Is Watching Pornography Cheating? | Dr. Doug Weiss

Get a therapy session scheduled today by calling 719-278-3708.
Is watching pornography considered cheating? A question that has been asked around the world, is finally being answered by Licensed Psychologist, Dr. Doug Weiss.
If you’re struggling with pornography, you’re not alone. Get our sexual recovery starter kit here: www.drdougweis...
If you’re the Partner of someone struggling with pornography, there is support and healing. Call 719-278-3708 to schedule a betrayal trauma session with a counselor.
To get into a support group if your partner is cheating, call us at 719-278-3708 or go to:
www.drdougweis...
www.drdougweis...
For the Partner Betrayal Trauma Book, go to: www.drdougweis...
You can get Upgrade Your Sex Life at: www.drdougweis...
For more information about sex addiction, go to: sexaddict.com
0:00 Video Start
0:39 Pain & Trauma from Pornography
1:25 Is it spiritually cheating?
2:05 Is it emotionally cheating?
3:24 Is it physically cheating?
3:58 Sex Addiction help
4:18 Is Pornography infidelity?
9:15 Conclusion

[@Monaaa1031]

So glad I’m not the only one who feels this way

[@sunglory4488]

منم

[@evandegenfelder4554]

I think I have to comment here about comparing a physical relationship to pornography. Do I think porn is cheating? I most certainly do. My husband (of nearly 39 years), is a man I have looked up to, respected and adored for 40 years. I have recently found out he has had a completely separate and secret life of PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm) for more than 30 years. I found out accidentally. My world as I've known it is just...gone. Every memory, every event in our life is now colored differently. I often wish it had been an actual affair. An affair with a woman or even two would not seem as devastating to me as the hundreds of thousands of women he has essentially had sex with over 30 years. All the while lying and keeping a HUGE secret for nearly all of our married life. Pornography changed his personality, his ability to deal with life and even physically (PIED). I realize that a woman who must deal with her husband's actual physical affair is traumatized and devastated. All I'm saying is the porn can completely devastate the soul of a woman, reduce her self esteem and self confidence to nothing and make her feel life is not worth living. I know because that's where I am.

[@msbichongirl]

My first husband cheated on me with hiding his alcolholism and affairs with other women. I waited to get remarried and thought I had found the perfect man. Four years into our marriage I accidentally found him watching porn and trying to take care of himself. This happened on and off throughout the next year. I finally went to counseling. I have been going to counseling for over 2 1/2 years. I don't feel any better. It is hard when I am continuing to live through the same thing throught the year. My husband has finally admitted that he has a porn addiction and is going to counseling. But he will go to great lengths to watch it before he would consider finding me. It hurts more than a person can explain. He continues to lie to myself and the couselor about how he is doing. I have been looking for a support group in my area but I have not found anything. I understand what you are going through. You have my prayers.

[@evandegenfelder4554]

"It hurts more than a person can explain." You don't have to explain to me, I know EXACTLY how you feel. We are working on our marriage, but it is incredibly hard to do anything when I'm so hurt and no longer trust anything he says. There's very little professional help (of this type) where we live, PNW, so we're doing what we always do: DIY. Read books, take free online courses, journal, talk, talk, talk... If I didn't love him so much, have two kids with him and 40+ years invested, I would've walked away........@@msbichongirl

[@angela9167]

There’s plenty of help out there …. For the men!! None for the victim, wife.

[@kellysmith9905]

@@angela9167 There are many excellent groups for women to heal. Flying Free with Natalie Hoffman, Wilderness to WILD, and others. They get it, you don't have to explain yourself. Either group you will find immense help. Flying Free podcast is excellent. Betrayal Trauma Recovery is excellent.....Dr. Omar Minwalla speaks of the secret sexual basement and explains why it's so destructive even when we don't know about it. The damage was being done to the entire family even while we didn't know about it. Hugs!

