Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski: The cure for burnout (hint: it isn't self-care) | TED

[@a67tejaskhandale99]

The worst part about burnout is that people think it is laziness. If you were motivated before you will be again, just go through it ☺️

[@LaurasVeganLife]

I needed this today, thank you 💗

[@sruthywhence4834]

Thank you for saying this.

[@rosyhaddad9582]

🙏🏽

[@MaddyIndia]

Thank you 🙏🙏

[@giveemelle7862]

"One of the things that is my little reminder to myself is that when I feel like I need more grit, what I actually need is more help. And when I look at Amelia's life and I think 'she needs more discipline, needs more perserverance, she needs to work harder'... what she actually needs is more kindness." 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@phadenswandemil4345]

Everyone should be taught about burn out since they start school basically. Because students experience burnout too. It's just the result of the education system emphasising grades over everything. Hustle culture - all-nighters, pushing yourself to the limit - is glorified by society and students internalise these messages until they are unable to recognise when they are burned out. Because they think being emotionally exhausted means you're not trying hard enough. I failed half of my classes this year when I got A's for half of my classes last year. So yeah, I know burn out all too well... It's ok though, I have the support of my family and I'm currently easing my way back to my studies after a month long break. I'm not sure if I'm prepared for the future though, (getting the results to my finals, deciding whether or not I should retake my exam, applying for university, etc) but I'm taking it one step at a time.

[@RNGuide]

Good luck! It's great that you realized it before going to the university.

[@jojo.joanna]

I relate a lot to your situation so thank you for sharing, that vulnerability makes people feel less alone :) I'm glad to hear that you have the support of your family -- best of luck out there!

[@jillian8510]

This was great. I really liked the point about how biologically, we need more than "self" care. We aren't meant to live independently and forcing ourselves into dealing with life alone is what leads us to burning out. Our brains aren't wired that way, everyone needs help and thats great! Thank you for sharing, really eye opening stuff.

[@zapkvr]

We ARE alone. And we are going to DIE. We need to accept death in order to live

[@Myi6577]

You’re on the Internet. You won’t find a shortage of people who feel the same way as you do. Yes, we’re going to die, but you’re still typing. Yes we need to accept our lives will end, but we also need to accept WE ARE ALIVE RIGHT NOW. Death will come no matter what, and it lasts forever. Life is rare, precious, and temporary, so don’t waste what you have!

[@Myi6577]

Actually, thank you for reminding me that I need to accept that death is inevitable. That’s something I’ve been struggling with, to accept bad things are going to happen and are happening. This, really is vital in order to live.

[@CariMachet]

@@Myi6577 death isn’t bad

[@Diane_666]

But we aren't meant to be too dependent on each other either. That mindset can easily lead you into a codependent relationship, and trust me, you don't want that. Or it can make it seem like you can't be happy unless there's someone with you to CONSTANTLY help you with your life, and that's simply not always going to be the case. Yes, we all need communication and, sometimes, even help. But the key word is "sometimes". If you need help from others 24/7, that means you're making others responsible for your life and happiness, which is not right. Other people are not that reliable, because everyone has their own personal problems, so no one is going to be there for you every second of the day. That's why self-care is so important, because we gotta learn to love ourselves first instead of expecting others to be our saviors.

[@Zapsstudio]

the fact that a perfect lecture is uploaded right when I need it fills me with determination

[@bigstevbowski]

Same!

[@noahlederer8587]

Xd

[@ZeroRiskAppetite]

Yup

[@ChristianCTaken]

♥ Save Exit

[@jasemalhammadi4228]

I like how the twin sisters support each other in this Ted talk by speaking in alternating way to give each other time to take their breaths and reduce public speaking stress specially for this one wearing the glasses because it’s clear she has some public speaking phobia. Clever

[@honiideslysses12]

I’ve been a chef for thirty years and the expectation for perfection, not only for yourself but your staff, as well, is always priority number one. Long hours on your feet in a hot kitchen without breaks is the norm. The food service industry is also notorious for belittling and berating behavior when things don’t go 100% not to mention sexual harassment, which in any other business would not be tolerated. It takes its toll on many of us to the point of physical and emotional exhaustion and in many cases leads to negative coping mechanisms. Drug and alcohol abuse are commonplace and in some extreme cases lead to suicide. Sadly this profession is difficult to leave so burnout is almost inevitable. Thanks for video.

[@kaedatiger]

It doesn't helpthat a lot of people in that field have limited options.

[@F19_33]

I feel entirely trapped in the food industry and I agree with this completely.

[@sayrewilkin-dalby619]

Wow. Hearing it described, "Unmeetable expectation and unceasing demand" is a perfectly succinct description. That's the definition of why my last job gave me such bad burnout it took almost a year after leaving for my brain to fully function again.

