#1 Lawyer: Conversation Techniques to Avoid Looking Weak, Insecure & Boring | Jefferson Fisher

[@Ruby-if4jf]

I love you Jefferson Fisher- you're brilliant and your advice WORKS. Thank you.

[@astrocat88]

Love all that Jefferson shares. I have learned so much listening to him.

[@ShaunaFacciponti]

One of the best videos I’ve ever watched on the platform! Thank you!

[@judylarosee5326]

Thank you for all these come backs. I have saved and have written them down. That’s ment to be grateful 😊

[@ThePinkLotusdesign]

As a listener, it totally threw me how the interview partners changed without pause or introduction. I had to go back turn on the video to understand what’s happening . Great content. Thank you!

[@Dammit_jo]

Me too!

[@DavidG2P]

Yes, why did that happen?

[@JeniElbedour]

I appreciate the cadence of your voice. Living out east, people's natural intensity starts higher and intensifies conflicts.

[@Mushroom321-]

THANK YOU jefferson !!! 🎉🎉this is healing for some OF US !!! 😌🥳👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@TeacherMom80]

I once heard a psychologist say that "a boundary is something that I will do, no matter what anybody else does". We can control no one but ourselves. If a person who is being bullied by an abusive person says, "You can't talk to me like that," the bully will likely say, "I can talk to you however I want!" And that would actually be true, no matter how awful it might sound. The "victim" cannot control the bullys speech. The victim can choose to establish boundaries within his/her relationships that will reduce the likelihood of future bullying/abuse. Boundaries don't necessarily have to be shared with the other person. It's essentially a set of rules we establish for ourselves in accordance to our individual needs, responsibilities & value system. In a parent/child relationship, the parent could say, "TV time ends at 9:00pm," and if the child doesn't turn the TV off at 9:00pm, the parent will turn it off, even if the child kicks and screams. A boundary is a predetermined response to specific circumstances that we commit to following thru with, to help us build and maintain healthy lives. Boundaries can change as we grow and change. A boundary a person might have within a committed relationship may pertain to cheating or abuse. A person may promise his/herself to end any relationship with any person who cheats on them or abuses them, regardless of the person or the circumstances. And then the person would have to define what he/she considers to be cheating and what he/she considers to be abuse. Essentially, where does he/she "draw the line" so to speak. Parents have historically been known for saying such things to their children. A way of letting the child know that a boundary has been crossed and the child's behavior will not be tolerated... Oh, isn't life with other humans wonderful? 🤣 This is how we grow! Enjoy the adventure! God bless! Peace be with you all.

[@DMkz111]

This for me personally was Enlightening and very much needed , AMAZING SHOW 🙌

[@truebluebeth6446]

Winning an argument ….You’ve won contempt Great points

[@annaku_fudgealickcious]

that's a hard lesson i need to learn after having multiple breakups. i can be realllllyyyyy mean in my attempt to win. it even made me quit my job at Chase cuz of my desire to prove i'm good enough to be a manager. in the end, i created work enemies.

[@samsmom400]

Because of my low self esteem, I thought I had to win. I really screwed things up. Bad move on my part.

[@shellystuck6401]

I appreciate your wisdom Jefferson!!!

[@SheenaBerry-g5c]

When I mastered this, I felt so proud of myself. My ex was yelling at me and I simply paused and hung up. I had nothing left to offer him but the grace of not trying to hurt him with words or actions, but just moving on as if he's no longer a factor worth my effort of energy. I'm not even upset because he grew up in a toxic environment.

[@zah936]

👏

[@brittab2057]

Loads of wisdom in this. Thank you

[@iluvmyps3dktm]

I love listening to your assertive techniques! Thanks for these wonderful podcasts!

[@EmilyKnowlton-i4e]

Where has tjis man been all my life? Outstanding advice.

[@helenberberich1539]

I appreciate learning to communicate in a healthy manner.

[@CsMuia]

When you are telling the truth, you don't need to remember. In other words, when you're honest, the details stay clear and consistent because there's no need to keep track of fabrications. These Conversation Techniques are skills, they can be developed at any time. It takes practice and intention to perfect them. The more you focus on improving them, the more natural and effective they become. @Doug, thank you for hosting Andrew & Jefferson.

