"DON'T date guys that turn you on right away." - John Gray On Dating | Marisa Peer

John Gray, author of 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus', talks to me about modern relationships, sex, dating and why women are more masculine than ever (and what this means for men...). We cover everything you wanted to know about relationships, from how to get a guy to like you, to keeping the romance and passion alive in a long-term relationship.
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Marisa Peer is the author of 'I Am Enough' and creator of Rapid Transformational Therapy®️(RTT). Marisa Peer is an English best-selling author, nutritionist, relationship therapist, hypnotherapist trainer, and motivational speaker. She is using hypnosis for anxiety, weight loss, addiction, and overcoming fear.
She has spent over 30 years working with people including royalty, rock stars, actors, professional and Olympic athletes, CEOs and media personalities and has developed her own style that is frequently referred to as "life-changing."
If you would like to train to become an RTT®️ therapist, click the link - bit.ly/Train-in-RTT
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#marisapeer #johngray #dating #menarefrommars #womenarefromvenus

[@opst3303]

My late husband and I were best friends, more like play mates, we understood each other. We had the kind of marriage people envied. He gave so much to me in our marriage. When he became ill I was his caregiver for 5 years. I was able to give back to him. Our love never wavered for 20 years.

[@Tia.K.C]

"Let men give you more" heard that one loud and clear 😂❤

[@stormchylde3999]

Yes, I think that's because if a man really wants you in his life, he will try to keep you there (by doing stuff for you, making you happy), versus the man who is allowing you to be in his life because of what you are doing for him; so basically it's like, well I'm not that into you but you're doing stuff that's making my life easier so I'll keep you around until I find the woman I really like.

[@berkeleybenje]

If you can do it without making it feel transactional.

[@UniversalDust]

@@stormchylde3999 good point however what if in my case when a man does things for me to try and make me happy and I feel like keeping him in my life because he makes my life easier... basically I'm like the man who is just keeping him in my life until something better comes along. Maybe I have too much testosterone. Why isn't a man giving and caring for me not creating a boost in estrogen? Don't get me wrong I don't change partners frequently at all.

[@stormchylde3999]

@@UniversalDust I have no real way of knowing how you two feel about each other, but maybe because you aren't in love with him? Or like you said, maybe you're the type of woman who has trouble letting go of control and feel like this is taking too much of your independence? His statements are based on basic biological/psychological tenets between men and women and may not work for those who veer too far from the standard roles. It's not going to work for everyone, but also there could just be other reasons why this guy isn't doing it for you.

[@shawnvernon9904]

Best relationship video I've seen on KZbin!!

[@IamMonaOfficial]

The not wanting to have sex question has a lot to do with resentment also. If I resented you or stopped trusting you in a certain area, then I definitely don’t want to be touched by you.

[@mimimendez4916]

Man or female it's not wether they are good enough. For me.. Married 24 yrs.. Divorced.. Giving too much too soon. It's more about integrity.. It takes time to observe how they react under pressure .. Are they consistent in action and emotions. Don't wait on potential that never manifests. Either they are in the NOW what you totally desire or keep it moving.. NO settling. 🙏🦋

[@Funnykid536]

Thank you Mimi

[@zamamaduma7424]

Can't commit to potential. 👍

[@evka24]

U said it best.

[@kerynl.sanchez9891]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@kristyy2488]

when i insist to pay the bill or propose to split the bill, i basically tell myslef i dont have feelings for him, so i dont owe a guy anything,probally its last date as welll.

[@asdfghjklplee]

So insightful! As I've gained a more healthy self-esteem, I've attracted more men who are emotionally available, balanced & kind. I've really developed a deeper appreciation and love for the "nice guys" bc they're like hidden, precious gems in a world full of fake diamonds.

[@AoibheannDoyle-SoulTherapist]

O this is so true! I feel the same 😊

[@asdfghjklplee]

@@AoibheannDoyle-SoulTherapist 💖🙌🏽 Yes! Sending you lots of love!

[@gloriao6262]

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

[@keepcreationprocess]

We like nice guys, but they are dead

[@jaijai8829]

You are sooo right!!!

[@Lisa_M_V]

“Love is our birthright. Love is the fundamental necessity of our life. ... Those who go seeking for love only make manifest their own lovelessness and the loveless never find love. Only the loving find love and they never have to seek for it.”- Neville Goddard

[@evka24]

how beautiful ...thank u

[@MarisaPeer]

Beautiful (Kim - Marisa Peer Team) 🌸

[@LAbidjanaiseBlogMode225]

Waw , I ve recently come to that conclusion as to me never wanting to feel the need to look for love ever again. Very beautiful and deep words

[@gilimonnichmeyer6652]

Beautiful indeed

[@n.v.1173]

I was married for 15 yrs. I gave him and did everything. He gave me nothing. Except for my son & daughter. Now divorced 12 yrs. I had to learn to love myself and realize I am worthy of healthy love. 🙏🏻❤️🌟💫✨

[@donacatanguma]

I’ve received so many mixed messages over the years. First, I thought we were supposed to be strong and independent women and not need a man, even to the point of feeling guilty for wanting one. Now, John is telling us that we should, in fact, have a strong desire for one. There have also been contradictory messages spiritually as well. Visualize daily and write what you want, or be content being alone and then one will naturally come to you. The bottom line for me anyway, is it’s just plain hard to find a decent intimate male companion/relationship.

[@mimimendez4916]

Maybe it's about finding and accepting OUR selves FIRST. That's going back to your first love.. YOU. Then the rest is the cherry on top. 🦋

[@raynics7352]

I felt exactly the same after listening. Conflicted. I'm a independent strong woman and am so happy being single, content, present. Yet he's saying we should 'need' a man 'need' a relationship 'need' a man to help us. I am enough and don't feel a man could make me any happier, present or at peace than I already am

[@purpledove427]

@@raynics7352 I think it's more about a man, complimenting us and who we are and not so much about the "need" of him. We can still be independent and content within ourselves, but a man will add (as Mími Méndez said above), "the cherry on top", and vice versa of course. I'm still figuring it out myself :) xo

[@DV-dt9sq]

Don't give up your independence because of men, please. You can always find sex, you can always fulfill your physical desire but I hope you won't give your independence into the hands of somebody else or allow yourselve to be determined by other. No one has power to evaluate you. 🙋

[@monicadrew4701]

decide what you really want, for you. Watch shera seven on youtube

[@susiep.7372]

To answer about , why I didn't wanted to have sex anymore ( in my bad marriage) . It was bad, it was a must , my ex husband treated me bad over the day ( and expected sex after that ) . It hasn't anything to do with health...It has to do with treatment, respect and the whole relationship( if it's s a good one )! Sex should be the coronation of the relationship. I love sex now, if it's good...

