Types of people narcissists SEE AS THREATS

[@l.5832]

Had a narc boss that liked to make younger staff cry in front of customers. Finally I approached boss in back room and simply told her "I don't like to see my coworkers cry". Boss looked daggers at me. From that point on it was gloves off and boss turned all the coworkers against me with false accusations. I found a better job and quit before much damage was done to my reputation. Boss could not risk my staying once I had caught on and grew bold enough to call out bad behaviour.

[@Dale-i2b]

Well done!

[@parker.100]

I've had this happen as well--- you stand up to someone in power to stick up for others. The leader then goes after you, and instead of having your back, the group follows along. It's wild. Good for you for getting out.

[@dawntreader815]

@@l.5832 You handled that perfectly!

[@DeaconBeanCooter]

The honest person irritates their guilt

[@BobTheSchipperke]

Courtesy of therapist Pinterest: ".....your spirit irritates their demons."

[@meabeck]

@@BobTheSchipperke 🍒

[@meabeck]

@@DeaconBeanCooter 🍎👍🎶

[@colleenmayes1537]

Truth teller/scapegoat here and you are spot on !

[@bronwyntanner4501]

Yup me too

[@renatamayumikobata]

My motto in life is BE SILENT (speaking, writing).

[@Suzane_e5]

And me. It seemed like Dr.Ramani knew my exact experience. The very sad experience.

[@fadwamukhtar3592]

My son is the escape goat and he got physically and emotionally abused by his father, I had enough of it and now he’s facing criminal charges and I won’t back down, I’m seeking justice for my son

[@EcoVintageArtGifts]

❤

[@notagain779]

In my family: "Don't say anything. It will only cause a fight."

[@kimberlys.7097]

Grey rock helps u so much

[@a.m.126]

My reaction on what's new I don't know anything about you: Not giving information.Wasn't deserved.

[@suzanne4396]

" That was years ago; Why can't you just let it go?? "

[@notagain779]

@@suzanne4396 , Yes, it can be something like that, but it can also be something they've just done. You're expected not to notice, but accept any and all behavior without question, or there will be a fight.

[@suzanne4396]

@@notagain779 In MY family, with my now-deceased father having been the Covert ( & physically abusive Only to me narcissist ) my two siblings ( golden child, peace-keeper) target me as the scapegoat for any and everything that's " wrong;" I think it's because they grew up seeing my father target only me and ( as children) thought " Well Dad emotionally/ verbally and physically abused her, she Must be the problem, she's " difficult," and Dad wouldn't do that if she weren't the problem." And they both, as well as my Mother, tell me to " get over it, it was years ago...Why can't you just let it go?!!!! " Except since they both moved waaaay out of town after high school and I stayed here to watch out for my parents, they don't know that the abuse continued up until about two months before he died; he ( while holding onto his Walker!!) told me "I just want to kill you, God I wish I could kill you!" while jabbing towards my stomach with a butcher knife. It ended when he died 3/24. And now, I have cptsd, trauma out the wazoo, fear of men, hypervigilant and a Huge startle reflex; always on edge. And, of course, I've never had a healthy relationship w/ a man in my life, always abusers. The last one - 10 yrs with a physically abusive malignant- covert narc, almost killed Me, literally. He has assault/aggravated assault charges in three law enforcement precincts where we live. So, when they tell me to " Let it go, forget it, why do you still blame Dad?? " That's when I get upset. That's when I unleash all of the fury I kept inside for Soooo long. But, I have been in trauma therapy for 3+ years. And it's getting better. I AM healing.☺️✨✨✨

[@Michelle-zn6oh]

Finding people to trust is the hardest part.

[@maryyoung4046]

yes

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

I absolutely agree ❤

[@elenaruiz73]

@@Michelle-zn6oh 👍 Yup so true

[@JRinCA]

I moved 3000 miles to get away from it.

[@dawntreader815]

I wish I could.

[@KmN3838]

Me too ❤

[@meabeck]

Wonderful. 🙏

[@jacquelinejacobson6789]

I moved 2000 miles away. And I've never been as happy in my life as I am now! :)

[@meabeck]

@@jacquelinejacobson6789 I believe I know the feeling you refer to.🕺🎶The things I hoped for all along, there within me. And such peace, and ability to think and learn. The accomplishments I manage aren't minimized, and there is no one deliberately distracting me for their purposes. 🌝

[@jeanettecook1088]

Former scapegoat here... you're right. I'm still fighting to express myself, without fear of repercussions, in every way... it's been 35+ years since I went no contact with my abuser. I don't mind the struggle, because I'm free, and I know anything good sometimes comes with a high price tag in work. You're a great person for educating the public on this subject. Thank you 👏!! 🎉🎉🎉😊

[@jacqueline4749]

These videos are precious. I never watch dating shows, but last night I watched love is blind Dubai. This narcissistic guy was gaslighting the woman within the first 30 seconds of the blind date. She Knew it was wrong and Apologised For Now Reason....She dated him anyway! She was so happy he picked her. I thought wow...That USED to Be Me. There's so many people in danger of narcissistic people. These videos are essential for everyone to watch.

