Narcissistic hypochondriacs

[@bekmak583]

Always amazing how these health issues never get in the way of something the narcissist wants to enjoy.

[@GeminiNightOwl]

Exactly! The Mother of my friend who is also a narcissist lays in her bedroom 24/7 but damn is she fit as a fiddle when she wants to go somewhere or do something. The recovery is immediate and once back home she resorts back to the bedroom where she texts her Grandson in the same house (the epitome of lazy) to bring her meals in her bedroom. It's a good thing I don't live there because I'd have fixed her ass and put her in a nursing home.

[@singhaccount4763]

Mine always gets sick when we are on vacation then complains he never got a chance to do what he dreamed of because he was quote..sick. meanwhile at the gym every day and says what great shape he is in

[@Andromeda_M31]

Narcissist are VERY MEAN to you when you're sick. The abuse ticks up a notch.

[@gilmourishgilmourish6205]

I did him a favour but I fell and nearly broke my ankle... he sweared really hard on the phone but after gave me a smile... Got operated on my both wrists and I fainted at home. Nearly died that night. Two days later , my both hands in bandages, he was out all day left me all alone and two days later said “now that you are handicapped I will need to replace you”.. two weeks later I was out of there!

[@donwolfkonecny6727]

Hostility makes sense if they resent your legitimate problem because it takes the attention off them. If they admit it's real I think they despise you more for your frailty. But when they are sick you should be compassionate to them. And also realize (and announce frequently) how amazing they are.

[@ms.annthropic6341]

@@gilmourishgilmourish6205 I'm glad you got out of there!

[@kevinseraphimday6373]

I was lucky my narcmom wasn't mean when I was sick.

[@beemayhemful]

Yes! The angry lashing out I received when I or my other parent was feeling poorly was so confusing as a child. It was always our fault, somehow. And god forbid you forget that they didn’t have it worse from their myriad diagnoses.

[@sheilashaver]

Yes, I can’t even have my own headache without my mom hijacking it and saying she has one too and it is worse.

[@korab.23]

Hijacking is such a good word for it. So accurate.

[@lsdwyer33]

Omg...this

[@kellyandersen3856]

My husband is exactly like that!!

[@happylady2679]

I got diagnosed with cancer cancer. When I told my mom she told me she had diabetes and continued doing everything she could to stress me out.

[@ginag.9316]

​@@happylady2679 🙏

[@RockRiverOffroad]

When someone starts talking about something that's wrong with them, you can count on the Narc to jump in with their own issues and dominate the conversation.

[@talesontables]

yup it's exactly like that.

[@reacting_to_stuff_]

You made this one up doc

[@merelvisser414]

So true!!

[@seventeenraccoons2825]

My grandfather was a narcissistic hypochondriac. When I was about six or seven I would watch my grandmother dole out my grandfathers medications daily, he took several pills daily, a red pill, a yellow pill and a blue pill. Concerned that my grandfather was sick I asked my grandmother about all the pills that he had to take and would he be OK. She replied, these are sugar pills that the doctor gave him, your grandfather is not sick ... It's all in his head.

[@dreyddog19]

They can't do that anymore. I'm a nurse and really those placebo pills were slightly helpful. Crazy your grandma let you in on the secret.

[@Hatbox948]

So funny!

[@TimBadger-w7d]

She’s spent all our money on imaginary illnesses. Treatments. Therapies. Multiple supplements. She makes us drive to urgent care and sit outside for hours ‘just in case’. It never ends. There’s a long list of ‘doctors’ who now refuse to see her. It’s a nightmare.

[@Nastasyashanti]

It could be GAD it happened to me before I realised what it was but I only spent my own money.

[@13LesTadO13]

Run away

[@DraconiusKrynar]

My ex very recently left me. One of the reasons was because I refused to spend £2500 privately on an MRI scan for a back complaint that she has already had an X-Ray and a CT Scan for.

[@hollyhelin4493]

Same. And the doctors just take that $$ don’t they! Imaginary and impossible illness complaints and they will just start ordering every test in the world, and not one will refer it to a shrink even when all the tests are negative. To this day I don’t trust the medical profession as a default, not until I know and interact with a dr would I ever have one inkling of trust.

[@heidimartin5070]

@@DraconiusKrynar congratulations! Enjoy.

[@laurenceboischot4265]

Other side of the same coin, maybe : the narcissistic mother who doesn't believe her child when the child brings some health issue to her attention, but immediately assumes the child is making it up to try and garner attention.

[@indigosaint]

That’s exactly what I was born into, and I tend to gaslight myself when I’m sick because my mother’s voice is still in my head, saying I’m lying or exaggerating.

[@DMCdantenero112]

Same right here! I always gaslight myself whenever I feel like there's something I need to get checked out. My mom always told me I was just exaggerating or lying for attention. This is why I even doubt myself whenever I tell my doctor about the symptoms I'm experiencing.

[@jfdc8432]

Glad you brought this up. Same here! My father brushed aside everything that happened to me - I never even got a bandaid. He'd always say "It'll heal", or "you'll feel better soon" and walk away. So, I learned to ignore my body's messages. Finally I almost died, and now I've learned to pay attention to my discomforts, and make changes in my life that support me. But it was a difficult lesson due to my childhood where I learned to brush aside any message my body was trying to send me.

[@alessandrasaenz72]

Yes that totally describes my mother.

[@stephaniepittaluga5057]

Projection maybe?

[@lamar1423]

OMG I lived with someone with "hypoglycemia". Every time she threw one of her epic tantrums it was because her blood sugar was low. Her life was one huge Twinkie defense.

[@moirosalina]

😂

[@mday3821]

"Twinkie defense" that's priceless!😂😅

[@carouselcakes6237]

😂😂😂 I think it was my mum you lived with.

[@simonecrevecoeur7737]

My mother is gravely ill since the day she was born...and yet she is 84 years old and a really tough cookie...

[@bridgetcruwys2046]

Lol

[@marmadukescarlet7791]

Yeah! They always seem to live to a ripe old age.

[@kuukuyankson2033]

@@marmadukescarlet7791 Well, they will when they have everyone taking good care of their made-up bs.

[@Gwen13061]

Same here. Mines 90.

[@podlou9939]

Creaky gate syndrome

[@Daan632512]

Yeah my mom is a hypochondriac narc. She complained about every itch or little pain she had, all of her life and immediatly assumed she had cancer each time. Even as a kid I felt like something was off. When I really got cancer stage 3 as an adult and needed immediate and intense chemo therapy, she was complaining about her sore thumb and couldn't let it go. When I had visitors around my hospital bed she tried to impress them with her sore thumb. I was absolutely gobsmacked. I indeed, expected her to turn around if I for once got seriously ill. But her behaviour became absolutely outrageous. That is the moment it hit me she is absolutely deranged. The moment I was off chemo we went on a holiday so 'I could recover'. She did everything to raise stress levels above and beyond. She created the maximum amount of stress over the littlest things. I wanted to go home all the time and get away from her. After the holiday I went no contact with her and started studying narcissism. I am happy to now be able to put my finger on all the stress she created when I was younger and beyond. I hope to never ever see her again

[@13LesTadO13]

She probably gave you the cancer

[@NarcSurvivor]

Narcissists are very fearful and insecure, so they develop this obsessive need to control everything. They start to see things as being wrong, even when there’s nothing wrong. It’s all in their minds.

