So I decided to become a psychopath in BitLife and somehow developed the touch of death

[@EazySpeezy]

Nope, this isn't a speedrun today cause I like doing casual stuff too sometimes! Don't worry, more speedrunning will be on the way but I hope you enjoy regardless

[@feiwu14]

@Anna Henrichsen haha

[@feiwu14]

What will your next speedrun be?

[@ddog0670]

Speedrun nerf n-strike for the wii, bet you won't.

[@shadowpanther298]

You won't speedrun vex4.io

[@creppruby]

Please do more casual things

[@archived1573]

"I feel like you shouldn't be threatening a 6 year old" Thanks for the life advice EazySpeezy, couldn't have figured that without you.

[@heisenberg2467]

Yes you should

[@feepentertainment6752]

This but unironically

[@chinyereudeh3405]

@@feepentertainment6752 I worry for you

[@unwillfullyignorant7805]

Wait, I shouldn’t of stomped that 6 year olds teeth in for saying I’m a poopoo head?

[@savanaho7687]

@@unwillfullyignorant7805 I SEE YOUR PFP EVERYWHERE AND I LOVE IT

[@olivialovelle]

* Ages up * **Looks go down** I didn’t expect to be called out like that.

[@BedrockDragon]

Bruh how to replies

[@weregay9119]

@@BedrockDragon yes

[@Moominvalleybiggestfanyearsago]

@@BedrockDragon No

[@vSylphiva]

fr i thought u were supposed to get prettier when u hit puberty 🏃‍♀️💨

[@XeroOps]

@@vSylphiva same

[@szepad3687]

“He’s just a mall cop so I think we should probably escape” famous last words...

[@DR23456]

Turns out he was up against Paul Blart

[@queezydragon]

@@DR23456 that's exactly what I thought to haha

[@Z4SS0]

@@DR23456 LOL

[@clashingflames]

@@DR23456 yeah don't underestimate the legend

[@iLikePistachios]

@@DR23456 oh god

[@ZFanz]

"so i was forced to drop out of the middle school for just stealing from a pimp??" *literally stole a diamond*

[@xdsmile5359]

Yeah that would do it

[@TheArklyte]

1)pimp isn't an official profession in US; 2)IRS would have a lot of questions about a jobless guy having a diamond. So nope, here a pimp would be the one in jail.

[@cycrothelargeplanet]

@@TheArklyte ig that makes sense

[@jolynecujoh9518]

"i'm in the mood to make others miserable" *eazyspeezy woke up and chose violence*

[@everestlol4309]

hey its my favorite jojo, prison lesbian

[@RealisticFar]

Hello daughter.

[@mahziyartavakoli8330]

Well Jolyne did the same am I wrong?

[@emu2746]

@@everestlol4309 Jolyne isn’t a lesbian though

[@everestlol4309]

@@emu2746 its a joke lol

[@Samantha-vo4xw]

"I don't really care about happiness, I care about money" - Maya Moorehead

[@547t_gaming]

Haha yes

[@aramadmi]

more head 😏

[@s-b9ifjry7732]

money makes him happier than happiness does

[@partIycIoudy]

Seems legit jk

[@BudhiMahardhikaWarabrata]

@@partIycIoudy unfortunately some people could be like that...

[@littlebeesam]

I love how many times he says he has to get his life on the straight and arrow path but then immediate makes his life worse with an even bigger crime

[@hurbman1736]

Demonstrating addiction without even trying to demonstrate addiction basically

[@dheatlyblaze2846]

"Wait, i can commit a crime already?" -every children ever

[@stjeep]

me when i stole a yo-yo when i was 7

[@AnAceBrit]

@@stjeep Why wasn't i that cool. I stole like 20 pens, then a teacher spotted me

[@stjeep]

@@AnAceBritwhat were you planning to do with 20 pens LOL!!

