Narcissistic workplaces are JUST LIKE narcissistic families

[@rachellerockel]

Beware of workplaces that call themselves “family” in my experience it’s code for blurry boundaries and poor treatment. Remember it’s a job and your boss isn’t your parent and your coworkers aren’t siblings. Firm boundaries is a must.

[@yukio_saito]

Exactly. I do not apply for a job at a company with a "family-like culture."

[@rationalcynic8416]

Those are the workplaces that do not want you to have a life outside of work.

[@whitepod]

my ex-boss (a narc) had a one to one talk with me and told me not to set boundaries

[@yukio_saito]

@@whitepod Sad. I'm glad he/she is no longer your boss.

[@whitepod]

@@yukio_saito yes, I’m super thankful to myself for quitting as he later threatened to fire me if I don’t change my personality to fit into his management ‘style’. he also proceeded to accuse me of not being a team player in front of top management etc…

[@maryannwilliams3893]

This happened to me. Grew up in a narcissistic family, and worked almost 8 years with a narc boss. The only thing to do is to leave. I finally couldn’t take working in a severely toxic environment anymore, and resigned. BEST decision ever!!🙂

[@MzShonuff123]

Are we the same person? I did the exact same! I worked 7 years for mine.

[@maryannwilliams3893]

@@MzShonuff123 maybe we’re twins!🙂 I can tell you this, my new job is by far the best decision I made! My new boss is the polar opposite of the toxic boss. My peace of mind has been restored. I am so much happier now. 🙂

[@maureenblanchard3323]

Good for you. Leaving the situation 👍

[@dallas9104]

Triplets!! 7 years. Same story

[@clairechloe5294]

Well done. I did the same.👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@laurenharper1510]

Oh yes so true. I left the most horrible narcissistic place in November. I am so happy to be free! Life is so much better away from cruel people !!!!

[@ozemg32_ozem_goldwire]

Very well said!

[@angelahale11]

Congrats!!! I know that feeling. Yhe relief is so amazing. I literally worked DoorDash for a while just so I didn't have to work there. The belief that you have to work somewhere you hate until you retire is so toxic. You got this!!!

[@tinaturner247]

Its great to hear that you're valuing yourself 🧡 keep it up!

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

It's sad that workplace narcs cause employees to leave their place of employment, that is a means of survival

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

@@EJS1972 at some point, money will not matter because mental health outweighs the illusion of money, and mental stability brings satisfaction in life

[@tigerstripe6796]

I worked in maintenance at a hospital for over 25 years. The motto was, “We treat you like family!” At the time I didn’t know about narcissism I just knew there were a bunch of crazy bullies from the top down running the place. I don’t miss that job.

[@Earthether]

Ditto

[@Vercanya]

That sentence is an instant red flag for me. Each workplace I've been to where I've heard that has been exactly like toxic & dysfunctional families are.

[@angelahale11]

It's almost like any time they compare it to a family, run lol.

[@stephanie3848]

@@angelahale11 The ones who don't call themselves a family seem to be the ones that truly are healthy happy families

[@LarissaSimpson]

maybe they treat their family really badly too.

[@80islandia]

For anyone exiting a toxic workplace and dealing with the emotional and cognitive fallout, I’ve found cult recovery resources very helpful.

[@mishmallows]

I’ve never thought of this. Thank you for the recommendation 👍

[@stephanie3848]

Makes sense

[@jewelie1981]

Wow. I can’t even verbalize how sad and true that is.

[@goldilocks3593]

Toxic workplaces are basically cults. Go along to get along or you’re out. Not much difference at all.

[@yukio_saito]

It's a nice idea. A toxic workplace has a cult-like culture.

[@fallonrappaport5270]

I worked in an environment like that, and I resigned within 3 months. Highly toxic environment!

[@ExoticalT369]

Relatable (and I did the same thing).

[@Vercanya]

My ex forced me to stay in toxic work enviroments way longer than I would have wanted. One place I had figured out fairly soon, and he just told me "we cannot afford you quitting". After I left him I realised he had been stealing money from me for years, and I couldn't even prove it. The shop he "owns" is mostly paid from my or his mom's pocket.

[@tashasmith2245]

Good for you for leaving as soon as you did!

[@butterfly7624]

I did the same thing. Left after 3 months.

[@ashli8884]

Very, very true. The scapegoating, blame shifting, and flying monkey activity are at an all-time high in these places. Gaslighting is an everyday past-time in these environments and its easy to slowly lose yourself if you are targeted. No job is worth your emotional or mental health. It's essential to walk away and stay away as soon as you can because change is not possible in these places. The baked-in toxic system protects itself no matter what.

[@truthh8597]

Makes me want to puke

[@WhenTheStarsAreAligned]

Wow. "The baked-in toxic system protects itself." So incredibly true.

[@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470]

Very well said.

[@ashli8884]

@@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470 Thank you. I've lived it and understand deeply how devastating it is.

[@Andromeda_M31]

The way corporations want to enmash into everyone's personal life, I'd recommend no one add people from work to social media, into your personal life or talk about your personal life. You never know when one of these narcs are going to creep in.

[@jewelie1981]

YES!!! I don’t speak to my coworkers or manager about anything but work and only if it’s necessary. Otherwise I stick to myself and only talk to the few people in other departments that are proven trustworthy. My mgr once tried to make me look bad by telling HR that I never share anything about my life outside of work, and it was the ONLY time they stuck up for me instead of her, they said, “and that’s fine, I don’t share my personal life at work either.” They defend and enable her in almost every other abusive behavior, but I got the one thing. Trying to make me look bad bc I won’t share my personal life… with the person who (oh did I mention?) shared details of my PERSONAL MEDICAL INFORMATION with coworkers, at least one of whom then shared the information with ladies in a different dept that I also work with. Classy sh!t with these people.

[@Andromeda_M31]

@@jewelie1981 due to HIPAA privacy laws, she should have been disciplined or fired. Keep good notes with dates and times! You never know when you'll need it.

[@jewelie1981]

@@Andromeda_M31 Thank you for that confirmation, I was pretty sure that was the case but HR acted towards me like that was no different than any other issue I reported, and I was pretty upset and confused.

[@Andromeda_M31]

@@jewelie1981 HR only protects the company and won't do anything unless threatened. You have to talk to an attorney.

[@JudahTribe2023]

They are jealous of and try to imitate or steal everything about you that makes you authentic. And they only reason they covet is for their own self-aggrandizement. It's disgusting.

[@SSJ0016]

Pro tip if you keep getting interrupted on zoom meetings. Buy a nice microphone like a Blue Yeti and configure your headset to play your mic input so that you can hear yourself how everyone else in the meeting hears you. Doing this has allowed me to get my thoughts out even though someone is trying to interrupt. Being able to hear my own voice on my headset gives me something to focus on rather than getting flustered from the interruption.

[@cmsbeth]

Nepotism is a common workplace practice of narcissists. It is amazing at how much the narcissist will risk when employing their family/friend.

[@alexas.5287]

Personally, that's why I stay away from "family-owned" companies. At the corporate level, it's everything you said: nepotism, unnecessary risk-taking, overlooking deviant behavior, etc. A free pass of the worst kind.

[@rikadew]

Yes my narc boss rehired someone who no one liked and paid her just as much as employees that were her senior and gave her a sign on bonus 🙄

[@nina_ukraine]

*Finally, a video about the narcissism at work places!!!!!*

[@HotMustard420]

I worked for 31 years in a narcissistic family business. It was my family, and I was the scapegoat. I resigned last year, and my father tried to get me to come back and take the role of president as I had the longest tenure, and the most experience and ability. My mother(covert narc) would keep blocking it from behind the scenes, and pump up her 2 golden children. I just couldn't be Charlie Brown kicking the football anymore. Sadly he passed away in February. I told him I would go back if he retired or passed away. When I tried to return my mother told me if I returned to the property I would be arrested. So I don't work there anymore. I make half the money I did before, but I am 5 times happier to have escaped the toxic atmosphere between my parents, and four siblings two of whom are 1st class narcissists. These videos really helped me process and understand the hows and whys of what happened. It's sad it took me 31 years to understand what was going on, but better late than never. Thank you for all your work, I can honestly say it made a positive difference in my life.