[@monmacphee289]

Yep they gas light themselves it’s so insidious but ridiculous to watch

[@saraadams9518]

nailed it

[@strengthconfidence4282]

Yes! They are cowards and weak individuals who want all the attention but don’t give any to others! My ex malignant narc was always sick, stomach, head, aches and pains. He was in a car accident at work and the illnesses, aches and pains increased! He constantly complained and after a while I got tired of it and didn’t believe his fake illnesses and pains. I would tell him he was making it up or ignore him and didn’t comment. He would get so mad at me 😂🤣The day he actually got sick with apendicitis I still didn’t believe him until I saw him on the hospital bed 🤪😂🤣🤷🏼‍♀️

[@joseenoel8093]

Covert mom in detox, dementia her constant visitor, she claims awaiting knee surgery! She teeter taughtered between never sick/survivor of the Titanic and -"Don't worry about me!!!", -"Don't worry, I'm not"! Said on a regular basis! XO

[@thecrabbydad]

@Black Weirdo Geez, you've just described my soon-to-be-ex-wife - she wasn't cheating you as well?! 😬

[@radish-xd6zz]

Lol! My Narc mom had been given a prognosis of two years to live....for 20 years. I went no contact at the thought of another 20

[@sinnisstarleriche1220]

So relatable my mother has had "about a year left to live" for around 30 years now🤥

[@somethinggood9267]

Whatttttt

[@katarinatibai8396]

🤣 - My grand mother have the same prognose for 40 years - 🤣🤣🤣

[@morganackerly721]

Sounds like mine. You helped me with your post.

[@AncaSPotter]

@@morganackerly721 same... :(

[@dawnf2z1]

My roommate is a great example. I was struggling with COVID-19 and breathing difficulties, resting in the kitchen and he took a phone call. He told the caller, ‘D’s okay but I have flu! I’ve been sneezing all morning!’ You’ve got to laugh, just don’t ever rely on one to call you an ambulance because they’ll jump into it and leave you dying on the floor!😂🤪

[@davidrobinson9012]

I can 100% say that sounds better than being with one who thinks they are a health professional. I've been whisked off to A&E twice in the last 12 months. Nothing wrong with me other than being incredibly upset because of their behaviour.

[@PureWater-w7c]

Lol too funny

[@tatjanakecman7236]

Oh, doctors who didn't tell her that she was sick were declaired as completely incompetent.

[@BrendaLG]

Yes, every doctor is a “quack”, lol

[@mayaalexandra1822]

That mirroring thing happened a lot with my narc Hypochondriac dad. Not only when someone was "sick", but a lot of the times with any accomplishment I made. I got into photography, suddenly he always wanted to do photography. I went to study Psychology, suddenly he was always interested in Psychology and knew more about it than I did, just because he was older. Yet he could never explain simple things and if I started asking questions then he either got angry for no reason or got really tired, because I tired him out or he was having back-pains or some stupid fake-illness like that.

[@problemsalving]

I’m not even a narcissist, but I’m an extreme hypochondriac. I don’t care about attention or any of that, I genuinely feel on the verge of death 24/7. Many hypochondriacs are so caught up with their extreme anxiety that doctors can’t calm them down or convince them otherwise. Idk if your comment was meant to be an attack, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to never believe doctors when you have a strong belief you have a certain illness

[@elizarock655]

They make life so hard for people with genuine chronic illnesses trying to get help and support at work or from the health system.

[@anta3612]

My narcissist says they had a heart attack and almost died when in reality they had only had a change in heart rate due to an altitude change while they were on medication (exacerbated by the fact that they'd also been taking street drugs which can be dangerous if mixed with prescribed meds: their doctor had warned them of this risk but they ignored medical advice). Over the years the story gets increasingly dramatic. I've lost count now of how many heart attacks and near death experiences they've had. This has all been in response to me coming down with a serious chronic illness (as a result of enduring narcissistic abuse from them) and, for my own survival, had to distance myself and detach from them. I recognize theirs as a hoovering tactic as well as a way to one up me and an attempt to regain control. I see the behavior for what it is and ignore it which infuriates them. Once they did the rounds of relatives telling them they were dying and didn't have long to live. Interestingly, despite these life threatening scenarios, they are still able to do what they want: travel, party etc. They claim it's because they're a fighter (liar is more like it) and eventually when they got tired of the game they claimed they got spiritually enlightened and healed themselves (grandiosity). At this point the narrative changed and they told me that they could heal me too (translation: change of tactic to regain control of my life) when I said no thanks they said I either enjoy being sick or am lying and that no-one should be supportive of me as I'm the author of my own misery. If it wasn't so twisted it would make me laugh as there's no fear of me being inundated with support as the narcissist has been busy making sure that everyone's focus stayed on themselves. As someone with a long term condition I am only too aware on how difficult it can be to get support and how you tend to get chewed up by the system. Theirs is a slap in the face for those who are genuinely struggling with chronic health problems. Hideous individuals.

[@jennyp4934]

My mother was always sick, always, always. I have a syndrome that affects my bones and most of my bones in my spine is basically fused. But I had nothing to worry about as she had far worse health than me. 50 plus years on, she's 86 and so robust I can't believe how well she's doing. All through my teenage years she'd look up medical stuff and she always found something she had.

[@fluffymuffi1]

Dr. Ramani.... just checked your in person therapy availability... largely impossible....so it's incredibly generous of you to provide all this content and support and I might say lifesaving. Thank you and God bless. 💕

[@wchiwinky]

I totally agree! = A true Blessing for us

[@shangabeads]

@EricaMartell, Thank you for saying what I think nearly every day. I also have, finally, found validation enough to allow myself to start to hope again. May you get more empowered every day.

[@NS-uq9st]

Totally agree.. I wish I can have at least a week therapy from her in person . It would change my life.

[@dawnf2z1]

Right with you all! Listening to and learning from Dr Ramani has resurrected my self esteem and sense of humour. Thanks so much, Dr Ramani, you’re a life saver

[@fluffymuffi1]

You can see on her website that there's a waiting list for potentially 1-3 sessions only in October/ November at $320 an hour and if that doesn't make you realize what an incredible gift these recordings are.... I mean you wish you could talk to someone in person but my experience with therapy is that short term I walk out as confused as I was going in so since you have to ponder and observe yourself to make progress anyway and no therapist will give you any "answers" watching and thinking about these videos is perhaps even more useful than listening to yourself talk in therapy.... When I want quick answers I go to an excellent medium and get them from rhe dead. Now THEY have some impressive oversight and information, ha ha!

[@amberzona2517]

Oh, this was my grandmother! She lived until she was 94, which must have been so disappointing to her! I would like to hear about a covert narcissistic spouse who truly was sick, but he still used the illness. And I stayed for years because I said "In sickness and in health..." and what kind of evil person would I be to leave? Finally I found truth.

[@kathrynedmonds1650]

“... must have been so disappointing to her” 🤣🤣

[@helenarubach706]

My mother tells everyone that she is a cancer-suvivor. But she only had a harmless cyst. .

[@saraadams9518]

i had to laugh, the way we do at narcs.

[@cjpetersen3239]

Mine did too.

[@annamarie3288]

Wow

[@libertyme3258]

😂 can so relate to this.

[@dewilew2137]

Helena Rubach 💀💀💀

[@engelneen1686]

You knocked this one out of the park! Spot on!!! It is exhausting and sad how they suck the life out of loved ones, literally. And then they actually get sick or have a surgery but they exaggerate their symptoms and the cycles continues.....thank you so much for your videos

[@tiptapkey]

My mom had poor health and also a hypochondriac. She invalidated every emotion and hard time I ever had because I was young and healthy and selfish for even complaining. She endlessly played tiny violins for me. She never stopped talking about how she was old and worn out, even in her 30's. She refused to buy tickets for events in advance or plan trips because "I could be dead by then," but really she just wanted us to stay isolated and had low self-esteem at public gatherings. She died when she was 52, and I'm convinced her narcissism, her stressful obsession with me being the failed perfect daughter, and the fact that she was convinced she was going to die made her health issues far worse than they otherwise would have been.

