How To Talk To Your Husband About Pornography | I Caught My Husband Looking At Porn | Dr. Doug Weiss

[@Darcy11x]

He's always told me im a freak that what he does is normal, and im wrong, I found out when we'd been together about 10 yrs. Ive never been the same since, the pain is so bad ive balled my eyes out through this whole video, just reliving the pain, I dont look in his phone anymore, I know what's there and it makes me sick. I know it will always come before me. I can't afford to leave, but all I do is dream of the day I can. Im still in love with him but I can't and wont live with that, he hasn't touched me in many yrs. Not even a hug or even the words Good morning or goodnight, Nobody deserves this pain. Thank you so much for validating my pain about the porn, I felt so alone, hearing I was right to be completely destroyed by this, and im not weird is so validating. Thank you

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm so sorry you have been hurt by this. Your partner betrayal trauma are real. It is critical for you to get healing and support during this time. If you need to, you can reach out and talk to a counselor/coach by calling us at 719-278-3708. You can also join our Partners phone and Facebook groups for support. You don't have to be alone in this. www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/ facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/

[@atm1425K]

They always say it normal. Never! They should not go in a relationship then when just want to hurt you.

[@ChinaDoll305]

I hear you! I am in the same boat. He says it’s because of his ED. I think it’s much more than that. I suspect it’s been going on longer than what he says.

[@Tinasmindfugrowth]

Yes, so many emotions, so much pain. My husband is a Porn addict. Even 1 year later and him doing great in recovery, I am completely crushed. Not just because of Porn, but because of the gas lighting, the lies. Here I thought I had a good Christian husband that I thought I can trust. Boy was I wrong. On the positive side, for years and years I thought I was not a good enough wife and I worked super hard on my marriage and on myself. I totally focused on him, but he pushed me farther away. Now I at least know why.

[@DrDougWeiss]

If you need support, we have a Partners of Sex Addicts phone group and Facebook group you can join. You are not alone in this. www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/ facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/

[@Tinasmindfugrowth]

@@DrDougWeiss Thank you!

[@RobertDress-dq9pc]

Thanks for sharing this on this platform. I wonder how things are going with your marriage now. I’m in a relationship with a woman who caught me and she’s devastated, confused and traumatized. She no longer trusts me and wishes that she never met me. I feel destroyed in that I betrayed her and kept my addiction a secret from her. Thanks and best of luck.

[@tiffany9554]

Currently in a relationship with someone who I feel is addicted to porn, however he denies denies denies even though I have proof, but I'm too scared to confront him with the proof because he has narcissistic traits as well. When I bring it up he either denies, lies, promises he doesn't watch it, or he gets instantly aggravated and shuts down! There is no addressing or communication about it at all! I'm confused on how to deal with it if he isn't upfront and honest.

[@DrDougWeiss]

He is protecting his addiction instead of you. If this is a serious issue for you, get support and decide if this is the right relationship long term. Your pain and trauma from this are real. You can join our Partners of Sex Addicts phone group or Facebook group for support. You are not alone in this. www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/ facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/

[@karenkuske5567]

This is exactly what I'm wondering. Confronted and asked about it...he wouldn't give me an answer...then said no...I kept looking directly in his eyes and he went into a narcissistic rage and nothing was resolved. My intuition knows something in the marriage isn't right...I was accused of cheating which blew my mind...after that I completely shut down toward him and emotionally detached. There's something in my spirit that knows somethings off. The entire marriage I didn't feel like he shared much...like he's hiding something.

[@jessiesheldon-huffey1824]

This is my situation exactly. I have proof and he is still denying it, unbelievable. Even if he did admit to it and want help, I am not willing to endure more disclosures and possible relapses down the road. It has been almost 2 weeks since I confronted him and still nothing. I will be contacting a divorce attorney next week and I have joined a Beyond Betrayal support group and spoke to my pastor and counselor. I am so grateful to be in a position where my kids are grown and I can still make it financially without him.

