The narcissist's game of deflection

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@Scribemo]

What I’ve learned: don’t point out any of their flaws, because those become forever talking points about YOU! They’re NPCs I tell ya.

[@shainanash8518]

so true

[@mattewkadaroesman4656]

Absolutely 100% true

[@rixinez]

Omg...yes! I thought this too...they are NPC's😮!

[@judimunro9279]

NPC! Woo, that’s interesting concept 😮 Hope that works for me when dealing with.

[@becajaz]

That's what my youngest adult son calls them! NPC's. He's right! This is truly bizarre.

[@RuthSelle]

Oh man.... My husband's favorite line is: I never did that, that's not what happened

[@theelfchannel]

Try giving him citrine. And put on a timer. You can thank me later❤

[@Felix4art192]

I got that all the time too, oh I was also a pathological liar but couldn't say what I was lying about!

[@shainanash8518]

that is what mine says

[@nancymcduffee2570]

You can’t take a joke was his favorite!

[@caughtnwebb4819]

This is the one!!!

[@debneys7189]

His outright LIES 😢 My GOD. He alienated my son against me when I left him. Totally unforgivable

[@shainanash8518]

Same with this narcs. He so passive aggressive. He likes to sport f'uk.

[@kkiralina]

But when you take the same joke on them: "that was not a joke!"

[@nancymorris3286]

Or, you just don't get my sense of humor.

[@elipotter369]

My ex had a thing about accusing me of being angry. I was only impatient and fed up with how uneccessarily argumentative he was. I realise later he was deliberately antagonising me all the time - he was the hostile one, not me.

[@shainanash8518]

This narc partner "sport flub"

[@braingamesballsortgame718]

It is called narcissistic baiting

[@ClintBraun-w9v]

Me too but it’s my wife

[@elipotter369]

@user-ie3ld8dg3b I'm sorry to hear that you're stuck in a negative situation. Mine is "ex" because he turned against me at a certain point & was doing all he could to sabotage & hurt me & it just got worse and worse until I couldn't go on mentally in such an emotionally abusive situation, so I steeled myself and ended the marriage- which he also turned into long battle. And has never stopped trying to hurt me emotionally, even after he got remarried. To be away from abuse is so peaceful. I hope you have some healthy ways of helping and protecting yourself emotionally.

[@coolwater55]

Yup, similar.

[@ChatMort69420]

You are so articulate and I really appreciate the thoroughness of your videos.

[@yukio_saito]

They project their inner drama and chaos onto you. 📽

[@jessmason2112]

No doubt. The manipulator narcissist has a bag of tricks.

[@CharlieRoseHunter]

…and into you

[@sunnyshariati]

@@jessmason2112I ok o😊😊nij

[@letmework6254]

Yep! They reveal what they’re thinking when they open their mouth and project their accusations onto you.

[@erockfreedom6399]

I remember the smirk on my narcissistic father's face when he accused me of being angry, and I told him to stop gaslighting me. So it was projection which is even more telling. He was angry.

[@jackiep5009]

That Narc smirk is straight up demonic

[@grege6521]

I got this answer to my point of view on subjects.. "NO NO NO. You are wrong, everyone i talk to agrees with me, so you are wrong and you dont know what you are talking about". My reply was " so now i am not even allowed my own opinions".

[@Cupcake44689]

No, with them you are not.

[@stephaniesessoms9570]

This is about me. How dare you feel anything.

[@jonosay854]

Once you see, and learn, these things...it's truly eye-opening, awakening, and saddening. I can spot it, but i have difficulty in NOT bringing it to their attention (which either causes them to become angrier, or falls on completely deaf ears) 😔

[@rewildrevolution]

Never date a trial lawyer! I’ve dated 2 now and they are some of the worst narcissists I’ve ever met in my life!!! Talk about a total mindf*ck 🤯 Thank you for this wonderful video and all that you share Dr. Ramani ❤

[@t_nels]

Flying monkeys are very hurtful, it might be the lasting device to make healing improbable.

[@thompsonlauren1004]

Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. They will promise to do it, but never follow through. If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done [e-mail]

[@marissathefootjuggler6950]

Spot on!