[@Owlet..]

I feel like that's normal reaction to being ill for a longtime. It can be frustrating and depressing sometimes. I can relate to this feeling because I just can't seem to digest things 😅 mostly worried about my bowel movements and abdominal pain that will start anytime anywhere. Also my eyes suffer from pathologic myopia, and that's but damaging to my retina. I keep checking my eyes by trying to focus on things kept far or reading labels, blurr vision scares me that my number has changed again. My point it I became pretty depressed and irritable because of these symptoms, isn't that natural to feel this way when your health is worsening progressively. Not invalidating your experience, just writing down my perspective, I could be wrong.

[@podlou9939]

I'm 52. My mother is 79. So that's 5 decades of it. It's fucking real is narcissitic hypochondriatis.

[@Teenywing]

You were a perfect daughter though....just not for an abusive narcissistic mother. ♥️♥️♥️

[@aliciam6177]

The experience I had incorporated a bit of a twist. My narc husband actually had several massive heart attacks. It took several years to find a medication regimen that helped. During those years, we had a lot of those “Last Thanksgiving “-type episodes. “This might be our last anniversary together. We should do something extra special. What’s a little debt in the grand scheme of things?” And on and on. The guilt, the missed experiences with others, the exhaustion of going back to work full time while raising a special needs child with no support from him were excruciating. If I ever arranged to do something, leaving our daughter home with him, he would suddenly have a lot of chest pain, making it unsafe to leave her behind with him. If I needed to discuss a stressful topic, he was suddenly symptomatic. After years of this, I invited myself to one of his cardiology appointments (the narcissist rage in the waiting room was epic!). The doctor said, “Like we have been telling you for years, your medication is doing its job beautifully. There is almost no damage to your heart. You can participate fully in life.” That was the beginning of the end for us. He really did have a serious illness, but he continued to use that illness to his advantage for years after it had been resolved. Is that still hypochondria? Whatever you name it, it’s a horrible thing to do to another human being.

[@prettyevil6662000]

It's malingering, I believe, when they keep using a real illness for more sympathy. I also think this is really common for narcissists. They see how much attention and ego stroking they get when they're sick so they don't *want* to be better. Unlike munchausen though, they don't want attention from doctors or diagnoses and tests, they just want people around them to always be expressing sorrow to them and treating them special. My dad's illnesses suddenly changed/resolved once I started attending his doctor's appointments with him too. Almost like magic that me being in the room made the doctors suddenly say his meds were working and he just needed to keep carrying on instead of the dread they had been supposedly filling him with about his impending doom in the past.

[@sheilaelam1226]

My mother used "not feeling good" to get out of everything she didn't want to do. Like go with my dad to his cancer treatments, or go to our games at school, or go visit in-laws. Very selfish.

[@danielkaiser8971]

Your comment about her using "Not feeling good" to get out of something she didn't want to do, along with other commenters mentioning how their narcs always felt good enough to do what they wanted despite claims of severe illness, seem to be one of the common themes for the video.

[@poloparker8624]

@@danielkaiser8971 It says it all in the title of this video...what did you honestly expect the discussion to be about?

[@danielkaiser8971]

@@poloparker8624 I was echoing the sentiment of the original comment as a way of validating the experiences of the one who left the comment.

[@melindapelham4156]

Sheila Elam , yes very selfish , self centered , and also stubborn ! When my very manipulated dad was dying , and told my mom goodbye . Do you know what she had the nerve to say ? " You're not going anywhere , I'm not going to let you " ! Wow , wonder what God thought about that ? Well , she did not keep him here .

[@mayaalexandra1822]

Not feeling good and the word "tired" has been used a lot to get out of things. Tired in the morning, tired at noon, tired in the afternoon, but they're always up for something that they do wanna do. That's gonna be kept a secret from you though, just so you can't point it out. When you figure it out you'll be blamed and guilt-ed into doing the thing you asked them to do yourself. A lot of times accompanied by rage.

[@TimBadger-w7d]

She wakes me up in the middle of the night almost every night to take her blood pressure. There’s never a problem. I’m completely exhausted by this behaviour. I feel utterly broken.

[@ElanaVital83]

Yo cult leaders intentionally deprive their parish of sleep and protein in their diet to make them more controllable. She's instinctively brainwashing you with precision. Get out of there my friend. She doesn't see you as a person. You're just a puppet to her. Keeping you exhausted prevents you from critical thinking.

[@megans1855]

I have a PhD in watching my brother throw his life's energy and savings away on a hypchondriac, covert narcissist wife. It's terribly sad, and I feel so helpless.

[@adria1018]

Praise God Aaron you are being set free.

[@jenniferbarron346]

Is it possible for narcs to be a mix of multiple types?

[@LoveAuntAshley]

I'm the same way but in my case it's my sister who's the narcissistic hypochondriac and my BIL who is ruining his life by taking (and enabling) her bullshit. Granted she does have an...I can remember if it's underactive or overactive thyroid...but she's been told her symptoms will probably go away if she'll just get it removed (and her husband has a good job so she is more than financially stable enough to) but because it gets her attention she won't do it. That's why I went low contact cause I can see right through her bullshit and I refuse to fall for it.

[@A.JayWeber]

Thats hard. I wish there were more videos on this situation. People get older and their goals wither. If they leave they have to deal with the narrative that they "abandon women" in need. most likely never getting vindication.

[@TimBadger-w7d]

My wife has exhausted all our wealth and all my mental and physical health. I feel completely destroyed.

[@billybobhaystraw4067]

I had severe pneumonia & ended up in the ICU for 10 days. My pulmonologist said it was one of the worst cases of bacterial pneumonia he had ever seen in such a young person (then aged 40). When I was finally released from the hospital. I had to hear my mom tell all her relatives on the phone that SHE had just suffered pneumonia and how terrible it was for HER!

[@izi.z2384]

Aaarghh !

[@SilentFigure1]

I have witnessed the sudden stomach pains designed to stop you from going out of town. They dissapear just as fast when they figure your not changeing your plans.

[@SilentFigure1]

I heard "I am sick and tired"every single day for years? It makes them the victim and you really should feel sorry for them.

[@queenesreina7424]

...or the "excruciating pain" that person conveniently starts to feel when you want/plan to go somewhere and which magically goes away when it's too late for you to go/make it on time and that person now wants to be driven/chauffeured somewhere else.

[@jackieroberson3209]

This is my mother to a T. She's a nurse so she knows the right words to say.

[@colette2612]

This is so frustrating, tiring and exasperating! It is so unfair to those of us who have spent years trying to help our narcissistic parent not realizing we were being duped all along! Shame on them.

[@queenesreina7424]

Thank goodness for the realization/acceptance of the truth. Gives deeper meaning to the phrase "school of hard knocks", when considering it's a parent dealing out the painful lessons.

[@tamarafee3109]

Yeah... I feel so dumb

[@colette2612]

@@tamarafee3109 So do I

[@Teenywing]

Me too. I wish I had known earlier than I did but I think I’ve come so far in the past 5 years trying to heal myself from narcissistic abuse so I hope you can do the same. It so good you know what was happening now! It causes SO MANY emotions and cycles of emotions. I hope you are happy and well now. Be kind to yourself. ♥️♥️♥️

[@iaind4852]

My mother was a high level narcissist with a hypochondria chaser. As the woman aged past 75 she developed, genuine dementia. At that point her intricate web of manipulations and lies began to unravel to reveal malevolent Gollum she was. The irony is she died of the one real problem she had and that was a weak heart which, was less real to her than the imaginary bs. She was also emotionally and psychologically sadistic to me in particular as the youngest child. I actually cheered when I was informed of her death which I found most curious and later felt like a shitty person for being joyous at someone's death even someone as odious as mother. You could have wrote a book on that lady, Doc.