[@harmonyhandsbytami]

Is there a group of women who can help each other and talk because I am devastated by it and I don’t know how to recover or even deal with this type of pain

[@newniea21]

I’m sorry but I do not fully agree with this . I have experienced both ACTUAL infidelity and Pornography “cheating” and they both hurt and are equally painful. Pornography is often times hidden , done in secret , and leads to other behaviors like physically cheating , or sexually neglecting your partner because you are now getting your needs met by the pornography. Pornography also often happens when you as the women may be sick or cannot physically have sex for a period of time such as after childbirth. You then feel even more Worthless and traumatized that your partner didn’t even have the decency to care enough about you to wait to fulfill their sexual needs .

[@journeytrials]

Is man supposed to not have sex You once he’s married? Why do women think a man’s need is something to downplayed or suppressed??

[@newniea21]

@@journeytrials who said he’s not supposed to have sex ? Obviously he’s supposed to be having sex with his wife 💀 and my god if he can’t control himself or withstand 6 weeks after childbirth until his wife heals then that’s a weak man. How would you feel as a man if you sustained an injury and you couldn’t have sex for 6 weeks , and instead of waiting your wife goes and has sex with someone else ?

[@journeytrials]

@@newniea21 that’s not my point about waiting six weeks in a life span, I’m talking about when you said she no longer capable of having sex. You are so dishonest!

[@newniea21]

@@journeytrials reading and comprehension are not your strong suit ehh? I wasn’t dishonest about a single thing . Obviously if it’s a lifetime of no sex than that’s a different situation that would require a different discussion. Stop assuming things. I pity whatever person gets involved with you 🙄

[@journeytrials]

@@newniea21 oh the insults!! Don’t be a $unt! How about you be nice 😊 to stranger!!

[@scorpiobaby93]

I have always thought if your partner had to go behind your back and keep it a secret from you is blatantly cheating.

[@LeandraJonkers-b1r]

It's really so painful 💔

[@ashleykathryn9038]

I would agree, usually porn addiction leads to acting out physically with someone else. That was my experience with a sex addict.

[@Un3thical]

Not everyone is a sex addict

[@djeulette9258]

I've been cheated on both in the actual physical and with him using porn. To me it feels exactly the same. His sex addiction started before he met me... which I did not know until recently. So, he's been actively addicted to porn, sleaze clubs, etc. our entire relationship. It's been utterly devastating. Eventually if they are addicted long enough, the porn is not enough and they need more than just a visual. And most of them don't want to give it up, not even to save their relationships. This is a "Sick & Evil" addiction just like drugs. It's ruining marriages everywhere. I would rather stay singe for the rest of my life than to deal with a sex addict ever again.

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm so sorry that you have dealt with this in your relationship. If my team can help you out in any way, please contact my office at 719-278-3708 and they can get you connected to a partner betrayal trauma therapist and one of our support groups as well.

[@Lynn-dx9gj]

I feel exactly the same! I left my partner because all he did was lie, gaslight me, minimize, invalidate, etc. The "final night" I brought it up, I was crying in distress, and he tried every trick in the book to solve the issue FOR HIMSELF - not an OUNCE of concern for ME! Even in the incredibly short moment of truth (it was 99.9% lies), his concern was for his own shame, which impacted HIS well-being - NOT for my hurt, which he easily brushed off/minimized! He told me I was too sensitive because I was a woman (he brought up other points from the online article "His Porn, Her Pain - but Why?" - obviously written by a fellow addict!). My having a literal BREAKDOWN did NOT move that man. Any feelings I had left for him died that night, and I made an "exit plan" and kicked him out (he was narcissistic and abused me in other ways too, and I had to call the police to actually get him out of my home because he started trying to love bomb, blame-shift, and otherwise manipulate me, surprise surprise!). He has been trying to get back with me, but STILL doesn't admit the truth - though since that last night, it wouldn't matter to me anymore WHAT he did. I am DONE. I KNOW he would have physically cheated if he could have found his "ideal body" in real life. Nothing would have stopped him. He (as a 60 year old man) had taken to staring at young (teens and early twenties maybe) girls, wishing that I had their bodies. All this does, being with a man like that, is cause PAIN AND TRAUMA to women. Being with a man who is USING your body to live out fantasies of other nude women??!!! What is there for a woman to want there?!! I don't know, for the LIFE of me, how I'd trust another man, going forward - when I ALSO read that 70 to 95% of men use porn. I've also read (from a study) that men over 60 are the WORST, with a 92% usage. So no hope for an older man being different...being wiser. And on top of this, with all the women on here describing how their husbands have kept it secret for DECADES, HOW could I put myself into a situation where the same seems likely to happen? No, I'm learning to be alone, at peace. If cheating physically (and I'd argue porn IS physical, since masturbation and orgasm are involved) is worse, it can't be by a whole lot - and if it IS, what difference does it really make? The end result is the same, where you have a man who is LUSTING, and the lies, etc that follow along into that. My long-term partner who used porn and hid it and lied, etc, would have had literal sex with all of these women COULD HE HAVE. Isn't that enough?! Many of these men can't GET the "ideal body parts" they so crave.