[@SeannaMFM]

i just found my s.o porn about 6 months ago. we got in a huge fight about it. it was bad. eventually we worked things out and he promised he wouldn’t watch it and when i would ask he would say “nah i don’t watch that anymore baby” but just yesterday i seen his web history and i’m just so disappointed and betrayed. i actually believed him. I don’t know how to confront him. i’m scared bc i know he will flip out.

[@mscecilett]

I know it’s hard I just want to encourage you to stay strong. I used to blame myself but I stopped. My husband acts like it’s no big deal. He says, I’m always at home but I feel eventually one thing will lead to another. It’s just way too many women. I always ask him what’s wrong with me but I think it’s a fantasy thing. Which I could be both. Hollywood is looking for a another star and I’m right here in their eyes. Lol. I don’t know. What ever you do don’t blame self. Try talking him into getting some marriage counseling. Honestly it’s kind of weird that he isn’t clearing his web history. Just try your best to keep the peace. I don’t know if I would be wrong to say what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

[@SeannaMFM]

@@mscecilett yea i definitely stopped blaming myself too because the content is what alarmed me. he always closes his eyes when we get intimate also whenever i try to bring it up he just starts questioning me like “why did u look thru my stuff u invaded my space” but it’s like i had no choice but to bc i knew he was lying this whole time . and Yes he didn’t clear it !!! that’s the sick part

[@mscecilett]

I’ve had a lot of time to think and I know for a fact that a lot of men not all but a lot of men want you to look like the girl on the magazine or the girl in the videos. There’s only one Kim K., point blank period. One of my friends told me a lot of men like options. Weird, yes it is. If that is the case then just stay single. Live the single life if that’s what you want but stop trying to have your cake and ice cream at the same time!

[@DrDougWeiss]

Men protect what they love. Breaking a promise in this case is a sign of an addiction. Your pain from this is real. We do have a Partners of Sex Addicts phone group and Facebook group available to join for support. If you need help, you can call us at 719-278-3708 www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/ facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/

[@SeannaMFM]

@@mscecilett when u said “you can’t have your cake and ice cream” that is so true !!

[@steladautaj5614]

He said he feel ashamed and he doesn’t understand why he was doing, he already stopped for a month before i saw the web history and when i asked why he stopped he said he did because he was not feeling it doing it anymore and he felt like trash of watching those, now he hasn’t seen anymore and he said he didn’t have the need anymore and he feels good of stopping because he was feeling anxious before of hiding something all the time ,,, i do trust him because accept that he is an amazing human being and he has never disappointed me , but i still can’t stop controlling his phone without him knowing, the fear is on me now

[@DrDougWeiss]

Yes. He could use the porn blocker on our website that would send you a report so it doesn't have to be a secret. www.covenanteyes.com/?clickid=zLCwtW29LxyLRQdwUx0Mo3b1UkBzyNWVTwDJ1k0&irgwc=1&IR&Online%20Tracking%20Link&ONLINE_TRACKING_LINK

[@steladautaj5614]

@@DrDougWeiss can be true that he is able to stop that by himself, he said he didn’t needed that but it was more like an automatic click on the phone, like scrolling on social media smth similar, he just cutted that completely and he hasn’t watched that anymore , should i trust?

[@MsMegum]

My husband has been watching porn for 17 years but claims it's never been more than twice a month. I feel very strongly that he is lying and when I tell him he yells at me and says I just want to hear what I want to hear. Why does he do this?

[@DrDougWeiss]

He can do a polygraph to verify what is factually true. If he is addicted, then the answer to your question is because he defending his supply. If you'd like, we have a Partners of Sex Addicts phone group and Facebook group you can join for support: www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/ facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/

[@homesteadchile3922]

I discovered my husband’s porn on his phone and waited 36 hours to confront him. He got angry and could not believe I would accuse him of this. How dare I even think he would do something like that. I waited 3 months before I confronted him again. He still denies it and blames cookies. I talked to a tech expert and he said cookies would not do what I found. I have screenshots. How do I proceed when he refuses to admit it?

