Domestic abuse victims say police not doing enough to protect them

[@abbieroseholden4174]

We need tougher punishments

[@joanfregapane8683]

Isn’t harassing and causing property damage crimes in the UK? Why can the police not do something?

[@Metonymy1979]

They can't prove in court who did it. It's not easy to convict someone without evidence it was him.

[@not_ever]

The entire legal system is broken and there is likely an undercurrent of systemic classism and misogyny.

[@princevegeta1819]

They fear being labelled as racists lol

[@latifahegg-gg7ti]

Because as well as expecting you to collect your own evidence and play detective, the police expect you to be the perfect victim. Which is impossible if you've been through trauma your bound to be flawed.

[@2toneguy]

​

[@ddjf3337]

At this point the question is who isn’t the system failing apart from the wealthy people of Britain.

[@TheXantaur]

You guys need to learn from the French

[@Sad_Bumper_Sticker]

Wealthy wifes also are victims of domestic abuse by tie wearing high-powered job holding CEO husbands who are able to continue the abuse for decades without consequence. Domestic Abuse concerns women of all classes and financial circumstances.

[@eugeneallison7457]

The American justice system is also failing women here as well

[@zzizahacallar]

This is sad. I grew up in abuse by my brother; it changes you.

[@DuchessCecelia72]

Isn’t that the tragedy? It does change you and no amount of sorry’s will change things back to the way they were. You can’t un-ring a bell!

[@hotsause123]

​@@DuchessCecelia72you could ring my bell?

[@sadikmeah4057]

I am a former police officer with GMP and I agree to some extent that the culture of the police service is not conducive to dealing with domestic violence issues. In many cases it is seen as a hindrance and officers like myself were encouraged, especially during peak times, to speed up the process which meant victims were not afforded satisfactory service. In some cases left to fend for themselves. I myself was challenged on numerous occasions when I spent too much time with victims, in some cases even accused of trying to avoid doing 'proper' police work. The problem is, like in any government organisation, there is a lack of accountability where even senior officers at the very top are more concerned about what the police service can do for them, IE pension, promotion etc, rather than for crime victims.

[@fairy12324]

Thank you for your honesty x

[@DuchessCecelia72]

Sir, it is very important that people who have served in the police speak out as you have just done. A brave action. I know some of your former colleagues would possibly take offence by you speaking out but since you have done it, others might follow your good example. It means more than you perhaps realise and I thank you on behalf of all survivors of DV. One of the early examples of violence I suffered as a young woman of around 18 springs to mind. I had been asleep with our young daughter, she was around a year old at the time. Later I had to called my father that evening as the baby was crying and crying and I couldn’t get her to settle. I had tried all the usual solutions but nothing seemed to comfort her. My partner was out drinking. My father suggested that perhaps her upset was due to me being so unsettled and he suggested I have a small glass of wine to relax and then she might also settle. I tried it and it worked. I was sat on the floor in front of the tv with my little glass of wine as my daughter played with her toys. She kept pulling at the glass as I drank it. She wanted to share, bless her. Obviously, I couldn’t allow that so I went and got an identical glass, filled it with apple juice and when she came back to me I held her glass of juice for her so she felt she was sharing with mummy. When we were finished I put the two, now empty glasses on the stone fireplace and off we went to bed. I remember waking abruptly as he returned in the early hours. That awful feeling of dread, what was coming next? I heard him go into the living room, switch the light on and paused for what felt like a very long time. The next thing I knew was him bursting into the bedroom, the light getting switched on and being bodily dragged out of bed. He manhandled me through to the living room and demanded to know who I had, had in the flat when he was out. And drinking wine with whoever he imagined had been there was obviously upsetting him. I tried to explain but he thought it was a story I had concocted and nothing I could say was resolving the situation. You can’t argue with a drunk person! Of course, things escalated and I was now standing in the corner of the room as he punched me repeatedly on the same spot on my arm demanding the truth. One of his favourite lines at that time was ‘you WILL fu%£ing cry’. Needless to say, no I didn’t but that, in hindsight, maybe wasn’t my smartest move but it is what I did. When he left the room briefly I called for help. The police came and there was a long conversation. On this one occasion I got the right policeman. My partner was told to sleep on the sofa and I was to return to my room with my daughter. Not liking being told what he could and couldn’t do in his own home and especially with me my partner began to argue. This policeman waited until his partner went to the hall to speak on his radio and then went down to my partners ear level as he was sitting. In a very quiet but determined tone he said ‘you WILL go to sleep on that sofa and you will NOT get back up until morning because if I have to come out here again tonight Sir, you and I are going to have a problem’ although my partner was clearly unhappy about being spoken to in this manner, his face all red with frustration, he was a great deal smaller than this policeman so reluctantly agreed. The policeman then spoke to me with kindness and told me to take myself and my daughter back to bed and put something in front of the door but should I have any further problems to call the police station and ask for him personally. My partner heard this clearly and there was no further problem that night. I have never forgotten that man’s kindness as it was one of the few times I experienced that kind of compassion. I do not remember his name, I wish I did but people never forget a kindness like that. I know he would quite probably have been ridiculed by his colleagues if I had, had to call them back out that night. He may have even gotten into trouble for it from his superiors. That is a man who was right for the job but they are very rare indeed.

