How to Manage Borderline Personality Disorder for a Better Life

The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
This video is about boundaries and Borderline Personality Disorder - BPD. In this video I discuss how boundaries help us feel safe and understand our environment. The difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries. I also go over the four types of boundaries: Solid, Broken, Loose, and Adaptable. Knowing what type of boundary is present and how to move from a maladaptive boundary to an adaptive boundary will be covered to help empower you with choice and knowledge about what boundary or boundaries you have.
You can have more than 1 type of boundary.
I also go over the four things that degrades boundaries:
• People pleasing
• Oversharing
• Inconsistency
• Selling yourself out for short-term needs with long-term consequences
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD -COMING SOON-
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children: www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-P...
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has been teaching and supervising students for over 15 years at various universities across the United States, some of which include West Virginia University, Texas A&M University, University of Houston, Sam Houston State University, and Florida State University. He is currently a staff psychologist in the federal prison system, Adjunct Assistant Professor at University of Houston, as well as maintaining a private practice that specializes in the assessment and treatment of individuals with complex psychopathology and personality disorders.
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
KZbin: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.

[@sylvaniewilliam2355]

Seems like every time I fall asleep it resets the system almost like forgetting lifes lessons from the day before. Makes it hard to learn from mistakes.

[@DrDanielFox]

Use a journal to chronicle your insight and successes, that might help.

[@sylvaniewilliam2355]

@@DrDanielFox thank you for the information! At 40 years old its better late than never receiving it!

[@Korsvejgaard]

I've written down thoughts I have on my darkest/ most chaotic days, but the unstable emotions component to BPD makes those thoughts feel as though they came from a completely different person on my better days. It makes it hard to learn from, as I don't even feel like I relate to it.

[@whitneycolwell9471]

Sylvanie William I feel this so deeply.

[@kellynxo]

SAmeee

[@gracepurcell7825]

I feel so embarrassed and ashamed now (looking back) on how my OVER-Sharing has made people think I must be a crazy person : (

[@DrDanielFox]

Avoid self-blaming and go forward and use the skills to do it differently in the future.

[@nativechique7589]

You should have seen me in my 20s. I think i got u beat. I ran around misdiagnosed, unmanaged and wrongly medicated with effexor. I sometimes feel the same n i feel guilty for instances with others so i pray. I probably still overshare 😂

[@isabellyshelly8276]

I overshare all the time too lol. Oh well.

[@terrizugzug29]

Samme

[@private15]

Recognizing and understanding your own behaviours is such a great first step!!! I hope in the last 10 months you have practiced recognizing and STOP technique to evaluate what you are doing.

[@michelemarie7777]

The oversharing has left me friendless, and walking on eggshells... and In my mind I'm being myself. So how the hell do I socialize then? I can't win. And THAT SUCKS

[@howard1beale]

You need to stop thinking if yourself as needing to earn attention by entertaining or educating an audience. Just relax. Meditate and do yoga. Start observing other people instead of talking

[@susancross8899]

It does take time to understand but everyone gets there if u really try your best from inside of u

[@howard1beale]

@@averayugen1371 you dont become less lonely by socialising unless you feel connected to the people you socialise with. And unless you're truly connected to yourself you'll never feel connected to anyone else for more than brief interludes. Loneliness is healed when you develop a relationship with yourself

[@howard1beale]

@mensur basic 99 percent of people who have weak boundaries have no idea who they are.theyve been hiding from themselves and everyone else most if their lives. You cant ha e a relationship with someone you dont know. Since you HAVE to live with YOURSELF, but you dont have to live with anyone else, you need to have s relationship with yourself. Which means you need to find out who you really are.you can't go that unless you ha e boundaries but you cant have boundaries until you know who you are, what you like what you dont like etc....

[@howard1beale]

basic otother people have the right to their own opinion but their opinion shouldn't define who you think you are. You dont like everyone and not everyone is going to like you.

[@mrtwister9002]

If someone leaves you for standing up for your boundaries, then they are doing you a favor because they didn't respect you anyway.

[@user-ei8wl3sf4g]

Amen I agree

[@user-ln9pr2nw3d]

AMEN💞💪🙏

[@ghighiannemorrison4922]

My mother had BPD. It was a confusing childhood. Just before she died she said "I don't know why I say the horrible things that I have or why I do the things that I do". My sister and I both said at the same time " neither do we".

[@tucker9281]

I haven’t been formally diagnosed with BPD but I know there’s something not quite right with me. Your videos have helped

[@nancyayers6355]

Well, you are able to "know" there is a problem. That's a good starting point to self-growth through becoming clearly aware there is a problem you need to discover, learn about, and work on. I guess the basic foundation here is your self-awareness plus a desire to become a better person. I have a daughter (she's the oldest of three girls) who is a Borderline. She can scare the living daylights out of you! She is petulant, bitchy - a lot, very argumentative, and she can get violent if pushed into a corner. And I don't know if she realizes how really scary and awful she is. I've talked to her over and over, but she just gets worse and worse. So I hope you keep watching videos like this one. You have a real chance to succeed, but if you don't think there's a problem, like my daughter, then nothing will ever improve.

[@rhettminer7381]

I’m the same

[@tiffanyhoward9935]

Tucker same here. I’m being treated for ADHD after pressing the issue with my provider but I feel certain there’s more to my diagnosis.

[@leigh4810]

Same here. Waiting for legit mental health help sucks. Been waiting since November last year on the priority list to see a psychiatrist:/

[@sauravgupta4103]

I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.

[@papasquat1390]

My biggest struggle with maintaining boundaries is I’m uncertain whether “standing up for myself” in the moment is really just me overreacting - and I’m just gonna recognize it when I’m going to sleep or something…

[@steph3098]

Yes! I have such a hard time with what's reasonable and what's not. Which means I tend to let things slide until I can't take it any more and then set harsh boundaries out of nowhere.

[@Eshrimpski]

@@steph3098SAME…

[@anon9801]

I'm undiagnosed. The lack of condemnation from this gentleman makes each video soothing as well as being informative. Thankyou Dr Fox.

[@herrdaly1149]

“Like a twig in a stream: you cannot direct the flow of your life. You just tolerate what rocks you hit, banks you may hit back and forth, so you’re floating without any rudder or any direction” you have described perfectly my life

[@MountainHobbler]

I always related my life to that Price Is Right game Plinko. Just randomly bouncing down a un-determined path.

[@jolienberinghs1338]

BPD sometimes feels like an inability to connect with others. Wanting it so bad but failing because of your own wounds. Thank you for making the video. It helped me!