[@Josh19981]

Great that things have improved. I’m sorry you had to experience that, and certainly hard that it’s several close family members. All the best 👍

[@burberryclaretred6676]

I’m 50 and it took my marriage to see how my family used me and my husband for their personal gain Then when my marriage ended my family threw me under the bus to plea bargain with my ex to detract from repayment !!! My Dad died in October and now I realize I’m my own ptsd self-diagnosis that I was returning home psychology to close chapters I’m finally free now I can stop going home

[@Flyingrabbit2222]

I was often chosen for "special projects" and to learn new technology in my old job. Like you, I had the ability and the knowledge, but I knew that would never lead to a promotion equal to my contribution. I think real accomplishment is often too threatening to an N. I think your mom wants to keep her role as "shadow president". She still feels in control with her golden children in power and can now push out the only real threat to her power.

[@stephanie3848]

Wow..I am so proud of you for leaving. For me, no matter how long something has been, the realization of it being over eclipses the past

[@carolinechadarevian115]

Dr. Ramani ... i am packing to leave my narcissistic husband ... my heart is beating fast but i know it is the right step after 28 years paralyzed with no clarity or courage. Your videos made it crystal clear ... still a lot of work ... thank you

[@realliving7340]

You got this!!!

[@sadiegirl7344]

Keep packing! You've got this! Life can be good again. Take time to grieve, heal, and become yourself again. I left after 24 years. It was very hard to leave, and it was the best choice I have ever made.

[@debbiebond1030]

Good on you. It is frightening to us but when we get out we realise no more walking on eggshells,abuse, rage and being played like a violin. I left after 40 years. Now public enemy no. 1 with my family. Yes it hurts and will do so for a long time. But you showed your courage by packing and leaving. I had to leave town and get another job. Sadly this too was a toxic environment. But I learned what to look for after being in a toxic family relationship and was able to put my feelings on ice and use it to my advantage. Like applying for another job straight away as I knew these people were exactly the same. This video couldn't have come at a better time. I have a new job 1500km away and am on the move. See it as a move forward. Pardon the pun. Life throws us some of the biggest curve balls out But we are the ones with a backbone. Not them. You are strong, have a right to respect and dignity and will thrive. Love and best of luck.

[@lalaland7603]

So proud of you! I've been there and know it is not easy, but it is so worth the struggle. I only regret not having done it sooner. You've got this! Enjoy your life :)

[@Jojo11344]

This was so on point! I was the truth teller and scapegoat at my workplace for years and due to my own unknown childhood trauma, I kept trying to fix my crappy job environment. I had narcissistic bosses from top down and even worse were the flying monkeys telling me to “sometimes you just have to choose happiness.” Quitting was the best decision ever and I waited much too long out of fear of the unknown. Now I’m working at totally different environment and no longer dread going to work. For anyone who needs to hear it, you will survive walking away and be better for it!

[@user-of9bx1uk3u]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@davids_d3246]

great! in your experience, what questions are importants or what things we should look at during the search of a new job, in order to avoid to be trapped in a new narcisistic place?

[@Jojo11344]

@@davids_d3246 I can only speak from my own experience- but I think a few signs. Leadership who are inconsiderate or seem to play down your concerns, needs or questions about the system is a big one to me. If even in the interview process, they seem to be invalidating your questions or input or seem to rave about how awesome their current systems in place are, those are signs to me of an environment unwilling to change or grow. This usually is a sign of egoism and the need to prop up their system without inviting new ideas. Sort of how the abuser in a family dynamic will invalidate the truthteller - this keeps the nasty environment in play. A good system will invite you to offer opinions and gives them the chance to innovate. Also at my old job- I had to return to interview with the senior leader on a 2nd separate trip (on my own dime) because he needed to meet me first to ok me for the job even though I had met all the other leaders on the first visit. He was clearly a narcissist now that I look back. Also watch how the leaders treat the staff while on your interview- they will show you how you’ll be treated if you join. I think a good environment treats you more like “ we want this person to join because we like this candidate and this person has the qualifications that we desire” vs the narcissistic workplace treats you like “ you should be thankful we are even considering you for this position because our company is so amazing.” That’s the vibe I didn’t recognize but was so obvious. Good companies don’t need to announce themselves as such. Also don’t trust the older employees there about if they like it- they have either a vested interest in the company (partnership/kickbacks/shares) or they have resigned themselves to being there bc they have family/kids etc that make them feel trapped to stay in a crappy job for financial reasons. Don’t ask the new hire either- they are clueless about the internal politics because they are too naive and new. Ask the people who have worked there for 1-2 years- they will clearly know if it’s a bad environment- if they seem tight-lipped -ask them for their cell. Then you can call them when they are not at work- they will be more likely to tell you the truth when no one can hear them. And if you’re really lucky, if you meet someone who is “leaving for a new job/move”- try to nab their cell and get all the details because they will be glad to tell you why. Often the company lie and say they are moving out of state or for family reasons etc. My job told the rest of the staff I left to move out of state- even though I’m still in the same city 😂. I hope this helps someone out there! You may not know until you sign the deal, but I think we all owe it to ourselves to just quit when you realize things are bad instead of trying to suffer through. Thank you for asking and giving me a way to warn others!

[@davids_d3246]

@@Jojo11344 Thanks a lot! i really appreciate your advices! 💪🏼🙏🏽

[@Jojo11344]

@@davids_d3246 of course! We have to protect each other from these narcissists!

[@literaine6550]

When I quit my toxic job, the place fell apart, they had meetings on what was wrong but could never figure it out. The place was sold and went downhill from there.

[@AS-tz3gv]

When I resigned because of the unpaid overtime which never ended, the narcissist boss said if I left she would give me terrible references; I changed careers because she really did give me an awful reference, and it worked out much better because I had a life outside work.

[@PassionateFlower]

I've worked at a lot of toxic workplaces that paid alright. But ultimately besides that, they did nothing but compound my trauma from childhood. So I've just been Doordashing because I just can't handle having toxic bosses, customers, or coworkers anymore. I like how I have minimal exposure to customers now. Most ask to leave food at the door and not even knock, just snapping a photo of the delivery drop off and marking delivered is sufficient 70% of the time. I have no boss, and I just pick things up from restaurants and they treat me with the same basic kindness as any other to-go customer and there's less expectations than in a co-worker situation. I don't have to call in sick. I don't have to let a boss say demeaning things to me. If I'm not comfortable with a certain assignment I can decline an order. I can pause the app and take as many breaks as I need to walk, breathe, meditate, collect myself, or get a bite to eat. No questions asked. I've worked retail, at restaurants, at offices, and I just cannot take it anymore. Everyone looks down on me for Doordashing and dropping out of college (due to PTSD from narcissistic abuse) but I can't go back to a normal job because I have zero bandwidth left for retail or office politics and toxic work cultures.

[@ria2159]

I don't blame you for wanting to keep yourself safe. I was raised by a psychotic vulnerable narcissist for a mother and my sister is just like her. I have spent my life working for narcissistic bosses and I have just been sacked by one. I'm in long term therapy cos I'm such a fck up.