[@Mcfc2Rich]

GMP aren't conducive to anything except traffic policing, sitting in town at 16:10 with a speed camera trying to bill those who pay their wages and anything else considered easy crime. Won't even answer their phones nvm visit you after a crime

[@natasharalph866]

Can't be easy for you guys at all :(

[@kevl1747]

Joking aren’t ya. Police aren’t interested anymore unless they can make some money from it. Don’t attend burglary’s but will do road work all day long as that’s where the money is. Fines and impounding cars make them money. If they find an uninsured car they get to auction it off and take most of the profit.

[@Mary-po4ti]

She is terrified. Poor poor lady. She is high-risk. So sorry for her😢

[@Nushka23]

Funny, the language South Yorkshire police used. “I’m sorry you FEEL let down…”. I’m not sure apologising for someone’s emotions is an apology.

[@garryleach767]

Sounds like a lack of accountability from the police. I'm sorry you feel let down.

[@Hiforest]

It's probably what they are allowed to say. Admitting fault wouldn't be allowed (because then there's a record of them taking responsibility and makes sueing them easier).

[@Zeoooooooo]

When someone says "I'm sorry you feel that way" it puts the guilt back on the persons feelings.

[@pppp67567]

I found the Police unreliable and untrustworthy in my own harrassment and stalking case. It was extremely depressing. I understand why people say not to trust the Police now. They protect those they think are like them despite those people being abusers. Admitals and evidence don't change that either.

[@betterwithwinebetterwithwi2359]

Unreliable and untrustworthy I felt that😢

[@DuchessCecelia72]

It is truly sad that both myself and my adult daughters would never consider calling the police in such circumstances. They would be the last people I’d contact. In most cases they made things worse.

[@Nushka23]

I was told by a female officer, despite having over 100 documents detailing historic abuse from an individual now perpetrating a campaign of harassment: “You’re not making any sense”, “You can’t even tell me one way in which you were abused”. Only when I stated I will contact a solicitor to see if they think differently did her attitude change. By then, I had no intention of communicating with her any further.

[@marinamarley956]

They are worse than the abuser because they also have the legal powers

[@tonyadams8812]

I had the same issue with a next door neighbourwho lives in Hertfordshire . He got convicted of harassment ....after 17 years! Biggest C@nt you will ever meet

[@Aza-yk8re]

Unless he put in jail they can't fully protect you one must take action to protect themselves the best way possible.

[@Nushka23]

@@marinamarley956 🎯 spot on.

[@alfieaolomons6560]

yes

[@originalunoriginal4055]

The first case is clearly an issue of controlling and cohesive behaviour. The court found him guilty of stalking and assault by beating. Yet, release the violent individual back into the community by issuing a suspended sentence. You might as well issue a "not guilty" decision.

[@jasmines.6325]

Once they have a restraining order they should have to wear an ankle bracelet that tracks their movements

[@maigepresents5840]

How is it that standing on a pavement recording a police station (a right, protected by law) gets a faster police response than repeated abuse of a human being?

[@nickiw1979]

When I called South Yorks police a few weeks ago at 2am when my (now ex) was filming me in bed, the (trainee) officer and her partner left him in my house and just told us not to argue ! They have since apologised but he stole my car, house deeds & credit cards the next day ! They are not trained in narcissistic abuse

[@mr.melontoyou]

I’m so sorry that you went through this. The police have no idea what they’re doing. You are not alone!

[@nickiw1979]

@@mr.melontoyou thank you 🙏 I agree, they at least admitted they got it wrong days later once the case got reviewed but that didn’t really help

[@gedia8568]

Yet the police will quickly arrest you for swearing at them .😢😢

[@Christinebanks11]

No first amendment. 🇺🇸

[@candyman5912]

Don't swear at them then

[@gedia8568]

@candyman5912 lol if they have time for that why not help people who are facing this much abuse... I bet you fed 😏

[@kahyui2486]

​@@candyman5912people have the right express themselves how they want especially in moments of high emotions. Unless a member of public complains about swearing in public then the police should frankly grow up. Wasting taxpayers money on naughty words. A few years back even the head of the met police sent a warning out saying to all police and newbies "do not sign up for the force if you can't handle some swear words". Pathetic, grow up.

[@TheXantaur]

​@@Christinebanks11GOD BLESS AMERICA, THE LAND OF THE FREE AND HOME OF THE BRAVE

[@thomasanders1314]

Poverty exposes the most vulnerable.

[@w.urlitzer1869]

the police should be sued every time they ignore these victims. they are effectively complicit in crime. imagine to have to fear for your life daily.

[@v.j.bartlett]

What I had to go through in High School, every day I was afraid that today was the day they were going to r*** me til I bled. The teacher's attitudes? I needed to learn to take a joke.

