When malignant narcissists lovebomb

[@obscurum6]

Them having an intense desire to be with you all the time, them wanting constant contact is never a good thing. It is control and is designed to stop you from having boundaries. Anyone who wants your constant attention is dangerous.

[@MetalHead093]

That perfectly describes a friendship of mine, constantly wanting to hangout and constantly wanting attention or else I get guilt tripped and deal with his devaluing of me to others. Disgusting behavior, I’m glad I blocked him but now I have to deal with getting stalked.

[@jennifernew4792]

She literally just said that

[@sarakjeldsen769]

YES!

[@christymckee8133]

​@@jennifernew4792thats literally what they do. All of them pull from the same shitty bag of narchole tricks.

[@natalieharrison5202]

That's more bpd I'd say, they're comorbid

[@Mysticus11]

I mistook intensity for deep connection. If it was a novel, I’d call it Pedestal to Predator.

[@marleyofficialmedia]

Sounds like a (well titled) spooky novel

[@iwanttobreakfree8324]

I'm an Indian woman, planning to study further and fulfill my dreams. I already have a successful career in my field. My family, my religion, my community are narcissistic and pressuring me into getting an arranged marriage at merely 25 and this pressure has been on ever since I was nearing my graduation. There's so much I learnt only through your channel. Thank you for making me believe in myself! Thank you for giving me the courage of knowing my true worth to escape this toxicity. Please make a video on cultural/religious and martial pressures in people from underdeveloped nations and solutions to escape this. It's been the fate of most of us middle class youth from these nations. Post lockdown, many of us lost our freedom, our youth and are suddenly being emotionally abused into getting married. More power to you! You're such an inspiration to us Indian women! 😭😭🤗🤗🤗

[@bhanuiyer5159]

Please watch Dr. Ramani's video's on Cultural/Generational Narcissists. It helped me a lot. Though I was 20 years a little too late. Best wishes on your further studies and for wanting to fulfilling your dreams. Remember that you might get shunned and face a lot of family pressure and emotional blackmailing during the process. It is a difficult process as you will break through those bonds. It will be traumatic depending on how conservative your family is. Also remember that 'log sirf baat karne ke liye hain'. Finally, it is your life and you are the master of your life. You are responsible for your happiness. You try to keep the world (your family, your relatives) happy and it will come at the cost of your happiness and you will feel crushed and betrayed by them. No one comes when you need help. Trust me, no one comes. Though they will stand and talk. If you have marital problems, you are left to fix the hell. All they want is the marriage to survive, why because it is their reputation and status in society (because 'unki naak kat jayegi'). They just want to be left alone. You will be left to deal with it. Aur tumhara kya? Kisi ko parva nahi. Here's the link to the first of Dr. Ramani's video in the series: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jafboaird61ggc0

[@JM-vj7we]

We have a fan friend who isalso of South Asian heritage. Her mother is a malignant narcissist. She is in her early 40’s and has to be home by a certain time or her mother thinks that she’ll a whore! We have talked with her but she needs counseling. She will only feel comfortable with a woman from her own background.

[@chaitrakeshav]

More power to you! You're stronger than you realize if you have this clarity at 25. You're going to have a beautiful life with this clarity. ❤️

[@CourseCreatorsCollective]

Brilliant girl, you deserve to break free and you absolutely will. I congratulate you on your clarity of thought around peolle close to you. I managed to break out and break free and life is loads and loads better outside. Loads and loads. The privacy, the anonymity and safety is so important to do deep meaningful work. So many better things to do with one's energy.. all the best.

[@97indianuk]

The best solution is to be financially independent, be able to work and support yourself emotionally and financially. This ENABLES you to live away from the toxic community/family pressures.

[@apeyb5606]

This is exactly what happened to me! I became a “good girl” to please him (isolated from everyone) but 13 years later- I started wanting my freedom back.. (and wanted my children and I to have a healthier and more peaceful life) He very quickly became belligerent and verbally abusive- extremely angry when I didn’t answer the phone first thing every morning. Thankfully I was prepared for it thanks to you Dr. Ramani, so it didn’t scare me into submission this time. Been 3 months no contact, with restraining order… we have court Dec 7 for divorce and custody.

[@unconversantcallowincandes1540]

Bravo Apey B! I hope things work in your favor for custody and good luck with the "show" aka divorce.

[@aliceroberts1980]

Good I hope you get full custody!😊

[@apeyb5606]

@@unconversantcallowincandes1540 I really appreciate that! He’s of course requesting sole custody because I’m a “paranoid, suicidal, neglectful mother”- but I was thankfully prepared for the smear campaign as well. I just rolled my eyes (to myself) while he spewed his lies in depositions. My attorney took him to the cleaners though, lol. It didn’t take much to bring some of that seething anger to the surface- he was huffing and puffing with his arms crossed. Lol. And my attorney is saving the good stuff for court (I have texts and emails of him threatening me- which he denied) So I’m hopeful it will turn out okay! Thanks again for your support!

[@RobinCurrie]

I'm glad you're away from that ❤

[@unconversantcallowincandes1540]

@@apeyb5606 Oh My God!! 🤣🥰 That's hilarious thank you attorney!! Thats Epic! I'm so happy for your success!!

[@garycordle5295]

Yes they can put tracking devices on you, and even hide cameras in your house, technology is out there.👍 up Dr RAMANI and survivors and thrivers 🙏

[@gertrudelaronge6864]

True.

[@MidwestBoxin]

I am dating a girl who told me her ex from a long time ago did this! Its crazy

[@gertrudelaronge6864]

@@MidwestBoxin yes crazy. And if you try to tell anyone what is happening, most people will just assume that you're being paranoid. (this is even true of many law enforcement officers.) They think it is something that only happens on tv or in movies. & that is how these guys keep getting away with it.

[@Andrewchamos.hotmail]

@@gertrudelaronge6864 it’s stalking it’s against the law, being a targeted individual & being gang stalked is the worst.

[@gertrudelaronge6864]

@@Andrewchamos.hotmail Thank you. That is a fact.

