Does Sharing A Bed Destroy Your Sleep Quality? - Matthew Walker

[@ChrisWillx]

Hello you savages. Watch the full episode with Matthew here - kzbin.info/www/bejne/fpfCf4ejqpeorMk Get 10% off the world's comfiest sleep mask at mantasleep.com/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM

[@go9ro367]

My wife and I have been sleeping separately for 15 years now. We both sleep better separately. She’s a night owl. I’m an early riser. She’s cold. I’m hot. We take care of intimacy separately and regularly.

[@SuperConsie]

Since my wife and I started sleeping in different rooms, our sleep has dramatically improved and we both wake up feeling great. Our marriage and sex life has never been better.

[@notabannedaccount8362]

Instead my wife sleeps with her boyfriend. Working great for us!

[@Maureen-q6w]

😂

[@MatthewLloyd-l2d]

Great one pooh.

[@SKBottom]

Hilarious! 😅

[@notabannedaccount8362]

@ Thanks! I was just kidding. It’s her girlfriend.

[@MrRonny411]

I hope your wife's boyfriend gets enough sleep!

[@FlatToRentUK]

One of the best things we ever did was buy a Super King bed. The space to not disturb the other is fantastic.

[@valdius85]

Surprised that is rarely mentioned. Separate covers fixes some of issues in my case. I have an additional blanket, as I sleep much colder.

[@Melynda-uf5cg]

I like how they were able to discuss the topic with maturity.

[@valdius85]

A huge bed and separate covers can fix many of these issues.

[@ElderMoreMind]

This was our solution. Separate covers, separate sheets on a king size bed.

[@JacquelineRadcliffe]

Except for snoring.

[@lukeanthonyaveil9911]

Worked for us + king size bed frame with two single mattresses with a king size mattress topper

[@v9b23j]

13 years ago, My partner and I slept in the same bed at a hotel in Amsterdam where they provided two duvet covers. We both had solid sleep. I thought it was genius of the hotel to offer such a great solution!

[@Andrii87]

giving one duvet for 2 people i consider human torture by hotels :)

[@colincpritch]

My wife and I sleep in the same bed but have king bed with two twin duvet covers. This approach splits the difference for us since no one is pulling on the covers

[@joecowan3719]

Every couple needs to figure out what works best for them. My parents shared a full sized bed for 60 years, they hated sleeping apart.

[@lifeforgod07]

Next vid: how having kids ruins your sleep.

[@joelfildes5544]

/life…

[@hesmycat]

And then: How leaving your kids and inheritance can ruin your sleep

[@MatadorTheGreat]

Having kids is ruining your gains.

[@y2ksurvivor]

next: how existence isn't perfect and never will be

[@Its_backbecher_21]

Simple don't Marry 😂😂😂

[@MrZoltano]

Just as I always suspected. Now, forwarding this to my wife...

[@MatadorTheGreat]

same (I'm schizophrenic and don't have a wife)

[@Luckyp896]

😅

[@gaozhi2007]

I'm forwarding it to your wife as well.

[@theordinary1059]

It is important to remember that the actual objective quality of your sleep is not the only determinative in how you perceive the quality of your sleep to be. Hypothetically, if you sleep normally, but for any reason believe that you've slept worse, this belief often has a greater negative impact on your mood/cognition/health the following day than if you ACTUALLY slept worse but perceived your sleep to be good or greater than usual. But with this accounted for, if you and your partner both believed that sleeping seperately led to the best outcome for both of you, this may lead to optimal sleep for both! It could be that your perceptions about what leads to good or poor sleep is making you settle for an objectively worse alternative, but this is a highly individual matter. The critical task in a cohabiting relationship that wishes to determine a stable sleep-pattern would be to identify both individuals (personal and objective) sleep preferences and then being able to compromise with your partner if your sleep preferences do not align. It isn't impossible to imagine a world where one of you become dissillusioned with their primary sleeping pattern and this leading to greater negative consequences for the both of you, all because of something as seemingly harmless as a change in perception about sleep patterns.