[@Bringon-dw8dx]

Define ‘ignore’. I know police working in DV. They have too many cases. They often get emails saying ‘have you looked into x yet’ but they just haven’t had the time due to the number of cases each officer has to carry and investigate. They aren’t intentionally ignoring people, they just don’t have the time

[@flowerpower7288]

When i was standing in bits of plaster and hugging my terrified 10-year-old child after an ex smashed up my room, the first thing the police asked me was whether i really thought it was a crime, because for some people this was just normal.... wtf??!! They are so complicit with the abusers and normalising, minimising and belittling of abuse.

[@LillithVexx]

I was called over dramatic, hysterical and told that him r-ping me must've been something I'd agreed to - I was left to fend for myself at the start of lockdown, Thank goodness I managed to get out of there without police or council help in the end. I hope you and your son are okay x

[@flowerpower7288]

Yeah, we're okay now thanks, he sent a couple of death threats after (police did nothing again) but that was a couple of years ago. Last I heard he was homeless 😕 system failed us both.

[@JamaicanToast]

Was the ex in question the father of your child?

[@flowerpower7288]

Thankfully not. But he is the father of 2 younger children.

[@DuchessCecelia72]

@@LillithVexx you poor woman, it angers me beyond belief that what you described you went through is given so little understanding. To the point that in this country 1 in 3 women have suffered some form of sexual abuse or harassment. In what universe is that an acceptable situation? You are clearly a very strong and capable lady. I hope things are much better for you now and I pray that the opportunity will present itself in the future where this person will be forced to accept responsibility for their actions. Much love xx

[@maxpaws3977]

I know a woman who was harassed by a Police officer for 7 years with the police service basically telling her to f off after all her complaints to them. Only after covert filming and a letter of claim to that UK police force did it finally stop. But that didn't effect that police officers job, he's now a sergeant today.

[@Abbyrose22222]

My best friend took her own life last year after reaching out to the police on many occasions. she had multiple injuries which the police saw and all they did was give her an alarm and went on their way. She got attacked again and this time it was really bad and that was the last time she did. Beautiful young girl failed by the system. She needed protecting.

[@alexgriffith1001]

Heartbreaking. I'm very sorry, may she rest in peace!❤

[@Abbyrose22222]

@ thank you xx

[@flowerpower7288]

FYI: According to a freedom of information request to the metropolitan police, of the 95,000 reported cases of domestic abuse in 2021 only 50 were deemed to be false. That's about 0.05%.

[@areyoutryingtosay]

lol maybe you should ask them how many of the 95,000 were actually guilty. Do you think they're going to say 94,950? of course the 50 number is meaningless, ask them how do they count the false allegations? they have almost no idea which allegations are false and which aren't. Most of them they'll say we don't know who is telling the truth. do you think they're going to admit to so many false arrests? Did they prosecute 94,950 people?

[@SonjaMorrison-i7j]

Yes. And it has failed them for centuries.

[@Kiki-yw9kc]

It’s a dark place to be in , I am currently living a life of misery due to my abusive husband of 23 years

[@LillithVexx]

I hope you find a way out safely

[@Zeoooooooo]

Are you in the UK?

[@bonariablackie4047]

I want to notify domestic abuse survivors of some important information. If you are suffering from abuse, or have escaped and are still harrassed by your abuser, it is very important you notify the police of every single event, even if the police do nothing. The reason is that, you can go to your local council Housing Aid department, tell them what is happening and to ask the police for the evidence and you WILL be able to move to another area, regardless of whether you have a local connection or not. I would also suggest keeping a diary with dates and what happened and take photographs of any smashed windows etc as evidence you can supply straight away. You can move to any area you want, but you can only move away once. After that, you would need a local connection to any area you want to move to. So go to your local Housing Aid department without delay.

[@livelife5947]

Yes you’re right, brilliant advice. Documenting absolutely everything & gathering as much evidence as possible is vital. Thank you 👍

[@flowerpower7288]

Totally agree 👍

[@donahboddami]

Whilst not a domestic abuse situation I have been a target of Stalking & Anti social behaviour from a neighbour with evidence. Police assured me it was serious after an incident in august after it began in feb when moved here. I reluctantlyi ended up calling them out as I have little faith in criminal justice or the police in situations like this. I had been in a women's refuge many years ago & was appalled at attitudes & stigmas & that police saw victims as burdens. There is a very sick culture we have in the UK of "must of deserved it" "this happens to everyone" or you are not believed & it is filtered throughout. We still live in the dark ages. I was accepted for housing after months of desperately looking privately but it didn't mention I was accepted or priority for this reason. Police hadn't been in touch Other than answer messages after giving them updates & although I had given more evidence they had still not got round to speaking/arresting him. He listens in at my bedroom window ffs. I was advised to apply for a grant for help with home items to which I was interrogated by the decision maker who contacted the police as he did not want to consider me for a grant at all. The police then contacted me as they had not spoke to me since they were called out back in August. Told twice by an officer over the phone that there were more horrific crimes being dealt with. I told them I understand but know that if I feel threatened in person I will protect myself by any means necessary. Told not to do anything stupid. It won't be anything stupid trust me. It's stupid that we have laws that do not protect people and they die whilst these no self control having people can do what they like with no consequences to their actions! The police have not spoken to him yet about it. Told me they were going to speak to him the other night & Ib told them to wait until I've moved now as I do not trust he wont react as they are not going to arrest simply tell him he can't come near me or he'll be arrested Crazy laws. I move this week. Whilst this is a minor in comparison the experience had left me hypervigilant feeling unsafe in my home. Domestic abuse & stalking should be a priority police & community issue. I'm still baffled how a criminal can stay in the home he/she did the crime while the victim of the crime is put into a refuge. My situation was not a partner but a family member who attacked me in my sleep & I ended up in a refuge. I said it back then, why am I in here & not my home. The criminals should have to go to a flippin refuge or prison whatever. Even the process of keeping "victims" safe is full of faults & causes degradation of wellbeing. Children are uprooted from homes whilst the criminal lives as normal?!!@ Make it make sense