[@MissModernprincess]

I watch Love is Blind for the same reason! There are also youtube channels analyzing love is blind for narcissism

[@emmajackson5139]

I also watch love is blind. There's has been some pretty toxic people on there

[@brendadavis7322]

My narcissistic son-in-law has squelched all of my daughter’s attempts to work after she had her kids. He would say things like, “oh you won’t make enough money yo make it worthwhile.” And he has slowly driven our daughter away from us with gaslighting. I’m the truth teller and spoke up. He couldn’t bear it and made me the bad guy - accusing my husband and I of the very behavior he displays. It’s bizarre.

[@LK-252]

sounds like he is exercising coercive control :(

[@XYZ12317]

Maybe you should respect your daughters choice in mate and stay out of their business and quit trying to manipulate their family dynamic! You’re not in control of their household! Perhaps your husband is a weak simp and lets you wear the pants in the family. But it sounds like your daughter’s husband is not. No wander he wants nothing to do with you. I feel sorry for their family as I’m sure eventually your poisonous influence will break them up. And then your daughter can marry a weak bi$ch of a man like you would prefer.

[@jua.3348]

If he has the audacity to do that to his partners parents who know what goes on behind closed doors !

[@brendadavis7322]

@@jua.3348 I wonder the same thing. My ED defends him, even when he is displaying horrible behavior.

[@bereal6590]

You're a good mum, Brenda, my mother is now elderly and would never think to do that. When I was missing the good bits of my nex dv.v, abuser, she said "you could go back". She doesn't think any,of my father's abuse affected me. Love to her is transactional.

[@marysisak2359]

My father started to sexually molest me when I was 4. Up until then my parents and brother (not my sister) doted on me. I remember thinking "I will just whisper it to my mother and she will make it stop." Guess how that worked out. No surprise I became the scapegoat. Shortly after all the ensuing drama I became ill and had febrile seizures. I remember my father kneeling near me on the couch looking worried. After all that had happened in recent days I wondered why he cared. They took me to the ER. When I was in my early thirties I said to my sister that I always wondered why instead of taking me to the ER they hadn't just put me in the back room and hoped that I died. She thought for a second and said "I don't think they wanted you dead." I now realize that I was worth much more alive as a punching bag for all their frustrations and that is exactly what I became

[@texasrefugee7888]

I am so sorry that happened to you what a nightmare to try to live over. God bless you

[@meabeck]

😢 Bless you. I am so sorry.

[@Starlightndust]

Mary, I'm so sorry you had this terrible experience in your childhood. I hope and pray you're having a good life, and this experience is no longer affecting you. ❤🙏🌹😘

[@pewdeliaweasley9623]

This is horrible, im so sorry that happened to you. Much love and peace to you

[@Charmainecharmainecharmaine]

I’m so sorry and hope you’re doing so so much better and are finding peace and joy and self love ❤❤❤❤

[@redlikewineagain697]

Dr. Ramani, as a licensed mental health professional, I am on your side. To think other mental health professionals have told you that talking about narcissistic behavior is defeatist and not empathetic ..well, the way I perceive that is that perhaps they themselves have narcissistic traits. Like you said, it's just not ok. That just rubs me the wrong way. Yes, clients need to be validated!!!!! WTFk?! I agree that a lot of people have very low standards when it comes to what behaviors they will accept from others, particularly family. I have seen this with my own clients. Many of them have a deep fear of being alone. I want to also say this, back when I was young and in my 20s, I had people telling me "You're too picky!!! You will never find anyone!!!" I did not take their advice. I got married at 38 years old and, yes, it was worth the wait! I'm so sick of these people. They're not happy unless they bring down everyone else to their level. I'd rather be alone than wishing I was, KWIM?! Ugh! I'm sorry you go through all this, Dr. Ramani, but glad you have a cathartic outlet on KZbin....and that you are educating the masses!!! ♥♥♥

[@paulclinton6414]

Yep, I have noticed that the "professionals" who dont like the blunt truth getting out are narc.

[@Farvie8]

No Dr Ramani, I completely agree that putting someone down, saying their standards are too high, is a way to keep someone down so that they have to put up with other people's nonsense as well. My mother constantly encouraged me to get into relationships with toxic sorts of people who didn't treat me well..... She believed that I shouldn't be in a better situation than her!

[@Farvie8]

...and sadly, I would listen to her....and stay in the relationships.

[@bereal6590]

Same here, my mother wanted me to put up and abut up, do rubbish jobs, be in rubbish relationships. She didn't want better for me.

