Domestic Violence: I choose to be her voice | Haylee Reay | TEDxCheyenne

In this moving talk, ‪TEDxCheyenne‬ Speaker Haylee Reay, describes how in a single day her life was brutally, and irrevocably, changed.
Learn more about the seeping savagery of silence, and how you can save others by simply breaking it.
Haylee Reay is an advocate for domestic violence awareness. She was born to two parents - one loving and one abusive. As a result, she was a victim of domestic violence at a young age. Since 2008 she has taken every opportunity to speak out to and on behalf of domestic violence victims.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@itallmakessensenow1026]

A little more than a week ago my husband held a knife to my neck and told me he was going to kill me, not the first time either. I called the cops on him later that day and I have had so much guilt over sending him to jail for the rest of his life. This could have been me and I am so thankful I still have my life.

[@tmuxor]

Sorry that this happened to you. But "Jail for the rest of his life"? How did he get life in jail for a threat to kill?

[@philima]

@@tmuxor I don't know but I'm very happy about it. Those people aren't kidding and even if, it should be punished harshly since it terrorizes the survivors and destroys their lives. A life for a life?

[@dadaTunes]

@tmuxor I have the same question. That seems like a drastic sentence. Has he killed people before? Had warrants? Robbed a bank? 🤔

[@constancelikecorn]

@@tmuxor attempted murder, Canada penal code Section 239 makes attempted murder punishable by a maximum of life imprisonment. If a gun is used, the minimum sentence is four, five or seven years, dependent on prior convictions and relation to organized crime.

[@constancelikecorn]

@@dadaTunes attempted murder, Canada penal code Section 239 makes attempted murder punishable by a maximum of life imprisonment. If a gun is used, the minimum sentence is four, five or seven years, dependent on prior convictions and relation to organized crime.

[@meowmeow8873]

In prison her father would tell us that his daughter murdered his wife and that he took the case so that she would be free like he was some kind of sacrificial hero rescuing his daughter from mental illness. I had to eat breakfast with him for a whole month because he sat at my table every day until I got transferred to minimum security.

[@juliedefee567]

That must have been nauseating.

[@tess5750]

Wow as if he kept on with that lie!! Hope ur doing better now

[@carolnahigian9518]

Wow-

[@AmazonElf]

Takes a real piece of work to blame a little girl on her mother's murder SMH

[@Floatingaccidentallike]

You are your mom's twin, beautiful and inside even more. You are very brave and are changing lives. Keep on keep on!

[@nunchucktaylor3488]

This was a huge story here in Pierre. I’m happy to see she turned out so well adjusted. So many people would’ve traveled a dark, dead-end path in her shoes.

[@michelerusso501]

As a mother I will tell you she is so proud of you. As someone who was in a DV relationship I thank you. We aren't alone

[@verazgonik]

Your mother would be so proud! if I was her it would be my dream for my kids to fuel the horrible trauma for positive change like you did!

[@MastersGraduate2023]

Cheyenne is a strong lady doing positive in her life. She never gave up on herself. I want to give her a hug.

[@babyzorilla]

Very tragic but eye opening . You have grown beyond the event. Thanks for sharing

[@hayleereay]

Thank you!

[@carolnahigian9518]

You a Class ACT; Haylee!

[@OGMillwood]

Just listened to the latest Casefile podcast on this story. Such a phenomenal young woman - turning such a horrific story into a call for action and awareness.

[@LeahWalentosky]

I listen it to, turning a tragedy to help others

[@yahnessayisrael6777]

OMGh, what a tragic story :( Thank you so much for sharing your story.This is definately an eye opening. im glad i walked out of an abusive relationship. I didnt know he was mentally ill and i didnt realized i was in an abusive relationship till God allowed me to see the "Red flags": Lack of self-control, Jealousy, Selfishness, Anger and very obsessive. These warning signs are enough to know that youre in an unhealthy relationship and its time to walk out before its too late. We cant change an abuser or someone with mental illness. Never ignore the early warning signs.

[@hayleereay]

Thank you!

[@yahnessayisrael6777]

Haylee Reay ❤❤

[@kjtamf]

🙏🏻🙏🏻👍🏻

[@lauriej.3544]

A good book to read on the early warning signs of trouble and how to deal with dangerous people and situations is: The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker It's a one of a kind book and you won't be bored. This book can save your life.

