Dr. Henry Cloud | How To Set Boundaries

Dr. Henry Cloud demonstrates how to set boundaries.
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Dr. Henry Cloud talks about our internal conflicts and the boundaries we struggle to set with ourselves.
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To Take Dr. Henry Cloud's FREE Boundaries Course ▶ www.boundaries...
To see other videos like this, you can try Boundaries.Me for 14 days free ▶ www.boundaries...

[@tonyageorge7178]

My counselor (many years ago) used the book 'Boundaries' in my counseling. Greatest book I've ever used except for the Bible!

[@sgh-pediatricclinicalcases4690]

Good to hear this.

[@LindaVolpatti]

Me too

[@Ana-rb7ws]

“Boundaries are taking care of your own heart, mind and soul.” ❤️❤️❤️ Perfection.

[@sandrafogarty1073]

I'm glad to see someone teaching clearly about boundaries. I often feel that in school, and in society in general we lack good teaching of this topic, and often we are not taught how to set boundaries in our childhood by our parents. We are so often told to love and forgive, and be nice to people, without being told that we don't necessarily need to trust, be around people who take us for granted or abuse us, or set healthy boundaries in any other way as we feel is necessary. I like the picture of having a boundary around your home, it makes it very clear.

[@leekflower1]

Someone is the original author Dr Cloud ☺️

[@flamingrobin5957]

henry clound and john townsend wrote the difinitive work on boundaries from a christian perspective. get the book , get the dvd series. life changing and deep principles

[@darlenerego4891]

Boundaries are about taking care of our heart, mind and soul. Thank you for explaining it this way!

[@sophalpettit]

I read your boundaries and chose healing books. Your books helped me deal with my toxic self, family, and friends. I thank God I found your book through a friend she recommended. I cannot stop reading and listening to the audiobook as well. My trauma of going through the killing field of Cambodia and life as a teenager in the United States was not easy and now learning how to deal with 3rd world mindsets parents. So I needed all the help to stay in faith and align with God’s word. So thank you thank you thank you!

[@shelbyannhernandez762]

I love how you used property lines and a neighborhood as a metaphor to boundaries with people around us. Made it easier to remember and understand.

[@Astral_Dusk]

I speak for the men, part of really being a man is the willingness to move on from those who refuse to respect your core values. It's not cold, it's bold and it saves your finite life a whole lot of pain and suffering that should be focused in more constructive and meaningful efforts like improving health, saving lives, making a difference for your people.

[@Astral_Dusk]

It's not your job to be the therapist of those who lack emotional control (unless that is your literal job 😁) - your deepest compassion is a very select social circle business for the most part - a real close family.

[@juneo7]

Compassion for others and wholesome relationships with boundaries

[@edwardjones8249]

Two eye opening verses for me since discovering boundaries, "Look well to yourself [to your own personality] and to [your] teaching; persevere in these things [hold to them], for by so doing you will save both yourself and those who hear you." 1 Timothy 4:16 (Amplified Bible) "Now every athlete who goes into training conducts himself temperately and restricts himself in all things." 1 Corinthians 9:25 (Amplified Bible) Bless you Dr. Cloud!! 🙌 👍 💪 👌

[@Huero87]

My issue with this book is that the people who’ve read it too often distort the original meaning of boundaries in a way to bully and gain control over others. The purpose behind boundaries is that it's a way of taking care of ourselves, but a lot of the time it leads to just self-isolation. This has just been my experience with people who have read this book. It's rare to see people actually applying what the book teaches. They are hurt or mad at someone; often times the other person doesn't even know said person is upset. Read this book and find the justification they were looking for: "Your cut off for good".

[@Arallask]

understanding the subject of the boundaries is sooo valuable! Thank you dr. Cloud for not getting tired explaning it!!

[@suzifloren6090]

Dr. Cloud, thank you again in your pursuit of giving of your good nature and cheerfulness to lift those with broken hearted issues. Maybe it is self- disappointment. Forgiving ourselves. Developing a second-wind.. courage to stay in goodly community. You are speaking my language. saying no to depression and moving on.❤ thanks. This is healing.

