THIS is how you COPE with emotions following a narcissistic breakup

[@steveconnor89]

Dr. Ramani you're truly a gift to HUMANITY

[@jlviolette14]

Yes she is, she has saved my life

[@moiramarriott4403]

I second that ... ❤amazing advice

[@erinward2983]

A warrior. A hero. A lifeline. A light in the dark. ❤

[@elanone1]

As I was listening to this I was thinking to myself... "This woman is an absolute godsend." Looks like I'm not alone in that thought

[@jomackenzie7065]

Yes!

[@juliapfeiffer3562]

I feel so blessed because I am not mad , not bitter, not jealous. I’m just DONE .

[@ChristopherLarson-c4n]

Ok.

[@HayezTheProper]

Thats where I wanna be man

[@misse39178]

🙏🏽🫶🏽

[@2120musiclover]

Im jealous

[@Kristina-tb7sp]

That’s a great place to be. I’m semi there too but also hold some bitterness still

[@شهرزاد_نور_محمدي]

Be the person who breaks the cycle. If you were judged, choose understanding. If you were rejected, choose acceptance. If you were shamed, choose compassion. Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you. Vow to be better than what broke you-to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.

[@kdycruz]

Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. Blessings and peace to everyone 🙏

[@bellaluce7088]

Yes, and also, *find people who reciprocate your values to share all that goodness with, and STAY AWAY FROM THOSE WHO REPEATEDLY USE OR HURT YOU!!* Many of us in this community are *already* good at giving others understanding, acceptance, and compassion. Holding strong boundaries is a way to also give that kindness to ourselves.

[@joanna0988]

​@@bellaluce7088Exactly ❤

[@nataliaalfonso2662]

Admittedly, isn’t that how most of us end up in the narcissistic relationships in the first place?

[@nataliaalfonso2662]

I always give what I need. I’m always the change I want to see in the world. It doesn’t help anything. Makes things way worse.

[@tammygibbons4275]

I regret that I had to learn these lessons in such a heartbreaking way

[@johnaprice4868]

😢😢

[@theeclecticlady1846]

Don't you worry...the outcome is beneficial to us...STRONG...😊BIG HUG TO YOU.

[@defaultuser7777]

@tammygibbons4275 sometimes our pain is necessary. I'm with you. Wasted over 10 years over a delusion

[@Irispia97]

Ruminating is not about revenge, it’s a trauma response, suffering the consequence of maltreatment is the rumination.

[@theliftexpert]

Well said, it is also your mind replaying the old videos,over and over, to remind you that in order for you to survive and thrive in the future, you must avoid this type of situation ever again. When you are ruminating just tell your mind, hey thanks mind for reminding me of what to avoid, now let’s focus on something positive to do together. ….

[@MsTaylorsArt]

I agree but also and respectfully disagree to a point. I think that it depends on the person. Ruminating IS a trauma response though. I have to agree there but it can often lead to revenge. It's dwelling in the hate, etc. that created certain situations and due to that hate some people turn to revenge. Personally, I don't go there because I hate what happened to me and I know that hate is NOT a good or a healthy thing. To remind myself not to go there, etc. I try my best to pass on peace and be a kind, understanding person. Everyone is not like me though and some will turn to revenge. It's simply that it won't FEEL like revenge because to some it's simply justice or what is right. I understand feeling like that's right when you've been abused but revenge is never right. Letting go and living is what is best. Trauma or no trauma, etc. an adult is an adult and an adult can usually choose. Choose compassion, understanding and kindness. Don't let your abusers win and steal that from you. Ruminating can be the road to revenge but it can also be the road to understanding, etc.

[@HideYourKarmaChameleon]

I am so glad you commented on that part. Rumination to me wasn’t entirely about revenge nor anything malicious, it was more often rooted in confusion about an incident, reaction, past experience, mostly negative. Maybe rumination is trauma where people are stuck and haven’t figured out how to work through, let go, or move on.

[@bluedogfarmer]

To me, rumination is about trying to fit the pieces together, to try to understand what happened to me.

[@cliftonjohnson1990]

Once the indifference hits, life changes.

[@kjmartinez2006]

I regret the wasted time and the self-harm and destructive behaviors that I inflicted upon myself. I regret not listening to my intuition.

[@devikabrendon7198]

I’m proud of you for using the past tense.

[@ericmartin7013]

So do I! I wasted six years of my life trying to force this toxic relationship to work, but I'm done with it now. Time for that divorce! To freedom from both pain and emotional abuse.

[@withloveandrespectalways]

We all regret but then realize we were never the problem. Expecting any goodness from a narc husband was my biggest foolishness. I thought he be a good father. But he said he does not have money to take responsibility then suddenly he bought a car to roam with his friend when I asked how can have money to buy car but no money for own child. he replied he is 33 years old it's time to get a car! That was the limit. The most disgusting experience. Giving him more of my time or my energy NO no more I took my child and left. Never look back. But then authorities forced me to get his signature for my child passport he made my life hell again I had to go through legal to get my child passport. Believe me my experience with a narc made me stronger and a mother is always stronger. We learn from experience to protect ourself more to selfcare more to heal more.

[@ebrume3587]

​@@withloveandrespectalwayswell done you ! Not waiting for Years like many of us, but you're right, were Strong , we will be even Stronger after! We just have to Start believing ourselves.. İt's nice to hear positiv Stories to give us hope:) Xx

[@horacionovo]

You wanted to be loved back as you loved them, at the end you tried everything, and it's the other part fault, it's hard to let go but you gotta

[@farilevan884]

Narcissist don't ever want you to b happy they are horrible people

[@devikabrendon7198]

They are the biggest losers ever.

[@beautyandgrit4640]

It’s like they’re allergic to others’ being fulfilled.

[@feliciadean1084]

After 40 years, I deserve to live the rest of my life in peace I’m leaving

[@gingerschnaps]

I am freshly out of my narcissistic relationship and it feels so different from previous relationships. It’s hard for so many reasons and I am turning to this channel for insight. I am learning to let go but it’s so hard. Part of me knows that the relationship was the worst relationship that I’ve been in but part of me still misses the good. May we all support each other in leaving and staying away and maintaining no contact with the narcs in our life for our own healing

[@janlouisemakiling3474]

Time heals all wounds ❤ We are healing.. 🙏🏻 This too shall pass. Make NO contact with a narc.. we deserve peace of mind.

[@luciasaunders9736]

I'm in exactly the same situation.

[@flyinggranny1184]

Same I'm one day finally out and trying to stay no contact, I still can't believe this is real, that there are even people like this

[@maiworldbonjovi2145]

I can relate. I'm in same boat.

[@trudiegordon6327]

It is like wizardry and that manipulation has had us spellbound and only we can break that spell. Evil spell not a good one. It is like an addiction but not a good one. We think we can't survive without the tension, uncomfortable emotions and feelings - why? It does not make sense does it? Like a plant that wants to climb but can't find a place to go. They disable us and we need to find our own path and not let them hold us back anymore. I am struggling too after decreasing time with my long term partner and he has just realised what I am doing and i got the anger and the rage and I was trying to back off without it. It is not easy but I have to do it or face each weekend with dread.

[@burymeinbaldwin5896]

After healing I have ZERO regrets. Best life lesson to date at the age of 40. I rebuilt myself and came out 3x stronger than before. Have much more self worth and stronger boundaries for future relationships. Knowing you cannot change a narcissist makes you realize what needs to change in yourself.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

Profound af

[@sherriflemming3218]

Indeed. 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman If The Budda Dated by Charlotte Kasi Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix Safe People by Henry Cloud

[@twovirginiacats3753]

I love your comments. So true.

