Do You Overwhelm People?

[@Norton57]

I've been involved with a chat group of gifted people, and just wanted to note that it's well-known among neurodiverse folks that we frequently feel the need to overly explain ourselves because others don't understand our cognition, or aren't perceiving the same things/angles. It becomes a knee-jerk response after a while and kind of a trauma in and of itself.

[@Phoenix-the-Poet]

and mostly we do it and nobody cares, hears or learns anything anyway. we have to adapt 24/7/365 regardless of the cost to us. God forbid others adapt just a tiny bit!

[@trwn87]

So true! I feel it.

[@sparklemotion8377]

​@@Phoenix-the-Poet the betrayal of finding out they knew all along and just faked ignorance for God knows why.

[@Hawaiiartobjects]

So true

[@robindean9006]

So true. I would love any information you can recommend about chat groups or other connections. Thanks

[@mjaye1712]

I was very much like this into my 20s. I felt so disempowered from growing up in an abusive family system that I showed up with a lot of wounded child energy once I got out in the larger world. It was normal within my family system to show up like that with each other. It was normal for the adults to "hold court" at family gatherings with dramatic and prolonged diatribes, turn the focus to their emotional turmoil, or blurt out something intense and personal out of context. I knew nothing else. For example, my family once met at a restaurant for lunch. An aunt announced at the table that she had not enjoyed a holiday in thirty years, and went on about why. I recall another time when another aunt launched into a monologue after an event about how a relative needed to own up to something that from what I understood went back at least forty years. I had a lot to heal, learn, and unlearn. May those of us in this community who are early in the healing, learning, and unlearning have kindness and empathy as they notice and discover new ways of being. ❤

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

what's a kicker is when you're called, told and impatiently scolded "too much," but those who created the reason for it

[@moscowcowboy_13]

Raising my hand, yes. It's always too late when I realize I have gone off on a tangent, interrupted someone too many times, gone into way too much detail and personal information. I am aware of it, but I really don't like that I do it as I hate seeing it in others. It cries out that I was hurt, at least it seems obvious to me when someone overtalks they are seeking some kind of validation. It causes me so much anxiety in job interviews, which I am currently doing. My wife often tells me I can't expect others to live up to my own unrealistic expectations (not everyone grew up in my house so they don't have the same level of expectations as me), I was trying to survive, get validation, be safe.

[@moscowcowboy_13]

I just had the job interview and nailed it, despite feeling like I had to monitor myself in real time to avoid talking to much. What helps me a lot is finishing my answer with a relevant question that kind of slows the convo down and spins it back to the other person. I guess it's what normal people do, for me it takes so effort.

[@RedshirtAfficionado]

Your wife doesn’t sound like a very supportive person

[@chelseab9091]

This video makes me realize my whole personality is due to trauma response. I'm needy and overwhelming and i realize i dont actaully bring anything good to the table

[@UnMoored_]

Self-awareness is important but don’t beat up on yourself and undermine the good news that Patrick is presenting here which is that recovery and a better future is something which you can look forward to. I am sympathetic and I relate to your initial reaction.

[@chelseab9091]

@UnMoored_ I couldn't find many helpful actions other than shutting up more often.

[@nancybartley4610]

@@chelseab9091 That is the conclusion I have come to as well. Just listen, smile, and go home.

[@happygucci5094]

Please don’t say that you have nothing good to offer- that is the trauma speaking- not your real self… go easy on yourself 💗😊 You are not alone…

[@ccprewitt175]

I seriously doubt you do not bring anything to the table, but we do sometimes feel that way. Trauma makes us feel worthless and that is not the truth, so don't ever believe it.

[@pd4887]

I was the one who makes myself as small and as quiet-not bothersome as possible. And then when triggered, be very intense. It’s getter with self education and self awareness, and healing traumas. Also truly appreciate these videos. Happy new year!

