Q&A:HRT & Changes, Havening Therapy, Nonbinary Questioning, Uncertainty, Why Bother? & Voice Therapy

[@imaginaryguide1895]

I think of dysphoria like inflammation on a sensitive joint. When there's a lot of stressors or a big change (e.g. shift in weather), your bad knee is going to flair up first, even if your whole body is experiencing the inflammation. So a stressful situation will likely aggravate existing (or potential) dysphoria.

[@mx.lucyfur]

I love this metaphor. Thank you so much for sharing it!

[@GwennGates]

I totally agree with you Dr. Z on voice therapy! I started back in December 2021 and worked hard for 3 months to get my voice to sound feminine. After the initial 3 months, it was another 6 months of constant practice. Now...with the training, I always talk in my feminine voice like it was natural. Have I occasionally slipped? Yep! Surprisingly, no one notices. What I have noticed and you mentioned, is even cis-women can sometimes lower their voices. Just yesterday I was in a local thrift store and the clerk was talking to me and her voice just dropped. As for the question about 'why bother?' I say "why not!" If transitioning makes you happy, why not! I actually encounter the "why bother" or "Why now?" from my mother in law. My answer is, I have lived 60 plus years as a miserable man, why not live my remaining years as a happy female? I understand that there may be those who 'feel' they don't pass when it is very important to them. But that is where therapy can help in accepting oneself for how they look. I have seen and talked to some trans women that have a hard time 'passing' but they are so alive and confident in their womanhood that their 'looks' become nonrelevant because of the joy and beauty that they are projecting! Plus it doesn't matter at what age one starts transition, being happy is more important. I will say, that I've been blessed, lucky, fortunate, or whatever in that I can and do 'pass' in the general public. My profile picture is an actual photo of my authentic self and next year I will be 67. For me, transition has been one of the best decisions I ever made in my life! I'm so glad that I didn't continue my life as a miserable old man and look forward to enjoying my live as a woman! Accepting oneself and realizing that one can transition at any age, are the first steps! Having Dr. Z providing all her wonder content helps also! ❤❤🥰🥰💋

[@user-lm1np7hm5k]

Seeing a German counselor helping a Ukrainian trans person hit me kinda hard, it recharged my faith in humanity :) (I'm from us) 😊❤

[@julianaberk]

I took my male name as my new surname to never forget who I was, how great man I was, and all the things I have achieved in the past. I didn't disown , just embraced it fully. I just regret that the life. I have had structered was for so manly man as I was presenting myself to the outer world, therefore there is very little external to drag on tıo my new life. But the internal aspects I take for my new life I. think are very valuable to me.

[@saturnhadeswright9170]

I'm non binary, AMAB , I didn't want breast growth but I felt the dysphoria I experienced was worth the risk of taking E and maybe growing breasts, because I want to appear androgynous to femme. I didn't need breasts , I took E in February, now I have a B cup n I love my body, my dysphoria is way less, my sex life is awesome, n I love my lil boobs. That's my story.

[@ThatJay283]

same! i wasn't 100% sure I even wanted breasts, but I sure sure I would I definitely would be more confident with a female puberty. I love my lil boobs and I feel so much more confident with and I love my body.

[@marti7343]

I am dealing with "Why bother" syndrome. Excuse me for coining a term that may not exist. I am eleven and half months on HRT. I started social transitioning at the beginning of September. I am in therapy. I think I do not pass and never will. I will turn seventy in February. I have been in therapy for a year now. I am married and my wife, whom I love and who loves me, has difficulty accepting what I am feeling and going through. She is trying very hard. When I consider surgery, I think why bother if I will never pass. When I work it is over the Internet, so coming out there is not a problem. I know I am trans and when I look back at my life always have been. My birth sex is male. I crave to be female and internally identify as a woman. When I look at other trans people my age I do not want to be like them. I am having difficulty accepting myself. When I first started to medically transition my hopes were high to succeed presenting and living as a woman. Now after socially transitioning for two months I am beginning to believe that is impossible because people will never accept me as a woman. I am considering to stop my social transition. It is just too hard and impossible to realize. Yes, trans people tell me that I just have to accept and be who I am, and passing is not important. That is not enough for me and I think how other people see you shapes how you feel and see yourself. I now am looking for a way to live with knowing I am trans and never being able to express the way I want and be accepted. I hope I will figure it out!