[@lucybernatowicz7244]

I had all regrets Dr Ramani said. It's very hard to understand that I was working so hard on myself, when he was the problem and nothing ( 2 kids) change that. Also the abuse after brak up was so much worse than before. I left as the abuse was unbearable, but left with avalanche of problems. I did everything I could to safe this reletionship and now I am much better. Please do not tivialise and say how easy life is now as takes a time for somone like me to recover

[@reginakruse5246]

Yes, stronger and clearer

[@tamaramarie1]

I regret the person I was in that relationship, I barely recognized myself. I’m grieving but relieved too, thank you for explaining that. Hugs to everyone ❤

[@alexandrahill4006]

This is so true! They will dig and tear away at our inner self to the point of reactive abuse. Leaving them allows the woulda to scan over and heal up for your skin /self to breathe anew. You are a strength!!

[@raymondehill9509]

That's how I feel right,I am grieving,but don't want to be with him any more. Am 72 am exhausted. Even tho I am having emotional days,I love the freedom of this mental abused abused

[@tamaramarie1]

@@raymondehill9509 You’ve got this! I’m 4 months no contact and my confidence and mental freedom is growing each day. Hugs 🤗

[@MsTeelove07]

I feel the same way sadness , regret, angry and Happy that I got OUT all at the same time whew way too many emotions at the same time

[@Tranceart7]

I feel that with my ex-wife. I started breaking up with her in the first couple months we were together. And she got her dream wedding in thailand (not legally binding) 6 years later. Left her after 7 months.

[@blairwarren7735]

I have been trying to recover from a narcissistic break up for a little over 2 years now. I just wanted to give you all a bit of hope. It does get easier!! There are still bad moments, but they are only moments now. You will grow, you will heal, you will be okay ❤

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

I have experienced severe narcissistic abuse for two decades, and I'm still not okay. 😢

[@kayumari486]

I'm in the same situation, I feel the same way. Hold on! ❤

[@jennytaylor8535]

Thank you

[@cathynunaley7476]

@@melisentiapheiffer3034 ME NIETHER, I am two years post narc it SUCKS! I pray over you to heal as I am trying to as well. We can talk, and grief the lies together..

[@luckdavis7057]

Thanks

[@NancyPate-e2m]

My biggest regret is that I stayed in this abusive marriage for over 55 years. I'm getting a divorce and I'm 80 years old. Listening to Do This To Cope has helped me to see I've been stuck in regret and bitterness. He is buying another house and moving in with another woman at 91 years old!! I'm starting counseling next week. Everything Dr. Ramani has been saying is EXACTLY what I have experienced. REGRET, REGRET. A wasted life.

[@sexymary]

Wow.. Narcs are crazxy.. Really, your ex-husband still raw-dawging at the age of 91 ??? Now, that's a sign that your ex is still a child in an old man's body - never evolved. Smh.. Good luck on your healing journey, ma'am.

[@Min2073]

I’m so sorry 😢

[@lauraayala489]

I’m sorry. But also thank you for sharing your story so that others can gather up the strength to leave sooner than later

[@harmonyexists2834]

The damage these vampires do to people absolutely enrages me. You have the right to be angry, bitter, and feel regret. But I bet you also felt those feelings throughout your marriage. They're just louder now. Women of your generation were taught to tolerate the intolerable. I saw it with both of my Grandmother's. You've been through enough. Don't let the narcissist steal anymore of your energy. Release them. Forgive yourself. I was just discarded recently and thought I should of seen the signs. I've forgiven myself, and feel better everyday.

[@Siacourage]

As I watch this I'm about to turn 33 in less than six hours. Almost six years of no contact and being narcissism free. I credit most of what I've learnt that helped me cope over the past six years to this channel and its subscribers in the comment section. Thank you Dr. Ramani and my fellow narc survivors. You guys play an integral role in my life and healing.

[@yvettievs4063]

Happy birthday 🎉

[@Z1nny]

Happy birthday 🎊. Please do something really nice for yourself. God bless ❤

[@Siacourage]

@@yvettievs4063 Thank you.😇

[@aneesamohammed.7845]

Happy Birthday and many happy returns to you🎂 🎉

[@sherriflemming3218]

Happy birthday, and many more!

[@stephenwilliam8560]

I constantly say “I allowed this to happen” and really not from a shame aspect, but in a true accountability moment. Because if I can sit back and see my actions and the narcissist actions, then I can see all the points at which I knew I could have made a different decision or chose to walk away, yet I didn’t. I fell into the trap of the reaction game the narc wanted. By saying “I allowed” this to happen, puts the control back in my hands and makes me more aware on what I still need to work on in myself

[@digitalversatilediscjockey3465]

I feel this on a deep level. I also like to look back and not focus on the shame but instead focus on everytime I suspected something that turned out true, just goes to show my acceptional insight. Also can be very helpful to remember all these moments along wth the moments we all knew these relationships wouldn't work but stayed anyways. So maybe next time if wee find ourselves in a similar situation we will have the wisdom and courage to get away before wasting years

[@hannahwynne1922]

I had this realization recently. I abused me. Not him. Because I stayed and I forgave and I hoped and loved unconditionally.

[@stephenwilliam8560]

@@hannahwynne1922 yeah. That is def a hard pill to swallow… speaking from my own experience-ignoring all the red flags which ultimately led my to decisions where I put myself in situations to be abused.

[@janinternationalhighline6035]

Good point. The meaning of ‘I allowed this’ changes after a toxic relationship ends. The way I see it now is that the toxic relationship I had violently triggered certain wounds that otherwise might have stayed there forever, never to be fully healed. Painful as it is right now, I try to see this as an opportunity to grow stronger in a shorter amount of time. Still, it’s easier said than done.. 😅

[@Heroine2me]

I really had to digest your comment. I understand the need to take your power back and have accountability for your choices but it feels like shame. From my perspective, my spirit was so broken, I didn’t even realize I was in a narcissistic relationship until after I left and the reality started to come in waves then rushed in like a tsunami. I take no responsibility for their behavior, therefore no shame. Though I realized the relationship wasn’t healthy, I was not aware of what was happening to me. I think when you have children together it changes the dynamic as well. I think it’s important to allow yourself some grace because even though you may not identify as a victim, this happened to you and chances are, you weren’t even aware of it. It’s not your fault.

[@elanone1]

As I was listening to this I was thinking to myself... "This woman is an absolute godsend." Looks like I'm not alone in that thought

[@krishanubanerjee6955]

Dr Ramani is incredible!

[@tamerahedman2279]

Yes I understand! Read what I wrote. Be ok alone! Not all of else are cut out for relationships. But if you really want it at least you left that craziness! Lying is the worst. Hey, you are great! I don't know you but you are and hang in there! Your friend Tamera

[@Lauravagran]

My biggest regret is the 10 years I put into this relationship. I gave everything I had thinking I can help her get thru this and her horrible childhood. There was no doubt in my mind, the day would come and I would say all the right words and she would finally understand and see what she was doing to me and to us. As bad as it was, there was good. I was able to be there for her son who was 7yrs old. He's about to turn 18 and last month we got him set up in his dorm at college. He is the good that came from this. Not only was I there for him... he was there for me too. When her anger was focused on him, I did what I could to distract and stand up for him. And he did the same for me. He just recently told me I was the night in shining armor that came and helped him with his mother ❤😢 We will always remain in each other's lives and unfortunately he can't walk away. I will help him whenever he needs me down the road.