[@13967237]

Here's the problem with this discussion. It starts way down the road from the actual problem: The Wage Cage. Having to wake up, start the commute and get in the office before 9am regardless of whether you are a night owl or an early riser is the problem. Women having better sleep and less stress and thus having more sexual desire is again created by ignoring the 9 to 5 and living more traditional, less stressful and more natural lives. We're trying to create these unnatural solo sleeping arrangements to fit the modern prison we've built for ourselves instead of trying to fix the inherent problem: we need to change how we work, who works, and when we work.

[@murielfischer6823]

Most underrated take. But i doubt the techbros will appreciate.

[@kiara4345]

Also, sleep is vital for women's hormonal health

[@metas1779]

I've always done king size bed with multiple blankets. Seems to help a lot.

[@geoms6263]

how you deal with the farts?

[@JadesFitnessBucketList]

what i have always said all along... separate beds has been what ive always done with my partner from years back to now. its been the best and i dont understand why its not the normal thing to do. ive always done it and even when we go on holiday we get separate beds in the room to ensure optimal sleep. i cant rate this enough

[@IceLynne]

My husband and I haven't slept in the same bed (or room) for at least 13 years. We both sleep better. Sleep is very important and so we do what we have to.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

How sad.

[@freshwildflowers]

Opposite for me. I used to have terrible sleep and unusually high anxiety at night. I moved in with my partner about 3 months ago now and sleep with her and two dogs on the bed and I'm sleeping the best I have in at least 5 years. I used to wake throughout the night and have difficulty falling asleep but now I fall asleep quickly and don't wake until my alarm.

[@IceLynne]

That's awesome!

[@AustrianEconomist]

That's awesome. I had the opposite happen unfortunately. I'm from Brazil and used to live in an apartment building, and every door in the house was solid wood with a lock (actual lock with a key). Moved to north america and here none of the houses have locking doors and the walls and doors are made of paper. Never felt so unsafe. Sleep quality down the drain with that weird feeling that someone's going to walk into my bedroom at night and I'll wake up with someone staring at me. Even with my partner in the bed, it doesn't help too much. Gotta get a place with some locking doors I guess lol!

[@TheOldMillennial]

I love these discussions, it can share what is right for some couples. When we built our home a few years ago we created two master suites so we could have our own bedroom spaces and not wake each other at night or cause issues when we have different bed times. Works well for us!

[@GameFuMaster]

exactly, sleep is an individual thing and also one of the most important things. Doesn't mean you can't snuggle every now and then and happen to fall asleep. Having separate beds/rooms is definitely a great way to actually improve a relationship, so you don't make your partner angry at waking them or whatever

[@cloudcyclone]

just having your own blanket/cover instead of sharing, it makes a massive diff!

[@joannekerr8839]

I knew this would be both fun AND interesting - and it didn't disappoint :)

[@gaozhi2007]

Me and my wives sleep in different houses. Works out great!

[@kestivo]

😂

[@legendbass66]

Matthew Walker chad arc is amazing to witness

[@gsomethingsomething2658]

He looks almost like a completely different person, including his face.

[@souldoula7436]

😂😂😂

[@garrybeynon3233]

How do we see his journey?

[@legendbass66]

@garrybeynon3233 Look at his first podcast with Rogan then first podcast with Chris Williamson and this one

[@lucflynn]

Absolutely insane - literally almost thought it was a different guy, I saw him on JRE all this years ago so I was like - wait is this vampire the same guy?

[@SuzanneRowell]

top reason is snoring.

[@yami4g63]

Me and my wife sleep in separate beds. Works out great for us.

[@atmospherichaze]

We have a split CA king. Two twin xl’s side by side. Best decision ever. I don’t think I could ever go back to sharing a bed for sleep.

[@wendysharpe4568]

The twin beds pushed together, with separate bedding or not, used to be quite common in UK, i used to see this amongst older generation particularly when i did community support work and those who used it swore by it for restful sleep. I also know of friends who are married who do this, during the week hubby has to be up ridiculously early so they pull the brds slightly apart then push together at weekends, they say it works a treat and they both get enough good sleep this way but still enjoy the comfort and intimate feeling of knowing the other is physically close by

[@C.amooni]

I would definitely do this because I hate sleeping next to someone 😅 this just seems like the best solution for people with a partner

[@Mag-g5s]

I dont know who came up with the idea of people sharing a bed. Its ridiculous everyone deserves to have their own space.

