Why You Shut Down Sometimes

When you are in the depths of overwhelm, it can feel impossible to do anything - even when you know action is the one thing that will keep everything from falling a part.
Why does this happen?
What can you do about it?
Can you do ANYTHING about it?
Let's dive in
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Here's what's in the video:
00:00 Understanding the Freeze Response
The freeze response, a psychological reaction to overwhelming stressors, can paralyze us, similar to a survival instinct triggered by life-threatening danger. This response is a product of our brain's inability to distinguish between chronic stress and imminent danger.
The Nature of Freeze Response 05:14
The freeze response is an involuntary reflex, not a conscious choice. It occurs when the midbrain, convinced of imminent danger, redirects resources away from the frontal lobe, affecting functions like emotion regulation, behavioral inhibition, and complex social engagement. This response can be triggered by overwhelming stressors.
Effective Strategies During Freeze Response 13:00
Motivation through pressure or consequences is not effective during a freeze response. Instead, focus on small victories, celebrate them extensively, and gradually build momentum to shift away from the freeze response.

[@depressedrabbit3381]

I honestly, have given up on life. My freeze response got so bad due to illness, financial stresses, and just overall being an aging adult in america, that I thought there's nothing I can do about never being able to motivate myself to do anything/achieve anything in my entire life. I was making plans for a final exit in about five years because I just couldn't bear the thought of having to live like this for another day, much less several more decades. And you, a person I never met, had literally given me hope back, that my life is not over, that I CAN do something about this, and that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. You have no idea, what I feel right now. Heck, I don't know what I feel right now, but there are tears in my eyes and I have no idea why I'm crying.

[@DrScottEilers]

This is just amazing to read. Thank you so much for letting me know that this helped! ❤️❤️❤️

[@arcanadawn]

You are worth the time it takes to get better. You are more than the sum of your completed tasks. You deserve to feel like a healthy, happy person again. Please, if the darkness closes in again, reach out your hand. You are not alone. Whether to a crisis line in your area, or to trusted family/friends, make sure you take care of you. I know that darkness all too well, and I know the lies it tells. Don't give in.

[@fetingadelan8093]

come to me, we fix together, we heal togther, and just grow old together in indonesia with simple life and back to nature

[@mem1701movies]

@@DrScottEilersI don’t have hope. I lost my mom and no one will help me.

[@1592sandra]

I also am in same freeze mode as you, sadly😢good luck to you❤

[@tierneylogan5943]

I just don’t want to do anything but sleep. I don’t really want to die but I’d like to just sleep for the rest of my life.

[@lss74]

This makes total sense❤

[@thebestcat9601]

I can relate to this.

[@Bobby007D]

Yes , but if you don't get up and do stuff , then you won't be able to go back to sleep.

[@tierneylogan5943]

@@Bobby007D sure i can 😂

[@rr7firefly]

I remember when I was in college I would fall far behind with assignments and all I could do was hide under the covers. In bed. Some of that was sleep, but even in a sort of awake state of mind I was blanking my mind, intentionally not thinking because that was too painful to bear.

[@RestingBeachFace]

This explains so much. Taking a shower can be as difficult as running a marathon.

[@nyc631]

Before jumping in SHOWER I THINK TWICE MAYBE THREE TIMES. I HEAR WHAT MY INSTINCT TELLS ME. THEN I DO IT. ITS AN ART I JAD TO DEVELOP SO I CAN SAVE TIME AND ENERGY A

[@winterfawn2341]

Exactly ❤

[@argoitzrazkin2572]

​@@nyc631Hiii, could you explain this again please? Thank you ❤

[@sheeesh8659]

I'm literally crying rn

[@Criticalthinker-z3o]

I thought I was the only one

[@Solabusiness]

Me personally? It's like being dead already but making an appearence to prevent my loved ones grief. I feel trapped and unable to do anything, constantly worried about money, managing my mood, and keeping everyone else happy too.

[@maryannegunter115]

I know exactly how you feel

[@steyraug96]

Other people's mood is not your responsibility. You cannot manage them. Cannot induce a feeling in them, either. They either take control of themselves or they don't. You can't manage their moods for them. I have the same problem, so I understand. Two mentally ill adults, one 61 and one 29, mother and daughter, daughter has Bipolar, both depressed, and so am I. All I want is a decent woman, but I'm the cook, chauffeur, maid, butler, carpenter, plumber, etc. Woman went to a card making retreat Saturday, napped on Sunday. I cleaned the house, did laundry, made the dough for dinner, got her daughter to and from work, you get the idea. Also primary breadwinner. After 18 years of this, and far worse, I'm burned. It's endless "what needs to be done next" even though I'm exhausted.

[@lookingupwithwonder]

Are you a mum like me?

[@rocker76m88]

Same here and it sucks

[@birdbath2002]

I learned it started for me with self love. Completely unconditional and forgiveness of self ❤

[@MSS-bf1ci]

You are not lazy, you only have a certain amount of energy and right now you are using it all to survive.❤

[@user-zy5qy5nv5c]

Yes

[@carladaniels7910]

Thankyou Dr. SCOTT, PLEASE do more videos, this has helped alot.

[@nicolebrock7274]

100% 😢

[@caroltapia4917]

Good point

[@marliesyanke4580]

​@carladaniels7910 I learn more from this man than from my psychologist for the last two years. He gives us tips yo work with.

[@Mmmmchocolate]

I feel like I’ve been in a freeze response for years. 😢 I’m so burnt out by life. I don’t want to get out of bed anymore. I’ve had it.

[@ArtSio443]

same here, BUT sometimes i felt MUCH better and in those times I'm able to work on myself the correct way and I'm confident I will eventually get out of the swamp somehow. Even if I'll have to celebrate my smallest achievements like a lunatic

[@BeeRich33]

I keep telling myself after a bike-ride, that the pre-ride negative feelings are strange, considering post-ride feelings are amazing. I have to remember these episodes and how often they happen. If you can get a routine into play, that should help. Shower, coffee, and a short walk in an optimized setting. That could set you off on a regular schedule.

[@SRMoore1178]

I'm at a weird point where I don't want to get out of bed but I also don't want to stay in bed.

[@ArtSio443]

@@BeeRich33 yeah I think that should help too, I'm emotionally too triggered to be able to follow a routine, but maybe psychotherapy (which I just started) should help me routinize emotional expression too

[@devpzextra]

​​@@SRMoore1178 same it's torture. I'm so anxious to get back on track idk how much more I can handle. I'm so tired only getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night.

[@floatingclouds8959]

It’s been a week since I showered. Today I showered thanks to the video. Feeling proud of myself!

[@traceyarnaud8433]

I couldn’t figure out why my hair looked so greasy until I realized that I hadn’t showered in a week. Those days went by in such a dull blur that I couldn’t believe it had been 7 days. Emotional trauma can do that. Good luck to you.

[@lookingupwithwonder]

Because you felt heard and seen?

[@tiredofit1968]

@floatingclouds8959, good for you. I hope you are doing well.

[@slothochdonut3099]

do that every week! you can do it!

[@WeabooScourgeKiller]

Good job! ☺️👍🏿

[@cqbarnieify]

I have PTSD. This explains so much. I feel like I’m frozen in a silent scream. I don’t want to shower. I don’t want to do anything.

[@jogriffiths5766]

Yes. I have cptsd. Problems with...taking regular showers, washing hair, leaving washing up for 2 days, hoovering. All of which I can do despite being disabled. Mine is narcissistic abuse syndrome...HOWEVER; I put bin out this morning, sorted out a rat problem, in back garden, (last night,) did my online Ocado order for tomorrow, threw some old stuff out of fridge. I intend to have shower this afternoon & do washing & put on line. For that, I'll enjoy a glass of wine later! (Better than yesterday & improving bit by bit.) The 'patting myself on the back' is helping. Thanks.

[@jogriffiths5766]

@@alanrascon6069 Ta !! I did most of that again today!! x

[@lesawilkes5673]

Ditto, me too on and off... God bless you.

[@yomommashouse89.]

Shower,if not you'll get ringworm

[@lookingupwithwonder]

❤

[@betsy6374]

My daughter has these days where she stays in bed and can't find motivation to get up. Shes been depressed for years. I have tried to motivate her, but now I will help her find something to praise her smallest accomplishments. I am a nurse, and this absolutely makes sense to me. Thank you

[@lindachatrin7221]

I know how it is, not to be able to do something that helps...❤️ Its so hard to be a mother when your child have such a painful disorder and not being able to fix it.....💔 Praying for our daughters getting better ❤️🙏🏻❤️

[@rbspider]

I have a motivation issue myself , I just started to read the comments, yours is second from the top. Does she know why she is depressed? I know why I have been depressed. Does she have friends. I consider myself friendless. I know people but do not socialize with them. Does she work? Work was the only task I was dedicated to. I wouldn't even take a holiday or vacation day, because I would end up just staying inside, even on gorgeous days. I got satisfaction from work. Does she workout. That was another activity that got me out. Of course I was lucky and we had a gym at work. I am not working. My only motivation to do something has been to walk somewhere to play the lottery. I don't enjoy the walk, I feel that the only hope for happiness would be to become rich. Winter will be tough. I'll spend hours watching this app. I have wasted thirty years. I hope your daughter can find something to motivate her! Listening to this guy has not motivated me. People have told me to Get on with your life, that didn't help.

[@freedomtherapies507]

I'm sorry for this.i am a daughter who's mother is also going through this, except I'm 43 and I have been on and off this trauma rollercoaster for years, I do live on my own but I do still go and stay with my mum, my not advice but words I suppose are at least she feels safe enough to be with you, maybe nothing makes sense. Maybe nothing makes sense to her. Gosh I hop you and she will be ok.

[@dblackout1107]

I’m the kid in this dynamic. We want to be better too. Don’t give up on us or think you did anything wrong if something happens. Mental health is ultimately a personal battle and it may be slow recovery but it’s undoubtedly up to the individual to fix things. Acknowledging those little things is a great thing to do. On the contrary, bringing up all the issues to me to get done just forces me to think about all the things I already think too much about when I’m alone. This freezing thing has been the hardest thing to explain to my family. The only way I could put it was “I feel dead inside.” I know what I need to do. I know there’s other things I need to start doing that I haven’t done before to grow as a person and actually get happy again, but all the while I’ve felt like a dead man walking.

[@jemmajames6719]

My son is the same 30 never had a full time job and hardly ever worked, he was such an out going boy, he says it’s only us that has stopped him committing suicide, I’m so lost it’s frightening so I tend to bury my head in the sand then feel incredibly guilt.

[@ajmiser2183]

Wow ! I thought I was lazy, unmotivated, unorganized, unambiguous, undisciplined, and then some. I have had anxiety as long as I can remember, and that's long enough. There are times, when I literally sit and do nothing except get more anxious because I'm doing nothing. I promise myself I will do better tomorrow. I don't. At this point, I'm going to take your advice, and try this. If not, I will continue to sit here, frozen. Thank you. Thank all of you for commenting. I don't feel so alone now.

[@moniqueengleman873]

Yes. Tired of existing. Metastatic Cancer, financial responsibility, and my landlords just announced they are moving so I just got evicted. I am completely petrified 😱

[@sherrywilliams8041]

I feel exactly this way...HELP it's a nightmare

[@mindysmith3683]

Watch the world die ! Think as you do that . End of day , if you take one . What if , you took 2 days in one ?

[@Vekurus]

This completely describes me as well. I feel your pain and frustration! I took a Stay-cation to try and catch up on that massive to do list. I completed nearly nothing, just wanted to nap. Not only am I hard on myself, but I feel I have let my wife down.