[@NarcSurvivor]

Write it down on a piece of paper. Write a letter to them. It’s an exercise to express your emotions, instead of bottling it up. Then when you’re done throw it away. There’s no reason to send it to them, they won’t care, it’s for you.

[@syedaazrajabeen]

P

[@steveconnor89]

This quote helped a lot👇 🌴 "My Therapist"🌳 asked me to write letters 📝 to my haters and then🔥 burn🔥 them Did that 💪👍🌟🕶️ But now I don't know what to do with the letters 😂 Narcfree....🚜

[@lynnebucher6537]

Burn the letters. It's a way to fully let it all go.

[@nicolajirving]

I've just done this. My first notes were 4th August, things got worse and it's now mid October that I've updated the notes. 10 months of chaos and grief. I'm processing the abuse and aggression, it was all him. I'm having a peaceful life now but missing the narcissist, it's mashed up.

[@farilevan884]

Narcissist don't really ever change this is the sad part

[@CrazyEightyEights]

Narcissists are literally unable to give what they never possessed: honesty, trust, authenticity, maturation, hope, and genuine love. Pity them, but do not get caught up in the would have, could have, should have loop. Life gets better without these toxic people.

[@flyinggranny1184]

What they never possessed, yes you're so right. I've been wondering how on earth you can go through life and seemingly enjoy hurting someone who loves you, but you just hit the nail on the head for me. I'm only one day free and trying to figure out what just happened still.

[@CrazyEightyEights]

@flyinggranny1184 I wish you a complete recovery. My journey began more than a decade ago. I am happier and healthier, if sometimes a tad lonely on big holidays. I do not miss the abuse or the drama. Going no contact was not easy, but in my circumstances, the only viable choice. Do you have a good therapist? They are excellent companions for the journey. Please be kind to yourself and treat yourself with love and respect. ♡

[@shabnumlatif4524]

I have decided that honesty is most important. If the person is any good at all, they will just approach and ask you directly no drama, no coward, no hiding all of these mean you are dealing with narcissists

[@Fulviadidomenicomusic]

I regret not listening to my inner voice telling me to "get out" when the relationship had just started...but those days I felt very lonely and scared, it happened during the Covid pandemic where many of us lived isolated...online...I was the perfect target...the lovebombing and the shower of affection this person offered what just overwhelming and impossible to turn down. We ended up living together in lockdown for 12 months and broke up 5 months later. Regret is a huge issue because until now I haven't been able to put my life back together, and the worse part is I keep on falling for these kind of people...how to break the cycle? Lots of work stil to do. In the end, what I understand for myself is that, dealing with narcissistic abuse forces you to look inside yourself and find your answers there, learning to love yourself enough to know when to say NO even before meeting one. Thank you Dr. Ramani for teaching us

[@HT-xr9mm]

I am a self development coach and help people to change their programming and rewire the brain. Feel free to reach out if you wish 🙏🏽

[@Fulviadidomenicomusic]

Thank you 🙏 @@user-eo3re4io2r

[@BohoWarriorYoga444]

It is so sad--to see the one you love turn into a monster with demons in his eyes and he is not even willing to see it and heal it. and then to have to shut him out of my life to save myself.

[@summerbrooks9922]

BohoWarriorYoga444 When I first saw this monster, something inside me broke. I recall the broken thing to keep me away from getting close to him again.

[@withloveandrespectalways]

True Run Save yourself Save your precious life time from going wasted

[@BohoWarriorYoga444]

@@withloveandrespectalways it’s been a year and a half and I’m still shaken and confused. Don’t think I’ll ever trust another man again after this. Feels like a betrayal.

[@yinkaareola]

It is the cycle of cortisol and dopamine for me. 1 minute, he's making promises. The next minute, he's yelling reasons why he can't keep the promise. It was like Jekyll and Hyde. I was constantly anxious, confused, and always bracing myself for what would come next. I'm so glad I left him. Thank you for sharing this. It makes sense now.

[@keylo2473]

The same😢

[@620annika]

I can relate to this 100% The promises kept me in the relationship but then when they weren't met somehow I got blamed for it!!! Crazy

[@alliwarwick5590]

I could've written this myself. Same exact thing but he left me for someone he made me aware of....

[@insanity09100]

In our last week before the discard, He was berating me, he stopped suddenly, and began telling me how amazing I was, tears streamed down my face, it felt good for someone to tell me I was wonderful. As I was reflecting on it afterwards, I said to myself, "I feel like I was drugged." He became aware that I was figuring it out, he discarded me. So glad, I am free. I don't know how, I am going to make it financially, but I have so much to be thankful for.

[@jkies11]

As bad as this connection was, the light at the end of the tunnel was figuring out that my family of origin had taught me how to accept abuse and rejection. They taught me to work harder if someone treated me badly. They taught me that someday if I kept trying to turn myself inside out I would be loved and accepted.

[@aliceroberts1980]

Same here my mother get silent and disapproving if I actually say well, I worked a lot yesterday I’m gonna take a break and rest today do something I like that you’re not allowed I was never allowed to not be doing something for somebody not working every single minute of my life

[@realhealing7802]

I got the same training. I was trained to accept abuse and call it love.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Me too. A pack of lies to unlearn.

[@michelemiktus2312]

Yup, exactly. My mother being a covert narc needed me to marry the narc b/c they teamed up against me. Didn’t realize she was a narc till 2019. If I tried talking about him to her and what he did to me, her response was to blame me, wanted to know why I was always causing a problem and mean to him and I should be grateful he WANTED to marry me. Never in my life has she ever stood up for me, sold me down the river every chance she got.

[@suzanne4396]

Yes,my family of origin taught me to accept certain treatment as " Normal," particularly my physically & verbally abusive father. " He" is my father, the behaviors, and the invalidating and devaluing...also the physical abuse. Trauma therapy for two years has helped immensely. Disconnected from my family and only deal with him on the most minimal level now -- we're Not together, but sometimes he gets a new text# and I'll say a couple words to him: typically " Go away, leave me alone OR I will contact our local police department, again! " Dr. Ramani's videos have been invaluable in my healing. Starting to THRIVE now!!!!!

[@gailallan9234]

Dearest Dr Rumani 💜 I am 73 years old and in your words “psychologically shredded” whose been at the receiving end for nearly 60 years, having discovered the words for this is all about Narcissistic personality disorder a few months ago. This was both devastating and empowering. Just when i thought i was removing myself from the toxic vortex a recent situation has me smack back in again. I have been soaking up so much knowledge re this disorder and by listening all morning to your channel. I would like to register for your on line support group. You are amazing -thank you 🙋🏽

[@molivuthivan]

i am also interest in online support group, please tell me how to register?

[@emmanuelc04]

This happened approximately one month after breaking up with a narcissist. It was Valentine's Day. On that day, I gathered all the courage I could and collected all the objects that held emotional value related to my ex. I particularly remember an album with photos and song lyrics that she gave me for our first anniversary. I looked at it one last time and put it in a bag with the rest of the things, went out of the house, and threw it in the trash. When I returned home, I closed the door and let out all my feelings. I cried, screamed, ran throughout my house, hit a pillow, and rolled on the floor. I did this for almost four hours. By the time I finished, I felt such relief that I can say that was the day I managed to turn the page and start my healing process focused on myself.

[@AAXS-op1vo]

I am glad you decided to allow yourself to PURGE in every way. It was something that needed to be done to clear out your spiritual energies and spaces. There is great POWER in allowing yourself to experience a Great Purge. Allow yourself to have it (privately as you did) as often as needed to purify your inner space. You WILL heal if you tend to your own deepest needs. Many wishes for healing and an abundance of (self) love.

