Do This To Prepare Yourself For The Kind of Love That HEALS

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***
You may have been conditioned to believe that relations are only icing on the cake, but provide no healing. While we all have to take responsibility for our happiness and our healing, it's plain to see that being in a good relationships can be a strong and positive catalyst and support for healing. Good relationships don't tend to happen when you're still hurting with unhealed trauma. In this video I teach the aspects of healing that prepare you to find real, healing love.
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[@bscott9141]

I swear you are a God send! I was just thinking the other day that perhaps a part of completing this healing process is preparing myself to enter a healthy relationship. I have been wanting to be in a relationship since I was a teenager but I always seem to get in my own head about it. Maybe it's time that I start being intentional about that intimacy that I so crave.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It sounds like it is time! If you're interested, Anna offers a course called Dating & Relationships that sounds like a great fit for you. Here is the link: bit.ly/CCF-Dating Sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@letseat4648]

This is EXCEPTIONAL material. A lifetime of wisdom packed into 15 minutes.

[@Twofeathers22]

i think i’m just going to remain solo and live what ever time i have left and just push myself till i can’t no more

[@kindgurly1]

I don’t understand why when it’s clear that toxic relationships destroy us, people still have a hard time accepting that healthy relationships totally have the potential to heal. Why are we so quick to accept the negative but reluctant to acknowledge the positive?

[@dmystfy]

Great point

[@b_b_b5146]

Good question! I would like to know it also.

[@spingirl1961]

I don’t think I could survive another relationship as terrible as my 40-year marriage, so I’m not inclined to even try to find another one. Just can’t take the chance.

[@susannluckmann7705]

Because cptsd changes you brain and thinking pattern, so it is not as easy to see who is good and healthy. You recognize the patterns you're used to and a lack of trust mostly makes you stay away from everything else. Anna has a lot of videos explaining the symptoms and gives really good advice how to regulate, take responsibility for your life and heal. Unfortunatly it is not done over night...

[@lovesalterations9544]

I’m a CPSTD survivor. I’m blessed by God with a loving committed marriage. It itself has brought so much healing and joy. I still struggle but now I don’t struggle alone. He stands up for me and loves me when I can’t do these things for myself. I still have healing to do, but I won’t do that alone either! Thank you for what you do!

[@Twofeathers22]

that awesome thank god i had one that had my back for many years we had good times we had bad times it’s called life but something went hard left i got left and i’m just now getting right right with others with ones self and getting back to the new and improved me the old me was a smart ass drinker and even a little deceptive and that’s the worst i did i should have never lied about money but i did we are past it now she’s who knows we’re and i’m still right we’re she left me along with all the other things she don’t want any more like that big four post king size bed where so much love was made she said give it away sounds like a country song lol

[@kknight3071]

I have a similar blessing❤ In addition to the support and healing, we've grown into greater wisdom and maturity. We celebrated our 25th anniversary earlier this week.

[@pesadjo]

BAD RELATIONSHIPS WRECK YOUR SPARKLE, they squash your confidence.

[@kaybrarian]

My husband and I both have CPTSD. We were together for one year, then we broke up for 3 years to deal with our past traumas. When we reconnected I tried to resist getting back together because I knew our relationship had already failed once. But our connection was too strong. We love each other very much, and we both work very hard to make the relationship work because it is precious. To this day we still have conflicts where one of us will trigger a past emotional trauma in the other without knowing it. But now we understand that it is a past trauma, not a present trauma. We are able to work through it because we are aware of our CPTSD. Thank you, Fairy!

[@schenelle79]

What a wonderful story. That must have been so difficult but so worth it. ❤

[@Twofeathers22]

that’s great that y’all came to a regulation and that makes a lot of sense so i guess sometimes it’s better to step back and come up with a solution reather then get tempered and let the words spew abuse in that case sanario o one really wins love concerns all

[@vivianli7699]

a healing relationship, he supports you, he wants to support you. He sees you, listens you, caring you. Make you feel more energy and want to be a better person. You feel someone is there for you even you’re not together. His appearance eases the bad experience and your bad parents away.

[@TheKrispyfort]

Being respected and nurtured is healthy for an individual. Who knew 😅

[@di3486]

The love that heals is self love

[@TheKatoreilly]

I am a therapist and someone with CPTSD and I cannot agree more! my husband helped me heal so much. He called me on my BS and taught me love could be safe.

[@sharonnugent408]

Went no contact with a man who had been hurting me emotionally and physically I was able to do that thanks to daily practice, Mindfulness, and lots of hours listening to the teachings I needed on toxic and healthy relationships. I just met today a greenlight kind, wise and stable man When I got home from the first date, he had left me a message- he said" I want to thank you for a delightful afternoon and looking forward to seeing you again.," 😊

[@catherine9808]

kind wise and stable after only one date ! you dont know him yet, take time slow down on labelling him just yet, let time unfold all and good luck .Everyone shows their best on first date

[@tnt01]

Take your time.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So glad you are using tools to work on your healing, it doesn't just happen. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@indian.patterns]

Yes the tools are really helpful 💘

[@smustipher]

My therapist tells me this all the time. I grew up in a VERY toxic family and have yet to find a relationship that lasts more than a year. I will preserve and find a way to connect, there is no need to live life without love.