[@HotelSnob]

Poverty and necessity

[@JadesFitnessBucketList]

i think its down to people not being able to afford bigger houses with more rooms perhaps...because other than that i cant think of any reason other than being forced to either

[@NV-tn2jt]

I don’t know who created an idea of marriage… if I am to give you half of what I owe if we get separated, we sleep together and you listen to me snore 😂

[@Puzzlesocks]

Remember a time they didn't have great indoor heating in the winter. It's not that "someone came up with it" at all. Also I can speak as someone who preferred sleeping with a partner, but we were together for over 10 years and my sleep was actually ruined for several years after my partner passed away.

[@potapotapotapotapotapota]

Sleeping in the same bed is nice at the start of a relationship but once the infatuation wears off you really start to value getting sleep - especially if you are someone that already has sleep problems.

[@CommandoMaster]

U don’t even need to be a couple to know this. Any girl that sleeps over with me on the same bed, I barely get any sleep 😢

[@c3ka]

Chris you need to interview Dr. Mike Mew!!! I'm willing to bet most of your audience mews 😂

[@joeyfunk4327]

I needed to hear this today, thank you so much

[@theordinary1059]

It is important to remember that the actual objective quality of your sleep is not the only determinative in how you perceive the quality of your sleep to be. Hypothetically, if you sleep normally, but for any reason believe that you've slept worse, this belief often has a greater negative impact on your mood/cognition/health the following day than if you ACTUALLY slept worse but perceived your sleep to be as good or greater than usual. But with this accounted for, if you and your partner both believed that sleeping seperately led to the best outcome for both of you, this may lead to optimal sleep for both! It could be that your perceptions about what leads to good or poor sleep is making you settle for an objectively worse alternative, but this is a highly individual matter. The critical task in a cohabiting relationship that wishes to determine a stable & optimal sleep-pattern would be to identify both individuals (personal and objective) sleep preferences and then being able to compromise with your partner if your sleep preferences do not align. It isn't impossible to imagine a world where one of you become dissillusioned with their primary sleeping pattern and this leading to greater negative consequences for the both of you, all because of something as seemingly harmless as a change in perception about sleep patterns.

[@Acotl]

A split king (sleep number) bed has worked really well for us.

[@JayTeeAyy]

I’d sleep better knowing a have someone by my side…

[@74GenX]

Imagine the data for couples who share their bed with huge doggos 😂

[@ClaireGreen-wd2gm]

Cats with the zoomies at 3am are another terror attack on my sleep. Woke up ay 4am to the sound of the Christmas tree crashing down last month.

[@74GenX]

@ClaireGreen-wd2gm I had 5 cats who I bought plastic balls with bells in them. We called them jingly balls. All 5 cats would seemingly play combat socker at 3 am using the jingly balls. Absolutely hilarious!!

[@DanIngham]

I sleep so good with the girl I have been seeing recently. I don’t wanna get out of bed. Love the cuddling too much.

[@bumpupsapp]

Hey Everyone 🤠 Find the parts that interest you: 0:00 - Relationship between sleep and intimacy 2:00 - Sleep affects sex hormones and libido 4:00 - Importance of sleep for emotional connection 6:00 - Tips for sleeping separately together 8:21 - Discussion on famous couple sleep study 9:40 - Explanation of the two duvet solution 11:22 - Introduction to the Swedish method Chat with videos via Bumpups 🌲

[@barrykochverts4149]

My parents were together for 63 years. Mom said she never slept well when he was home (he snored), and Dad said he never slept well when he was on the road, away from her.

[@adqn9784]

Society changing information right here........

[@MrStreetninja007]

Me and my last ex slept in different rooms I'm a light sleeper and she snored heavily and I don't function without my sleep

[@notabannedaccount8362]

Well YEAH. You wouldn’t sleep with your Ex.

