Emails Autistic Style

[@JWildberry]

I'm the opposite. I would double the length of the first e-mail. I cannot shut up, I'm always overly polite, I'm super thorough and go into details (as seen here). As an example: I have shortened this comment several times now, and re-written pretty much every sentence.

[@lisa_wistfulone7957]

Oooh, that’s me too!!! I agonize over everything, afraid that I’ll “sound rude” if I’m too direct, so I launch into an unnecessarily long (and kind) explanation of my reason for asking something!😅

[@vanillablossom]

Same, ovethinking a ton and rewriting, because I don't wanna sound too begging nor too demanding, all I want is to hit the right tone and what sounds right to me may sound rude to others. And I wanna my emails to have all the necessary info, so the details must be there, too.

[@That_Awkward_Mum]

Ditto! I'll re-read and edit the email many times over, only to send one that'll still sound weird in some way!

[@jimwilliams3816]

Yup. I include every last detail, and it takes forever and gets verrry long. I’m probably polite but rather clinical in my approach.

[@NatalieLocke-h6t]

I also cannot have short responses. I’m kind of wondering now if it was inappropriate to send a follow-up e-mail about my assessment asking what the words were again that I was unsure the meanings of because I couldn’t remember them. I haven’t gotten a response and it’s been 2 days and now I don’t know if that was not a thing that people do or if the lady is busy or what. Now, I’m just overexplaining to people I don’t know on the internet, so that’s me. Of course, I don’t have any official autism diagnosis, only anxiety, depression, and OCD, so there’s that too. Sometimes it depends on the situation. My boss sent an e-mails asking for t-shirt sizes. That’s response was fairly short, but I did specify that it was the size in the brand of shirts they ordered t-shirts for us in last time. I talk less in person unless it’s a subject I like.

[@letters_to_theo]

I've made strides but, occasionally, my emails come off as a formal letter handwritten in 1879. That's the 'tism for you😅

[@niencat]

I got that feed back as well, sometimes! Very formal and old fashioned style of writing😂

[@sirgalah561]

I like to write letters.. Hard copy.. I use a fountain pen too as it feels nice on the paper unlike the sensation a ball point pen does.. Fountain pens feel like they effortlessly glide over the paper.

[@queenesreina7424]

I've been told that about my speech, being "too formal/polite." Personally, I started thinking of it as "a touch of aut'." You rounded it out, quite nicely, with "the 'tism." ☺️

[@hameley12]

If anyone has ever gotten a fortune cookie, then you know the cute short message. Yes? That's how I type into text messages, short and sweet. But make it funny, cute, and formal for emails, especially if speaking to someone important. 😊 ♥️ ✌️

[@Essential_lyNothing]

​@@sirgalah561I like writing letters, too! I also only use a pen, yet I have not used a fountain pen before. I strongly dislike the feeling of a dull pencil.

[@annahollander111]

I would write exactly like the second mail. Only recently have I learned that I should express interest in the addressant as a person. Although he/she knows that I am not really interested and do not expect an answer. On the other hand, I used to take such interest seriously and it hurt when I realized it was just polite chatter. I have learned it now, like a foreign, unloved language. My real language is "send the information. Thanks." 😂😂

[@Marty656]

When I’m writing an email I first write in the second style, then go back and embellish it somewhat so it doesn’t come across as too demanding/ rude and then cry a little inside because it’s such an inefficient way to communicate for both sides. Imagine how much time would be saved if people just got to the point! We could have Monday to Wednesday workweeks and spend the rest crocheting 😂😂😂

[@andreasunshine8002]

I now use Chatgpt. I tell chatgpt very blunt: "write a mail about xyz. Write it in a polite way and ask the person about theirs child birthday last weekend." The results are usually great. If not I ask chatgpt to rewrite it a little bit. It saves so much time and I feel so much better 😁

[@porzeczka6737]

Yes! And, frankly, everyone would benefit if more people communicated in "autistic" style.

[@mortenle]

Totally, important non-boss person.

