Why Baby Steps are THE Holy Grail of Gender Transition!

You hear me speak of baby steps all the time, well there is a reason for it.
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Hello Friends! I'm Dr Z, and this is a channel where I help you break free from dysphoria!
I am a clinical psychologist specializing in the transgender field, working with adults only. For the past 18 years, my work has focused on Gender Dysphoria and the formation of gender identity. I provide online therapy for residents of California, New York, Texas, and Florida. My pronouns are she/her, and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com/abo...
👉NOTE: I work solely with adults, and all video content is marked for adults only. As such, the information shared is based on my experience working with adults only.
DISCLAIMER: Note that as a clinical psychologist, I created this channel to share information. Therefore, I won't be providing or offering therapeutic advice. I am also not a medical doctor. When I speak on medical issues such as hormones or surgical procedures, the goal is to share information and not to provide medical advice, and you should always consult with your medical doctor. Additionally, this channel is for those seeking information and understanding and to gain awareness.
#gender #genderdysphoria #transgender #nonbinary #genderidentity #gendertransition #gendertherapist #transhealth #transgenderwomen #transmann #enby #hormones #dysphoria #selfhelp #transformation

[@pridetherapy]

As a gender therapist myself, this is amazing advice. Small, small steps. I love your channel and binge watch it all the time.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you!

[@aer2195]

So true. I've taken baby steps since I'm out as transgender (it's been only 18 months). So far, I succeeded in telling my pronouns to my family and friends (almost everybody except two people I know to be quite intolerant), with my co-workers and basically eveywhere I go. I began voice training one year ago and did giant progress. I changed a lot physically even without HRT (hairdo, clothes, piercings, tattoos - it may seem stupid but piercings and tattoos can help queer people a lot)... And I work out a lot. As a result, it may seem not much, as I didn't do any official changes nor grow a beard (I'm ftm), but I never felt out of my comfort zone, and am becoming more and more confident.

[@DRZPHD]

Yes!!!! Confidence is a key and baby steps helps compound it 👏

[@Genevieve111]

Everybody but two, are intolerant... ?

[@AnnularFrisson]

Agreed about tattoos/piercings - i feel like piercing my ears and nipples really accelerated my egg cracking

[@elsiemaep20]

I'm the epitome of the "giant leap" case. As in, I went from, "Oh wait I think I'm trans" to SRS in 13 months. Even so, I still approached it in terms of baby steps. Transition is the cumulative result of thousands of tiny steps. Taken together, it seems completely impossible. But can I send an email? Can I fill out that form? Can I go to that appointment? Can I do some research? Those baby steps are so much more doable. Even though there wasn't a shred of doubt in my mind, I needed that mindset too. They're also so helpful when you're feeling crushed by dysphoria. A huge part of that pain is feeling powerless and hopeless. It's "my body is wrong and nothing I do will get myself and others to see who I am." I found that in those moments, I needed to take a baby step. I'd find something, anything I could do to push my transition forward, and then I wouldn't feel so hopeless. It was tangible proof that I wasn't powerless.

[@SPTunnelMotor]

Unfortunately, the first gender therapist I've been consulting not only had choleric tendencies and ended up screaming at me - he also wanted me to change EVERYTHING the next day. Unsurprising, I couldn't do it. I felt horrible - thinking that if I could not do this, it somehow made me less legitimate as a transgender person. - Up to this point, before consulting the therapist, I had been making baby steps like talking about my dysphoria to my best friend, who encouraged me to be and dress as who I really am, without any boundaries or judgements. After all these years that I've been locking away all my feelings of dysphoria, it's been a giant relief. Although said therapist really did some damage because he got me scared away from myself for about some months, I've been slowly but steadily progressing towards my new, self-determined female life ever since. I mean, Ive been so incredibly hardened and locked away within my psyche with all of this, how could one ever expect me to just flip a switch and be alright? I am so happy this sad man is in retirement now and won't harm anyone else anymore. - Oh, and I still oftentimes struggle with the doorstep. It has been the worst, but sooner or later you just want and NEED to walk past it. Being free on your own terms - for some people, this must be a minor, given thing. But for trans people, it's a really hard fought battle to get there. - Being trans is hardcore work, mental, physical, expensive depending on your possibilities (clothing, makup, medical bills, time consuming)... - oh I do have a good therapist now who I really enjoy working with. (Although I could imagine working with Dr. Z is like the icing on the cake in transgender care). My point is... EVERY BABY STEP COUNTS! Whatever it may be. It's YOUR life. Be your own canvas. Love yourself more or maybe learn how to do it. ♥

[@DRZPHD]

😳wow I am sorry about your experience! How can one even change everything in one day 🤷‍♀️

[@pauleyj8]

Baby steps throughout our entire transition also allows the people in our lives to take baby steps with us, even if they are not conscious of this. I have conversed with several trans people, who have never demanded pronouns, focusing on their journey of transition and allowing those around them to come on board over time. Now everyone uses their correct pronouns and more importantly, they have maintained their relationships with family and friends. One of these people transitioned 25 years ago when there was far less acceptance, but he says he had a great transition journey.

