What they DON'T TELL YOU about healing after a narcissistic relationship

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@youngblood8540]

I think the 1.47 million of us should get together and start our own little country. 😅

[@Owlyuhu]

Haha with a lot of green in between

[@riddhidharaiya5032]

Good idea 👍💡

[@CowgirlKim]

If only, so tired of trying to connect with people who don’t or can’t understand because they too are on the spectrum of worldwide narcissism

[@Chaeyoungsblossoms]

Nice idea...

[@tinydancer62]

We should. No one who has not been in a narcissist relationship or has experience working with people in narcissist relationships understands us.

[@youngblood8540]

Never forget how the narcissist made you feel, in your darkest days.

[@tinydancer62]

Thank you for saying this. I need to write this on Post-Its and put it everywhere I can see it. I ended a 4 year relationship with a narcissist 2 weeks ago. I wouldn't wish the pain and loneliness I went through during those 4 years on anyone. Part of me feels relieved to have finally broken free. But another part of me is struggling. I don't understand why I still, at times, want to reach out to him after all that he put me through.

[@kryssysmith1486]

That's why I keep the stuff they wrote to me, so I remember WHY I'm not talking to them.

[@BMotz-ym1fn]

Really good advice!

[@tinydancer62]

@@kryssysmith1486 I should have been better about writing down all the things he said and did for 4 years. I will write as much as I can remember and re-read it when I struggle.

[@kryssysmith1486]

@@tinydancer62 don't beat yourself up over not recording or writing down anything, we're all human beings and we learn something new everyday. For me i was taught as a teenager to write everything down (I do have a disability so it does make it a bit easier for me to write everything down to remind myself). I personally for my sanity journal everyday, it's my meditation it's where i can process things, I fill up about two notebooks per year just on my journaling alone. I have trouble actually verbally expressing a lot of things just because of the way I was brought up. My journal speaks for me. That's just one coping mechanism that I have. Whatever coping mechanisms you have that are working for you, I will say this, with the healthy coping mechanisms you don't want to abandon them. Find something that works for you it could be colouring like I said journaling for myself it could be reading it could be anything fill in the blank.

[@reenasommer2797]

I’m a therapist who just got out of a 31+ year relationship with a narcissist. I feel as if I’m reborn and finally recognize myself again.

[@aveniciolopez2428]

Do you listen to Dr Ramani’s podcast, Navigating Narcissism?? Good stuff!!!

[@naturalist369]

I'm so happy for you & proud of you too ! I am in this transformation process now🙏🏼😇🕊️ Wonderful to love ourselves freely with self compassion for Divine purpose & creation ❤️‍🔥🎶💃⚡🌟🌠💫

[@Krissstiine]

Are you a person centred therapist? Do you ‘believe’ in labels?

[@TR-nv3if]

All of these scenarios were described exactly!

[@foxyauragems6146]

Scary the people we go to for therapy are being abused in the same 😮

[@michelleeven24]

Hi community! Just cried in the first 4 minutes of this video. I am sorry we have something in common but I hope you are okay!

[@mariannebrouillette4301]

hey hun, sending you a big hug :)

[@sonrieamenudo]

🤗🤗🤗from me to you. I am crying too.

[@houseofrosesnthedark8875]

Baby girl that cry is the most healthiest thing you can ever do. I'm proud of you and I'm cheering for you in your journey. We have each other. God bless 🇯🇲❤️🇯🇲

[@michelleeven24]

Ohhh wow you guys are lovely!!! Thank you so much and love and hugs to you all. Happy healing

[@Anima_1.1]

Over more hug coming your way! If it seems dark and hopeless... have a bit of faith in what is to come. You'll get to the other side. Come on, get your chin up, even if it is just a bit :)

[@kathibeatty7948]

I am lonelier with him than I am when I am home alone. It’s earth shattering.

[@kathibeatty7948]

I just realized from this that my father was a heavy narcissist. I always felt like I was the only person in the world as a child.

[@starfoxloves]

Me too! I told my husband about a year ago that I felt more alone sitting on the couch with him than I did during lockdown when I was here by myself for days on end. He told me no part of that was true. That's when I knew something was deeply wrong. Thank goodness for this channel and others like it! 🙏

[@ligianeanza412]

100%

[@MichaelTaylor-gt2ge]

I hear you so much!

[@donnacox3475]

I hate the loneliness 😢

[@reneemorgan3144]

As a child, I was scapegoated because I was the "truth teller" and questioned my covert narcissistic mother. That set me up for alot of self sabotaging, self gaslighting, isolating behaviors. Due to cultural and societal expectations, I stayed quiet most of my life. I'm now healing openly after decades of abuse. No longer ashamed or shamed for my truth.🙏🏽💜

[@janinephillip1923]

@Reneemorgan3144 I am sorry you went through this... Unfortunately for us both... what you said was word for word what I went through. My father used to beat my mother.. Even when she was pregnant with me. I hate I understand this.. that's why I am sorry you and anyone else understand the pain these fucks inflict on innocent children who can't even defend themselves!. It's predation.. is some of the worst on the planet!.

[@janinephillip1923]

I am only now allowing myself to heal.. openly and freely. I know, they would've rather me dead than heal from this. But fuck everyone!. You can heal from this... n so can I!!!.

[@user-zw3eu8rq5n]

❤ yep that was me 😢😮 you nail 💅 Everytime thank u for the validation

[@JB-js4ir]

You’ve taken the words directly from my mouth, saves me from being repetitive. Thank you for sharing and making me feel heard. Hope you have a peaceful day, I’m going to take a sound therapy moment as I need to compose myself from these tears…

[@ecastillo168]

I completely resonate with everything you said. 100% my story.

[@Alright70]

Damn.. when you said, “narcissistic relationships are a loss of innocence “ couldn’t be more profound.

[@mikejarrells431]

Thanks. I'm trying to heal, but now I see toxicity/red flags everywhere. I'm self isolating. Healthy people are hard to find.

[@CowgirlKim]

Me too. Right! They are just everywhere and I can’t seen to find anyone who isn’t hypercritical and self absorbed 😞😡

[@Chrisy0850]

Same here.. I lost trust in people and after I educated myself about Npd I have disconnected from toxic persons in my life.. So, it's a bit lonely at the moment

[@sloeterhuus]

so true! when i look back i can now finally admit on how much of trust and love i gifted UNCONDITIONALLY to absolute sadistic freaks! every fart in the wind i could smalltalk, compliment and befriend, whilst they are just talking trash and being awful to this day. will i ever be that generous again? hell no, got me the problems of my life, resulting in my ex narcissistic abuser! I do not even want friends anymore at this point. my age they just think and talk about sex and drugs, as far as i experience. thx no.

[@Jessilavender]

Same boat. i know in time we will attract healthy people to us.

[@bereal6590]

@@ccdm515 so true, there seems to be more toxic people than decent people

[@hylaroo5]

You're absolutely right, Dr. Ramani. I recently tried to describe my abuse to a normal couple and it is like describing madness to a sane person (which really...it *IS*! It's hard for the average person to get a handle on how difficult narcissistic abuse is without them ever experiencing it.

[@TheKrispyfort]

It's an absolute alien concept to some

[@alicianunez21]

I know the feeling, I thought I was going crazy.

[@triciadreas9835]

​@alicianunez21 that is exactly what they want you to think. 😮

[@Gladiator_in_a_Suit]

Oh my God, relatable. I felt like I fell from a twilight zone--especially when trying to describe it to my husband--the only way he could get it was seeing me reach multiple breaking points where I was attempting to erase myself. It truly is something only another person who experienced it as well--can understand. Thank you for sharing this!🙏🏾 I’m still healing but the aftermath is indeed demons I have to deal with on my own as many do not get it.

