Will I Ever Feel Like a Woman? Understanding Your Journey!

Many trans women ask themselves 'Will I ever feel like a woman?' This video explores why these feelings are common, how they stem from years of learned behaviors, and why they naturally fade as you settle into your authentic self. A compassionate look at the journey of unlearning past socialization and embracing your true identity.
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Many trans women ask themselves 'Will I ever feel like a woman?' This video explores why these feelings are common, how they stem from years of learned behaviors, and why they naturally fade as you settle into your authentic self. A compassionate look at the journey of unlearning past socialization and embracing your true identity.
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Hello Friends! I'm Dr Z, and this is a channel where I help you break free from dysphoria!
I am a clinical psychologist specializing in the transgender field, working with adults only. For the past 18 years, my work has focused on Gender Dysphoria and the formation of gender identity. I provide online therapy for residents of California, New York, Texas, and Florida. My pronouns are she/her, and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com/abo...
👉NOTE: I work solely with adults, and all video content is marked for adults only. As such, the information shared is based on my experience working with adults only.
DISCLAIMER: Note that as a clinical psychologist, I created this channel to share information. Therefore, I won't be providing or offering therapeutic advice. I am also not a medical doctor. When I speak on medical issues such as hormones or surgical procedures, the goal is to share information and not to provide medical advice, and you should always consult with your medical doctor. Additionally, this channel is for those seeking information and understanding and to gain awareness.
#gender #genderdysphoria #transgender #nonbinary #genderidentity #gendertransition #gendertherapist #transhealth #transgenderwomen #transmann #enby #hormones #dysphoria #selfhelp #transformation

[@Journey-of-1000-Miles]

For 50 years, I pretended to be masculine, and I suppressed my feminine side, all the while beating myself up for it. I have only a handful of years, built up in equity towards my authentic self. Not to mention, a lifetime of self hatred to unpack. Last week, I went for a pedicure. The entire time, my internalized transphobia was telling me that I did not belong. It made the experience difficult to enjoy. However, after sometime, I can appreciate the final product, and the experience itself. Sometimes, I find I have to ignore the internal negative thoughts, and appreciate the experience afterwards. That fills me with more confidence, and quiet my internal voice.

[@tm33398]

You described my experience! But after having "The Surgery" i feel more affirmed and see a lady way more than before. But I have to live into my femininity and be ok with it in spite of internalized transphobia. Thank you for sharing

[@cayman9873]

Your story is so close to mine. For many decades I wore a mask and hid working on cars, welding, shooting, playing with chainsaws. Riding motorcycles and flying twin cessna airplanes. It was all protection from being myself. Very sad life, stress from always being on a performance.

[@cayman9873]

Manicures , pedicures, hair salons will be fine. It helps to always dress and feel your girl side. Things you can feel that people may not see. Skims and felina make great soft panties and camisoles. Wear and keep an underwire on every day. Learn how to get the hooks on, and adjust the straps. Wear a tight skirt over pantyhose, it will make you walk and sit very feminine. Shorter steps, one foot in front of the other. . Confidence. Always carry a purse. Keeps all my makeup and hair stuff organized.

[@SanityVideo]

I've been out for two years and I still forget I'm a woman a lot. It's confusing sometimes but remembering I'm a woman can be the best feeling too.

[@heatherwalsh9761]

Why the heck are you doing this to yourself if you can't even remember you think you are a woman.🤣

[@JmGmail]

Are you a trans woman who forgets you are now a woman? Or a trans man who forgets you were a woman?

[@RebeccaGarland-e4t]

American men tend to nod at each other when they greet. Women tend to smile at each other. It took me a long time to not greet a man with a nod and I sometimes still do it in response to a nod from a man. I am pretty good though with the feminine smiles. It was a learned behavior.

[@Nokyyyyy]

Nod while smiling like a chad

[@HairHoFla]

As I learned years ago... What makes a person is the sum of all the experiences that person has gone through

[@BeckiLynn_N]

Thank you, Dr Z. Coming out at 55, after 21 years in the military, 2 ex-wives, and 6 kids, i have half a century of masculinity to correct. I realistically understand that i will never "pass." Deep down, I have an abject fear of looking stupid. So, it's tough for me to adopt a new mannerism or a new look to align more with myself. Keep up the good work.

