WATCH OUT! Or a narcissist might DESTROY your career...

[@n0thanku]

“Narcissists are not team players unless someone is watching” !!!!!!!!!!!

[@kristinanderson1983]

Absolutely. Narcissists will never win, especially if they are sloppy.

[@gatoskylo5]

Yes...and if there is someone watching they will still try to put you down...crossing any possible limit

[@n0thanku]

@@gatoskylo5 💯

[@kristinanderson1983]

@@gatoskylo5 ...true, but it won't be as obvious. Keep reminding yourself that YOU have power too. YOU have recourse. Get organized, get mad, and know your rights. Then approach upper management/whoever is watching and make your case. Don't ever let the narcissist take your power, that's what he or she wants because they are deeply terrified and threatened by YOU.

[@gatoskylo5]

@@kristinanderson1983 Thanks...at this point I just try to use grey rock responding, as she has already made a case against me in upper management, making use of a steep response of mine to her escalating crossing-boundaries behavior. Although I try to see both sides, I believe that she was deeply afraid that I wasn't satisfied with her productivity and behavior in the workplace (frankly I was not) and it was a way for her, as my direct report, to try and minimize my contribution to her future evaluation (we go through evaluation procedures top-down every year). These people are very manipulative and aggressive.

[@drawingout.net-vmcg]

Put it this,way, the employee who leaves is NEVER the narcissist!

[@999timepass]

Or let go

[@allkindsamusicchick]

No, but they are the most....depleted...because...not only have they had to put up with that nonsense...but now...they need to try and gather some energy to look for and secure yet...another job.

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

It sometimes is, however, not by a long shot as Much/ Quickly as should happen. Heard from my old job place that 2 narcs left, as they were (Finallly, after years of abuse + mismanagment !) threatened to let go of... And probably only bc they pissed off some bigger narc on top of the organisation... not bc they mistreated their co-workers

[@raven4090]

My son was in a toxic workplace. Fortunately, the owner of the place noticed how the management treated him. She moved him to another location. Then she noticed a lot of other employees came and quit in quick succession. She fired the management members. They were all related. She hired all new ones. I wish all bosses were like her.

[@JahBreed]

If they are powerful enough, it can feel like a movie. It will drive you insane for the sheer unbelievability of the evident network of bad actors who gladly participate for a chance to bask in the Narcissists greatness. It's real, Folks.

[@blackdonaldtrump3869]

Wow. This is happening to me with my own parents.

[@thesaltysorbet]

So true! My story feels like a dramatic dark comedy and suspense thriller. It’s so unbelievable but true.

[@thesaltysorbet]

The talent drain is something the narc refuses to believe. We lost incredible people bc of his Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde behavior.

[@JahBreed]

@@blackdonaldtrump3869 Bro. It's a disease. I used to wonder why I recognized the same patterns of behaviour among drug addicts as I did in upper management after fighting my way up and in. It's hard to get your head around. You're dealing with a person who isn't in control of themselves and by virtue of that injury, won't try because they aren't equipped to understand that their conduct is harmful. (How can it be? It serves their interests!) It's a mindfxxk. Like a Shark or a Bear. You can't trust people like these.

[@JahBreed]

@@thesaltysorbet The Talent drain. Technology improved, profits shrank. Narcs needed to make up the difference.. Build consortiums of subpar contractors to cycle through in order to pull as much money as required from the system. It's a big reason why we have no money and why noone with a soul wants to work. It's good science used to nefarious means and all justifiable for one reason.

[@beckyjake123]

“Psychological bruises that no one can see”. I can relate. 😩

[@catherinepraus8635]

If you had broken arm blee

[@catherinepraus8635]

Opp they'd run to your side but they don't that philosophical torture and tell you it's not that bad it hurts even more

[@malwads1836]

As unpleasant as psychological bruises are...They heal over ⌚ especially with some care.Even if it's rough at the office sometimes...It's really important to have at least someone in your personal life to help those bruises,scrapes,& scratches heal.Healthy nontoxic people that you're close to are kinda like nurses in a odd way...They tend to help things heal.Best wishes with your healing🕊️.

[@chipchippie]

@@malwads1836 correct once my own bruises have faded I'm trying to become that healthy non-toxic person people flock to to get a job done. That's actually what I was part of when I was working jobs where everything went good and the team was successful. It's great to look forward to going to work.

[@Michibella-art]

It’s not fair 😢 - psychological bruise could last years

[@rebeccalucas6063]

I've left jobs where I was gradually left with toxic coworkers and bosses.

[@RonSafreed]

My youth employment in my twenties was hindered by narcissistic bosses & employees!!

[@daniellee1722]

Ultimately I'm thankful to all the narcissists in the workplace. The last one who triangulated with my boss especially. You catapulted me to where I am now. Now I found my passion and I work alone. Never been happier

[@tiviyakumar8923]

This gives me hope. I have begun work on my passion and cannot wait for the experiences in this journey.

[@Partycitybaex]

Same here!! I wish you the best❤

[@prettynena3102]

I’m living a hell at work and my dream is never have to depend of a place for living .. these ppl is destroying my reputation just for pure jealousy and evil!

[@rw8303]

Absolutely spot on. I was in a management role who had a narc employee. As much as I tried, documented, HR and other higher-ups refused to let this employee go. Even after following all the discipline protocol, numerous documentation from other employees explaining the detrimental behavior of this employee. They still refused to get rid of this person. Their refusal enabled and empowered this narc to continue her reign of destruction. Once I finally realized after many years in this role that they were going to continue to coddle, cajole and placate this person, I started my job hunt. I got out, to a wonderful role less stressful. Needless to say this person is still there causing havoc and talent drain. I don't hold out much hope that they'll come to their senses, but at least I did and am free.

[@constancedenchy9801]

THEY not only destroy your career but your social life and family life ( where they screamed at you to just take responsibility for being a failure). My dream job turned into the greatest nightmare or my life...nothing prepared me for the swear campaigns, the gaslighting, the knives in my back, and black balling that occured.

[@annev2323]

I can totally relate to this. In my former job, I had real difficulty working with my newly promoted manager. Before she became my supervisor, I had stellar reviews, got along great with everyone, received promotions and great raises. After her promotion, it spiraled into her micromanaging everything I did and having weekly meetings about how I wasn't measuring up. I tried working it out with her directly, then I spoke with my former supervisor to ask for help, and eventually went to HR (this took place over the course of a year) which backfired. We ended up having a conference call about my going to HR, and I felt ganged up on. After that phone call things got worse, & my health (physical & mental) began to suffer. I didn't want to leave since I've worked there for 10 years, but I couldn't take it anymore. Eventually I found a better job opportunity. At least 6 more people left after I did because of this manager

[@bigt6928]

❤

[@wollypollywakadoodle]

But why are we feeling forced out of our job we worked hard for? I was raised by parents who were abusers & would beat you or worse if you failed. That was “bad” for THEIR reputation. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Anyways, my goal was to work fir a company till I retired, being an asset that trains people to be their very best, in a compassionate way. What upsets me the most, is the fact that wether it’s 1yr-10-30yrs in a company… why should the good workers like ourselves, like you said: fantastic reviews, accolades, promotions, and in my case, enabling others to shine & succeed in their strengths and manage their weaknesses are driven tearfully insane, until we’re desperate and finally quit or transfer. Here’s an example of my mgmt strategy- I believe happy & nurtured employees, provide better results & have a better work ethic. For example I had a cashier w severe anxiety of using a PA system-she has an accent & isn’t yet confident in her English. I remember being 19 in Fla fresh off the plane. Therefore I encouraged her to simply press the button. If I heard that, I knew she needed me. The new Store director “doesn’t like unnecessary noise. So she had her assistant turn down the system. Now NO ONE can hear anyone page. Customers calling to place in orders aren’t answered, etc) She blames me-despite my shyness & nearly crippling anxiety of my stuttering in my youth, I speak to barely anyone-yet she says “you’re too hyper & you need to chill! You’re like an angry tiger, always (she mocked me and acted out some ridiculous looking pouncing effects-growl & all) every time anyone talks to you”… uhhh who’s talking to me? When? What? I was left confused. She switch me to overnight. So I could be “out of her hair bc I drive her nuts.” According to a colleague who advised “record her next time, she can’t just change your availability or accuse you of being mentally unstable. She’s probably still mad that you found out someone was stealing when you did the books. This will pass, just do as she says”. But it doesn’t pass. You just end up fired-illegally but you can’t prove it was illegal. I worked at another supermarket for 8 yrs… 8! Apparently a cashier from 8yrs prior, slept her way into HR mgmt & ended up married to the then, store director. Who allowed her back into our store. Well apparently when her husband hired me back then, he had a crush on me. Something I never knew. Something a close friend of hers told my mngr when I had my last write up. And she held on for 8 yrs working at different stores till he left ours & she came back, as head of HR! Wrote me up 3 times for things that aren’t offenses 1-spraying sanitizer on a friend of hers during covid… I guarantee you, back then I was afraid of Covid, I wouldn’t get that close to any soul as to be spraying anything near anyone! 2-being hugged in the parking lot as I approached my car. 3-disrespecting the seafood mngr -who got promoted after using the N word to the produce mngr- to non other than her husband’s store. She STILL working for the company. Still destroying other lives. And many, including customers ask “what ever happened at X store? The service used to be so good! Now I don’t shop there. It’s awful”… yeah. I know this is long, but if you took the time to read it, help us understand why, why are us good employees having to bounce from one job to the next, never building up to a pension or retirement bc 3 yrs in, someone forces you out? Why do these companies not enforce the US law of the whistleblower act? Why are these companies getting away with never holding narcissists and abusers accountable? FIRE THEM! Use the camera footage! Monitor them! But let’s face it, all that will lead to is narcissists being in charge of monitoring & getting rid of the good people. It’ll never end. So how do we… find jobs we can survive in? And how are we supposed to raise children & grandchildren to not fall victim of narcissistic abuse?