[@phinton314]

"Menace," is the best descriptive word for so much of the narcissists behavior.

[@shelley7975]

That and creepy.

[@denisesatt7044]

Ugly is my current fave. Ugly treatment of others. Just ugly

[@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876]

Everything you say is so true and heartbreaking. They are extremely insecure, project it on to you, also be very mean, hurful, cold, and cruel when rageful. They are very sarcastic, total lack of empathy, it comes at having no clue at all. They are jelous, vindictive, very arrogant, and egocentric, and play the victim. They believe you deserve bad treatment💔 Their behavior is very confusing, unsettling, terrying at times, and they are great manipulators. All they want is control and dominance. They love triangulation💔💔💔 Thank you Dr. Ramani for this very valuable information💖

[@salonsavy6476]

Perfectly said 👍👍👍

[@yukio_saito]

So sorry you experienced everything you listed.

[@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876]

@@salonsavy6476 Thank you❤

[@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876]

@@yukio_saito Thank you, yes it was hard💜

[@seking3734]

Scary 😩 I’m so glad I escaped.

[@Pjbassjam]

Me too protect yourself

[@through.a.barrel.she.breathes]

"These kind of relationships can be all encompassing until one morning you wake up and you realize that you're terrified." That is the perfect summary of what happened to me with my malignant narcissist.

[@kky.x]

except i realized it in my sleep cause i had my recurring nightmares of someone trying to kill me very frequently

[@northshoregirl8173]

This is so helpful. My exboyfriend love bombed me not with gifts, but with the idea that "we're special, you 'get things' that other people don't, it's you and me against the world" type of thinking. It's addictive, and then I started to disappoint him and we never got back to that initial feeling. I wish I'd known all this back then!

[@bhanuiyer5159]

Exactly, I had the same experience. 'We are made for each other', 'We will be together in all our births', 'We will fight the world together','I love you'. But he won't finch his eye to call me 'A bitch or a f***er'

[@See_Life]

Same here, he would say things like ''there's no such thing as community, it's just you and me'', also pretending that he cares about me, while saying ''I don't care if all the neighbours drop dead tomorrow''..., DoctorRamani describes it 100% accurate - lots of jealousy, paranoia, projections, rage, control and shaming, all in all - their 'lovebombing'' is the road to hell. Even a few months with malignant narcissists are too much time and can cause terrible long term damage (within 4 months I got so sick, nearly didin't make it... ) The sooner you leave, the greater chance you have to survive and recover.

[@mobwatch8119]

@@See_Life That's what caused my final decision to split up with this person - the attitude towards others and society in general. Uncooperative, judgemental, domineering, paranoid. Somehow I was meant to believe he had empathy for me when he was so negative in general. "Us against the world" means you should defend their indefensible behaviour at all times and keep the abuse incidents hidden.

[@See_Life]

@@mobwatch8119 Exactly, yes. The empathy was fake. And the arguments are off the charts, they would go into madness and rage in the middle of the night also causing sleep deprivation.

[@blee9304]

​@@See_Lifemy ex did that too! Always pick fights before bed time, rage in the middle of the night.

[@kimberlyfeliciano4375]

The "He really is such a teddy bear" comment was me. You have to watch how they treat other people because eventually that will be you.:(

[@catlady6938]

That is so true, my malignant ex was violent towards a friend which shocked me and other friends at the time. A few months later he tried to be disrespectful towards me in front of others. I knew after his behaviour it was just a matter of time before I was on the receiving end of his violence so I had to end it and go no contact. They are scary people.

[@kimberlyfeliciano4375]

@@catlady6938 isn't it terrible? Good for you for ending it.

[@mos8896]

There’s no way you could know how much you help people make sense of it all.

[@texaspatty458]

These people are evil & dangerous !!

[@mirzetagoldsmith6862]

This one hit “too close to home” It’s mentally draining and emotionally exhausting. Thank you Dr Ramani

[@mdee860]

I hear you. If you need to, take a break - but then DO come back to Dr. Ramani's & Dr. Carter's sites & communities. When I first figured out what was going on, I binged on these videos. Sometimes, like you - a certain video would leave me upset & exhausted. I needed to take a short break - but later, came back to learn more. Some days (esp. in the beginning) it can be really rough to hear these important lessons. When you read comments from the community - you might notice how similar Narcassists are. They all use the exact same bag of dirty tricks: Love Bombing, Projection, Gaslighting, Rage, Silent Treatment, Discard, etc., etc.

[@Real2k25]

Yes for sure went thru it year n half

[@AMir-ln8uu]

Oh my Gosh. This is unbelievable. The intensity! I did feel uncomfortable with the constant text messaging and video calling, but he always used to say, "I miss you! I miss you!". And the annoyance and anger that followed when I did not respond to his texts or calls! I could see a pattern of him trying to isolate me, never letting me out alone, insisting on seeing me on video to see me when I was out with friends. I am so glad I got out before things got worse. And I couldn't have done it without you Dr Ramani. Your channel is a lifesaver. Thank you for keeping this content free! God bless you.

[@mariegracebrabandt8028]

So glad you got out. I eventually got out of each one but not until after so much damage. I'm aware now. 🤗

[@buckwheat_flower]

I remember my dad just got better after a surgery and when i went to meet him, my ex husband wont stop video calling me in the middle of dinner, knowing very well from my texts sent to him earlier that I'm having dinner with my dad. His complain was "how does someone take more than 15 minutes to take a meal?" What days I've endured.

[@majakolonj426]

The video thing gets on my nerves

[@AMir-ln8uu]

@@buckwheat_flower the controlling menace!

[@buckwheat_flower]

@@AMir-ln8uu it took me a lot of time to realize it's neither care nor how they miss me. They do this so well from the very beginning, as if someone taught them word by word from a book.

[@melissapaultre2998]

That last line hit the nail perfectly on the head. "These kind of relationships can be all encompassing until one morning you wake up and you realize that you're terrified." That is the perfect summary of what happened to me!

