How to Manage Your Emotionally Explosive Episodes and How to Recover

Cope with your BPD symptoms using my BPD Card Deck: The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
shorturl.at/bxB05
In this video, we'll discuss how to recover from an explosive episode. Whether you're a person with BPD, NPD, or a temper tantrum, this video will help you get through the difficult process of recovering.
We'll discuss the basics of explosive episodes, how to recognise the signs, and what to do when things get out of control. This video is packed with information that will help you get through your explosive episode and begin the road to recovery!
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
KZbin: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: [e-mail]
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
00:00 Introduction
01:10 Attack yourself after an episode
01:57 Punishing yourself
03:05 Repairing after the episode
03:23 Undoing and repairing
03:43 Client example of repairing a relationship
04:23 Working together or apart
05:00 Being shamed while fixing the relationship
05:45 Internal conflict of doubt
06:40 When you make reparations and self-attack

[@AnApT-vc6cf]

I've been following your content for a few years now. I really need to actually tell you how much your subject knowledge/information, devoted time, use of language and presentation has truly changed my life in a positive way. You have provided clarity to things in my life and given a greater sense of understanding than any other mental health professional has been able to infer. From Perth in Western Australia, I would like to take the time in sincerely thanking you for that clarity and understanding. You should be proud of yourself for contributing to the world in such a positive way!

[@DrDanielFox]

Your comment truly touched my heart. It means the world to me to know that my content has made a positive difference in your life. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience and for your continued support. Sending you lots of love and gratitude from across the globe!

[@Caliknows]

Fully agree - thank you Dr. Fox!

[@agnieszkafield7477]

I could not have used better words. From Cracow in Poland, many thanks.

[@angelawhite2022]

Ditto to this comment in Newfoundland, Canada! His videos keep me warm up here!

[@DrDanielFox]

After you’ve exploded, comment response 

[@katieg7679]

We have much more compassion for abused and abandoned dogs and other animals than we do for ourselves and other people who experienced trauma. We look at other people and expect them to have the same resources that we do and come from a similar context that we did, so we don't give them as much grace. People that went through trauma and neglect will have much more triggers that send them into emotional upheaval than the average Joe, and then when they regulate again will feel shame because they don't give themselves enough grace. They expect themselves to behave the way a person without as much trauma behaves and they disregard their own context that they came from. So instead of trying to understand themselves better and giving themselves compassion, they label themselves as a bad person who can't control themselves and try to never have another meltdown again, which turns into suppressing their anger even more until they eventually explode on themselves or others, continuing the cycle. It's going to be uncomfortable and foreign, but you need to replace your shame with compassion and curiosity around your triggers. You are not crazy and out of control, you are a person that deserves love, understanding, and a lot more grace.

[@WildTexasBunnies]

@katieg7679 This is so spot-on. Thank you for the new perspective.

[@AdrianaCowick]

Thank you

[@tylerwells4808]

This came out 3 hours following a therapy session in which I was disregulated and snapped at my therapist, who is wonderful.... >.< I thought that she wasn't listening/was fighting me on something, turns out 24hrs later I can see now I completely misunderstood her..... the guilt/shame/worthlessness is awful.... I needed this vid... Thx Dr.Fox

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video could provide some comfort and support during a difficult time. Remember, we all make mistakes and it's important to learn from them and grow. Stay strong!

[@tmking7483]

No your therapist is abusing u so u can have a corrective experience _ bizarre

[@kikireno5189]

​@@tmking7483buddy what are you on about. You aren't there for his sessions you can't claim that their therapist is abusive

[@internetperson.]

I really hate having BPD. It's painful to me and the people I love.

[@DrDanielFox]

I understand how difficult it can be to live with BPD. Remember that you're not alone and there are resources available to help you manage the pain.

[@InstrumentvanVrede]

My pattern of melting down and repairing relationships is tiresome for me and the people I do this to. The period of time between me losing control and being hurtful to myself and my family has gotten longer. Last week I lost my temper and had a fit of rage because of a combination of not finding work and my family frustrating me. This spilled over to my DBT group and because the majority of the group wanted to resume after Christmas; I picked a fight. I am a work in progress and unfortunately people are having to deal with my maladaptive behaviors.

[@anna-rosephipps3132]

I like what you say about repairing the damage/ reparation after a meltdown. When I began to do this, for instance after being rude to customer service on phone, i was able to catch myself on other occasions, to recognise my own behaviour as counter productive and hurtful. Now I find everyday interactions a lot more pleasant. Major meltdowns too. It's like substituting a negative habit with a positive habit

[@DrDanielFox]

That's great to hear! It's amazing how repairing the damage can have such a positive impact on our interactions with others. Keep up the good work!

