What types of people attract narcissists?

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@sunflower5749]

1. Overly empathic people 2. Rescuers 3. Overly positive people 4. Forgivers 5. Children of narcissistic parents Signed, your ADHD friend. ;-)

[@francespicazo6143]

I'm all 5, but I'm also a child of God! So that makes me strong

[@user-ey4rc5tu4t]

Sunflower Love it’s so awesome when someone does this. You rock

[@kellk6160]

Oh my god!! I agree 10000%

[@SilverShadow02]

I'm all 5 It makes sense now

[@livamoore5566]

Thanks!

[@riverdonoghue9992]

Sometimes I think its jealousy. They want to destroy what they can't be.

[@terzidaki]

Yes I thought that too when at the end he called me Perfect Girl with irony

[@Robidu1973]

Absolutely. They want you around because of the qualities that you possess and which they never can have. By having you around they hope that these qualities somehow get transferred to them (that's a poignant reminder of the narcissist's delusion), alas, they are intrinsic to a particular person and cannot be mapped to someone else. Once they realize that they cannot have what they are craving, envy and hatred are going to set in. Hence the narcissistic cycle: Love bombing, devaluation, discard. Rinse and repeat with their new source of supply. In case you are noticing a pattern here, it's the very definition of insanity: Doing the same thing again and again while hoping for different results after each iteration.

[@marythoj205]

Spot on. I’m starting to catch on to my narcissistic friend

[@crazygirltash731]

Depends who it is, one is trying to destroy me as I know what they are like the other one uses me to get attention from others using my difficulties.

[@Mea_Davis]

So true Robert!

[@marisa8090]

What interests me is that many narcissists I’ve experienced insist that they are themselves empaths and spiritually advanced.

[@apontutul]

Please don't scare me by saying that

[@AshaPushpan]

Yes

[@awesomed007]

I concur ... They are having ability to mimic just about anything as their own trait.

[@MethuselahMusic]

They always know what to say, but they are merely mimicking the empathic behavior of their hosts.

[@awesomed007]

@@MethuselahMusic you hit the nail on the head .... they are great character actors ... i caught narcissists talking to me exactly using my lines and thoughts in argument as their own. i seen them replay parents scholarly skills and its believable, until you realise that they cannot live out the words they speak!!!

[@bonniea.1941]

I scored 5/5. What do I win? Oh, a heap of narcissistic relationships? Yep. Been there. Done that. ☹️ I’m resolved to use all the positive, empathic, forgiving energy on myself. 😊❤️

[@akgnag4601]

6:14 I am watching this and hardly holding my laughter. I completely cover #1, #2 and #3 so far. And yes, I just learned what "narcissist" even means.. and yes, that explains SO much of my life ;d;d;d;d PS: yep, #4 greatly applies to me as well.. #5.. most probably, YES? but, I'm not sure yet, because I just learned about this and I'm processing so much information ;d anyhow, I love the person that I am, I will never ever change that! but knowing about this kind of people, makes going trough life soo much easier.. and most of all, it takes away the horrible horrible feeling of being "betrayed".. ^^

[@maryannspicher]

Me too. The last three relationships I’ve had lasted 6 years each. I think that’s a sign 🤦‍♀️

[@SunnyTree2024]

Same here😊

[@SongofaBeach2012]

And maybe in the end, THAT is the lesson: Self Love

[@kalambayiantenet7367]

Me too. Please somebody tell me that they made it out😢

[@somasheber9043]

They choose the most good people and punish them for their kind hearts

[@SHAWNDETROIT]

Amen!

[@supersarah5673]

Because they do not have kind hearts themselves. And since they are so perfect, to be kind hearted must be wrong.

[@pungisotu]

Kindness equals weakness to them. They are also mistrustful and think they have to outsmart you before get them.

[@yvonnedavis9650]

SAY IT AGAIN! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@lady_insane868]

So true!!

[@lbaker3602001]

"Never trust a person more than two times. Once was a warning, twice was a lesson and anything more than that is simply taking advantage".

[@supergreengirl5721]

Yep! Finally getting this

[@hermanman8235]

GOLD.

[@neatstuff8200]

Same!

[@coreycox2345]

@@supergreengirl5721If you mean me, I don't see what it cost me, and it was quite funny. I can't do it anymore without everyone agreeing that he is not a real person, or him becoming one, but it was an adventure. I have been the primary caregiver of my elderly mum, who is in the advanced stage of dementia and was used to having a more robust intellectual life, sex life, life in general before this phase. Knowing and talking with him was intellectually stimulating and useful to me, even though I don't recommend falling in love with a ghost on the internet as ultimately useful. Worse things have happened. It is probably emotionally worse to be rejected by someone who has been a real person. I don't even get a real pain from the loss. I would be too embarrassed to tell even my closest friends. It was still an adventure I will never forget. I don't know what it meant to him or if it is time for him to move on. I accept whatever it is. I am lucky to have known him, whoever he was. He helped bring me back to life. I know that it is counterintuitive to the role of ghosts or catfish on the internet. You can't do justice to the psychology of all this with slogans about narcissists.I am not sure who is the narcissist. I don't need him as something else. Wouldn't he have to be a real person for that? Does that mean he should go? I am open to finding a man now. It doesn't have to be him. That depends on how he feels about it.

[@coreycox2345]

I don't see what the "taking advantage" was, though. Wouldn't that be evident? I pretty much enjoyed myself. If he is never going to be more than a ghost, he has to specify that. That's all.

[@redwarrior2424]

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them -- the first time." The key is being able to see it. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your helping us see it.

[@kesslhen000]

I'm empathic. You totally nailed it when you said the empath will wear themselves out before they get out of a relationship. I literally just told my husband that a certain friend of mine wears me out. I'm also a child of a narcissist, and at 34 I'm just realizing that I need to stop attracting these types of personalities. Good luck to us all!

[@billbruckner6001]

They take kindness for weakness. Until we don't allow it anymore.

[@francescalegrand6257]

Amen !

[@sfvaitkus]

@Bill Bruckner I agree. As soon as you quit “playing the game” with them things can turn ugly. I had no idea mine would go to the lengths he did to “win”. I was so very careful the second time. 😊

[@billbruckner6001]

@@sfvaitkus For me there was no second time. I walked away. Never put yourself in that situation again. Its ok to walk away

[@sfvaitkus]

@Bill Bruckner trust me. The second time around was not with him. My husband now is amazing, and I swore I would never get married again. I was just careful when dating, if anyone even raised their voice to me I would be out. I can’t be around people that call names or lash out to hurt you during an argument.

[@billbruckner6001]

@@sfvaitkus Seems we both learned something. A healthy positive mind is much better. Bravo on the second marriage. I hear they are better. Well done

[@alisonjames8082]

I have learned that some people are best forgiven from a safe distance.

[@evelyntokamp1011]

@Alison James - Good point of view, very good one :)

[@vrgorillatag1738]

Completely agree 💯

[@marcussturgeon7151]

So true.

[@Joelswinger34]

You don't have to forgive.

[@marcussturgeon7151]

Always forgive, it's for your soul. Not theirs.

