Conquer self-sabotage: Unlock your true potential

[@anna-rosephipps3132]

I'm glad I listened to the end. At first I was put off by the idea that staying just in comfort zone is form of slf sabotage. I almost switched off then, but glad I didn't because the rest of what was said made sense and was just what i needed. The 'family in my head' was trying to tell me I'm a loser again. I'm crying. Thank you for kind helpful words, Dr Fox. Your videos save me from the deep pit

[@DrDanielFox]

Thanks for sticking with me 🦊👍

[@kateshep2]

This is just what I needed today. I appreciate your approach so much; you’re not condescending, but you’re also realistic and firm. It’s been 12 years of seeking treatment (including 6 inpatient hospitalizations) for me, and the content on your channel has made me feel more seen than maybe ever. Sometimes it feels like you know me, and that really helps to realize I’m not alone, better understanding how many other people out there suffer in the same ways that I do. It’s not just me, I’m not the most uniquely emotional person on earth, and that feels fucking validating. All I’ve ever wanted is to feel like I belong somewhere in this world, fit in with the people I love, who love me back. But it's never actually felt possible, like there's a hopeless part of me I can't shake no matter how hard I try. It's been an exceptionally bad year, most of it lately due to self-sabotage, but getting a new perspective now feels motivating, like genuinely. I've been so frustrated going through the motions, pushing through the hardships every day, waking up more and more miserable and not feeling any stronger or better for it. I get a lot of "fake it 'til you make it" type advice from well-meaning people, but I think it's been damaging, because I have been stuck in this comfortable spot. Not challenging myself to actually change anything, just trying to force myself to appear happy in my current circumstances without growing at all. This is eye opening... the part about setting goals that are too low, omg. I have absolutely been doing that. Then when rewarding myself for achieving them, I don't enjoy it at all, still feeling so empty and guilty that I'm not achieving what I actually care about. That I'm not living the life I want and not taking meaningful steps toward it. I've been hiding in the comfort zone, stuck, avoiding the things I love in this life (I stopped listening to music for months to punish myself... what is that?! I love music! lol). The family in the head (great term) has been yelling at me and I've just been letting it, feeling more and more guilty and weak. Thank you so much for making these videos. I have a thousand questions right now, hopefully some will be answered by going through your workbook, which just arrived today. Actually excited about making small changes -- not going to impulsively do something huge and dramatic this time, just facing this fear of self-reflection a little at a time, and listening to music again. :)

[@DD-jm5ug]

First day back at work.....I'm determined to believe in myself. I definitely feel like a fake when I try and push forward. ✌️👌 amazing how some people treat uou like shit knowing you have mental health issues.

[@replicatedinsanity]

That's another great video, Dr. Fox. Thank you, you're the guiding light for me.

[@azusa004]

❤ thank youuu smmm ❤ I'm dealing with breaking up with my FP. and I'm trying to be extremely careful about my mood and my maladaptive behaviors!!! going strong 🎉

[@shadowsuicune]

Thank you for this. I have been struggling through the fog with this recently. Small goals are so important as I struggle with making huge unrealistic goals that I won't meet, and it furthers that sense of shame and inadequacy. Patience has been the hardest thing for me to learn. These videos really help to highlight this as I tend to get lost in the healing process.

[@tatianagonzalez995]

I just had one of those step backs, after 3 years of really hard work, and I was feeling pretty sad about it. This series are just what I needed. Thanks for all the love u put into this.

[@whatsayyounowsunshower]

This has been a really great series of 3 videos. I found it helpful that they were broken down but connected which made it easier for me to follow & focus. Thank you Dr Fox.

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad it was helpful! Thanks 😊

[@manuelapop105]

those videos are gold mine!! thank you! thank you! thank you!

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad you like them!

[@bondwoman44]

Another hit track, Dr. Fox. Your talks are like the soundtrack to my movie all about self-improvement.

[@maryadams3358]

I have challenged my potential and changing comfort zones. At present I don't like where I am at but I do realize I am challenging one of the most influential family in my head. Learning to be patient with my personal growth. I have never been this far or have never challenged this trait to this extent. Not slipping back is hard but realize I need to come to terms with personal belief system. Thanks again for your most helpful videos 😊.

[@DrDanielFox]

Keep pushing yourself and challenging your comfort zones! It's not always easy, but personal growth is so worth it in the end. You're doing great!

[@maryadams3358]

Just after sharing this I am feeling my comfort zone has been challenged. I hope this personal growth is in the best direction.