[@hylaroo5]

@@Gladiator_in_a_Suit You very welcome! These KZbin seminars by Dr. Ramani (and others) have been a godsend. I listen to at least three per day to help reassure myself that we are *not* alone. There's lots of us out there! Wishing you the peace you deserve!

[@Kissawolf22]

“Knowing the difference between empathy and mimicry” this needs a video! So confusing for us that are deeply authentic and empathetic. It’s like I taught him all the words and ways, but they are hollow

[@KoolT]

Actors

[@finneykewa]

Seriously - I think not knowing the difference continues the problem of isolation since the empath then has to spend time figuring out whether the person is trying to be helpful or not.

[@LoveBeliefTruth]

Interesting. I still perceive it better than just negleting all together. I feel it better that dissapearing out of reach, pretending not to hear, total blankness, or change of subject on to the narcissist and their interests. Struggled compassion is better for me than that total vacuum.

[@houseofrosesnthedark8875]

Yup little pretty liars. Smh in the bible it says people that follow God's words will be hated by the world. And the devil loves to come as an angel of light. They will lie to get your guard down but when it's too far into the rabbit while you see the horror of them and it's hard to rebuild yourself from them. Got to heal and grieve and let it go. You're stronger. I've been alone for five years this October. No dates no real friends nothing just me and God. And I absolutely love it. I'd rather be by myself and can love others the way God loves me than to chase after people who are not supposed to be in my circle. Family included. It's hard but the progress and growth is so so worth it God knows when to put the right people on my path and when it does it will be healthy. I just know to work on myself my cleaning business and when I do have a hang out crew I'm not bleeding all over them due to unhealed pain. God bless guys we got this. Heal and we are in each other's corner. Sending love from my Jamaican flavored breadfruit roasting roots 🇯🇲❤️🇯🇲

[@finneykewa]

I hadn’t thought about it that way. Do you make a distinction between mimicry and mirroring? IMO, mimicry is like a photocopy, whereas mirroring is a reflection. The reflection can be accurate or not- I would hope a real friend would give me feedback in the form of an accurate reflection. Where as mirroring I see as a form of laziness- they don’t want to self reflect so they copy someone else’s inner life. Or worse, just tell their “friend” what is convenient. Now I’m hungry lol

[@rosemaryclarke2348]

The biggest thing is confused; you don't really know what is right or wrong half of the time.

[@hopeshavewings]

So so so true. I can't tell I thought I was going mad at one point. I am always so confused.

[@racebannon96]

Standard Operating Procedure for a narcissist...confusion.

[@rogerwhoareyou]

You are absolutely right. I have been going through this for a while now. Until finally starting therapy, both personal and couples, I never really knew what it was, I just knew that it didn't seem right. Couples therapy did not help and my wife decided to quit going. So far, she has already threatened to quit going to personal therapy a couple of times already. Just earlier this week, she let it slip in a rage that the therapist has dropped her and will no longer be willing to see her. I feel beyond confused, concerned, sad and lost. I just don't know how to fix things, how to try and make things better. From my own personal therapy sessions, part of me knows that I can't keep going on like this. But another part of me is so desperate to try. I just don't know anymore.

[@Beachnut81]

It's very difficult when you start second guessing everything you do, but this time they have beat you down so far you have no confidence anymore. Stay strong peps!! I am also preaching to myself btw

[@rosemaryclarke2348]

@@rogerwhoareyou All that you can do is strip it down and remember, really remember what is the most important thing for you, the thing that makes you, you and go towards that regardless of anything else; I'm doing that, it's hard but it's working. You have to think of you.

[@sushmayen]

Initially when I left him I felt lonely but after healing process i feel being alone is a wonderful thing

[@duaneh1973]

You are so right.

[@tinydancer62]

I hope this is how I will eventually feel.

[@lindamceachron]

I too felt lonely after leaving, and felt as though I had no purpose in life. Now after 9 week of no contact and therapy I am beging to find myself. I'm rather enjoy my me time.

[@tinydancer62]

@@lindamceachron That's encouraging to hear. It's only been 2 weeks for me.

[@kimberlybrungardt2714]

❤

[@juliadplume3097]

Not only do they ruin your innocence, they waste your time.

[@realliving7340]

That's the hardest part for me😞

[@angelpardee2929]

This started for me from a narcissistic Mother. The poem I'm going to leave here is from a unknown author but describes me. I left when I was 15 but have been stuck in this horrible narcissistic loop. I am 53 and have a whole pile of narcissistic people I have had to leave behind. I basically kept Grey rocking people but had no idea why I had to keep leaving people in the dust until 2016 when I learned what a narcissist even was. Now I've been in therapy for 7 years. Anyways here's the poem “She sat at the back and they said she was shy, She led from the front and they hated her pride, They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance, They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence, When she shared no ambition they said it was sad, So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad, They told her they'd listen, then covered their ears, And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears, And she listened to all of it thinking she should, Be the girl they told her to be best as she could, But one day she asked what was best for herself, Instead of trying to please everyone else, So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees, She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves, She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine, And she told them what she'd been told time after time, She told them she felt she was never enough, She was either too little or far far too much, Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak, Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek, Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs, And she stopped...and she heard what the trees said to her, And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave, For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe" Unknown Resonating

[@soniahathaway1]

That is an astounding poem, thank you for sharing! ❤

[@rubysilver3299]

The poem is by Becky Hemsley.

[@angelpardee2929]

​​​@@rubysilver3299thank you for helping me give the author credit. I cried when I read it because it described me perfectly ! It's like I wrote it or she wrote it for me. I saved it so I could figure out in the future if I was actually healing or not. God Bless you and I wish you nothing but happiness..

[@mday3821]

That was amazing and it explained my family and how they saw me. Thank you for sharing.

[@rachelsalmon9875]

Love this definitely can resonate with this and my narcissistic mother and childhood its refreshing to read this from a place of healing where I am now finally breathing. Thank you for sharing this amazing poem

[@nothing55rk]

Dr. Ramani is a gift for all of us!!!

[@AM-cg2sg]

'You don't have to talk to your friends about then'...is the key. It really helps not to expose oneself to people who have no clue how difficult it is to be around narcs.

[@dhonnadureza9744]

agree

[@jalasword]

For 18 years I have lived a double life. I'm myself with my friends. At "home", I grey rock. When the insults come I go into my head. Telling myself, "you know this is just drunken bullshit. Don't feed into it. And, don't believe it!". I thought that I had it mastered. Then last March he left. I didn't understand why I was in such a panic. It was exactly what I had wanted. Legally he had just handed me everything. But, I couldn't believe that he had abandoned me. I was doing everything that he expected of me. Since there's no communication, he would never tell me what I was doing wrong. He'd get drunk and project his faults onto me. I have my own faults. And the ones he was listing weren't mine. It was like he knew what I was thinking about him. And would say it to me. Now I feel so stupid. Because I am paralyzed when it comes to filing for the divorce. I haven't understood my response to the situation. Until I found these videos. Yet, I still can't file for divorce. I know that I am going to regret not doing it. My brain wants to get moving. But on the day I was going to the courthouse, I literally slept through all of my alarms. It's insane how destroyed my mental health has become.