[@tracik1277]

My version would more honestly be hi boss person who society has demanded that I pay lip service to deem important even though you are no more important than anyone else in the grand scheme of things.

[@priyas9751]

Definitly the second one, but I never forget my please and thank you

[@lisa_wistfulone7957]

I love this! Honestly, Ella, the first email sounded exactly like me *trying* to write emails in that smoothly cordial way NTs have, but not quite getting it “right” (because for me, guaranteed, the person will assume I don’t Really need the thing because I was too polite!)😅 My blunt REAL style is “Hi, hope you’re doing well, please send me the thing. Thanks!”

[@janwellington8663]

No wonder it takes me so long to compose emails, texts, and social media stuff! If the recipients only knew. (I was diagnosed at age 69.)

[@nailawalton9630]

This was a new self humbling autism moment unlocked. It’s like listening to myself!!

[@DeniseMarshall]

Where I work, we're all really efficient with emails! Not autistic myself but still find it a relief! We're all technical writers, though, so clear and concise is our bread and butter.

[@patriciaedlr]

This makes me want to cry. I tend to write like that and through a lot of conscious effort had to reframe the mail to the point that sometimes it takes me hours or days to send it. Thanks Ella 💜

[@localCrows]

It takes me at least an eternity to write an email which is an awkward version of the first, because of masking.

[@michellecliborne1292]

My coworkers were quite shocked when I said I respond with just ‘done’ half the time haha

[@Mandrake_root]

I'm taking a technical writing class in college and I love it. I love when I write something that I worry is too straightforward and the professor's feedback is "too much fluff". Like you don't gotta tell me twice. Out with the fluff. Granted in some settings it's still good to add in those pleasantries. But it's easier when it's "I'm doing this because I know this specific person will appreciate it" rather than "I have to do this in every communication or they will hate me"

[@dianadiehl]

I don't know how many times I've had to go back before hitting send to put something pleasant in the introduction and put in a final sentence that sounds ingratiating or at least semi-personal.

[@emily7478]

Then there's me, Neurodivergent but trying to blend in with the Neurotypicals by overdoing the pleasantries so it takes an hour to write version one in a chipper way...

[@yellowpanduhbear]

Yeah, you do that, and then you get a response from a neurotypical person which just says 'OK' or something extremely brief and cold like that 🙈

[@RazmiWellness]

Guys!!! I'm going to start writing my email style into chat gpt and add the prompt "please rewrite in a casual socially acceptable and upbeat manner"!!

[@EmotionalSupportChaosDemon]

I love your keyboard... The clicky-clack sounds make my brain happy.

[@biaberg3448]

I’m Norwegian, we don’t do small talk in emails, hardly in real life either.

[@proferreter50]

No but for real why can’t we just email people like this 😂

[@homiiciidalkiitten6650]

Why does that hit so hard? Damn. Why can't people just ask what they want and say what they mean :)

[@BlueRoseHelen252]

This is almost the same way I respond to sending emails too 😆

[@mitchc5355]

I usually send emails the NT way but I swear it’s just years of masking has made it feel natural to write a load of rubbish rather than get to the point. 😅

[@alexismcmackin]

Guilty!!! I have to mimic the body/style of a previous email because I’ve been told mine are not received well. I didn’t do anything wrong, she explained, just too direct.

[@TimeToSlashZoom]

Since coming across your channel, I cannot believe just how much my brain has attempted to fit in as NT all these years. I got my diagnosis recently, I’m 36. This (and other vids of yours) makes so much sense!

[@Anonymous-wh4ez]

I think the masking has gone way too far and I've lost the real me... ......Too many dire consequences of being me over the years, and my nervous system takes note.. I still don't get NT.

[@amziedragon6619]

I tend to be like Hi person, it would be much appreciated if you could you do this by date because reason, if not this will happen. Then the signature, because I feel like I burden people by asking them to do stuff lol

[@br4892]

I just add a smiley face and hope for the best.