[@DrDougWeiss]

From this, you know he is most likely lying and that he wants to continue in his porn use. You could ask him to take a polygraph to try to confirm his innocence. He will most likely not be willing to do so, confirming your suspicions. If he is unwilling to address the issue and get help, he won't change. You, however, can get healing and support for yourself at this point. Connect with one of our counselors trained in partner betrayal trauma by calling our office at 719-278-3708, as well as join our free Partners Facebook group for community support. You don't have to go through this alone. facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa We also have a few resources available that you might find helpful. The videos "Why Do I Stay" and "Unstuck", provide insight and tools for evaluating your situation and processing what's going on. There's also the Partner Betrayal Trauma ebook which validates the pain and trauma that you have experienced from this. www.drdougweiss.com/product/why-do-i-stay-video-download/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/unstuck-video-download/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-ebook/

[@Wiseamphibian87]

Seek A couples sex therapist & counselor. A therapist that’s well versed with sex addiction & Pornography is how to deal with things like this . He’s living in denial & that’s only further drive the two of you apart & your marriage may not overcome this sort of Trauma. I just recently found out my husband is addicted to Pornography as well & I have sought help from A therapist . This is A battle that A spouse CANNOT single handedly win ; it’s an addiction & you need an Expert in that arena for guidance & to save your Marriage!!!

[@anunitaanuka7108]

Wow !! U r so amazing ! Just by hearing you half of my problems seems to be solved . Had so many wrong ideas about this topic . Beleive me I just saw my hubby watching it nad was masturbating. Felt something is wrong ,nad was thinking how to confront him. Thanks Doc u r really a saver. Loads loads of gratitude.

[@DrDougWeiss]

You're welcome. I'm glad you found this video helpful.

[@1341lurdesherrera]

30 years in marriage found out a year ago he promised no more porn throughout the years. I did see that little red flags confronted him a year ago he promise not to do it again just found out again through his phone couple days ago heartbroken. I don’t think he even tried, he just hit it better and his phone but I was able to break into his codes 😢 not much hope don’t know how to ask him if he cross the line and when life or on chat with them, don’t know why I want to know if it makes any difference advice please broken

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm sorry that you have experienced this pain and trauma from this betrayal. Your feelings are real and it is a challenge to deal with them. Right now, it is important to focus on your healing and getting support. We have counselors/coaches available that we can schedule you with at 719-278-3708. We also have a Partner phone group and Facebook group you can join to have support. You are not alone in this. www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/ facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/

[@gmcbunny577]

I don't know what to do anymore

[@sunshinemaryland327]

He said he doesn’t know if he can stop. What shall I do?

[@DrDougWeiss]

Recovery from an addiction like this is possible, but it takes a solid plan and a commitment to it. If he is willing, he can get with a sexual recovery therapist, join a support group, and work through educational recovery materials so that he can break free from this. I have helped thousands of men do this and they have managed to get healed from porn/sex addiction. If he is unwilling to get help, then he won’t change his habits and things will stay the same. Our counseling center specializes in sex addiction recovery, as well as helping partners of sex addicts heal from their spouse’s behavior. Our team of therapists offers sessions for individual therapy, couples counseling, and our 3- and 5-day intensive program, which accelerate the healing process. Contact our office at 719-278-3708 and my team can help the two of you get started. We have quite a few materials that can be used by you two. Your husband can get started with the Final Freedom ebook or get the whole sex addiction recovery set. www.drdougweiss.com/product/final-freedom-ebook/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/sex-addiction-recovery-set-download/ For you, you might find the Partners: Healing from His Addiction ebook helpful for yourself: www.drdougweiss.com/product/partners-healing-ebook/ Even if he is unwilling to deal with this, you can still get healing for yourself.

[@GracieDontPlayDat]

He needs Jesus. Jesus puts a lock on the door from the demonic Spirits, and clears a conscience with unconditional love. Mine is in the reprobate mind phase, so he has turned to wickedness so often that he dissociated, and whatever is there will not let him accept Christ. Shake the dust off from people who deny Christ.

[@tinah3353]

How do i get him to do a polygraph test if im not in Colorado? Is there options in my state?