[@justinejones1092]

Wow. This video is PROFOUND and resonated sooooo deeply for me. My burnout is very real and I want nothing more than to recover, but my options are limited and I feel VERY isolated. I pray I can find my "bubble of love" that will help me get through this challenging time in life.

[@75Cee]

Agreed!

[@liz6245]

"The cure is not self-care, it is all of us caring to each other". Self-care is a capitalist solution that pushes us to be as individualist as possible.

[@tylercriss6435]

Self-help even used to be people sitting around learning things together. This hyper-individualism is just poisonous. There is a healthy middle ground, people!

[@kimsherlock8969]

Capitalism hates true individuals Capitalism will use what they despise and destroy it with fashionable products soon old hat. Your identity is it yourself or your need to belong?

[@searchforserenity8058]

@M LR Like many, you view both ideologies as finite binary choices. But this is a false representation. Collectivism and individualism are more nuanced and should be viewed on a continuum. Think billion shades of gray. Extreme individualism under neoliberal capitalism is just as abusive to the individual as extreme collectivism under the current communist regimes in China, Russia, NK, etc. Many workers in the US, UK, Chile etc. are forced to work for low pay and no benefits just to basically survive while those at the top rake in the majority of the value of their work. Might not look like outright "slavery", but with few choices otherwise, it works out to the same thing. And the problem is becoming more extreme over time. A more balanced choice is Keynes proposal of Embedded Liberalism.

[@caseyc.4998]

Im in the first 3 minutes and I just think this is a rich people idea... I call my sis and she just cries with me until we fall asleep... we cant afford to go out to the doctor in the first place. Yikes, out of touch with an educated audience that would like to hear things closer to where we are.

[@matthewnelson325]

​@M LR Collectism is a Playground for Narcissists and sociopaths ! : (

[@susanzoeckler4926]

When nothing else helps -- not meditation, a healthy snack, a walk with my dog, talking with a friend, nada .... I blast my favorite music & dance. This combo works EVERY TIME! 💃

[@texmexgal]

Me too!!!!!!!

[@danreielle]

EVERYTIME

[@JT1358]

You just made me cry - I have forgotten how much I used to enjoy music. Thank you

[@jimihendrixx11]

Every day. Maybe not dancing but that feels the best. But at least vibing or appreciating the music.

[@KarolYuuki]

Also putting music and screaming the lyrics. Helps a lot

[@wille2680]

This says a lot about the work culture nowadays. If your burning yourself out to make someone rich then your making your quality of life poor. That includes business owners. We need to completely overhaul how work is done.

[@Macheako]

Oh yea, piece a cake 🍰

[@nittygritty7034]

We do. Fufulling lives!! Connections!

[@zapkvr]

No we do not. We need to embrace the misery

[@zapkvr]

@@Macheako chocolate cake please

[@honiideslysses12]

Absolutely! The American or Protestant work ethic as it was once known places way too much pressure to perform for very little in return. We certainly do need to rethink and retool the way we define work.

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

I used to deal with stress by cleaning my house (often dancing while cleaning my house) or walking (did it once or twice a day and always used the stairs and walked to talk with people versus using the phone). Then, I became disabled with ME/CFS where physical activity actually makes me sicker. What a kick in the pants.

[@sukanya3411]

@Madison Heights One thing that calms me is folding clothes very neatly , like, as you're folding run your hand over the cloth (basically iron the cloth with the palms of your hand) as you fold. Maybe it will work?

[@aralia8162]

I feel this too for sure. I used to love to hula hoop, but then joint damage from hEDS and hypermobility caught up to me. Now I can't exercise in any way without dislocations and tissue damage. Thanks, body. Really helpful with depression and stress.

[@sharonw2008]

@Madison Heights I absolutely feel you, I was the same, always 100 miles an hour, always on the go, getting things done. Then I had a car accident and ended up with Fibromyalgia/CFS now I'm in pain every day no matter what I do. I'm restricted in what I can do now and a big thing for me is the amount of things left unfinished. I'm only learning self love now 20 years later and how to care for me! I wish you all the best, the hardest part is not beating yourself up when you're a natural doer and perfectionist. One day at a time, gentle hugs to you xx

[@catsmama1001]

I feel this! Before my fibromyalgia diagnosis, I dealt with stress through activity.

[@jimihendrixx11]

Maybe you can do stuff with your hands to induce flow/mindfulness

[@babyboylovesmusic]

Best information ever received regarding burnout. Self-care does not help because if you're truly burnout (like I have been experiencing) there is no motivation to do anything. Sometimes, it is a total depletion, indifference, and apathy. I'm at the stage of removing some of the major issues causing the burnout. As far as work, I have been to the point of fantasizing about quitting and zero concern about the consequences. The acknowledgment to others about how much you hate your job - it's time to let it go.