[@Briannadawn20]

I have found for my situation that doing little things like shaving my entire body smooth helps me a lot. Since body hair gives me dysphoria. Before realizing I was transgender I had done eyeliner tattoo, and also eyebrow tattooed. I had almost no eyebrows because of years of plucking, shaving and waxing. Pencil thin arched is how I liked them the most. Now eyebrows are average thickness.

[@bargainbincatgirl6698]

My case is similar, but I started the shaving before accepting I was trans/non-binary. I'm still insecure about if I'm an LGBT person, but I'm going to keep doing this, because it helps.

[@Briannadawn20]

@@bargainbincatgirl6698 do what makes you feel happier and more comfortable. I love being hairless. Still a closet trans woman because of circumstances. But going out later this morning as Brianna to several stores and just be me for awhile.

[@Briannadawn20]

@@bargainbincatgirl6698 I also try to wear makeup in male mode. Nude natural matte lip stick, mascara. Goes good with my eyeliner. Haven’t been bold enough to wear foundation yet. Feel like I’m getting close though

[@DRZPHD]

Yes! Even the smallest things can ease dysphoria!

[@Genevieve111]

How is an eyelid tattoo done... ? 🤔

[@robynrox]

Yes indeed, I conducted experiments to determine my gender identity - you're calling it baby steps - exactly the same thing. Painting my nails. Wearing some subtle makeup pre-transition. Getting my eyebrows waxed and tinted! Putting on a dress at home. Shaving my chest and pit hairs. I talked it through with a therapist. So in the end, I was sure I was trans - the question then became should I transition. I had to consider my feelings about transitioning versus not transitioning. That's when I went all in. And I did have a wife and daughter - I thought they would accept me, and I was right, but it was a risk that I had to take. Actually I think I told my wife and daughter before I transitioned, so their reactions also informed my decision. They were both upset briefly, but that passed remarkably quickly.

[@DRZPHD]

Great to hear it worked out well for you!

[@GwennGates]

Wonderful advice Dr. Z! When I first started on my transition, I focused on the baby steps by doing certain things such as shaving my legs, working on walking in high heels, hand gestures, and perfecting my makeup, These small steps helped to build my confidence which in turn gave me the confidence to go out into the general public more. From those small steps, I focused on voice therapy and Electrolysis which are maybe not small steps but are big confidence builders. I now have built up my confidence that I move freely in the public space and accepted as a female! Now I am moving on to what one would call larger steps. I had Facial Surgery (FFS) 3 months post-op and now planning on Vaginoplasty. It definitely starts with small baby steps! As my Dad always told me "You have to crawl before you learn to walk." Same applies to Gender Transition! Thank you for a wonderful vidoe and the wonderful work you do for the community! 💕💕❤❤

[@DRZPHD]

That’s so great and I wish you all the best with vaginoplasty and the recovery 🤗

[@GwennGates]

@@DRZPHD Thank you so much!💕💕

[@bodybait]

yes small steps add validation you are on the right track. I was able to fast track my social transition in two weeks. Through validation.

[@DRZPHD]

Yes they help a lot with building confidence over time.

[@randirosehooper8315]

Thank you Dr Z doing something even small definitely helped me a lot. Having a goal to work for helps me a lot..I recently purchased a laser hair remover it's going to take time but it's very satisfying and gives me something to look forward to.

[@sweetykc4603]

After removing testics man and animal can not get sexual desire naturally so trans girl told me after sex change sexual desire not comes pls help me I am transgender❤❤

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear and hope you will keep taking baby steps 🫶

[@Genevieve111]

What brand/model of IPL did you buy... ?

[@randirosehooper8315]

@@Genevieve111 the 3-in 1 hair removal device by aopvui I got it from Amazon

[@ABLW013]

My next step is to play with glasses and makeup tomorrow, and look up a jewelry product that could be really affirming for me. Thanks Z!

