could. Remember though, as long as Claudia or someone with a licence is with you you can still drive around as much as you want on your Provisional Licence, anywhere but motorways.

[@SomeoneBeginingWithI]

That's a good point. As long as Jessica has learned enough that they're both confident she can drive safely, she doesn't need to actually have taken the driving test yet.

[@JasmineAnahera]

I have identical twin nieces, the way we helped tell them apart when they were younger were mum would say, hold baby a and dad would hold baby b, and if they were in a posed photo without mum or dad - they would have baby a on the left and baby baby b on the right

[@madeibn]

I have no idea how I’d handle questions like “are they siblings?” Lol. You two are both so graceful and patient, Rupert and the twins are so lucky to have you as their mums 🥹