[@eliser9776]

I am a therapist and I have decided that I am not going to agree with people when they say they have a "broken picker." I am single and in my 50's and at this point in my life, I can see that the pickings are not good. They just are not. I don't want my clients (especially women) to believe there is something wrong with them. I know very few couples that I actually wish I was like them. I have not seen anything that I feel l am missing out on. But, I do love your channel and I send most of my clients to your content. Thank you!

[@palapalak.8907]

Very wise words. It's not my picker..It's the rotten fruit out there. I find peace in working out and swimming daily. I love going to the gym too. It's therapy.

[@chromatika67]

Im in one. It's conflicting because my triggers flare up, but knowing his patience and love is here, as well as our aligned values and dreams is just- I dont know, something supreme.

[@2ndChanceAtLife]

I used to want marriage. At 63, I'm exhausted from the battle. Today all I want is a one night stand.

[@TheKrispyfort]

I keep being told I have bad taste in partners. "No, I have great taste. I just can't tell the fake from the Fendi, and by the time I do I'm sentimental about the particular bag"

[@melanieinthecity]

Brilliant

[@TheKrispyfort]

@HD DH I believe the terms are "naive" and "trusting"

[@nottherealmccoy9862]

No it’s true. People don’t often show their true colors for months… if you had been in an abusive relationship your next one might be difficult to discern due to your hyper vigilance. I just went through this, questioning every step of the way with full knowledge and it took 6 months for me to put all the pieces together and sort it out. Some people are good at wearing masks.

[@evadebruijn]

​@@hddh8974if you live under the impression this is how Jesus would engage with traumatized folk you better find yourself another church to attend to

[@ylana4444]

I’ve been out of my dysfunctional heterosexual relationship for 10 years now. Have had no luck finding the lesbian love of my life. Needless to say it’s very isolating…. But one things for sure.. I am living authentically and in peace until that magic moment arrives!

[@boahsarah4929]

There's no person that guided me and confronted my own bullshit as much as my man. Before i was chaotic, on a bunch of ADHD meds and eating nothing all day except some crackers when the meds wore off. Now I'm eating 3 healthy meals a day, no caffeine no drugs no alcohol. Ur daily practice now added The missing piece to the routine he helped me build!

[@SR-mv2mf]

I love hearing of happy marriages in the comments it gives me HOPE. Blessing your marriages.

[@essence178]

It is possible and beautiful 😊

[@caijon123]

I recently reconnected with someone that I could tell had done a lot of self work and healing. I wasn't in the right place, processing recent rejection from a limerant relationship. They could tell. I really liked them, and I think they liked me, but they could tell. I understand and respect them even more for not falling into my patterns. It's hard, I feel like I have missed a special opportunity, but I don't want this to turn into a new limerant experience either. I just have to move forward, keep going. Face the challenges that i have been hiding from. I've been doing so much hiding. I can't anymore

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You got this! I know it can seem daunting, but getting started on healing is usually the most difficult step and you deserve to heal :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@amandajae-co7fb]

What an incredible video! I met an amazing man, went on one date but. I didn't see red flags with him, I saw them in myself. I felt like I wasnt good enough for him and I didn’t want to hurt him. I wanted to keep working on myself- hence why I’m here.

[@scottfitzpatrick1939]

I am blessed with a healing relationship. It was a long long road to get here. The short story is been through all of it. But with lots and lots of work and a partner doing lots and lots of work we found healing. True honest to goodness healing.

[@coraliemangin1175]

This year, I decided to fly solo after a huge series of bad relationships. If we can call them relationships... I have never been happier than alone. I have female friends around and I love them so deeply that sometimes I wish I was gay... Kind of a joke but not just a joke. I realize that my sexuality with men was mostly abuse, being forced, blackmail... So I don't feel at ease around men anymore. Not even my male friends. My father was violent to me in so many ways, it's not hard to understand the back story here. There is one ex still in my life. R. He is family... Because I don't have a family since they told me I was dead to them. He was there when I divorced, he was there when I became an actress, he was there when I had open-heart surgery... But I can feel that his presence is dragging me down often... And sometimes it feels like we are still together. I don't want that. So I decided to not see him too much.... And I feel guilty. Although, I am so happy by myself now, I think I can stay that way forever. No one is hurting me or using my body. I love it.

