How your reactions become narcissistic supply

[@DominieRobinson]

I have learned, over the years to recognize that arrogant smirk . That arrogant Smirk tells all. I steer clear .

[@danlee4706]

I know all too well that arrogant smirk! A picture is worth more than a thousand words!

[@watching1513]

As soon as I read your comment I can see my mother’s smirk in my mind. Burnt into my eyes like staring at the sun!!!

[@erikainiguez1314]

@DominieRobinson and that let's us stay shmear clear.

[@HarmonyVanEaton]

Or the predator stare, or the sadistic grin….

[@DominieRobinson]

@HarmonyVanEaton yes ! Absolutely ! Those also !

[@sushmayen]

When we try to control our reaction to them we become internally stressed out and become a different person we can't recognize.

[@danlee4706]

That is EXACTLY it! Perfectly well said! And there's no way to counter them unless we become as manipulative as they are. And by doing that we become like them. Being involved with them even minimally is self-destructive. THANK YOU for your wise observation!

[@erikainiguez1314]

Yesss! The retention of it all the words, the frustration, the delusion, the absurdity, the pain and top of that we have to hold it in for them! It's crazy making. So we either lash out and become someone else, or we suppress it all and inherit all these debilitating, dilapidating characteristics and still become someone else that we can't even recognize in the mirror. I don't even look at myself anymore, that's how shrunken I've become. So we become them to see if maybe playing their game helps the situation but it only makes it worse because we aren't significant to them, we are peasants and don't hold cred in their world, how dare we give them the same medicine.

[@LJH662]

Exactly. I have to be inauthentic to soothe my narc mom’s insecurities or she runs to the monkeys . Worst smear campaign in entire family!

[@marysisak2359]

Sometimes I think I am two people. I am struggling trying to integrate the pathetic beat me beat me it feels so good when you stop person or give me the club I can beat my self thank you person with the go to hell you son of a bitch, angry person. After listening to Dr Ramani for the last couple of months I at least have a goal - to become the radically indifferent let's get on with my own life person.

[@caroleminke6116]

Going gray rock will get you out because they’re gonna give up but it can be scary dangerous! My narc said he couldn’t trigger me anymore before he disappeared suddenly… it was clear he couldn’t contain his rage & I’m relieved it ended that way. However it takes a steady nerve to face this dysregulation with silence

[@DominieRobinson]

My life has been all but Destroyed because of Narcissistic B.S. deepest Prayers for Every Survivor Out there !

[@adambutler4237]

Yeah, my whole social structure is falling apart

[@acasyd]

Good luck and thanks ❤

[@hannahfeghaly1994]

That's so hard ​@@adambutler4237

[@carolkristian1146]

I feel for you. My narcissist has taken years from me. About 27 years. For years I thought he would change when he threw me breadcrumbs.

[@WildJerky]

Yep. You are still smart and growing.

[@nicholashuff4198]

i don't always feel the need to watch your videos anymore, but i always wish i could reach through the screen and give you a hug anytime one pops up, Dr. Ramani! Love and appreciate you!

[@BoldBoC]

Sounds like you're in a good place. Congrats! Dealing with this stuff isn't easy.

[@kaeliarobinson3108]

Dr. Ramani you saved my life in 2021. 🌹 I was so confused and filled with despair back then and you brought me clarity. You are definitely an angel 😇

[@marysisak2359]

same here

[@Snezanah]

Ànd Dr.Les Carter! He is very good! Dr.Ramani ànd Dr.Les had together for us and we asked...conversation...two very good dokters together! Se look up: Surviving narcissism. He puts the right tone about what and how and the words narcs can think! Their mentality..you will be very happy to also 'meet' Dr.Les. and he also couple of times respond back to My comments and I make some jokes and he can be short and funny together.🙂.

[@maevebutler4641]

​@@marysisak2359same here ❤

[@maIwaldron]

@@kaeliarobinson3108 Rough year but a lot was learned!

[@taliajournee212]

Yes same!!!! I was really in the throws of hell with everything that was going on globally and in my family - I was outcasted and treated like the biggest burden in the world - all because I lost my job. Coming out of it stronger and more balanced person - big thanks to Dr. Ramani.

[@kathryncothern3433]

I am SOOOOOO THANKFUL I don’t have to deal with any of that c-r-a-p any longer!!! ❤ I walked away and never looked back… ❤

[@JJ-nr2nn]

Dr Ramani you saved my life . I studied your teachings like I was getting a doctorate in narcissism and I GOT OUT. I am divorced (7months) and although I’m healing I feel so much better . I cannot thank you enough for these videos and the healing program which is also amazing. Thank you a million times. Keep doing what you’re doing it is really helping people ❤

[@danlee4706]

Congratulations. There's no experience like feeling free again!