[@AnAceBrit]

@@stjeep I'm not too sure, I guess I just wanted to see how many pens I could aquire without getting noticed, like a pen goblin

[@TheMultiRaphael]

@@AnAceBrit lol, you're a pen goblin XD

[@dokchampa9324]

Character: *Smarts 90%* Also the same character: *Gets sent to jail as a middle schooler*

[@amaanverma8248]

Who the fuck said that if you are smart you cannot be a criminal Big Criminal are not dumb they all have brain or puppet of a big brain

[@corvus196]

Intelligence and wisdom are two very different things

[@b0tty18]

“Now we already have someone who wants to be our friend” Me: Reject humanity

[@2wodrqwoa]

Become monke

[@70Lu07]

I REJECT MY HUMANITY JOJO!

[@weebsarepeopletoo3740]

Reject humanity return to *m o n k e*

[@tvgaming2132]

Embrace friendship Reject loneliness

[@b0tty18]

Was waiting for that “Become monke” ending. Got it

[@watinc.9918]

I like how joseph was almost full on the craziness meter and he said he was looking for someone more stable

[@firetrap2591]

fr tho...

[@xxamightystormxx]

I like to imagine that this game is just a god like entity that lets you actually control peoples live and playthroughs like this are the reason serial killers and mafioso are a thing xD

[@capuchinosofia4771]

*oh*

[@icedragonslayer467]

same as all viruses and diseases/epidemics are just some dude on plague inc

[@SkyStarGazing]

@@icedragonslayer467 bro covid is just some guy in area 51 playing plague inc on the wrong computer

[@theorange3842]

@@SkyStarGazing btw i think hes getting good

[@quitted7276]

@@theorange3842 almost *too* good. What difficulty they be playing on?

[@dirtydan9785]

"I'm just gonna train until I'm a black belt..." "Whoa!! I killed them with just my fists?!?!?!?!?!?!" lol

[@nettspendrobotclone]

*laughs* Teacher: you've dug your grave

[@rickyroughton8098]

I remember one particular BitLife run where a combination of luck and good choices allowed my character to survive so long that he got to watch his bloodline die out as his grandkids peacefully passed from old age. Keeping him happy became... difficult, with how time was starting to inexorably erase everything he ever cared about.

[@zarif1217]

damn when did ur character die

[@SwiftlySev]

how long did he survive

[@_JustJoe]

God damn, how old was he?

[@pustota7254]

Answer the questions or stop lying.

[@insertunoroginalnamehere6189]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA My oldest character got PTSD at age 110 bc his multiple wives kept dying and he had healthy relationships will all of them and bc for some reason I decided to live in a haunted house that had a demon Wich would attack my character every once in a while He got to age 129 Also I didn't have any kids bc I hate having kids in bitlife

[@EnderrBoi]

"Honey, we've been married for 5 years, why won't you hold my hand?"

[@demoneon9527]

The simp life taken too far

[@poggers217]

The simp life taken too far

[@eunicep4358]

The simp life taken too far

[@edwinnewmaniii2092]

The simp life taken too far

[@hotcocoabomb_]

Taken too far, the simp life

[@justineberlein5916]

For anyone wondering, the trains work in semi-realtime, so you can only attempt to rob one at 12 noon, 12 midnight, 6 AM, 6 PM, and 4:20 PM

[@ronin_wins]

***BREAKING NEWS*** LOCAL BANK ROBBED BY A MAN IN A SKELETON SUIT, SEEMING TO RESEMBLE A SKIN FROM THE HIT GAME "FORTNITE" COPS ARE STILL LOOKING FOR THE SUSPECT

[@Gamer88334]

Nobody could get a decent view of the suspect because their eyes were tearing up. Not out of fear, but out of laughter because of how ridiculous the whole situation was.

[@somerandomashellperson7130]

@@Gamer88334 That is probably why the robbery was successful.

[@AnjaSonYouTube]

😀😁😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@deadassbird3763]

probably the guards and the civils died for the same cringe as the guy with those emojis

[@adnan-oe8wm]

@@deadassbird3763 stop he's already dead

[@mattchandler2387]

"I find myself wondering a lot lately about how nothing is on fire, fire is on things" - Bitlife, 2020

[@cobrasharkgaming7830]

Speedrun terraria calamity he’s a speedrunner, and speedrunners always practice before doing the game So chill

[@jittersonpalace]

Yes please

[@cobrasharkgaming7830]

@@jittersonpalace so you know too eh?