[@clamarroan]

I feel you. I got a message a couple of days ago saying my mother had had a convulsion and was taken to the hospital. Knowing her history of poor-sick-me, I kept on having the delightful dinner I was enjoying with a friend. After 20 minutes, I got another message saying the doctors said she had no convulsion and that it was all psychological. LOL. They really are crazy-making. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I will be called a bad daughter by all her circle of suppliers/hostages. Let them call me bad. I'll just live and ENJOY my life.

[@mdmmalou]

You can tell from their body language and their dissatisfied 'poor me' look. It never changes, whatever you do for them. The only way to not get sucked in is, no more questions like: Are you okay? or, something wrong? Then you don't hear from them anymore. 🥂🥳

[@coolj8352]

Mom and brother. Always so sick, but never die.

[@genevalawrence801]

My narcissistic mother legitimately has a chronic illness. But just like the narcissistic hypochondriac, she leverages her illness to manipulate those around her, and I've noticed that she declares she is experiencing symptoms when it works to her advantage (including for securing narcissistic supply or excusing her own bad behavior).

[@lynellesukalich4737]

This was my mother-in-law for over 40 years. She loved guilt.

[@suzaruwrx81]

my mil too.... I've known her 18 years... ugh

[@CH-jz2xz]

Mine too... :(

[@michelegray5970]

Me too! There were so many holidays I missed out on with my own family because this could be "somebody's last". I finally put my foot down and told her nobody is promised tomorrow so it could be "anybody's last". I now see my family on holidays and my in laws. My husband expects me to go to his side but he all of a sudden has a sickness when it comes to seeing my family. Fine by me! I don't have to hear his mouth!

[@brumbarche]

The church bells make people in the village turn to each other: - Who died today? - The spouse of the ill one! And everyone gasped, realizing they hadn't seen it coming. This is how much attention the "ill" Narcissist diverts from those who actually need it for getting worn out to the bone, catering and caring.

[@marcyfox9508]

All your days off spent sitting in waiting rooms, never getting to do fun things you might prefer. The PA fun house of hitting your end, and their unique skill set of Hoovering by finding a diet therapy, or medication or stretching routine that means they suddenly have never felt better. Now they promise to do all the things you desperately need them to do [bc life]. [eventually that means tons of cash you did not have, spent on their new diet/medication/stretching outfits "needs", usually on credit cards] The second you are sailing along, becoming a normal household-BAM-new illness.....and now it's all the same. Get out-don't tell yourself "if it were me, I'd want"...it's not you-you are being used and this will never change.

[@freethinkeralways]

Saw those situations a lot ! ☹️

[@thomasdalby3567]

@Sandra de Zeeuw my mother pulled one me aunt died and my mother was more unwell than her.... she also bad mouthed her while she died ah well fucking narcs huh

[@rebeccaluff-smith8674]

“Best friends” with narcissism - I’m empathic and from a loving family but I’ve had two hypochondriac, narcissistic friends since childhood, so I’d love to see more on narcissistic “best friends”. Having grown up alongside them and them having been close for a lot of my adulthood has had a massive effect on me, so I’d love to see more content on the different ways narcissism can show up in friendships. Thank you so much, Dr Ramani and team.

[@alicegelfand9587]

I have been friends with a narcissistic hypochondriac for over 10 years - she was quite capable of turning on the charm & keeping me ensnared by love bombing me & my family. But over the 10 years there was constant complaining & self pity & umpteen orthopedic surgeries & procedures, why is life so cruel & unfair, blah blah blah. When the surgeries were done it was Covid that landed her in the ICU for a couple of days, always sprinkling in of countless ER visits, plus a painkiller addiction that she wouldn’t admit to. The woman is in her mid 50s, in fairly decent shape, & unless she was hobbling around on crutches or in a boot you’d never guess she was “sick.” Well last summer she pulled out the possibility of a tumor on her liver & I completely shut down, frozen & unable to say anything @ all because I had run out of all sympathy. This brought on a torrent of narcissistic rage from her that included weaponizing every confidence I had ever shared with her, & racist namecalling over my ethnicity inc calling me a “Jap” & “dragon lady.” This happened yesterday & I’m still reeling from it.

[@rw4754]

I have a friend like this. Exhausting. Has everyone in an uproar everywhere & all the time.

[@deeqaliban7674]

I have a friend like this. Other then these constant illness she is a good person. But it is so exhausting to be around her.

[@BreeziDeezi]

Good news : you’re not related to them! Cut them off

[@kimdavis2508]

Deeqa Liban yea I’ve got a friend, never ever asks how are you doing just spends hour on phone with me explaining all her lab reports, what this doc or that doc said. I’m in total fricken burnout. About to go no contact I can’t take anymore.

[@deeqaliban7674]

@@kimdavis2508 kkk. That is exactly what my friend does. Always a new health issue tests and medical reports. I have minimised contact with her specially phone calls.

[@rw4754]

@@BreeziDeezi I hear you, but she is quite amusing too & we go back 42 years. She lives in my home country so I see her rarely but when I do I keep it to a dinner & then leave. LOL

[@michellehill3144]

Thank you so much! This really is a thing. No one ever talks about this. I had major surgery and of course he became "seriously" sick the night before and the day of and of course had to turn the focus on him

[@LoveBeliefTruth]

My father used to manipulate us by acting very miserable, he would even walk differently in look for pity - but was not interested at all what was going on in his childrens’ life. Usually he did this afrer he had been lying a lot, about money - or to get more money from my mother. Also I think he tried to get some compassion from mom - who is also narcissistic, and therefore didn’t give a f*** about his pain, anything for that matter. But she was very keen to brag about her material assests, being a provider. Sometimes it’s hard to say which one of them is more mentally ill / narcissistic! They change roles periodically.

[@Nitya-r86]

Oh that walking differently to look for sympathy part- my dad does that too. These narcs are by and large the same. They operate in a similar manner.

[@hydebrown1805]

Hang in there love!!

[@divinetiming4092]

What a combo😭 I hope your boundaries are protecting you from all that

[@LoveBeliefTruth]

Divine Timing you are right, a match not made in heaven though... I’m trying my best to stay out of drama. It’s tough though! Hope God will help me 🙏

[@meghna7696]

Same with me as well. My dad is overtly narc and mom is covert narc. It was easy to see dad as not behaving normal as he was so abusive and agressive all throughout his life but it took me years to figure out that my mom is even more manipulative and passively aggressive. Its just that she will show these as per her choice and requirements. How I wish my life was little normal. M too tired of all this

[@shannonobrien2572]

I grew up with my mother having rages which she attributed to migraine headaches. The unstated rule was that it was ok for her to be mean or pissy (or whatever) when she had a headache. She would say that she just couldn’t help it. 😡 When triptan medications came out, I mailed her pamphlets about Zomig for months before she could “remember” to ask her doctors to prescribe it. She reported that it worked well. But in real life situations, she rarely took it. She would say one Tylenol was all she needed. But then still do the ragey pissy thing and complain about her headache. 🤬 It wasn’t till I started learning about narcissism that the light bulb went on for me that likely many of these headaches were minor or nonexistent and just an excuse to be mean.

[@korab.23]

The meds probably worked but took away the excuse for misbehavior/guilt/attention, etc. I've seen that one too.

[@ts4686]

This is so much like my narc mother. I keep giving her solutions to problems she struggles with, or even like you medications to help her, but she refuses to use the solutions I give her, or the medicine. Because then how can she keep claiming victimhood if everything is healed or works fine. Instead she would rather suffer than to let go of her self claimed victimhood, because victimhood is her core personality.

[@mimidec]

Ohmygod I have a friend who's a covert narcissist and this is so relatable

[@sarahferguson1830]

I know! Was friends with someone like this. It seems like a covert narc thing!

