How To Stop Self-Shaming and Overcome Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

[@SupaFro]

"Even Broken Crayons Still Color" Wow, that one hit hard with inspiration

[@markusmeyer6391]

Self shaming and the feelings of shame are extreme and excessive in a person with BPD. They are overwhelmingly strong. So thank you for talking about the matter.

[@DrDanielFox]

You're very welcome. I'm glad the video was helpful. Be well.

[@jwilleseries7764]

I feel so much shame when I do almost anything so I often frezze up due to shame while trying to go about my day, would that be an example of extreme and excessive shame?

[@Infiniteeverything8]

I don’t know how to live a whole life with it? 🤷‍♀️

[@KaylaMarie-ox8le]

@@jwilleseries7764any shame is really not helpful IMO. Shame is really feeling bad at one’s core. I get guilty about certain actions. I know I am not just completely awful. Guilt is about feeling bad about certain actions and is more manageable.

[@Code_Talk91]

I don’t feel guilty for anything and can’t remember one time I have BUT I have felt shame almost every second of my life. When I do “good” I feel like an imposter and that’s what the shame says and eventually I ruin everything and go act out being a terrible person because it matches my inner world and for a time I feel a little relief but then very quickly it becomes hell and I’ve had to crawl out like 3 or 4 times and every time I’m sure that I’ve reached the end of that problem and I can finally live my life……… and then the peace where’s off and I get uncomfortable again and restless over and over and over and over and this has been my freeken life for 30 + years. I had the random idea that I might be experiencing more than just a normal disorder but one that is difficult for the person to see unlike mood disorders. That landed me here and I wonder if I might actually e borderline or sociopathic. Not in the cool hip way but more like I’m suffering and I just want to understand what is going on.

[@emilykathleenn]

I feel deep shame for minor things because of bpd , people ask why I say sorry so much. I think I go through depressive episodes too and that is when the self shame kicks in to an almost unbearable level

[@Hope4Life26]

I feel you. These emotions are so strong that it literally feels like I’m being swallowed whole by it and it’s such a struggle to come out of it. One thing that clicked with me today is the power of pure ACTION. When you are feeling so down and your body feels like it is about to drop-that is the time to force yourself to get and move. I used to try to think myself out of it and that is no longer working. I have to get up. I got up today when I knew all I craved to do was stay in bed hoping I’d just disappear and die right there. Just please know you’re not the only one who’s experiencing this. The fact that this man is giving some solutions is proof that there are people that care enough to try and tackle it….even if you feel like the people in your life currently don’t get it. It’s okay if the people in your life don’t get it because there are others that do and are rooting for you. During your harshest battle, just know that I feel you, I understand and I am here to talk to anytime. ❤❤❤❤ Please take great care of yourself. We’re not the defeating voices in our heads.

[@brightphoebesays]

I always feel like everyone else is BETTER than me, and then when it comes to light that someone isn't, I'm shocked and really angry with how incompetent THEY are. Also how can I care about myself if no one else does? I've always been angered by the notion that I have to be the one who cares the most about me in order to survive.

[@dirkeldritch4880]

yes!! this is exactly how I feel. You're not alone ❤️‍🩹

[@brightphoebesays]

@@dirkeldritch4880 Thank you. ❤

[@goldie7924]

Because of the BPD, it makes us easy prey to bullies as kids and adults. People don't understand nor care to . But they're quick to point fingers at us for problems.

[@rdaniel4574]

Goldie7924 please explain your point here about being bullied, bullied about what?

[@DD-jm5ug]

Yup. I do agree. Especially quiet bpd. I know I'm fragile, l'm unstable and unsure of who i am...i never know how to react. I constantly feel like I'm falling waiting to grab onto something to secure/stabilise me. Empty hollow feeling. It's just exhausting 😢

[@Nicefoolkilla]

I was the bully. I don't say that proudly.

[@James-Johnson313]

​@@Nicefoolkillamy pwBPD was too, in gradeschool and early highschool.

[@goldie7924]

@@Nicefoolkilla at least you learned from your ways. ❤️

[@Banana42699]

I don’t know if you get told this enough Dr. Fox but I appreciate all the work you put into your practice, how much you care for people with bpd and how many helpful resources you give to us to help ourselves. Also with lack of money it’s seriously such a help to us all. I recently bought your card deck and have been trying to work on that every night. Keep doing what you’re doing ❤

[@JDforeveralone]

I can only join your comment - appreciation and many thanks to Dr Fox!