[@SoulSeeker2025]

Me too

[@elmudd06]

My former narc boss was epitome of treating her employees like a screwed up family of hers--and if you didn't participate in this delusion, you were often punished professionally with swiftness. Stuff like completely crossing professional boundaries. Calling me at all hours of the day and night on my personal line to dump on me personal problems. Calling me sobbing when a pet or family member died--I'd often discover I was the first one she'd bothered to call with this kind of news, which I found highly disturbing. It seemed to me she relished being able to do and say whatever to me, knowing I had little ability to tell her to bugger off without putting my job in jeopardy. By the end of my time with her, I was backing her off and being pretty outwardly critical of her behavior. The anger of my "betrayal" was SWIFT. Completely rude and abusive behavior and implicit threats that I "wouldn't be a problem for much longer." I've been away from her a few years now and life is 1000% better.

[@tracydanneo]

Sounds like you were the golden child of your narcissistic boss.

[@alexas.5287]

Oh, calling at inappropriate times on your cell/personal number is a HUGE red flag. Managers should not be talking relationship issues, family situations, etc. especially on a personal line. I had a coworker who went through this before. I suspect narc leaders (and even associates) who call employees to tell sob stories or weirdly personal situations are just fronting. They're telling fabricated stories to create false intimacy and trust. They may also be trying to gauge their coworker or direct report's personality and beliefs. These calls can be a test of loyalty (do you pick up, and if you do, are you taking the narc's side?). Plus, they're a great chance to get the unsuspecting person to open up and share information that can later be used against them. TLDR: phone calls from a narc at work are ALWAYS a lose-lose. But the lesser loss is politely declining before the situation snowballs and you're in hot water.

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

Narcs use others as their personal, unpaid therapist. As their therapist, you have to listen to them ramble on about heartaches and disappointments in life. You are not able to get a word in when the narc is speaking. They are emotionally and psychologically draining on others

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

@@alexas.5287 Remember narcs feel there's an exception to the rule for them and no one else

[@rikadew]

My narc boss got mad she couldn't use my credentials against me when I resigned. The last person was berated and treated like.dirt because she only has an associates degree. Since I have a master's she tried to win me over with flattery. When that didn't work she got mad and said she didn't want to hire anyone with advanced degrees 🤣✌🏿

[@GrandmaEllen]

Everyone was so "nice" until the roles became apparent. It didn't help that I had reached menopause and could no longer pretend a dishonest "nice," especially in the face of abusive, overbearing behavior, and I was not paid enough to suffer silently. So I quickly became the truth-teller/scapegoat in the face of a hidden agenda, holding on for the health benefits. I knew it was going south when I entered my boss's office to see the "golden girl" brushing my boss's long hair (inappropriate work boundaries much?). The afternoon my boss fired me actually brought the most liberated feeling I'd ever had walking away from a narcissistic "family" system. Not that it was all easy, but....it seems such a distant memory now. I had been exposed to dysfunctional systems/families roles, so understood triangulation, though it was only through hindsight that I saw the hidden agenda, and I spent way too much time expecting fairness and playing the game of proving myself.

[@80islandia]

“I spent way too much time expecting fairness” perfectly sums up the experience of dealing with toxic workplaces and relationships. Learning that the oft-promoted “healthy communication” can lead to vicious and surreptitious sabotage that has destroyed you before you even realize what’s happening is one of the key nuggets of wisdom I’ve taken away from navigating too many of these environments. Sorry you had to go through this and thanks for sharing your story. Keep shining in your truth and all the best to you! 💛🌿

[@GrandmaEllen]

@@80islandia Thank you. And all the best to you, also.

[@hishealer]

"Why don't you go visit with your workplace momma anymore?" That's when I knew. Yes, they block the next job whenever they can. Advice from a lawyer specializing in workplace abuse: document everything. Ask that one coworker that brought an attorney and didn't get fired. Then call the same attorney. Ask if you can legally record audio in your state. He knew the issues already, and magically, within a week of that call, a new job opened up. I'd been applying everywhere for years. I was nearly powerless in my family, but workplaces have laws to answer to.

[@Tako-6478]

It’s unfortunate to have to lawyer up to get almost anything done in todays societal fabric. Even when “so many laws and protections” are in place (to be violated unless you have a lawyer on payroll that is).

[@kownsjoyfultime]

If the lawyer is not a narcissist too😑

[@hishealer]

@@kownsjoyfultime That's why I didn't open the phone book. I got a referral and gained a friend over lunch, too.

[@patriceriddick7986]

It's the worst experience ive ever had I feel like I have ptsd from it. I worked in a medical facility the owner was overt narcissistic and the nurse manager was a covert narcissist.I'm working through a agency never wanting to be a full time employee again. I love coming doing my hours and getting out of there. The Healthcare situation is horrible!!!

[@jewelie1981]

I work in healthcare too, but only in the materials dept, nothing licensed or certified. It’s almost all women in most departments which means all drama all the time. In my dept there is also this narcissistic “family” system. These people in my dept feel much like my family… enemies. I want out of this woman dominated dynamic because it seems ripe for abuse. Sadly I know it’s not specific to women dominated fields or healthcare, it’s all types of workplaces, and that has me legit scared to find another job that just winds up worse.

[@BeachyD]

My ex- was narcissistic, he was stingy with compliments and lavish with criticism. My work life was great at the time - I had a wonderful manager until the company decided they wanted to centralize those of us with the same role and they hired the biggest narcissistic jerk I've ever worked for. Getting abused at home and at work put me into a spiral that's hard to describe, but I was on disability for nearly two years due to anxiety and depression. This, of course, made my home life worse because we all know how understanding narcissists are when we're not feeling well. If it weren't for therapy, anti-depressants, and the care of good friends, I don't know how I would have made it through. Now, I've divorced the ex- and I work for the best company I've ever worked for. They emphasize empathy, I work in a department that cares deeply for its employees, and, helps their employees grow. It's a great feeling being rid of all the toxicity, and, the narc ex can't even take credit for being "a good husband who taught me how to be successful."

[@jewelie1981]

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through, and I admire your drive to create a healthier environment to live in!

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

I would love to achieve a goal of being able to work in a place where a newcomer can feel relaxed and confident and not feel judged by people who are not only gossiping glory hogs, but busybody social butterflies that are hell bent on collecting data on those they target, as well as tag-teaming up with families of the target, by triangulation, smear campaigns, etc. Narcs love to build networks by getting in cahoots with your family members and friends through smearing your name and brainwashing. One way to blow up families and other relationships that seem safe to you for awhile. Hopefully you can find a means not to allow narcs to infiltrate into your peaceful space in your current workplace, and yet still be a safe space for newcomers that have been hurt before, not just by family and school settings in their formative years, but by past toxic work environments. I feel like my past continues to haunt me, and sometimes I wonder if there's connections between my family, my Husband's family and the toxic people who we worked with in the past and present jobs I involved myself in. I even wonder if there's connections between all of them in various degrees way before I came into the picture, due to past connections from merely 'getting around ' and via social media, like Facebook.

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

I also wonder if this happened to my Husband, because he often got targeted over stupid reasons, same as I did, perhaps even worse than what I got.

[@TheRoadHomeLiving]

I never in 20 years got a compliment from Exman. Not. Once. In fact, we once took a bus from Manhattan to a wedding in NJ and the stop we got off at was a Home Depot. I got more compliments in that 20 minutes than he ever gave me in 20 years! He was so pissed off at the attention I drew that he ignored me for an hour afterward. Sheesh! Public compliments/private insults. Asking for that divorce was brave! And necessary!

[@GrandmaEllen]

Donna, I'm so glad you took control and turned your circumstances around to a beneficial status. What an inspiration!

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Plus the narcs hate that you run circles around them in their workload

[@rileyhoffman6629]

Brings me back to a 'friend' who hired me, then, while badmouthing me to colleagues, took credit for my work. Took a year before she fired me and told me to leave my parking pass on the way out. Six months later, she sent an email asking, What happened? Don't you want to be friends? I never responded, but I still think about the crap I've taken in the name of being a fair, nice person. Lordy!