[@miyahollands6136]

baby steps helped me to confirm I am transgender. I started out questioning "why do I have these sudden urges to be more feminine. start fantasising how life would be like, if I was female?" these feelings have always come and gone throughout my life. Baby steps helped me to test the waters, to ask "how does actually spending time presenting as female make me feel". it give you the information required to answer questions you don't otherwise know how to answer. from these you are able to assess more clearly. they are especially helpful for people who might not be in the position to progress their transition. helping to build a firm foundation for a time when you can move on with your transition.

[@Omti9]

I think this is very good advise and balm to my soul to be honest. I've had my inner coming out three and a half months ago after basically denying my trans identity for two decades since I first remember serious GNC feelings. And to be honest first I was paralized. I didn't really know where to go, but I knew I couldn't go on like that anymore. In the end I did come out to my best friend and my sister and got some really helpful advice from them what to do next. I did start buying feminine clothing online, tryed and mostly failed at makeup, did actually start wearing nailpolish in public. Join a local transgroup, get a therapist, make an appointment with an endocrinologist. I started wearing feminine pullovers to work this week and I'll have a hairdressers appointment tomorrow. Honestly I kind of want to take the big leap, but I'm terrified. I got so badly bullied as an early teen about GNC behaviour that I have really internalised I must act my AGAB. Every time I do something affirming in public I have to fight this fear of total social annihilation. I sometimes wish I could go faster, but I fear I'd just dissolve under pressure.

[@TNurse-k2w]

Your guidance and advice has been instrumental to my improvement in my self image and self love. T

[@dochics1053]

I hide it for 65 years from every one ❤now free love my female life ..😊

[@LarryPhischman]

My transition project started with therapy, a trauma clinician who confirmed my GD diagnosis and gave me the unneeded permission I asked for to take a huge leap, starting HRT. I was done, broken, depleted by depersonalization and dissociation, unable to cope with the roar of absence I felt. I would not still be here if I hadn't started HRT. That was almost six months ago. Since then I've taken baby steps. I switched to a proper gender therapist, started group therapy overseen by another. I've chosen a name which I use in therapy sessions and trans spaces online. I've started experimenting with womenswear in private and cannot explain how euphoric it feels to try a dress or pantyhose for the first time. And I'm somewhat eager to start learning makeup. I came out to my cis immediate family members and am considering informing my employer ahead of my original plan of "whenever". And I've watched as changes in my body have started to manifest, some faster than others. The "order of operations" I've experienced doesn't make much sense to me. I'm already a full B cup and am growing what I'm told will be a "bubble butt", but my face is mostly that of the dying man who walked into Planned Parenthood a little under 6 months ago. Though I look noticeably younger and I noticed yesterday that my lips have changed shape. I also got laser hair removal on my face which was remarkably effective.

[@DRZPHD]

That’s amazing how many affirming positive changes you accumulated as a result of baby steps!

[@LarryPhischman]

@@DRZPHD I wasn't really keeping track until now. But I have got a lot done after all. Yeah, baby steps.

[@RonLo]

Watching your videos are my baby steps. The ones that I don't want to watch are the ones that will help me the most because I'm afraid.

[@user-nd7rd8jo6h]

For me the genital dysphoria was a simple problem to solve. So I addressed it. Gender dysphoria is a bit harder so I'm taking it easy with that. 10months hrt and I love it. But I'm also giving myself permission to love the masc side of my genderfluid identity and working on what that means to me

[@MiaBonita-lx8ez]

I did something so odd. I was at a sandwich shop when a woman came in wearing a Maxi dress. I thought, that dress would fit me. As soon as I arrived home I looked it up on the Internet. I couldn't find the exact one but one in the same style. When I put it on I said something I never ever thought I would say. It was so amazingly comfortable I declared, I hate men's clothes! Then I added a slip and wow! I don't feel like the other transgendered folks. Although my hair is to my bra line. I usually wear it in three different styles during the day, half up, ponytail, and with a hair claw. I think about getting my ears pierced every day. It's a battle being me.

[@TheRootbeerDude01]

I want to socially and i did internet wise, i came out to my friends made pages of my identity and such. Starting small steps irl is where im too scared of, like the environment i live in isnt safe for me.

[@davidbezer5011]

I'm in baby steps now myself and it is really helping. Thank your Dr Z your videos are so amazing

[@frsm_]

As mentioned in your other video, i am doing this step by step in the past,.. almost unconsciously and yes it really is like you say. accomplishing each step does give you a great sense of being able and confident to do the next without fear. sure,... right now i am a bit confused, because i am at the point of thinking about integrating my crossdressing into my daily life which appears to be a very big leap for me. today i was specially confused because lately several thinks happend that push me towards the realisation, that it might be more then just crossdressing and to give my femine side more room. But what ever this leads to,.. i dont fear this road and i will move babysteps by babysteps till i am also not confused anymore. Thanks again for your content.