[@Sibila1983]

That's not neurotypical, that's British!😂😂

[@joannalutze9451]

That’s meeeeeee!!! I feel validated 😂😂😂

[@Orynae]

I try to be polite, so they don't think I'm unprofessional, but I always forget the "hope you're doing well"-type stuff 😭

[@isobelbarlow7134]

I have a colleague from Switzerland who once said that this was a bit of a culture shock when she came to the uk and I was like .... "I should be doing all that?"

[@pennylanewildflower4471]

Definitely the first type. I ramble so much

[@CatwomanMeowz]

I was literally fired from a job for this exact thing. They just didn’t understand “direct “. Like, we have one simple thing to address. This. Move on. I was let go because “I didn’t go muddin’ with the girls on weekends, and I didn’t seek everyone out at 5pm to say goodbye, I just clocked out. Terrible actions on my part, clearly. Must terminate!!! (I was from NY and stuck in a Podunk OR town, where “muddin” is … an activity? Past time? I dunno. These idiots would get on four wheelers and rev them up til the wheels spun and kit everyone with mud… and this was fun to them. And for some reason, my medical job was dependent on me goin’ muddin’ with the “girls “ (who were all over 30) on the weekends. WHAT. IN. THE. FUCK.

[@jimwilliams3816]

Your last four words say it all. It’s a friggin’ job, people, not a social club!

[@erinaustin2157]

The first way really hurts my brain! I started mostly talk txting now,and it makes things alot less frustrating and easier.

[@nanimalgirlEssie]

Could also be Anglo-Saxon email vs Dutch email. 😂

[@eEXxCaLiBuR]

Had the exact same thought ,just from a german perspective

[@IsisFlavia]

Tell the truth - the autistic email is the one most people WISH they could send and cut out the bullshit we KNOW nobody cares about !!! 🤣

[@sacrilegiousboi978]

I think most people would want something between the two. One that gets the point across clearly and concisely, but also that makes them feel acknowledged like a fellow human being, not just a means to an end. Like most things in life it’s about balance.

[@jim_jam_dseries]

I love that keyboard!!!

[@sujinmcho]

The first is how I try to write emails, usually involving a lot of editing and self loathing. The second is how I wish we all could communicate when it comes to direct objectives. It's just easier 😅

[@Aviendaspearsister]

No one appreciates brevity like a neurospicy ❤

[@wickofthetrade]

if you have time PLEASE tell us about the KEYBOARD it's so cute!! sounds like possibly box jade switches?? and the cap and cable colors are so prettyyyyyyyy UGH

[@eloiseannicle]

Oh, this is why when I send work emails sometimes I get pulled aside by my boss to ask if I’m ok or are angry about things. I just ask the question I need to ask. No-one ever says explicitly what the rules they expect you to follow, then act strange when you do something outside of their expectations. I would study the rule book of life if I had it, but instead it seems they came with a set of pre-loaded rules and decided they were the rules for everyone. I guess I have rules too, it’s just that I’m the only one who they are meaningful to.

[@recoveryrebel9406]

Ella your the best!!

[@katzenbekloppt_mf]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Thank You, Ella😘

[@shellyk7049]

Yes, I write the second way, and I would put Thursday in red bold underlined , but I always say kind regards so its ok

[@sewaller1384]

Greetings! Please send the actionables no later than Thursday. Thank you, sew what NT or ND?

[@mansquatch2260]

Your keyboard is so colorful

[@arc4705]

Lately I've stopped fucking around writing NT emails and it has improved my life drastically. I still go into too much detail because ADHD, but I've stopped all the frivolous "how are you hope you're well and healthy and the kids are fine" bullshit bc frankly, I don't care. I literally just say "Hello, here's what I need and why in exhaustive detail. Best, (myname)" I add the details I do because they are relevant and close any gaps in information, not because your dog sprained her ankle a few weeks ago and your opinion of me relies on my recounting of this information in unrelated settings.

