Not Everyone Transitions! When Transition is NOT Worth It.

Not every transgender or gender-diverse individual finds medical transition the right path for their life journey. This video explores the complex, personal reasons why some adults choose to honor their gender identity without medical intervention, challenging simplistic narratives about gender experience.
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Hello Friends! I'm Dr Z, and this is a channel where I help you break free from dysphoria!
I am a clinical psychologist specializing in the transgender field, working with adults only. For the past 18 years, my work has focused on Gender Dysphoria and the formation of gender identity. I work with clients all over the world and the best way to see if I can help your situation is to set up a free 15 minute phone counsult with me via my website. My pronouns are she/her, and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com
👉NOTE: I work solely with adults, and all video content is marked for adults only. As such, the information shared is based on my experience working with adults only.
DISCLAIMER: Note that as a clinical psychologist, I created this channel to share information. Therefore, I won't be providing or offering therapeutic advice. I am also not a medical doctor. When I speak on medical issues such as hormones or surgical procedures, the goal is to share information and not to provide medical advice, and you should always consult with your medical doctor. Additionally, this channel is for those seeking information and understanding and to gain awareness.
#gender #genderdysphoria #transgender #nonbinary #genderidentity #gendertransition #gendertherapist #transhealth #transgenderwomen #transmann #enby #hormones #dysphoria #selfhelp #transformation

[@kevint5149]

I am 53 and wish I had the knowledge and courage over 20 years ago to start HRT. I ended up starting HRT about nine months ago when my dysphoria shot up to a critical level from envy of surgeries my ex went through. I was living my life through someone else and couldn’t take it any take it any longer. And the person I had married was trans which I thought would stave off my dysphoria but it only made it so much worse. At this point in my life, I would’ve regretted in old age or deathbed that I never started transition. And at this point, I have a doctor consult this month for FFS. My family is completely against all this (religious conservatives…shocking) except for my younger sister. I was so very tired of living my life for other people and w a facade. I’ve never been so sure of any decision in my life after starting HRT…I think I felt better the first or second day!

[@mx.lucyfur]

I'm close to the same age and very similar feelings as you, though I went the other way and decided transition wasn't for me. Had I figured this out in my 20s, definitely. As it is now, though, I find myself more in the agender camp and recently stopped my HRT. It's great that you've realized that moving forward with it is what will let you look back on your life someday and be happy you took on the journey. I'm rooting for you! ♥

[@wtstfire]

You have an uncanny ability to make videos about the issue on my mind exactly when I'm thinking it. This one really hit home for me.

[@Ginaviz]

So much of what "Gender" is, has been defined by society. One of my perspectives involves mentally transitioning, adopting a more Female viewpoint. After leaving a profession where any hint of femininity brought negative reactions, I've been able to be freer to express myself, and yet not to the extent of "living as a woman." Regarding transition, money was always a factor, not wanting to be dependent on pharmaceuticals was another. Thank-you for your take on this issue.

[@marti7343]

Money is one thing. Not being dependent on pharmaceuticals is something else. If there are health issues that do not allow you to medically transition that certainly should enter in your decision to transition socially. Yes, if you medically transition, you will be on some form prescription for the rest of your life. But, keep in mind, if you are fit and in good health, the risks are very low. Sure, you may have to take some pills each day, but is that really such a nuisance? Perhaps for some people it is. Remember, as you age you are likely to have to take some kind of pill on a regular basis. For me, the five-ten minutes each week I devote to my HRT is, if you will, worth all the tea in India.

[@weebhatecrew330]

I'm a lot younger but theoretically I'd gander that one might not need to chase this idea of a "transition" or the "finished product of the transition" but rather one should just realize that before and after said transition there is still only one body and soul there. THEREFORE, the transition happens instantaneously and everything else that you do are just verbs and actions that go along with being a trans woman. I mean IMO hormones are good when they work well and when one is healthy and if they do not cause heart disease, however who you are and how you live your life could happen right now if you wanted. One can of course only be who one truly is and nobody else is going to live the life of you except you, but ppl around you indoctrinated by convention and the Capitalists who orchestrate society for profit would prefer if you lived your life for them.

