Dr. David Richo: Don’t Bring Childhood Wounds into Adult Relationships

David Richo PhD, MFT (psychotherapist, teacher, writer, and workshop leader) shows us how to become the best we can be at loving as he dispels the myths of what love actually is, explains how our relationships with our parents may unwittingly affect our romantic partnerships, and the key factors needed to build real trust. He discusses the changes he’s seen in relationships over the decades, the spiritual integrity component of successful relationships, and how the mindsets of ego can negatively impact any relationship. Dr. Richo demonstrates practical language used to strengthen a relationship after conflict and shares ways to identify candidates who are qualified to be in a healthy adult relationship. He reveals how his findings hold up when considering polyamorous connections, how fear manifests itself in relationships, why expressing appreciation should never be underestimated, and why we are more likely to be emotionally satisfied during the \"honeymoon stage.\" Dr. Rich also explains how to mirror healthy love for your children, the actual forms of nurturing kids crave from their parents, and practical ways to teach children independence.
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Dr. David Richo’s book, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: www.shambhala.com/how-to-be-a...
Dr. David Richo's book, How to Be an Adult in Love: www.shambhala.com/how-to-be-a...
Get 25% off his online course, "How to Be an Adult in Relationships", with code "MB25": how-to-be-an-adult-in-relatio...
Theme Song Written, Produced, and Performed by Ed Robertson. Mixed by Kenny Luong.
#MayimBialik​​​ #BialikBreakdown #DavidRicho #Relationships

[@apexapey]

This show constantly proves, that the Internet is not the sulfuric hellscape of unbridled hatred many people make it to be, but can be a place to share, evaluate, learn, grow and come together even through the hardest and most difficult parts in life. I can not stress enough how much especially this show helped me to come clean with myself, my surroundings, my past, and ultimately, my present.

[@MayimBialik]

Love this. 🥹 Thank you, Abraham!!

[@bronsonmcdonald5473]

I agree wholeheartedly 👌

[@bronsonmcdonald5473]

I feel the same way. I love the way you expressed it.

[@Charity-vm4bt]

​@@MayimBialikHe is my favorite author and speaker. Thank you for your interview. Your channel is amazing and wonderful. Many blessings.

[@KaldoniaKaldonia]

Brilliantly said!!! Same here!!

[@Mynameismendy]

Therapist here ❤ 😊 I cannot speak enough good things about his books. It has made me a better human, therapist, friend and parent & I always recommend his readings!

[@janebutz5375]

Such good information. I’m sure 50 years ago, I entered my long term relationship wearing rose colored glasses. Fortunately, we met our challenges with counseling and recovery and most of all, I had a partner willing to do the work with me. I count myself lucky indeed. I love Mark Twain and I heard he once said “Love is knowing how to hurt someone and NOT doing it.” I’ve never heard it said better. Thanks so much for this interview.

[@cathrenecastles]

crying at 4 am because of this line “Somebody will love me as I always wanted to be loved, and my parents didn't come through in that way we might think... it can also be the truth that they didn't come across in a truly loving way, and we are no longer blaming them but we are acknowledging that it's still affecting us.” THIS MAN'S WISDOM IS A CHEF'S KISS!!! I will definitely buy that book!!!

[@MayimBialik]

🔥🔥🔥

[@RosesBloom-im9bv]

❤

[@JuiciferPandoraRex]

i listen almost exclusively to comedy and true crime podcasts. this being the one exception. i love how diverse your guests are, how genuine and insightful your conversations are, and the fact that ive yet to find an interview youve done that didnt make me both laugh and cry at least a little. thank you so much for this. you are truly appreciated.

[@MayimBialik]

The highest praise!!! WE appreciate YOU, Juicifer! 🧠🫶

[@thesavagedeal6711]

I'm having a hard time concentrating because you say something, and my brain goes off on a tanget. I had to rewind 3 times. Jonathan reiterating what he said is SO HELPFUL!! Thank you, Jonathan. I'm glad you're back! Thank you, Mayim, for having him on.

