Sexual Anorexia vs Intimacy Anorexia: What's the Difference? | Withholding Sex | Dr. Doug Weiss

[@lb3410]

I've been married 27 years and you just completely described my marriage. I can't believe somebody understands, it is painful to spend your life like this.

[@Stephanie-ph3yb]

Me too..explains everything

[@LarreaHunter-qq6cx]

This is not what God wanted for you but what you thought what u wanted n didn't know what you had. But God has the answer seek him.He has a way out.

[@johnschwartzle6712]

I my self understanding you..I've been married for 39 years. I'm so alone , my prayers for you are the same for me..

[@wendydaniel1110]

You can choose to leave and stand in your power.. You are Not stuck..You are much more valuable as a person than settling for ongoing pain...

[@Am71919]

You guys sound completely pathetic. Sex isn't the end all be all to the entire world, everybody needs to get a grip for Christ's sakes, all women look the same naked and all men look the same naked, we've all got the same body parts, if you've seen one pair of breasts you've seen them all, if you've seen one penis you've seen them all if you've seen one vagina you've seen them all, I don't let sex define who I am or how my life ends up, nobody's getting paid for having sex, nobody wins a million dollars, nobody's personal problems will go away, nobody's haters will disappear, are you doing by having sex is risking embarrassment or a false rape accusation if the sex doesn't go the way he or she wants it to, whenever someone initiates sex, it's always going to be a setup

[@manalallehyani8885]

When you said “ lastly, you feel like roommates”, I screamed! That is exactly what I used to say!!

[@dorothyotieno6214]

I have cried through out this video.....Its amazing when someone describes the pain you are going through in such detail...

[@chaoswitch1974]

Me too

[@LarreaHunter-qq6cx]

You look to good to be ignored

[@LarreaHunter-qq6cx]

Both of you are beautiful people 😍❤️

[@tonylejune8237]

Me too.

[@RS-ov2st]

You took my testimony right out of my heart. This is exactly what my husband did to me, literally word for word. You described him to a tee, with this video. Every single detail and action. I literally felt my life and soul had been taken from me . I was promised love and received, “ none”....... I was alone and hated for 30 years. We are now separated and divorcing. He acts to everyone like it was all my fault.

[@littlecrowders7089]

You're not alone ❤

[@aliciastewart5182]

Your words are my life exactly down to the years, he left and blamed me, we are separated and had a divorce trial. My life is changing for the better✝️

[@jaybay021]

Married 9 years. Two amazing kids. The accuracy of this is incredible and gut-wrenching.

[@littlecrowders7089]

Very ....same here 9 years two kids. I actually cried listening to this and realising how accurate it is. It's almost as if I know realise I wasn't crazy

[@melindaclark9833]

FINALLY! Thank You! Answers to 22 years of constant confusion and fog! Escaped a few years ago …FINALLY piecing my life together! The validation that so many beautiful and authentically loving souls need…bless you 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm sorry you had to go this but I'm glad that this video was able to help!

[@sheilaswarbrick4239]

@@DrDougWeiss ty however i still love my husband and i believe hes in there somewhere. He and i still live together but hes so indecisive, never know what he will say ir do next. Im walking on eggshells. I dont want a divorce, i want my husband. However i think hes too far gone to come back. He does not think anything he is doing is wrong. Any advice for me. Ty.

[@sheilaswarbrick4239]

Sorry dr weiss i responded to your reply for soneone else. I apoligize. Ty for understanding.

[@DrDougWeiss]

@@sheilaswarbrick4239 It's sad that this has been happening to you, your pain is real. You can start getting help for yourself through counseling or by joining one of our Married & Alone support groups. The Married & Alone material would be helpful too. You could also watch the DVDs "Pain for Love", "Unstuck", and "Why Do I Stay, When It Doesn't Make Sense". You are not alone this. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/ www.drdougweiss.com/store-old/?product_cat=&product_tag=married-alone&s=married+and+alone&post_type=product www.drdougweiss.com/product/pain-for-love-dvd/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/unstuck-dvd/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/why-do-i-stay-dvd/

[@BedfordFalls7]

Melinda my name is Melinda also and I've been in this situation for 22 years also! Until recently finding this subject on you tube did I feel this is what's going on. I'm so miserable. He ruined my life. I was never depressed in life until him. I plan to get out soon. Thank God you were able to. I can't live like this. I do feel like I'm just furniture in the house. No communication and silent treatment if I don't follow his ways.

[@peggybyrd241]

Finally after 30 plus years of begging for sex and intimacy. I have been thinking I wasn't good enough for him. It's been really emotionally, mentally, difficult to deal with.

[@Timbertrussminifarm]

My husband is intimacy & sexual Anorexic. Been together since 2007. Its the hardest thing going from being with someone who actively chases you-to being with someone YOU chase but turns you down.

[@benscott6826]

What happened? There’s usually a trigger

[@TheParks48]

I can totally relate to you. He pursued me like crazy and now I get nothing. I've even told him that I'm about to have an affair because he'd rather do himself than be with me.

[@Timbertrussminifarm]

@@benscott6826 He blames it on work and stress from the kids… he says he can’t switch it off like I can. But from the counseling I have learned that having something to blame your intimacy anorexia on it’s just an out/excuse.

[@Timbertrussminifarm]

@@TheParks48 my ex would pursue me like crazy… But with my husband when we first got together it was once a week… And I had to fight with him to get it to be twice a week. And then of course over the years it’s right back down to once a week. I have to remind him to be lovey & to give compliments otherwise he won’t do it. He was raised in a house where affection wasn’t shown between the spouses and compliments were never exchanged.

[@Timbertrussminifarm]

@@TheParks48 I started to but then the guy I was with ended up having pretty much the same problem

[@Winnie1322]

Can't believe there's a name for it. 10 years and so much trauma 💔 I suffered both. In the end I chose myself.

[@kathleenamico4418]

Because of his mental cruelty, painful criticism & porn- I didn't want him to touch me. I couldn't be intimate with someone who abused me every waking moment. I tried to avoid him but couldn't most of the time. I would cry throughout his lack of intimate sex. After an emotional breakdown, I finally had to leave to maintain any degree of sanity.

[@michellepeterson5181]

I have spent 24 years and I am just watching this and am almost in tears. From pain partly but from the really personal truth I have been living. I have already ordered the book from Amazon and can't wait to get it. It is time for me now to start healing. I am stunned that there is a common thread with the words and sentences that you hear, just like any other addict.