[@Taylor-Crawford]

This is gonna be painfully difficult but I'm here for it because YOU Dr. Fox appear to be the only well-educated person on BPD on the planet. "Mental Health Treatment" nowadays is abhorrently inadequate insufficient and counterproductive.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.

[@Taylor-Crawford]

@@DrDanielFox 👀 well, I call it as I see it. Thank you, for the acknowledgement and this platform to feel validated and seen.

[@MsRikkiTikki1]

Dr. Fox is seriously the best. I agree with you @taylorcrawfordwalkee7692 that Dr. Fox has the be the only person I’ve seen come out of the woodworks with an understanding and compassion for BPD! If the healthcare system was filled with people like Dr. Fox, maybe we wouldn’t feel so marginalized when it comes to getting help for ourselves! Have a great day!

[@Taylor-Crawford]

@@MsRikkiTikki1 👀👑👑👑 I wholeheartedly agree with you 😁 We actually have COMMUNITY here.

[@WhitePelicansareReal]

Absolutely one of your most informative videos, and thank you for it being longer! I am very familiar the “Early Maladaptive Schema’s”, I was wondering if you also use in therapy “Schema Modes” ? At first this concept was very daunting, but I keep going back to it and re-evaluate where I am at, and which ones still need work on. Perhaps you would consider doing a Part 2? 😊

[@VeronicaNicole4778]

I feel so grateful to be living in the day of KZbin because this kind of thing is so helpful to myself and I would be a lot worse off not having this daily help. There’s so many videos online nowadays that would’ve cost a lot of money to get the information back in the day. Thank you so so much!!! Looking forward to this one, too!

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@Nando_lifts2021]

When you become the brunt of jokes, sometimes you fire back. Stand up for yourself.

[@jameslutz3835]

The amount of work it takes to overcome these things feels overwhelming, but it's nice to hear them brought up in a manner that makes them seem manageable

[@howdy1312]

I was just recently diagnosed with BPD. Ive had deep internal shame about who i am as a person my whole life. I feel irreparably damaged as a person. As a result i am a perfectionist and push myself to perform beyond my capabilities.

[@DrDanielFox]

Please resist this negative self talk. I wish you well. Find adaptive strategies to help you.

[@debbiehanson8967]

Exactly

[@Pandademic42]

I don’t outburst or anger outwardly, but I do it to myself or internally a lot. Emotional deprevation I didn’t know was a thing, but is absolutely something I hit often 😢

[@janarama8029]

For me, this is the most dangerous component of the disorder. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that you were going to address being in invalidating atmosphere as well.

[@POPTART321]

I wish other pple in our lives understood this concept. No one wants to feel like this. It's very difficult

[@jennylynnculbertson9086]

I spend all day trying not to believe myself I'm building the skills ❤

[@DrDanielFox]

I wish you well.

[@user-ul8ys8vb2k]

I was diagnosed a year ago although it is mild and manageable but this video showed up on my feed and it's been one of the hardest things to me to work on. My self doubt guilt and shame often take over it's so overwhelming,, thank you for this video

[@carolineprenoveau7655]

About feeling incompetent. Many years ago, I wanted to move from my place (I was living with a roommate at the time). I found an apartment and I found friends to help me move. I did my absolute best to tell nobody so that my parents wouldn't know so they wouldn't come to help me. I wanted to do it by myself to prove to myself that I'm not a complete idiot and I can move by myself. I was very anxious and unsure of myself but I wanted to do it anyways. My parents still found out afterwards and wanted to help, and criticized my choices and my behavior. I know it may sound good that they wanted to help, but it really isn't. Help is supporting someone, not doing everything for them so they become crippled. I was angry that they came to help. I didn't ask them to. I felt invaded. I just wanted to do something completely on my own as an adult for christ sake.

[@sunbeam9222]

I understand. Create new opportunities to do so :)

[@ABB14-11]

Sounds like they have a pattern of hindering your autonomy.

[@sassyslsgrl]

This channel has been such a huge part of my healing journey ❤️

[@brillent8412]

The best therapist I’ve watched so far

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you 😊

[@juliah5038]

It's almost funny how I find myself clicking on your BPD videos out of curiosity, being convinced that "this behavior is nothing like me" and when Dr Fox rephrases the title within the first minute of the video my jaw drops as I recognize myself in the description.