[@snuggisthecute]

Yes, Anna! I agree totally. My spouse has really helped my healing and comes from a healthy family. It has been very validating to see what a healthy family looks like and to be loved truly and unconditionally. Henry Cloud often says that one must be loved first before being able to love others, rather than loving yourself first so that you can then love others. I was neglected as a kid and I have to consciously make an effort to show up for people in my life because, for so long, I just didn't know what that looked like. But I see it in the way my spouse treats me and others.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

What a beautiful shift for you! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@tomtbi]

Friends,Family and Hobbies help me fill the void of no relationship in a way...

[@trudibarraclough478]

Thankyou so much. I've realised that I don't rush to defend myself in that aggressive way, but actually take on board what damaged people say to me when they do it to me! Thanks to you I now see that it is often lies and projection. I don’t take offence enough! And when I do, I feel bad about the smallest rebuttal, (sigh).

[@tomtbi]

I have found contentment being single after many heartbreaks...

[@augusthavince8909]

I think it's true as well. A person can only do so much for their well-being on their own, or even with therapy. We're meant to make and maintain relationships and communicate.

[@biondna7984]

I find a lot of women in my online support groups are dismissive and even condemning towards a woman's (my) desire for a loving partnership with a man. Many profess their own disastrous histories, and I sense others are driven by the same pain, to prove the point that women should just make their own way and stay (safely) alone. Translation: they've given up, and marinate in their own bitterness. No thanks. I might've been one of them, except that after my first painful, ever-colder marriage, I was hungry for warm partnering. My online dating profile was plain-spoken and attracted my late beloved mate, whom I later married. He's the only reason I know what it feels like to be cherished. After he died, my old CPTSD behaviors started coming back. I discovered your teaching, have readjusted my beliefs, attitudes and thus behaviors, and I'm back on track with my radar up only for someone who wants to be 100% like I am. Celibate living is the hardest part, but it beats hell out of empty sex. Meanwhile I'm struggling with the presence a married "limerent object" still has in my head. I've kept a safe distance from him, while I take dance classes, volunteer, participate in clubs, run errands, and travel. That is, live in the part of the world he doesn't inhabit. I've decided his good qualities were presented to me as a model for what I should be looking for, but in a SINGLE version.

[@user-yd2ol9fj2k]

There's a good e-book by freya vajra called heal toxic relating which can assist with things to reflect on in the healing process - she's qualified trauma informed & formally educated and teaches from the perspective of trauma xxx

[@sadie9386]

My cab light is on when I'm uninterested in men but I unconsciously switch it off when I find someone attractive.

[@adavis3962]

Thank you for this video. I'm in a relationship with a man I love but he does not fully love me back and tells me somewhat frequently that he doesn't even want to do the things that will show me love. In fact, he says he doesn't even want to want to do them. We have been dating for almost a year and he promised me throughout the relationship that he would be there for my 40th birthday in a couple months plus an event that is the most important part of my whole year. This is an event that I mostly attend alone and its very lonely for me and makes me feel like a failure when I can't even pay people to attend it with me. As someone with cPTSD and anxious attachment, as well as never having anyone care about my birthday, these promises meant the world to me and I made this very clear how much love I felt from him because of these promises. I'm used to either being single on my birthday or partnered with someone who refuses to even physically see me on my birthday, so given that this is a milestone birthday, it just meant the whole world to me. He recently told me that he chooses to work instead of being there for me. To be fair, he's a Wildland Firefighter and these promises were to take place in July when many fires happen. But I didn't even ask him to promise these things. He came up with them on his own. And at his job they are allowed to take these personal days. It's looked down on in that profession but given the nature of the promises, the fact that firefighters do take time off for their SO's birthdays sometimes and the milestone birthday in particular, I can not see a way forward. I cry every night and make myself sick over the loss I feel. We talked about marriage and children and I feel so sad that I will have to start over in trying to find someone who can love me back and wants to want that. This was the closest I ever got to having the relationship and family that I have tried so hard for for me and my son. (I have been a single mom for the entire 18 years of my son's life.). I searched for Crappy Childhood Fairy videos with the keyword "birthdays" and this was the first thing that popped up and its perfect, although it breaks my heart knowing I have to leave him. One of the worst things about it is I am plagued by constant hope. I know that even after this relationship ends I will still hope in the back (and frankly the front) of my mind that he will swoop in at the event and on my birthday in particular, and surprise me with the best and most loving birthday ever and we will get back together and get married and have children. I won't be able to fully let him go until after my birthday is over and there is literally no fixing it whatsoever. I feel so worthless that money and career are once again more important than me. He says his job is his identity - not a family with me or anything else. My biological clock is ticking and I am so worried I won't find my Love in time. I want so bad to experience a man who's happy to hear I'm pregnant for the first time, and so many other things, and experience love in its highest form. I feel like I have to quickly turn my cab light on but I don't know how to heal this pain in a timely manner. I'm so worried I'm too late and this is my last chance at love and children, so I am struggling to let him go. I can tell I will grieve this man for a very long time as I truly and deeply love him. It was only weeks ago that we were talking of having a baby in the next couple of years. I was so close to a great life of love and I was so excited to be closer to it than I have ever gotten. It gave me a sense of peace I have never known and made the relationship feel right. I just want him to wake up and be in love the way I thought he was. I know how stupid that sounds, but it's so hard to not think like that.