[@kee1234.]

They will only allow this move if your in a refuge or temp accomodation, they wont do it if not.....my experiemce curremtly!

[@bonariablackie4047]

@@kee1234. If you can supply evidence, ie police reports, or hospital reports who can verify that injuries ware caused by domestic abuse, you need to give them to your local Housing Aid office. If you visited your GP and told them about the abuse and showed them the injuries, you need to get a report from them. If your work colleagues saw bruising or other injuries, you need to mention that. If there are other forms of control, like money for example, that can easily be shown. Nobody should be stuck in a domestic abuse siituation. I used to work for Housing Needs, but I worked very closely with Housing Aid, and I did refer people who rang us citing domestic violence to them. Believe me when I say that Housing Aid will look at your case and if they can ascertain current domemstic violence is occurring, you will be able to move to another area.

[@eleanorwalmsley635]

I despair of Britain

[@SnackAttack6]

I grew up in DV and it traumatised me for life, I’m 62 now, 2 failed marriages due to DV and nothing has changed with the attitude of the police or law

[@tomh6588]

@D-jj5dy There are +60 million people in the UK. It's safe to say the vast majority are not committing abuse on their partners. Sorry to think you had some horrid past experiences but thought it might help to put some perspective into the mix.

[@SnackAttack6]

@@tomh6588 the subject is about DV, not the +60 million who are happy with their partners, think you watching the wrong video mate

[@tomh6588]

I was replying to D-jj5dy's guidance to stay SINGLE. As if all relationships are abusive, which is obviously not the case.@@SnackAttack6

[@meahdahlgren5875]

​@D-jj5dyright

[@siaosigreen4126]

imagine getting your windows smashed by a man who rides a kids bike.

[@mazybee9149]

The local police in my area take selfies outside housing estates to say they hit their targets of checking in on vulnerable people and publish them to social media, not realising that some might be vulnerable or the domestic abuse group. I had to point it out to councillors the impact that could have on a person's safety and security. They are inequipped, they do these one day training courses to tick a box and think that's it, don't become officers if you cannot be bothered to invest your time to help us. The lack of education they have is astounding too. They don't even have emotional literacy. Its survivors who are going into to train these officers and even doctor surgeries. Glad this raises awareness as it's about time. The cps has a threshold of what constitutes domestic abuse crime, they ask for email trails and no face to face meetings so how do they know it reaches the limit? I could go on...terrible justice system 😪

[@kokodizzle2964]

I was repeatedly assaulted by my mother’s tenants son. The police would arrest him then the detectives would release him and allow him back into the property I was staying out with No further action. One incident when he grabbed my wrists and punched me I had footage of it I showed it to the police and they were like we don’t have an available van to arrest him.

[@natasharalph866]

:(

[@Kashmere-w9n]

So sorry you went thru that ❤️🙏

[@bub8002]

Financial abuse is also rife thanks to the genius move the make one person receive a couples joint claim, making it even harder for people being abused to leave

[@flowerpower7288]

Hard to leave a financially abusive partner when they have all the control and money. I wasn't eligible for legal aid because of HIS income...lol

[@DuchessCecelia72]

This is the point though isn’t it? The general public, even the police, don’t realise how complex the issue can become. When the abuser spends so much time considering their options and how to prevent the victim from having more control over their own life or finding a way to get out of the situation, the issues become impossible for the victim to unravel. Very often the victim doesn’t even realise there is a problem while the whole time the abuser is putting things in place behind their partners back so by the time the victim realises they are in trouble, they are already trapped. There needs to be actual University or College courses on this subject, it’s that complex!

[@DuchessCecelia72]

This has always been the Tory parties way of thinking and you are absolutely right. This plays right into the hands of any abuser. Financial abuse is a key component in their abusive controlling tool kit. But, with any luck a new government will come in and change it all back. It is a revolving door I’m afraid.