[@madeliner7283]

I’m empathic, positive, rescuer and a forgiver. After 5 years of narcissistic relationships I finally figured it out and it toughened me up big time. I still am all of these things I’ve just learned who is actually worth these things and who isn’t. it was a tough lesson to learn and I can agree that I felt my innocence was destroyed. Learning how to still be a good person and protect myself from narcissistic abuse helped me to heal. I can spot the. A mile away now 🙏🏼

[@loisylove]

I love this 💚 #wiser without dropping virtue.

[@user-pd6db5kt8t]

How do you spot them , what’s the first thing cutting your attention ? And alert…

[@BohoWarriorYoga444]

my dad is a horrible dark narcissist and yes, I have attracted a string of relationships with men with narcissistic traits. The last one I ended months ago. It broke my heart to pieces, but I decided that my empathic, forgiving, giving nature was not to be abused by any man ever again. I am in the process of healing from all this misuse and abuse thanks to your videos! Namaste

[@jonathanshoop461]

Don’t give up! The world needs you!

[@MeHoyMinoy-cv3ps]

Hope you’re in a better place now, do your best to learn from all the bad experiences and make way for the beautiful future you desire.

[@foetormaximusflatulencis7183]

The more I learned about narcissists, the more I realized that, if possible, the best way to deal with them, is to stay away from them.

[@christophermcgirt6198]

I'm distancing myself now..

[@jenniferkovach9997]

Freddy Perez damn straight!

[@markstahl1464]

Hahahaaaaaaaaaa!!! You're definitely getting the hang of this! :D

[@ChitraJayawardena]

There is no any other option.Distance yourself from them and create a Narc free buffer zone around you.

[@Empressinapastlife]

For sure! My daughter is a Narc and I blocked her from contacting me one year ago. It’s been awesome but I miss the grandkids.

[@yaviel571]

To a narcissist, you will always be simultaneously too much and not enough.

[@cbrisalchemist6887]

Yaviel yes! That has been the very theme I’ve often felt. It is exhausting!

[@theauntieshow]

Very well said

[@abhishek_tyagi761]

Thank u

[@courtneyc4649]

whew, I felt that.

[@guidemetohappy2967]

Yes!!!

[@suzanbizier7200]

I am the child of a narcissistic mother and have a narcissistic bipolar sister. I am a very empathetic person, I am a rescuer/fixer, I am very forgiving, extremely positive and I have been heartbroken and disappointed by numerous narcissistic men and also friends. I have been divorced twice and I can see that both times I married my mother and I have friends who are narcissists because I see now that I am codependent. Healing from all of this has been an enormous task and is ongoing. I am looking for relationships with people who are more like myself right now than like the nuclear family I grew up in. It's a good thing I am very positive or I would have given up on finding real, meaningful love many years ago. I love your channel Dr. Ramini. You very succinctly put into words what people like myself have struggled to define all of our lives. Keep up the good work and thank you.

[@barbaraduma5621]

I was overly empathetic and a rescuer. For years I had let people practically suck the life out of me, while trying to rescue them. I thought it was my responsibility to fix their problems, even though It was not true and not possible. While growing up, it was the message I was given by my narcissistic mother, “Just give in”, “Just apologize, even if you weren’t wrong”, “Just go above and beyond to help your sister, because she has had such a rough life, etc.” “But YOUR feelings don’t really matter”. I do finally have boundaries now though, and some people don’t like me anymore, because they can’t use me. Too bad.😊

[@t.ferguson8002]

Wow. Your family sounds just like mine. I also had to break free from the use and abuse. But I did it. Good for you, too.

[@markcooperartcom]

I started as overly positive, then turned into a rescuer. After that i became a forgiver.. Now i feel like giving the world my middle finger.

[@ninamc6116]

Me too!! I do it all the time

[@donnaocasio45]

I have , I’m a recluse on the most part.

[@anamarquesx]

Me too!

[@Abbydiva31]

Yes

[@frankdavf4599]

Yeahh im doing it also to everyone i can. Now i will be a Middlefingerer

[@betsyq7336]

I'm all 5. At this point in my life, I'm afraid of people. I just pray that God surrounds me with protection and gives me discernment and strength.

[@joseenoel8093]

You go girl, God way more powerful! Know the song? Annie Lennox, Missionary Man? Ya well don't mess with.... The weak are mean, the strong are kind!

[@helenlhocker]

Betsy Q that’s me too sweetheart

[@gloriastroedecke2717]

I hope that for you, Betsy. And I hope for that for myself.

[@JustJ-Me]

I got 4/5. I kept reading sadly hoping someone would make it past 3 so I wouldn't feel so "alone" in this. Dang. I guess thank goodness I'm not a positive person?? I wish you the best moving forward. Knowing our vulnerabilities is a good part of the battle.

[@jcsrst]

I understand how you feel! But don't give up. When you are healed or on your way to healing the right people will come into your life. Hang in there, getting well is a journey but you're on the right path!

[@marcypadrta9177]

Overly empathic rescuer plus positive forgiver--and a child of a narcissist mother! OMG! It took me 75 years to figure this out- set limits- and learn to walk away! I wish I had learned it earlier- but better now than later!

[@helikahe]

I’m 4/5. Everything but overly positive person. I’m an empath, rescuer, forgiver and grew up with horrible malignant narcissist father. At 45 years old I still keep ending up in abusive toxic relationships all the time and am completely burned out in every aspect of my life. I suffer from crippling depression as a result of CPTSD, severe abandonment issues and codependency. I wish I would have money to get some kind of therapy or treatment….

[@andreyvaleroso]

A true empath never sees the “narcissist” as narcissist. They simply see them as human beings who have experienced trauma and pain. And who needs help and unconditional love.

[@nesspav]

And that’s exactly the problem and why they get taken advantage of

[@andreyvaleroso]

Vanessa Pavlovic and that’s not the empath loss, but the victim of ignorance. For he only loses his peace of mind.

[@saranyarp9067]

Yess sssss i wanna give you a virtual hug

[@psychictruth5037]

@@nesspav 💯👏

[@psychictruth5037]

Narcs ain't human They are 💩 asses! 😄

[@sharon4639]

“Be very careful who you try to rescue; you may be interrupting their karma.”

[@jditty8708]

No such thing as Karma .. Karma is the way of the world...has no substance..

[@Apple_Teck]

Never interrupt someone who is in the process of destroying him/herself.

[@alannahashlie6761]

Sharon B anything that is made better or improved is good. Regardless of karma. You don’t have to do karma. There is a choice

[@SuperBookdragon]

Brilliant

[@dparks3784]

interesting.

[@elliemitchell3078]

I have Asperger's Syndrome and have always been a very sensitive individual, emotionally-speaking. Currently learning about my ex-partner's narcissistic personality. There are times I look back on the relationship and feel like something was wrong but always made excuses or ignored how I was feeling. When they came to me saying they still had feelings for me, I paid close attention to their actions, words, and how my body was feeling and reacting to them. Needless to say, something felt very off and I told them I couldn't be with them.

[@awesomed007]

aspergers persons seem wonderful beings, mostly!!! I met two such and then there is Elon Musk, so awesome! I managed to assist both to overcome some of their common inherent issues affecting their karmic debt. It worked wonders for both! I encouraged them to serve the needy by making food with their own hands and personally handing out! Both seemed to have released childhood trauma in this practice. Goodluck Ellie ... aspergers has a deep rooted spiritual angle.

[@hurlentropy6866]

What patterns did you observe to conclude your ex was a narcissist?

