Podcast 174: Tips for highly sensitive people & parents with Dr. Elaine Aron

Sign up to join my free text program and receive mental health care tips and strategies, exclusive offers and more! Just text DRLEAF to 1 [phone] (*Only available for U.S numbers at this time)
The word “sensitive” has both positive and negative connotations in our society, from statements like “he’s such a sensitive person” to phrases like “don’t be so sensitive!”. Yet the nature of human sensitivity is often misunderstood, especially when it comes to recognizing and dealing with highly sensitive people.
As I discuss in this podcast with psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Elaine Aron, a significant percentage of the population (regardless of gender, race or nationality) are highly sensitive individuals, although many of them don’t know they are highly sensitive, or what that means for the way they interact with others, express their emotions, deal with disapproval or parent their children.
This term is not restricted to women, introverts, people that are quiet or someone who cries easily. It is not a sign of weakness or emotional instability. All highly sensitive people are unique, and have certain qualities that make them far more attuned to the world around them, which has both benefits and drawbacks (like everything concerning us humans!).
In this podcast Dr. Elaine shares some great tips and techniques for those who identify as highly sensitive, tips for highly sensitive parents, what NOT to say to someone who is highly sensitive, the benefits of being highly sensitive, and so much more!
Read the full show blog and transcript here: drleaf.com/blogs/news/tips-am...
For more info on Dr. Elaine and to get her books visit:hsperson.com/about-dr-elaine-...
Special offers from this week's sponsors:
-Feals CBD (the best CBD out there!): To get 50% off your Feals CBD order and free shipping see feals.com/drleaf. Have questions about CBD? Feals also has a free hotline and text message support to help guide your personal experience!
-KiwiCo (the best way to keep your children busy): Get YOUR FIRST MONTH FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/drleaf
Additional resources:
-Get my new brain detox app SWITCH on sale now! Get 50% off a 3 month subscription. Just look for Switch on Your Brain in the App Store or Google Play or visit:
-Visit my website at drleaf.com for more free resources, tips, and tools to help you improve and heal your mental health! And be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter to get even more mental self-care tips delivered to your inbox weekly and to see my upcoming events (you can sign up at drleaf.com!)
Follow me on social media for daily mental self-care tips!
-Instagram: @drcarolineleaf: / drcarolineleaf
-Facebook: Dr. Caroline Leaf: / drleaf
-Twitter: @drcarolineleaf: / drcarolineleaf
-KZbin: / drcarolineleaf
If you enjoyed this episode please leave a 5 review on iTunes, Google Play, or wherever you are listening! And don't forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends and family! I love seeing your posts on social media!

[@wematter4870]

sensitive children in an abusive environment , they become philosophers , they heal themselves by their observations to the world , and they raise themselves, and take care of themselves , and try to help their siblings , they might take bad decisions due to bad parenting , but can be patient to change especially if they become parents themselves. Once a friend told me , while talking about our families , every family there's a special child who is sensitive and not understood by his environment , even so he or she can be very empath to love and help every one as much as he or she can , I liked her idea back then , and think that HSP s are needed , because they are parented before their creation by the universe , and sent to mend humanity .

[@faithfultita1585]

You describe me perfectly! I re-raised myself in every way. I’m very proud of being HSP!!

[@fholzschuh3378]

I've always known that I was super sensitive, I can feel other people's pain and emotions. Empathy and exhortation are my top Spiritual Gifts. To be honest sometimes it can feel like a curse rather than a gift and I don't mean to diminish it in any way. I grew up in a turbulent household and when I was around 16 I was having a heart to heart with my Mom because I so desperately wanted to find a way to help make things better for her and to make her happy. I was crying and she asked me why do I always cry when we talk. She then proceeded to tell me that I have a flaw in my personality. That statement stuck with me my entire life and affected me in a negative way as I always thought there was something wrong with me for feeling so deeply. I cry when others cry, I feel physically ill when others are hurt. I finally learned a few short years ago that this is not a flaw in my personality but a part of who I was created to be. My tears for someone hurting, my heart for wanting to help someone and my ability to try to lift someone up is not a flaw, but a gift. Sometimes it's embarrassing when you can't stop the tears from coming and sometimes it's hard not to react when someone is hurting, because not everyone is receptive. Even then being highly sensitive you learn to approach things gently, trying not to make the situation worse. On a daily basis I just have to accept that this is who I am.