[@Monica-gj2yx]

Remember that women come in all shapes and sizes!

[@JmGmail]

What made you think your masculinity is wrong and needs a correction?

[@JmGmail]

All of us have feminine and masculine traits.

[@sabrinanaves7148]

You have a beauty that you are just barely begging to discover, don't give up just because not everyone will see it. 🫂

[@therealshadow99]

I've described living my life before coming out as living in a body that was my prison. It's felt like I've lived in a prison for 30 odd years. The clothes I wear, the things I do, and habits I've formed are all ones from that prison. It is so hard to switch and do new things, wear new clothes, make new habits... Just like it is for someone just getting out of prison. It doesn't help when everyone around me tells me they will never think of me as a woman. It helps even less when I want to wear new clothes, but I don't have the money for them. It feels like I'm caught between being in the prison still and being free.

[@taylorrhyne502]

I'm so glad you decided to come out and be your authentic self. A lot of places that help trans people with clothing and other essentials for free. Transcend is on if the best one near me. I can't even imagine how hard it can be. I sense a lot of strength in your words. Keep looking for the cracks and you will find the light you are searching for. ❤❤❤. My device is not acting properly. Sorry if the grammar is off.

[@therealshadow99]

@@taylorrhyne502 I've looked for such places, but the two I found within a reasonable distance of me are all meant for college age or younger and don't provide for people that are post-college... Which sucks.

[@JherricaHarris-lj9ug]

Many times have I mentally asked myself when I am truly going to feel like myself. I surround myself with females and we interact constantly. Taking hormones, wearing feminine clothing, all of these things and more help me to achieve my best feminine selff

[@JmGmail]

So forcing your body to become a female has not made you a female right? Maybe the assumption that women have all feminine traits and men have all masculine traits is wrong? If you have some feminine and some masculine traits accept yourself as you are. Don’t try to force your body and mind to become all man/masculine or all woman/feminine, that is got to feel like you fit neither.

[@1Adventurerider]

Again another perfectly timed topic.. Ifeel that ive been pretending so long, i don't know if everything i am was pretending.. it makes me doubt everything i do is genuine now

[@tm33398]

@@1Adventurerider i hear you. Many times Dr Z has produced topics that are SPOT ON!!!

[@taylorrhyne502]

I wanted to let everyone know that I love you all. "We were once burned alive by society. But from the smoke came our soul. And from the ash came our heart." "Unknown "

[@miyahollands6136]

I would also add vocabulary into the mix - not only how you say it, but what you say is important. it's subtle, but the difference between greeting someone saying "Hi!", instead of "alright!" is a very small thing, but it can have a big effect on an interaction, not only for the other person, but it will also have an effect on yourself. Here's a little exercise for those out there who have been living as their authentic self for some time, and are asking themselves "am I woman enough!". find an old image of yourself prior to transition. look at it and ask yourself can you still relate to the person you see in the image. I do this now, and I don't see me. the individual in the image is of another person - and that's a powerful thing indeed!

[@Monica-gj2yx]

Great idea!

[@wilburshuman]

It really works tooooo as, I have a photo of myself took 7 yrs ago. Most people just stare and say......... Wowww, I can't believe thats you !!!!!!!!

[@miyahollands6136]

@@wilburshuman But, how does that photo make you feel?

[@davefitzgerald5334]

Sometimes I feel like a woman, and sometimes I don't. My estrogen count is too high recently, so I have to reduce the dosage. If it's too high, there is a risk of health risks such as blood clots. Scary ! God bless you Dr Z.