[@dreadpiratekeane]

You just described my two year relationship down to a T. For years I struggled to explain to people how she treated me and couldn't help but kinda feel like I was crazy. You did such an amazing job laying it all out. Great comment.

[@chiffre-nummer8475]

I will never forget how I was asked so often: Why are you so angry? I was always confused about it, because I felt so much mor, but angry was not the way I felt at all. Fighting followed so often ... So many other things ...

[@thami.rubushe]

My narcissistic boos once told me I "don't like being reprimanded." Unless you're a masochist, nobody likes being reprimanded!

[@rickkillian2378]

I always wondered why my dad was accusing me of things that I was not guilty of. He would "ORDER ME" to tell him the truth about something. Then after I told him I would get "DON'T YOU LIE TO ME BOY'. I would tell him I'm not lying dad. Then I would get "YOU'RE LYING, YOU'RE LYING. WHAT DID I SAY TO YOU'! I would just stare at him being that I didn't know what else to say to him.

[@craftyhobbit7623]

In the past, I would have gotten into a long winded argument of why the projection was wrong, inaccurate, explain my position, and even defend myself until I came across narcissism. I think sometimes we know that the things that the narc is accusing you of is really what they themselves are doing/feeling, etc, but we feel like we need to react to it. These days when I suspect I am being projected at, I don't bother engaging as there's little point in trying to - if you do, you end up tying yourself up in knots over it and getting upset/angry and that's what the narc wants.

[@amielipscomb-levesque8931]

I spent the first year and a half of my only marriage telling my wife she saw me different than i am. Then i realized she was doing it on purpose. I didn't argue anymore. I got quiet like you do when someone is arguing in pure ignorance with no room to learn. I thought I'd just walk the walk, so i did that. They sabotaged my accomplishments by always having more to prove. They used my vulnerabilities that i offered them as opportunity to wound me later. My ears rang for months into my therapist told me why. I had ptsd from her withholding and constant redefining us to mean less and less

[@leilagomulka5690]

So spot on. It’s uncanny. Thank you .

[@Sherirose1]

My manager accused me of being difficult to work with, sent an email later to apologise to the team when she showed her real face. Then i was targeted as her scapegoat, cries at the turn of a hat, and told a colleagues she knows she will get her way when she cries. Ive never seen someone with so many different faces. Thank goodness Im out of there.

[@lorawhite1017]

During that time when he was projecting things onto me almost drove me crazy

[@shainanash8518]

I escaped "mentally" from him. He sport f'uks".

[@N1S4444]

No matter the issue, the first reaction of my hub is an insane mental gymnastics to prove 7 degrees of separation from blame and never just a solution.

[@peglynch9624]

Projection bothers us because it is a LIE. A lie is the Bally wick of the Evil One. It is the complete absence of Good or Love.

[@micheledietrick265]

When they accused me of something I question myself and my motives. They made me uncomfortable and say to myself that I might be wrong and less than. I was afraid at times of leaving my children with them. As it turns out I was proven right. I really don’t talk to them anymore. I have much more peace.

[@degelepassant1186]

This is gold. I'm a 60 year old scapegoat survivor of narcissistic parents, setting little by little a circle of my Golden Child, and my Invisible sisters, and myself around my 93 year old covert narcissist father... And I tell you, this is GOLD ! Too bad, my Grandiose Overt Narcissist mother died before I went back in relationship with her, already plagued by Alzheimer disease... What toxicity was this, unbelievable !!! 60 years before feeling at ease with others... That was a loooooong run, I tell you !

[@sw6454]

“I think my recollection of events greatly differs from your’s.”

[@Thedisgardedoptimist]

I just stayed quiet and let her tell (project) me everything she was up to.. It was so weird being accused of things I didn't do... Twilight zone for sure..

[@GellaHumbug59]

This!!

[@cherrybacon3319]

I would often feel that my Narcs 'Projection' onto me was another indirect way of confessing his whatever, whether cheating or lieing or his space etc. 🍒

[@bittu-kd7zy]

My narcissistic husband is constantly bickering and looking for drama. I told him I can't give him that. He still doesn't get it!

