Empathy Paradox and Borderline Personality Disorder

Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: goo.gl/LQEgy1
There are many paradoxes associated with BPD. A paradox is something that is self-contradictory. Those who have BPD have a tendency to experience something called the empathy paradox. The empathy paradox, for individuals with BPD, is that they are good at reading emotions in others due to paying extra attention to what’s going on in their environment and the people in it, but this information gets distorted along the way causing the individual with BPD to misinterpret those emotions as negative which leads to a greater likelihood of reacting negatively in situations. Also, the greater degree of the felt need for rapid response, the greater the impairment.
Research shows that those with BPD do possess enhanced empathic skills. Individuals with BPD have an increased sensitivity to negatively perceive emotional stimuli, and that this leads to a reduced ability to stop, think, determine best outcome, and then react that impairs self-control and performance, especially in tasks requiring quick responses. It also leads to a higher tendency to feel overwhelmed, a common feeling for those with BPD.
Individuals with BPD have a tendency to perceive and respond to internal urges that are a mixture of learned distrust of others that disrupts the ability to develop lasting and stable mental pictures of how you see and evaluate people in your mind, which leads to chronic social dysfunction. This history of learned inconsistency drives individuals with BPD to react as though they're going to be disrespected, hurt, abandoned or all 3.
What can you do about it? When you recognize emotions in others, stop and remind yourself of that negative tendency, look for environmental evidence to support or disprove what you’re feeling and interpreting, then reassess, and determine best outcome.
Slow and steady wins the race here, not rapid pace to this finish. The tortoise wins, not the hare.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available May 1, 2019, but you can pre-order it now at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
KZbin: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
Citation:
Dinsdale, Natalie & Crespi, Bernard. (2013). The Borderline Empathy Paradox: Evidence and Conceptual Models for Empathic Enhancements in Borderline Personality Disorder. Journal of personality disorders. 27. 172-95. 10.1521/pedi.2013.27.2.172.

[@sarahblue1482]

Also isnt it contradictory how we think others think of us negatively and strangers do things specifically to be rude to us but at the same time we think no one cares about us and we are invisible. Interesting how we go from thinking the world rotates around us and is out to get us while also assuming no one cares at all

[@Leahv103]

Sarah Blue good point I do this too

[@ryandylan8521]

So true.

[@Mlpgirl168]

great observation!

[@nefelibata4190]

Well those go hand in hand.

[@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091]

HAHA, damned.. that's a good one! I never noticed that dichotomy.

[@juicesoundsystem]

"individuals with BPD have a tendency to perceive and respond to internal urges that are a mixture of learned distrust of others that disrupts your ability to develop lasting and stable mental picture of how you see and evaluate people in your mind, which leads to this lasting dysfunction." - holy F that's so completely bang on the money.

[@fcmcfcmc]

I love this guy. Unpretentious brilliant and compassionate. Much respect and many thanks sir.

[@petert8456]

This is not empathy paradox. Much ado about nothing.

[@sianypopsmith1429]

@Serina Perry I was thinking the same thing! Take care x

[@YoSoFunnyx3]

He also never sounds like he's babying people. Like he talks to his viewers and I assume his patients like we are people and not like we are 5 year olds.

[@blahboidblah]

@@petert8456 so where's your KZbin explanation of empathy paradox so we can all learn what's up from you?

[@thomasjordan5578]

And his faux focus on the pickles is a hoot. 😃

[@kaitdean7188]

I wish he could be my therapist. He seems to truly understand BPD

[@DrDanielFox]

+Kate Dean 🦊👍

[@raerae2589]

Dr. Daniel Fox you are truly a godsend. The information you give and the examples you have are articulated in a way that I’ve been searching for. 🙏🏻

[@lizlovedbyGod]

Its like he's in my head. He's saying everything I feel.

[@twainslureca]

This actually contributes to so much of my social anxiety which leads to agoraphobia tendencies . I don’t want this “ability” sometimes, I wish I could turn it off.

[@ryandylan8521]

This is me. I also have bpd with social anxiety and agoraphobic tendencies. I know exactly how you feel. The social anxiety and the bpd are both telling you to be hyperaware of everyone around you. The social anxiety is telling you that everyone is judging you, and your bpd is "confirming" that everyone is judging you negatively. So you just want to stay inside away from all these horrible, judgmental people.

[@clairekermode4090]

Me too!!

[@puppy9515]

@@ryandylan8521 ive been locked in my home for months i completely understand.

[@petparadise6955]

Same :/

[@autumnanne54]

Well any empath is special to me. 100 stand deviations from the norm... this is a brilliant skill as long as you realize how special you are and begin to love yourself so that you can go out into the world and share your gift. Love your own heart , then it will be reflected back to you

[@harrietthespy2119]

I feel your compassion for those with BPD and for those who care for those with BPD. that is so important and certainly not a universal response!

[@WheezyCatLady]

This brought tears to my eyes. It's not often I hear my internal experiences articulated so clearly, and on top of that, by someone else. The feeling that someone in the world knows what's really going on in my head makes me feel understood. And I don't get that feeling often at all. Thanks Dr Fox. I shall try to slow down next time! Also....RIP pickles

[@TallMichelleWithTheLongHair]

Same here.

[@systemresolved5171]

Same here

[@SiaLaterZ]

AmeseyPop I read this before he started talking about the pickles. I THOUGH IT WAS A DOG 😭

[@jordsupp]

"Drop your pickles" is my new euphemism for acting up. I don't drop my pickles so often these days, but I recognise this scenario.

[@stratavosstuff7575]

I agree, I'm often the one explaining the other person's thinking pattern from my emphatic reading of them.

[@Pixielocks]

LOL thank you for the “keep your borderline spidey senses out” quote I will remember this all the time 💗

[@Amused_Comfort_Inc]

Dont forget ! I'm here from the future, but now the past, to remind you :P

[@notorious-00j99]

Sometimes my BPD spider sense detects the neighbours inside their house I think. Lol

[@TheSapphireLeo]

@@notorious-00j99 Also same.

[@bp6h]

Haha yeah I need to tape that on my wall someplace

[@joeedward8576]

That tendency to start to develop almost a mental picture of hatred for the people whom I love the most and am also emotionally dependent on, is SO EXHAHSTING. I'm such a sensitive person and i can not stand to hate someone. Especially with having the awareness that I know its irrational. So, try that on for size I have to seriously explain to my partner that I hate them. Literally heart breaking I'm so glad they're understanding of the disorder and know that it's not true.

