The Best Way to Start & End a College Essay in 2024! | Tips for Common App and Supplementals

Every year, two of the biggest issues I see in student essays are weak hooks and poor conclusions. What really breaks my heart is not just the fact that these two issues are so prevalent - more than half of the essays we read and edited had these problems - it’s also the fact that when the hook or conclusion is done poorly… it’s done really, really poorly. Like will-kill-your-chances-at-getting-admitted poorly.
That’s the bad news. The good news is that bad hooks and bad endings are actually pretty easy to fix!
Time Stamps
0:00 Intro
1:00 Hooks
4:36 Conclusions
#collegeadmissions #ivyleague #yale #yaleuniversity
ABOUT US
Hi! We're Kevin and Jeffrey, two Yalies who want to help you get into your dream school!
About Kevin Zhen: Exeter '16, Yale '20 (East Asian Studies)
Since 2016, Kevin has personally helped more than 30+ students gain acceptances into every Ivy League University, as well as top tech schools such as Stanford and Georgia Tech. He also loves teaching creative nonfiction, flash fiction and poetry. In total, his students have won more than 75+ Scholastic Writing awards.
About Jeffrey Yu: Yale '23 (Computer Science and East Asian Studies)
Jeff is a senior at Yale double majoring in Computer Science and East Asian Studies with a concentration on China. His college admissions essay was featured in the New York Times, and he specializes in essay writing, college admissions strategy, and life coaching. He has served as a Student Ambassador to the Yale Admissions Office, written extensively about college admissions on Quora and has taught courses on motivation, passion, and leadership while sponsored by the US Embassy in Tokyo.
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[@elevatedschool]

From now until August 2024, I (Kevin) will offering doing FREE intro calls with students (and parents!) Visit: linktr.ee/elevatedschool Thank you watching our videos! Your support seriously means the world to us!!

[@aigerimaitbaeva9983]

Hello Kevin! My name is Aigerim and I am from Kazakhstan. So, may I also join calls?

[@toastedbleucheese]

You are the *very first* person I have ever seen-online or in person-who has used more than 10 hand gestures that were all different, all appropriately used, and very helpful in visualizing your points. It is also visually entertaining in keeping people interested in giving you full attention. thank you so much for being the one person I’ve always wanted to be.

[@sol.music.]

So true, I never realized how engaging constant hand movements were until I saw this guy in the video, it helped me understand pay attention to what he was saying the entire time.

[@user-wd1so4lb2o]

it’s kind of excessive imo

[@NexusConsultingTR]

Totally agree. Loved the "broken heart" and "rice stirring" hand gestures. Creative and kept my full attention throughout.

[@melanieavila5759]

5 Tips to Remember (Rising Scholar, MA) 1) Essay hooks are imperative because they must obtain the attention of your college admission officers (5-6 minutes on the essay) 2) Begin your essay with a conflict (Make it original, real stakes, evoke sensory details) 3) Indirectly mention what you can bring to college - contribution to campus 4)Connect personal values to strengths that you can 'bring to the table' 5)OR begin your essay with a mystery hook- an unusual event that leaves the reader asking why?

[@user-kh7ef4ho4d]

Character vs self - Change to ideology Character vs character - conflict, idea debate Character vs environment - Social, economic, etc

[@andrewj2k_]

The advice, especially on conclusions, really helped!

[@blessingngozi4104]

U Cute

[@Naknave]

Your hand gestures are a godsend for adhd viewers like me, this is the only college essay video my brain could latch to

[@evolutionarydays5237]

Thank you so much for the helpful advice! I was a little uncertain about my essay's flaws, but you really helped me strengthen my conclusion and introduction. Thanks!

[@kristenyang._.]

This video is so well written and organized! Well done and thank you for the practical/constructive advice!

[@forthemhobbies9793]

thank you so much for this! your style of delivering message and those little animatic movements you make are so interesting, I keep my focus all the time while watching your video! and those are really great tips, I plan to alter it to my own versions when i write my essay. Please pray for me so I am able to go to my dream country!

[@writewellbrooklyn]

As a writing coach myself, LOVE the funny + authentic approach here & agree with this great advice! I'll add that since aiming for a great hook/conclusion can crank up the pressure, sometimes even before the students begin, I love to encourage students START by, well, just writing badly-with no hook at all! (I use lots of tricks for this, from "mini-prompts" to a "messy messy first draft..."). Then-and this is key!-through REVISION, students can find the really great hook in their writing that will draw readers in, and create that powerhouse conclusion....✏💪 Thanks for this fantastic vid! Ashleigh (Write Well Brooklyn)

[@ngwuemeka1838]

This advice on conclusions really helped . Been working on my conclusion for over 4 months now 😢

[@sugerio9460]

I would love to recieve a Common App essay review! Your videos have been extremely helpful so far!