[@chenry1279]

I love Dr. Cloud's energy admonishing us to "Own and develop your own property!" Develop yourselves, get help, dream dreams! Thanks for being a great neighbor!!

[@girlygirlwoman]

This is great. I need to listen to this over and over until I get it in my spirit and actually practice it. Thank You Dr. Cloud for this Illustration.

[@juliemoss490]

Love your simplicity and applicability of what you teach, and of course showing the biblical aspect

[@Miracle-Needed]

1. self-relationship reflection (THIS IS ESSENTIAL!) 2. the only failure is not doing/trying 3. no one is coming to save you 4. be the partner you want to have 5. turn down some things so that you can focus on the things that really matter TO YOU! 6. take responsibility 7. you give power to who you blame 8. generally: if you have to tell someone you ARE that, then you are NOT that 9. don't view exercise/dance/movement as an exchange for something 10. trust yourself 11. growth requires loss 12. fuck being normal 13. can't say 'no'? this makes your 'yes' meaningless 14. be careful and intentional and deliberate on how you define yourself 15. don't make assumptions 16. no one thinks about you that much 17. confidence comes from comfort with failure 18. develop a willingness to be disliked/hated, and disapproved of 19. your tongue controls the direction of your life (SPEAK LIFE NOT DEATH!) 20. don’t trust in people, trust in GOD 21. stop living by the brainwashed-programmed rules and ideals of other people 22. be careful who you idealize 23. if you don’t change the way you see yourself, nothing else will change... 24. get VERY comfortable saying 'no' very loudly and clearly and honestly and firmly that being said, I want to die my life is hell with no escape so, I have a prayer: - health wealth love - deeper closer healthier connections with those whom I love - healing, on every level, in every way, for all of us - to be radically honest, with everyone, about everything - financial freedom - twin-flame (re)union (true and real love) - a tribe of true and real friends - to thrive off my talents and passions... - blissful magical wonderous joy, always, in all ways...

[@sugreenwell7783]

Allelujah the unique place for me now because I have been getting better with my own life now living knowing that I am glad to be active here in the home of my choice. Thank you for being here for sharing my property value with me clearly.

[@charliewilliams3826]

This is such a GREAT ANALOGY

[@Wutzmename]

This is great!! Currently using it in our sober living facility through our church.

[@JLKelly-fb8bh]

beautifully said and taught, thank you for that great illustration, life giving

[@anujdubey2160]

Dear sir 🙏 Today I read your book "Boundaries" it's really amazing book. It's my experience with some pages. Thank you sir it's video is very helpful for world who want to change our life.🙏🙏

[@diva2012ec]

My therapist recommended your book but it’s on back order where I ordered it from so she suggested to me to check You tube and wow…. how grateful I am that she did because Its really helped listening to you as u teach on boundaries and I can’t wait to get my book too bc I knw it’s as amazing as ur teaching is on here. Thank you sir Fr sharing your knowledge with us and helping people like me to protect my mind heart & sound by creating boundaries! I will also be checkg Fr some of your other teachings on here too! Again Thank you very much. ☺️

[@elizadolots11]

I so wish I could join this course. I need this so much with my elderly Momma as well as my young son.

[@adeyemi9860]

Excellent illustration

[@carolcollins3108]

Very Well presented Doc. Thank you and God Bless.

[@juneo7]

🙏❤amen, love, and take care of heart, mind , soul, spiritual parts too. Thank you Dr. Cloud

[@sheilalawson3724]

Excellent. You’ve pointed out the necessary elements of successful relationships.

[@lalrindika6982]

I came to know you through the book 'boundaries'. I am so into it.

[@themindofchrist]

To set boundaries is to love yourself and others. Thank you so much, Dr. Cloud!!

[@Practiceofthepractice]

This is such an important message! Thanks for sharing.

[@mariafernandez1995]

Amazing video! So enlightening!

[@Sal84UK]

This was very effective, thank you so much for sharing.

[@catseyeview7]

Needed this today. Thank you and Amen

[@RachaelDeBruin]

This was super helpful. Thank you

[@amanthilynch1785]

Thanks for this helpful visual!

[@marielang9552]

Perfect explanation!!!

[@leaperrins8373]

Dr Cloud! What a great name!