[@joeedward8576]

I also of course tell them that what I feel isnt how I actually feel.just an emotional reaction to perceived negatives which you have just taught me I have a tendency to exacerbate negatives. Especially supposed evidence that he is going to leave me or abandon me or specifically do something hurtful on purpose when I feel I need him the most... ie. having an anxious attachment based panic attack feeling ignored.

[@joeedward8576]

Holy shit, learning so much from you thank you. I already feel like its helping honestly

[@LL-jt1xt]

We always hurt the ones we love

[@ladybaabaa3294]

This has been my tendency for many years, though I began to disentangle my BPD "tantrum" behaviour about 10 years ago, when I finally realised that my own behaviour was actually making everything WORSE for me (as well as hurting my most loved ones). That feeling of hate...directed at the one you love most...it's really, REALLY painful to deal with. Love and hate are not opposites. You love and NEED this person...so when you perceive that they do something that's hurtful, disrespectful, careless, abandonment-related, or even hateful against you (in your mind), they suddenly become "the enemy". Suddenly you can't see them as you normally do - as your loved one. You see them as the person who is SUPPOSED to love you, who you desperately NEED right now, but who is instead not doing or saying what you need, and so they automatically appear to be against you. They can't love you! They must HATE you! And you tell them that they hate you and that they don't love you and that they want to leave you, etc etc ETC!!!!!! You're projecting by now. You don't REALLY think they hate you deep down, but you feel SO hurt that you feel something like hate (love + hurt can = hate) towards them...the person you really love. Which just makes you feel even worse. Sigh.

[@gabrielledean5996]

Hey I had the same problem what works for me is every time I start trying to think like that I go “don’t flip gabby” I know it sounds retarded but you made the first step in knowing it’s irrational now the second strep is actually controlling this irrational behavior in the moment...chances are at this point they are actually being mean to you/making you hate them more bc of how you’ve been acting...it will prob take a week of you not acting out to turn it around then they’ll start being really nice again

[@srmillard]

You're at the top of the BPD research my man. The negative (mis-)interpretation of emotions is one of the core elements of BPD. And it's a protective reaction from a more basic fear, distrust or sometimes abandonment. One subtle point of disagreement with the research: IMO BPD doesn't make someone "better" at reading emotions in the environment. They are, however, hypersensitive to their environment, one thing of which is emotions. But this hypersensitivity often results in mis-interpretation, e.g., perceiving emotions that aren't there, mis-interpretation of neutral emotions as negative, etc.

[@beauhauser]

I think you're actually repeating much of what Fox said verbatim thruout and toward the end of the vid. There's no dispute btw you two, save that Fox concurs that BPD's read negatives more perceptively. However, he quickly adds they often take that information to another, inaccurate, level. He also says for BPD's positives and neutrals are often interpreted inaccurately, skewed toward the negative.

[@srmillard]

@@beauhauser true, we could be talking past each other. I just think it's important to distinguish between (1) being sensitive to stimuli in the environment and (2) accurate perceptions. IMO someone with BPD satisfies (1) but not (2). The implications of this is that people with BPD are not good at practicing empathy, etc., which is inconsistent with the way BPD is conventionally understood, e.g., people with BPD have high empathy, etc.

[@Chels-fz5uq]

@@srmillard I think borderlines are actually accurate at picking up on negative emotions as the previous person stated...but they feel the negative more intensely than is necessary in the situation...and so there is more meaning attached to it ("He is angry..he hates me...he's going to leave') in the mind of the borderline. Then, of course, they react at a level that , again, is out-of-proportion to the reality of the situation.

[@srmillard]

@@Chels-fz5uq pwBPD absolutely have more intense feelings/emotions (this is a byproduct of emotional dysregulation). Unrelated to the intensity issue, is the issue of accurately reading peoples' emotions. There are clinical experiments that show that pwBPD are worse at reading the emotions of others than people without BPD. For example, pwBPD tend to read neutral facial expressions as negative (e.g., angry, mad, hostile, etc.) more often than people without BPD.

[@brainretardant]

@@Chels-fz5uq this I feel is correct. I feel everything coming off most people. There are some individuals that give off grey slate and being around them is like a vacation and you can relax. My mind is hyperactive and I feel like a race horse that needs to be ran out. Once I reach physical exhaustion I can collapse to sleep. No sleeping leads to mental fatigue and then mania in this hyper aroused state. I have combat associated ptsd and believe I am stuck in a fight or flight state with this hyper awareness but I live trying to avoid conflict because I slipped into a berserker state and Iam always afraid of loss of control again. Is this BPD?

[@mavsyers]

Thank you for approaching BPD without treating us like we are bad. It’s so hard to find people or even psychologists without biases against people with bpd. Or maybe that’s just my bpd talking. I don’t know. But you come across to me as someone who I would feel comfortable talking to. I have been struggling so much and it is so nice to hear an authority figure who can walk through the mental steps of bpd. I have quiet bpd, so I deeply internalize and split inwardly. I act in. It’s tough. It feels like I am in an abusive relationship with myself. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am in counseling every week, but it’s so hard, because I want to please my therapist and I get so scared that she will be disappointed in me. Could you maybe do a video about how to deal with acting in instead of acting out? If I was in the grocery store situation, I would leave the line and apologize, return my items and then have a panic attack in my car. I would immediately feel like I was a bad person and that I ruined those people’s day. And I would deprive myself of the items I needed and probably wouldn’t return to that store, because I would think they would remember me. Just hearing that scenario made me put myself in that hypothetical bpd person’s head and I started feeling bad about myself. I do that with books too, especially if they are written in first person. I find it hard to separate myself from the character I am reading about. Is that a normal BPD thing?

[@danitotd]

I would react the same way too!

[@amberlorraineOG]

@@danitotdyep ditto

[@roshanrahealer]

The empathy paradox is real. It's easier to split with the empathy paradox, sometimes feeling explosive, while other times implosive. Both my husband and I suffer from PTSD and BPD symptoms, among other issues. Our relationship has grown as we focus on healing ourselves and discussing what ails us, instead of fighting and fleeing because we froze for too long. It's taken us 8 years to heal this much. We made a lot of mistakes along the way. Mistakes happen. We struggle every day. But each of us have learned to focus on what we need to, even when we need a break and binge-watch shows like Spongebob Squarepants.