[@ntsatori]

this is literally what happened to me at my bank job which I loved and was excellent at. the new supervisor was the reason I was treated like a liar and I almost went through exactly the same thing you have, including several people leaving and getting fired after I left, too.

[@annev2323]

@@ntsatori I just don't understand why corporations keep bad employees & don't have the backs of good employees. My new job is much less stressful and I'm making much more money. The bad supervisor is still employed at my old job, and former coworkers have told me that once someone leaves, she finds someone else to pick on. It's awful what they allow to go on, but I'm in a better place now. I hope you are too.

[@carolynwilson7736]

@@annev2323there is always someone they need to focus on. It’s strange

[@Bornintoclusterb]

More likely to be sued by the narcissists than the targets of abuse - this is why leadership teams don’t bring consequences onto workplace bullies. Having dealt with this many times myself, the target is pushed out and their reputation is harmed resulting in cPTSD, while the bully gets promoted. Rinse repeat.

[@user-wi9hv2pb2q]

Yes! Remember: HR, EEO etc is only to protect against lawsuits. Often that means following the blatantly false narc in destroying the victim because the other person is nice, law abiding, and won't sue.

[@emlevitanful]

I just left a job I really liked because a narcissistic sales person came on board. I was targeted, bullied, harassed, and baited for 6 months. The owners enables him because he was a big seller. Over time, my emotions tanked. I got increasingly anxious and depressed. Everything you say is true. One day, after a particularly egregious episode, I snapped and quit. I have since learned that he had wreaked the same havoc at his last job.

[@danlee4706]

The toxic work environment zaps your ambition and hopes. If you are a popular, ethical, and hard worker, then you became a target for a manipulator who sees you as a threat. Working on your own bypasses this dilemma and your ambition, ethics, and hard work become your assets. It's that simple! I have had many jobs and twice worked for myself. I know this from experience

[@annastone5624]

I totally agree.. working for oneself you have some hope of SAFETY and career progress.. once your immediate environment is safe - you have some hope of navigating the narcissists in industry in general.

[@user-wi9hv2pb2q]

Yes, people who base their careers on actual accomplishment and hard work are huge targets. I recently had a meeting about how managers are 'small minded people that focus on tasks and rules' and leaders inspire. Read between the lines here - it"s not enough that the workplace narcs and other garbage leave their coworkers to do all the work - now we are bad people who are 'small minded' because we're doing their work for them. Their laziness and abuse is 'inspiring leadership.' This is how societies crumble.

[@deirdreboyd1202]

I went through this with a couple of narcissists - but more painful than their abuse was the betrayals by the 'flying monkeys' or apaths who were gaslighted and/or chose to believe the gaslighters because they thought they would get greater benefit from them. Thank goodness for those who did reach out.

[@XDominiqueXFranconX]

YES! This happened to me. The narcissists were so terrible that I stopped caring what they thought of me altogether. But even three years out of that job (narc caused me to lose job), the thought of the flying monkeys or people who believed the narc’s lies is much more painful. One flying monkey saw the light and apologized after the fact, but nobody else did that.

[@bigt6928]

True- the flying monkeys hurt too.

[@Hewi_G]

​@@bigt6928worst

[@Pfsif]

Narc's can also make phone calls to your employer because they are " concerned" about your____________ problem. One week you're accepted as part of the team, next no one will talk to you, later you are laid off.

[@Phoenix_74]

Ohhhh so you've met Vaughan then??!!☝🏻😂😂😂

[@Hewi_G]

Fuck I thought this happened to me only 😂.

[@repollorepolloymasrepollo1821]

How do you deal with this? I am losing jobs because of my narc family and I suspect this is what they are doing

[@racebannon96]

I went through it too. I survived but there was a 5 month investigation that was ugly. There was still suspicion on me even when I was cleared.

[@lenaburkett4444]

I've been through this, including the documentation and so many meetings. I was being targeted by three narcissists at once. In the end, I got an apology from the administration, and the company that ran the management (different from the primary organization - the one I worked for and graduated from by the way) lost their multi-million dollar contract the next year. I nearly died, and at one point they were literally pushing me to do so by my own hand. It was so awful that I am not sure I can even go back to a reglar job. It highlighted a pattern for me that exists almost everywhere in our culture. For someone who also was raised by two narcissists and has legit emotional and mental issues stemming from that, I cannot afford to put myself at risk like that again. It's not easy being self-employed but I don't wake up every day wanting to die anymore.

[@Amelia-h6m8m]

Prayer's ❤. God will handle everything and you will be blessed ten fold I promise, that's how good God is ❤.

[@Refundplease-Ihavetherec-gb2hj]

@@Amelia-h6m8m. Chiming in to claim this prayer. Cod bless you.

[@sototallyover2359]

I went to HR and got fired then run out of town and stalked. When you go to HR its probably just "the tip of the iceburg". Never go to HR thinking that they are gonna do the right thing.

[@Hewi_G]

Worst place to go to seek solution about narcissist

[@sototallyover2359]

@@Hewi_G For sure. At that time, I didn't know what a narcissist was. A lot of normal people will tell you to go to HR. There is no good advice when dealing with a narcissist. esp. if you don't know what one is.

[@jennysedgley8284]

I had an ambitious, narcissistic boss try to destroy my career. Worst experience of my life. I have not really felt safe at work since.

[@wwrafting]

The danger goes beyond psychological. The necessaity of being away from this toxicity can indeed have literally deadly consquences. (not only a question of career).

[@erniefedorowych5955]

Yes, the increased toxic stress will cause an unhealthy increase in cortisol which over a long period of time can irritate the endothelial lining in the heart arteries resulting in lesions which will trigger plaque build-up, atherosclerosis and an eventual myocardial infarction or heart attack.

[@odettegreen1539]

Yes! Yes! Yes! And eventually the company closed or merged or sold out.

[@pd4887]

Totally described the narc in my office. She is an employee but acts like a boss to us. She was particularly mean to me and tried to get me fired numerous times, turns out she was threatened by me and thought I was her competition, turns out she is just envious and insecure. But it doesn’t help me cause she lies and makes up stories to make me look bad to bosses. So I have to be vigilant at all times. It was extremely stressful when I didn’t understand what was happening, once all symptoms matched to her being a pathetic narc, I used Dr Ramani’s advise to not engage, not defend and not explain. It worked, she can rage and be verbally abusive to me, and lie, I don’t react and she looks crazy and I’m the reasonable one now, but I make sure to provide receipts the bosses without her knowing. There ya go, I win this time hehe, not sure for the other times though.

[@malwads1836]

Narcs will inevitably hang themselves if you just give them a bunch of slack...The 🎭 always ends up slipping eventually🙄.The less supply you give them...the less emotionally regulated they become & their behavior 👀 more and more nutty.What I've noticed is that healthy nontoxic people don't like them after not too long...It's just other dysfunctional people that'll hang around them long-term.I remember a study actually showed among college students with a fellow highly narcissistic student...Within 3 weeks they didn't consider them to be very trustworthy & after about 3½ months the relationship with the highly narcissistic students deteriorated significantly.I personally 👀 this same type of pattern play out with my narc parent as well.