[@nickbargas7352]

That's called a hoover. They were fishing again as their supply was low. Good for you in not responding.

[@rileyhoffman6629]

@@nickbargas7352 Thanks. It was such a strange feeling, that recognition of reality. We'd been best of friends just a year earlier in grad school. I'm the smart stupid one...

[@nickbargas7352]

@@rileyhoffman6629 If she is a true narcissist according to DSM5 criteria she was never your best friend. She mirrored you and made you feel like she was a good friend. Let me guess, she expressed vulnerabilities very early in the "friendship". Typical narcissistic fashion, 1) love bomb 2) devaluation 3) discard. A "best of friend" would NEVER treat a person the way she treated you. "bad mouthing you to others" "taking credit for your work". She took advantage of your "being a fair, nice person." She saw that as a weakness and exposed it for narcissistic supply. She was hoping for a reply from you with that open ended email to try and gauge where you were mentally by seeing her email. She was even hoping for an FU from you or something. Your best response was no response and you made the correct choice. Once you have figured out someone in your life is a narcissist go NO CONTACT for life!! I feel so bad for those poor people that got fooled by a spouse and have children with them because they are stuck with them until the kids are out of the picture.

[@nickbargas7352]

@@rileyhoffman6629 kzbin.info/www/bejne/d3yWfZKVjKhjeKc

[@rileyhoffman6629]

@@nickbargas7352 Yes. Thanks. I did the right thing but, you know, a residue of doubt will always remain. But, yes. Walk away.

[@addy1409]

MAJOR LIGHT-BULB MOMENT!!! 💡💡💡Coming from a healthy, happy, openly communicative family of origin was actually NOT good prep at all for dealing with a narc ex and a narc workplace!! Dr. Ramani: YES, I definitely thought I could fix everything via honest conversations! I was sooooo wrong! It was like trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon.

[@catherineromero1862]

Or yelling into a vat of pudding

[@Chahlie]

I remember when I gave my notice for one job a co-worker said "no, you can't leave yet, you still have a bit of self esteem".... I was self employed for years and now in semi retirement I am doing a part time gig type thing, but oh my there are a few co-workers who are huge narcs and I find I have zero tolerance for them. They come in a all sizes shapes and colours.

[@TheCakeIsALie422]

Spent six months with a boss like this, eventually got fired suddenly and dramatically. Took several months to get over it but I am now so glad I’m gone!

[@ardent9422]

At one point in my life I was able to work for myself, and that was the best time in my life! I was sabotaged before it reached complete sustainability but it was so great. Now I have to freelance for other people and just like I'm marginalized in my narcissistic family, I'm marginalized at the companies I work for. Certain family members are given preferential treatment, certain co-workers are given preferential treatment; my talents are ignored in my narcissistic family, my talents are ignored at work, I always occupy the lowest position possible, I left one as the bullying intensified and thankfully another came, but still narcissistic. I hope and pray that the day comes when I get to work for myself again and I reach complete sustainability and make some good investments.

[@Flyingrabbit2222]

I have never met a truly creative narcissist. We have to stay beneath them so they can freely steal our ideas or minimize them if they get too much attention. I think N's at the top want to destroy small business for that very reason. We all know there are better forms of energy and better solutions to problems then the ones we as a society are given to choose between.

[@makaylahollywood3677]

I would love to work for myself? You are inspiring. I am a teacher-but, want to go back to my graphics freelancing. Or, start my own work. You should go keep your business going;-)

[@robertah2353]

When I’ve worked in toxic workplaces, certain people in those workplaces remind me so much of toxic family members that I have

[@brandonf.8360]

I've had this happen last year and it was a coworker and manager. These people will destroy their own families if they believe it'll get them ahead. It's quite sad because they'll even destroy themselves to make sure no one succeeds.

[@obi5025]

How did you deal with it? Dealing with same thing team leader and very toxic manager.

[@brandonf.8360]

@@obi5025 honestly I tried going to the superiors but they along with the manger were police officers and the coworker and i were civilian. My manager and coworker were both women. The manager was a covert/malignant narcissist and my coworker was grandiose/ malignant. It was a losing situation because they ignored everything until I got tired and cursed at them. Though I was able to keep my job, I had to leave. Although I had to start somewhere else, I'm happier.

[@unabAshedVO]

I've been looking for work and being completely honest about how my last job turned out. I tell them "I want to work with a functional family". So, when they say "we're family" I'm gonna need to know what kind.

[@gail9566]

I worked with a group of health care workers one of whom insisted that the department run her way. Gossip, social exclusion from the group, planning meetings made when not all staff were notified or included. So much BS behind my back. The latest boss was the unofficial bosses friend ( they camp together,kids play together, etc) Boss set up my coworker in a huge room and called it " the executive suite,." Unofficial boss got someone without the proper credentials to creep into my job. I got moved to another department during COVID, and jumped at the job offer the boss there wanted me to apply for. Now people are nice and I'm in an office with a door I can close when I need to. I was in my narc marriage for 13 years and in my crappy job for 13 years.

[@thisguy8224]

I only ever heard what she said about work. That everyone loved her. For boss’ day she’d get flowers. Cards. Told she was born to be a boss. Just amazing. I had been to her work events here and there and people seemed to like her. It’s what annoys me, everyone got a masked version and home was much different.

[@pamelamccarthy1412]

Narcs lie constantly. So, what she said about work was probably a lie. Her employees probably learned how to play her. They either managed her, or they did what it took to be ignored. "Told she was born to be a boss.". That sounds like some female snarkery to me. It's dripping with sarcasm if it came from a group of other females. Don't believe the mind f she was feeding you. She sucks at work too.

[@thisguy8224]

@@pamelamccarthy1412 oh the boss babe/bitch mentality was awful. Her home office had a placard that read boss lady. She had a boss bitch coffee mug. A t-shirt reading “I’m a boss”..her daughters T-shirt “my moms a boss”. There was a mama boss and mini boss T-shirt as well. I’d get annoyed seeing it all. We’d fight about her work a lot. Mainly because during the devaluation she’d go in early. Stay late. Show up to dinners way later than we said and say “you know how social I am! I got caught up in the hallways talking to my employees about their lives!”. And my anger towards cold dinners and nights alone became: You hate my job! You just want me to be a stay at home mom with zero life and nothing to do (she knows my mom was stay at home). You’re just jealous of my success. My friends and I always talk about how jealous me get when their woman is more important or makes more than them!!! I’ve literally never told her any of that. Only said “hey if we’re planning a family and future together. Let’s be content where we’re at in our jobs. Both six figures, weekends off…we’ve got it made. Time for ourselves, your daughter, your parents. Not on call. This is everyone’s dream schedule 🤦🏻‍♂️

[@Eighties-Jadie]

"Narcissistic workplaces are just like narcissistic families." Dr Ramani you have my full attention by the title alone! 😅 Everything you described is so true with these similarities. I experienced the gossipy two faced nature of certain coworkers smiling to my face while talking about me behind my back and giving me their work to do. You know that moment when you walk into the room while they're chatting to someone and it suddenly goes quiet! Working in a toxic workplace really made me feel paranoid and took a toll on my self esteem. It reminded me of some of my past abusers with their same manipulation tactics and emotionally abusive attitudes while denying any wrongdoing. I ended up resorting to the coping methods of survival I'd learned as a young child by "feeling out the environment" to see what mood a boss or coworker was in and if it was bad I'd avoid them so as not to deal with their anger. I also ended up being a people pleaser in that job and took on more than I could handle. I dreaded the yearly Christmas dinners that I deliberately avoided and made up excuses why I couldn't attend. I ended up feeling extreme anxiety sitting in their company at breaktime because it was such a restrictive miserable workplace. Then returning back to an abusive home environment was the icing on the cake. Absolutely exhausting! Thanks Dr Ramani for these brilliant videos and as always you are beautiful inside and out ❤️

[@verystylishordinarypeople]

Girl we have something in common.