[@angelrocco2024]

Ive survived 1 relationship like that....glad to say nobody controls me now😊 and knowing the signs of a narcissistic person and personality does help a person come to terms with how the victim feels because the perpetrator has no empathy for anything or anybody....🙄 i did a course about it and it didn't happen again❤

[@angelrocco2024]

My ex is dead now and has been since 2012 so end of that💩🙊

[@Cocomoon28]

I'm a domestic abuse survivor and during that dark time, the police were awful. Not only did they victim blame, they also threatened to call social services on me which meant I was then too scared to call them again the next time he broke into my house whilst we were all sleeping to force me to take him back which I then did. I eventually escaped by fleeing abroad with my two children and our whole life whittled down to 2 suitcases. He literally drove around Europe in my footsteps to look for me putting up "missing posters" with our photos on. That's how difficult it was to escape, no thanks to the police. Unfortunately all my dealings with the police as a victim has made me loose not only faith but trust in them. Most of the officers seemed to be rude, haughty and arrogant with no compassion or integrity to plain abuse of power from what I have experienced unfortunately.

[@よしこさん-g4p]

My experience also, back in the day felt the police were racist because I'm not white, speak broken English and The women police have no sympathy for me like I deserved to it or something.

[@mr.melontoyou]

Yes they victim blame the cop who spoke to me called me didn’t even take a statement from me spoke to me so rudely and condescendingly and told me what my ex had said to me which I’d heard from my ex whilst we was abusing me. So, the cop re- traumatised me! Blaming me for him abusing me that it was my fault. Which is what my ex did! Blamed me!

[@water9baby972]

No they most certainly do not do enough!

[@bigsmoke4568]

The system is failing pretty much everyone these days

[@bigsmoke4568]

@D-jj5dy What are you on about? When did I say they were lying?

[@sylviaball3874]

Police not doing anything for anyone

[@meahdahlgren5875]

R6

[@meahdahlgren5875]

Right

[@JodieTarot]

After having attended court twice to gain 2 restraining orders for 2 offenders.. it made no difference whatsoever. So after going through the emotional turmoil of court for the orders to hold 0% power.. what's the point. If you're facing abuse.. stay strong & stay away from them. I'm a survivor!!! #loveshouldnthurt 💜

[@mr.melontoyou]

❤2u2

[@DuchessCecelia72]

I am a survivor of domestic abuse, stalking, harassment and controlling behaviour for 32 years. I can completely understand how this young woman feels. I sympathise completely and I can concur that her experience is real. The police did nothing in my case either and in fact even told my abuser where I was hiding on one occasion. It took me moving out of the area to finally get free of it. He tried to follow me but thankfully he couldn’t get close enough to really affect my life in any real way anymore. I had hoped things had improved for victims and their children but it looks like things are going backwards again. So disappointing. A labour government did more but even that didn’t go far enough. How many women have to die before someone does something?

[@moa3605]

​@@johnwood-stoddard4600 who are you to judge someone who experienced abuse. Use the little brain left,and have empathy

[@nothanks1239]

​@@johnwood-stoddard4600 This makes me think you are an abuser. Making excuses for abusers. You're projecting. Get some help and quit being a waste of oxygen.

[@DuchessCecelia72]

@@johnwood-stoddard4600 how dare you, you know nothing about me. It seems to me you are the one projecting your bullshit onto others. Which tells the world a great deal more about you than it does about me. I have never deliberately hurt anyone in my life. Can you say the same?

[@natasharalph866]

I felt those words when you said they told him where you was. It happened to me too and I understand how scary it is 😢

[@nothanks1239]

@@DuchessCecelia72 lol looks he deleted his comment. What an absolute pleb. Don't let these cretins get to you.

[@legomovieman2]

We ask why don't the police do anything, yet never ask the question, why are WE the people not allowed to defend ourselves?

[@Christinebanks11]

Come to the light . 🇺🇸😆

[@wc8246]

​@@Christinebanks11nah we've seen what happens in your schools mate xD

[@Bringon-dw8dx]

We are…

[@mahoganysoulll]

@@Christinebanks11 the light? You can’t even go to the supermarket or school without a possible mass shooting. Domestic abuse victims are also getting shot in America….

[@meahdahlgren5875]

Legomovieman2 right

[@livelife5947]

If you’re a woman experiencing DV & you call the police for help, truth is the police are more likely to arrest you than your abuser. If your abuser gets injured while attacking you or you fight back & he gets injured while attacking you, the police will arrest & charge you. According to the police officers & lawyers I’ve spoken to about this, You’ve got zero right to defend yourself. You’re expected to call the police while you’re being attacked, wait for the police to turn up & hope you’re not murked in the meantime. Oh & my favourite, when the abuser is in *YOUR HOME* & won’t leave, if you call the police, they’ll probably make up some excuse to arrest you like “disturbing the peace” & call social services for your kids if you have any. If you’re concussed after an assault (which you most likely will be) officers will use the opportunity to get you to sign a false confession. They’re also known for ignoring medical requests from DV victims in custody. I’m speaking from experience btw. Just be warned ladies, DV is no joke & the police will NOT help you, they’re more likely to help your abuser. Most of them are total misogynists & that includes the female officers, they’ll almost always take the man’s side over yours. However there are many absolutely fantastic charity organisations that can help you with advise, legal matters, housing & counselling.