[@gaberoyalll]

Picture the words photographically, I really love that a lot. Thank you

[@ahmedlotfy8972]

Really mind opening

[@desertdog8006]

Incredibly useful. Thanks

[@A-C1997]

This was fantastic.

[@kw7796]

This guy is very good.

[@mercedesb2299]

I am married to a very good liar. The baseline method is spot on. It took me years, YEARS, to figure out ...and yes this is pitiful, I am aware....but when he is really engaged in what I have to say, he is really nice, he is flirtatious again, he makes plans with me...it always turned out he had yet another new girl he had met and he was going to dissappear. It was so freaking cruel because I was so starved for that niceness, and attention, and being seen, and valued so I was always walking on air, thinking things were good again, and then it would slowly sink in that I just got played again. We have been separated for years now, and to this day, if he is polite or nice to me my hackles are up instantly. I associate his being loving as him scamming me, because nice is NOT his baseline

[@Niabhankar]

When people like this happen and we become guarded- the hardest part is not making that guarded self as our baseline. I hope 🤞🏽 and pray you don’t have a wound to heal from it. Sending love and peace your way ❤

[@leeboriack8054]

Study emotional intelligence, communication/ negotiation and develop a healthy group of supportive friends.

[@manjitpannu5408]

I’m so sorry you went through this ❤

[@bobbarth801]

I spent so many years with the same person Mercedes spoke of! Same traits. He’d lie about nothing and everything. Even went and got married without telling me!😊

[@SherriFlemming]

Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles and other topics. Biology is psychology. Up To You How People Treat You Change Your Messaging Signaling - Sam Vaknin podcast 🌞 Treat Others As You Treat Yourself - Sam Vaknin podcast 🌞 Avoidant's Are Too Good At Dating -Ken Reid podcast 🌞 The Thinking Of An Avoidant Attacher - Ken Reid podcast 🌞 He Lovebombed Me Then Dumped Me - Ken Reid podcast 🌞 Ken Reads Episode 5 Fear Of Commitment podcast 🌞 The Real Reasons Avoidant Attachment Breaks Up With You - Ken Reid podcast 🌞 Severe Avoidant Breakup Rationalizations - Ken Reid podcast 🌞 Avoidant's Who Make You The Villain - Ken Reid podcast 🌞 Why You Attract Avoidant Attachers - Ken Reid podcast 🌞 Take Back Your Life. Own It - Sam Vaknin podcast 🌞 .Explaining They're Just Not That Into You --Ken Reid podcast 🌞 Why You Choose The Wrong People-Ken Reid podcast 🌞 Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast 🌞 The Avoidance Of Anxious Attachers - Ken Reid podcast 🌞 Your Past Relationships Explained - Sam Vaknin podcast🌞

[@narjess6040]

Great advice! Going to use on negative people in my family

[@dr.b.2790]

Wow Doug! Thank you!

[@tammyburke9453]

This is MEAT packed! High protein. I need to watch this 2x 3x 4x 😮 Very dense with awesome content!!!! YUM. Great work dudes! Never heard of you, now new sub 🎉. So great! Thx❤

[@KerriEverlasting]

Every piece of meat you eat was killed as a defenceless baby.

[@tutispereira2962]

Thank you, so much for creating this utube video, positive insights, worth listening to.

[@milenakisel2855]

Thank You For the advice!!!❤❤❤

[@Sadiq80k]

10mins in and I love this podcast !

[@phataton7588]

One of the best examples of Business in front Party in the back Hairdos ever

[@Destinyangel444]

❤😊 thank you for sharing your videos with me 🙏💞💯

[@shielamariebunot6461]

You are truly amazing 😂🎉!

[@Rainbow_with_slowfeet]

Such good advice!

[@alextrainor2552]

This dude is all talk and has never lived in a truly stressful burning situation with an extremely confrontational person.

[@annaku_fudgealickcious]

and how would you know his family situation? regardless, he is a lawyer isn't he? court cases are "truly stressful burning situation" with another "extremely confrontational" lawyer, isn't it?

[@helenberberich1539]

I’m curious what brought you to this conclusion.