[@pennysharland5433]

@Sihara Kohl That should have been mentioned actually, you're right.

[@keepcreationprocess]

They were talking about people who want to stay together.

[@cynthramir333]

Yes, they make these supositions based on a common life and positive external factors as they cannot put in the plate all kind of circunstances the talk would be eternal and less focussed, but I get your point and it is totally valid applied to REAL life and not just suppositions.Good you enjoy now. Good luck

[@msw785]

Susie- I'm glad you got out of that abusive relationship. But remember- you can only be treated the way you let someone treat you.

[@education461]

They always blame health! It is real issues in marriages that cause people to not be able to get turn on by their partners. It really rarely is because people have a physical issue! It is levels of stress, detrimental behavior from your partner, lack of respect, feeling there is not progress, feeling unheard from both parts, disagreements on important matters and so much more. Vaginas are dry, they are just dry when they are not turn on by a particular individual. This guy has dry his understanding of women!

[@blackberriesgirl]

This should be titled: “the secret of relationships” as this video pertains to males and females.

[@CrystalDatingCoach]

The Secret. Demand Respect. Doesn't come naturally...you must demand it from Men.

[@thehealingfairee]

Whenever I've long term dated people who it took a while for feelings to grow, the relationship was always lackluster and ends in boredom and because it feels like something is missing! I'd much rather be single than date someone who my feelings had to grow for over time. I enjoy dating people a lot more who I instinctually know the first time I meet them that they're something special ♥️

[@Truebluenat1111]

Agree

[@theundone777]

While I totally get your point, those of us with a more avoidant attachment style actually need to take time to get to know somebody in order to feel emotionally / mentally attracted as well as physically attracted. We need time to take our wall down :-) So, it might take me several interactions to decide if I'm attracted.

[@dangerzzzone2925]

Yes, yes!!!! This! I always took that advice of "Aslong as you are 60% attracted, it'll be fine." I did end up loving those guys but was just never inlove and the guys just ended up resenting me. It sucks to date someone you aren't excited but just meh about. I'd rather get my heart broken by a guy who was my type and made my heart sing than the one I settled for.

[@dangerzzzone2925]

@@theundone777 I'm definitely an avoidant type but attraction is primal. It's instinct. No thinking. Only when you start thinking too much do you disrupt that which people like us who have either attachment styles tend to do.

[@theundone777]

@@dangerzzzone2925 That's fair. I'm trying to strike a balance, to realize that sometimes I may automatically dial down the attraction at first due to my avoidant nature. It's a matter of paying attention to what is there and feeling safe, not so much a matter of trying to create something that isn't there.

[@carinawulff1673]

I'm sorry, but it is ABSOLUTELY CATEGORICALLY NOT TRUE that every time a person mistreats you it is because you also mistreated them in some way. There are absolutely people are just abusive without any warranted provocation and to say otherwise is very disappointing of John Gray. Not impressed with what he chose to say there

[@nathalie5238]

True, yet in many cases the victim let’s the abuser behave while she could run! How many women remain with an abusive partner? I was there! Victim of a narcissist partner, I would never have left!! Now so happy he did kick me out!!! Now I have been to therapy I am aware of my manipulative behavior as a former codependent person! It takes 2 to tango. Off course some abuses are just a crime with no reason!!!

[@Chahlie]

And it stems from a narcissistic parent. You unconsciously find the same thing.

[@amandaheathart]

I agree! I switched off at that point. A very dangerous statement to make.

[@mariaknoll1117]

Carina Wulff I agree with you he can preach some other place, as for me I have been mistreated and I let him go on the Christmas Day. I feel good about it.

[@thaliablackman2442]

I thought he said we feel that way, when someone mistreats us, not that it is a truth. That it is a conditioned belief we have, if we are being mistreated.

[@nk47100]

Not wanting to have sex is not just a health problem or a physical problem. Really? A woman who doesn’t feel heard, seen, or valued is not going to want to have sex, even if she loves her partner. Two people who have a lot of unresolved conflicts and resentments are going to find trust eroding and are going to feel distant with each other and not drawn to intimacy. This is a relational problem far more than it is a physical or hormonal one! Plus these things are all connected (emotions and hormones). Such simplistic, 90s thinking...

[@Plethorality]

I heard what he said completely differently. And I understand the pain you are talking about, and I'm sorry for what may have gone through personally. As I see it, physical health is supposed to be far better than we have been trained to expect or put up with. Hormones make a huge difference in the way that couples relate to each other. Both the emotional and the physical problems interact. But they can be fixed. Not necessarily by drugs, but deep lifestyle changes can have a massive impact. Even small changes can have a big impact. Its no fun to live with a grumpy low testosterone man. But that can change. Cortisol, a stress hormone can lower testosterone, and suck the joy right out of living. Its very much a health problem. And it can be fixed.

[@lilysmith9130]

90s thinking. Exactly

[@CrystalDatingCoach]

Of course. You give your body to someone who makes your soul feel good.

[@CrystalDatingCoach]

@@chillie000 best friends is good. But keep the romance and Passion growing.

[@alvingoh8044]

@@CrystalDatingCoach how can we do that because i see a lots of people that marriage didnt have sex :(

[@mentortune9821]

Affection is when you see someone's strengths; love is when you accept someone's flaws."🙏🙏

[@everything5066]

"If my partner is mad at me , i said something to get them mad" this phrase right here is nonsense That's what you should NOt think . Everyone should be responsible for their own feelings and behavior .

[@kayjay-kreations]

Absolutely

[@the-based-jew6872]

A lot of women don't take responsibility though. They always say it was the guys fault and that they never did anything wrong. Even here in this comments section.

[@designorganize2608]

I'm only half way through this but have learned SOOOO much! My big (and favorite) takeaway? Let HIM do for you! I DESERVE it! Oh boy... is this going to change my life after being married to two narcissists! THANK YOU BOTH for this primer on what feminine really is and how it makes a man more masculine (and bonded to you) when HE is the one that does for YOU! WOW! LOVE IT!!!! For me, this is life-changing!!