[@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485]

Kudos to you both for openly talking about this. Most people don’t really talk about what’s going on deep down and this leads to big time problems.

[@amandal1716]

Slow down, process and reason. This has absolutely saved me, IDK how I came to this on my own but I can 100% attest to the fact that this is a key to dealing with things better. When I forget everything is so bad! Thank you yet again Dr. Fox!

[@BogartWestern]

Thank you for this. I have been on the receiving end of familial abuse at the hands of a person who has claimed to be an “empath” and “hypersensitive person” but can also show no empathy for anyone or anything that might oppose their worldview.

[@tabbydey5653]

Dr. Fox you are a genius..im constantly repairing..you have talked about things no therapist has ever talked about ...i want to hug u ..you describe me perfectly. Why do people think BPD is so terrible like Narcissists..😪 we are not evil...we're scared

[@mason8660]

Brilliant wording ❤ Great comment,Tabby

[@malkaringel7864]

I am a bpd since childhood and a psychic (past/future) empath. I had all of 6 weeks of therapy for bpd in my 62 years. I know I am impulsive. I can feel the emotions of others, therefore I tend to keep to myself. Thanks for making this topic easy to relate to.

[@sitprettybaby8188]

I am very much a Christ follower but I am an empath, but what I really don't get is why I feel at home and safe in or around buildings and things from 5he 1800s. Its weird but it's almost like I was there but I do not believe that stuff

[@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091]

I'm BPD and have had psychic premonitions, in dreams and awake, so accurate and bizarre I prefer to pretend they were coincidence to avoid going completely psychotic.

[@Rose_Ou]

I thought I was crazy thinking I can feel what others feel but I guess this might be a case. Also BPD. I've been avoiding people as much as I could since I turned 40. I'm 44 now and more depressed than ever seeing my life as one big failure. I'm tired of trying to understand people, tired of trying to be accepted, tired of pretending, tired of smiling, laughing with everybody not to be labeled as weirdo. I cannot afford therapy. I'm a single mother. What can you do...

[@ReformedWhiteKnight]

Rachela Ou - What makes you believe you have BPD?

[@melissamcafee9617]

Thank you for this comment. I too am diagnosed BPD and I am a psychic medium with acuity for telepathy and medical intuition/ energy healing. Also an empath. I have not been able to discuss this with anyone who understands in my 24 years of life. I have had so much trouble carrying this incredible emotional and psychic weight... but I am working to be of help to others and make a positive impact with these Spirit given proclivities.

[@TallMichelleWithTheLongHair]

Omg! Lol! Get out of my head! Hahahhaa! I have NEVER in my 50 something years on this earth ever met anyone that knows this much about BPD. The accuracy is scary but a relief at the same time.

[@1985bjaycat]

When I was riding the bus sometimes a person would look at me. I would feel they hated me and didn't know why. So then I felt irritated and probably did the "huff and puff" and then the person would smile at me😳😳😔😔😔 and I'd be "oh"!😂 and feel like a gluteus maximus.

[@attheranch873]

😂😀

[@FeralCatSanctuary]

Holy COW!!!! Thank you so very much. I just can't tell you how much this helped me. It explained things I have never understood about myself with a lifetime of therapy, and years with a psychiatrist, all resulting in complete collapse into major depression as my life has spun out of control. Thank you so very much!

[@DrDanielFox]

You’re welcome.

[@Hulloder]

Your content is incredible. Thank you so much for everything you post here! It's all been so helpful.

[@jessicagomez1760]

Having a sister with BPD has hurt me so much to the point of wondering if I am as bad and selfish as she has said so many times. I struggle with doing things for me because I feel like I don't deserve them. She is not the only reason I feel this way but her actions throughout my childhood hace affected my lack of self worth.

[@DrDanielFox]

People within the interpersonal system are likely to experience issues as well. This is not uncommon. I wish you well.

[@yaelfeder9042]

How many years older than you is she? BPD doesn’t start until adolescence. What were your parents like?

[@shesarrived7690]

I have an abusive BPD sister who has displayed these behaviors my entire life. Including throughout childhood and now into adulthood. It has severely impacted my sense of self worth and safety.

[@pleiadesluciernaga8877]

Sometimes it helps to try to process the insults by imagining that’s the inner dialogue the BPD person is having with themselves, and you’re not the actual recipient- just a bystander who bears witness.

[@saltymermaid5244]

I'm sure you are selfish and not a good sister.

[@Mineav]

This is a game-changer for me. I've never heard anyone articulate my emotions before, and how they compound out of control, overwhelm me and shut me down. In the process of watching all your videos and they are incredible. Thank you so much from my heart.

[@laurenbradynutrition]

I like this content but I feel like what's missing is that the person experiencing BPD in the scenario has a fundamental inability to intuit self-interest when feeling trapped, stressed, or on the spot. It's not just about slowing down - we have to build the muscle of choice - to be able to say to ourselves in the moment, 'Hey self, this is a stressful, super triggering situation but my self interest/best way to accomplish my needs/safest way to exit is to buy my groceries, not to drop have a reaction that drops my needs like dominos.'

[@gabrielledean5996]

Dude right on like I say to myself “gabby don’t split” and it works when this is happening

[@gabrielledean5996]

Hamish McGlashan dont I know I actually use root chakra affirmations in the morning if you’re into that stuff

[@abbiepancakeeater52]

This is something my therapist has been teaching me in DBT. She recommended I put ice on my chest or the back of my neck when having an episode. It's supposed to shock the nervous system out of that moment of blind panic so you can realize that hey, I'm panicking, I should calm down and not give into my dangerous impulses. I describe it as a fight-or-flight response. It's like a flashback, but without a flashback, but for me, triggers often remind me of negative situations that happened in the past. To get away from the intense, negative emotions they cause me, I either fight or flight, fight being to throw a fit in a borderline typical fashion, flight to cut all contact so I can avoid being hurt.