[@erichallo9232]

your channel is changinng so many people's lives, thank you!

[@4SM93]

My ex was definitely a covert malignant narcissistic a hole. He showed his true colors after I left him. A couple of weeks later he tried to get this little girl to skateboard in front of my house and follow me while I was walking down the street and picked her up in his mom's car, just to make me jealous or something( after I found out he was cheating on me). Who does that after they have been caught cheating? He definitely wanted to kick me while I was down.

[@maryannifeanacho4219]

The one I've been waiting for.

[@kirilmihaylov1934]

Me too. I was love bombed by such narcissist

[@clod8]

It’s best to keep in mind if someone constantly compliments you and gives you gifts, they want something from you.

[@IsabellaPiesch]

🎯Exactly that one!

[@M.A.492]

A beautiful young girl from our company got love-bombed for a month and kept refusing a marriage proposal of an anger-management-nutcase boyfriend who liked to beat "ungrateful" women. Last week she was still complaining about being scared of him getting angrier and angrier. Today was her funeral, as the guy got a little too angry in the end :(( We should never underestimate the malignant nature of those whose attitude is "worship me or you'll regret it"... Even if they don't take lives in a literal way, they destroy them in another way. Let us all beware.

[@catlady6938]

That is so sad, poor girl.

[@goodtimesbadtimes5273]

That’s soo sad, prayers for her but until I know the whole story I would draw conclusions. It also could be she played him emotionally his frustrated self couldn’t control his anger.

[@catlady6938]

@@goodtimesbadtimes5273 no excuse to murder her whatever happened.

[@goodtimesbadtimes5273]

@@catlady6938 of course, no excuse

[@mobwatch8119]

@@goodtimesbadtimes5273 What many people don't understand about these types is that their anger isn't always a reaction. They have a need for conflict, so when the other person doesn't provide an opportunity, they just make sh*t up to have an excuse for raging. It doesn't matter what the partner does; they will find some reason to lash out regularly.

[@artbaugh3]

Spot on!!

[@Lilbirdy-ur6uf]

This describes my ex-husband. It took me years to get the courage to get out, and once I did, he stalked me for over ten years. I ended up with PTSD, Agoraphobia, and Panic Disorder. These people are monsters.

[@annikamin1637]

Idk, my ex would have fit the bill for malignant and vulnerable, but didn’t do most of this. The menace and dominance didn’t come out until a good year after we’d been married. He didn’t do stalk-ish stuff, he didn’t subtly monitor me or keep in constant contact, give me gifts, talk me out if working, etc. I think malignant narcissistic people can really play the game well and come off completely healthy and normal until they have you. He did very subtly erode my relationship with my friends and family though. That part did happen, in a way that made me feel seen and understood bc the things he said were true...

[@kikitauer]

Yes I think there are a lot more narcissistic presentations across the whole spectrum. And some of them are very subtle just like you say. I am so sorry you went through the relationship with malignant narcissist. But you are out and that's great 🙏

[@annikamin1637]

@@kikitauer thank you for the validation and support 💜

[@marisesagna]

@@annikamin1637 100%...they can play the part for a long time. I was equally a victim of the lovebombing for a long time. It all came down when we got married, and then even more after we had our first child. Six years later I woke up! But still i had to go to therapy because for a long time i would think i did something wrong in that marriage. That is the work they do on us! I am glad that you escaped and early on. Good luck and may God protect our choices.

[@annikamin1637]

@@marisesagna Mine got worse after our first kid too 😭. I’m so sorry you went through this too. Take good care. 💜

[@Loveniecey1201]

That is exactly how I feel about my husband only it’s been 16yrs and he’s just now showing that side… it’s scary somebody can fake something that long

[@cwayzums]

I always say, that when you’re in a relationship where you can’t trust each other, don’t be together. Don’t even think about getting married. An ex boyfriend I had (didn’t buy me my phone, but he) told me that he knew someone who worked at T-Mobile and so he would have a way to access who I talked to. One time I had this guy in my class who exchanged phone numbers with me because we were going to study together. His name was Tim, but to protect myself, I put him down as Tina. Well, the ex found out and that didn’t go over very well. If anybody ever makes you feel this way, just leave.

[@thepeatbog]

I've watched many of your videos but this one hits so hard, I just ended a 10 year relationship with a malignant. This is all true and it got to the point he was throwing me down, spit on me, expressing desires to kill me, in the last 3 years. Financial control and the gaslighting aspect kept me from leaving sooner. Idk if I could've broken out of the cognitive dissonance without the help of audio books the past year, then discovering some KZbin channels like yours to help guide me and give a sense of community. My friend recommended the book Trauma Bonding and my self education grew from there with other titles like, Stop Walking on Eggshells and Splitting. Those 3 were revelational for me, along with internet platforms such as this! Thank you so much for your frequent videos and all that you give, Dr. Ramani!

[@catb445]

This describes so accurately my whole life with ex-husband. The examples give here I can remember from my own personal experiences. I also think my father was a malignant covert narcissistic type as well. I feel so very thankful that I was finally able to gather the strength and courage to get out and get safe. The insidious nature of these abusive relationships is that often victims don’t realize the danger they are in until they are completely caught in the sticky web of these toxic dynamics! And they are often so isolated from support that they feel completely trapped with no way out. Ex-husband moved me far away from all of my friends and family intentionally to make sure that I was not going to leave. I was terrified but I got help from domestic advocate and was able to finally get out. It was horrible how much he would deliberately lie and manipulate others in order to isolate me. Malignant narcissism is extremely dangerous but family courts seem to deliberately turn a blind eye to the very real dangers for victims and their children. I am so very thankful to people like Dr Ramani and others that provide education and support to us so we can not only survive but thrive and protect ourselves from dangerous narcissistic predators. Our culture often wants to deny that these scary realities exist for victims. until there is some tragedy that winds up on the news. It doesn’t shock or surprise me when I see these tragedies it but definitely saddens me deeply that more is not more done for victims of domestic violence. And narcissism plays a huge role in the cycle of abuse. If general public understands narcissism then they would no longe ask why victims don’t leave and they would not blame victims. That’s why it’s so vital to educate people about narcissism so people can get the help and support that they so desperately need and deserve! Thank you so much for your dedication to providing us with this information and support which helps all of us, many blessings to you🙏🤗💜

[@mercyrahma9501]

☺️❤️❤️❤️

[@kirilmihaylov1934]

I was love bombed by a malignant female narcissist. I think she was a psychopath as well

[@elaynepallist572]

There were a couple of guys I had started to date who tried these tactics and it always felt gross, and stalker-like. It made me so uncomfortable, I decided to cut all ties with them. Thank goodness I followed my instincts! Unfortunately, the women in my family - sisters and aunts - all too often had men like this as husbands/boyfriends. I saw from a detached viewpoint how they treated my sisters and aunts and knew they were bad for them and everyone else.