[@evadebruijn]

Please for the sake of everyone involved do not get pregnant from a man who is not a 100% heck yes emotionally invested. I am so sorry you saw your dream fall in shambles but talk is cheap, promises are no foundation to build anything on, a good relationship material person underpromises and overdelivers, you need to watch out for the carrot dangling stringing you along kind who do the exact opposite: they promise you all the things they know you dream of but they never deliver (and have all kinds of excuses for that) I hope you'll kick this one to the curb and wish you a sweet caring gentleman to cross your path 🍀❤️🤗❤️🍀‼️✌️

[@melanieinthecity]

Calling it a cesspool is funny and true 😂

[@aliceb.toklas3585]

From what I've seen with some of my other friends with similar backgrounds as myself; what you say is true. As for myself, my husband left me alone with two little girls 23 years ago. He was so verbally emotionally and sometimes physically abusive that when I realized he was gone I didn't even look for him. He broke my Cab light.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Not broken! Maybe in need of repair but that's different :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@juniperlea5693]

I needed to hear this today. Thank you. More, please.

[@Michael_Arguello]

This is true. But you could sabotage this kind of relationship by expecting limerence over love. Love starts out slow and small but continues to grow. Just be careful you are healed enough to overcome your pursuit of limerence before you enter into a relationship with mr/ms right. Yes, healing can be next level with another empathetic individual.

[@danielalaeros]

What an insightful and inspirational message. Thank you!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You are so welcome!

[@hannahowen1801]

I'm in my first healthy relationship and its taken me over a year to realise that I am actually safe and that he's not going anywhere. I honestly keep thinking I'm just not good enough for love like this and it terrifies me. You're such an inspiration to me, Anna. Thank you!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We completely understand, but try to remember that you deserve good things! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@hannahowen1801]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you, Calista ❤️

[@kptown1]

After my husband of nearly 20 years died I remarried. Because I had been in a stable, secure relationship I was blind to my cptsd that was triggered by my husband's sudden death. I rationalized a lot of red flags because of unidentified dysregulation and fear of abandonment. Now here I am ten years later and realizing we are in a trauma bond, going in circles of conflict, triggers, dysregulation, and wounds. Finding this channel has been a god-send to give me the names of these behaviors and patterns...so my question is~ if only one partner wants to face the reality, do the work, and heal is there any hope for the relationship? My story should be an episode for you Anna, --we are textbook and had no clue what was wrong with our attempts to communicate and connect!! I'm 49, he's 54 how did this happen to two seemingly smart and capable people?!?

[@tnt01]

I would think two people would need the self awareness and be willing to do the work.

[@kptown1]

@@tnt01 I am, he is not.

[@michaelcondrey3510]

Hey this video made me feel even worse. I feel depressed because I don’t believe that I can overcome this

[@katenoble5810]

I confirm this is true about the healing cause it has been happening on my life over the past year; sure it has taken some work & digging deep into the depths of my emotions & soul plus prayer for guidance but it has been so worth the efforts & time I finally feel like I'm in the element I was meant to be in ; It seems like a wonderful dream , We laugh like children & talk for hrs . During this soul searching process it felt like the dark night of my soul & I felt like death was surrounding me but I prayed for discernment & clarity & was even willing to let go & let God lead me & not my emotions ,it was not easy at all but I wouldn't change it because I learned priceless lessons about regulating triggers & putting old wounds into perspective. Last but not least THANK YOU CRAPPY CHILDHOOD FAIRY ❣FOR YOUR HELP IN MY JOURNEY TO GET OVER MYSELF & MOVE FORWARD FROM FLIGHT, FIGHT & FREEZE 💫💜💫 {🚀🥊❄}

[@carolynhannaford7382]

Yes! Yes! Yes! OMG long story short- you are spot on, Anna! I do believe this is exactly what happened to me. It’s like living in black and white for so long (and literally accepting this was my fate) and over a long time and self-care-suddenly it’s HD color! Still a work in progress, but yes, your message in this video I am completely familiar with. Again, amazing! 🙏

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You're on the right path and we're here to support you! Good luck on your healing journey! Nika@TeamFairy

[@MyToasterIsBroken]

This is lovely, thank you so much. I’m learning to love myself each day and regain my self worth. I’ve just started seeing a wonderful new person and he’s about to go home for two months, but I’m using that time as an opportunity to date myself and focus on my self care ❤

[@Abe-rz1nm]

I wanted to be in a relationship but after a crappy childhood, and lots of toxic traumatic relationships including a horrible divorce, then awful dating experiences, I have given up. I'm optimistic about the rest of my life but I just don't know if you can find anyone at my age.