[@GregRippetoe]

I agree. He's just a rich guy dealing with polite people all the time

[@IamAngelaHodges]

If he has unalived someone or brutally hurt someone, would you respect his opinion then since being a practicing lawyer isn't good enough?

[@SylvusPresley]

4:18 I’ve always loved the way the character Daryl from The Office (US) commanded respect in such a silent, calm, cool & collected manner… Specifically, there’s a scene where Michael indignantly barrels into his office & his first words are “youuuu idiot…”. Daryl’s response was so chill, yet so serious: “Start over.”; Michael immediately backs up & re-enters, his opening statement a lot more mellow. Daryl mastered the art of speaking only when something valuable to say. I, on the other hand, am an over-explainer (at best 👀), & when I met my husband & became a stepmom/bio mom, I went from being a “thinker” to a “feeler”… And 15 years later, I’ve still not been able to self-regulate…. I’m sure ADHD, head injuries & PTSD are factors, but it’s been a battle… Until now, anyway!!! Very glad I stumbled across this content!

[@Krista-rt9ww]

Loooove this!

[@katherinegordon8088]

Thank you for teaching how to compartmentalize;)

[@evelynramos445]

Very good speaker on intuition

[@9thumbsup79]

Do not tell people you will still respect them, stay their friend, still love them, etc. before you have your conversation! People will take that as liberty to say anything they really shouldn't, and now you're committed to your word. For example, I told someone all this before telling them my experience as a single parent of two children while a person with ASD. They lectured me that I should never have had kids if I had ASD, even though I also told them I scored over 1500 on my SATs. They told me that I couldn't even recognize Autism in another person, only a professional expert could. Needless to say, I absolutely lost respect for them and they were toxic enough in their response that I am not their friend anymore.

[@vanessac1965]

Yeah I mean, I can't guarantee I'll respect someone after a difficult conversation. Maybe he means you'll respect them in terms of their opinions and right to have them but doesn't mean you'll still like them. It really depends on the nature of the relationship.

[@katherinegordon8088]

Whoo, ouch, your very kind and Jefferson fisher can help us speak more confidently, I recently told my daughter not to worry about hurting my feelings, fingers crossed.

[@Deelitee]

@@9thumbsup79 yes. Part of the problem is certain people ( tends to be toxic people in my life) take you and your relationship for granted. They see your kindness as weakness and they don’t FEAR losing the relationship. My family will always be my family but doesn’t mean we will have a relationship.

[@everybot-it]

... but wouldn't you want to weed out those kinds of people? Encourage everyone to speak freely!

[@samgravell3180]

Do grown adults really end up in so much drama and conflict? My god, I can’t remember the last time I had an argument.

[@utubefreshie]

Same. Isn't that sad? I think because he's a litigation lawyer, he encounters it a lot. I've worked so hard in my life to get to a point where I'm not surrounded by conflict. I'm guessing you're the same. One of the things he said that resonated with me is: Love yourself enough that it doesn't matter what other people say about you if they try to gaslight you. You know who you are and your worth.

[@SynnJynn]

I dont invite drama in my life but my work environment does. I would like to learn how to handle it better.😅

[@utubefreshie]

@@SynnJynn Gawd. I hate that so much! When you end up in a workplace where you feel like you're the only sane person there, OR you're all victimized by a crazy bully boss. Try to just do the work when you're there and avoid the crossfire, so to speak, then leave work problems at work and not take it home. You learn to grow a thicker skin. Oftentimes, you're at a loss what to do. What I did was find a work ally I could trust and talk to OR talk to the confidential Employee Assistance Program if they have one at your job. In the most extreme cases, sometimes you just have to leave the job and move somewhere else hopefully better.

[@Deelitee]

Yessss!! Can I follow you around for a week?? You’ve probably developed healthy attachment skills. So, the drama is something that repels you. Me?? It’s been my whole way of life until 7 years ago. Count your blessings!! Seriously. ❤

[@utubefreshie]

@@Deelitee With practice, you will get there and heal and find your peace too eventually! All the best to you!

[@hijones2968]

Perfect, as always!