[@jessicamoran2256]

This was my entire relationship for the past 6 yes. Every single example she gives rgd coercive control was my existence day to day, night through night. It makes my heart race right this moment in the remembrance of it. I feel that abuse viscerally. He was a malignant narcissist to the 59millionth power. He used coercive control and I'm lucky I am out with my sanity. I was still in love w him as I left. This was the most harrowing, terrifying, excruciating experience ever.

[@amyschmidt1113]

Glad you escaped

[@patricia-fz8et]

that wasn't love, that was trauma bonding.

[@knstew75]

Wow!! It's scary how many things you mentioned that I experienced. So thankful I got out when I did. These videos are so vital in helping survivors. Thank you so much for the work that you are doing.

[@sonia6291]

I was totally romanticism intensity. It tooks me some bad experiences and therapy to finally understand that intensity and love bombing are not a good thing. I think all those ''romantic'' movie does not help as they often show men that are obsessive, intense and stalking as ''so romantic''.

[@maryheiser311]

You described everything to a T that I experienced with my ex. How can this be? It’s like you were there! Wish I had heard you 30 years ago. Also, the narc eventually loses touch with reality becoming psychopathic and actually believes everything they have done and are doing is “real, normal” and everyone else is “off”. I hope a lot of people see this video and get their eyes opened and run! Thanks for your expertise, devotion and dedication to what you are doing. God bless you Dr.

[@mobwatch8119]

I noticed this as well. At first my ex would apologise and pretend to uphold certain principles and values (to be a normal, functioning, caring person). The years passed and the mask fell off completely, revealing the ugliness of his actual views and intentions.

[@eaf888]

The moment I escaped, The phone was cancelled. Was scary how intense that was

[@reneenelson7089]

Glad your out and safe, how you do it

[@msharic85]

What do you mean? I think something similar happened to me.

[@reneenelson7089]

I really need to know how to escape and it's my house and he won't leave and I think he's escalating

[@SirenaSpades]

@@reneenelson7089 I know it's an old post, but the answer is pretty simple. You call the police and get a protection order. Then he's out of the house. Presto.

[@carriebell3566]

Always beware of people who text you questions such as “what are you doing?” “Where are you?”

[@Am-js1ue]

I Recognised the reason I was attracting these kind of toxic People in My life was due to a Specific kind of feeling (I got from them) which Matched with My Dad (whom I figured out is a Narcissist ). I also am Fearful Avoidant. After realising that the kind of affection from my Dad wasn't even Real, I've decided to Change this path of attracting Toxic People who give controlling vibes like My Ndad. I won't go after that Scary Intensity

[@fairygurl9269]

^this is true for myself as well. So Much Respect to You for choosing to Be/Model Real Possibility of Personal Integrity and Authentic Improvement.

[@Am-js1ue]

@@fairygurl9269 Thanks

[@Dustmitebunnie]

This. The toxic cycle is vicious

[@JM-vj7we]

Before I finally got rid of him for good he would always want to know where I was. Most of the time I would say on the roof!

[@IsabellaPiesch]

‼They are control-freaks! (They don´t trust you because they can´t trust themselves - they project!).

[@patrickbinford590]

For me, this is what is so difficult in dealing with this "super control thing" in narcissism: the love bombing. It's enough to make people give up on love and trust. After all, if one has been conditioned enough by what has not worked, why bother? But maybe ongoing self-love IS the answer. One has the love within. It's there. Always. What is that love? And who is it? To go within works for me, as long as I don't space out with it.

[@gertrudelaronge6864]

Me too.

[@yvonne3903]

Hi from Scotland Love bombing has been likened to the mother love, unconditional, therefore one reason it's so difficult to separate because it's like a symbiotic relationship ie your joined at the hip and can often make you revert to a small child which makes it harder to separate from morhership

[@shannondonahue1133]

I experienced everything you described, it’s so helpful to understand that this is simply the pattern of malignant narcissism. You don’t know it’s happening until you’re socially and financially isolated and that’s when the real cruelty comes out. I wish I had picked up on the red flags in the beginning, but as you said it felt so good to feel like you were “finally seen“. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all the work you do, you don’t know how much of a godsend you are for those of us who find this channel.

[@cheyenne5375]

My narcissistic mother in law is getting everyone to text me since we stopped interacting with her. I dont know how to respond to all these flying mockeys. Some of these people I really cared about.

[@yvonne3903]

Just say oh you've been talking to the crazies, and apologise that they are dumping on them but that you're not interested in discussing as it's private. Or simply put a stop on their number.

[@elaynepallist572]

This is where you have to put up clear boundaries. You are now being harrassed, and there are laws against that. You have a right to tell people that you need space and that you find their texts harmful and stressful. You don't even have to bring up your narc mother-in-law, other than telling the flying monkeys that you want them to stop texting you about her. If they continue to harass you, let them know that they will be blocked, then follow up on your threat if they still do it.