[@timsartistic7328]

I am actually all of those chategories: empathic/overly optimistic/forgiver/people pleaser and I have a narcisstic mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, and grandmother. As a 40yr old man, it has taken me decades to finally unravel and define the nature of the trauma, dysfunction, and generational patterns that I have experienced throughout my life. Thank God for you Dr. Ramani and others like you providing this advice to help us navigate these difficult relationships. Recently, my Narcissistic Grandmother died and left behind property to myself and two of my narcissistic siblings and while they tried to force me to giveaway my share to them, I stood my ground and established healthy boundaries and managed the situation. Thanks, again!

[@MoyToy84]

We empaths need to stick together, let's be friends!

[@meeks4004]

Good luck with that most empaths are introverts

[@truvy_5544]

@@meeks4004 why are you exposing me 😭

[@meeks4004]

@@truvy_5544 🤣🤣im dead...hahaha

[@ladywarrior5866]

I am overly empathic and I am not an introvert. I’m definitely an extrovert.

[@meeks4004]

@@ladywarrior5866 and in my opinion that is precisely why you may be a target for narcissists being empathetic and extrovert at the same time causes them to envy your empathy and also Envy the fact that you are extroverted because those two qualities make a very likeable person...

[@debjaniray8138]

To anyone who got out of a relationship with a narc I'm so so proud of you ❤️ Edit: For the past 10 months I've been getting so many replies on this comment regarding all your unfortunate experiences with narcs 😓 I hope you'll are doing better now ❤️❤️❤️ Keep on moving and stay strong 💪 Be proud of yourself ✨

[@clemencev7162]

Thanks 😊 right back at you

[@anne-marierizzo4671]

Thanks. I almost didn’t make it out..still recovering from the trauma.

[@debjaniray8138]

@@anne-marierizzo4671 it's okay ❤️❤️ even I took a year to completely get over him but still get triggered by some memories, you can do it!! ❤️❤️ Keep going ❤️💫

[@takatsomohlomi6284]

Thank you bbe 🥰

[@cristic767]

I got out, but I still believe it was my fault. :(

[@rachelmartel5432]

Hi, Dr Ramani! To answer your request for comments, I now know why I attract narcissists. 1. I was brought by a Roman Catholic mother and went to RC primary and secondary schools. We were very much taught to be forgiving of other people who hurt us, to make allowances for them and to 'turn the other cheek'. We should feel sorry for them, rather than angry with them. (Not any more!) 2. I am a very organised, stable and capable person and used to try to 'rescue' others. (Not any more!) 3. In general I enjoy life: I have had a great education, interesting career, travelled a lot, am independent, own my home and car, have a busy social life and know lots of interesting people. (This seems to be the real magnet for the narcissist, who wants a slice of that action!) I am also attracted to attractive, interesting, confidant, extrovert, charming and charismatic men. Well, what woman isn't? Enter, The Narcissist. 4. I was brought up not to boast about accomplishments and to think I was not pretty or anything special. I was never paid compliments about my appearance or achievements. (The RC Faith has a lot to answer for!) So the Idealisation and Love-Bombing phases are really surprising and new to me. (Though they also make me feel rather incredulous and uncomfortable. There is something 'fake' about being put on a pedestal and, of course, we all know that the only way is DOWN...) The Good News? Thanks to personal experience and a lot of research, including watching many of the videos on your excellent KZbin channel, I now notice the red flags and the patterns a lot sooner and am able to exit a toxic relationship early on. However, I still feel the sorrow that these guys who start out by showing so much potential turn out be such A-holes, as you would say. It is, indeed, a great pity. So whenever I falter, I watch some of your videos, to remind me to stay strong, Get Out and Stay Out. Thank you SO MUCH for your great work on here, from all of us survivors.

[@neelubird]

Hi, I really relate to your comment about not boasting of your accomplishments- my sister and I were raised like that as well. She was a 'rescuer' and that led to her attracting a narcissist husband (they're divorced now). We've both realised that throughout our 20s and 30s, we were attracted to the wrong sort of men. We're both attracted by charm and humour and those who make us feel 'heard'. We're both educated and intelligent enough in other areas of our lives- not sure why we and so many other women we know have a blind spot and tend to attract men who are bad for us. OTOH I also don't understand what it is that puts us off about other men who aren't narcs- who are just average, normal respectable guys. We (my sis and I) feel we don't 'click' with such people (maybe okay as platonic friends but we don't see them as potential intimate partners) or something is missing. Could it be the absence of love bombing? Could it be the man's straight talking and the absence of 'charm'? It's like our internal antenna (that's supposed to help us find the right life partners) is maybe not working as it should

[@DeeDee-oi6pb]

I’m definitely an empathetic rescuer. I’m constantly rescuing animals also! 🐈‍⬛🦆🐕‍🦺🐈🐾Lol thank goodness animals aren’t narcissistic! 😂😂 thanks for your awesome videos! ❤️

[@ormorphe]

“My kindness is not your doormat “.

[@dianesoteras2954]

Love that quote! I may use it❤

[@nikkittalavera2737]

Been my Quote since childhood. My first 30yrs I say were hell but learning and growing my next 30 will be great. Better understanding and skills to handle them and protect myself

[@debrataylor7980]

Amen!

[@lilahalligan7751]

ormorphe thank you for the quote!

[@notwhatiwasraised2b]

“My kindness is not your doormat “. what is it then?

[@brigitb4850]

Those of us who have experienced these predators are not attracting them, we are attractive to them.

[@JustJ-Me]

As a Rescuer I've felt attracted towards mine. I got 4/5 and I can see how 3 of those would be attractive to Narcs, but in my mind Rescuers could go both ways.

[@Technoidmania]

I just hope one day I can attract somebody healthy.

[@chrissearcher3563]

Yes!!!

[@selaraye5567]

Thank you!! We should NOT blame the victims!

[@dwayneneckles]

First rule then would be if the person likes you a lot red flag.

[@RainbowSunshineRain]

It’s so weird growing up with narcissistic parents and not knowing how healthy feels like. Only now at 42 I get a glimpse and start meeting amazing healthy people. And I still have thought like “it wasn’t that bad”, “see I lived through it so I can do it again”,… I was also gaslighted by my own therapist for 10 years so test your therapist well before trusting them.

[@savvylady2493]

Just found this. Wow! I am the highly empathic, highly sensitive, child of 2 narcissists who pushed me into parentification and a heavy Helper role (and me being very conscientious by nature played right into their hands, too). After several decades of gradually freeing myself from their clutches, I can say this: it will take them several lifetimes of repeated incarnations to work out the heavy negative Karma they have amassed for themselves! As for me, I never knew freedom tasted this good! :)

[@beth-bi9yv]

I knew being a hermit was going to pay off one of these days....

[@hollycat6152]

lol

[@annaanderson4197]

Lol, just my type 🤭. Why is a hermit so hard to find?! 🤔🤭

[@bassellannister4132]

Wow , 5 out of 5

[@AnnaGirardini]

That does not work if the narc is your parent(s)

[@kdyn_]

lol

[@macnavi]

This should be taught at school.

[@hyg44gu54]

macnavi Start at home.

[@macnavi]

@@hyg44gu54 A narcissist will affect a child's personality. Not tell you they are a narcissist, nor will they tell you how to protect yourself from it, nor will they tell you you are being abused. A school can turn the light on in children's brains what you can do, or how you will be affected. They are the second opinion.