[@micahfreeman2736]

Literally, sameee!!! Lol 😂

[@kimberlypayetta3476]

Me too! I've backed it up at least 10 times, and I'm not halfway through.

[@KhushSoul]

I have learned so much from Dr. David Richo and his books. We need more people like him in this world.

[@kellypaulson6438]

Especially LOVE Dr. Richo's insight on Grace as The Gift Dimension. He has completely transformed the way I think about compassion, forgiveness, creativity and meaning. That we genuinely make the meaning in our own lives, and the aiding force that the Gift Dimension ushers in the potential for us to live to our greatest potential.

[@marisamartinezolivera]

This is an episode to be watched along with your significant other! We did it! Ended it hugged and apologizing one to other..even after our 41 years together! Thank you! Jonathan words reiterating the best part of episode were a must!

[@dkmagos]

dang I want that

[@yohan9747]

I can't believe you haven't had yet Dr Richard Schwartz! He is as transformative as Michael Singer or Gabor Mate. Please get him ! People need help. And thank you so much for all you have done for me. Love love love

[@angela_mmz]

Agreed!!!

[@mrs.e3909]

When I hear this it makes me think that when we become parents we should have mandatory parenting classes to avoid damage control later. When I became a mother in my mid 30's all I knew of parenting was keeping the baby safe, protected fed and healthy. At no time was a child development class or instruction offered to me concerning child rearing. I wish I had known. The example I had from my parents was basically just to get through the day and as children we were to do as we were told.

[@lillyshalom8050]

I simply LOVE the way Jonathan conveys what the Dr is saying into terms that keep you engaged.

[@leticiaperez243]

I read his book after seeing your Instagram post recommending it! This episode had me in tears. It’s all the things. Glad to see Jonathan again. I found his book just as life altering as you did Mayim.

[@valexwalker]

David Richo books have changed my life. Soooo thankful for him!

[@jackbell4024]

This timing is insane, I just started reading “When the Past is Present” a few days ago and today I began to look into Richos works more, leading me to this freshly dropped interview lol

[@Charity-vm4bt]

As he would say, "synchronicity."

[@Mushroom321-]

Congrats !!🎉🎉😮👏🏼👏🏼

[@tmking7483]

Dr Richo didnt sell his soul _ hes the real deal

[@susansampson1146]

Thank you sincerely for having such a wonderful guest. I will order Dr. Richo's book immediately on Audible. All of what i suspected in my own relationships was so wonderfully put into easy to digest words. You Rock Mayim!!

[@MiraDevi-mc3fd]

John Craigie’s song “I AM CALIFORNIA” says it very poetically: “we struggle with our lovers we don’t know what to let in cause the new ones pay for the old ones’ sins”

[@giselebiezus9965]

By far my favorite episode! I wasn´t familiar with David Richo´s work until now and I´m very grateful to have come across it. Loved when he said "the present is still happening in the present" Such a simples say of saying it and so much truth in just one short sentence. Looking forward for my copy of the book to arrive!

[@orland0110]

Thank you so much for posting this interesting episode with Dr. David Richo. You are doing such a wonderful job with this podcast. I love you, Mayim! ❤

[@AnthonyL0401]

Mayim.... I have absolutely loved David's work since I came across HOW TO BE AN ADULT in 2012 or so. It and his other books and extensive 12-part lecture series have been transformational for me! Thank you so much for highlighting him here.

[@meribeier8530]

I was adopted at age 2 1/2 and all I know is heavy alcoholism was on both sides. I am 62 now I have felt “stuck” as I don’t know ME! I know what I was formed to act like because of programming my adoptive parents but in me. But I have constant inner struggles of WHY am I here and what am I really doing… why do I NOT feel fit in right mold.?

[@sunnyadams5842]

Just a word to say, 57 here and I hear YOU!!! Just figured out I DON'T Really know me 2 years ago. I think I'm through most of the Horror SHOW PHASE. IT's getting to be almost fun, growing up and differentiating now!!