[@aliciamarana]

This T-Rex typing is driving me insane 😂

[@alicepanozzo7912]

I do that, than go back and add the introduction part because I know it should be there 😁

[@katyungodly]

I type like the second one. My boss doesn't wanna read an email that long 💀

[@play-fool]

I gave up on the neurotypical style a long time ago, but I still am much more wordy than the people I'm talking to basically always - I like to obsessively clarify and I usually want just as much context in return but rarely get it! Very frustrating. Between the two styles you exhibited here, I still much prefer the second - it's direct and doesn't demand social interaction. I would feel comfortable clarifying bc I would understand you're not going to force me to socialize during the process 😅

[@prf76]

I got myself in so much trouble at work with an email. All I did was give an honest answer in 3 bullet points, but got accused of saying ‘go away’ 🤷🏻‍♂️ Neurotypicals are so sensitive.

[@RedRuneblade_Alt]

If only we all emailed like the 2nd one lol

[@chong2389]

One of the masking strategies I learned was to write emails that showed an interest in the boss and his family. What I did not learn was how to 'schmooze' him and the director about golf (which I do not play). Those who were able to suck up socially got the promotions. *sigh*

[@kirsikka3752]

If you prefer the short style, you are very wellcome here and you will feel like home. Best wishes from Finland 😄

[@jimwilliams3816]

I’d heard that Finland is not into small talk, I think Ukraine too. I bear this in mind when people in the US act like small talk is some universal part of the human condition.

[@kirsikka3752]

@@jimwilliams3816 In 1980's no one here knew how to small talk. Now world is so global that we have had start learning, but it is difficult for many of us and no one gets offended or considers short e-mails rude.

[@niencat]

Hahaha so relatable to me!

[@thisismyonlyescape]

The neurotypical one related a bunch to me but in the sense that I'm masking and I take 20 minutes to craft that email to seem NT

[@jaesynmicoli7849]

Opposite here lol mine are entirely emotional also authority figure issue related. Mine would consist of...'Hello Boss Lady, I am questioning this because of this so I'm needing this because of such and such reason. This would help with these reasons which I can assure you are the best reasons needed for why I would like to take action." Legit, sometimes my boss doesn't even reply. Then I go into a panic mode and start wondering if shes going to fire me for saying what I needed to say or telling me that it was a crappy e-mail. Only for her to reply 5 hours later, 'You do you kiddo! I know you've got this, just make sure to do this and this...' And now I've worked myself into a much deeper problem, all because I wanted to FIX the problem, only to be TASKED WITH the problem and give a solution. 😮‍💨Me breathing heavily😮‍💨 Yup. Sucks to be AuDHD sometimes 😂 (And yes I did edit my mistakes 😅)

[@ic7804]

Yes, I feel like I need please and thank you too (as someone already mentioned), and the second version is for me too. In fact I feel somehow bothered with the 'amazing day', 'fantastic',.... maybe because general population has rarely 'amazing' times. Most of us have struggles mixed with good or bad luck, some nice moments too, but it is far from 'amazing'.

[@phya9324]

I feel so called out here

[@CompactCognition]

I got told a lot in my life that my texts sound like came from a robot, so now I've over corrected for that :-D

[@mollyhooper8674]

And let’s not forget when it starts well but the ending, not so much… ‘Hi, are you using the XY spreadsheet by any chance? Could you please get out of it? Thanks’

[@mattmathematics3591]

Im the second one idgaf 😂 ppl made fun of me w my emails theyre str8 to the point

[@sarahf8372]

I start off like 2 but then remember that people expect me to do 1

[@Sherlika_Gregori]

That’s my autistic son. I type : ‘are you ok?’ He answers ‘yes.’ The End

[@justine8387]

Mine too

[@hedwigwendell-crumb91]

Have had several complaints made about my "demanding" and "rude" emails over the years 🙄

[@kellyroberts742]

😂 This is me and my daughter...I'm NT and she's Autistic

[@honeybnoir824]

What are actionables? I'm from the US, so I'm not used to hearing that.