[@hashh2019]

imagine she comes to your door a week later. this is what happened to me when i finally feel i can detach or begin to heal. sooner or later he comes back

[@emmanuelc04]

@@hashh2019 Well, she actually came two weeks later, on a key date, which would have been our 5th anniversary. She didn't come to my door, but sent a text message telling me how much she missed me, how she couldn't stop thinking about me, how much she cried for not being together anymore and how much she loved me. It was a hard situation, but I could resist any impulsive reaction and acted as cold as possible, knowing that it was the time to focus on myself and not on her. Coming back was not negotiable and I remained still, no matter how hard it could be.

[@Hammondchris]

😮 hat's off thx for sharing your message gives me strength!

[@emmanuelc04]

@@Hammondchris I send you a big hug and lots of strength to get over it 💪

[@adamstampley7207]

The section on Rumination is so profound. I was going through that and my co-workers kept victim shaming me saying things like "You're letting her win, get over it" but it's something we can't help.

[@tobiannfoster3429]

I’m sick of the victim shaming and the rush to move on. I’m combating it by reminding myself that they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. They weren’t there, they aren’t me, and I can’t pay an ounce of attention to what they’re saying. ❤

[@maryellenyork2819]

"Surviving is a super power." Profound truth. This may be the most helpful video I have ever watched. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

[@aubreyj.tennant1123]

Me too! It’s perfect timing!

[@rejanearagon6215]

Me too!!

[@cindybates6633]

So true!

[@reiningreminic]

"I allowed this to happen" I burst into tears. So.... it's not my fault? I'm looking forward to truly believing that. In my heart. In my soul. OMG the guilt I feel having made two beautiful little people with this person.

[@stefziesler5895]

Yes, I blame myself for letting this happen. I ignored my red flags, I ignored what I really needed and thought and put his needs before my own. The love bombing was crazy! He knew everything that I wanted in life, and told me everything I wanted to hear. I feel like he was living his entire personality through me, so all-consuming. Endless phone calls and messages, so I never had the time to process what was happening and why I was feeling like the brakes needed to go on. The minute I finally stood up for myself and put myself first, I got called “pure poison” and was blocked and deleted.

[@robr3939]

I totally get this. Took me a while, but I finally realised, that no matter how at fault the other person was for all they did, ultimately I was at fault for not seeing who they were at the start and walking away.

[@Purpleiciousbabe]

Facts!

[@luciasaunders9736]

Me too!

[@sallyfrost5002]

Oh my God that's what just happened to me. I just got dumped by my angry violent ex. I didn't recognize the signs until the breakup text. He kept me so busy I was exhausted. He demanded I be on the phone with him at least 3-4 hours a day when I wasn't living with him and when I was living with him he would get upset with me if I left the room he was sitting in. I excused everything as he has autism, thyroid problems, and an ugly dating history that supposedly left him traumatized by as many as 11 women (I guess as of four days ago I'm number 12). I began pushing back and asking to break up recently but he convinced me to try therapy first and then promptly dumped me when he couldn't make the couples therapist agree with his behavior . I just got a rude and condescending breakup text four days ago where he reminded me that I'm behind him in life as he has all the material goods and that he's ready to go out and get married to the next girl he meets so he can lie down on a beach and relax (I refused to marry him within 6 months of knowing him as I didn't like how he constantly pouts and throws temper tantrums). He kept blaming my refusal to get married on my childhood traumas even though witnesses who saw him blow up at me all said he was being selfish and abusive and that my reactions were far too tolerant. I'm really messed up right now and having a hard time facing the fact that he is a narcissist despite the fact that recently the relationship took a turn for the worse and he got physically violent with me once. I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Right now I'm very scared, lonely and confused.

[@sallyfrost5002]

Wow this is exactly my story. I just got dumped 4 days ago. I'm having a hard time processing that he's a narcissist despite him getting physically violent with me recently. He hit me hard with his shoe which is a huge size and has heavy orthodic casts inside of it. My "evil crime" worthy of physical punishment was simply that I was laughing too hard about a funny joke I read online and that upset him. The relationship lasted 2 and a half years and he was already pressuring me to marry him within 6 months of having met him. I'm glad I stood my ground and refused to get married. I don't want to be single for life but I couldn't have survived married to him. Now after the breakup I don't know what to do with my time as most of my time revolved around him over the last 2 years. When I went home to visit my mom he kept me on the phone with him for about 4 hours per day and when I was living with him he would get angry if I left the room he was in. If I went to another part of the house I was promptly accused of neglecting him and the relationship. Right now the breakup is fresh and I'm lonely, messed up and confused.

[@andalreis]

well i've decided to go to work by foot so i have time (and space) to scream, groan, be weird, talk to myself, get all the emotions out and it's helping me cope with the amount of confusion and frustration i've been feeling

[@erinward2983]

I grieve the loss of a mother-daughter relationship. My father was the wolf in sheep’s clothing, convincing me my mom didn’t love me. It took 38 years for me to realize that she does. By then she was fighting for her life. She understands and forgives me. She’s my hero. ❤

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

It's not your fault hun. This is what narcissists do to their families. They use their children against the other parent.

[@KarenMazzola-q5r]

❤blessings ❤

[@michelemiktus2312]

Sadly, my ex w/the help of his family, along w/my own mother and brother did a great number in using my children w/parental alienation towards me. I can only hope and pray they will discover the truth sooner than later. At this point, it is what it is.

[@joyslove3858]

Same here. My father triangulated my mom and I all of my life. Taught N sister to do the same. We had healed our relationship after being estranged for several years. Then she died in her sleep last winter. It's heartbreaking, yet I am grateful for the peace we enjoyed for that short time. ❤ I'm happy to read you and your mom are at peace with each other. ❤

[@arty5818]

Someday, I wish that my two grown up kids understand how much I love them. They are still under control of narcissists’s girl friend and boy friend. They believe their father who cheated and left when they were 6 and 9 years old.

[@catwashere413]

Right now, I don't think of regrets. I stopped doing that to myself and started doing things I enjoy again.

[@flightydancer]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani. It's been 9 months and I still cry everyday. Cried so much one of my eyes's having problem. Feel so stupid. I cried when I think how I believed in a fake person and world. This world is all an illusion. Maybe So grateful you are here for us, even if you don't know us personally.

[@stevenkeller476]

Good for you for not hiding from your emotions. I really think our physical health depends on this. Keep your eyes on where you want to be.🙏

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

I still can't get over the abuse. I can't believe it's taking so long for me to heal.

[@kayumari486]

Dear Lin, I am with you and I understand your feelings. I was there too, for a long time. I thought I was going crazy, that I wouldn't survive the pain. But the situation is gradually shifting. I gave way to great anger when it did not appear until many months later. I couldn't believe how much anger I had inside me... but experts say it's healthy to not hold on to anger and not feel guilty about it at the same time. Ruminating is very difficult for someone to manage and get rid of. I would say that each of the stages of my recovery from a narcissistic relationship (I lived in it for 25 years) ended in exhaustion. I just didn't have the strength anymore... the strength to cry, the strength to get angry, the strength to blame myself... It's been almost 2 years now since the discard happened. My mental and physical condition is slowly improving. Just the fact that I am able to accept the fact that everything in life does not turn out as we would imagine is a liberating moment. Many thanks to Dr. Ramani, who can name our pains so well and aptly. It was also very difficult for me to be basically completely alone with my son, all our "friends" were friends of my ex-husband.