[@Sunshine_str]

husband is a covert and does this too

[@ParaskevaZ]

This is my sister. It’s awful. It’s been her whole life. It started with stomach aches in 2nd grade, progressed to carpal tunnel in 6th grade and now she’s got an undisclosed connective tissue disorder and a superbug from some many hospital admissions at age 43. My mom is deeply codependent... I am estranged because it’s just exhausting. Your video has given me so much validation because I have been “othered” by my family, who tend to be narcissistic. Thank you.

[@HisAmbassador7]

When my sisters ring me they go on and on about their ailments, but when I mention my health problems (usually at the tail end of the conversation, they are dismissive and just don't care!

[@joseenoel8093]

It's only about them!

[@hcombs0104]

Oh, how I can relate!

[@barbarakelly1916]

I used to be told, "Well, YOU have your health...you can't understand."

[@moniquejackson7741]

OMG! Thank you so much for putting into words and validating what I've gone through with my Narc Mom all my life! There is absolutely no reasoning with these people. I care what happens to my Mother, but I could never live under the same roof with her, she's so Narcissistic. One of her doctors mentioned that she should not live alone, and she militantly tried to use that to force moving in with one of us (her children). Manipulatively she said, "My doctor says I shouldn't live alone", and I responded "Then let him move in with you". Of course she didn't hear it!

[@LegallyBlondeCritic]

Oh hell yes!!! Got into this trap with a co-worker, who was manipulating everyone. I finally told her that I didn't want to discuss her symptoms or "health care." I disengaged as much as I could and now I feel so much better. I keep our discussions limited to real work. At first there was a rage, then I told her in a nice way that I thought she was very intelligent and that she should make her own health care decisions. She finally stopped, at least with me. BTW: she did minimize my very real accidental injury.

[@Flooofster]

This is happening to me, and I'm 100000% at my limit with her. She has no idea how okay I am about cutting her off - I'm not about to be manipulated for the rest of my life.

[@erikaa3181]

That was funny 😄 but so real! He always had something hurting when I wanted to go for a walk but it would magically disappear when he wanted to golf.

[@thomasdalby3567]

strange that isn't it

[@engelevanzyl]

This is so true about my mother, she is constantly sicker than the next person. She firmly believes there is something wrong with her and she needs a MRI scan but she never goes for one. She's been sitting on the edge of her bed for the past two weeks all day long. When I come into the room she is "so sick and suffering", but when I ask her if she made that appointment with the doctor already she has one excuse after the other. Younger me used to be sympathetic, wiser me keeps asking questions that she can't answer. I just walk away and continue with my own life, I feel bad about it, but I need to keep my boundaries strong and not fall for the manipulation. I ask questions like... Are you going to see a doctor or should I call for an Ambulance before it is too late. Things can't go on like this, you need to get help in order to get better. She seems to dislike that question and observation a lot. This is so draining on my own mental health that has already taken a hard blow due to my Ex being of a very similar personality as my mother. Why do I attract these people into my space. All I ever wanted was to be loved.

[@suzanneadamson1306]

When I was married to a malignant narc., I'd had surgery & the 1st night, in pain & scared, sought him out downstairs 4 some reassurance & company. He said, "go back to bed. You've been beat up enough." Couldn't believe it.

[@taralynn1475]

Wow!!

[@clarasiewwl]

Spot on!! My narcissistic mother would get into one of her many migraine/dizzy episodes, especially when she wanted to escape reality and responsibility. As a child, as soon I was able to walk around and do things, I had to take care of her and she’d sometimes stay in the room for days. As I grew up, she’d pretend to have episodes to get me to drop everything to rush home to take care of her. She may have been actually ill on some of the instances but she’d really dial it up a million notches with the pity parties like “if I die, no one will even care!”, “if I die on the floor, no one will even know!”, and you could see the sick look on her face of how much she enjoyed getting fussed over and pampered. And if I did take care of her, she’d say I was doing it unhappily and begrudgingly, even though in actuality I was just plain exhausted. She’d sometimes even lock herself in the room for days without an explanation and ignore us. My dad is a neglectful narcissist too so I had to figure out my own way to survive as a kid. As an adult now I feel that it’s important to do things for my inner child since my whole childhood was taken from me, having to be a caretaker and fixer to my dysfunctional toxic family of narcissists.

[@authornigelbeckles4496]

Spot on. The ex claimed to have high blood pressure yet I never saw her take her so called medication. Thank you for the video.

[@yvonne9298]

My mother has high blood pressure and has been urged by physicians to get on medication. She refuses. She is adamant that she doesn't need it. "Bunch of bunk!" But then when any difficult discussion arises, she shuts it down fast with, 'My blood pressure! Look at what you are doing to my blood pressure!' I get it. LOL

[@queenesreina7424]

@@yvonne9298 There are people who prefer to try natural approaches to managing things like blood pressure and other ailments; however, the telltale sign in what you mentioned is that whole hiding behind the ailment to avoid dealing with difficulties that arise -- an illness isn't meant to be a free pass through life. It's especially telling when, supposedly, other people's actions have an adverse effect, yet their own histrionics and such aren't an issue (in his/her own eyes) and are perfectly "safe".

[@sonnyca]

A few months ago, a chest scan revealed a nodule in my lung. The doctor was concerned, so he recommended I get a biopsy. I did not tell my narcissistic, abusive family about it and kept it to myself. The wait for the biopsy was excruciating because I kept thinking what if. The result came back negative and I was glad I did not make a big deal out of it. I knew very well that my family don’t care about my suffering, so why tell them anything that won’t matter to them?

[@misse2013]

Yes my ex was a narcissistic hypochondriac. Anytime she felt like she wasn't getting enough attention, she would suddenly have a long list of ailments. One time she was itching so bad she literally scratched to the point of bleeding all over her body. Went to the doctor several times and he gave her a steroid cream... she acted like she couldn't put the cream on by herself and freaked out when I questioned why she needed me to apply the cream... She also had a made-up peanut allergy but I would catch her eating peanut products in secret and she wouldn't have any bad reactions. If I pointed it out, she would be irate!!! She had a handicap permit for her car... for an ankle injury from years ago. But she had no problem walking when it was something she wanted to do. She even went and got hearing aids.... in her 20's because she acted like she couldn't hear... But her hearing was very selective!!! I believed it all for about 6 months but little by little the truth wouldn't surface and we would realize she was making it up. When I stopped falling for it, things got really ugly

[@stephaniepittaluga5057]

Thank goodness you escaped!

[@danielkaiser8971]

"No problem [doing something she] wanted to do..." This statement seems to be a pattern across many comments when describing narcissistic hypochondriasis.

[@TurtleHillTx]

My mother is close to 93. I've never known her not to be sick. She recently said she wished she had Covid again so she could get some attenton!!!. She has never even had it , but says she had had it 4 times! So crazy sick!

[@TimBadger-w7d]

This is exactly what she is! I thought I was imagining it. She’s always ‘sick’ or there’s a problem. She’s used it to trauma bond me - I can see this so clearly now.

[@ElanaVital83]

Run my friend. Run!

