The trauma of trying to do better for your kids.

[@Danette8206]

Totally understand. as a single mother as a woman breaking generational curses with no roadmap it can be really soul shaking... I believe the success I have is largely due to wanting my kids to have more than I did. Only a person who has been through this can understand. Sending you encouragement and don't forget to nurture the child in you that did not receive as well... Honestly kids with "wealthy parents" still grow up and perceive things negatively about their parents.

[@IAmSavRenee]

Someone said that to me today on my way to church. "She didn't ask to be here!" It's like a BLOW to my insecurity about being in a financial bind at the moment. These church folks make me feel like I'm charity and I appreciate their help, but internally right now, it's not a good feeling.

[@ArdillaINC]

I’m not a mom but I completely agree. I feel like we as a society have completely flipped and the total lack of empathy on parents specially moms nowadays is so soul crushing. It’s like parents stop being people and are now only known as parents and can’t complain about anything related to their roles anymore or the struggles they are facing. This mindset is what makes me really scared about being a parent one day 😞

[@coolaideevens8678]

Well it’s important to know when to have kids… when you have kids , it’s time to pour into your children dreams and that’s where parents go wrong. They like the idea of being a parent. But not willing to sacrifice and inspire their children to go into this world to be the best they can. I no longer see parents that want their children to on do better than themselves… it’s exciting to make the baby. But all that goes into making the child great. Well that gets lost by wayside because parents still want to live their best lives .

[@2CrazyFrenchies]

Some parents don’t care and some do. You can’t paint a picture for every parent. But you can understand that it can be a shock that parenting is extremely difficult and very unsupported. From maternity care to emotional support for things like postpartum depression, we fail parents and kids in this society. It doesn’t necessarily help to judge parents alone without turning an eye towards the way our society idealizes motherhood in particular without acknowledging the work involved. If we admitted how hard it is then we might actually admit that we should support children and families more. The pandemic taught me how little we care about mothers and children and how willing we are to throw away the health and well being of kids and moms.

[@MkItMkCENTS]

You are doing GREAT. You’ve put them so far ahead just by making sure that they won’t have to take care of you.

[@KateMoranHere]

You're doing a great job!! I'm a "tidy house, clear mind" person as well. I think a lot of it has to do with control. When I feel like aspects of my life are out of control and don't feel good, I clean like a maniac. A friend told me that is a common response for when a person isn't able to control everything they want to, which made a lot of sense to me.

[@DyanaMariie]

I’ve read this somewhere as well! As soon as I feel out of control I have to clean!

[@Dix-t7g]

Dude mommy guilt is SO real. I feel so bad all of the time so seeing you feel the same makes me sad! Why do we do this!

[@DyanaMariie]

I don’t know but it’s exhausting 😩

[@ginamoffett1973]

Yes to this video, I have a 28 year old 21 year old and my daughter is in her senior year and turning 18 in February and I know I have given my kids trauma but I also they know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to see them succeed. I also know they are 3 really different personalities so I have come to realize that success look completely different for each of them and that I see them for who they are. Like I have save and given up a ton this year so I could send my daughter to Europe with a EF tours, after graduation because I know it will change how she starts her young adult life. I started mine after I left home at 15 and I need and want her to have a better start. I love your videos and how real you are.❤

[@autobotdiva9268]

Be careful before you become estranged from them

[@ginamoffett1973]

@@autobotdiva9268 I actually really close with all 3, but thank you for your advice

[@autobotdiva9268]

@@ginamoffett1973 no problem

[@coolaideevens8678]

Now this is a comment I really like !

[@Kenya1984]

“Kids are always watching…” they do and in a sense that is soooo great and important to know that we have the greatest potential to influence them in positive ways. My 7 year old has always been interested in math, money, astrology, soccer, reading, savings, etc and it’s due to me speaking about it with my husband.

[@DoTheDomThing]

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) I know many folks have their unique opinion about Dave Ramsey, but there is some wisdom in why baby step 4 (your retirement/ aka your needs) is before baby step 5 (kids college/future.) You do more for your kids when you ensure you are caring for yourself so you don’t burden them down the line; so, no that’s not selfish. So as long as you lay and live with a solid foundation for your family, everyone will be ok. Hands down it’s a tough road but you got this Dyana! ❤️

[@DyanaMariie]

Amen!