[@annaku_fudgealickcious]

33:00 verrryyyy true. i grew up learning to lie and i'm very good at it. i learn to convince myself i'm not lying by telling myself "it'll be true one day" so even though it's not true now, it is a truth some day.

[@KG19944]

I learned a lot with this handsome man😊

[@kla6731]

This is gold . Do you have a book please ?

[@AprilDelRosario]

He has a book on pre-order called The Next Conversation coming out soon

[@melodieneil712]

He does. It’s on Amazon.

[@ShimmerBodyCream]

Thank you for sharing

[@missusmoon3867]

After 37 years I know he has a problem he can't control. But I love him and respond with empathy. And it has helped.

[@Christian_Prepper]

43:22 Fake it till you make it 47:47; 51:30 RICE rewards, ideology, coercion, ego

[@adriananeri3288]

After only 10 minutes I'll go away... why? Because you can't gain real respect from someone who's already treating you badly. If you go away without saying a word, you like a sincere and nice person, you'll have all those unspoken words in your head a long long time. And second, why should you want to build a relationship with somebody who's mistreated you? I don't want to educate people. They should be already grown and responsible for their choices . I say what I have to say, and only then go away. It happened to me to heard excuses like" you never told me what bothered you , you just disappeared . Mature people discuss issues"... No, if someone talks to you without respect, here is No respect

[@Deelitee]

@@adriananeri3288 I’ve spend so many years “educating” people!!!! What a joke. The joke was on me. No more.

[@TrailPrincess-sc9kz]

Fantastic Video! Thank you for you for sharing!

[@nonononono9211]

I have learned so much from your content ❤. Thank you so very much! I received an unprofessional email at work. I responded by explaining the situation and ended with “I can appreciate a respectful tone for productive communication” and signed it: Respectfully, ****e

[@villarosamaricar198]

Thanks so much i learned a lot....

[@gretajane802]

Excellent content!🎉 Subbed.❤

[@Mushroom321-]

I wouldve LOVEd time STAMPS !! ☹️

[@zenamatthews9380]

Could've really used time stamps on this one.

[@Sadiq80k]

Agree

[@AngyLopez-d6s]

Such a daddy Jefferson

[@kristieheineman3351]

Hi Jefferson, so I'm pretty sure my older sister listens to you as well, as her favorite get out of responsibility phrase is "I don't remember it that way". I have found that phrase to be a great way to shut down conversation and almost given her permission to rewrite history whenever she wants, and she does too. There's nowhere to go after someone says that. Just like the "I don't remember" phrase. Both of those keep people miles away from repair. She gets credit in front of my parents like she's willing to try to fix things, but in the end it avoids responsibility and shuts it down because she "remembers it differently" or "Doesn't remember. So ridiculous! Can you unpackage that in a video without using my name?

[@karenturner-wensel9536]

😂😂😂❤❤❤❤😅😅😅

[@annstar2793]

Does Jefferson Fisher have a video on how to deal with friends and family that have strong opposing political views who aren’t willing to not talk about it???? Thank you !!!!! How to get them to stop talking !!!!

[@HeadinVat]

I think that informing them that the dissension is unbearable to you and you'll be leaving the room if it comes up. No disrespect--there are plenty of people to talk to or come to blows with over politics. It's thoughtless to bring up subjects in a mixed setting that one KNOWS cause distress. Who does that? It's rude to the point of being abusive and you simply don't have to show up for it.

[@jeanniecampbell1374]

Brilliant

[@1Indig0]

i’m about to watch

[@filmawayvlad]

It is useful

[@TheVonnieVonVonShow]

This is 💯✔️💯✔️💯✔️💯✔️💯✔️🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@HalosOpulence]

You lost me when you mentioned lying. There’s no need for dishonesty-lying isn’t the right word for “fake it till you make it.” It’s more about convincing yourself you have the confidence to succeed, not about deceiving others. Lying has no place in that mindset.

[@Callmethebreeze902]

JR Ewing “Oh why tell the truth when a little good ol’ lie will do?” 😂

[@temi4116]

Agree Halos. I didn't care for that comment that the speaker said either.

[@snowsonline]

When he "mentioned lying"?