[@Greeceismygoto]

I have a lot of medical problems started since I was 40, So many back surgeries, RA, Fibromyalgia. I’m 64 yo now. My mother a few years ago told me I just have too many issues/problems. I was so embarrassed, there were so many things that were out of my control. As an only child, my mom seemed to be my go to. Wasn’t until I was 60 I looked up the things she was saying and doing to me. That was the first time I heard the word narcissist. Well, she fits the definition perfectly. So after so many years of on and off and trying, we are finally NC. I still hear that “ You Have Too Many Problems” in my brain, but I’m working on it. Depressing.

[@Marie-ts8rp]

Same😢

[@Greeceismygoto]

@ I’m sorry. Let’s just try and hang in there. It does help me to know I’m not alone. 💕

[@treetea]

I hope you find someone or some others that are more supportive and less critical of you and your struggles and needs.

[@Greeceismygoto]

@@treetea thank you. I’m trying💕

[@pearcat08]

I can absolutely relate to still hearing what your mother said in your mind. I hear my mother saying "You Are Just Too Sensitive" in my mind all the time. I'm NC too, but she's haunting me like a ghost. I am sorry, and I hope that your mother's voice will soon fade from your mind. Lots of love to you. ❤

[@heat420_7]

To everyone in here: you're doing fine. Maybe we could all do better, but please give yourself some grace. ❤

[@rebeccablackwell1288]

Thank you, Patrick. I have gone from job to job my whole life. I had one job for about 15 years....I was ostracized in that job, because I called out an area supervisor for lying. I am without a job now. I am trying to gear up to go back to the public. Yikes! I really just want to stay with my fur babies and write.😢

[@karadair9221]

Oh gosh, I feel you. I've been in a job for a few months after 16 months unemployed, and it's completely the wrong job! I ended up there due to family pressure, even though so many red flags went up at the time. Now I have to work out how to get out of it. New Year's resolution is to make decisions for myself, not to appease others. At the end of the day it's me who has to do the job every day, not them. Time to restart.

[@loriwilde3977]

I feel shamed just listening to this. I've done them all and fear I sill do then and now I'm in the shame spiral and want to withdraw from everyone.

[@ruthtruthinireland]

oh no! don't! the great thing is that you've shared that you see these things in yourself and that's brilliant... seriously, you've been brave enough to notice so in my book.... you're a really nice, thoughtful and kind person at heart... listen to your inner coach a bit more... don't always listen to your inner critic.... not my advice, my daughter's advice. You've got this Lori

[@chelseab9091]

Me too. I am the problem, the common denominator and I'm done.

[@sixtysense]

I have withdrawn. I desperately needed the solitude to figure this out.

[@pearcat08]

I feel the same. I have been working so hard to figure out whether and to what degree my abusive mother was right about everything she told me about myself and after watching this video... yeah, I guess she was and I have just been the problem all along. I'm so tired of dealing with myself. So tired.

[@Omegamega1313]

​@@pearcat08She set you up so she'd be right about you. My mother went on and on about how stupidly clumsy I was, because apparently I fell down for no reason once when I was two. And her harping on it made me so uptight I became clumsy. I couldn't play sports because I was so clumsy. I couldn't dance because I was clumsy. And then one day when I was 19 I discovered I wasn't clumsy at all. Never had been. I also got a lot of "Why can't you be like your sisters?" I didn't know. They were kind of dumb and hateful. Did she want me to be like that? Or "You're just like your father," which was not true. But I believed there was some meaning in what she was saying, because I was a kid and I didn't know any different. You're not what your mother says you are. Trust me.

[@animate2education]

Being with others means overwhelming them or being overwhelmed by them. Am still looking for the middle setting on the dial.

[@ben_pettit_4264]

Me, too.

[@ikeincognitus8606]

This was so accurate and hard to hear. Very important video. Glad u made this

[@seabreeze7378]

All I can say is WOW....😮 why after decades of therapy of different types of therapists am I now hearing Answers! Thank you soo much ❤

[@nancybartley4610]

Yes, if only someone had told me to modify my interactions.

[@cotter9751]

Helpful! Both in giving my own experiences context, and in being on the receiving end of others’ confusing behaviors

[@stimpy1226]

I fit in most of those categories. And I still struggle at 78 years of age even though I have had many good stretches during my lifetime but more anxiety ridden periods than good times.