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

❤

[@watching1513]

Amazing! Dr Ramani helped me get out too! She is the best, I just want to give her a hug! 💕

[@A2Zdogmd]

I’m with you! Almost 6 months now 🙏❤️

[@nalalin8835]

This is so wonderful to hear! 🎉

[@jeanhickman6678]

These “nervous system upticks” are for real. I came to a place where I had been “surprised” so frequently that my nervous system literally became STUCK in that mode. I would go for days in what felt like an anxiety attack mode…. Like I was just waiting to have a heart attack. After being raised by a narcissist and having all the relationships in my life as an adult be riddled with narcissism I finally had a stroke. The lack of support and compassion literally finished me off. Dr. Ramani has helped me stabilize and find my self respect. Thank you Dr. I admire you more than words can say! ❤I may never find my greatness as I am now 71 but I have found my dignity and that counts for something!”

[@I_z_ya]

❤❤❤

[@sylviaduncan6663]

I feel like that and you are right on think you for sharing

[@judithsnow5404]

​@@sylviaduncan6663To have survived what you have survived and have your self respect (and, I dare say, your humanity) IS your greatness. I am inspired and encouraged by your sharing. Thank you and God bless you. ❤

[@TonyXavior]

Thanks, Dr. Ramani. No one should be surprised when the narc is too predictable. Radical acceptance is key.

[@taliajournee212]

I wish I could like this video 100K times. So many amazing pointers, especially about the constant pinging to your nervous system when dealing with a toxic narcissist. Releasing yourself from their mind games/presence instantly gave me more energy. I didn't even realize how much of my energy had been taken up with them. A major point you mentioned is building up other areas of your life, bingo! When you step away from these people you see that it's like an app that is open on your phone in the background -- you aren't' using it but it's draining your energy. Clear the cache and end the subscriptions to preserve your power!

[@Pavithra.radhakrishnan1]

Well said.

[@vanestn]

Nothing worse than being humiliated by your partner and being called crazy for having a reaction to it, and ending up with all the blame because you had that reaction

[@beverlyadams7205]

I shudder to think of where I would be now if I had not found these videos. Watching them has changed my life. Thank you, Dr.Ramani 🥰

[@julianterris]

When a narcissit who sipped and fell into bed with some one else tells you to "build a bridge and get over it" you have to forgive. You have to forgive yourself, and *leave*

[@WisconsinWanderer]

That is where my internal power lies is not reacting to the narc’s actions and behavior. My ex knew the gig was up once I figure that out, once I had regained the smirk on my face no matter what she said I knew what I needed to do and that helped me to divorce and move on. Narcissist actually thrive on my reactions to there vitriol and cruelty it’s their drug of choice. I’m only human but I refuse to give into narcissist supply. thanks everyone 😊

[@stephanienewhouse2056]

The very hardest part of no contact is no matter what the provocation, DO NOT RESPOND.

[@babydii3487]

💯💯

[@nomad9338]

This is even harder when your narc is malignant. They never stop!

[@katydid594]

I thought low contact with my mom would help. It doesn’t. Every communication with her is either another opportunity for her to abuse or a reminder of what she stole from me.

[@rebeccajolly7039]

Dr Ramani, you are the very first person I have ever encountered that has described how my whole life has been and still is. I mean, damn near verbatim! I am 45 years old and i have talked to many counselors and other mental health professionals throughout my adult life. I thank God for me finding your videos, and I want to thank you for all the research you have done and for how you have shared this information. ❤❤ I have been praying about these things in my life and was lead straight to you first! God is so good! Thank you so much again for doing this good work to help others. You're a blessing, and may God bless you in your life, amen! ❤❤

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

"Human pacifier" 😭 omg i love you Dr Ramani!!!

[@lorianttila9698]

I liked how you addressed the people who do not have a tendency towards jealousy. I am one of those although as the triangulation was performed, I found myself questioning my sanity. I actually "surrendered" and was ready to have them place me in a residency. The relationship was clearly not good for me and I could not get angry. It was "not allowed". It was not the behavior of a "Godly wife". A lot of therapy with a therapist who understands NPD and most likely Anti social personality disorder. Helped me understand that the only way to stop the cycle was for me to end it. Let me tell you, it was incredibly difficult And took a long time to get to this place of understanding. Btw, the nex just sent me a video trying to hoover me back. We have been divorced for over a year with no contact placed in order. I have him blocked everywhere I can. Everything Dr Ramani is spot on true. I did not bite. Best thing is No Contact. They will never get better. I understand that today.