[@p.w.352]

Are they trying to get you to reconcile? Tell them that their involvement is a great example of your MIL's methods of manipulation, and reinforces your resolve to not have contact with her until she gets help. Tell them that you consider this to be a private matter between you and your MIL, and won't to discussing it. If they are shaming you, tell them that you have good reasons for your decision, but they are private. You don't have to defend yourself to anyone. But you need to set boundaries and be consistent. And it's inevitable that people will side against you. It's sad, but better to know than not know who the enablers are so you don't end up giving them information that the narcissist can use against you. And it's a given that you will probably lose some friends and relationships with other family members.

[@adammcallister9675]

IGNORE ENTIRELY

[@joywebster2678]

Or a simple "thanks for caring"

[@gertrudelaronge6864]

This is so accurate.

[@vladquebec]

So glad I've never met anyone like that! Best of luck to anyone who has someone like that in their lives!

[@Llaaoo123]

Dr ,,ur such inspiration for indian women ,and all women abroad ,tx ❤

[@ilovesunsets]

This is my sister in law, and at first I felt pity for my brother, now I feel pity for their kids because one is 3 years old and is already finding ways of coping and being scared of her 24/7. Three freakin years old!!!

[@Mel.H_]

All I can say is Yup, Yup, Yup! By the end of my relationship with that Narc (the most coercive controlled one) I actually started lying about my past and telling him he was wrong, I didn't sleep with so n so or whatever lies I had to tell to keep his temper down. So bizarre. ETA I started day dreaming about his death. Or mine. I was terrified to go home. It's just such a horrific way of living. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@NancyBrown1975]

You will gain nothing from helping a narcissist with their career but to be controlled and harassed by them trying to get your needs met. You nailed it again Dr. Ramani. More knowledge and wisdom pouring from you. Thank you so much.

[@dee0731]

Always have discernment when meeting people 🙌🏻☀️

[@kimslone5185]

Good morning. I saw a TED talk yesterday where the speaker hypothesized that places with sharp inequality, and poverty breed more narcissism. Maybe you want to explore this? I believe he was a neurosurgeon in the UK. I'm sorry I don't have more info.

[@AeriaGl0ris]

Do you happen to have a link to that video? That's an interesting take and I'd like to know how he came up with that hypothesis.

[@kikitauer]

That's exactly what I am thinking. I come from Czech republic in EU. We aren't and weren't particularily poor as a nation but there was communism for half a century and that definitely breed corruption and narcissism. One of my former coworkers comes from Ukraine and she said once the Russians have the proverb: "You don't hit - you don't love." "Nebiješ - nemiluješ." 😢

[@kimslone5185]

@@AeriaGl0ris not a single link, he's done several lectures about inequality, but I have his name...Richard Wilkinson.

[@margaretkoev9760]

100000% I barely got away! They were both obsessed with control (among other things). They shredded my identity and mutilated my psyche. They stalked me, stalked my friends, abused me (in all kinds of ways), destroyed property, stole from me… it was horrific. When I finally found the term “malignant narcissist” it sent chills down my entire body. Everything you say is spot on! I was suicidal many times when (forcibly) living with them and it took my entire willpower to bring me back from the brink. Mostly I was afraid I would end up disabled and under their permanent lifelong control. They really do branch into psychopathy on the dark triad. When they had full control there were no good moments. They tightened the noose and just abused, abused, abused. Unashamedly, unapologetically, BUT, also with full knowledge that what they were doing was wrong!!! Any time the police was called, child services, etc they would create a wild story/excuse as to why strangers/neighbours are afraid of what’s going on behind closed doors. It really was a house of horrors. At least they always cared for the dogs (which always mystified me, but at least I know the doggies are safe!) I find this is prevalent in Eastern Europe in general, but irregardless no one has the right to use their culture, religion, or any other aspect of their ideology to cause harm. If someone is causing you ANY kind of pain or discomfort GET OUT! There is NO going back to that person!! They. Will. Take. EVERYTHING! Including you! They will burrow into your being as if you’re a thing they own and they will feel NO guilt or shame! Then they’ll turn around and say that X never happened. OR, if there’s a witness, that “YOU left us with no other choice”. Because abuse is always the answer to these “people”. My father, on his deathbed, threatened to get up and beat me for squinting my eyes because the sun was facing me. The other one still lives. I keep broad distance. To this day I still feel scared commenting on any social media in case they find it. I’m finally starting to trust commenting on here (at least). I remember everything, especially when the flashbacks pull me back. My mother stormed in while I was sleeping one morning and, while brandishing a large butcher knife, screamed that she’ll kill me because her (work) stress is killing her too. On a separate occasion I was left at Walmart when I was a CHILD and forced to walk “home” for over 45 minutes in the dark because I wandered in another aisle and they didn’t like that so they just left me. Honestly the list goes on, 25 years’ worth, and it’s horrific. If I ever brought their actions up or tried fighting back they would always either blame shift, tell me to “get over it”, or call me “weak”. That was their favourite: the “West” made you weak! All the while complaining about similar treatment that they got from THEIR parents. It was INSANE! Run away! NEVER go back! Death is better than their little “fun house”. Malignant narcissists are a special kind of evil. They feel NO empathy or remorse.

[@robinsmith4499]

You are a blessing. Walking this dysfunctional journey of narcissism with knowledge and understanding has given me peace.

[@juliealp2023]

This video is so eerily accurate. As someone who's just lost a friendship over their new relationship that has so many of these signs - it's really hard from the outside to say - this guy you're so pleased about, the one who is so into you, into being everything you need, the one giving you all the gifts who wants to be with you all the time - red flags so hard. She so wants to believe in him. In the way he makes her feel. He's isolated her + she became relaxed only when she was with him. She stopped looking after her boundaries + self care because he needed her attention. He turned up every time we did something together, or she'd leave early to message and video call him. She became increasingly obsessive, angry and paranoid outside her relationship. It sucks watching someone disappear into something that seems so obviously destructive when they don't want to hear it. Heartbreaking.

[@yvonne386]

Dr Ramani, thank you so much for your knowledge and wisdom. I am eternally grateful for your videos, they helped me make sense of my relationship and helped me make up my mind...let's say the scales fell from my eyes. I am now free and finding ME again. Thank you!