[@videostoviews2262]

👏👏👏👏👏

[@Life.Love.Locs.]

As a daughter and a parent, I can see that your heart is totally in the right place. Having my son also inspired me to get my sh*t together financially too. I know this video isn't for us to give you any advice but if I could take the liberty... 1) Do you have a safe place just to vent? Some people can be so cold, non-empathetic and unkind when you really need that support to be free with your emotions, having that outlet is so important. 2) As long as you keep the communication lines open with your kids, I think they'll be ok. My parents worked unbelievably hard to provide for us financially, but they were also emotionally distant and had little empathy. The trauma I have isn't from the hard work they did, but from not talking to me about how I felt, making everything about them, not providing emotional support. As long as you're allowing them space to feel and to express themselves without judgement or punishment, you're doing an excellent job ❤

[@jessicagrant9748]

Girlllll!!! The pressure you’ve been under Is producing 💎 loving the raw content. To see you make it on the other side of debt but reveal is so much deeper than monetary is refreshing. Don’t give up on yourself 💜

[@mememefirst]

I can totally relate Dyana. I got married thinking I would be able to break the single motherhood generational curse but I didn't. I feel like I failed but thank God for providing me with what I need and not with what I want. I can be happy that my child is healthy, fed and has a roof over her head. The other things I worry about later.

[@DyanaMariie]

Amen!

[@SaharaKnows]

It’s a shame that moms have to go it alone. Considering how hard it is to raise kids and that you are doing it all by yourself you’re doing a great job. I never understanding critiquing woman and not the men who have completely abandoned their responsibility and accountability in helping to raise the kids they helped create.

[@helena3631]

9/10 if you are going to have kids with a black man your going to be raising them alone the black men have no accountability I tell all my friends do not entertain black men .. even my dad said do t engage with them as the majority now is useless and he is a black man … Ethel accountability is nonexistent with this group

[@MindFullNicole]

Omg girl you go make me cry. So deep. I don't even know what else to write except you're feelings are valid, relatable and heartfelt. God Bless you 🙏🏾

[@Drizella9]

Dude as someone who was very abused hearing you ask if your doing anything that can put them in therapy got me??? you are way over worrying holy crap!!! Abuse is physical, emotional, and neglect but you maybe not being perfect one time is none of that!!! Also 10,000$ to start life is already a HUGE blessing quit making it seems like it's nothing! You seem SOOOO caring of your children, so thoughtful and to hear you worry that you may send them into therapy is honestly (I say this with love genuinely) a bit delusional and just wayyy over thinking. Abuse comes from the parents who wouldn't even ever consider what they did could even effect their child. I and my partner were both abused and neither one of our parents recognize it as abuse or something we have the right to complain about. And they were jail level abusive. YOU ARE DOING AMAZING!!! You seem like such a comforting nurturing loving mother and that's all babies and kids want. Trust me my soul would appreciate comforting, caring, loving mother over any amount of money she would leave me and you got that part on lock + a nice chunk saved anyway. Also i'd want my mother to feel that I was deeply grateful for all her struggle and sacrifice. I bet one day when your babies are grown that they would be SO SAD to know their mama beat yourself up well trying to do her best, has 10k in the bank for me, well alone! They'd say beat yourself up over what?- you did everything for me and always had me in your mind with the choices you made! Give yourself some credit and love (coming from a 24 year old who has no contact with my family)

[@DyanaMariie]

Oh God this made me tear up in Chipotle!! Thank you so much ❤

[@curvygirlzrock8836]

I agree what u say about money to yourself and your kids is the real issue… it is your perception… because the grass can always look greener in our interpretation of another persons’ life… I used to live in terrible fear of something happening to my daughter and I lived thru an experience to justify that… now as I look back, I realize even the worst of life can create the best in us and a so called protected life can be limiting…

[@sharaetolbert3236]

Wow the transparency in this video. You are not alone I feel you and praying for you and your peace of mind.