[@debbielynn6683]

After over 60 years of male learning and pretending to be all the masculine things I must be is hard to push out. I’m finally getting there after being transitioned for more than 10 years. But the fact is that all my life some of the feminine gestures and feelings were there but I had to make sure they never surfaced. I had to keep them pushed down and out of site. After transitioning it took me a while to realize that it’s ok for those gestures and feelings to be in the open. So in some ways that made things easier but the masculine learning still crepes up or slips up but hopefully I catch them fast enough to adjust. My girlfriend is a big help!!! If she sees something that I need to correct or need to pay more attention to, she will let me know. And until she brings it up I didn’t even realize I was doing it. Then there’s times I tell her that I thought i was not feminine enough at doing something and she tells me, no you were good, but it seemed in my mind I was off someway. Sometimes at certain activities it seems I work so hard to make sure that the feminine side of me stays on point, when it’s over I am so mentally exhausted. It may take me a day to just to recharge. But it does come more natural over time but I really feel that the longer you have to live as male the harder it is to adapt. Something’s more than others. Don’t give up, it’s like anything you are doing for the first time, it takes practice, practice, practice. ❤

[@ma-sa1986]

This is so helpful (like all of your videos), but this is something I especially need to work on.. I’ve been “male failing” and passing without much effort, but not feeling feminine enough yet has been holding me back from being my true authentic self. Thank you Dr. Z! 😊

[@royaustin6111]

First off Dr Z I want to thank you so much for your KZbin education. I am 70 years old and finally transitioning. This pretty much validates what I'm doing to unlearn so many things like you talking about. I have probably close to 100 hours of KZbin presentations on how to be an elegant woman, how to walk, how to talk out of sit, how to hold your wine glass and it goes on and on. I practice everyday, not only do I feel more like a woman as I master these, it's fun. It's fun because it's like an athlete training for the big event and going to the event in order to score a perfect 10. When I am in public places I feel so confident. I may not “‘pass”but I definitely move like I pass. I encourage everyone that's either already transitioned or in the process, to practice every day even if you think you have all of this down. :) LeAnna She/Her

[@alisabristleface]

For me, I know that 62 years of social conditioning and 50 years of testosterone are not easily left behind. Its amazing that I ever managed to find myself! It is the cage of the familiar and has been "home" for so long. I'm not even out yet (to others at least) but the one or two little changes I've made -eg wearing women's underwear and earrings every day feel absolutely right and I never want to stop them.

[@Ginaviz]

Wow! Another wonderful perspective on what many of us have lived. You are such a positive outlet and benefit so many of us. Thank-You!

[@HairHoFla]

Seems to me... Looking on the outside for decades.... Not having the experiences of childhood and adolescence... makes it hard to achieve that mindset

[@Journey-of-1000-Miles]

I agree.

[@HairHoFla]

@Journey-of-1000-Miles id rather be wrong 😎

[@Genevieve111]

Very true... It sadens me that most of us were robbed of our rightful childhood... 😢

[@alisabristleface]

Yes! Just recently I wept with the thought that I was bought up as a boy, when I should've been bought up as a girl. Crazy thing is, my dad always wanted a little girl -without knowing he already had one..

[@Genevieve111]

@@alisabristleface I have an older brother... I'm sure Mom was hoping for a girl while carrying me. Little did she know...

[@elizabethgilbert7973]

Living as a woman since 2015 and having fully transitioned last year as well as working in a professional position, I struggle greatly with passing past masculine behavior, especially my voice. I’m completely satisfied with my transition plan however the behavioral aspects of not interpreting everything through masculine eyes has proven to be especially challenging.

[@JmGmail]

You have masculine and feminine traits.I wish you can accept both aspects of yourself and not try to become all man or all woman by forcing your body and mind in one direction r other.

[@sabrinanaves7148]

There are so many amazing women out there leading the way, like Dr. Z here. Let go of what you used to believe and be open to new points of view. It's mostly a matter of perspective. Also, give yourself time, forgive yourself for mistakes.

[@morgan6999]

Thank you for this episode Dr. This is exactly what I was going to talk to my therepist about. I go through this all the time when I'm with my friends. I have physically transitioned but it's the "being" part of transition that still hasn't arrived. I do see myself being a woman in my head but I am unable to be like that in reality. I think if I was around women more it would help. Thank you

[@terralingvonkickbusch2085]