[@matthewdolan3925]

I feel like these are not good tips. If I’m burning out on a personal level (for me it would be school) I don’t feel like I need others to praise me or say they love me, I need to figure out how I can get back into my studies and regain that lost motivation. How can you fix burnout personally when these ladies are talking about fixing it at a cultural level? I’m not trying to rag on the speakers, and maybe I’m interpreting the video poorly, but I feel like these tips won’t help me or is that just me? Edit: So if anyone sees this, it’s kind of a funny story. I put out a little rant against this video yesterday but then later THE SAME DAY, my mother call me and got me talking about feeling burnt. It definitely helped immensely just to talk and have her tell me to not be embarrassed about doing poorly. It definitely helped me to talk to her and let some stuff out. Just thought I’d put that out there.

[@jillian8510]

Yeah it definitely is hard to bring this into real life as our world doesn't operate this way currently. As a fellow student, I would take this talk as motivation to ask for more assistance (COVID has opened a lot of alternate avenues, at least at my school) and connect with others. For myself, the more engaged and connected I am, the more motivated I am to do better.

[@HouseJug]

That’s fair, I think the explanation about why acting out a physical stress response is helpful to get rid of stress was helpful. We hear ‘go exercise’ all the time but this is helpful for understanding why.

[@friendshipgaming3158]

Nah these are pretty bad tips.

[@Randomness1214]

Find study groups! That helped me a lot in school both with managing stress and with motivation. Trying to tie it back to the video I think something about being stressed about an assignment or exam for example, then going out and sitting in the library or a Cafe and working on it with others, and coming back home feeling like progress was made allowed me to move through that stress cycle. I think working on things with others and feeling like you aren't the only one going though it helps as well; and ties into the idea of community they were mentioning.

[@bramvanduijn8086]

The problem with cultural issues, like an environment that causes burnout, is that you cannot effectively use willpower to solve it. You are demanding to use the wrong tool for the job. These tips won't help you help yourself, because the problem isn't you. Edit to add: Those tips mentioned at the beginning are biohacks, have you tried them? They should work regardless of your opinion on their effectiveness. Also, something seems to be missing: You need to compartmentalise in addition to dealing with the stress, don't let your body's workstress into your home life and vice versa. I would have preferred if they focussed more on the biohacks than on the Q&A.

[@adriannamarszal]

For how closed emotionally they say their families were for over 30 years, it's wonderful to see these sisters connect on a deep emotional level and speak up about that :)

[@jhangelgurl]

Was not expecting my high school’s music teacher here! 😱 I didn’t have her as a teacher, but I was part of the drama club.

[@RNGuide]

While I agree that we need to observe the abnormal changes happening in us, I don't understand how it is not part of self-care. Also, they talk about approaching others to talk and express, etc., but no other cure. Talking to others could be helpful only to an extent and many people do not have the privileges to go and share their difficulties with others around them. In fact, many people slowly go away from you as soon as you start talking about your problems. They just want to listen to only pleasurable things (I know those are the type of people you don't want to be with). That's where self-care can help. I had experienced burnout for very long time, and I was very well aware of the changes happening in me. I could find people to express my situations as well. But, my life became better only after I seriously focused on self-care, which I learned from my nursing school. Self-care can include even things like getting professional help when needed. They should have talked about General Adaptation Syndrome. Also, they said you don't feel like doing self-care when you are burned out. In reality, you have to start doing something to get motivation. For example, you don't feel good and you don't feel like going for a walk because you might be thinking that that won't be helpful. In that situation, you are aware of your feelings, but you still go for walk without much interest. If you feel better after finishing the walk, you will develop motivation to do it next time. In my view, addressing the major causes of burnout is the best way to prevent it. That might include some major changes in life as well, such as changing mindset towards difficult situations, career change, improving assertiveness, better strategies for interpersonal communication, etc. I am currently on that path.

[@boingocthai9776]

This is very articulate, thanks for sharing that. The speakers in the video do provide great insights about treating difficult emotions as a tunnel, however, their solution is impractical and temporary, like putting band-aid on the wounds. I agree with you, we can only solve burn-outs by tackling the rooting cause of it in the beginning. It takes times and a lot of communication within ourselves. And this is self-care.

[@yiravarga]

Thank you. This answered so many difficult and impossible things for me. People like this speak the truth. Moving through whatever the nervous system is dealing with is the real deal. Not once did someone mention somatic experience, but that is entirely what they are talking about. We do need others who can support our efforts to move toward health and wholeness. Don’t do it alone. When you feel like the going gets rough, don’t get going, ask for others to join you in the getting going, ask for support.