[@myrnaj4502]

I totally agree with you ❤❤.

[@terrancemcclendon456]

I feel you on the expectations of finances and love

[@michellewalker9436]

$50.00 per month household savings in a sinking fund will be a great starter for any future expenses. Having it will make you feel prepared. Be encouraged and know that you are doing an excellent job as a single parent!

[@Keishalarain]

It’s like I prayed and you posted this I have been feeling like I’m failing my kids lately

[@terencescott3957]

Life doesn't come with a handbook. It's all about figuring it out. And that's a constant. Even if you're doing well you could be doing better. We just have to have our minds open to receive new information when it makes its way to us. Some folks go through life with blinders on, tunnel vision, stubborness, etc. Those are the types that do their kids a disservice. Good on you for starting a savings for your daughter. A phrase I heard from a financial counselor is most people don't realize that when your kid is in the 4th grade they are half way to graduation. It's in your face and hidden. If you haven't put a penny away you are way behind the curb. I have about $11K put aside for my daughter and she's only 10. I'm hoping that will be more than triple by the 12th grade. And I pray she receives a scholarship because college prices have really skyrocketed. My son is in college now and my 529 plan is covering some, but there is a lot that's not covered. So picture if you are a type of parent that's not doing anything...........................

[@susanpacheco8318]

You are an awesome woman and Mom. Give yourself some Grace. Us single moms have to encourage each other. My kids are adults now and are so caring, thoughtful and hardworking people. 💜💜💜

[@Alanajenai]

Your kids need to see you trying 🥹 Thank you for that.

[@DyanaMariie]

❤❤

[@life_of_a_libra]

This upload was right on time. I've watched this 2xs and this time I decided to comment bc it really hit home for me. We want so much more for our children than what we had (I came from a good single parent home) I watched my Momma scrape, scuffle, & sacrifice to make ends meet. It taught me about hard work and self sacrifice.

[@shonJ17]

❤❤Wow!! Relatable truth!! I don't think I have ever heard what so many of us experience expressed this way. You are me and I am you. I look at this journey as a relay race. We picked up the baton and ran with it. When we hand it off to the next generation they will be so much further than where we began. YOU GOT THIS! WE GOT THIS!!❤🎉

[@DyanaMariie]

Yes we do ❤

[@debratakagawa4764]

I was always a 2 parent mom so I don’t know how a single parent handles being the only one. You can only do what you can do. Children have turned out fantastic from all backgrounds. Children have turned out traumatized from all types of backgrounds. You are giving your children the best they will need. Some hardships will make your children stronger. Whatever you can give your children will be enough. Your children are watching you break your but trying to provide for them . They won’t need $10,000 or a car or house. Your children will head out as young adults and want to do things all by themselves. And all you can do is be there if they need you. So what I am going to say is don’t break yourself trying. Slow down and enjoy those young years with your kiddos before they grow up. Life will fall into place. Sending love❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@A2thaLO]

We do not decide to have broken families. We decide to have a home full of love and joy. Circumstances occur outside of our control, but that doesn't make us less than. We do our best as single mothers to roll with the punches and carry on the mantle. God's promise of being our comforter, provider, and our protector is our greatest asset. Rest in that knowledge and let his grace handle the rest. You are doing the best you can according to the resources and talents assigned to you. 😊

[@DyanaMariie]

Amen, decisions. And I am deciding to find joy in the now❤️

[@Natalie_11188]

There’s a phrase in the disability space “there’s nothing in the world as powerful as a Mother’s guilt.” #mommyguilt Don’t let it break you.

[@Madame_MeMe]

Such a honest and real conversation! I often think of all the things you mentioned - I also think about how if I’m no longer here, if those I want to leave her in their care will be sure to convey what I want. But also had to come to terms with that I cannot control everything. And that I can only do what I can…..

[@kdogg1372]

This whole video is me!! The guilt of not knowing while trying to survive and teach them better can be overwhelming to say the least.

[@everythingkendra36]

This really hit home for me. It’s exactly how I feel. Awesome video. Thanks for sharing.💞

[@thatgirlPAIGE94]

I understand!