[@MarleyWigston]

Saying passing isn’t important isn’t doing you any favours. Passing privilege (cis privilege) determines how well society treats you. But maybe focus on FFS first I’m really sorry you’re having such a hard time. I’m 60, just out and while I am passable, it’s a small town and that doesn’t mean acceptance either. Hope you find some peace my friend.

[@marti7343]

Passing is very important to me. That is what I was trying to get across. The dilemma is I am not sure I will ever be able to do it no matter what I do. It seems many older trans woman face this dilemma. For many of them they appear to cope with it. Thanks for the support!. 😍@@MarleyWigston

[@robynrox]

Tip for the voice therapy one - there is overlap between voices; there are cis women that sound masculine and there are cis men that sound feminine. I ended up deciding not to change my voice, though it's something I may revisit at some stage - but if you are familiar with audio spectrograms, you can play voices of various women, see how they look on a spectrogram, and then try to match the tone. Audacity is a free program that may help with this. The other thing I suggest is to record yourself and listen back, because what you hear is different from what everyone else hears due, I believe, to the bone conduction of the audio inside your head. I've been through three courses of voice therapy, essentially, and I just don't have the motivation to practise. I'm not alone; I've found comfort in the fact that there are some trans-woman or trans-femme youtubers who are like me. The other thing that I think is that at least I'm doing something good for our world by existing and using my voice, deep as it is (it's deeper than that of most men), in public! You may think it weird, but I can *sing* and sound very feminine - this is done by training falsetto enough that it becomes reinforced and ceases to be breathy; this is what countertenor singers do!

[@mx.lucyfur]

I feel the "why bother" vibe. I've only socially transitioned as nonbinary and do enjoy messing with my presentation - like growing out a bit of a goatee while also rocking eyeliner, polish, and such. I've considered HRT and some surgeries but keep going back to telling myself things like "It's not worth the risks" or "The tradeoffs aren't worth it." But I'm starting to wonder if it isn't the voice of denial or internalized transphobia talking. Or, is it even an underlying message of "I'm not worth it." Fortunately, I have a session with my therapist tomorrow to toss these ideas around.

[@ThatJay283]

when i tried voice training via trans voice lessons, she has some amazing tips, but while following along i just ended up sounding American lmao (for context im Australian). so yeah shes an amazing resource, but i found what worked best for me was to more just follow that loosely and experiment, taking her tips as guidance rather than trying to do EXACTLY as she was doing. also, i have tried voice therapy before. back then i didnt know i was trans or adhd, and this was for my stutter. i did not get alot out of it. im sure id get more out of it now, but i already manage my stutter well now and dont feel like i need it.

[@JosephYeager-z3o]

I had an idea to help me practice with my voice feminization: I'd practice speaking Spanish, or German, or even a British / Australian (sorry mate, I know that they're not the same, but as an American, i don't really recognize exactly what is the difference. BTW, what reference would a woman use to replace 'mate'? In other words, how would I properly address you as a fellow trans woman?) By trying out different languages, it allows me to put on a different persona, that being of a female. I think it is helping, and at the very least, it is fun.

[@FrozEnbyWolf150]

Just to clear something up, the soymilk myth has been largely debunked, because phytoestrogens do not affect the body the same way estrogens do. They're only named that because of their molecular resemblance, not their function. If it were really that easy, nobody would ever need a prescription for estradiol, whether they're transfemme, or post menopausal cis women. Dairy and beef products contain more actual estrogen in them, and yet nobody believes they have any effects like that. I would say to the first question, I felt that way as well, and was reluctant to go on HRT at first. I'm nonbinary and I assumed I would be ambivalent towards any physical changes, since that's how I've always felt towards my natal body. I was mostly interested in the neurological and psychological effects of the hormones, and I would just deal with whatever else happened. However, for some people, once they get the changes, they can't imagine living without them. I'm still figuring it out myself, but part of me is getting impatient over not having seen any physical changes. On average, the changes tend to be slow for transfemmes, and far less drastic than when cis women have gone through puberty. There's always the option to microdose, so ask your doctor about that.

[@LuizCarlos-cg3qc]

Happy day for you ❤❤

[@Rozzia]

Podcast was amazing and the questions are just really awesome. Every time something to connect and realize ❤❤❤

[@arvel2314]

❤can't have both...