[@DrEasy2727]

Wow! Thank you for sharing your story. I am going to share this with a local Domestic Violence support group. Thank you again for sharing your experience.

[@Robin-xt7yo]

Wow, brave poised young woman. So impressive.

[@missygray4128]

My heart feels your pain and for your journey here, you have to be extra strong and fight on to be on top that's not a bad thing! Stay strong and know your not alone its epidemic!! Much love sent your way!🙏💔💖

[@USMLEshortcuts]

I always feared that there is no one to talk to that could listen without exploiting me, but listening to this, you gave me an energy and hope that there are people who know, who understand. Thanks for being an angel... you have no clue how amazingly powerful your voice and message is, to many going through the abuse. God bless you more than he would ever bless me.

[@hayleereay]

Thank you!

[@marydecelle3896]

Sending Much Love to You and Praying for Peace. Thank You for sharing your tragic story and for Being The Voice.

[@Hellohello-vp5jk]

Thank you so much for sharing as all information . I’m sure your mom is very proud of you. I’m glad incidence didn’t make you bitter instead made you brilliant young woman who is making difference. Wish you all the best and success. We never forget the pain we learn how to live with it.!!

[@steffanyadams8310]

Wow. I just cannot even wrap my head around this woman’s story. What horrific trauma. She is so strong and the fact she does it all for her mom really shows you how humble she is. I’m sure her mom is looking down on her more proud than she could ever even imagine. So sad such horrible things happen to good people.

[@LeahWalentosky]

I just learned this story on Casefile, keep going strong

[@brittney5859]

I just came here after finishing the episode, I wanted to give her love and hear her words

[@izzya8116]

I am so so so sorry. You are the definition of a graceful survivor, but no one should have to go through what you did. No one should have to be so strong. 💜

[@WWEENETWORK]

this sooooo brave and totally needed...from a child perspective...!!!

[@puddysue]

You have such courage, young lady, and your mother is so proud of you!

[@chanabayla1823]

As a woman we must have our radar up from the very first date, do backround cks (there are websites) from date one, anything even the slightest off leave immediately learn martial arts (preferably krav maga but only use as last resort since it's meant to kill), carry mace or a gun if allowed, keep money unknown to anyone except one trusted family member for emergency reasons,etc. I do all the above and never had a problem. Guys know from the first date that I don't take s-t from anyone regardless of who they are. It's called being self confident and if we do anything less hate to say but we deserve what we get. We need to bring back the death penalty for this

[@jooffduty8310]

Grateful, thanks for sharing..

[@Robin-xt7yo]

Haylee Reay you are an amazing beautiful young woman. Your mom would be so proud of you no doubt.

[@sheffanesseabrown3153]

You’re strong I hope you know you are loved .i love you and we as women need to be there for other women .i feel for you and I know this will be lingering in your heart for the rest of your life .may you find strength to move on from this .

[@leelee6000]

There is so many good men out there me for example I would rather have the girl controlle relationship so she doesn't feel like I'm controlling her there is men out there who absolutely hate women beaters and I'm 27 and never once hit a women and never will

[@tess5750]

Thanks for speaking up about this

[@sunsetkitty2932]

Currently in an abusive relationship where everything is my fault that he does to me.

[@brightpage1020]

Thank you so much for your courage! I’m concerned for one of my sisters and don’t think she’d admit it, but I have a nagging feeling I just have to outright ask her. I think if somebody reaches in from outside, if it is happening, then she might see that as a helpful support in gaining momentum she might need to keep herself safe. I hope I don’t offend her by asking. I am so so so so so sorry for what you have been through. I have a daughter who is 6, along with 2 toddler sons. I cannot imagine not being the one to wake my daughter and get her ready for school. It’s one of my greatest joys, points of pride, and funnest times in my day. I look forward to quality time playing her favorite movie soundtrack songs from Disney Princess movies or kids’ radio stations... sometimes we have dance parties or extra snuggles... Her brothers are usually still sleeping, thankfully, and it’s time I get to enjoy usually just us, which seems as rare as it is wonderful. We are often late because we’re too busy enjoying ourselves. But I wouldn’t give that time back for anything. I’m sure your mom felt the same way about you. Thank you for sharing her story. You are a brave soul. Hearing from you is bound to wake up some moms who might be in denial about needing more support. May God bless and keep you, to your health and continued success in life! I’m certain your mom would be sad you had to go through this, and so so proud of who you are becoming and how many women you will help by speaking your unique perspective. After hearing this, I cry with you: the lonely, hopeful tears of cathartic release. May your life be filled with joy from this point forward, how your mom would have wanted it. Bless you. Great work on the speech! Thanks again!