[@evka24]

big aha moment for me too...as i am over pleaser and nurturer

[@reyhaneakhondi4533]

I am not exaggerating, this is the best video I have ever seen in my life. Thank you so much Marisa and thank you so much John

[@Polina-hn7hu]

i think what he is trying to say is that you should be anxious if "it feels like home with someone new, if "your home" was dysfunctional" (i.e. your dad never showed/expressed love towards u). Hence he says "your flame is dysfunctional". You just really need to watch urself in this scenario and take things really slow, to see if thats all that is attracting you in a new guy.

[@msw785]

I think you're right. I believe- truly -and I've been married three times 🥰 -that everyone Men, women ,even me 😂has a good side and a bad side. You need to be with someone that brings out the best in you without being possessive. I think that maybe that was my problem 🧐I was too jealous. Relationships are sooooo complicated LOL i'll be 64 in a couple weeks and I'm not ruling out falling in love again but I need to find myself first -get my shit in order. My first husband that was because I was young -and stupid but we're still friends to this day. but the second one 15 years the third one 20 years !!! All from the same town as myself. The third one was I feel like we were soulmates he grew up the street from me and when I saw him when I was young ! like seven years old 👻I fell in love with him but we didn't get together till I was in my 40s LOL

[@gillianstapleton8566]

I think when your married and you have kids and you start taking birth control it does effect you hormones levels negatively. Between tiredness, working and doing everything around the house and lack of any sex drive due to the hormones being altered unnaturally it’s hard to be interested in a continued sex life.

[@jacquelinedegruyter5356]

[e-mail] B7

[@AussieChic968]

I can believe that. I have only taken the birth control pill briefly (about two months) in youth, to control out of control cycles and it made me feel so sick, fat, moody, downright awful I decided I would never ever take the pill again. It caused absolute havoc. Constant exhaustion, skin blemishes etc, despite carefully watching what I ate,exercising etc. Many girls of my era took it because it was the fashionable thing to do so you could have "safe sex" with any Tom, Dick or Harry. They put up with the side effects and said theses passed over time as you got "used to it". But I noticed none of my weepy female friends who took the pill so they could be "sexually liberated" ever got over all the broken hearts they suffered from as a result. I decided I had better things to do than "free love", if taking the contraceptive pill was what had to be endured, in order to get all this "free love", that seemed to always end up in "free heartbreak" for many girls. The religious "squares" and assorted "intellectual geeks" who couldn't be bothered or disapproved on moral grounds, to taking the pill ended up often having much happier lives as women. Some married and had a good family, others became satisfied careerwomen, achieving in their chosen field. I am glad I never took the pill, after trying it briefly, though I believe it did offer some sort of additional health benefits in later years,to some women who took it. However, there may also be some lesser known bad health effects manifesting in later Iife. At the time, I was only young but recall thinking there was nothing liberate about being a feminist on the pill, as most thought they were because all they were doing was making it easy and convenient for males to use such females on the pill for sexual convenience, without any responsibility for the males involved. The truly equal and liberating thing was to have a male contraceptive pill men could be convinced to take, to make them just as responsible as females Ie REAL gender equality, when it comes to birth control. Let them feel sick, get fat, bloated, moody etc from THEIR male hormones being stuffed around by some hormone altering chemicals ingested into their bodies. I wasn't going to take the pill. I wanted TRUE, FULL gender equality and I made this very clear to young men who made sexual advances and whom I also like, too, when they asked that inevitable question that always popped up at a certain stage in boy meets girl encounters: Are you on the pill? If I wanted to get rid of them fast, I'd just say NO. That usually worked, but some persisted and wanted to know why not, since all the other modern, liberated women were on the pill. I refused to conform. And by watching their reactions to my declaration that I'd not be taking the pill, I was able to gauge which of the boys were worth continuing to have a relationship with. The ones who respected my freedom of choice as a female, instead of coercing me to conform to what all the rest were doing, when my character is not always conformist. It said a lot to me about the character and quality of such males and enabled me to quickly separate the wheat from the hay, among males. I didn't refuse to take the pill for religious or moral reasons, as some girls did, as I did not mix with those moral, religious types. It was simply because the Pill mad me feel terrible and certainly not "sexy$, so why bother? If it killed all female sexual desire? And because I believed in perfect gender equality long before feminism was invented. I made my first female gender assertive statement at about age 4 when I had an argument with my father about something to do with my refusing to be "nice little girl" as expected (I was in a bad mood) and I informed him, much to his shock, that, if it wasn't for girls, there'd be no men, like him (therefore there was no need for me to be a nice little girl, like my mother had ordered and whom he backed up). They were both and wondered how a kid could possibly come up with that, but I had already been told that mother's made babies,including male ones,who became men, like him, so it all figured that women are pretty important, equally important to men. If a kid could deduce such things alone, not influenced by anybody else, then , there must be some inherent, natural kind of indisputable truth in such a notion ie that wen are of equal importance to men. So, why should a woman be told by men that she must be on the pill as a precondition of being allowed to engage the n sexual connection with them? I always figured this tilted the balance of power in men's favour and against these so called liberated pill taking feminists. Because, basically, you are allowing men to dictate (Dick Tate???), the terms for sexual intercourse. Hardly liberating, to me, as a female. But, if you negotiate on different, more gender equal terms eg tell them: OK, I am agreeable to sex with you because I like you enough and I see you obviously fancy me, too, but you understand we do have an issue to deal with, jointly ie pregnancy, so how do you propose we BOTH share this responsibility EQUALLY, then you are dealt Ng with men on a position of greater gender equality, forcing the male to also take contraceptive responsibility or share responsibility for the pregnancy and helping raise the resulting new human created. Most men would suddenly lose sexual interest and bolt, to "easy" women, all on the pill. But, the really good ones did stick around, discuss the problem and ways around it or agreed to take responsibility as men. If you got one of these good males, you knew you were onto something pretty good with him and should give him a chance at becoming your real life companion, father of you babies etc. It simplified the difficult decision some women spoilt for choice, like I was, who find it impossible to decide which of many suitors is really "the one". The decision is made for you, by the things you choose to do or not do eg take or not take the pill, which then I eliminates most of the choices and forces men to reveal their true colours and what their really made of, from a masculinity power, ethics and responsibility point of view. As a liberated but very honest, fair, upright woman, you are not out to cut men down or deny they they do have masculine power. It is unethical to be the sort of feminist who cuts men down, in order to make women seem more powerful and, flexible n any case, you will never be able to prove that women have more power than men. All you are double Ng is seeking to negotiate the equal, fair use of respective gender powers. And don't forget, women have their own innate, natural form of power that can crush men, if they chos to use it on men. But the nature of ethical behaviour, applicable to both genders is: JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE POWER DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN YOU ARE ENTITLED TO FREELY USE IE ABUSE IT, TO OPPRESS THE OTHER GENDER THAT LACKS YOUR POWER. In the case of women's power, it is the power to make humans. In the case of men, it is the power to impregnate a woman and superior male size and strength. These are all special gifts or by attributes nature, God or if whatever gives each of gender or to help in it is realise it's highest potential. But, if the see gifts are abused, disrespected to etc, by either gender, it upsets the natural balance ie the law of of nature. This typically has catastrophic effects for mankind.