[@connorholmes8786]

About to put the “I noticed” conversation into practice. Been praying about it and journaled some this morning here we go

[@michellek6581]

Thanks!

[@TheMarshallMalone]

God, this is me. I’m 42 and just starting to heal.

[@cayad2591]

i feel this is me.... sometimes i hate myself because i don't have any control over this, i can't stop doing it. then i think everyone hates me. i often feel misunderstood. the examples you gave Patrick, are they exaggerated to make the point? i just know i want to get off this ride. 😑😐

[@dc9511]

Patrick tú me salvaste la vida! Gracias 🙏

[@mattv18930]

Patrick, Could you possibly do a video on grieving the family members you “could have” saved? Before I completely cut off my family, I was really protective of my baby cousin. My cousins didn’t acknowledge her or treat her with the kindness and compassion and understanding children should deserve. I tried not to push back against their parenting but did a few times and all it got me was more hatred from the family. I remember this one time, when my baby cousin was a toddler, I babysat her and made her dinner and included her in it.. I let her pick out her spices and we stirred the food together and she really enjoyed eating it even though she mostly ate and fought to eat fast food and junk food. I just remember how hard she cried, begging her parents that she wanted to stay with me when they came to pick her up. She’s almost 12 now. I can’t believe how much she’s grown up. It breaks my heart that I’ve missed so much of her childhood, and I can’t be there for any of the rest either. It’s eating me up inside. It makes me sob so hard some nights. I just wish I could have protected her.. she deserved a childhood where she felt loved and seen and acknowledged and important. I could have given that to her but her mother especially wouldn’t let me. I became enemy #1 when I started to push back against the abuse in the family. I still am.

[@fibrowarriors]

Yes! I think I'm intimidating as well completely unintentionally. I have 11 different conditions the main one being Fibromyalgia & CFS. Having lived in chronic pain for 44 years really doesnt help, nor does having a Narcissistic mother. See? Here I go again 🙄

[@ZebbieC]

This podcast is LOUD and right 😅🥹

[@tennyceb]

Story of my life

[@Nathprodrigues]

Thanks for everything!

[@tahiyamarome]

As I've healed and done the serious work these tendencies have faded out.

[@pearcat08]

You telling us to "just pause shame" in such a flippant way is quite surprising to me, as I would have expected you to understand just how impossible that may be depending on where we are in our healing. As if it is such a casual and easy thing to do. Especially for people whose childhood trauma involved being criticized/demonized/punished for their normal and understandable reactions, being constantly told by their family that they were too much, too sensitive, too emotional, too distracting, too talkative, too demanding, just too overwhelming... How easy is it for us to "just pause shame" when watching a video that points out to us all the ways in which we are, in fact, too much to deal with and too overwhelming?

[@geekcollage]

It's ok to feel that way. He's feeling safe and healed, so to him it's easier to see shame for what it is. I'm in a similar history boat as you, it's gonna be a lifetime practice to relearn healthy emotional practices, but you can get to the point where it isn't triggering anymore. He's free, we're still working on it. Make it a goal to be able to be so balanced that you can be flippant about something that currently hurts. Good luck!

[@connorholmes8786]

So glad to hear this I’m really trying to heal the situation I started w a girl and all my problems went haywire

[@karadair9221]

Great insights as usual Patrick. I always feel more knowledgeable after engaging in your content. Thank you for all the work you do ❤

[@punkaakee]

Everyone has this energy IMO

[@lms1068]

I'm cringing hearing myself right now

[@sandradonovan5991]

Yes, and I'm very aware, trying to be smaller, BUT I also feel some people are too 'small' for me.