[@Lucyabdul]

This video was great 👍 thank you

[@JessicaFayToday]

Excellent video and presentation.

[@Grateful4life4time]

Amen to that!

[@rachelmichael7439]

So true.

[@sharynhonor5084]

Very grateful

[@kevinspliid8509]

Found the videos easier to listen to then the audible boundries

[@pbfloyd5757]

Thank you SO much for this

[@Miracle-Needed]

How tragic is it that we are terrified to be noticed, but dying to be seen? Boundaries are about taking care of our heart, mind, body, and soul! It is about loving and cherishing and honoring and caring for ourselves. REMEMBER: Just because someone gets angry/hurt/upset/disappointed/whatever when you say 'no'... Doesn't mean you should've said 'yes'! It means they have to learn how to deal with 'no', they have to learn to self-regulate. You're saying no, IS YOUR ABSOLUTE RIGHT, and in fact, it's your obligation to yourself! *** 10 "Survival Lies" You May Tell If You Have CPTSD: 1. fawn response 2. you start lying from very young to become socially included 3. story of yourself that is not actually true (you crafted it to adapt to environment) 4. lying to avoid loss 5. lying to secure resources/safety 6. lying due to shame 7. you find yourself in scenarios (due to past traumas) where it becomes easier to just tell overt lies 8. you lie after experiencing an emotional flashback 9. you lie because you don't want to have to caretake the other person's feelings 10. you lie because it feels nice to pretend to be (and therefore to feel) somewhat normal, sometimes *** 4 things people with severe trauma do, without thinking: 1. Obsessing/ruminating 2, Assuming our feelings are wrong 3, Attaching to others in unhealthy ways 4. Viewing ourselves as others see us (without them knowing our back-story!) *** YES, You Can Heal Childhood PTSD -- These Actions HELP: 1. Learn to emotionally regulate 2. Save your social/romantic energy ONLY for people who are available and who reciprocate 3. Get really good at ending relationships that aren't healthy/reciprocal 4. Choose friends who are working on themselves and are doing things you admire 5. Find activities/hobbies that bring you HEALTHY growth/evolution 6. ALWAYS ASK: How do I feel after I hang out with this person? Inspired/energized? Or drained and bad about myself? ANYWAYS, This will seem random, but... I need help I need unbiased advice please, if you're reading this, and you feel called to respond to this comment, I'm open to hearing from anyone who has something to share... I have been plagued with an awful dilemma I have been ruminating and obsessing over this for over 8 months now I had a therapist an AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL therapist the absolute worst of the worst instead of helping me and healing me he damaged me and traumatized me but I was too traumatized to do anything about it, at the time I basically saw him for all of 2023 then I KNEW I could NEVER see him again HE'S AWFUL but... he's also somehow wildly successful and I can file a formal complaint but if I do this I must do it soon the filing seems like a long and arduous process and in the end, it's his word against mine... I also don't know if I reap any particular benefits? except he may get somewhat reprimanded and I may get to speak up and use my voice I don't know what to do I must make a decision soon thoughts, anyone?

[@TriumphantTiff]

Dr. Cloud, what a great video about boundaries! Your illustration is worth a thousand words, and makes the concept very good. We were on the same wavelength as I covered this material on my channel too, but you did a better job lol. Great video - keep up the amazing content!

[@Blazzzy17]

Thank you!

[@stellachitowe8638]

I love this

[@pocahontas5145]

So good!

[@sbentsen2714]

Wow Very very good!

[@stigmatizedminstrel1837]

Thanks

[@farhanbadar4966]

Was trying to learn how to set boundaries (Psychologically) dk even why did I end up here

[@jensbornagain]

I am trying to form boundaries with my husband that had an affair. I set boundaries before we got married. We both agreed no strip clubs or obviously affairs. He broke them all. He had an 2 year affair with a women from a bar and I am trying to move past this and trying to rebuild trust. My boundaries are no bars it’s a major trigger for me. How can I set that as a boundary?

[@hidan407]

May I respectfully ask, how is he as a husband and person ( not including the cheating part) to still have him around despite learning the truth?