[@rellar.9580]

My mother had low standards for me. Sided with my abusive husband, now ex-husband, and helped alienate my children from me

[@janethomas78]

All TRUE! My first thought (at 3-4 yrs) was "THERE IS NO LOVE IN THIS HOUSE,... there MUST BE A MISTAKE" I was then turned into the SCAPEGOAT FOR FOREVER

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Awe I’m so sorry you had to put up with that. We can be weee little an extremely vulnerable the narc doesn’t care! It’s so sick !

[@l.5832]

I mentioned to my narc sister, who still lived with my parents "There is no love here". She actually snorted and then said "I hope you get sick". I already was carrying the scapegoat role. I have had no contact with sister for over 3 years. It breaks my heart what she has become but it is her choice.

[@ricardavandegrootepoort4297]

Me too😢

[@suzanne4396]

Same. When my adult ( 50+) siblings come home to visit from the West coast; I am again put into my childhood role as the scapegoat; now, I don't respond, don't react and Walk Away ..... ‼️‼️‼️

[@nicoledpaolino9077]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani. I am profoundly grateful for your teachings. They have equipped me with the strength to overcome a lifetime of abuse-enabling me to confront the darkness and emerge standing tall, resolute, and free. Your wisdom has been a catalyst for my transformation, guiding me from the shadows of victimhood to the light of genuine autonomy. God bless you.

[@meabeck]

Me too, precisely. 🎶🙏🌻

[@dawntreader815]

The phone call check for me after months of silent treatment - "I'm worried about you. Are you ok?" I respond positively and even say I've had some good news. They ignore the good news and repeat "Are you SURE you're ok?? I'm praying for you." Now another 6 months of silent treatment.

[@Hodijo]

😂😂😂 classic narc behavior.

[@vlst8715]

Of course, cause they must be the most important person in your life, you've got to be in a world of pain without them. Or so they tell themselves.

[@anon3807]

I know that one... They want to convince themselves that you're not ok because the truth is that THEY are not ok and you do your best work without them and they know it... Stay strong.

[@vlst8715]

@@dawntreader815 cause those good news didn't happen to them

[@lisav8443]

Best thing to do is just not answer the phone and MOVE ON so the toxic cycle ceases. Blessings to you.

[@texasrefugee7888]

My big brother was a truth seer and a truth teller. My dad abused the hell out of him for this and even cut him out of the will because he told my mother of his adultery on a trip and broke the man code. He was the main scapegoat and then when he died I took over the role.

[@l.5832]

Sorry for your loss. Scapegoats don't seem to live very long. My cousin was a scapegoat and died long before his siblings. The frustrating thing is no one would tell me how he died. I fear he committed suicide. Years later, his sister died (I think the scapegoat role had been then given to her). Again, no one would tell me the circumstances of her death, despite her being only middle aged. The burden carried by scapegoats is huge.

[@texasrefugee7888]

​@@l.5832No he didn't live very long and he was half suicidal for a while. I'll never forget watching my dad discipline my brother for treating a cat like my dad treated my brother. He said that's not how you treat animals!! Then he picked him up and threw him in the bushes and said see how that feels. When my brother finally went into therapy with my help The shrink told him he's lucky he didn't grow up to be a SK

[@rickkillian2378]

For me growing up was very confusing. We went from the womb straight to adulthood. We were not allowed to be a kid or to have fun. Me as a young boy I knew something was not right about my dad and I would always be asking "Why this, Why that". Dad would then get angry. He told me that if I didn't know something that I should ask. So I did. But then when I ask him I would get " Don't You EVER QUESTION ME AGAIN". My mom was the one that allowed dads bad behavior. I saw the truth, Kept quiet and became a scapegoat. Years later I went no contact with him, He got angry and my sister told me that he said some things. I laughed and did not let it bother me. I did not even call him back to confront him. Then about a month later I was told that Dad was found unresponsive in his recovery room by a nurse. Dad had died. My sister then told me this and I could care less. He got exactly what he deserved. He died a very lonely old man.

[@redlikewineagain697]

Hearing that your dad encouraged you to ask questions but when you did, he'd yell at you not to question him reminds me of Gregory Bateson's double bind theory. So sorry you went through all that.

[@meabeck]

​@@redlikewineagain697 Yup, hurry up and wait.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

I just went through this very scenario in the last three months, toxic boss. Insists I ask questions if I do not know something. I ask question/s, I then get berated for asking questions, and it is inferred "are you too stupid?". I have a mensa level IQ.

[@funkmanchu]

Sadly so true. My parents celebrated failure/relationship break ups but ignored achievements. At least I know not to do that with my kids is the silver lining. Thanks for all you do 🙏

[@dawntreader815]

That is so true. My husband and I have a list of things we're doing differently based exactly on his own parents' behavior.

[@MaryWallace-wv2bn]

Im 60 As a child of a family of 12 kids. Me being the youngest daughter. Has come to the realization that I was raised by my siblings, not necessarily my parents.