[@alisameiah5035]

During the first week of lockdown, my mum says that there will be higher divorce rates during these pandemic.

[@georgewincosin2723]

I agree with her!

[@UXtatic]

Why were they together before? Very disturbing.

[@alisameiah5035]

@@UXtatic giving in to social expected in getting married and having kids, husband expect wife to cook and clean. Many others issues,

[@lindam.7001]

One trend that I’ve noticed in dating especially with older men is that they think their. Physical appearance doesn’t matter. But it does as much or almost as much as women. So if a guy has a big stomach and he can’t see his penis that’s a problem. Yet most men seem to think that if they’re attracted to you that’s all it takes. Can you respond to this phenomena?

[@mariefalmouth9302]

Some women like guys who are a bit cuddly. It's really normal for a man to develop a bit of a tum in middle age.

[@maheenm.k1015]

@@mariefalmouth9302 well then it's normal for women to develop a tummy when they're older too, but only women feel the pressure to have a flat stomach. And the middle men who expect a flat stomach, will don't think twice about their beer bellies.

[@velvetb.3731]

Exactly this is male entitlement it's male entitlement!! Again people are different but yes appearance does matter very much to some women it matters very much to me and yes I can be your friend but if you're not attractive in a way that I find attractive absolutely no, I am not interested in a romantic relationship. I'm so sick of this male entitlement like they act like with an assumption I am attracted to them when I have zero interest.

[@mariefalmouth9302]

@@maheenm.k1015 It's not that usual for women to have flat stomachs. Many women have a curved stomach which is perfectly natural and gorgeous. Look at classical art. Do the female models have flat stomachs? Not many. Were those models when clothed necessarily fat? No. This business about a 'flat stomach' comes from advertising. Same as model agencies only recruiting models with a thigh gap. Have you really seen that many girls with a 'thigh gap'? I haven't. It's my belief that real men appreciate curves. That's femininity. And if a man has a pot? So what? It's his confidence and care that matter. Plus there's always something in the eyes. If a man has got that twinkle and a little charm, he won't be lonely.

[@velvetb.3731]

@@chillie000 thanks for sharing Eli. look forward to checking out

[@Yellow-Rose]

Wow what an amazing collab! What a treat, thanks Marisa! I think social media and Instagram has changed the game in a bad way. People's priorities have shifted to keeping up with the Joneses and materialism. I find that when people are dating they turn off their emotions, real personalities, and authentic selves. That life is better being emotionless. Emotions get in the way of acquiring what you think society wants you to have. There's a certain criteria now that people check off on their list for finding a mate. It's not integrity, character or virtues. It's what kind of car they drive, house they live in, bank accounts, 401K, pension plan, health insurance, rich friends, connections. As long as you can tolerate each other, and the person has all of these things, that's marriage material. It's about putting everything on the table and making a deal- I've got this and you've got this. It has nothing to do with them as a human being, only about what they have to offer you. I feel that this is most people, not me, I'm looking for love, but as my friends keep telling me, love doesn't pay the bills, or make good Instagram posts. Smh.

[@anieastonbaker]

“women should date men they’re not sexually attracted to right away.” -john gray “sex is the power! it’s what brings us together! are you going to get involved with somebody you feel no sexual attraction to? no!” -john gray

[@kyvministries]

Lol - sounds confusing right?

[@Inspiriments888]

You made my day by openly recognizing that! I always make sure to see the dominate bias based projected from relationship "Gurus" For the fact that certain experiences such as, being seethed after sexually, was not a possibilty for the "Guru" and thus has a stronger bias for saying that sexual attraction shouldn't be the main focus; On the flip side "Attractive people who don't have their financial/career aspects figured out, can say that "Money/career shouldn't matter" So it's always a plethera of polarities that require so much self inquiry/exp and brutal honesty... Co-dependencey ruled my life im very covert ways.. Now after being in a "twim flame" type bond/relationship I have come to realize I attracted the very best and worst in me as a mirror to see myself with more clarity. Aspects of Bounderies and desires unchecked came out as "deal breakers" when most of the relationship was great. All I can say is that take a paper out and really find out what you want(sex,looks, kids o kids, time frames, money/ friends/family etc) because I found out we really will attract what we are. Both for better or worse. Hope this shed light. (I am 37 male BTW to better gauge judge lol)

[@g.i.3682]

It’s also what makes a woman blind and able to ignore all the red flags !!! So your longevity with a man who can care for and support you is better with that guy than the player you were melting for ;)

[@rainbow9987]

Thank you

[@rainbow9987]

G. I. Yeah but sleeping with a man you find unattractive is very terrible. You don't enjoy sex and you gonna give headache excuses.

[@missrosieposie15]

Thank you for your work, Marisa! It has changed my life tremendously. I used to fear that I was not enough for my partner. I remember feeling insecure over his past relationships. I now know that this is not true. I made a recording of myself reassuring myself through powerful affirmations. I now only need to use it from time to time. I am so grateful for you.

[@medeaendor3706]

"Conditioning is pretty much what u saw in the first seven years of your life." I saw my father beating my mother when she spoke up and I saw him beating me when I didn't understand math in first grade.