[@DrDougWeiss]

Yes, you can contact a criminal attorney's office in your local area and ask to get a reputable polygrapher through them.

[@tinah3353]

@DrDougWeiss what questions do I ask while doing the test?

[@DrDougWeiss]

@@tinah3353 That is very specific to your situation, along with how many questions they allow you to ask. I would ask the polygraph person these questions and then talk to a counselor or coach who is familiar with this. You can call our office at 719 278 3708 and one of our administrative staff can point you in the right direction. We also have a polygrapher on staff who can answer your questions as well.

[@DrDougWeiss]

To get scheduled with a counselor/coach, call Heart to Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708.

[@greatsouthmarketing8897]

What you suggest as a first of your resources for him to watch? Or would counseling be first? He’s willing to change, but still lacking awareness as to the impact of his behavior on me. Or would you suggest a marriage resource to watch together first?

[@DrDougWeiss]

Regarding your question, it depends but you could do counseling and marriage materials in tandem with each other. Doing materials first can help the two of you get a head start on the recovery process. If you go with counseling first, that helps to establish accountability and the counselor will suggest materials pertaining to your situation. The therapists here at Heart To Heart Counseling Center are trained in both sexual addiction recovery and partner betrayal trauma to help the both of you heal and move forward. You can call my office at 719-278-3708 and start the process. For resources, there are several that would be helpful for him and for you. The first would be the "Helping Her Heal" set. It helps men understand the damage and pain that their actions are causing to their significant other. You can download this here: www.drdougweiss.com/product/helping-her-heal-download-set/ He can also utilize the "Final Freedom" book and "101 Freedom Exercises" workbook which provide clarity on sex addiction and how to navigate the path of recovery. www.drdougweiss.com/product/final-freedom-ebook/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/101-freedom-exercises-ebook/ For you, the "Partners: Healing From His Addiction" book, as well as the "Partners Recovery Guide" workbook, would be great resources to validate what you have experienced and help you work through it: www.drdougweiss.com/product/partners-healing-ebook/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/partners-recovery-guide-ebook/ You can also join our Partners Facebook group for additional support: facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/

[@greatsouthmarketing8897]

@@DrDougWeiss Thank you

[@dpalmer1557]

They never recover. We spouses of the Addicted?, we never trust again.

[@karinteeples6517]

They absolutely DO get set free!! If they do the work of intensive healing, are accountable, they can walk free. It’s a choice and a surrender of will. My husband was addicted to Porn from childhood to 56. He is now free from the bondage Of Porn.

[@reginaespinoza61]

Dr. It’s been 16 years. And it’s like it is right now. It happens again a year ago. . And the master nation it’s like wow! He won’t talk about it. This has been going on for 24 plus years this is all our marriage. Now we don’t have sex his choice. NOW WHAT?

[@DrDougWeiss]

Sounds like you are dealing with him having Intimacy Anorexia. If he doesn't want to change, it gets worse. Your trauma from this is real. You might want to get help for you or do a Partner Intensive with neuromodulation. There's also a Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group you could join for support if you'd like: www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/

[@fallon7616]

I just found out 😢

[@gmcbunny577]

My husband watches naked women and he lies me and says he's just going to the bathroom I've been married to him for 3 years and I have two kids with him and he says I'm lying on him

[@DrDougWeiss]

You can start getting support for yourself. If he has a sex addiction, it only gets worse if he choose not to change. You might want to the book "The Final Freedom" and "Partners: Healing From His Addiction" to start educating yourself. We have a Partners of Sex Addicts phone group and Facebook group that can give you support if you'd like to join. www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/ facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/

[@gmcbunny577]

@@DrDougWeiss I just wanted to know was you texting me back

[@DrDougWeiss]

@@gmcbunny577 I didn't text you, I only answered your KZbin comment.

[@bregil3382]

I have been trying to join the fb group. Why won't it let me join

[@DrDougWeiss]

Our Facebook moderator is out right now and the signing up process is paused at the moment. Next week you should be able to join without any trouble.

[@Soulwildxlovex]

Thank you ❤

[@DrDougWeiss]

You're welcome!

