Do I Have to Report My Abuser?

[@AuthenticMentalHealth]

If you are reading this you are NOT alone, you ARE loved❤️

[@WissenIstMacht310]

you are loved too authentic mental health! Blessings from Germany!

[@disgustedjade7831]

@Unholygrail thank you so much💕

[@disgustedjade7831]

@Paul Dybala you just ruined it. 😡🤬🤬

[@sugarandspice2136]

Thank you, you are loved too ❤

[@Lillie-mae.Edwards]

Also even though it was a horrible experience and it lasted so long and the process was horrendous, my abuser is now in prison. So despite that I got through it. And I’m mostly recovered now thanks to therapy and this community 💗💗

[@marisaswanson2061]

Bethanie p ❤️❤️

[@Katimorton]

Thank you so much for sharing!! And I am so glad you are mostly recovered!! yay!! xoxo

[@Lillie-mae.Edwards]

marisa swanson ♥️

[@Lillie-mae.Edwards]

Kati Morton I say mostly as a just in case aha xox

[@sugarandspice2136]

That's awesome. I'm happy for you! 👏❤

[@violetcoincidence9226]

I reported him to the police and took him to court. The trial was long (10 years) and really really difficult. It affected myself and my family on every level: emotionally, physically and financially. It was not easy but no job or degree will ever make me feel this proud of myself. That was the right thing to do. I still struggle with so many things, my pain didn't end that day, but in my darkest days the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that I did that. Please please report, do what you can to make this stop! I love you.

[@beckel3593]

How long are they in prison?

[@violetcoincidence9226]

@@beckel3593 from what l know, they were in for about one year only. Not enough for sure, but it was still worth it.

[@Demonicintrovert666]

im getting ready

[@eternallylearning2811]

I didn't cause I knew I couldn't take him getting more sympathy or even the chance of it plus there is no way he'll even get close to what I went through

[@AhmedHussein.81]

10 years ??!😮

[@janereeves4482]

I reported my abuser after 31 years. It took 5 years and 4 month but he was convicted two days ago. It was so hard but I'm glad I did it. The one thing I can't get my head around is he is now in prison. It feels so surreal.

[@annaleev674]

This came just as I needed it. Thank you so much!!!!

[@Katimorton]

Awe yay! I am so glad :) xoxo

[@latusalihyasalim4872]

@@Katimorton your videos helped me in a different way, because I just use it to improve my English skills since I'm an English learner. Thank you.

[@brachap9794]

Annalee V so what is the next step after outpatient 2 times a week

[@annaleev674]

Kati Morton I can’t believe you actually commented back, thank you so much! Honestly I’ve been binging a lot of your videos lately and I’ve loved all of them so far. Much love!!! -Annalee

[@phoenixphyre1885]

I'm sorry you needed it, but glad you are getting help :)

[@sydneyclifford7986]

Its also worth noting that sometimes reporting an abuser may actively make someone unsafe. Abuser's violate court and protective orders all the time and if there is a chance they will be allowed to walk free after the reporting process that victim/survivor could be in serious danger

[@kathrinjohnson2582]

Good point.

[@yellowroze]

Thats how i felt with my uncle. He threatened physical harm and even death if i told

[@Theohybrid]

That makes sense. wolves like those guys don't seem to care about anyone but themselves for reasons known to themselves.

[@sava-k-mus]

I was thinking the same thing whole time I was watching this. I wish she'd talked about what to do if your abuser walks.

[@tashisls7041]

I know, its horrible, its the worst torture...

[@amygdala9679]

My abuser is close family and I could never do this to the rest of my family... they love him and as long as I don't suspect him to hurt anybody else I will never report him. It's like weighing what would hurt more: never getting justice or destroying the peace in their lifes.

[@luxsarrazine1141]

Jam Brownies I understand that far too well. I was sexually abused when I was younger by and older cousin for a couple years, but I stayed quiet for 7 years, still haven’t reported it and don’t intend to. Everyone that knows about it wanted me to report it and I never wanted to. He was already in prison and I never wanted to face him again. Besides, I don’t think I could ever look my family in the face and tell them what happened. I was however hoping he’d be in prison for a longer while but he was released a couple months ago and I saw him at a family reunion and had an anxiety attack, left and closed myself in the bathroom. But I don’t want my family to know especially with this much time since it happened there won’t be any evidence and I’m not going through that when I know there wouldn’t be a conviction at this point

[@audriiiiroberts3030]

You deserve to be free love. Please tell someone.

[@chrischross4116]

Jam Brownies omfg same

[@nunyabizzness7869]

Jam Brownies I had this same thing happen..I'm in my 40s now and I feel like I should have said something earlier. It felt so good saying it. I would see him at every family event and became so angry how people could be friendly and loving to this Monster. I was 16 ish when I finally said to him to never show up to my family events again if I am there. The sad thing is he did this to more children I wish I said something earlier.

[@marisaswanson2061]

Jam Brownies i feel the same way. i was attacked by a family friend, and i didn’t report it for the same reasoning. do what’s best for you💗

[@Naylanshifts]

I actually went to talk to an investigator today about my abuser from a few years ago. Someone else reported him and I went in to give any information I could to help the investigation. It definitely wasn’t easy, but I hope he will pay for what he has done to multiple people.