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

This happened to me as a new employee. I felt powerless to stand up for myself against the abuse because I was a new hire and didn't want others to view me as a troublemaker. Good News, someone was looking out for me and moved me to another department away from the narc. It was a lifesaver, and I thanked that individual immensely. She saved my sanity and career.

[@user-wi9hv2pb2q]

I make up insecurities qnd focuses for my coworker narc so she is more likely to insult me on things I don't care about.

[@rachelshaw____]

I went through the same thing. The woman was an employee, one rank lower than a manager…but she bossed around others as if she was a manager. She was a new transfer. I was returning from maternity leave just after she transferred, and my getting promoted and training for management was already planned. The woman very badly wanted to be promoted into management. I wasn’t the only person who was being trained for management, but I was the only one who had not transferred in. So, the woman picked on me, told nonsensical lies to my new bosses who had just transferred. It was mentally and physically taxing. I got written up and demoted. The woman really set me up. Some time went by. The woman’s tactics were discovered as she went on to do the same things to other employees who had already received their training. She also held the attitude she didn’t have to do even the bare minimum of her duties and it was up to others to do her especially important work for her. The upper management realized what was going on. Our department manager no longer supported her in her quest for promotion into management. The department manager was transferred to what was basically taking a demotion and deep cut in pay. Although things began to return to normal, and I was re-promoted from the demotion, it was still miserable working with my coworkers in that department. It had been tarnished by one toxic person and there was so much infighting. Granted, the department manager deserves blame for just not paying attention. Although I was expected to continue on towards continued success and promotions, I couldn’t go on working with the same people. Eventually my coworkers became better towards me, but not until after I transferred to a different department, but would still spend days working in my original department. I became a very valued multi department employee. As far as continuing to further my career with promotions, I eventually couldn’t do it. I became very sick from black mold inside my building. As far as the woman…she had lost her good reputation and all clout with management, customers, and fellow coworkers. She found herself having to be micromanaged while others were being trained to do the things for which she had been the only one responsible. She put in for a transfer, hoping for a new start. She was very personally attached to our department manager, but the dep’t manager didn’t want to work with the woman any longer. She was in the process of being granted a transfer back to her old location, but before she transferred, she decided to quit. She told me she and her husband were going to adopt children and she was going to be a stay at home mom. While we worked together, she was trying to get pregnant and eventually discovered she couldn’t. She resented me for just coming back from maternity leave and having a gorgeous newborn (and a two year old). Adoption isn’t a quick process. I don’t think it’s why she abruptly quit.

[@mjmooney6530]

Spot on! Been through this in nearly every job I have had over the past 30 years. Left a few jobs early on, but was able to get rid of a few of the narcissists because I swore to my colleagues it would end with me (I would be the last person the narcissist went after). I took that on because both of my parents are narcissists, and I will not put up with it in my workplace for 40 plus hours per week. We have enough stress due to the nature of the work let alone having to walk on eggshells. Our internalized stress leads to early death.

[@malwads1836]

1 of the weird 🎁s narc parents can potentially give you is a very low toxic 💩 tolerance🤔.It can make you a LOT faster to 🚶‍♀️ away from toxic people/situations than the average person.It can be downright amazing in a horrible way whenever you 👀 other people accommodate/cater to these screwballs...On the ➕ side they can make good decoys while you quietly slip out the back 🚪 because you know better🤗.

[@jmfs3497]

Other than leaving a job, how did you address creating an end to the narcissist's workplace behavior? Were these folks in positions of authority over you? I ask because I have been Grey Rocking a Narcissist/OCPD manager and I am having difficulty getting another job at my age.

[@mjmooney6530]

@@jmfs3497 I was working on a very high visibility project for our Director that had been botched when it was initially rolled out. I went to his office and asked him how important it was to him that I stay and complete it. He asked me, “That bad?” My reply was, “Yes, that bad.” He said he would ask his right hand. My reply was that the right hand was in on it as well as my immediate supervisor, hence coming to him directly. The supervisor “retired” and the right hand between the Director and supervisor was moved to have no direct reports as the right hand tried to sabotage another co-worker’s promotion to a different department. The truth has set me free more than once in my career. There is one good thing that my narcissistic parents taught me…never lie (when they twisted the truth constantly).

[@mjmooney6530]

@@malwads1836 I had a VP of my business unit apologize to me for not doing something about a toxic supervisor earlier. I wasn’t the only person that the bully had gone after, but it ended with me. Management by intimidation is not the way to get people to do their job.

[@malwads1836]

@@jmfs3497 In my case my experience lies with dealing with a full-blown narc father...Grey rock is generally the best bet because you don't want to give them supply,they tend to lose interest in bugging you if you get really good at maintaining the Grey rock method over the long-term.From what I've observed they seem to be like a parasite because they have to have a host to feed off of emotionally.They tend to eventually move onto another 🎯 that will feed them.These people are rough to deal with though because once you go Grey-rock on them they'll notice it & they're probably going to try to come at you with a lot of nasty behaviors to attempt to get you to react to them & give them supply...It can take a little while before they finally lose interest & start bothering someone else and it's a rough period of ⌚.Best of luck because you'll definitely need it along with all of your strength.

[@andromeda30]

I worked in two such places where I was harassed and slandered by colleagues. It was hell and now my reputation is ruined.

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

I feel getting into it a first time badly, sets you up to get into being the target again, in another workplace: You have less energy to fight back - and the hope to look for allies/ expect decent boundaries has diminished (from the first round of abuse). Narc predators seem to look for an easier target, & as you are more tired/ put up less of a fight, they come at you quicker...

[@Andromeda_M31]

I have heard "toughen up" whenever I complained, even with sexual harassment.

[@RonSafreed]

You mean they got away with sexual harassments on the job??

[@mapleleaf902]

I left, there was no chance of change. I have never looked back.

[@smoothiecutie2277]

Same.

[@portiafernandez849]

I can relate to this. I was intentionally isolated with the bunch of enablers. But i cant just quit i have to pay the bill. it.took me 7 yrs before i decide to leave the job. I realized that i was strong to overcome the triangulation, gaslighting, rage and so on.. now its been 3yrs since i left the them. 3 years of healing and peace.

[@anikatabassum319]

Me too. Isolated by the narcs and enablers!!

[@Hewi_G]

I don't even have the chances of getting another peaceful job but I still won't play in that unhealthy game anymore. Once I see the narcissist game arising I'm out.

[@dianewhalen9721]

I was recently fired and broadsided at work.I went into a meeting prepared to plead my case in a toxic work environment.When I went into the meeting they terminated me with no notice.I went into shock and took two months to recover.I was dumbstruck they were not interested in a healthy work place!

[@palesasepanya241]

So sorry for what happened to you!

[@BobTheSchipperke]

Narcissists destroy EVERYTHING that perceive as a threat. Your connections to other family, everything.

[@willowwillis7374]

As much as narcissism is enabled, they must not want good people there

[@stacyharvey1383]

OMG...I am going through this right now! It is a government job and I have been trying to stay because of the good pay and benefits, but after 3 years my mental and physical health are suffering. I already have depression, which has been exacerbated because of this person; now I am having physical symptoms like anxiety attacks (never had one before now in my life), terrible insomnia, teeth grinding (had to have a root canal because I actually cracked the roots of a tooth), and breaking out in what I call 'stress rashes' on my face. At one point, I was doubting my own sanity and professional abilities. Of course, any time I have tried to seek some sort of resolution it becomes my word against hers, and her bosses expect an *abundance* of documentation, i.e. proof, that she easily refutes because she has them convinced that I am the problem. Almost all the good workers have left or are planning to leave.

[@mapleleaf902]

Sometimes one has to choose health over pay. Pls don't let a job that may eventually kill you due to health.

[@stacyharvey1383]

@@mapleleaf902 Thanks! I do have an escape plan, and it will be sooner rather than later.

[@mjmooney6530]

Did you ask for a transfer? The bosses should be investigating her, not you. Remind them that 75% of people who leave actually leave due to bad management, not because of the job itself.

[@stacyharvey1383]

@@mjmooney6530 Unfortunately, there is no place to transfer to.