[@Jenny-uv4dl]

You do know you even without the input of bio parents it wasn't just " programming " tht your adoptive parents put it along. The way you HAVE HAD CHOICES trust me as the child who was stuck in a chaos with a capital C I would have given anything to be swooped up early in life to AVOID the hell I went through your bio mom loved you ENOUGH to let you go trust in tht she knew the chaos she was you shared the severe use of ETOH some moms just aren't fuzzy monkies look up the baby monkey study in the 1950's with barbed wire and feeding I WISH & HOPE YOU FIND SOME VERSION OF PEACE

[@meribeier8530]

I now am getting close to retirement and this is another big step where I feel deep fear, excitement and unknows. So I keep having inner conversations with other personalities or who ever inside me to try and figure this out. My Mom tells me what SHE thinks I should do and as always in past , I usually do what I am told. I do not have religion in my back ground. Only went to church with Mom until I was about 5 but I think I was just a “purchase” that was paraded to others for my parents benefit.

[@queenzuriel7326]

Midway through the podcast I went to the library to get his books! Thank you so much for this episode ❤️

[@MarthVaderxvida]

Thank you for interviewing Dr. Richo! I was introduced to his work 13 years ago, and am grateful to have been able to hear his lectures at Spirit Rock. As a therapist, I've suggested his work to many clients. He has such a way of describing this life and relationship thing we expereince. Thanks for passing the mic his way.

[@neoshadowdukeofgames8223]

This podcast has done so much good for me over its duration.

[@MayimBialik]

🧠🫶🧠🫶🧠🫶

[@bhurst65]

God knew I needed to hear this !!!! A snippet of this video in my KZbin feed. This is EXACTLY what my husband has been going through his whole life and what has affected our marriage for over 15 years. We just had a very intense conversation ( which always turns into an argument). I wrote my husband a 10 page letter. Thank God that he showed me the reel. It is a new beginning, hopefully for my husband marriage.

[@mmer24]

I´m only 1/3 in (had to start over to take notes) and I know this episode is going to be so important to my healing process. I recently decided to give therapy another try after some previous bad experiences and found your podcast pretty much at the same time. It´s been so helpful and I so appreciate it. Also I want to say: thank you for letting Dr. Richo take his time to pause and elaborate. I keep thinking if this was a meeting at my work he would have been interrumpted 500 times or would have had to speed through to try to get an idea in. It´s so refreshing. Thank you so much Mayim and Jonathan!

[@MayimBialik]

So very happy you found us, María, and thanks so much for the lovely feedback. Wishing you the best in your healing journey - you've got this!! 🧠🫶

[@tmking7483]

This is the only video pepple need to watch _ to heal from the most brutal abuse _this is a book that heals _ give it away and heal the 🌎

[@MeiraV-]

Been trying to read this book for years, especially in the last week . . . but you're right, it's hard work in every paragraph. I feel renewed determination having watched this, thanks!

[@AmaranthineIntrigue]

42:14 This is something that I just knew and believed once I became a christian. I just had a desire to be at peace and my whole life has been a process of making peace through various relationships (work, family, etc) even when the other person seems to desire the opposite (and some miraculous things have happened). But I have never heard anyone describe this idea of non retaliation as a spiritual concept. Life is so beautiful. I thank God for this moment. ❤

[@lj9524]

One of the best interviews yet! Thank you so very much!❤️

[@paulacollissatter2320]

Amazing interview! I’m planning on picking up a few of David’s books after watching this. More David please!!

[@christineflores8599]

Incredible episode, thank you for showing such a great resource. Interesting and valued beyond words!