[@Felix4art192]

Yep

[@PinkiePi]

After a particularly heinous fight that ended in me crying and then disassociating, my nex told me to record her, because she didn't say the things I said she did, and wasn't acting as bad as I said she was. So the next huge fight, I did record her, and she attacked me for it. After settling down, she wouldn't watch the video and demanded I delete it. Interesting.

[@jonosay854]

Sounds painfully accurate

[@Coral_Forever]

I love it when Dr. Ramani goes into professor mode! This was a really illuminating and helpful video. Thank you.

[@Redeemed1983]

"You're not allowed to feel that way. You can only feel how I TELL you to feel." "You'll never amount to anything. You're a no-good, crazy, mixed up kid." "Your memory is faulty. Things didn't happen the way you said they did." "What's wrong with YOU for talking back to me? You know I'm always right." "If you don't do EXACTLY what I tell you to do, I will WRITE you out of my will!" "I've never hated you so much in ALL my life!" Those were things I heard often growing up with a malignant narcissist father and a borderline personality mother.

[@shainanash8518]

Yes. It makes me sooo angry.

[@spacegirl226]

I am so sorry. I heard many of those things too, variations of them. My father is the nasty narc, and my mother definitely has BPD. My sibling is deeply narcissistic, antisocial, and sick too. I relate to you completely, and I know how hard that must have been to grow up with zero care, consideration, guidance, and love. Those demons didn't beat us though they tried their hardest to. We were thrown in impossible situations, and our parents should never have had children. We made it. With all the scars, we're still standing. Hugs and high fives to you.

[@Felix4art192]

I used to get, " of course it's a valid feeling but it's not valid in this situation", it made me want to scream!!!

[@Felix4art192]

I used to get " of course that's a valid feeling but it's not valid in this situation"

[@JamieWhitaker-l7b]

“I didn’t mean it that way!” “I was talking about people from my whole life.” When asked what they meant by passive aggressive comments.

[@RavnThor]

I love this, #DrRamani. These terms are so important to know. Your work is transforming lives!!!! ❤ 🌹🌹🌹🌹

[@kathleen4688]

"I choose to forgive you " is my sister-in-law's famous phrase. 🤷 For what?? For YOUR word salad attacks on me?? I've learned to remain silent, bite my tongue, and let her words go in one ear and out the other. Thanks Dr. Ramani.

[@rainnovember913]

My narcissist future ex-husband of sh* about me to his multiple sexual partners. He accuses me to be th Narc and that I'm the paranoid.He even convinced my son's doctors that I am a monster. They look at me with disgust and no respect. He's always their to act as if he is an angle in front of others and an ugly evil with me and my children.

[@ShortcircuitDarling66]

I have been surrounded by narcissist my entire life, thinking that they cared about me. I am so glad that I found how to be independent and introverted just floored me with that roll off of things that they say.

[@Ozy-te1rr]

When I found at 54 the triangulation with my flying monkey sister and mom I went no contact

[@jenniferg6818]

Same.

[@daniellesomerfield8799]

Yes they create the problem, then blame you for it. I'm fully aware of these. One of the 'leaders' in Dayspring cult was an employee of a government counselling centre (or connected in some way, I can't remember now) who had someone call me saying that my son was concerned for me. I told her that my son was in a cult and that he was the one who needs 'counselling'. My son would never have thought about doing that, the cult was clearly behind it. I don't think the cult knew I knew where she was employed. All based on lies.

[@mayaross7392]