[@paulshkolnik657]

Thank you this was simple advice but very helpful 👍

[@elevatedschool]

Hi friends!! For the next month (until 11/1/23), we’ll be selecting 3 of the commenters on THIS video for a FREE essay review! To qualify, all you have to do is like and reply to this comment with something you learned from this video :) FYI normally, we charge $225 for a professional common app review with feedback from two of our ElevatEd consultants!

[@soul_motivation247]

In this video;ive learnt the importance of using hooks in the intro inorder to engage the reader to continue reading;I was struggling te create a hook but you definitely helped me a lot

[@IProFuzz]

I’ve learned that using a question is a great way to start a college essay. I’ve also learned that college admission officers usually spent 5-6 minutes on your college essays so you want to hook the reader so that they don’t just skim over your application.

[@ivanpaiewonsky]

One of my weaknesses was my introduction. With this video, I feel that I have quite understood the importance of giving the reader a reason to read my essay besides just being their responsibility; for them to also be interested and learn something. Thank you so much!

[@jessicanguyen-tran]

I have learned that the BEST way to capture the admission officers’ attention right from the start is introducing real-life conflicts. I also learned that ending your essay with your contribution to the college is great!

[@verdaaydin2143]

In this video I have not only learnt the importance of the hooks but I also learnt that it's not as intimidating as it seems with the right approach! Thank you for your insights!

[@kiroao]

My common app essay about growth and development achieved through a particular experience hasn’t been very productive to say the least. Can’t really tie down any incident from my life where my character really stood out, what to do when you have a very boring life and still wanna get into a good uni -.- Your video was really helpful, hope i’ll come up with something unique!

[@systemloading45]

You don't understand how helpful you are, your advice is much appreciated!!!

[@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia]

What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university. Vx

[@bruhnish598]

i love how you use hand gestures to keep viewers engaged. this was probably the most useful video I have watched to date. i will for sure be watching more videos from your channel. and btw the conclusion you said was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING

[@elevatedschool]

Thank you!! I've received a lot of compliments about the hand gestures hahaha

[@tanvi6033]

been looking for a video to help with my intro for so long, thank you so much!!

[@elevatedschool]

Sure thing tanvi!

[@ilyasilyasov9271]

Thank you so much for this video!

[@elevatedschool]

You are so welcome!

[@ladygamer2068]

5:30 is a perfect example for conclusion !!

[@elevatedschool]

Hi everyone! In the two years since we started this channel, we've helped more than 70+ students get into every single Ivy League School, Stanford, MIT and more! If you're interested in working with us, please visit our website: www.elevated.school/getstarted. And if you'd like your essay edited by a member of our team, visit www.elevated.school/editmyessay . Also, please note that we do take on exceptional low-income students every year, so if you identify as part of that group and would like a scholarship, let us know! I hope you found this video helpful and are having a wonderful day 😇

[@rekharawat8621]

😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@laraibsalman2937]

you are a life saver fr!!!!

[@_ema.143]

what would you recommend we make the essay topic about?? for me this is always the hardest step with the conclusion being a close second

[@orlehmann-6177]

Hi Kevin!! I'm an international student and I've been struggling to put together my Common App essay, but your videos are SO helpful!. This particular video really helped me understand the problem I had with the eureka problem and the problem-solution ratio. Your advice on how to end the essay was really helpful as well and I will definitely implant it in my essay. I would love to hear your input and take on my essay! I'm pretty proud of how it turned out but given the fact I have no one to help me with my application (it's not very common to apply to US universities where I live), it would be extremely helpful if you could take a look at my essay

[@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia]

I am a professor at a notable university. What's your major and what country are you from?

[@orlehmann-6177]

@@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia Hi! I’m from Israel and thinking of majoring in chemistry

[@user-zt8bv9ey1t]

I love your smiles

[@porimasu]

Thank you for this vid! As a serious applicant, I'm very interested in the common app essay review. Do you choose before ED deadlines? (planning to ED to NU) :)

[@Ireallylovelasagnasomuch]

Thank you so much I'll definitely put this into consideration when writing a statement. Could you make a video about essence objects and how to write about it in your essay??

[@elevatedschool]

Sure!

[@yawn_ing9345]

That's a wild pfp

[@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia]

What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university. N

[@Ireallylovelasagnasomuch]

@@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia hello! if you're referring to me then I want to major in nursing

[@user-kp7uk4bn3y]

great advice!