[@connorholmes8786]

19:42 healthy example of communicating when you’re triggered and disorganized

[@mixrouse_]

I love the music , great choice ❤

[@sparklemotion8377]

People, please don't beat yourself up. As soon as I became aware and adjusted my behaviour, people started poking. Some acted like I was shy and they had to break me out of my shell, and others just put me on trial like I was hiding something. I also started recording my conversations to replay and see where I went wrong. I only judged myself if I was clear enough, polite enough, and didn't interrupt anyone. When being polite didn't get me anywhere, I listened to the conversations again and now how the others talked to me. They cut me off, finished my sentences, and contradict me just for the sake of contradicting. When you're self-aware and work in on yourself, you return to the same world and people who think they're perfect just the way they are, and you continue to be the problem. Just like in that song Messy by Lola Young, you can't win because they have a different standard for than themselves or those they chose to respect

[@AsukaSoryu-yk4lr]

I know many of my behavior is overwhelming to others,but if I don’t do this,like what I did in the past,I choose to avoid any attachment to others,or people pleasing,or having a mask,I will live in depression and anxiety forever.I can’t have a healthy and proper attachment to others immediately,it’s too ideal and I don’t have the ability,because of my past experience or trauma.This is an important step toward my healing,or in other words,an important step toward having healthy relationship with others.

[@Appleloucious]

One Love! Always forward, never ever backward!! ☀️☀️☀️ 💚💛❤️ 🙏🏿🙏🙏🏼

[@cnoor30]

❤ Patrick thanks for being so fun and thoughtful you’re a great support to me in my life

[@connorholmes8786]

28:45 letting go of outcomes, not repeating the mistakes we make

[@jessicaaudate]

Why, yes. Yes I do! 🥴

[@SlayerMoon17]

Oh hey. It me.

[@ellerivendale3290]

wow! that explained so much! thank you!!!!!👏

[@navideology]

Very insightful 💯

[@wiser1254]

This sounds so much like me and my interactions!

[@cherylcampbell7495]

I’ve found taking magnesium glycinate helps calm my mouth👍

[@ryank6322]

Nutrition is underappreciated.

[@julisplett2748]

I cringed when hearing the role plays (thinking of myself). I know I should work on the shame surrounding my childhood trauma and it's hard to see myself clearly/objectively every moment of the day. I've had a diagnosis of ADHD since I was very young, but I'm now wondering if that is fully accurate. Either way, this was helpful to see how my brain works through the ptsd lens.

[@CYNC33]

Damn... So many realisations and it's hit me like a ton of bricks. Patrick, I want to thank you for these videos, they really help. How should we start the path to healing?

[@DavGre]

Not to say I’m really glad you at least had a sense of humor that helped you recover from being labeled as “””social narcissism””” *, but as someone who had to suppress my humor to appease the abuser (who was a total stick in the mud), it sucked to realize that I was everything you talked about and not have any emotional depth and lacking any sense of humor. Obviously I got labeled as a ‘needy autist’ when it was my CPTSD and trauma responses obscuring my true self from showing up socially. *because that seems to be the only way people interpret CPTSD in social circumstances.

[@brynnmcdonnell2260]

I have a coworker like this. The most interesting part is that I was also like this in past jobs, but even more annoying and inappropriate. We’re quite different and it presents a bit differently (mine was even worse because I was trying to compensate for being bad at my job at the time). She’ll talk forever without asking others a question about their life. I struggle with wanting to let her know and almost mentor her, or let her learn for herself over time.

[@happygucci5094]

I already feel attacked and I just clicked 😅😅😅 Happy Holidays Patrick!!

[@michellek6581]

Not keep doing the things we do that don’t work.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Thanks Patrick, this is very helpful

[@AB-bv6uk]

The coworker email scenario is sensory overload for me. But I’m sure I was like that at some point.

[@crystaleggen2452]

I do al ot of these

[@sarahbeee]

So on point

[@JKDVIPER]

Yes. 💯And not only that, but I do it to myself, not so much anymore, but it used to be an issue. Attention seeking. 5:13 WOE! That sulking thing, oh man. Or the supreme advocate like you said, not good. Like, leaning on someone emotionally based on your reactions and actions, almost like starving them of good vibes. 😁💯

[@rachelkrumpelman5131]

Just seeing the tagline. 😂😢😂😢

[@MissL4lly]

I know I can be overwhelming, so I don't stay long in one place.