[@yolyaumentado9270]

Hi Mayim, tonight, the podcast you did with David came to my attention. Very fun interview you and the Jonathan did... I enjoy the many books Dr. Richo has written, the latest has SHAKESPEARE 25 quotes acting as a therapist...I bought several and gifted them...the latest coming out next August.....I so enjoyed your conversation with David, and I so admire You, a neuroscientist, WITH the other geeks in the BIG BANG... i followed years ago....I love watching David smiling too, you're such fun, intelligent, witty interviewer....God bless you, and my heart aches on what is happening in Israel...i have a Jewish grand daughter, my eldest son a scientist too, married to Jewish woman...and I am a christian...and Dave's exwife is also a friend of mine...PEACE, BLESSINGS TO YOU and YOURS! LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE! Yoly from Santa Barbara, California...[Dave lives half time in SB, and half time in San Francisco.] [English is not my native language, but I completely aligned, laughed with you and JONATHAN...💗

[@lindseypoindexter702]

Thank you so much for this podcast. It's helping my mental health tremendously.

[@KatieRohlfing]

There was a moment when polyamory and pansexuality seemed to be lumped together. Just came here to say I identify as pansexual and I'm a monogamous person. Also, I just ordered this book! This is such a helpful episode. Thank you!

[@CuteBrainiacGirl]

Yay, thank you guys! So beautiful. I cried. Such insight and brilliance and goodness.

[@cam_2022]

Thank you for having this podcast. It has really help me.

[@w.m.8126]

Only 10mins and I enjoy Dr. David so much. What a wonderful man, and so excited to read the book !!!! Just bought it

[@m_brokenleg]

The concept of the FIVE “A”. So real. So brilliant. So enlightening. As “The Past is happening in the Present”! To be framed! Reading Dr. Richo just now. I bought it bc you reccomended it time ago. Such a perfect coincidence he’s at the podcast today! 👌🏽

[@amyciampa490]

Incredibly well expressed. Shifting worldview here. Love!❤

[@krystalMtn]

It's not about bringing them into adult relationships as much as it is about getting the help and healing needed to get past said wounds. Plus, having a partner who is willing to help support you through that process rather than impeade or sabotage your efforts.

[@susanbeasley8872]

I have a partner like that. I am lucky.

[@staceymayes5643]

I absolutely cannot wait to read this book! Thank you both for reading it first and recommending it!

[@thesavagedeal6711]

Mayim, I noticed your Hart of a Champion trophy, and it cracked me up!!! 😂😂

[@meribeier8530]

My Mom was raised very hard and I think she was a oops baby. Her parents were never really physically loving so hugs and words of I Love You was never done. So that beat continued with next generation. My Grandparents on my Moms side told my Mom straight out when they bought me, those children will not be accepted! How the heck could anyone be that COLD?!?!

[@sueormiston151]

My copy of the book arrived today and I have my highlighter at the ready. Great topic.

[@annegpr]

Definitely one of the best episodes I've watched from you guys. Thank you Mayim, Jonathan and David. 🤍

[@teresamanyosa]

Dear Mayim, thanks so much for recommending this book. It’s so aligned with what I believe to be true ❤ Dr Richo is such a gift to this world. Thanks so so much ❤❤❤❤

[@meribeier8530]

My parents talk about there upbringing and history of family dynamics but I just hear all this with NO connection. I have never found my soul mate either and do not have any desire to continue my messed up gene pool and maybe that is why I have no real urgency to find a mate. It hard to explain but I think I am just taking notes in this current life and will try to apply this to my next time through.

[@RedHeadThriller10]

I'm on the same boat with you I'm single I have no kids I'm not married but in my thirties I'm starting to like go with a lot of things and having a piece of mind. It may not speak to you right now but it will make sense but whenever you do something productive and enjoy your life. I would say I would not worry about right now and just live your life

[@Jenny-uv4dl]

Amen I was aware enough to REALIZE how badly I was raised and I WISHED A MILLION TIMES never to cause another human especially a tiny 1 the pain visited on me by my "parents" so I worked hard not to reproduce because I knew if someone hurt. My child I would come dwn full weight no bail so no children im just taking notes for the next round

[@Video-wi9cv]

I love this podcast. This defiantly goes with what I need in life.