[@nadinek5638]

My siblings raised and when I was a little older I raised myself.

[@meabeck]

Ditto.🌻

[@kelseycrystal]

Everything you say is so validating and helpful. Thank you for the work that you do ❤

[@JustNyxfr]

They're on every job... narcissist keep all the chaos and confusion going the entire shift. You feel like you just pulled a Double for this minimum wages🥺

[@donnaw.6905]

14:47 - 15:05 I've experienced this at work. I'd say this is the "monkey's" who have been sweet talked into position, while the narcissist does their smear compain on the victim. Blind monkey's.

[@BobTheSchipperke]

That's why I got out my jigsaw and made a steering wheel lap desk. I also got the perfect sunshades. The dash cam has caught odd things, but it's a safe place to be in my car.

[@meabeck]

​@@donnaw.6905👍

[@meabeck]

​@@BobTheSchipperke To avoid the stress, yes. 🙏

[@annaburns2865]

I puked 5 times last night and don’t even want to tell my family because they willl find a way to turn it against me. Even when they have everything that you don’t they will make your life a living hell. That’s not jealousy, that’s hate. They have nothing to be jealous about.

[@looperbirhinger7043]

Isn't jealousy+hate = envy?

[@allisvoid]

All of my stomach issues essentially disappeared when I cut off this one person. My wife was the same. We thought it was coffee, cigarettes, substances, diet. The only time our stomach issues resurfaced was when there was a chance of seeing this person again and when we had to be back in that toxic environment for whatever reason. And you have no obligation to your family, in my opinion. I am no therapist, but your parents decided to have you and you had no say in the matter. So, they are the ones obligated to you and all the lives they chose to create. Wishing you the best and the strength to help yourself get out of this situation as it can and likely is making you physically ill.

[@IKFKSwitch]

Truth teller here. I got clobbered by my parents far more for what I said than what I did. I also started talking in full sentences at 9 months old so who knows how far this goes back.

[@anon3807]

Dr Ramani's videos have truely saved my life... My mother was a viscous narcissist and completely decimated the family unit after my father's death, if not damaging it irreparably prior to his death and sending my father to an early grave... She died bleeding to death alone from a small wound at age 92, a fitting and relevant demise indeed... Needless to say, I was the truth seeer and scapegoat, now contesting my mother's Will against a narcissist sibling... I have a great Judge handling my case and my siblings will finally be served the truth and justice my mother failed to provide... It's been a tough battle for me, narcissists see me as a threat and try to destroy me whenever I happen to cross their path through life's journey but it makes me stronger and more determined to speak the truth and stand up for the underdog... Dr Ramani has validated everything I always thought I knew and her videos have helped me in becoming more resilient when I feel like giving up... Being a truth seeer can be exhausting but I'd rather be a real person than a damaged constant perpetrator of evil without even knowing it.

[@DEEJOJOHNSON]

My narcissistic ex-wife made more money than me and still committed adultery. They are just miserable no matter what the situation is

[@ericxb]

it’s shocking how many people cave into enabling… hope you’re doing well

[@kenneyginter612]

Same here, at least coveting others lives, or there may have been a work husband.

My narc mother immediately recognized my husband as a threat. He was the one who noticed she was sick.

[@russellheyns1846]

I started telling my ex wife to stand up to her controlling mother from the first few months of our relationship. She divorced me last year and is NOW finally trying to cut her contact with her mother. She calls me a covert narcissist. I really loved that woman. I guess I should be happy now that she’s finally standing up for herself, even if it’s also against me. If I wanna say she has bad judgement choosing the people in her life, then I also have to admit that I might have been one of those bad choices. Hahaha😅

[@missw5280]

My mother is now 65 years old. Still she's relentless in scapegoating me. I was as a child the seeer, and talked out loud in innocence. Therefore, as one of many abusive and neglect tactics, in all social situations she found an excuse to separate me from the social gatherings. I am 44 and after relationships with narcissist that followed in the aftermath, now i've been learning the words to tell my story and getting the Insights of why i am who i am, what has happened, very slowly learning to live. There must be something beautiful on the other side of 40+ years of abuse, right? Someone can relate and seen the light on the other side when you ve been through it?

I had similar experiences. I'm so sorry.

[@Ariadne76-k3d]

I have built a great life "on the other side." I still have moments of sadness but all in all I am quite happy. It took a lot of work, but I have a good job,my own condo,and I am healthy.

[@christinadennis1223]

Thank you Sister Dr Ramani ❤️🇬🇧 after 18 years.,I'm in the middle of breaking away....... Much love to you

[@bronwyntanner4501]

Truth teller scape goat deluxe. My mother was a monster. No contact for 11 years

[@TKouklaki]

Later truth tellers children in any narcissistic relationship they may hold friendship or even partnership not only become once again scapegoats and they suffer from a merciless ghosting. This is SO painful. To become all of sudden isolated and defeated. Passive attitude and silence really satisfies anyone who is narcissist. That makes them even more powerful.