[@kimmyrrles]

l relate to you, i remember that my father want to change me because l told him that this is who l am as a sensitive person and he's not buying it. Now lm looking for support or a therapy or just a talk that can help lift my day

[@Lady_Loeffler]

Highly sensitive extrovert here! (ENFJ) Both of my parents are highly sensitive, dad is a highly sensitive extrovert (ESFJ) Mom is a highly sensitive introvert (ISFJ) Growing up, no one had words for the household overwhelm and exhaustion that we all felt deeply. Between the 2008 recession, me coming of age, and Mom going back to work, a huge energetic shift was created, and melancholy throughout the entire home atmosphere was the norm. Wish we could have understood this then. God bless you and thank you! Please more HSP content! 😍💗 This was wonderful, thank you!

[@nicoleanouar]

Kind of surprised that only 20% of people are sensitive people? I know SO MANY sensitive and highly sensitive people.....but I think we all gravitate toward each other.

[@shahilagh]

I don’t know any. perhaps your level of what is HSP is different

[@daughterofthemosthigh3366]

I am a highly sensitive person and grew up in alcoholism and abuse. I used to say to God, "Why would you make me like this and then put me in this family and this world???" My sensitivity made things much harder. Thankfully life is peaceful now, but it took a long time to get here. Thank you for this video.

[@destinymaker3191]

I'm living the same life

[@ZeleniMrav]

Same here! Head up mate, we learn something new every day and this here explains a lot to me.

[@fewxe]

That's exactly how I grew up too

[@makaylahollywood3677]

INFJ gifted, creative, emotional, 9 siblings, alcoholic NPD father...been called "the sensitive one" all my family life.

[@Jules-zw7iu]

I'm also INFJ 👍

[@ladygodiva4141]

Wow so happy to find this. Her book changed my life 20 years ago and made me feel less isolated in a very chaotic family.

[@KimRobbins]

Wow! People used to always say to me “you’re so sensitive” which wasn’t necessarily a compliment on their end. The affirmation is appreciated!❤️

[@sacredrose5477]

I am highly sensitive and I am a high sensation seeker. I like spicy food with lots of flavor because bland food is boring and under stimulating

[@peepzsnap7356]

This interview answered a lot of questions I had about myself. Thank you, Dr. Aron.

[@SallyFrancis]

Feeling what your children are feeling wow that is so spot on.. You know when your children are unhappy or sad etc..

[@pawan2647]

I am actually very happy how often India is mentioned. Thank you for representing us. And thanks for writing this book..it is wonderful ❤️

[@MrsMine-bo2lb]

as a highly sensitive mom, I highly recommend parenting with understanding (in Germany, we call it Bindungs-und Beziehungsorientiert). It is about considering the needs of all family members and finding constructive ways to deal with conflicts.

[@Eliaserickon]

I am so thankful for discovering you through getting self help With Lisa Romano her topic about when your narcissistic parent dies.Finding this was very important because I am a sensitive person and so is my youngest son.God told me to tell my son one emotional day that h made us this way and it is ok to cry because you’re heart is not hardened.It was a great moment in parenting my young man.

[@allme7425]

Very interesting research on high-awareness individuals; a processing gift in the soul akin to the spiritual gift of discernment. Blessings for sharing; Jana, Colleyville

[@criticalthinker72]

Gifts in discernment, Earth angel, indigo, empath, intuitive, in between all of those diagnosed borderline personality disorder, severe depression, and anxiety. I guess my new road is how I grew up and being highly sensitive person my whole life with nobody in the world knowing or understanding. Because of this I still feel so lost in this world yet still waiting for that day to shine.

[@WordsPictures997]

This was sooooo sooooo good. Thank you especially for the affirmation that HSP's tend to work differently and the empowerment that it may take some time to find a therapist who understands or is at least willing to do research on sensitivities and that's okay.