[@flowerpower7288]

I did call the police during an attack. I was physically assaulted and he was punching holes in my walls whilst I was on the call, my kids were terrified. Thankfully he left. But he later tried to suggest I had pushed him, I was told I wasn't being prosecuted because he'd caused criminal damage and assault first so it was therefore reasonable for me to try to get him to leave my home!! (P.s I didn't touch him anyway, he was 6ft and scary af)

[@James_Doyle83]

Goes both ways men need to be warned too with violent women and if you don't believe me there are many evil women out there including Lucy letby who killed babies

[@tomh6588]

What happens to men that are victims of DV? Serious question.

[@ursulasmith6402]

​@@tomh6588That doesn't exist.

[@tomh6588]

@@ursulasmith6402 lol ok..

[@gbalcombe]

Completely agree. I lost my stepmum to my "dad" due to incompetence of the services. He used to beat my mum, and has been inside for 17 years now. The effect it has had on us children is horrid and it's overlooked completely. I've had almost no support from the services and none at all through the police.. I recently applied to CICA, but that has been refused as I need to prove my stepmum was a parental figure, even though I'd lived with them both for 5+ years and she loved me like a son as I did a 2nd mum. She arranged for me to move bk with my mum as she believed Pewsey was a bad place and I would have a better life with mum... 6 weeks later he strangled her... Another thing that would require "extensive investigation, that I lived with them, as I was told.... Basically prove it matters..I miss her everyday, and feel shame and guilt. But I'm no one to anyone. Another lost soul waiting for death

[@Cocomoon28]

So sorry for your loss and that you didn't get the help or support you clearly needed. You should not feel shame or guilt for something that was not your fault. Please reach out to someone if you feel like you cannot cope. I hope you find some peace in your life soon.

[@INFJ2]

Worked in DV for my Bachelor's degree at a DV Shelter. What seems to be the major legal loophole is until the Restraining Order gets VIOLATED, nothing can be done. The most dangerous time is which DV victims leave. They are in the MOST danger leaving. As a victim of being stalked myself it took MANY MANY TIMES for Dude to finally stop. He was put in the Hospital for psychosis and it finally stopped

[@LillithVexx]

This is true - I managed to escape almost 4 years ago now and mmy abuser is still posting about me and trying to find me (I find out at random times when people message me or see me around, letting me know they've heard or seen things about me from him) it never ends.

[@Cocomoon28]

Mine took about 4 years to completely go away, I was getting police raids even though he didn't know my address for years afterwards every so often when he'd call up the police and make some outlandish story to them, to the point where I told them he's harassing me through you can you not see as it's an "annoymous" caller and they don't even have my address and yet you all still make a big scene banging down my door at stupid hours with 3 police cars and countless officers over fake calls! I was being terrorised through the police, which makes a mockery of the system. The last time he called them he told them he had murdered me, of course another scene as ofc they thought they were finding a body but thankfully that was the last it happened which was a couple of years ago now so it does stop eventually.

[@hayleydoherty9557]

Hide her name but show where she lives and enough of her to recognise and definitely be able to identity her from her voice, crazy

[@meahdahlgren5875]

Right

[@railwaychristina3192]

I am a probation officer and deal with DV abusers ..some of whom have been given 3 or 4 community orders for violence against their victims before a judge reluctantly gives them a 9 week jail sentence. A rapist of a 15 year old given unpaid work....it goes on.

[@DuchessCecelia72]

I cannot imagine the frustration you must have dealing with this day in and day out. I certainly couldn’t do what you do.

[@josephineayebare2315]

It's absurd that there's no support for victims after the court. They continue to face stalking, harassment. It seems like a punishment to the victims that lasts .. And the stigma that comes with it is unbelievable. Sometimes when a victim reports to police about stalking incidents, the response is call us when you see someone at your door! ....

[@DelightfulCabezonFish-ni9iu]

Too many bullies😮

[@samanthahardy9903]

It also doesn't help when local councils place "women at risk" in accommodation in the same area as the abuser!

[@beckyjones6062]

Such a hard man on a babies bike knob

[@CdnEnjoyLife]

My kids and I are currently dealing with CAS and I have been told by the supervisor at CAS that their rules are to encourage the children to be with their father as much as possible. CAS supervisor has also told me that they only view abuse as EXTREME physical or sexual.....that is literally what a CAS supervisor said to me recently. I called and left a message of concerns with the director of our local CAS and she has not returned my phone call. This is not a family culture thing.....this is a broken system. I was born and raised in Ontario and I feel abandoned when seeking help for my kids and I. The courts rely on CAS and police yet the police and CAS blame the courts for being responsible....no accountability so the cycle will continue.