My ex who is most likely a narc: -Lots of talking about how much money he has, driving skills, and grand dreams of being a millionaire -Blamed the college for not understanding that he left school for the first few weeks after had a car accident (and was thankfully not physically hurt) while he neglected to tell anyone. -Blaming and getting extremely angry at his friends for, maybe, causing him to be sick and ruin valentines for us. -“You won’t find a better guy like me” -*break up convo- he asks what he did wrong to do better. I point out that he comes across at times as if he is better than others. His response when I ask for the same criticism “I need someone who is a more mature communicator” -And many times of trying to explain away his emotional reactions and actions with logic. This often came when he realize he did something wrong and/or when I pointed it out. -Apologies followed by “But understand I…” Two friends who played every gaslighting trick when I brought up their actions making me feel like a third wheel when with them: -“Perhaps you feel that way because *explains away my emotions” -“You are trying to make your self the sole victim when that isn’t the case” -“I apologize why are you still mad at me?” -“We tried to work this out but you refused to compromise/ find middle ground” -“I see what kind of person you are and I feel bad for *two people in the past who have hurt me, one of which being my ex” -“We tried to fix this but clearly you are too stubborn and amateur. Grow up” -“I want to alleviate/resolve the situation” -“I’m going through other stuff so that’s why I may have given a bad vibe” *yet doesn’t realize it was what they said was the issue, even after explaining it to them -“You are also in the wrong” *asks how so. Is met with silence -acting in a joking/nonchalant manner, such as burping, when talking/ getting emotional about your feelings *after telling them I want a break since we continued to disagree and was emotionally exhausted. -“A break isn’t going to help anything, that so stupid. We’re not going to wait around for you to welcome us as friends. We are all adults and idk why we can’t resolve this and not get frustrated like last night” -“If that’s what you want go ahead but don’t expect us to forgive you and reach out and respond when you reach out” and “We were really just looking out for you and it just feels like you’re potentially taking long time friendships for granted” Followed by more texting and -“If you don’t respond to us we will assume you don’t want to be friends anymore” I got so frustrated with their back to back victimization, denial, twisting of the truth, and claims of wanting to resolve things, even when I said all I wanted was an apology and reassurance that they wouldn’t continue acting that way, never came/ expected me to apologize for their feelings. They continued texting me and want to continue talking after I didn’t accept their insincere apologizes. This caused me to at times talk over them at times during calls, which I in the moment and apologized and explained why I did it, and raise my voice. Yet, when I asked for a break in the situation they didn’t respect it. In the end I learned that it doesn’t matter how you act or what you say in the situation, they will use whatever they can to make you feel like the problem and them the victim.

[@rainnovember913]

The arc I married to uses te expressions : Oh it did happen, you just imagine things.,you can't take a joke because you are full of insecurities, you are mentally sick...etc. When I respond, he gets to physical abuse, and then he justifies saying it was my fault and that he has just reacted to my words...

[@judiththeis4476]

Please leave, you deserve better...

[@rainnovember913]

@judiththeis4476 Yes, I know. I am preparing for.

[@sparkygump]

Oh, she still projects on me AFTER the discard! I see it for what it is now, thanks to the wonderful Dr. Ramani.

[@lindabell6954]

My mother often likes to remind me that mental illness runs in my father’s side of the family. She blames me for all the problems in the family. She says “ our family is shattered because you won’t go to therapy”. I once asked her to go with me to therapy, and she replied “you go and I’ll pay for it”.

[@Lee-cf2vp]

If you went they'd probably want you to bring your mother at some point.❤

[@JoshuaAnzalone-zk5ht]

I refuse to allow any of them to project onto me and thats how ive elevated and my energy has shifted.

[@NotIt1024]

0:22 Projection 14:43 Gaslighting 33:39 Triangulation

[@Lotuz01]

I've been gaslighted so much that I AM a detective of my own life. It's exahusting!

[@HalcyonxTeatree]

This is exactly 100%.What i've been dealing with with my friends. thank you for putting it into words so that we can keep up and protect and heal ourselves. Thank you, Dr. Ramani

[@susanbittner2095]

You Are So Wonderful and Smart Dr. Ramani!!! I Want to Say Once Again That You Remind Me So Much of My Aunt, My Fathers Sister!!! She Was So Smart Exactly Like You, A Math Teacher, Guidance Counselor, and When She Retired Worked For an Attorney!!! My Father, An Electrical Engineer, and Her Were Very Smart, Empathic People Who I Admired and Totally Respected!!! You Are So Much Like Both of Them Combined!!! I Wanted To Say That I Am A Capricorn Just Like You Are!!! Thank You So Much For Your Wonderful and Informative Videos!!! I Appreciate You So Much For What You Do!!!🎉❣️

[@marykathrynstone1935]

When I finally understood projection, I came to realize the accusations the X lodged at me and our kids actually told me what behaviors he was or had been engaged in.

[@RobinEdwards-cr2mj]

He told everyone he "took care of me"...guess laying in bed all day on porno sites and never even finishing his own clothes or cooking dinner was taking care of me! 😢. He believes his lies too. All I can do is pray for him. I can't have him in my life anymore though. He's way too toxic for me.