[@crazyleaf257]

😖😖😖

[@sarailopez7103]

Omg Kait thankyou for all the support was having a hard time trying to decide or not. Thankyou I feel less alone thankyou. And now i have some survol options ❤

[@Katimorton]

Oh of course!! I am so glad the video was helpful :) oxox

[@JSandwich13]

Think you for this. I waited around six years to report. I wasn't ready for the trials it would bring up, but I knew I needed to do it. After two years of investigating the cases, they said there was not enough evidence but I'm thankful I went through with it, however traumatic.

[@Katimorton]

Thank you so much for sharing! I am glad you were thankful you went through with it. xoxo

[@tashisls7041]

Hello Cal, I am very sorry you went through that...

[@marisaswanson2061]

“disintegrate into the earth and never come back” BIGGEST MOOD OF MY LIFE!!!!! one of my abusers died but i find myself still getting cut on the pieces of the marble. i was sexually abused and i know the process is hard and it was a family friend but i wish that my parents believed me or that i would have reported it. i love law and order svu bc it’s like watching justice get served (or sometimes not). i feel like it’s the part that i’m lacking but i’m going to try to heal from it in therapy

[@nunyabizzness7869]

marisa swanson one of my abuser also died he wrapped himself around a tree. Which was what I wished for him for many many years. I didn't tell anyone and he abused many more children. He was a married in family member. I did tell in my early 20s after he was no longer my uncle. It felt so good to confront him and tell him he was a piece of shit. Now he rots and I hope he is in hell.

[@brioche8123]

marisa swanson i also love svu and realized it was probably for that reason. I watch a lot of shows like that. Unfortunately most of my abuse was emotional and verbal and that can’t be prosecuted. No one picked up on me being sexually abused. And the physical abuse left no scars. So I’ll never get justice for anything but I’m happy when others do

[@Katimorton]

I am glad one of them died... and I hope by getting trauma therapy you begin to feel better and not get cut on all the pieces of marble as often. xoxo You got this!! xoo

[@fleurmeijer5969]

I'd imagine in hell they would take a page from emperor Nero for people like him. A special program. Roll em in wax, stick a wick on top and set alight. Viola Roman candle. I haven't experienced what you've experienced, but whenever I see a television episode with that kind of person, I would imagine stuff like that to kind of wash away the yuck. I don't really know what to say to be supportive, but let's just say I'm rooting for you. :)

[@beckel3593]

Piss on his grave.

[@UniqueSouls]

"almost 1200 videos" BLESS YOU thats so much work that you have put into you channel, a channel that is helping SOOOO many people.

[@sydneyclifford7986]

I would definitely recommend someone thinking about reporting their abuser to speak with a victim's advocate. We may be able to help you navigate the systems involved so it's less re-traumatizing and so there's less opportunity for your victimization to be questioned or not believed. We also may be able to give you an approximate idea of how your reporting process will go based on evidence you have/if you've utilized community or law enforcement resources before/how long you've waited to go to the hospital or police station etc. So often we see survivors who want legal or criminal justice consequences for their abuser and they can feel defeated when it doesn't happen even though they did everything correctly on paper. Accessing victim services providers can help demystify the process and make it less jarring to go though. We can be with you though a court process, police reporting, Sexual Assault exams and So. Much. More.

[@annadavied7253]

Yes! Even just having someone who believes you, unconditionally, and doesn't ask for evidence or proof or to tell your story. I work part-time at a shelter for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking, and the most rewarding part of my job is being available for a client who needs to be heard and believed. Thank you for the work you do as an advocate! You are amazing!

[@Sgtvalentini]

Thank you for this comment, would I have to find one in the state or city the abuse happened?

[@Thegraylady]

@@Sgtvalentini Yes- there are hotlines for this sort of thing, but your best bet is searching for a local support group.

[@MarileeGetgen]

Could it be possible to have a video about religious abuse? It’s something that I struggle to find resources about and would like an informed, professional opinion on

[@leviathan6626]

+

[@patrickhanson712]

Yes I agree. A lot of tramua.

[@welsj91]

+1. I would love a video on this.

[@melodian13]

Check out this channel: Bravely You It might helps :)

[@tabithajohnson5877]

Marilee Getgen honestly- the process is not much different, I’m going through it right now. It’s difficult and overwhelming and scary- and I’m pretty sure I wake up either from a nightmare or with a horrible stomach ache everyday right now- but it’s no different still than reporting someone outside the religious organization. The only thing different is having to deal with the emotional aspect of the religious stuff.

[@sandranelli897]

I get so mad when they get charged with forcible touching. Really, what's the difference? Then you have an order of protection but you are too afraid to go to the mall or etc and you see him. It's hard not to freak out because it's like living it out again. Great Video Kati!!!

[@Katimorton]

Thank you for sharing your experience.. I am so sorry you are still dealing with it. Ugh :( I hope with therapy you are able to heal. xoxo

[@elliundlu]

When I told someone close to me that I have been sexually abused, that person turned it into their problem. If they could've forced me to report my abuser, they would have. They were sure that it would make me heal, make my panic attacks go away. But they did not even once consider how that pressure made me feel. Especially because I was under aged and the police had to tell my mum if I had reported it, which was the most horrible thing in that scenario. This pressure of this person ended up being nearly as harmful as the abuse itself. It did not help me in any way, it even made me feel worse. Thank you so much for this video. I really hope people that know other survivors see it and will let them choose how to act on it.

[@Thegraylady]

You bring up a really important point. Abuse is about control, so anyone trying to "help" who is being controlling is no help at all- only harmful. Being a help means giving that person a safe space and empowering them to move away from the abuse on their own terms.