[@feliciaforde5750]

I just want to say that my ex husband cheated on me and had sex with multiple other women 12 years ago. My current husband is obsessed with looking at other women and porn. Both are equally devastating and painful

[@renemardis9779]

Times have changed.....Old school porn is not the same and doesn't hold a candle to the depravity we are experiencing now with the age and evolution of the internet.....It is not the same as live zoom, interactive porn and sex . I believe its only going to get worse and worse.

[@fishstickbio594]

The answer is YES …..if you are in a relationship you should NOT have eyes for anyone than your partner ….divorce is in order . The same goes with the internet , sexting , camera sex ….or anything you do that is NOT with the partner .

[@marie-soleildauphinais9530]

Totally right !

[@Marinewife17]

Facts 💯

[@deborahwest3808]

I found it on my husband phone , he denied it !! Trust went and i never wanted him to touch me again. I divorced him . Bye 👋

[@terrivadino1321]

This is really where I’m just about at. The trust is totally out the window.

[@deborahwest3808]

@terrivadino1321 if he loved and respected you he would never be looking at other women .... respect yourself and walk away or stay and live a life of hurt and limbo . A relationship should be completely honest good or bad if you can't be honest there is no relationship 👍

[@janetlizarraga9376]

I feel robbed, cheated and having difficult time trusting

[@kimortegastrongwarriorbrid5334]

You are not having difficulty trusting. You can't trust. They can't trust themselves. If they don't get help and get to the root and heal. They can't be trusted. Don't gaslight yourself. Don't minimize it!!

[@mrgaiac]

@@kimortegastrongwarriorbrid5334 I appreciate your comment. We tend to forget that we get put in these positions

[@losgrza]

He had cheated on me with prostitute then watching half naked woman doing exercise like porn ..it hurts different but both make me feel ugly n unwanted

[@Belle-m20]

It is never you, they become like predators. It is so very sad.

[@LB-lt3pz]

You aren’t the problem!!! Halle Berry was cheated on by a sex addict!!!!! Halle frikken Berry!!!!! A drop dead gorgeous millionaire actress, and she wasn’t enough!!!!! ITS NOT YOU!!!!! He is the disgusting loser!🤮

[@donnasimmons2241]

I think Dr Weiss has this one wrong. In a physical affair at least he was truly tempted by a live person and that's understandable. But with pornography he is searching and lusting for just anything other than me. Thats more painful than an affair, hands down. Ive had both done to me and the porn is so much worse than an affair with another woman. Got this one wrong!!!

[@evandegenfelder4554]

For what it's worth, I couldn't agree more. If any woman could tell me that her husband/s.o. having AN affair or even two is worse than a man becoming addicted to PMO and keeping the huge secret for more than 30 YEARS, along with all the lies and secrecy----well, I wouldn't believe it. There is more to porn than simply betrayal. Porn literally CHANGES the person addicted to it. It changes their body, their mind, their SOUL. Their personality changes, they become angry, sullen, bad tempered, they lose contact with the real world and the real people in it; wife, children, etc. Their brain is in essence HIJACKED. It's been almost a year for us (since D-Day) and he has struggled all that time after stopping the PMO behaviors. It's a frightening and devastating thing and becoming so commonplace. . .