[@tabbydey5653]

Wow ...i have never heard my mental illness discussed this way. ...everything u said is so so true for us. I'm the one (at the grocery store) that thinks everyone is looking at me thinking I look like a criminal/bitch/or just don't like me. I'm the one that thinks everyone is pissed at me and I tell some one to fuck off, embarrass myself and leave. Then don't wanna ever go there again lol.. But all I ever hear, all the BPD videos are about how terribly we treat our S/O or how manipulative we are how we devalue and discard..how WE lack empathy. I just got out of a 3 year relationship with a Narcissist. I got discarded btw...but BPD and Narcissists couldn't be more different. I care TOO much. My life is based on my fears. The overwhelmed status? Called "unrelenting crisis" ...story of my life...i seem to have 3 upheavals/ tragedy to normal people's 1...lol..and I am a true BPD ..all traits and environment as a child that Marsha Linehan suggested in her study...chemical imbalance/genetic emotional disregulation/ abuse/neglect/ invalidating environment... Wish I could figure out how to calm down lol

[@anitachojnacki4512]

Gabor MATE is your man Mr fox is reading of a cue board no compassion

[@aprilburns9203]

I'm diagnosed with BPd.. this is correct in how my mind tends to work up to the point of the outburst. I tend to start having a panic attack instead. So in your grocery store example I can feel the frustration coming off the other people and I start sweating and shaking then my mind starts shuting down.

[@meekee1490]

I sometimes do get that misperception of what people are thinking, but even if it is negative thought I sometimes take it internally as, "they don't like me and i probably deserve it". I never get angry at them, just myself. My type of borderline is not represented, quiet, empathetic for others. I feel so much compassion for others that I can get very sad. I like your techniques for getting out of dissasociating. The grounding is something I will try. Thanks for your videos. You are one of my favorite you tube providers.

[@kenmina-hs1wb]

Thank you for the very professional opinion. No fluff, straight to the point

[@xMaverickFPS]

The KZbin algorithm needs to recommend these mental health channels to more people

[@thereseoconnor8897]

I have BPD; 3 years diagnosed . I clash so badly with my daughter. A lot of repairing to do. What he says is so true about my situation.

[@deathbysonar]

This explains a lot about my last relationship with someone who suffers at her own hands with BPD. I wish I could share the information but, the train has left the building.

[@zygames2999]

u got the nail on the head so uncannily it's almost freaky

[@missestomlinson99]

Kim Stange right

[@rachelwebb7180]

I am proud of myself. I have worked hard on this tendency and i have a mental checklist i go through before i react. Getting enough sleep. Setging realistic boundaries and surrounding myself with empathetic people and cutting out toxic people has helped tremendously!

[@susangrall5766]

Finally! Thank you so much for bringing Sensitivity and the Empath to the forefront. My life has been a living hell and most therapist are not versed in HSPs. I implore you to also consider CPTSD as Sensitives are in a constant state of fight or flight coupled with one misunderstanding after another. I will be 60 in December and just a few years ago discovered the knowledge of who and why I am. We struggle so much in life, only to be labeled in a negative manner. Again, thank you and I do hope and pray you might perhaps do a complete series on helping Sensitives and Empaths use their gift for the greater good. God Bless.

[@Lilly-ev7ll]

Do you feel like you have BPD? I'm definitely HSP and an empath, I was raised by a narcissistic mother so BPD would fit me but I'm not sure. I do have major abandonment issues but I'm also very spirituality aware and psychic like you. I feel like an outsider as I can read people so well that I feel drained and overwhelmed interacting with them. I do get very depressed but I feel that comes from feeling an outsider and alone. Its a paradox as I feel I would love nothing more than to be close to someone and feel loved. It's tough!

[@Lilly-ev7ll]

Sorry it wasn't you that mentioned being being psychic but I relate so much to everything else you said

[@chrissierg]

here's me: feel like everyone is annoyed and i have to make up for the time the checkwriter took up and then get rushed and hurried myself; then, that's when i fumble my pickles and cause a bigger problem and embarrass myself without even initially being involved; no more saving the other people's feelings... :)

[@dominikazawadzka5091]

This applies to me. I've noticed it a while ago, but realizing it actually made me doubt in the validy of my own feelings- every time I'm angry I ask myself do I have a valid reason to be angry and the worst thing is I never know... and it feels so bad. The other thing is that although I pick too much of others emotions, behaviours, I can feel the vibe in the room, I get into situations where people are upset with me for something I did and didn't realize could get someone upset. I realize it only after and I get so angry at myself, loose any sense of worth. And I feel like I have no social skills, no sense of what's ok and what's not. This makes me want to stay at home and never have contact with others so that I dont embarrass myself or be disliked by others. Eh.

[@lawrentw]

I absolutely love your videos. I have BPD, ADHD, MDD, and CPTSD. These videos have really given me more awareness of myself that I never received. I've been in therapy since I was 12 and am now 30. Thank you so so so much! Now I know what to look for in a good psychologist.

[@gwenwatson8339]

Dr. Fox you are so amazing. Where have you been all my life. How refreshing to listen to you. Thank you.

[@MelisaJoy73]

So grateful for you doc!! You are the only one I have seen that gives us credit enough to see that we can get better. I've attended anger management and learned to watch my thoughts so I haven't had a tantrum in quite a while now lol. I care about people and never set out to hurt anyone. Not malicious or revengeful and I often think of what I can do to help others. Yet they say Borderlines are self-centered and worse. You explain the background reasons why we have certain behaviors and I truly appreciate someone, especially a dr, who can and does TAKE THE TIME TO FIGURE US OUT instead of just going by what a college taught etc. BY THE WAY, after 26 years of trying to fix me I have gotten a better grip on my issues BUT I'm hitting a wall with some things. Mty case is pretty severe with the neglect and first foster home at 3-4 years old for 2 years then another at 10.... ANYWAY I am looking for someone to allow me to be a study case so I can finally get some medicine and further help. I FEEL SO ALONE and I am. Mom and little sister is all I have had beside a few visits in my younger years by moms side of family. Dad was injured in military I was told then died when I was like 8. Literally no family, no ins. My story is wild and a book could definitely happen SO HELP A GIRL OUT. I have proof of all my attempts on my own to fix me or at least not attempt suicide again. I havent tried in like 10 years now BUT THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. Thank you.

[@twainslureca]

Could you please do a video about how to find the right therapist for us? What traits to look for.