[@antaratarocchitarot2780]

This lady is a life saver! Omg!!!!

[@moniqueteal7153]

I'm so exhausted from these projection and gaslighting attacks ... the manipulated attacks from everyone he sends to attack me ...the lies are so horrible !! As much as I understand that this is his issues but it hurts and taking the high road gets so old . I do pity him and feel sad for the whole situation 😞 😢💔💯‼️

[@micheledietrick265]

Please leave. I didn’t find peace and strength until I did.

[@cherrybacon3319]

He doesn't deserve your pity.

[@moniqueteal7153]

@micheledietrick265 I did and that's when he started the biggest smear campaign on the planet ( in my world) lies, attacks , court cases you name it ... he's manipulated some of my family friends and it's so hard forme to stay grey rock silent ... it's all very sad and so hard mentally emotionally 😪 I never really thought he would treat me this horribly. I'm out but still having to deal with him.

[@georgeharris7448]

Blessings, thank you! ✨️

[@TienLam-t6b]

I couldn't agree more with the phrase: "Let me tell you what you SHOULD FEEL like.."..😂😅It is like telling a 3 years old to go to the restrooms 🚻 to pees or 💩 while he doesn't feel ready to do so.. Period..

[@jenniferboggie8563]

My mom's go-to statement growing up: "I'm not arguing- you're arguing "

[@ShepVII]

16:11 One of my roommates/coworkers constantly says that he tells me things when he never does. He often says "you just cant remember" "you are so forgetful" " you are in denial, or you're lying" "do you ever forget anything?" I've been keeping track of our conversations at work and at the house or i straight up avoid the dude. Finally got him on recorder of making workplace threats of getting me kicked out or fired. However, terms of gaslighting the person says they told you something or something that happened when it never has and they push for you to accept their reality and events.

[@Chris-jo8tm]

My wife asked me why I don’t ask about her ex boyfriend. I responded without hesitation saying because I don’t care. That was the end of that. We have been together 7 years married for 4. What a stupid thing to ask a partner. Anyways got discarded about a month later lol. I’m a lot more aware to the bs now

[@doreenm8693]

Yes. I’ve been accused of everything they were guilty of. It is now that I am able to discern the truth.

[@sayusayme7729]

From childhood on, finally free 🦋 Thank you for all your incredible work. Too many people in powerful positions with an army of followers. Ring a bell 🛎️ It’s rampant 🇨🇦💥

[@jrr2045]

This was so incredibly difficult to deal with. He would deflect so quickly and so smoothly. He got me thinking that I was mean and crazy for being kinda mad he drove under the influence with kids in the car. Suddenly the focus was all on him being the victim of my emotions and the consequences of his crime were not ok because I apparently crossed his boundaries by needing space 😮 jesus...

[@mollykayramstack6193]

Yep! 100%! If we were arguing I would finally just stop and say okay you win I give up. Which he would then get more upset saying I'm not winning! Don't say that, I'm not winning! Omg, I am so glad to be out of that disaster because it was constant!

[@Thedisgardedoptimist]

Thanks Dr.R. Smack on timing, I really needed this today, I was just smashed by a very toxic person..Thank you..💜☮️

[@pmmac2382]

Projection! Love that I have this defined now. “You always right” makes sense now

[@keariewashburn4680]

They project the same ole shit for decades! Thats what is so stupid. And they never know what really went on during their " remembering " Then you give them the look of " you are really effed up" and you cant even respond witj the same ole truth to them. They never " get it" waste of time. I dont have to defend, explain, or study themn. Walk away with a smile.

[@Jennifer-dy8tz]

The one gaslighting phrase I have not heard you say yet is for the narcissist to start off a sentence with, "As we agreed, ..." as if we had discussed something and come to an agreement and he was just reminding me that I had agreed and was already going against our (of course, non-existent) agreement. Completely crazy-making.

[@carolannstevens5814]

I had abuse in church. The elder at the church kicked me out of his class for making another member “uncomfortable”! My “husband” told me to quit listening to you Dr. Ramani. He said I am the Narcissist! While I know he is and he is the one! I was conditioned.