[@Eighties-Jadie]

@@verystylishordinarypeople Hugs ❤️

[@LoverofLife863]

I have decided to leave my toxic workplace. This is the final push I needed. Thanks, Dr. Ramani. 🤗

[@ΔημητραΚατσικιδη]

Good for you!!!! I left mine less than a month ago!

[@alessandrasaenz72]

Absolutely right! I worked at a clinic where my boss was just as narcissistic as my mother. There was everything you mentioned in the video. It came to an end quite quickly when I returned from a two month trip she sent me on. It was awful at the time, but then it became an opportunity to start my own private practice and get my master's degree. Thank you very much. Very enlightening.

[@angelahale11]

Thank you so much for putting this into words. I worked at a place like this for 2 years. It was a mom-and-pop business, and the narc had blocked my only chance at advancement. The office was all women, and everyone tried to "make it work". I was bullied, gaslit, and had no clue how depressed I was until I finally quit. Best day of my life!

[@jewelie1981]

I work in healthcare (just in a non-certified/secondary/ peon position lol) and in almost all departments in my building it’s at least 90% women. I feel like this dynamic can thrive more in women dominated workplaces than in a mixed environment. I’m not sure if there’s any actual truth to that but it’s my current experience. My next job needs to have way less women and hopefully way less drama and no abuse… this is my hope and prayer!

[@mst675]

@@jewelie1981 Same with teaching. Highly female workforce, and there is a culture that discourages complaints of any sort! 😡

[@simplyixia3683]

After I went no contact with my family, I ended up getting a job under a narcissistic boss. My coworkers were perpetually hurt and confused by their actions. But because it seemed very familiar to me, I managed to use my survival skills I developed with my family to stay out of the narcissist’s crosshairs. I no longer work there and I’m glad I don’t lol

[@suzanneflowers2230]

I saw as a young teacher how district politics worked. As I became more mature, I realized that the joy I felt at work came because I cared not about being noticed by the bureaucrats, but instead focused on pleasing the Lord with my work. I was thrilled to see my kids progress academically and in their social interactions. I learned to close my classroom door to the adult drama going on and simply do my job. My coworkers who were caught up in the adult drama were often miserable. I'm not painting a pie in the sky scenario where I was concerned, because I had many kids with violent tempers, various special needs, chaotic home environments, etc. But I could stay in the profession as a result of avoiding most of the adult drama. My Christian faith enabled me to do it.

[@JudahTribe2023]

Praise God! Same!❤️

[@brg2743]

Education is full of narcissism. There are also many good, caring people in it too. Kids deserve better than these self absorbed narcs. Like another person said on here, "Do your work for God and treat the kids better than you get treated!" God knows.

[@RM-qq5rj]

Amen! Same here!

[@Norton57]

I've worked in so many of these situations - I'll have to watch this for each job ha! The last one, I started to realize what was going on after a couple key players in my family passed away, and while I was in grief and reckoning with all that, the bullying and gaslighting ramped up at work while I was vulnerable. I knew I had to get out. I started messaging friends with whom I'd worked previously for feedback on my professional strengths, and my neighbor messaged me out of the blue asking if I'd be interested in a transferrable-skills position in her field! It was amazing. It took me a really long time to adjust to being around kind, trustworthy people who value peace and mutual encouragement, but it's been an anchor for me to make emotional repairs in general. It's a tremendous relief to not have to spend 40 hours a week with my teeth on edge. Get out of there! Miracles await!

[@Dannniellleee]

This is why working with people in teams and groups gives me so much anxiety, and I am HIGHLY ambitious.

[@istateyourname4710]

I had a part-time job a few years back. My first week, 3 other employees quit. The Manager was personality disordered for sure & I saw her controlling, vindictive self pretty quickly. I worked there for only 2 months. She was a bully, and I was done w/ her nonsense. I gave the requisite 2 week notice~and, she purposely did NOT schedule me!!! Jokes on her! I wanted out of there immediately and didn't give a rip that she tried to punish me by giving me zero hours!

[@sarahgrohmusic]

Thank you for this! Just left a job in a new career. I have been in classes for 1.5 yrs and now this job was on the way to getting my 1000 hrs of experience. Yep! Appraising. It started, too good to be true, which I now know is a connection to trauma. 60 days in, got my first pass/agressive email about my work. I checked in with vague questions to the other trainee…yep, she gets those emails. Apologized to a higher up coworker who said the boss was overreacting. Well, you know this thing is already in motion. 3 more emails strategically placed over 30 days, triangulation and flying monkeys later…I was asked to leave in a pass/agr way. Saying I was causing issues and they were willing to keep me if I acknowledged the problems. Dude! I don’t even know what you are talking about. I was asked over the 90 days to not make any reference to being employed by them or being a trainee in appraising - I took down LinkedIn and FB info. So…also keeping me hidden and in shame for the work I was doing. Trying to please him had me crying, curled up on the floor of my office, and drinking more…in only 90 days. Thanks to what I have learned here and elsewhere, I stopped and became the Truth-teller instead of the victim. Still not paid for the last 6 weeks, I am finding work easily in my prior precession. Making more money as a singer and teacher than with them. Thanks all!

[@suzanneflowers2230]

Another point to consider is that, if you excel at your job and stand out performance wise amongst your peers, that really irritates the narcs at work. You can be as low key and humble as possible, but you are being watched nonetheless. You can make them seethe without realizing you're doing it. So don't be surprised if or when the narcs lash out.

[@LoverofLife863]

Literally going through this. They’re are so insecure and jealous. I’m planning my escape.

[@LaniBanani]

@@LoverofLife863 Me too. 4 years of Hell but finally leaving too.

[@VanessatheCreativeWriter]

I had a few narcissistic supervisors but one was so bad, and I was her target, I finally had to report her to EEO. They began investigating her and so she immediately retired much earlier than she had originally planned. But yea, she tried to turn everyone against me. She would hide my work until she was ready to give it to me. It was awful, like working with the Devil.

[@jewelie1981]

Can I ask, what is EEO?

[@VanessatheCreativeWriter]

@@jewelie1981 I have a city job. EEO = Equal Employment Opportunity.

[@jewelie1981]

@@VanessatheCreativeWriter Thank you so much for explaining that to me, I had no idea.

[@hwchen39]

This really hits home for me right now because I just left my toxic workplace for a much healthier new one, but I still feel the lingering after effects of my narc boss with the anxiety I feel at work and feeling I need to work harder than everyone else to be valued. I needed the job to survive because COVID but I started looking for a new one not even a year into it. Unfortunately, jobs in my field were rare and I was not able to get out until 2 years later and after many mental breakdowns. I found I was being near constantly retraumatized since the things my narc boss would do to me were reminiscent of the things my narc sibling would do to me and what my narc grad advisor would do. One thing I kept wondering is HOW DO THESE PEOPLE KEEP FINDING ME? I also always justify, but I know it's more a survival mechanism than actually believing the BS. I'm just so thankful that I have gotten out of the situation now and can start to heal.

[@jewelie1981]

I understand what you mean. For 18 months I had a coworker who was just like my narcissistically abusive mother, our boss very similar but more covert, perhaps akin to my grandmother. Those two women were the ones who chose me for the job. It’s a complete and utter mind-F- when you realize the abusers chose you and you start feeling like you must be so effed up or sending up some invisible signals… “abusers, here I am, come and get me!!” I haven’t yet worked that out honestly but I think I need to bring it up to my counselor for some insight. It Fs with your head.