[@Madzia_lenaa]

I would like to thank you so much for your work, it helped me to change my life for better and gave me a lot of support 💞 I like to watch your videos not only because of all the knowledge you have, but also I fell your warmth and empathy towards people who are struggling ☺You are doing such a great job, love you ❤😊

[@diannaclark2460]

This is my first narcissistic relationship. 25 years. I pray I never let someone or anyone with this disorder in my life ever again. Thank you Dr. Ramani

[@dreamyk8461]

I love how when this new narcissist came into my life I immediately knew what was going on. As soon as I noticed I didn't react at all I starved him and watched him up the anti to provoke me and it never worked. For some reason his whole life is crumbling, God don't like ugly

[@NovaPrincess]

This video was so spot on Dr. Ramani. Thank you so much, especially the part about 'letting the flies in', when it comes to narcissists rushing in where one has already breached the gates. Ugh! I lived that for literal decades. Now i just stay away from people and am 100% no contact with every last family member. It's much more peaceful this way.

[@HereForToday42]

isn't it hard when it's familiy? but worth it

[@patrickbinford590]

When Dr Ramani talked about seeing a relationship clearly for what it is, a light bulb shone within: an aha moment.

[@ugochiamah5979]

“ Infact I’ll be willing to set a clock by it” 😅 😂 Thank you Dr. Ramani for all your work, you are liberating a lot of people.

[@R.L.Buick.]

Outstanding strategy to keep sanity while adult babysitting. This is a keeper! 👍👍

[@acasyd]

I am in the learning process of getting mastery of the consistency of narcissistic behavior and excluding them from most of what is important to me.

[@annamiller8871]

I believe there's a difference between jealousy and insecurity. Jealousy is when you want something that someone else has. Insecurity is when you have something that you feel someone is trying to take away from you.

[@rossanderson5243]

Envy is when you want something someone has. Jealousy makes a competition for it. Envy comes before jealousy.

[@jonwardle8822]

So much fun in these relationships! Being made to feel jealous, then betrayal and then ofcourse gaslighting just to put into question your mental health! What a wonderful time we're having!

[@tonyamartin5543]

Thank you will never be enough 🙏 you have changed my life. Now I know who my husband is and how to handle my situation.

[@beverlyadams7205]

Since I’ve been away from my two daughters, who are narcissistic, I have said to myself I’m walking away from my children. Today I realized they are not children. They are adults. I am not walking away from my children. I am walking away from adults who Abuse me.

[@piscesmoon0909]

Apologize my question, but it popped in my mind, Didn't you think you took part in raising them (so they become narcissists)? 🙏🏻

[@beverlyadams7205]

@@piscesmoon0909yeah, it’s my fault.

[@lanamaart1000]

It is not your fault... They chose the dark path..... Fallen angels.... You did the right thing to walk away..... ​@@beverlyadams7205

[@sylviaduncan6663]

It not not her fault at all I have grown children that have abused me for years and they are gust like there father that would abuse me for any thing I got sick of living this way walking a round with black eyes and busted mouth all the time I all so have one child that is not that way😢😢😢​@@beverlyadams7205so please don't blame her for leaving her children these people are sick

[@sylviaduncan6663]

No it not your fault ​@@beverlyadams7205

[@amandaliverpool3374]

You often put a different perspective on things in a way that I hadn't looked at them before. I'm grateful for this 🙏 ❤

[@bereal6590]

I was busy empathising, validating, worrying, feeling guilty. They were busy telling me who I am and how I should think and feel and what I should and shouldn't do. They thrive on your confusion, you being dependent and being and doing what they want. They make you anxious of making mistakes and living inside your confused, ruminating head. They get you to the point you look and feel mentally ill, then they'll complain about how you don't have it together. Once you get it together, they do NOT like it, because they needed you to be a mess to elevate themselves! Then the tactics change to you're selfish! It's always a loose loose situation and talking does not help, you just become more confused.

[@frainer]

Thanks!

[@xiaoyu1300]

This video is gold, the description perfectly matched my mothers words and actions. I did not realise I grew up in a narc environment and dated several narc guys and thought the emotional abuses were normal.

[@judithsnow5404]

You are so right, Dr. Ramani, but although I try to not react on the outside, my inner self still suffers. I'm not surprised by the behavior, but the unfairness of it still shocks me and I feel intense fear/anxiety about how far she may take it, people I thought were friends have turned on me. It's mental and emotional torture. To make it more so, the narcissist (in this case my neighbor who keeps accusing me of things and threatening to call the police on me) tattles to other bullies / flying monkeys who impose punishment (covertly) on the narcissist's behalf. It's a never-ending nightmare, except it's real.