[@sarahgodshall3531]

I experienced the same thing. The person that sexually assaulted me turned around and said it was my fault.

[@kikifire9113]

This video came at the perfect time. I'm really struggling with the guilt of not reporting it and wondering how many women he has hurt because of me. I wanted to tell my therapist that today in fact but I can't get the words out. To all those who are brave enough to report it, you are amazing & I love you for your strength.

[@theresaleszczynski6273]

Thank you for going into the details of reporting Kati. It is too hard for many people to face their abuser. The current system stinks!

[@Katimorton]

Of course!! It really does stink.. and it needs to be reformed stat!!!

[@Kittyxandra19]

Thank you, I needed this. I haven’t entirely decided if I want to report my abuser or not, but thank you for giving me the information.

[@chrischross4116]

your videos are always so timely for me. it’s like almost 2am and i’m spiralling again. i haven’t slept properly in weeks and this seems like a saving grace. I can’t do the reporting and it seems like it’s my fault. i don’t even know if i make sense. thanks for validating how i feel... i don’t get that irl. thank you kati. i don’t know what else to say. but thank you.

[@alexseaaa]

So needed that, I was having a hard time with that. As much I want to reach out about what happened to me, I feel like it would honestly do more harm than good. So thank you Kati for posting this, it makes me feel better knowing that it is my choice even if not everyone would agree to it. Maybe one day I'll talk about it but not now.

[@skylarrush9636]

Started dissociating watching this so didn’t get to see it all. I appreciate you making this video Kati! 🙏🙏💚💚

[@dawndid5972]

Thanks!

[@Katie_Jo_21]

That makes sense. I have never heard trauma explained so clearly. It is no wonder how folks who have trauma experience can have bits and pieces of memories but no story. Or how ones brain can shut off to reality to protect itself for an entire duration of time. Makes myself feel much more understood. And I hope it helps others as well.

[@bellaandsevy5338]

Your videos are amazing and actually convinced me to go to therapy thank you for all you do!

[@Katimorton]

Awe that's so great to hear!!! Happy to be a helpful resource :) xoxo

[@kikifire9113]

Same here. I'm really trying. Kati's videos really help.

[@brandyhall2267]

Same! I talked to friends about going to therapy, but Kati’s information, made going to a counselor and now even on to a psychiatrist, something that was easier to do. I was SCARED to go, but all of the useful content, helped me overcome the stigma. Couldn’t be more grateful for all of her videos.

[@nadjadenicolo5505]

Thanks a lot Kati for this awesome video. I got through this hard process of grief thanks to my amazing CBT therapist (and tbh my hard work). Here in Italy it's literally the same with the police report...that was kind of the worst part of it, but after I had done that, I felt a sense of relief. It wasn't a successful report and it never came to the trial, because it was too long ago and I wasn't able to prove it, but for my process it was crucial. I was angry. A lot. But I worked through that and that wasn't half as bad as living with this dark secret for many years. Thanks again Kati and I hope that maybe the people here in the comments are inspired to find their way to get better because of you and because of the entire community you built up. Love you Xx

[@Indykitty1]

Thank you. Thank you for advocating for personal choice in reporting. I agree with you.

[@huntibear]

I went through the court and it was tough. It was my stepfather and in some ways I had to report it so I could stop getting hurt and because I told my high school they did but was best for me. It took over a year and a half to get a sentencing and another year after sentencing to get a forever restraining order set. He pleaded guilty in the end but would not take any deal so the judge was the final say and he gave him 5-7 years in state prison. I was lucky my judge was so kind. I didnt have to retell my story but I had to hear all of the evidence and that was really hard. I had to see my abuser so much in that year that all I was doing was trying to survive. I wouldn't say that my marble is completely smooth even working on it since 2016 and sometimes I do get cut but I have friends and coping skills that can make it hurt less. You are not alone and I am here if you need someone to talk to.

[@shannonjaffray225]

Dear KZbin, get it together and monetise these videos 🤦🏼‍♀️ Great video kati 💕

[@_just_TK]

Shannon Jaffray AMEN!!!! Kati says that she just assumes her videos on abuse will be rejected for monetization & always knowingly eats the lost income.😿 She makes the videos anyway because so many people benefit from them. KATI IS THE HERO WE DON’T DESERVE!!!!! 😻😻😻😻

[@ladyofthelake93]

Thank you for posting this. Hearing this was what I needed to finally call a hotline and see what my options are for prosecution or a protective order.

[@brioche8123]

My family would *hate* me if I ever reported anything that happened. They’d rather i suffer in silence. It makes me resent them. I feel bad for the people that report and still don’t get justice

[@AlatOnDemand]

Find other close cousins etc to be by your side and get someone that’ll support you. YOU DON’T DESERVE TO SUFFER SILENTLY GO REPORT THEM PLEASE!

[@bemeeklezvelveeta6719]

Perfect timing for my life posting this video. Thank you, Katie 💜

[@sophievanreeth1281]

I can’t thank you enough, the timing is perfect ♥️

[@kimberlyyusay2550]

I love you Katie. This made me cry. Thank you for making this.

[@jessn.2665]

As someone who reported being raped, (two years afterwards) it is traumatizing. I was sure something would be done since he was a repeat offender (I decided to report after I found out he’d been convicted), but nothing was done. Being questioned is difficult, and it makes you doubt whether or not it really was your fault. Because of this, I recommend building a support system before reporting (if it happened a while ago and there is no physical evidence) and take someone with you. Most likely it is someone you know. If it just happened, do not take a shower, and call someone you trust. Tell them what happened, and have them meet you at the E.R. with a change of clothes. If nothing else, you will be raising awareness around sexual/physical assault. Get therapy from a professional, because it will be difficult. Even though Nothing became of me reporting my abuser, I feel better that I tried. I got the therapy I needed as well. It helped me to tell my story over and over.