[@James_Doyle83]

I hope people know domestic violence goes both ways not just men against women as men can be in a domestic relationship too

[@loobygee1794]

Most of the perpetrators are police

[@meahdahlgren5875]

Right

[@kalelake3067]

Really horrible; please help this young lady.. ☮️💜

[@iblamereality]

I’ve called the cops twice about my toxic abusive stalking ex and they didn’t care at all. They didn’t care at all that he was beating on me and told me to just go get a restraining order which would cost me $300-$400 dollars 😐 but if I were to protect myself, I’m sure I’d end up going to jail for it. Jeez.

[@emmafletcher9189]

I'm sorry but her face when she was asked about the home secretary showed that the government won't do anything.

[@barrymac4431]

Domestic abuse is men and women and not just women who are attacked

[@abbieroseholden4174]

And yes we all know Domestic abuse is both genders. It is really frightening that the victims get stalked and harrased that much they think they will die 😢😢😢

[@mahoganysoulll]

Yeah, and we also know who the main perpetrators are.

[@JD-te6vm]

Sad circumstances. From a man speaking, I say Protect women!

[@Nightskyvibes1]

❤

[@sharonellis8776]

I have never regretted leaving an abusive partner. Now I live alone which is much better. xx

[@jotheakston2405]

The pr**k on a mini bike! Sad “man”!

[@samkerr117]

HEAR. HEAR. They are not doing enough to protect us. More like cover up for THEM

[@aafiaturkey6748]

Kier Starmer must be so proud with the reduction in prosecution, given he was previously in charge of the CPS

[@RickyJohn-sp1ed]

Well it’s time we took it into our own hands & helped young women like this

[@yokomotooto1255]

It says more about society than the police.

[@n0thersist3r]

Yes they're not. After I was assaulted they just told me to save up and move out. I'm disabled, mentally ill with chronic pains. A year later assaulted again, that is when they finally arrested him. I still have a painful back from being pushed into an object 3 years ago.

[@drumnbassdan]

Yes, as a Male victim i feel nothing gets done, the police make you feel like the aggressor, they always assumed it was me that was the one dishing the violence and aggression, never came to the house open minded, after 11 years the final straw came when my partner decked me over and over in the head in front of our kids and i was eventually knocked unconscious, my eldest bless her called the police and her mum, my partner did a runner... me and the kids just left the house. Now 3 years on, my kids live with her and her Boyfriend she was cheating on me with and its just violence at that house all over again, i have nothing, i get put low down the list for housing (if i was female i doubt id be so low down) i see my kids only 2 days a fortnight, life is hard and horrible and absolutly non of my own doing. Men, speak up, dont be afraid of what people think, like i did.

[@laetitialogan2002]

Very sad indeed..its no way to live

[@KushQueen9]

Useless people who claim to protect victims.

[@QueenGinax]

Not just the police THE LAW!!!! Judges!

[@meahdahlgren5875]

Right

[@karenm2669]

All of these prevention, law enforcement and prosecution measures rely on one gigantic assumption: that the ranks of those making the laws, enforcing the laws and prosecuting the perpetrators don’t contain a hefty number of people who are perpetrators of domestic violence themselves, hard-wired to downplay its seriousness & trivialize its effects on the victim. As anyone who’s lived this experience, or who has studied it longer than five minutes knows, domestic abusers exist in every profession and at every socio-economic level. Every woman who calls the police, every woman who decides to prosecute is risking her life. If he gets off too lightly, he will decide SHE victimized HIM, and he will escalate the abuse. We saw it happen publicly with Gabby Petito in the US. It happens in private all over the world, every single day.

[@madib790]

Nothing was done about my Non British ex who was abusive even though i sent evidence and a detailed email to the home office. Unfortunately he is still living in england- im not sure how, maybe as a student or on a work visas. This person married me and thought i was a shy timid 21 year old who would put up with his abuse but, i broke the cycle of abuse regadless of having no support from my family. The minimum i would have expected is for the government to not allow him in the country... i did not recieve replies from the police or home office.

[@fnk101]

Shocking that we have to have these type of talks

[@khadijahb3318]

The problem is the current system is not addressing the perpretators behaviour. A protective order alone is not sufficient especially if its applied & monitored. I know funding is an issue but its not good enough to simply expect these women to just keep moving around & living in fear. The current judicial system need serious reform.

[@jimrford]

The system is just out and out broken.

[@Alice-pk9yc]

My lawyer who kindly charged me nothing for her advice told me to get the police to take the harassment I was getting seriously I had to document everything which made sense. However, she also said that to approach the police I had to be strategic to actually have them take it seriously. When you’re in the midst of brain frog and stress and anxiety you don’t have the mental space to think about how you need to tell the police! You need the police to protect you.

[@petertownley-o8n]

sadly some dont go to the police & are in denial/scared yet before we tried to intervene she was dead its very sad he had previous x

[@lindseymiller7866]

Been in this situation police refuse to help unless physical harm is caused

[@knicol46]

The moment your parnter is abusive towards you is when you have to decide is it worth staying together.