[@malwads1836]

Something I've noticed is that in any kind of group...If there's people that are siding with the narc,there's something very dysfunctional about those people as well.A lot of them are also narcissistic themselves & enjoy the drama or they have issues with codependency...We generally call these types of people enablers/flying monkeys because what they're doing is propping up the narc,narcs can't get by without these people.Occasionally it's simply a lack of education about NPD but oftentimes these people are toxic too & won't listen to reason.My general advice is to toss these people into the same dumpster 🔥 as the narc because they're all toxic at the end of the day & they'll all cause you problems 1 way or another,👀 your back carefully.Try to keep someone healthy & nontoxic close to you in your private life to help comfort & heal the psychological bruises,best wishes with working toward a better life👍🏻.

[@kathydennis1036]

Wow!!! You just described my last teaching job. To a "T". I am dual certified special Ed and elementary Ed. I co taught with a highly narcissist teacher in science, and she was brutal. After finishing a chapter, she took MY science folder for the class that had my modified lessons for those that had IEP's and ripped it up in front of me. She didn't want to share anything with anyone who would teach science for the following year. I went straight to the superintendent and told him exactly what she did. When she came to the office to face what she did, the super was very passive in dealing with her. It was "no big deal", " at least I have what I need for the next chapter ". This teacher was very feared, and even those who spoke about her behind her back to me to complain about her, we're right up her but to be "in", "liked", "accepted" by her. I was shaking, but I stood up to her about her bad behavior, and was shunned by her "clique". Next semester, her BEST FRIEND, who was the executive of her will, had to coteach with her...... Well, they are no longer friends!!! Her best friend, who has a strong personality, came up to me and said, "Now I know what you went through!!" That was validating for me.

[@popmonika]

Am currently going through the same experience (at a primary school) and had the exact same experience. People are working her out but it takes time. Sites like this really helped me understand what was happening and how to deal with it.

[@LunainOrbit]

I have a similar experience and am working in education too. I’m glad I watch this channel because gaslighting and scapegoating in the workplace is real!

[@Mimi-ui7du]

Having worked in education for many years, I can totally relate to this. Speaking of talent drain: I retired early, and so did several of my colleagues, all the old workhorses and their expertise now gone from our school. Some of the younger teachers went away too. The rest of the healthy people are miserable, outnumbered by toxic and lazy people and their enablers, including the weak headmistress. A formerly very good school ist going down rapidly.

[@minniemouse625]

Sounds like my kids school. Imagine what damage such a teacher is doing to the kids. And it seems like there is nothing you can do to change it because of the enablers .

[@popmonika]

@@Yarrg That's how they work I suppose. By getting rid of the high performing teachers, it makes them not look so bad.

[@MeldaTheWitch]

I worked for a narcissist boss for 15 years...many people quit because of this individual specifically.

[@leigha.r.cominiello7798]

Academia, a state/federal position, & a nonprofit. Complex PTSD as a result. It was a narcissistic cesspool!! Now I know & run. Thank you for your teachings.

[@Catata123]

Wow seriously no more service for you!!

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

Yep

[@coreyrenik6419]

My Narc Ex wife used to show up at my job and yell and scream like a 3 year old. At her work she would verbally abuse her teammates until they quit. So greatful to be out of that BS

[@duromusabc]

Narcissism eventually implodes on itself and companies close down or company mergers happen Narcissism and narcissists in the work place is VERY behind the scenes

[@jessicaselenecenteno]

Exactly. 💯

[@blackpanter9572]

Thank you for THIS video. HRs all over America NEED this informative information. So very important. Spread this knowledge of narcs/enablers in the workplace like wildfire!!!!!!

[@kitakkful]

I definitely left an unhealthy workplace with a fragile narcissist peer. They couldn’t handle anyone having more anything than them. Glad I left.

[@user-ge6uo2ry2b]

When it came to career, it was my mother who would call employers and literally tell them I was mentally I’ll or unfit for the job. I was young and scared. I should have called a lawyer. Thankfully none of them believed her. Now I give her no info. Also my professional career is referred to as my “little job”

[@user-wi9hv2pb2q]

I hear you. I have 'that thing I do.' 😊 I've also heard from brother and sister about how they could 'do that too but I never had the training.' 😂 Oh and "I could teach a course in it." I work for a large city fire department - still not a real or important enough job in their eyes.

[@tiffcat1100]

I’ve had 5 part-time jobs over 4.5 decades where I’ve had to get out because of one toxic person or in the case of the last one, a climate of toxicity. They were/are all female. As you say, the lovely people shut up, lowered their heads and their eyes and endured, left or moved to other branches of the same company. When you leave it takes many, many weeks to start to heal and to live and breathe again and not to dread the working life. I resigned last month and didn’t return. One of the best things I ever did 🌟

[@Hewi_G]

Last job I attempted to work at😂I was only there 5 soild days and he was already messing up, when I hear the usual HR meeting I run 😂. How silly that was, 5 days..

[@lucygalea1986]

Right on Dr R!!! I left a job I loved because a narcissist was promoted to be my boss after they fired the wonderful boss who hired me! The new "boss" was so abusive and passive aggressive, I started my job hunting began. They couldn't pay me enough to stay!!

[@Ichneumonxx]

I had the unluck to work for a narcissistic boss who made me responsible for his whole company while he was chilling in Monaco and crashing around with his Porsche. When I broke my toe he threatened to fire me, so I came to work with a broken one, but he would scream at me every day around 11 (we suspected the guy was also taking something) for stupid stuff, like not writing a welcome email to a client (when I had to do tax checks for the last 5 years, alone). When I fainted from burnout he fired me, which was pretty relieving because I was already talking with a lawyer about a mobbing case. Being unemployed was so nice in comparison! Then I went again to a similarly toxic startup with a completely insane HR manager that acted like a spoiled 13-year-old girl, jumping on tables and screaming. Now I'm on the 5th year of my self-employment and haven't had a problem since. Sure, I sometimes have to work 12-14hrs a day but it sure beats being treated like a slave.

[@sirrantsalott]

Banks and Major Consulting firms are like this, that’s why I run my own shop now.

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

Good for you ! Government now gets more more of these consultancy types in, to function as management. The turnover of employees/ sick leaves has been going thru the roof. A combination of: target management with moving goal posts, micromanagement with endless extra reporting requirements, and yelling/ negativity without fostering any actual positive things to counteract all the negativity. It is draining as hell. + The autonomy of the people who do the actual work (and have been for years) gets pushed further back all the time... Decisions on workfloor are now made by people who have never done the actual jobs, and have no clue what the impact of the decisions will be... and no dialogue with the people who actually do know... And then it goes wrong ...

[@KrisFlint]

Bullying in the workplace by Narcissistic managers: Overhearing manager talking to another manager (they are friends) this was on my 1st day after being transferred from an interstate branch that I had spent 10months “love micromanaging my staff, that way I am in control of all the information and know how I can use that information to control my staff. I made a mistake of standing up for someone that that I saw being bullied and become another target. I also know what makes each of them tick so I can use some of them to spy on others.” Each conversation you have with those that are terrified that they might be next gets reported to the manger, anything negative gets blown up out of lol proportion. nothing you ever do is good enough. Performance reviews are calculated unreasonably and incorrectly. Those that are prepared to tell tales and even make things about you get rewarded. I agree, not worth your sanity to stay, leave ASAP, find a job that makes you smile and where you count. You deserve better.

[@JinJinDoe]

LOL have you been working at my place? Sounds 100% spot on.

[@karrynunya2913]

Unfortunely, good work places without these toxic people are rare gems...😢

[@brwinter1]

I worked at one large company where there were three suicides, all men. A woman died of a heart issue in a bathroom.

[@Hewi_G]

😮 this is why I am now anxious for a job. I can't figure it out how I'll deal with a narcissist's presence for a long term.

[@mildredbangtree]

I would love to see a video on Cassandra Syndrome and hear Dr. Ramani tell the story of the curse of poor Cassandra, to whom nobody would listen on the leadup to the fall of Troy. It is a terrifying phenomenon to experience. In the movie Gaslighting, young Ingrid Bergman was plagued by this until one day a kindly detective actually listened to and believed her, leading to solution and relief.

[@jmfs3497]

I forgot about the story of Cassandra! There is a different and deeper sense of loneliness to being the only person that can see the truth.

[@joan.nao1246]

@@jmfs3497 yes omg YES!!