[@chereeburtner4659]

I was married to an expert narcissist for 20 years. Stuck 500 miles from family and feeling no way out. I finally realized I would rather live in a box in the woods than be married to him. I had no money, borrowed some for a divorce. 3 years later and thousands of dollars and pain, mental and physical, I got out. It was the most freeing experience of my life. It took many years to heal. I am still healing. But, life is so much better ❤

[@dianed5193]

The neglectful narc would sit with his back to me and play on his computer. Would not say anything. So lonely. Out 3 years and finally finding new wonderful friends. Life is so much better!! Its never too late. ❤

[@Just-singing11]

Now afterwards I can see how lonely and isolated I was during my relationship with a narcisist. I so much wanted the world to believe how good we were together and at that time I would have felt ashamed telling others about what I really experienced.. I can see all of that now very clearly..

[@LoveBeliefTruth]

Excatly this 😢

[@talilaurie]

Totally true. I just gave up. Everywhere you go you see narcisists on the lidership and people around taking their orders and pleasing him. It doesn't matter if it is at work, in a church, with friends and family. I just don't want to hangout and see this pattern repeating over and over again.

[@HaleyMary]

This! During my five year relationship with my then boyfriend, I didn't have much time to spend with friends because while it was a long distance relationship, he wanted to skype most evenings and I lost touch with so many people. It was only after that relationship ended that I made lots of new friends and found happiness again in my friendships. I also found that he wasn't very good at talking about real life stuff and just wanted to talk about mythology and movies all the time. I actually feel more emotional connection to my friends than I ever did in my relationship. A lot of my friends don't know how miserable I was during the end of the relationship and they thought I was going too fast if I accepted a simple coffee date. They didn't understand that I spent years without real emotional connection and didn't have a real conversation with anyone for years.

[@AE-kv4lu]

Omg same. No one will ever know how bad it was. Only a portion of it

[@sherriflemming3218]

I would rather be alone, than alone in two.

[@RiverAngel312]

I do look back at myself (from 5 years ago) pre-relationship. I see a strong woman who was excited about life & future. I’m ashamed of who I became (submissive, walking on eggshells, changed my personality without knowing it was happening). I ended the 5 year relationship 12 weeks ago. Starting to find myself again slowly but still find myself feeling ashamed at times around my family, since they tried to warn me for at least 3 years that something didn’t seem right with my relationship situation.

[@lynncohen1297]

The narcissist I live with has been away for a month, and I have very much enjoyed being alone here. It is so true that living with someone who creates loneliness is much worse than living alone.

[@maggiemay8622]

So true, when I was married to him I looked forward to when he was out of town. It was so peaceful, and after time it became the way I wanted to be all the time. Then I left… the healing continues ❤️❤️with peace.

[@SlabCityLibertarianAssembly]

Ran away when I was 14. I was forced back when I was 30. I'm 38, locked in a trailer in solitary in the middle of the desert with no way out and no one to help. My bodies finally giving in and now I can't even walk from the pain. Now I'm just waiting for the pain to take me, shutdown my heart or the built up rage to eat me "alive". Death would be a relief. RUN if you can AND NEVER allow yourself to be reliant on one of these monsters. They will convince the world they're a Saint and you are Satan in the flesh.

[@conniemythen4815]

I don't what to say. I pray you can find a way to escape. Love and healing energy to you. You are important and deserve only the best.

[@summerhall7289]

You MUST notify law enforcement.

[@brittanyboyer8131]

Thank you Dr. Ramani. For a lot of us, you were the first person to 'understand' Our struggles. Just having one person validate what's happened to you is a good start on the path to escape and recovery.

[@TheVideoGamer32]

When I first heard it would be difficult to heal from being raised by two narcissistic parents, I thought, “of course it’ll be hard to talk about what had happened”. I was not prepared for how difficult it would be to actually FEEL what happened to me and to actually FEEL how it affects me now. It’s very difficult, but it surprising feels great that I’m doing what’s right FOR ME.

[@Chrisy0850]

I feel exactly like you,wow.. It's nice when someone puts into words what exactly is your own feelings and thoughts.. I know now I'm not alone with this burden

[@erikavaleries]

Exactly. I numbed myself naturally my whole life

[@DeborahOlander]

Yes. This. There is profound pain in Recognizing that you were never loved, supported, nurtured and truly never really had a family. On the other hand, it made me strong and independent but I still feel the void of what I thought was a loving family. The brainwashing is real.

[@zamyrabyrd]

Been there, done that.

[@BonesAndButtons]

I can relate. This is what I'm trying to learn, how to feel my feelings. The narcs and the enablers shame you for having a normal human reaction to mistreatment. I have to keep telling myself "You are allowed to have feelings."

[@AM-cg2sg]

'Use your SILENCE as your strength'. Thank you Doc. This is true. Engaging with narcs is a huge mess while we are healing or after we are healed.

[@swatiahuja7758]

Dr Ramani , when you say , "You are not alone," I broke and I can't stop the crying. Thank you.

[@ILoveMyLittleBoyDog]

I discovered your channel when I reached the lowest point in my hellish marriage. Finally a light in the dark! I have never felt such profound loneliness as when I was married to my narcissistic ex husband. I was depressed and was on various medication to help with depression and anxiety. Now that I'm single, I enjoy my life. I am most happy in my own company and live by my own rules. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani.

[@JasonMiller-dk8ty]

Started watching these gradually, now multiple times daily. You are describing my last 14 years like you know me. I'm waking up, you are literally saving my life, thank you

[@rosemaryclarke2348]

It's hard to keep going; my mum made sure that we dressed well, were warm and fed and played with us as in picking up pieces of jigsaw and putting them in without talking. She looked after me with food and taking me out when I had the head accident and attended launch parties when a book sold but she always made sure that I knew how useless she felt me to be. It was just duty and being the best at what she did, hard to understand but I get it now. I'm happier now she's gone; I can watch what I want on TV and laugh without being told to stop that noise or cry without being told that it was only a play, I can eat what I like and even decorate without someone frowning it's wonderful!🎉

[@RockyMtnBaby]

I get it

[@naturalist369]

Much Gratitude Dr. Ramani! We keep Faith in our Divine Everpresent Love Energy Being True to Ourselves & Our Creator ❤️‍🔥 Invite ArchAngel Azrael for working through the grief & loss to transform ANEW our inner Joy & Bliss 🙏🏼😇🕊️

[@biondna7984]

You nailed it, Dr.Ramani: being married to someone who couldn't empathize with me at all, was the iciest loneliness I've ever known. Eight years with my late second husband, a healthy man, was a joyous contrast. Now that I'm on my own again, it's lonely, yes, but peaceful. And my brother with whom I live, understands what I endured. I'm alone, but seen and known.

[@elishatrue]

I can totally relate. This is all new to me. I caught on to my husband's pattern & stopped playing into his games. He left & I filed for divorce yesterday. Now I need to find a therapist & support groups.

[@angelawebb8331]

Me to

[@angelawebb8331]

​@elishasantiago1096 I totally get it. I'm dying inside and so confused what's real and what's not. Going from beating myself up to thinking I'm crazy, to relieved, and being exposed to triggers constantly . It's so awful

[@elishatrue]

​@@angelawebb8331It gets easier. Ur literally addicted to them. It took 4 months to stop "craving" him. My life has drastically improved 😊 Stay strong!

[@marykathrynstone1935]

I definitely was lonely during my 20+ years of marriage, and it became even more acute during our separation and divorce process. But I needed time, more time than I realized, to regain a sense of myself, and now that the legal battles have finally ended several years later, I'm discovering who I am. I'm learning to enjoy and appreciate myself and to stop criticizing my quirks and foibles. I have a small community of supportive friends but have pleasantly discovered that in spite of recently becoming an empty-nester, I am enjoying my own company for the first time without that sad sense of loneliness. Comfortable solitude instead of crippling loneliness is freeing.