[@angelawhite2022]

I think this has been the most helpful video yet… Sometimes, even when you have mastered the skills, you slip and still have a blowup, but the difference for me has been that instant reparation. Before I’d hide away and punish myself like you said, but now I immediately apologize and take full responsibility. Then I don’t have to suffer it out for months. It’s over. Thanks so much Dr. Fox! Had to add, we play Jenja at work all the time and I will never look at it the same. Excellent metaphor!

[@sarahs413]

This is very much self-destructive. I've done this many times before being treated. This CAUSES loneliness, abandonment, loss of relationships of any and every kind, emptiness, severe guilt and shame, etc, once the "nuking" sinks in. I consider it a wrecking ball coated in antimatter. It swings out and hits others and then swings back and hits me just as hard. It's also like a game of ping pong. They don't HAVE to forgive. That's part of the consequences. I've learned ADULT TIME OUT when I feel like I'm going to "nuke" after enough stress has a devastating situation. There are just some relationships we have to accept are gone as a result = Radical Acceptance which isn't easy by ANY means.

[@Caliknows]

full agree . Sad but so true.

[@Caliknows]

So hard to try and repair a rupture from an episode especially in a romance setting/dynamic especially when it went to far. Feel like one can endlessly punish oneself and create PTSD when the repair doesnt occur because you can only control yourself, not the partners wishes going forward if they want to leave. Taps into those core content abandonment wounds when your apologies and remorse is not accepted. Makes one feel defective or broken. Being ridiculed and looked at as inferior when you try an do the right thing afterwards in terms of being sorry is so hard. Intensifies that push / pull & Bpd / NPD relationship.

[@DrDanielFox]

After an explosive episode comment response 

[@zen5419-so8kp]

Had so many explosive episodes and I thank God I have NOT gone to the point of no return. It seems my lady partner just knows how trigger the beast in me. Yet at the tipping point, I stare at her in the eyes and saw the fear in her eyes. And I always stop. We sit down and remain silent. And I bring her home in one piece. Simplistic story but true. And oh yes, she is also an aggressive borderline alcoholic, histrionic-narcissistic type. I want to walk away but we always end up going back. Then the cycle repeats. Never have I been in such a relationship ever.

[@smileychace]

the guilt/shame following an episode almost always feels insurmountable to me. thoughts and questions zooming through my head, what is wrong with me?, why would i do/say that?, how could anyone ever love me this way?, i’m a horrible person, etc. i try very hard to just simply show myself empathy and compassion; some days it’s a lot harder to do that, and i cry for myself for not just being born with a normal brain.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It takes a lot of courage to open up about these feelings. Remember, you are loved and supported, and we're here for you every step of the way.

[@CuttinInIdaho]

HOLY CRAP! Self punishment is what I have done...I would have never thought of that. I have come a long way from your videos, but this is an exceptional concept. I can feel that internal shift when we recognize truth. Thank you!

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad you found this concept helpful! It's amazing how recognizing the truth can bring about a powerful internal shift. Keep up the great work on your journey!

[@ykwtfim]

Thanks so much for this. ❤

[@VeronicaNicole4778]

Extremely helpful video!!! Thank you 💞

[@Riostunning]

I want to say THANK YOU for all of your videos, you're really helpful.

[@mkrug4]

Thank you so much for your amazing work!

[@LurkingLinnet]

Thank you Doc

[@porknbeans90]

Thank you for the help in understanding this issue & so many others that come along with the disorder..but most of all, thabk you for saying it's manageable ❤🙏

[@out_of_pocket1910]

All I can say is wow, that's spot on!😮

[@hotstuff9871]

dr. fox, thank you. your videos are always on perfect timing. I wish i could have you as a therapist

[@maryadams3358]

Dr Fox, I just appreciate your videos so much. I just went through an episode. This time I wanted to hurt myself. I didn't but wanted too. That is the first time I remember wanting to do that. I called someone that knows me and loves me. She wasn't available but just knowing I could confide in her to keep me grounded was enough. I used my coping tools and was able to cope with the episode. I watched some of your videos that applied to my ordeal. My goodness you do not know how helpful these videos are. Thank You! 😊

[@bondwoman44]

Thank you truly for your content. It has helped me to understand myself and others, something I've been struggling with for a very long time. I'm so glad I found your videos!

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your beautiful comment. It's incredibly rewarding to know that my videos have made a positive impact on your life. Your support and encouragement mean everything to me. Sending you love and gratitude!

