Are Therapists Annoyed When We Can't Answer Their Questions? | AKA 143

This week we discuss how therapists deal with a patient not being able to answer their questions, if they get annoyed, and how they can sit with someone who is crying and hurting. We also talk about wanting to cancel therapy and isolate when struggling, and why we can act childlike in therapy and life. Kati also talks about being traumatized by a mental illness, signing a no harm / no suicide contract, and how we can find the balance between honoring our past and not being overwhelmed by it. This and so much more in this week’s episode of Ask Kati Anything!
Ask Kati Anything ep. 143 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT
Audience questions:
1. Hi Kati, What is it like as a therapist to sit with someone while they're crying and hurting so much? Do you want to comfort them? Do you feel uneasy? Do you become desensitized to it? I think...
2. Are therapist’s annoyed when clients have a hard time answering their questions? I’m worried that I respond with “I don’t know” too often, and I’m concerned about the possibility of this hindering my progress or making my therapist think...
3. My question is about canceling therapy sessions when I am feeling the worst or get bad news. For example, I got bad news about my husband and his back injury and him not getting back to work anytime soon. I felt so overwhelmed, but didn't really show any emotion, but my first instinct...
4. Why do I behave so child-like when we talk about trauma in session? I don't feel like I have control over it, wasting my time as I cease to function & speak. My therapist said that I'm resistant - but I can't help it! I do struggle with dissociation too and right now it feels like trauma therapy is going...
5. How can you respect/honor your past without being completely engulfed or invalidating? It seems no matter how I look at it, my past was traumatic and at the same time. I don’t know how to admit it was traumatic without feeling like I’m being overdramatic but...
6. My therapist wants me to sign a no suicide/no self harm contract because of how I have been feeling lately. I understand from her perspective why she feels she might need this. But for me since she suggested doing this, it feels like I’m failing...
7. Is it possible to be traumatized by being mentally ill? I've had depression for 4 years before I was diagnosed but shortly before I went to the therapist, I completely hit rock bottom. I couldn't write important emails anymore, I couldn't even read a full sentence and on top of that, I...
8. My therapist told me that “therapy is not a weight loss program.” What does this mean? I am overweight and I am trying to get help with my habits of overeating/binging and I want to lose weight. Is she saying that therapy can’t help me do this? She said “there are plenty of weight loss programs out there” almost to suggest that I use one of those instead - but all I’ve seen out there is basically calorie counting which SUCKS...
9. I feel like I have so many questions to ask that it’s difficult to pinpoint which one to take the plunge with! Since you’re a marriage and family therapist, I’ll go in the direction of my husband & I’s relationship. We’ve always struggled in the bedroom. I feel like he would rather not be intimate with me, so I have put up walls...
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[@favored81]

Katie I brought your book Traumatized such a good read so far. I will leave a review and Amazon soon ❤

[@anniekate76]

Timestamps! 0:49 1. Hi Kati, What is it like as a therapist to sit with someone while they're crying and hurting so much? Do you want to comfort them? Do you feel uneasy? Do you become desensitized to it? I think... 9:47 2. Are therapist’s annoyed when clients have a hard time answering their questions? I’m worried that I respond with “I don’t know” too often, and I’m concerned about the possibility of this hindering my progress or making my therapist think... 17:44 3. My question is about canceling therapy sessions when I am feeling the worst or get bad news. For example, I got bad news about my husband and his back injury and him not getting back to work anytime soon. I felt so overwhelmed, but didn't really show any emotion, but my first instinct... 23:14 4. Why do I behave so child-like when we talk about trauma in session? I don't feel like I have control over it, wasting my time as I cease to function & speak. My therapist said that I'm resistant - but I can't help it! I do struggle with dissociation too and right now it feels like trauma therapy is going... 31:19 5. How can you respect/honor your past without being completely engulfed or invalidating? It seems no matter how I look at it, my past was traumatic and at the same time. I don’t know how to admit it was traumatic without feeling like I’m being overdramatic but... 43:02 6. My therapist wants me to sign a no suicide/no self harm contract because of how I have been feeling lately. I understand from her perspective why she feels she might need this. But for me since she suggested doing this, it feels like I’m failing... 48:41 7. Is it possible to be traumatized by being mentally ill? I've had depression for 4 years before I was diagnosed but shortly before I went to the therapist, I completely hit rock bottom. I couldn't write important emails anymore, I couldn't even read a full sentence and on top of that, I... 52:50 8. My therapist told me that “therapy is not a weight loss program.” What does this mean? I am overweight and I am trying to get help with my habits of overeating/binging and I want to lose weight. Is she saying that therapy can’t help me do this? She said “there are plenty of weight loss programs out there” almost to suggest that I use one of those instead - but all I’ve seen out there is basically calorie counting which SUCKS... 1:00:01 9. I feel like I have so many questions to ask that it’s difficult to pinpoint which one to take the plunge with! Since you’re a marriage and family therapist, I’ll go in the direction of my husband & I’s relationship. We’ve always struggled in the bedroom. I feel like he would rather not be intimate with me, so I have put up walls...