[@Lynn-dx9gj]

How could he REALLY, truly know. He hasn't lived through it! Blessings.

[@sissysp8924]

Lusting with the eyes is cheating but I agree physically is worse but still hurts both ways. Married 23 years my husband was 18. He is a good man but narcissist in ways. So trying to figure it out. Thank you

[@krissabel6155]

Narcissistic men are not good men

[@Dreamzs1]

Sure there’s a difference we aren’t stupid. There’s a difference in being stabbed in the stomach with a knife or being punched in the face with a nose bleed. They are both painful and different but one is way worse.

[@UnlockingYourEnergy]

Uh, which one is worse?

[@awomansstory.2019]

Yes. It retraumatizes me.

[@michaelfotifoti4892]

What about if your partner suddenly refuses to give intimacy or sex in the relationship for months

[@DrDougWeiss]

There could be several reasons as to why this is happening. You can check out these videos that dive into this topic as well as possible solutions. The Sex Starved Relationship: kzbin.info/www/bejne/eHuzaWR9rraIf7c Sexual Anorexia vs Intimacy Anorexia: kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWXYpq2Jaqalr9E The Sex Starved Marriage: kzbin.info/www/bejne/j5bMgmiJn9SHl5Y Sexless Marriage: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g5mnq3dqrcZno7M

[@sherryfreeman71]

We have been through recovery half a dozen times and we are 30 years in with no change. Now I don’t care anymore but he won’t touch me again. I’ve been deprived of a normal relationship and now I never want another one again.

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Sherry. I created this video series for women in your situation. It's called "He Needs to Change" www.drdougweiss.com/product/he-needs-to-change-dr-weiss-video-download/ It's for women who are in a relationship with a sex addict or intimacy anorexic and they aren't making the changes that are necessary for relational healing. If there's anything my team can do to support you, please give my team a call at 719-278-3708.

[@Belle-m20]

My husband has done it all. We were going to start the recovery program, then Satan came in with his last bite. 😢

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm sad to hear that this has happened to you. If you want to start getting healing and support for yourself, contact Heart To Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708 to get with one of our partner betrayal trauma therapists and join our Partners Facebook support group as well. You are not alone in this. facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/

[@Belle-m20]

@@DrDougWeiss Thank you for the Facebook link. I am needing all the help I can get.

[@lmiller1413]

Hugh Hefner didn't liberate women's sexuality like many say. He destroyed women and marriages everywhere. He is Satan's right hand.

[@shawnmccammon]

I appreciate the difficulty of navigating this topic. Both versions of infidelity are trauma inducing and painful and must be treated with the respect they deserve and one type of infidelity causes a whole 'nother layer of traumatic pain that must be recognized, validated, and addressed appropriately. Awareness and mercy for one another without trying to one-up each other playing the victim game in groups will go a long way towards healing for everyone.

[@kellysmith9905]

Interesting. I polled a large group of women and some said what you are saying and the majority who had experienced both porn cheating and in person cheating, said the porn was worse because we can never live up to those imaginary women/girls. As well as porn is 87% violent and there are all kinds of fetishes that their men/boys can't have sex without. Porn is completely focused on the cheaters pleasure where as in person can be both, often not with a cheater though. It contorts minds. Dr. Omar Minwalla who specializes in this explains the intense destruction of a secret sexual basement, I encourage you to listen.

[@wildolive53]

Def. YES! ur spouse feels betrayed! and spiritually it IS as well!

[@Milam8509]

Cheating by pornography also physical pain because he thought he can treat me like the pornography he watches and can no longer work due to his addiction to pornography!!!! By the way he also goes to bible study every week!!! Do I send a text telling his bible study pastor that he is fake ? and tell how he physically hurt me that I can no longer work or commit to babysitting my precious grandchildren because I’m avoiding a double disc cervical neck fusion with steel plate due to his pornography addiction!!’!!