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m so glad my material is helpful for you. Be well.

[@bitzbytes5242]

Maladaptive Schema would be a hard ass rapper name

[@sarahvenezia9637]

This made me laugh ❤

[@KimberlyCruz-tv4wz]

Nah fr

[@patriciagss2024]

Doctor, I was diagnosed with bpd and bipolar. Losing a child is the most terrible feeling for anyone...but for me, as a borderline, it's been unbearable for years...my grief has lasted in such an intense feeling for almost 14 years. My daughter passed away when she was 14 at the end of 2009...I tried to commit suicide twice. I feared losing my daughter and it happened... I feared losibg my daughter even after my own dearh seeing her from the other side and being unable to avoid it...and it happened before me..I failed .. I can't find peace... thanks from Brazil ..

[@Crystalquartz964]

@patriciagimenes4627 So very sorry to hear of your daughter's death at the age of 14. Sending you love and I hope you have someone helping and supporting you.

[@Infiniteeverything8]

🫂

[@uxtalzon]

Severe ("low-functioning") BPD here. I'm many bricks short of a wall when it comes to socializing. I was constantly evaluated as kid in school. Maybe they thought I was on the spectrum? I never understood or cared. My parents had low hopes about me for decades since. I think it's all normal, but everyone has been saying how concerned they are. I try to see it from their point of view. The "I don't know" near the end is me. I keep getting told that I'm not "getting it", but I don't know what "it" is. 18:50 is very true, but life itself has standards and expectations, though. Everyone around me are sort of resigned that I may never be independent and live normally as most people do. Their concern now is how I'll keep on living like this at some sort of very diminished capacity. Without support, I'm destined for homelessness or something. I don't know. The days just keep passing. I've been going through DBT for two years and I can tell the therapist and my family are beyond frustrated.

[@jennylynnculbertson9086]

🫂 Be easy on yourself Our hearts allready hurt enough Be your friend This is hardest part for me I feel it physically jyst hearing the words Be nice to yourself

[@Fadwaspiritual]

Sleep to self concept subliminals, develop a mindfulness practice

[@dimpletoadfoot8631]

I used to say all kinds of bad crap about myself, but I started Thought Screaming those bad thoughts away. Like telling Gollum to "go away and nevermind come back!". You know what happened? Those thoughts stopped coming back :) it took about a month of work, but Thought Screaming (my own term) helped me stop waisting so much time in my day on talking crap about myself.

[@sparklesandsmog]

i do this as well. i yell at the thought to shut the he** up and not be so cruel to me.

[@user-zr4ci7oc9t]

💕 I am so grateful that you can present information freely like this. I’ve brought two of your books and they’ve been a godsend to my life. I realised I have abusers in my head, even though I may not be subjected to the same kind of abuse anymore doesn’t mean they don’t still live within my mind. I feel pain in my chest everyday like lava simmering away, my emotional pain hurts so much it feels physical. I can’t pinpoint where this pain comes from but today I decided to note when my pain is worse, and now I am convinced this is in relation to my early maladaptive schemas and the thought loops I go through. I have hope that when I work through this, my pain could lessen. I have hope. Thank you dr Daniel fox 💞

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you and I’m glad it was helpful.

[@shani_sth]

I’ve been struggling with extreme self-shame/self-hatred and all these anxious thoughts about how others perceive me for over a decade now, mainly due to trauma since early childhood. I‘m not diagnosed (yet) with BPD, but I show almost all signs. I made an appointment with my GP to get a diagnosis, but in my mind I always come back to „I’m just exaggerating, it’s not BPD and it’s just all in my mind“ and just want to cancel that appointment. Seeing this video kinda made me come back to the mindset „I need to get the help NOW, before I’ll do things I’ll regret“. Thank you for all these videos.

[@lauramcclain8651]

A GP shouldn’t be diagnosing a personality disorder .

[@amber40494]

GP can recommend someone

[@KaylaMarie-ox8le]

Whether or not it's BPD it seems you are legitimately struggling. I hope things turn around for the better no matter what the cause is

[@MabelRD08]

This channel is so good. It has helped me a lot to better understand BPD and how messed up I get😭😔😩 Thank you Dr Fox

[@DrDanielFox]

Shame video comment response

[@geniebaby2000]

Dr. Fox, I'm really grateful that you have shared such a vast amount of resources online for people who struggle to get help otherwise. You easily gave me the tools to put myself in a better place mentally. I'm still growing and learning everyday, but without the compassion and knowledge you share on your channel and in your book, I don't know how long it would have taken me to get here. I feel so much better than I did a year ago, and I'm much stronger.