[@Thegraylady]

Amen to that. Even if the individual who harmed you is not "caught" or "convicted" or whatever, the most important things are being able to get away, to heal, to raise awareness, and to help others. Because, there are so many people who minimize what happened to a victim or outright doubt them, which ONLY feeds into the way a victim already feels. To this day there are people who think I was wrong to leave my abuser, and I STILL have daily doubts, even though when I state facts to myself or others about what happened, it is so insanely ridiculous and frightening.

[@crazyleaf257]

Glad u tried. That's awful nothing was done!!!!

[@kaitlynnbarker6036]

I really needed this video. Thank you so much for always putting out so much helpful information.

[@Katimorton]

Awe of course!! xoxo

[@mothermonsterlove]

what i did was report to the local police and tell them i didn't want them to investigate. i just wanted to tell law enforcement. i guess that's bc i waited over two years to report it. the worst part honestly was that i had to meet the detectives at the place where it happened, and i had to tell another two people who worked there what happened as well. It was terrible, but in the long run it has helped a lot. the take away is that there are a lot of options for if you want to report an abuser.

[@danityjo]

From personal experience. Sometimes taking the steps to report and leave an abusive relationship its hard. Because you believe you are the failure. A friend that recognizes the signs that doesn't take no for an answer and calling an intervention let's the abused know, 1, they have people on their side, 2. They have a place to go. 3. It's worth it to take the steps to report it.

[@basian4653]

Wow my old therapist would yell at me to go report and i said i didnt feel safe in that town and she raised her voice saying i need to go alone then hung up on me. Hearing you just talk so calmly about these things is like a world ive never experienced

[@dawndid5972]

A simple thank you is what I want to say, but beyond that I want to say you've given me hope that I can do this with grace and dignity like my parents raised me. 💗✊🏾☝🏾🐈‍⬛

[@Lillie-mae.Edwards]

Hope for the best but plan for the worst! I was waiting for the inside out reference Kati. 💗💗 therapy is like the tape and glue putting a marble back together along with working your butt off trying to get better isn’t it? And the process is horrendous but worth it in the end but my advice is don’t do it without support because it feels awful and traumatic.

[@justinehornberger3715]

I was on a destroyer, serving in the Navy. The man who molested me was my supervisor, and everyone around him praised him for being 'The best Radioman'. Also, I'm an openly sexual person, and this reputation was already well known on the ship. I thought no one would believe me, so I didn't say anything for 2 years. Then he harmed another girl on the ship. I kept urging her to report, to do what I hadn't done. They would believe her-- she was gay. As it turns out even that didn't keep people from having good things to say about this fucker... So I reported. And sure enough, no one in my workspace believed me. They ostracized me, to the point where I had a mental breakdown in the middle of deployment. Being out to sea is difficult, but it's only worse when there's virtually no ability to find comfort in those around you. It was the hardest experience of my life, and I've had a few hard experiences before. BUT, legal believed me. Big Navy believed me, and the 'best Radioman' received a Bad Conduct Discharge and was sent to the brig. I received my justice, and now he at least has a record, so maybe the women around him can at least be warned. I don't regret it, and when I look back on it, I feel proud. He tried to take my dignity but I took it back. Please report, even if you don't want to, even if you don't get justice... Sometimes when you feel you have nothing left, just knowing you've done everything you could will get you through.

[@anxnymxuspixie5988]

This couldn't have been posted on a better day💖

[@Katimorton]

Awe :) I hope it was helpful! xoxo

[@kikifire9113]

I love the marble reference, Kati. That makes so much sense to me now. Thank you.

[@TheGayMarvin]

Wow! I was just worrying about this because I was thinking about finally telling my therapist and was worried id have to report it, thankyou so much for this video!

[@crazycat4602]

I reported my abuse it was my word against the abuser.

[@chrischross4116]

Crazy Cat keep going. it’s not easy but you’re worth it

[@MargaeryGaudier]

It's difficult especially if your abuser is respected by many. =(

[@lex5016]

Man I swear I gain something from every one of your videos

[@Katimorton]

Awe yay!! xoxo

[@caseyprice426]

also for my dad's emotional abuse jana is testifying for me (jana is my therapist) because i'm under the age of18, i'm so happy i don't have to come face to face with my dad!! haha, i want him to disintegrate into the earth and never come back!! MOOD

[@SabinJBB]

A good girl friend of mine told me about her family member abuse case after I told her a very personal issue. Her father passed away in an accident when she was 4 years old, and her mother and the rest of the family talked about the father like he would be the perfect dad, espouse and son. My friend got a huge burden while she was a teen that made her explode and need therapy. She had a huge personal conflict, the only thing she remembered of his father was how he sexually abused her while she was a kid!! She did not want to disappoint the good image her mother and other family members had about him. But eventually she realized she needed to confront and "report" the abuse at least to the family members she loved (her mother among very few others). She was 17 yo when she "reported" it to her mother, confronting how her mother talked saintly things about him. Her mother got debastated, because the truth was that the father abused the mother (physically, emotionally and even sexually).... when the father died in the accident, she and her family thought that not sharing the truth to her daughter and even making up how "good" his father was, was a way of protecting the girl... The mother was so ashamed of having hurt so much her daughter for all those years of sweetened lies. Until my girl friend did not confronted her trauma and "reported" it to her relatives ( mother), she was unable to pass and heal her abuse trauma, and in the process she help her mother healed hers too! plus it made the family relationships improve! My advise is, whether you report it or not, at least don't pretend you sympathize with the abuser, be distant and show your discrepancy when people that are safe for you do cheer the abuser's persona . Thus, giving a chance, for those who might dislike him, to make it easier for them to approach to you in case they wanna share with you their own story.