[@thebeardedlady76]

If self-care is understood as surface level things like ‘relax’ or ‘take a nap’, then this makes perfect sense. You can’t just go from being a ball of stress to relaxed and comfortable and ready for the next thing life throws at you. It just doesn’t work that way. But if self-care is understood to be giving yourself the things you need, the emotional space, and the permission to do whatever is needed to get back to your center, then it seems like self-care is exactly what they’re talking about- caring deeply for yourself and getting those in your network to help you in your efforts. Did I miss something?

[@brentsweitzer]

I think they’re trying to emphasize that the hidden message from society is to take care of yourself BY yourself. Your second description of self-care sounds spot on. As a mental health, professional myself, i’ve seen so many burnt out people that carry around learnings from their families of origin, and from other relationships that have shaped their personalities, that they have to do it all by themselves. They’re trying to make the point, but as human beings, we are wired for connection and interpersonal relationships, not just to steel ourselves, buck up and do self-care tasks by ourselves.

[@thebeardedlady76]

@@brentsweitzer Thanks so much. I hadn’t considered the pressure to care for oneself alone as part of the equation. You’ve got a good point. I appreciate it.

[@billwong6077]

This is great. I wish an occupational therapy practitioner is being interviewed as well. As a TEDx organizer who also is an occupational therapist, I think it will be good to reach out to some of my peers who address this issue from a healthcare professional's perspective.

[@Sundayjean]

Sounds like a deeper understanding of self care - knowing what you need and being willing to do it.

[@illuminatedsoles331]

That was so healing to hear you say we me need support by people who love and care about us. I've had CFS/ME for 20 years. It's destroyed my life and everything I wanted to do with it. I repeatedly tried telling girlfriends, friends and family I needed support, I needed to feel cared for, to feel loved, etc. Instead, they told me they don't care and I needed to deal with it myself. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the odd one out; I'm guessing there are far too many people like me needing support, needing to feel valued, respected, loved and appreciated that don't. So what do we do when we need support and cannot have it? I love what you say that there is probably someone on the other side of the looking glass wanting the same thing, but some of us literally don't have those people. I think many of us are alone these days, whether physically, emotionally or both. What then? When there literally is no one in our lives but ourselves? When everyone we confided in pushed us away rather than welcoming us in? Where do go from here??

[@ylimerivers]

Thank you for sharing. I hope you find the right people and situations for good care. 💖

[@yinq7558]

Volunteer to help others in need works. Many seniors crave to talk to someone, a lot of patients in hospital have nobody that visits them. Homeless shelters take daily volunteers to serve lunch. Joining an online community works also, most illnesses have forums, so you can help by listening to others with similar pain, participate to share tips and build up resources for specialist database etc..

[@bigstevbowski]

The timing of this cannot be more of a sign for Me. Thanks for the determination!

[@zapkvr]

Youre seeing things that aren't there

[@Joyleanne]

Oh man, watching this whole thing thinking, "Okay, but what about teachers who have no time to destress and it's just constant..." and then the last question came up. I feel you.

[@mcjs8640]

So, what's the solution when you don't have anyone at all to lean on or to help you? It's like those advice articles about loneliness that tell you to talk to your friends and family - it wouldn't be a problem if I could do that. It infuriates me that there is so little recognition that some people are ALONE.

[@xfranczeskax]

Well duh. What do you expect experts to tell you? Buy a hamster, talk to the hamster and wehn you feel better get out and meet people or work on your relationships with the people you have. Nobody's gonna be able to take that job from you..

[@zissoulander]

While I acknowledge that loneliness is the top mental health concern in the modern (Western) world, it's exacerbated by many peoples lack of skills and practice at making, and maintaining friendships. This is especially true for men, who often put ALL their social needs in one person - their significant other. This is is unfair to the SO, and doesn't create a strong social web of support. As for advice - making friends is hard, even more so as an adult. Society is stacked against us, everyone is too busy and burned out. Do you have previous friendships that have lapsed that you would to rekindle? Are there people you haven't talked to in awhile that you'd like to catch up with? Are there any sports, hobby, or special interest clubs in your area that you'd like to join? Are there organizations where you would like to volunteer?

[@Lotusblume.8]

Talk to yourself. I do it all the time. It’s really helpful.

[@Maevelikeschampagne]

@@Lotusblume.8 I talk to myself too and often. Now I know why- It’s a reaction to not having anyone else to talk to. Also carry on conversations with my very responsive( not necessarily directed at me but vocalizes often in general so it seems like a conversation 🤣) feline companion.

[@carinakamangoesmael7669]

I love seeing twins who take opposite complimentary paths

[@ericamacs3875]

I kept thinking about it and which look I preferred, distracted me!