[@michellepeterson5181]

I did a collage the other day and the words on it are " alone,cold,abandoned" and a poem about fear. How telling it is

[@hannahrolston4]

This is me. I am the intimacy anorexic. I’ve been spending the last 2 years doing some deep healing. It’s painful. I am sad at how much I’ve hurt others. I was totally unaware. I’m currently in a relationship and learning intimacy. It’s very scary for me and very difficult. I regularly obsess about ending the relationship. When I let go and enjoy the relationship it’s wonderful. It’s difficult for me to relax and feel joy.

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm glad that you are getting help. If you need support, like a phone group, you can call our office at 719-278-3708 or join our Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/femaleIA. Also, you can work through the Intimacy Anorexia workbook to accelerate your healing. www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-workbook/

[@alexandradoyle6289]

That is so huge of you to admit that. I’m so proud of you for realizing and allowing yourself to heal and be intimate with your partner.

[@scarletroxannelasac9596]

I can't stop crying while watching your videos. I'm in that kind of marriage for 9 years. I don't recognize the man I marry he change a lot and now I'm suffering from the pain...thank you for this video

[@DrDougWeiss]

You are so welcome. I'm sorry for the pain and trauma that you have experienced from this. We have a Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group you can join for support. You are not alone in this. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/

[@bridgetgray7863]

This has been my whole 26 year marriage never gets any better

[@sarahalderman3126]

Same for 21 years of marriage…

[@lulaboo4393]

Same for 41. 😞

[@robynmarsh1358]

Same here, 42 years. My husband rather have porn.

[@maelificiantahlefeld2465]

I feel like these video describe my husband 100%. This has lasted 29 years, I always thought it was me. This destroyed me completely. I am thankful for your information!!

[@gourmetviking896]

I'm dealing with all of this. I'm slowly checking out of this marriage.

[@skimama13]

"Pain for love" is so true. Long before I knew about IA, I used to say that there are more love languages than the exerts say there are. I always said my husband's love language was "service with suffering". He wasn't happy unless I did something for him that made me suffer. For example, if I mowed the lawn, he wouldn't even notice or appreciate it UNLESS I told him that a bunch of thing went wrong and it became a horrible task. Then he would light up and smile.

[@wavybump]

Wow nice observation.. that's impressive

[@dougg1976]

Especially if the withholder of intimacy /sex is conscious of it , that's even worse in my opinion

[@deemitchell9429]

This or having sex with no connection. This is currently my situation there is no connection and I have withdrawn from sex completely cause I always feel worst than I did before having sex. It’s a shameful feeling and I am not use to it nor understand how can someone be with someone and lack emotions empathy expressing their feelings pointing fingerings finding little stuff to argue about and point fingers at. All of this is mentally traumatizing. Imagine someone telling you to not play music no more during sex or falling asleep or not waking up when trying to surprise them with something sexy on and smelling good. Or wanting to express yourself but know you’ll emotions with be turned down.

[@PhoenXinFlight]

I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I’m 34 and have been with my partner for 15 years. I’m a survivor of sexual abuse and trauma. I seek intimacy and connection for safety. Being married to someone like this almost killed me.

[@opentrunk]

This is the answer I've been searching for! It's all my spouse's fault. I knew it had to be, for I am 100% blameless.

[@Smartalex08]

I just ended my nine year relationship that was like this. It’s definitely the hardest part to overcome, because my ex would tell me my weight was the reason why after many other excuses. Still trying to heal from this.

[@DayTripper1025]

You're not alone I know its very painful

[@luiscarrasquillo9743]

Regina, you are much better than that. Live every day of your life just for you 💪🏻

[@dr.cutnadira7760]

😘

[@bugajk25]

Ur name 😂 😂 love it! Girl forget that guy! Treat yourself to an ice cream! Forget what he said - he’s probably just gay!! 😊

[@thelmabliss666]

This has been my marriage for the whole 8+ years. My husband is an intimacy anorexic and I'm married and alone. It has been the most damaging painful thing for me... 6 years ago I bought all the Married and Alone books and the sexless and married DVDs. Although he had said he wanted to do the dailies ect, that only lasted a couple times. I believe he's a covert narcissist also. I've suffered a lot of pain and emotional/mental/spiritual abuse which he just laughs about and says it's not abuse because he doesn't physically hit me. Im 62, and for circumstances I won't go into here I've decided not to leave but...

[@DrDougWeiss]

You could try watching the DVD "Narcissism, Sex Addiction, & Intimacy Anorexia" to see if this this applies. You can also try marriage counseling so that you can be heard. www.drdougweiss.com/product/narcissism-sex-addiction-intimacy-anorexia-dvd/

[@rogerbyrns4630]

I’m with you there sister

[@galaosch9959]

Thelma, I’m 60 and I finally left after 30 horrible years. I don’t know your circumstances, but think again. Financially, it’s idifficult, “friends” dissapeared; I’m alone, but I’m at peace. Now I am alone because I decided so, not because I was rejected, pushed away and ignored. Honey, we are not Spring chickens anymore and whatever life we have left, let’s make it wonderful and really live!

[@secreteobsession3584]

Beautiful information I thought I was going crazy in my Mind. I had 5 fingers up with some off the info you stated had related to me. I was devastated 14 years of commitment and marriage and still silence behaviour with no clarity of cold behaviour with silence. we have separated now over a year but it still hurts the fact it ended up the way it did he was my best friend and lover.

[@nanettechapko5867]

I have been remarried 26yrs and this is my painful story Doug. Wish there was a counselor who understood thus near me.

[@DrDougWeiss]

We have therapists nationally in the U.S. as well as internationally. Please feel free to call us at 719-278-3708 or check out aasat.org/find-therapist/ to see if there are any in your local area. Also, we do have phone counseling available as well.

[@CARRIEBROWN1829]

This is so helpful! Found my husbands prior porn usage after 16 years of marriage in March 2021. A lot has taken place since that time but this describes so much of my Marriage! Thank you Dr. Weiss.

[@Dawnmarie237]

You literally just made me cry. I’m at work listening to this (earbuds) & I had to go in the bathroom to cry bc I have finally found out what is wrong with my husband…intimacy anorexia. I have been feeling so alone & disconnected, my self esteem is in the dirt & I have been deeply depressed bc of all this…& when I try to talk to him, he not only completely invalidates me, he will insult me & tell me I’m crazy & too sensitive & making a big deal out of nothing. Is there any getting through to him?