[@trudiegordon6327]

Yes we think being on your own is loneliness but it is not. I actually find being on my own comfortable and no one is hurting me. Says it all. I have plenty to do and there is the issue of trust with other people and not everyone has the best intentions for us like ourselves.

[@serendipity0775]

True. Comfortable solitude instead of crippling loneliness, despite/ in the presence of someone around is the worst.

[@InvisibleBorderline]

You’ve been married so long, don’t throw it all away… I was dying a slow death of a thousand papercuts.

[@lornajwebb]

That's sounds just as painful as it no doubt was 🤗

[@RockyMtnBaby]

The most profound thing I’ve learned since uncovering narcissistic abuse is the fact that the majority of abusers are actually mirroring who WE are back to us while actively love bombing (whether they are consciously aware of it or not). The important thing is to be aware of what we are witnessing!

[@Gladiator_in_a_Suit]

Yes! It’s quite scary actually! Especially when they are wearing our real personality like a costume with other people and we know that that’s not who they really are at home. I’ve seen my mom do this growing up and as a child it was odd to me, because she doesn’t laugh and always seems angry, so to see her laughing and giggling with strangers it’s strange and bizarre.

[@willemijn3059]

Woow! Thanks, this is a really helpful insight in my process right now..

[@RosyFdz]

I was completely alone as a kid, I didn’t have someone to hear me or look out for my best interest ❤ For the longest time I thought I was defective for having emotions, turns out it was never my fault I was never heard or understood

[@eschretz5363]

Never heard anyone else voice having felt this way, but I did too.

[@katydid594]

Same happened to me as a kid, and it’s an awful way to grow up.

[@coriettapadilla9977]

When I chose to stay I was told I needed to forgive and move on. Even when I was in the darkest part of my life I just felt like I needed to get over it. Sometimes I feel so lonely because I chose what I chose. I couldn't talk with anyone about it. I still feel that way. I still feel isolated at times. I finally learned how to grieve and I don't isolate as much. I miss the days where things didn't change because I feel like people enjoyed being around me. I am still planning my out but I always wished I had better support. I grew up in a family where I was just taught to forgive and move on I will be fine. But it is not that easy. Especially when I need to vent and when I am hurting. I have tried to talk about it with my family but the subject is changed very quickly.

[@reneemorgan3144]

Young lady...each day that you wake up..remember that YOU ARE WORTHY AND IMPORTANT!!! There are many people that have relatives like this. I'm one of those. Keep finding videos and groups with this topic. I promise. Life gets better. Blessings on your journey 🙏🏽💜

[@coriettapadilla9977]

@@reneemorgan3144 😪Thank you so very much for the encouragement. I really needed it this morning. Blessings to you as well in your life's journey 🙏 💜💜

[@tinazapata1379]

The only person you need to forgive is yourself. I say this because I blamed myself for being in my relationship. But we are not accountable for it. We didn't sign up for this abuse. I wish you the best on your journey. We all have each other.

[@coriettapadilla9977]

@tinazapata1379 That's very true. I try not to go over everything that I could have done because sometimes I just don't get it. But that's the thing I will never get it because my brain isn't wired like theirs. And I praise God for that. You are right we all have each other.

[@SkiSkateSmile]

For me it's been therapy therapy therapy ( rape crisis centre) , making friends, then I had to move to a different country out of reach of narc mother dearest, going no contact with her, so making Friends all over again, and this channel . Dr Ramani s videos have been incredibly helpful. Those have been my resources to get back on track. From lonely and just wanting to be alone, extremely socially awkward, depressed out of my mind, anxious, helpless, hopeless....to having a life and being genuinely happy. It's been a long road and I still have way to go, still in therapy, but it's like night and day. Complete freedom. Wishing you all the same ( or better :) ) freedom and fulfilment.

[@maevebutler4641]

@ skiskates It has been a similar experience for me Refuges with my children when they were kiddies Rape crises Centre Listening to DrRamini's videos have been hugely beneficial I would never have sought out a trauma focused therapist I never realised I was capable of going No contact which has enabled me to break free from that awful, almost addictive love - bombing cycle I will never ever break my No contact, its been the best decision of my life It took decades to finally break free from a dark malignant grandiose ex Years of isolation and years of the popular cultural belief of staying "with your husband, the father of your children" I did it anyway & was cut off & isolated for years of my babies lives I knew it was well past my expiry date to get out & stay out I joined a domestic violence therapy group & learned so much & made great friends, those women who had /were experiencing exactly the same as me I am still friends today with the facilitator of our group as my experiences were the worst & I had questioned my eligibility when I first started Thanks to that lady & DrRamini who make sense of that awful trauma bond , confusion & feelings of shame & a tempered like steel attitude when entering the court rooms for safety orders & finally the divorce I am a free woman where my adult children come back to visit a peaceful home A home where love & peace flourishes and the love & laughter of my grandchildren is music to my ♥ Still healing Thank you Dr.Ramini for all of your work and support to myself and this community 🎉

[@SkiSkateSmile]

@maevebutler4641 wow. I'm really sorry you had to go through all that. The freedom and being on the other side is definitely sweet. And appreciated. Because we know what the alternative is. My very best to you and the kiddos. Well done for making it through. You are one strong lady. Never forget that. Best wishes, gabriela

[@michellebeishline4657]

Isn't Dr. Ramani the best? She changes lives. ❤

[@SkiSkateSmile]

@@michellebeishline4657 true :)

[@FaithFashionFinances]

The loneliness comes when you have to go no contact aswell. There is grief in cutting ties but as the scapegoat I often felt alone in every situation ❤❤🙏

[@user-hh1lc8rm4b]

This channel and Dr Ramani has definitely been my safe space. Watching hours of these videos and just seeing the community here that actually understand just what I am going through has helped me pick myself up. Thank you so much! I hope everyone that comes around this community gets better. We got this!

[@sloeterhuus]

same ❤

[@lauren_WI]

Same here! Great comment

[@lilianfowler7988]

No, I can't because interact with her now she still rages at me when she can't control me. She is the eternal victim of a child who is now an adult. And she does it with anyone in her life. The fact that she is older makes it worse. What people don't understand it is how she treated me my whole life. Her weaponization of others against me my whole life. I remember her shaking me and raging at me as a child. Threatening me that I was unlovable and the world would hate and punish me. She demands forgiveness and the definition of it is she continues her rages and I have to listen and accept it. I am so done.

[@user-hh1lc8rm4b]

@@lilianfowler7988 Sending lot's of love to you Lilian. Remember, we can't keep forgiving the people who keep on hurting us. You are not crazy or insane or insensitive, you are a human who deserves to be treated with the respect you deserve ❤️

[@sylviaelizabethclarecholic2073]

❤🙋

[@sabrinarichards7007]

Dr. Ramani, He triggered me to the core. It was like I was shut out and had no voice . I left and it was a crazy recovery, however , like you said " you can be you again ! My behaviors through recovery are key to me because I am not alone . Thank you! God Bless you! I am wiser because of you !

[@jokendrick2124]

When trying to share what I was going through I was told repeatedly "You should be used to it by now. You know what to expect". I eventually just did everything alone. But as long as I can call someone and have my dog I'm good. I feel blessed I can live alone and relish in the peace and contentment it provides. I rarely feel lonely as long as I have my dog and a phone. I have long time friends I consider family now.

[@keithstewart7514]

Thanks to our dogs 🐶 love for us!!!

[@sunbeam9222]

They probably were referring to Einstein quote about how doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome is insanity.

[@hannahhughes4801]

My dog is a lifeline ❤

[@mamatitan5194]

I heard the same words repeatedly. Hold your pup tight, when mine passed I felt completely alone.