[@jemmahartranft6406]

OMG I went through all of this!!! I cannot believe how accurate Dr Ramani describes my ex who I am currently divorcing

[@jenifad9959]

Thank you for the educational videos and the expert content you provide.

[@maeveoconnell5643]

Perfect timing Dr Ramini, thin we are in presently in Predatory Season, especially with the malignant type It's a challenging time as adult kids are also involved. Laid down my boundaries, as I have now expressed my terms, clearly with last one of adult kids. Nothing & no one is changing my mind. This is now about my life & my peace. So grateful as always. 🎄

[@leonellie1]

After 30 years. I have no friends cuz he was real good at lashing out at them so I stopped inviting people over and stopped going to homes where he was comfortable enough to rip into me while visiting that set of friends :( but I’m starting new and I’m ok with the new healthy group of supportive tribe I am finding to stay in my forward motion 👏🏻

[@alessandrasaenz72]

This video gave me the goosebumps. My ex is a malignant narcissist but didn't lovebomb me that way. He got worse with time and became very cruel to other people ( me and his family included ) and enjoyed it. Thank you very much.

[@LS-ht2lk]

Have been married 32 years to a truly good man. We met when I was 22. In the beginning I kept trying to get him to love bomb me but he just wouldn’t. That sounds funny but it is the truth. All the romantic novels and movies I’d watched led me to believe that extreme intensity of attention was ‘the real thing’. I would then listen to his methodical, undramatic explanations as to why he wouldn’t sacrifice himself to save me or marry right away or express jealousy towards other men. I realised I’d been duped by these books. I was so fortunate as to be cared about by a truly kind, generous man (not perfect - but more than ‘good enough’). So grateful that I had enough self-insight at a relatively young age to realise romantic drama was not healthy. It helped me begin the slow healing from my narcissistic father and brother. Unfortunately he has narc parents and siblings himself. But we’ve worked that out too and have grown to a common understanding and mutual trust about them as well. My conclusion? Don’t fall for that lovebomber! But even boring people can be unkind so to my mind, kindness is the first quality to watch for in a future romantic relationship.

[@SummerSweetIlknur]

This video gives me goosebumps. I related to not only one of the examples mentioned but ALL of them. I knew that I was dealing with someone that had strong narcissistic tendencies but I had no idea that they’d almost seem identical to a malignant narcissist. It’s been almost 3 years since my ex (narc) fiancé and I broke up. I only recently discovered your channel and I’m so grateful that I did. Thank you for all of the wonderful work that you do Dr.Ramani, it is highly appreciated. 🙏🏻

[@joannloraine3790]

(Note: I grew up being physically and emotionally abused by my self righteous narcissist father.) My malignant narcissist bf was extremely seductive, especially during the love bombing. It was massively addictive. I was drawn to him in a way I had never experienced or even imagined. So profound, no boundaries, melting into such deep love, blah blah blah. Then one day at the end of the love bombing period we randomly ran into a prior ex bf of mine in a public place. We left quickly, then while in the car the narc exploded with rage, shouting at me at the top of his lungs, incensed that he would have to deal with this person in the community, how dare I inflict that on him? After verbally abusing me and emotionally terrorizing me to a degree I had never experienced in my life, he abruptly left and cut off all contact for about a week. I was completely devastated and it was like being an addict going cold turkey. Instead of getting away from him, I was relieved when he finally contacted me (but he never apologized). This pattern continued and worsened for years. It became a recurring cycle of him going into a massive rage - about something very minor, or something that I had no control over - then him abruptly cutting off all contact with me for increasingly long periods of time (days, weeks, then months). He also became physically abusive, but blamed it on me. I finally escaped him almost 5 years ago but I am still struggling to fully function again.The trauma he perpetrated was so severe that anything my father had done paled in comparison.

[@darin7150]

I’m so sorry for your troubling experiences in the past!!! While my own prior narcissistic situation doesn’t even begin to compare with yours, know that I have full faith in you, because you really are able to move on and begin a brand new elevating lifestyle for yourself!!!👌🏽😇👍🏽✨

[@risenfromashes2012]

I wish these videos had been around when I was getting out of my relationship with a narcissist. I’m glad the info is out there now so hopefully people can get out sooner and more safely. Thank you for your channel, Dr. Ramani. I have no doubt that the information you share with all of us saves lives.

[@christinem5632]

U don’t know how much I need u in my life right now Dr.Ramani ❤️ thank you so much 😞

[@m.l3483]

When I was really young, I felt such discomfort and fear when boys would give me big gifts or show up at my door or know my schedule to find me etc. And my friends would ooo and ahh and say “wow he really likes you!” or “Just enjoy the gifts!” Etc. But I was so unnerved without understanding why and I would just cut them off and disappear/block them. And feel really like a bad person that I did that. As I grew up I started doubting my instincts and believed those words my friends told me and allowed these people in and believed that “wow they really care”. I told myself “I should be kinder to them and not cut off people like that, it’s not nice”. And I gave a lot of second chances. A lot of “benefit of the doubt”. As can be predicted, this lead to horrible outcomes. Luckily, I still have that voice inside warning me (though it is much more quiet now) and I eventually escaped. But I now see that I must find that younger self and amplify her voice and wisdom. I don’t know how I knew some of these things when I was so young. But I am grateful for it and hope to bring her back full force! Thanks for reminding me of her instincts and wisdom!!

[@peterknyk1942]

Thank you for explaining this dr. Ramani! This video helps me to understand some inexplicable things the narcissist has been doing recently.... I thought that she might be doing something genuinely kind and/or nice but now I realize that was NOT the case! 😱

[@achirichello1208]

My HS BF brought a leather jacket to my house before we were dating and gave me a tennis bracelet soon after. I was 14. My family had nada. He bought my brother a Nintendo, was nice to my sister, and gave my mom money to go out. There are always a group of popular guys in school that play sports and no one screws with. Of them there is one the rest are afraid of, that was him. He reminded me of my dad from the start, but only the good qualities. Dad was ruined by using cocaine. BF only sold it. Dad beat my mom. BF beat everyone else. I still hate the time and experiences I lost because of him.