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm sorry that you are in such pain from this trauma. You can start healing yourself by seeing a coach/counselor trained in intimacy anorexia and partner betrayal trauma by calling us at 719-278-3708. If he does not seek help, it will only continue and get worse. You can also check out intimacyanorexia.com for more information and resources on this.

[@patwojcik1203]

I understand completely. I amwith you.

[@careyblinn1346]

Dr. Weiss, what does a woman do when her husband's issues are due to BOTH intimacy anorexia and low testosterone? Which issue needs to be dealt with first? I've been married for 35 years --- the withholding/avoidant/no initiation behavior began on our honeymoon. After 15 years of fights over no sex and "waiting for the crumbs," I ended up with an autoimmune problem, atrial fib and clinical depression. The following nine years on Prozac kept me sane (it took away my libido) and allowed me to raise our 3 children in "peace", but my marriage became celibate. From the outside, it looked like our marriage was perfect - he was a good & gentle father; a great financial provider; kind to all and never angry or verbally cruel - but our bedroom was an emotional wasteland. I pursued; he withheld. At the 25 yr mark, I drew my first line in the sand and gave my husband a choice, "get help for this IA behavior or I'm leaving this marriage." Medical tests uncovered severe apnea and low testosterone. However, he confessed that he had been using masturbation and fantasy during those celibate years. The CBT counselor was aware of his actions but was ineffective. In all sincerity, he turned out to be a waste of good time and money and passed the buck to me saying that I "needed to forgive my husband first or he was unable to help us." We took the medical route instead. A CPap machine and hormone replacement therapy lead to a reversal of his IA behavior. For the first time in 25 years, we actually had relational sex and our marriage bed was a lovely and passionate refuge for us. We shared 2 years of intimate connection before things started to go downhill again. Sadly, his IA behavior began to creep back into our marriage and he gradually stopped using the testosterone cream and returned completely to his IA behavior. My question is this...can a man's IA behavior be healed when his T levels are rock bottom? Or does IA behavior have a greater influence in a man's brain than the lack of sex hormones? We are now empty-nesters and newly retired. Having my husband at home 24/7 has only magnified the rejection and loneliness that I continually feel. I'm standing at the crossroads again and am tired of being the emotional caretaker of this marriage. It's time I begin my own path of recovery from years of childhood abuse /abandonment (from my father) and 35 years of relational trauma from my marriage -- where do I begin?

[@DrDougWeiss]

The IA is intentional regardless of the testosterone levels. If the intimacy anorexia is not aggressively dealt with, he will withhold regardless. Your pain from this is real. If you'd like, we have a Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group you can join for support. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/

[@stephenjones5304]

I thought Sexual Anorexia meant you simply avoid Sex because you are not comfortable with it, whether you are single or partnered. From the 12-step program: ”As an eating disorder, anorexia is defined as the compulsive avoidance of food. In the area of sex and love, anorexia has a similar definition: Anorexia is the compulsive avoidance of giving or receiving social, sexual, or emotional nourishment.” As a senior and lifelong loner who has never dated or been with anyone, that last sentence fits perfectly. As a boy I preferred to be with girls as friends, as I found them to be more lovable as human beings. Then along came puberty and I had become, in my mind, a selfish hunter. Other boys, who did not show the early love for girls, would then be with them without much difficulty. It sounds a bit odd, but it was like I had this colony of ants you know where, and the ants would not leave me alone. I was a slave to ants! lol I no longer had a contented life, and I had lost the ability to love a girl without having an ulterior motive. And I only thought about girls thereafter if I got itchy again. The sex drive pushed me away from girls, not toward them, except in fantasy. To me, this is a true case of Sexual Anorexia. It is something you purposely deprive yourself of. I think of just about every other adult as a Sex Person who is hiding the big topic of Sex and thus may not be trustworthy in general. Of course this is less true with the arrival of the Internet and various forums about 20 years ago. But I still see Sex as people using each other. And it is not a Need, just a strong desire. Imagine telling your partner that you have Needs, and they are not really Needs at all. It is almost like trying to strong-arm someone into doing something by using an exaggerated expression for your Desires. If you are going to be in a relationship, tell the truth. Thank you for your interesting discussion.

[@nottypunk]

I can 100% relate to this, didn't knew there was a medical term for this, Thanks a lot for your enlightening Videos.

[@renedyer2635]

The topics and reasons you discussed were very helpful and informative. I disagree with your statement "the one withholding is not the one hurting".

[@daniellthornton4218]

I honestly can not thank you enough for your content.

[@DrDougWeiss]

You're welcome and I'm glad this was helpful for you.

[@AceHB43]

I’m so glad i scrolled on u today , this is the 1st time ever i’ve had someone say exactly what i’m feeling . My bf won’t touch me an i felt like it was always me but it never made sense . “Tell me ,Sex isn’t everything, relationships are more than sex”. I try to tell him it is important but how. do I get him to know i Feel so alone being in this relationship.

[@darnashleyeustache3553]

This was my whole marriage

[@silverkiss37]

Ditto

[@rhiannonfugatt3269]

If I question or bring it up, he does share his feelings and will drone on for hours with all the excuses in extreme detail. Word salad completely! Talks in circles to confuse you and makes you more frustrated. Withholds affection, we don't even look like a couple when people are around us. But he'll go hold the cat and spend a lot of time talking in her ear petting her!And I bring that up and his answer is,"Well it's different with cats"

[@paulagillette3346]

Why do they appreciate the cat more than us he said I was jealous of the cat

[@marshareed1438]

You’re so right about all of it! I lived this for 30yrs! My ex went insane as soon as he didn’t have me to feed off of… I’m happy alone!

[@michaeleAthlea]

spent 36 years so lonely, husband was addicted to porn totally revolting, never denied him sex, he withheld it as punishment if i did something he felt i did wrong was the only intimacy i got

[@DeniseBond1984]

I am in this relationship with my husband and I definitely feel alone. We are in counseling but it's not helping because my husband doesn't ever do any of the assignments that the counselor suggests for him to do. I can't physically leave the relationship for many reasons so I don't know what kind of consequence Would work or be appropriate. A lot of times I feel like I'm living a very in authentic life authentic life and kind of lying to people because a lot of our friends think we have a great relationship and it's not.