[@jasminekowal487]

I feel your circumstances its a leaky sinking boat & its exhaustive bucketing the water out constantly

[@judithsnow5404]

@jasminekowal487 good analogy. Thank you

[@francescoromito198]

“Being made to feel you’re a crazy person about a circumstance that they are actively creating borders on sadistic”. (Doctor Ramani)❤

[@gracepeterson7483]

Deep down, I kind of wondered if he was intentionally causing my raging jealousy to fulfill some pathological need he had. Now I see that my jealousy was his "supply". It's been many years, but I'm still learning. Thank you.

[@h3arty]

Dr Ramani, you are saving my life. Thank you deeply for your work and commitment to truth and our healing. You are a Godsend.

[@sparkygump]

With narcs, It's all about control.

[@arabianhorses4ever115]

Living with a narcissist is such a sad existence. If I ignore all that he does or says to me, I feel like I have just given him permission to keep doing it. Regardless, he will always put himself first and always do whatever he wants. It is a no win situation no matter how I react, or don't react. Nothing changes.

[@rossanderson5243]

The perfect time to greyrock is when they stonewall. Put a greyrock in their stonewall. Envy is the eyes of jealousy. Envy sees what someone has. Don't care what they have, so aren't in the competitive jealousy they enter me in. Care means to pay protective attention. Don't need to protect them or pay attention.

[@laurapalmer7662]

Don't know what i'd do without you

[@Dr.jaymievanmeter7200]

Yes 👏🏼 i have to work so deliberately to not appease or placate. My partners self pity can twist the depths of my empathy. Turning care into inquiry, And inquiry into guilt, until I wear the weight of what is not mine. As i work to actively transition from this relationship, im choosing to grow for myself in it. So, I practice with tenderness and with strength trying to turn it inward. To witness without surrendering or losing myself along the way (which is soooo hard). It is so confusing and also such a great area of growth for when im officially out. Im trying to build these personal quiet acts of love toward myself.

[@abigailandino6251]

This is so much better after you wake and bake 😂❤

[@monicadub5280]

I became a star at appeasing him. I was trained since i was 11 years old. I would do anything to CALM HIM DOWN, to stop the chaos and drama. I'm barely learning to recognize my own behavior and feels me with deep sadness

[@KCSpanielLove]

Thank you Dr Ramini! You have enlightened me and knowledge is power… I am currently in a middle of divorcing my narcissistic husband of 20 years. Everything you say is spot on!

[@msbritwants]

I am beyond thankful for your videos ❤❤❤❤

[@PenninkJacob]

I think "Conventional wisdom" is why people are "so Surprrised" by a narc doing yet one more harmful cruel hurtful thing... That is why I love this channel, lets change conventional wisdom! 👍❤

[@HereForToday42]

I know, we just can't believe it, that they would be so mean and selfish. It's not normal, so it keeps being surprising. But once we realize it will never be any different, the sun will always rise in the east, we can let go of hoping it will be any different.

[@CS-mt3dh]

I can SEE your grey rocking breakdown completely for me! Thank you so very much

[@kdycruz]

I can forgive everyone, I can forget anything, but sometimes forgiving turns abusive, people takes advantage of our good intentions and again using manipulation and cross the boundaries again. It's good enough all my mistakes, I'm not masochist. When we set boundaries is the best solution for any toxic situation. Boundaries is a healthy solution, especially for manipulation people. Thanks for sharing, blessings to everyone 🙏

[@babs03784]

💯.....yes 11:34 and yes I was surprised......I think it's bc when you aren't two faced in that way when you come across somebody who is it's very hard to look at the person and say I know this person one way, and here they are acting another way. It's very hard at least for me to reconcile that. ❤️

[@MaureenWHamblin]

Oh Dr. Ramani!! Thank you 🥹🥹🥹🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿

[@ritaascenso5679]

Thank you so much, Dr Ramani!!!!

[@Jonathan-w2p6v]

Hey, just wanted to stop by and say hi, and say thank you for everything. Truly, thank you.

[@Romans_Twelve_Two]

Wow, this jealousy thing hits home, raising both of my hands! ✋️✋️✋️

[@Annie-ol3jx]

I will always be indifferent, best way to be.

[@HereForToday42]

I love the grey rock, "whatever", knowing the narc will never look at themselves whatsoever

[@ericalbright7210]

Christine Albright Brilliant video 🙏... Thank God 🙏...