[@diberg123]

Thank you Dr. Fox. I have learned so much from you. Thankfully the LORD has provided a therapist for me that is able to help with core beliefs, trauma and dbt. Every time I listen to you I learn something about myself. Someone in my life taught me: uncover, discover, recover and that the process is experiential and incremental. Without talented, knowledgeable therapists with appropriate boundaries, those of us with bpd or traits would truly be without hope. Thank you, thank you, thank you for educating and extending hope to those of us that suffer. If it had not been for finding your videos on KZbin my realization of bpd traits would not have been possible. Believe me, I'm 60 and have been in and out of therapy my whole adult life. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to actually participate in healing. I'm blessed beyond measure that my children can watch as Mom gets to change and live life in a new way. It frees them, after all they grew up with a crazy me as their role model. Thank you again and keep putting this information out there. THERE IS HOPE AND HEALING!

[@goldie7924]

You are so blessed. My children hold my bPd against me

[@JDforeveralone]

@@goldie7924 feeling for you! They should not hold it against you - we all carry pur burdens from our upbringig and even our parents and so on (passed down inherited trauma - Gabor Mate speaks a lot about it). After learning about all this stuff I finally was able to reconcile with my own self and overcome the resentment I harboured for over 40 years against mum. She was a victim herself of her background. I really do hope that your kids will realise this and help you on your journey of healing. I recommend they watch Gabor Mate clips.

[@jennylynnculbertson9086]

I am 49 have so much mom guilt I was and am horrible It's hardest part They don't deserve it I'm happy you are better❤ I hope mine will see the same Idk whre to turn

[@goldie7924]

@@JDforeveralone thank you.. I'll check into her. Wishing you the best.

[@goldie7924]

@@jennylynnculbertson9086 you can only look forward. Don't let your thoughts take hold and get stuck in the mud as I call it. Even a new moment of new for you to start feeling better, being the person you want to be, going for your dreams, even if by a step! Prayers, thoughts, and big hug. PS when I heard Dr Fox explain the self shaming and guilt I finally could understand and let go. Please watch it.

[@sarahrichmond5884]

watching this video makes me feel heard. thank you so much for all the work you do for BPD awareness, and explaining how we are victims of abuse. you are helping so many people, I hope you know that

[@michelekurlan2580]

Not impossible to stop the self-shaming, just monumental...like Mt. Everest. ¡Aye yi yi yi yi! This is good, some excellent metaphors, and it's true.

[@randilynn2422]

Wow! I can’t believe how you were able to articulate how I feel inside. You have an absolute gift. Dr. Fox you give me hope that I’m gonna get better. I have your book! Thank you for your presence and patience with us. I know we are hard.

[@DrDanielFox]

You are so welcome!

[@Jordan-s4q]

Very grateful I found this video today. The self shame has been kicking my ass this week and was getting to the point today where I was thinking about taking the exit. But this made me feel less like a lost cause, maybe I’ll keep fighting my mind a lil bit longer.

[@DrDanielFox]

Stay strong and push back as best you can.

[@qwertyuiopasd870]

i have all those schemas and finally find out what happened in my body. this problem actually have bothered me since i was 10.now i know the reason and i can solve it targeytedly. thank you.

[@KatJ3st]

Dr Fox you're a lifesaver! I share your videos on a Facebook BPD support group. I let people know BPD is not your identity. You can truly change your mind and change your life

[@ugotugot]

Hello Dr.fox I have been reading and practicing your books and videos and as someone who suffers from quiet bpd from the age of 19 to 32 now, it just feels freeing to hear how you break the Maladaptive patterns and having some sense to all the internal chatter that never stops. It feels like a never ending fight with yourself to function and have a sense of meaning and purpose in a world that you feel like you lack the tools and emotional armor and support to succeed or even be part of. I appreciate your work and the way you talk to your viewers and patients and being very supportive and caring, to me you are a godsend gift that helps me to understand myself better and helps brake the immense stress and guilt that i feel from not functioning well in life and for not "living up to my potential" at least that's how i feel it. so really for everything thanks a lot