[@Charmainecharmainecharmaine]

No they’re cowards through and through they are more scared of you than you realize . Pay attention

[@ApolloBerleann]

I love this woman so much thank you dr. For being part of my spiritual cosmic awakening

[@suuzannahtegner4500]

This is THE most important broadcast you have ever done. I was raised with 4 narcissists. I am a truth teller and never stopped speaking it as a child. I was rejected, neglected, bullied and thrashed. Eventually I was sent to guardians. I was badmouthed and scape goated until my parents died. My mother attempted an apology once which I felt I had to accept. This is the first time I have been truly validated.

[@The_Introverted_Pisces]

I am the truth sayer to my dad and this makes him so much angry. My step-mother always protects him by saying, "just leave him, that's just how he is" But knowing myself, I cannot allow him to disrespect me the way he does others in the family.

[@meabeck]

Leave if you can. You deserve all the best you can find or create. 🌼

[@angieRN73]

I love you! Thank you so much for educating the Public. 🥰

[@exploringtheparanormalwith81]

Oh boy this is definitely triggering me and bringing up many memories of my years around my narc parents. And work environments and house sharing situations...So so glad to be far far away from them. What a relief

[@cindypowell8978]

I walked out of my family car then walked back home to get away from my dad yelling at me for something that was so small he was saying the f word. By then I was diagnosed with cancer and decided to not take that bad behaviour seriously anymore

[@bronwyntanner4501]

You described my childhood. Amazing. I learned some new terms. Thank you

[@CreativePolyglot]

Wow. Spot on. ❤ Our reading people and the room becomes almost the “I can characterize that personality in one interaction or less” party trick, while also suppressing it at a conscious level to avoid the rejection/contempt for it. We can access that data only if asked to do so, but the fear is so deeply engrained that it will hurt us that we learn to forget our mind is collecting that data. It’s another double violation for the soul subjected to Narcs.

[@Justanothercog24]

It really is both a blessing & a curse. It can help to avoid certain types, but at the same time, some narcs & socios can sense other's "knowing" as well. They'll preemptively target those ppl out of fear of being outed for their true nature. It's even worse when the target is the healthy confident type.

[@kimc204]

A friend once said my standards were too high. I replied, they are only going up not down! I'd gotten out of a few bad relationships I didn't have words to explain until now.

[@TruthandJustice-hz9nv]

This was pure gold DR Ramani, Speaks volumes, Thank you so much for this, Truth seer, Truth teller, Calls them out, That's me all right :-) I'll always go against the status quo, I'm not afraid, I see right through these two, I won't let them gaslight reality and undermine my confidence and intelligence, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, Self control and Courage, All glory power praise and smile's to the most high :-) :-) :-)

[@neptunelove8534]

Thankyou thankyou thankyou Dr Ramani i cant thankyou enough. The blacksheep the scapegoat the blame, the invisible one, the punching bag, the outcasted one, the hated one, the truth teller, who sees it all. And calls it out. Because the blacksheep has nothing left lose but much dignity to save.

[@Liz-z8y]

Dealing with the toxic hoover texts, baiting to get engagement, and covertly written insults during divorce with a custody battle where your replies carry so much weight...Where going silent is best for you but looks "uncooperative" to others. It's awful. It's hard to not ruminate and worry and labor over crafting a response. I'd move a thousand miles away, be no contact, and never care about him again if it weren't for my kids.

[@lorraine6476]

You helped me learn and free myself and my two small children. I could see it more when I saw it happen to my children. We talk about you in our safety group classes. I listen to you all the time to help understand and when I go back thinking it was me. I'm in my 40s and was 30 years in that relationship but life is finally feeling safe and the fog lifting. You did a video about older people stuck together and how much worse it gets. I'm so happy to be free and healing with lots of terapy and that I've still life to live left. Thank you so much ♥️

[@karieification]

Excellent description. Verbalizing the dynamics is extremely helpful for the wordless realities of on-going cycles. As an MFT, I have experienced mental health practitioners to actually push me, shout at me, and when I see through silently, probably irritate them. Just like in FOO. Being an INFJ…old soul.

[@wakeupordie]

Adoptive mother was a dark tetrad. Evil all the way down to her bone barrow. Every strand of her DNA was infused with evil. I remember as a 2 year old, thinking, "I don't know what the hell this thing is, but whatever it is, it's not human". Had ZERO desire to bond with her. I bonded with my dad. The family was a cult, and I wouldn't worship, bow down, or submit to the cult leader like the rest of them. First word was "no". First sentence was "I hate you". Of course I was the family scapegoat. Utterly hated and despised by the majority of them. Learned before I could speak that being hyper perceptive and hyper intuitive were necessary skills in order to survive.