[@lynaecarelse]

Wow I live with all of these! I could bawl

[@charlotteortiz1233]

We are coming up on 20 years married , next month. After years of certain treatment, I researched and found the word narcissist, which checked all the boxes ! I was not going crazy . Every time I turned around I found that he was secretly watching porn and would have a full on tantrum with denial ! Through the years I’ve stayed with him but each time I found out again that he’d been watching porn he would lie , get angry , accuse me of looking for things . I made the mistake of telling him that the bedroom was the only area we didn’t have problems, what did I say that for ? For the last two years we have only been together sexually once every 6 to 8 weeks. I know with every fiber of my being that he is masturbating and watching porn but he yells at me and denies.

[@DrDougWeiss]

Your trauma is real and so is the sexual rejection. You might do well to get the DVD "Narcissism, Sex Addiction, and Intimacy Anorexia". www.drdougweiss.com/product/narcissism-sex-addiction-intimacy-anorexia-dvd/ The DVD/Book Partner Betrayal Trauma could also be helpful as well as "Why Do I Stay, When It Doesn't Make Sense?" www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-book/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-dvd/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/why-do-i-stay-dvd/ We have a Partners of Sex Addicts phone group and Facebook group you can join for support too. www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/ facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/

[@phrincessbajarias498]

First time to hear of this term but it makes sense. Roommate all along. And no feelings even to a child who is conceived through in vitro fertilization because of lack of intimacy in all aspects. At least for people with philandering spouses, the world sympathizes. In this kind of world, people think the abandoned spouse is merely overreacting.

[@propbender2]

Dr. Weiss....Thank you for your ministry. I hope to reach out to your team with my wife soon....

[@dougg1976]

Sounds exactly like symptoms of narcissism, I really think it's the same .

[@eri7-11]

i just don't get why a man would do this. I can't do it anymore. You described my hubby just about exactly. How can we stay with such a person? I am digging my ditches, I'm going to be free! I'm going to find my divinely perfect match! And so can you, so will you!

[@lionelbekker3590]

To be super honest I have been extremely suicidal especially 1 month ago, I just wanted to end my life. My wife and I are not in a good place at all. Even still now and today. I have been working on myself especially in this last month. I am strong enough now to handle her plan “B”. I did not have the guts to ask her what her plan B looks like but the day will come when I will ask her. This video has put everything I have been feeling and going through for 7 years of our 14 years of marriage- I will text her this clip in the fullness of time. I am seeing a psychologist at the moment- the last 7 years have been terrible- we are at a crossroads at this moment and a unique situation has presented it self for both of us to separate and go our separate ways. I would like this to work but I am sad to say I don’t think it will. I know the” monster” better now.

[@Stillpril]

Right after my daughter was born my husband betrayed me and it so deeply hurt me I haven't been able to even think of sex without getting sick.

[@DrDougWeiss]

Your Partner Betrayal Trauma is real. You might want to consider doing a Partner Betrayal Trauma intensive with neuromodulation to help you heal. You can call us at 719-278-3708 for more information about this.

[@janorhypercleats]

i seem to be a sexual anorexic...it destroyed my life. Its very hard (or impossible) to find treatment.

[@qrpcoaching8198]

it is not impossible but to some it is a real big step to take and talk about these things.

[@daniellegagnon610]

I waited 22 years to be intimate with a man and he checks every one of these boxes. I'm so lonely and sad. :(

[@andreachristianson5718]

I don't know if I'm the problem, he is, or both... Right now I'm in so much pain. I don't feel like I can talk to him without him becoming defensive. We used to be able to talk about anything. He doesn't share his feelings without me asking specific questions. I'm tired of always having to initiate conversations. He doesn't ask me questions without prompting from me. Sex??? Right now I feel numb. Like we have nothing to talk about. He gets upset if I repeat myself or tell him something he already knows. So, I feel like I will not offer any unsolicited opinions or ideas. Ugh...I'm tired and unfeeling.

[@DrDougWeiss]

Your symptoms from this neglect and trauma are normal. It would be best to start healing for yourself in this situation. The DVDs "Unstuck" and "Why Do I Stay" would be pretty helpful and informative for you. You can also seek support as well. You can join our Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group for community and resources to help you in moving forward. You are not alone in this situation. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/

[@CharlieB3rd]

Thank you for sharing this! Continual prayers needed for direction!!

[@DrDougWeiss]

You're welcome

[@mrcolbymagiel1044]

I don't know what to do anymore...talking for so long I feel like leaving and I feel like there is someone else.

[@DrDougWeiss]

Your pain is real. We have a Married & Alone Facebook group for men you can join. The book "Married & Alone" & workbook could be helpful as well. facebook.com/groups/supportgroupSAIA/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-book/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-healing-exercises-workbook/ You could also do well doing a phone counseling session. You can call us at 719-278-3708 to get scheduled with one of our counselors.

[@skullandbones1832]

Good info the more you know about all the aspects of a marriage the better your relationship will be with that person thank you.

[@calgal5752]

There is nothing more lonely than being in this situation. I would rather be single!

[@AdamRiccinto]

It hurts SO much. Neglected and alone....

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm sorry for the pain that you have experienced from this. I hope that you will reach out for help, be it counseling, our materials, or our support groups. We have a Married & Alone Facebook group for men that you can join for support: facebook.com/groups/supportgroupSAIA/

[@AdamRiccinto]

@@DrDougWeiss hi Dr doug. The married and alone material has been very helpful so far. I will be joining a Monday night group starting this week. It was recommended to me that I get your pain for Love video and show it to my wife. We are going to watch it together in a couple of hours. She seems to have an open heart. Please pray for us as hopefully we will begin going down this path together.

[@brendacrnkovich4320]

My husband had issues with ED but would never see a Dr concerning this issue.. it was so frustrating for me... he would masterbate and go to strip joints... then he blamed me for a lack of interest. So painful.... it has taken me a long time to heal from this...(still am in the healing process)

[@c.j.9248]

Yes - A LOT OF PAIN? My wife has been intimacy and sexual anorexic for most of our marriage. Not sure what exactly to do about it and what are the best next steps since my wife has gone as far to even look to leave the marriage altogether? What can I do by myself in my own work to help this situation and even - prayerfully - save the marriage and turn it into something loving and cherished?