[@LatoyaLlab]

I definitely believe I was in survival mode with my babies. I have very little memory of my kids childhood as smaller babies and that bothers me. I was just trying to raise them and ensure they had what they needed.

[@Sheyennemarie]

This video is so relatable and I needed this🥹😩💕

[@Besotted85]

I do the exact same! So i clean the most of my spare time lol! I know how you feel!

[@user56gghtf]

It is traumatic. Those that are toxic in this world don't want to and will not admit their own faults or mistakes so as society it makes it very difficult for the rest of us to be able to admit those same things without it being frowned upon by other people. None of us are perfect. None. Not even close. All of us make mistakes. All. But mistakes aren't negative. There not bad. This whole life from the youth to our old age is a continual daily learning experience that is a lifelong journey.

[@QuatonyasLife]

I actually said out loud to a couple of my children “I’m traumatized as your mother” they have put me through so much as a “grown, mother”. Im trying so hard to do the right thing and make sure their happy. My kids are in their teens and younger. I’m extremely exhausted and burned out from motherhood all in it self. We moms don’t really have a safe space to pure out too. It’s effecting my health! I’m literally crying out right now.

[@DyanaMariie]

It’s hard!! Sending you strength and perseverance!!❤️❤️

[@QuatonyasLife]

@@DyanaMariie thank you so much 🤍

[@brielmenefee8063]

Every word is relatable 1000% Thanks so much for this open conversation because no one is talking about this topic because this is so many of us out here day in and out

[@lisascally7061]

I grew up middle class but I was never taught really about what to do. Both my parents remarried into bad marriages and then I had a bad marriage too. I made decent money but spent it badly. I will say my babies learned what not to do and are grown and doing good. It is trauma though because it’s almost impossible to find that perfect work/life balance and keep everything perfect for them. It’s great that your daughter is learning from your example early on.

[@krystalanderson1125]

When are you going to start a podcast, sis? You are a natural.

[@DyanaMariie]

Don’t be getting in my head now cause I’ll be thinking I can start a podcast forreal 😅

[@krystalanderson1125]

God wants a return on the investments (talents) He has deposited into us. Let us sit at the table while you serve your soul food.❤

[@ExceptTin]

A few things: Distinguish between trauma and stress. I think you mean stress? The people who don't go to therapy lose out on the boost it gives to your self-learning process. You can't pass on your life learning to them - you can give them skills and specific knowledge, but personal growth and self-learning they can only do through their own experiences. Help them have and process challenging experiences for their stage of development. Learn about the concept of the "good enough mother" if you're unfamiliar. No parent is perfect. We MODEL how to handle sutuations and events that go wrong. If everything is "perfect" or you hide all problem solving from them, they will not be prepared as adults to deal with life. Teach them emotional skills, how to be happy in themselves, their worth as humans, and they will be able to handle what comes. THAT will be their riches. Dicovered you today and I *TOTALLY* get a vibe of a great mom. ❤ Don't do perfection to yourself - it's a violence!! Teach them to learn the way you do. Model taking care of yourself emotionally and keep taking care of the parts of you that are not a mommy, too. Learning never ends until the day you die. And it *is* a lot, Strong Mama. The End

[@jesslivinlife]

Don’t know how I fell upon this video but I understand you sis. I am on my inner child healing journey. I am seeing some of my “cognitive distortions” play out in how I mother. Like the “all or nothing” mentality etc. Either we give our ALL to our kids & work so hard to be the total opposite of our toxic parents but that can be to our detriment.

[@alona724]

Love the home. Sooooo proud of you.