[@hannah-pd7kp]

thank you!

[@liv.cx96]

Timestamps :) 1. 0:47 2. 9:48 3. 17:50 4. 23:16 5. 31:20 6. 43:03 7. 48:41 8. 52:50 9. 1:00:00 (I have found these podcast episodes to be very helpful and really appreciate the time you put into making them!)

[@MabelRD08]

I loooove how you ALWAYS say WE on each answer, including yourself. It makes each question a lot more human and us struggling with the same do not feel so alone or weird. Thanks for your amazing work. Been a subscriber since your early videos with the cool colored wall or fabric❤️💐🙌🇩🇴Ily Momma Kinnion. P.S: Also thanks to Sean for his support to you and to us along the way🥹

[@Jackson.Miller]

I second this! It makes us as viewers feel so much more involved and tells us Kati is in the boat with us and has personal experience with these topics. I do it in my mental health videos too because it's important for people to know you're going through the same struggles.

[@EllieGrant1]

I hope you, Sean and pup have a lovely Christmas Kati. Merry Christmas to the whole community too!

[@askkatianything]

Thank you Ellie! You too! Merry Christmas :)

[@celeste5401]

Merry Christmas to you too, Ellie!

[@GamingRealmOfTheGods]

I started anxitey meds 2 days ago and now I can't sleep lol I'm so thankful for this video being posted so early for me to watch it and calm.

[@Jackson.Miller]

I know the feeling, I hope you get on a better sleep schedule with your meds soon🙂

[@GamingRealmOfTheGods]

@@Jackson.Miller Thank You! Hope all is well for you.

[@leahklein1405]

you rock. thank you Kati. I appreciate your insights. Your kind, calm, encouraging personality shines through. Be well!

[@HackNeyedOne]

I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU. You (and your communities questions) have been so validating, comforting and normalizing for me. I took the big step to start seeing a professional back in July due in part to/supported by your open and honest professional perspective. Its really helped encourage me to ask them more questions for my own comfort and understanding as well and to be less self-conscious/uncomfortable in my more vulnerable sessions. Thank you for taking care of us and taking care of yourself. :)

[@es8117]

For me when having therapy, when asked certain questions, I simply wouldn't know as I felt being put on the spot. It would take the conversation to move on and possibly be 5 or 10 minutes before that answer would come through when something else was being talked about.

[@Jackson.Miller]

I find this happens naturally with me as well! I can be asked one question and then talk about something else or tell a story that eventually works its way back to the main question.

[@sarabooen96]

thanks so much for all the content you put out kati! its always so insightful and they always seem to match up with what ive been dealing with haha :) i hope you are doing well

[@lizdestefano4905]

I hate crying and especially in therapy, but I've done it so many times because we talk about so many issues, and I have so many issues that I have bottled up over the last 20 years! But I feel very uncomfortable when I start crying, and she knows I hate it too, because I tell her I hate crying! She tells me, that's there a hidden emotion under neath my anger and tears! I keep on telling myself to stop, but I've always wondered the same thing what do I therapist think ! Honestly, I don't do well with other people crying. I don't doeal with other people's emotions, and I could never do her job! Sometimes I don't answer my therapist question because 1 I know I'll start crying because it's hard and 2 I over think my answer and I don't want her to know everything so I analyze my answers and try to figure how to answer her without her knowing the real answer!

[@Jackson.Miller]

Thanks so much for making this! It's great to know things from the therapist's point of view.

[@kreasiw]

Have a Merry Christmas Kati!