[@eightysevenf]

Gosh i didn’t even realize lol

[@guardiana44]

All my life I've suffered from when people ask me to relax as if it's something that I can control with a snap of a finger, what they don't know is that this makes me tense up even more

[@missnurseeri]

I am a nurse and single mother. This has been extremely enlightening and valuable information.

[@nel.5983]

For what I am currently through right now, the timing of this could not have been more perfect Thank you for this!!!!!!!!!!!

[@reneecouture920]

I'm a big believer in peer support and it sounds like a great solution for burn out

[@mevebelanger]

Everything you said IS self-care in my eye. I think people have no idea what self-care means apart from taking a bath and journaling. SELF-CARE is making sure your needs are met. That's it. 🤷‍♀️

[@simone222]

I suffer from burnout from time to time. Thanks for this timely and relevant reminder to keep it at bay.

[@vlad-igor]

Everytime I'm stressed out I will walk for hours on end in my house or my room and also talk about the issue to myself until I'm finally done with the issue, is this one of the ways to deal with the stress.. Because I feel like I'm talking it out in a way.

[@EvaErisOfficial]

I find that journalin helps me with this alot

[@ojeda5577]

I physically have to walk my feelings out too.. or walk thru processing my feels.. i tried journaling but if i talk out loud and see myself from the outside (as a friend to myself) i process better

[@JT1358]

And often the only way to get a sensible answer is to discuss the issue with yourself! Well that's my excuse for talking to myself and I'm sticking to it.

[@reainaharris3828]

me too!

[@RaySimmonz]

Yes peer support helps.. But in my burnouts dealing with people is so much draining and exhausts me further.. I need to just draw, listen to music without needing to consider another person's needs or wants..

[@NicoleJButler]

SAME!

[@francesmorris8881]

same, i need to retreat from people

[@jenniferma1982]

Same! I am an empath...some groups drain me more than nurture me

[@karamarieco]

The title is misleadingly because the strategies provided are all forms of self-care.

[@CourtneySchwartz]

“Self care” is often directed towards scented candles, warm bath, etc. Trying to dampen the stress response, not let it peak and complete. That’s their point.

[@faeriesmak]

I was burned out from being a wife, a parent to 2 kids with ADHD, and a caregiver to my elderly Mother and then add in the pandemic. I actually ended up finding a therapist through Better Help and that seems to have helped a great deal. Its kind of expensive, though, and I went through 4 therapists before I found one that was good.

[@DutchRonin74]

Finally, a TED talk worth watching again.

[@75Cee]

Wow. A solution! And a manageable solution! Finally! The most important lesson: deal with the stress in your body and not just your stressor. That is, do 20 jumping jacks, walk around the block or tense up all your muscles and release! Game changer. Thank you.

[@cellocellos98]

I really needed this video. I’ve been working with a née therapist who focuses on somatic therapy to help me with PTSD and burnout that just won’t end. Working with her, having someone who I feel listens and cares for me, as well as being shown how fundamentally rooted in my body my experiences and emotions are has opened up more paths within myself than 4 years of talk therapy. It’s been so hard and yet so good. One thing I’ve been finding is that with realizing, and truly feeling, that my emotions are tunnels, I havnt felt the fear of the discomfort as much as I feel terror at who I will be on the other side of the tunnel. It’s hard having to dislocate myself from identifying as the emotion and rather trust that I am a constant even as I go through these feelings. This video really really validated both those realizations and fears in a way I’ve been longing for, thank you so much

[@Jvlzq]

Hi!! I’m going through a similar experience to you and was wondering if we could connect? ❤

[@brandonmint00721]

Finally, this is being spread

[@CeliacExtreme]

The ‘stress induced’ abdominal pain diagnosis, then backed up by someone that close, rather than questioned or explored, was just hard to hear. Mostly because stress or anxiety is the go-to diagnosis for a huge number of women with symptoms. It is, IMO, a diagnosis that should be a last resort when nothing else is found, and yet it is often option 2-3, if not option 1, when women have gut pain, headaches, fatigue, etc... Let’s be real- there was not enough TIME to make an accurate diagnosis for this person, doesn’t sound like. Did they test for celiac disease? Because stress makes people often change their diet and can therefore change symptoms. Did they get tested for autoimmune diseases at all? 75% of AI patients are women and the majority of them go undiagnosed for years, can cause symptoms like headaches and gut issues in the beginning, and stress can make symptoms worse. Oh and lets not forget, a survey study found about 45% of AI patients have been told, before finally being diagnosed, that their symptoms were simply stress/anxiety or ‘all in their heads.’ Not dissing the ideas to help lower stress and burnout, but truly, any diagnosis of stress or anxiety for women should be treated with skepticism unless there was significant testing done beforehand.