[@flightydancer]

@@kayumari486 Thank you for sharing your story, Kayumari. I am glad you safety escaped your damaging ex and is on a journey of growth and joy. He doesn't deserve good hearted partner like you. Also, I recognized how much violence I had inside when pushed too far. We are all working on self respect, love and forgiveness. This world is just an illusion was my realization. Sooner or later, everyone must say goodbye to each other. We'll try to live each day meaningfully. lots of love and best wishes to you.

[@michelemiktus2312]

@flightdancer I cried for a good two to three years as I learned the things he was doing behind my back. The next two years were just utter pain and I was slowly giving up the will to live. I developed a serious life altering health condition which didn’t help my frame of mind. Now, 7 years later I have turned a corner and am coming out of the darkness. Hang tough, feel your feelings, you will survive but it will take time. Be gentle on yourself{{{hugs}}}

[@VivatVeritas1]

She’s so right about the way we tend to remember things. We select the best pictures not only in our phones and photo albums, but also in our mind. We filter out things to create better memories. Try to look back with a healthy dose of realism and the emerging picture is one of growing unease, doubt and anxiety. Looking like this at photographs that were meant to capture beautiful moments, you’re shocked to realize how awful and frightened you felt about their antics and poison later that very same day. The biggest regret you cannot stop ruminating about is the fact they had a spell on you, and possibly still have now, long after they’re gone.

[@John-ee5dh]

I mourn the loss of someone i loved so much until the promises and lies became visible

[@abbypangritz3123]

the only person you ever lost and you needed back is your self❤Godbless

[@gonehome2]

I loved your line: 'it's like throwing up something that made you sick'..lol

[@StefaniaCzech]

Use that bitterness to love youself, take youself out on dates, get your own gifts, then when your ready, realease that shit, bitterness is pain, there is a reason for the pain, work it, then release it, thank youself for the lesson, make a promise with youself, then go forward! 💝

[@CatherineBellizzi]

I let this happen twice, 2 long term relationships, after the abuse of a narcissistic parent. It wasn’t until I found this channel that I can start the process of healing. Thank you Dr. Ramani!

[@toronzocannonthechicagoblu7179]

Me too and one of them had the nerve to say I was a narcissist when she was 8 of 10 traits of a narcissist. Stay strong.

[@kathaas3971]

This is my same story- I wish you healing.

[@deborahmontano6848]

I am thankful now for my relationship with a narcissist. It taught me so much and it was the break through that led me straight to my narcissistic Mother. That relationship turned out to be my greatest teacher. It made me realize that it wasn’t about him,it was about healing childhood mother wounds which I’m working on. That relationship opened my eyes. My greatest lessons so I can recognize these empty vessels and never fall for one again.

[@joycefiore2721]

Demons

[@deniselanham2463]

Deborah… good decision (to learn from it) I would not have ever recognized the toxicity of this past narc relationship if it wasn’t for the 22 miserable years with my first narc husband.

[@lynnebucher6537]

I never thought of my bitterness as a desire for revenge. I don't have that. I just carried a lot of resentment for the cruelty and deception he brought into my life and for crushing my soul. I don't waste time ruminating anymore, but also never dated again because I don't have it in me to risk my sanity ever again.

[@jennaletizia5430]

I have been single 9 years after narcissistic abuse. I also am afraid of being destroyed again

[@hunybun7]

@@jennaletizia5430 I feel the same. Alone forever at 65? I'm just too untrusting of men w/good reason...& afraid I'll make the mistake of being love bombed again, then discarded.

[@devikabrendon7198]

I hope that you will date again. And that it will work out well, because of everything you learned about yourself and your high worth.

[@yanatatarinova8117]

I felt devastated and against all logic wanted him back so badly 😢, these videos helped me to make sense and understand my feelings - it is so much harder to let this asshole go then my other respectful and much deeper connection relationship, which is so confusing, I’ve been listening to KZbin videos for weeks all day every day and making sense of this mess, it is lightening my heart ❤

[@leef8063]

For me learning about narcissistic relationships. I have had to reflect on why I picked these people, and some the same one several times. And it goes back to my childhood. I just thought everyone was like me, I was too trusting. And needed love, so I was an easy mark. Now I know, and am less trusting of people I don't know. LIKE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN WHEN I WAS 12.

[@bettybodemeh3949]

Absolutely !!! Same here

[@lynnebucher6537]

Same here.

[@janakay7641]

Same. It’s so sad to realize this. Sort of steals your innocence :(. Now we walk around life less trusting, less free, less accepting. since we are vulnerable by nature, we always need to have our guard up.

[@julielinscomb6068]

Same!!! You are not alone ! You said it perfectly!! It’s sad that we can’t trust people/strangers!!! It’s even sadder when we can’t trust family!! Have a happy life!!

[@codyrooney393]

THIS. Exactly what I'm learning right now. I thought everyone just wanted love like me. It's been a wake up call for sure.

[@MichaelaHoffová]

This is a shout out to all those abused and lied to by a narcissistic "partner". You are not alone. There are many of us. Keep strong and find yourself again and be proud. You've been freed from the prison you were in. They will never have what you have - a big heart and a loving spirit. Keep your heart big and don't close it up, life is too short ❤

[@groovymovie84]

The "blame shifting" part hit me hard. My narc ex hung himself off my banister of the stairs..and I woke up hearing the thump of him hitting the wall. I saved his life by untying the sheet. He blamed me for what he tried to do. We hadn't even had an argument before it happened. I've blocked that memory out of my mind, but it popped up recently. It's devastating. I stayed with him longer than I did BECAUSE I was worried he would do harm on himself, when he was doing emotional harm on me.

[@yvettievs4063]

I am sad to hear how your ex emotionally manipulated you. Congratulations for acknowledging your situation and transcending your pain.

[@chilloften]

The horrors.

[@MichaelBroder]

My situation was not as dramatic as yours, but I was also with a partner who seemed always to need to be taken care of emotionally and that’s a big part of it. Made it hard for me to leave. That’s what made me stay as long as I did.

[@jennytaylor8535]

God, the narcissist will never take responsibility for anything. It is always anyone, but themselves, and the vast majority of the time, it is you. I still blame myself for everything, but somewhere is inside I know it's not me. It was NOT YOU!!!! It was NEVER you!!!!! I know you "know" that, but for the times when you don't, it was NEVER you!!!!!💖

[@lhmccool67]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that! How awful for you. And I understand. Mine swallowed a bunch of pills on mother's day, while we were separated and he was living with another woman. He called me to "get help", but I didn't answer. After he told me a few days later, in tears that I wasn't there for him, I felt as responsible for him as for our two children...and went back for 14 more years. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@MarjonWiendels]

I think one of the reasons for thinking "I allowed this to happen" is that the scary alternative is facing the fact that it could happen again at any time...

[@micahcraven6576]

It takes time! There's no timeline to healing. It's been a year for me and I'm still healing. I still have it cross my mind at least once daily. But now I can accept it in the moment and move past the moment. Give yourself grace, be patient, and remember - they don't change. Going back makes the grief worse- bc you will leave again. It always stays the same. They don't recognize what they did or the extent of their damage bc they rationalize their bad actions to avoid shame. Allow yourself to feel but do it far far away. They're toxic and they'll never change

[@Hesetmefree1981]

Well said. God bless you on your healing journey 🙏🏼❤️

[@Danarize]

❤❤❤

[@Jade.r95]

Doctor Ramani, you bring me to tears. You are the light at the end of the tunnel for me right now. I broke down when you said "you didn't know". I had a child with a textbook narcissist when i was 19 and a decade later he managed to fool me again after thinking he had done the worst. Admitted to cheating, being a compulsive liar etc. and i naively took that as the potential for progression; not realising i was in, yet, another cycle. I want to be done for good so badly. I'm beyond depleated. Ive just not seen a mental health professional understand narcissism the way that you do where I'm from. You are honestly god sent.