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

One of the best things anyone did for me after I had gotten out of my narcissistic relationship was when my mother, after I had been on a visit for a day, said to me “You’re you again! I’m glad!” Then she started to talk to me as I am now, after. Both of those things, the recognition that I hadn’t been the person she knew for a very long time, and that she was talking to a person she recognized, but who had grown and changed and was still doing it, were unbelievably important to me.

[@lindashort4016]

Oh my word! I've told my two daughters all my life that alone is not lonely. Lonely is sitting in a room with someone who claims to love you and you have no one to talk to or understands you!!! Thank you for supporting my opinion and feelings!!

[@altaerker5089]

My hero ... Dr. Ramani ... what would I have done without you! Considering the decades I spent slowly dieing from narcisistic abuse, I now feel alive and that I am healing at the speed of light! You switched that light on and I will be ever grateful dear heart ♥ God bless you for the enormous difference you have made in all our lives.XOXOXOXO

[@user-cy9in5ry9c]

Absolutely never lower my boundaries with him. He will see this as an opportunity to get back in. He is Chernobyl- toxic for 100 years

[@sillysop]

Chernobyl- brilliant!! Using that one

[@duaneh1973]

When I got wiser about the wife being a narcissist. She pickup on me being distant and not entertaining her crap! She took it to another level and brought up divorce and jumped on it and filed. She always used "we should get a divorce " in almost every argument. That was her way to manipulate me to do what she wanted me to do or act. Just got tired of...

[@MicheleLHarvey]

Me too! 30+ years of every disagreement ended by the threatened 'D' word.

[@TheKrispyfort]

Happy Divorce 🎉 It's not something that you casually throw at your spouse. I had a person divulge that they said "maybe we should get a divorce" at their wife and then he followed up with "I've never even thought such a thing before" and for some reason I commented "and yet you said it to her so easily". The conversation concluded soon afterwards. I'd like to warn her about what her husband is going to put her through but I can't

[@Laura-nl8df]

​@TheKrispyfort when he does...swoop in and enlighten her, if you can. It's so much worse when you don't know what this is.

[@jdaustin7073]

Same for me.. she screamed "I hate you, I want a divorce, I wish you were dead, and I'm cheating on you" so many times I had nightmares about it and growned my teeth down to nothing in my sleep. Then I caught her cheating and it was the last straw. It was always manipulation and abuse. After I set a date for divorce, now "she loves me". I was so blind until someone that just got out of a relationship like this helped wake me up. I'd stopped laughing and didn't have a sense of humor, gave up hobbies, gave up friends, and got abuse for it. I just wish I had kids with someone else.. my youngest is 4.. 14 more years of her trying to manipulate me through my kids. Ugh.

[@TheKrispyfort]

@@jdaustin7073 look at the literature about Parental Alienation under the attachment model by Dr CA Childress. His big message is that parental alienation is a child safety issue more than a child custody issue, and that Target Parents have additional burdens of being mindful to not fall into the traps set by their co-parent. Suggestion: get all the kids DNA paternity tested even if purely for your own peace of mind. My kids' dad did this without my knowledge under the encouragement of my MIL but I don't mind because he and the kids are entitled to that peace of mind. AND I don't support paternity fraud. Get STI testing too. It's amazing how much people profess their love when they're about to lose something that being associated with you provides. BTW, chances are she's already going around telling people how much of an abusive so and so YOU are and how she's just trying to hold the family - that you don't appreciate - together boo hoo sob sob sob fibber and a side order of slander. Hope you have the resources and supports you need. Tip; argue the amount of child support you can afford with the deciding authorities sure, but don't ever let anyone outside of professional confidentiality hear even a hint of complaint about having to even pay her child support, if you're deemed liable to pay. Get it in your custody consent orders that failure of the party in receipt of child support to adhere to the custody consent orders and visitation rights WILL result in forfeiture of rights to child support for such and such a period until issue is lawfully resolved. In your custody consent orders you include a condition that neither party will speak ill of the other in front of the children, nor permit anyone else to speak ill of the other in front of the children, nor will speak ill of the other on their social media accounts. Trust me, get the child support linked to this condition. My kid's dad goes against the custody consent orders ALL the time as it suits him and I have zero recourse to hold him accountable. I'd suggest you not let it happen to you if you can help it.

[@christinegettle4788]

Hi Doctor Ramani. I see it. I get it. For 5 years my cousins refused to acknowledge my presence when I walked into their home for Holiday gatherings. I just stopped going. I haven't gathered with people for a holiday in 4 years; I stay home alone and content. It was this video that opened my eyes to their true characters. I've come to realize that my family is narcissistic and I'm having a really hard time accepting it. Here's to feeling uncomfortable and heeding that warning!! They all think I just 'need a weekend'. Shaking my head and laughing out loud (at them) -'cause I'm done crying. Thank you.

[@patriciafry8634]

I hope you can find some friends, maybe a church group, to start spending holidays with. Just going out to celebrate at a restaurant, or traveling to a town associated with holiday celebration might help. We once were in Florence and a few groups of Japanese tourists were walking around at midnight gaily wishing everyone a Happy New Year-it was wonderful. And maybe join some healing groups online.

[@CTCAL]

Oh my goodness! I'm experiencing very similar things with my biological family, including "the cousins"! It's really difficult during the holidays and other notable days. May you find inner peace and continued strength in your journey and the days that you feel the isolation is just too much, please know that you are not alone. Thank you for sharing!

[@DeborahOlander]

Leaving my family was hard but also incredibly empowering.

[@C.C.1812]

My narcissistic ex used to control my look by making me feel bad to wear makeup and perfume for 2 decades. After he moved out, I bought myself the first bottle of foundation and perfume after many years. It took me 2 whole days to muster the courage to open the seal of the perfume. It's so ridiculous! But sadly true.

[@lt827]

Yes, the isolation is exhausting. I am now working more than one job because my narcissistic ex is not paying child support. This gives me even less energy when I am judged by people for having to do this at my stage in life: “You’d think someone like you would have it together by now”.

[@TheKrispyfort]

That type of comment is uncalled for. Sucks that people feel okay with saying something so ignorant

[@lt827]

@@TheKrispyfort Thanks for the support. Because these comments can come from people who are generally supportive, it makes me even more isolated.

[@houseofrosesnthedark8875]

There really needs to be more education on this to the public. It won't be so foreign anymore and the abuse that narcissist want to keep silent will be exposed. I'm so proud of everyone for advocating for yourself and having the courage to let people know. It's time to stop letting their abuse go unheard. 🇯🇲🇯🇲🇯🇲❤️❤️❤️

[@beverlyadams7205]

OMG! I have gaslighted myself about this many times. I should have it together, right? I’m 74 years old! What have I been doing all these years? You guessed it! I’ve been in one narcissistic relationship after another. Finally, I am seeing the light. Thank you community and Dr. Ramani. So happy to be here.

[@reverie6158]

That's an incredibly rude judgement. I too have been a target of contempt by other "supportive" friends & family. At some point you realise that trying to make them understand is just wasting your energy. You begin to isolate. You get to a place of overwhelm because now you are doing everything by yourself. And if you don't have your boundaries in place, these same people will again offer you "helpful feedback" on how you should have it together already. It's a terrible cycle. The only way to break it, is building some very firm boundaries, rebuilding your sense of self & actively choosing yourself instead of silently accepting these rude comments. But this is so damn hard to do. Until then, all any of us can do is focus on the next step. Just one foot in front of the other. Someday we will look up & see just how far we made it.

[@norar4023]

Every time I feel like I loose my sense of reality, I watch your videos and it reminds me of the unforgivable sh*t those people put me through. You help me to keep my feet on the ground. I can’t express enough gratitude for your support.