[@SarahMilton64]

I knew somebody with bpd. If I tried to set a boundary, such as asking them not to text me when I was working, they would get really offended. If they were invited to somebody's house for coffee and a chat they would expect to spend all day there. Whereas an acceptable amount of time would be 1 or 2 hours. Out staying a welcome, results in not being invited again.

[@susisonnenschein5069]

same experience here. I am in difficulty here with one of my coworkers. It seems as if she is not getting “hints” that her behavior is annoying/ confusing people. i just don’t want to be too direct /rude with her. She is not a bad person, just doesn’t get it . If you set a boundary, she is like to take it personally. very difficult situation.😕

[@melindamorrison1]

I have a new friend/ ex co worker with bpd and she did the same thing. She asked if she could come over for lunch and then stayed beyond what I felt was an appropriate amount of time. I had to gently ask her to leave so that I could take care of my family. She constantly asks me when she can come back and visit and i'm reluctant to answer. When I went to see her she allowed her dogs to jump all over my baby and me. I had to do my best to keep them from giving us a slobbery bath and she just smiled the whole time and said that she was so glad that they loved me. I was really not used to that and it very much surprised me so I pushed the dogs off of us she asked me if I wasn't okay with them wanting to play but then looked shocked and sad when I replied that I wasn't very comfortable with it so then i'm embarrassed to say that I passively back peddled a little. She then put my baby on her living room floor until the dogs ran over him excitedly and I quickly picked him back up. She's very sweet! Extremely so. She always offers to go way out of her way for me and tries to pay for every lunch date we go on but I feel uncomfortable in the friendship. She keeps telling me that I'm her only friend and the only one that she can turn to and she feels this deep connection with me and also constantly dumps on me about her problems so I feel guilty if I abandon her like she says that every one else in her family and life has done. With the exception of her abusive narcissistic husband who she will not leave because she is so afraid of being alone but I feel a little overwhelmed in this new relationship.

[@lorimollette3970]

@@melindamorrison1 I was like this, out of fear. Just be honest with her. Tell her how it makes you feel. You can say I don't feel comfortable with that. Stick to your bondaries, or you will see them quickly fade away. She is broken in spirit. You cannot be Jesus to her. Direct her to the Lord Jesus who can restore her, and make her whole again. This is what happens when a child is shown rejection, instead of love. She is searching for the parents love in you. God is a father to the fatherless!" My identity is made whole in that I am a child of God, who is fearfully and wonderfully made. Only the Lord can heal a wounded heart and restore it. God bless you

[@viking-astronaut]

That's not a boundary, though? Boundaries are about YOUR behaviour, not the other person's. A real boundary would be: If you text me during my work hours, I will not reply until I am home from work. That's a boundary. What you did was controlling, boundaries are about responding.

[@tads73]

I was involved in with a borderline. She actually trampled over my boundaries which were loose, but I tightened over time. It seemed like she didn't like my tightening and things soured. Ironically, she used the common act of projection and said I violated her boundaries. This left me so confused until I learned more.

[@bethcollier220]

Just do it like narcissist and go no contact.

[@sarahmasia6947]

Same. They dumped their problems on me and when I said it needed to stop I got blamed for blaming them for everything.

[@word_salad_bingo]

Why don't you go tell one of the many communities developed just for people who are mad at a particular borderline?

[@earthschild2396]

Thank you. This explains my life. I go through cycles of boundaries depending on how I feel at that particular moment. I definitely engage in all of the ways you can push people away. I over share; it's me saying "this is me, do you think you can handle me? It will be fun, but it will be a crazy ride". I am inconsistent, because I live under the constant attack of my inner critic. It all depends on how much I can tolerate behind a smile. I isolate for weeks and them hunger for company and end up angry with myself for desiring company. BPD is so demanding. "Can you just act normal?" , someone asked me once. People have no idea how hard I try, how hard I work at keeping the madness inside and be pleasing at the same time.

[@CherylMuir]

If you need to hear this: It's safe to say no to others. No matter what they say or feel, I am safe.

[@helenachase5627]

This information is golden ! Thanks Dr. Fox , I only began growing when I listened to Pia Melody speak about boundaries. That's when I realized how sick I was . I had my boundaries obliterated as a child through name calling and rape .... I just couldn't concentrate , was always terrified of people and didn't know what was going on interpersonally. Isolation was the only thing that worked , but the loneliness has been rough. More videos please !

[@aneliadraganova3504]

♥️

[@rhondadaisy4342]

God bless you

[@gdynski]

It is great to have insight into what is happening and how we react to things. We learn, we grow and most importantly we begin to heal from this sickness. Sometimes we take a step back but we continue to move forward. For a long time I did not know what was wrong with me. I knew something major was happening but I couldn't fix it because I couldn't pin point the issue. Now things slowly make sense and reveal themselves one day at a time. God Bless.

[@Eternal_Satyr]

Dr Fox, I am convinced that my wife is a Borderline as she has, at one time or another in her life, displayed all nine of the diagnostic criteria for BPD. She has been diagnosed with "depression" and has been taking Prozac for several years now but still complains that she is depressed - lack of energy/motivation to do things, etc. One of the criterion is affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). This dysphoria is much like depression. Therefore, I believe that her diagnosis is incomplete and only addresses one symptom of her larger problem. Note that my wife was bulimic when we met and cut her wrists and abdomen with razor blades. When she stopped throwing up, she started in with the hand-washing and morbid fear of contamination OCD. She then gained over 100 pounds. Two years ago, she decided to lose all that weight and has been on prescription appetite suppressants ever since. She no longer rages, maybe due to the Prozac, but she still suffers from many of the signs of BPD: A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation; identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self; impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging: spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving; chronic feelings of emptiness; and has recently displayed transient, stress-related paranoid ideation. She believes that there is a secret organization that has targeted her (according to her, they target women and minorities) to hack into their phones and computers to drive them crazy to the point where they commit suicide. Though our marriage relationship ended roughly two years ago, we still live under the same roof, with our 14-year-old son. My concern is that she refuses to even consider that she has BPD and, therefore, refuses to seek therapy but is content with popping a handful of pills every day. This is affecting my life and that of our son. She doesn't make enough money at her job to afford to live on her own so would have to move back in with her mother, who is, herself, not mentally stable and is, I'm convinced, the main culprit involved in helping to form my wife into the person she is. My question to you is this: Since my wife refuses to seek therapy, do you think that I should? Specifically to get guidance in how best to deal with my situation? Thank you for your time and I apologize for the length of this post.