[@blessingngozi4104]

Oh wow this is really helpful, I have been looking for a detailed explanation like this, I'll summit a personal statement for my application this October about (motivation with which I applied for the program)and my chosen career is entertainment and arts- practical music. Please can u with statements that has a catchy begginning like the hook, he explained,proving how much I need to get in or why I should get the admission🙏🙏

[@julianavelasquez9772]

WOW this is SO GOOD and extremely insightful!! 🙏🏻

[@elevatedschool]

Glad you thought so Juliana!

[@julianavelasquez9772]

@@elevatedschool Absolutely! I checked out your website! Would I be able to submit my grad school personal statement essay for review on there?

[@elevatedschool]

@@julianavelasquez9772 Yes! Just upload it here: www.elevated.school/editmyessay

[@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia]

What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university.

[@admissionsgames]

@elevatedschool great example of a hook with some humor in it (done right) -- probably also helped out but not pointed out often enough.

[@user-zy6sl5tp7g]

Oh... I related > a lot < to the "prom committee" example. Entering the committee wasn't on my plans for this year, and I've said to myself that I wouldn't join them. But guess what? I did, and it was the best thing I did. I never really thought about writing about us, but this video made me look back on everything we did this year, all the details we made sure to prepare for the events we did ourselves at school. I really love my crew, and I believe I'm a person that gets deeply involved with the people around me. All the times we stressed (and cried about it), all the times we laughed or kinda argued... All those moments feel so special to me. Twelve years of going to school, twelve years of meeting new people and learning something with them. This is my last year of high school and I just hope it passes really slowly because I don't want it to end. Unfortunately, I know that I'll probably lose contact with a lot of people I've met in the past three years in the same school, but I will always be grateful for having the opportunity to be part of their lives. Even if school stresses me, I love the environment, and it's so scary to think that all of that will be gone in four months... Maybe I should write about it, thanks a lot =D

[@kindle2346]

I relate so much to this omg😭😭

[@hellcatz25]

Haha I’m like the opposite of you. I need to get out of here 🙈

[@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia]

"Western Michigan University", a doctoral research university with the largest donation in public university history, is the best. If you get admitted they have tons of generous scholarships and they even pay for your internship and in some cases, for your dorm.

[@JJ-ki7zf]

Considering that only 90 k people watched this at this point, I think I got a pretty valuable information

[@geterfly3621]

Hey bro, I just wanted to say I really liked your video 💯

[@elevatedschool]

I appreciate your appreciation bro!

[@JJ-ki7zf]

6:04 is so precious

[@chezeef102]

gonna tackle it rn, wish me luck folks

[@justinianmeyovac3447]

For the UCs, most people recommend being straight to the point, without hooks or any form of creativity. In that case, do you still recommend doing a milder hook, or something like that? I do think a conclusion(with the so what? part) is still important but I'm not sure about the hook.

[@elevatedschool]

Great question and point! I'd still include a hook, just a much shorter one (max 2 sentences)

[@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia]

UC is what?

[@Zecos]

Ok I was really missing out on this. My essay (that I’ll be submitting this November for numerous top school’s EA/ED) talks about ‘friendship betrayal’ and how it’s helped me grow. I was always starting off directly with the narrative and it comes off as too boring. I’m trying to devise hooks but have been largely struggling to find one that creative and relevant. Does anyone have ideas on how I could begin it? I would love even the tiniest of help :)

[@vidhijain9124]

1) Sometimes the person we think we are growing with is the one that teaches alot of things only after they've left giving you more room to grow so 2) It does hurt when the the person you have trusted with everything is the one who betrays you but it just gives you a reality check now you are more prepared to face the world knowing who to trust 3) One thing I've learned is not to trust someone so deeply that I can't accept they did wrong I'm no good at this, you can write it better with the ideas above I hope this helped All the best👍🏻

[@Zecos]

@@vidhijain9124 damn the third one is actually really good… I could make it work But I’m dropping this experience. I just don’t feel that comfortable explaining ‘what’ happened, and though it did impact me a lot, I feel like it’s almost as if I’m making something out of nothing. Bcz what if the admissions officer doesn’t see the thing I saw as betrayal… as betrayal, you know? So I’m thinking to make my essay about my height and how I’ve always been insecure about it throughout my high school. Being the tallest guy (6’4”💀) wasn’t easy, and I feel like I can make it a lot more personal and write better. IDKKK though I’m gonna write both essays simultaneously and just choose the best one at the end 🤷🏼‍♂️