[@debrarogerssilvey3909]

A man girl preach it hard because this it woman. I swear I could. I would fly somewhere just to hug her neck! And you can just feel that she feels you. You can just sense that she gets the pain. I don't need to pay a therapist. This is my therapist!

[@p.w.352]

The part about the woman who stopped laughing got to me. There are shames put on me that I still carry with me that keep me closed up: don't do or say anything to embarrass the family, you're a show off, you're such a fake, etc. When the other voices in the family aren't telling you that's nonsense, you end up believing you are those things.

[@peggymuller4588]

Family of origin plus marriage, it has been a lifetime of dealing with narcissistic abuse. I recognized the abuse within my family of origin and had worked on healing. I thought I had been wise about choosing my partner. Sadly, he was/is great at the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde routine. I was like the frog in the boiling pot with the Mr. Hyde heating up the pot over the years until the scalding was too much. 33 years later, and I am in the midst of divorce. It has been a long journey. Yet, I am here and wanting to be whole. Pat on my back for surviving.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Good for you, you have every right and expectation to be treated well. Lesson learned the hard way for us empaths.

[@karenabrams8986]

When I dumped my family and fled to California 10 years ago my dad whined that the problem with me is that I can’t let people have their opinions. I laughed and told him they can have their opinions over there, I don’t care anymore, I’m just done listening ever again. After a lifetime of criticism I understand fully that I am not their cup of tea. So I’m gonna do me over here where some people think I’m cool. I love my life now. Their oppressive negativity wears off. I just feel angry about taking too long to figure out I needed to get tf away from those assholes. I also have difficulty managing my emotions when I encounter someone that reminds me of them. I have to isolate for a bit to shake those interactions off.

[@janegriffith9598]

I was a very sheltered young, innocent woman. I came our of a narcissistic childhood and right into the arms of my narcissistic husband to be. He’s dead now and so is my dad. I feel free now. I enjoy being alone. I fit the exact story you just told. I’m happiest when alone.

[@BlueJeansandJellyBeans]

I too ran from my narsistic parent to a narcisistic spouse. Divorced now, but suffering parental alienation by my children due to narc spouse. 😢

[@lt827]

Most of the isolation I feel is from my children. Even though they see how badly their father treats me, they still say “Come on, Dad can also be very loving”

[@LoveBeliefTruth]

It's their dad, the good father / bad father split is internalized in them. The might loose their minds if they allowed themselves to see the whole picture of him now as they still clearly need to hold on to that idealized image of their great father.

[@NewMe-iq5os]

After I left my long term marriage to a narcissist, my adult daughter is now getting the treatment from her Dad that I used to get. She says (jokingly) that she wishes I was still at family events as a buffer. He’s not overtly mean of course (he has his mask on in public events) but she sees how he wants her to attend the event and then he is too busy entertaining everyone to even sit and talk with her. She’s just there for his ego. Or he’ll give her a gift in front of everyone (and something that she’d never want) to get their approval. So if you were to leave the narcissist eventually the kids will start to see him for how he really is. May take awhile but he’ll do it to them.

[@lt827]

@@NewMe-iq5os I miss my brother-in-law who was a great buffer between my covert narcissist sister and the rest of the world.

[@NewMe-iq5os]

@@lt827 I’m so sorry that your BIL is no longer there as the buffer for you. I hope some of the videos on KZbin can help you deal with your sister. I believe that covert narcissists are the worst. The world loves them and has no idea how they truly are. I still struggle with that after going no contact. Is there a chance you can still have a relationship with your BIL without involving your sister? All the best to you!

[@pamelaChicago3]

I'm so sorry, it is so very hard. You are far from alone!! This is my story too. Often times kids empathize more with the narcissist parent vs victim parent. Children are often severely neglected by the narcissistic parent, the kids are internally yearning for the N parent's approval, love, care, empathy, compassion, attention, and guidance. My x shamed my kids for complaining to me about his neglect towards them. Smear campaign added to everything. Victim role. So many false stories and lies. To date, my x has denied it all and has never once apologized to me. I lost my relationship with my son who I was extremely close with for 16 years, all from my x's behaviors, as well as him causing me to have to respond to it all. I still have my daughter (21). All I can do is continue to be the best Mom I can be to her.. It is heartbreaking. Narcissists are bullies. Education on narcissism, especially covert narcissism is a must!! See a therapist who specializes in narcissism. I went to 5 (alone) that never brought up narcissism, they told me my x had either Aspergers or ADHD. I believed it for years. Would think to myself, how can I be upset with him if he has ADHD. Asked him to get tested, he refused. If the therapists had been educated more on covert narcissism, it would have saved my kids and I 10 years of emotional abuse and conflict. Once we the victims are fully educated, it's a 100% game changer. Try to remember that our kids are in survival mode, not logical thinking mode. Their brain's main goal in all of it is to not feel pain. The brain re-wires and closes off as a result of protecting bad feelings, it's not necessarily the child's choice to deal with it that way. They are doing what is easiest to avoid the pain. They desire their Dad to be better. Avoidance and denial is a survival technique. Unfortunately our children will learn these bad techniques and possibly use them, or endure them in their futures. It's truly heartbreaking. Your kids love you. It's important to let them see you move forward. If you are stuck, reach out for help. Sending Blessings. Hang in there.

[@whiskeyfriends7188]

Dr. Ramani, I discovered ur channel just over a year ago & I can honestly say u saved me from suicide. I've been with a narc for over 20 yrs, but once I could label and understand it everything changed for me. I'm still with them which is why I can't subscribed to ur channel, but I'm always on it. Thank u for the tools to heal & protect myself. U r the BEST ❤

[@debrarogerssilvey3909]

Amen girl!

[@erinward2983]

We need to get going to spread the word about narcissistic abuse. I was exploited as a child and teen and unable to spend time with friends if my parent needed me. He set the stage for himself by manipulating my perception about who he is. He brainwashed and indoctrinated me and badmouthed the other parent so I didn't reach out or believe she cared. But my mom wasn't willing to bother me with adult issues. So I never knew who she really was or who he really was. I was a soldier for his cause and he kept up his show until he had me isolated until I self-isolated to avoid abusive interactions. He waited until he had my reputation so destroyed that no one would believe me when I reached out, but rather, they blamed me.

[@mendingmandy869]

This sounds like exactly what I went through. I'm so sorry. My narc guardian took my twin and I in after our grandma died (we were adopted by our grandparents) she threw my dad in a nursing home and we joined her "church." It was totally a cult. We were her badge of holiness but nothing more. Everyone praised her for being such a good Christian for taking in two orphan girls. She brainwashed me about my friends. Told me they were horrible sinners and not Christians. Told me her husband's family were demon possessed and even exorcised my sister and I of demons when we didn't do as she said. I totally understand being a brainwashed soldier. It's so painful and I've had to do so much work to find the truth after the abuse. I wish you healing and finding that truth. It sounds like you already have ❤

[@TheKrispyfort]

Hugs

[@sarahkoren7294]

So sorry that you suffered this abuse. Sending hugs.❤

[@Reldas]

Wow. As soon as you said "let's talk about loneliness" I started crying lol. I've healed, I've set boundaries with people, I've gone no contact with others, but I am finding it IMPOSSIBLE to trust anyone. I assume everyone is lying or trying to manipulate me. It's honestly debilitating.

[@KellyO988]

It is horrible to live through this. I'm 45 and I feel like I've had a lifetime of being abused. It's so sick and sad

[@ildyivy]

I feel like I’m prematurely elderly at age 46 b/c of having my life destroyed by narcissists.