[@deathvvitch]

I’m so thankful to find your channel ❤

[@breannacarter4723]

this was so great 💜

[@JessicaOrban3606]

I have the original copy. Such a powerful book ❤

[@aneelamahmud1806]

Thank you Mayim, excellent content that you cover. Truly contributing to us evolving as humanity. Reconciliation and not retaliation, wow -if we could become experts at navigating personal relationships, our world would have to eventually become a mirror and world peace may be possible.

[@stacysconce5480]

Thankful for this interview want to read Dr. David's book

[@RebValentine]

Somehow this podcast came in the precise moment of my life I needed it most. I have been soul-searching for a while about me in relationship and this was so enlightening and profound. It helped me a lot. Thank you, Mayim and Jonathan for making it ❤

[@Charity-vm4bt]

He talks about "synchronicity" a lot.

[@louisaho2808]

This is a, very, insightful podcast, I really love it. It makes me even more so interested to heal the wounds that I have gotten from my childhood and how to bring my best self into my future relationships.

[@MayimBialik]

👆👆🙌

[@micahfreeman2736]

This convo is 🔥🔥🔥 life changing for me!!!!!

[@hyunjungoh9599]

Love this podcast so much!

[@heatherknowles3124]

Two of his books being delivered. This found me exactly at the right time. Wow. Can’t wait to read books and listen to this again.

[@AnthonyL0401]

He has some 12-part and 8-part lecture series that I have ordered on CD (originally) and then as MP3 files. They are SOOO helpful, especially for me who like to listen sometimes more than read. If you want more detail, let me know

[@CuteBrainiacGirl]

For me later: 1:02:30 is the list of qualities of qualified candidates for a relationship, my fave part! Amazing.😊

[@patriciagallant8133]

I just finished last night "The Power of Now" which I didn't much like or understand. It seems the total opposite of this book, which I am going to get. I loved this episode. Thank you so much.

[@Kentertainer]

Even more fascinating food for thought here than usual, especially because I couldn’t help noticing the flailing cherub on Mayim’s piano? 😮🤔😂❤👋🏿👌🏿👍🏿🇨🇦

[@AL-ns5jc]

I can’t wait to read. My therapist recommended it!!!

[@MNP208]

Great interview! I can NOT stomach Dr. Laura! 😖

[@cathydowning8673]

Great podcast, I am looking forward to reading his books. Reflecting on the episode I am thinking that, as an adult, it is important to give the 5 A's to my parents even if I did not always receive them as a child. I think it was your guest Seth Green who said, " "Parents are just people that had children". Since hearing that I come back to it often.

[@carolmcbrideonline]

great question about 'modern', poly, pan et al relationships, and, his answer.... it all applies, and it's all much more difficult! ;). Great show.

[@altaresjoyceee]

really a great episode! ❤️ I'm persuaded to watch it with my fiancé after watching this episode. We will learn a lot here, and even if I have watch it and will watch it Great episode, in my opinion! Having seen this episode, I'm tempted to watch it with my fiancé. We'll learn a lot from this experience, and even though I watched it with him and will watch it with him, I believe we'll both give each other a big hug and apologise. The phrase "reiterating" is one of my favourites in this episode, and I'm pleased to see you again, Jonathan. Thank you for this new episode @bialikbreakdown ❤️ quite instructive and helpful ❤️

[@lisayourbeautifulenterpris2128]

Such an intelligent conversation profound & down to earth simultaneously!!! Condemned to Repeat Whatever is left Incomplete Mind Altering Awesomeness 👍🏽

[@kathryngarcia8800]

Amazing podcast. I think the exercises at the end of the chapters would be perfect dialogs to get to know a potential partner! Sadly we don't really know the person we are choosing as a partner. We just think we know them!

[@thelonelyvloggee]

Hey mayim!! I love the podcast. You wished me good with my exams a long while back and I just wanted to update you saying I did really well on my law exam so thank you .I'm on my next year of A levels now. XD I always love the podcast :)

[@MayimBialik]

Yayyyyy, huge congrats!!! 🙌

[@AL-ns5jc]

This is great!!!