[@shodan2007]

Thank you Dr. Z, I appreciate it. Baby steps are a problem I have with most things in life. This is just one aspect. I know I am transgender-nonbinary, Ive told my family and children, all have gone better than I hoped. I came out at work and actually ran a transgender group (interim lead). I lost that job and am having housing and financial problems though. I'm changing careers because my prior was an expectation of me, rather than a choice of mine. So this is where my struggle is. I do gig delivery into not so nice places sometimes, so its not safe that way. Plus im not confident when I walk into an interview admitting Im transgender. All that says is a part of me is ready, but a part of me is not. Ill back off hormones (dosage amount), to help me afford it, and ill start pushing again after my job and housing are stable. I had an interview for a certified peer recovery coach this morning ( mental health and addiction). I think Ill get an offer. Then stable housing. Those are my next steps. Thank you, message received. Steph

[@DRZPHD]

Wishing you all the best. Sometimes the tiniest step is all we can do.

[@MrEmptyKay]

Thinking about transition in terms of baby steps helped to eliminate a lot of my anxiety after I was able to admit to myself that I was transgender, until I looked at my hairline (40 AMAB) and started panicking that I was going to lose all my hair in the next 6 months while I take baby steps and start experimenting with gender presentation. It threw me for a huge loop and brought all the anxiety back.

[@harrispinkham]

Growing out my body hair was a baby step for me, then using men’s body products, doing a gender swap on an app, then also putting a fake beard on my face even with just makeup and cutting my hair short were all baby steps for me. Also using a chosen name around people. Now I’ve gotten to the point of getting the progesterone implant (instead of taking an oestrogeen contraceptive) as my first step towards medical transition 😃

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@amysparks17]

I’m MTF and I also found that things like changing to women’s deodorant, shaving all my body hair and wearing mascara goes mostly unnoticed by others but makes me feel a lot closer to my authentic self.

[@InterstellarDreams]

Kind of like you can gradually, step by step, step into ANY new situation, or worldview, or cult, or religion, or way of thinking, and increasingly get more and more used to it, and entrenched by it, because neuroplasticity, yeah..? Which may in some cases be a very, very good thing! (Example from my own life: becoming a nurse, and getting more and more adept at nursing, speaking as someone who did not naturally have those skills, or that way of seeing people, whatsoever. I'm on the autism spectrum, so the social part of it was pretty hard for me. But.. I really wanted to become a nurse anyway, so I learned, through steps, and experience. I absolutely was NOT a nurse, and did NOT behave like one, starting out! But now I am. And now I do.) Or in other cases..? It can be a very, very bad thing! (Example: someone getting sucked into Scientology! They start out with just a free personality test, then take more and more courses, and over time..? Get more and more invested in the overall worldview, plus start identifying with the group, and seeing themselves as Scientologists! Util they're full-on, OT 6, "I believe in body thetans and Xenu" level crazy.) Same too with the idea of a detached "gender identity" / gender soul, that is supposedly who people "REALLY are", rather than them just being their bodies / their sex, and having some mental issues relating to accepting themselves, and their bodies! That too is an overall MINDSET / worldview, that people just get more and more entrenched in! Which is, in my view, just as dysfunctional and bad for them as people falling into Scientology, or any other cult! And especially if you look at the cult that is Heaven's Gate..? It's actually got a mythology that is VERY similar to that of "trans"! Except it's about rejecting one's overall HUMANITY, ("this human body is just an insignificant VESSEL, that isn't really who I am"), rather than just one's SEX! But still..? Same overall dangerous, destructive, yet over time increasingly seductive, principle! You should really see and critically examine this, instead of further leading mentally unwell people down a harmful, dangerous, delusional path, as a supposed professional! It is truly shameful and despicable! Plus it is also EXTREMELY harmful to women, women's sex based rights, vulnerable children who fall into this horrible mind / body dissociation promoting worldview that's now being pushed on them at schools, (especially if they're also perhaps trauma survivors, austistic, mentally ill, LGB, naturally sex role stereotype non-conforming, etc), and SO many other groups! How can you in good conscience push this EXTREMELY harmful mind virus of a worldview, that is destroying our culture, people's bodies, women's sex based rights, and overall Western society, without even critically questioning it?? I just can't with people who support this, anymore! Or to put it in angry TERF language: PLEASE, just f*cking peak already!! :/

[@mrs.eileen8620]

This video!! 🥹I needed this language. I realize I want big leaps and my partner who is transitioning wants baby steps. Thank you🥰 could you do a video on examples of baby steps?