[@serendipity0775]

❤

[@debrarogerssilvey3909]

Same. I had a stepfather. There's no doubt he just did not even have a soul. And because I am full of empathy, I mean ooze is out of every pore in my body. I will pick a worm off off the sidewalk if it's hot outside just to keep that baby from burning. And I look back on it in every single relationship I've had and it hasn't been many because they have been long-term. Every one of them was either extremely narcissist and I really thought that my husband was finally going to be the one to be there when I needed a soft place to fall. I felt protected. I felt cherished. I mean you treated me like a princess. Until he didn't. And then it was pure hell.

[@debrarogerssilvey3909]

​@@ildyivyI'm so sorry. I am so sorry. I feel you honey to the depths of my soul. To me, what's worse is thinking this is the one and then just bam out of nowhere. You don't even know who he is. I'm sorry you've had to endure this. Just keep listening to this doctor because it's the only thing that keeps me sane.

[@jarrod210478]

The old me died after my father marked me for total obliteration and destroyed every area of my life, and when I stuck my head out the other side of the destruction of my old self……I was a totally different person. I used to refer to this as me having woken up, but I now refer to this as the day I was reborn. I have recently started to believe that many of us have gone through what we have as a kind of preparation for times we are currently living in today. I can’t help but feel like it all happened for a reason, and the reason has to do with the evil that is currently moving across the planet. It is a blessing to be fearless right now. And I am grateful for this.

[@icalotdonthide2646]

This is doubly true if you live in the west. Ohhh if people knew what I knew🤫🤫, stay close to God and resist evil be any means necessary.

[@cindyhoenig6752]

So agree with this! I often tell people that I was so very lonely in my marriage to my covert N ex. I am less lonely living by myself now and finally free from my 35 year marriage. Being married to a N is the loneliest of all feelings.

[@_ayannaxo]

I really do miss the person I was before the narcissistic abusive relationship. Now i experience so much ptsd and feel like a shell of myself.

[@donedeal5394]

it is a perverse form of solitary confinement to be in a room where there is another person who does not acknowledge you. it is even worse than being alone

[@shanghaimoon]

The books In Sheep's Clothing and Psychopath free were the most helpful for me

[@amina0816]

Yes! When I got with my husband I felt like I was going backwards in life. We have only been married for a year but made the decision recently to leave. It has been SO stressful, overwhelming, exhausting. I started having brain fog and not remembering things. Having consistent headaches and chest pains. My digestive system was compromised and so much more. For the longest, I was so confused why he would be so mean and everything was focused on his needs. Like a parasite sucking the life out of you. A few months ago I started researching his behavior and “narcissist” kept coming up. I dived deep into it and found this channel. It's like I found Gold!

[@Jessilavender]

so much love to all here. Dont rush the healing. it will come. (mostly talking to my self lol) so impatient. i just want t be ok.

[@mikenf1185]

I now understand why I felt lonely in my marriage of 30 years. Talking to friends since my divorce I realise how I was being isolated from them. Even my relationship with my daughter has improved immeasurably since my divorce.

[@Bootchie2023]

YES LORD!! Have taken back control, attention, accolades, and any & all empathy and compassion. Feeling great, empowered, and enlightened. The narcissistic other, is somebody I used to know, like and want to be around. Free at last, thank GOD ALMIGHTY, I'm free at last!!! 🙏🏼😇😚

[@horse286]

Thank You Dr Ramani. I have been discarded.. So, I do have the opportunity to live. I was able to see everything (gaslighting. Devaluation. future Faking. Triangulation. Parasitism. Grandiosity. Etc)., so i was learning. And been able to look at myself too.. And Feel..Thank You for sharing selflessly your knowledge❤🙏🌷

[@tarynazelski6449]

Never a victim, always a lesson… Very grateful for what I have learned. ❤🙌🥳

[@pamelaChicago3]

So thankful for all of your videos bringing attention to Narcissism, especially Covert Narcissism. You are appreciated more than you know. You are helping thousands and thousands of people!! Sending hugs to all of the other victims out there. 💕🙏

[@TuerlingsTim]

I don’t have a problem to be alone. Used the time to study this subject. Bit by bit it became clear and lot of incidents from the past became clear. It’s not easy but step by step. The biggest fear is to not make the same choices.

[@brittanyackoury3755]

Yes that was me. It's been almost 8 years since I ended the relationship with my narcissistic ex. We have 2 kids together so I have to see him often. I am married to an amazing caring man who makes me feel so safe. But it was YOUR videos that have made me really do the leg work on healing and being that confident woman again. Thank you! I would love to see more videos of co parenting with narcissistic parents!

[@chosenstella7937]

looks like my story

[@michelleknapp9176]

It took me at least a few years to heal. I did the inner work and realizations about being raised by one. I’m better and happy but still watch videos. Not as much as much as I did when healing but still watch them. Not sure if that’s good or bad. I now immediately know when I’m in the presence of a toxic person. The hard part of that has mainly been at the work place. Where you need to be to make money and stuck there. Learning to deal w it and keep myself safe

[@debbiespeckmiear819]

I am in the process of finding my authentic self. I have gone no contact from my oldest narcissistic son and his wife. You are right, you grieve forever but distance from them is freedom! Bliss!

[@Matriarch57]

I like the way you worded that.

[@kadambariprasad208]

I forced myself out of my shell and massively just regressed into isolation after a while because I didn’t address my inner emotional exhaustion. I had to learn to let it be gradual. I still keep some space from and boundaries with nice, genuine, happy people to give myself space to recover. It is slow as hell and sometimes frustrating, but worth it. Now when I feel uncomfortable with praise or nice things someone says, I just smile quietly and think it through on my own time. Some things don’t totally heal. But for the most part, having a truly I don’t care reaction and continuing to stay happy does happen. I have seen it in certain situations. But some triggers don’t fully disappear and that’s ok.

[@jamela6020]

It's so true...I feel a lot less lonely since I've been in no contact with him for past 2 months. I was endlessly waiting for time with him, while I neglect myself. Now I dont have to wait anymore. I've been planning outings with friends and family. Making up for lost time of enjoying myself..😊

[@AM-cg2sg]

Thanks Doc. So so true. It used to be lonely and always confused and wondering why the family narcs acted like that. Now it is just good. No contact was a sudden release from loneliness, and confusion. In the process I actually learned I am an introvert, and prefer alone time. Part of the issues were wondering why the narcs couldn't just stay put and mind their own business, why triangulate so much? I have become creative and happy.

[@soniahathaway1]

Well done. Its such a relief when you finally realise that you are not defective!

[@tryingtothrive8536]

I was isolated and worked from home. Other than one hour a week of therapy, videos like this were the only thing I could cling to. I bought dark ear buds I could hide in my hair and used blue tooth to listen non stop while working, cleaning, etc. He had no idea. I am finally divorced after 37 years.

[@sierratart5248]

1 year after being in a relationship with a covert narcissist, and sometimes I randomly remember moments that I have to unpack and realize what they were doing. I keenly remember the intense loneliness from neglect and the humiliation from them trying to isolate me, and it scares me how naive I was. I have healed, though, and am in a slow dating relationship with a man who wants to live their lives respecting and honoring me. Things come back sometimes, but I take it as a lesson learned now rather than a restriction and I even learned to forgive that person despite it all, and in that I learned to forgive myself and it makes it so much easier.

[@christine4224]

The loneliness has broken me down in a very big way. I never imagined I would be and feel so alone in a relationship. It has broken my heart and spirit. I don't know what to do anymore. 23 yrs. invested in this arrangement. He never married me because he obviously never loved me. It's very hard to accept.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Hard yes, but empowering in another way that you NOW can see it.