[@jemgem9593]

I just want to reinvent my life and start over again. No boundaries, over-sharing... I feel ruined. Sorry, I'm having a bad day 🦔

[@beefstew4698]

You’ll get through it. It’s another new day. So get to re-inventing 💪😁

[@elil8094]

I was diagnosed with BPD in 2019 after my last suicide attempt. I remember feeling a weird sort of relief that I had a diagnosis I could work on. Years of DBT, still doing weekly therapy visits, and I’m doing better ish. I am not actively suicidal, and am able to recognize when I am struggling and need extra help. The main thing I can’t seem to fix is the struggle to make and keep friends. I still feel like a deeply unlikeable person. I can become clingy to the point of creeping people out, or ghost someone suddenly for days or weeks. This includes with my current boyfriend. I either over share or shut completely down. And no one wants to be friends with someone whose always on the edge of an emotional meltdown. When I was dealing with cancer last year, a lot of the few friends I had ghosted me because I was constantly upset and in pain. I wouldn’t talk about almost anything else but the chemo and how shitty the whole thing was.

[@DrDanielFox]

Sounds like you develop some insight and I’m sorry that you had that experience. I wish you all the best

[@Evernia6181]

Unhealthy boundaries have been a huge problem in my medical care. I've accepted professionals who were inconsiderate, rude, and incompetent, because I didn't have the skills to say, "no, I think that's dangerous" or "please listen to me, instead of taking phone calls during my appointment". I didn't want them to fire me and I believed that I couldn't find another doctor if that (bad) relationship failed...exactly like I feared as a child, with my parents, BUT, that's my traumatic past, distorting my very different and adult present, but this lasted for years, until I recognized what was happening.

[@japonica30]

I’m a survivor. My solid boundary has kept me from getting out of isolation..then again there aren’t many who are just worth my time. Really.

[@JimmyFranny]

Except with isolation, you are stuck alone with your worst critic. Surviving BPD is easy. Thriving with BPD is the challenge...

[@andreagomera]

i normally dont ask about private info. why do people feel entitled to ask me. i either share too much or too little. maybe sharing little is better.

[@guesswho5790]

Could you do one specifically about how to tell which voice is talking: the BPD or the healthy version of ourselves? I still have problems with knowing how I "really feel" about something, you know? Sometimes I'm fooled by the BPD and it' only later that I realize that maybe that wasn't the best decisión after all. I guess I'm the kind that has always had loose boundaries and doesn't really know what that truly feels like. This information, though, has been VERY, VERY USEFUL. Thank you so much!!

[@marieclark9925]

I would love to see this too.

[@rhondadaisy4342]

It can make me feel so crazy sometimes. It's scary to not be able to trust my own reality at times.

[@christinechristine6102]

Hello! Usually every overly intense emotion, you feel like impulsively acting on or which is hurting and lingering in your mind is potentially the BPD talking 😊 I have seen various techniques how to overcome it- they come from Buddhism and some of them are used in the DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy). It's grounding when we have a very intense emotion. It's mindfullness- to look at our emotion and observe it, to stop the impulsive acting on it. It's counting and cognitive operations - to kind of troubleshoot out overwhelmed amygdala. (When you have an intensive feeling while having BPD the cognitive functions turn off- theat means we literally aren't able to think straight . So by performing cognitive tasks such as counting, translating from other languages, problem solving - you step back, restart the logical part of yourself and Rethink. Also meditaton observation of thoughts. It's distracting yourself- change of temperature, it's switching to other activity when feel overwhelmed. To rather go to have a run or clean the house before impulsively reacting to the situation. It's positive affirmations- usually works with insecurity kinda- fake it till you make it style 😊

[@christinechristine6102]

And like with everything- to be good at this, to heal, it requires work and practice. Healing from BPD is like playing the violin or learning to drive. Every attempt sucks first, it confronts your abilities, you doubt yourself when you have a setback, everyone around you looks weird at you. But with practice and consistence you can get over it. There are researches backing this statements 😊. Every each of us have this ability. This is how we learned to walk too? Right? 🌞

[@carolynncruickshank-gray980]

Christine Christine o

[@pammieo.4101]

I've never considered the idea of boundaries with myself related to certain addictive behaviors but they are exactly that: loose or broken boundaries. I always thought boundaries involved other people. Self-harm, self-sabotage also means crossing a safe boundary with myself. I can see how loose boundaries impact having a blurry sense of self. Building stronger boundaries (and self trust) could thus help to solidify a sense of self.

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m glad you found the video helpful.

[@Nike_1999]

You're a lifesaver❤ I have ADHD and I've always had explosive anger attacks as a child. I recently did some research on ADHD and it's emotional dysregulation which causes ("Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria") masking themselves, all or nothing thinking, boundary issues, oversharing, identity struggles and people pleasing. I noticed that RSD & BPD are almost identical. I'm certain that I have both due to splitting, relationships struggles, triggers, emotional dysregulation, an NPD dad, an ADHD/RSD mom and an overall traumatic childhood. I believe there to be some kind of link between the two. Can you please make a video about the link between recent ADHD/RSD discoveries and BPD?

[@kg3185]

I think for me and "oversharing," I just don't have the emotional triggers that let me know when I'm telling too much. But I can remember things that people say to me when I overshare, and then keep them to myself or think about who a safe person is to share those things with.

[@sandman1318]

In my entire life, (and I’m 67,) only two people ever lectured me about not respecting their boundaries. One was a narcissist and the other a borderline. Ironically, no two people ever trampled MY boundaries, repeatedly, as much as these two did!!

[@shaynelahmed6323]

With a bpder I have in my life.. I found boundaries panicked her.. and I could not get further with developing manners etc.. I found we got further if I simply said "I like it when you say thanks and express what you like or don't about a gift"...and that works.. coz it got draining for me feeling unappreciated ..

[@beyondbeauty6921]

Shaynel Ahmed I agree ppl do feel taken for granted or unappreciated with borderlines, this will not change, if u ask them to change, they may well find someone else as they struggle with interpersonal relationships ie husband/ wife relationships are always chaotic stormy and they blame others and dont accept any responsibility. Good luck! Pls chk DSM or read I hate you dont leave me.