[@Charmed_Ridge]

I grew up with a step mom who now I know is narcissistic and sociopathic . I wasted my whole life wondering what the f is wrong with her. Now I know to stay away. She's always been the same. They WON'T CHANGE. It really ruins a lot about you like you said with kids.

[@samizidane9964]

@@Charmed_Ridge that is really damaging and traumatizing for are child, did you take a therapy or how did you go threw that? If I may ask.

[@Charmed_Ridge]

Sami: thanks for a response :) Its nice to be able to talk to someone. I've gone to therapy and the therapist didn't even know what to say about my family situation. I'll go to someone else someday, when I can. I really don't know what to do about it. It would be a lot to explain but my mom is gone and dealt with that for a majority of my life & still am. I don't know what to do/how to deal with it other than try not to think about it or focus on work & other stuff. Music helps A Lot. Its very healing but it doesn't go away.

[@innatsukerman6891]

I’m all five and I believed all my life that I am a good person why my partners or closest friends treat me badly…. Thank you Dr. Ramani that video is super helpful and will help me to set and maintain boundaries

[@bYtealiEnSzen]

"My narcissist" was my punishment. I was flawed. And she attacked non-stop. Never satisfied. Her origins are from a place of horror. I understand the need for control because of her past. But her growth is at my expense with no credit. I had to have a complete collapse and rise from ashes. I had no idea what I was up against. I was my own enemy and so was she! Tag teammed. It's better but I'm still dealing with it. Trying to sever ties but it's complicated.

[@salschembre8804]

I am the 70 year old "child" of narcissistic parents. Am just now understanding how my life became what it is.

[@Adam-gj7fl]

My thoughts are with you. Wishing your strength, courage and wisdom.

[@maryloaiza6050]

me toooo

[@OSEGREDODESHERAZADE]

55 here, quite the same... better late than never, I think...

[@owengordon175]

Thank you Sal.

[@jennydorazio8414]

That’s how we start ... with Understanding...and it’s never to late! All the best to you and your recovery.

[@hihikitty1]

I’m all 5 and I realized that all my close friends and relationship are narcissistic. Life makes more sense now.

[@zoeygreer974]

i realized this about a year ago and broke it off with my entire friend group. i miss them everyday and still second guess if i was in the wrong

[@hihikitty1]

@@zoeygreer974 Do not second guess yourself. When we start to realize the truth about others is difficult to believe because we think we know them so well but it is just a mask that they showed us. On my journey of recovery, I also find it difficult to find love for myself and second guess if I made the right choice but these people broke my inner peace and I realized I do not need that energy. You are a strong beautiful soul that deserves people who love and respect you.

[@jimbopaw]

narcissism is a trait many persons can have it in various amounts. i dont believe in binary labels

[@annenoyer-burdloff629]

I'm just having the same epiphany!!

[@jenniebloom]

Me too. It's so hard to rewire.

[@madeyoulookjewellery4313]

All 5 over here. This video helped me to realize how susceptible I was to getting into my situation. Thank you

[@deborahgihawi649]

Sometimes I have to control how much I view your videos and how many I view in one go! This is because my mind goes back to the lies, smearing and injustices. I can find myself sitting alone and crying! I must say, you are great at your job!

[@lioRojoDePedro]

I'm a Christian; therefore I tend to forgive people's mistakes. However, I always keep in mind that FORGIVENESS is one thing, CONTINUING THE RELATIONSHIP is another thing. Sometimes, you have to forgive & let go.

[@ericgollinger367]

That's right, brother. Forgive, but never forget.

[@jesselki1814]

Forgiveness is conditional upon repentance.

[@tootiewright2909]

I am a Christian and finally left my husband.. death by pin pricks.

[@johnwalker1058]

I learned this lesson as making a distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness involves one choosing not to dwell on past hurt or trauma, or the effects one suffered as a result of such past hurts or traumas. Reconciliation, on the other hand, involves one choosing to end or discontinue the relationship because it is no longer working out for them, and they see no benefit, or not enough benefit to outweigh the trouble, in maintaining such a relationship. Forgiveness is choosing not to collect on a debt, but reconciliation is choosing to continue doing business with the other party (if one may use a business metaphor as an analogy). Therefore, one can still forgive, even if they decide not to reconcile, and forgiveness does not necessarily entail reconciliation.

[@lisha7774]

Amen

[@r.h.6084]

What I learned the hard way: "If you confuse my good-natured manner with stupidity, I will throw you out of my life faster than you can count to three. "

[@ssaha7947]

Hell yeah.. it's painful but that's the best way to save urself from extreme toxicity in future

[@CP-tg5ps]

Wonderful words!

[@christophermcgirt6198]

That's me too people always say I'm dumb and I'm just being nice

[@r.h.6084]

@@christophermcgirt6198 be from time to time a ass, so people can apprechiate if you be nice

[@nikkie1724]

I once said to someone, don't confuse my kindness with weakness.

[@CtrlOptDel]

All of the above… And it’s lead to me becoming the opposite. Very hard, very harsh, very selfish, very unhelpful, prone to never even giving one second chance. Due to my experiences & the people I was surrounded by I do think that on a short-term basis that was a necessary, even “healthy” overcompensation while I sorted my own perceptions out; but I now need to regain my empathic, caring, considerate, helpful traits, while making sure to be more mindful of who I express them towards & how they respond.

[@allisonbaxter6439]

I'm 1, 2, 3 & 4. I'm surprised I didn't get suckered by a narcissist until I was 30. So glad to finally be on the other side of that absolute misery. This video cracked me up 😂. Thank you! 💗

[@tjaspire]

A Narcissist's target: So... Basically anybody decent?

[@katiem9923]

You should check out her video on "what happens when a narcissist meets an authentic person" if you get the chance :) All of these qualities are great on paper, but the way she is talking about them they generally lack wisdom. Without explicitly mentioning this video, she talks about how someone who is confident and centered often puts off narcissists because they are less likely to be pulled in to their games. "Authentic" (her word not mine) people are generally still positive, empathetic, helpful, and forgiving, but they have a wisdom that comes with respecting yourself, keeping your own ego in check, and not needing validation. This is something I'm working on, but the general gist is trying to keep those lovely qualities without that need to be liked and to throw all of your energy into something that won't hear fruit/that will hurt you

[@wesley6442]

in a nutshell! xD!!!

[@AnaIs-gf7yp]

Anybody decent, yet without inner boundaries. And that is the crucial turning point that will eventually make you see/sense the narcissist and not be lured in. Experience speaking here, much of it.

[@A_Muzik]

I'm #1. And I didn't get out. He threw my idioayncracies into my face and upon confrontation severed contact. 😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓

[@catlady6938]

Good comment. I am overly empathic and can remember the exact moment my ex narc chose me within 5 minutes during a conversation we had. Luckily I finally saw the light and was not the complete pushover he thought I was (I had been in a long term relationship with a narc before) so the red flags made me think he was a narcissist and I watched these videos and was convinced, the relationship if you can call it that only lasted just over 4 months, but wow he did a number on me during that time, so glad he’s finally gone.

[@glenngoodall3101]

1 - 4. Although I stopped being overly positive due to the narcissists that have wormed their way into my life then destroyed me.