[@11eve]

I really loved this interview! 2 very intelligent people, who promote inner wisdom, introspection, self-healing instead of "do this to get him/her" and looking for outside validation.

[@Georgia1981]

if your partner leaves you because he’s not satisfied having sex with you, let them go because if you get sick or disabled, you can’t expect him/her to stay by your side. they are shallow people. you are nothing but an object to them.

[@Idaliasantana68]

If I get disable and I’m in love a man , and he’s healthy and sexually active I would send him free to enjoy what left of his life.

[@Ishtar2419]

I think porn addictions are effecting a lot of relationships nowadays. Oops...Just heard the bit about porn, yes ruins relationships

[@GieCampbel-ug9jl]

So true. Because they will forever be searching for the perfect one that they see between the pages of that magazine. And funny how they want the perfect woman, without taking a look at their ugly, fat, bloated aged imperfect body with that bald spot on top.

[@gavinreid5387]

Many women also watch porn.

[@gavinreid5387]

@Cindy Lou I have no idea. I have not seen any statistics.

[@melissasherpa]

I agree. They prey on women on dating sites, too, thinking we think like them. It’s a nightmare. Hookups are bs. We have 1/10th the testosterone and 10x the estrogen. Totally different mindsets, intentions, and dating objectives. Male sexuality on porn online is unraveling civility and female cultural and political equality.

[@Ishtar2419]

@@melissasherpa totally agree🤯

[@louisemc3680]

Thank you so much John and Marisa! I loved that talk. I wasn't expecting this to be as good as it was but once I started listening, I couldn't stop. I can see why some women don't like the things John says but there ARE differences between men and women and we ignore them at our peril!!! I loved what he said about hormones especially and at the end, when Marisa asked him about fantasy and he said that acting out roles can be a form of therapy, I absolutely agreed. That came into my mind one time that couples should do that for increased intimacy and to work out issues on a physical and spiritual level. I haven't tried it (yet) but when I meet the right person I will and I think it will be very healing and intimate. We all have things to heal from and why not do it in that way. Love it and thanks so much!

[@fredwilliam575]

Hello louise

[@harshad672]

As a gay man . I am so confused what hormones I am making to attract men 😂

[@PriyankaGupta-ew1li]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@falsehoodbasher7240]

It’s not you’re making hormones It’s you lack testosterone and or The guidance of your father &/or you were emasculated by ur ma. It was your parents failed you 🥂

[@beautylife310]

He is saying: a man nice and boring should be the one I start to date? well, I have been doing totally opposite, that's why I end up watching this ...

[@unlockyoursoulmemory4199]

I am pretty sure he does not mean boring, it is more that nice men are potentially able to go deeper into your soul... this is how I see it now, I also always fell for the "bad" guys, but they mostly enjoy playing with your emotions, but keeping up a wall to the heart and not being able to connect emotionally on a different mature level

[@donnapoolejackofalltrades7827]

Date the one who like you more than you like them .

[@music0326]

Exactly, for those who need that kind of excitement no amount of niceness without spark will get people with this need into a relationship.

[@stormchylde3999]

@@music0326 You may be right about that, but they will always be getting hurt after they get hooked on one of these player types (because they're the ones who tend to know how to exploit and play on that sexual connection), and won't find a lasting relationship unless they learn to start looking for much more than sexual chemistry. Been there, done that myself.

[@EadsB7002]

That advice is nonsense. (And I agree with a lot of his advice). Do not waste your time with someone you aren’t attracted to or feel to sexual chemistry with. Trust me! I used to think the opposite way, but that got me into a sexless marriage. Because I thought I was “supposed” to marry the good guy with all the great qualities. Of course character is very important, but you are wasting your time dating someone without some sort of a spark!

[@fionamurphymckinnon9296]

There’s a contradiction here. How do your clients believe they “are enough” when the opinion offered is that they’re ill if they have no libido?

[@mccleanphotography]

you can be handsome and still have a great personality, have integrity and build connection. This is too general of a comment. Get someone who can do both

[@aycamonaland9907]

@mcclean photography that is so rare.... the minute I do more or being thoughtful starts to be taking for granted... and I have all those qualities and so much more hah

[@mccleanphotography]

@@aycamonaland9907 it is rare. that is okay

[@aycamonaland9907]

Rare but wish it wasn’t that rare... I also believe that for some people there is this energy that flows thru... I don’t agree with his comment either... also it depends on the situation and where you are in your journey... right not I am not sure if I give up or have my romantic side persist... but one thing is for sure I rather be alone than be with a person who drowns my energy.... I love creating and colors mean so much for me to feel alive...

[@gavinreid5387]

I'm handsome and have a great personality.

[@aycamonaland9907]

Gavin Reid and you have integrity and many great virtues? What’s the catch

[@annabellesapphire]

Marisa, your hair looks lovely, so shiny and well styled. I can tell you eat really well, good for you. Too many people just don't invest in good healthy food......and it shows!

[@impactfully5714]

Oh wow! This conversation is full of gems. Thank you for sharing this knowledge.

[@vius0013]

Thank you Marisa for having a guest with so different perspective. I know he can sound old fashion and most of the insights he gave sound like crazy in our modern days, but he does have a point and I do believe we have to re-balance our male/female energies. We are a very confused society nowadays, let's not forget about biology! We can achieve balance without letting ourselves go

[@tomasr64]

No 2nd dates for me in four years so I am moving on. "She" is on another planet this lifetime. No need to carry on some level of suffering.

[@fifilafleur5555]

I’ve tried dating a few men I wasn’t very attracted to. That becomes very uncomfortable when they want to kiss & cuddle. It doesn’t matter how great a guy he is. There must be chemistry. Also feminine men with low testosterone are quickly friend zoned. If I’m dating, I’m looking for a real man & a lover, not a roommate or male “friend” in touch with his feminine side.

[@auntylinda7640]

Find 'the one', look in the mirror xxx

[@living9377]

This is the best comment here. Couldn’t agree more about looking in the mirror. Love yourself. If you don’t and you are not whole....most relationships you enter in will fail.

[@michellemoreton1531]

I do love myself... But wana share that love

[@cjbfire95]

Yes, I love this♥️

[@Chris-dt5td]

Yes, I look in the mirror but a partner is the one with I can have sex. I'm not into masturbation.