[@fairy9749]

Lovebombing tactic is the main reason why narc codependent dynamic occurs.

[@awakened9906]

This applies to extended family and in-laws as well!!! I lived it.

[@rebekahgwendolyn2947]

LISTEN UP!!! SPOT ON!!! Dr. Ramani precisely defines my childhood and young adulthood with my malignant mother here! Thank you, Dr. Ramani!

[@roseboudreau5210]

Yes thats what it was like with my ex. It is very exhausting mentally.

[@nancyzehr3679]

if it's too to be true, it usually is.

[@clairemitchell8226]

I've just realised that my "friend" of the past two years is a narc. However, after discovering this channel, I now think she is actually a malignant narc. She is ticking a lot of these boxes. I got the hell away from her as soon as I realised what she was. She was never able to fully get her hooks into me, even during the "friendship". Another friend wasn't so lucky, this girl almost destroyed her. Actively tried to destroy her actually. It's been a very disturbing experience

[@CH-jz2xz]

I've been with a Narcissist before. So I think I know most of the signs. I was asked 3 week ago. I don't know much about him yet but I already saw so many red flags. The boosting of himself, quietly bad mouthing his coworkers, willing to help me out and fix my house etc, making other people with disability wait while he chats with me. So finally, I said no. End of story.

[@christina91x]

good for you!!!!

[@skyflowerz]

Intense interest and contact. "I can't even focus when you're not around because I miss you so much." Then you apologize. Don't romanticize intensity. It's not the same as a deep connection. They may offer you favors to know your whereabouts like pick you up or drop you off. They may ask to join you and your friends or family, which may seem like they are just interested. Then they trash/demean them, which is meant to isolate you from them. They present it as trying to protect you or help you see the "truth". It's not romantic. It's coercive control is about dominance, fear, manipulation, financial control. They're insistent on spending time with you and connecting with you. Constantly sending communications. Financial abuse. They may want to rush into moving in together or marrying and will be presented as trying to support you and some dream you have. They're super jealous and see others who want your attention as a menance, so they'll find a way to show you they're not good for you. It's about getting a person in a position to be able to control them completely. If they're cruel to others, they'll be cruel to you.

[@mobwatch8119]

This is so accurate. Giving gifts they can control and take back if you disobey them. Usually being nasty to others and seeking to dominate.

[@nananas6172]

I don’t know how you are so spot on. Thank you Dr Ramani. 26 years with a malignant narcissist. 💔

[@lovli31]

Perfectly explained! Thanks Dr. Ramani.

[@zaviahopethomas-woundedsou9848]

I've had three of these malignant narcs in my life. They are very scary! I was only married to one and he died of cancer. Though none of them were nice dressers.

[@yvonne3903]

My father would say of my narcissistic mother, your mother can make trouble in an empty house. He wasn't formally educated but he had worked out the dynamic and after he died he came to me in a dream and remembered me of this, because his whole life he had suffered this.

[@Anamericanhomestead]

This nails my (hopefully soon to be) ex. It's spot on. She would accuse me of looking at women when we were out to dinner or at the grocer. It got to the point I didn't want to go anywhere because I didn't want a fight. She would go ballistic if I didn't answer my phone or a text right away. She wanted access to my email, passwords and phone. She would scour my phone all the time accusing me of having hidden software where I might be communicating with women. It became and STILL is a nightmare and everyone thinks I'm crazy. I know I'm not crazy. I so appreciate these videos. My eyes are open. Hopefully the divorce will be final soon but my reputation is ruined.

[@angellarichard2467]

If I only knew this 15 years ago I could have saved my son from serious emotional harm

[@rturney6376]

I come from a family with a love of power and control.

[@buckwheat_flower]

I have been isolated for more than 4 years from family and withdrew from all social circles. Now I'm divorced from him and my family wants me to go live abroad. I cant explain how lonely i have felt all these years. Going abroad isn’t the epitome of success. I will be suffocated. But no one understands.

[@fairygurl9269]

After Discard (thru financial ruin) Realized Ex Husband was Tracking all Electronic Activity in the House thru VPN. He Had Also made me believe I had a Stalker, then helped me Protect from that Stalker.... Even More Terrifying, and Beyond Confusing when I Found Out it was him All Along...

[@mirandamccoubrey1714]

Oh yikes! How did you figure out he was tracking electronic activity?

[@fairygurl9269]

I cant seem to respond without upsetting the System.... Basically power outages caused cloak & his remote access to glitch out. First noticed by our daughter who got raged at for asking why old network showed up after some power outages as one of her phones wifi options ...I was so focused on his Sudden Lash Out I didnt even think about the reason he went Nuts on her just confused at the Intensity of his Anger from out of nowhere i later discovered the glitch while hooking up on an outlet when I turned the power off and on it became open....

[@fairygurl9269]

Theres much more to the events that occurred in regards to how I handled it at the time and how I prob should have done even more as far as getting Authorities involved...

[@mirandamccoubrey1714]

@@fairygurl9269 thank you so much for sharing. I'm not tech savvy at all so I wouldn't know if this was being done to me. I hope your life is peaceful now

[@fairygurl9269]

@@mirandamccoubrey1714 I do appreciate your remark as I Truly feel safer than EVER in my Life with Much Room left to Improve even more so. I wish the Same Sense of Self Trust for You All As Well. Much Respect

[@zcwan5349]

My mother's a malignant narcissist. The older I get the more and more controlling she's becoming. Now I have to ask permission before going to the toilet or before taking a shower. I barely used to ask for things like a kid normally would, but now I have put a complete full stop to it. I'm TWENTY now and I still cannot dress up the way I want, or wear my hair how I want. She controls EVERY SINGLE THING. I have no money, the little money I was given by a family friend, she took from me. I'm not allowed to spend more than 20 mins in my own room, I sleep in the same room as her. I feel like shit all the fucking time. Throughout the day I just wait for night so I can cover my face under my blanket and cry myself to sleep. I've never felt this miserable before.