[@prettyBPD]

He has a video about this :) it's called Finding a Therapist to Help You ... or something close to that

[@twainslureca]

Liane Cox oooh thank you !!

[@blackfairyxdusy]

I’m 25. I was in the mental heath system for 13 years and I’ve pretty been told they can’t do anything else for me. I’ve always thought i was just incredibly empathetic. I’ve never been told about warped empathy and how it can mix with rejection. It makes so much sense! It’s like powering up and then pulled so fast back to Earth, very fast. Wow you have no idea how grateful I am for this! Your so brilliant! I could never thank you enough for sharing these videos! ❤️

[@DrDanielFox]

+jessica blackaller-kidd 🦊👍

[@lesliepfeifer8518]

Lol....no wonder I was such a bad waitress!!!

[@savage_skirt5386]

Criteria for petulant borderline with empathy disorder totally fits for me. I am great at reading other people and absorb energies. I do skew most things to the negative and personalize. I will say, for the most part, I have been successful at managing my reactions (I'm pretty self-aware). Very much appreciated this video.

[@Tinyflower1]

I got misdiagnosed with BPD once due to self harm, but listening to all the symptoms it just confuses me how that psychiatrist could ignore everything else and jump to a conclusion due to self harm (I specifically mentioned my trauma and that that's what makes me self harm) and give me a label and treatment that made things worse (antipsychotics made my dissociation so bad I became even more dysfunctional than I was before, memory gaps became worse and worse etc) In the example I wouldn't say anything cause I would be too anxious to ever bring attention to myself and would wait no matter how long it takes just to avoid attention. I once waited in the waiting room of another psychiatrist for an hour too scared to knock and ask if they forgot about my appointment until they asked me why I was sitting there and I mentioned it and yes turns out they did forget

[@DrDanielFox]

Regretfully, many mental health provider use what I call Golden Criteria, which is one single criteria and give the full diagnosis. This is unprofessional and inappropriate. I'm sorry you had that experience.

[@skyepatton5172]

I love this and I hate it. I hate it because I don't like being called on my b.s. but I love it because you're the only person I have found in five years who honestly helps me make some sense of myself. Thank you!

[@406experience2]

This explains so much about my ex husband. Thank you for bringing clarity to me. We have two children and I’m seeing some of these tendencies show up in our oldest child who’s 11. I don’t know what to do to help them see things from a different perspective. Everything is taken so personal and the push back is too much for me to handle some days. This is the second video I’ve seen of yours and can’t wait to dive into more. Thank you for your insight.

[@garnettee]

I would like to point out that "acting out" can often be more of an implosion than explosion, such as overthinking and self-destructive behaviors.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your insight on the concept of "acting out"! It's important to recognize that it can manifest in various ways.

[@garnettee]

@@DrDanielFox Of course!

[@tomikoeaton5871]

Totally this is why i can't deal with my cousin no contact always disorted thinking

[@gordon12121212]

I have BPD and hearing this is the slap in the face that I needed. I can't believe I behave like this and in doing so I push the ones I love the most away from me. Really hard pill for me to swallow right now...

[@amyfox5191]

Takes a courageous man to say that on a public platform like this. The fact you not only recognise it but acknowledge and own it shows you're able willing and on your way to healing. Take pride in that and keep doing what you're doing x

[@gordon12121212]

@@amyfox5191 Thank you for the kind words 😊 Have a Happy New Year!

[@sb7278]

Another great explanation in helping bpd sufferers and non-bpd suffers understand behaviours associated with the condition. Thank you!😉

[@bym_becauseyoumatter494]

This is the best video on BPD that I have seen in my career thus far.

[@sarahs3970]

Definitely a great video to go back to -- in my favorite's bar folder of BPD!! Just got the workbook and can't even express how amazing it is from the very beginning and throughout.

[@Onion_Peeler]

Late too the party but bingo!!!!! Now just imagine a person with BPD with strong empathic capabilities that learns to DROP that feeling of being attacked but hold on to the positive empathic skills! (IN VERY FEW WORDS) as with most things the best masteries come from those that have walked through the valley and made it through themselves! Great clinical explanation!

[@estherpennington7826]

I've listened to this several times. 8t is so crucial to fully understand in order to get better.

[@thepeculiarmaple]

Interpretting that people don't like me is a huge thing that I used to deal with all the time. But then I started talking to those same people who appeared this way, and by simply asking how they were doing and getting to know them a bit, I'd find that they were just stressed out or having a long day. It's hard breaking this habit. My SO has called me out on it more recently, and I honestly don't know what else I can do to fix it but I do know that being aware of this is helpful.

[@goosebxmps]

you are like the king of bpd knowledge. I always feel heard and seen on your videos explaining the various forms and things of bpd, it’s helped me a lot these past few years you’re doing great sir! do you have any books out?

[@DrDanielFox]

Yes. Check my website. Thanks

[@geotay]

Having a terrible time with separation and upcoming divorce from wife diagnosed with bipolar 2 some time before our marriage in 2003 and later diagnosed with BPD in 2008. I supposedly have high empathy and am INFP. She took advantage of me in every way and in trying to make everything work I gave up all of myself for her. I’d do it again if she came home and that scares me, even though I don’t think she will this time. I’ve read and read on both of her diagnoses and my own. I’ve been in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist myself for GAD for the past 12 years. I can’t shake the guilt and self hatred that came on during the marriage and since we separated Aug 1, 2018 it’s been far worse. My anxiety and stress eat at me to the point it affects my ability to enjoy my life. She projects, baits, and does her worst to continue manipulating and controlling me. I have to admit I still love her very much. I’ve tried to do what I’ve found in books and therapy and yet here I am. I feel miserable. Trauma bonding or whatever it is, I can’t move on or stop taking on full blame for all that has happened. She says it’s all my fault, I’m a monster, so I believe it even when others ask me how any of it is true to point out to me that her claims are projection and whatever else to turn it all on me after she cheated again (at least 3rd time) and left a few weeks later. My preteen kids are suffering as well, but are too afraid to tell anyone but me, but I can’t blame them for not wanting to speak up about their mother. I know the divorce is for the best, but most of the time it doesn’t feel like it. We all hurt, or at least my kids and I do. My wife… the version I loved so much, I don’t want her lost to this stuff but she doesn’t believe she has any symptoms of either. It’s always my fault or someone else’s, and always has been. Kids refer to their mom before separation as “old mom” and want that mom back instead of what she’s been like for 14+ months since.