[@mariamkinen8036]

I feel as an extroverted introvert. I was encouraged to break limits, n I had a social life with my mum.it is hard not to belong.

[@jasminhamilton1147]

Great interview! Elaine's research and writing has helped so many.

[@susanbotkin6230]

Dr Leaf, I hear you say often "I will put that information in the show notes" but I never see them on Utube where I listen to your podcasts. Where can I find the information you speak of? Thank you so much for your insightful encouraging podcasts. I thoroughly enjoy and glean from every podcast I have listened too. You are one of my favorites to listen to.

[@angelal7733]

Helpful & interesting! However, difficult to get through with all the distractions (commercials).

[@namelessgrace6319]

Yay! Dr. Aron!

[@sacredrose5477]

I tended to be overly sensitive authoritarian.

[@mahasoliman7542]

Thank you so much for this useful insightful talk 🌷 Helped me a lot in my parenting coach graduation project and with my sensitive child

[@t-bone3306]

I’m highly sensitive to adverts.

[@lioness7522]

Many thanks to you both for this podcast - as a sensitive person (only just discovering it’s a real thing) - I’m so grateful. Just one request - Dr Aron mentioned a free questionnaire created by her husband a researcher to help with relationships - can you please put info on how to access in the description box as you mentioned in your podcast. Thanks.

[@patwhitmore302]

Thank you.

[@lisaelliott3864]

Very informative and encouraging! Thank you!

[@limaryrojas2992]

I feel you describe me, Thank you 😊

[@joacirfreitas5423]

Thank"s

[@MintyAIRIXS567]

Thank you

[@flightforlight157]

I really need this...

[@ryanhamilton7470]

Love me some Dr Leaf🔥🔥🛐👑🛐😄🐂👏🔥🦁🦁🔥😃🔥🐂🛐😄🕐👑🕐👑🗡️🕐🗡️👏💰👍🙃👍🙃🛡️👍🛡️👍🙃🗣️✌️✌️🏋️👆🌞✌️🌞✌️🙌⚔️🙌🙌🌞🙌🌞🙌✌️🌞👆🗣️💰💰👏💰🕐😄🕐😃🛐😃🛐🎙️🛐🐂😄🕐😆🗣️👆🏋️💰🏋️💰

[@sumaoommen]

Have been waiting for this...!!

[@chrisnam1603]

new sub thanks to this wonderful lady

[@realmsoftheotherworld3043]

I really want to watch this but all the ADS, they are about every 3-5 minutes, keep jarring my nervous system and are highly annoying. Can you reset the ads on this, adjust where they fall? I realize monetezation is important, but I don't think I have ever watched anything on KZbin with this many ads....Thank you....from an HSP/EMPATH struggling.

[@d.froggiez369]

Just so you know, she's not in control of the ads. It's KZbin. In order to not be stuck with ads you have to pay for a premium KZbin subscription. I think it's around $10/month, if I remember correctly. Just don't want you thinking she isn't being sensitive to our sensitivities.

[@donnatarawneh2014]

I've seen other videos with the same problem with ads. The person who's channel it was on said that there is nothing they can do about it though because that's all up to KZbin. I havnt tried it but you can pay extra to get the youtube with no ads. I heard its wonderful though

[@patriceb3749]

I am watching the video and have agreed with everything up to the point regarding the answer to the question by your child about why Black people are angry. Not all Black or African American people walk around holding anger and resentment because of the explanation that you provided about slavery. I think instead of making generalizations…let’s take the chance to look at the individual situation.

[@iw9338]

I wonder how many hsp have had trauma in childhood?

[@dougwebers310]

Listening to this podcast makes me wonder if this isn't me you're speaking about I have no real way to go about seeking answers other than listening to folks but I have no real confidante no one has a to confide in. I really wish I could speak with someone to find out what's going on with me so I can get some answers about myself thank you

[@eleanorl237]

This is such an important topic to discuss and share. But it's irritatingly ironic that most people who would be drawn to watch this video are HSPs and are likely extremely sensitive to obnoxious ad interruptions every 3 minutes. Very hard to focus on the content of the video ... I'm sure I missed some details. But it's not like I'm going to subject myself to those ads again.