[@marcin3136]

Not only in family- also in some narcissistic environment, because he show true about them and/ to protect people.

[@angelcarrelli1519]

Your explanation of the truth teller/black sheep, and all they endure, is spot on! I had to stop halfway through the podcast (to be resumed later)!

[@kimberleyshott8970]

OMG, did you read my mind❤ This segment hit the Bull's eye, thank you so very much🥰🧐

[@Dr.jaymievanmeter7200]

Yes! This! And it becomes so confusing moment by moment when the roles flip daily. But there is a beauty to feeling like even in some minor way we tried to stay in alignment with our truths. And in adulthood learning that our truths are allowed to have space again within ourselves, learning that those truths lead us to boundaries , and healthier relationships.... not the destruction of them. That is hard work. It's a deconstruction of brainwashing that is so hard and another battle that is soul exhausting amongst all of the others. The guilt we have to work through in the process. It is a lot

[@jessie1090]

Sending love your way Dr. Ramani. You help so many people with your insights, thank you!❤🙏🏻

[@sparkoflight963]

I don’t know what we would do without you Dr. Ramani… Loving your certification course!! Angela B ❤

[@BobTheSchipperke]

You, and me. Those are the types (give or take) that irritate a narcissist. Just STANDING there irritates some of them.

[@JackBeardmore-n5k]

I went through this in my childhood and I'm recovering from something like this that happened in a recent situation outside of my family, and this is eye opening. Thank you.

[@DominieRobinson]

Dr. Ramani you are Describing me to a T. I was Always trying to 'Fix', wanting to help , Compelled to Rescue and Protect If I Could . It caused me hell a Lot of times but I Wouldn't Have it Any Other Way ! I hate Bullies and I Try to Protect WhenEver WHEREEVER possible, If possible .

[@parker.100]

This is a wonderful video. I knew from 5 or 6. But even when you know from the get-go what the narc is and cannot be manipulated by them, you still deal with the rejection from the whole family, and the lack of your most profound needs being met. A terrible situation for small child. People benefit from you taking the heat from the narc as much as they do from you standing up to the narc to protect them, so they won't have your back later on in other situations, and will perpetuated the scapegoat dynamic even when the narc is dead and gone. Was parentified by the enabling parent to care for her and the younger children, but scapegoated as well. The burden of that and the neglect and self-denial is immense. Thank you Dr Ramani, for seeing us.

[@2Blkerr]

Maybe if someone tells you that you're standard is too high, perhaps suggest that theirs are too low ... ? I've unfortunately had to deal with toxic people, made the excuses for them, then after a while had to walk away - one of those times had to actually disappear for safety. That person actually reported me as a missing person ... when the police contacted me I told them I'm not missing that I'm protecting myself. Fortunately the officer I spoke to understood. As well, I've been told that I didn't make enough "for them" ... that is only one example of the "not good enough" - and been told they're leaving. When I tell them to go ahead and even started packing for them, they didn't go. And I've been in all those traps... Don't want to play their games any more, and not going to. I will stick with my cats.

[@SoSoMystakn2]

Examples 🎯 of how to also become the workplace target of bullying and gaslighting by co-workers and unfortunately, “bosses.”

[@pauladavey4467]

You have been so incredibly helpful. You have been a key mentor for me as I walk this path. It has helped both educate and empower me. What Im learning is that there will never be the type of closure I would like and that I need to work on myself and my power to equip myself to step away and not be ensnared any further. I’ve begun extricating myself and I know down to the cellular level that this is the only way I can heal. Your support has provided me clarity and insights that have lighted the way. Such respect. Thank you Dr Rsmni

[@finster1968]

This was very helpful! I’ve watched multiple videos on being the scapegoat. That was my clearly defined role in the family dynamic. This is the first time I’m hit with the realization of just how much my insightfulness worked against me. Even though I remained silent and obedient most of the time, I was belittled and intimidated as a child. It’s probably because my father “knew I knew”.

[@bridgettsass917]

I can't even believe how validated and affirmed I feel watching this video. How crazy is it that low standards for relationships are so normalized to keep people from aspiring to great relationships? Thank you Doc for being the voice I've unwittingly been suppressing for so long. Lots of love to you. ❤❤❤

[@lesegomasite1433]

Hi Dr Ramani ❤ Could you possibly do a video where it is similarly based on narcissism and family of origin and dynamics, but more on the topic that focuses on "elder privilege," where their unacceptable behaviour does not get called out and brings those elders to have a sense of entitlement, where they demand respect but do not reciprocate it

[@rellar.9580]

That was me. Truth-seer-scapegoat. I live with the painful scars still today in my 60s. Siblings have adopted the narcissist parent’s attitude toward me.