[@212samsam]

Dude. I was doing this research about npd and convinced myself I had it even though I've been told by several therapists that I'm bpd. Doing so cost me everything that mattered to me. But the research felt good because I was like okay this confirms I'm worthless because clearly I hurt everyone I love because I can't help it. But this channel on the other hand. Well it hits the nail on the head. It doesn't feel good, because this is making me really look in the mirror and seeing what's really wrong and knowing I can do better and feeling like it's too late because I already lost the person I love. This channel hurts, in the way that maybe I can do better, and I'm going to learn everything I can to do better. Like I know the pain might never go away, but I really want to do better.

[@thehistoricalcollaborator]

Thanks

[@DrDanielFox]

You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. It means a lot when people help support the cause of putting out honest and research based information. Thank you and be well.

[@susanpinkston3355]

Thanks!

[@DrDanielFox]

You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. It means a lot when people help support the cause of putting out honest and research based information. Thank you and be well.

[@gabrielavanderlinden]

You are a gift. I just bought your workbook, and just like your videos it is filled with empathy and compassion, and above all a resounding confidence that BPD is a disorder that can be overcome. I hope you know how many people you are helping, and how incredibly grateful each and every one of those people feel when they have the good luck to find you at the bottom of their darkest hole. Myself included. I have no doubt that your intelligence, kindness and generosity (so many videos!!) has made the critical difference in many desperate moments. Thank you Dr. Fox.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you. Be well

[@bj9999-bj9]

Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us. I found a couple of Maladaptive actions I can stop doing. Cheers!

[@Stenko222]

Dr Fox hits the nail square on the head. He " gets in" so comprehensively.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thanks 😊

[@021water5]

im really grateful for this channel. I can be so judgemental to myself and so can the world but I feel understood when I listen to you💛

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m so glad it’s helpful for you and I wish you all the best.

[@zsuzsa-q7r]

I was just aboit to go to self shaming and hate when i found this video. Still, i had enough, every time i drag myself out of misery and start hoping, life will crash me and put me into an even darker place. So fed up

[@anastasiamurawski6179]

Wow!! I've never heard this stuff before. I have been in therapy of one sort or another for decades now and I was starting to believe that I didn't really have this disorder, but I've been watching a lot of videos on the topic of BPD and I guess I do have it, the shame that goes with it can be overwhelming at times. I think my brother who died by suicide a couple of years ago had it too but was undiagnosed. I also have bipolar 2 and the therapy I get is not the best, I live in rural part of the midwest and social services is the best I do for now. But my brother was well off and lived in more of an urban setting where he could see whichever doctor he wanted to see(sometimes the therapy in the city can be better, not always though). I was matched with a person who tried to treat me using DBT and other methods but it didn't work out. She sort of gave up on me, the program was very difficult, there's a lot to learn and remember. And fear always gets in my way too. Especially fear of change. But I want to change and improve myself, it's just finding the right help for me is also difficult. I see you have written some books on the subject and I plan to seek them out. I wish I had a therapist like you, you seem very non judgemental and I enjoy your use of analogy to explain it all, makes it easier to digest. I subscribed and look forward to seeing your other videos. Thank you so much.

[@rdaniel4574]

It's worth you going to the city to find a therapist who specializes in bpd, or psychiatrist. Don't let your location paralyze you, go!

[@KaylaMarie-ox8le]

Hi. How are you doing now?

[@danderson4740]

I am familiar with the buffalo story. It's an excellent metaphor for the struggle of pushing through BPD to get out of the rain and into the sun.

[@steffnic13]

I’ve never been diagnosed with BPD, but I have been Dx with severe CPTSD. At the end of the day, and diagnosis aside, these are traits I exhibit. So either I confront it head on or it rules my life. Thank you for this content.

[@Sadness_is-a-VOID]

You’re so wise, thank you so much for these videos! All of this is given freely, no charge and it’s really appreciated thank you!! I recently have been diagnosed with BPD and I’ve been trying to learn as much as I can and there isn’t a lot of information out there. Thank you!

[@jackiegrice714]

This is a great video Dr. Fox. It’s chock full of excellent and pertinent information. I saw a myself a couple times in those maladaptive schemas. It just shows me areas I need to keep working on. I love seeing your longer format videos. I know you put a lot of work into creating content for us-thank you!