[@Solar-Busters]

Kick his ass out of the house ! Period He broke the rules

[@cherylallis2458]

When you set boundaries, there needs to be a consequence when those boundaries are trampled on. Boundaries without consequences are just talk.

[@That1grI]

Jesus and Dr Cloud by day. Jesus and Dr cloud + fire 🔥 by night. Thank you so much for being such a wonderful witness for our Lord Jesus Christ 🙏😅🐣

[@emmadeveto4236]

How to learn boundaries after being so boundaryless for so long? It’s tough how to tell a mother she is in fault of this

[@iluv2worship]

😊Boundaries are for YOU, not to control someone else but to help you.

[@dawntreader815]

or a MIL....after so many years of saying yes, they are sure YOU must be at fault at the first hint of a boundary!

[@oogs]

cheers neighbour

[@stellachitowe8638]

how could I get this book of boundaries please,I need it most

[@ligyk6693]

The tree fell on my property, and they are irresponsible and not removing the tree. How do you make them take care of it ?

[@hdskl2150]

I don't work on the sabbath, this includes housework. My roommate insists on washing my dishes when I leave them in the kitchen. It's only one day a week. I'm extremely tidy every other day. It offends me that they can't leave my mess alone honestly. How do I deal with my emotions around this?

[@leafangels]

Thank you for doing my dishes. Problem solved.

[@emmadeveto4236]

Do u have a website for me to learn appropriate boundaries please? Or training

[@jennyshallom6702]

I have questions if my neighbor make up story to my landlord like they tell the landlord I have dog but I don’t have a dog what I should to do? Their have a dog and sometimes the dog make noise I don’t complain to the landlord

[@rwk3cpa]

Why do you need a credit card to provide a free trial?

[@AnnLi-lm2kd]

My mom is a rageaholic. She destroyed me. My parents are my nightmare. I hate them. They never deserved me.

[@johnford9455]

What if the "neighbor" is your wife of 42 years? How do you set boundaries in a godly marriage where two have become one?

[@jasonwhitman3367]

Dive dive dive

[@SparksAdvice]

A boundary without a consequence is useless. It's like saying "I'm not going to let you shout at me anymore." and the other person goes "Guess what? I'm shouting at you anyway". And so now you end up confused. You set a boundary, they refused to follow it, so now what? Do I give up? Of course not. Remember, boudnaries come in two parts: the setting, and the enforcing. You've set the boundary by telling them what it is you will not accept. Now you have to do the enforcing, and that means pairing the violation of a boundary with a corrresponding consequence. The simplest consequence is non-participation. Once someone engages in a problematic behavior, do not participate. It doesn't mean you remove the person from your life automatically and permanently. It just means you stop participating in the problem behavior, and once they show you a different behavior, you participate again. So if someone starts shouting at you, you say "I'm not participating in a shouting at match. I will have to leave for now". If someone starts making fun of your religion or politics, you say "I'm not participating in this mockery, I will leave for now". Or when an unreputable relative tries borrowing money, you say "I will not lend it".

[@Fortress333]

What about neighbors who make loud noises and don't change their behavior? I used to live next one such person and I made it clear to him I did not care for his loud music and singing, especially at night (and I also mean during the night, when he even had his band over for practice performances). I found it obnoxious behavior and it felt like my boundaries were crossed (trampled) every day. The man even literally crossed the property boundary and trampled some of my garden plants, at which I was very upset. I told him to get off my property. At considerable cost to my financial situation and personal belongings, I sold the house eventually when I couldn't endure it any longer. My anxiety was through the roof. I do not tolerate anyone who has no respect for someone else's reasonable boundaries. I think I finally respected myself by leaving. Unfortunately, it cost me a great deal giving up my own property, the house; and since that time I am renting and have to spend way more than I would like. Rent costs are very steep. It was very much cheaper to live in the house, but there was no peace there. I do know I was too ... nice when complaining and I did not complain every day, but I am not a very assertive person. I was, however, very clear to him his noise caused me great discomfort and loss of sleep, which interfered with my job. The noise remained a recurring thing, though. I even had called on mediators to hopefully fix the situation. That also didn't work. The police I called on multiple occasions never showed up. Calling the police was even very stressful to me. I knew the situation would probably escalate then, making it truly impossible to live there; it would start to feel like a war zone. Someone can make noise, then stop at any time, making it hard for authorities to check on. I have learned that you can either accept something or work constantly to find a solution for the thing that is unacceptable to you, but it's a very bad thing to not accept something and know there is no solution possible and in effect stay in that situation. I tried to cope with the noise for years. It was very bad. I really would like people's thoughts about this, so I can learn more. The video mentions other examples, such as a big tree that is leaning over a fence (a literal boundary) and one day crashes into the garden it does not belong in. I have heard of people who do not take care to control their property. For such things there are rules written down and they can be enforced. There are TV programs dedicated to such conflicts as trees hanging over and people fighting with each other over this. I guess it's for drama's sake. There are worse things than a branch hanging over a fence, but who am I to judge. The branch could snap one day and fall on a child. No one is laughing then. Many of these things are in a sort of gray area; what some find normal, others get driven mad by it.