[@samanthagingco]

Interesting topic!

[@AL-ns5jc]

Good stuff David!!!

[@stephmartinez701]

Oh boy, so good.

[@Hermesmom]

I must get this book. It seems to explain my last 66 years

[@LadyLJOII]

I once wrote about a situ that unfolded in front of me at a Reenacting event weekend. We were dressed up in Victorian clothing ready to see the public. We were a group of people who liked to spend our weekends doing that. A new couple invited to join us were introduced. The woman started being happy standing by her newly married husband. And then she launched into her history with her previous spouse and spent at least 10 minutes among us, a group of strangers, verbally recreating her previous traumatic marriage. I carefully looked at her new husband. He heard every word, he knew them well, like a badge of sorrow. He looked so sad. I then realized if she didn't release that former trauma, she would lose her now husband as well. He looked so eager when they first walked up. I have no idea if they got beyond that together or not. I never forgot that.

[@Authentistic-ism]

I don't know the English word to compliment Jonathan's barber/aesthetician but, nice beard job!

[@SimpleMellowLife]

Please try to have on more psychotherapy guests!! This was very helpful ❤

[@sarahmedina8509]

Am I the only person who listened to this episode and immediately apologized to their significant other?

[@MayimBialik]

🫶🫶🫶

[@nataliewj1]

It's an incredible book

[@nadamuchu]

please add captions for deaf fans like me. I love your shorts and really would appreciate being able to watch episodes like this one.

[@tomlichnofsky.7048]

Truely Awesomeness!! 👍👊😎👌✊😎🍁

[@josepadilla-bx4jl]

Very interesting topic mayim

[@alicepiva397]

this was j.u.s.t what I needed to heal a lot of bullshit right now. thank you for remembering me that I what I want to is become better at loving; promise not to get back at each my so while looking to understand what I really need so I can look for and commit with people who can actually meet it. thank you.

[@mimmycal]

It is the best you will ever read! Great! now you can help me create this in a textbook for middle schoolers and highschoolers We will incorporate the Five As!

[@Tina-bd9et]

Hi! good morning! Live and live for and towards the Audience of One. He’ll straighten out the other stuff. 😎♥️- which version of this book did you prefer? Happy Trails!

[@OriSnori]

Mayim! Every WOMAN!!!!!

[@hayleyd2339]

Hi Mayim! In a clip I watched a while ago you suggested that one read David Richo to learn about attachment. Do you think all of his books touch on attachment theory directly? Or is there one I should start with to learn about it? Thnx:) ❤

[@westcoastmike5937]

Love you California❤❤❤

[@greatlakesnarwhalmichellee4507]

As I can't find "ask Mayim anything" Could you do an episode on learning disabilities? I have dyslexia and am having a hard time getting work to understand.

[@genxbeyotch]

I would be very interested to know how a child who never got the 5 A's can learn to navigate life. I was recently diagnosed with C-PTSD (finally a Dx that fits) and in my 4th month of therapy but I feel like I'm drowning 😢

[@marygassman-baltierra3530]

But HOW does a person (me) even know WHAT to work on? I guess I'm buying the book! Especially since I bail on all relationships once I get to phase 2.

[@FatimaRocha-dj3ug]

Olá! Sou Fátima Rocha do Rio de Janeiro RJ bom dia a todos aqui são 08:00 am terça feira 22/08/23 Desculpa, eu não entendo muito inglês 🤷

[@tkat8871]

Curious if I can suggest a possible guest. Don’t know if this is even possible but given everything Taylor Swift has been thru would love to hear her thoughts on her re-creation.

[@FatimaRocha-dj3ug]

Mayiam você ( you) Super Inteligente... fantástica😍

[@cherieannlasso266]

❤

[@andreabucko3096]

Where I can see your videos with subtitles in Spanish??

[@jheouanamaeavestruz]

Watching this is like going to therapy. Hehehe