[@meldroc]

Oh yeah, this bit NASA in the rear a few times - Dr. Ramani touched on it. I studied it a bit when getting my MPA. It started with Wernher von Braun, ex-Nazi that we imported in Operation Paperclip because he's good with rockets. The result was an agency with a cavalier attitude towards safety. When engineers noticed a problem with the O-rings in the Shuttle's solid rocket boosters, they were told to sit down and shut up - the bosses, all the way up to Congress didn't want to hear it, they had a schedule to keep and a budget to meet. Seven astronauts were killed on Challenger. And then it happened again with Columbia.

[@LSMH528Hz]

These day's Cassandra would warn about peak narcissism and how it's ending the civilization.

[@lsmmoore1]

I would too. That video should also point out the difference between that and this whole thing where women pin all the blame for behavior on their husband's autism (because he may be autistic or just say he is), because the latter phenomenon can be hurtful to autistic people and ends up, in the case of the women whose husbands are actually narcissistic, providing a false answer which ends up pitting these women against the autistic community, even though autistic people of all genders get hurt by narcissistic dynamics more often than they rise to the top of them - to the point that a lot of narcissistic parents still defend their relegation of autistic people to a position of being a side character in their parent's story rather than the main character in their own story, and there's still a lot of work to be done to put those parents' roles back into a parent position, rather than always a superhero one even in cases where said parenting isn't done properly.

[@BestSellers2122]

Watching this on my last day of holiday vacation to get ready to face my nasty narcissistic boss…. My job would be a dream except for her…. Going on 17 years with her. I’ve outlasted just about all of the people who were there when I started and also many who have come after me. Everything you are saying rings true. Maybe this will be the year she retires… but as one of my co-workers says, she will never retire because then she won’t have anyone to boss around. But I have survived by specializing in things my boss doesn’t understand, so she doesn’t have complete control over me. And I provide a role of cheerleader for my coworkers who come to me to ask, why is she like that? But I do NOT tell them that it’s ok. And I am constantly on the look out to make sure she doesn’t “go after” anyone around me. She already doesn’t like me, and I’m ok with that.

[@JinJinDoe]

That's the only thing you can do, is safeguard others. People like your boss will work until their last breath because they have nothing else going on in their life.

[@burymeinbaldwin5896]

Spot on to my FINAL kitchen job last December. Egotistical Chef with a triangulating line cook left me no choice but to abruptly cut the cord.

[@roadtofreedomuk]

Thanks for doing a Narcissistic Abuse in the Workplace video. Very useful and appreciated. I’ve left at least 3 roles because of this. One where I left and reported the abuse as I knew others were struggling, the second I left after being ‘off sick’ for many months and getting a 6 month pay package to leave and the last one I left just last month after 18 months of bullying, gaslighting, triangulation and being silenced, when anyone and everyone whom I spoke to suggested I ‘simply ignore and he will dig a hole for himself and it will eventually stop’ and I just wasn’t going to hang around for another 2.5 years waiting for that moment to happen or not.

[@dmloy1018]

I've definitely worked in environments like this. I was a chef and narcissists are all too common in the restaurant industry. Most of the time, I was also one of the only females as well. In one place specifically, my manager and I quit together after only 3 months because of the way we were treated. That restaurant was later forced to close by the courts due to monetary reasons.

[@RonSafreed]

Narcissistic bosses will eventually destroy the business & have a million reasons why we needed to close down this business not making money!!

[@Andromeda_M31]

I have lifelong workplace C-PTSD.

[@999timepass]

Same here. Hard to move on.

[@frebstra]

Absolutely. I was an EMT. I don’t know who was the narcissist at my job, but the atmosphere was the same and dangerous. And terrible for performance. I quit. This is validating. I don’t want to endanger people, it’s the opposite of why I wanted to do the job. Being jobless is always stressful too

[@unclebubba67]

I had to stop the playback because this was too triggering. I suffered great trauma and sought therapy from an ugly episode of gaslighting by a narcissist supervisor. I left that job and immediately went into another management role where I encountered staff that were hideously narcissistic. I think I spent maybe four months, five months there and left. I’m glad I watched as much as I did because it validated exactly what I went through, even though people didn’t believe me. And I hadn’t heard much talk about workplace narcissism, so I thank you very much for covering it here now. I am still seek therapy after going through this two jobs in a row. My life is in deep reflection right now and those jobs are for the birds

[@nicolecarnevale3226]

It’s validating to read so many similar experiences. The damage they do to other colleagues, and even clients is astounding.

[@AngelaM745]

That hit home, saying A doing B, stealing ideas, belittling your own ideas. Saying I'll do that for you and then not doing it or doing in a bad manner, calling you names, obsession with sex, 'joking' about sex, intimidating... I removed myself from the situation and got help for myself, when I went back nothing had changed, so I refused to work with him any more. Had to report it external and with the highest HR manager, they took their sweet time, but eventually he fell through the cracks because nobody supported him anymore and eventually it came out how bad his work was and how bad his planning was. He is now gone for 2 months still it lingers, for me I still don't know if I want to stay there anymore they took so long to do anything substantial. I'm happy it is over and am trying to move forward, but it takes time.

[@lucindaburke6987]

Thank you so much for addressing this important subject. I walked off my last job without giving notice just over two years ago, effectively dooming my career. I’m still working through the trauma I sustained while I was there. One of my supervisors verbally abused me on several occasions. I was absolutely terrified of him which is what led me to ultimately leave. I knew that he was systematically putting together a case for my ultimate firing but he didn’t get a chance to walk me out the door. My revenge was leaving on my own terms. And I was in Elections of all places. No bashing on any particular political party but it was the most toxic work environment I’ve ever been in. From what I have experienced having worked in several other government agencies prior to my last position, the common denominator is that they are all FILLED with narcissists. I also worked in the private sector, but government was a completely different animal. So toxic! I didn’t realize until after I left that and found this channel that growing up in a narcissistic family certainly didn’t help me in navigating through the workplace landlines. Unknowingly I put myself into very unhealthy work situations that mirrored my family dynamics.

[@stacyharvey1383]

Government employee here--you are absolutely right! It feels like government agencies are set up to be staffed by narcissists because of the way you have to document every. little. thing.

[@malwads1836]

I've personally found that if you become well educated about narcissistic behavior & work on the trauma within yourself...In a really bizarre way coming from a background with a narc parent or family member can potentially make you more adept at handling these screwballs than the average person🤔.It can potentially give you a much lower toxic 💩 tolerance...& it can make you 👀 these people a lot faster so while other people accommodate/cater to them you can slip out the back 🚪 because you know better than to hang around them.Obviously it's very rough until you become well educated & heal but there can be some odd unexpected perks from it too🤔.Best wishes with your healing,try to keep a few good caring nontoxic folks close to you...They'll help those wounds heal & help you wear your scars with honor.

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

Narcs tamper with careers, reputation, retirement, and the emotional well-being of their colleagues.

[@lesliewit]

I currently work in a Behavioral Health Organization that I feel like is experiencing that right now. I worked in a public school that experience that, and previously I worked in a sheltered workshop, a place where individuals with disabilities are given job training and Vocational skills and support, that functioned like that. What I've found in my life is that a narcissist often targets organizations that are full of "upstanders" who want to do well for people, and who often want to believe the best in people as a product of their worldview. I believe, according to narcissists, these folks are excellent targets for abuse and manipulation.

[@moimeme6533]

to think they would sink to such depths to obtain their "supply" 🤦‍♂

[@mirjamenny]

Wow, this is a powerful insight, Leslie. Thanks for the warning/advice! It helps me put something in perspective that I'd never considered before.

[@lilliewilliams3331]

Amen.

[@irenetanzman3976]

I agree completely. Narcissists are attracted to jobs which will give them power, control, and narcissistic supply. So powerless populations such as those with intellectual disabilities, severe autism, or those with mental illness are prime targets. This is a huge problem for families who have loved ones in those populations. It’s awful.

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

Yup, you're right. I worked as a caseworker and some caseworkers treated their clients horribly. They were disrespectful and talked down to them as though they were beneath them. And would blame them for their problems. No empathy or compassion whatsoever.

[@rubysimon9877]

I am dealing with this type of workplace environment now. Trying my best to get out fast.

[@Riderules73]

Also would be interesting to hear about the opposite - narcisistic employee and bullied manager. It does exist. This talk is highly relevant - especially now with all the job losses and redundancies.

