Does a Narcissist know what they are? | #78 Ask Kati Anything

[@kingjunkyview]

Kindness and gratitude have helped me immensely during the most traumatic seasons of my life

[@Katimorton]

Hey Everyone!! If you find this video helpful, please consider sharing it. You never know who might need to see this :) - xoxo Kati

[@lisasnoozy3749]

Of course! Have a great day! 🥰🥰🥰

[@askkatianything]

Thanks Lisa :)

[@meninpursuitofpurpose3331]

Thanks Kati. 🎯

[@sarah28886]

Hi Kati, the podcast app still isn't showing this new ep =(

[@sarah28886]

I came to youtube just to check whether there was an ep this week but I REALLY prefer the audio only verson

[@sparkeli4513]

I know it probably won't mean much but to the person who asked question 5, I believe you. I hope your mum begins to accept what happened.

[@GlenHunt]

What I hate is when "they" use threats of and attempts at involuntary hospitalization as a way to control a person. I've had to "prove myself innocent", that I'm not suicidal, twice to the police who had been called to haul me away. Each time, the police saw what was going on and told them not to do it again. When you're dependent on the system, they take cheap shots like this and it makes things much harder victims of chronic trauma. It's cruel and should be illegal. (P.S. I'm loving your book Kati!)

[@mmresobrown]

UGH. Awareness of NPD as a diagnosis and willingness to WORK on it, are two ENTIRELY different things. Awareness of a problem does not equate with motivation for change. Narc's struggle with the idea of needing to change

[@sunnybuzzard]

*TIMESTAMPS* Question 1 (0:48) What's the best way to build self esteem after years of emotional and physical abuse? ... Question 2 (18:43) Did going to school to be a therapist bring things up for you? ... Question 3 (24:17) Is it possible for someone with narcissistic personality disorder to be aware they have the disorder? ... Question 4 (30:44) Have your clients ever gotten mad or angry at you during a session? ... Question 5 (38:29) In my last session with my therapist, she told me something that my mom told her ... Question 6 (45:21) I've been suicidal for two years and there's only been a few days when my severe depression and suicidality lifted a little bit. What would you say to someone who really doesn't want to live anymore? ... Question 7 (51:45) Recently my therapist was talking about finding a way to release all the anger I have towards my childhood. Any suggestions on how to let go of anger? ... Question 8 (57:11) I was reading up on HIPAA for school recently and was wondering: why can patients be denied access to their psychotherapy notes? ... Question 9 (1:02:34) What is your take on those who believe mental illnesses aren't real? Question 10 (1:06:45) My question is about therapists hospitalizing someone because of suicidal thoughts ...

[@askkatianything]

Thank you! Adding this to the description. You are VERY appreciated Stefanie :)

[@sunnybuzzard]

@@askkatianything Aw, I'm glad I could help! 😊

[@user-qo9xu6fe5x]

@a way to build self esteem by doing nice stuff 😉👌

[@jellyandpeaches]

omg thank you

[@sunnybuzzard]

@@jellyandpeaches no problem 😉

[@raywood8187]

I get angry too when I hear some ignorant person say that depression isn't real, it's just someone being lazy and they should just get up and get over it. I wouldn't wish depression on anyone. Well, maybe for a week or two just so they can know what it's really like.

[@Peanuts76]

That's what happened to me honestly

[@talalotaibi7141]

It is not worst than histrionic personality disorder I suffer from that put me in many bad and embarrassing situations before but praise to Allah this is my destiny.

[@marieambra3374]

i was mad at a friend of my sister bc she literally gave a shit about me politely drawing a boundary ( sth I struggle with) and immediately overstepped this boundary, judged me and felt like she had a right to interfere with my personal life, when I told her to let it go. I was super mad and I wrote it all out in my diary and told a friend, but what helped me most was draw in my diary a thought I had had. I wrote Fuck you in big letters on a page and colored it out. It helped me in that moment. Also, I once wrote a hateful poem ( yes, these do exist) about my mother which helped as well.

[@moriahgrace2702]

The title hits home.

[@_maia_m]

I look forward to watching this every thursday, after work and after the kids are in bed. Thank you for another great episode! 😊

[@isa_well...]