[@Shayne63]

To person asking question 1, have you considered Raloxifene or other SERM specifically formulated to minimize breast tissue growth? SERMs are "Selective estrogen receptor modulators." Developed for women at high risk of breast cancer but still wanting/needing estrogen to protect bone growth, etc.

[@RobertBaker-fm3yi]

Hi really looking forward to hearing your podcast show ❤

[@JessRenee91481]

I have a rhetorical question for the first question. Does this person not want permanent changes because it doesn't feel right for them or because you are scared? It sounds like fear. This individual mentioned breast budding. I would use this to help decide the difference. If the budding was affirming and made you feel better I would say you a in this position out of fear of societal or family blowback. If it didn't feel "right" or made the dysphoria worse I would say that transition isn't for you. If it's fear, I get it. I went ten years on HRT without being full-time. The hard part in coming out is family. Society as a whole isn't a big deal. I'm a truck driver and I travel all over the western US from Texas, Utah, Idaho, Colorado ect and other than a few uncomfortable looks I haven’t had any issues. There's always chest binders for when you are in boy mode. I just used sports bras and loose fitting t-shirts

[@kvtia]

41:44 Of course many people can change their voice when speaking, the problem is when coughing or sneezing. That's impossible to control if you have a deep voice.

[@MarleyWigston]

I’m considering top surgery. Oddly I’ve just come out at 60. I’m not yet on HRT. And I’m not sure how much benefit I would see from it at my age.

[@FlowCat]

The mental effects alone can be super worth it. I'm 2 months in today to hrt, and even tho I've had almost no physical changes, the mental benefits alone are so worth it. Best of luck to you C:

[@MarleyWigston]

@@FlowCat thanks for that. May I ask are you close to my age? And would age be a factor in that?

[@FlowCat]

@MarkWigston I'm 30 and age should not effect whether the mental effects happen. Essentially the mental relief comes from your body running on the "correct" hormone

[@Shayne63]

I'm 60 and on HRT for a year. Some physical changes but psychological changes have been well worth it for me.

[@wilburshuman]

I'll be 65 in may, 9 months in on HRT and My Outlook on Life has Increased Dramatically !!!! I'm almost to a C cup, My skin has softened, my facial look has changed (alot), But most Importantly, My mental well being has Absolutely, Positively improved 100% !!! Oh, being on the "T" blockers reversed the (minimal) hair loss I had been dealing with. Even the texture of my hair has improved !!! Go For It !!!!, We all deserve to be happy in our final yrs !!!!!!

[@ChrissiX]

Loved the podcast.

[@dbee8085]

Being homeless should never be an option. It's a death sentence.

[@ThatJay283]

I'm a nonbinary trans woman. before I knew I was trans i thought I was only attracted to men. the idea of being with a woman disgusted me. now, I am in an amazing relationship with a woman :D so yeah I was actually just bi and my feeling of disgust around the idea of being with a woman was just dysphoria

[@saraannefay2196]

Why an I having classic menoplasal hot flashes!? I’ve been on HRT for 8 years and I had Bottom Surgery 3 years ago. I am 65 years young and I no longer think about my gender transition. Everything / Life is good. Two days this past week I have had my face burning up for 30 minutes. This hasn’t happened before. Any thoughts?

[@kendrajune6719]

Wonderful advice and I have so many things I want to ask...but first, regarding the glasses... you said, you think you're looking less like Edna and more like Despicable Me... I don't see it... do you mean like one of the Minions?!? 😂 You're beautiful and I love your attitude, your sense of self and your sense of humor. 😍

[@DRZPHD]

Yes despicable hahahah.

[@Djin171]

How different. Is a fetish. From. Trans identify Doc please answer that question please 🙏

[@Chemical1Objectivity]

Dr. Z, some constructive feedback… Your answer to the first question is limited and even misleading. Why does the individual have only estrogen to alleviate dysphoria as an option? Given your clinical experience it would have been helpful to discuss the various aspects of social transition that may alleviate dysphoria. That was a good opportunity to discuss the value and power of social transition and the success that you observed. Also, promoting increased soy intake is flat out false, clinical studies are inconclusive whether phytoestrogen compounds actually promote any similarities to estrogen in terms of effect from consumption. The success to those approaches are more closely linked to a placebo effect, Which you made no mention of. Unless you have evidence displaying otherwise, it is quite irresponsible to be recommending them given your position of authority on the subject.