[@SeriouslySaving]

I feel people dont talk about this enough because we dont even have time to think about it. Its very sad that society puts so much blame on the single mom and never the credit for accomplishing the impossible. Thats a weight to bare on its own. You are doing fantastic. Even the fact that you consider how your health affects them shows how important they are to you. Soo many people out there would give up anything to have a mother that cares as much

[@Kenya1984]

Both homes I had purchased in California had water damage and leakage! One was built in 2009 with tile roofs, top tier roofing material and style. But the structure around the windows were cracking and causing rain water to come pouring in. 😢 every time it rained I was so anxious and rightfully so. HOA said windows are owners’ issues but before we go replacing it, they needed to approve it first. 😂 hilarious, our neighbors’ windows had the same issues and one day I saw an hoa service guy working on hers, she said HoA is paying for the windows and fixing the cracks. 😂 I referenced her condo # to HOA they said we have a square windows which is on us her windows are round so it’s on HOA. Lmaooooo we got quotes of 12k for new windows… we said no to that one and we got another quote for 8k, then the third guy we had asked is it the windows and will it stop leaking in once we get it replaced , he said no that’s structural issues and he cannot fix it because it’s HOA property. 😂 circled back that report to HOA and they ended up patching the cracks around the windows structural… we never got around to winter to see if it fixed. We sold it and disclosed it to the buyer. 😅 Lo and behold we went to rent and there’s water leakage damage from dish washer, with black mold behind the dish washer! Luckily it was a rental! I bought a home in Finland and never experienced any leakage, water damage, we got arctic windows quadruple pane windows, glazed balcony to protect from window, snow, rain. Also, we don’t have HOA🎉

[@Katsplace.]

I clicked on when I saw the title, and I know how you and others mothers feel, especially single moms. My children are all grown now, but I do know that the struggle is real, especially when you are trying your best to be the best mother that you can be to your children. God bless you and all the great mothers out there because the reward later on will be worth it, just seeing them fulfill their dreams, and staying out of trouble, which can be sometimes hard for young people. I am praying for the good mothers, good fathers, and children in this world for God's anointing. 🙏

[@DyanaMariie]

Thank you❤️

[@terencescott3957]

I feel the same way. Space clutter = mind clutter.

[@jesslivetoday]

Thank you for this video. I can relate 100% and appreciate your vulnerability. So important to talk about this. I grew up in a very traumatic household and I’m trying to do better. A lot of pressure and can be very exhausting. I appreciate you ❤

[@livinglifewithsummer]

Great video, you are doing great.

[@preservation_of_institutions]

I see what you are doing and trying to do. I’m like you in many ways. A lot of things I didn’t know. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and look back and see that I just didn’t know and wasn’t taught growing up. I’ve been very angry at times and depressed because I try so hard to be financially successful only to suffer at times with rehabbing houses. People working for me not giving a damn. Houses falling apart. Very frustrating. Keep going forward. Success is full of many failures and losses but be the person you need to be and let the chips fall where they may.

[@kitticecarouthers5370]

I can see what an amazing mother you are. I know it gets really hard sometimes. I commend you on the wonderful job you are doing as a mother. God will continue to see you through all of your doubts and will help you accomplish your dreams. You got this🙂!👍

[@DyanaMariie]

Thank you!!

[@evelynbarry5046]

You are doing great! and you are a great mom! Your kids have the benefit of being educated well about life and finances which 90% of people never had and learn the hard way. Don't worry so much because God opens doors of opportunity that we have never imagined. 💕

[@Alexandra0126]

Thank you ❤

[@msdiamondpiggy]

I want more time with building connections with my children and building a better home structure, and have more family memories together. But i have limited time for my house and kids, when working full time, trying to rises kids at night and weekends isnt working for me. Also, limited time for self care. My job is taking everything thats priceless and where you cant get back once gone. Degree and working gave me middle class life, but im can't enjoy the fruits of my labor because im working so much and Juggling two things that are top priority.

[@haleigh1987]

I feel the compulsive cleaning thing. I don’t have the answers, but I can definitely relate. It helps me so much to hear that other moms go through the exact same things as I do. Thank you for making me feel seen with this 🤍

[@Thisistrulyshonda]

Wow! This video resonated with me so much. Yes it is a lot to take on. Keep Pushing and know that God got you !

[@DyanaMariie]

Amen

[@jessicalascase2895]

Yes, Yes, and Yes!!

[@carlashreeve445]

Love your content. You are an amazing mother & person!