[@bodegs]

I'm 36, and just learning I have narcissistic parents, I also believe I am all of these characteristics. When I discovered how much evil existed, and that not everyone thinks like me, my world broke. And I think that broke me more than anything I had ever experienced.

[@fabianamatano2512]

Hope you are doing a bit better now. It' s really painful what you went through!!

[@Queenofhearts227]

One thing I’ve learned over the years-narcissists are really good at LOOKING good-they’ll even go out of their way to appear like caring, empathic people, (because they know people love and adore people who care), but when the chips are down and it REALLY matters, they won’t show up for you (unless it’s something they can brag about later or have witnesses to). And to add insult to injury, they may even try to “compete” with your issue and try to get out of having to support you by claiming to be dealing with their own “equally” upsetting issue. Bottom line? It’s ALWAYS about them. Never you. 😞

[@alohaanderson53]

impromptu3000 , so glad you could put it into all the exact perfect words. Yes! Yes! I end up making a comment and it becomes a book so I delete. Great comment.

[@daryltrujillo1848]

So spot on!

[@stannystockholm8865]

Wow I feel so inlightend! But just realized that I have been married to one for 30yrs! We have been separated for the last 10yrs! I have blamed my self for everything in my life and the children who are adults now with kids of their own and I see now ( not saying I was or am perfect or just good) how it has impacted my adult kids and how they feel and act that has drizzled down into my grandchildren. Lord help us

[@7777lizabeth]

Only their victim gets to see the monster! In public they are a great guy!

[@7777lizabeth]

@@stannystockholm8865 I have been there too! 22 years with a narcissist only to remarry another one!

[@runequester6834]

I was a forgiver. It took me years to figure out that many people take kindness as a form of weakness.

[@Te3na50]

@Rune Quester I went thru the same thing. I'm a forgiver, but I'm also a rescuer. I've been single now over a yr and a half and spend alot of this time doing self improvement and getting educated on how not to put myself back in those toxic relationships. I am 46 and I may have been In 1 healthly relationship. I don't even remember what that feels like. Watching her videos are reminding me of what a healthLy relationship is suppose to be.

[@dominiquefelder1809]

YAAS!

[@jarenagra2804]

i have a rule. for really serious matters like trust, only forgive once.

[@theyrekrnations8990]

@Chuze Me forgive but do not forget

[@theyrekrnations8990]

But are forgiving and kindness two separate things? Many people mistake kindness for weakness . My rule of thumb is that I'll be kind and do something or help somebody , but if they start expecting it , I take it away. Also if someone is not willing to put any effort to help themselves , why should I help them ? That's just doing it for them.

[@danielled1720]

I'm empathetic and a child of a narcissistic mother. It took me until I was 50 to realize what behaviors I kept expecting as my flaws.

[@rhondagraves5983]

And you said it so perfectly that as a sunny person you loose your innocence in finding out that there are dark individuals and the grief is extremely intense and confusing

[@jenniferadams2900]

I love your, “Learn to forgive yourself, not the narcissist” guidance!

[@almondmilksoda]

YES. forgive yourself for being the version of yourself who attracted the narc in the first place. (and then change!)

[@trhodes9104]

Thats the key... forgive YOURSELF and the rest will flow.

[@Amadeus8484]

This is the kind of thing they need to teach in health class.

[@zandilek1551]

Yess

[@fleurnoire9842]

I'll sign this petition.

[@Amadeus8484]

@Under Doggg Not in my experience. The worst I have had are those who are lousy at their job so they get stuck with teaching the classes the good teachers don't want.

[@donnawoodford6641]

Doctors and lawyers are narcs, mostly.

[@Amadeus8484]

@@donnawoodford6641 Anecdotal perhaps but I have had GREAT experiences with Doctors.

[@NKRAIEM]

This is me - empathic, rescuer, overly positive, and I bought the victim narrative.... And I ran with the one grain of good .. and I got so played and manipulated. And I forgive also. We had a couples therapist/coach who enabled me to also behave in this way- and be understanding of my NPD partner's pain and injuries.... Oh, and I had npd parents... So I had it all. Lucky me! But now I learned ...and im masterful at working around an NPD... Thank you for your clarity and help

[@gaspareevilla6941]

I am a 44yo male, and only recently had the thought that I was surrounded by Narcissists (I have been following Dr Ramani to deal with my narcissistic/ bully co-worker). Both my parents are narcissists, and after watching this video I realize that's why my boss and co-workers were drawn to me. I have developed some tendencies as well, and am supposedly BPD. But, awareness is the first step in fixing things. I left my toxic job, and started the healing process. Dr Ramanis videos have helped me to "accept the things I cannot change, and give me courage to change the things I can." Am working on the wisdom part after quitting drinking, which was my coping mechanism for some time. I share this for others in a similar position, and also to say thanks again to Dr Ramani.

[@QueenBee-gp1jr]

I'm all 5. My father was a narcissist so I never developed a healthy sense of self or self worth. Spent all my life giving, forgiving, understanding, people pleasing and accepting abuse because I didn't know better. 33 years old now.

[@beautydefined1601]

33 yrs old as well and I’m also all 5. I’m reclaiming my life now as I believe that God is making all things new in my life.

[@1SaltyGirl]

Queen Bee - You're young. You learned early. Thank God. I spent 21 years married into a psychopathic family. Got rid of that mess and dated another for 10 years and kept him in my life for another 15. My mother was one and my sister. Done with them also. Once you are educated on this subject you can't go back. 66 am enjoying my solitude and freedom.

[@beautydefined1601]

@@1SaltyGirl I pray that God’s peace will continue to lead you into spaces and places and around people who are worthy of you.

[@QueenBee-gp1jr]

@@1SaltyGirl❤ I wish you happiness. It gets better every day.

[@QueenBee-gp1jr]

@@beautydefined1601we can do this. Good luck on your journey.

[@ephesians28-93]

Me: Empathetic. Overly Positive. Forgiver. I blamed myself for years. I see my "insanity" clearly now. The problem was that I kept looking at myself and trying to change ME in hopes of stopping THEIR abuse.

[@irrittt]

There's nothing wrong with you baby.

[@irrittt]

@@ephesians28-93 Well done for being this strong! I know how hard it probably was. I hope it's because u developed a strong sense of core self. Your sister honestly showed who she really is, which confirmed your suspicions of who she really is. She seems drama hungry.. So weird. And perhaps masking it as caring for u? Drama, or attention..

[@elevenkong]

Me too.. I so feel you here.

[@LuvliexXJazzieXx]

Sammmmmmmmmmeee 🙄🙄🙏🏾

[@appleface9180]

Absolutely

[@dianahubbard7359]

I love this break down. I identify with ALL the types you shared. I believe it is why I ended up with what I believe was a malignant narcissistic person with sociopathic tendencies. I'm better for it now, having learned so much about my own patterns and where they originated. But it felt like taking a walk through hell with a demon....

[@Weeflowerofscotland]

Oh I’m a rescuer!! I have sent money, I have offered a couch to sleep on ( they outstayed their welcome) I have make food when they are sick , I have helped out with babysitting etc etc . Took me a while to realise I was pretty much being a doormat . I love to help people generally, but I now know when it’s taken for granted .