[@CapitalK66]

I can tell you what’s led me to perform my autopsy of my 21 yr rel/17 yr marriage: I was in some state of denial and brainwashing that the abuse and infidelity were happening. It’s only now that I’m out of it that I can look back at all my journal entries and discover what was really happening. I’ve accepted that I can’t move on until I fully understand what happened. It’s like I was in a walking, semi awake coma for 21 yrs.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

I forced myself to go back through years of my journals, and this forced me to see the abuse cycles repeating and repeating. It forced me to finally leave him. It was so hard, but I'm so glad I had those journals.

[@MichaelBroder]

For me: 20 years together, 16 years married. I hear you!

[@sandracaezza7234]

I ended a 24 yr marriage to a narc/addict. His social media accounts told me everything. Over the yrs of relapse/recovery and actually all my life I have journaled also. I opened the trunk of life ( my journals) and decided to use them to heal. Giving myself time,no contact,divorce papers signed. Found a great quote,” what inhabits your life, inhibits your dreams.” Wrote that in 2011, forgive myself for not believing what I knew yrs ago. Grateful for my health,this community & the knowledge I have now.

[@jennytaylor8535]

Amen

[@zurigee6]

I agree, like I woke up and wondered what was wrong with me. Angry at self as waited too late..

[@C4RYB34R]

I finally left my highly abusive narcissist and I am moving far away so he won't find me. You gave me *strength* Dr Ramani. I am not angry and I am not bitter anymore! I am free & happy

[@JDDemont-dw2zj]

So Awesome!! Proud of You!!👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@C4RYB34R]

Thank you but I am really struggling from the trauma. I dont understand how I am feeling. Im not bitter; profoundly sad, @@JDDemont-dw2zj

[@bobbybloomer5266]

My biggest regret is missing the red flags, from the start. Within the first week there was alternating truths.

[@TracyH29]

I didn't miss the red flags. I chose to ignore them. I'm still not happy with myself about that.

[@vickihathorn6402]

You are amazing with explaining all of these different stages of healing. Married 30 years and just thought that was life and you taught me NO it was narcissism.

[@bronwyntanner4501]

With your help i no longer give any mental real estate to my mother or my ex husband. I have no clue what is happening in their lives. Im too caught up with the healing. I now live with gratitude and joy. My life is way too important. Yay. Finally. At 65

[@louannledbetter7147]

The energy expended affected physical and mental health. In the end, the knowledge gained from six year study and research my heart faced what my brain learned and self love was born. It’s new but I am realizing my potential on many levels and despite the disappointment and sadness, it’s a good adventure. Having faith is my lifeline.

[@kathydean2609]

I’ve done a lot of the work to resolve a lot of the bitterness and it’s working- not easy, but I now know how common narcissistic abuse is. I’m one of millions. Thanks to you, Dr. Ramani. I’m even developing some skills to recognize them when I run into them. I’m working diligently to deal with them in a neutral way- a respectful way. I’m realizing how much our misogynistic society works in favour of the male narcissist, “it’s a guy thing”. At the very least, I will take a breath and not lash out. It’s one heck of a journey!

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

It's very hard getting through this kind of abuse. 😢

[@Clair_FireBird]

It's the same for siblings. You're told it's "sibling rivalry", when actual abuse is taking place. I think on the whole, people don't want to believe what's really going on.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

@@Clair_FireBird I actually never thought of it that way.

[@giraffewhisperer1]

Yes, especially in the south where men use the bible to justify their misogynistic way of life. As an intuitive empath I was demonized, (some psychic dreams and etc.) I didn't go to church for a long time. My daughter wanted me to go with her; I did. I hadn't been there but a few minutes, when an elderly man down the pew from me, asked the preacher, "Aren't men the head of the household?" I didn't say anything, but my out loud chuckle may have given him some insight.

[@yvonnes7412]

Yep I would be rich for every time my narc said “when a MAN …” like he had some vision of what being a man was that justified all his narcissism… 🤦‍♀️

[@yellowgirl273]

No one ever told me the ruminating was normal. I’ve always saw it as this bad thing I was doing. Thank you for reframing this.

[@devikabrendon7198]

Ruminating is not wallowing. It’s a process which frees us, if we do it right

[@anta3612]

I've had several judgy therapists who've said exactly that "can we move on?" or "how long ago did this happen?" (in a tone that implied that it should no longer be relevant and I should have already let it go).

[@Hammondchris]

A lot of grief and regret it feels very similar to a death of a loved one. Feel a lot of physical pain ("gut wrenching" ) I have experienced a most surprising amount of relief however, it took me by surprise how powerful it was cleansing 😅. My feelings are all over the place but to feel something different that wasn't painful😮was sure nice. Regret feeling victimized, gobs of anger, regret, self pity. I feel an absolute injustice happened which is extremely, powerfully paralyzing. I absolutely got so much out of these videos which honestly probably saved my life, I want my life to not be wasted another moment thanks to Dr Ramani. Thanks to everyone too who has shared in the comments. God bless us all!! Group hug😀

[@aks136]

One of the greatest hurdles is to get over the idea that, "Because I was treated so badly by someone to the point that it shook my core, the world owes me something good, some luck or some miracle." While the miracle we need is the courage to take action, however small it may be, in the direction of being our true self.

[@msbeckyleigh]

Such an excellent comment should be at the top

[@JDDemont-dw2zj]

Yes!🙏🏾💯

[@angelinaagathangelou4315]

Start believing in your True unique Self ..Focus on all the good that can come from moving on ❤

[@selinajade5089]

The rumination and self doubt and confusion is distracting me from my life. And time is being wasted. I’m like stuck in time but the time is passing me by.

[@belleformica]

It’s felt like recovering from an addiction… Even on days like today where I find myself craving that person, I know deep down that relationship would only deplete me and having no contact is for the best. I’m trying to not go down the rabbit hole of regrets, and I’m reminding myself that this (complicated) grief will pass and I’ll feel a sense of relief and freedom again. Some days it’s easy Thank you Dr Ramani for helping me come to know all of this 🙏🏼

[@shabanachoudhari5127]

I did a screenshot because I absolutely think its an addiction, the anxiety nerves and panic, crying and depressioncycles.

[@NonaManis229]

Maybe yes 🤔 👏🏻😊 Being self-reliant means not depending on others to meet your needs. Even if you are alone, you can manage your life without feeling anxious and stressed. There are times in life when we do not find anyone around us. We are unable to make decisions and move forward because we do not feel strong enough. Then when we try to take a step and do it successfully, we realise that we can manage ourselves without needing anyone. Don't feel weak if you find yourself alone. Trust yourself and have faith in your decision-making ability. Have faith, you will find that you are strong enough even when no one else is there 👏🏻😊 😊👏😊👏😊

[@chilloften]

💕🦋🌺

[@Stardustpal25]

Thank you, I'm printing this and saving in my pocket 💞 🙏🫂

[@Charlotte_breathes_fire]

Anyone else feel like Dr. Ramani is saving your life?

[@lynnebucher6537]

I do blame myself for not dumping him after the first seriously abusive episode, which occurred two weeks after our engagement. I realize now that he felt secure enough at that point to really ramp up his game. NEVER AGAIN.