[@Mysicalgreenunicorn03]

Just left a job because my boss was full blown narc. I’ve had some ptsd since too. But thankfully that’s subsiding. My mental health and talents are better served elsewhere, I wasn’t putting up with that for long. A mess. They’ve left a trail of destruction behind them at other companies too.

[@pauldooley8708]

I was in a workplace where the boss was an overt, malignant narcissist and the employees were all (not me) covert narcissists. I had to leave and did. But, the narcissists have walked around town 'bad mouthing' me, so now I can't get a job in that city because everyone is listening to the narcissist and not giving me a 'fair go'. I got ill from working in that environment as I couldn't deal with a narcissistic mother, a narcissistic boss and narcissistic coworkers.

[@Refundplease-Ihavetherec-gb2hj]

Wow

[@yourethewooorst6982]

I left my last job because of a covert narcissist who I now realize I was drawn to because I’m an empath. I also see other coworkers from long ago reflected in this video. 1000% agree the best move I to get out when you can. Unfortunately, no one is there to help you.

[@lesleyelalami2562]

No one is there to help you because if they do the narc will have to find another target and it may well be them. Annoys me that people don't stick up for each other.

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

Sadly, narcs have too much power over the minds of others and use it against them for their benefit. Narcs portray themselves as charismatic, caring, and generous to others. Once people fall for the hook line and sinker, they will defend the narc at all costs against anyone who has issues with the narc. Narcs know this, which was their intended purpose from the beginning.

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

@@lesleyelalami2562 I know right? You as the target feel alone, abandoned, and have no one to turn to because the narc holds the power and controls nearly everyone in their environment. To be honest, I believe most people are afraid to stand up to the narc, out of fear, the narc will come after them.

[@dennisdubay4673]

Got in some " trouble", for attempting to point out too management, a " toxic" boss, of the night shift, being, my opinion, a cause, if not "the" cause, of an incredibly high number of drivers, (City Bus) drivers leaving, and unhappyness of those who decided to stay. Didn't t know or have the knowledge "then", of Narcissism. Have since, educated myself about this. (And, will continue). A year has gone by since my " attempt," to assist upper management with this. Still, pay a price for this, daily, in " small" ways, but " there", the individual wanting my head on a platter. Have, many times tried to set me up, sexually. (She, obviously, is female). Didn't t work, and will not, not any other of the " ways", she has attempted to solicit a reaction. You are one of the individuals, amongst about 13 others, and you/their videos, that have helped me, and my understanding of this subject, and " her". (There, are 2 like these people . Not just the one I speak of).

[@gabriellel7653]

Absolutely. I recently retired from a toxic work environment with harassment, stalking, threats, smear campaign etc. I could not take any more after getting very sick

[@smoothiecutie2277]

👍

[@GeminiSpiritNB]

This was spot on and perfectly put, thank you Dr Ramani. Could you please do some videos on sociopaths, psychopaths and sadists? I honestly feel the number of the mentioned groups is increasing in society. It's not just a narcissist epidemic, imo we are facing more and more a psychopathic/sociopathic/sadistic narcissist problem.

[@bodymindsoul60]

🎯 “Sociopath Next Door”. Martha Stout excellent read!

[@melbreazeale1534]

@textdirect6176🚩🚩🚩FAKE🚩🚩🚩

[@lucyatehortua1332]

I wish it was only one. Lately it looks like Im just a magnet to those places. The last one made me physically sick and I was showing up to work literally shaking and in terror. Yesterday I had a second interview in another place and I was able to see evil in this woman. Digging into my resume to see what I didnt have a lot of experience in, things she couldnt even explain my tasks because obviously I dont need to know about that, but was the justification to pay me a lot less. I got an offer and she made me feel like she was doing me a huge favor. Certainly I dont want to work there so I will reject the offer.

[@aminatoubaris6375]

After eight months, not only do I feel that my potential has been drained, but also all motivation to overcome that state. I am currently experiencing the famous brain fog you've talked about in one of your videos and to be honnest, I am unable at the moment to even focus on my work, let alone let my talent shine. It is so scary to know that there is no way out of this "complete mess" because in my country, jobs are unfortunately rare and the pay check here is just awsome. Typical. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

[@pamela_prinkkila]

OH HELL YES! Every one of these. I wish I had this knowledge before that job. I was the HR Manager and unable to defend myself, despite my expertise. 2 years of this woman sabotaging me as she felt entitled to my job and was determined to get it despite not being qualified in the first place. I had been selected over her and she manipulated and intimidated everyone into rendering my role ineffective. So stressful I suffered 2 miscarriages, and when I got pregnant a 3rd time, I resigned IMMEDIATELY for our health/safety and all worked out for me in the end as a SAHM. Son is now 18. :)

[@smoothiecutie2277]

That’s right. I was telling people out side of the org that a pregnancy cannot flourish in a toxic environment. A colleague had a miscarriage. I hope you and your entire family are doing well.

[@Believer-in-Christ]

Been there…. Yep! Leaving that company saved my sanity!

[@susanfakhouri1950]

Sadly, I experienced this over 5 years ago while working for a property management company for too long in San Diego. I desperately accepted this job while going through a difficult divorce and supporting 2 children. I needed immediate income and lacked confidence and self-esteem and didn’t do proper research. I worked 10 hour days and was put on an 8 hour salary day income. I didn’t realize the sneaky pay cut they shifted me to. My boss was extremely narcissistic and played employees against each other behind closed doors. He acted like and was treated like a God. Wow…what a mistake! Everyone who is still with this boss is toxic, unprofessional, and lack honesty, integrity, and humility. Lesson learned.

[@traceythompson2891]

Thank you so much for tackling this challenging context for narcissistic abuse! I have been told to just "let it go" after a narcissist team leader full on attacked me in writing no less! There has been ZERO accountability. Zero consequences. Zero acknowledgement that what this man did was WRONG. When leadership fails to step up and hold these narcissistic bullies accountable, the entire culture begins to turn toxic. Thank you again for being the loud voice of truth in such a shadowy dark aspect of far too many business environments.

[@yukio_saito]

0:30 That's exactly what happened to me in my previous job. The inept boss was a neglectful narcissist. A difficult coworker had mixed traits of borderline personality and narcissist. HR was utterly useless. As a result of that, all good team members left the company.

[@RobAnthonyDire]

This happened in a company I worked for, which kept getting taken over by larger companies. I ended up going out on disability due to severe panic attacks, people had heart attacks, strokes, and everyone’s health is suffering. Eventually they laid off my entire department so it was a good thing I had long-term disability insurance. People lost their homes, their children had to drop out of college due to pay cuts, and it got to the point where they would not allow anyone who had worked together for a certain length of time to work together anymore and put everybody with new supervisors who were hovering over everyone and making sure that they never Left their desk unless it was a scheduled break, and had to ask permission to go to the bathroom

[@JemDreamz]

They broke me again, Ma'am. I guess they deserve an award.

[@sufanisworld]

Thank you. I had an experience in a company many years ago and ended up leaving a high-paying operations position due to one narcissistic employee. I never understood the company, and why they wouldn’t support me, although I did understand that the narcissist had minions doing her bidding to not support me as I was trying to support them in their positions. The narcissist employee could not learn, would not follow directions, and the CEO and other VPs, while begging me to correct this problem with the employee, were not willing to support me when things got tough to do so. It was a very draining and crazy experience. With this video, it brought everything together to help me see the bigger picture and map out every instance of why things happened the way they did. So I want to thank you very much for putting this out there. I left, because I have a higher standard for myself in my life, and I refuse to work in conditions of toxicity. A person will reach their limit when enough is enough and I reached, mine moved on, and since have built my own business, where how we treat people is not only mandatory but encouraged as a higher quality of human responsibility to one another. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani

[@95lemons]

I've been hoping you would cover this. I walked after 11 years of having to walk on eggshells for an executive director who is known for her wack a do explosive anger, breadcrumbing, flying monkeys, grandiose bragging... basically you name it. She'd even yell if someone moved the handle on the water cooler. Thank you for this! It was a healthy decision to leave and I after leaving over a year ago, I still hear how I'm missed because I rocked at my job 😎

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

Wow

[@babetteshaw]

I have been the target of a workplace narcissist in academia, as well. Twice. Initially while in graduate school, and following, nearly five more years, within another university department/school of art. In both instances, there were myriad attempts to sabotage me and my work. I kept careful records…did my work well…and when the need to report arose in both situations, I was discouraged from reporting higher up the chain. Nothing was ever handled properly. So I left. So toxic.