[@Helen-cc8wl]

So so helpful and clear as always . A master communicator. Thank you .

[@synappticuser7296]

Thank you Dr Fox, for speaking so clearly and candidly about BPD. It is so helpful, to have someone who knows the condition well, give talks about it in a very healthy way. It immediately improves my self-acceptance, as well as giving me a complete tool kit with which to self treat, understand, and heal. 🙋🤝

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm glad you found my talk helpful! It's so important to have someone who understands the condition and can provide valuable insights.

[@stellabandante2727]

Dr. Fox, I really appreciate your manner. You offer information that is matter of fact, but gentle and encouraging.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@poorva3541]

Extremely helpful doctor Fox! Thankyou❤

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad it was helpful!

[@TinaVon]

Love to see im still 100%-ing tests at 27 and not in school lol circumstances made me almost forget i was diagnosed with bpd. Only recently after ive been experiencing some ROUGH weeks did i remember oh ya this might be related to that disorder i got...i hope i can work harder and push myself to work on myself. For those around me and myself most importantly. Thanks for doing what you do

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@Niqabnelliedti]

I wonder if this is related to taking things very literally because I believe everything people say about me usually. When me and my husband were dating I remember him saying “What’s the point of being with someone if you don’t love everything about them? Why not be obsessed with each other?” And for about a year I became extremely clingy to him until he asked me why I was acting so obsessed like I can’t breathe without him. He was very patient with me, but I always believed every little thing and got angry when he didn’t act “obsessed” with me the way I expected

[@thechaostrials1964]

Thank you Dr. Fox. I am so glad I found your channel. I was recently diagnosed with BPD. (My whole life they said I was Bipolar.) I'm finding your channel very helpful.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for your comment! It means a lot to me to know that my channel is making a difference in people's lives. Your support and feedback motivate me to keep creating content that can help others. Wishing you all the best on your journey.

[@Shortkonner]

Very interested in this thank you❤

[@TruthRocker]

Thank YOU So incredibly much Doctor Fox for being the change in a much needed world!!!! ❤❤❤❤

[@inspiredmenow5053]

If i got someone like you in my life may be my life is better earlier.. My therapist give me therapy for 4 months and said that's it. Some symptoms are improved but nobody tell about these things. You are doing well. May be some day i got ur appointment .

[@mac-ju5ot]

Looking forward to this

[@danronen4535]

Thank you.

[@DrDanielFox]

You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. It means a lot when people help support the cause of putting out honest and research based information. Thank you and be well.

[@joeyjo7553]

Wow every single video you have posted for the past 3 months has come at a perfect timing. Thank you so much!!

[@kayzeethecat9333]

You are doing such important work. Thank you.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@danielhernandez-fo3mj]

i hit on pritty much all of these ...... lately I've been in a bad shame game for like 4 days since for some reason I'm noticing how easy my rejection issues are triggered just my eye doc saying so your sure you have ms has sent me into this 4 day self shame issue .... so ironic you posted this as I'm struggling and i literally fit all of these guess its why I'm bpd with avodent traits ....... my shame in childhood came form almost everywhere teachers friends there parents then getting locked up i literally don't see my true value anymore ..... and i just flo through life trying not to be considered a problem ..... the as my mutlple sclerosis has gotten worse and i need a mobility aid I'm triggered even more eazyly and even tell people I'm not confadent in my new normal and I'm truly not ...... im gonna have to rewatch this agen cuz i don't know how to brake this and its even more crazy cuz my partner is at the point you talk about were he feels like it two agenst one and how he wont talk to me when im like this cuz im just being a cry lala and not push back agesnt it ..... but i literally have all these shemas and just watching this makes me go well fuck ..... its so automatic to feel shame even when something is supoused to be helpful and i truly even find it helpful ....... this is where all my core issues lie i know it my therapist even says its closely related to my ptsd to cuz of how much rejection i had in my childhood .... and then add my over dependence onmy mom to do things for me and make me feel better .... this video hit everything ..... even my obsession wiht the kid alex who wen i lost his friendship i lost myself and ended up trying to kill myself and drove me to my episode of trying to kill my sisters it was the key component to when i completely lost it ....... a lot of things i have to think about ... thanks for the grate insight dr fox

[@RenegadeSolutions]

First, I want to thank you for your compassionate approach to education. Your videos have helped me the most, of all the research I've conducted. Thank you. I also want to ask you your opinion regarding meditation as treatment, as my meditation practice has helped me in the same way I see DBT helping others.