[@d.froggiez369]

Only way to avoid all the ads is with KZbin's premium subscription, unfortunately.

[@jujibelle9793]

It seems the ads were removed on this video. But a trick I use is to make sure auto play is off, then fast forward to the near end of the video, letting it play out to the end until you get the replay screen (where you can choose to replay it or select another suggested video). Then replay it and it should be ad free!

[@kimmyrrles]

I FOUND MY PEOPLE!

[@rozannmartin7235]

So many commercials took away from the continuity for me.

[@catherineb2951]

Yesss it was so distracting 🙄

[@treeh54]

It’s free to us 20 years you could only get this info was books and speaking engagements Caroline’s gotta put food on the table too right?

[@d.froggiez369]

It's KZbin. If you pay for their premium subscription you won't have to watch any ads at all

[@Jesus_Resurrection_and_Life]

Argh, Dr Elaine Aron! Awesome 😎 👍🏼👏🏼 🙂🙃🤭 🌸🕊🌸🌿🌳🦋👯‍♀️💃🏼

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

"Crybaby" here. Just noticed this: When we get negative feedback, and then ask for positive feedback to balance it, we get accused of fishing for compliments. Only narcissists and children fish for compliments, right?

[@mcgarrtirishgal3903]

12:01 does that mean though that the person who doesn't cry publicly is hard hearted and doesn't care? What about the person who cries behind a closed door? What about someone who uses emotion to manipulate...? Have you heard of the term crocodile tears and when would it be appropriate to use that term without falsely accusing...🤔?

[@zealbell7817]

You have to use discernment when it comes to figuring out if someone it using emotional manipulation

[@AnnElizabethO]

I am female but when I was little I was told to stop being a cry baby

[@lisalambrecht6676]

What about a hsp parent with hsp children?

[@sheramuzik1561]

So good. Love this

[@corissaeubanks1725]

☺️

[@PilarHurtado-gm3dc]

Hi from Bolivia. After years i think "i psicópata" but i know i PAS. Hello from Bolivia. Hola, saludos desde Bolivia, viví creyéndome muy mala persona, hoy me entero que nací en un hogar transtornado, crecí en un ambiente de transtornados. Me declaro adicta a su droga. Soy PAS y ya se que eso es favorable. Gracias por este video.

[@MintyAIRIXS567]

Good evening

[@shahilagh]

Yeah nice idea about sensitivity issues and immigrant countries with less cultural history but I would say Scandinavia is rough and cold despite the past culture also England as it’s influence by Norman’s

[@msfoster2468]

I'm highly sensitive and it's obnoxiously annoying! HELP!

[@lisamichelle561]

Right!? Why are they saying it’s positive!! That’s their opinion and they are obviously not highly sensitive!!

[@msfoster2468]

@@lisamichelle561 Exactly!

[@thenatureofnurture6336]

You would seem to be caught in the sensitivity trap. Sensing crisis or opportunity can lead to paralysis from analysis and it can lead to exasperation from isolation, but it could be worse. I like the analogy of high-tech equipment. When a person is highly sensitive, they are like a piece of equipment that measures or variably controls many parameters. Some people are experts that can do a great deal more with such a piece of sophisticated kit, but only if they take the time to set each parameter. When a person is less sensitive, they are like equipment with fewer knobs. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. If we can resist the temptation to judge these states we find ourselves in, we have a chance to make the most of whatever information is at hand... Highly sensitive people have more sensations to process. They need to take the time to do so and let go of the judgement that they are wrong for being that way.

[@Lady_Loeffler]

Yes! Agree. Everything is a blessing.. God created you "Highly Sensitive" for His purposes! Utilize your blessing in whatever way you can 😊 💗 -HSP who devoted their life to child care.. (I've learned I con only do it effectively in a part time atmosphere though!)