[@ZestyAqua]

Yep. That's why after over 40 jobs seeing this pattern play out decided to make a business where those good decent people could go. It's very hard because the toxic abusers clap back hard. Near impossible to get funding too. So, I just keep funding myself working those jobs. Which is very difficult. Feels like purgatory not really progress. But, yes. The answer is yes. And I was very dedicated to creating a place for the decent ones to go. Did try getting funding zero debt...the abusers fight back especially financially why this type of terrorism keeps happening. I can say a full on yes. Including getting fired after being SA by a coworker threatened by another.

[@shelley7975]

I worked in a restaurant that was owned and run by narcissists. They eventually ran off the customers and the help and lost the restaurant. The employees were pitted against each other on a daily basis. I look back and it was nightmare working for those people.

[@RonSafreed]

Narcissists will eventually either loose their business or the business will collapse because of diminishing finances & money coming in & they will blame everyone & everything except themselves!! They are right & everyone else is wrong!!

[@Reesa]

I’ve experienced a lifetime of narcissistic abuse and had no idea how to process it. Been beating myself up for way too long and have to say your work has helped lift the confusion. I didn’t understand why I could never be enough for these people. Oddly because I became familiar with this abuse I seemed to just keep choosing jobs and relationships that were totally conditional. ❤️ Love being able to go through my day believing in myself and feeling like it’s ok to do so. I lived in silent shame for almost 50 years!! Can’t wait to enjoy the rest❤

[@RonSafreed]

Reesa, decades ago before the internet, the subject of narcissism was not allowed to be discussed on earlier media, tv, radio, print media!! This is why I never hears the word narcissist in my youth & most of my middle-aged years!! I am 68 years old now!!This was a thing IMOP of "pure evil" whoever was behind this!! Now the "cat is being let out of the bag" on the internet & I am so glad it is!!

[@nicholevest]

Yes. I worked in a school kitchen & it was extremely toxic. Everyone was in a bad mood all of the time because of this one person ( the head cook ). I only stayed there 1 year & left. A lot of other people had the same experience with this group of women so it wasn’t just me. I’m glad I left. Had I stayed, I would have turned into them. Eventually the head cook retired & immediately everyone in the kitchen left for other jobs. A new, & nicer group of people is in there now.

[@ritakus9871]

Most of my life I've been self-employed just because of the mere fact of dealing with work places full of contention. I had a job that I liked because I was learning so much about my skill, but I learned real quick after listening to everybody, that I would change my schedule to be there when she wasn't, I only had to work with her around 3 hours a week, and I was busy all the time, so I would not have to be in her realm. I was able to change my work schedule because of my children, she allowed this because she needed workers in the evening, and I never went out to their parties, because she knew what my religion was, and that I did not gamble or drink, because of this no one took it personally why I didn't go to the parties.

[@meldroc]

Thanks for the great vid, Dr. Ramani! Keep doing what you're doing! Another workplace hazard is the narcissistic customer/client. This is especially true for people in customer-facing jobs such as retail workers, call-center workers, that sort of thing. I've personally been at the receiving end at a call center job. There, you're basically talking to angry people for a living. There are some horrendously badly-behaved customers out there, the kind that get labeled "Karens" (they're not just white women w/ bob cuts, they come of all ages, races, genders.) I've dealt with a few. They throw tantrums, yell at workers, yell at supervisors to try to get a worker fired, frivolously call the cops, destroy property, get physical with people, and just make everyone's life a living hell. And then there's narcissism's even more unwanted partner in crime, bigotry. My coworkers at the time who are members of marginalized groups (women, Black and Latino people, people who spoke English with an accent, LGBTQIA+ people, people with disabilities, etc.) got abused far worse than I did. And there's that "The customer is always right" attitude, which means the worker is forced to stand there and take it to avoid being written up or fired. I'm so glad I escaped from that call-center hellhole. Took a while because I needed a new job lined up first.

[@carrierorie5634]

I’m a teacher with a narcissistic boss that is destroying our school. Half the staff left last year and many more amazing teachers are leaving at the end of this year.

[@robertoflores4546]

This describes my work place today. This is the current situation for me as well

[@bottomsupbarmaid1987]

My cousin is a workaholic and her boss is a narcissist. Her body began to break down, work stress caused her to need a bladder pacemaker and she’s still going back to that toxic job. Now it’s a uti…next will be the kidneys. It’s a domino effect and she won’t listen to doctors and refuses therapy because she hates not working, even if it’s a toxic environment and even if her family is falling apart. She comes from a narcissistic family (mother and sister)

[@wolfpacwolfpac8407]

Spot on. The two workplace narcissist are Jessica Peele and Leanne Hairr. Nothing changed. I was blacklisted from getting another job. I had to go to another state to get a job.

[@papic8862]

Keep doing your thing. I love your videos. I have a narcissist manipulative bm, and she's SICK! She wants to blame everyone for her actions instead of being accountable for her actions. It's always bs and excuses with her. Always talking about changing but never do. Actually getting worse

[@positivebodycare]

48 minutes in, when Ramani is mocking, a narcissist, sadistically deriving pleasure from litigations and bitchy emails…. This is why I keep listening, comedic value! Love you Dr! Thank you

[@RonSafreed]

Narcissism in the workplace in both my life & my wife's life back when we were in our twenties!! It was 100% pure hell & those young years should have been the years of getting experience & getting ahead but it was many many steps backwards & an embarrassment in our lives!! I am now 68 & it is a miracle of what I have now in life!!

[@heidishaffer4502]

OMG! I so want to email this to my management team! This is so spot on! I felt like you spoke my story! My narc. Chose PRN status but still is lingering around. So far we haven’t worked the same shift. But like you said, HR won’t rip the weed out by the roots. I have to work with the enablers. There is resentment because I went to HR for the abuse. Others keep quiet to duck the abuse and gas lighting or wing up and befriend the abuser when they work with them. Mistakes have been made due to fear and refusal to train. You nailed it on the elite company in hopes to take your career to the next level! Now I just want to preserve my sanity and my license before a serious event takes place and forget the opportunities that might happen for career growth in the future due to enablers getting preferentially chosen. This is sickening in all aspects. By listening to this video, you have encouraged me more to think about my overall health and some decisions I need to make. Thank you!

[@lilliewilliams3331]

I don't even have to guess what your job is. Nurse culture is vicious.

[@luum8573]