Regarding the mental illness is a myth question: I think it is a thin line to walk between validating people's suffering and not making them feel hopeless due to a fixed diagnosis (esp. something like schizophrenia that is often seen as 'mostly brain-related' where other factors, like trauma for example, are often ignored). I believe we need more flexible alternatives to diagnosis that take into account our ability to create positive change in our life. I am speaking from a patient's perspective here.

[@Peanuts76]

Oh and yeah Katty, thank you for content, it helps a lot with my bad coping, Psychopathy was like my defense mechanism, because for a child living in traumatizing environment like me, my brain can't handle so much abuse, physical & emotional abuse, Violence trauma, let alone dealing with years of bullying in school, oh and don't let me start on being sexualized as a child and teenager, raped, molested.... Living in a kinda slumber neighbor it's hard to find a good friends, well, there's friends out there, it just they living with so different mindset, than me Well, ill be back to my ownself, exploring myself like before....

[@too_tired_for_this]

I started inner child work by just imagining adult me being in the same space as little Rebecca during a traumatic memory. Just a totally neutral presence. Trying to put adult me in there as a caring person was way too overwhelming.

[@DontWantToBeRecognized]

I haven't watched this whole episode just yet, and my question isn't in this weeks (maybe within the next 2 hopefully 🙃) but I just wanted to thank anyone who liked my question on this weeks post - maybe it's just me but I don't often see questions that get picked that don't also have at least 1 reply. So even though people may not have resonated with my question thank you for helping me get it seen 💜 hope everyone is having a fantastic week 😊

[@nikki730]

If she liked your question then it got picked. She picks the ones with the most likes which usually just happen to have add on questions.

[@DontWantToBeRecognized]

@@nikki730 thanks :) I'm familiar with how it works I just wanted to show some appreciation for helping my question be seen (and liked) thanks again :)

[@MrBungle900]

To the person who asked about intense suicidal ideation and feeling hopeless (Q6) - I was the same as you. I even attempted suicide several times and I tried so many meds and have had 10 years of therapy. Recently I found out about ketamine infusions and these have saved my life. After 6 sessions, I am me again. I cannot believe how effective these have been at treating treatment resistant depression and suicidal ideation. I can’t ever imagine harming myself now. I’m so okay. I did mine in the UK - they have 2 clinics. In the USA, there are approximately 500. It’s not cheap but it is so worthwhile if you can find a way to make it work for you. Good luck, my friend. You are not alone. 🙌❤️ I hope you can find some healing.

[@natalieedelstein]

Thanks Kati! It is interesting; you'd think they'd just be allowed to delay giving you the notes rather than deny giving you the notes if they have a reason to believe there would be a substantial safety threat to the person to see their notes or that the therapist could give their two cents on their recommendation to delay access and then the patient would just be hospitalized if a substantial enough safety threat were to occur if they decided not to listen to the provider on the recommendation to delay access to the notes.

[@rogueerised979]

Yay!! Got your book in the mail today! Excited to read it.

[@sararobertson9263]

So many great questions and very thorough answers.

[@markjabbour5154]

Loved this one! Could you talk more about anger (maybe you have?); w/r/t how it is a secondary emotion and adaptive. And how it can be acted in or out? Specifically related to the acted in response - leading to depression and low self esteem, etc. and so on. Love what you're doing. cheers.

[@crafter961]

Wow Kati you seem to be more at ease with yourself, hope I am right and you are feeling better!

[@InfinitePisces]

This video came to me just at the right time, thank you!

[@askkatianything]

You're so welcome!

[@AJOG14433]

I will watch this later tonight. Even though it’s nearly 11pm lol. Thank you kati for all that you do. I needed this tonight, had a bad day. Your positivity always reflects onto others. You’re amazing! I hope you and yours are staying safe ✌🏽💛💫

[@shinnar1969]

This came right in time I want to say thank you so much.