[@shaynelahmed6323]

@@beyondbeauty6921 thanks. I am reading and learning and will catch up on the book you suggested. We can't give up. They are my daughters. Peace

[@Me-tb8rs]

Im confused, because these videos sound like things people with bpd do to others. They walk all over your boundaries and you, the person without bpd walks on eggshells due to endlessly being devalued and raged at. To me these videos are glossing over alot of damaging behavior. Is that really helpful? I really want to understand the rationale here.

[@deejaydc89]

My pwBPD is very good at making me feel appreciated. She knows it's important and I should do it more for her too

[@fish97826]

@@Me-tb8rs Big facts right there, even though they don't mean it, they are everything they fear ie. callous, not loyal, quick to flee, irresponsible, angry/violent, unnapreciative/entitled... at least the two i've dealt with. One doctor on here once said BPD is essentially failed narcissism, so it shares a lot of the abusive symptoms of actual NPD

[@mikepierce2824]

My maladaptive behaviours come out whenever there’s an attractive Narcissist in my life. I get a high when I’m able to control someone who has so much control over everyone/everything else. But it never lasts because I always end up needing them more than they need me in the end. Walking away is so hard because then they get interested again and try to “win” me back. I have to learn that the high is not worth the low

[@helenachase5627]

I wonder what your thoughts are on object constancy and bpd. As I isolate less it is my lack of object constancy ( often due to my oversharing and boundary issues ), which causes a great deal of grief for me. I am always shocked when people invite me to socialize because I am convinced they have ditched me...I do allow people to distance themselves from me and feel pretty uneasy while out of touch but slowly they pop up again and ask to do something , you know go for coffee etc. I have to mentally prepare for the social engagements and pep talk myself but things usually go okay. I do struggle to initiate socially and let others do that because as I said I tend to think people are put off by my emotionallity and neediness and general weirdness.... That said, I am learning that they do care for me and I care for them and I avoid narcissistic , abusive people in general. It's a bit triggering to be friends with healthy people because I notice my mental illness and know that they do too.... Good people are compassionate and can see that you are trying and that feels safe and gives me hope.

[@alysiamerdavid-wasser9165]

Helena Chase Wow! That's amazing!! i hope you continue to engage, & never take your friends for granted. idk what object constancy is, but i can't wait to google it! (Have you heard of GISH? You sound like a gisher.😍 i think you'd love it!) 💞

[@NoRegretsJustLove3]

Qp

[@kathy8260]

I think I have bpd. Now I get it. And I know it's a result of my long term traumatic experiences. Thank you.

[@helenachase5627]

I flip between isolating and enmeshing with others. Makes sense now that I have seen this video. I have been working on boundaries for a few years and notice that I do have some healthy boundaries now . This allows me to isolate less.

[@DrDanielFox]

Great, keep building those positive strategies!

[@SaturnianTenshi]

I wish I knew how important boundaries were before they were made to me by spouse (learned from his psychologist), so then I could’ve had boundaries with his sociopathic-narcissism behaviors and others. (They’re going into remission so no worries) Which I do now as of this past month & half. It has immensely made our relationship as a whole and puts a stop to the impulse to manipulate or an episode from escalating. The more I keep practicing, the less people will cross my boundaries. Being honest and open about our personality disorder’s behaviors is probably the best thing I could’ve asked for this year. Now I definitely understand why he’s always told me all the time that that I’m too trusting, certain people is/are going to take advantage of me. Especially since he can see manipulation for obvious reasons, lol. I knew that I did this, I just didn’t know it was lack of boundaries. That me being open/minded isn’t always okay and can put me in rough situations. I definitely have to work on isolation since I’ve been doing it for months now, and not being as co-dependent on him in regards to my stability in the long run. Thank you, this was a big eye opener for me. Gives me peace of mind that I’m not alone in this. Lots of learning about mental health lately.

[@eleanorhartshorn8816]

So glad you did a video on boundaries. They've been a huge problem, for myself, for so long and it's only in recent years after engaging in CBT and DBT that they have become less of a problem. Working on boundaries definitely helps with self image or view of self, or so it has for me. I'm very much a loose boundaries person, a people pleaser. For most of my adult life I've felt the need to do whatever people want, even if it's bad or hurtful for me, so i can get them to stay. It's only recently that i have realised that the people that are good for me will respect my feelings and won't want to leave. I will say that i used to have a lot of trouble with other peoples boundaries too. There was a time i would definitely do things to over step the boundaries of people i cared about. The intention wasn't to upset them or hurt them, but the fear of losing them and the overwhelming feeling that i would die, or not exist, without them definitely made those lines almost impossible to see. I do feel like it would have been a huge help to hear more people talk about boundaries and how they work for yourself and other people when i first received a diagnosis, so I really do thank you so much for this video. I don't doubt it will be a huge help for those with BPD, BPD traits, and their loved ones.

[@whisperingwind7730]

Eleanor Hartshorn I agree w/ u. I am thankful for this video as well. I realized I had boundary issues but hearing this explained this way made so much sense to me. I have loose/inconsistent boundaries I feel. I have accepted disrespectful words/treatment from say past partners bc I wanted them to accept me and not abandon me, all the while feeling bad about myself bc in some way I knew I was lowering my standards and not having self respect. When dealing w/ other ppl some days I'm very much to myself, feeling isolated not actually wanting to connect for whatever reason that's going on in my thought process/emotional state. Then there are other days I'm wanting to be social and friendly and if it's not reciprocated I'm like wth?! What's wrong w/ me? The way Dr. Fox explains it tho makes so much sense to me. I'm quite certain in my last place of employment ppl were like is it ok to approach her today? Should I leave her alone? And yes, when I did feel rejected or u wanted and/or unloved it definitely would reiterate that see look no one does care about u, u are unloved. So it's good for me to understand more about boundaries and to create some for myself that I can stick w/ and feel ok. balanced w/ maintaining them. That's the trick tho bc like u expressed sometimes that anxiety and fear of abandonment is so great it's like picking ur battles... which do I want more to be accepted n loved giving in to loose boundaries ? Or to stand up for myself and be alone essentially for doing so. Ofcourse "healthy" ppl have this down pact already so it's not an issue for them to feel love n accepted but like Dr. Fox said sometimes we just "take what we can get" bc we either feel unworthy or the good things will never present themselves to us. So yea this video was eye opening and helpful for me.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you, it is my sincere hope that my videos help those who treat this disorder and those contending with it.

[@nikkic83]

This describes me to a “T” I have an official diagnosis of PTSD ( C-PTSD ) It seems as though I also have borderline traits as well, taking into consideration the overlap of traits of both disorders. I’m so grateful for your videos. In my opinion, your presentation style regarding BPD is the best I’ve seen thus far.