[@TianaLadySteel]

My dad is a narcissist with adhd qualities. Absolutely refuses in any time in his life to get help or be supported for the help. My mom has adhd, trauma bonded with anxiety with on and off depression. I recommended she talk to somebody, id even support her and not say a word and she told me to basically go f*ck myself. I have done my time, my healing. I am the black sheep of the family and scape goat.. my boundaries are becoming stronger and i am so grateful ive been given tools online that have helped me write a memoir. Prayers and warm hugs sent out to all the warriors in need🎉

[@PROVERBS31WAM]

Ramani is so pretty.

[@Gem-lo2ey]

How about talking about and blaming that child for everything! Sounds so familiar!

[@janepoppet3843]

When I first started to speak 'objectively:' about the things my parent was saying, they said "this isn't working out between us, shall we just go our seperate ways". I was 52. He'd laugh at me that I was scared of him, which I was much of my life. This truth telling, however, took him aback. It wasn't being scared of him, it was finally finding my voice and it went down like a ton of bricks - a big no-no!

[@jonnymings4315]

Yeah, my family used to just team up on me when I was a kid. I just kept telling it like it was. They've always talked about me & treated me like I'm worthless. I dont want to be anything like them. Their lives revolves around deception to maintain an image. That just seems like an endless, exhausting, & sad life to me. I'd rather be myself, than live a life of lies & fear.

[@JubeiKibagamiFez]

6 16...... These segments hit me deep. This part is basically my childhood. I was always asked to do something and I'd do it, but the way my father wanted it done, so I get scolded and blamed for ruining everything.

[@rainyjane1281]

Financial imbalance with a covert narcissist friend here. We managed to limp along for several years, with me constantly ignoring the red flags like "I have no filter," and "I don't know how to be generous." She saw every attempt at generosity on our part as an insult. Then the passive aggressive sniping started, followed by deliberate omissions. When I discovered she raged out about me to someone else, that was the end. I never felt so liberated. 🎉🎉🎉

[@alesiabradley5399]

My mom was a walking volcano I always thought she was Bipolar one minute she was ok then one word she was doing this hair-raising screaming at you. Would rather have had a slap on the face.

[@annberlin5811]

It boils down to those who are non confident beat others down

[@DominieRobinson]

Agreed, it's better to work the job and make the extra money despite the narcissistic partner's rage and triangulation. That way a nest agg can be saved up Or escape money if needed to get out of domestic violence situations

[@4seasons546]

Bingo 🎯 thats me in the familly dynamic truth seer fixer ( not snaky ! That clarifies a little uneasiness I felt between one parent as I didn’t quite believe the ( obvious explanation of what was going on (there was a lot of gaslighting going on between one parent & another). Possibly in an attempt to sort this out my first husband of almost 3 decades was clearly a narcissist dark triad, smart bright savvy worldly sophisticated many great qualities but The cruelty and destruction was quite the ride!

[@kryssysmith1486]

I was always a truth-teller from a young age. One major mistake by those who raised me was letting me travel with a friend from a happy, healthy home. Returning to my own, I couldn't understand why my family was so different.

[@1948rambo]

My daughter is convinced im the narc ! Im 2 years into this study/ the narcs n flying monkeys proform on que! And we all "settle"!! When were not the narc!!!!! you can have self doubt.... n accept bad behavior! "Self love deficient" people can easily put up with bad behavior! Get her book!

[@eniggma9353]

Content idea: 10 questions to ask to find if a person is securely attached. Maybe something with an up side for a change.

[@leecotton3242]

Thanksgiving right around the corner and two you-know-what’s have already begun hoovering via email and phone calls. I’m no contact and will enjoy my holiday with my big doggie. All the best, everyone.

[@cossackgirl_ZP]

I would love to hear your analysis and breakdown of “Tell Me Lies”. As it mainly seems to be focused on narcissistic abuse in romantic relationships. But there are also elements about parental narcissistic abuse (mother to her children, and how it creates a cycle of abuse. The narcissist’s mom is also narcissistic). I think you might find it interesting.

[@alema309]

That show was triggering for me because my ex-friend was a real-life, Lucy. And her bf was a narc she has BPD. Lucy had a lot of those characteristics.

[@Janewomanpower]

this was my experience as a child and adolescent in a nutshell!

[@4seasons546]

Good info as always . I love the first photo of you wearing a very flattering blouse (peach/beige red floral) cropped further away that was posted a few hours ago with the same heading. You were particularly beautiful 😍

[@damianrhea8875]

I know intimately how some pathologically narcissistic men even compete w/ others on the numbers of children, the kinds of cars, the sizes of their houses, the looks and superficial qualities of their women, etc.. Happy Thanksgiving!