[@gwyndolin1536]

If nothing else, baby steps help me feel like at least I am (trying) to do something for myself against insurmountable odds.

[@tuffwith2effs899]

I've understood myself as nonbinary for nearly 3 years. I started with some pink and other pastel shirts from the men's section. Looking back it's funny even to me that this was even a step. Next I got backlash for trying out nail polish which had me stuck for a while. But things changed. At a new job I was wearing nail polish and pressed powder as a really nuanced foundation, and had some shirts from a unisex brand. I had a pair of women's pants in my wardrobe. I got a woman's button down or two, not necessarily noticably femining. Then replaced all my other pants with women's. More women's shirts, becoming kind of undeniable these are from the women's section now. Putting liquid eyeliner on my eyelashes with some clear mascara over top. It's not as noticeable as a black mascara would be but it does make a difference. Lip gloss. My next step is going to be concealer, especially to cover my beard shadow since there is no shave close enough to not have one. Maybe foundation, I've been trying it at home and with my BF (FTM). Being able to wear a skirt to work or in public is still something I'm not ready for but wish I was... I've also talked with a trans woman at my firm and it turns out our insurance will cover laser hair removal so... yeah I'll probably be taking them up on that. Not my face at first.... but I do think eventually I will. HRT? Probably never but still on the table. I dunno I just like what I've got going on downstairs a little too much to risk having any issues with it :)

[@WarMachineSSVHoldenG8]

You are correct, it’s what I am doing. Glad u made this video ❤

[@Queenoneluna]

I honestly love you. Thank you for everything you do.

[@DRZPHD]

You are so welcome!!!

[@Oliviacaptain]

OH, she's saying "big LEAPS"... that's not what the closed captioning is telling me that she's saying. I GET it now.

[@matildautz2350]

Hi Dr. Z just got your book. I’m going for laser on my face soon . I can’t wait. I’m a lazy shaver. Oh well I’ve noticed while I’ve been on blockers shaving has been a whole lot easier. Can’t wait to get a chance to read it. My wife did not want me to get facial hair removal . She really really. Loves my support person thank god . In fact she has hair she would like to be laser also. So it’s going to be me first then her. Im also going to work on my gender markers . The state I live in makes it easier to change markers. I’m going to do my birth certificate , Drivers license . I will have to send the name change to my financial institutions. I’m thinking of change name on my credit cards also. I’m conflicted between. Female and non-binary X. Hummm .

[@queen_prakruti]

Ma'am recently my doctor told me about side effects of breast transplant.... from then on I had dsyphoria about taking harmones.... questions like will my breast grow.. ? If it grows naturally with harmones should I stick with it only or do I really need to transplant silicon in me...

[@Johnathan-es3ad]

I took the baby step to try and find your book but found out that Books-a-Million doesn't carry it. I am trying to see if Amazon carries it.

[@wanda-pk2df]

Thank you so much how can I find the book you mentioned?

[@JayBz670]

Would love to see you comment on the forced fem/sissy “fetish” and how that plays into potentially being trans because I am not sure on the difference and it’s very confusing

[@Preciouspink]

Disappointed by the announcement, of your upcoming collaboration with Ashley Adams. I would best title the this coming video ( Licensure and licentiousness ).

[@jesseb4503]

baby steps work. layered clothing is a great example and nope, the world didn't fall apart :)

[@LarryPhischman]

I thought you said "Queen of Psychologists", and didn't disagree.

[@TheClarity101]

How would someone make baby steps regarding something like ffs?

[@agirlthatstrans7815]

Hi there DR Z , i live in California, close to l.a . I would like u to b my therapist, if u also live in California. My new birth certificate with my gender marker and new name just came by the mail . Also im currently under going laser hair removal at laser away on my entire body . Been out as a trans women for over 5 years . Nd i would like to take the next step witch is take hrt . Hrt is something ive been wanting for a long long time . But ive been under severe depression for years . Witch has been holding me back . Please respond. Tnxs

[@DRZPHD]

Hi! If you would like to work with me please take a look at my services page to see if I am a good fit, if I am go ahead and let me know. drzphd.com/gendertherapy

[@sweetykc4603]

After removing testic sexual desire not comes naturally so adjusting both dides testic can get m to f sex change operation pls help me .most of the sex change girl told me its just for peace of mind and it makes just confident level pls pls help n give me healthy suggestion

[@DRZPHD]

???? Not sure what you are asking.

[@Genevieve111]

​@@DRZPHDI think you'll need a Translator...