[@weebhatecrew330]

And why are people that way? Because they are too busy and distracted and deceived in the world to stop for a moment and analyze themselves. It's not always their fault they are that way. We are all just suffering together, humanity that is. They do not stop what they are doing to understand or seek truth, nor would some ppl in this world bother to do so if they could. People will tear you down because they are damned to ignorance.

[@JamesGeorgeInterstellar]

(Reply to last comment). Yeah reminds me of that old Latin saying 'Damnant quod non intellegant' (They condemn what they do not understand!)

[@DannieGemz]

From what I have observed in my many dealings with both my own feelings and process to the many others I've encountered from across the community, I would say that it is worth it if you yourself can be realistic about what you will achieve when weighing up your own dysphoria. Some people have this expectation that taking E or T or a combination of both even will be this miracle cure, that somehow you will instantly be what you thought you would turn out like. That being said though a lot of the negatives in my view are down to social media, in much the same way back in the 80's/90's you would have magazines like vogue showing off the 'perfect' woman with a waist of 20 inches or something crazy like that, you have the same issue with people like us, social influencers etc in a lot of cases with lots of surgeries and the financing to bankroll it showing the 'perfect' transition .... Sad reality is , is that all to often it becomes a comparison game, with people chasing this dream of looking like others. I often advise people to try and be realistic about what they can and cannot achieve with transitioning and to really ask themselves if they are doing it to look 'as good' as the person on reddit or if they are doing it because they need to and for themselves. For me it was a question of life or death, and it wasn't an instant decision but one made with due consideration of all the facts and with medical guidance. Anyways my rant is over here but i do think that people really if they are going to transition , please please do not get caught up in the comparison game it is legit the worse thing you can ever do and will likely end up making you feel worse, rather than be a positive.

[@M-CH_]

What I'm missing in those considerations is the words "right now". "Is transition worth it for me RIGHT NOW, AT THIS TIME". Deciding not to transition doesn't have to be final, even when it's the right decision at a given time. I know you have said then, but I think they should be accentuated more.

[@Pj-ey5fl]

Dr. Z, I've been following you for some time now. I'm 68 and I've been struggling with dysphoria for forever. I have tried so many things to cope with this everything but transitioning. Some time ago I decided that I was not going to transition so I look for ways to deal with it including occasionally feminizing myself. Feminizing myself works sometimes, sort of like going out and getting drunk to temporarily forget about one's difficulties. Perhaps it's a bad analogy, but when I have to spend the vast majority of my time living as my assigned gender and I have had the random experience feeling the freedom with feminizing My dysphoria seems to be worse than ever. I know you commented on this before. But I got to hand it to you, you are one of the few therapists out there that have discussed this topic. It's always... You must transition if you want to be happy. So I don't go to therapy anymore, tired of hearing therapist telling me that I have to transition. The drinking analogy is pretty bad , apples and oranges. I do notice an increase in my desire to zone out completely as a means of coping. I know you've talked about this too. I know that's not an answer, but sometimes I just need some relief. I've done lots of things to cope including meditation and walks in the woods, sometimes this helps. It's just f****** hard. Now, I'm faced with a government that really wants to erase anyone whose gender expression is different from the standard binary, whatever the hell that means. So my typical feminizing feels unsafe. I remember your one podcast about Pandora's box. I often wonder what if I never opened that box, that was so very long ago, before I even knew what trans meant. That brings me back full circle to numbing myself. Doing whatever so I don't have to feel anymore, as I already said, it's a very short-term fix and it causes more problems than it fixes. I'm rambling, and I'm being a downer 😔. Until next time.

[@gabriellavalentine17]

I can relate! I like turning to alcohol too sometimes but I do know my limit. It's just everything in moderation. There's no reason to not enjoy life and being who you are and how you enjoy expressing yourself.❤

[@GS-ym4wb]

Hope you can find a way to be yourself in these tough times.

[@davidyoungquist6074]

Thank you. As an older Transgender person married nearly 30 years with the first grand baby on the way, I have been asking myself this a lot lately. Have always known I as Transgender, and the disphoria is almost a daily thing, but losing and sacrificing everything in my life at this point? Is it worth it? I've been homeless. I've been thru a bad divorce that ended my teaching career. Could I do it again? That's a massive concern. I thank you for examining this aspect that to often gets ignored.