[@brg2743]

Practice grey rock, tell them nothing, don't be more than cordial, hold boundaries, watch giving empathy, keep distance, and remember not to explain or defend anything. You owe them nothing. Over a long period of time, you will see who they are by observing. They won't find you very easily this way. Listen to Dr. Ramani and Dr. Les Carter on KZbin. Have learned all the above from them and life.

[@Josh19981]

The scenario you mentioned at the beginning is exactly what I experienced. I had a female manager who was incredibly narcissistic. When I started to raise the issues with others, I found out many people before me had the same issue and moved on to other areas of the department. I was SO emotionally burned out that it impacted my personal life, my motivation to do things on the weekend (I just wanted to completely switch off so stayed at home all weekend), and it took a while to move on from that. I was also in a relationship during that same period, plus an extra year (into and during COVID lockdown), with a partner who was ultimately narcissistic. An overtly narcissistic manager and a covertly narcissistic partner. I was flat from the treatment at work and was eventually considered ‘flawed’ by ex and the devaluing and discarded ensued, even after a chat about why I was down what I went through. It’s taken me about two years to work through the break-up and the devaluation and discarding - it strips you of your soul, dignity, and identity. Hard to explain, even harder to experience.

[@millerkatz1463]

This is mostly what I just went through myself. It's heartbreaking and I pushed all of my friends away because I didn't want to be the downer all the time so now that I've been devalued and discarded by my former boss and my partner I don't have anyone I can even talk to about it. it's a lonely experience and it's changed me as a person in fundamental ways. I'm not sure people who haven't gone through this can ever understand the degree of exhaustion it causes or the hopelessness it inspires in you.

[@daniellee1722]

Same here. Narcissism coupled with incompetence. Imagine not wanting to hold a meeting about covid precautions just because I came up with the idea. Three employees got infected and then she took 2 weeks off because she "fell". Two weeks off for bruises?? She even sent a pic of her injuries in a group chat. Looked so fake smdh

[@jewelie1981]

I’m so sorry for what you went through, and I can completely relate. I spent months so fatigued and exhausted to do anything on the weekend, even 3 day weekends I’d sit at home and do the bare minimum. The anxiety completely took over my life and I couldn’t even leave it at work bc it haunted me even outside of work. It was constant and relentless. I’ve been in my abusive job for two years. The only reason I’m still alive is my cats who are my kids, and the only thing that’s brought back a hint of my desire to enjoy life is that my hopelessness has shifted to anger, and I find anger to be a better drive for me personally. Spite towards the narcissistic abusers has propelled me to want to ENJOY my time. How I win is by not letting them destroy me and by working to find happiness in even little things. It’s like… F you, I’m going to enjoy myself. Little by little I’m taking back my life, and it feels good even though the anxiety is still here.

[@Josh19981]

@@millerkatz1463 Hey Miller, I’m sorry to hear and I know exactly how you feel. My suggestion would be to reach out to those friends, assuming some may have been close friends, and let them know - give them context, people will understand. You were, and are, hurting. You never what support you’ll get from that but create a support network. I even went through a point where I could be around people (social situations) and still feel so incredibly isolated and alone. The rebuilding of my emotional structure had to catch up with me. Emotionally, I had to start from scratch as it’d been obliterated. You will be fine. Take small steps, nothing major as it’ll probably feel too overwhelming. Reconnect with people, focus on things you enjoy (creative outlets), and progress from there. I also needed professional help so I’d recommend that too. Take care of yourself, everything will be ok❤️

[@Josh19981]

@@jewelie1981 yes, I completely get what you mean. I progressed (slowly) through hopelessness, which I still feel now and then (rarely), and then into immense anger, particularly with my ex. I wanted karmic retribution and revenge, you name it. The more I did therapy, watched content like this, purchased Dr Ramani’s audiobook, and ‘studied’ narcissism, I eventually started to a) accept it and b) see my ex (and former manager) for who they are and how they’re wired. My anger lessened over time and now I don’t give a shit about either. I decided that staying in anger because of them still meant they had the luxury of impacting my emotions and mental well-being and neither of them deserve that, they deserve nothing from me - f**k them. You were subjected to very insecure and toxic people who will NEVER evolve at any point. You can surpass them without looking back. Wishing all the best and focus on you and your passion/joy, you deserve a joyful, enriched, fulfilling life. ❤️

[@Bornintoclusterb]

Great topic and video per usual. This is a connection I have made recently and have been spreading the word since. My theory is bullies single out and target those of us who grew up in narcissistic family systems. Best part: “I already have my own difficult family, I don’t need another one of those.” 😆😆😆

[@jewelie1981]

I started joking about my job to friends after a couple months… “I thought it would be a great place to work because it seemed like such a nice family… and then I remembered I hate my family, sh!t.” Two years in I’m still there but working on a plan to get out.

[@kmk403]

Dr.Ramani you're timing is impeccable.

[@JanGroh]

Literal story of my life, until now. Now I'm seizing control back. Not gonna fall back into my pattern of over- helping everyone else, fawning and enabling.

[@KiltedDaddyBear]

Oh, yes indeed. In my own experience I would say the 'helping' professionals are especially modeled on the narcissist mindset. However, there are usually so many want-to-be center of attention (and authority) people - and way the games that are then played in those situations! But yes - it's just as dis-functional as any family so built. And - how I DON'T miss the experience of the 'helping profession'.

[@snowbear1877]

Most workplaces are like this. A happy workplace, like a happy family, is rare.

[@Melva-Tjong]

The issue is that toxic workplace appears everywhere now because of the narcissistic leaderships, they are everywhere nowadays. So you also don’t want to jump from the frying pan to the fire, only to know that you get to know new devils. The reality is we all need the job for our family, I have seen people stuck in toxic workplace for years 15-20 years, as if they are immune to it. For that reason I think each individual will need to consider their choice and whether it works for them, particularly to protect their sanity and emotional wellbeing.

[@999timepass]

Absolutely. I had to work 4 toxic workplace in a row until I reached a stage when I did not want to live.

[@milobar100]

Just to add to my comment from your other video "When the truth-teller grows up", I've actually just ended up in the most narcissistic workplace in the world, I reckon. The company is very well known, it's a worldwide corporation type of place and it just so happens that my department, the legal department, is narcissistic AF. I went through three-month-long recruitment for my position, including personality tests and 3 interviews with my two bosses and somehow, although I picked up very well on the 'big' boss's narcissistic traits, I was so thrilled that he considered me the best out of all the applicants that I completely disregarded my intuition and took the job. He was so good at 'playing' my ass that I took my guard down. He lied in the interview when I asked why this position was vacant because it's a good position and it was weird that someone just left it. He made me feel so comfy that I just disregarded everything I know. When I started, people started telling me all this stuff about him and how he runs the department and now I am stuck. I thanked the other company I was going to work for and took this position because I was the perfect narcissistic supply for this man and he made every effort to keep me and it worked. Unbelievable.

[@mariyapetrova3634]

Amazon?

[@TxHoneyBee]

I'm in this position right now. It will be 90 days working there on Monday, tomorrow, and I dream of just quitting on the spot with no notice. The president himself cusses, swears, and has emotional meltdowns weekly. He has done so many innappropriate things that I could write a book. I didn't pursue other better jobs because I got trapped here. I want out.

[@anniethenonnymouse]

Thank you for affirming my experience. I suffered a psychotic break after a year and a half at a narcissistic workplace. I appreciate the work you do to bring these experiences to light.

[@catherineromero1862]

💝

[@vtheb1299]

You literally described my work place. It's scary real. Thank you so much for making sense of it.

[@JHixon-bi8ok]

I’ve worked in jobs that would make good material for horror movies!! Yes, with “monster” bosses and slimey/poisonous co-workers. Think “Alien” meets “Anaconda” in a dystopian setting! I’m so glad I don’t work there now.