[@kimortegastrongwarriorbrid5334]

Is she willing to get help? She has some deep wounds that need healing and how has caused woundness in you. Praying

[@terrywade3696]

Have you asked your wife what pleases her? Are you a safe person to talk to? Talking about sex & intimacy are difficult subjects to have conversations about. If she begins to talk, do you interrupt or get defensive? Have you heard of “The Five Love Languages”? Maybe your not speaking her “language”. Ask yourself questions about your part in this and whether you’re really listening to her. Most women shut down when they’ve talked ‘til they’re blue in the face & their man never listens to what she has to say or validates her feelings. Most men don’t know how to touch a woman or even know how she likes to be kissed! They don’t ask & their egos won’t take direction. You don’t need to answer these questions to me. You need to ask them of your wife and of yourself. Women become aroused by a genuine interest in getting to know HER not just her function as a wife! Communication without preconceived ideas about her, a willingness to learn about her heart can go a long way in melting the chill. Men tend to look at things with a narrow lens, categorizing, labeling, comparing & compartmentalizing things in their minds. Women are more spacial, sensual, global, see the big picture. For us, everything is connected. We use all our senses at the same time. We are sensual beings. Everything has a taste, a touch, is heard, a scent, is seen, a feeling, experienced, a connectedness. Ask God to help you see her with new eyes.

[@DrDougWeiss]

Unless she chooses to change, there's nothing you can do to change this or her. You can heal yourself though. We have Married & Alone groups, phone groups, and Facebook group for men. The Married & Alone material will be helpful as well as "Intimacy Anorexia", "Married & Alone", or "Pain for Love" DVDs. You can call us at 719-278-3708 for more information. www.drdougweiss.com/groups/ facebook.com/groups/supportgroupSAIA/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-dvd/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-dvd/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/pain-for-love-dvd/

[@c.j.9248]

@@DrDougWeiss thank you, Dr. Weiss. I have really learned a lot from you since joining a Conquerers Series group 8 years or so ago. I just bought your "Married and Alone" book that I need to read. I appreciate you reaching out and providing this information.

[@DrDougWeiss]

@@c.j.9248 You're welcome and I hope all goes well.

[@highjinx411]

I always felt so guilty and ashamed for being in pain. I thought it was my fault completely. I thought I wasn’t good enough or did something wrong. The fear when living like that is awful (the fear of doing something wrong). Also, this is all attachment styles. The intimacy avoider is the avoidant or fearful attachment style. The one receiving the pain is the anxious one.

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing so much fear, guilt, and pain right now. I want you to know that you are not at fault for this and that you are good enough. You deserve to have the intimacy and connection that you need. If we can support you in any way, please consider reaching out to Heart To Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708 to get scheduled with one of our therapists. They will encourage you and walk with you through the healing process. You might find the Married & Alone ebook or video download validating and useful as it addresses spouses who are married but feel alone because of their partners: www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-ebook/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-video-download/ You could also check out the Partner Betrayal Trauma ebook: www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-ebook/

[@Cheskat32]

Sounds like my husband. We don’t really talk about anything that he doesn’t want to talk about and I do feel like part of the furniture. I just can’t relax around him and I’ve always secretly wondered if he even likes me as a person but the rare times when I work up the nerve to talk about the subject then it’s my fault or he tells me that he’s not going anywhere and where do I come up with this stuff like I’m the crazy one. I’m glad that I still have friends that still talk to me even though I don’t have much time for them but it’s been very difficult. I’m really trying to get over using food as a coping strategy but I feel like I’m losing my self worth every single day

[@DrDougWeiss]

The trauma of living with an Intimacy Anorexic and medicating with food is common. You might get counseling, join a phone group or our Facebook group to get support and healing you need. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/

[@lindacathey9654]

Suffered through about 15 years. We were just starting to come back together when he died unexpectedly from a heart attack at 59. I am having a very hard time getting past it.

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm sorry for your loss. Here at Heart To Heart Counseling Center, we have therapists available to help people in a variety of situations. If you are interested, call Heart To Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708 to get scheduled. You are not alone in this.

[@jessygalinap4461]

My boyfriend has been with me for over 3 years. since i had a miscarriage, he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore because he is afraid that we have abby and miscarriage again. After 3 months, no sex is happening because he says he is tired and I know we are equally tired. after 5 months we were joking and I asked my boyfriend why he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. He said that I'm not as sexy as I used to be. My belly is getting bigger and my body is no longer sexy. At first I was hurt but I asked myself if it's normal for men to prefer a sexy body. My boyfriend is nice, he never cheats on me. I saw his phone, social media and also his colleagues, he always picked me up after my work. please help me to explain to me this situation.

[@melissasnelgrove-or5op]

Great talk 100% enlightening

[@SoCalRegisteredNurse]

My husband is a sex addict and has lied about it, so I can’t bring myself to want to. He knew after I caught him how I felt, said he’d stop, and never did. It was swept under the rug and I just felt used. He was always on his phone and never talked to me, did things with me or even wanted to. So I couldn’t bring myself to want to. It wasn’t intentional on my part.

[@ElimEx1]

My wife would probably say that this describes our marriage really well and I would agree. She would say that I'm entirely to blame but our marriage evolved into this over a decade and we are both to blame. Things exploded after my emotional affair and we are now more like roommates now that we gave up on the "traditional definition of marriage" and our marriage has never been this good. Yes, it's not romantic or loving but sometimes, you just need to accept reality for what it is and when you have lemons, make some lemonade.

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm sorry to hear that your marriage has suffered in these ways. If you're interested, Heart To Heart Counseling Center has certified counselors available to help the two of you find restoration in your marriage. You can call us at 719-278-3708 to get scheduled locally (if there's someone in your area) or through a virtual session. We also have 3 and 5-day intensive programs that help to expedite the process by providing a lot of counseling in a condensed amount of time.

[@benscott6826]

Surprising not more men in this feed. I dealt with this in my first marriage. In my marriage now I was unfaithful, and now this is me. I’ve tried counseling. I ended the affair 7months ago. The grief caused depression. I had no problem during, but now that it’s over I’ve shut off. Not intentionally, but unintentionally. I have taken ownership. My wife was sexually and intimacy anorexia prior to my affair. I don’t use that as an excuse, but it definitely caused vulnerability

[@DrDougWeiss]

We do gave a facebook group for men who are Married and Alone, you can find this on our website at drdougweiss.com, facebook.com/groups/supportgroupSAIA/. Also, you might want to get started on your own Intimacy Anorexia recovery journey, go to intimacyanorexia.com, and also get counseling or a phone group for help. You can call our office at [phone]

[@crystalcleveland756]

I’m in so much pain been w him 21 years its been so long since we have had sex and he withholds intimacy from me. I am ready for divorce.