[@TheRobynbrown]

Wow, you just described my 30 yr old daughter - my whole life I've never been able to figure her out and understand her overly emotional responses to situations. Thank you so much - now I just have to figure out a strategy of how to handle those situations or to help her when I'm witnessing situations that I'm not directly involved in.

[@chocochipcookie1875]

Thank you so much! You are a gem. I was recently diagnosed and I didn't even know it existed.

[@veronicaladd5821]

Really helpful. I have been through the grocery scene myself and other shops. Thank you so much, I now feel like I know what to do.

[@427walrus]

I have been married to a woman with BPD for 17 years. Everything is a personal attack. She has only recently been diagnosed properly and is just now starting to get the help she needs. Thanks for the video. I ordered your book as well.

[@SaturnianTenshi]

The one thing I’m thankful for is being a deep empath and being able to help my friends understand their own feelings, being able to be there emotionally for them. I’m hoping that part of me doesn’t go away once I get DBT.

[@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091]

Don't worry, its stuck. The best we can learn is to manage our impulses so we aren't giving more than we give ourselves. I've learned to be more 'selfish' but the guilt has not abated.

[@bpassion4fashion581]

Have just started listening but the tittle sums it up !!!! I have been tolerating and putting up with a “ friend “ with BPD for the past 30 years. I can’t take it anymore and I am trying to walk away, but the minute that I pull away, the more she insist. Because of my empathy towards her feelings , I keep falling back , but I can’t anymore. My stomach turns when she calls . I also , do not want to have a conversation with her bc that is to give her ammunition and I just don’t have the energy. The energy I have is for me to get better .

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@nemos422s]

This makes sense I often wonder if I can trust my instincts and it makes me so sad to think I might not be able to. I just feel like when it’s not about me they can be so accurate and I always thought I was perceptive but then I go and mess things up with an overreaction and feel like crap later it’s so disempowering to feel like you aren’t able to trust yourself. Which just feeds the need for validation from others on what to do or how to react and feel :( but I think I can trust what I pick up I just can’t necessarily trust the reason that pops in my head to explain the shift in behavior and if I can I should just ask that person why they were acting that way. And I’m really gonna try delaying my actions, last time I made a pro and con list and let it sit for a few hours before I compared it and decided what to do I think that helped

[@aufwiedersehen9626]

I love your videos so much. I've been struggling with almost everything you explain for a long time and I've started to win the fights against my BPD having absolutely no resources on BPD, not to mention I got the exact diagnosis a few months ago, though I'm suffering from this for years. And now I can see things clearly explained, and I'm starting to understand how I can improve all the coping strategies that I use and new areas which I couldn't see that were affected by the BPD. It is also absolutely empowering to get a well structured understanding of the processes that are happening inside my head. Thanks for being there for us.

[@trudytru8224]

I have to thank you again dr fox. So in UK bpd is considered untreatable and mental health services won't touch me with barge poll. They literally make me feel like a demon they make me feel so ashamed and so hopeless and actually suicidal. But I can find you on here and help is at hand. The most beneficial thing you do is take all shame away so I can actually face myself and do the work needed to maintain healthy relationships. I know bpd is treatable and I know they are wrong but I only know that because your here and others that give us the tips we need to emotionally develop. Shaming us as being totally a waste of prof Time only further compounds our issues and distrust. Im just going to use all the resources I can to just try and tk responsibility and learn it all myself. Thankfully you have given me a huge base to work on. I really appreciate it and someone just treating me as im different not entirely bad

[@charlysteenstevens9314]

Speaking for myself and others in similar circumstances when I was young it was critical to read the emotions in the environment. We tried to stay invisible but that wasn't always possible. By learning to pick up on various emotions and what actions they might lead to we planned how we might prevent or lessen an attack. It was necessary to survival. Those were the coping skills that so-called normal people never had to learn. Now we have to unlearn them and replace them with positive things. If we don't we will always be paying a debt we never owed. We will never be anything close to balanced in the eyes of the world or in our own eyes. I had an extremely verbally abusive mother and a succession of pedophile stepfathers. I'm 71 years old and I've avoided doing any healing because I was afraid of the emotions that I felt, except in the last 2 years. Does Dr Fox do any videos on why we borderline personality disorder people can be so hypersexual? My theory is that it floods us with endorphins which make us feel good. Feeling good is not easy with this illness.

[@gowtham7231]

Wow. I have been thinking about the ideas you have shared in this video for the past few days, and they are eye-opening. The way you have understood the nature of BPD is incredible.

[@DrDanielFox]

You are so welcome!

[@dande_lion]

Hi Dr. Fox, are you into the concept of HSP (highly sensitive person) as well? I would be really interested in a video regarding the overlap of HSP and BPD.

[@MiliaSanASMR]

This!!!

[@chicherrychoochurro]

Thank you for the neutral way you explain the experiences, perspectives, and characteristics of BPD. This gives me hope when I hear BPD explained in ways like this.

[@taimiri1717]

This is so concise and accurate. Thank you yet again for fairly representing the condition ❤️

[@SolaGratia.]

I have complex ptsd, which in many ways mimicks the symptoms of BPD. I'm not sure how I stumbled across this channel, but it has been so enlightening. There isn't enough good, practical information out there for people struggling with these issues to use in their day to day recovery, so I'm very grateful for Dr. Fox for taking the time to share his knowledge. If the comments on his videos are an accurate representation, he is doing much good to many people. 🙏🏻

[@Paintedstoriesarefun]

Even if, you're right and everyone in the scenario has an issue with you, it's still* not about you, truly. Taking anything* personally, is our root issue. We need to get out of personal ego, into awareness, and not let the world be personal. Love isn't personal. It's the base of your consciousness. So we need to get settled into that space of awareness within. Seeing our personal triggers is helpful to keep us in pure seeing, pure awareness, and not reacting out of personhood, with its many many complicated issues.

[@mrsfloridablue54]

I absolutely love that this Dr. gives solutions. So many mental health professionals define a problem but give no solutions. I am so grateful that i found Dr . Fox on You Tube he is bang on with his analysis.. Also... I would give my right toe , (welll....the "little' one ..lol )... to not have this empathy thing..it's such a curse.