[@Jellosister]

Thats always been my problem, "oh i stuffed up this freindship/relationship I'm just going to run away" it's extremely hard to forgive and mend yourself and relationships. So i always ran thinking that this person hates me. I see that what you're saying is that people will see if i try to mend it. I really like the way you say the words, it makes sense to me

[@Cosmicoo82]

Be slow to speak quick to hear and slow to anger

[@oliviadart612]

Guys always guide your actions with love and peace. It might help but ofc it’s sometimes hard to think clearly

[@jodibales3169]

Dr. Fox after watching as many of your videos as I can and reading your book and doing the exercises that you suggest; I would respectfully recommend that you are teaching me how to put one foot in front of the other. Thank you

[@disdroid]

My wife's rages continued after her recovery from bpd and were caused by neurological irregularities. The best thing to do after the rage dissipates is to carry on as though nothing has happened. Before her recovery she was hugely ashamed of herself and would descend into neurosis. After her recovery she could manage her episodes and calmed down almost instantly. Before she could do this she had to relax her constant struggle and it seemed that her episodes had got worse - however she was beginning to shift towards a secure attachment style and began to show intimacy and to respond well to criticism so I was ever so excited.

[@averyintelligence]

could you please make a video about mental rehearsal or how to prepare so i can react differently instead of violent? im struggling to know what to actually do if this is the only way i know. how do i do this?

[@Everyloveee]

I have my first DBT session today. After a hard night last night. I'm very nervous

[@Christine-jg3hf]

I second everything you have said and thank you very much what is can I express how much it means of Dr Fox and thank you all for the comments it has helped me so much I love you all and may God continue to bless you bless us all!💋💞🌷🌹💪🙏

[@samparsons9550]

...I may have to try your card deck, to be honest. I've still got stitches in my hand from smashing a glass in a fight with my therapist, and things can't continue as they are at this point. I've got mental health supports on the way, but this advice is both relevant and necessary, and your insight tends to be more... compassionate and informed than most? Resisting going inwards means that for me, I need to replace the glass. Even if it's technically not my fault because that anger was incited by my therapist, I still have to fix things with my family.

[@DrDanielFox]

Emotional explosions comment response 

[@PirateOfTheWastes]

What if I didn’t do anything that demands an apology? What if a person in my close friend group spoke down to me with therapy speak, and I promptly left that friend group because I felt embarrassed and like a boundary was violated? I do not want to apologize because I feel like I am correct in my feelings.

[@sarahheld3761]

I have the problem with my daughter who I've exploded to her as she was growing up. Problem is now she's been diagnosed with BPD herself and no amount of saying sorry ever seems to work.😢

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing with your daughter. It can be challenging when past actions have a lasting impact. Have you considered seeking therapy or counseling together to work through these issues?

[@sarahheld3761]

My daughter gets therapy on her own, but she remembers things that didn't happen 😭 now that I'm disabled with MS 🙄 I can't even go out see her. She's not too far away but she won't even talk to me, but I get updates from her husband. She openly loves and trust her Dad.

[@littleangel8955]

I just sit and Are quiet for a while and everything is back to normal 😅

[@androgynylunacy]

I hate people. And I give up. This isn't making me feel better. It makes me feel like a failure because I am a failure. It is too weird and uncomfortable to try to talk to people instead of blowing up. I feel worse being vulnerable and rejected then to tell someone to fuck off... I've had way, way, way more terrible social interactions than positive. Some people can go fuck themselves and the others I wish you well from afar, but please just don't expect me to have any kind of relationship, just be nice and deal with me and leave me alone.

[@TheDavveponken]

I hear you. The everyday slights people do towards me out of prejudice or their own trauma is just too exhausting. If they want a war I got plenty to bring. Sometimes you are just and just surrounded by assholes. Hard to be sane in an insane world etc.

[@awkwardemily15]

I can sense your pain and I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time. I understand this is hard and trying to behave differently and push ourselves can feel like torture. I want better for you. Wouldn't it be amazing if one day we can have more positive interactions? If we can laugh off the crazy and rude people we meet along the way? Sometimes it seems like nothing will get better and we don't have to expect much from ourselves on those days. Things can change for the better, and it can take as long as we need. I hope you know deep down you're worth it.

[@yb958]

I think I’m experiencing a quiet rage at the moment and it’s really physically painful. It’s silent but it’s got me detaching from reality and hyperventilating. How do we calm down the silent rage, mine is stemming from being disrespected and judged for being a pushover (apparently I am).