[@everybot-it]

I like how Zinsser pronounces "no"

[@nancyharvath6401]

I generally speak to their tone of voice

[@philparisi9175]

I have an issue with the crown situation. I just do it because I feel comfortable and it’s not to send any other messages then it’s just place to put me on, but everyone always likes everyone always has a comment.

[@barbaraschultz1442]

Here’s the problem in law, when you say nothing it’s considered compliance or non compliance depending on the type of law or case.

[@MetaPhysStore0770]

But in common parlance, its a sign of being hard of hearing, many older people actually dont hear things, its plausable deniability

[@barbaraschultz1442]

@@MetaPhysStore0770 I’m referring to ignoring the behavior and taking the high road to keep please. It can backfire.

[@hunmari]

the guy with white beard really good on affirmation to believe in ourselves. who wants to lie like a spy..that guy was confusing

[@christiroseify]

I see and hear the CIA training in every word your second speaker says. I get a kick out of the way he switches between "motivate" and "manipulate" as if he tells himself that when he decides something is "good" for another person, it's okay to lie to them to "motivate" them to do what he has decided is "good" for that person. But if he is lying to get another person, to "manipulate" the person into doing what he wants then it's "bad". The thing he is either missing or ignoring is that either way, he IS lying to get the other person to do what HE wants them to do and therefore is "manipulating". If you are lying, you are "manipulating"... Doesn't matter how you try to justify it... Third speaker said it was "delusional" to think I could ride a bike before I learned??? This man needs to look up the word delusional... Notice how these trained manipulators use words and be careful how you apply their "suggestions". In all they do and say, it is about controlling the other person, not themselves... Their life rules are set by their own knowledge and "wisdom".

[@leeboriack8054]

Each person has their own baseline for what their normal is. A single method of measuring does not apply to every person.

[@Lebensbaustein]

Deceit used to "motivate" is still deceit and lies. And self growth is not really that much about what others think. You can fake it till you make it in some regards (such as confidence) but a lot of people pick up on that fake self Real quick, so you'd have to be a genius or a professional actor to pull it off without actual self confidence.

[@sister1828]

Talk about uncontrollably Drama Queens!!

[@loriof5894]

What about a situation when your supervisor accused you of putting a daily report requirement all on a Friday and basically says that you didn’t do the work during the day every day. You only did it on Friday because that’s what the Excel spreadsheet is showing that is just the last time you were in that spreadsheet. Being in the document on Friday to include the time that you saw the patient that you forgot to put in the first time… The conversation goes in a circle because he says the time shows Friday the 25th and you’re saying I entered it daily as I was supposed to … So basically, you’re being called a liar that you didn’t do your work as instructed. Being told ( by HR rep in the mtg) to be quiet and listen to us being said because you’re on the defensive … Heck, yeah I’m on the defensive. You’re accusing me of being a liar and not following the instructions at my job … That is an absolute no way will I sit here quietly and tolerate anyone saying that . Supervisor stating you did not do your job right the way you were instructed I’m saying I did my job right I believed I entered them properly. If I did not enter them properly, you can still see that I did enter them every day and obviously that conversation lost control the minute I got upset, but how do I , deal with that?? I don’t believe I get to walk away when I’m I am in a review with a supervisor and HR any help with that type of situation obviously there’s a much deeper story but my supervisor/CEO is a bully he goes off on tangent some people he’ll collect six people in a few days and just trash them and then the next week act like nothing happened and the reason nonsense weren’t really valid and this is what he does…

[@VM-oi3dk]

Don’t try to convince them, show them you’re not convinced

[@optimist-heart]

10:59 My parents did that too.

[@evzg290]

All of a sudden a new guy started talking. I’m so confused! 😂

[@sponkmcdonk3898]

Repost of old clips

[@dimitri933]

I was thinking the same

[@margaretsearle5173]

Useful for me, as not seen these previously !

[@vanessac1965]

Great stuff but telling people to ignore their gut is very bad advice. Heuristic shortcuts, procrastination and intuition are not the same things.

[@TrangHuynh-hz9vb]

We should have the smart #1 man back, please 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 .the #2 told you not trust your gut is wrong . I'm OCD . I am on time and get 😢 done.

[@ThumperX9]

Two and a half hours? No!