[@TheTabby03]

What if it was a long time ago. And this person was a child, and the abuser is living on like nothing happened?

[@ohhhkay747]

I’m on the same boat

[@AhmedHussein.81]

You need to get any evidence against him then u can open a case

[@tonystewart123]

I tried to report my abuser and no one believed it because there weren’t cameras and I was in a residential treatment facility. So I never really got over it, how can I truly get over it when every single time I try to talk to someone about what happened to me I get such high anxiety.

[@storytellerhut3488]

I chose not to report my assault. Years later, he murdered someone. He is now in prison. Part of me feels soo much safer. Part of me is finally free of him. Part of me cannot help but feel so guilty. Had I reported my assault maybe that other person he killed would be here.

[@_just_TK]

Olivia Clink he is 100% responsible for the terrible things he did NOT YOU!!!

[@MagnoliaPantherWoman]

I needed to hear this today. Thanx Kati.

[@333hihello444]

In Australia, there is an online service called SARA (Sexual Assault Report Anonymously). I went through a trauma about a year ago and accessed this service recently. As hard as it was writing about the details and even typing out the name and description, it somehow released me from the offenders hold. Even though nothing may ever come of the report at least the police know his name and description and if he ever offends again or if somebody else has also reported him he may get prosecuted. You have the option to report anonymously or give your details. I chose anonymously because I wasn't ready to face the offender again or talk to police. Maybe one day I will be ready to talk to police in person but not today. You got to do what is most helpful to your recovery and well being. It's been hard but I know I'm not alone and neither are any of you. It's going to be okay

[@genesiscruz1785]

you are so strong thank you for sharing❤🌟✨

[@GuidingEchoes]

Wow! I was just thinking about that this morning.

[@Katimorton]

I guess we have ESP or something ;) haha! I hope it was helpful!! xoxo

[@GuidingEchoes]

@@Katimorton We totally do! lol And yes, it was. Thank you. ♥️

[@nunyabizzness7869]

I always felt such guilt over not reporting. I feel I probably caused more little girls to become victims. This has always made me feel horrible.

[@marisaswanson2061]

Jennifer If you must know i felt the same way too. but maybe it was just too hard in the moment. we’re all just doing the best we can, try to not be so hard on yourself. easier said than done believe me i get it💗

[@chrischross4116]

Jennifer If you must know it’s not your fault. I know easier said than done (because I feel the same way with the guilt part) but please know that you are NOT at any fault. The fault lies on the perpetrator and them only.

[@brioche8123]

Jennifer If you must know i feel the same way. But it’s always on them not you. It’s a shitty situation in general.

[@AUnicorn666]

Can you do a video on Fawning as a response to trauma (People pleasing) basically people-pleasing as a response to trauma?

[@griffin1837]

whoever is reading this, you *will* get through this. keep going. 💛

[@AlatOnDemand]

Thank you 🤍

[@jessicaviolett5122]

Thank you ♥️💪🙏🏼

[@rachelheflin0584]

Thank u Kati. I always feel like you know what people need.

[@ellevs1601]

Been struggling with this. Thank you.

[@tindrajohansson6537]

I recomend emdr to everyone. It helped me sooooo much. The therapy is really good and i really liked it because ypu dont have to bee very specific if you having a hard time remembering. You just go with the flow. Its weird but it works!!

[@caseyprice426]

i saw a trauma therapist for a while but unfortunately they moved away.. it helped a lot though. now i'm back to my old dbt therapist but i'm glad i got to go back to her and dbt is extremely helpful to me because i have bpd traits and suicidal ideation and my therapist is amazing and her name is also jana like yours!! hehe, i barely have any flashbacks of my past abuse now and i'm feeling good

[@XPUPPYKITTYZX]

I was groomed at 15 by a 20 year old, I recently stumbled upon some evidence in my emails, so I confronted him. Got him admitting some parts. I'm nervous about reporting

[@elliottstein5955]

I think this was all very well said. I didn't realise what was going on with my abuser until a few months after the fact; he had gotten me to drink way too much the first time (I was underage) to process it, and then it became a repeated cycle partly because of verbal/emotional abuse and, I think, partly because I was raised in an environment that caused me to believe I wasn't allowed to say no or have my own wants at all, and it took months with a really great counsellor to come to terms with ANY of it. This was years ago, and I still don't feel like I would be ready to talk to the authorities about anything that happened. Quite frankly, based on past experiences I've had with local law enforcement, I would be more worried about getting put on a hold and admitted to a psychiatric hospital, just for nothing to happen to the abuser because there's "not enough evidence." (Of course this is only my personal experience, and it is definitely not my intention to imply anything about other law enforcement offices or other people's own experiences dealing with them.)