[@irinaquenga5324]

I think every day about the person I used to be before my relationship with a narcissist. You’re absolutely right, I am not that person anymore. I changed in bad. I don’t know how to be me again. I am taking steps every day, but I don’t think I will ever be the same because the experiences I’ve been through. I may find my peace and heal at some point, but I will always carry with me the heaviness, the pain and the memories.

[@nilaja-itsmylife]

The absolute corner on loneliness 💯 Thank you for continuing to put out this life saving content 🙏🏾❤️

[@peggymotter5501]

I just finished watching this… I am just trying to get some help, waiting for the therapist to get credentialed with my insurance. I can’t stop crying yet. I am so thankful for Dr Ramani. I will get help & I will be ok. I ❤ you Dr Ramani.

[@julieandricky]

Until you get your therapy sorted, you could write out questions and issues and list emotions and memories ...

[@cynthiafortier2540]

I hope you are far away from the insanity. That's the first step. We've all been there sadly. Take care, tell no one your plans!!

[@peggymotter5501]

@@julieandricky thanks for the advice.

[@Cleomauser]

Build a team look for people who respond to you and build positive relationships

[@thedragonlady6661]

Growing up with narcissistic parents made me afraid of success. It made me afraid to date people who treated me well, it made me so used to abuse I would never notice it with people I dated until months afterwards.

[@Jenn1RN]

This is truth unfortunately

[@judyporritt3504]

Yep. That confidence was me, before my 32 year marriage to my neglectful narcissist. Six years ago, he died of a heart-attack, and it was the very best thing that could’ve happened to me. Between an amazing therapist, wonderful, supportive friends, and Dr. Ramani, I’m coming back to me, and becoming more confident than ever before. I believe that quite a bit of it is because of the many valuable lessons I’ve learned from being married to a narcissist. I don’t ever wish exposure to a narcissist upon anyone. But if it happens to be part of your life experience, please take what you’ve learned to empower and bless your life, and the lives of many others. Thank you for the light and wisdom you share with us, Dr. Ramani. You are more loved and appreciated than you’ll ever know. ❤

[@lorraeemory7962]

Your story is me!!! Married 37 years to my husband. Tried to end it twice and leave, but gaslighting is strong and stayed.

[@misskhateralove]

I’ve been crying so much. I’ve had narcissistic relationships all my life, including one narcissistic parent. I feel like my true self has never had a chance to be and to live. It has taken my whole life to recover and be myself. I’m so glad to work on healing in this lifetime and to finally be free from narcissistic abuse forever 😢 Love you all and Dr Ramani♥️

[@alimarie67]

I was by far extremely more lonely when I was “ married “ to my narcissist husband, than when I left him.

[@l.5832]

When I was preschool my mother would pretend I didn't exist. Dad at work, sister at school so they never witnessed it. This didn't happen every single day so I never knew whether I was visible or not that day. I remember going up to her and saying "Mom.....Mom..." And she would just stare straight ahead and not even acknowledge I was there. This happened once when I had some kind of allergic reaction and my eye swoll up. She would not even turn around and look at me. She's just damn lucky my airway didn't close off.......

[@debmanrique6466]

My mother did that, but later I realized that she had been in a post trauma stupor, too deeply trapped in her own thoughts, to be present. Her mother had committed suicide when she was 12 years old.

[@chosenstella7937]

​@@debmanrique6466same my mother, My mother neglected me because of her trauma,plus being with a narcissistic man I ended up with a narcissistic man too But thankfully I got a chance and realized what I was going through and then I found a man who loves me unconditionally I started to heal and I forgave my mom for what she made me go through in my childhood,I started to mentor her also now she is understanding after a long time of being blinded by a narcissistic man She has been on the stage where she doesn't care about any of her children 😡. I am thankful now 🙏 People like this doctor helped me a lot.

[@kattfranklin6933]

Dr Ramini, Thank you so much for your insight and sharing. As a middle-between, I was always responsible and accountable. No, my flaws were always "highlighted/pointed out". Answering America's call, I left this role. As a wife and mother, I resumed this role. Until January 2023 when my youngest died, this role continued until July. I am trying to reconnect with "my authentic self". You are first authentic therapist along with Dr. Les Carter who actually cared about helping others and not the money. God bless you for your dedication to giving us a second chance at life.🙏 ❤

[@Buster-im5so]

Loneliness. I experience isolation everyday. I really need to get it. I'm stuck financially, but I need to recover myself.

[@serena1261]

This information is excellent and precise! Isolation has become my safety. My narcissistic Mother used punishment in our bedroom as her way to get rid of the problem. I can see how this skill as I use it has become safety for me. Thank You Dr Ramani for a deeper insight. In terms of Confidence, I've lived my life with a lack of confidence. It was in the process of building a career in human services that I discovered a strength.

[@MaryJ_78]

20:48 Sadly I can’t tell you who I was before I met the nex. I was just 15 years old. Now 29 years and two kids later, I left him 6 months ago. I got a lot of healing to do. I feel very lonely because there is no one to talk to that understands it. Even my therapist doesn’t really. Praying for a better new life!🙏🏽

[@bumblebee_mrs]

The loneliness and always being alone is the hardest part of healing. I told three of my closest people the truth about my ex and they didn't believe me.

[@patmahgroyn6868]

This is almost letter by letter of my existence.

[@tmhtoo6563]

Steve Jobs said “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.” This channel helps to connect so many unconnected dots that can really be upsetting to a perfectionist raised in a narcissistic household. 😊

[@ansaanderson7579]

Hi community. So much of this rings true. I Love Dr Ramani, and also have found a lot of help and understanding from Anna "The Crappy Childhood Fairy". I am one of those who attract narcissists like crazy, so have also taken to thinking it's me...I love being there for people, but always land up hurt for it. Family, understand these things are done to us, it doesn't define who we are. Don't ever allow a narcissist or evil people to change and take away the goodness within you. Much Love to all of you out there❤️

[@NolaCaffey]

Anna Runkle is wonderful, too! Beautiful to see their cooperation - different luminous facets of a spinning gem. Such generous hearts! Both led me to Pete Walker's two beautiful books. I am so grateful for sharing their wisdom, to help finallly get the pieces of this puzzle together. How else could I have known about a covert master passive-aggressive?!

[@peggy2808]

After I left my first narcissistic boyfriend, my mother told me "I feel sorry for Dave." I told her to go live with him if she feels that way, because I'm not going back there. She was what I call brainwashed by the catholic church, and once said "if the pope said it, I believe it." She lost any ability to think for herself. So I guess she was just judging my situation in her strict beliefs. This was way before I had the word narcissist in my vocabulary.

[@debrarogerssilvey3909]

Holy wow really!? Girl, it seems like you got it all the way around you. I'm so sorry!

[@NevJamGalB]

" I'd rather be by myself and content then to be surrounded by others and be made to feel alone" - this became my mantra after I visited FOO for a big Birthday for one of the parents. I had gone no contact for 8 years, not knowing what it was at the time, just that I needed time away. ( which was great by the way) They all physically turned themselves away from me, or acted as if I was invisible, then acted hard done by when I got up and left permanently.🤔 Been 5 years now since this reminder of why I left them all to start with.

[@soniahathaway1]

I have revisited my family at times, always mental! Awful destructive creatures.

[@narcissistsandchildcustody333]

Love and hugs to you all who have endured this degrading experience of narc abuse. I get it! You are not alone and I understand. Moved across the nation 14 years ago and am creating new family and friends who are real and loving and supportive…FYI=> Dogs are good too cause they listen and love without condition 🤗you have my 🙏🙏🙏’s