[@Kot_Daphne]

Thank you, Dr Ramani!

[@traceymabee3314]

I love you Thanks for all your support !!!

[@truiebandy2054]

I just love your channel! Thank you. Just finally left after a 28 year marriage. I seemed to become so disassociated/disconnected. This is also during 2 years of weekly therapy. But being disconnected actually made me so sick. I'm dog/house sitting this week and last week on my old street and the sickness came back. Not grant it I just left in May this is 1st week of July, but my heart has begun to race again, can't breath, feeling lifeless and disconnected. My body's way of coping apparently. All I know is I'm ready to get back to my new apt!

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

Absolutely again I had to watch this over again. This is exactly what I've been doing playing the investigator in my own life. Who is doing all this to me. What happened to my mother's estate cause nothing makes sense. The inconsistencies, the confusion and the lying by omission. 32 criminal thinking errors..

[@mariyavaneva7149]

"You're arrogant." - whenever I was trying to advocate for myself. If I expressed needs, I was directly declared to be "needy." It took me years to understand myself that I was not needy, rather I had normal unmet needs and when I addressed that, saying that all people have natural normal needs, I received the following sarcastic reaction: "Me, me, me, me... my needs, my needs" (as though he was giving the "real meaning" behind my words "we all have needs").

[@pinkpearlx]

You look beautiful, Dr. Ramni and I like that shade of lipstick on you. Been watching your videos almost 5 years now and it’s been a blessing😊

[@caseybirgitta-skoog5532]

I have a friend who definitely needs to see this video.

[@DominieRobinson]

It blows my mind how much real harm Damage these people can do, to careers, relationships, interpersonal relationships, reputations in the community, etc. how many people had their Lives, Careers, Marriages, reputations in their Community DESTROYED, by a vindictive, jealous, gaslighting manipulater ? It seems all of society is Shot Thru with this

[@disco_b1465]

When gaslighter is faced with facts , they get really pissed off and respond "whatever".

[@user-fk5jk9cn1c]

Used to hear: I have to be this way to toughen you up. It worked. Just not the way she thought.

[@LKnaus123]

Here’s a classic: “What the hell is wrong with you??!!” Uhhh…YOU?!!! 😅 which would be the correct answer for future reference!

[@caughtnwebb4819]

Sheesshhhh this the one!!!

[@fearless-xz8vn]

Dr Ramani I like listening to you.. because every word you speak is true and everything you say is what my narcissistic ex did and say and you express it just the same as how they would for real it's like god sent you to be my therapist 😅😅😅 I love your videos..

[@ginkgo2021]

Did I get the definitions correct? The discard speech: "I did say we would travel together after the vacation cabin was built (gaslighting) but you have always been angry (projection) since you had those failed pregnancies 25 years ago (rationalization). NOBODY likes you (gaslighting). My buddy said I don't have to deal with your anger (projection + triangulation). That's why I am filing for divorce tomorrow (rationalization)."

[@rossanderson5243]

I had a narcissistic leader. The saddest thing for me is, a lady whom was leaving said to me that it was fantastic working with me and I didn’t trust her and kept quiet and she repeated it and I said I heard you and carried on working and she said loudly to someone whom she knew was like a mouthpiece to the leader Goodbye saying her name. I wish I could take that back. These leaders make fools of everybody. I wish I dealt with this leader because he destroyed many lives, even the ones in the triangle.

[@MARIAVPGOMEZ]

thank you Doc for your endless colaboration and help, the channels where you are sharing this information are increasing, we are blessed to have you. I thought i was a bad person and a failuire. i thought i was crazy. GOD BLESS YOU

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

I worked under this environment coming in to Sharis Restaurant as an Assistant Manager in training over one Manager. The first night I walked in and met the staff she was already gathering with the other employers one by one whispering and talking about me. She told everyone I was the new Manager. Not the Manager in Training. Then no one started training me and from the beginning she told her eyes at me while looking at an employee with grunts and groans. Every attempt to make me look stupid. It was a very uncomfortable environment from day one. I went through a 6 month training at Stanfords Restaurant that was so professional. Step by step from the Hostess stand and reservation desk to the profit and loss system that showed when guest flow went up and guest flow went when it started to go down, every aspect of it was taught by an amazing GM names Lori Anderson at the Stanfords in Lake Oswego. Leaving and going to another store wasn't as great. So yes one store in the restaurant hospitality industry can have a huge difference and a huge impact on your own success. One person within a company can create a horrible environment.