[@ninjakitten_]

No that's too cruel

[@ninjakitten_]

But if he does he should do death mode

[@jittersonpalace]

@@cobrasharkgaming7830 yes

[@arthochakravorthy6274]

Best video showing how committing minor crimes lead to a full life in crime including murder even though you don't think it'll go that far.

[@thatperson8912]

We need more BitLife

[@FriedMonkey362]

BitLife more like ShitLife

[@Noone-tx6xq]

@@FriedMonkey362What’s with all these bad “insults”? Like they aren’t even smart, or funny at all. It’s just annoying.

[@deadassbird3763]

@@Noone-tx6xq what

[@trollege9618]

@@Noone-tx6xq shut up, im talking to no one

[@hornetisvoider]

@@FriedMonkey362 isn't that your life?

[@snail3721]

EazySpeezy:" I'm trying to get my life on the straight and narrow" Also EazySpeezy like a minute before hand: *killed two people*

[@meowpth]

prison inmate: who’d ya kill mate? speezy: b u t t e r a s s🧍‍♀️

[@awesomeninja1311]

Nice pfp(unironically)

[@jupiter2175]

@@awesomeninja1311 tone dead barddd

[@awesomeninja1311]

@@jupiter2175 tone deaf*

[@liseegeskov8769]

@@awesomeninja1311 No he meant dead

[@OkamiKai6980]

@Gabriel Damasceno Meurer Ehe Te Nandayo!

[@florbosagbag]

The way the prison escape minigame works is the guard moves 2 squares in your direction. If there's a wall between you and him, he won't be able to move past the wall.

[@thememeestfilmbuff]

*I wonder how you developed the touch of death.* _Maybe because you admit yourself that you’re a psychopath._

[@thesunwillneverset]

Or because the game's martial arts system is busted. Get to black belt without advancing the years as a child and one-shot anyone.

[@caioaugusto3138]

@@thesunwillneverset bro, one shotting people is the funniest thing

[@hoddtoward2623]

This is 100% gonna be edited into an ad by the bitlife team

[@2vwyx642]

Aging: exists Benjamin: LeVeL uP

[@someonethationceknew]

When the first friend of your life has the name *JOseph* JOrdan and is crazy you know your life is gonna be great

[@demdem7946]

@@Rqzou well now it is

[@aperson6562]

Ah yes, which eleven year old doesn’t have 2000 dollars? His parents are really on some drugs😂

[@9nikola]

And the child is paying for the drugs

[@JamieIsJammed]

@@9nikola Or making it, I like to think it's up for interpretation

[@The-blackghost36]

@@JamieIsJammed he makes the drugs and buys them and sells them for more

[@WindshieldWiper30000]

When I was 3 l got a dollar that was worth 1000 dollars in Korean money and 16 years later I still have it, never went to Korea.

[@stormfalcon1232]

@@WindshieldWiper30000 1000 South Korean won is only about 1 USD.

[@TIDoesAnything228]

Maya is literally like henry stickmin level crime, and always wanting to steal and never learning his lesson of not committing crimes

[@WernerGroebli]

"I dont really care about happiness I care about money" - bruh moment

[@jruler93]

He'd fit in pretty well with a corporation, if he could just be a little more low-key and a lot more large-scale with the killing and stealing.

[@guiii0696]

money = happines

[@hamsterdam1942]

bruh

[@ShadesMF]

raf oot nekat efil pmis ehT

[@holynarwhale8729]

"I'm just gonna do a minor crime" Proceeds to steal $2,000 worth of money.

[@auheckna]

"Welp, kinda the perfect time to die."

[@guiii0696]

69 haha funny number

[@AstralArbourSys]

my depressed self every day-

[@eyevanilla]

@@AstralArbourSys damn i felt that :/

[@broskieclipse9927]

me when my dad

[@stephensingh4588]

@@broskieclipse9927 u good

[@honeyyandwine]

criminal lives are so much fun in bitlife. the best one i’ve ever done was one where i got sent to juvie 3 times, joined the mafia at 18 and made it all the way to underboss before i got whacked by a rival gang. and of course, sometimes you just gotta make a career out of GTA and murder for the hell of it.