[@davepritchard4050]

Hi Dr Weiss I’ve listened dozens of times to your teaching .,. Especially intimacy anorexia., it has helped me feel I’m not mad ., it is real ., and I’m not alone ., in this situation., but I never ever hear you teach .,. How to resolve and heal these things ., what you teach about the symptoms is exact ., I love my wife ., very much ., but ., how how how how can ., we get healed ., it’s agonising to be told the symptoms ., but i can’t HEAR the suggested answers to healing and getting our marriage back to first love .,. Ooooooow !

[@DrDougWeiss]

Our books and DVDs delve more into how to heal and resolve such issues in great detail: www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-book/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-dvd/ www.drdougweiss.com/store-old/?product_cat&product_tag=intimacy-anorexia You can also make an appointment with one of our counselors as well to go through the healing and recovery process. You can call us at 719-278-3708 or email us at [e-mail] for more information.

[@lmc7901]

I am married for 24 years together for 30 years. And he has only told me twice in those years that he loved me. We haven’t had sex in seven years. I just lost 65 pounds and never once has he complementing me on it. 😥

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm sorry that you have experienced this pain all this time. What you are describing is Intimacy Anoreixa. If you'd like, we have a Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group you can join for support. You are not alone in this. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/

[@lmc7901]

@@DrDougWeiss thank you I will definitely look into this.

[@susannablessings5773]

My husband withhold sex from me. My husband withhold affection and kindness and is verbally abusive as well.

[@nadiafrancesnielsen2249]

My heart brooke when i Saw this.. thats me 😭 but im the one who does that.. and i diddint get why.. and yes i had a lot of abuse in my childhood.. im so happy i Saw this.. cus i wanted to find a selution to the problem i know i have 😭

[@markscarborough7580]

IA was the beginning- it was slowly incremental. Sex was available. Once the IA became complete, SA began to take hold.

[@masonandbobbi2951]

This IS us!! Nothing I do is ever enough/or correct. He won’t reads notes I leave for him. He gets ANGRY/defensive when I voice my feelings or opinion. He gets ANGRY/defensive when I ask a question about us. Example: me:So has sex with me became a chore to you again? What’s going on? him: Why do you always have to start this BS? Now is not the time. He WILL NOT initiate sex. He stays BUSY and doesn’t come around me until it’s time to get ready for bed,but usually still has his face in his phone and the volume up so he doesn’t have to hear me if I say anything. Gets mad at me for not talking too, but he is never interested in what I talk about or bring up and changes the subject quickly to what he wants to talk about. Oh my gosh I can go on and on. BUT I am guilty of going quiet. I’m usually out going happy and just easy to please, always joking. When he comes through the door with no “hey I’m home” or even a “fuck you” starts being shitty as hell and calling me bitch and a moocher(I’ve been outta work for 3 months due to my son getting in a MVA) cause I haven’t been able to help financially, ( 0:06 I usually just go silent and go off and mind my own to avoid arguments.)Never mind that he has only been back to work for a year and a half. He had 5 maybe 6 years off. I did not make him ask me for money, nor did I make him ask me for personal care items. I just made sure he had these things. I still did laundry, cleaned the bathrooms, all that jive. HE DID COOK. He cooked dinner faithfully every night. I’m not perfect by no means. I feel I do him very good and love him beyond words. But enough is enough. Everything that I feel he does to me, he will later say it’s me that does it to him. This is the first time I’ve been married and we have been for 16years now and MARRIAGE IS THE DUMBEST SHIT ANYONE HAS EVER CAME UP WITH!!! lol I’m trying and have tried SOOO HARD to make this work (he will say I’ve never tried for this marriage)but I am currently SERIOUSLY thinking about tossing in the towel. (He will say run Bobbi. Like you always have) It’s got me down and I’m finding it hard to smile anymore. I KNOW HE HAS A GOOD HEART AND I KNOW HE KNOWS HOW TO DO ME RIGHT AND APPRECIATE ME. He just chooses not to anymore.

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm truly sad to hear that this has been going on in your marriage for so many years. You are not at fault in any way for his actions or the neglect. The frustration and the partner betrayal trauma that you have from this is real. It sounds like it could be intimacy anorexia. You can check out intimacyanorexia.com for more information and see if this applies to your situation. Nevertheless, I would consider getting support for yourself. You can contact our counseling center at 719-278-3708 to connect with a certified therapist to start your way toward healing. There's a Married & Alone phone support group and Facebook support group that you can join as well. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone If he is willing, we also offer couples counseling and our 3 or 5-day intensive program to expedite the process. If he's not willing to change, things will stay the same. Additionally, there's Married & Alone book or DVD and workbook, designed to provide validation and guidance for those who have experienced what you are going through. www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-ebook/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-video-download/ You might find the Why Do I Stay video download helpful: www.drdougweiss.com/product/why-do-i-stay-video-download/

[@rosecoon1791]

What happens when you leave one of these guys? Do they just keep on trucking and pretend like it never happened? Or did they want you back desperately but only for about 10 minutes?

[@DrDougWeiss]

Each person is different. However, without seeking help, they will most likely blame you and keep on trucking. If you need support, we have a Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group you can join. You are not alone in this. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/

[@gaanriamei5552]

Newly married and facing this problem, I'm so confused what to do? This is true pain.

[@DrDougWeiss]

Yes, your pain from this is real. If you need support, you could talk to one of our therapists (call to get scheduled at 719-278-3708) or join our Married & Alone phone group/Facebook group. You are not alone in this. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/

[@michelleanderson7828]

So first marriage was intimacy anorexia with a ccovety narcissist. My current marriage - my 2nd - it is sex. So youre telling me the reason why it feels like betrayal trauma is because it is?! Im going to have to dig more on this...

[@robertlafontaine805]

A lot of these symptoms are what is going on with my wife. How do I confront her about this without her feeling like I am judging her. She always says all I care about is sex but that isn’t the truth. Do you have a video that would introduce this to her so she can sit back and think about it without getting angry?

[@sarahalderman3126]

Show her this video or buy the dvd download.

[@nicoleschuette8788]

What is it when ur partner can't understand or see or accept the actions? No matter if u have proof in front of their face but they still make excuses as to how they aren't doin anything?

[@DrDougWeiss]

We call that the "good box, bad box". The DVD "Married & Alone" explains it. www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-dvd/ Your pain from this is real and if you'd like we have a Married & Alone phone and Facebook group available to give you support and advice. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/

[@ashinch0r]

Been living like this for 23 of my 24 years of marriage.