[@mhsmommy0710]

What are some boundaries to make

[@DrDougWeiss]

It varies depending on your situation. You can call us at 719-278-3708 to get with a coach/counselor who can help walk you through what's going on. If you need support, there's a Partners of Sex Addicts phone group and Facebook group available to join. www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/ facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/

[@MissCharlotParis]

Hello, I just found your channel.. my husband has been watching porn and having problems with it for 4 years and he always promised me he will stop. I constantly hurt and cry. He never took the steps to actually change ever until I threaten to leave. I want him to get help on his own not only get help when the relationship is threatened. Almost 5 years of this is very draining and painful and I’m not sure if I could go on like this. The spousal betrayal trauma is so real. I don’t know if I can go on like this because it keeps happening every few months. It really hurts

[@DrDougWeiss]

What you’ve described is a common experience for many who are married to sex and porn addicts. It’s a difficult dynamic when someone refuses help or treatment for what they are struggling with. The hard truth is that as much as you wish, you cannot force someone to accept help. They have to be willing to change. When dealing with an addict, it’s important to believe their behavior over their words alone. I have a KZbin video called, “My Sexually Addicted Spouse Won’t Change” which goes into this and may provide some insight for you. kzbin.info/www/bejne/ip68kp9nisl8nbs Nevertheless, the partner betrayal trauma that you have from this is real. You are not in any way at fault for his actions. I’m so sorry for the pain and frustration that you’ve gone through. At this time, please consider reaching out and getting support and healing for yourself. Our therapists here are trained in dealing with partner betrayal trauma and will compassionately work with you so that you can truly process what’s going on and receive encouraging guidance. Contact our office at 719-278-3708 to make an appointment for yourself and start your path of healing. We also have a free Partners Facebook group that has a community of women with similar experiences that you can connect with and receive support from as well. You don’t have to go through this alone. facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa We have a few resources that you might find helpful as well. The Partners Healing From His Addiction ebook and workbook were designed to validate what you have gone through and provide guidance in the matter. www.drdougweiss.com/product/partners-healing-ebook/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/partners-recovery-guide-ebook/ The Why Do I Stay video download might be useful for you as well as it gives you the tools to properly evaluate the relationship that you are in. www.drdougweiss.com/product/why-do-i-stay-video-download/

[@clearpassageministries]

You must address the spiritual strong hold. We cannot discuss, disect or therapy away demonic strong holds. War in the spirit fast and pray in your heavenly language. You have to war the "taste of it' out of your marriage, their spirit, re consecrate every thing, rededicate EVERY THING!! WE WRESTLE NOT!! Stop playing with this!! You will be responsible if you don't address this to the point of deliverance by GOD!!

[@Kian_Karbor]

Your Iranian fan 🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷

[@GracieDontPlayDat]

The Bible has interesting thoughts on this: what the difference is between a REPROBATE MIND, and a Christian who sins but accepts Christ unconditional love and forgiveness to unsear the conscience.

[@hwy138]

ha ha i wish my husband would look. no way. he has no desire even for that,

[@gberchenko]

This title assumes that its the man who looks at porn and gets caught by his woman and not the other way around. An assumption which is not true. Imho porn is like wine. A moderate amount is ok, good even be healthy but it can be addictive and that can be a problem. The same can be true about anything else.

[@jessiesheldon-huffey1824]

Porn is not "healthy" at any level. It is dehumanizing and objectifies women and rewires the brain. People just try to make excuses for watching it in "moderation" to justify doing it.😢

[@Clinueee]

He simply has higher sex drive than her but is not supposed to have any outlet? That is just inhumane and cruel. Males have high sex drives for obvious biological reasons, it's not sex addiction or a disease.

[@TiffanyWashko]

You could rationalize sex with other women using that same logic. Do you have self control or not?

[@GracieDontPlayDat]

And some of our ancestors roamed the countryside killing everyone they saw because we were naturally stronger than they were. Read the Bible-good insights on sin nature vs. having a mind renewed by Christ. Try reading Romans since it is about the culture who ended up killing in the name of Christ, against the Biblical Christ.