[@thepovdweller]

I'm new and i love your content. You are so freaking entertaining man 🥺❤

[@EazySpeezy]

Thank you! Hope you enjoyed this video too!

[@oza2406]

Banana pie

[@battery-acid-drinker]

@@oza2406 Key lime Pie

[@battery-acid-drinker]

Apple Pie

[@battery-acid-drinker]

Pumpkin Pie

[@TanyaBregar]

iconic

[@HiThere-jv7gr]

I’d just like to say I love your content, you’ve helped me a lot, and I just wanted to say hello, I was here!

[@ZENITHTheRobloxPlayer]

what

[@snowman6342]

EazySpeezy : I’m trying to get my life in the straight and narrow. Also EazySpeezy : Kills anyone that gets in his way.

[@Xaim023]

That girl with 0/100 looks still had more raltionships than me

[@seanliu1311]

You gotta do more of this, I'm addicted rn. This game is so fun to watch and play.

[@camdromeda2816]

“I don’t really care about happiness I care about money” Amen.

[@devyn.]

Blackbelt by 10. Yep, thats gonna lead to a great outcome for someone whos first words are "i'm in the mood to make someones life miserable"

[@Unknown_Michi]

0:11 Their parents did some speed running of their own ;)

[@spicyboi8008]

“wow my happiness is struggling a bit” “TIME TO DO MORE CRIMES!”

[@arkfr]

“I don’t really care about happiness I care about money” is the best quote ever lol

[@callmeobsequious]

"Kind of the perfect time to die" what an ending lmao

[@shilahboss3015]

11:49 this is the best name ive ever seen

[@randomstuff8149]

Chef: Has a tv Eazy: hE dOuEsNt EvEn HaVe AnY gOoD sTuFf

[@SheepCreep]

Nobody: EazySpeezy when he makes a friend: I can EXPLOIT THIS

[@RickTS]

10:16 *'Megalo strike back' played for the second they attacked*

[@y.sunnyy]

4:32 I don’t care about happiness *I care about money*

[@legendgames128]

6:50 the mall cop was paul blart

[@noahperkins4716]

Once I played a game of BitLife where I wanted to be a corrupt cop. I didn’t get a car, and I needed money to get a car, so I tried to be a police officer. They rejected me because of my lack of a car, so I stole one and they gave me the job. It was the funniest moment I’ve ever had in BitLife

[@NarrowAlleyCat]

I feel like you and callmekevin should look into a collab with how unhinged you guys are making this game.

[@Ice-ps9yo]

I once played bitlife and killed 326 people and escaped prison 4 times It's not hard at all to become a mass murderer on bitlife, but it's the dedication and the grind that hold most people back

[@ryry6319]

7:17 literally one of the easiest things I’ve ever seen. 10:08 you’re not serious😭!

[@captairadio]

"You do know that I did a bunch of classes in Judo" I know I'm "That guy" but Judo means jack shit in boxing, its worthless. "ooooh lemme grab you" *gets disqualified*

[@koii9635]

"I don't care about happiness, I care about money." -EazySpeezy

[@manologamerss5801]

The train robbery is based on real-life time, and also godmode is really useful for this because you can make yourself athletic

[@_whattheflip_]

Now this is probally the weirdest thing I've watched.

[@OrangeEJuiceE125]

Why?

[@_whattheflip_]

@@OrangeEJuiceE125 because he's trying to become a psychopath in bit life.

[@OrangeEJuiceE125]

@@_whattheflip_ that's just how he plays games. It's not weird it's just crazy

[@NotThatGuy35]

To rob a train, you actually have to be at the time that you set it to. So if you set it to 4 20 pm, you have to set your phone time to 4 20 pm

[@gdth3pr018]

It is always a good day when Eazy uploads

[@EazySpeezy]

Hope you enjoy!

[@virologiclmp]

Straight fax dude

[@gdth3pr018]

Omgg eazy responding holyyyyyy I love you

[@Leeirey]

This was absolutely hilarious, keep it up, man really love the content.

[@captainsensational5865]

Great content as always dude also it's okay if you want to do more then just speedruns of games from cool math, still waiting for the duck life 2 video though.

[@revelrem4409]

There are multiple guides online showing how to escape the """impossible""" prisons.