[@moniqueengleman873]

How sad that so many of us spend so much time feeling frozen and then we hate ourselves for being non productive. This sounds like an epidemic. Bless us all. Because this sucks.

[@Cherrybee61]

I washed a few dishes in the sink, next day a few more, next day a bit more, took me a week and it feels great to have a clean sink. Tomorrow I'll work on the laundrycand maybe a shower.🎉

[@kathy.7475]

I do the same. I break down tasks into bite size pieces. It has helped me get things done that need to be done.

[@billhaq6571]

How are u doing cherry? I’m taking b vitamins they help a lot, hope ur ok.

[@suzandeniz2431]

Almost the same here. I call them 'small conquers' but they actually help a lot.

[@teniast506]

Well done, you are doing great .take care

[@tedcorey3054]

If you don't do anything , nothing can go wrong .

[@charazarz9280]

Going out the door can feel like, walking the plank.

[@Ramathorn.14]

Exactly!! If u never leave ur house (bedroom 😖) then nothing bad can happen to u...

[@barbaracook4012]

exactley

[@RC.41]

Who’s paying the bills jerk?

[@MB-qq7qj]

Doing nothing is still a decision to a point. Clutter piles up. Social circle dies. Dating goes out the window. Then life gets even harder than before. Unfortunately, I've learned the hard way. Please keep trying ❤.

[@beebee1676]

Never in history have we been so overwhelmed with choices, technology & information. It can be crippling. I first noticed this happen after my first child... standing in the supermarket to buy nappies... there were so many brands, sizes, prices, a whole aisle! it started an anxiety response I'd never faced before, i couldn't decide. Our brains have not evolved to handle sensory overload that is the modern world.

[@susanlisson7066]

Ugh you are so right! Shopping at the supermarket is so stressful! So many choices makes it hard to focus, plus I have to read labels so I can see what nasty additives have been added which makes it very time consuming. I even make grocery lists but still get overwhelmed by the amount of choices in all supermarkets. I even shop online occasionally and it still takes me a while to go through all the grocery items until I find the right one due to all the varieties.

[@lindseyaucoin4798]

Exactly! And on the rare occasion that I decide to "just allow myself to chill out and watch a movie tonight. Just a little mindless TV". HA! No such thing. The number of choices is SO overwhelming! Especially for those of us who grew up with only 3 channels. 😂

[@paulaweadon8130]

I agree with you..

[@pucie_boi]

There's a concept for that; it's called the Choice Paradox and I also often find myself in paralysis by analysis

[@Lissbirds]

This is also why I can't read a book or watch a show; the choices are overwhelming and I can't decide to pick just one.

[@beekind6267]

This really helped me today. I actually brushed my teeth. It helped me to get in the shower.

[@BePresent.]

That is such an achievement..I just cannot no matter what I do.... brush my teeth or shower now I have ulcers and I'm too scared to see a dentist it's just so grim😢. Well done for your personal achievement 🎉 ❤ xxxxx

[@beekind6267]

@@BePresent. 😫😫😔🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I'm so sorry! I pray things get better amd better for you! 🙏🏽

[@pageandink]

I so know what you mean ❤good for you.

[@marynjoroge8357]

​@@BePresent.Be gentle with yourself even if it is only to gargle with salt water or mouthwash. The momentary pain of the visit to the dentist cannot be compared with the weight that will be lifted off your mind and heart when you can smile confidently again. Think about that image every day and night until it becomes bigger and more important to you than your fear. I am cheering for you ❤

[@marynjoroge8357]

Forward is forward no matter the distance❤

[@Darthdoodoo]

I've never been addicted to my phone until I broke my leg and have been in bed for 2 years. I've had nothing to do but sit on KZbin all day and it's completely drained any motivation I had. I think a huge part of people's depression right now is their cell phone sucking their brain dry and making them miserable 😖

[@user-zd2jl1ys9i]

Have you been walking daily? Should help, long walks can cure mild depression for sure, google it. In nature, it would be ideal.

[@tomrobertson4945]

You know what, I think you're on point. I think I need to go back to my old Nokia brick phone.

[@dorothywatts4607]

I HAD NO IDEA that what is going on with me is a common occurrence. It is the fact that I am now 71 years old and am not the energizer, socializer, kick-butt house cleaner, courtroom Paralegal I once was. Cannot even bring myself to slip an Amazon item into a bag to return! 😮 This “freeze” video was exactly what I needed to hear to take the first step. Thanks to everyone who commented as well. Very hopeful

[@user-ce8vg7pn7r]

I have been there in one five year stretch I got NOTHING DONE! This man is a hero and gives great counsel- I think there is genetic element in the freeze response- my grandmother was highly educated and when not in response, did incredible amounts and quality of work- but when in freeze- took all day to NOT get shoes on! And so much left undone in her life was tragic; I pray you break out and produce until at least 115 years of age! john

[@ChlorineSpeedo]

Oh my goodness! I've got 2 too hard to get in a bag to return, I can eat the $30. Hang in there!

[@bridgetsieger2261]

I have many unreturned Amazon things for this reason.

[@charazarz9280]

At 70 yo I am not interested in anything but being surrounded with silence.

[@lisafilly464]

I’ve been in bed for 2 days. I make up stories of why I can’t meet someone for lunch. I have to get ready for work tomorrow and I’m dreading getting up and getting dressed. I only shower every other day even when I have to go to work. Nobody cares so it doesn’t really matter. I do get up and fix something to eat but I just want to stay home and not be around people.

[@davidmitchell2926]

I feel all you pain...I'm actually crying right now. I don't know why I'm still here ,an empty life.

[@ancientwisdom108]

Taking a shower first thing in the morning, makes a positive difference because it clears some of the fog. Moves energy. 🙏🌍🕊🕊

[@ancientwisdom108]

​@@davidmitchell2926The world needs you... because you can love. 🙏🌍🕊🕊

[@jillathehun419]

​@@davidmitchell2926 Stay strong. You are here for a purpose 🫶

[@susancarter8025]

Me too! God Bless You!

[@haliec496]

For a year i basically stayed in bed. I was going through extreme trauma. I learned to be gentle with myself and do what made me feel safe. I knew i was ill and my body needed rest. I look back now and i am so proud of allowing myself this time. Eventually i was able to get up, go to the kitchen, grab a snack. Maybe brush my hair, maybe put on different clothes, wash my face. Little by little i eventually got fully dressed and sat downstairs. I still find it difficult to shower regularly. Its exhausting for me but Im trying. I rest regularly now and speak kind words to myself.

[@kimmullins337]

Thank u, this is currently my state as well. Hopelessness is trying as hard as it can to kick my ass.

[@TC-vq6yz]

​@@kimmullins337, No, I would say your brain is trying it's very best to save you. Recognize that self care, (i.e., bathing, clean clothes, brushing your teeth, etc.) is essential to begin the mental healing. It is a way to show your brain that you value/like yourself. When we expect others to care about our well being, when we wait for external forces to improve our lives, we are as if an infant. Unable to do for ourselves. Although hard, as an infant does, we must stretch the "muscles" at our disposal. Over time we will grow in strength and ability to move beyond the freeze. Use your brain to learn something new, a language, read about something new to you such as history, or vitamins for healthier living, Keto diet. Accomplish something physical every day, sit up, tidy an area, cook your meals and clean up afterwards, etc. Show your brain you want to care about yourself and your brain helps you escape the freeze. This approach seems to be working for me, anyway. Wishing us both the best in the future.😊

[@muzikelektronik]

Hi... this is honestly the first time I am reading people that go or went through the same thing as I have for almost a decade., a solid 7 years with paralazing depression, totall loss of willpower at its worst, like you say; no eating but feeling hunger, no showering, a vegetable. I luckily have one very good friend who took care of me (and he is on the autism spectrum!) ... only just recently it got better due to high dose psychostimulant medication as a final shock therapy thing, off label prescribed. It was also triggered by serial traumatic events. I have to deal with people close to me (family) not understanding what this is and what this does to a person... if you feel like talking to someone who knows what you're going through or you need to just have some understanding, I'll be happy to listen or talk or give some encouraging, let me know and I'll give you a personal email adress from me to you, even anonymously if you wish. I am a European female, nothing weird or whatever. Because this sucks BIG time, and I know how much and maybe I can offer some support. Kind greetings, X

[@fleurosea]

I felt like this in the past, deep in that feeling, but through really doing the hard work to learn self compassion I now am sitting in my yard in the sunshine watching the birds. However, behind me there’s a big pile of dishes needing my attention, this lesson about gentle self compassion I return to again and again, it’s getting easier to remember.

[@kimmullins337]

@@TC-vq6yz thank u for ur kind,wise words. It feels right. This is something I struggle with🤗

[@realitymentalhealthrmh]

Depression drains your energy. Such good advice. Also laughter really helps. It’s the last thing you want to do but if you can watch something that makes you laugh every day , it really helps

[@kreativjunkie8053]

CPTSD here. Survivor of a narcicisstic "mother/family" (which I broke contact since a year now) and an abusive husband (half a year now). My last job was as an ambulance driver. After two years I had a complete burn out. I thoght it was only because of the job, but indeed it was a burn out of my life/struggling for survival. Thank You so much for this video. It explaines everything. Yesterday I was working a bit in my garden after weeks of shutting myself away. I allowed myself to watch my favorite childhood shows like Jim Hensons Muppets, Mr. Rogers and other educational shows, I 've not seen for ages (50 years here). Then I saw your video and everything clicks into place. Thank you so much and may the creator bless you❤️

[@jogriffiths5766]

Thank you. I too, must make my poor inner child happy. (I was parentified as a kid.)

[@brucejones7307]

I know this "freeze" feeling so well. I cared for both my elderly parents from 2015. Being a carer is so stressful. The "freeze brain" started In 2017, my father died from prostate cancer In 2022 my mum passed away from dementia and strokes. All the time I was bullied by a family member for not being a better carer. I'm slowly starting to come out of the freeze. I need to start celebrating my little victories. Thank you for your video.

[@Plethorality]

I am sorry for your multiple losses, and their bullying is stupid as you were putting in the work and they were not. You did the best you could do. Your parents know that... Now, more than ever. (Death is just leaving the body. Not the end of existence ) I am just starting the carer duties. It is hard. I wish you well in your grief and recovery.

[@brucejones7307]

@@Plethorality I have always said - All carers deserve a medal. Mum had a lot of carers. They taught me a lot. I wouldn't of made it without their help. Ps Even though they are gone, I still talk to my parents. Not all the time! But sometimes I can actually feel them in the room. Thank you.

[@vicky_webcatuk]

@brucejones7307 i was just about to post the same as you! being a carer for parents is almost unmatched for stress, to the edge and beyond, i did 100 hours a week for ten years, she had dementia, 8t was bey9nd awful.. especially in the last few weeks as Mum was dying - horrendously i might add. I'd go out to her garden and scream into a pillow, scream and scream... her neighbours knew what was going on, they left me to it bless them.. its been a decade now but i shall never fully recover, another year would have killed me for sure, like you i had big trouble from my siblings too, it split the family forever, i did SO much, and they were so ungrateful, attacking me at my lowest point, i shall never forgive them. I think I'll be tired for ever more. I know what its like to hit the edge on every level, physically emotionally financially, mentally, and it went on and on and on Took 2 years for my fight or flight to calm down, i was on full-on emergency alert for years after Mum went, 2 hours sleep pattern thoroughly ingrained. My hair and my teeth fell out and id lose my balance just standing still. Im a lot better now but ill never be fully healed, it was much too much. You have my complete sympathy and understanding, weve been right to the edge of hell and back, and no-one but another carer can understand exactly how extreme it is. It breaks you. X

[@dawnjohnson8739]

Oh, my gosh, I went through something similar in taking care of my mom and the family being jerks . . . . It is REALLY hard being a care taker; takes everything out of you. I wish you every health.