[@GS-ym4wb]

Can you express your gender without transitioning? Is that possible without losing what you have?

[@davidyoungquist6074]

@GS-ym4wb I do a little bit here and there. I call it stealth Trans. I have some jewelry and shirts that are the Trans flag colors. Met some wonderful folks that way that recognize. So it's not a total wash. And thank you for asking.

[@GS-ym4wb]

@@davidyoungquist6074 I hope you find your way. Good luck.

[@ava.joan93]

OMG i love your lipstick in this video!

[@ava.joan93]

AND it was so worth it for me! The crossroads for me was the FOMO from consuming a lot of trans youtube content, and then the representation in my blue community is/was high, so when I realized that my kids would be ok after i transitioned, pursuing HRT was a natural step.

[@RikkiMGuffen]

Thank you, Dr. Z. Though I was born with the male bits, I never felt comfortable with being "a man." At the same time, I observe my spouse and her friends, and wonder whether I could be a woman in the way that they are women.

[@sethflix]

NO! You will never be a woman! I suggest you'd do well to grow comfortable with who and what you are and give thanks to God for your life and all of your many blessings! Don't become yet another freak who is neither man nor woman You will hate yourself even more idf you do this! I suggest you look into all the people who have had problems from trying to change their sex and listen to what Vivek Ramaswamy has to say about this issue. .

[@mx.lucyfur]

Great video and I can definitely add to the conversation as someone who recently decided significant transition isn't for me. I have done a low dose of HRT (transdermal patch) for over a year and recently decided to stop. I am still having laser done because I feel that is still worth it, but decided that I just don't want transition bad enough to pursue HRT, surgery, changing my presentation significantly, and such at this point in life. I likely would have done it all had I figured this out in my 20s and had a lot of life ahead of me, not so much due to dysphoria dictating I must do this to be happy but, rather, gender euphoria revealing I would enjoy life more as a trans woman. But, as it stands now, I am quite content to identify as agender and queer up my presentation with eyeliner, nail polish, and the effects of laser treatments (I've been told that's having significant effects in making me appear more androgynous, even in my early 50s). I was in Sedona, AZ in December and did a "120 Steps" climb at the retreat center where I was at. The idea was each step is a year of your life and, as you pass beyond your current year, you reflect on your life ahead. The 120th step is representative of the day you die (based on a highly idealized lifespan). As I walked up the steps for my 70s, 80s, and 90s, I imagined people seeing me as this "queer old man" (technically nonbinary but I accept how people attribute me) who does Zen meditation and still keeps up with Iaido swordsmanship... who is known for their unusual earrings, warm smile, and always quick with a laugh. For me, that vision brought peace. To think of all I would have to do to live as a trans woman brought a sense of strife that was not worth it. I will always stand with my trans sisters and leverage the privilege afforded me by people perceiving me as male to defend them. But, for me, I have chosen the peace I feel with an agender identity and mostly masculine - if queer and bohemian - presentation. To borrow from "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k," I asked myself, "What are the problems I'm willing to live with?" For some, the problems that come with transition will be worth it to them. For others, such as myself, the problems that come with managing how society imposes a gender and gendered assumptions and expectations are the ones I'm willing to live with. I also chose this in part to purposefully subvert those assumptions and expectations in the face of a very toxic form of masculinity we have imposing itself on our government now. In the end, I don't look back on the past year of HRT, a few voice lessons, fashion experiments and such as wasted time. I know more what I like and what just doesn't resonate. I know I can get an item of clothing no matter what section of the store it comes from... not to mention that women's jeans fit me so much better than men's HRT or not. (Being an AMAB person with an actual butt and single-legged squats make me appreciate the room in the back that even "athletic" men's jeans don't offer while still being a slim fit in the lower legs.) I feel so much more confident in my choices now because of the past year - so it definitely wasn't wasted effort. Much love to all on this journey. You are valid no matter what path you choose! ♥

[@gabriellavalentine17]

Thank you for today's video Dr. Z! This really gives me a lot to think on. I believe that I can live happy as a woman and not fully transition. Currently I only live part-time/quarter-time as a woman which I know sounds funny, but the reality is I'm not fully out. Expressing myself as feminine I find actually helps not only my dysphoria(although I haven't had it my whole life) but my depression as well. This forum helps me alot and again thank-you for today's video Dr. Z.