[@gabi-sv3dp]

Depend the context with some of them i use the 1st cuz idk the person Who's Reading and it must be correct and resoectfull and with the people i know a little bit more i do the 2nd One cuz dont need to be so much stressed

[@hightidemidafternoon]

only in the uk! no other country requires smalltalk in emails o.O

[@Catlily5]

Wow, you type fast! The first one sounds like me.

[@katyungodly]

Keep your hands on the home row 😭

[@jinx8627]

I just default to the ‘I hope this email finds you well’ and ‘please’ and ‘thank you in advance.’ I’m not spending more time. We have a job to do 🤨

[@RazmiWellness]

I write my emails in my own style, but then go back and add the masking afterward. Ugh

[@kathybramley5609]

Ah, I'm not acquainted with actual workplace email, but Paul Micallef did an email video ages ago about overlong emails. That's more me. Also addressing an email to "Important Boss Person" made me doubt that the neurotypical person was neurotypical 😜 At school writing to my local Groundwork Trust for work experience I addressed the letter to "Fellow Person"

[@wreckgar23]

Those must be blue switches? Clackety clack!

[@kathyroux7386]

Yep!

[@cruelangel7737]

Accurate to a t for me.

[@jnharton]

That's a rather extreme example, honestly. I'll sometimes put in the effort for something vaguely resembling the first example, but it's really hard to hit send because of how fake it feels. No problem with wishing someone well, but unless I actually know their child and care, the only time he/she will ever be mentioned is in a direct response to a part of the received email.

[@deborahlee8135]

OMG! i feel seen 😂

[@PhDSTEMgirlie]

To be honest, coming from a cultural stand point - I'm not British - so whenever I write an email to someone asking for something I always doubt myself whether it doesn't come across too direct and rude and if I sprinkled in enough "i hope this email finds you well"s

[@amys0482]

Then think back and agonize over it for a week. 😂 Also, I thought I was the only one who typed this way, except I use mostly my left hand.

[@elboy6715]

The worlds most pointless email. I would delete

[@EliseConL0]

I’m so offended in a good way hahaha

[@sarahgibbons9737]

Second one. Only I wouldn't put their name or my own as i see it unnecessary as the email address is the identifier 🙂 im self employed and nowadays i give in and let my mum write my customer service emails because it is not my skill!!!

[@Eve.v]

oh im 1000% the first one... i didn't realize i mask even over email :')

[@Jinx7873]

I’m overly professional and blunt with my emails. I think pleasantries are annoying lol it usually works tho

[@asher3491]

They're my boss. They aren't my friend. I'm not playing silly social games with them. Ya know?

[@ABirdOnTheMoon]

Wait, what??? I was recently diagnosed as auADHD and I am having a hard time understanding how is that a typical email. I am actually surprised people write all that or mention other things .. and here I am thinking adding a smile at the end is me being social and lovely 😂🤪

[@jimwilliams3816]

I get sent some of those NT emails, and they are like nails on a chalkboard to me. How do people tolerate all that vacuous cheer?? 🤢

[@user-jw9hc9if6n]

Ugh. 3 sentences or less is my rule. If I need to add fluff, I do it at the end. Name - heres what I need. Also, I was listening to you when you mentioned that thing. Name.

[@ThatWeirdLady2519]

Yup

[@planetag310]

I'm always like "get to the point". The usual niceties drive me nuts.

[@bowi1332]

My boss writes short emails because she's illiterate and short-sighted. Also, we often don't understand her sentences.

[@Seigneur_Darkblob]

I use the second method, but I add "please " somewhere in the mail. But I'm not autistic, I swear!

[@olapink509]

See this is the thing, i am nunber one but because the script is the same! Send well wishes, mention a detail or two and get to the request 🤷🏿‍♀️

[@robinw.8083]

this is why my bosses have never liked me????

[@kimlinford3484]

Where did you get the setup?

[@frequentblondie]

Whats actionables?

[@lisadesertwoman5213]

I did the second style for over 30 years. Now I have a boss who insists on the first style. I hate it. Meaningless garbage. None of the people I email at work have personal relationships with me. They know I don’t care about them, and they do not care about me.