[@frankydottir8762]

Yes. Don't let bad things enter into your life.. 👍🏻

[@jflowers41]

I guess it’s better to be realistic about it rather than to keep thinking there’s hope of being in a healthy relationship. Trying to accept it is difficult. Advice on making the desire for love go away?

[@stacyjaye6350]

For me, it's just too much, the relationship thing. I'm older so that helps LOL, ye ole hormones have died down😂 this might sound crazy, but I got an electric bike. It's so freaking awesome, I feel like I'm 12 years old again! I also take guitar lessons, I went on a whole food ,plant-based diet, and I'm focusing on seeing just how physically fit I can get. I read somewhere that loneliness is a part of life, not a way of life. Anyhow, I'm sending you strength, courage, and much love from Tulsa! 💪⚔️💖. 🐴🐮🤠😘

[@stacyjaye6350]

@HD DH So true. I'm lucky to have one great friend 👍🥰

[@jflowers41]

@HD DH If I only attract unhealthy people it will be quite difficult to find even a platonic relationship. I have too many barriers thus why I asked for advice to shut off my desire for a relationship. Is healing alone impossible?

[@margarettaylor7196]

Being ready for love-wow-what a great idea!! Thank you for talking practical reality-and allowing being gentle to oneself. ❤

[@kcnnanna]

Thank you so much for sharing this. This is one of the reasons why I want a relationship. This society churns out a lot of crap programing that we shouldn't need relationships even though most of us just want healthy ones so we are working on ourselves and trying to chose better to attain them.

[@user-ib7it2li8f]

Thank u! I love that you gave advice about unfolding the relationship in 2-3 years. Now 2 years in and about to announce the wedding in the town hall in a month.

[@LibertyDino]

I've been working on myself for 5 years now and thanks to a lot of trauma it was very necessary. I'm still not at the point where I am ready and it took some time to admit that. Thanks for this confirmation of what I intuitively already felt but couldn't put into words.

[@MsSweets0211]

This is soooo timely. It gave me hope. 😊

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That's wonderful! I'm so glad :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@connieGmarie]

I just happened to mention that to my mom not too long ago about. How I think a good healthy relationship can bring healing from past hurts. You You just confirmed what I was thinking.

[@homesbyamina]

Your channel is the best content on the subjects you’ve discuss that I’ve ever seen . This content is going to change my life. Thank you

[@jbaltaji5723]

Love, love Ms Anna and the content. About 20 years ago i looked into healing of this sort. Charlotte Kasl is a wise author who has a variety of healing books-and a workbook or 2. One relatively easy rsd is her book If The Buddha Dated. Ery similar concepts. Heal yourself. Give yourself love and compassion. Know and communicate your boundaries. Let go of old grievances. In that book, she clearly states that we must give up our snger and resentments of uour parents- that this is critical to be able to find the love we want. 20 years ago when i read that i wss like,"whelp, guess I'm never getting love then" because i couldn't imagine forgiving their devastating abuse And for 20 years, i haven't found that love. But now, today....i can try to holf onto those resentments and theres no grip. It slips through my fingers like sand. My heart is healing and i am finding peace . So there is hope .

[@hoosfoosfull]

In today's garbage dating pool, a healthy relationship is akin to fairy tales. I've been let down one too many times. At 53, I am also too old.

[@themurdernerd]

You're not too old! I'm 50, and just found who I think might be the love of my life!

[@lovearttherapyalways]

For the first time in quite a while I met a man I really liked and enjoy walking with...there was a group of us and he often came along side me and gave me much attention...one day however I saw him really staring at another girl demonstrating interest but she had a boyfriend. I put the idea of him as a possibility out of my mind at that moment as I did not want another womanizer or someone who pays attention to other women if he supposedly likes me. I had mentioned to him that if ever I met someone I liked I would go very slow and start off with friendship. Last week I saw him with a new girl and he actually invited her out to supper so obviously he was sure of what he wanted and moved fast with her. He is receiving treatments for health issues and the girl is also so maybe he felt comfortable with her...the point I wanted to make was that I was disappointed that I had finally liked someone who obviously did not choose me or was too much in a rush to be friends first. I think the lesson learned is that I realize I have learned to observe well although there were mixed signals when I saw him take a double take for another girl I knew I was not for him. He seems like a really nice guy though..very respectful and gentle overall and this is what I liked initially,,,but so goes life. The good news is I am finally open now to meeting someone nice after a few years being alone and healing from narcissistic abuse. I like to think I can see red flags more quickly also.