[@raizeldudovitz1796]

This is great thank you! I am an 19 and was abused 3 times and your videos about being abused help a lot thanks 🙏 I just recently had the courage to tell my therapist that I was sexually abused 3 times and I’m starting to process it and I’m so scared like what happens. How do I process this? I saw my first and second abuser every day cuz we were in school together till I moved going into 11th grade. It’s really hard. It always came back to me and I would stop going to school. It’s been over 10 years since the first abuse and it’s so hard to talk about it. Thank you for being a great resource and great support!;) ❤️

[@Aleeanxiousme]

I did not report my abuser and I regret it. He was my older cousin's new Boyfriend who was fresh out of prison and still on parole. My guardians knew this but allowed him to move in with us. From the ages 11ish-13ish he groomed me and not long after I turned 13 is when the actual abuse began. Around 14/15 I was no longer a virgin. I didn't tell anyone. I was afraid my older cousin would hate me, and that my guardians would think it was my fault. They were emotionally distant and had just taken me in after my mother passed from cancer when I was 11. I knew these people but not in a loving close kind of way - even though they were family. I learned during the time he was victimizing me that he was caught once before and severed time. He was also on the sex offender registry, a level 3 sex offender, and living with us while violating his parole. But because he claimed his address with elsewhere he was never caught. I urge everyone to report abuse. I can't tell you how emotionally hard it is to know this man is victimizing other children. He has a 13-year-old daughter I helped raise after he and my older cousin broke up. 13..the same age he began actually abusing me. His current girlfriend has a younger daughter and they just had a baby together - a girl. He's victimized before, he victimized me, and he's done it since. I know in my gut he has. I also think if you're going to report it to be prepared for those who won't believe you. When I finally told my guardians a few years ago, as an adult, they swept it under the rug. They didn't want to accept it could have happened because they then failed as "parents." Long story short, my then guardians still do not believe me even though I've told them details. They still don't believe me even though they knew prior to moving him in that he was on the registry. They still don't believe me even though several times I recall them scolding me for sitting too close to this guy, being alone in a room with him for too long, etc. But then turned around and asked him to drive me home from school, and left me home alone with him many, many times. Report these assholes and don't let the fear of ruining relationships or punishment get in the way. I wished I told my counselor at school or the head person at the teen center who was also a cop! I wish my abuser had to pay for what he did and I honestly wish my then guardians had some kind of punishment as well. They knew full well the possibility of what might happen moving a sex offender into a house with a teen girl. They had enough sense to correct certain behavior but never actually followed through which then gave my abuser many, many ample chances to abuse me. No one else's feelings or reputation should matter more over something like that. No one's ego should ever be the reason abuse is swept under the rug. I go about my life as best I can. (I don't leave my house often - often months at a time and have a panic disorder/anxiety, and depressions.) the way I was raised in that house and the abuse I went through has stayed with me.

[@genesiscruz1785]

wow I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through. You are actually very brave now, to at the very least, be sharing your story. I believe you. I'm struggling trying to figure out if I should report my abuser. I'm scared he might come after me in an act of revenge and hurt me. At the same time I am so angry. I don't know what to do.

[@lex5016]

I know so many people that have been through the process and have heard soooo many horror stories. For that reason, I've never reported any of my abusers. I honestly don't know if I ever will.

[@jessicawilliams7465]

Thank you for your help! I love your videos ❤

[@Katimorton]

Of course!!! xoxo

[@kwantimeleaper]

Police are the issue. I got a stack of paper work and when j did they screamed at me. Sherriff called and screamed at Mr. And I don't want to do anything because they don't do anything. And it will be nice if people would stop stalking me with the past rape or triggering it for fun. I need protective orders and I have done the work and healed them for free, my abusers and others abusers but they just abuser me for knowing. People make money off of drugs and abuse and retreats. They gangstalk and I just need help. It doesn't absolve anyone from crime. I have no support system. I am being harmed by doctors and I need a case worker and j get yelled at when I'm disassociating. Please for the love of God someone help me get NY rapists in jail

[@yellowroze]

I am a survivor of abuse; starting from when i was 10 and lasting until my late 20's. It was done by several different men. I only reported one of them...the first one. My uncle abused me for 7 years from 10 to 17. I finally got the guts to report it. This was back in the early 90's before Megan's Law. A very old male police detective came to my house while we were eating dinner. He sat at the table with my parents there... He wanted me to tell him every little detail of what happened. I had a panic attack and freaked out and ran to my room, refusing to cooperate anymore. My uncle had threatened to kill me if i ever told, so that also weighed heavily on my mind. I never knew it, but i find out a few years later, when i had the guts to prosecute him, that he was already prosecuted on my behalf because i was a minor. So when i wanted to tell everyone exactly what happened, i felt like i was forced to be silent and keep it all in again... That's the main reason i didn't even report the others. I had such a distrust of the US legal system.

[@Sarah-yp3zy]

I was abused multiple times when i was younger and i feel like it's my fault i still see my abuser because he is family and i feel sick sometimes when i'm around him but i don't think i will ever report it because i think it will hurt people i love and also because i don't feel strong enough to do that

[@thetruthhurts540]

❤ its good to hear how i dont need to report to heal but my biggest fear is them doing it to others.

[@raywood8187]

It was a long time ago, but I wish that the state caseworker assigned to me would have believed me about the foster home abuse, instead of me having to run away and end up being the one punished by throwing me in the county jail for 2 weeks at the age of 13 years old. No one seemed to want to advocate for minors.

[@thisisme2526]

I am currently going through the process of a criminal investigation. It's very emotional, I'm not going to lie. For me personally, though, I feel I need to go through with it because I'm not the only victim, and I have no reason to think this person won't re-offend.