[@MissM.789]

Had a friend be told by the police she didn't "look like a victim"

[@lynndenver7588]

Am in Northern Ireland, i went today for Restraing order with 13 yrs of Continuous Abusive behaviour to date and ongoing every week abuse, i am high risk , had reports police records everything. Was in court 15 mins and told no to an order 🤷‍♀️

[@Angelseverywhere]

All the police officer that have been there for years needs to be sacked

[@larrysampson7305]

That' s Right

[@duchesstyra]

😔😔😔 currently trying to survive this

[@kenrie20022]

Several Property damage crimes were reported to the police in my area. The police did not bother to investigate the crime despite cctv evidence.

[@bereal6590]

Shouldn't he question be WHY are there so many abusers like this in our society. Should that not be tackled! Not just left to victims and police

[@LukeMovement1]

Beaten for about 6 years as a kid, the police don't do virtually any aspect of their job without public pressure

[@saraadam656]

This absolutely true. Police does not protect victims of abuse. Especially from ex partners. Many times there is nothing they can do - they say. Many times the only thing u can do is run. That's what I had to do. Run away with 2 small kids, miles away and hope he will never find me. Even with miles of evidence of stalking and harassment, threats and assaults, they still done nothing but try to force my children to testify and without that case was dropped. That's the reason why these man feel they can do these things as there is little to none consequence.

[@meahdahlgren6537]

Right sad but true

[@goatsummoner]

Police don't do anything. They show up, talk a bit and say they cant do anythjng. I recall hearing my partner send messages about having to assist another taxi driver because kids were assaulting his car. Police were called, they didnt do anything. The kids were trhowing rocks, aiming at thw drivers. Absolutely disgusting behaviour from both the kids and police. Absuers and stalkers don't care about orders. Paper doesn't do anything to protect people. Its the physical enforcement that stops crime, not the words.

[@Bringon-dw8dx]

@D-jj5dyit’s not about what’s enough for the police, it’s about what’s enough for CPS. The level of evidence required in the uk is insanely high, but it’s not the police who control that

[@meahdahlgren6537]

Right sad but true

[@olibirkett331]

Nine times I phoned the police to report my ex wife assaulting either myself or our autistic son. I am disabled due to an accident so she would strike my soft spots. Nine times the police hung up on me. fortunately my ex wife was weak. Lost what little respect I baffle the police.

[@Sonyrocks1Of]

I’m a survivor of domestic abuse a woman I dated used to hit me and and call me names for years and when she locked me out and broke up with me I was happy I just wanted my stuff but she wouldn’t let me in I just stood outside to ask for my stuff she then called the police and I was arrested for stalking even tho I literally only went round one time to get my stuff I wasn’t violent in anyway she then claimed I hit her and she was given the best legal aid for free she then slapped me with a non molestion order my life was ruined because of her lies and what support did I get none NONE woman are EVIL

[@illtumbleforya]

My ex breached every police restraining order and court restraining order within days and sometimes on the same day he was given it. It took them weeks to find him but he kept turning up and terrorising me at my house. He was given 12 weeks suspended sentence so was free to roam and continue terrorising me. Eventually he got sentenced to 9 months in prison for breach of restraining order (not for putting me in hospital) and he only did 4. He was also ordered to pay £100 to myself which was offensive to say that I am left with the mental scars for life. I see him regularly as I think he is living in my area and I am still scared of him. I feel very let down by the court and justice system. My life will never be the same.

[@karaW10]

Damn right they're not.

[@joshiewhite]

I called the police 30+ times on my mums boyfriend after he was hitting her. They'd come. My mum would lie and they'd leave. Fucking ridiculous.

[@KL-zg7lu]

I'm being abused. This person is sending people driving past and disrupting my peace again, and have broken in while I'm sleeping every night (I'm exhausted) They even cracked the window, so when I banged on it a bit to get a car running out front to stop, the window pane shattered. I am not dealing with this. These people have stolen mail and opened various accounts, trying to ruin my credit.

[@GlenRoberts-o7y]

The systems failing us all.

[@deetag7621]

I will never get my head around DV. If someone hits you, leave. If they try to contact you, block them. Hide. Stop expecting someone else to save you. FFS women are much better off than 50 years ago. Strap on a pair and leave the Police alone.

[@meahdahlgren5875]

Right

[@johndavies4644]

Most of the time there is no DV its actually IPV

[@livejeenawithstyle]

Nothing happens best to stay alone but what if siblings are horrible

[@kellymckeever.6]

Stay single, protect yourself, u can't rely on the police for anything

[@meahdahlgren6537]

Right sad but true

[@Lauren-dx2hh]

Iv been through domestic abuse in the UK and the police have been fabulous with me , they have turned up to my house with in seconds and locked the abusers up straight away , they,v been fantastic with me . And I'm away from the abusers, never again

[@JennyGrey-vg2zn]

My abuser is being given help by a fake whistle blower called Jon wedger. I report and the abuse continuous as they believe counter allegations with no evidence.

[@eloiseprays]

The police are an absolute disgrace

[@skynet1.044]

This countries entire system has failed the British people.

[@Annabella24183]

Narcs sociopaths are never sorry

[@Lovedogs-i1m]

The police are letting these women down. They need to have a more robust leadership in the force or lose their jobs.