[@agniesiag]

I love your response! I have an autoimmune illness myself and what you are saying is so true.

[@dakotaovdan]

Stress can cause so much harm if its not taken care of. Glad people are talking about it!

[@rl6852]

The metaphor of the Cave full of rats and bats was extremely powerful. Yes, getting stuck there is pretty awful. You gave us an incredible image to see the way out. Thank you, for real.

[@erinapple1462]

If this ain't me, than im not sure what is. What a perfect video to be shown my way. I NEED to incorporate this kindness to myself through everyday moment 9f my day. I forget to ask myself why and instead get irritated at myself for the stress of feeling low. So wild. Thank you for beautifully sharing such desirable information.

[@user-ml1by8bt5k]

I want to start by saying, they've done an amazing job addressing burnout and stress and give a lot of information in a very nice way for people to understand. I just personally have one objection. Self care isn't having baths and buying fancy things. Self care is exactly what you did in this situation. Caring for your needs while in burnout. Taking time out, showing compassion and love to yourself and allowing yourself to recover. Purging your emotions and getting support is self care. That's true self care. Just because other helped, it doesn't mean it's not self care. You took some time to care for yourself in any way that was helpful to you. The reason we call it self care, is because a main reason for burnout, is giving too much to others and not enough to cover your needs.

[@veronicamanaog955]

Thank you for this talk. It helped me very much. I hope everyone who watches this will overcome their burn out. *virtual hugs*

[@mysmirandam.6618]

I was in a TOXIC place a couple years ago where i would have to cry in the bathroom, had migraines and abdominal sickness, ONE friend, and sexism among other stuff it was awful

[@bazzzel]

The timing of this one for me was spot on..

[@jenniferbates2811]

OMFG!! I'm listening to "Come As You Are" now!!! She's amazing. I would love to take her class. Stress has such a massive impact on our lives, our brain and hearts are so impacted. I'm 44 (F) and I have ADHD and PMDD, so I've been listening my mind and body for a while now.

[@Truerealism747]

Do you get pain symptoms

[@jenniferbates2811]

@tomsale5142 Yes, aches and pains that can't be explained. It's our bodies talking to us. Another great book to read or listen to is: " The Body Keeps The Score" By. Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk. Understanding how stress and trauma stay in our bodies until we take the time to deal & heal.

[@dotcassilles1488]

The problem I face is that people who I could ask or have asked for help refuse to help because "you don't look sick" or "just stop being lazy, get up and do it"

[@kailamotz901]

‘The freedom to oscillate’ sooo well put

[@shuwang9199]

Grit = more help, discipline = more kindness.

[@Jicama626]

I love these two humans! So helpful and delightful!! 🌟

[@lovecherrymoonx8936]

this was so healing. thank you thank you thank you a million times

[@schtum1]

Thanks for this video and explanation. Very informative. I think the biggest problem with burnout is it's so hard to find your way out. Vicious cycle of abnormal over activity.

[@TheEternalTaoist]

I found this is be very insightful. Unfortunately, when someone has an inherited condition like I do (hEDS) stress can certainly make it worse, but the lack of stress in my life will never cure me of health problems. So it can be a very damaging perspective for someone like me who practices Buddhism and takes mindfulness and stress into account, but still lives with some pretty severe health complications. My whole life has been doctors oversimplifying my health issues to just stress until I was referred to a geneticist. I inherited my EDS from my dad. Completely different health issue, but in 1988 my mom was told numerous times her gastro issues were the result of stress and in fact she had pancreatic cancer. Her cancer was removed with something called Whipple surgery which was fairly new at the time, and the local newspaper did a story on my mom about how it’s important to listen to your body and get other opinions. So, I’m just putting this out there, but some issues really are just medical problems.

[@1HeathersJourney]

We often see "Self-Care" as the way that society has promoted it to us. The things they are talking about are true self-care (self-preservation) tending to our wellness. It's not a one size fit's all and it's not about bubble baths and on bons. It's hydrating, tending to your own health (mental and physical) and that may look different for each one of us depending on the season of our lives.

[@eringee9925]

Of all the responses I have heard to dealing with stress, this one makes the most sense.

[@shumeister1059]

In real life there's no support from work place. You have to learn to set boundaries. Basically learning to say no to unrealistic expectations. eg. I would if I could, but I'm sorry I can't help you. Insert any non negotiable reasons, even if it's not true. Because anyone that respects you would've respected your boundaries in the first place.

[@Monstein]

Been dealing with burnout in a hobby. This has been helpful.

[@gailc4391]

So relatable! I didn’t realise I was burning out until I was barely eating because of stress and lost so much weight. Thank you for this because my way of dealing with burn out is to just sleep it off.