[@dawnjohnson8739]

@@vicky_webcatukOh, my God, Vicky. I am so sorry you had to go through all this. May God bless you.

[@kristannestone1748]

I started a sticker book, bc as a child I had a loser sticker book with almost no stickers, when everyone else had cool ones. It might sound silly, but I truly look forward, even as an adult, to rewarding myself with a sticker for something as simple as washing a pan with burned food stuck to the bottom, or brushing my hair.

[@1956soulmate]

👏😉❤️

[@4kassis]

go for it!!!

[@seasand764]

May seem small to some but we know..

[@JoLoughrey]

Love this!

[@SofiUk0319]

This is a great idea, and I love it more because it isn't a food reward... I mean nothing wrong with treats, but it's not always the best motivator ❤

[@maryvogt4860]

I am frozen from a narcissist's abuse for almost 50 years

[@pipers-lildogadventures5360]

I finally exited the narcissistic abuse cycle I was born into, 3 months ago. I am 59. I am grateful to finally understand wth happened, but to rebuild the life force they've sucked out of me is overwhelming. So I started journalling. It's helping, but I am lacking financial resources to really allow myself the chance to heal, since my finances were decimated leaving the last narc. It's not easy, but we can do it, bc we got thru the cycle, while some never made it out. ❤🎉😊

[@LadyJ70]

I was married to covert narcissist for 25 years. I've been out of the relationship for almost 3 yrs. Going through this. I wish there was a magic wand.

[@bridgetsieger2261]

@@LadyJ70me too.

[@charazarz9280]

My life has been full of narcissistic abuse. As a child and adolescent it was my mother. Twenty seven years married to narcissistic mean unloving husband. It takes years to try and talk yourself out of the belief that you are worthless.

[@spk3163]

@maryvogt4860 I'm so sorry you've endured such abuse for so long! This type of abuse from a narcissist is 10 fold from other abusive relationships. They are not just messed up in the head. They are Pure Evil, and they don't "get better," and they rarely seek help or benefit from therapy. As far as going to therapy for yourself, keep in mind that it's crucial to make sure the therapist is trained in narcissistic abuse. I endured 11 years (which is nothing compared to how long you were victimized). I am currently in therapy working hard to move on to a better life. It's HARD!!! But it is necessary. You did the most important thing, you left. You're brave and a stronger person. I hope for you nothing but happiness.

[@zugzug6773]

I've been in this for about 2 years. So far I have managed not to get fired from my job and that is the great victory of my life. I also ordered trash service at my house and have thrown out most of the pizza boxes and other trash I have been sleeping with by taking a few things out the door with me as I go to work each day. I have a 4 day weekend coming up. I've been thinking about washing my sheets.

[@foxylady6901]

I'm a lawyer with the burden of my country on my shoulders (literally) and I lost my beloved mother 3 years ago who i took care of during her transition with stage 4 lung cancer. My older sister and aunts bullied me so terribly and tired to find every fault they could in my abilities. They even blamed me for my mother's passing. I sought grief counseling and im now in therapy but no one could explain what i was experiencing for the past 3 years what you just explained in 20 minutes! Im amazed! I draft legislation and weeks and months would go by and i literally couldn't even muster up the motivation to open the word document to begin my work. I've even started to miss deadlines. This added to my stress! But i just opened up the word document and jumped up and down praising myself for doing that one small thing and miraculousy I was able to actually read the document. I praised myself some more! I paused to write this comment but im about to actually start working on the document now too. I can't believe this, but this actually works! Thank you!! ❤ Im going to get back to work now 😅

[@DrScottEilers]

😁 this makes me so happy ❤️❤️

[@taroman7100]

I have two brothers like that--monsters.

[@foxylady6901]

@@taroman7100 I'm so sorry to hear that anyone else is going thru the he!l I've gone through with my sibling. We're going to make it through this! Videos like these help tremendously!!

[@Chelle8847]

This is so amazing to read. Isn't it funny how something so simple is the answer to fix us...! And, having it explained like in this video makes so much sense! I'm gonna start doing this too, I already do try to do this, praising myself for the small things I'm able to do, and breaking everything right down into manageable chunks. I have a lot of trauma, from many things, but one thing is my upbringing, and the way my mum is... She focuses on the negatives, always focuses on the things I've NOT done, rather than all the great small things I have done and achieved. She looks too far ahead. I'm trying to just take life one day at a time, sometimes even less than a day, a few hours at a time. Live in the present! And learning to enjoy living in the present and it helps me to look at life in easier, smaller parts. For example, if I have appointments booked that I have to remember a few weeks ahead... I try to put them out of my mind until I get closer to the time. That's really helped me too. I hope you continue to improve, and don't beat yourself up if you have a couple times of going backwards or a couple bad days etc. Let yourself fall apart for a bit, and then put urself back together again, take it so slowly. You got this! And so do I! Sending love from England ❤

[@foxylady6901]

@@Chelle8847 thank you so much! 🥰

[@JohnnyRebKy]

I won’t get up and do anything unless it’s absolutely last min and HAS to be done. I will put the most simple things off for days, weeks, months, if I can. It’s like I have a primal fear of leaving my self isolation box. 📦. And when I do I rush back to it asap. UPDATE: got a lot of comments about this. I recently bought myself a new Harley. It seems to be helping some. Wind in your face seems to stir up some endorphins and happiness. I decided to dive into something I used to love doing and hoping it would wake me up some. So far it seems to be working. I had to force myself to do it but glad I did

[@Sam-ny9tz]

Same here! Then when I do something as simple as dishes I feel exhausted and want to curl back into bed. Dark cold room is my safe place lately 😩🤦🏽‍♀️

[@Petesx7vo]

What do you think brought that on

[@theresamealer3314]

Right there too- sorry you feel that way too, but glad I am not alone.

[@JohnnyRebKy]

@@Petesx7vo probably result of multiple events. I had a big back surgery that changed my life forever and never really recovered from. It took my physical ability away and made it very limited. Being a 6’3 strong healthy looking guy yet having such a fragile back affected me mentally a lot. Then add the wife running off and leaving me while I was down on my luck and couldn’t work. Then both my parents died. Then my house burned down. Yes, it’s been rough. I just withdrew from the world

[@Cloc8]

I am so sorry. This must be hell for you, sadly, I am in much the same place. God help and bless us both.

[@maladyofdeath]

We live in a dystopian hellscape, where is the meaning to all this. Im alone, work a miserable job that doesnt pay enough to cover all my expenses, get rejected constantly by women, and have lived a sexless and intimacy void life. Last time anyone hugged me was before the pandemic. I am a total failure and will die alone and broke. Most days I resent waking up.

[@rynneivarsson751]

Friend, we are not meant to live this life in despair, sadness and hopelessness. We are not. We are meant to spend it seeking, finding, and sharing joy. Yeah, that sounds nice, right? Makes you want to run right out and buy pom poms did it? LOL - The thing is, joy is all around us, if we choose to see it. You don't have to jump right in to a tent revival crowd. Look outside, notice a tree flourishing, a flower blooming, a bird gathering sticks for it's nest. Take the time to honor those, to enjoy those things. I used to force myself, every morning, to find THREE things that bring me joy. Can be anything, a goofy coffee cup I bought, a nice rug, a pair of good socks. Stop, take a minute to thank yourself for having the wisdom to bring that thing into your life. Then, I'd do it while I was going down the road... Becomes kinetic once we tame that toxic harpy inner voice. That inner voice is suppose to alert us if like, wolves are chasing us. Not nag us over not vacuuming. Joy, hope, and love are all around us if that is what we are looking for. Find Yours. Huge hug to you on your healing journey.

[@yarbisallee7501]

So sorry I can relate …

[@moragmacgregor6792]

I get that.

[@ravenragnar]

Greed has ruined our humanity.

[@gargoyleb]

Truer words were never writ.

[@lizbits9339]

At least in the United States

[@intelligentinfinity]

Generosity, compassion, gratitude and love can repair it.

[@always_b_kind]

100%. Today I just had a talk with my teens to remember in life to think of others and not just yourselves. I know their frontal lobes aren't fully developed so it's probably normal to be quite into themselves at this age (working out, thinking of fashion and vehicles) and not ocean conservation, picking up litter, volunteering, etc 😆

[@riseevolution]

thats why i have the freeze. i cannot function in this society

[@jennebeattie3168]

Lost my 14 year old son 16 months ago. I was functioning but the last few months I have DEFINITELY gone into a freeze response. Every single thing is so, so, sooooooo hard. No matter how small it is. My limbs are HEAVY. I'm TIRED 😮‍💨

[@DrScottEilers]

I know 😫 I think my video next week will be very helpful for you ❤️

[@kikijewell2967]

So sorry for your loss. 🥺

[@katiesanders96]

I am so sorry!!!

[@petemorton8403]

Can't even imagine, may you have 20 more. I got nothin

[@KaoXoni]

Give yourself the time, space and full permission to mourn! Mother yourself unashamedly and take take as much care of yourself as you both can and need, and if you need more than what you can do for yourself, do the bravest thing of all and ask homever, however many people needed to help you fill in the gap. If friends can show up to give youba hug, to just be there and listen or even sit while you say nothing, that's great. If they can also leave you alone while you need that without abandonning you, that's fantastic. Because part of it can only be done by yourself. The way out is through. With a lifeline, an oxygen bottle, a slinghot and a torch maybe... you name it... and with the propect of taking an unspecified, but finite time on your own terms. You will come out the other end healed, strong and empathetic, a healer yourself, and may I say: sooner than you know it. However long it takes will be shorter than what you expected it to be in the darkest moment.

[@LisasLifeThenandNow]

I really hope I can reverse this. I’ve been ‘on hold’ for way too long. I just can’t get out of it. I feel frustrated, bored, exhausted, overwhelmed, lonely, but also want to be alone.

[@scottweathersby6659]

Lisa I'm the same way

[@allanmcinnes4765]

My feelings too Lisa...Modern Life in all its complexity as years go by demands courage...no wonder our brains get frazzled.

[@mhairibuchanan7791]

Me too , I feel like my life has totally just passed by, and I havent accomplished jack shit .

[@CrimeAndTides]

Same 💔

[@dianejones4276]

Wow, didn't realize how many of us struggle. Ok, so what do we do now?

[@KillerCammy85]

I've been struggling so bad since the lockdowns. It was such a horrible experience for me at the time and I havent been able to get back to where I was before. I'm just so exhausted with life.

[@caseywoods7715]

Im watching this video in bed lol.

[@violetgilkes3625]

me too

[@riseevolution]

me too. i am in a shared house cannot have my space accumulated by the years thats why the freeze response. cannot get out of this. getting out of the room is to see someone its paralizing

[@AustinRoberts88]

As a kid I grew up in a family where I was basically shamed and punished when I wasn't perfect. So I now have a freeze response whenever I make a mistake. So thank you for this, I think it's going to make a big difference in the amount of stress I can handle.

[@missmayflower]

I hear you. That’s how I grew up. What I did to help release that paralyzing perfectionism was to choose something low-stakes (housework) and intentionally perform it half-a$$ed. For example, just run through the house with the vacuum cleaner on the traffic areas instead of pulling out all the furniture and doing under the sofa cushions. Or, instead of clearing out the whole bathroom and scrubbing it down, just give an area, like the sink, a spritz of Windex and quick wipe with a paper towel whenever I felt like it or noticed something bothered me. Surprisingly, it was tremendously freeing when I adjusted to not doing a perfect job. I lost that all-or-nothing attitude, that fear of starting cause I don’t have time to do a job perfectly. Now my house always looks pretty good cause I’m always doing little tasks without the anxiety of having to do it perfectly that prevents us from even starting. Meals no longer have to be gourmet masterpieces. I just get some food on the table. Living with things being “good enough” is so much easier once we retrain our brains. Even a vacation, which is supposed to be relaxing would become stressful with the need to make it “perfect” and do all the things. Now, I just go and, if all I do is read a book while there, it’s okay. It’s what made me happy.

