Dr. Deborah Ruf: Why recognizing giftedness in early childhood is so crucial (FULL conversation)

[@margow85]

As a gifted perfectionist, I often quit things because they did not come easily or naturally to me. I wish that adults in my life would have explained the growth mindset to me as a child and that 'failing,' not quitting, and preserving through adversity was a reward in its own way.

[@MariaNI-yf1bz]

@27:35 very important message to gifted children

[@annamariamoldovan4901]

I am very gratefull for this interview, I have three sons with higher IQ-s, we discovered this just recently and now we are gathering information to try to help them as much as possible. In my country this isn’t a topic about what you can hear, there aren’t any specific schools for them here. So this is great help. Greetings from Transilvania!

[@user-jv2fk2ix7u]

Thank you so much for this interview Dzieci and Dr Ruf. This brings tears to my eyes as I started understanding myself only now! I have been perceived as a problem child, Problem adult 😅. It was really hard for me when I was a kid at school and it’s taxing for me now too as an adult who struggles portraying myself to people. I feel so misunderstood most of the time. I’d love to talk more about this with you both and I’ll read your book Dr Ruf! I appreciate this so much!

[@monicageller226]

Thank you so much for this interview it is very insightful

[@jsatheconquest136]

So helpful. I could watch it over and over!

[@Jfonner09]

I have two questions: 1. I have a 4.5 y.o. son who probably rates somewhere around level 2-3 on Dr. Ruf’s scale. His learning so far has taken place at home. Our school offers 5 day preschool and also kindergarten…but his birthday is midsummer so he falls directly in between grades. I’m not sure if sending him to the preschool to gain social skills and better training for actual writing skills, or the more advanced kindergarten class would be better. He knows all letters, sounds, shapes, colors, basic math etc. This child can explain basic principles of physics and mechanical functions and he thinks very creatively, but he has no interest in sitting down to learn how to form letters with a pencil. Would he benefit more from rigorous training in writing at home and moving to the higher grade, or being one of the oldest in his class and sticking to the basics for now? 2. I have a 7.5 y.o. daughter who is around level 2. She excels especially in reading, retaining facts -especially about scientific topics that interest her, and social/emotional processing. She is a remarkable salesperson 😂 She relates to and converses with adults more so than with her peer group. How do I keep her engaged in school while fanning the flames of her interest?

[@monicageller226]

Excellent questions. I too have a 4 yr old who is a mix between your children bagan reading at 3, excellent retention skills and self taught bilingual. We’re considering homeschooling in order to tailor education to her specific needs and interests. Would you mind sharing if you chose traditional school? I’d like to bounce ideas.

[@HeatherLandex]

Just let them quit - wish my parents had received that advice. I was forced to continue Clarinet, when really I was interested in Drums. I understand the practicalities are unfavourable for them but they wasted their money & my time. I liked being able to read music but I didn't need grades, exams, band practice.. or practice in anything academic at all. I was force to go to grade 5 theory... it was torture. Really awful. I think I got the pass mark having not learn anything new. I was interested as far as it was pleasure but it turned into an obligation & academic achievement, I hated 90% of it.

[@jasonkrick1614]

I think… Someone needs to do a study on the long term happiness and success of ‘gifted’ children both labeled and not labeled. I know…a lot of people. And I mean a lot. And I have the privilege of knowing them on a long term basis and getting to know the things going on in their lives. I have yet to know a child labeled as ‘gifted’ grow up to be a happy and successful adult who contributes to society in a positive way. The majority of them. Okay, so far all of them. Have grown up to be frustrated, angry and extremely poor contributors to society. Short reason? Because pretty much every ‘gifted’ child labeled this during childhood. Grow up thinking and being reinforced that they are smarter and better than the general population. This in turn creates an unrealistic and inaccurate image of one’s self growing up. Being good at school is also easy. For most. It is a place to learn. And it is meant to be hard enough to pass and progress. Sure. Some people have an easier time. But all in all. Each one of us has to learn. So, ‘gifted’ children skate through school which reinforces their ‘gifted Ed’s’. But guess what. School is not real life. Real life is a brutal hostile place to try and make a living. There is no safe space. There is no 1+1=2. Real life is a crap shoot. Unpredictable. And it is paralyzing to ‘gifted’ people because all their life has been about a 100% predictable outcome. Long story short again? Please don’t label children ‘gifted’. From my observations, it creates more problems than good when it comes time to be an adult. Ask 99.99% of child prodigy musicians. They don’t grow up to be performing artists. They become part time instrument teachers while working a real job. Again. Angry and disillusioned. Btw. I am a 3 9’er on the iq scale. And how I ‘survived’ childhood was that I was smart enough, even as a child, to know that ‘intelligence’ is a small part of living a real life.

[@neon.neutral]

Or actually teach them the way she suggests. Do the basics but let them explore their interests and let their natural instincts "fly". Also, teach them about growth mindset, and that failing or not being good at something is ok too.

[@lizf1353]

I'm sorry you're experience has been that way but it sounds like the "label" isn't the issue but the expectations put on them even you are putting unfair expectation on them about what makes someone a good contribution to society. I would think after the global pandemic more people would start to realize many of the people we long viewed as the least valued are some of the most important to or basic survival and as such are some of our biggest contributing members of society.