[@Puzzlesocks]

I know snoring isn't something you "try" to do, but if I had a snoring problem I would be doing everything within my power to stop it. Breathing exercises, managing my diet and weight, I'd even consider some form of Rhinoplasty. I'm a very light sleeper and I've been mind blown in my life at how many people and how absurdly loud some people manage to snore without waking themselves up.

[@TheAngryHippie]

YES. Girls I've tried sleeping next to simply cannot get off their damn phones which screws up my ability to sleep

[@djksan1]

5:23 “shorter nights, longer fights,” no one needed science to know this. 😂

[@Rammcesh]

When I moved in with my partner, we took that decision like 2 months in, separate rooms and all. This was one of the best decisions we took as a couple, it’s been 3 years, no regrets, we still love each other but with better sleep. 100% recommend it

[@JadesFitnessBucketList]

same! 100% recommend

[@mfhc9772]

Ground breaking stuff. I needed a doctor to tell me this!

[@GyMntg]

I hated sleeping next to my ex..

[@notabannedaccount8362]

Everyone wouldn’t like sleeping with an Ex.

[@Ducotevision]

😂😂

[@PHIL_PD]

my grandmother had advised me when i was a teenager, that when I get married, to go for separate beds... In due course, marrying a German we defaulted to the German or as you state, Swedish style of a king sized bed with separate mattresses and duvets...

[@laurawillingham1965]

That never blocks the horrendous noise from one who snores and has sleep apnea gasping episodes 40 plus times every night. And when the one causing that problem refuses to do anything about it, especially when that goes on for decades, that's a darn good sign that person is an absolute narcissist who couldn't care less about anyone in the person's home.

[@klayt2024]

How can I miss you if your never gone 😂 Honestly though, I like to sleep with someone sometimes.. I do enjoy it and I think there’s a time for that. That being said, having a good nice rest by one’s self is hard to beat.

[@jeannewatkins4074]

My husband has to sleep with the TV on. I had to move to another bedroom. He does not sleep well at all. He is a stubborn fellow regarding the tv.

[@mischiefthecat8399]

When my husband and I used to share the bedroom he constantly insisted on putting a TV in. I always refused. Eventually, we got seperate rooms (he's a shift worker, a snorer and moves around in bed alot, I've hit menopause and get light sleep and can't function on less than 7 hours sleep). He now has a TV in his room. Of course he does.

[@mischiefthecat8399]

My husband and I sleep seperated. He's on nightshift and I've hit menopause. Neither of us get a good sleep when we share a bed.

[@aroosa_fitness]

I was thinking about this recently it must be so difficult for light sleepers and people who are sensitive to noise

[@joelfildes5544]

We have two single mattresses,on one massive base…we have recently introduced two quilts,as I am generally boiling,and she is freezing…but tbh,when she gets up,normally early,I sleep like a baby,but,I AM 6’2”…she ain’t…

[@marksargent2440]

I know someone who said my husband likes the window open at night wheres i like it closed . In the summer she said sometime he will just go off and sleep on the coach or the spare room

[@TheProdigalMeowMeowMeowReturns]

Oxytocin from cuddling can make people have that subjective preference. But, don’t conflate “in average” with “always.” Weird mix of terms

[@hops2099x]

No bias. I’m single, have zero desire to go back to any of my exes; I’ve ALWAYS slept better, wake up feeling more refreshed when sleeping next to my partners.

[@brittanygray2742]

My husband started a new job working out of town about a year ago. He comes home for about 4 days every other week. I have not slept this well in 16 years. And when he is home, I will go sleep on the couch. 😂😂😂

[@SmallSmartDecicions]

Chris give me a list of books to read

[@kiara4345]

He already has oneeee

[@MrsBellaBrunette]

I sleep better when he’s not in sleeping with me but hate it because I feel so disconnected 😢

[@Carguyforlife]

Holy smokes Dr. Matt Walker looks like a country-rock singer from 2005. Haha! I was wondering what he had been up to since he was on JRE years ago.