[@dboyddon9697]

Healing mercies in Christ Jesus name 🙏🏽

[@yeganeniazi4436]

Please caption your videos thank you❤

[@carrolgrammon5893]

Does watching porn lead to cheating with a person?

[@DrDougWeiss]

Not necessarily, but it can make crossing the line a desire for that person that they may or may not choose to cross. Regardless it’s not helpful for building a safe relationship.

[@mysticmama_3692]

As someone who has experienced both actual infidelity from my husband and him looking at pornography...i 100% agree that the pain of ACTUAL infidelity is FAR worse. It is all consuming devastation...and it changes who you are forever. Yes, its painful when your partner is looking at porn instead of you...but the pain of infidelity is so all consuming that there just arent enough words to describe it. There is a REASON that Dante chose betrayal for the 9th circle of hell...it completely destroys, leaving a shell of a person in its wake. When i see people comparing this to real infidelity...its infuriating because they are so blissfully unaware of just how bad real betrayal trauma from infidelity is and im jealous of that innocence they have that i will never have again.

[@DrDougWeiss]

Your partner betrayal trauma from this is evident and I'm sorry you've had to experience this in your marriage. if you need support, reach out to my office at 719-278-3708 and my staff can get you booked with a therapist to help give you support and find healing from this.

[@mysticmama_3692]

@DrDougWeiss thank you for your response. It's been a month since discovery and both my husband and I are in therapy and we have begun marriage counseling. He's mature enough to admit that he has a problem and has dove head first into getting help. For years, he had this false narrative about me in his head...none of which was even remotely true but it was the way he viewed me nonetheless. It was made worse by his drinking. He was cold and distant and made me feel like I couldn't do anything right...so I stopped trying after a while. We will have been married 13 years this November, and for the first time in about 8 years I feel a slight bit of hope that our marriage can be better....despite the absolute pain of finding out He stepped out of the marriage for selfish reasons. Therapy is essential to us right now, especially me...and your videos not only help me, but are helpful to him to understand exactly what his choices have done and how to go about healing from this absolute trauma.

[@sherryfreeman71]

Physical or visual it doesn’t matter. It’s cheating.

[@bjg4002]

Yes and yes .

[@audreyperreault2036]

Jesus said: "If a man has Lust in his heart, he has already committed adultery.." Dr. Weiss says that Lust is not actual adultery?

[@Lynn-dx9gj]

That makes me angry (that Dr. Weiss denies it)!! If he went THROUGH it and felt the PAIN, maybe he'd sing a different tune.

[@cristinanunez5271]

I just found out last night that my boyfriend is addicted to porn. I am so hurt.. I don’t know what to do. I feel I’m not enough.

[@DrDougWeiss]

You are facing an incredibly painful situation right now. It's completely normal to feel hurt and question your own worth in moments like these. Please know that his behavior is not a reflection of your value or what you have to offer. You are in no way at fault for him watching porn. This struggle is deeper and more complex than you. I have a KZbin video called "My Boyfriend Won't Stop Watching Porn" that you would have helpful in validating what you've experienced, providing guidance and helpful resources to use: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fomXfo2mmNyamsU Healing is possible-for both you and him. If he is willing to seek help and take accountability, there is hope for recovery and restoration. However, if he chooses not to take steps toward change, he will continue to engage in this behavior. Nevertheless, it is important that you also focus on your healing during this time. Many partners experience partner betrayal trauma during situations like these and you deserve support as you navigate these emotions. If you are interested in our specialized counseling services and resources, you can call our office at 719-278-3708.

[@ipaycloseattention]

Well, Jesus says it is, so...

[@Lynn-dx9gj]

And I'll take Jesus's word over ANYONE else's!!!

[@leonsmith2216]

We are not alone wife. I usually blame myself for his actions.

[@georgeelliott6877]

No!, no STD’S, no unwanted children!

[@Un3thical]

Again with someone basing their argument on god… give me a break

[@Lynn-dx9gj]

No matter. You'll find out in the end!

[@LorenzoMasterConnector]

It’s not. It’s not right but it’s not.