[@sunsetonsukkot]

Why do you stay?

[@sunsetonsukkot]

Why do you stay?

[@sunsetonsukkot]

Why do you stay?

[@sunsetonsukkot]

Why do you stay?

[@jessicalarsen7094]

My husband gives me love and affection and gives me words of affirmation. The issue we have is not having enough sex . Maybe 3 times a month . We are trying to get pregnant but in order to get pregnant you need to have sex more . I didn’t really care to have sex that much before since I have pelvic floor dysfunction and having sex can be painful for me . But now it’s an issue . I have communicated and he promises to try more , but it’s like why do you have to try with someone you think is attractive ? Then he couldn’t get up one night . He says it’s not me but it truly feels like it is . I’m so upset and my dreams of trying to get pregnant is slipping away. I don’t know what to do anymore and I just cry all the time. Saddens me that we are at this point in our marriage. I feel like I’m sex deprived and I want to feel wanted in that aspect if that makes sense . I’m a women who desires to “ pin you against the wall and take me “ type of desires . I get nothing 😩 I’m Glad I’m not the only one .

[@ApriliaRacer14]

He likely feels the pressure. Assuming you are early thirties much pressure to also provide.

[@jessicalarsen7094]

@@ApriliaRacer14 definitely the pressure. We been trying for 2 years. I have to take ovulation medication and have to have sex at certain times. So I can see why sex has become how it is.

[@ApriliaRacer14]

@@jessicalarsen7094 I sincerely feel for you both. 3 years deep in a 8 year marriage with no intimacy or sex and it’s dehumanizing. Loneliest I’ve ever been. Three more months and will have to change my environment. Best to you both.

[@eddiethompson7243]

13 years in the first 4 years he could he was amazing then just like that he stopped talking started pulling away I would constantly ask him to touch me or hold me or just love me and he’d say that’s not who iam I don’t do that kind of stuff, yes he did but then just stopped

[@someoneelse5581]

Omg this is so sad ……. Better to be single .

[@sandieperry1744]

So maybe somehow I missed it but I didn't actually hear why they withhold? What is this purpose ? And why do some have affairs? No sex for me but plenty for them? WTH?

[@DrDougWeiss]

People do it to create distance or to feel "safe" (so they won't have to open up and be vulnerable with their significant other). Sex without intimacy is easier than sex with intimacy. You might want to get the Intimacy Anorexia book or DvD to dive deeper into the reasons why. www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-book/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-dvd/

[@BrownEyedGirl56]

Can a sexless marriage cause a sex addiction and infidelity?

[@DrDougWeiss]

This is a great question. I address this in another KZbin video here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pXO4oZKubZyjha8

[@russelltrujillo2772]

Great stuff. Unfortunately. Found this too late. I see both of us to blame in this. Guilty, I raise my hand first. Trying figure out why.

[@deannewoods5685]

I divorced him...i would rather be alone and without sex and intimacy than married without them.

[@johnschwartzle6712]

I've been married for 39 years. I've been love starved and emotionally starved. What seems like forever finally i see the truth.time to move on..

[@DrDougWeiss]

Your pain from this is real. If you need to talk to a counselor about this, you can call Heart To Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708 to get started. You are not alone in this.

[@bomartin]

Thank you for your words, hard to hear, harder to accept, thank you

[@DrDougWeiss]

You are so welcome and thanks for listening.

[@PerrySkyePhoenix]

What if you're single now, and you've been traumatized this way in the past... and now you feel that way? Intimacy and sex avoidant?

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm sad to hear that you have been struggling with this, even after all that has happened to you. I would highly recommend doing some counseling for yourself so that you can start healing from the trauma and get restoration in your life again. We have plenty of certified therapists at our center who are trained in these areas that you can get started with by calling us at 719-278-3708. You could also do a five-day partner betrayal trauma intensive with some neuromodulation to expedite the healing process since your trauma is where the intimacy anorexia is rooted. Then, you should address the intimacy anorexia symptoms. For materials, you can check out the Partner Betrayal Trauma book, the Intimacy Anorexia book, or perhaps even the Reactive Intimacy Anorexia DVD which you might find helpful www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-ebook/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-ebook/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/reactive-intimacy-anorexia-video-download/

[@clarencehammer3556]

Nobody knows the pain I experience. I am married but have no married life. I am not allowed to even live in the same house so it is even worse than being a roommate. I cannot reveal details here.

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm sorry that this is happening to you, your pain is valid. You might want to start getting help for yourself by joining a Married & Alone support group or through counseling. The Married & Alone material would be helpful too, as well as the DVD "Pain for Love". You are not alone this. facebook.com/groups/supportgroupSAIA/ www.drdougweiss.com/store-old/?product_cat=&product_tag=married-alone&s=married+and+alone&post_type=product www.drdougweiss.com/product/pain-for-love-dvd/

[@brianrmarz]

Thank you so much for what you do! I feel like someone understands what I’m going through! What’s the name of your Face book page? I was trying to find it but didn’t see it. My husband and I are struggling with this in our marriage. I’m doing everything to save it but it’s crumbling. Been married for 8 years now. We are seeing someone but I’m not sure if they have the right tools to help. We need the right support. Could you suggest something?

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm glad that this was helpful for you. You can call our office at 719-278-3708 for group information, our materials, therapist suggestions, or intensive information. Our main facebook page is facebook.com/drdougweiss

[@rogerbyrns4630]

There’s just no one to talk to about this loneliness

[@DrDougWeiss]

You could talk to a local counselor or schedule an appointment with one of ours over the phone [phone]). You are not alone in this.