[@justmebecky5937]

What’s interesting is the mother narc has turned the adult child into a hypochondriac or so she claims. I bet the child is actually physically responding to her karmic mothers abuse. Both need help. Once I woke, I realized my codependent behavior to narcissist relationships. The need to heal my own crazy mum manifested into lovers. The last 2 situationships were both pitiful people using false illnesses to manipulate everyone. Well, except me now. Ironic my mum is now legitimately dying of heart disease and so now she over plays REAL symptoms and it’s almost shameful. What the heck ? How do you ever get peace from parental narcissist? For me... grey rock and love her unconditionally because I wouldn’t be living this beautiful life without her dark karmic existence. They are a walking nightmare, albeit walking slower. 😉

[@GinaHarmeyer]

My husband. Three years ago, when he found out I would be getting an inheritance from my dad who was terminally ill, decided he should get to "stop working so hard (boo hoo) in his early 50s. I didn't agree with him and felt that any money I would be getting should be put away for retirement, invested so it could grow. So he started suddenly getting "injured" quite often, to the point it was very obvious to me that he was trying to find a way to get out of working somehow. He tried it with his knee and didn't get the answers he wanted from the doctors and the tests. Then it was his back, etc. He was clearly trying to manipulate the system so he could "stop working so hard" as if he's the only one in the marriage that has ever worked hard.

[@meganimal8]

I had to have my beloved cat of 15 years put to sleep about 6 months into a relationship with one of these types. I called him afterwards to tell him what had happened and obviously he gave me no sympathy at all- I couldn’t stop crying and after a while he just said out of nowhere ‘I think I’m sick’, I ignored him so he said it again, I asked why and he said ‘ I think I have the flue I feel awful’ I have to confess I lost my 💩 and told him well at least you’re not dead. He said I’d rather him die than the cat and honestly i couldn’t tell him he was wrong. He also developed sciatica but convinced himself it was a tumour. He thought a mole he had was cancerous after the hospital confirming it was benign. Yet he had a garlic allergy but refused to get an epipen from the Dr. I have type 1 diabetes and would often wake in the night with hypo’s and he would happily let me stumble downstairs to get sugar while he happily went back to sleep. But if he even had so much as a sniffle I would have to wait on him hand and foot because he thought ‘he was going to die’.

[@cymbolichuman433]

I know that they whine and whine and whine.

[@joseenoel8093]

No contact 'till you learn, he'll only make you feel worse and, feeling worse than having a beloved pet put to sleep (especially a cat/sorry Gus) is something which would seriously make me want to shot myself! Congrats on shortening your kitty's pain, we should all be so lucky! Much love from French Canada 🇨🇦🌹!

[@meganimal8]

Josee Noel I ended it 3 months ago and blocked him on everything possible. Thanks for your kind words, I still miss and think about my precious Athena every day ❤️

[@danielkaiser8971]

I also have type 1 diabetes since 1983 (age 12). I have been on and off forums where I occasionally saw others ask if chronic childhood stress or neglect or trauma contributed to the autoimmune response causing type 1 diabetes. This fascinated me because I had been thinking exactly the same thing all my life. But doctors have told me they didn't think so. I was wondering if you might have thought about this and if so, what your thoughts are about it.

[@meganimal8]

Daniel Kaiser Hi! I’ve never made the link in my head as I don’t know anybody else with diabetes. But you may have a point. I still suffer with lots of mental health problems in my adult life because of my childhood trauma. Also the fact that many people with diabetes are very in touch with their emotions. I was actually thinking a few nights ago if there is a link with BPD and diabetes. I haven’t been diagnosed with it but my emotions are quite up and down and sometimes I wonder if it’s the diabetes or something else as well. 😊

[@redefiningmyself8598]

So true! my sister had zero empathy when I became paralyzed from sle/lupus. And her every ache was worse than my paralysis and treatment 😂🤣👏🏼

[@butterflymagicwithhottea9291]

I am now reading Do You Know Who I Am and it is fantastic! You are narrating my life. This validation gives such a huge sense of RELIEF! Thank you

[@freedom768]

Do you have the author's name,.

[@queenesreina7424]

@@freedom768 I believe that's one of Dr. Ramani's books.

[@bparmenterful]

YES!!! He got a “migraine” or the Manflu EVERY single time we had plans that I had made or anytime people came to visit that he didn’t deem worthy. Zero interest when anyone else was sick. If we had a headache, he had a brain tumour. Didn’t know this was a narc thing!

[@GabrielsTears]

Thank you Doctor Ramani for taking my suggestion. Living with my mother was a living nightmare. I also have a sister that has the same problem. They will wear a person out being around them.

[@joseenoel8093]

They've taken your energy, thus how you feel!

[@beemayhemful]

Oh, wow. The piles of medication- on the kitchen counter, front and center, no less- the health scare hoovering, the suspicious collection of doctors who don’t consult with one another, the blaming every transgression on medication adjustments, the multiple medical “crises”, the bizarre public discussions of diagnoses or problems and doctor visits, wow... some pieces coming together here. Thank you, Dr Ramani 🙏

[@jenniferbechill]

I have seen this with my recent ex

[@evren8024]

@ every time my father gets sick. Has a migraine Has a ache Cuts his finger Yet everything I struggle with is a burden to him

[@hydebrown1805]

🙁hang in there!!

[@Jane-gt6ef]

When my father got a temperature 98.8 F, he urged me to call emergency. A doctor came, looked at him and scolded me. When I had over 100.3 F, no one bothered. It was before cell phones. You had to go outside to the public phone to make a call. Take care for yourself! Health is precious!

[@posieglom3215]

As others have implied in the comments, often this can manifest as exaggerating or faking psychological symptoms, not just physical ones, i.e. depression, anxiety, etc. I had a female friend who would compete with my severe depression symptoms, and she'd always lure everyone her way when I was crumbling. Like stealing a boyfriend, she'd steal any attention I might get when I just simply needed extra friendship and comforting. When she settled down and had a child, she transferred this to her child, taking him to multiple neurologists until she got that "spectrum" diagnosis, and milking that for sympathy and hero worship. (Such a strong mom!) I think this often can be paired with the communal narcissist tendencies: I am suffering and/or I am a hero, my heart always bleeds, admire me!

[@vintageryder53]

When I tried to leave my wife she admitted herself to the emergency room. She had the doctors chasing all her symptoms, refusing most treatments on her belief of Western medicines evils. After refusing treatments for 2 weeks the hospital finally put there foot down and kicked her out. I also must add that we had no medical coverage, so we were left with quite a bill. When they tried to collect she claimed medical malpractice for incorrect treatments. I have since been able to get out of the house, but can't seem to get her out of my life. This is just a small peek into my dealings with her.

[@kimdavis2508]

I can relate......”you can’t leave me...I’m sick” OMG 😆

[@CollinRoby]

I feel like you just summed my entire family dynamic (I’m an adult son, Mother covert narcissist) in 16 minutes… Thank you!

[@warorislam]

Admire how you can suddenly put these talks together.. guess it shows you very passionate

[@susanbittner2095]

Thank You So Much Dr. Ramani For This Very Important and Informative Video!!! This Is So Very Very True!!! I Have Experienced This With A Few Narcissists That I Unfortunately Have Known!!! Thank You Again Dr. Ramani, I Appreciate You So Much For Your Help On This Topic!!!🎉❣️

[@BastettheGh0st]

Yep. My mom would be 'oh so concerned' about my bad back I was born with until she needed someone to lift something for her. Her illness? Her weight. She 'just can't' because it's too hard with all this extra weight. She's clearly not that big that it's a real issue in reality 🙄

[@roecocoa]

Ever since I was too young to really comprehend death, my mother would hold my parents' mortality over my head. "Don't say that about your father; what if he died tomorrow?" and "you'll miss me when I'm dead," that kind of thing, for decades. My dad would just joke about his own death a lot. Now that they're older and their health really is failing, they won't talk about funeral arrangements and they each expect the other to outlive them. Mom cancels her doctor appointments just before the cancellation fee kicks in. Dad just doesn't go. One time, I picked my parents up from the airport in my car. Mom was in the passenger seat because she gets carsick (except when she doesn't) and she kept messing with the radio and temperature controls. When I asked her to stop because it was distracting me from driving, she said, "Fine, I guess I'll just die, then." I said, "Do you promise?" She gave me the silent treatment.