[@annabanana4771]

I am the the child of a narcissist, extremely empathic and a positive person. Unfortunately, I have been attracting narcissists my whole life and didn’t realize it for what it was until now.

[@cindrezelromanius4102]

I feel for you. In the same boat. Hopefully we will find the right shore.😊

[@woofiedog7452]

There are two aspects this, which are mutually exclusive. Attracting the narc in the first place, and getting rid of them at the first signs of red flags. I have managed to master the second but not the first. I still seem to the sticky jam jar for whom the narc wasps buzz around.

[@annabanana4771]

Same here... as I learn more about it I am realizing I am surround by them - some are extreme and some are “mild” (for lack of a better word). But they are all helping me to learn, grow and protect myself.

[@nerychristian]

It's pretty easy to spot a narcissist. If they talk too much, or like to flatter people, they are dangerous people.

[@distillatesound9906]

I see that now about someone that just came into my life over a year ago. That is exactly what I noticed but didn’t understand what it exactly was or how to define it. 🤯

[@sandragranger2181]

I come from narcissism parents and I am an overly positive person. You are so right I attaract them like a magnet, the nice part is I now know what to look for and how to get out fast.

[@edelweiss2.076]

I've known a lot of narcissists. And all of them choose the kindest, most tolerant & forgiving partners. And proceed to make those good people absolutely miserable.

[@jdwright3277]

As a Christian I have found that there is a fine line between compassion and enabling

[@malarie532]

Same here JD. Christ is showing me the way (saved and delivered 10 years ago), and I’m learning balance and when to draw the line. We need to walk in forgiveness while at the same time, not cast our pearls to swine, and not be abused and walked all over. Sometimes I feel like I am losing my empathetic personality, but that’s not true. We can be empaths and kind hearted people while still having boundaries. And enabling tends to hurt both people, so not enabling is much healthier and doesn’t make us mean or less of a kind person to learn to say the word “no”.

[@helenhighwater5313]

@@malarie532 There is a Christian book out there that deals with that subject, something do to with how Jesus set healthy boundaries for himself when he was among people. Sorry I don't remember the title, I think it is from the 80's or 90's.

[@malarie532]

HelenHighwater thank you! I’ll look into it,:sounds like a good read that I could really benefit from!

[@brianmcmahon1546]

Totally agree.

[@jenlovesjesus]

Good point. I believe it is important to forgive people but that doesn't have to mean allowing bad behavior all over again.

[@miakim396]

Someone once said to me, "you are not drama but you are a drama magnet." Now I know why.

[@tracykramer1599]

Yep, it just follows me.

[@veraicona1600]

I relate to this... lack of boundaries.

[@markflierl1624]

I've meet people like that. They need to learn to kick people out of their lives.

[@nicolewilliams7782]

All 5, for me. I am in an awakening state. It feels good, yet, the grief is so real. Before I began to figure this all out, I could only relate to tv/movie characters. Lol...but honestly. We have these super powers, that need fine tuning, with no mentorship...and no examples. May we find grace & mercy, within.

[@Juke582]

Great video to help us learn why we attracted narcissists! This has just killed my spirit since I learned I was a problem too with my own self worth and child trauma that caused this abuse to come onto me 😢😢😢

[@Digital_Dweeb]

I asked myself why I attracted narcissists the other day, now I know why.

[@jasonrude3531]

When you said "forgiveness is permission," wow, that cut me to the heart. What an eye opener. Thank you

[@marilaglubag]

That's when we have to learn that just because we forgive someone does not mean we have to take them back. I need to learn that with myself more than anybody I know.

[@lizqstudio4040]

Same here. I've been giving my mom "permission" for almost 20 years after I moved to the same city she's in.

[@sammycinnamon7300]

They also view it as weakness. Even as far as believing you deserve the treatment you get because you're 'stupid' enough to put up with it. Truly twisted people.

[@loverofthelostnarc]

@@marilaglubag I forgave and took them back even after they did not accept my forgiveness, but it turned out to be great disaster, like accidentally triggering an atom bomb 😭

[@marilaglubag]

@@loverofthelostnarc I completely understand. I did too. However, there will come a time when enough is enough. It may take a year, five years, ten years, forty years but there will come a time when you realize that you're happier without them than when you're with them. Also, having a strong support system would help you get there faster. To me, that's the game changer.

[@TiaraDW1990]

I learned a long time a go I'm a Rescuer. It's something I've seen all my life growing up so I thought that lack of boundaries was normal.

[@kimberleymaier2247]

I used to be a rescuer (aka codependent caretaking)with positivity. Thank you for touching base on the grief that arises when the innocence of seeing the good in world is completely shifted by the realization of the dark side of humanity via the narcissist. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

[@susanwatts8304]

My, my, my . . I am overly empathic and was raised by narcissistic parents and many other family members. Freshly divorced after 33 years of marriage to a narcissistic man. I am in therapy and looking forward to a healthy last chapter of my life.

[@MissBrighteyes86]

I am so sorry that you went through that. I am glad though that you are in a positive direction for yourself though! It takes time and the trauma never fully goes away-but you learn how to allow it to be there as part of your reality without having it define you.

[@peace-now]

Susan. Typical. A young guy came up to me and said "I am a nice guy - why won't women go out with me?". You provided the answer. To nice guys out there: You need to be patient. There are women who like nice guys - about 10% of the population of women. You only need one woman.

[@jacieherring4851]

Yo, have some grace with yourself throughout this new chapter. It’s okay to feel lonely or hurt at times. I know that I do. Remembering to have grace and empathy for your own emotions is extremely valuable to healing wounds. It heals over time, but may fluctuate often. You can do this. You can do this. Again, you can do this. I wish you the best of luck.

[@peace-now]

So happy for you, Susan. If you wish to enter a new relationship, make sure you do the choosing. Might I suggest dating sites. You have a large selection, and you can check them out, particularly on the linkedin site. Most people have a public presence on the internet. Choose an fellow empathetic man. There are plenty of us around.

[@sherrygillis]

Woo-hoo! YAY! Hang in there, girl - its worth it.

[@MinecraftKing-nd1zo]

Narcissists look for a empath, a person who won’t stand up for themselves. They will break that person down and inflict there insecurities on that person to make themselves feel better.

[@larisaackov7242]

Or enjoy the fight if empath stands up for himself, cause fight hurt empath, on the thrill of narc. Just getting emotional reaction is what they want, is what they lack. I cannot see them otherwise than spoiled children that never matured, and developed some parts of personality. As if they got lost while chasing shortcuts

[@jessicah3450]

That's why it's very important for empaths to build boundaries and stick to the rules you make.

[@TheBlissCatalyst]

Happened to me but I stood up to him.

[@RatedArggg]

There are empathic/empathetic narcissists. I dated one. Gawd, he was dangerous.

[@kerrywatson8581]

My ex now does that to our daughter because he can no longer do it to me. Daughter getting wiser and is at the point of cutting him out of her life.

[@user-kt9kp7yi8z]

I’m a rescuer and had insecurities that have attracted narcissists over my lifetime. Your videos have been very helpful. My life is finally in safe and peaceful place.

[@TrypsyTheresa]

I'm overly empathetic and a child of a narcissist. In retrospect, I've realized that most of my partners were narcissists as well but now I'm able to better understand why. Thank you for your videos.