[@kouritasvonkafthor468]

In my lectures to business executives and students I have often referred to your approaches to narcissists. I recognize the tragic effects of Narcissists behavior on the people around them which can bring them to the brink of mental and physical exhaustion. But it is possible that some of these victims are victims of their own choices, when while they saw the negative characteristics of these Narcissists from the beginning, they chose consciously or not to ignore them, focusing on what the Narcissists offered them (conditional Love) So they were trapped in a dead-end relationship that comes at a heavy price. This is an unpopular topic so I haven't seen it covered. But this is part of a reality. From the beginning, one should focus on the important characteristics of the person's personality which are behind the masks that each time someone wears and if you love the person behind his masks, this love will be eternal and unyielding as pointed out by Apostle Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians

[@mmmariiia]

Thank you so much for your incredible work, Doc. ❤

[@Kari-w5v]

Yeah, they did a doozie and I now hate my parents, thanks alot, there is no fixing that and I can't honor that. They kicked the love out of me. Thanks.

[@rebaburn2677]

OMG so true! I can't believe how you know exactly what he does

[@smunguia83]

My husband so favorite tactic is changing the subject to avoid answering questions. He also loves to tell me I cause all the problems and everything is my fault, but if I repeatedly ask for specific examples of what I’ve done wrong, he can’t answer.

[@tiffanybowers3294]

My friend and I were talking about this the other day 😂 It's funny how all the problems are someone else's fault, but not their fault. I was bipolar 😐

[@christinaleonard7619]

"You have a warped perception of everything ", " Get yourself help before you destroy this family ".

[@RobinEdwards-cr2mj]

I finally had enough (have cancer, and I'm sure it was contributed by YEARS of abuse), and he intentionally continued to hurt me by slandering me of FB and lying to other family members! I tried for years for him to contact his dad but he wanted nothing to do with his dad. After I got fed up and blocked him and all his flying monkeys he became best friends with his dad! Im just glad he's out of MY life.

[@willemkoppier4540]

The thing said to me the most, especially when I wanted to have an adult discussion about her behaviour was (the dutch word is Overheersend) "You are so predominant" "Je bent zo overheersend"

[@Sarah-Arlow]

I got told 'You have a chip on your shoulder'. I just stated some facts (not opinions even though I'm entitled to my opinion like anyone else) and they clearly didn't like me stating the facts. They tried to triangulate, they projected, made accusations, gaslit - every trick in the narcissist's book and I just kept telling them to leave as I had no interest in talking to them. Eventually they did. It was hard not to completely lose it with all the lies and accusations coming out of their mouth. Haven't saw them since. When I mentioned it to someone they said it sounded like I won anyway because why else would they have said that I have a chip on my shoulder.

[@lucasjharr6]

Thanks so much! This is medicine for the soul.

[@darinsmith2458]

I have watched a few of your videos and I am starting to comment.. I do follow others that talk about Narcissism and it is really nice to have a lot of different perspectives..

[@MaryB-tx2xq]

My mother “I don’t know what’s the matter with you, I’m always so cheerful in the mornings”, not true, she wasn’t but also I’d just been diagnosed with depression and anxiety

[@IngridAlviachi-mj3me]

Iv been having this happen to me for years it’s crazy I lost my mind for such a long time I snapped back on and saw everything for what it is

[@narrochwen]

omg yesterday my mom did most of those things. after i told her how i felt of how she treated me. she said most of those things. she even said i need therapy but she will never go to therapy. also decided why i am no longer letting her to push me around. she tries to tell me what to do when it comes to parenting my child and i never ask for help.

[@shaaguilar03]

He left me,I thought that was it.. he left me because I wasn't able to give him that absolute control over me.. (he is very honest to what he wanted from me.) Then he called me asking me if I want him back. Then I said yes because I really love him, and the he ask me to give him reason why he should get back..

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

Gaslighting in the world place is real and since I left I had heard rumors that HR had heard too many complaints and went in and pretending to be guests watched her for awhile and she has since finally been fired. Too late for me but great for future staff.