[@miyahollands6136]

ultimately, if you don't try, you won't know! you go through a pros and cons list with lots of things throughout life, such as changing jobs, or having a cupple of employment options on the table and choosing which one fits you the best. I was under the belief that I didn't have server dysphoria, but looking back now, I can see how depressed I truly was. I used to feminsie in secret, but this was only a pressure valve, it only allowed me to explore. I tried to live with it and I thought I was doing a good job. but this mentioned I was going through live, carrying the weight of being unhappy, of being depressed. See life through that lens long enough, and the vision you see becomes normal. So, it is helpful to step outside this normal mindset and explore, ask yourself these questions: - how it truly makes you feel - when you see this you in the mirror. - If you have a name for this part of you, what does it feel like, for other people to address you as this person? - If you are comfortable doing out, how does it make you feel just being out in the world, as this person, or interacting with other people. this isn't a complete list, just a few starter questions. but, really be open and honest with yourself, and answer them as truthfully as possible. the biggest question for me, and it was the one that made transitioning the way forward for me is - how dose it make you feel, to put that version of you, back in the box! To go back to your biological self, after you've explored this alternative side of you? I was staying up until 3, or 4am. trying desperately not to fall asleep on the sofa, just to stretch out the time - I realised that I didn't want to go upstairs, because that ment it was time to put her away. and go back to being him. so, study how going back effects you - not just in the moment, but in the days after. there could be a bigger list of pros than you realise!

[@charlottegreek1962]

The biggest one you talked of was how does it feel when one has to remove all the gender clothing of your exploration and make up for the girls.I myself frequently wound up crying in the corner of my bedroom in the dark.after the tears started to fall when washing the make up off.Now I've transitioned and so happy those tears no longer stream down from my eyes.

[@edgartokman4898]

You'll never be able to do that if you're legit you already have features that lets you know that you're half way there. The female side will dominate...women have a male side look at how they behave lol...a woman that's sophisticated doesn't behave like that

[@nikolasb5111]

I just got a home ipl hair removal thingy. Can't wait to use it! I think, living in acceptance and denial helps me a ton. And contemplating torpedoing my marriage, my life, my family and turning my life upside down is not worth it. It's way to expensive. With all the ffs, hrt, possibly implants, etc. It's simply too much work and I might end up deeply regretting anyhow. Daydreaming about it from time to time, is enough for me. And like I said acceptance and denial about being or not being are wonderful things.

[@KellySharkey-ir4tc]

Thank you Natalia. you have been a godsend to me. .x

[@sparkee666]

I find myself at these cross roads right now, I guess I'll decide if the transition is not worth it when I get my appointment and actually have the opportunity to get a consult with the professionals. until then I'll keep doing what I'm doing because I feel better doing it.

[@yogibaer2160]

I'm in my 40s back in college, never got my undergrad degree going for psychology. I do some crossdress and feminity but as far as transition and surgery sounds very expensive plus I didn't want any job issues maybe down the road if the deep desire is there maybe but I think staying in my lane is fine I don't want to do any drastic change to lose my friends or family so I'll stay the course as I'm doing and just be myself

[@FrozEnbyWolf150-b9t]

I see a lot of comments from other trans people worrying about adopting the perspective of their gender identity. As someone who is agender genderfluid, I would say that that perspective is who you are and have been inside all along. You aren't becoming someone else, you are letting your true self out by changing your expression, unlearning the conditioning, and peeling back the mask. No matter how slow and gradual a process that may be.

[@LWmusik]

When I identified as cis, I used to think "I can't be trans, I don't wanna be someone else". Now that I've realized I'm trans, I'm like "wow this is fantastic, this means I can keep being myself" lol

[@AM-k7c]

When young, I went through the hyper-macho stage, trying to "be a man". In gender therapy, my goals are recovering the young, meek, slightly effeminate boy/youth I abandoned and the potential woman. I have to recover "him" and it may be enough, or, he might be a guidepost on a transition journey. I have made progress though and it feels good. Also, staying real helps. Getting out of the mode of wishing to be pretty women you see is beneficial. Thinking things like "if only there was a magic pill and I took it and turned into her or could look like her", or despairing over not being born a girl. No, wasted energy. Stay real and in the present. Ask yourself, could "I" the real me, live as a woman? Do I want to? These questions give me pause, but make me think. I don't know the answer yet. At 64 years of age, perhaps integrating the effeminate youth, and total acceptance of all of my traits, will be enough and I can forgo the expense, surgical danger, risk of complications, and if I don't feel comfortable enough as a woman, the apprehension of being in public as a transwoman. If so, I dare say, I wouldn't need to transition and could be okay with part-time expression of femininity. So, very valid video. Thank you for all that you do!