[@AA-qd4pq]

😲 🔥 💪 ❤️

[@SleeplessinOC]

I tried seeing a guy I didn’t have feelings for from the beginning and it turned out to be a huge mistake but I took someone’s advice to “give him a chance “ and it ended up with him being very much interested and me not at all and the ending was ugly . The advice to give guys you have zero attraction for a chance is given out too liberally and glibly . I’ve never been comfortable with it and now I resent the person whose advice I reluctantly took.

[@gemmapayne3225]

This is absolute gold. Thank you so much for sharing this information! 💚

[@fredwilliam575]

Hello Gemma

[@sainabe4988]

Thank you Marisa! Appreciate you a lot!!!!

[@mentalityofmindset]

Outstanding content! This is content we all need to be aware of and practice. This would empower mass amounts of people.

[@shynes23sh]

This conversation leaves me hopeful & helps me to see to cultivate & be in my feminine & allow the masculine to give to me & enjoy my presence

[@evian.]

I’ve learned a massive life lesson here! Thank you 😊

[@SharminAktarbd]

If sex is so complicated than better don't think about it , just live like a monk . They are more happy than normal people.

[@catherineblair550]

That WOULD solve a lot of problems

[@adrienneconroy4208]

Wow that conversation was fantastic , so much insight . Thank you 😊

[@OlgaSteam]

That was amazing session and it brings a lot of helpful material to think about. Thank you so much!

[@marazara7094]

And what am I supposed to do if this good guy who is really into me shows sexual interest on our third date? How am I supposed to continue dating him if I feel no sexual attraction? To me it feels that I am kind of "using" him to do things for me, because chances are big that I wont ever feel sexually attracted to him. Isn't that unfair if I continue dating him for months and then telling him that I dont want him. To me that feels like the most difficult thing in this topic. And man would never continue to date a woman to which he's not physically attracted. I mean that sets kind of a signal to the man if

[@ninsh9821]

My thoughts exactly.

[@alexm1226]

Well said, honest and caring comment full of integrity. Amen sister!

[@stormchylde3999]

I think you should give it a reasonable amount of time and then tell him it's not working out. Like maybe a couple weeks. Who knows, your feelings might change after a few more dates. But I get what you're saying. I have also been on the other side of the coin where I felt instantly attracted to someone and was too blinded by that to see how wrong they were for me. If the guy is a good match for you, you could always talk to him and tell him you need more time; his reaction will tell you a lot about him.

[@rainbow9987]

Same

[@evka24]

1 dont be flatted by only sexual attention...seek other types of attention...2 if he shows that he is investing time and money...and is regular to make dates and attentive etc....not pushing for sex....give it some time....once u kiss u will know if u have feeling......if u dont feel it...let it go..... u cant force attraction.....but if he is good person u may fall in love later on...

[@Belanova881]

This guy figured me out in 1 hour. Definitely making some changes now.

[@art.soul.education]

Great interview/exchange. I appreciate the insights. Thank you both! 🙂

[@hopefull752]

Always believed man and women together strengthen each other in their weaknesses.

[@CorporateQueen]

But there's got to be a spark.. There's got to be intrigue of sorts, whether they turn you on or not. I've given nice guys a second date and there's been absolutely nothing. 🤷🏼

[@EadsB7002]

Yup! If the spark isn’t there, you’re taking a big risk in continuing on. How do I know? I did just that and ended up in a passionless, sexless marriage with a “friend”. If you’re not attracted to the person from the start, do not waste your time.

[@kirakarim8506]

Marisa, thank you for this interview. I love John Gray and his take on relationship. It is such a valuable interview. Thanks a lot for sharing!

[@fredwilliam575]

Hello Kira

[@monicavieira630]

John Gray is just amazing and so clear! What a pleasure to hear this conversation

[@fredwilliam575]

Hello Monica

[@goddess8238]

hey Marisa thank you so much for having John Gray here. I am in a relationship with a much older person than I am and realize probably he has high estrogen levels. I've learned so much how horomones can affect the relationship. I always know the porn is off for some reasons but nobody really tells why and hearing about it here helps me a lot. I loved all the questions you asked. I am also grateful to have free gifts from John. ❤️

[@anndc121]

I loved this video, especially the male-female balance ratio conversation. I found the entire video extremely informative. Our roles as women at the work place have evolved and we radiate male energy in all our roles, although this is great at the workplace, our personal lives suffer.I agree its essential to balance our energy.Thank you for sharing

[@angelamilton3930]

Thank you and blessings to you both for sharing !! It was refreshing and revitalizing

[@georgewincosin2723]

I learned a lot from this

[@mcpujol]

I have learned so much through this video! We are making every backwards!!! This is sooo enlightening. Thank you so much for sharing!

[@tomafackrell9377]

Wow! I love how everything he was saying is based on science. Thanks, Marisa! Great video!

[@lucialu2x]

This is really mind-blowing and so inspiring. This explains so much of the tricky interactions between man and woman. I've heard of the book but never thought of reading it. Maybe its time to give it a try. Thank you so much to bring him over for this fantastic talk! would love to see him back sometime soon.

[@beatricebliss9379]

The book is amazing

[@InnerIntegration]

Wow that was fascinating about the testosterone! Great conversation, thanks for sharing!

[@tomafackrell9377]

Hi Meredith! I love your channel.

[@susanseverinokristiansen7826]

Inner Integration P

[@susanseverinokristiansen7826]

Inner Integration with you xoxo was my time for

[@susanseverinokristiansen7826]

Inner Integration with you xoxo was my time for poop oooo is a picnic

[@susanseverinokristiansen7826]

Inner Integration pppp poop poop poop aaxe

[@candise9058]

Thank you so much for this. Very interesting, learnt a lot. Will be signing up to the free course. Thanks

[@legdaytacos62]

This is one of the best podcasts I’ve listened to in a while. Thank you

[@consciouscrypto3090]

I guess it's my high self-esteem that makes me so offended when married/attached guys come on to me at parties. It really pisses me off. I'm at the point now where I'm ready to go find his woman and tell her to check her man, and exactly why I'm saying it. Married men, take notice. You don't want any of this!