[@Jeri-]

You invited comments, so I'm going to tell you what l found, we're placed in certain situations to learn about ourselves, and l have found to pray and ask for wisdom is the very best solution, you'll get help that seems random at each stage, this is the school that we are sent to learn in, we're being prepared for the kingdom of Heaven here, it's not easy, in fact l failed so many times "Until" l began to pray & ask for help, you may not have had to leave you're house, there's an "Enemy" who likes to cause as much trouble in our lives as he can, it's satan & his demons who don't want you to win, or learn or grow, it was them who made you feel they're was no option but to sell you're home & leave, I'm sorry for what you went through, as l can imagine how awful it must have been to have to do that. I hope this helps a little. You're user name doesn't suit the content & way you write,

[@crassusofrome6386]

That sounds so awful!!! I really *hate* it when neighbours are noisy at night and I'm trying to sleep. Would sound-proofing your bedroom not have been an option?

[@outdoorlovecookinggf4646]

The more you react to bullies the more they bully, you need to be boring….

[@Sierra-yp6nw]

One critique: Boundary example using trees is failed logic at the start. Tree law specifies limbs that hang over a neighbor's property are part of neighbor's property. The neighbor is in charge of trimming back limbs that hang over. Just FYI. Otherwise, a fine talk on boundaries.

[@sidharthchand8072]

You can be phone friends with people and not feel guilty

[@Halcyon-12]

It’s strange when you enforce your boundaries, taking care of yourself, they notice the change in your attitude, but they don’t recognise what caused it. Strange don’t you think?

[@ligyk6693]

❤

[@CandyLemon36]

Truly enriching content. I read a similar book that was a catalyst for my growth. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn

[@Akira-u1u]

I thought this book was supposed to teach about boundaries, what they are, and how to respect others boundaries.

[@AnnLi-lm2kd]

My mom constantly steps into my boundary. She is a monster. I hate her.

[@jemyg9978]

This is a wonderful book Can u plz plz plz translate this to malyalam n email us

[@meganmcpherson3292]

What do you do when you have lost control of your own boundary?

[@janineyvonneronne7926]

As If my kids know boundaries..😂😂😂 .. it's very sad 😢😢😢.. can't bend the branch now...

[@jasonwhitman3367]

If any tree should bear bad fruit, how can anyone wake him up {back flip}.

[@GodHelpMe369]