[@Sirenita.Onoquichtic]

I'm just now learning about limerence and seeing that this is what I've been in for all my life, but with a heightened experience of it post-abuse as an adult (when I developed hardcore c-ptsd). thank you for sharing all of this. I'm mindful that certain concepts like Twin Flame make it incredibly hard to get to the point of understanding that *this* is what it actually is.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad the video was helpful! Nika@TeamFairy

[@suziebee4240]

Try to take the things you like And try to love the things you took

[@TheKrispyfort]

My personal life story and the events that occurred are so ridiculous that health care professionals just assume I'm schizophrenic. How am I supposed to share the reality of my experiences with someone else without them thinking the same?

[@TheKrispyfort]

@HD DH I think it's the calmness and casual attitude with which I can speak about the overly generous amount of craptastic situations I have been in that sets people off.

[@TheKrispyfort]

@HD DH and, yes I know JC loves me. He's busy so I only bug Him and the Almighty for emergencies.

[@brandyyoung629]

I've been watching Anna's videos for years and this one just spoke to my heart in a whole new way.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for being a long time supporter! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@_Solmega]

I really appreciate this video. This is me. I'm currently recovering from a heartbreak. We bonded in the beginning very strongly. I used this as a template of who this person was, even as it became clear that not a shred of that person was left. He belittled my feelings, was emotionally abusive, used me as his emotional dumpster for about 80% of the relationship. Stopped taking any interest in me as a human and became a complete emotional and resource vampire. I'd already committed to loving who I thought he was and wasn't willing to accept that that person was never coming back. I chose the path of delusion bc I want to be loved so badly. I paid for all of our dates, he'd rarely even thank me. I paid for trips, for bills, for everything. Left little notes for him to cheer him up. I was so resistant to the idea of breaking up. He'd yell at me and I began to just take it instead of arguing back, despite him living with me while he quit his job and provided no real support. This man broke me and the years of therapy I'd been in to develop myself were dissolving as I gave up my self value to keep the peace. What's sad is that I only broke things off when he disrespected my family. I was so broken that his disrespect towards me was practically acceptable. It took public humiliation in front of my family for me to finally say things had gone too far. I hate that I didn't register that it was already too far when he'd been so mean to me all those times. I'm so mad at myself more than anything. I will use this advice.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing, this is so relatable to people with trauma. Maybe write in? bit.ly/CCF_Letters -Cara@TeamFairy

[@_Solmega]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you, I will do just that.

[@sabinespies4706]

Yes. Thank you. I married when I was 46, after many difficulties, was the best decision I made in my life. Left the pattern. I am 61 now, still a lot of work to do. I still can't believe it, but it is really possible. It was no quick fix.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@osajohnson1957]

Exhalations of Truth!

[@laureensanchez6491]

God bless you! I so needed this right now

[@marilynking527]

Me too! Thank you so much Anna

[@kailanifox3851]

Thank you for this information! It’s never too late to be on the road to healing…

[@lorie1111]

Anna, it would be so helpful for me if one time you could read letters from both people involved in the relationship (or limerence). I find myself viewing the other person (non writer) as a person with low value and poor qualities as a compassionate human and I can’t believe that that’s true 😢. So many people are hurting and so many people put those hurts onto the people that they love unintentionally… don’t they?

[@estherbanks3505]

I love this!!!!! ❤

[@KEKKREEM]

You are such a wonderful human. I am so thankful someone told me about your channel.

[@blingblingshineshine]

so good.thank you

[@DTRMtunes]

Thank you ❤

[@nicolaseinhorn4540]

Just love the video😁

[@a.k.3110]