[@belenlg5978]

Thank you so much for this! Loved the tunnel analogy, the stress cycle and the mutual care concepts

[@Halcyon-kw8nj]

Toxic culture at work has caused burnout. People unwilling to do work and spending time gossiping throughout the day about other coworkers. Fighting about petty things.

[@suhseal]

I love these two sisters and their unique perspectives / approach to burnout

[@ExistentialFries]

I pretty much cried the whole way through this

[@asking4afriend311]

I've struggled with how to help my stressed out wife. She tends to push herself to the breaking point. I think I just need to step in and say, "Pump the breaks, get a pedicure, go chill at the coffee shop." I'm also trying to be a better listener because when she tells me about her problems I want to solve them. But she actually just wants a sympathetic ear.

[@DM-py7pj]

Please can you provide this series of "dealing with difficult emotions" as a playlist and include the link to that playlist in all the relevant video descriptions?

[@captmants2093]

This is a topic not focused on enough to be honest. I quit my job and though I'm struggling I've been getting the rest I so desperately needed. I've been working since I was 16 and employers take advantage so much, and even when I was in physical pain I was ignored - as an adult my body is numb to it but my mind is not. It's so much harder to get through the days when mentally I am barely there! Hoping my next place of employment puts emphasis on this topic, great Ted Talk

[@sansgene]

Having had 3 stomach infection/ pain and only 30ish. Doctor told me it was linked to my stress and work pressure, I have had to learn to work on it by doing a lot of exercises, workout etc whatever that would divert me from work. I have had to take days off... in a way covid helped me to slow down cause I got furloughed.

[@elitsahadzhiivanova298]

Our company has been doing these mindfulness meetings and signed us up for free to a meditation app 😂 I know some people have good intentions but I get really exhausted from socials and meetings and would rather just take my lunch break and read a book.

[@grafkimber]

Wow. What an eye opener. I too grew up in a household were feelings weren't felt with. I am also an identical twin too, (warm fuzzie) so seeing you beautiful ladies working together to solve issues I found very moving. "Stress" I like the tunnel enology. It is a great way to visualize it. There is a beginning and an end. 🥰 I love the way you see all this. The answer is more LOVE, & CONNECTION. I am finding myself a little more closed off, then intended. Work in progress. Thank you for sharing❣

[@redboy3743]

I think I really need this..

[@SwartzAC]

I’m glad I watched this video fully

[@josephwoehrle6823]

Recognizing your needs, even if that need is reaching out for help, is self help. You can’t expect others to know what’s going on in your head or body if you can’t recognize it yourself. There is a reason on airplanes they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask on before helping others. Without you supporting yourself you are a detriment to the people around you. Building relationships with a community of caring people around you is SELF HELP. People need fellowship as a fundamental need for healthy living.

[@kiranm845]

What if someone doesn’t have any community ?

[@josephwoehrle6823]

@@kiranm845 it’s almost impossible to live that self isolated unless it’s a choice. Communities are all around, family, churches, work, school, hobbies, anywhere you go. Even if you are so introverted there are online communities of every category I just listed. If people are so broken they can’t engage on any level burnout is not the problem.

[@kiranm845]

@@josephwoehrle6823 thanks for your reply. I live in another country and Ive tried everything to engage with people but it has not worked. I guess I have some other issue then

[@ANNASTASIAUTHOR]

@@kiranm845 I'd also add that finding right people\community that you can trust, have mutual understanding and mutual support with is not easy, but possible. There are people who "are so broken they can’t engage on any level", as mentioned above, but if it is not your case and your problem is that you can't find a right environment for yourself - you should know that it's normal. it's just going to take some time and efforts to find people you will be confident in to open up. at least I think so.

[@kiranm845]

@@ANNASTASIAUTHOR thanks a lot for your reply, i am pretty open and supportive. I think I need to find the right people. Thanks for an unbiased and a different take on my situation :) I should keep trying

[@aussiejubes]

Im entirely isolated so self care is all I have at my disposal. Thankfully I'm finally in a privileged position where I can afford a cleaner once every 2 weeks & I bought a little dishwasher. Those two things are helpful.

[@user-rg5rj8pi5h]

lovely! so thankful i watched this. finally someone talking about this whole thing in a realistic way

[@ashleighhennessy]

I have a problem with overworking and perfectionism. I used to work 60hrs a week and it was too much for my body, so i cut it down to 45, except now i manage to do the same amount of work, just in 45hrs instead of 60. I know i need to lower my expectations of myself. I put so much pressure on myself because im terrified of failure. I love my job and i know i need to change before this kills me. Big goals are important but here's no point killing ourselves to get there. We can change, we deserve happiness, we can do this! Xx

[@princekalender2154]

The teachers part was harrowing. Them and medics are on the frontlines of complete burnouts.