[@michelerusso501]

I'm sorry 😞 I left my husband 14 years ago

[@meghangossett3091]

Wow how beautiful for her to be positive considering her circumstances

[@lizliz4186]

Thank you for speaking ❤️.

[@dadaTunes]

Great talk! You’re an inspiration.

[@DefenderM8]

the body was found a few miles away from my house, at the time. crazy. I remember my mom talking about this after it happened.

[@CasaundraAnn]

I am so hurt for her

[@jessicamcwilliams4933]

God bless you such a brave girl

[@JN-go2yq]

I would love to know what is happening in that photo at 10:15. It looks like your dad is hurting your mum? Thanks for the talk, I hope you are slowly healing through telling your story.

[@rayechel6378]

Just watched her TikTok videos and came here…

[@finley_seth]

A wonderful job from a good friend of mine from highschool:) 👍

[@jolantamarzec440]

Incredible. You are incredible.

[@daggiedoo65]

The police often times don’t take domestic violence seriously, your mother was killer. This is a nationwide phenomenon and often times the police revictimize the victim. Woman police officers tend to be worse than their male counterparts. If your abuser is a police officer, the police will do everything to protect the officer. Any DV shelter will attest to this. Yes it is getting better, but more woman die at the hands of their abuser more so than ever, and it’s a crisis that is not given it’s due. With that keep doing what your doing, it is a process of education. Often we focus on the perpetrator, perhaps we should start with teaching woman they matter. If you know your worth, you won’t let an abuser near you, and yes ladies you matter.

[@hi-zh6en]

this applies to my life

[@hi-zh6en]

it's my dad who's the abuser(mentally, sometimes physically, emotionally.)

[@TheCrissyr6]

God bless you.

[@bbear1971]

Very strong woman

[@Tea.bagginz]

Hello Haylee, thank you for telling your story. I was curious if I could use your video (I will do the appropriate citing so people know it's your video) for my communications class? I'm doing an assignment for domestic abuse that ended up fatal and unfortunately your story would help prove my points.

[@hayleereay]

go for it!

[@whotfisdeeom]

I feel so bad for her.

[@missmoxie9188]

Love you Haylee

[@hkhaled3397]

you are hero

[@ozgekarban]

how a powerful woman you are

[@nerigovender8119]

Very sad

[@arp2540]

1. Reassure them that it's not their fault 2.Concentrate on them and not the abuser. The last point has kept a friend of cutting ties with me. She's still blaming herself on the things that are happening to her, even though she is slowly realizing that her relationship is not healthy. I am scared for her

[@arp2540]

Her boyfriend is sometimes extremely violent on himself

[@hayleereay]

Hi! I highly recommend going to www.loveisrespect.org they are available to talk anytime and can offer great resources to help your friend. They also have great resources for what you can do to help your friend.

[@petermartinfilmsofficial2125]

Wow! This truly moved me, it was almost like a visual symphony! On my channel I have a short film 'What About My Happiness' it's about domestic violence would love to hear your thoughts.

[@missmoxie9188]

I will take a look

[@q.c2448]

🤞🏼❤️❤️

[@nyc631]

If you scared take money run dont come back

[@unclelink]

The only problem I have with this presentation is that she didn't mention the fact that men can also be victims of domestic violence. Abusers know no gender.

[@Reshme77]

unclelink i understand

[@Bob-fz7pd]

unclelink male abuse isn't mentioned because domestic abuse is being used as a tool to undermine the family and men in general. Female abusers don't fit.

[@mcewenca]

I’m sure she would’ve if her mother had stabbed her father to death

[@juliedefee567]

But, that's not part of her story.

[@leeevans2733]

Then, you are a free agent. Get out there and speak up about it. She is using her experience to educate and help raise awareness. Find your place and raise it there.