[@_just_TK]

This is Me so sorry you have to go through this, but you’re so brave for doing it! HUGS!!! ❤️

[@chrischross4116]

Thanks Kati. I really feel more validated.

[@zohaibsheikh1136]

Nobody is talking about this and here I see an incredible lady making a video about it, no words

[@zoej76]

Here in the UK, a victim is allowed to testify via video link which allows them to give their evidence without being in the defendants presence. The US NEED to adopt this law, there must be so many victims who choose not to report an abuse because they don’t want to face their abuser in court😩

[@PieOfEpicness]

I live in Australia. I went through the process of reporting my abuser, I talked to a detective who got a case going, and after a few months, I heard she was taking it to court to get him charged. I waited a few more months, got a date, and then on the day before, I got a phone call. The Judge who was going to be hearing it said that there wasn't enough evidence and he threw the case out. It was devastating.

[@_just_TK]

PieOfEpicness so sorry you had to go through that!

[@_just_TK]

I LOVE the editing on this video!!!! ❤️❤️❤️👍

[@fqgwhejrktly]

Thank you for your help!!

[@Katimorton]

Of course!! xoxo

[@InspiroAmazon]

I don' t want to know about reporting any abuser but I have watched the whole videos just because of your cuteness and cute expressions on your face.

[@aliciayu5011]

I was sexually abused my whole childhood. When I was 19 police came to me and asked if anything had happened. I was so mortified that someone else knew it took me weeks to build the courage to make a report. I was one of 18 who had made a report. Including his own daughters. He was arrested and extradited back to Sydney. However, he managed to get a great solicitor and each of cases was tried separately, so the jury weren't allowed to know about the other cases. I went through the whole process up until the actual trial, it was too overwhelming and I couldn't do it. He never got convicted. Fast forward 20 years and I'm finally working through it in therapy. It is a long process…hopefully one day I can put it behind me.

[@allisondolby8051]

I’ve been verbally abused by my dad for 8 years and it’s still happening and I want it all to end. I love your videos and they help so much. I just don’t know what I should do cause for the past 5 days I’ve been on edge about attempting suicide. Can you do a video on how to get people to like be on your side in a way. No one takes me serious and it’s so hard. I’m just trying to get the help I need and want to get better. Thanks!❤️💕

[@_just_TK]

Allison Dolby Please reach out to a professional! If you are currently in school, most schools have some sort of counselor on staff. See if u can set up an appointment. If you’re too nervous to ask for one, you can go to a teacher you like ( if you have one) & ask if they can set up the first appointment for you. Hope this helps and know that with the right help it DOES GET BETTER!!! ❤️

[@lynnmarieanderson1744]

I tried to watch this all the way through but this sickening feeling came over me. Seeing doctors and psychiatrists traumatizes me. I believe in a lot of ways THEY victimize people!!!! And there's a lot more to abuse than someone hitting you. My eyes are full of tears right now because I'm actually in my 40s and I think I have been emotionally and verbally abused by my parents for most of my life and now I KNOW I need to go no contact with them and I have very little money and no car. I have bipolar disorder and I'm barely getting by on disability and this world is so fucked up!!!! I wish I was dead, don't know what I'm living for. People just dump on me, I'm fed up.

[@_just_TK]

Lynn Marie Anderson I’m so you’re going through this. Kati has a great video on Dealing with Toxic Parents that you may find helpful kzbin.info/www/bejne/fpe4ZKmintySZpo

[@lynnmarieanderson1744]

@@_just_TK Thank you for reaching out to me. I don't know what I'm going to do, but hopefully I will figure something out. I feel like I can't escape my dad, he is out to get me and he is so mean and nasty, just puts me down constantly. He hit me once in the past and I live with this ominous feeling he will do it again one day. He's definitely a covert narcissist and very passive aggressive, he targets me because I stand up to him. My mom cares but she won't leave him. Not sure what to do or where to go .

[@tompalmer5986]

I've told my story to a number of therapists. I tell it not for pity, but as an explanation of why I am the way I am. I was sexually abused by an eighteen year old boy when I was four. I won't go into detail, other than to say that others have been abused worse. My dad was a child molester too. When he reached middle age he said the pull that direction became overwhelming, and he was helpless to resist it. He didn't abuse me, but he was always abnormally, strangely overbearingly affectionate with both me and my brother. Little boys were the type of children my dad couldn't resist. My older brother also said that he felt the same as me about our dad's affection. I've told other people, almost entirely therapists, about my dad's strange behavior, and a couple of them didn't seem very impressed. If they experienced my dad's behavior they'd understand. When I became around fourteen years old my dad finally left me alone, but he started hanging out with little boys and bringing them around the house. It really messed with my head. My older brother had left for college. There was no question of being able to resist my dad's affection. When we were in family therapy he said, "I don't see how a little kid wouldn't want all the loving he could get. A kid not wanting loving, I wouldn't understand that." My dad did do a lot to atone for his behavior. He paid for a year of me staying in a private psychiatric hospital out of his own pocket. He also did things like getting me an Indian tribal membership card, so I would have access to some health care. (I'm 1/8 Chickasaw.) My parents got divorced when I was about thirty, and the rest of our family pretty much abandoned him. One Christmas we were celebrating about twenty-five miles from the residential care place where my dad was, and I was saying we should visit dad. My sister said she couldn't stand to see him. I felt bad about that, him being alone and abandoned on Christmas. I'm no authority on art, but I believe my dad could have been a successful artist. There was a painting he made for our family. It reminded me of a Kandisky. He was always very deft with his hands. But dad's sole aim in life was to have a family. I hope he wasn't too distraught when he died.