[@karajamieson9574]

Dr fox, finding these videos has been a saving grace on understanding how to deal with the things i felt but didnt understand , i want to say thank you for helping me truly understand myself after all these years. Thank you so much.

[@DrDanielFox]

You are very welcome. Please be well.

[@ryanbarker3978]

This is probably my favorite video I've seen from you yet. Incredibly insightful, thank you Doctor Fox!

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@dinovugic7701]

Thank you, doc. You are a lifesaver!

[@helix577]

Thank you, Dr. Fox. This was a great video for me, because it hit those early habits that I've been maintaining in situations to, I think maintain some sort of control. Things are making much better sense since I started watching your videos. I've been going to therapy for about 15 years, and your videos are like gifts to me, to understand finally what's going on, and to have hope that one day I will have full control, or at least enough tools to battle my BPD appropriately. ❤

[@naturelover-f6h]

Thank you for this. I am going through schema therapy and it's helped alot. One of my top 3 is enmeshment and I think that has alot to do with being married to a narcissist. We have been together for 35 years and it's like I am not allowed to have my own self. If I want privacy, then I'm secretly hiding something or cheating, etc. Then his accusations trigger me big time. it's a horribly partnership.

[@sjensen9024]

Wow! Thank you. It took listening to this several times to get it.

[@Gabbavides]

Thank you Dr. Fox. This video was unbelievably helpful

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@dramatriangle]

This video was super helpful and informative. Thank you! I’m going to try re-watching it several times and maybe showing it to my mental health counselor as well.

[@JWolff-md3ij]

Argh...I can feel it in my stomach that this is what I'm about all my life. I watched quite a few of your videos now. These schemas.. I have maybe all but one and I even recognized one for my daughter. What I don't have is this tendency you speak of that says I need to "feel worse to feel better". I also feel very panicky often, but I suppress this so most ppl don't know about it. I isolate, I talk to myself (whole conversations), If sb hurts my feelings or is critical I become scared of them (like my wife) . I also have a near panic-attack with confrontation unless I'm too angry to feel things. I go off on people when I drive also all the time. I constantly look to be wronged. I'm a mess. I wish 1) That you had openings and 2) you could practice in the state of SC. I'm not clicking with anyone I've "interviewed" yet.

[@Coito907]

Extreme helpful! I could relate to several. I had that enmeshment growing up with my parents and it made it hard to become my own person earlier on so I was a late bloomer.

[@tynaturkova361]

Amazing, so eye openig. Thank You so much! 🙏🙂❤

[@DrDanielFox]

You are so welcome

[@hotfudgecake]

i have all of these except the helplessness / dependence one. and maybe the enmeshment one. its crazy , im almost 40 and just now realizing all this but its definitely better late than never and everything makes more and more sense to me now. i also , looking back, see some of these traits were in my former partners . ive dated guys that spoke of some unhappy childhoods but never thought they might have BPD traits themselves. i always blamed everything on myself lol. (shocker) but that also helps me realize maybe everything wasnt my fault, we all probably have some maladaptive schemas to some degree..

[@sunbeam9222]

Same. Which is comforting really. It wasn't our fault. Nor theirs. I believe everyone is already actually doing their best and we cannot act above our level of consciousness at any given time.

[@randomkiliinterviews9453]

Is there a resource that expands on this very topic extensively ? I think this goes right to the core of a lot of things ! The BPD workbooks , even the great one I have, does not go into this much at all.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm glad you found this topic so important! There are definitely resources out there that can provide more in-depth information on it.

[@Hasanreak]

Well I was sa’d as a child, there were times we were lined up against a wall, lifted by our throats , feet off the ground, I see EVERYTHING, but I’m afraid of people, I choose to be alone, I’m happy, I need no one else….

[@DanielBorro]

I have a bad bpd episode and begin to self shame and it just destroys any progress I have made I try to break the cycle but some days it is so hard to break free

[@evelynhoward8325]

I totally get this. I'm doing it now. I can't stop

[@supacalafragalistic]

Omg so excited!

[@cravingattention2771]

This was very informative, thank you!