[@DyanaMariie]

❤

[@Batirtze-b6x]

Great video, sweetheart!!!! Your kids know that they can not only count on you but also that they're doing better because of everything you've done. They're looking at you, that's for sure. Always the best!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@Ranachdi]

I can see in you how much you love your family. But babygirl your mental matters too❤❤ you deserve love❤ you deserve to have someone you lift that weight off your shoulders❤

[@peacebeteal]

Omg this is so relatable and I hate that for us.

[@debrathomas3721]

This video was right on!!!!

[@apriltaylor4568]

Great video! ❤

[@ariesaraya1822]

This is a tangent but one term I really hate is baby daddy. It negates the importance of the role and minimizes the impact they cause when the child's father decides to shirk all his responsibilty. I don't know how our society came to a point where they blame the parent who stayed and dissolves all the responsibility of the father.

[@Amberxclusive]

Check out Real Life Organizing by Cassandra Aarssen. I have trauma from an OCD mother and would get you know what for not washing the dishes or picking a piece of paper off the floor. This book changed my outlook on cleaning and I learned that we were not lazy but needed to learn what type of organization person. (There are 4 or 5 types she describes in the book with a questionnaire to figure out your type )

[@DyanaMariie]

Took a screenshot of this for later thank you for sharing!

[@SOLTANA17]

Therapy is good for everyone not just cptsd suffering people... Just assume your kid will go to therapy and you might feel better. Because also therapy is a privilege. But also remember it's MORE important that you're able to have an open conversation with them and apologize for anything when they come back to you as an adult. And it's LESS valuable to try to be the perfect parent giving the perfect childhood.... I wish you luck ❤❤❤❤ and they you can rest peacefully in your dreams

[@proper.role.model.819]

Where is your couch from?

[@DyanaMariie]

It’s from a local store!

[@laurenalexis2745]

Hi Dyana=) Thank you for sharing your raw emotions! This is my first video of yours and i look forward to listening to more. You mentioned that you wake up because you need to clean something. You have a lot going on and i can't help but wonder if that is triggering OCD tendencies. I'm not saying you have that but it's possible and it could explain some of what you're feeling. Have you looked into OCD coping mechanisms to see if it would be beneficial for you? You seem like an incredible mother and i love that you put so much value into your children=) The best thing you can do for them is teach them about God and how He knows our needs and provides for our needs. Which again, I've only seen one video of yours so you may already be doing that=) That way they'll learn that every dollar you've saved for them are the sprinkles to the manna God provides. You seem so in tuned so I am sure you're aware that children feel our stress. I just want to pray that God lifts your burdens and pours peace into you and your home, rejuvenating the journey you're on. God chose you to be their Mother and He does not make mistakes🙏🏻

[@DyanaMariie]

Ahh thank you! I never thought of myself as having OCD but it would make certain habits make sense. Looking into therapy soon❤️

[@somethingclever2]

Youre doing great. My parents didn't feel like they had to do anything dor their kids financially i will frankly never forgive them🎉

[@kevinmoore9524]

OCTOBER 8, 2023 This is good.

[@msdiamondpiggy]

😂😂 her experience is not mines. I'm struggling with kids mentally and physically for my self care. The burning difficulty with the added children in my life has made me feel at times to give up. It comes in waves. Got the degree..made to middle class. Own a home. Kids live comfortably. But I'm exhausted, Keeping up financially isnt worth this stress and burden of having less self care. Work Work Work bills bills bills kids kids kids and less for self.

[@autobotdiva9268]

Its glad you are recognizing this now before you becone the parent in the "estranged community". Im so happy that i dont have contact with my toxic, constant complaining ass mom.

[@smokeyjail4394]

Im not judging you when I ask this, but where is the kids' father? What happened and why are you raising them alone? Also, do you have a familial support network?

[@DyanaMariie]

Hey! I’m intentional about saying “sole financial provider” because he’s around enough for my children to know him! I cannot make someone produce income so as the custodial parent I can only be worried about whether I have enough. Family is around as well when I need them!❤❤

[@Arlene_witha_y]

Me too

[@shawol373]

I'm loving that lippie on you

[@candice446]

Tell your daughter to keep that 10k in her savings. For unexpected challenges that come up in life, that 10k will come in handy.