I struggle quite largely with this aspect Out for 9 months 5 weeks hrt But only in the last two weeks have I stopped using my deadname in my internal monologue I’m only just starting to look at my face and see anything feminine My wife of 19 years has told me that her my stepdaughter and my wife’s sister all thought I was super feminine but from playing the male role so long I had convinced and deluded myself into not being able to accept my own femininity 😅 I was male failing before I started hormones And now in boy mode most people think I’m female transitioning to male There was a trans woman at the shops today who was a total pass and the only thing that clued me in was the hips as they were walking If I can give and advice for walking better as a woman just try to relax as u walk and don’t over tense the hips and butt Hope some of this helps And Dr Z thank u so much for all your videos they have been so helpful and comforting. Ember 🔥 a

[@cwez11]

thank you for all you do

[@davidyoungquist6074]

This interesting, and helpful, and I got called out today. Growing up, I projected a lot of feminine actions and wording in my daily life. I sat like a girl, I stood like a girl at time (you know, hands on hips when I was thinking or frustrated) called my dad "daddy" for a long time. It was just the way I acted. The way I was. My family members trained me out of that over the years. Huh.

[@marti7343]

I have been in transition for 26 months. Most of the time, I still dream of myself as a man. I do not pass and probably never will. My mannerisms are feminine. I am clear about my identity. It is when I am misgendered, which happens all the time, or I see myself in the mirror, that I become confused and think I just have to accept I am really a man. Other times, I see myself and think how can anyone think I am a man. All I can come up with is that I am quite tall with very broad shoulders. Do I feel like a woman? Well, I know if I passed I could categorically say yes to that question. However, because I do not, my remembrance of how I used to be comes roaring back along with the feeling I can never really be a woman. But, when I look inside I see only a woman. In fact, I believe I was never really a man despite living as one for so long. Now, I am working on finding ways to accept myself for whom I know I am without obsessing over how the outside world sees me. Is the reality how the world sees me or whom I am inside myself? Two conflicting realities. I will keep trying to come to terms with the conflict.

[@ekkoreigns]

I'm sure it's different for everyone. I transitioned at 39. I've been presenting fully as a woman for 5 years now. I dream as a woman now, which I didn't the first few years. I think around year 4-5 it's gotten to where everything feels naturally me.

[@alisabristleface]

It's who you are inside -no one else except you can know/experience who you really are. This is an affirmation I use that helps me with this: "Whatever body I may have, and however others may choose to perceive me, I see myself now as the woman I truly am -without fear, shame or embarassment"

[@marti7343]

@@alisabristleface I am clear on who I am in terms of the sense of myself - a woman. It is just in conflict with my physical body and how other people see me. I am happier since transitioning. Yet, it still is hard to be misgendered and have most people see me as male. I think I am feminine for the most part, so I I have to look at other things about me that is making that happen. Some physical attributes have changed with my medical transition. Some have not and never will. That is what I have to live with. Thanks for your kind words of support. ❤

[@marti7343]

​@@ekkoreigns What you say is encouraging. I also experience my femininity more strongly as my transition continues. I am 26 months into it. It is wonderful. I know it takes time. We have to be patient to see changes. I have seen a lot and hope for some more. Your kind words are helpful. ❤

[@JmGmail]

Can you not accept you area man with some feminine traits instead of trying to medically become a woman only to find you don’t pass as 100% female either?

[@LeahT6317]

This is so true that the mental aspect takes a bit to catch up. When I went full time and began the surgical transition journey my first year was nothing but worrying about being clocked and trying not to bring any attention to myself. Fast forward two and a half years later things are becoming either second nature or I no longer worry about it. While I still worry about my voice which I have VFS scheduled for February 24th things that worried me have gone away and now being in the so called women spaces isn't a mental balancing act. I just go or do be it the restroom, nail salons even going out to eat. So while the mental part is getting there it also opening doors to things like dating, girls nights out and more of just enjoying who I am.❤

[@alisabristleface]

Good luck with the surgery

[@LeahT6317]

@@alisabristleface Thank You!

[@Jakie_8]

Thank you so much Dr Z. You are helping me every day, thank you so much ❤

[@LaurenMatthews-mg8tp]

Thank you....thank you ....your a gem!!! I am learning so much from you

[@sabrinanaves7148]

Thank you Dr. Z!! Hope you're feeling better!! (I believe you were sick recently?)

[@davefitzgerald5334]

Interesting video yes. Muscle memory. Love and peace from Marisa.