[@rondadavison3067]

The first speaker was excellent! Great advice. The second speaker was ??? What the hell was he talking about!?@

[@keylanoslokj1806]

Any advice for autistic people to not get so much hate? How to appear more empathetic and engaged in what the other person says

[@MetaPhysStore0770]

Mirroring, like repeat back what people say to build understanding

[@WideAwakeHuman]

Just be up front and tell people ur autistic and what that means - I have a really good friend that did that the first time we met and it allowed me to never be offended or anything at her oddities in communication. Just breaks the ice and sets the expectations - and if the other person can’t deal with it then that’s on them

[@WildAntics13]

His eyes is so dark!!! 😂I could literally see psychopathic tendencies 😂!!! No wonder he is a lawyer and really good in conversation!!!! Good thing he is aware of his dark side surely! You can’t be this really good unless you know what you’re shadows can do! Unfortunately most psycho are not aware of themselves ending up creating chaos to other people lives! That’s why in Navy they scored highest in psychopathy but was trained and disciplined enough to use it force for good ! You can’t be that good on anything without becoming ruthless beasts first

[@wendyleewilliams1157]

❤he's so ✅️ right.

[@pg6776]

So, are you saying people with dark eyes have psychopathic tendacies, are from the dark side, or are a ruthless beast?

[@ShawnaNelson394]

those were not helpful words i just let them hit the floor!!

[@Zar2244]

The lady needs to practice slower talking so we can take in her words. Saying this in a kind way.

[@SerikPoliasc]

Garcia Sharon Robinson Robert Williams Mark

[@JoshuaKhosa]

Why does he have a psycho smile the while time? 😬💀

[@NoraBee-g5b]

Lol so be a good actor

[@evelynramos445]

Who is this speaking on intuition?

[@nimsayaniaable]

why do u have to make long video? make it short with points so that it is easier to learn

[@petermccavington8232]

This guy is super annoying i wouldn't want to talk like him or be like him

[@pg6776]

Which guy? Aren't there two men here?

[@petermccavington8232]

The guy answering the questions

[@sinivlogzz]

Being businss minded s good.....long lasting 🤔sxorinted ll nt last long ..b mndd. ..😮 expectations abt futr ..high.marrid lf s a gv and tk ...😮

[@everybot-it]

? haha what?

[@deborahmccall5617]

Looks and sounds like Tom Cruise....this kind practice looses cases. No contact. Case closed.

[@minoozolala]

The saying is tit for tat, not tic for tac.

[@MetaPhysStore0770]

Tic for tac refers to tic tac toe and is widely used, tit for tat is a variationon of tip for tap ( used in the 1500s) which is a fist fight terminology

[@philparisi9175]

I have an issue with the crown situation. I just do it because I feel comfortable and it’s not to send any other messages then it’s just place to put me on, but everyone always likes everyone always has a comment.

[@loriof5894]

What about a situation when your supervisor accused you of putting a daily report requirement all on a Friday and basically says that you didn’t do the work during the day every day. You only did it on Friday because that’s what the Excel spreadsheet is showing that is just the last time you were in that spreadsheet. Being in the document on Friday to include the time that you saw the patient that you forgot to put in the first time… The conversation goes in a circle because he says the time shows Friday the 25th and you’re saying I entered it daily as I was supposed to … So basically, you’re being called a liar that you didn’t do your work as instructed. Being told ( by HR rep in the mtg) to be quiet and listen to us being said because you’re on the defensive … Heck, yeah I’m on the defensive. You’re accusing me of being a liar and not following the instructions at my job … That is an absolute no way will I sit here quietly and tolerate anyone saying that . Supervisor stating you did not do your job right the way you were instructed I’m saying I did my job right I believed I entered them properly. If I did not enter them properly, you can still see that I did enter them every day and obviously that conversation lost control the minute I got upset, but how do I , deal with that?? I don’t believe I get to walk away when I’m I am in a review with a supervisor and HR any help with that type of situation obviously there’s a much deeper story but my supervisor/CEO is a bully he goes off on tangent some people he’ll collect six people in a few days and just trash them and then the next week act like nothing happened and the reason nonsense weren’t really valid and this is what he does…