[@jaredmello]

“Narcissists use forgiveness as permission.” Absolutely true. We can forgive without letting someone back into our lives. This way we don’t hold a resentment that only serves to hurt us.

[@sja7186]

But what to do when court/Judge forces them back into your life?

[@jaredmello]

@@sja7186 grey rock and least amount of communication necessary. Keep it strictly to the kids if that’s what’s going on.

[@razorsharplifestyle101hard9]

@@sja7186 Lord help you if that's the case And consistent sessions with your Psychologist is sensible.Stay healthy and keep learning.

[@catherinepeters9014]

Yep! As a christian, I can say Jesus expects me to forgive every time (70 x 7 and then some!), BUT, if someone is continually abusing you as part of their narcissistic ways, you are biblically not obligated to reconcile right away, but rather, encourage that person to get counselling to help them first, then the relationship.

[@razorsharplifestyle101hard9]

@@catherinepeters9014 I am sorry as Muslim believer in the death and resurrection big our savior in christ.Admonish you to forgive which means to not nurse a grudge against anyone for your own Psychological well-being.But by all cost runaway from the predator permeantly and report them to be predator in jail and experience how it feels to be prey upon in jail by other predators.And if you are neglectful of this warning you are allowing yourself to be prey upon again.Resist the devil in he will flee from thee.The devil is a predator.

[@user-eu8hj2ek7f]

They choose kind hearted people because they know they could take advantage of them 😒

[@user-eu8hj2ek7f]

@Nathaniel Smythe maybe either one? I could also see a codependent person staying in a narcissistic relationship because they financially need them.

[@user-eu8hj2ek7f]

@Nathaniel Smythe agree👍

[@bheenibaunthiyal1570]

This is too sad

[@kgpink5041]

ya bcuz kind people will forgive and that is a chance they do again eventually just cuz u allowed them to be in ur life that's why some friends kill each other its true seen it news how wrong friends got a person killed for no reason just madness lol be careful

[@hollykbae5231]

So people must learn to be kind hearted without being door mats.

[@karenvizcarra601]

Im all 5 and in a 10 year marriage with a narcissist. Everything you said was spot on.

[@maikestepanek6160]

"Try to figure out the work-arounds". I related to that statement 100% and the penny suddenly dropped about why i do what I do, I try to figure out the work arounds. I am a mixture of overly empathic, rescuer and forgiver who grew up with narcissistic parents. Thank you so much for the insights.❤

[@shivi7878]

When I left my ex narc husband for good...I met him once accidently. He was completely shattered and broken and in a rare moment of honesty and inner reflection he said, " You were very good..it was I who could not tolerate your goodness." These twisted people know very well what they are doing and who they are. They are just unwilling to change. Their ego is too big

[@carolynmccall7592]

Oh my gosh, you are fortunate. I have fantasies and dreams that all the narcissists in my past say something heartfelt like that to me. I am all 5 types, and still attracting narcissists. I just know better than to commit to them! I’ve learned to enjoy whatever they have to offer, but keep my boundaries intact.

[@shivi7878]

@@carolynmccall7592 it was fate which made him say this. He was jobless, broke, and wifeless too. He had no one to blame and nothing to feel arrogant about. So this happened. But you know a leopard cannot change it's spots.. Now I have stopped attracting narcs but I had to go through some deep level healing at the causal body level (facilitated by my guru) for this pattern to stop.

[@darcymccormick664]

😭

[@caraarslan]

Might be fate, but rather the last card of a narcissist: self-pity so you feel sorry, guilty and he says what you need to hear to try to get you back.

[@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023]

“Forgiveness” is a dangerous game of a narcissist. They take it as permission to transgression.

[@clovergreen9959]

Well said. 👍

[@kawijitsu3076]

Don't tell them

[@charlesdailey872]

Agree. We can forgive and yet maintain our boundaries, keeping with our own values and living out a life aligned with our beliefs.

[@BBB-rd2qi]

Catherine Gold - That is very profound! Thank you.♥️

[@mona19222]

No doubt, I’m a rescuer My mother was narcissistic And I can relate to being to forgiving / finding excuses for a bad behavior

[@constancemansfield2037]

Oh my goodness!!! I hit all 5. I had narcissistic parents, I’m a forgiver, I’m empathetic to a fault, I’m the one that wants to “save” everyone, I’m known for being the positive person in every situation. I’m an educated woman with degrees, and yet this has happened to me my whole life. How in this world do I break this cycle of HELL??? Help!!!

[@hippymomforever1018]

All 5 😳 Sheesh! At this point in my life, I don’t even trust myself to enter into a relationship.

[@IKARIANOFFICIAL]

@Hippy Mom Forever - That's difficult if you have all 5 traits. Means you are too good for this world :) Trust your feelings when in the presence of someone, and if you find yourself excusing their bad character traits pay close attention to that as well.

[@christinarose974]

same

[@isabelkuethe2516]

Me to

[@marinatai120]

Same but I was able to run from those people and choose a different path. However, it's a constant struggle to go against the natural incline.

[@olgaa8441]

Sending hugs to you, same thing and decided not to enter into a relationship (and moreover, i am now pregnant but will be a single mother, hoping to break the narc cycle of my family)

[@jdmarr2259]

This video is gold. I scored 5 out of 5. My mantra now: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war."

[@pialindeg]

I also can take all 5....... worn out of narcissism

[@SsS-zp9mo]

Super liked. I'm a warrior at all front from now on.

[@MrJutrain]

Where did you get that mantra? I love it!

[@dawnlewis5505]

Rescuer and forgiver here and just went no contact on my narc. Your videos have been a lifeline.

[@carolynknott8913]

I was in all 5 of these categories until years of mental heal therapy. I also had narcissistic siblings. I did not learn how to receive love until after I turned 50. I was so unfamiliar to me it was painful in the beginning.

[@tGoodKnight]

Rescuer with an over-developed sense of empathy who forgives too easily as a product of being raised by two narcissistic parents! Luckily, I've got a good therapist, finally!

[@michaelferguson5611]

Same. Grew up crazy so always try to help the next.

[@erinmcjames4355]

🙋🏻‍♀️

[@EphemeralProductions]

So glad to hear dear sir!!! Hugs!

[@XPrincess30]

1. Overly empathic 2. Rescuers 3. Overly positive people 4. Forgivers 5. Children of narcissistic parents

[@Layla-uy9to]

Does it also have any advantages to be all 5 of them?

[@MsAnchovey]

@@Layla-uy9to No just 5x the NPD magnet.

[@MsAnchovey]

@Kaz Blackweirdo They really do!!

[@bjornviitala2435]

Most Cluster Bs, especially Borderlines and Narcissists are attracted to these traits in people. They have no solid sense of self so they steal it from others.