[@katherinel8970]

with #9, that's true!! for example, academic scholarships exist and is an incentive to do well yet many like myself have a hard time to actually study. i definitely wasted fafsa money by failing classes so i feel bad for them plus knowing i could graduate quicker if i had studied hard instead. so therefore i agree incentives are a bad argument

[@bill88694]

Hi Katie, I really appreciate what you do for us through your informative podcasts and OTDMs with Sean. I'm presently reading "Traumatized" and you have mentioned Dr Altman's small 't"s is just as distressing and toxic as a major trauma (big T); think this applies to me from growing up! Since talk therapy does not seem to totally work for me in the past (e.g., discussing small Ts, anger, sadness), yet I would still want to know what the sadness or anger from a memory is telling me now; does that make sense? I was intrigued by your mentioning of somatic experiencing initially, and, or word, picture collaging later in your responses to people's questions. How does somatic experiencing work in therapy? Has someone in the OTDM community had success with this approach? Thks.

[@rubberkiwi1]

I had a parent and a grandparent who would use money and gifts to say that "because I gave you that, you need to give me a hug" or give them some sort of affection. Is that still emotional blackmail cuz it sure felt like it

[@grandmastermario3695]

Yes It is my mother did the same thing to me give me presents and say I gave you gifts I put food on the table so I can do and say what I want and you don't get a say don't be ungrateful yes and she would make that a justification to mentally Orr physically abuse me or I had to behave perfectly apsalutly that is manipulation and abuse

[@kem2271]

You rock!

[@jialiu7122]

U help me a lot

[@cecilyb.4235]

love this video. you remind me of another youtuber named Wife without kids.

[@samanthamansi1184]

Question Katie how come a narcisst can keep you awake? But when you keep them awake they get upset? Why can’t they commit? Sounds a great book 📖 my mum is abusive towards me and puts me down, tells me I’m rubbish etc ..

[@lisasnoozy3749]

Have to take daughter to dr. And when I return im sitting down and watching this. .My self care for today I desperatelyneed it. Hope your day is great! Love to all 🥰😋😋

[@lisasnoozy3749]

Thanks Mark! Have a nice day too! 🙂

[@laurapriedite4951]

For people who feel like psychiatric medicine isn't working. Been there, used each drug for at least 4-6 months. Nothing worked. I didn't see the light in the end of the tunnel anymore.... Maybe you should give homeopathy or acupuncture a shot. Still- just like with antidepressants- you have to give homeopathy at least 2-3 months before seeing any results. This experience has been life changing. For the first time in 10 years I can say I'm a functioning human being. There is a way to a happier and healthier life

[@Jay-dj7sx]

About emotional abuse. Would you say religious scriptures when saying believe in this or you will burn in hell, are emotionally abusing people? If yes, then the question arises, how could an all wise and compassionate God use tricks that toxic people use?

[@12358hi]

Yes absolutely, and I believe the scriptures do not teach an eternally burning hell. It's what happened when Greek dualism crossed with early Christianity.

[@normalast1616]

Hey, I believe that when Christians do that aggressively it is harmful and turns us away from God. I do think that we need to have more conversations instead. However it is believed that when we don't believe, it turns us away from God and that leads to sin and it is through our disbelief and sin that has those consequences. I do believe that part of His wisdom is knowing what sin does so in His compassion He wants us to choose Him not to abuse us but to keep us safe from the harm and death of sin. That is why Jesus died for us. God asks us to believe. He doesn't force us. When Christians are being aggressive that it not the nature of God. Maybe instead of paying attention to them, maybe turn to God instead and talk to Him. I am sorry about those people.

[@vanessaelsa5983]

I just saw that this episode isn't on Spotify (as of September 18th). Will it be uploaded there later or has there been an error in the system? Thank you! 😊

[@askkatianything]

Just checked again and it looks like it was hung up in processing? Hmm it should be up in an hour or so, thank you for the message!!!!

[@vanessaelsa5983]

@@askkatianything It's up now! Thank you! 🥰

[@Emile-philia]

Funny bit about the mental illness-denial there. But on a serious note, I think you may have forgotten to mention that mental illness-denial also frequently stems from "imperative thinking", i.e. whoever is in denial about the existence of mental illnesses, they need this warped view of the world to be true in order to protect their vested interests!

[@beckydavidson8018]

Where abouts can I post a question ? Thank you

[@askkatianything]

In the community tab for this channel

[@cycologistgal]

The audio version is not appearing in Apple podcasts or Spotify. Any idea why?