[@theinfamousop2691]

What helps me out with that shit cuz I’ve been through it is telling myself over and over again “ wait wtf I’ve got nothing to prove to those people 😂 “ until I’m satisfied and then move on with my life

[@KarmasAbutch]

Ibeen trying to find a way to google this crippling condition for years, and literally just found out yesterday it’s called Perfectionism Paralysis and yes - it comes from childhood trauma - that bit wasn’t the mystery. But I needed the correctly named condition to begin to undo its brutal hold on my life. The symptom list… everything I struggle with all on one page. While it certainly intersects with ADHD - i knew it was not my ADHD, it had its own core root and couldn’t be budged with ADHD solutions. Now I know it’s sneaky form of Freeze response and it has a name - time to get on the battle gear then. 💝

[@KarmasAbutch]

@@missmayflowerthis works great - until I try to go back to the one thing in my life that I really want to move forward on, am passionate about and eager to produce. And once again I’m turned to stone.

[@ceilconstante640]

Austin Roberts 88 and everyone who related to his comment, even though I've been he biggest brain freeze, sending all of you a warm hug! And wishing everyone who wants to have a cute little baby watch this video and not push their kid into perfection.

[@kevinspano7315]

One day a while ago instead of making a To Do list I wrote down EVERYTHING I did. Down to the smallest thing. It sure felt good. Gee! I should do that again 😅 Blessings to you all

[@janemoore4395]

Now that is a great idea!! Thanks!

[@ToTheRegiment]

Wow, Thanks for that, I'll give that a try , I'm 66 yrs old, imagine how much stuff I've managed to do in all those years, the list would be huge, the list of stuff I need to do today seems miniscule in comparison, suddenly I feel a bit better about myself.

[@irisiris82799]

Yaaa! A little achievement log… sometimes we just deceived ourselves on how little work we’ve done to get the end results. Writing them down to every little detail helps. (like not like ‘I got ready for tmr’, but ‘I washed my hair’, ‘I picked out an outfit’, ‘I’ve iron them’, ‘I put in the wallet keys, necessary documents’ etc)

[@sdw8680]

I do the same. It’s helped me greatly.

[@eolas55]

I have started doing the celebration on everything and it does help.

[@ChristineKikiMac]

I haven't showered in days. I've been on my couch, curtains drawn for 4th day now. I need to go into the office tomorrow, so the mask comes back on - happy face, make-up on, hair done. Work. Then home to bed until Saturday and Sunday when I can stay in the house and isolate again.

[@ChristineKikiMac]

*Update* I am back at work and feel better - JUST BY GETTING MYSELF READY. Sometimes faking it to make it works.. and of course, therapy and meds help as well. I usually isolate when there's a long weekend...

[@DAL201107]

I was going to say, usually taking a shower, shaving (I’m a guy) and doing all the grooming stuff I needed to do really would help pull me out of the temporary rut I’d be in if I was on an isolation binge, which in my 20s I was notorious for spending days in my house doing nothing. I think after I lost my mom to cancer in my early 20s it triggered what he describes here, a freeze response that lasted a decade. I’m not joking either. A decade. I’m 47 now, and there are things I still go through that I have to be very careful of going into freeze response mode, but I’m aware of my tendency to do that, so I can avoid it most of the time.

[@leonardhill4440]

He’s a genius…these time i catch myself staring at the ceiling for hours..I just don’t think I can do it. Why does this young man care so much? In my opinion it’s impossible there’s no way he could’ve hit the nail on the head like he did without truly caring for people and wanting them to be better. I was so close to giving up and then I watched his video in awe…how did this even pop up in my radar.

[@luluehayes]

So totally true, celebrating little wins is so powerful

[@depressedrabbit3381]

My entire life. MY. ENTIRE. LIFE. I thought i was broken. Turns out, no, it's just CPTSD and abuse have put my amygdala into constant stress response. Decade worth of therapy and a stranger on the internet explains my life to me like he's living in my god damn head. I wish there were more people like you in the field, bc everyone I met in it? "Just take higher dosage of meds".

[@meggy-jane515]

You're funny, lol. "Broken". Yeah, I had the same thought about me! Ya know what I see about you? I think your frontal brain has a lot going for it and one day you will feel more like a hoppy rabbit instead. I'm impressed that you knew how to spell amygdala!

[@muzikelektronik]

I am so glad (and I am sorry for this too) that I found some people here going through the same thing as I have been and still am for almost a decade now... I honestly thought I had a weird severe case of something but its good to know that I'm not alone... and again, I wish this on nobody, but thats how I feel X

[@zz-ic6vy]

What are you dealing with?

[@paulabaird1908]

I can relate!

[@paulabaird1908]

@@zz-ic6vy I don't like that question. It feels like pressure to share what I haven't volunteered to share. That's stressful.

[@hansomekim1219]

But when I try to celebrate stuff it feels so fake. Anyone else?

[@michaelphan3521]

I know what you mean by that.

[@vr6bs]

Yeah been there and still there try to find something to care about that helps

[@samia6888]

Fake it till you make it!

[@Do-U-Know-me00]

EXACTLY

[@Lowlifeme10]

Bro your not alone, it's to the point I get upset seeing others happy not that I want them sad I'd hate that but it's like I'm locked in a glass house 😢

[@Hhhhhhhhh186]

Little victories do help. I keep a notebook and I write down each task and cross it out as I complete it in a "To Done" list: ✅Took a sip of water ✅ Pressed "play" on a song ✅ Put my feet on the floor ✅ Went to the bathroom ✅ Stretched my arms overhead

[@tekboi1984]

This is how I've felt since December of 2019... total burnout into a complete cluster fuck, 18 month separation from my wife and 3 kids, costly divorce lawyers, and I can't get back on track. I'm watching everything I've worked for burn to the ground. Here is another issue that I'm having. I can't seem to find my normal level of mental focus anymore. So that just keeps compounding everything else..

[@aijazsiddique8713]

So sorry to hear that. I hope you pull through.

[@timgoodman6325]

@@aijazsiddique8713 🙏🙏🙏

[@ZeCahli]

I’m at the point where I can hardly get out of bed 😞 None of y’all are alone. I don’t have the answers, I wish I did, but we will be okay. Much love.

[@nyc631]

None of us can get out of BED. I think it’s because that epidemic COVID created this. FREZING RESPONSE. it messed with our minds and we are all so scared at a subconscious level. That we can’t even move. Why because it causes a freeze response when very scared. Of impending doom. It triggered my panic responses and always nervous not going away but trying to get work on it as much as I can Self love is a must. Nowadays since the world is very different

[@songwolf108]

Same here, freeze response from cptsd & physical problems. Most days in bed feels safer watching animal videos! I was really moved when reading that so many people have depression & the freeze response… just wish we can connect ! HUGS

[@joshfloyd7755]

Me getting out of bed and putting boots on is a trained response... I don't check I'm with myself. I jest let my body lead/drag my bad brain around.

[@katherinegosnell8256]

To you too

[@always_b_kind]

I have had this for a decade and today I had a really productive day. I believe it might be what I ate. Chicken drumsticks and lots of 1% milk. Milk is high in electrolytes. We all may be deficient. Good luck to you all 💜💜💜

[@katydid594]

My freeze response has been getting worse for years. Muscle wasting is now a problem. I don’t want to do anything. I have to move apartments again for the 3rd time in 9 months. Movers come tomorrow, and I can’t get myself to do anything. I’m not ready. Want to cry, want someone to care enough about me to help. Life is a torment. Don’t know how to stop the spiral down.

[@JulietCrowson]

Praying helps me and other people... God helps 🙏

[@ruthie600]

wish I could help you. where are you?

[@JulietCrowson]

@@ruthie600 I'm in UK, Cambridgeshire. Walking or some kind of exercise helps regain physical strength too 🙏🙂

[@ruthie600]

I am in Sydney. Wish i could help you Katy.

[@JulietCrowson]

@@ruthie600 Katy posted several weeks ago Hope she has had more and more good days 🙏

[@melindaharlow3044]

I just ran across your video. After losing my husband to suicide and having a complete nervous breakdown and years of treatment I couldn't figure out why I stopped living. This made so much sense to me. Thank you

[@queenofallcats7138]

Oh my gosh...... I stumbled onto this video and decided to watch it. I have been an absolute mess for years. I'm 61 and the last couple years have been terrible. One of my sons took his life, another turned to drugs and lost my grandbabies. One terrible thing after the other! I sit and can barely move it seems, and I'm gaining weight. I think I know what's wrong now!

[@la.boricua800]

You been through a lot, leave it in God's hands n continue to stay positive, somethings in life we many have no control,and get yourself together, Blessings to you,

[@erikacampbell50]

I’m in freeze response. I’m a single adult female with one human family member in my life. In less then 3 weeks I lost my job of 4 years, my 17 year old cat, got the flu that knocked me out, lost health insurance. Then shortly after my car broke down and I was stranded at home alone for days. My anxiety and depression has taken over. I’ve lost almost 20 pounds and my health has completely deteriorated. I am frozen at home and having a really hard time finding hope.

[@hanzwind]

Do me a favor. Pick ONE thing daily you can somehow bring yourself to do: make a healthy smoothie, do 20 sit-ups, scrub your face and put on your favorite facial hydration… Pick anything that you can/and are motivated to accomplish- from start to finish no matter how “small”. Let me know what you decide.

[@yvette7676]

Hi, it may help you to go carnivore ( I am easing into it) homesteadhow is a good channel. All the very best to you ❤

[@msbondfire007]

Erika, first I’m so very sorry for all your loss. I can relate, unfortunately. My mom passed 6 mos ago, then my best friend (and housemate) of 30 years passed in January. Lees than 3 weeks later my job eliminated. I’m alone, and responsible for managing the home and finances. I’ve been in such a panicked state, the more I try to do, the more I shut down. I just wanted you to know someone cares and you’re not alone.

[@musicmamma]

Right there with ya on that one! In 4 weeks, I lost my job, my pet, facing losing my health insurance, and little to no support from family members. I've had 9 jobs in 7 years. (I'm on the spectrum). I'm tired, overwhelmed, depressed, and suicidal. Im single, kid is grown. I feel so very alone. I just want to be done. I'm sick of worrying about money, finances, & jobs. I'm also 58, so that makes it even more hard to find and keep gainful employment.

[@ancientwisdom108]

​@@musicmamma, I understand. I force myself to put on some upbeat music and it helps to shift my energy.

[@STSGuitar16]

I’ve never heard anyone be able to describe exactly how I feel until I saw this. I don’t feel sad or depressed but I knew something isn’t right. Thanks, doc!

[@cherylwade264]

The difference between laziness or flakiness and shutting down. Feeling overwhelmed. " I don't feel like doing anything." Fear of rejection or public speaking. Feeling like a dumb failure when learning something new until you break the "I can't do this" barrier.

[@hope7144]

SAME ! I totally verbatim told my friend I feel like I'm shutting down and unable to keep up! This video came at the perfect time! Take Care !