[@lolidktbh4205]

“As a child growing up friends are everything. Your bestfriend is the on you share secrets with, eat lunch together, and even have sleep overs with. We never kept secrets from eachother, and never told them to anyone else. One time however I learned a very important lesson. To not trust people……”

[@buffalobill6978]

Maybe start off with a dialogue you had with one of your old friends in which you were argueing, or perhaps confronting them about their betrayal? But on another note, im sorry you had to go through being betrayed by someone who you thought and expected to loyally stay by your side. However, there is someone who will never EVER leave your side, and His name is Jesus Christ! 2000+ years ago he came to earth and suffered beatings, being abandoned by His closest friends, being betrayed unto death, being spat on, and nailed to a cross. Why did He endure all of this? Well, it doesn't quite make sense until you look at yourself. God has his moral Law, the Ten Commandments, and you and I have broken God's Law. The Ten Commandments require us not to lie, steal, use God's name in vain (blasphemy), commit adultery (Which Jesus says looking at others with lust is the same as adultery), and murdering (which Jesus also says hating someone is the same as being a murderer at heart). These are only a few of the commandments, and breaking just one makes you guilty of breaking them all (James 2:10). so, have you lied before? or stolen? hated someone, looked with lust, or used God's name in vain (ex: saying "oh my ***). If so, God seeing you as a lying, thieving, blaspheming, adulterous murderer at heart. You are guilty before God of eternal death in Hell (the Bible says the wages of sin is death in Romans 6:23). And this should terrify you, for the Bible says in Hell there is weeping and gnashing of teeth, and that it is like a lake of fire that is never quenched. There will be no laughing, no partying, just eternal suffering. But back to Jesus. When He came to earth and suffered and died on that cross, though He never needed to die since He was sinless, He was paying the debt of your sins as well as mine. Then, He rose from the dead, thus conquering death and proving that all who believe on Him will likewise rise from death to life. So, i imploreeee you, homie, put your trust is Jesus Christ TODAY, and God will grant you ever lasting life. The rest of Romans 6:23 says "The wages of sin is death, but the FREE GIFT OF GOD is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." So, trust in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Believe on Him and you will be saved.

[@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia]

What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university.

[@AlexaLopez-hj3qc]

Thank youuuu ❤️

[@elevatedschool]

Thanks for watching!!

[@Greenlightandgo]

great video but honestly, when do we get that perfect recipe for fried rice?

[@Lumbbb]

Hi, is it cliché or acceptable to start my PE by describing myself from a third person's perspective, like "In the concert hall, a young pianist merely 13 years old found himself..."?

[@estrellasalazar5329]

Mine begins like this: It was hot. Sitting on my bed with blankets over me trying to hide the light from my toy flashlight, my 7-year-old self held a book between her hands. Like a lamp of illusions, voices resonated in my mind giving life to the characters that I deciphered through words. Because since I was little, curiosity has haunted my emptiest nights. and ends like this: The girl sitting with a flashlight and a book between her hands continues dreaming, dreaming of her words making sense beyond fantasy, with a less high-pitched but more intense voice, with a need to understand the world and do something to change it, she sat. In my room, the floor was frozen, but something burned. The heat of ideas and emotions collapsed every wall. In the darkness of La Libertad, Trujillo, a town in the north of Peru. It was hot. do u think it is good? I am applying to dartmouth as an english major

[@jessenceq3250]

How do you add a conflict or mystery hook with the question "What leadership qualities do you possess and why does it matter?"

[@user-xd8xf7hq9h]

When submitting common app essay, which is better just putting texts in the box or submit in google doc? Also, which format I should use when submitting in google doc ? Also, is 470 words enough? Should I write more?

[@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia]

What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university. G

[@Redjanuary17]

Can you please do a video diversity/ community essay and how u bring to university

[@lilytrembeczki3587]

I understand your advice and think it is great; however, I was thinking about doing something a little different. Is there anyone I could send my outline to to give me advice or feedback if it’s a good idea or unconventionally bad? (Brief overview: starts off by talking about me searching to find a topic since 9th grade for a college essay, then how I found it in the mirror- one paragraph about how I don’t want a nose job as it reminds me of my dad who died, 2nd about how my teeth appear yellow if held to a bright white environment

[@saifullah23579]

You are amazing 😮

[@elevatedschool]

No, YOU are amazing!

[@saifullah23579]

@@elevatedschool I'm going to apply for Yale for Fall 2025 and I definitely need your help. Will you help??