[@DominieRobinson]

Indeed Forgiveness is taken as ' Permission' by the Narcissist to Keep Abusing and Exploiting. Once the Narcissist is Really, Truly, Finally OUT of our Lives, Seeking Closure and Resolution is understandable but Forgiveness Is Dangerous

[@HereForToday42]

you don't forgive the narcissist. You forgive yourself for letting them hurt you over and over, and you realize you no longer need to allow them to steal your joy and happiness.

[@shz8990]

He would go for 2 weeks without sending any messages I used to panic but I don’t anymore…he sent me a message saying why are you forgetting about me..I put a smiley emoji. Few days later he sent me a msg saying you will never understand me…I said is this a goodbye he answered Yes. I never answered him since then. I never knew that this is a narcissist behaviour.. he burned me few times before..All I’m thinking is does he even understand himself? Why would anyone live like that … he is a victim of his own mind. I hope he finds his path . It is not my responsibility. Thank you for putting the map out there, you are describing my relationship with him. I regret knowing him but I’ll take it as a lesson to grow. Thank you again. I put this comment here as this is a recent video.

[@aqua19542010]

Amen! You just said that in "my" language... EXCELLENT!

[@suzyq9109]

Wow! Cannot believe this was posted today after I was experiencing him being late, irritable, looking at other women, drinking. Was I surprised? No. But I have to learn to act like I’m not instead of engaging

[@theonewhoseeksfinds4547]

"Indifference" holy action protects you and drives them nutz.

[@Lailat854]

Yes yes yes!!

[@ewawyso2052]

My 3 yr old 'relationship' with a malignant narcissist ended on Dec31/24,when I told him I wasn't going to play his games anymore and I was done... He packed up and left on Jan1st, leaving his dog (temporarily) and a few things behind.. He threw a temper tantrum, burning (his) books and othe items, breaking chairs..

[@jdoc7627]

Thank you for your insights. They love to contemplate your demise, decline of humanity. A family member has concocted some insane conspiracy about me with no regard to reality. I can’t confirm nor deny what she really believes. What difference does it make? I am happier without engagement to her. This is the point.

[@boeboe7661]

A lot of what you talk about if misunderstood, can validate a narcissist. So I’m careful.

[@ankaskakanka7132]

You are correct about the forgiving stuff. You keep forgetting the forgiving until you loose your mind.

[@cdgross5480]

I am at work and noticed the drop down. I am looking forward to this helpful info.

[@michaelmcinerney8040]

You explain it really well and thats so important. As you're experiencing these things,its difficult to articulate exactly what's taking place. Thank you

[@Bidkendklvl]

You never disappoint ❤ the sun rising analogy is soooo brilliant thank you

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

I have been jealous of friendships, where my narc behaved in a friendly, interactive way with other people, but not with me. Especially since any relationship I had that wasn’t with them made them jealous, in spite of their apparent indifference to me.

[@chademccorkle]

I feel you…. It’s hurtful seeing them treat others so well and us so badly…

[@angelak4389]

I know I shouldn’t react but I find it so hard not to. 😢 I feel like it goes against my natural instincts to not defend myself when i am being attacked over nothing, Even when i can see right through the manipulation as it is happening before my eyes… I struggle to stay silent.

[@FoxSleeping]

Read what you just wrote: Shouldn’t; find it hard; goes against; instincts; defend; attacked; nothing; see right through; manipulation; struggle; stay silent. Your relationship is cancerous. Leave immediately to resolve these issues because you are in hell in the way to death.

[@dawntreader815]

Same here! But being silent IS self-protective - and also learning not to take on the blame is a skill many never obtain and it helps in every other aspect of life going forward! I am trying to observe the person and situation as a sort of life-lab opportunity to see where my insecurites are and reassure myself. The poor behavior I'm observing is almost comical and much less powerful taken in smaller doses with some detachment from me.

[@danlee4706]

I'm going through the same dilemma. For six years I've been grayrocking my way through it...still trying to be a member of the family, but the stress is too much. The narcissist has been able to turn everyone against me except those who remember what our childhood was like. Grayrocking is a short-term quassi-solution. Eventual total alienation from the narcissist is the only real solution, and that may include alienation from the entire family.