[@delphinium5555]

What a lovely, kind man he is!

[@paulward4395]

Boundaries are very important to develope trust and love of self, great video

[@joannelewis8038]

Ok

[@missheather4487]

Thankyou Dr Fox.. A wonderful video that would benefit anyone drawing a breath... I find you so easy to lisen too and understand..you have a gift 💜

[@michellejudd5060]

Thankyou Dr Fox I have had loose boundaries with family I hang on because I'm scared too have no family but it's toxic. I can't thankyou enough for covering this.

[@kendralitka9735]

Your explanation of boundaries is very enlightening. I still don't understand boundaries and it gets me into a lot of trouble. I even recently was kicked out of a physiatrist clinic. I have been in counseling for five years and I am still bad at recognizing boundaries. Thankfully I was able to get in with the VA and they deal with my crazy a**

[@gabriela3338]

So, true Dr. Fox. Im a BPD that over shares. Thank you for clarifying that.

[@blackfairyxdusy]

I want to move to the States just to have you as a therapist! I find it really hard to connect with therapists because I’ve learned since childhood to be amazing at diverting. The fact your so passionate about helping people with BPD that you make videos to help others struggling is just so brilliant. It’s so blatantly obvious that your not in it for the money, you genuinely care and want to use your knowledge to help everyone you can possibly reach. You don’t have too, you want too. Thank you for being so empathetic, passionate and selfless. Your amazing and I connect more to your videos than I ever did over my 13 years of therapy. We love you Dr.Fox 😊

[@lemat579]

yes No solid, No loose boundries Adaptive boundaries, a process of life - good luck. Overshareing? Dr. Fox has just described my life pattern😌😲 seriously

[@katiekane5247]

This was especially on point for me. I'm slowly learning adaptive boundaries at 60. I'm sharing this with a gr8 friend, we understand each other 😃

[@donnaghiselli7882]

Katie Kane The same here at 64. Smh. I guess it’s better late than never.

[@michelleferrero8206]

I'm 52. OMG...I'm still trying to people please my 75 year old parents!!!

[@lergoth]

I knew I had something going on for a long time now, I can't afford diagnose and ever since I found your videos I feel like you're reading my mind, I always felt like depression, anxiety or autism didn't really fit my experiences fully and felt even more broken, I think I feel a little sad to know I'm definitely not normal but at the same time hopeful that I can now learn how to deal with the way I think and understand myself better, thank you so much for posting these and explaining in an easy and kind way, you have made me feel like it's not all my fault

[@hope-dh9hn]

Thank you so much for making these videos! I’ve learned so much more about my disorder which has helped me immensely with understanding what I’m going through in order to get better!

[@lindadunn8787]

Simply listening feels replenishing. Thank you for your words of understanding and hope.

[@rhondadaisy4342]

This video auto-played after another one of yours I watched, so I let it play not even knowing what could be meant by "boundaries" in bpd.. I'm so glad I watched, because once again I hear my feelings coming to life in a way I would never have known how to word. Thank you for doing these, they are so insightful and helpful. God bless you.

[@Chrononaut2006]

You are one of the few people who I feel has a very balanced view on how things feel for both the person with BPD and the person interacting with them. And it is so refreshing. I love that I can come here and not be triggered at all. I also love the way you use your words as precisely as you can to make what you're saying clear and not leave a negative gray area for me to overthink. Thank you

[@msg3tr1ght]

I am a recovered people pleaser. My ex has bpd and we had this issue of her going MIA for weeks at a time and then popping back up. That’s triggering for me and when I told her a little reassurance in the interim would help, she ghosted me both times. She’d also offer to provide emotional support in upcoming situations but then disappear when the time came. I have since worked on my own issues with codependency and attachments, I’ve learned to reassure myself and communicate triggers in a healthy way. It seems that no matter how I express myself, there’s no getting through to her. I miss her so much sometimes but I know I did the very best I could. Your channel has been helpful to me as a loved one of those with BPD. The understanding helps me not blame myself while still remain cognizant of the work she has to do, instead of making excuses for her or coddling. I just wish we could communicate in a healthy way, even if we just stayed friends.

[@ally8420]

Wow. I'm sure i may have watched this video before but it really hit me hard today. I've been doing exactly what you're talking about and I've recognized a lot of these things in myself lately, thank you for the validation. Bless you and your work Dr.Fox

[@montyhale1899]

Thank you so much for your videos. You say so many things that I need to hear. I have been building a healthier life for myself for years. When BPD symptoms make their return it is so hard to have faith in the decisions made for yourself, faith in your logic, in boundaries, etc. Your videos help me restore my faith in my decision making and help me continue making healthy choices for myself. Thank you, Dr. Fox! You rule!!

[@skidboot12]

One of the best videos I’ve watched on BPD. Thank you

[@OB17358]

Dr. Fox, this is enlightening. Am learning so much from your videos. Thank you.

[@ruby-qv5bd]

Thank you so much for your very helpful videos. I have learned many things from you that I am hopeful for improving my life. In the past I didn't have any boundaries and oh my how that had a bad effect on my life in many ways. I didn't realize some of my issues completely and now I am becoming aware. Your videos are helping me to be the person I have wanted and deserve to be. I was conditioned in my childhood to be this way having a mother that emotionally neglected. It took me too long to figure this all out, but hopefully I'm on the mend. I kept pulling away from my family and struggling with guilt or desire for family, but I knew that they were so unhealthy for me. It took me all this time to really take the time to investigate and become aware of my part in all of it. I didn't realize that I was part of the problem because I wanted to have a family of origin in my life, but I decided recently that it is not possible at this time because their behaviors were having an awful affect on me. I would always feel so hurt and unloved. Much of the feelings I have had are probably true since siblings may have their own issues that they are not able to admit or see because they are suffering worse from the same issues of emotional neglect in the home. I hope that I can work myself out of this crazy. I care and I'm to work hard to make changes and continue to love myself. Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge and giving to many in such a helpful way. I appreciate what you do. Thank you deeply. You are helping many people out here to become the wonderful people we were meant to be. Blessings!

[@lisaperez8276]

Best explanation of boundaries I’ve ever heard. Thank you so much.

[@christinamcneesecomedy]

I diagnosed myself in my 20’s and no one believed me including my parents and therapist. at 42, im so grateful for u and this amazing video. pls keep making more videos.