[@goldenhoneybee8128]

I have done all of these. Mostly, bringing too much intensity that makes others uncomfortable. Being flighty and not really present is the other extreme swing to Very sad to see my personality has been so damaged

[@AB-bv6uk]

Yes… I don’t know how to speak correctly, think correctly, I have memory delay, I’ve always been the oddball, I could go on.

[@connorholmes8786]

27:43 preoccupied responses

[@PamelaK.Edmonson]

Yes, I have been told so.

[@zion_on_the_mountain]

Lovingkindness to ya. :)

[@seanwelch71]

Loving Kindness? Trungpa?

[@SharonCecil-l6i]

Starting the video, feel like I'm about to get bandaged up. 🙏

[@smoozerish]

I am overwhelmed by people with ADHD. Am I bad for saying this?

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

No, we all have just a certain amount of energy for the outer world. It is ok to be you as it is for everyone else. 🙂

[@trichomaxxx]

I don't believe ADHD is a thing. Am I bad for saying this? 😂

[@dshepherd107]

@@trichomaxxxNo, you’re not bad. You’re mistaken , so it’d be a good idea to dig a bit deeper into that subject to correct that assumption. I have a friend in his 60s who has serious adult ADHD. He was born 10 weeks premature, which caused cognitive problems, and his underdeveloped respiratory system resulted in lifelong serious asthma. Both are very real. I see the consequences daily. The ADHD causes him frustrations daily. It’s a real thing.

[@sierrafrost1222]

It sounds kind of ableist or generalizing... like every person with adhd overwhelms you? Or a specific behavior that's often associated with adhd overwhelms you? Those are different.

[@trichomaxxx]

@@dshepherd107 Maybe I made an overstatement, but I believe that ADHD is a very different monster than most people have it. I like to think it like muscle strength: some people are naturally born with more, others with less, some work out, some eat Cheetos all day on the couch. Same goes for the attention: there are generic factors but you can train it with stuff such as meditation, instead of watching TikTok or KZbin shorts. Some people live lifes that demand less attention like if you're a garbage collector and that is less of a problem, others do stuff like software engineering and really needs that attention muscle. What I don't believe is that dopaminergic stimulants ate the solution to this problem, both short or long term. I'd really like to go deep on this topic, too bad time is short and most of the information surfacing the world don't seem to be correct.

[@nancybartley4610]

I find this topic confusing. We need to be authentic. We want to be known and know other people. And yet we have to negotiate this relationship (all, not just romantic ones) very carefully: don't say too much, don't say anything too soon, don't be intense about what you feel and how you experience life. This seems so contradictory, so contrived, so sad. Maybe if people were interested in other people, truly interested in them and not just seeking superficial, self-serving connections of convenience, we wouldn't seem so overwhelming to them. Don't get me wrong. There has to be some lightness. But what are people afraid of? Life is often quite dark. Is that what we remind them about? Are they really running from themselves?

[@TheMarshallMalone]

By all means, be yourself. But let go of outcomes.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Oh gosh… 🤯…yes.

[@parrotdoesasploot2381]

Avoiding listening to this, but I know the answer is yes

[@gregpendrey6711]

Feeling like an interloper.😢

[@karstenmuller8070]

Here for the algorithm

[@mystrength5640]

When one hears 3 men and 1 women ( all Children) are Divorced from one Family.. all would be 99 to 75 in age today.. one is alive today.. only one male sibling did not get divorced. They grew up in a fatherless family. 2 of these Siblings were married 3 times.. The mess they left behind.. is much Trauma.. where multiple Divorces happened A wife of one of the man Not divorced.. Wanted to Divorce her Husband daily from emotional and mental abuse.. she walked on egg shells 😢 They died aged 89 and 94.. 😢

[@micheleandmuse]

Oof! Tough to listen to. I’ve been so cringe at times! 😅

[@Mira20153]

Dang! I cringed many times listening to the examples, as I could see/hear me in them. 😅👀🙄😬😂

[@yippierb]

Good stuff but the role plays took up too much time of an otherwise fantastic explanation. They were not clearly explained as to the individual parts.