[@juliemcgugan1244]

😆

[@ms.annthropic6341]

I think I got second-hand guilted just reading this. 😅

[@MaxIgnoramus]

good job, the only way to deal with a narcissist. you let them know their games arent going to work, and you think they are pathetic

[@DMCdantenero112]

My mom used to guilt trip me with her dying since I was 9! I felt extremely guilty for speaking so negatively towards her, and I ended up hating myself. I felt like such a burden and a worthless bastard who didn't deserve love. It has been over a decade and I have recently went No contact with her. Now that I'm not under the spell, I realise how horrible it is to emotionally manipulate your child like that! This is pure abuse, and I still need therapy because of that witch. She turned me against my own friends, made me feel guilty for not spending time with her, and did everything she could to isolate me. It may sound horrible. But before I cut contact, I was the only one she spoke to. Everyone else stopped talking to her and with very good reason. I am honestly glad she is suffering and getting a taste of her own medicine. We offered her to come live abroad with us to find a job but she refused on numerous occasions. So now she barely makes ends meet, and sleeps in a cockroach-infested apartment. I'm sorry but I wasted so many years trying to help her with no results. I am not going to waste my life away for someone who reigns in misery.

[@indigosaint]

Thank you so much for this video! My mother has always, ALWAYS been sick, but I’ve long noticed behavior that seems to exacerbate genuine health issues that she knows she shouldn’t do (eating too much sugar with diabetes, drinking diet mt dew instead of water while on dialysis), or a serious accident always seems to happen just when she recovers (falling down the stairs and breaking her tailbone, or the most outlandish was walking across a hot stove to reach a high baking pan and significantly burning her diabetic feet). Being raised in this environment has instilled deep feelings of guilt and anxiety whenever I get sick. I remember as a teenager, I wasn’t feeling well at church and asked to go home. My mom accused me of lying and told me to tough it out. I ended up vomiting and passing out before she took it seriously enough to take me home. Any time I have to call into work or explain to a loved one that I can’t do something because I’m sick, I’m fighting through tears. I don’t convalesce as long as I need or go to the Dr. as often as I should. I’m so used to losing that “pissing contest” so to speak. Thank you for helping me see another side to all of this!

[@anlaugschreinerberge4588]

I love that you are adressing this topic! I was googling in desperation, to see if could find _anything_ to put a name to what my mother keep doing and have been doing since I was a baby, and as I have come to understand, also before my time! I really need some help and advice to manage to deal with her at all…She has all kinds of covertly narsistic behavoir too, but the foctor-thing is the one that are driving me totally bunkers! Its seems so unloving, in a way, to tell her that «quir it! I am aware that you are making up disease!» Eventhough I do realize its kind of her bring unloving, fabricating and lying about all sorts of dymptoms and serious conditions! She is belittleing people who actually ARE sick, she is taking my time and energy lying to me and trying to worry me and guiltrip me . Knowing all this is still end up feeling like a horrible person for denying to get used as a fake nurse for a fake patient, for not giving her her godgiven rolle as careneeding. Pointing any of this out make me feel like I want her to have a real illness, wich is absoltley not the case. You said to call out if any of your listners knew about someone who controls with ideas of beeing sick. So, yes, I am one. Mom has been holding our family with a sickly sweet ironfist of dusease, anxiety and calamity hanging, if we dont walk the eggshells just right, and so did my grandma before her. I have, mosthopefully indeed, did my very best to break theese chains if dysfunction…and she is trying to punish me for this (amongst other, beeing sicker than usual…its interseting!….so I pauser the video, just to comment, like I understand that one could 🙂 And are very exited to hear what you have to say! 🙂👍🏻 Thank you for all of your work, and for your passion on the subject of narsissism! I love your videos, and they keep helping me, and giving me innsight! Best wishes from Norway 🙂

[@LoganlovesgmaRobinson]

Yes,, being sick gives them the attention they so desperately need for nurses pharmacy tech really anyone to validate them. Yuk

[@LoganlovesgmaRobinson]

@scuba Steve thanks for saying you understand. You know who and what there about. You've seen it heard,it felt it and still you don't know yourself or own mind f!!k that. Please have a safe day

[@kickingleaves5122]

My mother is a hoarder, a licensed professional counselor and a covert hypochondriac narcissist. My childhood was a living nightmare.

[@gemmabenedict6187]

I am VERY sorry that you had to deal with this !! I have heard that the "professional" women are the worst type of hoarder. They make the "regular" hoarders look more normal. Some of the stuff that they do will haunt you for the rest of your life !!

[@gemmabenedict6187]

I LOVE your name, Brenna !!

[@mariaferrari2098]

Soka GAKKAI changed my life. We chant a powerful mantra. Nam MIOJO rengue KYO.

[@GuacIsExtra99]

It’s alarming that she was a counselor, I’m sorry

[@RoseThePhoenix]

The beginning of the end of my relationship was when I started having some kind of alarming symptoms and his response was that I was way overreacting and he's had all the same symptoms and it wasn't a big deal. This after I spent two years taking care of him because he was so sick and really needed me there for him. When I finally left, I told him I needed all my energy to take care of me, and that he needed to take care of him. Then all the sudden it was "I can take care of you, let me take care of you, don't leave!" And I was like, nah, that'll last a week and then you'll be back to how hard things are for you and you just can't manage anything. THEN he told me that his health was really failing and he might die. I told him I could take the cats if that happened and we haven't spoken since, lol

[@HisAmbassador7]

😂love it.

[@ronesss33]

RoseThePhoenix lol! So glad you got your priorities right! 😹😹

[@Hatbox948]

Thanks for the chuckle. Some of these comments are so funny.

[@hollyhelin4493]

Nothing has helped me more in my life than seeking out information. And wow, I still learn something new every day. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

[@vanessavanheerden8183]

This describes my narcissistic mother-in-law 100%

[@TimBadger-w7d]

This is exactly what she’s like. For years, there’s never been a day when there hasn’t been a ‘problem’. I can see that she’s used this to manipulate me. If I get actually sick (very rarely) she gets mad and turns it back on herself and her problems again. It’s exhausting.

[@999Lumen]

Oh boy! So many people do this. I have seen this sooooo many times. My mother-in-law and her sister had a life long battle of 'who's the sickest wins'. Whoever was the sickest could control the whole house. I've witnessed one lady going to her doctor to try to get him to say she was sicker than her sister. When this didn't work out she through a tantrum by moving out. Unbelievable!

[@joseenoel8093]

Whose the sickests wins 😸

[@mifnp8887]

My mother. I don't even know where to begin. What I will say is now that my stepfather was recently placed in care facility she is now doing everything he had been doing for her for 30 years!! It's amazing how independent and resourceful she is now that he is not there to do it. That is only the top layer of the onion...

[@scout948]

Wow. I never made that connection. Makes so much sense now. My ex covert narcissist had a colonoscopy and 3 patients after her had all left while we still sat there because she was still feeling “heavily sedated.” She was milking it for all it was worth. The exaggerated slow blinking and fake puppy dog eyes made it so painful to try and keep my cool. By the time we got home I had to turn around and leave before I completely lost it. I don’t remember what excuse I gave but I know it was an excuse for sure. After I finished a round of chemotherapy and surgery she was quick and relentless in letting ME know how horribly I had treated her during treatment and she would never allow anyone to treat her that way again. I couldn’t even get myself to the bathroom I was so sick. Yet somehow I managed to treat her horribly. I thought I had just forgotten things I said and did - she blamed pain meds I was taking and that’s why I didn’t remember so if I needed more chemotherapy I shouldn’t take pain meds. Nice. One more validation in knowing leaving was the only logical choice for me. I couldn’t say anything about my health without her interjecting about her own aches and pains. Pathetic

[@eileensianez6766]

My narc mom exactly 💯🤣 She was always in the hospital expecting attention and morphine,dilaudid and any other opiate prescriptions all my life.Whenever Nana would get angry with her and tell her that it's all in her head and to get out of bed and go outside and do something and you'll feel better, my mom would get mad at her and say how can she say that and doesn't she care?They always got into bad arguments where my Nana always left angry with her narc daughter! My so called mom is 76 years old now and is even worse with the morphine and alcoholic too.Never changes! You are right on the money Dr. Ramani! You are so loved! Blessings to you and the family dear!