Hello Anna, the moment you mentioned fantasy romance is something healthy people sense and don't want, i remembered the feeling when i have been called by a fantasies name in relaitionships. Ambivalence? Someone who want to love but isn't capeable?Thank you that's a pattern. Knowing this will help. Hurray 🥳. You are so right. The moment my partner called me another name, by accident, Something died within myself. The feeling that i am meant, addressed with the love between us. That i, as i am, am meant with. I am still not aware what caused me in the first place to get myself involved and in relaitionships with those guys. I felt they where off before dating them. Hurtful bumpy road ahead to be in contact with kind of people that doesn't have it together. But i had to be around them. Coworker, men that i used the same public transport bus to business education with. Incapable to organize theyr lives. This Needing help triggered me to step in and stabilize them. I had to see and feel them every day. And i could not bear something about them neglecting themselfes. But those people have been kind of rebellious against the self restrictions, living with someone that close together meant for them. That's what told me to back up. Holding those people a arms lenght away. But i could not leave. It's like trauma reactions are in the driver seat and myself next to them am seeing the accident coming. In shock not even able to say something or believe they are really about to go that path. Just frozen witnessing things falling apart. In disbelieve. Theyr live, my live crumbling. But too shocked to do anything about it. Frozen. Banned to witness this torture over and over again. Even in what came closest to friendships the same dynamic. Someone in need, i could deliver, trapped. And i robbed them the opportunity to learn from theyr actions. I'm so sorry. The older i got the deeper the impact in my live. Now I'm a mom. My last long term relaitionship partner (ten years) manipulated me into thinking that creating a family with a baby could go well. Then during pregnancy he slipped into a drug addiction. Got dangerously instable. I set clear i don't allow a drug addict near my baby. My dad had shown me what can happen. I survived and i run if i notice it. (Or get spaced out but not in Combination with the responseability for a baby i care for) I had to flee to create a safe environment. And now seven years later. I still get cold shivers when imagining a connection, as little as putting the little toe in a bathtub, aknowledging my longing for marriage. For a whole family. For me and my child this smallest kind of family isn't a fit. It's depriving. But the past hurts keep me where i am at. I panic when only feeling my longing of connection. Panic to allow people in that ... Trick me and i don't notice it. And the pool to pick from. I don't even have friends that could offer connection to reliable people. People that offer me theyr perspectives to a man i maybe choose. A man woven in a community that hold him accountable. That had teached him some manners. Because that's what I see. Man who lack of the manners i need to be lived to feel safe. Maybe that's my protective drive, my activation that filter out the people to run away from. Thread focus, That i only see them and men in relationships that are, am i thankful not making me wanting them. I know that could be different. I envy the family's a bit. In the most owned/loving way. Like a compass that's telling me: look, this is what I want and it's possible. But then I don't trust my perspective. I'm usually bonded before i get to know the person because bonding is so painful remembered process... Well choosing never have been an option. I don't get a grip on that yet. I get abandonment melange when a meeting gets canceled. It's ridiculous but that's me and it's telling me the deep need for connection with reliable people. And this auto connection is to honor. To carry. Part of my repertoire. Very early loss of connection that drives very little parts of me to connect within fractions of seconds. Especially with potential perpetrators. To make my value for them go a little gentler with me. Not working for my favor and that's a strong part that is easily able to set every logic on ice. The backseat. Yes it would be healing to have a mutual respect, loving, commited relationship and marriage. It seems i see myself as not worthy. Too broken. Too ambivalent inside what's stoping me. Puting myself off so often. Thinking it Could be that me with my chaos and fear, hurt others. What's the least thing i want to do. And i want to protect my child. That's my priority right now. So much pressure to feel the importance to do relaitionship right after doing it wrong for so long. My childhood imprint for marriage is so bad. Its a step forward, that i open up to it now. In fact i can't imagine a not marriage relaitionship. But thinking of man activates me instantly. The second man in the live of my mother, made it worse then witnessing my dads and my moms dynamic. So i guess I've learned that bringing a new man in a child's live results in trouble. Not worth risking. I don't feel safe with the thought. But grooving on alone... Isn't an option too. I feel stuck. But on my way towards healing. Thank you for giving orientation. I need this clearity. This inner ambivalence of strategies to nourish my needs is crippling. One step foreward one step back and again. Until my live force seems drained. Hmm. Something is missing. Direction, companions and options to not step in the pitch black.

[@dorkfish6663]

Thank you so much Anna for this video!

[@carolinavelluto]

Altought i want a healthy relationship, i won't count on this in my life anymore.

[@allisona9490]

Love this and your blue shirt!!❤️❤️

[@shannoncoller]

Thank you

[@mridulaism]

Thank you so much for your videos.

[@keng528]

Thank you very much...can i have a strobe light 🚨 instead of a cab light😎🎸💜💛👍

[@mhickey4669]

Chills with your intro. Thank you. ❤ validating.

[@gloriavis]

I understand everything.

[@mtfine]

It’s true!

[@katk6306]

Thank you Lauren! Could you please ease talk about what healthy relationships look like?

[@Greenleafroad]

Yes I agree 👍 also childhood wounds are so important. I know my smoking was a issue with my dad smoking. I hated smoking and broke his cigarettes. I was raised Mormon for a short time and believed my dad would go to outer darkness or the stars that only shine a little brite. I didn't want him alone. Families forever together for Eternity right a childs dream destroyed by smoking ? You are taught this in primary school. It's been hudge battle for me. He passed away from smoking and paint fumes when I was young. We made a bet about both stopping smoking together. I have guilt about that. I want a healthy life and to live a long time and quit smoking myself. To be in a healthy relationship with no daddy or mommy replacements. These things are important. Be what you want to attract in others I think that's how it go's..