[@AIartBonaza]

True answer do what you love and are passionate about.

[@haifisher]

I feel like their definition of "self-care" is way too narrow.

[@namraizhar6762]

And way too capitalist.

[@clarebimson3645]

Really enjoyed this and just bought their book so looking forward to reading that

[@3lfruler]

I sooo wished I would have understood the signs before I got so sick. 3 brain surgeries in 2019-2020. I have horrible physical chronic pain and all the people I stressed so much over have been long gone. I don't have support from my family and as my pain progress I have less control. Im angry and sad because my life has completely flipped upside down. But on the outside I physically "look fine." I'm hoping as mental health issues are more acceptable in society, hidden diseases are takin more seriously to and everything that goes along with them. It started when I was 26 and now, I'm 28. It's to young to feel like my life is over.

[@sharaxembrie7253]

I have burned out multiple times and recovered but never bcoz of support 💙 that has always been missing from my life and still is 🖤 went home recently for help and healing only to be more traumatized again 🤍

[@thisisloop]

its not ONLY self-care but it can be. Dont say it isnt..

[@LeTushie]

So before we clock in every day (I work in a grocery store deli), every employee has to check in with a store manager or head clerk so they can “go over a list of symptoms” (not really anymore, we all have them memorized by now), and if you have 3 or more symptoms then you have to go home and probably get COVID tested idk. So lately we’ve been short handed, and working too many days, and too many hours, so I walk into the front office, manager says “got any symptoms?” And I say “well I feel exhausted and I have stress stomach” and he’s like “well that’s only 2, here’s your sticker 👍🏼😀.” I know he’s not wrong but it’s still annoying. One time we were going over symptoms and I’m like “well every morning right before I leave for work, I get so anxious that I get diarrhea, but after that and a few deep breaths I’m ok.” And he says I should get out and ride my bike more again. I mean he’s not wrong but like I’m tired man lol get up early to work, clock out when it’s dark out, when I should ride a bike???

[@sandracabrera4940]

I know only when you talk about something and people said yes youbare right that conforts stress, and to be wirh friends having a glass of wine.

[@nottheonion71]

ugh, such a great talk. ugh. uuuugh. BE KIND TO PEOPLE :)

[@reainaharris3828]

absolutely!

[@anitacampos2490]

I wish I had those two in my bubble of love, what great human beings you are!

[@ToddVandenbark]

Thank you for your talk. I never knew about flowing through and out the other side of stressful events.

[@justech05]

Burn out in my opinion is our nervous system is out of sync, our sympathetic nervous system is way overloaded. I am still going through it atm, my doc said that I have GAD; which isn't totally correct as it's a result of prolonged stress. It's a horrible journey but self care and med are helping me with my recovery journey, but its so so slow 😥🙏

[@sundrapoonan6724]

Thank you so much, this is so enlightening 🙏

[@JohnnyFaith]

I have burn out at every job I do after about 3-6 months

[@CourtneySchwartz]

That sucks. Sounds like your relationship with work is out of balance. Do you actually want to be in that field? Are you forcing yourself to do something you hate, or not setting reasonable limits?

[@JohnnyFaith]

@@CourtneySchwartz the last one I quit a month ago it was 12 hour days 6 days a week yikes. I just get bored easy. & why settle when there is endless opportunity? Idk thanks for caring Courtney 🙏🏻

[@TammyOne-rd9ng]

Introspection is the most powerful tool.

[@stylenchica]

Omg… so this is why I loved working out after a workday.

[@marlaadamson1633]

If it is science, WHY didn't any of my doctors catch any of the signs?! Thank you so much for your work. I will be following your work.

[@marlaadamson1633]

3 months shy of 30 years of teaching...and undiagnosed autism... The burnout nearly killed me 21 months ago.

[@Lori79Butterfly]

The only way I could outrun a lion would be if the lion was old and arthritic! 😂 Only exercice burns cortisol but if you have a physical disability this can be very tricky. Some managers would just mock you if you told them you were burned out, however, many workplaces have Employee Care Programs that are confidential.

[@Shazistic]

Many people will panic to find a charger before their phone dies ,but won't panic to find a plan before their dream dies

[@HungLeEntrepreneur]

Absolutely love this quote. Thank you!

[@Shazistic]

@@HungLeEntrepreneur your most welcome

[@bunnyflop3864]

Very insightful! Thank you Cloe, Emily and Amelia!

[@frecklesplace1345]

Thank you

[@nutzeeer]

Ahh now i get it. My natural stress respnse compensation was interrupted. It all makes sense now.