[@judyconte6566]

I have had a problem with food my entire life. I'm not anorexic & I am not Boleymac. I don't eat meat. I don't eat fish or vegetables with the exception of potatoes & I very rarely eat fruit. What you might ask do I eat, strictly carbs. The closest diagnosis I can find for this behavior is picky eating. I have tried multiple times in my life to change this behavior ( I'm now in my sixties ) it has ruined my life. I suffer from CPTSD caused by childhood drama and multiple adult Abusive relationships. I'm in therapy now for panic attacks & anxiety. My therapist is aware of my eating issues but I don't think she remember important things about me or could even pick me out of A-line up if her life depended on it. We've never had a face-to-face session as we do most of our work via the telephone.While it's nice to have somebody to talk to because I'm very isolated, I don't feel like we're making any progress & I don't feel healthy enough or capable enough to find a new therapist. I feel like I've gotten more help from you watching your videos than I have from my own therapist. I don't even know what I should be working on 1st. Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated. What should I be working on 1st ? Can I see 2 therapists at the same time for different things ? Can you point me in the direction of a therapist that deals with eating disorders ?

[@timtreefrog9646]

I have found phone sessions really awkward. Are you able to find someone who offers vidoe calls instead? You will make so much more progress. Take care and good luck 💞

[@bexsolo369]

It's so weird... I am perfectly capable of naming my emotions, but I've had substance abuse issues and been to rehab. They had the emotions circle and they had us irndentify our emotions every day 3x per day. Basically, I felt talked down to pretty much every day in rehab. I believe at least 90% of the people there when I was benefitted from that exercise. I've always been very introspective and I literally don't think I learned anything at rehab. I benefitted because of the 30 day break. I've been clean for 3 years, no cravings, no desires... so wtf is my problem?

[@joannebowles2163]

Thank you! I learn so much from your podcasts! Thanks for doing these- so helpful!! Merry Christmas to you and your family!! 🌲🌲🌲

[@kencarson7310]

Some times I have a hard time finding the words to describe how I'm feeling, at the moment when I'm talking to my therapist I'm feeling ok , so I say everything is fine with me .. that's at the moment so my response is based on " how are you feeling today?" Which I kick myself later because I feel like I wasn't being truthful with my answers. There's times that I don't feel my best.. but then by the time I have my next appointment I'm feeling better at that point of time so I don't mention that 4 days prior I was feeling bad .. I wish that when I was going through a rough time it would be during my session so that I could express myself and so he can see it .. but it never happens so by the time I see him again I'm feeling better that day, it's like I feel like I'm wasting his time and mine when every time he asks how are you doing today? I answer with the feeling I have at the moment which is generally good .

[@Jackson.Miller]

I hear you, I've always wondered what a therapy session would be like if it occurred right in the middle of a really tough time. When my therapist asks me how I'm feeling that day I just say something along the lines of, "I'm good today but three days ago I was really struggling." Maybe that might lead to more conversation about it?

[@JeanMarcCapaul]

Thank you for all the input. (Off topic: first thing I noticed was black clothes ... do therapists pay attention to what kind of colour(s) they wear during sessions - probably stupid question -?)

[@Im.SheenaV]

I’m in therapy and I struggle to be in the middle as well. I minimize my trauma.

[@janetslater129]

With hearing about people being child-like, it makes me wonder about those who choose to be an "adult baby." I've seen a few videos on youtube, and I know it's a consenual thing, but I do wonder why those people enjoy being a "baby" so much.

[@Jackson.Miller]

I read an article that said it's sometimes a form of dealing with past trauma but I'm not an expert so I'm not sure if that's true, and it probably isn't true for everyone. Just a thought 🤔

[@janetslater129]

@@Jackson.Miller I have heard that, too.

[@ryannesumbry4130]

Time stamps anyone??

[@anniekate76]

Done!

[@terry8373]

Merry Christmas!!!

[@LOLinCT]

No. Therapists get annoyed when we ask them questions THEY can’t answer.

[@janetslater129]

Okay. Can someone help out? Kati mentions "Toxic independence," and it's something that I would like to journal about. However, I cannot remember when she discusses it in this video. Does anyone have a time stamp for this?

[@chinesekungfu2031]

@26:00 Ngl your client prob had DID but was co-conscious... speaking from experience

[@JDWDMC]

I think therapists are more annoyed at being completely useless.