[@JoaquinArguelles]

They feed on our reacting, explaining ourselves and squirming. Mine loves to see me emotionally destroyed. It's been years since I've fed into it. When she says/does insane and terrible things, it's now ONE-SIDED. It's her ALONE saying/doing. I don't participate and I've not yelled back at her in years. I'm quiet or I say: yes, no, aha, hmm, and things like that. Much more peace in my head. I might say: "We see it differently" or "We disagree on that point" and leave it at that. If the density of stupid/wrong/horrible things she says gets too high, I say: "Don't take my silence as approval of what you say ... I dissagree with a lot of it". Leave it at that. I wish you the best.

[@theonewhoseeksfinds4547]

There is greater power in Silence. There's greater skill in not saying or doing anything than doing and reacting.

[@jay11603]

Because we didn't know these people existed as naive empaths.

[@snowarmth]

It's as if I only learned about Black Holes after I became an astronaut. I'm just so distraught and horrified knowing I live with three. I'm worried about how I have to go through them to save my life... it's crazy lol

[@leannnoir3078]

​@@snowarmth What's going on with your living situation if you don't mind me asking? Are your room mates narcissists? :o

[@snowarmth]

Oh, well... It's mostly my parents. I've been shamed by them for relying on them, and I'm in the post game of my healing journey. It's been insane, having all this guilt about being their child and being embarrassed from the way they are. I don't even know how realistic it is to move out when I know they'll cut me off for good, the job market is shaky, and I don't have any long-term friends to room with. My older brother very, very likely has NPD, too. He's always competed with me, ever since I was 11, and he was 13. I was somehow not exactly the scapegoat, more like the one everyone criticizes and makes disrespectful theories about. I didn't really speak up or challenge them, so they instead made a habit of disrespecting what I stand for: empathy, considering the other person, always giving... never involving myself in their pointless, unwinnable competitions and arguments. I was the punching bag, and there was no winning. I've always tried to be extremely careful with my assessment of people, but their list of symptoms has 13 criteria when I list it on my Google Doc. I know for sure they have NPD... and I don't blame them. NPD is a DISORDER. It is not a bad person disease. They're just losers with no autonomy over their lives or their trajectory. Not demons. Still, I steer clear and avoid them because I'm trying to look out for myself. :( My situation is much more complex than this... but it's too much to share, lol. Let's just say that they all wanted me to become like them, too. My Dad wants me to work with him and help him pay the house bills and his retirement, my Mom wants me to forgive some awful things that my family covered up and my older brother wanted me to help him make this incredibly ambitious, unrealistic MMO worth $100M lmao Just insane. I try so hard to keep to myself, and they do leave me alone now. But my God, do they talk about me. I sometimes wish I was invisible, and I wish they couldn't even conceive of my existence lol

[@jrhc3827]

I've bowed out most every time that a narcissist tried to make me jealous--whether it was at work, in my family of origin, or in my marriage. Actually, I never felt jealous--was never inclined to give it a lick of my energy. I just felt sad--sad about the hopelessness of the situation or of ever being able to explain the contorted mind eff to anyone or find anyone who would care. So I would leave. I've run away, left two jobs, and divorced. I am A-L-O-N-E. I do have to help my elderly mother, who still attempts to pit my sister and me against each other, but that relationship is a one-way street in terms of emotional support. I so need to find my tribe, but I've known so many small-minded and toxic people in my life that the thought of reengaging with society deflates me. But I have to find it in myself to do so. Wish me luck. ;)

[@caroleminke6116]

Be very careful because more covert narcissists are out there waiting to test your boundaries so do as much codependency work as possible before dating or looking for friends

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

I do wish you luck,and a bit of that is because if you can do it, so can I and vice versa. So we’re wishing each other luck, strength and healing. ❤️🪔

[@jrhc3827]

@susanbradleyskov9179 Thank you. Yes--we can do it! Both of us!

[@PakiChick2010]

Couldn’t relate more, I also need my tribe, but I’ve been feeling dejected after going no contact with family. Wish there were ways to meet people who relate.

[@KCno4]

Narcissistic behavior at its core is manipulative. I have spent the last year learning about how to see and recognize manipulation from others. As I have become healthier and more secure I’ve had to look at ALL areas of my life. These videos were part of my schooling on realizing I was raised in a cult. 😣 Dr. Ramani I would love your perspective on the BITE mode by Dr Hassan and mind control. I would just love if you and Dr Hassan would have a conversation and video it or have him as a guest on your podcast?

[@M.Kingsley-zy7dn]

Dr Ramani, you are the best and I must add @15:40; 'It's not just one of the best tools but THE best tool to master the consistent behavior of the Narc/s. Talking from years of generational experiences. Quite profound really. I'm an oldie now and have learnt that, 'The best tool to master the consistent behavior of the Narc' - do not react but be wise with what proceeds from your mouth.