[@danicafaerie]

really helpful, i was diagnosed with bpd in 2017 and have done dbt twice since. i took a lot away from this video, thank you 😊

[@timothymcdonnell7942]

Hello, I am very happy that you publish these videos. Not knowing where my boundries are causes me a great deal of anxiety especially at work. It seems like the people around me just connect and flow with the day but I always feel out of step. I am afraid that if I cross into an area where I don't belong people will not be happy with me. This scares me and I either move forward in an awkward uncertain way, maybe I just do it myself and I shouldn't have or I don't do anything and hope no one notices. What bothers me the most is that other people just flow and no one seems to care as long as stuff gets done. Should I talk with my manager? Should I ask him to define the boundaries for me? Just the thought of asking terrifies me. I just want to fit in and be accepted.

[@helenachase5627]

I feel your pain

[@timothymcdonnell7942]

Well I have a good report to make. I decided to talk with one of my coworkers about protocal. His reaction was quite pleasant. I explained that I wasn't sure about a few specific procedures and asked if he would please clarify them for me. He was happy to help. So this is what normal people do, they just ask, listen and say thank you. My anxiety is relieved and I feel happier at work. Thank you Dr. Fox

[@helenachase5627]

@@timothymcdonnell7942 thanks for this Timothy. This helps us all on the bpd spectrum move out of our illness and learn new ways of living.

[@gdynski]

I overstate when I'm excited and then regret what I said to coworkers for a while. I usually just smile, say hello and ask questions now not to give too much info about myself. I find that a lot of people just wanna talk and I listen and observe them. Study their behavior, mannerism, look into to their eyes and pay attention. Making friends at work is not a great idea and I tend to do just that. Then I close off for a while and nobody can't reach me. it's crazy and a vicious cycle exactly how the doc described.

[@ralfwashington1502]

Glad you found a helpful co-worker. I was going to say careful with going to the boss since a lot of mine were narcissistic. Co-worker was a great choice

[@leofkay]

such a clear and informative guy! Its so easy to understand you and you waste no time with fluff which keeps me engaged. thank you for sharing!

[@whisperingwind7730]

Thank u for sharing this!! I found it extremely helpful learning about myself and my boundaries issues.

[@TasteTheD]

It has only just been made clear to me that BPD is what I have been living with my entire life. Thank you for your amazing insight into everything and allowing me a greater understanding of why I am the way I am and do the things I do. I have just ordered your workbook from Amazon and I look forward to making some progress! Many thanks

[@DreamsOfFinland]

sometimes having something like boundaries explained is immediately helpful. I have learned that reminding myself that I am not reliving bad memories, I have bad memories but they are not happening now. That little truth repeated with knowing I can handle this now has dissolved a bunch of harmful mental habits. I'm old and would like most to give up all self improvement and treat every day forward as a vacation day. thank you for your way of talking about BPD like it is the result of harm and not a degradation of a suffering person trying to reclaim their humanity. this is sound information for anyone actually. well done.

[@michellecampbell8933]

I honestly love your videos. You help me understand myself more and more.. and it makes sense. The things you say makes sense. And I didn't even realize what I was doing... until you spoke about it.. thank so much Dr. Daniel fox.

[@inmeacerl]

when determining boundaries consider short term rewards, long term consequences!!! Yes!!! adaptive boundaries are such a helpful term to put in the tool box.

[@stephenfermoyle1498]

this is the most horrible of all of them...its destroyed my life..its like i have let everyone lead me in all the wrong directions......the fear of abandonment is the KEY issue

[@bisousmeable]

Thank you so much Dr. Fox! My son has BPD and attends therapy and your videos have been so informative for me so I can understand BPD and in hope to do what I can to help him in a positive way. You are amazing and I appreciate the fact how much your care shows through each videos that you create. Thank you and take care :)

[@Nobody-hc1rw]

Hey Dr. Fox, I seem to switch (mostly) between loose and adaptive boundaries depending on the situation. To clarify, with people im not really that familiar with i have mostly adaptive bounderies (i dont accept racism and narcissism, 0 tolerance). With romantic partners or perceived romantic partners i tend to have very loose boundaries and i tend to overshare, which usually results in a pretty broken relationship (when i ever have one, which isnt too often). On the other hand once those romantic relationships fail, which they always do ( :( ), in response i completely close myself off and have a tendency to isolate myself (i guess to prevent further harm?), and that causes well.. loneliness. Once the loneliness gets so bad i want seek a new connection, but the fear of being abandoned again prevents me from doing so. My abandonment triggers are so severe that i become a suicide risk. At the same time, i'm realllly good at detecting those signals, i have never been wrong about them so far. The BPD lens detects them, and once i calm down and look at the facts they become even more visible which in turn triggers the BPD even more. This happened once when i was 20 and lasted for about 11 years. Recently let someone in, only to overshare and 'getting found out', because she noticed something was off about me, primarily because i got reallly attached to her, and now i'm back in this room again. Fearful to make a new romantic connection. I just can't seem to take things slow, even when i keep reminding myself to take it slow. My understanding of my attachment issues is a lack of motherly love during my younger/teenage years (which isnt my mothers fault to be fair, its a long story) Any suggestions? :-/ PS: I'm on a waiting list for therapy, but thats gonna take at least 6 months. I'm at such a loss on what to do that im willing to follow any advice that i think will help me, hence my post.

[@michelemarie7777]

I am beyond Grateful for You and making this video. I suffers BPD and I Hate it. These boundaries you soundboard so significant s me in last mistakes..suicide attempts..No self worth. I never knew it was all related to Boundaries or lack thereof. Been on meds and depressed for 20 years😪I have severe depression and OCD thinking and Anxiety in addition to my BPD diagnosis. I just was diagnosed 2yrs ago w. BPD. 18yrs of living Hell. Meds do not help. I cannot thank you Enough Dr. Fox for this life changing, free therapy, that has shone light on my illness and that makes me cry w. gratefulness, as I feel hopeful that w. Practice and tools... I can enjoy life again.

[@sarahfountain1064]

Borderline and their boundary issues sound a lot like narcissistic abuse syndrome. I would really appreciate your thoughts/ feedback on this. My stepdad was a narcissist, and my mom was the enabler. I have been working hard at educating myself on the toxic family dynamic and working toward recovering from my childhood. Finding a good therapist is hard.

[@DrDanielFox]

Keep working and redefine how you see yourself and the treatment you deserve. You can redo your view and perspective of significant others to do it differently.

[@vanyadolly]

I just want to add that BPD aren't necessarily incapable of feeling compassion and empathy. They don't set out to hurt. They can be extremely compassionate and caring people, their emotions just overwhelm them to the point where they se everything in black/white and there's no room to consider how the other person is feeling.