[@askkatianything]

Just dig into it… looks like it was stuck in processing?! It should be out in an hour or so. Good catch!!! Thanks 🙏

[@cycologistgal]

@@askkatianything i see it now! Thanks so much!!

[@cmr728]

If insurance doesn’t cover therapy, what other options can help ?

[@itsetiennette753]

Not sure where you’re located but in the US many therapists have a sliding-scale meaning they’re willing to consider letting you pay much less so that you can afford therapy out of pocket - just something to look into :)

[@cmr728]

We’re kinda in the middle of nowhere (literally). They have community clinics that take insurance, but having been exposed to enough of them the concept of only 6 once weekly CBT appointments doesn’t really seem adequate, especially since Insurance would outright deny (I worked in the industry for 17 years)There’s only one other outpatient place an hour and a half away, connected with the university.

[@diablominero]

If I were at a point of trying drastic solutions for my mental health, I'd try the really wackass illegal drugs before trying suicide. Because the best-case scenario for wackass drugs is better than the best-case scenario for attempting suicide.

[@cmr728]

I actually wish they had more research on this stuff. They’ve shown promise with PTSD among other things (I think there’s an experimental clinic somewhere in the US where they dose in-office under very controlled conditions. I happen to be on alternative medicine (through a dr) and prefer those side effects to the ones other medications that drs are more than happy to subscribe.

[@meninpursuitofpurpose3331]

Good session.

[@madifeder2137]

I wish physician assisted suicide (for terminal illness obviously) was more talked about, as a nurse it’s something that we discuss a lot in the community and it’s still considered so taboo

[@intrusive-th0t]

Physician assisted suicide is far worse than regular suicide. People should have the right to decide to die for themselves because it’s literally their body. Doctors have no place deciding whose life is worth living or not. It’s disgusting.

[@mollymoon7129]

Were questions from the last week answered? Did Kati skip them or is it just me?😔

[@andreafeelsfantastic]

She wanted some podcast buffer so she did two weeks worth of questions from the post two weeks ago. So the most recent post’s questions will be probably next week.

[@mollymoon7129]

@@andreafeelsfantastic thank you! I noticed that the episode combines questions from different weeks and got so confused as to whether I should ask the same question again

[@meninpursuitofpurpose3331]

15:41 -

[@meninpursuitofpurpose3331]

Still a firm believer in S-Shaming.

[@Peanuts76]

Emotional abuse i have experience was like constant unnecessary critics, and controling behaviour, controling what we use, what we behave, sometimes using objects and stuff and try to throw that stuff away, even Holy Books like Quran thrown away, or sometimes try to manipulate us to do certain things, lemme tell this one.... Our cat, Coco was running loose from home, we, both me and my mother try to find it, and then Coco already back home, but my Older Sister tell us just to keep exploring around people house, Coco was never there, she said, Sick right? Don't let me start on her drama when she's telling her story in her office, telling how many man out there want him, what it's name again? She try to bragging how good she was, while in fact she's only helping as small as possible, with low effort, and low money as possible, she put fake persona so that she wouldn't ever, like ever, ever taking blame eventho she's so wrong many times..... Yeah, boundaries and more strict communicating skills do really necessary with toxic peoples, Direct, Strict, to the point, honestly i Don't want to be a rude harsh man grown up, but when for years, about 10 or 11 years, being pushed around and not being honoured enough, certainly we're gonna angry right, and when i'm angry, i'm not only silent, i smirk, this definitely why i realize back then i was Psychopathy/Sociopathy, I don't realize i was Psychopathy before, only depressed and had Anxiety....

[@samanthamansi1184]

Why does a narcisst want to see you then just go ghost? Sigh it’s mind games! Mine says he wants to see me then he just won’t. Sigh feeble excuses.

[@diablominero]

Something even better than positive or bridge statements is gremlin energy. Thinking you're great is bland. Thinking maybe you're not terrible is bland. Making your terribleness everyone else's problem and reveling in it is spicy and fun.

[@danielroy8232]

lol why do people assume it has to get better. some people die a horrible death.