[@aldelgado9343]

Ive always had problems at work with colleages, they live in their own reality, Ive realize that i cannot change them, thats why i grey rock them and behave like i don't care and they leave me alone, "for a while" while they gain strenght to make me fell Bad about myself for doing something wrong, it's ongoing always

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

Yep, this is me having to leave my toxic work environment where I was harassed, bullied, gaslit and scapegoated, and also the pattern in my family, it’s nauseating. Learning to keep my boundaries and leave, saving myself for my own well being. Thank you 🙏

[@jojotheoj]

This is the one struggle that feels impossible to solve. Thank you Dr. R, you’re the antidote angel for the worst sort of suffering.

[@rebeccabiage6271]

"Please put a dollar value on your sanity!" Luv this one, Dr. Ramani! Over the years (in my experience), it's been true that the work environments that use the expression "We're a family here!" have turned out to be toxic with a narcissistic leadership team.

[@SoulSeeker2025]

I finally quit teaching after 25 years, the demeaning bullying from my "support coach" the admin, and a few teachers at the new school felt like I was being ripped to shreds by a wolf pack (no offense to wolves). Now Im scraping by😢 yet most of my 25 years at various schools, I realize, had narcs at the top, even some sociopaths. I had nightmares about that school for two years! When I left I had a chronic case of pneumonia, first in my life. It was literally killing me. The sad thing is, they are everywhere. Be watchful, cautious, and careful with interacting with anyone.

[@Joshdifferent]

The title 💯! I left my narcissist family system about 1 year and 8 months ago. Now I just found this job and it’s literally triggering me just like my family. My boss just fired me and then asked me to come back because he was disrespectful and I called him out. Subconsciously when I was walking home I was like “this feels like when I was back home”(living in my narcissist family unit).

[@stephanie3848]

For me, I was stuck at a school where I was being bullied every day for a long time, and then in my 20s and early 30s fell into narc workplaces. Maybe not as damaging as a narc family, but I think the early experiences with being stuck in an abusive environment made the thought of leaving the s**y workplaces just something I didn't even think of.

[@nunyabidnis3815]

Excellent discussion! It's common to hear a workplace offering, "family," (usually in place of benefits/pay/conditions). This feels like (but not limited to) a mix of glib 'lovebombing', an obligation to say you/they, "care," (even on social media and in meetings) and a leadership style that reflects, "because I'm the parent, that's why!" Never accept that managers _need_ to see their workers as something like petulant/ungrateful fostered children _demanding_ allowance, when management could _instead_ function as peers with the authority to secure safe/best business practices for _all_ involved. A family that has children to exploit and command, and not enable to grow and develop their life skills and future, isn't a family; it's a dictatorship. In conditions like that, the 'kids' will likely need to band together to survive the overbearing/manipulative dynamics and stay sane/safe (and should likewise strongly consider unionizing in response to secure at least these protections, if you can't leave outright.) We already labor to (in part) earn them their wages through our work, we can't _also_ enable their worst traits at our expense. Allowing them to expect that from a work force harms everyone.

[@Tako-6478]

Unfortunately it’s almost the way the system is set up (in capitalism). Literally money is higher up the chain than humanity and humans.

[@Sonia-gz4km]

Thank you Dr Ramani. It's like you've read my mind here! Difficult when I have chosen to apply for a new job in the same company. If it backfires, and I don't get the job, I risk the endless wrath and punishment of my narcissistic boss. He is everything you describe here. I am the truth teller in this situation, but I used to be the golden child in my family system, until I learnt more about narcissism from your videos, and called out my toxic parent. I have been estranged ever since, and I can say it is honestly the heathiest thing I have ever done for myself. The sad thing is, there seems to be no escape from these narcissistic systems. Had a massive clear-out of toxic people in my life, but it seems like the floodgates have been let open again!

[@jewelie1981]

Same here. I made a decision to break ties with my narcissistically abusive mother several years ago. I did the same with my grandmother once I came to terms with her nearly identical behavior patterns a few years back. Then my covert narcissist husband walked out, which also means all the covert narcissistic behavior from his family went with him. That eliminated the biggest narcissistic abusers in my life. And then I applied for this job out of desperation for a job when covid hit and my old job became unsafe from a people working on top of each other perspective. And within a few months I realized I was working with my mom and essentially my grandmother as well in the form of a coworker and manager. The WTF hopelessness of it drove me to a place I never want to be again, and the main reason I push myself hard to find little bits of joy outside of work is simply out of my spite for my abusers. I can’t let them win so I keep going. But it makes me fear people, fear finding a new job, fear that I’ll never get the F away from my original abusers because it seems like they’re everywhere, haunting my everyday life.

[@mandywindwalker6207]

@@jewelie1981 So true

[@diddles100]

Just left one of these environments, and I'm soo much happier.

[@GLesbihonest]

Yes yes yes!!!!!! OMG!!! PLEASE SOMEONE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS NARCISSISTIC PANDEMIC! These people are draining.

[@lauragadille3384]

They sure are. I had to leave my in home health care job because of a narcissistic co worker and manager. I missed my patients the most but didn't miss the stress from the job.

[@annmariemcconnachie2944]

Make you doubt your own reality, whilst they treat you how they like, in a disrespectful manner.

[@laurenlilly100]

Yes and they love gaslighting you a lot it’s unbearable. Thank God I left.

[@StoneKnight1]

As late bloomer, i got hit both with family and workplace. Rough.

[@Leamcr7]

I remember clear as day my boss calling me and saying "look, the other coworker, Jane, she's doing sooo much better than you, she really could steal your place someday ;)" and I just replied" well, that's good for her, if she is much better than I am, she belongs into my place after all". Nope, he didn't get me to resent her, I don't play those games. At this point I had handed in my two weeks internally. Incredible. The constant misunderstanding and twisting what I said or meant... So sick an tired.

[@switchbackimage5966]

Worst, guilt trips of keeping family together is always 1st.

[@user-vk3xc8qs8n]

Definitely. By the time I hit a very toxic workplace, I still had an education plan in place to bring up my skills and make myself more marketable. The very toxic workplace was really behind the times even for their industry. The first leader ran things like a fraternity club (meaning it was always about the guys). The family narcissistic patterns were definitely prevalent with the 2nd leader. I am so glad I left when I did. Things became increasingly chaotic as the 2nd leader started to take over from the 1st leader.

[@blueberryney]

I just got out of a workplace like this last month, and so glad because the way they handled my last few days just proved what I thought

[@rikadew]

Same!!! They were definitely covertly bullying me and I quit 4 days later. I was not going to tolerate that treatment from them

[@makaylahollywood3677]

I worked one school so dysfunctional, narcs, bullies cruelty - I left...just like home. Still struggle with how I helped so many growing up- stood up to wrongs. But, then nobody stood up for me, nobody helped nor offered, (accept mom- abused by father, both gone). Working on myself- accepting how it turned out...unable to call family as I used to. Question myself. They aren't going to own up to it. It's all a bit blurred, not a typical path. Fifty years helping, fix, rescue or let it slide..until i'm sliding downhill. On the alone path- no backup..but, it's getting better every day;)

[@brg2743]

It takes time, but you did your part. Narcs are idiots and hurt everyone. Hold your head high knowing how many you helped with your talents. God saw your efforts and your mistreatment. They will answer to Him one day. Dumb clucks anyhow. You won by putting that place behind you. Thanks for your service too.

[@-cMc-]

Sometimes we have to save ourselves. There is no meditation no self motivation no book out there that will save you from the stress and strain if you stay in a toxic workplace. You can never heal in an environment that makes you sick. Stress does kill.