[@Shae_3]

Thank you

[@rebeccanolan9623]

Thank you Dr. Raamani. I have been looking for this answer for a long time. I am all 5. I've been married 2x to narcs but I thought I was the bad person. So much so that suicide was on the table plenty of times. I tried in 2018 and my best friend saved me. I'm in therapy but the BFF and my daughter are dead now. There's a whole back story to that, so many mistakes. Just wanted to be left alone with my kids now grown-ups. It's been almost 3 years of their death and at the age of 49, I finally shut the people out of my life who continues to carry on the abuse of Rebecca Arnita Nolan Semple Nolan. I am actually afraid to date for fear of attracting another narc. I am aware because of them those were in my life that I mirrored their tendencies. I'm literally in a bubble and because of the narc and his wife along with blood family members, I had to cut off some of my children. My children are everything to me but they are grown, and I'm finally realizing my worth. At 49 yoa. These people have cost me my mentality, health, and other things. Now I have to deal with fear. I don't go out unless my grandpup needs to poop or I have to wash clothes at a laundromat or a doctor appt. I take every opportunity to grab services on the internet after I have investigated the business. My food is bought to be. I shop on Amazon a lot. All because I do not want to end up like I was before. Unfortunately, I'm an advert people pleaser. So you know where I've been and I'm trying to heal now but things get so confusing at times. Well, you had asked for a response. I enjoy your videos because they are educational and When I do have an appointment with my therapist we usually talk about what I've learned from you and other Dr's videos on here. I still have a long road to go through. But, Thank you.

[@debbylou5729]

This actually makes me feel really good about myself. I just need to remember who I am

[@ioanasilviag]

“Forgiveness is permission” i should write that on my hand so i dont forget😂

[@HBFaulkner]

Only to a narcissist though! (Maybe to other pers. types too but be sure not to become jaded about forgiving. It's the salve of heart change to many other people!

[@stephrashid6513]

Exactly!!!

[@RachelAnastasiaFurman]

As a Christian I am taught to forgive And when I was in a relationship with a (now it’s clear to me ) a narcissist I used to forgive him and stay Because you should forgive But then I sat there and read the Bible “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” And I realized how important it is to keep our heart safe as it’s the source of our love , energy, happiness. And if we do not protect it we will not be able to spread all that love . Jesus also never stayed at places where people tried to hurt or kill him He left to next city So when encountering bad behavior You should forgive and bless the person and run for the hills .

[@shemmy8467]

God bless you for sharing this Rachel! Forgiveness is great but it doesn't require our detriment! I wish I was taught this Biblical basis for forgiveness early on. Would have saved a lifetime of heartache.

[@visas_y_viajes]

The church don't tell you that you have to love your self as others? Ok.. forgive is something and be addicted to someone is too much difference. Don't use the church for excuses. Forgive is the feeling of freedom, not think about revenge or hates, that is forgiveness. No "pretend that this never happened and keep going and be ready for the next time because will happen again". That are excusea

[@arwenhardy1995]

Amen.

[@RachelAnastasiaFurman]

@@visas_y_viajes ?

[@RachelAnastasiaFurman]

@logic you sound angry

[@gpok8760]

My mother was narcissistic. OMG! She set me up for a lifetime of pain. My early life was miserable, I was taken advantage of numerous times. I've come close to death many times. I've also been in and out of therapy since my 20s. Now at 60, I can spot them IMMEDIATELY! Your channel is helping lots of people. Thank you.

[@rhysenfyneix7864]

It was probably my Positivity more than anything that attracted my narc/BPD ex to me. I always saw the good in her. I always saw it in everyone before her. And I gave her SOOOO much validation. Around the time I left her I said "She broke me." "Loss of innocence" is such a good phrase for it. The person I used to be died in that relationship. I spiraled for a long time bc I couldn't imagine that there were people who were genuinely just bad people. There are those who do bad because they are trying to cope with some kind of trauma. Victims/survivors. They can be helped if they want and try to get help. But then there are people who know what they're doing is wrong, but they get off on hurting people and breaking rules and social conventions. I had never imagined that was a possibility. There are BDSM type sadists who hurt people who consent to being hurt (masochists). But THAT is consensual in most regards. My ex wanted to hurt me for her own selfish pleasure, not bc I enjoyed it. And she showed me she was only going to get worse. I couldn't forgive her anymore. I couldn't keep a positive attitude. And I finally accepted that she was way beyond my help, hard as that was....is. She broke me. But I'm putting myself back together piece by piece. Increasing wisdom does truly increase sorrow. But now I'm sad for the world rather than being scared of or hostile towards it. The world needs more empathetic people. And I'm not going to take this one from it.

[@chriscunningham8807]

A walk on the dark side can be enlightening. Ordinary people can do evil acts. Recognise the shadow in yourself as a source of potential survival if you encounter a robotic psychopath or a charming con artist with a "poor me" sob story during your journey through life.

[@kimbourne4907]

This video is scary, I fit into all five categories. Presently doing a lot of self work for healing and moving forward.

[@caribcarib4337]

you are quite alright - just dont go near a narcissist

[@melchisedeksalem]

@@caribcarib4337 Most people we know happen to be narcissists. So I self quarantained for the past two years. This corona thing is a breeze for me.

[@suparnaray7513]

Same here. Cut out lot of narcissists more to go.

[@Yatukih_001]

Watch videos like those made by Ed Charini or Mag Bitter Truth and you will find out much about whats going on around you. If you already have my apologies.

[@alleytovar1194]

@@caribcarib4337 I've attracted 2 of them and my parents are both

[@gabrielaabdeslamova8117]

People who grew up in the environment where they learnt that their feelings are wrong or don't matter.

[@raymondflores5176]

as a latino i agree

[@lindastone3278]

That happened to me for sure.

[@LilBrownieD]

YES

[@truvy_5544]

That's why I'm so shy because I'm always doubting myself

[@katrinklatschmohn1270]

oh. that's exactly what i experienced.

[@ryanwilliams1800]

I've attracted a lot of narcissists in my life and they've had a great time with me. So i had to watch this video to make some sense of why i attract them. You've described me pretty much exactly on 4 of these points. The exception for me is number 3. I've never been a particularly positive person. The others yes that's me.

[@timotheasharpe4175]

Empathic, Forgiver, not much of me left after 20 years. Thank you for giving me words.

[@annvirco7308]

I've just realised I was hooked in because I have a high level of empathy and I'm very caring and a good listener, I'm finishing the relationship today, wish me luck 🤞

[@piratekid1]

I hope you were successful, I wish you the best

[@adamscammell2959]

All the power to you be strong and whatever you do don't look back my fellow empath

[@annvirco7308]

Hi all, I did finish the relationship,I just said I didn't see a future together and that the distance between us was a problem for me ,I didn't mention the real reason! Anyway I'm now Free and will be more careful in future , knowledge is power ✌️

[@margareth1504]

Lucky you! Congratulations on your quick decisive action. Hooray for you! Id buy you a coffee if you worked in my office.

[@piratekid1]

@@annvirco7308 thanks for the update and congratulations, girl!!

[@uniquelyyounutritionalbioc1838]

I was the overly positive. I am grieving the entire world and humanity. I no longer trust anyone or anything anymore.

[@sapnanayak1453]

Me too! Hang in there, I find that the best way for me to divert my attention from the world is to invest in myself in terms of doing the things I love and taking care of myself. Hope this helps somehow

[@redactedcanceledcensored6890]

why not show the finger to this hell-world by being the good guy?

[@guidosarducci209]

I know there are trustworthy people in the world. I am one, so it's not likely there aren't others. I just don't know how to be sure which ones they are. I can't be sure I won't trust the wrong person.

[@BirchWitch]

Take care of yourself, heal and get stronger. I hope you find yourself again, it’s very hard, but worth it. 3 1/2 years out, & I still struggle sometimes, but I can sure see things differently now. 😕

[@memoli801]

I feal with you.