[@audfosutv2500]

Absolutely Anna #facts❤

[@DrAmi973]

One of the best talks I have ever listened to 👌👌👌Thank you ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@fallongalloway7375]

Anna you are a blessing to me. Thank you for all of your honestly and knowledge!! ❤

[@indian.patterns]

Thank you Anna.. You are a blessing. Could you talk about Brain healing - wrong signals from brain - glimmers towards wrong people, triggered at innocent people. Thank you 💘

[@user-nk5yf1he1r]

I'm not yet at this stage of this vid topic,... healing. I've confessed my attraction to my LO. The person(P) is a doctor and took it professionally and nicely. I thought P is cool with it considering the way she responded. After the confession face2face, I sent her flowers the following week. Then in 2 weeks I went to see her. Here reality crumbles in. When she saw me she was so angry. But still allowed a doctor session knowing that my presence bothers her. So when I went into the clinic room, she told me straight up that she felt uncomfortable, and request that I stop. 😢 I was devastated, it turned out so different from my imagined. Because she took it well the first time. She even told me shes one step away from reporting me. I was scared and really sad. Really sad. But also I'm sad that I made her feel upset. It ended in her chasing me out of her clinic. I'm now writing this. Fresh from the incident. I'm still at limerance limbo. Can't get her out of my mind. I should replay in my mind that I hurt her, this way it may help to forget her, the nasty part.

[@ampaez196]

My boyfriend and I have a nice relationship though I've been triggered constantly mainly because he is not fully present when we chat or have phone conversations. It's even worse when I'm being vulnerable with him, trying to find some support when something negative with my family has happened, but he's just being busy with work and doing something else while listening to me. It feels like what I have to say is not important. And though I know this is my wound from childhood trauma, I don't belive it's only on my side to fix this. Sometimes I wonder if the problem is me with my triggers or is it him who's simply not available/not fully present for me. Or is it both? It makes my mind go wild sometimes. Been doing a lot of therapy for the last 4 years and though it has been incredibly healing, gosh if it's hard to try to feel happy and not disconnected when this happens. Sending you all my support! Its a long journey but worth the effort❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing you experience with us. If you have a question to Anna, feel free to write a letter to her: bit.ly/CCF_Letters You might also like Anna’s course Connection Bootcamp. It can help improve relationships with acquaintances and the people close to you. bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy

[@thecommonsensecapricorn]

what I have trouble understanding is that my cab light seems to be on, I do attract men who want a relationship (like the man I’ve been dating for 8 months) but the men I choose to commit to are ones I don’t have strong feelings for. I’ve been wondering if I subconsciously do that so I don’t have to worry about ever being abandoned, by being with someone who’s more secure and not as desperate for love.

[@dande_lion]

This rises the question in me if you cap light is really on when the men stay in relationship with you even if you don't love them?

[@scottfitzpatrick1939]

Just brainstorming is it feelings of deserving? Is it difficult to feel like you deserve to be with someone for which you have strong feelings.

[@royamelody]

Yes, I think so. That was my experience for about 15 years. I had to clean out my own stuff and learn to be alone before I stopped falling into those kinds of relationships, which I always felt guilty and conflicted about. The next step is being ready for healthy relationship, which is still a ways off for me, but that's OK! Good luck to you!

[@Ohhhwehere]

Hi Anna and thank you so much for your videos❤❤ I started working my ass of to heal and manage my cptsd symptomes when the pandemic began in 2020, your videos have been absolutly life changing and amazing in helping me heal and forgive my past❤ especially your video about the cab light video and the loneliness vide have really changed my life. You have helped me so much in helping me take responcebility for my own triggers instead of blaming others and hiding myself away. your video about bounderies helped me reconect with my mother❤ thanks for teatching me to setting up bounderies in a healthy and "sneaky" way. Iv dated a really sweet guy for 4 months now and your videos on relationahips have really helped me "figuring it out" and to take my time and be realistic of my expectations❤

[@lori3978]

Hello All, Newbie here. I just found this channel yesterday and am so very happy to know what this is and that there is a reason for what happened. I didn’t even know there was a name for it CPSTD. The first video was rough because everything rang so true. No I don’t remember what the name of that first one was but I am here now. I’m just so glad to know that this very well spoken woman has something I need to hear. So, hello

[@alisoncanty1894]

Thank you, Anna! This was so helpful. I am going to watch it again. Every time I watch one of your videos I feel so much better. 💖💝

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad it was helpful! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@allisonreese8984]

Is there such a thing as a good relationship?

[@TheMinot60]

Jesús, this video has my name in all caps on the file tab. Makes me a little sick, but I need to hear all of it.

[@TheMinot60]

Leaving me no WIGGLE ROOM with this!

[@andrewmass1414]

Great❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@namaste348]

What if you're dating multiple ppl to vet which option is the best? Is that something that would dim a cab light?

[@Someoneoutthere67]

She was certainly not a cesspool, we were compatible but had issue’s unfortunately.

[@TheKrispyfort]

I get ready and then something happens and I'm back to hiding in my room

[@ryancagerbaker]

Is psychological trauma necessary for survival of the human species? Are there theories that support this?

[@Star10864]

what if you are in a bad relationship, but you are married with 2 kids? I don't want a divorce.