[@imaantaqwah7276]

I've been Grey Rocking for 8 years it's the only thing that works.

[@elbradavid533]

Such an important topic!!!

[@TheLove1Makes]

Thanks for sharing

[@patriciaboyette1358]

Six months of a really good time. Hurricane Milton came and his mask fell off because I asked him to understand. He raged and scared me terribly. I immediately had to leave and will not go back. No able to say I understand and freaked out. I thank God for Milton.

[@NovaPrincess]

I think 'grey rock' or 'yellow rock' doesn't work with workplace bullies. They just ramp up the behavior until you get sick from the stress of not directly defending yourself and also not being able to leave or set any reasonable boundary someone in an interpersonal, non-work relationship could do.

[@amygin2354]

It's been almost 30 years and I feel like I'm acting like a narcissist at this point. I went into the marriage like a hopeful 22 year old woman and now I'm a bitter 50 year old. No matter how much I explain what I need from him, like validation, he refuses to let me have a calming peace by leaning forward and simply validating me.I can explain in great detail maturely about something that's bothering me and he'll either nod off or say I'm too "vague." Weirdly though there's days he could be a college professor of psychology by explaining in great detail what i need from him. The next day its like he's never said anything and doesnt understand what I'm trying to say again. It could be a possible 10 min conversation with validation from both parties but it ends up being a 3 day fight fest where I end up with rage freaking out while he sits there with a smirk on his face. I want to use the ignore techniques but because of the hurt and rage of wasting my adult life on this man, I can't keep my mouth shut. I know I need to figure it out. Our 30th anniversary is coming up and I'm going to have to make some serious decisions. It's so sad because I know that I melt when someone understands me so when someone that I devoted my life to deliberately won't try to help me feel safe, it is soo maddening, crazy making and exhausting.

[@Mersnick]

This is 100% what I was dealing with. Thank you for validating what I went through.

[@jasminekowal487]

You have basically piece by piece explained the entirety of my toxic relationship & thankyou for providing the knowledge to assist me in reaching radical acceptance. This dialogue is SO REAL! Can you do more video's on how to navigate how to escape it, I am stuck in the cycle wheel & every time I attempt to Greyrock to remove myself the hoovering is so intense & smothering I struggle here.

[@carolynkepler2826]

I WISH all the lawyers and media would understand this. Trump especially, thrives on reactions to the outrageous things he says and does. Knowing this has kept me from getting into arguments with MAGA people where I live. I don’t appease them; I just don’t feed them their supply.

[@Kari-8xtqm]

The lawyers and the media are 100% narcissistic.

[@Spartacus2474]

I appreciate that lesson Dr.🎉

[@BandofRainbows]

I was so stressed out I was a step away from crack rocking. 😅

[@ClickerTrainer1]

You can pick. Choose to be portrayed as too sensitive (if you get upset) or too insensitive (if you don't get upset). Step back and see their behavior as reflecting them, not you.

[@d.dflowers7635]

Another wake up call with Dr. Ramani! The forgiveness portion of the video really spoke to me. Because yes - constantly forgiving my nfamily left me ripe for the picking for other narcissists including “friends” and coworkers!

[@ADSDLD]

The gray rocking I can relate to and understand it now after watching a few videos now. And for about the last 3/4 months of the lie I called my life I can see how I was gray rocked as the narcissist looking back now. Some of the things put to me when we split , was that we were different people and don’t want the same things in life that I think we want and all I ever talk about is work. I thought for a year what kind of a silly thing was that to say about the work 😤 when you said about the narcissist coming home ranting and raving about work every day and so on, that is exactly me and now I understand the work comment the wanting different thing in life. For the past year I would fill with rage thinking about how we talked about our future/ retirement growing old together, now I know I’m a Narcissist it wasn’t our dream it was my dream my way or no way, not what my survivor wants or wanted. When my survivor said it’s over get out, allowed me to stay the garden shed until I got somewhere to live, I didn’t move out of the shed for 3 more months, one night she want out and left the kids in her parents house, I was working that night so I said, I came back that night and my ex survivor didn’t come home until the next day 😡😤 even tho we were clear it was over between us 🫣 I went into a complete rage when she came home I started calling her all sorts demanding to know where and who she was with the night before, demanding to see her phone threatening and abusive behaviour in a rage, even tho it was none of my business. All this in front of my 3 young kids 🫣. This lady and her videos have showed me so much about what I am in a few videos than doctors and myself couldn’t figure out in years. Thank you.