[@JaneSmith0709]

Perceived disrespect is the one thing that will send me straight into a rage! You are so insightful. I'm wondering if there is something about BPD that causes us to be drawn to narcissists? When I look back through my past I've always been sucked in by the love bombing that narcissists do in the beginning of the relationship. Then I'm blindsided when the love bombing turns into gaslighting, manipulation and rejection seemingly out of nowhere. I see this and yet I still find myself being drawn to the same types of guys. I no longer trust my own judgment and have decided that I'm "safer" staying single for the rest of my life, yet I crave companionship. This is truly a cruel condition to suffer from.

[@edwatson1991]

Great, thanks I like the stories you use to illustrate the point you are making, makes me re examine events in the past, very helpful.

[@215Gallagher]

Actually it is all to do with energy. The so-called BPD sufferer's wounded energy is like a red rag to a bull for the Normal who finds the s-c BPD's vulnerability and targets it. So though the Normal may not know who you are they pick up on the s-c BPD's 'vibe' and effectively bully them. Like the little kid in the school playground who is picked on by bullies because they know he/she is vulnerable this scenario continues through to adulthood, it's the same energy, same behaviour and then the sensitive person is vilified for getting upset because they are the victim of bullying. (Though I think all the Normals have borderline personalities and while the s-c BPDs are actually more evolved as human beings, in fact I wouldn't grant human status to these bullies, my father was a demon pretending to be human).

[@beverlystevenson5404]

Thanks so much!! "Slow and steady wins the race"! I will learn this

[@sarahblue1482]

But this isnt the case for more inward feelers. What happens to people who feel emotionally inward and dont project?

[@SheSweetLikSugarNSavage]

Exactly. I don't know which empath he's referring to but its not me. I don't absorb negatives and release negatives

[@shaynelahmed6323]

@@SheSweetLikSugarNSavage ..yup. my bpder would go mute...and worry about letting the friend down over being late ... And not rage at the checkout..

[@MadHatter0616]

I'm an inward projector and I think to still fits for me because in this situation I would clam up and obsess over that I could have done to make the cashier and customer hate me so much. I would spend days if not weeks beating myself up for it. So same paradox but instead of throwing a fit outwardly I would be apologizing to the cashier and throwing a fit inside of myself. Directed at myself. Idk though that's just how I related it to myself

[@beauhauser]

As an inward I still totally relate to this EXCEPT I would NEVER smash the pickles! I'd be furious, and get the hell out of there as quick as i could, fuming. I wouldn't think anyone hated me, they don't know me. But if I wasn't meeting a friend, instead let's say this made me miss a class at the gym, I might skip the gym and go into depression or distraction mode. My empath would feel some of the negatives, and depending on the consequences of being late, could make me give up on the rest of the day, and/or be more likely to indulge in unhealthy/risky behavior.

[@shaynelahmed6323]

@@beauhauser . Seems like how one of BPDers would respond.. need extra time to recalibrate..

[@AmethystXinnia]

Wow, can this man be my therapist? I am very aware and always went to therapy. Stopped whenever I was 17 because my therapist thought I was fine, and I was then. Now I am seeking for ways to be more aware and understand my BPD further and I am so grateful to come across his channel. Seriously amazing human with so much knowledge. Thank you for being there and informing/educating!! 💜

[@kiaraganesha]

10:20 --> so perfectly explained, thank you.

[@thechip2727]

This is def me. ur the only person on here that makes the most enlighting and accurate bpd video on these topics. i love ur channel x wow i had no idea this was a thing of bpders. Everyone would tell me that i'm always too sensitive but that's a really good example, definitely Huff n puff internal urges.

[@RachCher777]

Wow!! 😱😱😱😱 I can soooo relate....I have never heard someone voice so accurately what goes on in my head. Thank you so so so much for your incredible depth of understanding. You are fabulous and an absolute wonder when it comes to understanding and explaining bpd. I can honestly say I look forward to every new video!! 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

[@chaseashley6775]

When someone going straight is in in front of me in the right lane at a red light

[@Brenda5060]

I learn so much from his videos. When he explains the traits of BPD or situations, I almost feel I’m sitting in front of him as my therapist. I find him to so much connected to BPD patients than other therapist.He is knowledgeable, compassionate and understanding. He really helps me understand my BPD.

[@angies5577]

I can't believe just how everything he says is so relatable

[@sanayaqoob2545]

not agree ... i have bpd ... n i have never faced that thing that i assumed any type of negativity in others .... even many strangers started to talk to me and share their issues even that grocery store example reminds me of one incident i was in my line at grocery store and when my turn came i just looked at the cashier and she seems to be sick n tired to me but i didn't say anything to her instead she started on her own the same things i have in my mind than i just suggest her to take leave and go to home and take some rest..... so i guess bpd are empaths in a way that they know the feelings very well they showed the real empathy to others which is lack in normal human being .... even most of the time i got that comment from people that i m too positive even if someone did some bad things i can dig out his positives

[@ShaneBlackheart]

Thank you for being so kind and uplifting, and genuinely helpful. So many people will ditch us with BPD or automatically label us as bad, and I've heard that I am lucky I found a counselor who didn't drop me as soon as she found out my diagnosis. There isn't much compassion or support for us, so videos like this are really important and helpful.

[@abbye6952]

the part with the grocery store, I was with you until you said you get angry and react and make a irritated scene and leave. normally when i do this kind of negative interpretation of other's emotions I turn it inward and start to over think and feel angry at myself because I feel ive done something wrong or maybe the guy is angry because i gave him a dirty look on accident. i find w borderline (from being friends w other ppl with bpd) there are kind of two types, outwardly emotive borderlines, and inwardly emotive borderlines. and the inward one is never talked about because its less rage and outbursts, which is so commonly a symptom of bpd. its like we experience the same thought process but handle it so differently.

[@treedancer17ify]

Never, have I heard someone describe the way I feel so succinctly than in the way you just did in this 15 minute video. I didn't even know it had a name, for this frustration I feel - Empathy Paradox. Absolutely amazing. Thank you so much

[@BaronVonBlair]

Do you find BPD and like symptoms to be more prevalent in people who've experienced neglect and/or early parental bereavement? Thanks for your videos. They're educational, helpful and much appreciated.