[@user-om5cd5ql4w]

How do I write a essay about myself if I don't know myself

[@arjunsapkota8841]

The Common App does not require applicants to submit academic transcripts. How do colleges learn about my academic performance when I apply through the Common App?

[@elevatedschool]

Your counselor typically submits your transcripts on your behalf: membersupport.commonapp.org/s/article/How-where-is-a-student-s-transcript-submitted

[@arjunsapkota8841]

​@@elevatedschool Thank you for your kind response. I have an additional inquiry: my final transcript is scheduled to be released in November 2023. Is it possible for me to apply for fall 2024 admission earlier than that? All of my report cards, with the exception of the final transcript, are currently available at my school. I am uncertain of what actions I should take in this particular situation. Your guidance and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[@gab.o_]

How does it feel knowing that you’re the reason that a lot of people here to get accepted into college?

[@elevatedschool]

To be honest, it feels gratifying! Writing scripts and staring into a black box to record videos each week can be tiring, especially with all the other teaching we're doing, but the messages each April from students definitely motivates us to keep creating :) But even better than helping students get into college is just seeing them grow over time -- at the end of the day, college is not the end goal. It's about guiding students --and teaching them to guide themselves-- as they rise from one part of their academic and life journey to other!

[@Jayden_the_steak]

6:05 mic drop 🎤🖐️😂

[@gwendolynnn6764]

I was gonna write an essay about how my own mental health influenced my true ability in high school. I was wondering if either of these hooks were good or if you could give me a good suggestion! 1- My own head is the destroyer of my success. 2- My life is a unique game of battle of the brain. Let me fill you in.

[@theprimera387]

Your first hook seems interesting.

[@notovertaken8330]

first one for sure

[@pjscoglio7482]

Heres a good one I can't believe I murdered someone. Later in the essay, u explain that you murdered your own chance of success

[@datkim97]

Yesssssssss

[@catherinealicia1854]

Can you help me write my essay 😢 i have a pretty interesting story!

[@zacm9747]

As a fan of Amy Tan, I love seeing Asian Americans representing English and literature.

[@bubblyfei157]

Help I’ve always lived in Europe now moving to USA for university and I have no fricking idea how to write an essay we don’t do that shiz in Europe just show our grades and get accepted

[@thiagogregory1]

Do you offer 1-1 essay brainstorming+editing services? If so, you should! This video made me want to be your client when its my time to apply for transfer admissions

[@elevatedschool]

Yes we do! Visit our website: www.elevated.school for more info and details!

[@debora_3368]

Is it more interesting if I start my essay with a dialogue?

[@elevatedschool]

That could work!

[@user-kh7ef4ho4d]

Conclusion = Bake sale of reflection of own values

[@user-kh7ef4ho4d]

Who I hope to be and bring to campus

[@Notfound-uy3vy]

w video

[@mohamedbouhtout5545]

Will you guys be willing to read my essay and tel me honest feedback on what I did wrong and what I did good?

[@elevatedschool]

Yes! Please upload it to www.elevated.school/editmyessay

[@mohamedbouhtout5545]

@@elevatedschool is there a free way

[@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia]

What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university. Where are you from too? Perhaps I could be of help

[@clickprofileimage]

Like if you think his tips are useful ❤

[@abishekbastola]

can you fix my essay please

[@nylah3065]

Is this a good start off for a essay . The essay is called “Her” “Growing up she thought life was going to be precious and easy”

[@nylah3065]

Please reply

[@user-kh7ef4ho4d]

Conclusion: So what? What can I contribute to the community?

[@Dan-1031]

“Explain in Gen Z terms” So basically hooks are like clickbait

[@_Atreus]

Please pick me I can't afford reviews and I think one will help me a lot

[@IceCream-ey2kg]

ngl you’re kinda handsome

[@IceCream-ey2kg]

especially when you smile awww its so cute

[@IceCream-ey2kg]

and you’re very engaging too! bruh i should not be simping over a guy two days before the ivy deadlines

[@paulaarias6121]

you are too cute

[@haylieerisggd2270]

okay i saw this video, now delete pls. 🙂

[@cheesepuff5700]

Wtf do you mean by that 💀

[@pondererofpointlessdreams5029]

​@@cheesepuff5700delete it so the other applicants don't watch it and write better essays 😭

[@JuicyJuice-0]

I'm looking forward to going to conventions as an artist this year! I've been working on handmade cosplays and it's been so much fun!! Thank you so much for your content on KZbin! I've only watched a couple of videos but I can tell the passion you put into them and I appreciate that a lot! :) - @olive.mcjuice

[@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia]

What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university. 🎭