[@davidhinkson8856]

Hmmm...this is interesting - my narc ex wife and her mother blew up at me in a really outrageous and unnecessary fashion TWO DAYS before our wedding! They even talked among themselves about canceling it. Maybe I should have let them go ahead and do it instead of enduring extensive emotional and psychological abuse for the next 14 years of my life.

[@CrimeVictimsProtection]

Yes !!! I suffered all these things, but I forgive the narcissist for being so damaged, and release all toxic emotions from my life. I’m not gonna dwell in bitterness, and I’m not letting my heart be hindered by the past. The pain will fade eventually. The saddest will pass. It will take time, but I will survive.

[@leilagomulka5690]

Dr. Ramani , you rock and roll🌹

[@pameladaffon525]

It’s such a painful feeling.. having found out the person you love and excited about finally living together, is loving someone else. I ignored the gut feelings and red flags because i did not want to lose the man, but when he shut the door on me there is no more i can do. Right away i see him moving on happily with another girl. It just sucks, and it’s so crippling. Living alone and summer ending meaning rainy season and gloomy weather everyday is not helping. But thank you, Dr. Ramani, I find comfort in your videos esp this one.

[@jennywager6228]

The abuse and madness was so bad I nearly ended it all. It is hard to process when youre soul is dragged into the darkness The guilt of feeling so useless after chronic gaslighting,control and financial abuse had me walking around like a zombie. The fight for life was so intense I know some people didnt make it. Its a bottomless pit of evil intention thats hard to comprehend.

[@Plumduff3303]

Well said

[@Angela-bz8sw]

Agreed - a bottomless pit of evil intention that five months later, I am still struggling to comprehend the pure evil of his behavior.

[@Bonzmae]

Gaining knowledge actually helped me got rid of this self blame

[@devikabrendon7198]

YES 🎉

[@erinward2983]

Sending love to anyone else who had a narc parent for whom they’ve sacrificed pieces of themselves. I loved my family so much. I believed them when they said I was selfish to have a dream. My parent needed me. I was put in my place before seeing it through. 20 yrs later…still blaming myself and ruminating.

[@ronnie4796]

It’s so painful to realize they really don’t care. Virtual hug🙏🏻

[@vickyprakas]

I can totally relate and understand your pain. Sending hugs and prayers to heal

[@michelemiktus2312]

I just discovered in 2019 that my mother was one. It’s now grey rock all the way. I have the absolute right to be furious w/her considering she has destroyed any relationship w/my siblings and extended family. After her death there will not be any connections left. Amazingly, I’m not furious, I am indifferent w/her. She is a nasty *itchy old lady, always trying to manipulate others to do her bidding. Now, I just chuckle to myself and say let me know how it goes😂😂😂

[@mday3821]

It's hard to believe that parents can have no love for their children. I right there with you. Hugs!❤

[@puregrit8057]

Many of us lived similarly, and feel your pain through our own hearts. As a wise therapist reminded me, if I didn't learn to love myself as much as I loved my family, I was going to be stuck on a one-way train to a dark place. Thank you for sending love and light!

[@gillianfrances]

I feel that too, that I allowed it to happen but I realised that I 'allowed' it because I loved the person & being able to love is a good thing, never a bad thing. So, although it did turn out very badly & I waited far too long to get out, I'm grateful that I am able to love. Something that's not possible for the narcissist I was with.

[@lynzieheart8456]

I regret not learning sooner took ten years. Thank God no kids involved. I'm grateful I've learned enough and finally value myself enough to run away.

[@suzannemckenzie7035]

I don't feel regret when I hear that others lives are healthy and they have great relationships... I feel regret when I hear others lives were abusive also. 💔

[@joyandrews3804]

I realised today that none of this is my fault. My narcissistic mother and father, husband, and recently my best friend destroyed my life. But none of this was my fault. Now I can move on without blaming myself. Thank you for all your help. Learning radical acceptance and indifference has helped me to obtain some self respect. Now I can heal.

[@Clair_FireBird]

How are you rebuilding your destroyed life?

[@annaburns2865]

Yes. Once you realize that, then the healing can begin. God bless you. 😊

[@pooscifer]

Okay if everyone around you is a "narcissist" do you think you might be overdiagnosing a bit?

[@KathyJohnson-li3xm]

I guess the reason it took me so long to realize was a narcissist is, is that I couldn’t fathom anyone could be to be like that. I don’t think like a narcissist. I couldn’t fathom that some one that “loved me” were capable of such cold, calculating behavior. I have had my lightbulb moment. I now realize that I would vent when was with anyone that would listen. I became a negative Nancy. Everything I talked about was negative. Who wants to be around that? Even though I didn’t know I was doing it. Now. Here I am, brand new with my eyes wide open. I genuinely hope that with this huge revelation of what I have been doing, that I won’t have to do that anymore. I have spent years ruminating. This “lightbulb moment” has opened a new door to the rest of my life.

[@debbylee6329]

I spent 45 years in a marriage with a narcissist. My biggest regret is how this man affected my 2 grown sons. They are both suffering from growing up in that toxic environment. They refuse to deal with it and that really bothers me at times.

[@sheri6089]

I so feel and relate with you so! My daughter was lost to me by further n abuse to her. Since I'm much closer to 70 than 60/50/40...... I can hope and pray my 4 grandchildren make it without too many wounds and talk/care about me plus I know my blessings will be great in heaven (gruesome purgatory here already).

[@chilloften]

One of my biggest regrets, is leaving my 9 month old baby with my mother dearest while I attended college. I’d leave him with her all week. I’d cry about it and hated it but I had to do it, I was single and school was hard, and studying and commuting. Anyway, it hurts that I left him there, I knew 46:49 she beat me, but I didn’t realize the extent of all of her abuses. My son abused my daughter, all of her life.

[@davidmckay4423]

I was with my narc wife for 35years and probably would still have been if I had not been discarded. I also worry about my adult children but I have come to realise that had I left the relationship with her then the children would have taken the brunt of her cruelty. Better me than them

[@debbylee6329]

@@davidmckay4423 thank-you for your comment. It helped me see things (in regards to my adult kids) in a different light. Thank-you.

[@chilloften]

@@davidmckay4423 I’ve come to believe that’s what my dad did as well. Well that and the fact that he was afraid about the money being split. But he moved south with in retirement and lived in his bedroom. She’d humiliate him on every level. But he was the “mostly” kind and sweet one, and grounded, and calm, and organized, and peace providing. It’s just so sad, as I learn with age and internet, all that he and we endured and just thought we were bad people.

[@niveditanarendran2445]

Yes, rumination, i am stuck with it, while going through more than 1 week of silent treatment from my spouse. Thank you doctor for enlightening us🙏

[@lenzeimpressions5791]

I think this was meant for me, I just broke up with a covert narcissist and it hasn’t been easy, she just discarded me and packed all her stuff and moved out , I asked her and she said she would rather die than be with me… I am broken as I type but I know I will be alright.

[@berlizgonzalez6736]

Wow, what a hurtful thing to say to you. It will be ok, stay focused on self love and healing. Wishing you the best!

[@aliceroberts1980]

❤️

[@tbrown0420]

Yes, you will be alright. Get into therapy and allow the healing to happen. You will have a different view of her in the end, and you will be thankful she left. 💯🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@lenzeimpressions5791]

@@berlizgonzalez6736 thanks so much for your words I really needed it

[@lenzeimpressions5791]

@@tbrown0420 I hope and pray so. It hasn’t been easy.