[@STSGuitar16]

@@hope7144 it kinda blew my mind as he just kept saying things that I have felt for a while but haven’t had the words to describe. Like, everything he was saying was precisely right on the nose of what I’ve felt. It’s crazy how so many of us can feel alone like no one else in the world feels the same as what you’re going through, and then you happen upon this video and realize that there are a ton of other people who are going through the exact same thing as you. That’s a bit more comforting.

[@hope7144]

@@STSGuitar16 Absolutely 100% !!!

[@anabb8766]

Me too. Astounding I thought

[@invisibleplanets]

I'm in the middle of one of these, thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.

[@jaygee8885]

I thought I was alone,,, the only reason I get up early on the weekdays due to watching my grandkids!!!! But on the weekends I don’t get up!!!!! Never was like this before,,,, just the opposite!!! It’s miserable!!!

[@RedFoxSkull]

It’s strangely comforting in a way to know that it’s not just a “young people thing” or just a problem with my generation in particular, like some out there like to say (I’m 23) Still, I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now and wish you a steady recovery ❤️‍🩹 it has such a deep impact that others just can’t relate to or understand from the outside looking in. (Currently in uni and going through the same thing right now, although it’s not my first time)

[@MichaelDerousselle]

During weekends, I don't want to leave the house. I stay home and do not get involved in anything that may cause me anxiety.

[@user-gw3lp3lb1o]

Life's all about routine I've found and after a bad "freeze" trying to get a decent routine back takes forever...I've just had a bad setback and got robbed after getting my drink spiked and now I'm so stuck again and suicidal😢😢

[@emosag]

I feel the same. It’s like I want to conserve my mental energy and not use it up with stress or anxiety.

[@sandymcpartlon9972]

@@user-gw3lp3lb1o Be safe. Love or fear is all there is even alone.

[@theresamealer3314]

​@@emosag Feel same-

[@danielnichols5632]

That’s me! Except I’m like this during weekdays too!

[@sahirasanchez5847]

I practice minimalism and it helps me so much. I noticed the less “things” “stuff” I have the less distractions and chores I have, just a tip

[@mouhcine5712]

Does it still work after 3 weeks?

[@sahirasanchez5847]

@@mouhcine5712 Yes it still works after 3 weeks, in-fact I even minimized my kitchen stuff, less plates spoons cups etc, means less clean up and more automatic organization.

[@ranakeen9884]

Unless of course you have less stuff because you are being constantly burglarized and robbed of your stuff as opposed to you deciding for yourself you don’t want all of your stuff. I don’t think you would feel so great about having your stuff stolen from you as in my situation. I need all of my stuff. I mourn for it all. It all cost me so much money which I worked so hard to earn. But most of all is the stuff I could NEVER replace like my family photos, my mom’s unique photo album including my diary and journal pages he took. So please don’t tell me about the joys of having less stuff. I miss my mom’s dishes too and dishes and kitchen stuff I bought decades ago which has memories for me.

[@Frodo1000000]

What about things you're doing, eg. work, friends, passions, interests, hobbies, etc. do you practice minimalism there too?

[@sunshinegirl2208]

I totally believe in minimalism.

[@Ceretrea]

Honestly, this was the least patronising description of 'small wins' I've ever heard. Thank you 🙏

[@lilbear19601]

Thank you for hope, and helping us. I left Oregon after 22 yrs and moved to Texas to help a friend move back onto a farm that had been allowed to decay. There’s an underground home here that was lived in and allowed to sit four yrs after being flooded. We didn’t know that her brother had let sit in dampness and the home is destroyed due to inaction. Now every single water line, electricity, walls, everything was ruined. Now she is selling and going somewhere else. Since I now have invested three yrs and all my energy into the place, I’m totally exhausted and had no hope. Also we were broke into and my nest egg was stolen. Supposed to have been my only friend’. The people here are full of hate and anger so I stay away from them all. You’ve given me a reason to quit blaming myself for not being able to keep a positive outlook and just keep on keeping on. Thank you for hope

[@Angelsamongus214]

Respect to all going through this. I knew I wasn't the only one. Depression and anxiety don't discriminate. It's exhausting "fighting" it to seem normal. I see you all. We'll be okay...heads up.❤🎉

[@LauraB.335]

Stop fighting it.

[@kevinspano7315]

Thank you. 🙂

[@katiesanders96]

Could not have been more timely, as I am struggling to get out of bed right now. Funny thing, I sat up while I was listening to you and berated myself for not continuing the process of getting up. Then you said, “If you can’t get out of bed, just sit up … and celebrate it like crazy.” I needed that. It also means SO MUCH that you said we didn’t CHOOSE to freeze. Based on your description, I think I might actually live a good part of each day in freeze mode as I work through PTSD, depression, and more. Definitely some healing tears shed listening to you. ❤

[@DrScottEilers]

Survival responses are not choices, they are instincts ❤️

[@kikijewell2967]

That's quite amazing when you think about how truly HARD it really is just getting out of bed. Yeah, celebrate the eff out of just sitting up! Life is really hard right now.🎉❤🎉

[@katiesanders96]

@@kikijewell2967 Thank you so much for your kindness! I’m still struggling to compute that you’re talking directly to me when you said, “That’s amazing.” Like what? I did something amazing?!

[@haliec496]

Well done for any movement. Every step is a win. Be kind to yourself. You will get there x

[@Plethorality]

​@@DrScottEilersyour second attempt at "erroneously", was perfect. The first try seemed to involve uranus, which is never not funny! : ) Keep up the good work. Am about to praise myself for getting out of bed... Thank you so much for your help, without that condescending attitude so many of us have suffered from your medical peers. You are refreshing and greatly appreciated.

[@Toastedboa]

I’ve always wondered why when I over caffeinate I shut down, makes perfect sense

[@NonnaLoves]

I was consumed by work, Covid hit & killed my boyfriend who I also worked for. The company closed. I lost my job. Then I got Covid and was in bed a month very sick. Fatigue immediately followed for almost a year. Then Insomnia kicked in and almost 2-yrs later I still don’t sleep more than 4 hours each night. I’ve done all the recommended things and nothing has helped. I have anxiety I never had before. I am always in crisis mode with my BP, where I had always ran on the low side. I have lost my engagement with life and barely leave my room, let alone my house anymore. But thank you for a valuable teaching/understanding. I thank God every day literally, because if it weren’t for my faith I would have given up by now.

[@jimviau327]

I'm 65, and my greatest regret, at this very moment , is that I did not encounter this teaching when I was 20. I would have handled life so much differently. And , yes, "erroneously" is a real word. 😊 Thanks

[@miss__monique]

I'm so sorry that you carried that with you for so long. But you're still here, and now you can focus on you and hopefully feel better

[@Tinyteacher1111]

Same here

[@sharong8841]

Same with me🥹

[@Brandiafinegirl62]

I'm 61 and just now healing. I also listen to Lisa A Romano.

[@martaager6446]

Me too!

[@mmorgan091]

As a veteran living with PTSD and an anxiety disorder, I've never been able to explain or understand what I go through until watching your videos. Thank you

[@MrDmadness]

I'm not a veteran but I've recently been diagnosed with ptsd for other reasons, I can't say I know what you're going through but I can say that I relate to it, I'm also well trained in psycology but despite that I can't self diagnose or treat... it an odd feeling to have to hear what I already know from another, but I agree completely that it helps a lot

[@JelMain]

As a veteran working on my own, successfully, we've been able to fix it for the last couple of years. The system works because our mind has a reflex, commonly known as fight-or-flight, but properly known as the Innate Alarm System, which short-cuts our cognitive system by prefiltering incoming sensory data and using experience stored in the amygdala to react instantly, sending a signal to our motor cortex. As military, that tends towards fight, and so we judge ourselves, causing the disorder. Our animal minds also have a disable method, which is normally blocked by cognition. Dropping out of cognition into cognitive suppression, through any one of about two dozen therapies ranging from meditation to subspace, doesn't work alone, many PTSD sufferers use these to calm, but to heal, the method needs to know the trigger - hold it in your mind's eye as you drop into suppression. It's good to have a therapist mentor this, at least at first - I now know what I'm doing and can sort anything which arises myself. One limitation is that those with aphantasia are unable to hold the trigger, Michael Mithoeffer's MAPS method, one of the psychotropics and tested by the US FDA may be able to circumvent this using it's soul-guide methodology. In general, the portals range from psychotropics through shamanics into trance, hypnotics, and meditatives. As a purely personal comment (the above is the generally accepted viewpoint), I tested the use of Reiki to fill the void left by draining the pre-programmed reflex response. The trigger remains, but doesn't react any longer, however as expected, four hours after the session in which we drained the reflex, I had a cracking headache which I healed by flooding the void with agape. Now, when it triggers, I get reassurance, which is gradually healing the fears behind.

[@RoaringKetchup]

Thank you for serving our country man ❤

[@JelMain]

We can drain the reflex response now. Get your therapist to take you into cognitive suppression with the trigger in your minds eye. It'll drain the reflex response, so although you'll trigger, it won't do anything. I've added a plus, which is not part of the norm, I flooded the drain site with Reiki, so now I get reassurance back. What's going on under the hood is that our animal selves had therapeutic systems still there, in the limbic brain. We drop into cognitive suppression quite often, in meditation, mindfulness, shamanic trance, etc, but it doesn't release the trauma, because the healer needs to find the trigger. It's normally held back by our cognition. Do both, and it'll drain the reflex. I add a reiki fill to the void created, it gives me reassurance when the trigger hits. The shut down Is an associated trigger from the IAS fight or flight reaction, first spotted by Pavlov a hundred years back. He called it Transmarginal Inhibition, and it's triggered as fugue by the neuroceptive loop in the central gyrus, which monitors brain loading. We don't just think, we track our thinking. In high-functioning neurodiverse, we also fugue from trauma.

[@OatmealPancake-ej8ky]

thank you for your service!! 🇺🇸

[@jamesbach3535]

It’s kind of nice to know I’m not alone.

[@22happyheart22]

I have been doing this for years to function. I just have never had anyone say it like this in words. I will call my Mom to tell her I showered. When I can't open my eyes in bed at 11am I will do little exercises. I put EVERYTHING I do on a list and cross it off during the day even if it's fold the blanket on the couch. It's even how I found this video. 12pm and I'm back curled up on the couch but want to feel productive so I click on this learning. And wow thank you so much!!

[@healgrowlovecommunity8397]

This is absolutely me. Five years ago, my soul mate husband became forgetful. I was his carer as he slipped further away. In November he had a massive stroke in front of me and was dead in less than a minute. Now, I have to move for financial reasons and the thought of it is overwhelming. We lived here in the Outer Hebrides for 18 years - our dream home and life. I am that person who can't get out of bed. Three weeks ago I started to have counselling and at least I now know that I can look into the black abyss without disintegrating. I'm so relieved that the freeze is not my fault - thank you so much for that. I will celebrate my small achievements...baby steps.

[@steph7960]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your beloved husband. The fact you were his carer also, I can't even imagine how much of a loss you must be feeling. You ve been to hell and back, moving is also one of the most stressful things you can do. You really need to give yourself time, time to grieve, time to look after you. But please don't be hard on yourself for needing to take the time out to heal. Sending strength, love and healing.🫂

[@isadoreiris]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Sounds similar to what I experienced with my mom last month. Also have to move soon. Hang in there. 🫂

[@KellenAdair]

​@@steph7960My.hudband, my Mom and then, my sister. I should move, but need some overall help. Since I've aged so. Abuse eventually takes you offline!