[@amyschmidt1113]

You gotta get outta there. Your life belongs to you, to use as you wish. Good luck!!💖

[@zcwan5349]

@@amyschmidt1113 thank you. I'm trying to get out, but it's a long journey, especially because I'm from south asia so the whole "move out" thing here is very different. I might start med school in 2022, if I do end up getting an admission, it'll definitely be a start.

[@2KaitlynMcIntosh]

100% dead on description. My last 3 years. Thank God I am divorcing. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

[@karmacounselor]

Wow, the quitting the job happened to me. I was vulnerable because I was in a religious mindset that said to honor the husband to be the leader. I would have to say that there are theologians who give way too much favor for the male who in my opinion basically takes god's name in vain by saying that god wants them to be in charge. There is no grace in that. I ended up finding a chapter in an LCA book of warning the church about wife abusers so I ran off copies of that chapter and mailed it to the churches who were promoted the men to act like that. I never got a response and don't think it helped but it helped me as I left hat idiocy.

[@65cavern]

I liken the Narc to a "Dementor" from Harry Potter. They suck the life out of you, drain you and when they there is no more to take they will discard/ghost you and find another supply..

[@annamariagoldschmied2592]

I love what you're doing. You are saving life. Literally! Mine, you do. ❤

[@RachyNoodleNest]

My ex of only 5 months, (but was enough to damage me) used to have Ring cameras outside his house. If he was at work and saw that I had left, he would ring asking where I had gone. So happy to be out of it but it's left some scars

[@wtfisgoingon129]

Wow….. This is scarily relatable to my experiences not with romantic partners (thanks to Dr. Ramani’s videos I have stricter boundaries for romance). But with my family of origin. My dad is the malignant type. And same with my mom, in the sense of all-controlling all the time. They would demand to know my whereabouts CONSTANTLY. And always try to screen my friends to make sure to isolate me from any friends THEY disliked, who are often the healthier and less submissive types to them. And my Dad gave me a credit card and DEFINITELY monitored and questioned about every transaction I made, while forbidding me to work and save money. Man…. Talk about setting your children up for future traumatizing and narcissistic relationships. When you have malignant parents that you grew up around. It’s really an uphill battle to try to extricate yourself from the mental poison they do to you.

[@MultiSenhor]

My aunt's husband. "Nobody likes him, they're always picking at him, but he is a nice person. He goes to church and gives to the poor, he bought chocolate so he could share with our guests" Ok... I wonder why you're always fighting and you're always sad, or why you're afraid to share information with him, but there's nothing I can say or do, it seems.

[@TheFeliciakelley]

Everything you’re saying is absolutely the truth!!!

[@jancoyote52]

Love the yellow Doc, very flattering.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

It is terrifying when you are tracked and stalked, when flying monkeys surround you and you feel you have nowhere to hide. Malignant narcissists are evil and extremely dangerous.

[@veronicamoo6380]

Spot on ! Thankfully I noticed it all as not right . But was weirdly attractive too. Lived a year with him. He's threatened me ,.my kids ,( now that we're broke up ). Now it's nightly text of suicide. Which is be deviated if he did that. Would be sad. But he doesn't see it shows even more how unstable he is.

[@whiterose9299]

It worked. I’ve done things that where truly because I fought my doubts and trusted them because apparently I should. Wrong! Now I’m trapped!

[@shahbanunilofartajik]

You just described my ex partner, there I was thinking I would be able to teach him kindness 😂.

[@Langolin1998]

That’s spot on about asking about prior relationships early on. My ex narc did this and made the exact remark: he said he felt jealous of these men he didn’t even know and years before him. I thought that was odd and one of my earliest red flags. Especially because he started acting as if I didn’t even exist, within months of being together. Pushed for marriage within a month….he’d never met anyone like me, I was God-sent, on and on.

[@catlady6938]

That’s exactly what happened to me, I had never experienced anything like it before and I never want to again.

[@Langolin1998]

@@catlady6938 they all use the same playbook. It’s extremely bizarre!

[@catlady6938]

@@Langolin1998 yes I know they do I find it so weird, how do they all know to do the same thing do the have a narcissists rule book. When my ex love bombed me he said the same thing over and over it was like he was reading from a script, knowing him he probably was 😂

[@Langolin1998]

@@catlady6938 Lol. Yes! Mine too. And quote lines out of movies, I soon learned. He loved the series, Twilight, which I’d never seen until with him. I found out that it’s more of a girly movie series, and….that there were multiple lines he used on me and on my parents, that came from the movie. I wanted to be sick, knowing he thought he sounded so charming saying these things that were not original to him, but a movie. He also immediately wanted me to read, The Five Love Languages, which I’ve since, learned other narc abuse survivors said their narcs did the same thing. Sick! They learn your love language early on so they can later, starve you of it and use it as part of their manipulation tactics. Now how in the heck would someone think to do that…..get this same book to read with your partner as a means of intel and not for the purposes intended….to truly learn what things mean the most to your partner so you can WORK on giving these things to them. Making them priority. It’s all still baffling to me. Despite learning all I’ve learned this past year since being gone from him, that people like this exist. I was with my kids’ dad 16 years, then single 6 until I met this monster. He destroyed me faster and to a much more devastating degree in the three years we were together, than my 16 year relationship ever did….and he had issues himself. Just nothing like I dealt with, with this covert/malignant narc!! I’ll never miss or ignore a red flag again!

[@denaenimmo5839]

So much this! Thank you once again Dr Ramani, this describes my ex husband, I was trapped by him at age 16, he was 10 years my senior, I escaped at 41, barely. He never gave gifts, instead saying that if he ever gave me gifts then I could assume he was cheating.

[@pialindeg]

I keep nodding my head. Know all that stuff. Its horrible to hear that I jumped into that at least two times - not understanding what was going on. I lost myself. Now I keep fighting back to myself. Thank you Dr. Ramani you are a great part of my journey back to myself through the last two - three years. Thank you