[@michealsilvey1124]

Regret never having the dreams you thought were going to happen.... regret not standing up for yourself sooner... regret not telling famiky and friends what you were goung through... regret givhng them the benefit of the doubt .... and on and on.... Thank you Dr Ramani

[@stevenkeller476]

The most lethal weapon a narcissist can use against you is your child. How does one not ruminate when your child is suffering from parental alienation? This has been my problem. My son's 17th birthday is tomorrow and haven't seen him in 16 months at a time he needs his father. I can't tell you how much I miss this incredible young man who has bee told I am the root of all evil. This is our challenge. This video helps. Thanks again Dr. Ramani.

[@tessamary1017]

My son is using my grandsons to punish me for not moving to live near him, not because he cares about me, but because I can’t offer him the babysitting duties he sees as due. I haven’t been allowed any contact with my grandsons for over six months now, it’s heartbreaking. The gaslighting, mocking and unkindness has been particularly hard to accept. For sure his behaviour is mirroring his grandiose narcissistic father who treats him like this and obviously me for decades. Such learnt behaviour is devastating to observe. This video Dr R and others are helping me to be more self-caring and to let go of such a painful situation that I have no control over. Time heals and offers the truth, eventually.

[@stevenkeller476]

@@tessamary1017 Pure heartache...I understand this well. It just cuts deeper with children because we can see what happens to their innocence. They have no idea what is happening. Don't stop reaching out at them at the right times. Be kind to yourself. I hear wisdom and understanding in your tone. Be the example. This is my only refuge. Take good care.

[@sheri6089]

@@tessamary1017❤

[@yvettievs4063]

I am disgusted to hear that parent alienation is happening to you. I can not begin to fathom your despair and pain. I hope you have people who support you during this very difficult time and take good care of your peace by drawing strength from them.

[@aubreyj.tennant1123]

35:34 okay, I commented earlier when I was halfway through but held back saying it felt like you were speaking directly to me! Then 10 minutes later your said “I don’t care if you’re 70 years old” which I am! Wow! Just wow! 🥰🤗🥰🤗🥰🤗

[@carlos89784]

25:20 Don't blame yourself, you didn't consent to this horrible abuse. Very nice to hear this part of the video. Such a hard part to deal with. To attempt give ourselves forced fake closure to put all/most/main responsibility on us, despite the clear abuse we suffered.

[@anitamundy6863]

2 weeks after...not crying anymore..friends and family sighing with relief ..best part I've started to hear the dawn chorus again...and no 'it's not all in my head" ❤😂

[@beverlyadams7205]

I was so relieved after I stopped talking to my older daughter, the narcissist. I shared with her sister, how happy I was, and how empowering it is to not be abused continually. My younger daughter shamed me and told me that now she is solely responsible for me since my older daughter is out of my life. I felt like I had been hit in the face. Getting over this betrayal is very difficult. I’m 74.

[@ltparies]

I am absolutely going through grief and relief!. Thank you Dr. Ramani. I did blame myself for being involved with the narcissist. I blamed myself and carried so much shame. Thank you for saying it doesn't belong to me. I will no longer blame myself.

[@MaxxMinton]

This has helped fortify my mental health.

[@danutam572]

Certain sadness and rumination after ending is better than daily trauma and agitation. It's what I'm thinking today. One week after breaking an 8 year relationship with vulnerable narcist.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

Yes, it is better than the daily drama and chaos created by narcs. But the narcissist hijacked my mind and I don't experience joy anymore.

[@trudiegordon6327]

Please get away reduce the time spent with him and you will look and feel better. I have noticed my anxiety increases when I even hear his voice on the phone. Find yourself and get a routine that does not involve him. You owe it to yourself not him. @@melisentiapheiffer3034

[@mairahernandez7039]

I’m 48 years old. My biggest regret is wasting 15 years of my life with a narcissist that gave me false hopes..

[@selinajade5089]

YES! RUMINATION INSIDE AND OUTSIDE OF THE RELATIONSHIP! IM STRUGGLING HEAVILY WITH THIS AND GASLIGHTING MYSELF. :**(

[@geethaburleson]

Had it not for my daughter, I would not have been here instead would have been dead. I hope Dr Ramani read and acknowledge it.

[@user-il7eg2gn9x]

Dear Dr .Ramani You truly are a beautiful person inside and out!! I absolutely admire the person you are!! If humanity had the loveliness you possess it truly would be a wounderful world indeed!! Love you,love your work Thankyou for being you 🥰💗

[@annaburns2865]

Everyone told me to leave my husband but after cutting off my mom and brother I couldn’t imagine going through an actual divorce. I feel like I have already been through one. This video title couldn’t be any more accurate. It’s so hard.

[@Wild-Rose777]

Dr, Ramani♥️ I being in the processing of separation of a narcissist after 35 years, you are saving my life and sanity🙏 there is no word to thank you🙏

[@annmariejensen7684]

Almost same story here. It has its good days and some days are very difficult. We will get through it and thrive!

[@shelliemathews1043]

34 1/2 yrs together and 33 yrs marriage (8/31/90), 3 kids (all adults now). I feel stupid most of the time, the amount of regret is astonishing...trying extremely hard to not fall into the victim hood as well. I don't want my kids to try to make me feel better about their upbringing or anything but just their understanding and forgiveness.

[@Wild-Rose777]

@@shelliemathews1043 I get you. The same with me, having three adult kids and feeling of being robbed the best years of us. I know our kids understand us.

[@Wild-Rose777]

@@annmariejensen7684 I am sorry you gone through the same. We will. I feel I need to focus on that that I am a human being not a human doing and it's okay just to survive. Surviving from a narc. is far more than thriving.

[@leeflee4403]

Ruminating is part of the process, it's me trying to figure out the insanity. TY so much Dr. Ramani!

[@SagittariusBabe87]

I ruminate a lot still and I am trying to concentrate on my studies for Dental Assisting and it has been hard to focus at times. My future and career is important. But, going through a Narcissistic breakup happened at the worst time. The relationship happened at the worst time. Rumination is making it hard to concentrate and is distracting Me. I am doing my best to focus. It has been very hard, every day is very hard.

[@susannorris9063]

I'm the person who's wasted a lifetime. I'm 69, feel stuck, full of regret and fear wondering what's next. I've been listening to your podcast for 7 months now. Feeling strong one minute and my lowest the next. Overwhelmed.

[@TracyH29]

Hi Susan, I hope you are feeling better.

[@susannorris9063]

@TracyH29 I'm doing better. Learning a lot. More up days now.

[@TracyH29]

​@susannorris9063 I'm glad you are doing better. I know it's hard. I hope it helps that there are people who understand and care 🤗.

[@kkryz]

💕 I was thinking about the body impacts of the stress of these relationships. Stomach issues.. I found ginger/honey tea, peppermint tea, or chamomile helped. Ginger may help with digestive issues too. Probiotics like sauerkraut or yogurt may help with digestive issues. Our magnesium gets depleted from stress. Sometimes my nervous system reminds me to have a tea but there are periods where I don't think about it. Tea didn't used to be part of my routine. Hope you're doing okay 〰️

[@Noone-jf9sh]

Killed us slowly but surely

[@thevaporshoppe]

I’ve barely eaten in a week because of the anxiety stomach pains following discard. 😢

[@kkryz]

@@thevaporshoppe ❤

[@serena5563]

I regret I didn't follow my intuition when I suspected that he was cheating. He gaslighted me. I regret not talking to others about it and keeping it to myself.