[@nickve777]

EazySpeezy: ‘Im trying to get my life straight’ Also EazySpeezy: Kills prison inmates

[@MANLIESTMANEVER]

Tip to anyone playing bitlife- If you max out martial arts, use the final unlocked move, and use it on your opponent's skull or neck, you will kill them 100% of the time. (From what I have experienced) I did this, and killed every other person in juvie with me IN BITLIFE OF COURSE, PLEASE FBI DONT COME FOR ME

[@JerichoChavez12]

2:19 i keep thinking that dog is some sort of bird

[@alexandre3498]

12:59 i love this moment of the video

[@lollipop_stink7836]

0:27 my life

[@cz-kick]

"I don't really care about happiness, I care about money." Spoken like a true businessman

[@feiwu14]

My life would be complete if eazy is somehow able to speedrun mini metro

[@dawnrays6161]

No lie this sounds like a GrayStillPlays title-

[@asuulaz]

oh my god. It's been a long time since I watched both channels, I was totally thinking this was a graystillplays video.

[@camerenbob4314]

I love how when I clicked on this video a BitLife ad came up I thought it was the video lmao

[@emna4rl934]

Nobody talking about the number of years the character lived...

[@TooStony]

Lmao havent seen a single comment about 0:38 "little ho elementary school"

[@artic9993]

Honestly please play more of this, this is great

[@Kenny-gv3zv]

This feels like an ad for the game

[@randomname6049]

Bitlife Serial Killer Tip: If you want to kill people, Learn Taekwondo as a child so you dont have to pay for it as the last attack you learn "Double roundhouse kick" is a one hit kill. Trust me i tried it

[@teomussalo]

This game is actually really fun.

[@No.Significant.Harassment]

Woah, that's funky, just as the video started I got a bit life ad, And a Walmart ad.

[@Akash-kd4si]

You should do more of this I really enjoyed it

[@BoodaPooks]

i wasted 12 min watching someone throw away their life to crime. truly one of the best scared straight ads ive seen

[@Jenna-hg4uh]

11:17 "oH nO tHeY oNlY gAvE uS oNe BeD wHaTeVeR sHaLl wE dO??"

[@len5676]

"I don't really care about happiness I care about money" Seems good enough advice for me

[@woofmonster1441]

Amazing. Please do more bitlife vids.

[@PhilSquared]

"But I don't care about happiness, I care about money." Dang

[@zombiereaperOnXbox]

1:28 btw thats not the highest belt in the game you will unlock another move when you get to the highest belt for most of them its a red belt

[@PancakeCamilo]

This is the *quality content* I needed in my life

[@schavi3526]

It took me 7 minutes to realise this is the funny speedrun man.

[@t0mat053]

“I don’t care about happiness, I care about money” EazySpeezy, 27 December 2020

[@shreyash8952]

"i think it's time i live my life on the straight and narrow... Aafter one last bank robbery" yeah thanks easyspeezy you literally made me think about my life again gotta quit being a netizen

[@dcwjam]

HELL YEAH AQUARIUS LETS GOOOO!!!btw amazing vid I couldn’t stop laughing for some reason thx so much for this amazing vid keep up the good work!!

[@BedrockGateBreaker]

7:20 "I think this is actually impossible" Me who has a 90% escape rate from maximum lvl security prisons: did you even try

[@snoopdoggjake8154]

I got a bad feeling when Maya Moorehead got the same Birthday as me

[@ecospherex9298]

PLS SPEEDRUN PLAGUE INC IT WOULD BE SO COOL

[@angelasharp3939]

I block of cream cheese 2 sticks of block Mix (In the same bowl) Half a tablespoon of salt 4 table spoons of milk 2 teaspoons of vanilla I bag of powdered sugar Mix Add any wanted food coloring but not too much because it will start to taste like chemicals And viola you have yourself a big bowl of buttercream icing. That's the stuff on most good bakery cakes. If anyone reads this and wants better measurements just ask

[@Sheetz_Racer]

0:05 huh I was born in pa and feburary. What a coincidence

[@kuhaku3805]

This guy is becoming dangerouslyfunny but with emotion and i love it