[@Gwen-w6o]

Thank you! 💗

[@ChloeClements34]

I am unlearning some but the big one is when I am put in a situation with very masculine men and I overcompensate and go into some sort of act to become more like them. Like for example a couple of repair guys come round and immediately become more man like. I did this pre transition as way of coming up to guy standards. Its like auto pilot and i do it every time and it kills me and they go and I am gutted knowing I failed at being the real me

[@alisabristleface]

Me too with the repair men! I even did it before I consciously knew I was trans..

[@irfanspam]

Very important topic.. my boyfriend feels i hve become more feminine than before who has been throughout my transition a yr since but i go in mens change room in the gym for some reason, i dont feel girly as the other girls there 😢😢

[@alisabristleface]

Give it time and you will be fine❤️

[@JmGmail]

First you felt not enough of man and now after changing your body you don’t feel enough of a female. Maybe accept you and all of us have both feminine and masculine traits.

[@FrozEnbyWolf150-b9t]

I'm agender genderfluid, so I can only partially relate. There is no preexisting gender for me to model, so it's up to me and other nonbinary folk to discover and define what it means to each of us. To that end, I've come up with a few simple rules for how to act nonbinary: 1. Be nonbinary 2. Do whatever you want

[@JmGmail]

This is true freedom don’t try to fit the gender role models society expects, just be your self a man with some feminine traits or likes Or a woman who acts masculine or has masculine habits. Trying to force our bodies to resemble the opposite gender does not help much now you are the othe4 gender with mixed traits. No one is 100% masculine or 100% feminine .

[@davefitzgerald5334]

My female name is Marisa.

[@brynnsymington772]

I really like the idea of "muscle memory" being a hindrance or obstacle to feeling like the woman I know I am. I'm trying, but 57 years of muscles memory is a lot to unlearn!

[@mooboo933]

I sometimes think Dr Z is pugged into a collective psyche. The video topics are often so relevant.

[@ekkoreigns]

I've been presenting as a woman for 5 years now. At this point I feel very feminine. Masculinity is very foreign for me now. I wouldn't know how to "be a man/masculine". I once tried to put on men's clothes. Myself and my family couldn't stop laughing because I looked like a butch lesbian!!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@alisabristleface]

Good to hear!

[@JmGmail]

Wow are you disparaging how lesbians look?

[@wilburshuman]

@@JmGmail Do you take pride in doing what you are doing Here ???? You have NOT added ONE single Positive remark the entire time !!!!!

[@justinemcdonagh-fe1oi]

My musle memory does not affect me and I guess I am lucky because once dressed as me Female I naturally move act walk as a female and when as a man I am aware I am hiding my female movements and know my male persona is false

[@MainframeDaydreams]

I wish everyone happiness for their future.

[@SonjaXevil]

❤

[@randomnetsurfer]

I (AMAB) have identified as non-binary for years now... but yesterday, an exhausted me spontaneously told my partner "I am a sleepy girl"... and we both realized what I said at the same time. I went to bed, but I still haven't processed why I said that. :/

[@matthall2339]

How do I get an appointment with you?

[@rebeccasam3434]

I'm not really sure what this means...like I don't...I think I more just feel fake because of how disgusting I am, and because I don't feel worthy to be.......but I'm listening to this and I don't know what it means to feel like an m person. I can't say I've ever felt like an m person. I'm just me and don't act any different...am I supposed to lol? I did drop the m filter a couple of years ago that I used to run since childhood, trying to make sure I didn't do anything too outside the norm for m people, constantly running this filter to try to police myself (and still sometimes failing) Sigh. Plus, autistic, which doesn't help..

[@KriiOzz]

that not feeling God enough feeling comes after this lol

[@justinemcdonagh-fe1oi]

I have never had the problem I have always felt like a woman That is why I do not feel like a trans woman

[@lmnk]

Hello, are you by any change from Russia (or USSR, republic doesn't matter)?

[@allisonmcwaters-baker]

My favorite thing about being a woman is the deep, intimate love and affection we have for each other. This week alone I’ve had women rush to my aid when I was crying, hold me, laugh with me, cry with me, and even help me get into a difficult dress. Our friendships are sacred

[@GabbieAbbie]

❤