[@catsmith7084]

I make them feel reeeaaaly sorry for even trying

[@beatap4425]

Wow, I agree with some of his points, like the one about guys needing to be appreciated for giving at the beginning (eg. paying for dinner) although where I live (Germany) the culture has shifted a lot towards splitting the bill and guys do not seem to want to go back. But this may mean, he´ll fix your bike/car/laptop do something DIY for you, for example. However, I profoundly disagree with his assessment of women´s passion. That they should always date the "nice guys" they are not attracted to, while guys are entitled to pursue a relationship based on physical attraction. What hypocrisy! So women have to settle for someone (let´s say ugly - to them anyway) while guys can have whoever they want?! I have been in long-term relationships with guys who ticked all the boxes except physical attraction. This will not / cannot last. You will eventually lose all interest in having sex with them. And not because your estrogen levels are low. Oh no, I was still very much attracted to other guys. I just ended up feeling rotten about having these thoughts. Eventually, you will break up because you will not be able to force yourself to have sex with them any longer, and you will feel absolutely horrible about breaking your best friend´s heart. Because that´s what these guys become - your best friends. I believe that sexual attraction may develop a little later and blossom - sure, but if you do not fall in love with them in let´s say a month, do not get into a relationship just because they look so good on paper and you like them as people. It´s just not enough. You need "butterflies" pretty early on. End of story.

[@jarid114]

He stated that you should go for a nice guy, that has a lot going for him, and is reasonably handsome. This personally clicked for me because I’ve met guys that are handsome but didn’t pay them any mind because I was too focused on the toxic guy that played into my daddy issues. Ironically those toxic men weren’t even attractive. He also clarified that this isn’t the man you have to end up with. It’s the man that you should practice dating with because he will help women attracted to toxic/unavailable men to rebalance their perspectives and also see what a healthy relationship feels like. This doesn’t mean she has to marry him because he’s nice even though she doesn’t find him attractive.

[@TheMimimoon]

Marisa thank you very much for this amazing video!

[@Self-Care-Embodiment-Coach]

Loads of really helpful information in this interview. John Gray is a wealth of knowledge. Marisa, nice job not letting Gray run the show. It was not his show. It was yours. Well done!

[@annabellesapphire]

, Hmmm, I'm not sure I agree with Mr Gray. I have found that men quite a bit younger than me (I'm 46) are really interested in my strong personality and self confidence. It drives them crazy that I am quite aloof and not in the least needy. I love my own company (with my pug). This nonsense about oestrogen isn't true, I am happily single yet men attract to me like magnets. I am very fussy hence don't really bother with most men. I like strong, funny intelligent men, here in London they're hard to find!!

[@beatricebliss9379]

He does not say women should be needy. He states that we should be able to ask for help. Women who are too much in their male side are not able to ask for help and receive and that increases their testosterone and cortisol too much.

[@lillyypondsxz8027]

Mr gray is a mysoginistic asshole. No wonder his wife died first! They say the husband dies first in a marriage because of stress. His wife died of listening to his bs.

[@cleansing132]

Its not about if men are attracted to you, men are attracted to anything nowadays. Its more of, do they want to be with you long term, marry you, stay loyal etc. And be the masculine man you need them to be. Obviously not all women desire a man like that, but most do.

[@keepcreationprocess]

@@lillyypondsxz8027 No, she was ill, he has always been a very strong healthy body, person. That guy is keeping working I would have retired a long time ago, with all those money

[@keepcreationprocess]

@@cleansing132 and the answer is no, men don't want to share anything with you

[@s15enh]

Really enjoyed watching John. l've learnt so much from him today and he's like a fountain of knowledge 🦋. Thank you Marisa 💖

[@majapiraya1057]

Thank you so much for this exellent free "class" with John. It was very interesting to hear and I am looking forward to learn more. Great video!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🤗❤

[@myeattanosike4918]

Omgggg! I Loved every bit of this!! My 2 favorite people! Have him on again!!

[@nicolep.522]

I learned so much about myself. Thank you!

[@LoveMoneySecretsTV]

Marissa it would be great to have him back and just talk about the supplements especially during this quarantine for people to get natural antidepressants and other things.

[@yt7377]

St. John's Wort extract is great for depression, also fish oil , dark chocolate and exercise.

[@laurykristensen6239]

@@rebekkaswan that stuff gives me the BEST sleep! zero side effects too

[@TrishDietlessLife]

Great video with John. Very inspirational information. Love this. Thanks Marisa for sharing. Much love.🙏💞🤗

[@eftsoulpath333]

Awesome webinar. I learned so much! Thank you and much love to you both💕

[@fredwilliam575]

Hello Laurel

[@lanka8786]

This should be a Ted talk

[@keepcreationprocess]

Nooo

[@namitaadur111]

Absolutely. Amazing explanation

[@susandean6369]

Seem the answer given wasnt answering the question.

[@LoveBeliefTruth]

Absolutely NOT! Utterly bullshit

[@susiep.7372]

Dating these days, is terrible ! I made some ( bad) experiences on dating sites. I left all of them ! But, how could I meet a "good " man ? I prefer to stay alone, as to take a bad experience once more...

[@unlockyoursoulmemory4199]

@Adil Alfa why not, if the chemistry is good?

[@justmemother2]

And Susie p you will be old and alone like so many of us before you. Sad, but true.

[@unlockyoursoulmemory4199]

@@justmemother2 what you believe will come true... because your thoughts impact your emotions, your emotions impact your actions and there you go... if you do not want to see yourself like that, change your thoughts, change your patterns and what is familiar to you into new possibilities

[@susiep.7372]

@@justmemother2 Happy but old... I've learned, that my happiness comes from "inside " . I don't need a partner. I leave it to the universe... I am enough. I enjoy my life for the fullest. Something, you should do too.

[@justmemother2]

Susie P. No one said I don’t

[@krystynamartinez7139]

This so full of truth and wisdom! I wish young people would learn that before they start dating! And wish I had known this decades ago!