[@Pbj925]

Matt Walker sure has changed his look. 😮

[@cx-zy7us]

Looks like he’s had a bunch of work done, doesn’t suit him

[@valdius85]

Brad Pitt now became an expert on sleep ❤

[@braysive4380]

I prefer sleeping in separate houses

[@jooosAREevil]

Hahah I’m awake can’t sleep and was thinking about when I used to stay at a girlfriends house, and she would get so mad when I would wake up at 3 AM and leave on my five minute motorcycle ride home so I could actually sleep😂 I hated it too but I couldn’t sleep

[@RyanWilliams222]

12:29 I want to know how this maps onto objective sleep quality. There’s no way the improvement is actually that large, is there? Wouldn’t it be impossible to ignore?

[@lukeanthonyaveil9911]

For some reason this dude reminds me ok Link from Zelda

[@kage239]

I thought those who shared a bed lived longer?

[@TheMohawkNinja]

Joke's on you, my sleep quality has sucked my whole life! That being said, there have a few times I've gone out and slept on the couch and have found it to be a much better experience than in the bed. I chocked it up to the couch being firmer and thus more comfortable to me, but maybe it's related to just sleeping on my own? Interesting thought.

[@SmallSmartDecicions]

Tarzan looks like he hasn't slept in a Couple years

[@Nathan-sw8kb]

It might not be as healthy but I wouldn't trade going to sleep every night with the women I love in my arms for anything in the world

[@mischiefthecat8399]

Why does Chris have two right arms after 6:50??

[@southerngirlsociety]

Chris - Imagine a person who grew up in the foster kid system, being bounced around from one place to the next, never really having a chance to build relationships with anyone who might be able to teach them all those skills, concepts, habits, and techniques that successful parents take the intentional time to teach their children as they're growing up... that person then ages out of the system, goes on to college and lives in the dorms because that's the best option for a roof over their head, but they're so far behind that they do their best to catch up, but they don't know what they don't know so they don't know the right questions to ask and the right places to look for help. They then graduate and get into their 30's and 40's and still feel so far behind because they just never got those foundational life lessons that so many other kids grow up getting, let alone, the life lessons many learn in college because they were set up so well for success by their parents before they even got there... so they're still behind and still struggling. THAT is me - and THAT is thousands of other people, believe it or not. What I would give to see you put together a complete video series that really digs in deep, starts with the basics, and then works its way up to learning how successful adults set themselves up for a well prepared and prosperous life. What are the habits they do each day? How do they organize they life and themself too? What do successful people know about money that poor people don't seem to get? What are those things successful people do differently that set them apart? I think you get where I'm going... I would sure love to see you do a full complete video series on basically, how to adult and how to adult successfully - there are so many more people out there who need this just as much as I do. I'm just the only one saying it. Any chance you'd be willing to do something of that nature? I'd sure be grateful if you did. (I need a step by step kind of game plan... I missed it all growing up.)

[@ivandansigmun3891]

Matt looks like he hasn't slept in ages.

[@xmn3]

You could argue having a couple also makes your sleeps worse due to arguments, stress or whatever… Gosh, sometimes you guys go too far…

[@needparalegal]

Depends on who you are sharing a bed with. A beautiful woman can add decades to your lifespan.

[@Natesinvestment]

Living ruins your sleep

[@matthewxx99]

why is he so beautiful all of a sudden

[@ferdinandbeck9719]

Has he had an insane amount of work done?

[@midwestg4105]

My sleep quality and quality of life improves just sleeping with the dog!😃

[@PJB-To-be]

Hey aborable's, Let me, let you all into the best kept secret ok? Sleep alone. Get your own little place. Same for your spouse of course. Who cares what anyone else says, thinks, or cares. Be really happy. Maybe not for newly weds but they're crazy anyway.❤😂

[@FatLingon]

Clicked video because title ran counter to my percieved experience. In short, I have long distance relationship. When sleeping together with my partner, I wake up more times a night. But when sleeping alone, I tend to wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back asleep. There could be other things at play though, as I think I calm down in her presence (I feel less stressed), so perhaps less cortisol is present in my blood when we meet. So, maybe I would sleep better alone also when we meet. But, we both like falling asleep and waking next to each other, also during the night. :D

[@RoyKeane45634]

did he transition?