[@DrDanielFox]

Explosive episode comment response 

[@prant8998]

It would be nice if my now ex GF wanted to do something about her explosive episodes, but there was never any remorse or apology, or for that matter any recognition of what she just did. The humiliation was unbearable. This would ALWAYS happen at least once on a vacation, I couldn’t leave, I just had to tough it out, usually until the next day, where she would act normal. She ruined it by sabotage and it was intentional and she never did anything to stop them. I saw four therapists for answers and all of them said the same thing, “Leave,” and never go back. Finally, I took their advice. These people are cruel sadists with zero empathy and we should leave them alone in their misery. Do they get better? For someone with so little control over their anger as full grown adults in their sixties when are they going to catch on? These lessons should have been learned and established by age five or six. If this is happening to anyone reading this, get out early and run. It never get better!!!!

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm sorry to hear that you went through such a difficult situation. It's important to prioritize your well-being and surround yourself with people who treat you with respect and empathy.

[@metasports123]

I went into such a rage a few days ago. I cut my arm so deep I may have hit a nerve. Blood went everywhere. I’m scared to go to the ER because they may try to keep me. I’m my fits of rage my trigger person keeps attacking and attacking until I break and go into a rage while begging her to stop badgering me. I know that word simply shouldn’t send me there but it does. 😢

[@joemawma3439]

Please go to the hospital and get it looked at. I used to cut back in the day. They can easily get out of control infected if you don't keep an eye on them and get the bad ones treated. Please. You are worth it.

[@JagoShogun]

Anyone else feel exposed and hate themselves more now? I always feel bad going through these but I can't help but listen. Man my English sucks, sorry this isn't a top comment lmao.

[@JagoShogun]

please never message me about anime.@@Maisisms

[@JagoShogun]

Manghua, Manga, Anime, don't talk to me about them. I'm here about BPD, don't ruin my day.@@Maisisms

[@JagoShogun]

No@@Maisisms

[@Claire-wg8np]

How do I recover from a recent sexual assault

[@LenaCabana]

Go back to the body. Any somatic exercises are good: tapping, dancing, putting your body into vibration so you do not disassociate. Pull yourself back as much as possible to the body and feel it. The more You Feel Yourself the recovery will be quicker. Of course speak about it and act on this: tell the police etc. However watch yourself whhile you speak... watch the body. And be careful with the speech - do not to traumatize yourself by describing the situation too many times. Also, if you believe in God, ask for help and understanding. Sick people are sick people: do not go into hate. It's a really easy path. But staying in a state of anger keeps you forever obsessed with the act and healing is really hard. All is very complicated. Also please read the book: The body keeps the score by de Kolk. Sending prayers for you.

[@Claire-wg8np]

@@LenaCabana thank you

[@LenaCabana]

@@Claire-wg8np it's not easy, but recovery is possible so you won't be stuck in the past. The body is the way to understand yourself and be open to the present moment. It's like a rollercoaster but with time... and conscious work you will recover. Hugs

[@MyHighPriestess]

You've already received good advice. Please, take care of yourself and talk to someone. May you find courage and serenity through this difficult time 🤍🤍🙏

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so sorry to hear that you've experienced such a traumatic event. It's important to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being during this time. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma can be incredibly beneficial in your recovery journey. Remember, you are not alone and there are people who care about you and want to support you.

[@kellygreenmachine]

Ai needs assistance please

[@randilynn2422]

I feel my inner voice is truly the meanest nasty voice. She doesn’t think I deserve oxygen.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're experiencing such negative self-talk. Remember that you are deserving of love, happiness, and oxygen!

[@awkwardemily15]

I understand this so much! You deserve to live a happy fulfilling life. For whatever reason it's hard for me to decide I deserve the same. Hang in there and know you're not alone. 💙

[@nea.skitsa]

255000 followers. Tens of comments with tens of like. People just have nothing to discusss after your vids.

[@DrDanielFox]

Not sure of the context of your comment, too many or too few? Thanks for sharing though.

[@nea.skitsa]

@@DrDanielFox excetional amount of followers followed by the fewest commentary activity though. My comment is an addition to mention that you are outstanding in clarity. All other youtubers in narc/bpd theme aren't THAT collected even if they are good at giving huge amounts of useful information too. Will study all your videos later.

[@tmking7483]

Repair the abuse that was done to u. Hmm interesting _ projecting your abusive mother and father onto your abusive therapist _ this is powerful power and control _ why do I feel like a cashed cow.

[@My_klei]

Self punishment plan