[@Tinyteacher1111]

I’m so sorry!! 🙏

[@bebeautiful6613]

I didn’t recognize where you are from. I did a google search 🔍 I see it’s in Scotland. Wow what a beautiful place!! I’m in Nebraska USA. We are directly in the center of the country. Land locked 😃 After reading so many of the comments posted here, I’m realizing it doesn’t matter where we live , we all share the same emotions. My hope for you is that you find someplace equally beautiful to live and that you find joy in the small things that life can offer. Maybe a bird singing in the morning sun 🌞😊

[@janetsmith4384]

God brought me to your channel tonight. I do believe that. I’m soo overwhelmed with EVERYTHING!!! I’m a senior lady who lives alone, several chronic illnesses and a dog with dementia. It’s becoming harder and harder to even open my eyes much less sit up and get out of bed. My dog has forced me to get out of bed. My family is close by but rarely check in me. I have become a recluse in a strange land. Thank you for making this video. It has helped me understand why the constant criticism from my son piles on to the feeling of being so overwhelmed with no end in sight. Thank you!!!!

[@DrScottEilers]

So glad you found this at the right time!

[@moniqueengleman873]

You are not alone. I finally got an easy part time job and at least I get out of the house But I am frozen too Now I am being forced to move and I am overwhelmed thinking about it. Plus cancer and a wild aray of chronic illnesses just buried me. Now I at least have a name for it. Now to get unstuck

[@janetsmith4384]

@@moniqueengleman873 we are in the same boat it sounds. I’m facing having to move again and it make me nauseous to even think about. God bless you and pray you have the strength to do what you need to do!!! 🙏🏻. I pray this prayer for myself. I have chronic pain which some days really beats me down. These are not “golden years”!!! 😂😢

[@moniqueengleman873]

@@janetsmith4384 Janet I agree. This aging thing is for the birds. I just want to stick my head in the sand. I am really good at it. I have a beautiful tiny house and garden. Now I have to move. This is overwhelming

[@moniqueengleman873]

@@janetsmith4384 Good luck sister. And 🙏 prayers help. Sending you hugs and prayers

[@angiestrangeone]

Thanks for this video, I am passing it on to someone in a severe freeze response. They cannot get out of bed and not eating, drinking, or going to work. I’ve watched many videos on this and this is the best one just because their frontal lobe is not “online” and most videos are asking people to reflect or think their way out of it. They cannot do this. Asking them to just sit on the bed is an excellent first step.

[@leslie1536]

This is excellent. Sometimes life gets overwhelming. I avoid people. I avoid interactions with everything.

[@shabanatasleem3532]

How are you avoiding them? They maybe remote tuning in, the bastards need to get a life!!!

[@nunyobusiness777]

I've been in freeze mode for the past 10 years. This video just gave me hope that there may be a way out of this depression. I feel such guilt & shame and sometimes I wonder if I'm just lazy. I've seen many psychiatrists & therapists but have never had this explained. God bless you for taking the time to give people hope and hopefully a way out of this prison. I've only been "existing" for the past 10 years & I feel like it wouldn't be a bad thing if I didn't wake up again. I'm so tired of not enjoying anything. I'm so grateful your video was suggested to me and I'm excited to explore your other videos. Thank you so much for giving me even an inkling of hope.

[@YOUARESOFT.]

the issue is you are taking pills. fact.

[@YOUARESOFT.]

denial is a stinky calogne, you are given the gift of llfe and you are pissing it away due to not taking advantage of the beautiful aspects it offers. the good news is there is still time for you ; do better, this is your wakeup call

[@petemorton8403]

I took a pill of a year maybe two, the E one, the alphabet long just rearranged letters. Said the lowest amount. I think 10mg. Like everything, nothing could fix. It's this freeze thing. No head doc could so I never tried that mess. Antique stuffed offices are cool and all, just didn't want to provide them the cash as well. That whole industry of sit and talk experts. I don't think so. Just need that second let's get it warm body is the deal.

[@srldwg]

I have been in the same place. Nothing helped until my autism diagnosis (at age 47). Everything clicked into place. I have been in an autistic burnout. Traditional therapy did nothing. Medical for my depression and anxiety, barely anything. I just figured that I was "broken".

[@TheKim369]

It's been nearly 11 years for me. I had about 5 big traumas in just a couple years, and after a traumatic childhood, I guess I hit overload. Luckily my kids are grown, so no one is being neglected, except me and my place. Yesterday I sorted out a small box and got almost everything put away, it's small, but I'm letting myself feel good about it. If I get half the laundry folded I will consider that a big win, 2 things accomplished in one week! I've lost touch with people and haven't made any new friends, so am also kind of just existing, if I did make a friend, I wouldn't invite them over, my place is such a mess, I too feel a lot of guilt and shame, especially shame. Please hang on to that inkling of hope, and try to nurture it, it's not a fool's quest. Look how well you articulated your post, clearly you're bright, lots of people aren't. The world needs more like you, bright and have an insight many people never have. I've decided that I'll never catch up all at once, but little victories are better than the zero's I've had over the last decade. That wouldn't have happened if you didn't wake up, so thanks! I hope things begin to gradually improve for you, and don't be too hard on yourself.

[@matthewblazer7932]

I dealt with this by taking up mountain hiking, growing vegetables and getting three jack Russell terriers. All three brought love, motivation and mindfulness back into my life. Eight years later I've started a gardening and landscaping business, started rebuilding my house and joined a local community group attached to our church where i volunteer. I complete a long distance through hike every year and I'm learning a new language. Life is still stressful but I've put things into perspective and opened my heart to the beautiful things in the world again. I also got rid of my television and social networking. I hope that those of you who are suffering understand that it's not the amount of things that are stressing you, its the quality and meaningful things that are missing from your lives. My best wishes are with you all.

[@colleenwalsh6899]

@matthewblazer.......you are so right. Thank you for your great insight and testimony. God bless you dear one❤

[@johnclark1925]

Thank you for sharing.

[@susano7587]

It is AMAZING what a Jack Russell Terrier can do in our lives. I am so depressed right now that if I didn't have my Jack Russell Terrier looking after me, I'd have committed suicide by now. But she keeps me going. She has to be walked several times a day, and that REALLY improves my mood. I don't know what would happen to her if I were no longer around. She really counts on me to keep her happy with hugs and kisses and good food.

[@purplesunflower8242]

WOW

[@whoswhoo]

Jack Russell's are the best .mine is dead nearly 5 years now . She was my best friend she had a great life we cared for each other . She's buried in my garden where every day I look out and remember her and am glad I rescued her and gave her a home .

[@BonnieVollmering]

Thank you. Since I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and freeze state for over 50 years. Yes, 50😢. Even though I have been to counseling and taken meds, this is the absolutely first time that I have heard someone explain 1) what is going on, 2) why it’s going on, and 3) actually a doable step to maybe get out of this state. So thank you a 100 times thank you. Knowledge is empowering and I will start tiny, celebrate, and stack!

[@debracastellano3734]

Nailed it. THANK YOU, Scott. I started listening to this right AFTER I (finally) got out of bed, so after getting dressed and putting some clothes away, I did a little “yay” and pumped my fist in the air…and even that TINY celebration made me feel a subtle shift in my brain. After I made coffee and ate something, I did a little celebratory dance in my kitchen. I’m going to carry on this way throughout the day (a Sunday) and gradually work up to the writing project I need to get back to. I’ll celebrate little chunks of it as I do. I love hearing about creating the dopamine to tell my amygdala it can get out of freeze and reallocate resources back to my frontal lobe! Did I say thank you!

[@sheilamason1895]

I was just down the rabbit hole of KZbin when I hit on your video. Gosh darn it , you described my state of inactivity perfectly. At 75, a retired nurse, a meditator, I just couldn’t understand why all of a sudden I can’t cope with even simple ADLs. Clutter is building and just doing the dishes seem overwhelming. It is the antithesis of the organized life I always led. It seemed to get worse after bypass surgery 3 years ago. I’m going to celebrate those dishes now and stop beating myself up because I can’t find that magic wand to make the house back to 100% sparkly. Thanks so very much helping me to love my self again.

[@E-Kat]

The same story here too! The bypass surgery must be the reason for your body refusing to let you preforming any physical activity. You need rest and more rest. This kind of surgery means you were not well for a long time and you didn't allow yourself to rest. I hope the surgery has helped you a lot. Our house was always so super tidy and anyone could just drop in at any time and they'd be amazed how pretty everything looked every time. Now, after my husband's death, I find it hard to place an old envelope in the bin, or return milk to the fridge which is so ridiculous, but I can't find the energy to get back to the fridge. I'll stop having coffee with milk. This is how my brain works now - avoiding things is an answer. I haven't seen this video yet and have such big hopes. Sending my best wishes and hugs. ❤🤗

[@user-yc5kf3vp9q]

Omg you just described me in a nut shell. Thank you for your service first of all. I’m 57 mom, grandma of two. I always was a giver and worked in medical field caring for the elderly. I was an STNA. Worked nursing homes, private homes and etc.. it’s ironic now that with all my health issues I am on other side. The one who needs help and can’t really get any help. Family have their own life they are trying to live.. more so I feel like I’m stuck. Clutter is my place, the dishes is worst. Phycritrist gave me homework for month to write down what I did in day instead of the 2 do list. Down to smallest thing I did.. been in freeze mold for two days. Haven’t got out of bed just to bathroom. Can’t make myself go down stairs. Reading your post inspired me. If you can do it at your age I’m going to start something. Holidays always been so hard for me. Like physcitrist said even if I get one silverware a day washed it’s a plus. One load laundry, one bag of trash together. All good. Going up down stairs is challenge for me. Doctor said my job ruined my back. Refusing surgery. Scarred. Now so many medical issues. Ty and god bless you❤️

[@donnahalsted7718]

Reading your response made me wonder, in my lame brain condition, if I wrote it! No, I'm not a nurse. No, I have another year and a bit to hit 75. Ok. I've been the one, two years ago, sitting up in bed and literally celebrating it! The problem was getting myself to the bathroom! I had to! There was nobody else to change the sheets that I couldn't change. Celebrate getting to the John! Wahoooo! I just went on basic instinct to do this. I've always pushed myself to "geter done er else"! I fogged up the notion that I was my own patient. What could I do for this helpless, worthless bag of flesh and bones in the bed? I approached myself, for the first time in my life, with the tenderness of a mother for her sick child. I allowed myself - and still am - concessions I would never have conceded before. I cannot say all that put me in this place. It's too lengthy. PTSD (Paralyzing Trauma of Sibling Demolition)! I had sympathized with those suffering PTSD, had been very kind and helpful to them, knowing the damage came from outside themselves. Now I was in it. I'm still back and forth in and out. I celebrate the good days, half days, moments, and give myself permission to blank out for days, half days or moments. This week additional emotional challenges over tasks I'm expected to do by others have had me held back. My response has been "No." Someone else CAN do it. No, I know I cannot. Yet the pressure of it lingers. I comfort myself saying to myself that I did the right thing. It's hard being a responsible giving person, then being true to yourself admitting that "the old gray mare just ain't what she used to be". But I'm not ready for the glue factory! Maybe I am only taking baby steps, sometimes very tiny ones. But I just recall how fast I had to run after little baby's who only took baby steps! I'm slow. But I'm getting there. Turtle speed!

[@squirrlee6463]

Being a mediator and a nurse sounds like a recipe for emotional overwhelm .

[@caroltapia4917]

I’m in the process of doing just that. Since Jan 2, 2023 when I found out I had no retirement pension (my husband had signed up for benefits for him but not me), and many other problems, I’ve been frozen. He found out what the house looked like when I “did nothing” for 8 months. A disaster. My daughter is helping me a little now but I’m miserable in this mess.

[@eolas55]

I lost my husband 3 years ago. I was under stress at the time but his death broke me. I became frozen. I drag myself out of bed daily to go to work. When I’m home, I isolate. Thank you for this video. It helps to know what is going on. ❤

[@DrScottEilers]

So sorry 💔

[@whisperingoaks4841]

I do the same after losing my son. Isolation is the only way I can keep from going off the edge.