[@cheeks7050]

Has this dude had plastic surgery?

[@y2ksurvivor]

he's a bit frightening

[@ivandansigmun3891]

he looks different than before

[@militiamc]

Who's arm is that at 6:55? Is that an AI generated arm? Is Chris Williamson using AI to generate this content?

[@militiamc]

oh its his leg. His leg looks like an arm! He's got an arm-leg!

[@mef536]

I would like to see the flip side. I struggle to sleep if my wife is not in the bed. When our kids were younger she would go sleep with them in their beds or brings them to ours. If they were with us fine apart from the ninja nights where they sleep like warriors. But the nights when she sleeps with them or I go away for work…. Goodness. I cant sleep.

[@y2ksurvivor]

that's honestly lovely to read.

[@mudhut4491]

⁠@@y2ksurvivoragree, that was lovely

[@fukun5773]

Great hair! He used to have a godawful haircut

[@Tomj2023]

I sleep better sharing a bed maybe it’s just me 👀

[@artsyfartsynerdywordy]

This!! Maybe it because I always shared rooms with siblings growing up, but I have the hardest time sleeping alone. If I don’t hear steady breathing or feel the warmth of somebody when I wake up in the middle of the night, it freaks me out. I can be alone if I have to, but it’s definitely not a preference. I like to cuddle for warmth too because I’m freezing cold always and I can hardly sleep alone without an electric blanket because I get so chilly. I also feel so much safer with my man next to me when sleeping, I’m small and weak and couldn’t fight off a bad guy if I needed to. Imagine you are in separate rooms and a killer comes in or something and your husband is on the other side of the house and you can’t fight him off 😳 no way, my man wouldn’t allow it. He has to be on the side closest to the door to be able to protect me if anything goes wrong or else he doesn’t feel comfortable.

[@krumbergify]

This is not news to parents of babies and toddlers 😂.

[@seancohen81]

I always make my girlfriend sleep on the floor.

[@v9b23j]

Orgasm is followed by the release of oxytocin and serotonin, which relax us and activate our parasympathetic nervous system. This is why our sleep quality improves afterwards.

[@DevDiryasAriDuvoireDarnevianAr]

Yo 0:17

[@DevDiryasAriDuvoireDarnevianAr]

Yo

[@dajdzawarrior3265]

If you can’t sleep next to your partner, it simply means the two of you aren’t compatible. That’s it. With a partner you truly love and are compatible with, you can sleep. And that’s it.

[@BBelle64]

Maybe true for you. I adore my husband and he adores me. Between tv, snoring, temperature and fidgeting issues, preventing a good nights sleep can make you irritable the following day. Starting out in the same bed for cuddling (etc) and good conversation, keeps your intimate relationship strong. Retiring afterwards to your private sleeping quarters for a good nights rest keeps your relationship solid. Works beautifully for us.

[@powmod1]

That's such a reductive point of view No matter how much you love your partner, you cannot sleep and have a healthy life with a heavy snorer

[@dajdzawarrior3265]

@@BBelle64 I wonder how long you’ll be able to stay next to your husband like that, because I believe that over time, the intimacy between two people fades. I hope that won’t be the case for you. So, all the best.

[@dajdzawarrior3265]

@ There are people who are tolerant of snoring, who generally have a higher tolerance threshold when it comes to noise.

[@BBelle64]

@@dajdzawarrior3265 Together since 2000, sleeping separate since 2012. Never better.

[@Goomyfan-r6g]

How do hunter gatherers sleep?

[@ivandansigmun3891]

with everyone

[@makelifematter1896]

I sleep better having my man next to me❤

[@TheBigD_]

Depends who you sleep next to Chris (haven’t watch the vid yet, just responding to title so may need to revise this comment😂).

[@ifell3]

Who wants to sleep in the wet patch - see ya 😅