[@justinrobinson7954]

Doc, I love your videos they help me understand myself more!!! I would really like to obtain your workbook

[@niksims4]

Thank you for these videos ❤

[@fionaedwards561]

I totally get this…… thanks for your work.

[@yomommazkitchen]

this was such a good video.

[@somes3cretcat]

I thought my chronic shame stemmed from my ocd mainly… but it seems like it’s mainly been stemming from my emeshment and under developed self. I feel guilty and ashamed a lot for no apparent reason, it’s just this empty feeling that comes when it pleases and I feel like I have to run home to my comfort zone and see my mom and family and spend time with them. It’s exhausting and I’m referred to as a homebody, but I think it runs deeper than that and it scares me.

[@DrDanielFox]

It takes courage to self-reflect and acknowledge these feelings. Remember, you're not alone in this journey.

[@DaPoofDaPoofDaPoofDa]

Bless this channel

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

Love ❤️ from Paris thank you so much doctor

[@StupidSillyDrawings]

Thank you for this video😢

[@rijd2304]

The mindfulness meditation book "30 Days to Overcome Loneliness" by Daniels was a good help.

[@windrock]

And having early maladaptive schemas and shame. Bullying from signicant adults and peers, i used alcohol and marijuana to cope which created i believe further psychotical issues and paranoia and being in unstable relationships. Now in my 50's and for the last 15 years having unstable employment for my mental health. I am free of substance misuse and now challenging behaviour and all the other stuff from the years. Believing that i can reintegrate joy and purpose without reliving the past. What a ride. Complex and not wamting to isolate amymore for all the shame. Gently gently ♥️

[@DrDanielFox]

It sounds like you've been through a lot, but it's amazing to hear about your journey toward healing and growth. Keep moving forward!

[@littlep420]

7:29 thisssss. i cant pin point what exactly, but im gemini & i always feel like im two people but sometimes im like ugh what if its bpd or a mental thing? & it always confuses me cuz i jus want to push that negative self out of a plane like what you said 😭

[@DrDanielFox]

It's common to have conflicting thoughts and feelings. It's important to reflect on your emotions and seek support if needed.

[@NPC19191]

I went on three days with this guy and he commented that I carry a lot of shame with me 😢

[@DrDanielFox]

I would encourage you to take that with a grain of salt and ask yourself some questions. Why is this individual talking about your level of shame, does it impact how you see the world, and how can you explore it for yourself to manage and control your level of shame.

[@dimitrisgonatas2264]

Thnx I was thinking about shame today. My father told me when I was a kid that I shouldn't laugh so much couse girls don't like it they like serious guys, and that's one of the things I remember and I have a lot of deferent ways I encounter with people and I don't feel authentic ,not to others only but to me as well and my identity gets confused im sometimes happy im some times depressed im never OK. When I say I'm OK I mean im sad

[@tonyabroughton2531]

Thanks so much 😃🦋🌈🌞

[@DrDanielFox]

You are so welcome

[@visionarymuse]

I really got these going on: i’ve been diagnosed

[@DrDanielFox]

I hope you found the video helpful. Be well

[@tamarab.7812]

Thank you Dr. Fox! I have your workbook and card deck and also follow you on Instagram. I’ve been through a lot of bad therapists and currently don’t have one, so you are my life line for help with my bpd! I can’t thank you enough for everything you do! ❤️

[@DrDanielFox]

You are so welcome

[@ainhoamonasterio2736]

I'm almost 50 and have got every single one of those schemas. None of my therapists ever gives me the tools to develop adaptative strategies and my illness has gone from bad to literally stopping me from having a life at all. Even if I found a therapist that actually knew what he or she is doing, how long would it take for me to learn those strategies and start getting positive results? I fear it's too late for me and the patterns are so rooted that I'm unfixable. Have you had cases of people that were succesful at gaining emotional stability and adaptative behaviours even though they began therapy late in life? Thank you in advance for your answer.

[@chel103168]

My supervisor is a narcissistic like my mom was and he enjoys teasing me. I've explained my brain can't tell the difference between teasing and abuse. He continously tells me to stop talking and start listening, has joked I need a shock collar and more. It got so bad I was having panic attacks. I'm working with Hr and the executive director and when they told him to stop teasing people he said it's his personality. I don't understand why he expects me to change but is unwilling to change himself. I don't know how to handle this.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It takes courage to speak up and seek help. You're not alone in dealing with this.