[@stephanierothwell]

As an HSP I’d say it’s a positive trait if you can learn to manage it. I actually think of it as a superpower- with great power comes great responsibility 😉

[@zealbell7817]

Highly sensitive people need to be connected to God because he has the ability to speak to us in a way no one else can We have a very strong gift and we need to communicate with God on a daily basis so the gift can develop and we can share the gift with other people.. we need the voice of God also so we can stay sane…because this can drive you crazy… I know everybody needs God but everybody’s gift is different and God communicates to everyone differently

[@minaestergal7231]

The commercial interruption no funn

[@creativerebelution]

Thank you for spreading this awareness. Dr Spock parenting book should be banned. Highly dangerous for HSP children. I was a victim of that book.

[@leannestrong1000]

Hi, it is even worse if, in addition to being highly sensitive, you are also autistic, because people might think you are mean-spirited or self-centered, even if you are actually one of the kindest people in the world. and would never intentionally do anything to make anybody feel unsafe or uncomfortable. I am one of those people (yes, my verbal and cognitive skills are within the normal or near normal range), so maybe I can help out a little bit. A highly sensitive child may need to simply be GENTLY told things like, "let's do this instead," Or they may need to learn through natural consequences, rather than imposed ones. However, be prepared for the torrent of complaints from other children in your home, school, or group/team, about how 'unfair' the highly sensitive child's consequences are, compared to the ones they (others) would receive for the same infractions. The others might say (or at the very least, think) things like, "That's not fair! When I do something wrong, I have my gaming privileges taken away, but when Maddie does the same thing, she just gets told what she is doing that is hurtful, or even no consequences AT ALL!" I realize that it is easier to just give into or avoid such complaints, and use the exact same tactics with everyone, but it's more beneficial for everyone if you explain, "fair doesn't always mean using the exact same tactics with everybody, it means doing what is going to be beneficial for each person." You can even add something like, "the consequences that work for you might be too harsh OR too soft for (fellow students, other children in the home, team/group members)." Your highly sensitive child or teen might also seem to want equality. This is especially true if the child is on the autism spectrum, like I am (as I said, my verbal and cognitive skills are relatively intact). They may wonder why mom always yells at them when they spill or drop/break something, but dad is notorious for spilling and dropping/breaking things, and mom never says anything, or even looks at him when he does so. They may wonder why their parents (or the adults they live with) give the younger children in their home a pass for certain behaviors, simply because, "she's younger than you, so she doesn't know better," or, "he's just learning how to take control of his hormones," but when THEY (highly sensitive child) were younger, and/or were just learning how to take control of THEIR raging hormones, THEY would have been more severely disciplined for even the slightest misbehavior.

[@kutay8421]

If your body (or your soul) is so sensitive, then there should be an explanation for it. Either as a consequence (from pollution and immunology) or as a purpose (humanity or survival). This cause is what you should be focusing on. Either try to stop it (stop pollution?) or use it (become an artist..) But you see it as a *fault* as other people and moan about it, you are not effecting it at any terms. Just Negatively Bragging 'bout it.

[@aninewforest]

If someone is highly sensitive, wouldn't they be interested most in things and issues outside of themselves? Yet look at these comments. Everyone is completely self-absorbed and entangled in their own narrative.

[@dpizzle98]

1k

[@lisamichelle561]

I think calling highly sensitive a positive trait is an opinion NOT a fact.

[@zealbell7817]

Well then you missed the point of the message

[@ann-marie9621]

Research backs this up.

[@ljkoh20052000able]

Its obvious that the host is a non-sensitive person. This differs from being insensitive-fyi

[@nejatyalin]

Unfortunate accent but a great talk:)

[@lindaclairesartori]

Dr. Elaine Aron. I am 73 and just now understanding that I am HSP. I am particulary sensitive to voices, and yours is awful. Got your attention? Yes it is. Very gravelly. Is there something amiss with your vocal cords? If not, then correct your posture and get good sound equipment. I want to hear what you have to say, but your voice is too irritating for me. It does not flow; it tumbles and crackles. And it is psychological and postural, and you need a vocal coach if you are going to keep on "presenting" to hsp types.

[@donnatarawneh2014]

That was just rude and hurtful. Why? If you want to give helpful criticism such as advise on improving the audio, there are ways to do that without purposely being hurtful to people. I'm sure you already know that though

[@barbiebeck9531]

Free helpful info - thank you!