[@nschulz75]

Another thing my mother's narc husband does is a bit the opposite of what most do: instead of ignoring the sick person (my mom), when she has had serious illness he comes and is the rescuer who "does it all" to take care of her. He seems compassionate and actually is helpful. But it's like he waits for her to be vulnerable and then becomes her Prince Charming so he is the hero. My mom gives him amazing accolades, which have to be his supply. I think it's his main hoovering technique.

[@drumsbymark]

Thank you. I started going down this rabbit hole about 2 weeks ago. I thought I was all alone with this for years. Glad to know that there's a group of us who've had to deal with us our entire lives.

[@waynebeachy5267]

My wife is narcissistic person. I suffered abuse for 35 years. I separated from her 9 years but I still haven't fully recovered.

[@kimber1911]

It's even worse when they are truly ill and yet are always suffering from real or imagined symptoms. It's near impossible to know when to be truly concerned.

[@jessierodriguez5526]

My sister is a grade A narc who uses this tactic.

[@annamarie3288]

Isn't it horrible to have a sibling like this. My sis is a narc too

[@BBB-rd2qi]

My Sister is like this too!!

[@preeshanipaheliweddings1738]

My ex fiance / pathetic narc "suffered" with back pain for 3 years In and out of hospitals, doctors, chiros, physios. I was exhausting my leave days at work to accommodate and attend his medical appointments with him, care for him, even physically feed him! We skipped several events and family gatherings (mostly on my side)because he was in "awful and excrutiating" pain. He was fit and fine enough to do his personal things and attend events he was invited to. He was on heavy meds and bed rest for months, full of narc rage whenever someone suggested something... anyways, a few months after going no contact, he was seen walking around the mall, perfectly normal. No crutches or basic support either. Him being a Narcissistic Hypochondriac didn't occur to me till watching this video. Thank you Dr. Ramani for helping me make sense of so much!

[@raelonewolf]

Thank you for making this video. It's crazy how well this video perfectly describes someone I know. The only thing you didn't explicitly talk about was how they'll use social media to make it seem like they are having a serious health scare when they are not. For instance, posting "My symptoms got worse, I had to go to the hospital today" accompanied by a picture of the inside of an exam room, when in reality it was just a regularly scheduled check up. Or sometimes claiming that "things are so bad I might have to go to the ER" and then not responding to replies asking how they're doing for days at a time, despite being on that social media site so it's obvious they saw those comments asking if they went in or feel better. It's very true how they'll use their "illnesses" to get out of responsibilities and chores as well.

[@melindapelham4156]

I'm going through this with my 79 year old NM right now ! I never know what to believe ? ? ? It's like the little boy that cried wolf ! I'm getting so tired of it ! The stress , and pressure is unreal ! I'm sure that if she was ever put in an assisted living situation , she would be saying that she was being abused ! Nothing with my NM has ever been easy . Why is life so miserable to them ? Dear God why ? ? ?

[@goread5544]

This is frighteningly accurate 💔 it’s so difficult when this is your mother. If you don’t react you look like a terrible daughter

[@bigred4379]

Yes! And may I add? They TELL everyone what happened and DESCRIBE what a terrible daughter you are. I have even had the FIRE DEPT call me back for a welfare check on my mother .. why? Because they overheard me saying DURING the 912 call” mom. Nothing is WRONG with you.really. Please let me talk to them ..” she told them I “ refused to take her “ to the ER. This has happened TWICE. I finally asked to speak w the dispatch supervisor . Another occasion the fireman/ EMT threatened me .. told me to sign a waiver . I said” please get one I’ll wait”. Guess what ? I went to the ER. Nothing Was wrong w her . I ended up speaking g w his captain . I’m tired of being threatened and thought to be abusive .

[@elderwelder]

I'm 42 years old and I left my country at 17. My mom has been crying wolf for 20 years now. It's absolutely exhausting and makes me feel helpless because I'm an ocean away

[@wchiwinky]

Oh Yes, the entitlement (and excuses) are fed by their hypochondriacal symptoms, whether fabricated or real: induced by chronic negative mental patterns...sounds like my covert narc brother...(although the complaining is not usually so covert ;) Thank You Dr Ramani for your brilliant work = a Blessing for us!

[@denisechinavare6982]

The “doctors” told my mother in her 30’s that she would end up in a wheel chair. She just turned 84 and has never been in a wheel chair she went from her daughters taking care of her straight to the home where they wait on her hand and foot. Til this day I will never own a lazy boy or make my children take care of me. She is exactly where she needs to be. Never mind the enabling of her precious boys. Please keep your wisdom resinating in our heads I have been in counseling for over a year but without a doubt you have helped me more than anyone I have met in my entire life. I am a truth teller and INFJ personality please keep it coming and thank you 🙏

[@herneasedavis193]

(A long-ish story) I laughed out loud and then teared up when I saw the title of this video. I had never thought to term one of the central issues in my narcissistic relationship as Hypochondria. I'm not sure if it fits... but, I'll say that a major part of my life was wrapped around this person's real injury. They lied about the existence of treatment for decades, choosing to live in pain that we thought was chronic. Their "chronic" pain issue superseded almost everything else. Any kind of conflict was manipulated by the phrase, "You're making my neck hurt." They required constant attention, assistance and their physical safety was something I inquired about (or worried about) almost every day. One day, they came to us saying, "Can you believe, my doctor said I need to have surgery or I'll never walk again." we were thrilled there was an option, but they proceeded to fight against it. After a year of cajoling, they had the surgery, it was successful and they were the only one disappointed by the outcome. They proceeded to disobey the surgeon orders and the pain came back. In the midst of us worrying about how this person was clearly sabotaging their recovery, I came down with a terrible flu. Even though this person knew (I told them I had the flu on one of my "check in" calls), I never heard from them, even after a couple of weeks. when I finally checked in on them, I brought this up, but they used their "chronic" pain as a defense. Again, their pain superseded all else. Their illness had been such a central part of my life until I witnessed them undo the cure we had worked so hard to help them get. It was one of the events that helped me begin to realize that something was truly wrong, and that this person was narcissistic. So, I'm not sure if this qualifies as narcissistic hypochondria, but this video hit at this part of my relationship with this person.

[@anoreahe]

Wow... Thank you so much for this video. You described my mother who I now know is a narcissistic hypochondriac. I had to completely shut off communication with her because I couldn't deal with the lies and manipulation any longer. I'm thankful for this understanding of why I chose that decision. Thanks again... You're brilliant.

[@resolutebelle8761]

He was always suffering from headaches many of which I 'caused' yet he pursued me relentlessly with many hooverings.

[@cassinpocket]

This is real. Seen it in my own family. When I actually got very ill, they never came around. And, when I was just getting over treatment and surgeries, they were fine with me coming over to do their chores while they watched TV. Whoa, it's very real.

[@bridgetcruwys2046]

This is so very helpful..I have this in my life as you posted this just in time...I needed this validation from you..you have a way of grounding me. Thank you so much you are a life saver.💗🦋💯🦋💗

[@deepbalaka]

My narcissist is hypochondriac...so good to find this video. Whenever I feel sick he immediately falls sick