[@square_jane]

I'm a 65 year old genetic male and I probably fit the category of 'non-binary'. That is to say I see myself first and foremost as a 'human being'. I wear a mix of male and female clothing on a day-to-day basis (for convenience and ease) but basically I look male. In my social life however I express myself as female, and as female as I possibly can. This sense of self and gender has been with me since I was a young child but I've only been freethinking, able and courageous enough to explore it, and genuinely express myself, for the past 15 years. If I was younger I expect I would have embarked on a deeper path of transitioning. I do experience dysphoria from time to time but at this stage of life I find it's manageable enough.

[@gtx60]

For me, at 62 years old, it would not be worth it. I have reached a point where I live a feminine life style that I am comfortable with; some days that will include fully crossdressing but in truth not that often, it is the femininity within that I have come to terms with and that I now enjoy.

[@Nijonibi]

I don't know how things are going to go as i transition... but i know how they will go if i don't try. they may end up being the same place, but at least i will have tried.

[@weebhatecrew330]

Transitioning only takes one second and one decision. Everything else you think then which follows is just verbs and actions you are doing. You just have to be honest with yourself and say, "this is who i am". After that you get to be an oppressed minority, lol. These are of course only my opinions and I do not claim monopoly on truth.

[@iamerica7887]

Also to consider: What is the likelihood of wanting to detransition at some point along your journey and why? For me, it would be minimal and would only be partial. And only if it was forced upon me by some radical extreme legislation with severe penalties. Anything short of that, life is good for me as a middle-age transwoman here in Canada. 🇨🇦👍🏳‍⚧⚧

[@benfranklinification]

😊 3:52

[@bobbylee9727]

Occasionally, I think about femme acting males, aka, queers/homosexuals who spend their entire lives as themselves hoping society accepts them. Isn't a MtF transexual just a queer wearing a dress? After watching probably way too many videos on this subject (mostly your videos) I still don't know much about it...this subject is deep and complicated and more than a fad but rather a reality being realized.

[@weebhatecrew330]

Good question. Trans ppl are just like you and me but a bit different in that their gender they are inside is not the same as the body they were born in. Collectively in society they form their own group, and to us humans they often appear to be their own class in society (usually a very, very low class, lol). Historically and in ancient times trans ppl were either in temples or forced to live outside cities in communes or generally beggars. But then again just like with many things in life there is a lot of gray areas and I tend to feel that sexuality itself is very complex and some ppl usually fall somewhere on a scale, and sometimes it fluctuates, etc... etc...

[@bobbylee9727]

@@weebhatecrew330 after watching most of Dr. Z's videos, other videos, and reading I am just beginning to scratch the surface and learn about myself.

[@weebhatecrew330]

@@bobbylee9727 yeah try a little "shadow work" as they call it. Know the feminine by knowing the masculine and know the masculine by knowing the feminine (polarity, perhaps) After we are all born (from a woman, whom we were once inside) we are declared a sex. Therefore there is some meaning to understanding what that means, perhaps and the nature of sex, gender and these things. I heard it like this from a specific group of trans-female individuals: the transgender (trans female) is not a 'female' but is 'similar to a female'....this differentiates her from cisgender men and is a simple way to solve the riddle of how a man can be a woman. these are my opinions but I don't claim monopoly on truth.

[@AM-k7c]

Well, yeah,, not a fad. No one really wants to be transgender in this world. It just happens. Some can learn to love it, I suppose. It comes with a lot of problems. It would be much easier if I was a cisman or ciswoman. I'd take either over transness. Leaning toward taking ciswoman, lol. To grow up without the confusion would be a Godsend.

[@grah969]

Well, trans women (born male) don't necessary have to be attracted to men. In that case, they would have not fit the category of "homosexual".