[@alexandrapalacios222]

Pleaee help me I am scared about my life

[@stephanier6783]

Wow, you could get out of bed to go to work? That's honestly impressive in freeze mode (note: I'm not saying you had a great life, I'm giving you credit for being able to get out of bed and leave the house). I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. That kind of grief is heavy and pernicious. Wishing you so well in taking the slow baby steps forward and healing from such a heartbreaking loss. It sounds like you loved him deeply, and that's why the grief is so all consuming. Sending compassion to you~

[@dianaharper6401]

You’re not alone. I do the same. Work, then go to bed. Stay in bed til it’s time to work again. Repeat. Was traumatized over 10 yrs ago and still not recovered.

[@DanaDakota]

At the end of the day I try to tell myself the good things I did, what I accomplished. And hope to do better the next day. I literally can’t get anything done. I am alone most of the time so it’s easy to get away with doing nothing but my heart keeps hoping I can do something.

[@cynthiasammy3668]

Write a daily gratitude journal. It helps. I’m going through wat you’re going thru

[@dianamay3609]

This is me 100% I have been researching burn out and found this video

[@angelasylvain2476]

I’ve been falling into a freeze more frequently lately. The last time, I wanted to clean the house. I finally talked myself into just sitting and go through a pile of mail. When I finished I had a tiny one song dance party to celebrate cleaning that one spot on my desk. It really worked! I kept just focusing on one tiny spot at a time until my whole house was clean and I stopped to celebrate each clean spot.

[@ezlow1065]

Blooming brilliant! 👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@DontbeAsshole]

Perfect technique.. I do Exactly that ..small increments at a time ..

[@notnow7973]

Hurray!

[@iseeskiesofblue]

Counterintuitive as it might be, what actually works for me is to kinda succumb to all this void and just lay in bed and binge watch all sorts of videos for several days straight. Eventually this brings me to a point where it feels like it can't get any worse, I become fed up with this and feel like doing stuff again. Still can't quite figure out how to not get into these kinds of situaions in the first place though.

[@Lavi_407]

It’s our nervous system’s response to stress. Often comes from previous trauma. We literally can’t help it but thankfully there are tips & tools to overcome it

[@michellebe-t3p]

I have been feeling this way for months ~ and it’s very discouraging.

[@Esperandoonoivo]

Like I said on another comment, it is different from depression, and I feel like you too: I lay in bed, play worthless mobile games, just do the minimun necessary for my family not starve. As days go by, the energy starts to cone back.

[@Lavi_407]

@@Esperandoonoivo You’re allowing your nervous system to become regulated again😊

[@niviamaeva]

**ANHEDONIA** It’s been exactly 60 days in a roll! Doing absolutely nothing but sleeping and spending my day watching aleatory KZbin videos (I don’t have any social media) and spending my saving on the rent which is very expensive. But guess what ? I am about to explode as I feel I had enough. I’m nauseous of this anhedonia that I’m in. I’m about to break free as I see a tiny light in the end of the tunnel which from 2 days ago rewinding this 60 dias I was in total freeze/darkness! From time to time I would go to local shop for groceries. Now that my saving ended, I have to find a way! This abhorrent freeze state has consumed my entire energy/self value! It’s as I said an abhorrent feeling! I’ll be back and tell you all how I managed my defreeze! 😣😣😣😣

[@MK-fi1jk]

The Freeze Response really does save you from danger - in our modern world, too much stress is extremely damaging to body functions, organs, and the brain. It can lead to TGA - Transient Global Amnesia, a way of buffering you from circuit overload. We all have stresses, perceived at diff levels by diff ppl. Keep stress minimal, if can't, then 'batch' them, or delegate to others, prioritize to most immediate down to 'maybe some day', etc. Practice deliberate 'above it all', relaxation, enjoyment, good food, good sleep, good movement - all makes a difference.

[@poppovy]

OMFGGGGGG I've had this for ages now!!!! I've been diagnosed with depression and swear I've got over it for like a year now, but then just have this kind of thing happen and can't help but feel like if I tell my doctor they'll want to put me back on meds or say I need to do more exercise or some crap like that which I know won't help. I think I have a very low stress tolerance, especially when it comes to socialising as I find it hard and confusing, so studying (now at university) has always been twice as hard for me because of that AND the workload. This is so good to hear, because I've spent a good portion of today trying to figure out what has made me feel so insanely low and ended up in bed all day. Normally it would be a self depreciating kind of thought or something, but it really hasn't been like that for aaages, so I've been confused. This is so awesome to hear and to know I really am getting better, the struggle is now with managing stressful situations and how I deal with them :)

[@leahwilliams3618]

This explains why sometimes I don't feel emotionally depressed but my actions look like I'm depressed. Examples would be: laying in bed,, not wanting to go anywhere, or talk to anyone, feeling like I have no energy, and feeling overwhelmed. But I'm not thinking negatively. I feel a sense of unconscious stress from pass experiences even though I'm not actively thinking about those things. It's been really weird and I'd actually feel depressed over what's happening to me. I'm so thankful to have found this answer. I believe this is what's been going on. Thank you for the video!

[@billant2]

This is why they invented Addy and meth. It will make ya get out of bed, clean up and rearrange your home in half and hour. lol (jk)

[@cowgirlinthesand1984]

@@billant2what’s your point?

[@cherylwade264]

Definitely use the advice given on this video, it is helpful. See your family Doctor about Food Allergies or Environmental Allergies. Vitamin Deficiency also plays a role in that type of behavior.(SAD video)

[@nicholecornes1915]

Yep that's definitely it.

[@morganfalkdesigns]

Same here. One year anniversary of my husband’s sudden death. ❤

[@rebeccahoward9436]

I was literally lying in bed in a freeze response, although I had never heard of such before, as I stumbled upon your explanation. I will not list the stresses, the greatest one being the recent death of my husband of 63 years, but the accumulation has occurred. Thank you for helping me understand what has happened and for helping me find my way out.

[@laurascott4217]

One thing that is helping me A LOT right now was having a blood test done. I am very low in B12, Iron, and D3. Started taking supplements and now 6 weeks later I feel my old self coming back and am having energy to do things again. As a lifelong sufferer of anxiety and depression that was hard enough. I also have had major problems with sleep since I began working retail with swing shifts for 16 years. I have been supplementing with Magnesium Glycinate and Ashwagandha for sleep. It has helped some. Now 2 years into retirement and going thru the death of both parents, it's time for me to get back to living. There are things we can do to help ourselves. I have gotten some good ideas from reading folks comments. I want to kick myself for not seeking help sooner but the important thing is that I did. That's all that matters.

[@AffectedArea]

Such supplements are underrated. Many people are missing this nutrition and don't know.

[@notnow7973]

I get great sleep with one Benadryl and 500 mgs of GABA. Seriously delightful sleep. Add b6 for dreams

[@christyl5481]

I cannot thank you enough, I’ve been a first responder for over ten years. I’ve seen some horrible things in the field. Last year something horrible happened to me and I lost my job. I used to think I was mentally strong. Until the depression hit. I have no energy to wash the dishes, laundry, workout. I tell people it feels as if I had a traumatic brain injury. This video has taught me so much! I feel like crying. Now when I encounter someone going through depression I can genuinely have compassion.

[@monaw6484]

Hey me too. Law enforcement work with sex offenders and then surviving a violent crime and more attacks leveled me -and I thought I was so strong. I feel you.

[@christyl5481]

@@monaw6484 oh my goodness, I’m so sorry to hear this. You are not alone, we aren’t alone. I don’t think I could handle sex crimes or child crimes. Do you feel you had support from your department? Or any in general?

[@KatiTheButcher]

My parents dont understand, it's a nightmare. 45 years old and Im just seen as a lazy failure.

[@christyl5481]

@@KatiTheButcher that’s awful. Take care of yourself ❤️

[@L0U1SE]

You have done so much for others in their time of need, please take good care of yourself now you need to

[@cdnqgramma3373]

Well, there is 6465 comments already, so what's one more. Dr Scott. I have been sitting in the therapists offices for 40+ years , telling them I feel "frozen down"... begging for help. Any little bit of help... anything... and all I got was strange looks, blank stares and answers that had nothing to do with what I was seeking help for. I got ptsd in 97, so my frozen down, only got worse. I would work 100 hours a week, to keep myself going.. so I wouldn't be, frozen down. I am now in forced retirement due to physical injuries... and so frozen down... This is the first time in all these years... I have gotten any kind of decent answer and explanation,.... and at this point... any little bit of help, is huge. I figured it was stress.... and that's all I've known for the last ten years... overwhelming stress. Just trying to survive. Thank you for this video... I can hardly type through the tears... but I am so grateful. You just changed my whole world.

[@DrScottEilers]

I’m so sorry it took this long. It shouldn’t have ❤️

[@amandafoxton6463]

Thank you so much for this. I am a fibro sufferer and understand that this is from childhood trauma and I am learning the new skills I need. What I found fascinating is how to treat people who are in a freeze response. My son is 31 and in a freeze response. He had to move me from one country to another and it has taken its toll on his body and mind (he has childhood trauma too). Thank you explaining,how I can help him by encouraging him to celebrate all his wins. I am very sick and of course that is affecting him. I feel so helpless. It has taken me many years to stop relying on drs etc (I am a nurse of 38 years) and I can finally see that drs are not helping me I should be under a neurologist not a rheumatologist and there is so much that I can do to treat myself theough the parasympathetic nervous system, somatic exercises, etc. Thank you for this post😊

[@debrafrei4717]

I just found you today and am on my 3rd video. I’m a hot mess and am pretty sure the Universe sent me to you. My brain is like the “untangle” games in phone apps. I’ve gotten a few levels untangled myself, but boy there are some tough tangles going on in there. You have filled in so many gaps for me and are seriously helping me with those tougher tangles. I am very appreciative for what you do and feel grateful to have found you. Thank you for your straight forward, real approach to clearing and repairing the obstacles we face in life. A new fan and subscriber.

[@quixotic_reef]

I celebrated just for waking up. And it made the biggest difference.

[@possessedslig]

Getting out of bed has started to feel like a herculean task. Let alone anything else.

[@Ohkeh640]

I can’t sleep due to stress and have to take medication or I’ll vent talk out loud for hrs til past 3am til I sleep Wish I could sleep without meds lifes been terrible Hugs

[@symcardnel1741]

uugghh... can relate... and often the desire to get out of bed and face a perceived pathetic existence is just not there

[@newsviewstoday5689]

@@symcardnel1741 I hear you.

[@WartyFingleBlaster]

I've been pushing myself too hard for too long doing things that make me feel bad in so many ways. I think im going to give myself a day off tomorrow. I just can't handle this as-is anymore. I need to scale back massively and stop hating myself for not achieving insanely high targets. Thanks for this video. Truly. Thank you.

[@tracyhayzlett348]

Omg! I finally know what this is called. It has plagued me for nine years now since my breakdown. Maybe I still am in a breakdown because this happens to me often of course I have had constant stress most of my life especially horrible the last nine years. This exact response cost me my home and everything in it. I tried to fight it and get on that phone call but I just couldn’t do it. Nobody understood not even the Iowa court system. I still don’t understand how this was able to happen. Anyway thank you so much for this and for giving it a name for me. I always just described it as if I get too much stress at once which is often I am just absolutely no good and no matter what you say to me it’s like you are talking a different language because I am no longer picking up what you are putting down. Everything just turns off and I wasn’t even able to save my home and everything I had from my entire 40 plus years on this planet. Things that meant everything to me. They were all just ripped away with no regards to the fact that I literally couldn’t pick up that phone. Anyway thank you so much !!! I will prob never recover after this long but what a relief to come across these videos that seem to be custom made for me. Weird.