[@hanytalya5322]

Thank you so much! I never thought there would be a Profesional who would understand and know so much about me, down to the smallest details 😢 You gave me so much hope!❤ I thought I was a lost case

[@DrDanielFox]

You are so welcome!

[@sisboombah9595]

Thank you for your videos on BPD. It amazes me how uninformed sufferers of BPD despite being under the care of professionals for over a decade. Each time I see my psychiatrist, all I get is nodding, typing as I speak, and the suggestion of even more drugs. No one EDUCATES me - not the psychiatrist, my therapist, hospitals. My therapist does help quite a bit, but no one ever explicitly sat with me and educated me on this disorder and how it works. IMO knowing how it happens and why is half the battle bc I can think strategically. I can be warned of the tendencies that lead to pain and sadness, know what it looks like when it happens so I can actively overcome it.

[@junewingsha]

Thank you, Dr. Daniel Fox. You explained the abstract thinking and needs well.

[@pcmentality]

As a friend of someone who has just drawn boundaries this is really helpful. She's fabulous. I love her. Yet staying in contact may have been creating distraction. Time to breath. I wonder how much those that feel devalued and diacarded are dusrespecting anothers autonomy.

[@missymarie708]

Thank you so much Dr Fox, I have borderline personality disorder, and this makes more sense to me, I need to make healthy boundaries for my self, and so I dont hurt the people I love. I don't want to be a monster. I want to be happy and friendly and I want people you like me and feel comfortable with me. And I need to learn to stand my ground a bit more with these healthy boundaries, I have a 1,000 things to work on. I need to start taking notes lol

[@TerryWendt]

You are gifted with how you can explain this. I have been in close relationships with a few bpd's over my 59 years. I can believe in hope again. Thank you.

[@TerryWendt]

I've watched many many hours of your videos too!

[@atevie1866]

Pure information. Thank you so much for everything you're posting, it helps A LOT! Sending you all the best Dr. Fox!

[@DrDanielFox]

+Ate Vie thank you very much!!

[@davidcuervo1734]

This is an excellent video. For some reason while browsing through KZbin this video caught my attention. I’m no therapist or psychologist etc, but there are 2 people in my life that I suspect have bpd or some other form of a Cluster B personality disorder based on a consistent pattern of behavior patterns.... Loose boundaries, over sharing, and being inconsistent which were mentioned in this video was spot on and traits that are spot on with the people in question. There are other traits that lead me to suspect this. Anyway, the detailed breakdown and explanation of boundaries and other traits in this video was excellent. I may just look at some of the other videos......I believe these videos can be of great service for someone with bpd.

[@kellynxo]

I’m stuck in the consequences and cycle of broken boundaries... I’ve never been more lost in my life! Thanks for the explanation

[@katepalmer9113]

I'm sorry hope you are doing better

[@liltwizzy5680]

I’m sorry hope you feel better

[@katedollen6560]

Spot on as usual

[@coreystall8668]

Another great video Dr Fox! Thanks so much for your knowledge and insight!!

[@mar2406tube]

Your videos are even better than my therapy sessions .. so helpful. Thanks!

[@switchpathbyamypreston5428]

I have watched several of your videos about bpd. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, MDD, Dysthymia, Anxiety and Panic Disorder. But listening to your explanations of bpd is raising questions about my diagnosis based on what you have described as core content. Thank you so much for the information you share. It is helping me understand myself so much better. I am not able to seek professional help because of finances to determine if bpd is something that has been missed. So your videos help.

[@anamouchette5588]

Having no boundaries, I felt that the other people "get" on it and they just open up, relax, you get them and everything intermingles, but it gets too heavy. Especially when there is work to be done. My therapy is often about boundaries, but the only way I can set them is to act sort of like a robot, "cut" the interaction off, leave the situation, omit so many things every day and shut up about it... xD

[@haisesasaki3944]

Thanks Dr. Fox. All of your videos are so helpful and educating. It's really important to understand exactly what we're dealing with.

[@gabbyacuna2769]

Dr. Fox I needed this video so much. You have no idea. It’s so SO difficult to trust my feelings. I doubt them because I’m not sure if it’s my BPD lens or if it’s a legit concern. I keep finding myself in the same relationships and I’m annoyed with myself. I’m just grateful I can identify this early on now.

[@XRXONE]

My external object was actually just me. But once my self image was gone and toxic shame kicked in. I had no idea where to run,hide, be.

[@JenniferLee-dp5hy]

Same... I had shut down my sense of self because I felt that no matter what it was I would upset my husband and so I stopped being "me"... And ever since that moment I have had symptoms of BPD which have day by day worsened and are now huge and screaming every day - which surprise has led to husband and I screaming daily and him asking me how I swing so wildly from everything is perfect to everthing is scrap and do i have a "shame thing" where I have to shame myself or shame him... Plus I overshare (maybe you noticed) and that upsets him and I am trying to figure out how to find myself again and work my way out of this BPD tornado I am in the eye of

[@rondamiller3959]

@@JenniferLee-dp5hy Is he a narcissist? You said you shut down your "sense of self because no matter what it was, my husband was upset, so you stopped being you." Was he valid in being upset, or was he just controlling and bitchy? My husband is a narcissist, and nothing is ever good enough,so I used to dance around and try to make sure everyone was happy. In spite of being a strong and independent person, I wanted others to be happy as well, so I would try to keep everyone happy. Now I realize he is just a miserable cuss and will never be happy. Unfortunately, years were wasted trying to rehearse conversations in my head so I would get words just right so as not to trigger him and have a fight, years were wasted of me thinking what's wrong with me and reading self-help books and communication books trying to figure out why "I" had a problem communicating... Turns out it wasn't me. But the worst thing about all that is my son now has borderline personality disorder. I truly believe his narcissistic, invalidating father had a lot to do with that. But I firmly believe my son was predisposed to this because my husband's sister has borderline, and his uncle on his mother's side had it as well. My husband wasn't ugly and terrible all the time, he was just always bitching about everything, nothing was ever good, he would take something positive and interpret it negatively and react as if someone did something negative to him. I think my son seeing me say something nice, and then him react ugly and accuse me of being ugly was very confusing emotionally. Plus the strong independent woman in me, did not take his ugly reactions without an explanation which usually led to a fight because he would not let me explain by either talking over me or walking out of the room, which led to a battle of the wills.. we tried not to argue around the children, yet sometimes they still heard us argue..and they heard his ugly accusations even if I waited until later to address them with him. I believed some things needed to be addressed with children present so they didn't get the wrong impression of reality. I wish I knew then what I know now, and maybe, even though I know there are biological components, that my son would not have borderline personality disorder. He is so volatile, and speaks so ugly to me, much like his father... And tends to be negative as well. He is my son, and I love him with allmy heart, and I'm trying to get him back into some therapy now that we know about DBT. But he is 22, and it's difficult to get him to go... one day he says he wants to go to therapy, and the next he says he won't. I am learning and researching all I can to see if there's anything someone on the outside can do to help my son if he won't go to therapy and help himself. Don't walk on eggshells in fear of setting your husband off... if you truly feel that you have done something, and you've talked to a trusted friend who also believes you were in the wrong, then look at your behavior, but don't neglect to analyze his behavior as well. Narcissists are good at blaming others.