[@amitaagrawal3724]

I grew up in a narcissistic family business. It took me 38 years to get out. The financial trap and scapegoating, the public humiliation and gossip.... it was horrible and I worked since I was 5. Golden Child sister has taken over the business and mother supported her to kick me out. They have had staff call me to convince me to kill myself and then denied it. My father is diagnosed malignant narc. I hugely suspect that my mother is the central abuser as a vulnerable narcissist, and my sister is a communal narcissist. I cannot describe how painful it was for me to listen to this video. There was no separation of family and business in my family and there still isn't. Thank u for this video. I'll be watching it on repeat to let it absorb.

[@notsheepish8304]

I work in healthcare and have found many narcissists working in this field. I attract them like flies. Funny how I've played many roles including the scapegoat, the fixer and finally the truthteller.

[@trishwoottenchhc7042]

They're worse, as they demolish someone's career and personal integrity on a massive scale with endless repercussions

[@Sarah-pj4vo]

My working life has been riddled with dysfunctional workplaces (be they small and unknown, or big and established employers)....and even after recognising the cycle for what it is....it has impacted me and every other part of my life! So much for the career I'm still trying to build...😔even with all the experience I have gathered and developed in the last decade!

[@_helmi]

Started seeing that I was abused since the day I was born in my childhood home right up to 2020 when I broke into pieces at my workplace. Now in 2022, I’m still picking up whatever pieces that I could salvaged to form the human person that I never did become - I was a shell of the insecurities of the people that I came into contact.

[@Vercanya]

What you're describing is 100% how it went in my previous job. Before I left, I hated seeing some colleagues looking for approval from the narcissistic boss (totally blind to his toxicity). They even gave the excuse "Well he hasn't treated me badly so I don't see why I shouldn't keep interacting with him". Of course he doesn't treat you badly, you do everything he wants you to do!

[@anl1456]

Families, work places, class rooms, sports teams, or any group of people. Even countries.

[@alexas.5287]

Having a narcissistic family made it easy to spot my manager was on the narcissistic spectrum. Triangulation (telling one coworker information while hiding it from others), gaslighting, talking in circles to hide their lies, verbal abuse followed up with love bombing, and other forms of manipulation were the norm. Unfortunately, I resumed my role of scapegoat/truth teller, so I was at the bottom of the totem pole. I always called out the manager's lies and issues and got the brunt of their nasty behavior. The sad thing is that the narcissism extended all the way to the top, too. People throughout the company were regularly denied raises and promotions, and no one EVER told the truth. You know what they say: birds of a feather flock together! Where there's one narcissist in a workplace, there's probably another... and another... you get the picture.

[@StaceyWhiteSolutions]

I had the misfortune of having three narcs in a row as managers/supervisors. With #1 I didn’t know they were a narc. I simply thought they were a jerk. While working for #2 I learned about narcissism (thank you Dr Ramani) and how to protect myself. When #2 left the company I thought hallelujah. But no, the next person chose to continue the abuse. I found a new position. Fingers crossed that the cycle ends in the new position. Since I work in a support role to senior executives I suspect that narcissistic manager/supervisors are common.

[@amrutha6932]

I'm afraid I'm all on my own now...but that's also a good thing that I'm strengthening myself more....thanks for uploading these videos..💖💜❣

[@Leoo117]

So true! I've learned a while back that a boss is no different than a parent. Really cool that you decided to covered this. Effective parenting is being an effective and good and patient and loving leader. Most people in higher leadership positions have absolutely no clue what to look for when it comes to hiring a good, genuine and humble employee, so they are so easily fooled by those who "sound smart", but have no real substance behind their words, and who's actions never match their words. So they often hire and give raises to those who talk a big game, but do nothing to earn it. Degrees means they have been taught certain things in school, but it does absolutely nothing for their leadership qualities, unless they go out of their way to learn and actually apply ways to be a more loving and genuine person, which most just won't do.

[@UnveiledAngel]

I realized it about both my family and workplace when I started reading about narcissism and gaslighting because of a close but narcissistic friend. But I have bills to pay and cats to feed, so I've just stuck around despite the way its worsened my already struggling mental health.

[@jewelie1981]

I totally understand that… my kitties are my kids and with how intensely bad it got for me mentally, the only thing that kept me from hurting myself was bc I couldn’t do that to my cats. Currently my feelings have shifted from that hopelessness to spiting the abusers by finding enjoyment anywhere I can. It’s just little steps for me until I get a new job, but it’s something.

[@yanm8633]

With all due respect Doctor Ramani, you're beautiful.

[@jasongrice5465]

We have to become aware of the roles we were groomed for in our own narcissistic family dynamics and not play into those roles when we are out and about anywhere in the world. Learn how to respond and not react to narcissistic abuse. Love your content dr Ramani, thanks again.

[@thereisnoninadria]

Oof! That’s hitting very close to home right now. My manager has only been in his position for 7 months and our entire clinic is in chaos. I’ve been in my position in this clinic for 15 years and I haven’t seen and experienced this much stress at work for a very long time. My manager demonstrates vulnerable narcissist tendencies. He has his golden child, a few regular scapegoats, and a few nauseating flying monkeys. I was a scapegoat/fixer/truth teller in my family with my mother who is a demonstrates vulnerable and malignant narcissist tendencies, and I have found myself in those roles now at work. At the current rate of conflict between my manager and almost everyone else, I don’t know how much longer he will last. I’m hoping it’s not much longer. I’m glad you clarified that an exit plan can be years in the making. I have been working on my education and plan to leave eventually, but I have a good relationship with one of the doctors I work for and planned (prior to my current manager’s arrival) to leave after his retirement. I’m hoping that can continue to be my plan, but I don’t know now. I feel that my loyalty to my doctor friend is keeping me in an ugly situation, but I still feel that leaving him now in the sunset of his career is not something he deserves. I don’t pretend that I am more than just a steady, reliable person that he works with, but in a sea of chaos having someone steady can help a lot. He helps me and I help him.

[@skelatonman]

Every toxic job I left, I never gave them 2 weeks notice. EFF them! The morning after is pure euphoria and bliss! DO IT!!!!

[@smoothiecutie2277]

Good!!!!

[@scientist3149]

I worked in one hospital as a pharmacist: and for most of that time it was a toxic work environment . The nice bosses that I had that were aware of the unnecessary stress that the chief of the service caused tried to tolerate it for as long as possible. But eventually they moved on because of the chief who was basically a ruthless , jealous woman who would decide within the first 5 minutes of meeting you whether she would treat you well or not. She was a shark 🦈. I didn’t want to leave the job b cause my colleagues were great mostly and the benefits were fantastic. So I stuck it out 35 years then retired. And the Chief? She got caught in sone type of illegal mess and was forced to resign. Karma!

[@elanahammer1076]

Dr. Ramani, Oh yeah and that is exactly one of the reasons if I see too much of it in a workplace. I move on regardless of consequences or cyberstalking. It’s so sick and pervasive in society. Thank you 🤔❤🇺🇸

[@candacewenzelmann4006]

Thanks so much Dr Ramani for a truly awesome parallel between family and workplace dynamics. You’re a real gem! Thanks for all that you do.💛😄

[@jeahluna2385]

I only talked with my siblings who are dear to me and treated me with respect as a grown adult, I don’t talk to my dad and other siblings , they will be with me for a long time but having my “boundaries” in breakable when it comes to them made my life happier. This is true I’ve been in workplaces where there’s this kind of mess w/c I already know it’s narcissism I’m dealing with. I’ve never miss those places I would do an exit plan and just move on. Life is so much better now. Pls do yourself a favor “save money” so you can leave eventually and maintain good boundaries on family members who are difficult to be with. Love yourself in a way you have this shield wherever you go.

[@jackedkerouac4414]

They act like jerks, you say something, now you're the a-hole. So glad I resigned and went after my dream of being my own boss.

[@dustinadkins6994]

All the large companies thrive from traumatized employees. They make you feel like this is the best you could ever have and if you don’t like it “McDonald’s is always hiring”.