[@_just_TK]

Tom Palmer just because you say your abuse “wasn’t as bad as other’s” doesn’t mean it wasn’t horrible & traumatic. You deserve to get help and heal from this!

[@tompalmer5986]

I get regular counseling. It helps. Life is still far from perfect, but life is still good.

[@nenadinally3716]

I reported both events that happened to me.... they are both still ongoing..... I have been dealing with it for a while. It is scary very. I still havent gone to court yet but even now i know the dectives talked to the DA in both cases... ive been terrified to call the detectives because then im worried and it hurts to think im not believeable when it is something that has affected me completely.... but this video gave me courage to check on the process of the cases

[@_just_TK]

Nena Dinally ❤️

[@Blessings7916]

Much needed information Thank you so much!

[@PRoseLegendary]

In Australia every state has a different process. But in my state every adult is a mandatory reporter. Counsellors have to report domestic violence to police, and if there's children involved then child services have to be reported as well.

[@katherineg6747]

I never told anyone about my abuse. Ever. Then I asked a question in a livestream about not being comfortable with physical contact. Kati comes right out and says you were probably abused and never processed it 😂😂 making me face my past by realizing how much it still affects me after all these years

[@_just_TK]

Katherine G I’m pretty sure Kati has magic powers! 😸 Please reach out to a mental health professional to help you process and heal from this!

[@katherineg6747]

I definetly agree with the magic powers! 😂 definetly a gift to us all

[@marylizabetha]

Kati, I love what you said about how trauma is like a shattered marble. I was near the raptors parade shooting last week and am still feeling a lot of anxiety over it. Do you have any videos that are good to watch after going through something traumatic like that? I was at work at the time and ran out of there only to find that there were shootings in other directions and had no idea where to run. I've been having a lot of trouble going back to work.

[@_just_TK]

marylizabetha Kati has a reaction video about the Las Vegas shootings a few yrs ago that you may find helpful kzbin.info/www/bejne/jZmXoYKwdrianLc

[@mekman4]

Thank you for this. Bless you.

[@MeeshT]

Can you please do a more specific video on the mental preparation and coping when reporting if it has been a long time? I’m thinking about things such as the woman who testified against Kavanaugh (I forget her name). How do you approach something like that?

[@AnnaKateTheGreat91]

Some of us LITERALLY cut ourselves along the way. But we press on. And we make it.

[@lisamarie4048]

I would like to report after they’d died just for closure I guess ..doing it now would be so awful. I feel so much like I need validation from others about my abuse.. I want to hear someone else say that was wrong and it shouldn’t happen and that they will or must be punished.. but I was told that others opinions don’t matter and that I should validate myself.. and I understand that now because it was my experience nobody else knows it better than me ..still it would be nice to feel supported

[@_just_TK]

Lisa Marie ❤️

[@a.aljohani3657]

Yo Kati the timing is uncanny, thank you.

[@timschafer8935]

what to do if you have been wrongly accused? I was and it sucked... I was totally cleared, there was another witness and it was on HD camera.... but still it was horrible

[@choosexolove]

I was abused by my dad... I’m now 40 and I always wish I had spoke up. Now, saying something would just tear apart the lives of so many others and sometimes I feel like I’m going to just suffocate.

[@_just_TK]

choosexolove please reach out for professional help! No matter how much time has past, it’s never too late to process and heal from this

[@choosexolove]

TK thank you ❤️

[@kattemma]

I never reported any of my abusers... The most recent one used to be my best friend and it left me so scarred I suffered through a slight psychosis that lasted for months. Unfortunately sexual harassment cases don't get taken to court in my country due to lack of resources within the police.... also haven't seen a therapist in my entire life because the mental health help within this country is really awful, it can take months just to get an appointment and I'm not sure I could start up a process and then let it run so slowly. It would just open up old scars for a very long period of time I'm not sure I could live with 😔

[@genesiscruz1785]

wow that is so hard. Have you ever thought about online counseling? That way you can do it at home? Sorry to hear about what you're going through. May I ask, what country are you referring to?✨❤

[@pwms11]

A few years ago I was looking at resources for sexual abuse. I contacted 2 places via email. One told me they only do the law part. The other one said the same thing. Only they added the "you should feel like crap for not wanting to bring them to court" and etc. It completely destroyed me.

[@Katimorton]

I hear you. Not all resources are created equal & I'm sorry that they told you that. I hope you will continue on a path towards happiness. Thank you for being here and for the message. You Are Appreciated xoxo Kati

[@jasmineharris5511]

Two and a half years ago I told my youth group leader about my abusive dad. She called a hotline and a case worker showed up and asked me questions and then said he was going to call my parents and tell them someone had reported them. I begged him to come in person so that it wouldn’t just be me alone with my parents when they found out I had said something. But he just said “we’re the government, sweetie, people usually take us seriously”. My parents hated me for a long time but my dad hasn’t beat me since then. Which would be good except my dad is still really mean to me emotionally. Is there any way I can get out of my family if my dad isn’t actively abusing me? He always threatens to take my dog back to the pound and has actually locked me out of the house. He hasn’t laid a hand on me but will back me into a corner and scream into my face until I curl up on the floor crying hysterically. I also know I have severe ptsd but my dad won’t let me get the help I need. What do I do?