[@taylorphelps3095]

Your videos are teaching me SO MUCH, thank you

[@360shadowmoon]

As a cis-woman, I've learned to become VERY VERY comfortable with the following criticisms: "high-maintenance", "sensitive", "can't take a joke", and "too serious". These insults are frequently used to disarm women from their most self-preserving tendencies. Once these have no effect on you, people are less likely to discourage you from acting in your self-interest by accusing you of being these things. (And it's surprising how many people are quick to hurl these at you when you don't give them what they want.)

[@meabeck]

Some subjects are not appropriate to joke about.😮High maintenance is high quality. 😊Sensitive is intuitive and aware, also caring. Serious, yes I am. I'm sorry you went through this type of abuse. Blessings.🌹

[@davinasquirrel7672]

I gather you were born female, raised as a girl, and are now a woman? The word 'woman' is accurate. To use that other term means you bought into an external pressure to please another group, at the expense of yourself. That other group are a pack of narcissists, forcing others to bend to their will, to re-name themselves, or make them feel less than they are. You must now be aware of how narcissists behave, now examine that group via that lens. They demand you rename yourself to make them happy. That is both shifting the boundaries, and destabilizing the victim (or victim group). People are free to do what they want, live how they want, with the proviso that they do not harm others. When the choices of others negatively affect individuals/groups, then it is time to set boundaries. I am a woman. There is no qualifier needed. I will not rename what I am to please those who demand I do so. No is a complete sentence.

[@sabrinelan]

What is a cis woman lol

[@wk1810]

What the heck is a "cis-woman"?

[@davinasquirrel7672]

@@wk1810 Careful, your comment will get deleted like mine did. Basically, a sign that a woman has surrendered to a controlling group-think.

[@Ariadne76-k3d]

I definitely saw it. It seemed to me we were all playing a game. And I spoke out later, when it was safe(r).

[@theresechauvin5216]

. $ is a huge issue with narcissists. I am on disability in substandard social housing. My mother is comparing all the time. She is also on disability, she was living in a modular home in a nice neighborhood living beyond her means. She always said how jellous she was that I had social housing. She qualified for social housing; but she would rather live "house poor" than apply for social housing. I find it ridiculous that she is jellous of my income when I'm going to the food bank. My social housing is deducted from my disability total, and I actually get about 500$ a month less than her every month, but she's jellous. Narcisists are so odd. She tries to shame me over living in an undesirable home, but atleast I have a safe home that is affordable for me to be independent and stable.

[@Frederich-u2z]

On target on every point! Great video!

[@Teddybeloved]

Omg it's like you have been in my home and get it. Was so tired of enablers that refuse to see what I know about the Wicked Witch. Them flying monkeys are the worst when putting a narcissistic personality on trail. Minus the cussing my mom share traits with Mommy Dearest.

[@MillieBarnes]

I was the truth seer as a child and the truth teller as an adult. My very toxic daughter has not spoke to me for the last 3 years because I got tired of her trying to control me and stopped arguing with her in anyway and the last time she came over I gray rocked her so effectively that she was shocked. Left and haven't seen her since.

[@Tenantwild]

i love narcissists. i hope god continues to bless them to prosper from scapegoat to realize god actually favor them and we all should.

[@joyejohnsonauthor]

People often go into denial about abuse because they don't want to be seen as victims. Of course the abuser has spent months or years convincing them the worst thing they could ever do is think of themselves as victims. Beyond evil.

[@jacquelinejacobson6789]

After failed narcissistic relationship after another, my late narcissist mother had asked me "why don't you marry someone like your father, as I did?*. My father was a codependent enabler. I had a choice to truth tell right then, but chose to remain silent.

[@Summer_Harvest]

Makes perfect sense and doomed is right.

[@alcidesfy]

People who are on Bluesky and don't immediately get added to a moderation list. As someone put it, it's like they have the opportunity to join a luxury cruise but would rather follow us on a garbage barge. The only cost to a ticket is to be nice. But those turds can't do it.

[@rebeccamilligan8659]

This is funny we’re too much for a narc😂😂😂 how does that make sense thanks so much your work is amazing

[@susanlewis1875]

@23.49 Alone forever sounds like bliss to me.

[@JONNIE-u5u]

This has become the battle cry of young men who don’t have a steady girlfriend. In many ways there is a woman blaming.

[@rebeccamilligan8659]

This is helpful your empathic Yes my x shut me done when I confronted that I don’t like where the relations ship was going and headed. Your book is helpful even identifying someone behaviors to new potentials partners that are vulnerable less likely to identify.

[@janicehill-es1br]

Thanks for your wisdom Doctor Ramani 😊

[@ahnanda68]

2:46 This happens in everywhere. Turn on unbelievable nonsense how people just can't get to getting on and get along like normal people I mean I guess who's the definition of normal but I know that for darn fact the discord is not normal. The truth teller always gets kicked out. Everything you just said

[@Emmalou8891]

My ex used to go silent and after many non responses to me asking “what’s wrong?”, he’d just say, “well, I guess my standards are too high”