[@rogerbyrns4630]

@@DrDougWeiss thank you 🙏🏼

[@calebsmith1435]

Could you try to tell me any advice. 32, been in a relationship for 7 years, I have always kept my flame alive for her. The first 3 years was great. Day 1 I quit drinking and smoking, I did a list of other things that she said I needed to do. We had a great Intimate relationship. After 3 years, she completely shut off. I get zero affection from her. No hugs, pushed away during any attempt at a kiss. I have never cheated on her. I switched careers to be home and help her more..I do house chores daily. I try to take her on dates and she refuses to let anybody watch our kids to be on a date. I'm very outgoing and have friends, which the circle has gotten a lot smaller due to moments of growth and just tightening my circle, I try to talk about how important it is for me to feel wanted by her and she shuts it down and tells me I'm selfish and only want sex. Then she also tells.me I work too much and I am made to feel very guilty any time I work, especially when I work a little extra. I have invited her to the gym for 5 years and she went once and ended up yelling at me in front of the whole gym when I tried to explain how to use a certain machine correctly. To be honest, she does have a lot of past trauma, she got diagnosed with crohns 2 years ago. I have tried to be supportive. Went to every doctors appointment, go to every ball game, every out of town trip for groceries, necessities, etc. I seriously try to do everything in my power and it's never enough. Somehow I still feel like there are actions I can take to be better and help her, and fix our relationship. I try to turn off my emotions but here lately i feel myself getting frustrated, I feel myself questioning what's the point of doing all this extra stuff when it's overlooked at best and told that it's what I'm suppose to do and makes me out to not doing enough. I even tried to get us a counselor and since iniated the counselor I was cussed out and told that it was disrespectful that I reached out to a counselor for us. If I try to even scoot close to her in bed she tells me I'm too close and she has no room. I love to think I can hold on for her forever but the truth is I'm weak right now. Based off all these videos I have watched I feel like she is intimate anorexic, but I feel like it's from her past trauma and she takes it out on me becUse I'm closest and quick to forgive..I am praying for a miracle and am willing to do anything to fix it.

[@DrDougWeiss]

Miracles happen for those who are willing. Unfortunately, she is unwilling and your suffering is not causing her pain. I would read or watch "Married & Alone" as well as the do the workbook and join our men's Married & Alone group for your miracle to heal from the trauma of her neglect. www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-book/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-dvd/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-healing-exercises-workbook/ facebook.com/groups/supportgroupSAIA/ If you want counseling, all of the people in my office have been certified in intimacy anorexia. You can call us at 719-278-3708.

[@stellabotirova1229]

Best things is just keep respect and devorce, and keep silent silent is best medicine for our hearts, let our God support our feelings and our relationship

[@jorgemarquezzepeda8179]

What if we lead very busy lifestyles and when the time comes you dont feel in the mood.. and/or your spouse has habits which turn you off even further. Not fights just habits that you just feel "uuhhhh" about

[@DrDougWeiss]

You should address these habits with them. If they are not changing, it is possible that it could be an intentional way to sabotage sexuality.

[@Sunshineworkonline]

My husband is a recovering porn addict. things were going better but the better I started to do, the less he was putting in and now he has most of the traits of a sexual Anorexic. I also have a very strong feeling that he had a relapse but when I ask he always answers, "no". How can I tell if he relapsed? SO confused and lonely right now.

[@DrDougWeiss]

He can do a polygraph to verify his sobriety in this.

[@christine3855]

What is icalled when the wife withholds sex because the husband withholds intimacy? Is it still sexual anorexia even though there is good reason sexual intimacy and the partner knows why?

[@DrDougWeiss]

It probably is not sexual anorexia. Women require intimacy to feel sexual. That could be a normal reaction. Your trauma from this is real. You might want to read or watch Intimacy Anorexia and Married & Alone. www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-book/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-dvd/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-book/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-dvd/ If you need help, you can call us at 719-278-3708 to get with a counselor/coach. You can also join our Married & Alone phone group and Facebook support group. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/

[@AYCJJ6608]

All 5 and that is why I just moved out. Game over. Lord heal me and use me for Your glory to serve You and others in Jesus name Amen 💞🙏📖🕊🙌

[@melissay7979]

This is so hard. I believe this describes both my husband and myself. I am trying to emotionally connect with my husband to feel safe for sex. So I withhold sex. He withholds emotionally and spiritually unless I have consistent unconnected sex with him. Then I get little moments of connection. We are both in so much pain. 💔

[@DrDougWeiss]

You're right and your pain and trauma from this are valid. I hope that you will reach out for help, be it counseling, our materials, or our support groups. We have a Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group that you can join for support. You are not alone in this. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/

[@Joseph-nw8tg]

Thank you Doctor Doug!

[@DrDougWeiss]

You're welcome.

[@leticiabarnes9614]

How is that separated from differing sex drives. How is that separated from healing after childbirth. Physical illness. The longest gaps we had were 3 weeks but my porn addict partner often claimed and believed it had been months. So he listens to this and thinks I'm a sexual anorexic.

[@DrDougWeiss]

I would get couples counseling to sort this out. Our book "Upgrade Your Sex Life" could also help you have these conversations. www.drdougweiss.com/product/upgrade-your-sex-life-3/

[@briankelly2643]

Could you please answer me this? It's about trying to break my cycle for masturbation I seem to be able to cross through 3 days without masturbating but then it just happens again, but that's not the problem is that I'm now 18 and for 3 years I had interacted with another male and I became homosexually active and I have been feeling depression over the circumstances is this the cause of my fall?

[@DrDougWeiss]

Wanting to medicate depression or any strong feeling can trigger you to use a reliable "medicine", be it alcohol, drugs, or sex. The book "Emotional Fitness" can help you deal with feelings without needing to medicate. You might consider counseling or a support group for help. www.drdougweiss.com/product/emotional-fitness-book/

[@AMcDub0708]

My husband always tells me how attractive I am and in shape and how it drives him wild. Yet he farts loudly around me, doesn’t take very good care of his teeth, doesn’t groom his facial hair regularly, lets his hair get shaggy, and is very very overweight in his mid section (huge beer belly type). I’ve told him I would like him to care for himself too and finally told him I’m not attracted to his beer gut, as both his father and my father have that same gut and it’s like I’m having sex with my FIL and dad and it’s icky. My husband is unbothered and still asks for sex often and I always refuse. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t help that I’m not aroused and I’m done faking it. We get along well like compatible roommates and have school age kids so I’m not divorcing him. But I’m not going to have mercy sex. Sex is for both parties to enjoy and I’m not.

[@DrDougWeiss]

Thank you for sharing your concerns about this openly. Your situation is not uncommon, as there are many couples who can relate to the challenges of going through this. Feeling attracted to your partner is important for intimacy, and it's understandable that you're feeling conflicted. It's great that you've communicated your needs to your husband, but I know it can be disheartening when those concerns aren't met with the same urgency. If you haven't already, I would consider counseling to see if the two of you can resolve this issue and find a way to restore intimacy and connection in the relationship. You could do so locally or by calling our counseling center at 719-278-3708 to make a phone or virtual appointment. Not only do we offer marital couples counseling, but we also have a 3 or 5-day intensive program to expedite the process. You don't have to go through this alone and we are here to offer you support.