[@HereForToday42]

The narcissist in our life is constantly fishing for compliments and bragging, but goes into a rage if we don't give it . We do a flat response acknowledging part of the message but not giving supply. It's ulitmately frustrating for the narc, so it works

[@RaE8270]

23:37 hands up 100% and my goodness the gaslighting! I found the hair in the bedsheets and his response was that the devil put it there. God wanted us to be together so the devil was trying to break us up. The devil put the hair there, drank the whole bottle of wine on one night i was away, stopped him contacting me for a whole weekend... all beyond BS.

[@cherrybacon3319]

I can remember the first time I became jealous with my Narc. He'd become annoyed with me for not answering a Text from him (we'd only just met and with doing other things I didn't feel the need to answer straight away). The next day, he came into the Pub with another woman, bring nice with her and other people, but ignoring me. It made me feel like disposable waste. 🍒

[@oliviaramos8606]

Thank you so much for this.

[@CHamilton-n7o]

When I stopped reacting they said I was argumentative. That was when I walked away.

[@debbiejahnke8724]

The sad thing is they’ll just find some other source of supply and it goes on and on. It’s like a game of hot potato to try to avoid a narcissistic relationship. But somebody’s going to get burned

[@ashishjain149]

Amazing analysis Dr Ramani, this is a very difficult subject to understand. Psychology has gone through ups and downs after Dr R D Liang assault on wrong judgement through psycho analysis. But this one on narcissism is so true, I hope more people can see the depth in your wonderful and correct arguments. Thank you for making these videos I learn a lot and world around me is illuminated so I see better now.

[@jrhc3827]

Human pacifier. Oh how well I know that role.

[@caroleminke6116]

Big binky or secondary mommy supply or titty to a toddler… who’s not yours! Send it back ASAP & figure out why you need to be a codependent to a permanent preadolescent

[@StrawberryFieldsNIR]

If still in a relationship with a narc, try a "fake it until you make it [out]" strategy. It's not a full grey rock, which may increase their rage until they get the result they want (ie your anger/reaction). It's like pretending nothing has changed, but an inner knowing that you are acting and buying time until you can get out. A short to medium term strategy to minimise any physical harm if that is on the table. It could mimic fawning in some ways, but you know deep down you are doing it for a purpose, and in a way, the table has turned because you are controlling them, they just don't know it.

[@Tobe50free]

This is so accurate! Just counting the weeks before my surprise solo exodus...

[@myvoice9184]

Last video clip: well said!👏🏾

[@kosh9639]

One thing I noticed with narcissists... 1.) It doesn't matter what they do to you.. Only, thing that matters is how you treat them. 2.) They your reasonable negative response-- to what they have Done you-- is Unacceptable behavior.. While, they can Over react &/or be Over Dramatic to any Petty thing they what, too-- and that's Always Justifiable & Reasonable. (Even, tho.. It would Never be acceptable; if, you did that to them.. and their Neg. Would be Far Worse.) 3.) They will Justify any Wrong doing; by, your Negative reaction. . Especially; if, any time has gone by-- to Muddy the Water.. 4.) They will then Gaslight & Vblame you into an Appeasement roll; while, they Tear you down-- to build themselves Up.. then, quietly start moving into the Discard Faze. While, they feel like the Better Person, in the situation.

[@kosh9639]

Moreover, the Story will Always start; from, You're Neg. Reaction... And Never what they did to you-- that caused it.. And go back; Whatever, amount of incidents they need to go back.. to Justify any bad things they have-- more recently done or continue to do. Because, anyone would be like that.. (them/Narc) If, someone treated them like that. (You) And in some cases.. after, going Back & Forth, numerous times.. you might stop & think "How long have we been at war, with each other/me"?? 🤔🤷

[@pascalecerdan2761]

I used the silent treatment toward my ex husband but now he is blaming on me and telling my children that I don’t know how to communicate . It’s hard but I manage. And then I found out ( the surprise 😂) that he is dating the most beautiful woman on earth so the jealousy came up . I still manage the hardest part is that my 15 years old boy live her so much and keep telling me you should go for a coffee with her she is so cool . So I answered to my son give me more time love its all new . I think I am jealous . I’m ashamed to say it but it’s true

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

He has a drop dead gorgeous lady . And he’s such a sh%t I don’t blame you.

[@caroleminke6116]

No! It’s not true that he’s changed… just the tactics & she’s being used to hurt you. Stop this stinking thinking. Don’t engage with them at all. Let your kids learn the truth… it always comes out in the end. Plz take the high road & no contact is your goal. Love doesn’t look like this but manipulation does!

[@caroleminke6116]

@@SherryTomlinson-r2ynot a positive response