Hi I have had some narcissistic colleagues. I work in gastronomy, so things that enable narcissists like a harsh tone of voice ("it's the stress everyone gets mad sometimes" are usually excuses). When you get a narcissistic superior, they will make you work harder and harder to "satisfy the guests". They keep quiet about chronically understaffing their own employees. It's also quite hard to measure your work as well, they will often (when they try to blame you for something) call you out that something is not clean enough, you don't work fast enough etc. I can only advise you to leave these work places, because when you separate from your former boss you see the real face coming up: Extra hours you worked and vacation days you couldn't take will often not get repaid, except you threaten with a lawsuit. So the longer you work there, the higher the costs for your work will add up that may not get repaid. They are extremely picky about money! ( I know there are laws to protect you, but sometimes they screw time management, documents get lost or they do illegal stuff like account your sick days with extra hours). I've seen several colleagues who had to do months of writing back and forth with their former work place to make them simple things done like writing a resume about you or to pay you the difference for extra hours. I do have a question though: My last boss has tendencies to be a narcissist, but I'm not sure whether he was one. I worked as a bartender in a cocktail bar and he was my boss. He was charming, very team oriented (wanted to have team building measurements once a month, but actually it ended up just taking place for like 3 times). He also liked me and we had good and engaging conversations with both him and the team. The trouble began when he replaced my superior (who had burn out). My superior worked like us: she prepared the bar setting, worked with us until the end of the shift and cleaned her work place. So my boss does have more responsibilites, so it's not like he sits at home and does nothing, but he only comes in for prime time. He doesn't prepare nor does he clean his work place and that's his way of "working with us" so we do it for him. The second thing is, he was VERY sensitive thing about criticism. He thought I had undertime (which wasn't reaaally the case with german laws), so without any word of communication he just signed me up 6 times a week instead of 4 times what i usually worked. I wrote and email to him, explaining him calmly that's not according to the law, and that I'd liked him to talk to me beforehand he increases my working hours. He literally told me "not to exaggerate" lol. Then he suggested a meeting the next day so we resolved this. The second time I criticised him he just came in with rage and tried to scapegoat me for everything that was not how he liked it. He spoke about items that are "out of place" (but they were in those places for weeks/months), about chaos (my two colleagues who had the shift teh day before left the place in chaos) and about me not preparing fast enough (actually we have little time to prepare all sliced decoration, fill up alcohol etc beforehand, because I also do it for him and not just for my own bar station). I got a little defensive and told him that I don't know why items are out of placed, or said well it wasn't me. He then explained to me he doesn't care who is responsible, and that he dislikes my objections. I asked him what was missing about my preparations. He got upset that I asked, then I asked him to write a list for me so I can do it in his order. He then got even more upset and said well i haven't learnt my job okkk. Another issue was around december, when he got chocolate boxes (single packed, not like an open bowl of candy to snack from) for everyone at work. I was sick on that week and when I returned to work there was nothing left. He even bragged on our work group online that "santa" was at work. I admit, I wasn't diplomatic when I called my colleagues out about taking that from work. But his response was even more weird. He only stated that "first come first served" and he didn't have enough chocholate boxes for all colleagues anyway. I didn't expect him to be so callous. but i apologized to my colleague because of conversations I had a work I assumed that there was one for everyone. Also, I didn't get a christmas gift and my colleagues did lol. (an incident 3 weeks later). I figured this out by accident, because we exchanged about our christmas cards. The way my christmas card was written I knew something was off and he'd cancel me. His tone of voice also got very sharp very quick which was unusual. He overreacted to many little things but I couldn't call him out for that. (like to listening to music on earphones when preparing fresh lemon juice before the place opened, all colleagues of mine do that too). I got cancelled on my last day of probation period then by the end of december. I asked him, why he chose the last possible day, but not didn't come up to me with a conversation beforehand? (his reasons he stated he had no time to get to know me). He just became evasive and said cancellations in december are always troublesome, there's new year's eve, there's christmas, it's packed lol. He stepped into a word salad. So I stopped asking questions because he couldn't really state his problem. From my experience, it's very difficult to manouver discussions with people who create word salads, so I just let the conversation go, because there was nothing left to win. Btw he overworks all of my colleagues, and makes VERY sudden changes in plan and regularly calls up some of my colleagues if they could work spontaneously the next or even the same day. So when he got involved more with our work at the bar, things like reservations and stuff like that were also more chaotic. He also tried to make me take vacation days for my sick days after the cancellation. My undertime is actually over time by the way. The time schedule has calculated my work time incorrectly. Soo wish me luck to get my money back! I don't really know whether he was a narcissist or just a douchebag. He seemed to be more people oriented that narcissists at work I have encountered before, even expressed warmth. But I wonder whether he has just learnt to use his charisma on such a level, that narcissim is way harder to spot. Also, he wasn't as extreme as the narcissits I've met before. I haven't spotted things like a smear campain yet, or things like EXTREME rage, or extreme dishonesty. But I wonder if I have worked too short for him to notice it yet? My parents have criticised me for criticising my boss. They told me to keep the head down, and of course, if you speak up against him in probation period you get cancelled. But honestly i don't really care. I just assume, if he had real leadership skills, he wouldn't have felt offended so much. But the feedback of my parents does concern me because it shifts the blame to me so I doubt my self awareness.

[@hansonel]

And unfortunately narcissistic chefs like Gordon Ramsey normalized shouting and craziness as "that's just how things get done in the restuarant business"

[@tijeraslack3]

I am HR and under narcisstic abuse, therefore, I try to be more of an advocate. All of this stuff is a hot mess.

[@Sezfluffy]

I had to leave a huge insurance company due to a covert, they attack you so subliminally

[@Hewi_G]

Lier 😅 U HR ppl don't give the slightest shit. 😂

[@Hewi_G]

Lier. 😂 U HR ppl don't give the slightest shit. U r just there to get the work done and clock out. 😂 The main enablers of narcissist.

[@Hewi_G]

Lier 😂 U HR ppl don't give the slightest shit about employees as long as the work is done.

[@SlumberBear2k]

I agree so much about the enabling: 1) they don't want increased payout to cover unemployment insurance 2)The boss doesn't want to deal with hiring a new worker. So if the manager is lazy, they'll just avoid the problem and let everyone else pick up the slack for the incompetent worker. 3) A lot of times I think they also thrive on the dysfunctional work environment because it ties up good workers to have to makeup for incompetent ones(thereby eliminating threats that can usurp them).

[@user-wi9hv2pb2q]

Whrte I work laws are for suckers. Working hard is for the unconnected and weak. Rule and (better still in their eyes) Law breaking is a flex to show power and status - just like in prison. If I was ever in a position to hire and I got a former municipal worker i would ask what criminal activity they had witnessed and what had they done about it as my first question. Narcissists don't work hard they create work and make it hard for everyone else.

[@rmg2419]

Thank you for addressing this. This is a serious topic. I have left so many jobs bc of narc abuse. And thats why I have chosen to work alone for myself. I couldn't imagine working for an employer this day in age, I would be eaten alive by these vultures.

[@beckijohnson4848]

Yes! The place I used to work had more than one narcissist. The executive director as well as a co-worker of mine. Since I left, almost everyone except those two have left. Recently, the ED retired, so a new ED is there. Last I heard, they were functioning with a skeleton crew. Couldn't have happened to more deserving folks. It's sad because the mission of the organization is a good one.

[@ChronicallyTT]

I’ve tried to raise red flags about narcissists SEVERAL TIMES in different situations when I have solid evidence of abuse and bullying that takes place “outside of the workplace”.

[@Understatedalways]

Yes. The toxic narcissist was a manager, an interim manager, and the flying monkeys were spies used by that person. Fortunately, the director position was given to someone else.

[@bambiogrady4370]

Thank-you, this is excellent. My last workplace was like this. University/academic. Astoundingly, all the 'good guys' left within 2 years, to the point I was worried about the mental health of the postgraduate students left in the care of those that remained. Since then, I have fielded a few narcs but they were one at a time, much easier to deal with than 'the machine' of a bureaucratic structure. I left for my own mental health, and now I stay in my new workplace to keep it better for others' mental health, because you're never out of the woods.

[@Snivebyram]

Absolutely been through this in several workplaces

[@birhanehidug6175]

DR.Ramani thank you! I have no words to express my heartfelt gratitude. For the last 35 years, I understood I was surrounded by narcissistic people, my family, and my ex-wife. Generally in my country, almost all people have narcissistic personality patterns including our prime minister! Now because of you, I am taking care of the form of narcissistic people. In Ethiopia, narcissistic behavior is a culture. Thank you for helping to knew about these toxic people.

[@mireyat75]

Still in it… the hardest thing to deal with when you have no way of getting out. My manager and husband treat us like mules, she will pose for pics as if she did the work and takes credit for the work done by us, not ever saying they did the work, and I truly have nowhere to go

[@VaticanRainbowLunaSea]

You have choices....learn how to make something that you can sell online and sm good luck!

[@cindylong624]

network for a different job,learn new skills, volunteer work, get new references so you dont have to depend on the narc boss,etc

[@jmfs3497]

I've been pretty stuck with my Narcissist/OCPD manager for a long time. They really waste other people's time, which I think is part of their strategy. Their egos are too fragile for anyone else to look good around them. I work in an advanced, niche field, and I have 30 years experience. When interviewing for other jobs I have been told I'm overqualified and they worry about me taking 20% pay cuts and being unhappy. At work now I keep things to gentle pleasantries of "Good morning", and "Good to see you" as I'm leaving for the day. Other than that I stay kindly aloof while demonstrating casual professional competence in their presence. I take credit for nothing, nor do I give it. I simply move on to the next best task for myself. I pretend I don't hear their micromanaged, chaotic redirection for most of the day. I will tackle one or two of their fake tasks a week, and focus the rest of my time on being of value to myself and what I perceive as important to my role at the company. I fly under their radar of supply-seeking, and lead by example around the office.

[@mireyat75]

@@jmfs3497 these pleasantries drive me nuts, I’d would like to just not speak or just avoid completely but that also is not allowed, they make sure somehow be involved with them no matter what, there’s no avoiding or ignoring them ever…though I sure have tried, extremely exhausting and draining 🥺

[@JM-pg5rc]

Columbia Sportswear corporate contained the most narcissists I ever worked with. When you leave that at join a healthy company, you really appreciate it. There’s no need to suffer, keep looking until you’re out of that situation.