[@notnow7973]

Making important phone calls is difficult for me too!

[@ceceliadavis471]

Too much trauma in succession results in the freeze response too. This video explains a lot to me about what's been happening in my life for years. It's much more difficult when you cannot afford a good therapist to get you back to functioning again. Videos on you tube like this are a very good thing for those that need help and have no other way to get it. I take notes on anything that I consider valuable information so I can refer to it again if needed.

[@laurastuff1984]

Ditto. Sending hugs & ❤ to you

[@debbiedebbie9473]

Exactly 6:42

[@nne81601]

I am in the same situation......so isolating when none can walk in anothers shoes...and in this world we need money to go to therapy, and I do not even trust those as many do not know what you experience.....Blessings to you all and love...😍

[@user-ue9si9bx3d]

I am blown away. I have just stumbled on this vlog a few minutes ago. I have been struggling for 3 years with what I now believe is a freeze response and nobody but nobody has pointed this out to me. I knew something was wrong and sought help with my doctor and a shrink and they just feed me BS. Started with an accident which I was initially blamed for but it was later proven I was not responsible but the legal system tore me apart and I lost all confidence in myself. I was a leader and a successful person in family and business before the incident. Nothing but nothing has been the same since. TODAY MAYBE DAY ONE OF MY RECOVERY. With tears in my eyes, I don't know what else to say except I need to process this advice to take the first step back to being me. Its not going to be easy.

[@DrScottEilers]

You got this! 💪💪

[@karanfield4229]

I truly hope you are feeling better. Your comment touched my heart.

[@trudiswanson9855]

There could be a few "Day Ones", but keep believing in 'good'. 6 years later and I call any new growth in a good direction, healing *Day 1. 🙏🌹

[@TheBanana93]

Day one of your recovery was when it was over and your name was cleared

[@domestinger8805]

Your autonomical responses are not really you, neither is your anxiety. Your body, along with 99% of people's, is not in balance and is intruding into your mental and spiritual life. Reply to me and I will tell you how to reset your body back to default, the way nature intended. 100%

[@lyfeasmemecsit6203]

I am so glad ! that I read the comments. TO KNOW THAT I'M NOT ALONE means everything! ❤❤❤

[@alejandracardiel8246]

Gosh it actually has a name! Freeze response.. it’s nice to officially meet you. I’ve experienced this all too often. Sometimes I’m scared that I’m falling into an episode of depression again, but I’m not. It’s a freeze response. I actually count to sit up at the edge of the bed, take a deep breath and say a little prayer. Other times I’ll sit up and drop back down because I’m just not ready 🤦🏽‍♀️. When I eventually find the courage to get up I tell my self, “alright, it’s time to get your life together”. Everyday can be a struggle, but don’t just give up because you’re a warrior. Peace be with you 🩵

[@Secretzstolen]

Oooohhhhhhh myyyyyy gaaaawwwwwwd this is MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! I've been trying so hard to figure out what is going on with me. I feel overwhelmed, my to do list is a mile long and crushing me, and I feel frozen.

[@ancientwisdom108]

Me too! He made me feel understood.

[@christinaps]

you're not alone. I'm in this freeze situation now and have been for a while.

[@LaxmannDhotre]

same. i cant do small things even nowadays. i tried going back to being my old self but all it does is tells me I'm not who i used to be

[@a31142257]

That's exactly what I feel like. It's pretty much like being robbed that part of you that used to do everyday tasks like it's drinking water @@LaxmannDhotre

[@skerri-sherri]

@@LaxmannDhotre I’m so happy to hear you say exactly what I’ve been feeling. My Husband died almost 5 years ago and I cannot be the person I was when he was here. It was baffling to me. I knew I’d be in mourning for some time but the fact that I now know I will never be that woman again. I have to live with what’s left of me. It’s scary but it’s life. ❤️🙏✌️

[@samui3763]

Never expected that I would start tearing up a little bit when you said "A person completely burried by stress." Because I admit it. I'm not okay for months, probably a year now. I have urges to isolate. Work, some people and status in life in general has been beating me up since last year. I was already a quiet and soft spoken person but in a comfortable way. Like, that's just me, an introvert that's just living her life. As times goes by, I started to notice something. At first, I thought my introverted-ness leveled up. I don't want to socialize. I want alone time more than usual. I slowly started to talk even lesser in conversations with friends. Like you said, my responses became minimial. Yes, no, really, is that so, yeah, right, oh, lauging and just nodding or shaking my head or making facial expressions. I've had set aside my needs and wants for such a long time. I'm a people pleaser since I was basically a child. I was an average student. Barely had anything to celebrate about except graduation days. So, the idea of celebration that stuck in my head for years is that it happens when you achieve something big. Like I said, I'm average. I'm not a risk taker. I'm your typical good girl. I just go along with life. I'm very lowkey. I don't want attention but I'd be lying that at some point in my life, I've never felt jealous when I see someone celebrate their achievements. Anyways, I plan to make a change, like I JUST made that plan yesterday I think, to slowly heal myself internally. I deserve it. I know I do. It won't be easy but better than not actually making an action.

[@edwinromilly4645]

i can so relate but remember you are worth it always ! Your ideas are worthy. Your feelings are worthy. Your needs are worthy. And without everyone else’s constant validation, you must be who you are and live your truth. Even if it makes people turn their heads. Even if it means walking alone down the path less traveled for awhile.keep working on yourself but celebrate those small things and your intentions,discipline is hard and i struggle with it but you will build it slowly,you have made progress and ask yourself- Will i be stressed about this in a year 2 years,3 years from now?sometimes it’s more the imaginary “What if” that is debilitating. Even if your confidence in yourself has been shaken! The real battle is always in your mind. And your mind is under your control, not the other way around. You may have been broken down by adversity or rejection or stress, but YOU are not broken. So don’t let others convince you otherwise. And don’t let your mind get the best of you either. peace🕊

[@joaniem3817]

You sound just like me. Good luck on your journey. We can do this.

[@HoneyBee-pc3xi]

Become your own best friend. Give yourself daily little comforts and pleasures. Savour the delights of Nature: the sun, the breeze, the trees, the flowers. Smile at others, give them compliments. Give yourself verbal encouragements. Rest when you need to. Dress well why you go out. Look good, feel better. Treat yourself to a massage or a pedicure. Take an interesting drive. Learn about the magic of Morning Pages. Take all the time you need to heal. Be very gentle and kind to yourself. Know that you are unique in the world, rare, and very precious. Keep learning. List your wins, however small, and celebrate them. Read Dr. Gabor Mate's book, When the Body Says No, for life changing information. There is hope. There is love. There is joy.

[@humanbean4037]

@@HoneyBee-pc3xi are you trying to motivate lol

[@lauramackay8425]

This really resonates with me. You are not alone xx

[@kad5555]

I literally teared up because I felt understood for the first time. I know so many people with mental health problems but noone who has the same freezing state like me. Sitting up is really really a big victory because there are days, you can't do it. I have so much trouble to just take my pill *beside me*! I have to only grab and take it but don't have the energy to do it. Thanks for reminding me that I have to celebrate those victorys. In the past I gave 1 cent for every small victory, like going to the bathroom or drinking the water beside me. It motivated me and then I gave the money to charity.

[@gretafields4706]

You are right. There is a line you cross when you freeze. In my case, it was not just that I felt threatened, I felt like I would die because I was not moving, literally, and being old , I knew that people quit moving before they die. I became the couch potato I despise. Then I remembered that you had spoken about a physiological freeze response, it is real, like you say. It is not just lack if motivation. It is like your body turns to cement. I am listening to you again and you really help. One thibg I would like to add is, there is folk wisdom in what you say. My mom always said, just move, do something.

[@timmothycopeland4866]

One thing that helps me is not making "to-do" lists. I started making "to-done" lists instead. A list of things that I've completed or are no longer obstacles is much more positive than a weighty list of things still undone. It focuses on accomplishments instead of obstacles. It helps.

[@holliemmx88]

I love this idea!

[@Kicia40]

Love this too. Gonna try it.

[@lisadee0276]

I had a therapist suggest this and I was skeptical but it was so effective I was astonished

[@jogriffiths5766]

@@holliemmx88 This CAN work but I once did a long list, and it had the opposite effect. I. sort of felt almost as if I'd already done the things on the list. I think the idea would be ok if it;s a small list, with maybe 5 things on it & tick them off with a nice green pen when done!

[@michellemorrison8944]

That’s exactly what I started doing and it has helped immensely. I didn’t need a “to do” list. I was more than aware of what wasn’t happening around here. Writing down what I actually did manage to do, provided me a small feeling of accomplishment. I will take those little wins today, over the weight of worthlessness I was bearing. Please ad helping me…..just a stranger, to your own list today. Hugs

[@williamramos3350]

I am not going to lie. These past few years have become hell on earth for me. One bad thing after another. Finally trying to fix this mess. But it was not a day or two for me it was one to two weeks. This is something I would not wish upon anyone. It's like being paralyzed without having any injuries...truly terrifying. Best of luck to anyone going through this.

[@ceories]

Ive been feeling/experiencing this everyday for years....i believe anyway that this is exactly what I have been struggling with. I literally DO NOT feel like doing anything, and obviously no progress is being made and the years are passing me by. I sure hope that i found the key to this huge rut i have been in for so many years.

[@whitneylainewestbrook]

This is SO AFFIRMING! I am normally a go go go go go person and recently I literally felt a shift in my brain where I felt it was like...crossing it's arm and heals dug in telling me NO. I kept trying to push through and I couldn't. Then I did exactly what you said we do in that moment which is shame ourselves for not being able to JUST DO THINGS. Everyone kept giving me that advice too....just do things. It's not hard! Well now I feel like I'm NOT going crazy and I am experiencing something that many go through and it is possible to break free. I did watch part of this video last night and did celebrate myself like crazy for the smallest thing and it was great! I felt a little silly, but it felt refreshing to celebrate vs. shame myself. Good change of tone I'd like more of so that's a good sign. Thank you, Dr. Scott!

[@weird_al77]

I have been like this for around 10 years. I have been scared of life for most of my life, but for the last ten years, I have basically shut down. Isolated, no life, no job, no benefits, nothing. I am tying to put some kind of life back together now, but man I'm scared.

[@yasskye768]

I’m 100% with you on that feeling. Life is a weird place to be. I’ve been more scared of it than death. But just reading that you feel this way makes me feel less afraid/less alone in this challenge. Thank you for expressing yourself. Count that as a real action you did. It’s kind of the most powerful one as far as the universe goes. Sending you the good stuff. ❤

[@TeHj0keR]

Same. The only thing that got me out of it before was anxiety medication, but they cut me off of it 10 years ago and destroyed my life forcing me back into this mode permanently and the system now treats the medication like it's as bad as heroin so it's impossible to get. My only options are to either hitch hike to Mexico with no money where I can just buy the medication over the counter, order the meds illegally online and have to be treated like a criminal for the rest of my life over a medication I need in order to function, or kill myself. My opinion? The system literally needs to be razed to the ground.

[@klanderkal]

​@@TeHj0keRDam., that sucks!. The system should provide to those in need!,... I didn't know what anxiety really was until I got it from a extremely stressed month I had. I now suffer from depression,.. and lost my career job... I too... have been thinking of my options.. hope you find peace in your life 🙏 and happiness too. Hang in there pls.

[@BradfordDobson-lu6id]

I'm in the same predicament

[@homebody61]

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I wish you healing.