[@paulasiverinobavio7273]

Amazing! One of The best videos ever ! Two genius , thank you so much Marisa ! ❤️🙏

[@alicjarysart]

love this guy! He just helped me a lot

[@fredwilliam575]

Hello Alicia

[@barbarakalinowska9058]

Oh yeah! That was a mine of information 😃 I will listen to it at least one more time to learn all of it by heart to implemwnt later 😄😅

[@fredwilliam575]

Hello

[@layla-mz4mb]

Great video! Very informative, thank you to both of you

[@cristinatoto]

Guys, I literally love you for all this words and for the time you spent to make us understand things like that. Thank you! 🤗🤗

[@berzubirze]

it is soo funny how professionals can not agree on the right strategy - one is saying - feel complete and you will find THE ONE, another is saying - you gonna feel the need for man... Makes me smile ;)

[@mhairi3726]

No one knows everything, not even "professionals" or people who have training. The major difference in all fields is *interpretation* of results or *Perception* of reality. Listen to some of Mooji's videos & you'll see the real difference is between Ego v Higher Self...There isn't "the one". That concept isn't accurate. There's "a few" who you can have a real connection with. You can have a few relationships. That isn't to say how good or bad those relationships will be...The man who I thought was the one turn out to be manipulating me into thinking I was his soul mate ie "the one". He left me when I needed him the most...You meet people at the right time. The Universe supports us & sends us opportunities to learn. Love is a reflection of the self. So if you aren't in a good place, have any issues or aren't ready for self love, that will be reflected in who you meet. That's the *Law of Attraction.* Traditionally, there is a difference between Western and Eastern Mental/ Spiritual health. That gap is closing slowly as we all learn *different perspectives on life.* When "experts" disagree that's why 🙏

[@dianakino1132]

There is huge difference between feeling complete internally with yourself and having a man in your life. The first one is the spiritual part in our lives, the second is the natural cycle of life. People tend to do a lot of mistakes because their inner self is lost, damaged and yet to be figured out, therefore they would go and choose wrong partners to feed a lost part within themselves and they both get lost without knowing why, they fight and hurt each other and life experience becomes dark, unhappy and miserable, full of hardships and problems(some would have children as well) . When you work on yourself internally, and become content without any external factors, the partner you attract would be similar to you without any hidden agendas such as wanting to feed a damaged part etc.. Your relationship would be very balanced and harmonious even when you argue about something, you would acknowledge your issues and grow understanding each other more. We are complete human beings from inside, just need to learn more about ourselves. And having a partner is not about completing one another, it is far more than that. I think humans should reach a level today where they can be fine with or without having someone in their lives. Some choose to live alone and some want to live this journey with another complete human being. No one is wrong neither right. 🙏🏻

[@berzubirze]

And after all it is funny how everybody knows the answer and are eager to teach others, meanwhile still seeking for wise advices and mentorships ;) cheers, wise girls ;)

[@dianakino1132]

@@berzubirze Hummm, you focused on the frame rather than the picture itself. And this isn't teaching, it is sharing.

[@CrystalDatingCoach]

I say. Find someone to make you happier...because you're already Happy. 💕

[@jennylarosa6956]

This is just so amazing, I’ll be watching this multiple times

[@fredwilliam575]

Hello Jenny

[@greatbritishpippa8854]

WOOOOW! So much information I had NO IDEA ABOUT! Thank you x

[@ruthbiafora5443]

Two best therapists on the planet 🌎 Thank you!!

[@fredwilliam575]

Hello Ruth

[@LoveMoneySecretsTV]

omg two of my most favorite people who I study! So thrilled to see this video and get you Marissa to interview John Gray! And this was just published I am viewer 225 and the 30th like! Woo Whoooooo! Geneaology back to monkeys lol monkey see monkey do. Funny I don't feel like I need to get a guy to love me, if he doesn't desire me, I'm instantly turned off....then again I have a great relationship with my Dad. Best Friend Chemistry : 4 types. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

[@realloreal]

I'm attracting bad men. I'm doing something wrong!! I'm divorced . I want to pray for a man of God to come into my life

[@NA-vt6mz]

Lori Favela watch shera 7 channel

[@maya9685]

magnet for narcissist most likely

[@osantokensal]

John Gray is such a blessing! Great interview!

[@Naturegirl500]

This was so insightful and helpful. Thank you Marisa and John.

[@yangk2111]

Health doesn’t have much to do sex. When your needs are not being met in a relationship, you are not going to be turned on. As soon as I moved on from my bad relationship, sex has better than ever.

[@Birthdaycakesmom]

Marisa, I read John Gray in high school. I read the book, “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.” My history class was at a baseball game. I both loved and hated this book. I loved it because it was an in-depth look at human nature. I hated it because I felt boxed in; I get angry, I fight, and I feel caged in... I mean, isn’t there a whole human dynamic that isn’t based on sex?

[@DV-dt9sq]

Dear Theodora, I haven't read book you mentioned, but I know that reliable and credible statements on human nature you can get only from anthropologists, evolutionary biologists,etc. and not from people who will interpret facts as they think it should be. Human dynamics is not about sex if you are thinking about instincts (and hormones) because as psychologists and biologists have established long ago we human animals have no instincts any more...they are overwritten by our frontal lobe. But if you are refering that human dynamics are abou sex in the sense that it is social and media construct than you are correct. It is media constuct in my opinion, and there is another way. 🙋

[@bitarezaee6152]

Thank you for this amazing interview

[@sheilasheila2709]

This is an amazing interview with John! One of the best I've heard. Thank you!

[@enlightenedheart740]

Very interesting interview Marisa. I can't say I agree with everything Mr Gray is saying but thoroughly enjoyed it. I believe it's the responsibility of every individual to balance out the male and female energies within themselves first and foremost, in order to be able to merge into a harmonious union with another. Biological info was very helpful for sure. Many thanks for this, I'd welcome more of these kinds of interviews as it's always good to hear differing opinions.

[@amritawhitman8112]

Very interesting interview! Please have him back to do a deeper dive on some of the points discussed. The sexual polarity issues are really interesting! A few weeks ago I found the series Outlander on Netflix and could not stop watching it. Certainly one can say the reason the series is so popular is because of the hot and epic love story at the center of the story and that's true. However, the relationship between the two leading characters is, in some ways, a good example of the kind of male - female polarity that makes the relationship resonate with viewers, whether they're consciously aware of it or not. This discussion reminded me of the series.

[@fredwilliam575]

Hello Amy

[@julia912d5]

This was GREAT. Thoroughly enjoyed this - so important for women and men to recognize and appreciate each other's difference.

[@fredwilliam575]

Hello Julia

[@LeoSunScorpioMoon]

Mr John Gray, you speak to my heart. I hear you. So spot on! You too, Marissa! Thank you so much for every second of this video. Love and light to you and yours and everyone.

[@fredwilliam575]

Hello Ainul