[@srmedia1234]

Thank you so much for your videos Dr. Daniel Fox. I find them really helpful in understanding BPD and they contain so many solutions.

[@rosannsupino5517]

Dr. Fox, I have BPD and experience every symptom of it...love/hate, overly emotional, always problems with people/relationships to name some of them. But the one I really have difficulty with is impulsiveness. It has affected every area of my life for many years; I have quit jobs many times on the spot, spending habits are out of control. Because of this I have very little money and am a senior citizen. Could you please either reply to my message or do a video about it? I am in therapy. Thank you.

[@ruby-qv5bd]

I also feel your pain. Just keep working on it. Be more aware and mindful and I know it's not easy since we never learned how to do this. Good luck to you.

[@mikepierce2824]

Hi Rosann, I hope you’re doing better 🙏🏻

[@lisytrinh5231]

This video was sooo INFORMATIVE for me as a BPD….Thank u Dr. Fox! ❤

[@xFREExLANDERx]

Man it's like you're reading my life's script. I knew my gut was right when the psychiatrist prescribed me with antidepressants & I felt she barely knew me well enough to see if it was beyond major depression. You are very right that professionals don't want to dive deeper to see if it's more than depression & anxiety. No wonder the world isn't healing.

[@karent3004]

Wonderful information Dr Fox and well presented...thank you...

[@alliespeaks3561]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this video. I've always been a huge talker and over shares, chalked it up to being somewhat of a sensitive person. Now I'm really trying to navigate boundaries but it's such a huge struggle. Thank you for your videos. I'm sad you don't practice in Denver, Colorado!

[@gdynski]

This was a phenomenal video. It explained so much and made so much sense.

[@nativechique7589]

Ive isolated myself so i dont have the borderline reactions.

[@breeco7]

Native Chique me too. It feels so much easier this way but I often feel lonely.

[@ajax1175]

@@breeco7 ikr😔 cant even have feelings then its too overwhelming guess im just ment to be alone nobody wanna be on a rollercoaster

[@Living_Connectedness]

I feel so much less alone, reading this. I isolate for the same reasons. But the isolation causes the BPD symptoms to worsen, so I have to push myself to have contact with others... which eventually leads to more problems and isolation is the only fix yet again. I've isolated for the last decade. Finally starting DBT in March, so hopefully the loop gets broken.

[@joannelewis8038]

So do I. I'm hiding the monster

[@lainiebug2173]

That’s not healthy. Do you have enough money to afford therapy or other services that can help you with this?

[@maryhillebran103]

This information has really helped me understand the why's i have had in life. I have not been diagnosed with BPD but this is so me. I am learning to define what are my core value in an emotions class i am taking and this has helped me keep boundaries better. I have a measuring stick to use now instead of just doing what other want. Thank you for your videos Dr. Fox. Things are finally falling into place in understanding and changing. I need to find a counselor again. Thank you!

[@amarub90rubino43]

You do not have to have BOrderline to learn from this guy he’s amazing !!! Thanks so much ! I do all those three things !!

[@sauravgupta4103]

I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.

[@janeloder2570]

Your videos have truly saved me. I'm late to finding them. Thank you.

[@dianaboughner7977]

👍👍💖Thank you for sharing this wonderful video. Exactly what I am working on. It is great to have the clarification on the four different types of boundaries and the understanding of how and why they they work. I have had the first three all of my life and now I understand why and that it is "adaptive boundaries" I need to focus on and strengthen. 😊

[@jakeroe1327]

I Have found one boundary or one thing that sets me off, when me and my wife argue some times, she threatens to leave, even packs up her clothes like she is leaving, I am sick of it, she knows I have BPD and I have told her time and time again I can't deal with this and don't want to deal with this in and out stuff. I don't know what to do, we had a real bad argument tonight like that, it has me hurt and feeling unloved, she got calmed down and feels all bad, but the more this happens, the more resentful I become because it sets me off when she does this. I had her listen to this video with me, thank you Dr.Fox for the information. As time goes on, I am emotionally distant from her, then she wonders why, yeah because I am waiting for that one good time she goes off and actually does leave or I eventually blow up and make her leave and tell her to never come back, either way, it would hurt me, but how can I be emotionally close to someone who I am not certain if they are going to be there for me or not???

[@msg3tr1ght]

Your wife definitely should stop threatening you with abandonment, it’s not healthy. It would be better if she expressed what she needed from you. Like naming what bothers her without projecting. I’m sorry you’re going through that.

[@jakeroe1327]

@@msg3tr1ght thank you femme, its always refreshing to hear from someone who understands what is going on. She understands its not healthy to do that now and has been dialing back on it. I am still resentful of it but i try let go but after dealing with it so many times, its hard for me not to fly into a rage but i appreciate your reply, i feel more validated in how i feel.

[@jakeroe1327]

@Luis Hernandez you hit the nail on the head and seeing a sane and reasonable person who does not have my disorder understands in full

[@colorfullyme]

That is definitely NOT okay. I hope you are doing better and ideally in individual or couple's therapy. Behavior matters so much, and being triggered does not justify lashing out. It hurts both people. It is no one's fault, but each person's behavior is their own responsibility! Do not justify your wife's behavior because you know she loves you. The feeling of love is not enough...

[@heathermclaughlin7967]

Priceless thank you. Needed to know as much as possible to help my daughter and realised now that I am not so different myself. Over sharing and explaining myself far too often! Xx

[@heathermclaughlin7967]

My 27 yr old daughter struggles with getting help. Where we live she has to engage with services that are not accessible in the way (i think) would most help her what advice can I give her when all else has failed for far too many years xx