[@transooka]

From my research it is one of the biggest contributions. I've had these traits from since I can first remember but I firmly believe I'd be able to manage them alot better if it wasn't for my parents and the abomination of a childhood they gave me

[@shaynelahmed6323]

@@transooka I second that. It nurture over nature. Abandonment, emotional and physical abuse..lots of terror and anxiety...

[@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091]

@@shaynelahmed6323 I literally remember my mother trying to hand me to my father as a little baby and screaming in sheer terror because of what he was doing to me. I was screaming for my life at 1 years old, screaming for my mother to take me back.. and when she did.. you can imagine how much I appreciated it.. but also how angry I was that she tried to give me away to an abuser. So I'd hug her, then hit her. My mother also played peek-a-boo with me but did not always return from around the corner for a boo.. she thought it was funny to leave me hanging! They both treated us like sex objects to be used or toys to be played with, not children to be reared. It continued until my mother played one last 'trick' on my brother that was one-level too harsh and it killed him overnight at 44...heart attack, broken heart syndrome. narc abuse.

[@shaynelahmed6323]

@@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091 how traumatising. So sorry for your loss. You can and will transcend this abuse, and not let it define you. Peace and love ( your birthright - claim it)

[@gratsielaborisova2256]

@@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091 oh, my God... What a heartbreaking story! I'm so sorry you went through this... no human being deserves this. :(

[@bethanyfury1209]

This was me for decades. I've never been diagnosed but with therapy and medication (initially) I've recognized so much about myself. So much makes sense now about me and why. I'm still in therapy but no meds. I have to keep my emotions in check. I see it in others and it even upsets me. I can't believe he used the word 'overwhelmed'. I often said I felt overwhelmed.

[@WeAreLegyn]

I’ve been watching your KZbin videos on bpd and other personality disorders and I must thank you because your info has shed so much light on this illness that not even my therapists have been able to give me. I felt the need to thank you for helping me have a better understanding of what I can expect and what I can do in regards to my bpd. I hope that you keep doing stuff like this because it is a real blessing. You touch on so many things that I personally struggle with and never knew that it was because of my bpd. So once again thank you and hope you have a nice day.

[@chrysanthemum3065]

So grateful for your doing these videos, Dr. Fox. Have also learned a lot from the comments - and they make me feel less alone. Markets are one of my major triggers - Whole Foods was one of the portals to hell for me. I WISH all I’d done at one location in LA is smash a jar of pickles. 😬 Since then I’ve moved to a waaaay less populated city, try to shop during off hours, avoid Whole Foods altogether and, since the COVID sh*t show began, shop with Instacart - which I can’t really afford, but it’s another tool that helps me stay out of crowds and manage one of my worst triggers. Again, many thanks. 🙏🏻

[@pyua6]

My empathy paradox is usually less volatile and makes me more fearful than angry. In the grocery store scenario I would sense or assume each individual's discomfort and then feel extra pressure to be friendly or put the cashier at ease when it's my turn. But I definitely take it personally if someone does something rude to me, even when it could've been an accident it feels like I did something to deserve it or the world is out to get me lol

[@annaballon]

This realization has given me a new profound impact on the relationship I have with my 17 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with BPD. When I looking into this more and researched hyper sensitive empaths has made me see the glass half full . Finally. I ways knew she was very special with abilities . But with this new found knowledge .amd understanding ..has fluided me with such a positive impact . That it has healed the toxic relationship that we have had in the past. It also has been able to have my daughter understand her ability in a whole new perspective. .my self being a compassionate empath .this new found knowledge has giving me the ability to understand her in a whole new light. Casue she has the ability to feel my profound emotions on a energy level .without me having to be in the same room with her .or in the same area. To prove this to myself ..whenever I have profound waves of positive emotional feeling for her ... she has texted me or camping rushing into the same room to see if I was ok. The issue now with this is she is unable to know whether the emotional energy she feels from me is positive or negative . But imagine if this ability she has can be harnested and guided for her to understand the difference of the emotional energy she is feeling . Then it will prove that she doesn't have a disability ..but yet a ability that is on the highest level of a empath that is a higher evolved functioning person that can have a profound positive impact on the world.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for saying and sharing. Be well.

[@nadiaemran6484]

Thank you Dr Fox for explaining this. All this while feeling like the world is full of monsters, and I am the biggest one of them all. I will remember the tortoise🐢

[@Whatishappeningxyz]

I feel like not even a year ago BPD was characterized as someone LACKING empathy for others. This always confused me because I feel over empathic- it’s amazing how much we’ve learned in such a short period of time, and makes me wonder why it took so long to identify this personality disorder. your videos help me understand myself more than my therapist does and I just wanted to thank you for dedicating your life to helping us with this terrible condition

[@maryadams3358]

In the past I have reacted this way when younger. I have learned to have the patience of a saint in times such as this. That patient reaction has backfired on me. Because I have patience people have thought, " Oh she's patient we don't have to hurry, " we can take our sweet time . That's when I feel disrespected and get really angry. One friend I had to bluntly ask her if her time was more valuable than mine because she was always really late. Anyway, I have been described by friends and acquaintances as almost perfect and when describing a personality for a partner for myself I have told I would need someone almost perfect. I don't know how I got to that state but at present I think I am burying any of my true feelings. Even before I reached this state I have always had a difficult time identifying my real reactions to even the most difficult of challenges. I have seen my father almost get murdered by my brother in law. My reaction was totally numb and still is. One of my brothers stopped my brother in law fron succeeding in his attempt. No one in my family remembers this event but I do. Anyway, I am just ranting trying to figure it out. I can only tell how I am feeling by what personality manifests itself out. Then I can decipher how to cope once I figure what triggered that personality to come out. Thanks for letting me express myself in a place where people at least try to understand. Thanks Dr Fox.

[@wastedinthewasteland]

Thank you for the video! I find myself constantly connecting everything happening in the world to myself. Like the world revolves around me or something? I’m wondering if this is BPD or a narcissistic trait? It should also be taken into account that I am in derealization state most of the time. I feel like I’m in a game simulation or I’m the star of The Truman Show, always being watched. Thanks for any help.

[@rosepepper6386]

Thanks for keeping me honest, doctor!!