[@danielhernandez-fo3mj]

these three videos were made for me lol jk lol expecully this one ....... literally had to rewind segments of this video to try and help my brain understand ..... this is the biggest struggle i have I've gotten so meany of my other ones undercontrol but self destruction is hard ..... its not always so overt as you stated ty for staing stay the course and its normal to fall back ..... not ok but normal lol these last few days I've had a increase in my selfsame talk and its already made me start questioning the validity of my relationship agen after almost 7 month of not real noticeable insacuritys ..... but even after watching this video I realize im still being complacent in my avodence to not deal with possible feelings of shame ...... im not pushing myself as much as i could be to challenge myself with real accpmlishemnts ... that's why im falling back agen ...... everything im doing is so normal and repetitive im falling back to family in the head ...... but i don't even know where to start in getting out and being more social ..... i am self self-sobotageing my own adventure to prevent the change of feeling rejection or abandonment cuz im also moving ..... how do you brake a habit that for the most part dosentfeel like self destructive actions like anger or drug use or sex ....(sex is super hard but im doing well to keep my values intact )...... but this isolation to prevent that validation of my voice int he head is preventing me from experiencing what i love to experience ..... this video is so right ...... my first big change was taking the risk of moving out of state and doing that force me to learn i am a cabaple adult .... why is this oneso hard to brake lol why is self shaming so hard to brake ugh ........

[@Addie0303]

What worked the best for me regarding self-sabotage was writing a therapeutic letter from Healthy Adult Mode to my Inner Critic/Punitive Parent Mode (Schema-Focused Therapy exercise). It was rather sobering and extremely beneficial. Chair work with my psychologist during our one-on-one therapy sessions (so that one maladaptive mode sits on another chair and both me and my therapist dialogue with this mode) also helps much. Thanks, Dr. Fox.

[@karenlewkowitz5858]

Helpful video. Made me look at how I self sabotage in many ways. Deep dives in shallow waters when I am exhausted or excited. Tough at times to put on a social face as I blurt out things. Ok with one friend, a wise elder that is so much larger and has much experience. However, in most company, conversations are ritualized and I need to get into role and check off the boxes. On another note, to get oit of my comfort zone, will avcept a new job in a healthy workplace with kind people. The ones I have met, are gracious, and warm. I find that I feel safe and have not self sabotaged by blurting out. Good, down to earth conbersations. No false pretenses. Shared community values. Good to write this as it helps me discern what is safe and appropriate to nurture growth. Such a welcome change to feel appreciated and to appreciate those around me - the good and the difficult lessons. New chapter is opening and I am ready

[@stephbowler3141]

I have a pattern of self sabotage but I appreciate your tips and how you give a proactive approach to dealing with this behavior

[@DrDanielFox]

Self sabotage comment response 

[@libbylandscape3560]

Thank you, I was diagnosed with PTSD and this is very helpful.

[@melodiejohnston9528]

I am probably the master of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory in my life. Thank you for your insight and this video in particular.

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m glad you found the video helpful. Be well.

[@happyheart4239]

Your videos have helped me tremendously. Thank you.

[@DrDanielFox]

You are so welcome!

[@AM08888]

There's a lot to unpack in this one video! I've been thinking a lot about how pernicious my self sabotaging has been. I'll be on a roll and having some success and gains, then I get triggered and anxious and my brain scrambles. Staying conscious and working through it is tough and one thing I've learned is to just move through the pain and anxiety and do the best I can, which is not that great, but it's 1000x better than quitting. The cliche that goes, "you have to feel to heal" is a kind of tough love sentiment, but I believe remaining conscious of what is going on with yourself (myself) and keeping our own values and goals in mind helps. The videos, workbooks, the cards, they all have helped me realize this. To ramble on a bit more: another thing I've been realizing in myself is that learning, creativity and higher level critical thinking are really difficult, if not impossible, when we're dissociated and especially while in those self sabotaging behaviors. I believe this speaks to staying in our comfort zone and not challenging ourselves with more difficult things. That's why it is so important to work on emotional regulation, negate that soul sucking family in our heads, and stay grounded as possible. Yoga, jogging, and Dr Fox's videos and books have really helped me with all this. I can't express my gratitude for Dr. Fox enough.

[@roxxi789]

love your videos found them when I first received diagnosis of bpd, your videos taught me so much, 5/6 years later I come back to learn more thanks 🙏🏼🥰

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@rodrigo100kk]

Awesome video, Daniel. Keep it going!

[@DrDanielFox]

Thanks! Will do!

[@makhloufifouad3496]

All the symptoms of bpd i have. But i still didnt go to therapist. You are helping me doctor thank you.