999-trillion oceans of grief - 999-trillion oceans of rage - 999-trillion endless PTSD flashbacks - I CAN NO LONGER BEAR THIS TORTURE I'm dying on the inside he raped my soul. he gave me SEVERE PTSD. SEVERE SEVERE SEVERE!!! and now he's gone. I blocked him. I want to die. how and when will I ever heal from the PTSD flashbacks? nothing more horrific and debilitating and paralyzing than the PTSD flashbacks. the man I revered as my best friend, betrayed and abandoned me, and discarded me like garbage, and replaced me with another. this happened at the start of last year (2023), we're now in 2024, and I'm nowhere near healed. I want to die. I can no longer tolerate the pain. the emotional pain is hell. I hate my life. I am tortured and tormented with every breath I take. RAGE RAGE RAGE I want to die I want to die I want to die I can no longer bear the darkness it consumes me; suffocates me I am drowning oceans of tears the man I revered as my best friend, he raped me, replaced me, discarded me like last week's garbage... ultimate betrayal!! this grief and loneliness... they rape me; torture me; on a soul level my only prayer is for death I'm in hell and I can't find escape God has forsaken me my whole life I've been tortured, bullied, abused, raped all I do is suffer my life is hell SO NOW, IN HOPES TO HEAL, AND TO CHANGE MY LIFE AROUND, I LIVE BY THIS MODUS OPERANDI: When there’s a disagreement, when I need to say YES or when I need to say NO, when I need to state my needs, and ask for them to be met... When I need to create boundaries... There's a possibility and a probability, that someone will inevitably, most likely, be disappointed in me... So I engage in every encounter, interaction, and relationship... In a way that ensures, that the person disappointed in me... NEVER ends up being me! I aim to never repress, never suppress. I aim to never lose a part of myself. Radical honesty only: 100% of the time. Always, all ways. AND IN THE FUTURE, I WILL REMEMBER, THESE ARE GREEN FLAGS: 1. They have a pattern of taking their own and other's feelings seriously 2. The sharing they're doing is appropriate to the context of the relationship 3. They've been receptive to small vulnerabilities in the past 4. The vulnerability balance between the two of you is roughly equal 5. They are aware of how their vulnerability may impact you 6. They have a history of being firm and kind in asserting their boundaries 7. They are aware of their boundaries and are able to reinforce them in real time 8. They tell you that they are open to you sharing with them (and they mean it!) 9. They have a self-care plan in place

[@stevepeters4583]

So if I am married and 2 have become 1 where did my boundaries go? Thats where I am stuck. My wife "thinks" that as we are 1 I must have her boundaries and she can run ruff shot over mine because we are one. Doesn't seem right or fair to me. Lost here !!! The old saying what's yours is mine and what's mine is none of your business.

[@janineyvonneronne7926]

I don't need this I know boundaries.. the people who need it don't read it..

[@bluefairy480]

🧡

[@Solar-Busters]

Set boundaries in a church setting as well & don't allow yourself to be fooled by false teaching & preaching that's full of Legalism, Control & Manipulation

[@j-coldho1164]

I can’t find anything that’s scientifically proven or natural dynamics, I’m not hating on religion but, I need to find facts based on generic dynamics not religious based

[@СергейРихерт-б9ъ]

make Russian translation

[@Misshowzat]

"Your neighbor wants to come over & give you some cherry pie..." Okay "...or love" O-kay "Or hell" Uhhh... I'm good

[@user-eu2me4bp7j]

Clickbait

[@dre1290]

Why do you speak as if to kindergartners?

[@moshe2495]

Jesus spoke so a child could understand him. If a child can understand, so can you.

[@stefgoh6160]

I ❤️ ur book on Boundaries bcos I hv had plenty of trouble w pple who hv NO boundaries. I was once falsely accused of “stealing” my best friend’s bf who actually wasn’t her bf at all… I actually found tt guy v sleazy & didn’t want to be in a relship w him at all. Despite my best fren bad-mouthing me to her frens which is PURE SLANDER, I forgave her. She went on decades later to hv an affair w a married man & expected me to be supportive of her. She wanted to tell me all the sordid details about their adulterous relship thru a whatsapp call & I told her point blank tt I had zero interest in listening to her love story for tt married man. The worst part of our frenship is how she made me look like the bad guy when I simply refused to indulge in her reminiscing of her adulterous love affair. I always drew my boundaries & she always make me out to b the bad guy. Tts a toxic relship for me & I am v glad tt I am no longer in contact w her. Drawing boundaries DO attract SAFER pple into ur life & one shd always trust God to eliminate e chaff fr the substance. I was there for her when she broke down over the breakdown of tt adulterous relship but to hv to listen to the nitty gritty of how tt relship developed n all e lovey dovey stuff they did together just brought nausea to my gut & I drew my boundaries right there n then. Now she makes me out to b the bad guy who is nvr a good listener to her frens. GREAT! Good riddance!!!👍🙏

[@algobo]

Great analogy, that will help remembering this when needed! Thank you so much!

[@mcdaniellynda]

So good!

[@neuroscienciadrc]

Thank you!❤