[@dottyp137]

You think you’re better than everyone else…. Anybody heard that one? I know plenty of narcissistic people accusing me of that. I didn’t have a scrap of self esteem at the time. Baffling. I think it’s because you would not do what they easily can. My neighbor used to say to me‘you’re only doing that because you’re trying to be better than everyone else’ …. Because I was keeping my garden nice, I’ve always loved gardening, it used to be my therapy, he turned it into a nightmare. His garden was immaculate…. I had no idea what his problem was for 20 years he abused me, for gardening, cleaning my windows, cleaning my house, decorating, getting a better job, my children graduating. The list is endless. It was like I was in a coercive relationship with him and his wife , every time I opened my door they were there, I swear they spent their entire life listening for me to open the door 😁(she would back him up and blame me no matter how egregiously he behaved, in fact by the end of it she was abusing me just as much. I think that made it doubly confusing, two people gaslighting me) She used to say to me, omg what are you doing, don’t you know you’re not supposed to clean in the summer, get a life! Get a life was her favourite ( the irony, their noses constantly in what I’m doing, and it’s me who needs to get a life)But the whole time it was going on, whenever they wanted to be civil I was supposed to be nice and if I wasn’t ( not rude but maybe short, more avoidant) there’s something wrong with me, more gaslighting, try to call them out, gaslighting 🤷‍♀️. His favourite insult was to tell me I’m crazy. He would literally start a conversation up with me just so he could insult me. Example: Hi darling how’s the dog ( who was under the vet because he had hurt his leg) Me: ahhh he’s okay it’s up and down depending on the day. Him’ there’s nothing wrong with him he’s just crazy like you and the rest of your family ( who he had never met 🤷‍♀️) They literally destroyed my mental and emotional health Couldn’t make this 💩 up 😕 Or and just to add. They didn’t have an immaculate garden because they themselves worked on it, they had a gardener. I think work is a dirty word for them.

[@Hatbox948]

Wow. I hope this isn't still going on. That's extreme harassment.

[@dottyp137]

@@Hatbox948 it really was bad. By the end of it I didn’t think I could come back from it. But once understood what was happening ( finding out about manipulation and narcissism) I stopped interacting with them. They then ran a smear campaign and I found out who was being fake all along 🤷‍♀️. That was pretty upsetting but I already knew it was probably going to happen so I wasn’t surprised by it at least. They even tried to turn my own son in law against me, which even he said was bizarre. But their flying monkeys have all moved away and nobody really speaks to them anymore. I just keep myself to myself. They still throw me looks and act like the offended parties, and for about year they tried to cause me problems, vandalism and the like but that stopped once I installed cameras. The other thing I think was so confusing about it all , is their ‘pillar of the community’ act. You know I got the impression they were really decent people when I first moved in. And they were older than me so I had instant respect for them. The woman presents like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. She’s vicious. I tried to speak to them you know to work out why they were doing it, if there was a problem with me, but they just behaved like they didn’t know what I was talking about and everything was normal. I’ve learned what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and tbh it put me on the path to healing a lot of trauma that I had from my childhood…… it’s all divine in the end 🤷‍♀️.

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

They're the ones who need help, obviously! That's so sick on their part. What are they gaining besides a false sense of superiority. 😊❤ I hope somehow this can be resolved by authorities.

[@dottyp137]

@@pamwhitehouse5961 yep I think that’s exactly what they were gaining. Their loss I would have done anything for them 🤷‍♀️. Don’t worry I’m a different person now. Sometimes I think maybe they were angels. I was so confused about people before, they weren’t the first abusers I’d come across, but I guess I was in a position where I couldn’t get away easily, which was my strategyin the past 🙈. It taught me a lot and honestly I needed to learn that lesson because I just kept coming across people like that ( probably not as bad), plus I had had quite an abusive childhood, so I always thought it was something to do with me. But no matter how nice I was, or how much I changed myself it kept happening …. You know probably been there yourself, I imagine, if you’re here. It lead me to a better understanding of the world and the people in it, not everybody has a better side we can bring out. It was absolutely awful and it also set me free. Thank you for your comment. I hope your situation also has a silver lining x