[@nebeltopf7180]

What if I feel too awful after challenging myself, not feeling I did good enough, which is understated, it's rather feeling like a complete failure which then leads to dangerous thought patterns and a danger to act on them? I feel safer avoiding.

[@saltiestsiren]

I have had the same problem. For me it's perfectionism-what I do is never enough. Every mistake or lack of action is a massive failure

[@saltiestsiren]

What if we're *already* complacent/apathetic about the future, challenges, our comfort zones, recovery, etc.? I have had depression for 14 years so far and was only recently diagnosed with BPD. I have other issues too, and psychosomatic stuff. I got your workbook and CBPD* book and I started the latter. It's really good!

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you. Use those skills to grow and challenge your hurtful thoughts and beliefs.

[@saltiestsiren]

@@DrDanielFox Thank you. I'm currently working on my resistance to changing at all through therapy. I think identifying with our illnesses after struggling for a long period of time, especially as kids/teenagers, and therefore unwilling to let go of all the unhealthy patterns, doesn't get talked about enough in the field of psychology.

[@karenlewkowitz5858]

Very timely and Important video🎉

[@thebeattribe]

you rock dr fox

[@shreyabollock2950]

Thank you, I was wanting to have some insight, and this is helping during the holidays

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad to hear that the video is providing you with some valuable insight during the holidays! Hope it continues to be helpful for you.

[@karenlewkowitz5858]

Yes - self awareness - and situational awareness. As in, what company am I with - gracious friendly and cooperative or further along the competitive spectrum towards comparing and separation, as in small ego? All part of the journey of dicsernment

[@VeronicaNicole4778]

Thank you very much. Great video 💞

[@saltymermaid5244]

I've been seeing Therapists and Psychiatrists for 35 years and earned a Baccalaureate in Psychology but your videos have helped me understand BPD more in a week than ALL of those years. You're extremely awesome at explaining concepts, ideas, thoughts and feelings 💡 and why we Act out the way we do. Great series! Thank you. I pretty much gave up on trying to understand myself. ❤

[@pshpsh5247]

Thank you for this 🙏

[@DrDanielFox]

You’re welcome 😊

[@michaelvenus2455]

Thank you 🙏❤🧙‍♂️

[@fairygurl9269]

Thanks Doc🦊

[@DrDanielFox]

My pleasure

[@samanthadinkledine6504]

My life went to pieces and ive been rebuilding slowly thiw last year, its been so difficult. ❤

[@oceanluvngal]

You talk so fast, rapid fire, in your videos that I instantly feel anxious, then stupid for not being able to take it all in. I replay the videos but only manage to grab a couple of lines here and there. Everytime you say "Remember when I said... " I get caught up in trying to remember then miss then next point. I read so many comments on here about how helpful people find your videos, I don't know why my brain can't make it work too.

[@saltymermaid5244]

You're not alone. What helps me is to Slow it down to 0.75 playback speed. It seems to sink into my brain 🧠 better.

[@oceanluvngal]

@@saltymermaid5244 I will try that. Thanks!

[@petculucian91]

I have a question. Often I feel that leaving that confort zone is unsafe because I must expose to others and to situations that are more risky. And I can't really explain myself that is not true because I think it is. How can I get out of this situation? Thanks🙏

[@deborahbain9915]

Great Video

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad you enjoyed it

[@chetnajha682]

Thank u so much doc.👍 from india

[@MEUltra]

How do you get over feeling like you have to punish yourself after an episode? The more people love me the more I hate myself.

[@DrDanielFox]

Starts with having this insight then recognizing that it’s a futile old pattern that keeps you locked in place.

[@renus6015]

Very useful

[@LurkingLinnet]

Thankyou

[@Kathrynlove]

I've never not been challenged by life. Lol. 😂 It's a goal just to wash the dishes and stay clean and have self care...

[@NataHSP]

Hi @DrDanielFox, I have a very recurring (tiring) self-sabotage behavior which is the impulsive breakup. Every perceived abandonment or rejection brings it to my mind, as a way of pseudo self-preservation. Therefore I have a tremendous difficulty differing healthy/wise thoughts to end the relationship from these impulsive ones. Any tips??

[@Brainjoy01]

Is it fair to say "I am a yeller" "I am a self-sabotuer"? Dr. John Delony from YT suggests don't say you have a "tendency to yell or xyz" He says create your new identity who doesn't do that at all. You say I'm a person who doesn't yell, even if I have to cover my mouth and walk out the room. Thoughts? Would love to see you two work together. x

[@armfart890]

Oh god the excuses is me all the way, "shame, fear, doubt, inferiority."

[@tnijoo5109]

If you need help to reach your goals, isn’t it better to set goals you can reach on your own?